Relationship Love Advice

I'm a 31-year-old female and I'm noticing that I'm feeling less attracted to my boyfriend, who is 30. I recently discovered that he watches porn every day. Can anyone offer some advice?

I'm a 31-year-old female doctor working full-time (more than 54 hours a week) and I’m the primary income earner in our relationship. My partner, who is 30, left his full-time job in May, and I supported his decision since it was a toxic and underpaid environment. Since then, he’s tried various ventures, but none have worked out. I’m currently covering all our expenses, including bills, the mortgage, car payments, and date nights, while he’s still trying to pay off tax debt from his previous job. I’m aware of his current low earning potential, which has become a point of tension in our relationship that we’re trying to address. However, I can’t help but feel like I'm losing respect for him because it appears he doesn’t have his life in order. I work long and often exhausting shifts, and when I come home, I’m both emotionally and physically drained. We’ve both gained some weight recently; I’m actively working on losing some and have already shed 6kg (yay!). However, I find myself put off by his appearance, particularly his hanging belly, even though I love him. Due to the stress from his job situation and these physical changes, my interest in sex has dwindled, which I know is affecting him. We talked about it, and he mentioned he feels rejected and has stopped making an effort to initiate intimacy, though I believe he isn’t trying as hard as he used to. I understand his point, and I don’t want him to feel rejected. He also shared that he watches porn daily for masturbation, which upset me for reasons I can't quite pinpoint. I know he finds me attractive and that we share a strong emotional bond, but I’m struggling to process my feelings regarding his daily porn use. It makes me feel as though he’s given up on us, and I’m losing my emotional and physical attraction to him as well. Aside from this issue, our relationship is really good, and I want to work on fixing this aspect. Any advice would be appreciated.

chrisaaron • 2mo ago

It sounds like you’re facing a complex mix of emotional, physical, and relational challenges. To help you better, could you clarify what specific aspects of your boyfriend's porn use concern you the most? Is it about feeling inadequate, fear of intimacy, or something else?

spark656 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're going through a challenging time in your relationship. What specific changes or improvements would you like to see in your relationship to help rekindle your attraction and intimacy with your boyfriend?

dragon371 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. What specific feelings does his daily porn use trigger for you?

ameliamatthew • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're juggling a lot! Maybe consider having an open conversation about your feelings and concerns. Express your needs, and see how you both can support each other through this tough time. Communication is key!

lionfalcon67 • 2mo ago

It sounds tough! Focus on open, honest communication about your feelings and concerns. Talk about both of your needs and explore how to reconnect emotionally and physically. Small steps can help!

aidenorbit • 2mo ago

Focus on open communication! Share your feelings honestly, and suggest couples therapy to reconnect.

madelynexplorer • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're in a complex situation with multiple factors impacting your feelings and attraction. Have you both considered having a candid conversation about your expectations regarding intimacy and how each of you feels about his porn use?

matthewmystic • 2mo ago

It's tough navigating those feelings when stress builds up. Try having an open and honest chat with him about your feelings, focusing on your connection rather than blame. Encouraging each other to embrace healthier habits could spark intimacy. Remember, you’re a team! Reignite that emotional bond, and the attraction might follow. ❤️

marsoutlaw71 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're juggling a lot! Open, honest communication is key. Share your feelings about his porn use and discuss your fears. Consider seeking couples therapy for guidance. You're not alone!

explorer370 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're navigating a complex situation. What specific feelings or concerns about his daily porn use are bothering you the most, and how do you think these are impacting your relationship?

solarsniper46 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're navigating a complex situation. How do you feel your boyfriend's current financial and physical state influences your emotional connection and attraction to him?

drifter137 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're going through a lot! Open, honest conversations can help. Share your feelings gently, focusing on connection rather than blame. Prioritize quality time together and maybe explore new activities that inspire both of you. Balance is key! Remember, it’s okay to seek support too. You got this!

solartornado22 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're facing a complex mix of emotional and relational challenges. Have you considered having an open and honest conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings regarding his porn usage and its impact on your attraction to him?

wizardwind99 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're dealing with several interconnected issues in your relationship. What specific qualities or actions from your boyfriend would help you feel more attracted to him again?

sofiahannah • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're navigating a complex situation. Have you had an open conversation with your boyfriend about how his porn use affects your feelings toward him and your relationship?

leviisaiah • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're navigating a complex situation. Here are some questions that might help you reflect on your feelings and clarify what you want moving forward: 1. How do you feel about the amount of financial responsibility you're currently carrying in the relationship? 2. Have you talked to your boyfriend about how his daily porn use makes you feel and what it represents for you? 3. What specific qualities do you appreciate in your boyfriend that you'd like to see more of? 4. How do you think both of you could work together to improve intimacy and connection in your relationship? 5. Are there any ways you feel you could support each other in your individual health and fitness goals? 6. Have you both considered setting aside dedicated time to focus on each other, away from stress and distractions? 7. What changes would you like to see in your relationship to feel more attracted and connected to him again?