Relationship advices

My boyfriend refuses to stay over at my house, and it led to a disagreement between us.

I'm seeking some advice regarding a disagreement I had with my boyfriend (21M) this past weekend. We've been together for nearly a year and have only gone on two trips together—one of which was paid for by his parents for his birthday. He has also stayed at my house around 3 to 5 times while my parents were away. From the start, it was clear that his parents prefer he doesn't stay over at my house, which I totally respect, especially since they are more traditional. However, they’ve allowed him to stay at my place when my parents are out of town, although he claims it’s reluctantly. Over the last few months, I've brought up the topic of him staying over a couple of times, particularly when it would be more convenient after a night out. Each time, he would either give vague answers like “maybe” or change the subject entirely. About three weeks ago, I asked him if he could stay over for my birthday, as we both had the next day off work. He initially said maybe, but later told me he couldn’t because he had to leave his house by 9:15 AM the next day. This confused me since he lives just a 7-minute drive away. After several excuses, I began feeling frustrated and embarrassed at what felt like me begging for him to stay without getting a clear answer. When my birthday came last weekend, he ultimately chose to go home instead of staying as he had initially mentioned, which left me disappointed since I was looking forward to sharing that day with him. Feeling unsettled, I brought this up later that weekend, expressing that it bothered me he could stay when my parents were away but not when they were home. I just wanted an explanation for his no-shows. I emphasized that I didn’t mind if he didn’t want to stay or if it was due to his parents' wishes, but I needed clarity to stop hoping for something that wouldn’t happen. He reacted by getting annoyed and left shortly after. The next day, we talked, and he mentioned that his mom told him she doesn’t want him staying over when my parents are home. I was fine with that, but it puzzled me why he hadn’t communicated this sooner. He then expressed frustration at how much this seemed to affect me, questioning if he wasn’t good enough and citing other compromises he feels he’s made, like not hanging out with his friends as often, which I took issue with because he still meets them occasionally. He even brought up an unrelated point about wearing matching Christmas pajamas, which felt particularly immature. He argued that since he lives so close, it was easier to go home rather than stay at my place, suggesting he would stay if he lived further away. This upset me because it felt like he was prioritizing convenience over wanting to be with me. During the conversation, I mentioned it could be perceived negatively if he only stayed over when my parents were away, which I regretted saying and apologized for because it wasn’t about him, but rather about how others might view the situation. He didn’t take that well and responded, “if I just wanted sex, I could get it anywhere.” At one point, he made an immature remark, indicating he wouldn’t stay the next time my parents were gone, which I decided to just drop. Ultimately, I ended up apologizing for bringing up my feelings, feeling like I was overreacting, and since then, I’ve been relatively quiet. I feel ashamed and embarrassed about how my concerns were dismissed. All I wanted was for him to understand why this issue was significant to me, and perhaps express that he would like to stay too if his parents were more comfortable. Instead, I felt shut down and even more upset than before.

Is it possible to rekindle my relationship with my partner of 11 years?

**How can I improve my relationship?** I’m struggling to reconnect with my partner (F38) of 11 years, and I’m not sure how to move forward. I don’t want to lose what we’ve built over the last 11 years, but sometimes I feel like she doesn’t love me. I'm not sure if I'm just being overly sensitive or if there’s something more going on. We’re not married, and we don’t have children, and currently, we don’t live together. We cohabited for about four years before breaking up for roughly six months (a decision I made) because I felt there was some resentment on her part. During our breakup, she expressed a desire to get back together and promised to treat me better. We’ve been back together for five years (still not living together), and while things improved initially, I’ve been feeling unappreciated over the past year. Some of her behaviors come across as selfish and immature, but again, I’m questioning if I’m overreacting. Here are some examples: When there’s a shopping bag that needs to be carried, she refuses to do so if it doesn’t contain her items, insisting, “Why should I carry your stuff?” I understand the expectation is that, as the man, I should do the heavy lifting, but it feels like she’d prefer to watch me struggle rather than lend a hand. If I ask for her help, I often receive a snide remark. Societal norms suggest I should be the primary driver in our relationship, but I’m a nervous driver while she is quite confident. She frequently reminds me that she does most of the driving and even uses it as leverage sometimes, saying, “Well, if you want me to drive...” One time, when I was staying at her place, I received a late-night call about my dad's accident. As I anxiously called around hospitals for information, she offered no support or concern—only complained about the noise and the fact that I was keeping her up, waiting until the next day to gripe about it. Since my dad returned home from the hospital, she’s joined me for two visits. Each time, she kept her jacket on and didn’t engage with my parents. If I suggest visiting them, she makes insensitive comments about their home. I feel that, for my sake—someone she claims to love—she should make an effort, even if she finds it uncomfortable. After each visit, she insists I “owe” her for doing something she didn't want to. She seems to expect me to focus on my own activities when she’s busy, but when she’s free, she wants us to spend that time together. I’m not talking about social outings; I mean pursuing my own hobbies. I can’t shake the feeling that she’s unhappy, as her main pastime appears to be mindlessly watching TV. While she talks about “quality time,” that often just means sitting together in front of the screen. If I try to engage in my hobby while she watches, it seems to upset her. When it comes to children, we both felt ready to start a family a few years back, and we even visited a fertility clinic. We were told we needed to make lifestyle changes, which we both accomplished. However, when I bring up returning to the clinic, she declares she’s no longer interested in having children because she feels too old and wants to enjoy life without the responsibilities, which breaks my heart. I’ve always wanted to be a dad, and I’m struggling to understand how her feelings could change so drastically over time. Had she originally expressed this sentiment, it would’ve been a deal-breaker for me. Our sex life is also suffering, likely my fault, as I don’t have much of a sex drive. It’s challenging to feel desire when I sense a lack of love and intimacy from her. Despite being on medication for depression, she has once remarked she would prefer a “crazy and horny” version of me over a “sane but not horny” one. At this point, I feel lost, confused, and hurt. I don’t want to end an 11-year relationship, but I’m uncertain if I can make her happy or if she truly loves me. **TL;DR:** I'm a 35-year-old man in a distant 11-year relationship with a 38-year-old woman. I need advice on how to reconnect and improve our situation.

My girlfriend's brother is upset with us because we didn’t let him stay at our house.

My girlfriend and I recently moved into a private house about six months ago. We're still in the process of furnishing it and currently only have one bed for sleeping. During the holiday season, my girlfriend's brother returned from abroad. A few days after his arrival, he informed my girlfriend that he would be staying with us. This was a definitive statement rather than a question, and he didn’t clarify how long he intended to stay or check if we even had space for him. He simply assumed that since we live in a house, there would be room for him. Generally, we had a good relationship with him, and we had jokingly mentioned that one of the rooms could be his. However, this was all in good fun, especially considering that during the construction of our house, many, including my girlfriend’s family, questioned why we needed so much space for our 80-square-meter home. When we first met after his announcement, it was at dinner at our parents' place. At that dinner, he asked my girlfriend, “Have you prepared a bed for me?” My girlfriend attempted to explain that he hadn't even asked if we were okay with him staying and that we wanted to spend quality time together during the holidays. She also mentioned that he had other options, such as staying with their parents. He reacted strongly, expressing his upset and even tried to shame us in front of the family by saying we were denying him a place to stay. Interestingly, he still hadn’t booked his return flight back to the country where he works, more than a week after this incident, which suggested he might have expected to stay with us for up to two weeks. Since then, he hasn’t communicated with us. He’s in his mid-20s, older than my girlfriend, and I've noticed similar situations where he prioritizes his feelings. This situation is taking a toll on my girlfriend, as she feels sad about the fallout. Ultimately, the decision not to accommodate her brother was mutual between us. Yesterday, my girlfriend reached out to him via message, attempting to clarify that he might have had unrealistic expectations and that it was partially our fault. However, she also pointed out that he should have communicated better and initiated a discussion instead of making demands. He responded with an aggressive message, criticizing us for not allowing him to stay in our "big house" and dismissing our concerns about lack of additional bedding. He claimed not to be angry, just disappointed, and mentioned that he just wanted to spend time with us. He also made a comment comparing us to their mother’s sister and her husband, who do not communicate. What should we do in this situation? How can we resolve this amicably?

Ended the relationship with my boyfriend because he was liking pictures.

I'm a 25-year-old woman and my long-distance boyfriend is 29. We’ve been together for nine months, and our relationship felt like a fairytale. We had known each other for years before finally getting together. He would fly out from another state every few months to spend time with me, treating me exceptionally well throughout our relationship. I genuinely fell in love with him and appreciated how he treated me. However, there was one issue: he frequently liked photos of other women on Facebook, particularly one in particular. This really bothered me and felt disrespectful, so I brought it up with him twice. Each time I expressed my concerns, he would shut down and go silent, unsure of how to respond. I found this very frustrating, but I did my best to remain patient and give him time to process. His responses usually included comments like, “You think every guy doesn’t do this?” and “We’re not married, so I don’t think it’s fair for you to ask me to stop doing that.” It seems that I can’t request respect until we’re married, which leaves me feeling disillusioned and confused. Despite everything, he has been a great boyfriend in many ways. He made me feel safe, cherished, and invested a lot in our relationship. If he was willing to put in the effort to visit me regularly, why couldn't he just agree to this simple boundary? I'm torn about whether I should reach out again or stick with my decision to give him space. I genuinely cared about our relationship, and the thought that he must have loved and cared for me makes this even harder to understand. I want to clarify that I'm not looking for validation regarding my feelings or anyone to tell me I'm insecure. This is simply a boundary I've established. I can’t be in a relationship where another woman is constantly aware that she has his attention. I don’t understand why he could be so wonderful in other aspects yet overlook this important concern. I’m tempted to reach out to him, but I also want to maintain my self-respect and let him take the initiative. Am I making a mistake by holding back, or should I send him a message? I'm really unsure.

My boyfriend is worried about the man I will eventually marry.

I'm a 20-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, also 20, and I have been in a relationship for 14 months. Last night, we had a conversation about my plans for my body once I have more money. I mentioned that I want to get laser hair removal first and then a female vasectomy. He asked if I was serious, and I explained that while I want to have kids someday, I prefer to adopt. The thought of being pregnant really scares me, and I don't think I ever want to experience it. I also mentioned that while my feelings could change, I feel firm about my decision for now. He expressed that he wants us to have a biological child together. I was surprised and pointed out that he seems uncertain about marrying me. He said that if we were to marry, we could have kids together. I explained to him that pregnancy involves not just having a child, but also physical pain, postpartum depression, and more. He responded by saying that pain is something I would have to endure, and he would be there to support me emotionally and mentally. This annoyed me, and I decided to end the conversation. Today, he brought the topic up again, and I told him I didn’t want to discuss it because I didn't feel he would understand. He insisted on talking about it and criticized me for being "immature" for making this decision for myself, claiming I'm too young to figure this out. He accused me of being selfish for viewing pregnancy as painful and not considering how he feels about having a child. He said I come off as narcissistic for only thinking about my own feelings. I asked why he couldn't accept that it's my body and my choice, regardless of age. He argued that in marriage everything would be shared, and nothing would belong solely to me or him. I told him that if that’s his perspective, he might need to rethink it; otherwise, I'd be concerned about my potential future as his wife. I also mentioned that if I couldn't find someone who thinks like me, I’d be better off alone. He then accused me of being ready to leave this relationship for someone else and said he was genuinely worried about my future husband. So, am I in the wrong here? **TL;DR:** My boyfriend believes I'm immature for not wanting to get pregnant and wanting to adopt instead. He thinks I'm selfish and too young to make this decision for myself. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

How to comprehend or handle my girlfriend

Hello, Reddit community. This is my first time asking a question here, so I appreciate your understanding if I make any mistakes. I'm a 22-year-old male, and I've been navigating a challenging situation with my girlfriend, who is also 22. The past few months have been quite a rollercoaster for me, and I’m struggling to understand what she wants. About a month ago, she broke up with me, saying that I made her feel suffocated and that she wasn't being herself. It hit me hard—I was devastated and felt blindsided. A few days later, after some time apart, she reached out to me, acknowledging that her actions weren't right, and we ended up meeting for coffee to discuss things. During our meeting, she expressed that she wants to pursue a job that is completely different from what we had planned together. This choice seems to create unnecessary distance between us, and she said, "I want to do what I want." Despite this, I tried to be supportive. Now, a month has passed, and I feel a growing disconnect between us. She's just 20 minutes away by bike, but despite my efforts to suggest going out together—something I believe is important—she remains unengaged. She claims she feels disconnected yet says she loves me and is excited about our future, which leaves me confused. She insists that if we were to end things, she wouldn't be happy and that I deserve better. I apologize for the lengthy message. I worry that I don’t understand her well enough, and I'm stretching myself thin trying to keep our relationship alive. We used to share a strong bond, but that spark seems to have faded. I’m doing everything I can, but her lack of effort is disheartening, especially since this was never an issue before. I genuinely don't know how to approach this situation. I struggle with the thought of breaking up because I’ve never loved anyone as deeply as I love her. She's the only person I've ever felt this way for, and right now, it feels like she's both incredibly close to me and yet very far away.

My long-distance girlfriend (21F) groped her friend in front of me while she was drunk. (I’m 24M)

Around New Year's, I visited my long-distance girlfriend in the town where she attends university. On New Year's Eve, we had some of her friends from work over, along with a friend of mine from university. We played drinking games before going out. During this time, my girlfriend got excessively drunk and, despite my suggestion to prepare some food together before our guests arrived, she refused. Instead, we ended up having just a piece of toast, planning to grab takeaway in town later. She drank a lot of gin, and although we tried to encourage her to drink water, she declined. When I pulled her aside to say, "Hey, you need to slow down; we still need to get into the bar, and you're starting to drop and break things," she became offended, feeling like I was treating her like a child. I decided to let it go, thinking she was an adult and could handle herself. Once we arrived at the bar, things seemed to be going smoothly, but one of her close friends was working at another bar and suggested we head there for discounted drinks after his shift ended. I declined, explaining that he would be coming to our bar, and I didn't mention that cheap cocktails wouldn't be a good idea at that point. This seemed to frustrate her even more. Much later, we celebrated New Year's, but there was still tension between us, making it hard for me to enjoy the evening. I ended up stepping outside to the smokers' section, where her friend came up, handed me a shot, and asked why we seemed upset with each other. I honestly replied that I didn't even know. At that moment, my girlfriend walked out, approached her friend, grabbed him inappropriately, looked at him, and then walked away. He and I were both taken aback, and I said, "What the hell was that?" He was equally stunned and shrugged in confusion. This incident filled me with anger, prompting me to say, "Forget this, I'm leaving," and I decided to go to another bar with my friend and enjoy some drinks just with him. Now, this situation has shaken my trust in her. I recognize that I have insecurities about her being a young, attractive woman partying at university, and while we've discussed these concerns in the past and had built trust, this incident has me questioning everything. If she could act like that in front of me, I can't help but wonder what she might be doing when I'm not around. In my frustration, I suggested we take a break. She cried and pleaded with me to reconsider, and eventually, I caved. Now that I'm back home, I'm left trying to sort through my feelings. Additionally, she has exams coming up, and I had planned a trip to my parents' apartment in the Alps for skiing afterward. But now, I'm uncertain if I want to do that, especially if she doesn't seem to realize the gravity of her actions. It feels unfair to reward that behavior with a lavish trip. I think I might be overreacting, but I can't shake the feeling that if the roles were reversed, there would be serious repercussions for me simply for approaching a woman that way. It's all very confusing and frustrating, and I would appreciate any thoughts on this situation.

My 39-year-old partner, who is 38, is struggling with alcoholism. I feel like he’s not the person I married, and I'm uncertain about what to do next.

I married my husband seven years ago, and when we first started dating, he was incredibly dedicated to his sobriety, having been sober for over four years. We were very active together, and it never posed a problem for us. I admired his strength in overcoming his past struggles. However, during the Covid pandemic, his father passed away, and he began drinking again. It caught me off guard, but he was initially moderate about it, as the loss hit him hard—he fell into a deep depression. After the birth of our second child, I felt we should relocate closer to family for support. That was two years ago, and since then, things have become increasingly difficult. He resents me for the move and brings it up constantly. I've worked hard to create a comfortable home, advanced in my career, and recently landed my dream job that pays well—I'm now responsible for most of our expenses, including healthcare, mortgage, and daycare. Meanwhile, he seems unmotivated to progress in his own career or engage in much at all. He works from home and spends his days drinking. When he’s not working, he’s glued to his phone and drinking, often avoiding meaningful conversations. He tends to lose interest or walk away while I'm speaking, claiming it’s due to his ADHD. We've talked many times about his drinking, but his responses vary from acknowledging the issue and promising to work on it to insisting that I’m overreacting. Our children, aged five and two, are starting to notice his behavior. He often gets frustrated with them and has outbursts, which is concerning; I’ve even seen my five-year-old yelling at his brother in a similar way. Other troubling behaviors have also caught my attention. I’m feeling utterly exhausted. It seems like I’m shouldering all the responsibilities, and it no longer feels like a partnership. I’m becoming someone I don't recognize—filled with nagging and anger. I’m at a loss about what to do, and I feel like I’m on the verge of giving up. This isn’t the man I married, and I fear I may never get him back.

Am I overreacting by suspecting my partner might be cheating, or is it just my insecurity?

Hey Reddit, I'm a 30-year-old woman seeking some perspective because I feel like I'm starting to spiral. My significant other, who's 27, has a close coworker, and even though he says she's a lesbian (which I completely respect), their relationship makes me uneasy. They communicate constantly, often more than he and I do, and she frequently joins his Twitch streams, even when we're gaming together. Whenever I bring it up, he downplays my concerns, saying I'm overthinking and reminding me that she's not interested in men. Still, my instinct tells me that something isn't quite right, even though I recognize that my feelings might be influenced by insecurity and past trauma from relationships that ended due to "just friends." I've been honest with him about my insecurities and history, but it feels like he's dismissive of my feelings. I don’t want to project my issues onto him, but I also don’t want to overlook any potential red flags. So, Reddit, am I overreacting? Is this feeling rooted in my trauma and insecurity, or is there something that warrants a conversation? How can I address this without coming across as accusatory or irrational? Thank you for your support.

My girlfriend told me, "I'm not interested in being intimate with you until you figure out how to approach me. Please don't ask for it."

My girlfriend told me, "I'm not interested in having sex with you until you figure out how to approach me." Hi! I'm a 22-year-old femme lesbian, and I’ve been dating my girlfriend, a 36-year-old masc lesbian, for nearly four months. Just a couple of days ago, she asked me to officially be her girlfriend, which thrilled me! But this morning, when I tried to initiate intimacy, she declined, saying, "You always just want to have sex; you need to find different ways to express your feelings." That was a bit disheartening, but I didn’t let it show and made her lunch before she left for work. Later in our conversation, I asked her how I could turn her on or approach her differently. She mentioned that she didn’t want to have to explain it to me, which really upset me. We had a similar disagreement around Christmas, where I reacted the same way when she didn’t give me a gift. At that time, she said she didn’t think it was necessary since our relationship was still new, and I felt I shouldn’t have to remind her to show her affection. For some background, I’m recently divorced from a pretty toxic marriage. I met my current girlfriend while navigating that difficult time. Although I’ve moved on, it has been challenging to let go of my past, despite the abuse I experienced. My new girlfriend and I have worked through some of this, and I’m genuinely sorry for how it all unfolded. I don’t have much experience in relationships or being intimate, so it can be a struggle for me. I try to express my affection in other ways—cooking for her, giving gifts, cleaning her place, and occasionally dressing up in lingerie or cute robes. She has also borrowed $700 from me without paying it back yet! I want to be a good partner and contribute equally, but it feels like she expects more from me, while she isn’t as proactive in planning dates or giving romantic gestures. When I bring it up, she responds with comments like, "This relationship is so new; I haven’t had a chance to" or "I just need to take my time and be patient." How can I communicate with her effectively without it leading to an argument or disagreement?

My former friend with benefits invited me (27M) and my girlfriend (25F) to her Shabbat dinner, and I'm feeling uneasy about it. What should I do?

In 2021, while living at home, I met a girl named Clare (26F) on Hinge. We spent some time together and started hooking up, but we both agreed early on that we weren’t looking for a relationship. For a year, we kept hanging out and being intimate, mainly due to the boredom of the COVID times. Eventually, Clare decided to end things for good, as our casual arrangement was leading to complicated feelings for her. After that, we didn’t speak for six months and moved on with our lives. Eventually, we reconnected through text and confirmed that we were okay with each other. Since then, our conversations have been infrequent, usually just random chats or occasional life updates. I’ve always enjoyed our talks and view her as a good person, but I’ve never felt any romantic attraction toward her. Shortly after reconnecting, I moved into my own place and started dating a girl named Alison, who has now been my girlfriend for almost two years. Clare also entered a serious relationship for a while, but that has since ended. About a month ago, Clare reached out with a random question, and after I responded, she began texting me more often, which felt a bit unusual. She then mentioned that she had recently converted to Judaism and invited me to a Shabbat dinner she’s hosting in January, asking me to bring my girlfriend (she knows I’ve been in a relationship for some time). I panicked and replied, “I’ll let you know,” but haven’t followed up since. Clare texted again about the dinner and even called me, but I didn’t pick up. I genuinely believe Clare is only looking for a friendly connection. It seems she doesn’t have many friends and wants to expand her social circle, seeing me as someone she’d like to keep in touch with. However, I feel uneasy about this for two reasons: (1) We have a sexual history, and I’m in a relationship now, and (2) I already have a lot of friends, and Clare isn’t connected to my social circle. My girlfriend knows about Clare, but I rarely mention her since she isn’t significant to me. I can imagine that she wouldn’t be comfortable attending Shabbat dinner with my former friends-with-benefits. Plus, going to that dinner would imply that I’m interested in developing a closer friendship with Clare, which isn’t the case. At the same time, blocking or cutting off Clare feels excessive, as keeping in touch occasionally doesn’t seem harmful. I’m unsure of how to address this without coming across as unkind. - - - - - - - - *TL;DR* I’ve kept in sporadic contact with an old FWB, and now I have a long-term girlfriend. Recently, Clare reached out more, mentioning her conversion to Judaism and inviting us to a Shabbat dinner. I think she wants a closer friendship because she lacks friends, but I’m uncomfortable and unsure how to decline without being hurtful.

Reason for worry? 29 males - 28 females.

My fiancé (29M) and I (28F) are currently at an emotional impasse. When we began dating three years ago, he expressed a strong fondness for animals and was incredibly affectionate toward my special needs dog. I cherished his love for my dog, as I feel the same way. In return, I’ve treated his special needs cat as if she were my own, giving her equal care and affection. However, over the past year, I’ve noticed that his attitude toward my dog has changed. While he still feeds him and takes him outside, he no longer shows affection. When my dog approaches him for cuddles or pets, my fiancé often tries to push him away, prompting me to remind him, "He's excited to see you; could you please just give him a little pat on the head?" I feel like I shouldn't have to ask for basic kindness. Yesterday morning, we took my dog to the vet to address worsening skin issues, and my fiancé reacted with visible disgust and annoyance towards him. Afterward, I asked him about it and expressed how hurt I felt by his behavior. He admitted that the worsening condition grosses him out and that he thinks dogs are inherently less clean than cats. This revelation concerns me, as I never expected this to be an issue in our relationship. I adore all animals, but I primarily identify as a dog lover. Now, I can't shake the feeling that his initial affection for my dog was insincere. I still love my fiancé, but I'm worried about our future with dogs or other animals. Will he feel disgusted as they age or encounter issues? Am I overreacting and taking this too personally? I would appreciate any advice. Thank you!

Am I (20F) overreacting about my boyfriend's (19M) actions?

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half, and we started talking a year before we officially became a couple. Generally, he’s the sweetest guy, so what he did really surprised me. Back in July, I went out with my best friends to smoke some weed, and then I returned to his place because I didn't want to go home. I was really out of it and couldn’t think clearly; everything felt blurry. During that time, he took advantage of me and had sex with me despite my uncertainty when he asked. After that incident, I broke up with him for about a month, but we got back together when he promised it wouldn't happen again. Now, about six months have passed, and every time I see him or think about our relationship, bad memories resurface. I find myself questioning things and struggling to move on. I’ve talked to him about how I feel, and he apologized, expressing regret and assuring me it wouldn’t happen again. Despite this, I can't help but spiral into negative thoughts. I'm torn about whether breaking up is the right choice. I genuinely believe he loves me, and this was out of character for him. Still, I've started to feel resentment, which he isn't aware of, and I haven't confided in anyone except my best friend. She suggested I end the relationship, but I'd like a different perspective since she's never liked him much. What should I do?

How can I overcome feeling uncomfortable when my boyfriend laughs with other women?

The title pretty much sums it up. I'm a 22-year-old female (turning 23 in 5 days! :3), and my boyfriend is a 28-year-old male. We live together in a small camper, which is essentially just one room, and he works from home. This setup isn't ideal since I'm at home for school, meaning I have to stick to my desk during his work hours because he needs a quiet space without distractions (which I totally understand). As a result, I overhear all his calls, and about once a week, he has a meeting with his manager—a woman. Their conversations often start off lightheartedly with casual discussions before they get down to business about what needs to be done. What really bothers me is how much he laughs during those calls. I think it triggers my jealousy, especially since she’s another woman, and it makes me feel insecure to hear him having such a good time. Even though I try to rationalize it, sitting at my desk and hearing him giggle like she's the funniest person ever really gets under my skin. I want to learn how to handle this maturely and move past these feelings. I also know he’s probably just trying to impress her for a promotion. Rationalizing doesn’t stop my feelings of upset, but I don’t let it affect our relationship, nor do I mention it to him because I recognize that it’s my own issue. I wish I could just let it go. It doesn’t help that he jokes around with other women too. He got somewhat close to one coworker, even calling her "by far his favorite," which I stumbled upon. He explained that he was using her to gauge what others thought of him, I guess because he believes people might be envious of his work performance. Since then, I've felt increasingly uneasy whenever he talks and jokes with any female colleagues, including his manager. Edit: I probably should have titled this "with other women." My bad!

Should I engage in a challenging discussion with my friend?

I, a 50-year-old woman, have close friendships with three remarkable women in their 60s and 70s, and their support means the world to me. However, I need to have a tough conversation with Caitlin, who is 72, about her behavior and how it affects me, especially since we both attend several groups together. In one of our meetings, she has been engaging in behavior that could be emotionally harmful—specifically, she frequently crosstalks by offering advice directly to other members, which is against the group's rules. Although the members, a mix of men and women in their 50s to 70s, have discussed this issue, she has not changed her behavior. Since there isn't a designated leader in this group and we all take turns leading, this situation makes it harder to address. I worry that if we can't find a resolution or if she resents my approach, it could jeopardize my participation in these shared groups. There's a risk that I might lose my friendships if the others choose to side with her. Given these potential consequences, should I speak up about this issue?

"I'm curious to find out if your boyfriend or husband does this." (28F, 30M)

My husband is 30 and I’m 28; we got married six months ago after being in a long-distance relationship for five years. He loves me and takes care of everything, but I’ve noticed that on his Instagram and Reddit, he likes posts from celebrities and porn stars. A few times, this made me really upset, and I caused a big scene, which led him to change his passwords so I wouldn't see what he was doing online and react angrily. At first, I thought, "It’s your life; you can do what you want, as long as you’re not cheating." However, now that I can't see his activity when he's out with friends or at work, I find myself having negative thoughts. I'm confident he wouldn't date anyone else or spend money on another girl, but I still feel insecure when I see him engaging with other women online. I just want to know, is this normal behavior for guys? In short, I'm curious whether my husband's actions are inappropriate or if this is typical behavior among committed men.

Complicated relationship

Hello everyone, I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I’ve been seeing a 29-year-old man for over three months now. We meet up 2-3 times a week and engage in activities that feel genuinely like a relationship—there’s physical, emotional, and intimate connection. Our families and friends are aware of us, and we frequently spend the night at each other’s homes. He is incredibly kind, sweet, and attentive, and he openly expresses his affection for me, even in public. However, I'm a bit unclear about where I stand in this relationship. Are we exclusively dating, or is it something different? We haven’t really put a label on what we have, and I find myself questioning if I’m overthinking this uncertainty. I would appreciate any advice you might have on how to navigate this situation. Thank you!

My (23, Transgender Male) situationship with a 22-year-old guy is quite unstable.

I've (23FTM) been involved in a situationship with a guy (22M) for a few months, and lately, I've found myself increasingly unsure about where things stand. Let me give you some background... We were together for a few days when he realized he needed some space from relationships. He told me he needed time, started seeing someone else a few weeks later, and stated it was because I'm "difficult." However, that relationship ended within a week because he genuinely needed time to work on himself. He has told me that he still likes me, but maintains that he needs to focus on self-improvement first. Even though this situation hurt me, I held onto hope that we could possibly make it work in the future. We recently took a trip to a hotel in another city to celebrate the holidays and enjoy some drinks. While it was a good time, I've started reflecting on our issues and the moments when I felt hurt. 1. We have significant differences that might seem trivial to others. I’m a huge movie fan, especially of comedies, while he enjoys movies but shies away from any hint of

My relationship (19M and 18F) is taking a toll on my mental health. What steps can I take to improve the situation?

I want to start by sharing my situation: I’m a 19-year-old guy, and I’ve been with my girlfriend, who is 18, for about four months. The first couple of months were great; we spent a lot of time together, cuddled, and talked for hours every day. However, things took a turn after those initial two months. She started being distant, with slow replies and a desire for space. I used to be somewhat cold and didn’t want anyone getting too close, but that changed when I became physically close to her. I really enjoyed holding her and being close, but now, for the past two months, she has seemed to withdraw both physically and emotionally. She tells me she’s still interested, but that just adds to my anxiety. For the last two months, I’ve been dealing with chest pain and high blood pressure that has even led me to the emergency room. I had a panic attack on New Year’s Eve while we were in another city with her best friend. I felt completely alone while they were occupied with their activities. What triggered my anxiety was overhearing them play a game I had bought her, and when a question about happiness in the relationship came up, they went silent and then laughed. That’s when I started shaking and couldn’t breathe; I had to leave the apartment in that moment. When I returned, she only asked if I was okay and didn’t offer much else. During our trip, she stayed on the other side of the bed, facing away from me every night. I’ve been feeling unwell for the past two months, and I’m at a loss about what to do. I’m afraid and don’t feel safe opening up to her anymore. She doesn’t initiate conversations but wants me to keep messaging her, and I’m struggling. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I’ve given her everything—emotionally, physically, and financially—as much as I could, and I wish she would reciprocate in some way. Instead, she always seems irritated. When I tell her I don’t feel like I’m enough for her, she reassures me that I am, but her actions don’t reflect that. Our conversations often end with a simple “fair,” and nothing changes. I know she has her own issues, and I’ve tried to be understanding, but I’ve changed so much for her that I don’t even recognize the person in the mirror anymore. My self-confidence has completely disappeared. I love her and don’t want to walk away, but this situation is becoming unmanageable for me. I’d really appreciate any advice or support, and I apologize for venting, but I can’t keep carrying this weight alone.

I'm a 21-year-old guy and I'm struggling to find reasons to stay in my relationship with my 19-year-old girlfriend.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about six months, and for the most part, it's been quite good. She shows me a lot of affection, and we generally get along well. However, three days into our relationship, she sent a bikini photo to a group on Snapchat that included both girls and at least one guy. That guy saved the picture and complimented her, but she didn't respond. It wasn’t until about two months later that I found out about this, and it really upset me. I also noticed she had many guys on her Snapchat that she communicated with. When I expressed my discomfort with the situation, she removed them all. Moving past this has been challenging for me, and I find myself questioning her choices and values. Another issue is that she presents herself as a deeply religious person who loves God. She has biblical quotes and highlights on her Instagram about her faith. Yet, I recently discovered that her religious beliefs are superficial; she seems to be religious mainly to secure her place in heaven. She once told me she lost her faith during a wild phase before we started dating, but she continued to post about her love for God, which feels contradictory. While she is genuinely sweet to me, she can be quite judgmental about other girls, which I find troubling, especially given her own past. I’ve pointed out that her comments about others are unfair since she has behaved similarly at one point, and I think she’s starting to grasp that perspective. It hurts to feel that even though she professes her love for me, she’s not fully open about her thoughts and feelings, while I strive to be transparent with her. It seems like she tried to portray herself as the ideal girlfriend at the beginning of our relationship, but once we were together, her flaws started to emerge. She insists that I am her soulmate and that we’re meant to be together forever. I want to believe her, but I can’t shake the disappointment from the past six months. She’s promised to change and improve things, which I genuinely think is possible, but I’m struggling to move past her history and her lack of honesty with me. Should I set aside my feelings and allow her the chance to improve, or has she crossed too many boundaries and revealed her true self?

I'm a 19-year-old female considering ending my relationship with my 22-year-old girlfriend so I can focus on being independent in college. What do you think?

We began dating in October of last year, and the start was quite bumpy. At the time, neither of us (her 22F and me 19F) was looking for a partner, but we clicked right away and began spending more time together. My girlfriend is sweet, kind, and has a love for bright colors. She's very creative and has ADHD. Initially, I was attracted to taller individuals who were difficult to get (you know what I mean). I communicated my uncertainty to her, explaining that she wasn't exactly my type, yet I liked her and felt conflicted about becoming a couple. Although I found her cute, she didn't draw me in like others had. I worried a lot about her being unsure of where we stood, and while she advised me not to stress, it was hard not to. After a lot of contemplation, I realized I genuinely liked her; she was kind and sweet, unlike previous types that wouldn’t have been healthy for me. So, we decided to be together, and now she’s become my person. With her, I can truly be myself, and I’ve never experienced such unconditional love before. In the summer, I chose to study law, while she was already majoring in archaeology with a minor in primeval and early history. I was searching for a shared apartment, but due to my age, I kept facing rejections. Additionally, we both weren’t keen on long-distance arrangements, so she decided to move in with me and switch her minor. The aspect that bothers me most about our living situation is the distance from the university. The train only runs once an hour, usually 20 minutes late, so it takes me about an hour to reach campus. This is frustrating, especially since I often have long breaks (5-6 hours), and the university isn’t great for passing the time (the cafeteria closes at 2 PM). Plus, without a car, grocery shopping is challenging, and the living expenses are high since we need a car, though the rent is manageable given the size of the place. I could rent a room closer to campus for the same price. Socially, it’s tough too because there’s only one train per hour, and most social activities, including the nearest gym, are near the university. At first, she was adamant about not wanting to move again, which stressed me out since she only wanted to live with me and disliked long-distance arrangements. I panicked, thinking moving out would lead to an indirect breakup. I expressed my desire to move out, but she was upset because I made that decision unilaterally without discussing it. That was my mistake. I was overly caught up in my thoughts and terrified of letting her down, yet I couldn’t envision living like this for another semester. I enjoy going out, hitting the gym, and being part of my book club, and I felt trapped in this small town with little to do. I longed for the freedom to go to the gym whenever I wanted and to be able to walk home if the train were to get canceled (which happens about three times a month). I recognized my need for more autonomy, to go where I please. In the past, I had taken on a maternal role for my younger sister after my parents split. My girlfriend struggles with completing tasks due to her ADHD, but she’s shown improvement since we started living together. However, I also feel like I’ve let myself go; our place is a bit messy and that bothers me. I’m not as ambitious as I used to be and don’t engage in as many activities. In the beginning, I worried about covering her share of the rent since I have some savings (around 1-2k) and she had none. I ended up paying for most of our furniture and essentials, except for the washing machine and the bed her mom gave her. She mentioned that the first few months would be tough financially. She had difficulty landing a job and wouldn’t allow me to help. Thankfully, she could only pay rent in the second month thanks to a last-minute job offer for just three days. She only has a job now because I helped her secure it. Overall, it’s been quite a challenge. Additionally, she frequently asked me if I would ever consider an open relationship, given our young start. At first, we both thought it might be an option, but now she’s firm on not wanting one, which is fine, as she desires someone who’s devoted to her. I want the best for her too. Yet, I’m left feeling conflicted. Can I truly feel free in a relationship? Or should I focus on being single and prioritizing my own needs, studies, and goals? Am I drawn to her, or just the concept of a loving relationship?

My sister with racist views

How can I (30F) confront my sister (44F) about her racist behavior, especially when she can also be quite bullying and has emotionally abused me in the past? To give you some background, I’m Indian and have been in a secret relationship with my black partner for nine years. I want to share this part of my life with my family, but I always hesitate because of her openly racist remarks and the potential fallout—such as being disowned, having intense arguments, or facing emotional abuse where she insults me and calls me hurtful names like "slag" and "embarrassment to the family." I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable around my family because of this, and it’s really distressing.

33M, 27F: He desires more intimacy, but I'm constantly exhausted. Can you offer me some advice?

Hi! My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years and have lived together for over a year and a half. In the early days of our relationship, we were intimate frequently, just like most couples, and everything felt fun and carefree. These days, we find ourselves having sex only one to three times a week. He desires more intimacy and struggles with the fact that we’re not having sex daily, but I’m perpetually exhausted. I'm the primary breadwinner, and I'm juggling multiple business ventures to ensure our long-term stability. He's been working on starting a photography business for three years, but it's not generating any significant income. Meanwhile, I have responsibilities like caring for a horse and managing other expenses, which adds pressure on me to work harder financially. At the end of the day, I’m so drained that the last thing on my mind, either at night or in the morning, is sex. On top of all this, I’ve been dealing with an overwhelming amount of family drama that's caused my stress levels to soar. I recognize that managing my stress is my responsibility. Although I’m on birth control, I’m unsure of its effects on my libido. I can still get aroused and reach orgasm, but the thought of sex feels exhausting both physically and mentally. Honestly, I’m so tired that I don’t even want to go through with it. He feels frustrated about being the main person responsible for cleaning the house and not having enough intimacy, while I’m frustrated by my grueling 12-hour workdays. It feels unbalanced, especially since he isn’t contributing financially. His main focus is on a few jobs, going to the gym, and playing guitar without any other obligations. He does so many wonderful things for me and supports me in many ways, but financially, he’s struggling. I know that sex is important to him for feeling loved and connected, and since we both prefer to keep intimacy personal, we don’t engage in porn or masturbation. But I’m at a loss about what to do. I find myself resenting him for financial issues and household obligations while I’m too exhausted to engage in anything enjoyable. Whenever we want to go on a date or plan a trip, the financial burden falls entirely on me. He has occasionally contributed, but it’s always me footing the bill, which makes me reluctant to plan outings. I recognize the importance of finding a work-life balance, but it's difficult to imagine reducing my income given my responsibilities. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

My boyfriend has been ignoring me.

I'm a 23-year-old woman in a relationship with a 23-year-old man, and we've been together for two years. Lately, he has been ghosting me for 3-4 days at a time—no calls or messages, just a "good morning" text. This happens even after we've had good conversations, and then he just stops responding. When I bring it up, he says he wasn't in the mood or thought I might be busy, which seems odd since he has nothing to say for days. Recently, he mentioned binge-watching a series and managed to finish eight seasons—around 80 episodes—in just three days, yet he can't find the time to message me. I’m at a loss for what to do. Any advice?

It's becoming unmanageable.

I’m a 22-year-old woman in a relationship with a 25-year-old man, and we’ve been together for eight months. He was in a seven-year relationship before we met, and we started dating just two months after his breakup. From the start, he made it clear that he wanted to be with me. He even took the time to learn the language my parents speak so he could communicate with them better, especially since I hope to raise our future children speaking it. I have traditional values and told him early on that I’d like us to wait until engagement before living together or going on vacations. He not only respected my wishes but also expressed appreciation for my values, wishing he had waited to find the right person instead of spending time with the wrong one. His previous relationship was quite different from ours. Even though it lasted seven years, it became emotionally distant, especially towards the end. They lived together and shared a bed, but they hardly communicated, spent little time together, and were not intimate. Their emotional connection faded two years before they actually broke up. During that time, he remained loyal to her, but unfortunately, she cheated on him, further complicating their already toxic situation. My boyfriend has reassured me many times that he has never been as happy or certain about someone as he is with me. He makes me feel special and loved. However, I often struggle with feelings of jealousy about his past relationship. I'm not concerned about the physical or sexual aspects—my experience in those areas exceeds his—but rather about the emotional milestones they reached together, like living together and traveling. These experiences, which I have yet to have in a relationship, leave me feeling sad. I can’t help but think about how he shared those moments with someone else, even though he insists they weren’t meaningful or fulfilling for him. Knowing that they had those experiences together—even if the connection was weak—sometimes leads me to feel like I’m competing with memories that I cannot change. I would really appreciate any advice!

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