Relationship advices

Are my partner, who is 18M, and I, a female (18F), too obsessed with each other at such a young age? My mother thinks so.

My partner and I are still quite young, and we've chosen to stay close to home, frequently visiting or staying with our parents. For instance, my partner is currently in his hometown, which is about 5 to 6 hours away. During this time, I've been either at home or at my aunt's place. Since we started our relationship at the age of 16, we've developed a strong attachment to each other. I care for him so deeply that sometimes, when I focus on how much I miss him, it brings me to tears. I'm curious if this level of feeling is normal—am I allowed to miss my boyfriend so much that I cry about it? My mom and aunties think I’m too obsessed with him because I spend most of my time hanging out with him, leading them to believe I don’t interact with others. I cherish both my boyfriend and my friends, but everyone is usually busy dealing with their own issues. Unlike them, my partner’s mom understands what we're going through; she even told him that it’s completely normal to miss a partner intensely. She said if she were separated from my partner's dad, she would feel the same way. The reason my partner hasn’t been able to drive back home is that he came with his parents in their car. He initially had high hopes for the trip, expecting to spend Christmas with his family, but that didn’t happen. His relatives seem to have forgotten his upcoming birthday, which has left him feeling neglected and unappreciated. I’ve been vocal about how much I miss him and want him back home, and he’s expressed a desire to return since he’s already done everything he wanted to do there. After sharing our situation, I’m left wondering: are we too obsessed with each other? These feelings have emerged over the past couple of weeks, and I’m unsure how to interpret our mothers’ opinions. For context, my mom has primarily relied on my stepdad financially and hasn’t worked much, while my partner's mom works part-time and also has the added responsibility of caring for his little sister. If you'd like more insight into my mom's views on our "obsession," I can provide further examples. Thank you!

I'm a 25-year-old male, and I'm looking to enhance the social aspect of my sex life with my girlfriend, who's 26 and we've been together for six years. I want to support her in exploring her sexuality. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I being unrealistic in what I'm hoping for?

I’ve been with my girlfriend for six years, and I love her more than anything. She’s the person I want to spend my life with. Up until now, we’ve had a fairly typical sexual relationship, and I’m still as attracted to her as I was when we first met. However, there’s one challenge in our relationship that’s entirely my own issue—it's not her fault at all. A bit of context: my girlfriend didn’t go through the typical adolescent phase where most explore their sexuality. She never learned to touch herself, developed fantasies, or figured out what arouses her. In contrast, I did, albeit in an unhealthy manner. I watched a lot of porn, created my own sexual fantasies, and was well aware of what I liked and didn’t like. Before her, I had a few short-term partners, but this current relationship is my first serious long-term commitment, and it is hers as well. It took us two years before she experienced her first orgasm. Initially, when I asked if she had, she thought she did, but I was determined to help her truly understand what it felt like. After three hours, she finally experienced it. Since then, I’ve been able to help her reach that point through oral sex, which I’m always happy to do. The issue I face, though, is her lack of energy in bed. We tend to stick to the same position (missionary) and routine, which becomes repetitive. I’ve suggested ways to mix things up, but she seems uncomfortable with them and quickly reverts back to our usual way. I even asked her to watch porn with me, but she was very uneasy and only half-heartedly participated. When I had an open conversation with her about this, it didn’t initially go well—she became insecure and her self-confidence took a hit. She claims to enjoy our sex life and doesn’t feel bored, but I have my doubts. At a young age, she was diagnosed with mild autistic tendencies, which were so subtle that I didn’t notice until her dad mentioned it to me after a year and a half. It seems to affect her reactions during sex; even when she says she enjoys different positions, her facial expressions betray her true feelings. She often doesn’t smile, rarely makes eye contact, and doesn’t express herself verbally—I feel like she approaches intimacy as if it's always her first time and is uncertain about her desires. I’ve been trying to share my sexual fantasies with her, but I wish she would also explore her own. Recently, I had an idea that I’m eager to discuss with her: I want us to include other people in our sex life. Now, before jumping to conclusions, hear me out. I thought about taking her to a sex club, which she has shown some openness to. It would be a place for us to observe couples together, seeing real people rather than adult film stars. Ideally, we could even meet a couple online who would be comfortable with us watching them while we engage as well. I hope that witnessing normal intimacy could help her feel less insecure and more willing to experiment with me. It’s important to me that she's aroused by more than just me. She never initiates sex or tries to seduce me; she doesn’t wear makeup or perfume, even though I find her beautiful. While she appreciates me, I miss the energy of desire and playfulness from her side. I feel her love, but not her sexual longing, which makes our connection feel somewhat PG-13. Ultimately, I want her to discover that there’s more to sex than she realizes. I’d love to help her explore her own likes and curiosities. I trust her completely and believe she wouldn’t cheat on me, just as I would never betray her. I seek her consent before introducing any new ideas—I’m not interested in an open relationship unless she shares the same sentiment. Has anyone here experienced a similar situation? Or am I being unrealistic and unfair in requesting changes in our sex life?

I'm tired of my husband smoking inside the house.

My husband (40) and I (36) have been married for 16 years, and I find myself increasingly frustrated with his smoking habits. He insists on smoking in the kitchen, despite the fact that the back door to the garden is readily available for him to use. He believes that by closing the door between the kitchen and hallway, he can keep the rest of the house smoke-free. However, he seems unaware that the smoke seeps through the gaps around the door, affecting the living room, stairs, and all the bedrooms. The smell has permeated our home—it's in the carpets, on the soft furnishings, and it lingers on the dishes left to dry. Even our fruit bowl is contaminated. As a non-smoker, I’m alarmed that my clothes reek of cigarette smoke, and I worry about the health risks this poses to me and our young children, given their exposure to secondhand smoke day after day. I've approached him calmly, asking him to smoke outside, but he consistently refuses, which usually leads to arguments. He doesn't respond well to being told what to do and seems incapable of empathizing with how I feel about this situation. I even suggested that he could smoke in the upstairs bathroom and vent it out the window if he couldn't manage to go outside, as I believe smoking near food preparation areas is unsanitary and harmful. Yet, he has dismissed that idea as well and continues to smoke in the kitchen. There have been instances when I’ve been cooking and he has started smoking right behind me, showing no willingness to compromise. His indifference to our children's lung development and health is deeply troubling. Additionally, it infuriates me when he ashes on the floor and kitchen surfaces. If you were in my position, what would you do?

How can my boyfriend (44M) and I (25F) determine when the right time to get married is?

This is a bit of a long story with many details to consider, so please bear with me. My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years and moved in together six months ago, and we’re really happy. We’ve talked about our future, including our desire for marriage and kids, despite the age gap between us. Growing up in Utah, we know that a two-year relationship is considered lengthy, especially compared to the typical six months before engagement. This holiday season, we’ve faced a lot of pressure from our families to tie the knot, with repeated questions about our wedding plans. Coupled with the age difference (as he isn’t getting younger when it comes to wanting kids), the pressure feels even more intense. I personally feel ready for marriage sometime in the next year, but my boyfriend expressed that he wants us to be emotionally stable first. I agree with him, but I’m not sure what else we need to work on since I believed we were emotionally balanced. Today, he surprised me by saying he wants to address certain things before we consider marriage. I asked him directly if he still wanted our relationship and the future we had discussed. He admitted that if our relationship stayed the same indefinitely, he wouldn’t want that. However, he believes we can make progress. This was a total shock for me, as he hadn't previously mentioned any dissatisfaction, and I thought we communicated well and understood each other. We had already discussed specific plans regarding marriage and our future, so I felt blindsided. Logically, I know the solution is to continue improving our communication and understanding of one another, but I can’t shake the fear of not being married a year from now. I fear being stuck in a stagnant relationship. Marriage is important to both of us because we both want children. I have so many questions, and I’m feeling lost about what I thought was a solid foundation. I would really appreciate any advice. Thank you!

My female partner (34) isn't interested in marrying. What’s the best way to discuss this with her?

**(Summary: My partner is not interested in marrying me.)** To provide some context, both of us married at a young age and have experienced divorce. We've been in a relationship for three years and share a child together. We are deeply committed to one another and envision a lifelong partnership. Our love is evident, as we express our affection in many ways—except for the absence of a marriage proposal. I've mentioned my desire to marry him three times now, and each time he has expressed that he doesn’t believe marriage is necessary, arguing that a piece of paper doesn’t validate his love for me. He views marriage as unimportant and meaningless. During our last conversation about it, I conveyed that marriage holds emotional significance for me, as well as practical benefits and legal protections. He acknowledged my perspective but responded with a somewhat dismissive remark before changing the subject. I want to marry him not only because I love him, but also because I wish to fully experience life with him, including the commitment of marriage. I dream of calling him my husband, exchanging rings and vows—nothing extravagant, just a simple, intimate ceremony with our closest friends and family. I also worry about the potential implications for our assets in the event of unexpected situations, where legal considerations could complicate matters. Honestly, it hurts that he doesn't want to marry me. If he loves me as much as he claims, why wouldn’t he want to solidify our bond in as many ways as possible? In his previous marriage, he frequently expressed his love for being married and referred to his spouse publicly. Yet, when it comes to our relationship, public displays of affection are rare. I know I need to bring this up again soon and share my feelings honestly, despite how vulnerable it may make me feel. I'm concerned about building resentment over this issue and how it might create distance between us. This is the only significant issue in our otherwise healthy relationship. He treats me wonderfully, has supported me through many challenges, and has brought immense peace to my life as a loving partner and father. It’s just this one matter that weighs on me. Perhaps I am being overly romantic, or maybe I’m fixating on something that isn’t as crucial as I believe it to be. I would appreciate any insights, as I'm hesitant to discuss this with anyone in my life.

My 23-year-old white boyfriend keeps asking me, a 18-year-old female, to use the N-word.

We've been dating for almost a year, and I really hadn't seen any red flags until last night. During an intimate moment, he unexpectedly asked me to say the n-word, despite knowing that I'm completely against that kind of language. He kept pushing me to say it, and now I'm wondering if this is related to a kink?

Uncertainty

I'm a 19-year-old male in a relationship with another 19-year-old male, and we’ve been together for about two months. Since we started dating, I’ve been struggling with insecurities and getting upset over things that shouldn’t matter. This is my first relationship, and my partner has more sexual experience than I do; he was also in a relationship before me, which might contribute to my feelings, though I’m not entirely sure. Even though his past relationship was toxic and he often tells me how much happier he is with me, I find myself feeling down about random comments he makes. For example, during a recent night out, he mentioned a building where he had a certain intimate experience with his ex. This completely unsettled me, and I found it hard to enjoy the rest of the night and felt off for a couple of days afterward. Additionally, I often feel physically insecure, thinking I’m not as attractive as he is, or that he has a better life with a more supportive family and friends. I really dislike feeling jealous because I know it’s irrational; he clearly has strong feelings for me and does everything he can to spend time with me. We have good communication, and I genuinely enjoy being with him, but I sometimes experience bad days where I overthink and feel inadequate, making me want to distance myself from him, which is a distressing feeling. Does anyone have advice on how to handle this?

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 31, for over five years now. He wants us to get married, but my mother is opposed to the idea because she worries that he will take all my money and attention.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over five years, and I just got engaged this year. However, the biggest challenge in our relationship is my mother. In a typical Filipino household, she feels that I owe her for all the sacrifices she has made for me. I don’t mind supporting my parents financially each month, but my mother believes that once I get married, I should devote all my attention and resources to her. I don’t understand why she feels this way. My boyfriend is everything I could ask for—he has a stable job, runs a business, owns a car, and is responsible with saving for the future. He truly is the perfect partner. Recently, he asked me about my future plans and whether I genuinely want to get married. He’s been patient for so long, and I want to marry him, but I’m at a loss about how to approach my mother. She’s older now and is on medication for hypertension. How do I communicate this to her? What do you think I should do? I can’t stop crying over this situation; it’s been weighing heavily on me for days, affecting my ability to eat and sleep.

Partner attending a funeral.

My boyfriend, who is 36, has been with me for two years and is driving 10 hours to his great uncle's funeral. I'm 32 and have never met his family, who live 8 hours away. I wasn’t invited to go with him; he just mentioned he would be leaving on Friday and coming back on Monday. Would this upset you, or is it a common situation?

Does constantly thinking about breaking up indicate something is wrong in my relationship?

My boyfriend (22) and I (23) have been together for some time, and overall, things have been good. However, we’ve had our share of rough times, including arguments, him lying about things, and general annoyances that have led to more conflict. After dealing with his lies, I find myself feeling uneasy in our relationship. We’ve tried talking things over and giving each other some space, but we quickly fell back into our routine. I can't shake the feeling of uncertainty—I'm torn between whether staying with him is the right decision or if breaking up would be better. Will I regret either choice? I love him, and he treats me well, but I’m no longer confident in our relationship. I want to leave, yet I also want to stay. I’m feeling really conflicted, and I would appreciate any advice or perspectives on this situation.

I'm a 33-year-old man seeking advice regarding a disagreement with my 30-year-old wife.

I've (33M) been experiencing ongoing conflicts with my wife (30F) that have been quite frustrating. We've been married for a decade and are facing a few recurring challenges that I need some guidance on. I’ll share some specific examples to give you a better idea of what’s been troubling me. I'm looking for outside perspectives to determine if I'm being unreasonable or if I have a clear view of the situation. 1. **The Scratched Hardwood Floors** We recently invested in refinishing our hardwood floors. During a painting project at home, my wife insisted we do it ourselves, worried that a contractor wouldn’t meet her expectations. While she was working on the walls after a week of my illness, she accidentally scratched the new floors with the step ladder after a couple of days of use. I was really frustrated about the damage, especially given the expense. Her response was that she had used the ladder before without any problems, so she didn’t foresee an issue. Although she stopped using it once she noticed the scratch, I felt that a little more precaution, such as placing something protective under the ladder, could have averted the damage altogether. Now we’re left with a scratched floor that could have been easily avoided. 2. **The Cat Incident** We have an indoor cat whom I’ve grown to love, even though I wasn’t always a cat person. My wife enjoys carrying him outside, insisting he likes the view, but I’ve repeatedly requested that she not do this. A few weeks ago, while she was holding him near an open door, he got scared and darted into the yard, prompting a chase from our dogs. Luckily, I was able to get him back inside safely. Although she felt guilty afterward and promised to stop taking him outside, her defense—that it never happened before—seemed like a way of dismissing the potential danger involved. 3. **The Tree-Cutting Dilemma** Living in a wooded area, we’ve experienced power outages from fallen branches in storms. A utility crew tagged several trees on our property for removal, but my wife became anxious about potential damage to our garden or other trees. She asked me to communicate with the crew to ensure they were cautious. I was reluctant, believing that asking them to be careful wouldn't change their work approach, but I complied. She also spoke to them, making her concerns clear. Ultimately, while she did give the go-ahead for the work, her initial hesitation seemed to confuse the crew. They never returned to complete the task, and now one of the trees has a large, unstable branch that could pose a danger to our dogs or cause further damage. When I raised this issue with my wife, she became defensive, attributing the blame to the utility company rather than acknowledging her role. I don’t see her as solely responsible, but I do feel her actions contributed to the situation’s unresolved state. I also played a part in this and wish I hadn’t spoken to them at all, considering she was eventually okay with the work being done. Every time I try to address this, it leads to an argument, and she has asked me not to discuss it again. These incidents seem indicative of a larger pattern. When things go awry, my wife often responds with, “How could I have known?” or, “It’s not my fault,” and she tends to dismiss issues as “spilled milk.” I understand she’s not acting out of malice, but her lack of accountability is troubling. I worry that without recognizing these patterns, she may not take steps to prevent similar problems in the future. For instance: - With the ladder and floors: Using protective material could have avoided damage. - Regarding the cat: Being aware of the risks might have prevented the scare. - About the trees: A more assertive approach could have ensured the crew completed their work. When I try to explain why this bothers me, she becomes defensive and angry. I’ve tried to avoid mentioning past issues, but during our last conversation, she insisted I bring them up, which only heightened tensions. I love my wife dearly. She is intelligent, caring, and wonderful in many ways. None of these incidents are dire, but the ongoing pattern of not anticipating potential outcomes is creating friction. My aim isn’t to make her feel guilty; I simply want her to consider possible risks more thoughtfully. Does anyone have advice on how to approach this without making her feel attacked? Or any strategies for navigating these recurring disagreements productively? Am I overreacting, or is there something I could handle differently?

I'm harsh with my boyfriend and sometimes go overboard. How can I make this better?

Subject: Seeking Advice on Improving My Behavior Towards My Boyfriend Hi everyone, I’m currently in a relationship with a fantastic guy from my class, and I truly believe he’s everything I’ve ever wanted. We’ve been together for about four months, but I’ve noticed something troubling about my behavior towards him. In previous relationships, which were with older men struggling with substance issues and infidelity, I learned some unhealthy habits. While I would never cheat on my boyfriend, I find that I can be unnecessarily harsh and often don’t even realize it. For instance, when he makes a lighthearted joke that I might usually make, I get upset and respond angrily. Just yesterday, while we were grabbing food, something he said bothered me only slightly, yet I ended up lashing out at him for several minutes. He always manages to handle these situations with grace, and I’ve encouraged him to express his feelings when I upset him. However, I had a wake-up call while driving home today. During a phone call, he joked about forgetting my name because he usually calls me "babe." I reacted with anger, yelling about not remembering my name, which visibly upset him. I genuinely feel like a terrible girlfriend, especially since this seems to be a recurring issue that I wasn’t fully aware of. He often says he’s gotten used to it, but I really want to change. I’m reaching out for advice on how to recognize and stop this pattern of behavior. I truly want to be better for him. Any tips or constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! TL;DR: I often overreact and yell at my boyfriend over minor things, a behavior I’ve unintentionally picked up from past relationships. I want to change this pattern because it hurts him, and I don’t want to be a bad girlfriend. Any advice would be helpful!

Why doesn't my boyfriend, who is 22, want to be intimate with me, a 21-year-old woman?

Why has my boyfriend of five years suddenly lost interest in sex? We used to be intimate about four times a week, and sometimes even twice a day. Now, it’s down to once or twice a week, and recently even just once a week. Last Tuesday, we had sex twice, and since then, nothing. He used to be the one to initiate things, but that hasn’t happened at all recently. Last Saturday, after a night out, I asked him if we could be intimate, but he claimed he was too drunk and tired. I accepted that and didn’t bring it up again. It’s now been nearly a week of hanging out together, and he still hasn’t made any moves. I don’t mean to sound boastful, but I know I’m attractive; I get attention from other men often. When we are intimate, he always comments on how great it feels and questions why we don’t do it more often, yet he seems to completely forget these moments and doesn’t want to engage more frequently. It doesn’t make sense to me. What’s going on? **TL;DR:** My boyfriend of five years has drastically reduced our sex life, despite expressing that he enjoys it. Why?

I'm a 22-year-old man in a relationship with a 21-year-old woman. We've been together for 8 months, but she recently told me that she no longer feels sexually attracted to me and that I make her feel uncomfortable. What should I do next?

My partner and I have been facing some challenges recently. On Boxing Day, she expressed that she no longer feels sexually attracted to me, and that my kisses and cuddles make her uncomfortable. She mentioned that there are certain behaviors of mine that have contributed to her feelings of attraction diminishing. One of the main issues seems to be my need to communicate more openly with her. Although we generally have good communication, she has been feeling this way for the past three weeks and only brought it up a week before my birthday. Some of her frustrations include my level of cleanliness—while my house isn't excessively messy, she feels I could do a better job, particularly in organizing my room and desk. Additionally, she feels I’m not being my true self and that I tend to go above and beyond for her, buying her gifts and fulfilling her requests, which she believes might give off the impression that I lack standards. I want to address the concerns she raised, but I'm struggling with how to process her statements about not wanting to be intimate. How do I move past feelings of rejection and discomfort on a mental level?

29M and 29F: My girlfriend seems distant, yet insists that everything is okay.

**Background:** We've been in a relationship for four years, and we don't live together or share finances. **The Situation:** Over the past month and a half, her behavior has become increasingly odd. Most of the time, she seems to ignore me. I’ve tried to engage her in conversation, but I often receive little response—sometimes just a nod—and even simple questions get curt replies. For example, earlier today at her place, I asked where the kettle was because I couldn’t find it, and she snapped back, "Where do you think?" It felt quite unnecessary. During this time, I've asked her multiple times if something is wrong, and she consistently insists that everything is fine. The best explanation I’ve gotten is that she’s stressed at work, which I understand, but when it comes to her roommate, family, and friends, she’s warm, friendly, and talkative. At this point, I’m starting to dread visiting her. I’m feeling lost on how to address this situation and understand what’s going on. Chasing after someone who treats me like this is beginning to take a toll on my self-esteem. I would appreciate any advice on how to navigate this challenging situation.

My partner (M21) reacted aggressively towards me for the first time, and I'm still trying to make sense of it. (F21)

Hi everyone, I’m using a throwaway account to keep this private from my partner (M21), but I really need some help understanding a phone call we had. I tend to shut down and struggle to process things, so I'm hoping for some clarity. Whenever something goes wrong in his life, he tends to project or deflect blame onto others. Last night, it was directed at me when he was upset about why his former best friend had cut him out of his life. This friend was his closest companion, and he distanced himself for reasons like a lack of communication and feeling insulted by my partner regarding his writing abilities. The complication is that this friend is still in touch with me, which puts me in an awkward position. On one hand, my partner continually asks what his friend is doing, why he’s shut him out, and why I won’t discuss it. On the other hand, my friend is urging me to block my partner entirely. During our conversation, my partner began to grill me, analyzing every detail of what little I shared about the friend’s feelings. I kept my responses brief because I didn’t want to act as the messenger. He asked if the friend knew about our recent two-week breakup, to which I said yes, and explained the reason: my partner claimed he 'loved me but wasn’t in love with me', wanted to explore other options, and needed time to decide whether he wanted to continue our relationship. My friend was not pleased with that and found it to be very harsh towards me, which I conveyed to my partner. He felt that I painted him as the 'bad guy' for being honest about the breakup. Additionally, during that two-week period, the friend lost his childhood dog, and my partner asked if he was aware of it when we resumed communication. I confirmed that he knew, and my partner seemed upset that he hadn’t reached out to check on him during his grief. However, my partner claimed that I told the friend to take space. In his eyes, I was to blame for the friend’s decision to stop talking to him, which made me feel like the villain. It’s especially troubling because my partner often insults my friend’s writing talent, which is something my friend takes great pride in. This was the first time my partner actually yelled at me, and he wouldn’t let me hang up the phone despite my attempts to end the conversation. After I finally did, I told him I had to go but that he could reach out if needed. I haven’t heard from him since, and I’m still trying to process everything that happened. I’d really appreciate others’ thoughts on this situation before I decide what to do next, if anything at all. Thank you for listening; any advice would mean so much to me!

Hello, I'm feeling a bit lost right now. I'm a 25-year-old woman and my boyfriend, who's 27, and I have been experiencing some tension in our relationship. We've been together for four years and have faced numerous challenges, but recently we seemed to have made some progress. However, now he’s expressing a desire to break up and goes back and forth on his decision every day. I’m unsure of what to do next—should I try to hold on or let this relationship end?

I’m feeling really lost right now. I’m a 25-year-old woman and my boyfriend is 27. We’ve been together for four years, and it’s been a rocky journey—everything from small disagreements to serious issues like cheating and self-esteem struggles. Despite that, we always managed to work things out. But recently, he called to express doubts about our relationship, even contemplating a breakup right before Christmas. I thought we were in a decent place; although we had a tough argument, it revolved around his lack of effort and how he often prioritized his own needs over mine while using our mental health struggles as excuses. Hearing him mention a breakup shattered me; I couldn’t believe he was really considering it. I do acknowledge that I made a mistake earlier this year when I got vulnerable, drunk, and acted foolishly with a friend. I owned up to it, and while he had every right to be upset, he initially said he wanted to work things out. Everything seemed fine until our recent argument about him pulling his weight in the relationship. I’ve forgiven him multiple times for his past mistakes, but when I messed up once, he’s suddenly talking about breaking up. After he said he was thinking of ending things, I felt desperate and pleaded with him to stay. I didn’t want to step into the new year uncertain about our relationship, fearing he might leave me right after. So I pressured him to make a decision, and he said he wanted to break up. I accepted it, telling him we could still live together until he moved in with his best friend, but I would no longer see him as my partner. It felt ridiculous, especially since I had been considering proposing to him in February and had so many plans that now felt pointless. Then, an hour later, he changed his mind and suggested we try to work things out. We had an intimate moment, went to bed saying we loved each other, but the next morning he mentioned he still felt inclined to break up and wanted me to meet his family. That left me devastated, thinking Christmas Eve might be the last time I see his family while trying to stay composed. Once we got home, he reiterated his confusion—saying he loves me but is unsure if we can make it work. The past few days have been emotionally draining, as he’s shown some distance, telling me he cherishes our memories yet hinting at leaving. I told him I didn’t want to hear that sort of talk, as it felt too much like a goodbye. He reassured me that he doesn’t want to mislead me, which I understand, but I just feel so exhausted. I’ve struggled with my mistakes, but he’s done worse and yet I've tried to move past it because I genuinely love him, and the thought of us splitting is incredibly painful. I’m starting to realize that things might not be the same anymore, and I have to accept that reality. So, my question is: should I keep waiting and hoping he changes his mind, even if it’s emotionally taxing, or is it time to let go?

Should I prioritize my boyfriend or my parents?

I'm a 21-year-old female, and my boyfriend, who is also 21, and I have had an on-again, off-again relationship for the past two and a half years. We recently got back together about two months ago, and things are going really well. However, when we last broke up a year ago, he insulted both me and my parents, and his behavior during our relationship was abusive and manipulative. I confided in my parents about this, which understandably made them dislike him. I regret sharing those details, especially now that we're back together, so I've decided to keep our relationship a secret. The issue is that he wants me to spend New Year's Eve with him and his family, which is a five-hour drive from my parents' house. It's December 29th, and he wants me to be there by the 31st at the latest. I’m struggling with how to explain to my parents why I need to leave, especially since they’re thrilled to have me around—since I work in another county and don’t see them often. If I tell them I'm back with the same guy who disrespected us and hurt me, it would not only hurt them but also undermine their efforts to help me heal. If I concoct a story about having a party at work, they would likely be upset that I’m leaving them right after they’ve been so happy to have me home. On the other hand, if I stay with my parents, my boyfriend will be disappointed. I care deeply about all three of them, and I'm really torn about what to do. I could suggest that my boyfriend come to my parents' place, apologize, and celebrate the holiday with us, but I’m uncertain how my parents would react to that. I'd really appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation.

I'm a 29-year-old man and I've made a mistake. My wife, who is 28, hasn't talked to me in three days. What can I do to resolve this?

This is a repost because the original was taken down. I've made an edit to address something I overlooked in the initial submission. **In Brief:** I procrastinated on some household chores, which frustrated my wife, and it has led to emotional distance between us. Now, I’m unsure how to reconnect or mend things. **The Full Story:** My wife is a stay-at-home partner, while I work full-time, including two days from home. I don't subscribe to the notion that simply because I earn the income, she should handle all other responsibilities. I cook most of our meals, help with the dishes, and contribute as much as I can around the house. However, I struggle with procrastination, a habit I've had since childhood. A few days ago, she asked me to do the ironing over the weekend, as she was busy visiting family during the weekdays. I replied that I would handle it later since I needed to apply for new jobs. By evening, I was mentally exhausted. She was tired too, and when she went to bed, I asked if I could do the ironing the following day. She agreed, but instead of resting, I ended up playing video games. The next day, she wanted to sort through my room together. I wasn't enthusiastic but didn't voice my reluctance. While cleaning, we discovered an old, rotting piece of cake in my work bag—something I had forgotten about for months. She became upset and said, “Whenever you procrastinate, I have to deal with it.” I tried to lighten the mood, but her frustration was evident. By the evening, we had reconciled without addressing the underlying issue. Both of us had been incredibly busy that week: she was preparing for guests, and I was juggling a hectic work schedule along with my job search. Fast forward a few days—I had a packed agenda filled with meetings and job applications, but I still managed to make breakfast and tidy up the kitchen before she woke up. I worked a bit and attended several meetings before heading to the office to deliver some documents. Meanwhile, she was busy cooking all day for her guests. Once I took the dog out around 6 PM, she remarked, “Oh, now you walk the dog?” I explained that I had been overwhelmed with work, and she just rolled her eyes. (For the record, I had walked the dog the previous night, and she typically manages two walks most days.) Later in the evening, I tried to connect with her to help with the dishes, but she exploded. She said, “It’s been four days! I forgave you without discussing it, but since we got married, I’m the one who deals with everything you put off! Get your priorities straight!” I attempted to explain my perspective, but she stormed off. I want to clarify that walking the dog is not solely my responsibility, but I do it whenever I can. I stayed home to clean the kitchen and waited for her. She eventually went over to a friend's house and didn't come back until late. Unable to sleep, I tracked her location on Find My (we share our locations) and noticed she was just sitting in her car for fifteen minutes upon her return. When I checked on her, she locked the doors and ignored me. I waited outside in the cold for half an hour before retreating inside. After another 15 minutes of waiting, I checked on her again. She rushed past me, locked herself in her dressing room, and went to sleep in another room. The following morning, I had a full-day workshop to moderate, so I woke up early and rushed to work at 6 AM. The guests were coming that day for a girls' night, and I wasn't invited. After finishing work at 6 PM, I wandered around the city until 1 AM. When I finally got home, the guests had left, and she seemed in a hurry to go to bed, stopping whatever she was doing. I approached her and gave her a kiss before cleaning the rest of the house. After finishing, I went to bed, but she was in the bathroom. I waited for her but accidentally fell asleep. When I woke up, she was in another room. I made her breakfast and picked a rose while walking the dog, leaving it by her side with a kiss, but she didn't react. Later, I made her coffee and told her it was in the kitchen, but she hadn’t acknowledged me. Since then, we haven't communicated. She stays mostly in her room, and I check in occasionally to see if she needs anything. I've noticed she's been writing on her computer and quickly hides the screen when I walk by. I feel lost and terrible about the situation, recognizing this isn’t just about a rotting piece of cake or walking the dog. How do I repair our relationship?

My girlfriend (20 years old) needs some time apart from our relationship (21 years old) to focus on her mental health and deal with her underlying depression.

About five months ago, I connected with this girl, and we really hit it off. I got her Instagram, and since then, we've been chatting and chatting on the phone every day. We've been together as a couple for three months now, even though we’re in a long-distance relationship—she's in America, and I'm in New Zealand. We have a strong trust between us. However, recently, she started to talk less, and while I understood it might be due to the Christmas and New Year season, it felt a little off. So, I reached out to her last night, and she opened up about how she’s been feeling. She mentioned that she’s going through a tough time and is afraid of slipping back into depression, something she’s experienced before, and it was really bad. She was very open about her feelings, saying that right now, she needs a friend more than a boyfriend. She wants to take some time to focus on herself because she often neglects that. In the past, when she faced similar challenges, she lost a lot of friends and feared losing me as well. That’s when she suggested taking a break from our relationship until she feels ready to reconnect. I assured her that I completely understand and that I’m willing to wait, as she is the only one I want to be with. While I trust her completely, I can't help but feel a bit hurt. I had hoped we could work through this together, but I realize I’m not a therapist, so I’m not sure if that’s the best approach. I would really appreciate any suggestions on how I can express my support and show her that I’ll always be there for her during this time.

Male, 28 years old; Female, 28 years old; relationship

I've been in a relationship with my partner for about three years. I've consistently talked to her about my mental health, but I feel like she's not really supporting me. Whenever I bring it up, she interprets it as me "bashing" her and insists that she's "trying so hard." I keep stating that all I need from her is a simple question about how I'm doing. Before Christmas, we had an argument about this. I bought a gift for her mother, and she kept asking when I would deliver it. When I inquired if she had gotten anything for my mom or sister, she replied that she "hadn't gotten around to it but would" and then mentioned how much she had spent on her own "loved ones" but would still do something. It's not about the cost or the gift for me; I value the thought behind it. Now I'm left wondering if this is a sign of manipulation or just a lack of care.

Will I seem controlling if I surprise my boyfriend with Christmas dinner after he mentioned he’s busy?

My boyfriend (27M) and I (27F) have been together for almost three years. We both work in the same lab and live on campus (in separate buildings), so we’re never too far apart. The last two Christmases have been special for us, as we’ve started a tradition of cooking an excessive amount of food and enjoying it together. This year, though, he’s swamped with a grant proposal that’s due in ten days. He’s been working hard on it for weeks and had planned to finish by this weekend, so we were set to dine out for Christmas. He just cancelled our plans, saying he needs to wrap up his work first but will finish as soon as possible so we can celebrate. I’m not upset because he’s always reliable, and being a scientist myself, I understand the pressure he’s under. Since he won’t be able to make it to Christmas dinner this year, I thought it would be fun to bring the holiday meal to him. I plan to spend the day cooking, and maybe even baking, to keep our holiday traditions alive. However, he did mention that he’s busy, so I’m concerned that surprising him with dinner might feel like I’m imposing a celebration when he’d prefer to focus on his work. This is especially troubling since he knows (A) I’m not great at baking, and (B) what I really want is for him to make his delicious pumpkin pie. I’m worried because since July, I’ve had a series of personal crises with my labmates that made me quite irritable. Although I didn’t take it out on him, he did have to listen to my rants about people he knows, to the point where he told me I needed to calm down because he was worn out. By November, I addressed my issues, apologized to him, and worked on improving my attitude. However, it’s only been a few weeks since then, and I fear that my decision to make Christmas dinner might come off as a passive-aggressive way of forcing a celebration. In summary, I want to surprise my boyfriend with a Christmas feast while he’s busy, but I’m worried that my recent attitude might make it seem like I’m pushing a celebration on him.

I'm a 31-year-old female and I'm noticing that I'm feeling less attracted to my boyfriend, who is 30. I recently discovered that he watches porn every day. Can anyone offer some advice?

I'm a 31-year-old female doctor working full-time (more than 54 hours a week) and I’m the primary income earner in our relationship. My partner, who is 30, left his full-time job in May, and I supported his decision since it was a toxic and underpaid environment. Since then, he’s tried various ventures, but none have worked out. I’m currently covering all our expenses, including bills, the mortgage, car payments, and date nights, while he’s still trying to pay off tax debt from his previous job. I’m aware of his current low earning potential, which has become a point of tension in our relationship that we’re trying to address. However, I can’t help but feel like I'm losing respect for him because it appears he doesn’t have his life in order. I work long and often exhausting shifts, and when I come home, I’m both emotionally and physically drained. We’ve both gained some weight recently; I’m actively working on losing some and have already shed 6kg (yay!). However, I find myself put off by his appearance, particularly his hanging belly, even though I love him. Due to the stress from his job situation and these physical changes, my interest in sex has dwindled, which I know is affecting him. We talked about it, and he mentioned he feels rejected and has stopped making an effort to initiate intimacy, though I believe he isn’t trying as hard as he used to. I understand his point, and I don’t want him to feel rejected. He also shared that he watches porn daily for masturbation, which upset me for reasons I can't quite pinpoint. I know he finds me attractive and that we share a strong emotional bond, but I’m struggling to process my feelings regarding his daily porn use. It makes me feel as though he’s given up on us, and I’m losing my emotional and physical attraction to him as well. Aside from this issue, our relationship is really good, and I want to work on fixing this aspect. Any advice would be appreciated.

My boyfriend, who is 34, is upset because I, 32, only said "I love you" after he expressed his feelings first. What do you think?

We've been together for nearly five years, living together, and it's been a challenging relationship for me. This is my first serious relationship, while he has had significant relationships prior to ours. I’ve come to realize that I have unresolved issues and tend to get defensive during certain conversations. Unfortunately, this defensiveness has hurt him on multiple occasions, and he feels he has been patient with me. He often expresses reasons for not wanting to be with me, saying that I need to change and improve in order for him to accept me. I agree that I need to do better because I want to stop being defensive. Whenever we encounter issues, he often threatens to break up with me but then we discuss it and try to find a way to move forward. During these discussions, he tends to critique my life and makes comments that sting, stating it's a reaction to the hurt I’ve caused him. My intention is never to hurt him; it usually stems from my past, where I find myself fighting old ghosts. When misunderstandings arise, I try to clarify, but he perceives my need to rephrase things as defensiveness, which makes him feel like I’m being confrontational. I become distant because I feel attacked, and I wish he would approach our conversations differently. This pattern has continued for a while, along with other issues we've faced, which I can explain later. This morning, while I’m away for the holidays, I texted him saying, "Hey baby, good morning." He replied that he didn't want to talk and needed space, without expressing love. Since he didn’t say "I love you," I didn’t either, as it felt hurtful. Although I tell him I love him, sometimes he doesn’t respond, and I take it to heart. Later, he messaged me, telling me to have a good day and added, "I love you." In response, I wished him a good day and reciprocated the love, but he became upset, saying I only said it because he did and that it was unnecessary to restate "have a good day" just to say "I love you." I explained that I misunderstood and thought he was encouraging me to respond that way. He reacted harshly, questioning my intelligence for believing I misinterpreted his message. As our conversation progressed, he said he was moving out and has blocked my number and all my social media accounts. I feel so lost right now. I understand how my responses might have come across as insincere, but I genuinely meant what I said. It's tough to be vulnerable with him when it seems like he doesn't want to communicate. I don’t know how to navigate this situation, and I often feel like a terrible person. I love him deeply, yet I'm feeling so lost. **TLDR;** We've had a lot of issues, and after he indicated he wanted to be alone today and didn’t say "I love you," I refrained from saying it too. When he later messaged me wishing me a good day and saying "I love you," I replied in kind and wished him a Merry Christmas. He got upset, claiming I only reciprocated because he said it first, and now he wants to break up and move out.

My boyfriend, who is 31, gave me a Christmas gift that I don't intend to use.

Hello everyone! I’m hesitant to share this, but I wanted to talk about a gift I received from my boyfriend of six years. He got me a KitchenAid stand mixer for Christmas—the largest model, in fact! While it’s a beautiful gift, it feels a bit impractical for us since it’s just the two of us (no kids), and we're both trying to stick to a budget. Baking can be expensive, and as a vegetarian, I don't cook with meat. We also rent our home, which means our kitchen has limited counter space and storage. My boyfriend mentioned he thought I could use it to make cookies and breads, but I’m currently trying to watch my diet. I can’t shake the feeling that he assumed it would be something I’d love, and since it’s my only gift from him, it’s hard not to feel disappointed. I’ve considered suggesting he return it, but I worry he would take it the wrong way; it might be better to keep it and let him enjoy using it since he seems so excited about it. I guess I’m just feeling a bit down about it all since it’s my only Christmas present from him, and it’s not quite what I was hoping for. Has anyone else ever felt guilty for not being thrilled about a gift? It’s been weighing on my mind, and I just don’t see myself using it as much as he would like.

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