Relationship advices: Infidelity

I'm a 26-year-old male and I cheated on my 26-year-old female partner of four years. I'm looking for advice.

I’ve been in a relationship for the past four years with a wonderful girl. While she’s caring and loving, I’ve noticed that our connection has diminished recently. We’re not intimate as often, and I feel like she hasn’t been prioritizing her own well-being. Additionally, I’ll be relocating for my studies in a few months, and she’s not interested in moving with me. I want to clarify that this isn’t an excuse for what I’m about to share. Recently, I met someone new and we grabbed coffee together. Over the next few days, things escalated quickly, and we ended up being intimate multiple times. Beyond the physical aspect, I felt a strong attraction to her, which was a refreshing change. I’ve been honest with my partner that I met someone and spent time at her place, mentioning that we have developed a crush on each other. However, I didn’t share all the specifics. I know that I made a significant mistake, and I feel terrible about it. I’m seeking some advice without judgment on what I should do next. I’m conflicted about whether to try to hide this one instance and work on rebuilding my relationship, or if it would be better to end things and figure out my next steps.

Me (34F) and my husband (35M)

My husband [35M] and I [34F] have been married for 16 years. I made a terrible mistake last year and cheated on him. I fully recognize the gravity of what I did. We had been experiencing ongoing issues even before my infidelity, and since then, we've been working hard to rebuild our relationship. I'm incredibly grateful that he has chosen to stay and try to mend our marriage. I realize that he hasn't forgiven me, and it may take a long time, if ever, for that to happen. Honestly, I wouldn't blame him if he chose to leave; what I did was inexcusable. I've dedicated a lot of time to making amends, knowing deep down that no action can truly make things right. I've been to therapy, and tomorrow is our first session of marriage counseling. I sincerely hope it helps us both. Recently, my husband moved out of our bedroom into another room in the house. I'm doing my best to respect his choice, but it's been difficult not having him by my side at night. I'm trying to focus on my healing, and I understand that we both need to work on ourselves individually, although it doesn’t make it any easier. It feels like he wants to withdraw from me even more; communication is minimal, and I feel incredibly lonely. I don’t have anyone to turn to—my best friend lives over 300 miles away, and my stepmother is in another state. While my husband has made some friends through Reddit, which I genuinely appreciate, it still adds to my isolation. I can’t shake the self-loathing from my actions; I feel like I’m constantly punishing myself. My husband doesn’t initiate physical affection anymore—no hugs or kisses. For a while, he wouldn’t even say "I love you" unless he truly meant it. He has started saying it again, but I'm left questioning if he really feels that way or is just saying it to placate me. We've been intimate occasionally (I have some health issues that complicate this), but in the last three weeks, we've only had sex once. Afterward, he returned to his room almost immediately. The other night, I suggested he stay for round two, hoping he’d choose to stay with me, but he said if he wanted it, he’d come back later. I couldn't finish, felt terrible, and ended up crying while he just turned on the TV. Tomorrow is supposed to be our first session of marriage counseling, but I can't shake this terrible knot in my stomach, this sinking feeling that it won’t change anything. I fear he may have already made up his mind. I've asked him if he’s through with us, but he just remains silent. All I want to do is cry. I don't know what else to do but keep trying. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts?

My long-distance boyfriend (22M) 'cheated' on me (21F) during a phone call. What are my next steps?

**Summary:** He spent at least a month exchanging flirtatious messages and photos with another girl on Snapchat while we were struggling in our relationship. I discovered this on my own, and he never intended to tell me. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years, connected during a summer away from college, but we attend schools on opposite sides of the country (same hometown). Although we've faced challenges and doubts, we’ve never had issues with infidelity until now. We’ve always been very compatible, sharing similar ideals, and feeling like best friends. About four months ago, I expressed my concerns that he seemed distant, not making an effort to keep in touch. He surprised me by saying he had contemplated breaking up, which devastated me. We agreed to wait until we could see each other at Christmas before deciding anything. For three weeks, we remained together but in a tough place, with our verbal agreement clear. When we finally met, we chose to stay together, but there was little conversation about why he had a change of heart or our future plans, despite my efforts to discuss it. Weeks later, while I was visiting him, I noticed he was chatting with someone on Snapchat. The name seemed familiar, and my intuition was uneasy. I casually inquired, and he claimed it was just a girl from his fraternity who he was coordinating an event with, remarking she was unattractive, which gave me reason to doubt his honesty. Last week, I visited him again, and my gut feeling urged me to check his phone while he slept. I went straight to Snapchat, searching for the girl’s name. To my horror, I found saved pictures of him in his underwear alongside revealing images of her, along with numerous other messages. It felt entirely out of character and left me in shock. I woke him and confronted him; he apologized and insisted it wasn’t significant, claiming, "you know we weren’t doing well." However, that wasn’t an excuse. I threatened to leave, but after he assured me that was all that happened, I forgave him. Now, with distance between us, the situation haunts me, making me feel nauseous. I can’t help but wonder if it started earlier than he claims or what he might have said to her. I also question if he is the person I thought he was. To make matters worse, I found out he had a history with this woman, having been intimate with her years ago. She doesn’t even attend his school or belong to the sorority he had mentioned, which adds to my feelings of betrayal. There’s a lot I still don’t understand about their interactions: the timing, his intentions, and why he did this. The girl knows about me and chose to continue talking to him, which disappoints me. But I wonder if he misled her into believing we were done. I feel too embarrassed to seek advice from friends or family, which tells me a lot about my situation. This is the first time he has crossed a line like this, and while I don’t think anything physical happened, I remain conflicted. We still have a year of long-distance ahead of us. What should a follow-up conversation look like, and how should I approach this with him?

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 11 years, and it's facing some challenges.

Here's a revised version of the text: --- Important information about her: She experienced a traumatic car accident approximately two years ago. Important information about me: I was betrayed multiple times during high school and college. As for us: We’ve shared a joyful, committed, monogamous relationship for 11 years and have been exploring polyamory for about a year and a half. We’ve faced numerous challenges together, and she means a great deal to me. Last night, after returning home from drinks with a friend, I found that she had declined the invitation, stating she was too tired. We chatted briefly before I went to throw something away. While in the trash, I discovered a used condom, which perplexed me as I couldn't fathom why there would be one in our apartment that wasn't mine. When I saw her reaction, my heart sank. We talked for a long time, and as far as I could tell, she was honest in her responses. She revealed that this had been happening for 8-9 months and involved six meet-ups with two different men. I plan to call both of them to discuss the situation, though I’m not sure how to approach that. I’m not entirely certain what I hope to achieve by sharing this. Part of me wants to find a way to resolve our issues, but I can’t shake the image of her being intimate with someone else. I genuinely believe she feels remorse and is committed to ending things with them. She’s also agreed to both individual and couples therapy. This situation is painful.

I'm a 29-year-old man and I'm feeling hurt by my boyfriend, who is 24, for being intimate with someone else.

I’m feeling really upset with my boyfriend right now because he slept with someone else just a few hours ago. We had mutually agreed to explore an open relationship, but he met up with someone and they had sex. Although both of us consented to this with no regrets, some comments he made yesterday about getting ready for someone to come over—followed by similar remarks today when that person didn’t show up—are bothering me. Plus, we've gone a month and a half without having sex, aside from a few other intimate encounters. His offhand comments are piling up and making me feel uneasy. What’s even more troubling is that he mentioned he views sleeping with other people as a kink and that he wasn't in the mood for me. I’m not sure how to navigate these feelings. We’ve talked about it, but I still feel hurt. He hasn’t done anything wrong, so I don’t want to direct my anger at him, but that’s a struggle. Part of me wants to scream and cry about it, while another part knows he doesn’t deserve that response. His remarks seem insensitive, especially given our current lack of intimacy and then his choice to pursue someone else. It feels as if I’m not wanted anymore or that he's grown bored with me. He has shared that he wants to explore this side of himself because I usually take the lead, and he’s more often the one who prefers to be on the bottom in our dynamic. He mentioned he’d be open to wanting to bottom occasionally with someone else as well, which leaves me feeling inadequate. We’ve already discussed some of these issues, but I can’t shake these feelings. How should I approach this situation with him?

My partner, who is 22, cheated on me while she was drunk.

She called me today to tell me that she kissed one of her coworkers while they were both drunk. We live together, and even though we've only been together for two days, she chose to call me from work—where everyone knows—because she was panicking and didn’t know how to handle the situation. Instead of having time to process everything, my priority was to calm her down. Now she's on her way home in an hour, and I’m left unsure of what to do. I love her, and I'm hurt that this happened, but I've always thought cheating was a deal breaker for me. Yet, with so much love for her right now, I’m conflicted. This is my first relationship, and I’ve never been attracted to women before—I've always liked men—but she’s different, and I can't quite explain why. I'm still working through my feelings about my sexuality, but that’s not the main issue here. I feel confused and need advice on what to do next. Please help!

I need some advice regarding my girlfriend.

I’m not even sure how to begin. My girlfriend and I started dating last July, and by September, we became exclusive. Everything felt incredible, and I really fell for her. Unfortunately, my mental health struggles impacted the relationship a bit. While things were going well, I received a text accusing her of cheating, which left me completely confused. We talked it over, and when I asked to see her phone, she handed it to me for about 30 seconds before abruptly taking it back, leaving me uncertain about what to believe. I decided to trust her, and we moved on. Fast forward a couple of months, we ended up splitting—not on my terms. She told me she wanted to focus on being single and working on ourselves. We still hang out occasionally, but lately, she’s been acting really shady. Last night, I received another text claiming she was cheating and even dropped a name. She’s trying to downplay it, but this person is close to her friend group. She’s on my phone plan, and although I promised myself I wouldn’t check the call logs, I did. I noticed she has had some early morning conversations with him. Now I’m feeling lost—should I give up on trying to win her back? Did I overstep by looking at the call logs? I’m in so much pain right now, and I really need some advice.

My girlfriend, who is 23 years old, was a victim of sexual assault, and I, being 26, feel a deep sense of betrayal.

Here's a rewritten version of your text: --- First of all, this is my first time writing in English, so I appreciate your patience with my spelling. About three months ago, I (26M) discovered some troubling information about my girlfriend (23F). We’ve been together for four years, and I truly love her, but things have become complicated. During our relationship, she has been away for three school programs, each lasting five months, returning home every other weekend. We often talked about the guys trying to pursue her, which helped build my trust in her during these times apart. **First School Stay (3.5 years ago):** We didn’t label ourselves as boyfriend and girlfriend, but she would come to my place every other weekend when she was back home. She mentioned a few boys from school, but I recently found out that she slept with two of them multiple times, and even had an intimate encounter with one of them. After this school stay, we officially became a couple, and she soon moved in with me. **Second School Stay (2.5 years ago):** To my knowledge, nothing significant happened during this time, although she did feel lonely on some days. **Third School Stay (9 months ago):** She had several guys trying to get her attention during this stay, and we would joke about it, especially when she informed them about me. However, there was one guy she kept secret from me. He was quite aggressive in pursuing her, and she responded in kind. Three weeks into their texting, she experienced her first anxiety attack in five years around 2 AM and rushed to his room, where the entire class typically gathered after school. He comforted her but then took things too far, coercing her into sexual acts while she was in distress. This escalated, and for the remaining month of her stay, he would often sleep over and take advantage of her. She would invite him to come down to her, they communicated frequently, and she felt compelled to comply with his demands, even driving him around when he was intoxicated. After gathering enough evidence, I'm convinced that what happened was rape. She went to the police and is currently seeking help for her trauma. I learned about all of this on my own through rumors and my own investigations. Initially, she lied about many things, but as I presented more evidence, she eventually came clean and filled in the gaps, even those that reflected poorly on her. This summarizes the difficulties we’ve faced in our relationship over the years. Now, I want to support the woman I love, but navigating this situation feels overwhelming. I feel betrayed and manipulated. I haven't come to any conclusions yet, as I need to process everything multiple times, but staying with her seems challenging right now. Aside from all of this, I realize I am her only stable support, as her mother has not been present for her and her father is currently very ill. How can I best help her if I ultimately decide to walk away, and what are your thoughts on this situation? --- Let me know if you need any more adjustments!

My 34-year-old best friend, who is 33, is being unfaithful to her 36-year-old husband, and I'm uncertain about how to handle the situation.

My best friend is having an affair with someone else. I’ve known both her and her husband for over a decade and have a close relationship with them. I’m aware of her infidelity because I’ve seen it happen firsthand. Recently, she mentioned that she plans to file for divorce and leave him, but based on how she behaves around her husband, that doesn’t seem likely. Additionally, I’m receiving mixed signals from him; he’s asking me to confirm that I know about her cheating. I feel that I’ve already given him enough hints without directly confirming it. I’m at a loss about what to do and feel terrible about the situation. I'm really struggling with it.

Discovered socks that don't belong to me [26F] [30M].

This morning, I went to get a plastic grocery bag from the closet. When I took one out, I found something inside it—a pair of ankle socks. I never wear those! I called my boyfriend to share the news, and he was just as puzzled, wondering how they ended up there. My mind has been racing ever since. They could belong to my mom, but that seems unlikely since she’s only visited my place once.

My boyfriend, who is 28, might have experienced sexual assault, and I'm struggling to cope with this situation.

Subject: Feeling Betrayed Yet Not Fully Cheated On I'm feeling a bit confused and hurt after a recent revelation from my boyfriend, with whom I've been in a relationship for five years. To spare the details, he admitted to cheating on me, which was incredibly painful. Despite this, I chose to work towards forgiving him. After some deep conversations and research, I've now come to believe that he might not have been in a position to consent during that situation and may have even been assaulted or drugged. I want to be clear that I'm not making excuses for his behavior; there are indications that have led me to this conclusion. Now, I find it difficult to blame someone who has clearly been victimized and is struggling with the aftermath, especially since he has a hard time acknowledging himself as a victim. Yet, I still grapple with feelings of hurt, betrayal, and disgust when I think about him being with another woman, even if they likely didn’t have sex. There was a time last week when I genuinely felt like I had forgiven him and was happy, but now I’m overwhelmed with anxiety and negative emotions that have resurfaced. I've started asking him for more details about what happened, and while he is open and patient with me, I can tell it's taking a toll on him as well. I can't seem to shake these thoughts from my head. I've been obsessively reading stories about infidelity online, and it feels like our relationship as I once knew it is gone. I understand that he never intended for any of this to happen, so why do I still feel this way? I’ve always struggled with anxiety, and I just want our happy relationship back. Maybe I'm not really trying to reconcile, but rather trying to navigate my way through the aftermath of what occurred. I would appreciate any comforting words or advice. Please don't judge me for how I feel; I wish I could simply turn off my anxiety. If anyone has a similar experience or knows of success stories where couples faced challenges but found peace in their relationship, I would be grateful for your insights. Thank you!

[20F and 21M] Should We Break Up?

Hey Reddit, I [F20] have been in a relationship with my boyfriend [21M] for over a year now, and he's truly amazing. He’s intelligent, kind, and incredibly supportive. When I’m with him, I really cherish our time together. However, I do have a concern. I struggle with loyalty. While I’ve never cheated and never would, I do have a strong wandering eye. I can manage it, but I sometimes wish I could explore connections with other people. In an ideal scenario, I would remain with him but also date others (and just to clarify, I’m not open to a non-monogamous setup with him). I realize this is a classic case of wanting to have my cake and eat it too—I completely understand that. I’ve discussed this with my parents; my dad thinks it’s just a phase of being young and that it’s not a huge deal. I’m now questioning whether this is a sign of something bigger. The thought of ending our relationship makes me anxious, and I’m unsure if that would be the right decision. I truly love him and he brings me joy, but I can’t shake off this habit I have. I’m not unfair to him, as I’m not acting on these thoughts, but they’re still feelings I struggle to manage. Is this a dealbreaker? I’d appreciate any perspective to help me sort through this. And if I come off as a terrible person, please let me know. I’m just trying to navigate this honestly.

Should I, a 19-year-old female, break up with my 22-year-old boyfriend? I urgently need advice. Please help!

I met Colton last year, and after several months of talking, we officially started dating. From the beginning, I made it clear that I wanted to be the only girl in his life, and he agreed. However, two months later, he slept with Karli. I was hurt but willing to forgive him. I asked him to remove her from his social media, and he assured me he did, yet I later discovered that he hadn’t—he only removed her for the girlfriend he took on after me. This broke my trust, and at that point, I felt no reason to remain loyal to someone who wasn't loyal to me. As a result, I slept with his best friend Sam—someone I'd known and spoken to before I ever met Colton. He only found out recently, when I told him. A few months afterwards, Colton reassured me that I was the only girl in his life. By this time, he had moved six hours away to Boise. Shortly after, I found out I was pregnant with his baby. While he offered to cover the cost of an abortion and was supportive over the phone, he didn’t show up when the time came, being still six hours away. I had to face it alone. A week later, I discovered he had been making out with another girl named Amanda at a bar. She actually reached out to me, which is how I learned what happened. When I confronted him, he initially denied it, claiming she was just a friend—until I showed him proof. Then, he told Amanda he wasn't serious about me, while assuring me that she was a mistake; she ended up blocking him. After that, he apologized, sent me flowers, and promised to change. Yet, less than a month later, he said he had "met someone else." When I asked if that meant he was choosing another girl over me, he claimed, "It’s not like that," and insisted he just wanted to be honest. This new girl was named Vanessa. At that point, I was done—this was right after my abortion, shortly after he had promised to change for me and cut ties with other girls. So, I unadded and unfollowed him. Several months later, after ending a different relationship, Colton and I matched on Tinder again. We started hanging out, and he told me that he had made Vanessa his girlfriend over the summer in Boise. That hit me hard, as it felt like he had chosen her over me. Now, fast forward to today—Colton and I have been dating for five months. He’s changed a lot. I’ve seen his phone, he surprises me with flowers every week, takes me out, and treats me wonderfully. He even forgave me for what happened with Sam, likely because he knew I had always chosen him. However, I can’t seem to move past his past mistakes—especially since I still feel he didn’t choose me. When I finally asked him why he picked her at that time, he explained: “I had stronger feelings for her because I had moved away, and our fighting created negative feelings between us. I just had more positive feelings for her and saw a future with her. I didn’t envision anything between us. When I saw you post about another guy, I viewed her as a fresh start and thought I could escape the baggage we had.” Hearing that hurt. When I pressed him, asking whether his feelings for me were stronger than for Vanessa before everything happened, he hesitated but finally admitted, “Yeah.” However, when I asked about Karli, he said, “Oh! By a million, yeah.” Now, I can’t shake the feeling that he was quick to declare that his feelings for Karli didn’t compare to his feelings for me, but he wasn’t as enthusiastic when discussing Vanessa. That realization hurts more than anything—it's not just about his actions but how he felt for someone else while we were together. Now, I’m unsure about what to do. I believe he wouldn’t hurt me like that again, and I trust him, which isn’t the issue. What troubles me is that I can't move past his mistake. I love him dearly, but I feel trapped in the past. Although I’ve gotten past his other mistakes, I still can’t forget that he met someone else while we were involved. I’m unsure if I’ll ever be truly happy in this relationship. Should I leave, or should I try to make it work?

I’m a 22-year-old male and I flirted with someone other than my girlfriend, who is also 22. Should I tell her about it?

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly four years, and my love for her is immeasurable. I see a future with her, and many of my fondest memories are with her; I truly can’t envision my life without her. However, I now feel as though I’ve jeopardized what we have, and I’m overwhelmed with remorse and guilt. This past weekend, a group from our school went out drinking. I invited my girlfriend, but she decided to head home early because she had work the next morning. I stayed out with a close friend and a girl I had only spoken to a couple of times before. We have a lot in common and have shared some meaningful conversations about our interests, which made our interaction feel safe and friendly, even though I found her attractive. At the afterparty, my friend ended up falling asleep, leaving just the two of us on the couch. We listened to music and chatted casually, but at some point, the atmosphere shifted. She told me I was good-looking and confessed that she had a crush on me. I was taken aback, but regrettably, I reciprocated by telling her she was pretty too. It felt good to be desired, and our legs touched as we sat together, with lingering eye contact that suggested we might kiss. We engaged in some light flirting, though I was trying hard to resist temptation, expressing how much I enjoyed our conversations and that I had noticed her at school. Then she mentioned she was a "really good kisser," which snapped me back to reality, and I told her I was going home. In the moment, I was unsure how to feel, partly because I had been drinking. Since then, though, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I feel as though I’ve damaged the only healthy part of my life and I’m struggling with a sense of foolishness. I keep reminding myself that I made the right choice by leaving without escalating anything physically, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve betrayed her trust by flirting and finding the situation entertaining. Moving forward, I am determined to avoid similar situations. Now, I'm at a crossroads: should I tell her what happened? I worry that it might hurt her more than it would help. I feel selfish wanting to relieve my own guilt at the potential cost of her heart. There’s always a chance she might hear about it, since everyone involved is part of the same arts community. We don’t share mutual friends, and both my girlfriend and I are new to the city, so we’re not connected to any gossip circles. Still, the thought of her finding out from someone else urges me to come clean first.

How should I talk to my partner about discovering his OnlyFans chats and spending?

I'm using a throwaway account since he’s active on Reddit, but I really need some advice. **[TLDR]** I discovered my boyfriend’s chats on OnlyFans, which include both sexual and casual emotional exchanges, along with his spending habits. He lied about it. How do I end things without admitting that I invaded his privacy? We’ve had discussions about pornography before. I’ve shared my feelings on the subject; while I don’t mind impersonal content, I can’t accept him chatting with camgirls or sharing personal details with them. It really bothers me, and I can’t be with someone who thinks that behavior is acceptable towards their partner. A few months ago, he claimed he was quitting porn. He mentioned that he might slip up occasionally, which didn’t bother me too much, but said he was going to make an effort to stop, especially for me. Last week, while I was over at his place (and yes, we were intimate), I ended up with his phone and noticed OnlyFans was open. I shouldn’t have checked, but I did. I found recent messages that weren’t just explicit—they included casual conversations where he was expressing interest in getting to know the girls better. When I later asked him about his commitment to quitting porn, he claimed he was doing well and said he didn’t need it if he had me. I’m not sure what hurts more: the fact that he spent over $100 on these girls in just the past week, the desperate messages I saw asking them for nude photos, or the genuine interest he expressed while ignoring my own unread message for days, not to mention his outright lies to my face. I haven’t spoken to him since. I’m furious and heartbroken, and I feel like I can’t trust him anymore. I just don’t know how to confront him without revealing that I went through his OnlyFans account.

I'm a 25-year-old male considering ending my relationship with my 26-year-old boyfriend of three years.

I'm a 25-year-old male, my mom is 43, and my grandparents are 58. My boyfriend is 26 and works as a store manager, while I work as a delivery driver and don't have a diploma. My mom is disabled, and my grandparents are elderly and exhausted. I know the obvious answer is that I should have left a long time ago, but I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years and 3 months now. We've faced ups and downs together, including some infidelity on his part in the beginning. He messaged some old flings from different states and cities, but we worked through that. However, it happened again, and I stayed because, during that last affair, I inherited his car. He got a new one and I was worried about losing my only means of transportation for work. I'm an only child and I support my mom with rent and help my grandparents with tougher tasks. I'm also struggling with $15k in debt. My work is 30 miles from my mom's place, my grandparents are 16 miles from her, and my boyfriend lives about 25 minutes away. Recently, we've been having issues with affection and intimacy, mostly due to my stress about finances. I often feel like I have to do all the work during intimacy, and sometimes it feels rushed. A couple of days ago, I noticed a message from a random guy on his phone. When I asked him about it, he got flustered, and while the message looked suspiciously fake, I decided to stay after cooling down. Since then, we've become quite distant—just small talk with no affection or intimacy whatsoever. Now I'm debating whether to end the relationship. I know people say that if you’re already considering it, you probably should. But given my situation, I’m torn. Do I leave, or do I stick it out until I've paid off the car? I'm currently covering the car payments and plan to have him sign over the title once it's paid off, which will take another two years. I'm starting to feel like this relationship has run its course, but I'm also very involved with his family now. If you need more details to understand my situation better, let me know. I'll respond as soon as I can. Thanks!

[M28] experienced infidelity with my wife [F27].

I'm in a really difficult situation. Recently, I discovered that my wife is involved with another man. We've been married for five years, and over time, our relationship seemed to slowly deteriorate. My main issue has been my drinking; it was something she couldn’t stand, and I often tried to hide it. As a result, I lost a lot of her trust. My struggles with alcohol culminated in a DUI last summer, which prompted me to seek treatment. While I’ve made improvements since then, alcohol was the root of many hurtful things I said and did. As our relationship progressed, I also neglected the small gestures that meant a lot to her, becoming too comfortable in our marriage. I mistakenly thought that since we were married, I had already won her over, and everything would be fine. Unfortunately, this mindset gradually damaged our bond. Last month, my wife expressed that she needed space and wanted a separation. I moved to the couch while she stayed in our bed. During this time, we didn’t have any intimacy, and she would go out with her friend. I trusted her completely and didn’t suspect anything was wrong. We never agreed to date other people during our separation. Then, on Wednesday, I looked through her phone and discovered messages with a man along with videos of them together in our home. I'm heartbroken to learn that this affair has been ongoing since November, long before our recent separation. I'm desperate to win her back because I love her deeply, but she insists she has moved on and seems finished with our marriage. Things are even more complicated with our one-year-old son in the picture. I’m hesitant to separate, as I don’t want to disrupt our family. I regret my past behavior; it's true that you often don’t appreciate what you have until it's gone. She wants to continue seeing this man while I just want her back. Sometimes I wonder if her actions are a cry for help, but a part of me fears she’s too far gone with him. It’s especially painful to see pictures of him playing with my son, stepping into a role I should be fulfilling while I’m at work. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

What can I do to improve my relationship with my boyfriend [20M]?

My boyfriend and I have faced challenges, including issues of infidelity and his tendency to neglect his role as a partner. I'm looking for advice on how to navigate these difficulties. We often argue about his habit of taking hours to reply to my texts while he's busy playing video games. Despite my efforts to suggest communication strategies, he struggles to implement them, and he seems to find it hard to be more involved in my life. Since we're both young and each other's first experiences in many ways, I genuinely want to help him grow into a better boyfriend and, one day, a better husband. We're currently in a long-distance relationship due to college, and our families expect us to marry in the future. I’m seeking suggestions on how I can encourage him to be more engaged in our relationship and improve overall. Are there any books or resources that might be helpful?

Why does my boyfriend, who's 35, act like he's single online?

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over four years, and I had no idea there was an issue between us. He’s quite active on Reddit, while I mostly just browse (this might actually be my first time posting). I rarely check his comments and posts, but yesterday, I stumbled across one of his comments in a thread I was reading. Curious, I looked at his profile and found a post where he said he was single and didn’t have a girlfriend. I'm at a loss for what to do next. Should I confront him about it, or should I just pretend I didn’t see it? He knows something is bothering me since he keeps asking what’s wrong. While we don’t live together, I'm starting to wonder if he’s just using me to take care of his cat while he goes on holiday with his friends. I’m not a cat person, and his cat clearly dislikes me. It constantly scratches and bites me, so watching it isn’t exactly enjoyable. I'm feeling really frustrated right now, and I'm not sure how to proceed. I know his cat means a lot to him, which is why I’ve agreed to help out. But why would he say he’s single after we’ve been together for nearly five years? I just saw him less than a week ago, and everything seemed perfectly fine between us.

[54m][33f] My wife has developed an attachment to an online 'M Domme' and is no longer interested in being close to me.

My wife began an online financial relationship with a Domme over three years ago. Initially, it was purely financial, but over time, he has profoundly influenced her and changed her personality. She has removed all the jewelry I gifted her during our marriage, including her wedding rings, and replaced it with his much more expensive pieces, such as her "chastity key" necklace. I suspect she may have also been unfaithful, as it seems she had a fling with her personal trainer. Now, we live like roommates while she and him constantly communicate and "play" during the day while I'm at work. We have three kids, all under 16, and splitting up isn’t financially feasible. She has been honest about not knowing where our relationship is headed, but she still claims to love me. I love her deeply and just want her back in my life. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Male, 23, and female, 23 - what’s the best way to approach this situation?

I received a message from a girl I’ve known for ten years asking if I wanted to hang out. I responded with a "maybe," but eventually decided against it because I didn’t want to risk cheating on my girlfriend of six years. This made the girl really angry, and out of spite, she shared all our messages with my ex in an attempt to make her leave me. Unfortunately, it worked. The fact that I even entertained the conversation has upset both my girlfriend and me. Now, my girlfriend has said she’s not ready to see or talk to me yet, but she’ll reach out when she is. We haven’t spoken in almost a week. I sent her an email taking responsibility for my actions and conveying everything that needed to be said. This situation has made me realize I have a lot of personal issues to address, so I’ve decided to start therapy to reflect on our relationship and improve myself as a person and as a man. I’m worried she might not give me another chance, but since she’s also my best friend, I want to grow not just for myself but for her. I understand I may have upset her over small things in the past. So, what should I do next? Is there still a chance to win her back? I genuinely want to show her the changes I’m making and how I’m improving.

Is it worthwhile to remain in a relationship? [18F and 18M]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years. Six months into our relationship, he cheated on me for a month without my knowledge. Even though we decided to stay together, we've had almost daily arguments since then, along with the lingering issues from his infidelity. Recently, I started texting a male coworker without telling my boyfriend. When he discovered that I had another guy's number, he became upset about what he considers my infidelity. I’m feeling uncertain about what to do next; I love him and can't imagine being alone, but I'm confused about my feelings. I plan to start college in August, and my boyfriend is planning to attend the same school, which complicates things further if I decide not to stay with him.

I'm a 26-year-old man, and I'm about to lose my 24-year-old wife.

Hello, Reddit. I'm seeking some advice regarding my relationship. My wife and I are in an open relationship, but I feel like I'm losing her to her other partner. Recently, we had a heated discussion where she expressed that she feels like she has to take care of me. I recognize that she's not wrong; I have been difficult to deal with, and I've been actively trying to change that. Lately, I've been putting in extra effort to ensure she doesn't feel that way anymore. However, she has completely withdrawn from me—no intimacy, little conversation, and she hasn't said "I love you" in a while. Instead, she spends as much time as possible with her other partner, and I'm worried that she might leave me. I've attempted to discuss my feelings with her, but she often dismisses me, and when I do manage to share how I feel, she says I'm just looking for sympathy. I love my wife deeply, more than words can express, but it feels like the more I try to mend our relationship, the more distant she becomes. I've tried making her happy by taking her out to dinner, going shopping together, and giving her space, but it feels like these efforts are pointless. She wears the new clothes to her other partner's place and uses the time I give her to spend time with him. I want to regain what we once had, but I fear that she doesn't feel the same way. I'm not sure what else to do, so I'm reaching out for guidance. Apologies for the lengthy post.

I’m a 25-year-old guy who adores my 26-year-old girlfriend, but I'm grappling with feelings of missing out – what should I do?

Subject: Seeking Advice on a Complicated Situation Hello everyone, I would appreciate some guidance regarding a situation that's been on my mind. **Background:** I've been in a loving and fulfilling relationship for nine years, and I genuinely care for my girlfriend. However, I've found myself occasionally yearning for the single life and the chance to explore connections with other women. Despite these thoughts, I've remained loyal to her because I envision a future together. **What Happened:** This past Saturday, while I was out at a party (without my girlfriend, accompanied by a friend who didn’t see anything), a girl unexpectedly kissed me. I was taken aback at first, but I must admit that I found it somewhat enjoyable. However, after the fact, I felt a wave of guilt. The following day, I shared the incident with my girlfriend but omitted the part about enjoying it. She took it well, understanding it was a mistake, and forgave me without anger. **My Conflict:** Now, I find myself grappling with mixed emotions. I love my girlfriend dearly, yet this event has prompted me to reconsider what I truly want. I don't want to hurt her, but at the same time, I recognize the importance of acknowledging my own feelings and not regretting my choices later. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How would you approach this situation? I’m open to any advice, questions, or insights. **TL;DR:** You love your girlfriend but sometimes feel nostalgic about being single. A girl kissed you at a party, and although you enjoyed it, you felt guilty. Your girlfriend forgave you, but now you're uncertain about your commitment, considering a free pass, or whether to end the relationship altogether. Seeking advice. P.S. I used ChatGPT to help structure my thoughts since English isn't my first language. Thank you!

I'm really annoyed with my boyfriend when he does this.

One of my biggest pet peeves is being lied about. As long as the stories being told about me are true, I don't mind what people say. However, my partner has been unfaithful multiple times throughout our relationship. I am very close with my sisters, and I have shared a lot of what has transpired between us. I believe that keeping secrets is unhealthy, and if he truly wanted me to keep quiet, he shouldn’t have done those things in the first place. I also feel it’s not his job to safeguard my reputation, which is why I choose not to act in certain ways. The narratives he shares with his family are often completely false or conveniently omit significant details. He claims I acted irrationally, throwing his belongings on the lawn and calling him names, but he fails to mention that this was triggered by discovering his infidelity. While he talks about our arguments, he never reveals what actually sparks them, which is usually his cheating. I have a strong dislike for dishonesty in general, but being lied about truly infuriates me.

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