Relationship advices: Long-Term Relationships and Marriage

Should I, a 34-year-old man, consider breaking up with my 26-year-old girlfriend over a recent issue related to autism?

Sometimes it seems that Reddit can be quick to advise people to simply break up, so I'm seeking thoughtful and careful feedback regarding my situation. At 34, I feel as though my window to find a partner for marriage and family is closing. Should I invest in this relationship further, or is it better to cut my losses? **Background on the relationship:** We've been together for nearly two years and have been living together for about a year. Overall, the relationship has been strong until recently. We hardly argue and generally share similar life goals. However, there are a few significant issues I'd like to address: * My partner consistently believes that I have autism, which I do not have. Over the past two years, there have been 3-5 occasions where her frustration with my behavior led her to attribute it to alleged autistic traits. * The most recent incident raised concerns for me, as her reaction to my behavior seemed unwarranted and inappropriate. * Despite multiple assurances from me that I do not have autism, she remains convinced otherwise. * The behaviors she identifies as "autistic" appear to me as entirely normal, but she insists they are not. * Her belief that I have autism, along with the fact that a family member (my nephew) is on the spectrum, has caused her to feel uncertain and uncomfortable about having children in the future. * Her feelings fluctuate, and it appears much of her anxiety stems from a fear of not being able to manage an autistic child. * While she expresses a desire to have kids, her apprehensions about autism weigh heavily on her. * I've explained that the research regarding familial links to autism is inconclusive, and the likelihood of our situation being affected remains quite low. I appreciate any thoughts or insights you may have. Overall, the relationship has been wonderful aside from the autism-related concerns. Of course, we all have flaws, but these issues warrant serious consideration. Are they red flags or potential dealbreakers?

I'm a 18-year-old male and I'm feeling uncertain about my girlfriend, who is also 18.

I deeply care for my girlfriend, and we’ve been together for five months as high school sweethearts. I do my best to ensure she feels included and loved, especially since she’s dealing with family issues; her father left when she was around 15 or 16 due to constant fighting between her parents, which created a toxic environment that led to their divorce. This experience has left her feeling as though anyone might leave her at any time. It’s been a few months since we graduated, and she often expresses her loneliness, feeling that she has no friends, or that the friends she did have have drifted away. While I’m more than willing to support and comfort her, I sometimes find myself questioning our current situation and what the future holds. I make the effort to see her almost every day, even though she lives about 7-8 miles away and I don’t have a license. My love for her drives me to do this. However, around four months into our relationship, after the initial honeymoon phase, I’ve encountered some challenges. We’ve had a couple of major arguments that, despite my apologies for everything—even things she did that hurt me—I feel have not been truly resolved. I’ve noticed her sensitivity makes it difficult for me to express my feelings without causing her distress. She tends to cry often, and it pains me to be the reason behind it. Lately, I’ve found myself thinking that I could be with someone who would make me feel more like an equal and wouldn’t place me in uncomfortable situations. I catch myself comparing her to others based on societal beauty standards, which isn’t who I want to be, and it brings me frustration and self-hatred because I genuinely love her and envision a future together. Ultimately, I want this relationship to thrive for both of us. We’ve made mistakes, but all I want is to be a source of support for her without these troubling thoughts clouding my mind. I dread the idea that we might break up simply because we struggle to address our issues in a mature way. Right now, my biggest concern is whether we can overcome these challenges together and not let something small jeopardize everything we’ve built. I need guidance to ensure we can move past this and strengthen our relationship.

What steps can a 29-year-old man and a 27-year-old woman take to rekindle their love and find happiness together?

My boyfriend and I have been through a lot together over the past three years. Our journey hasn’t always been easy, but facing challenges as a team has made us stronger and deepened our desire to be together. We share our home with four beloved pets, creating a space we enjoy, but we've also encountered difficulties. His avoidant attachment style has sometimes undermined the trust and security I seek, especially as someone with an anxious attachment style. We're both committed to rebuilding that trust. However, I’ve sensed that the spark in our relationship has dimmed, and I desperately want to reignite it. We're working hard on our relationship, and perhaps it just requires patience. I would welcome any suggestions to help restore that feeling of love and excitement. I’m not looking for a new honeymoon phase with someone else; I want to rediscover that sense of love and wholeness with my partner.

[27M] and I [20F] would like to know your thoughts on this.

I'm currently in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend, and we've been together for approximately eight months. He is planning to visit me for the second time, given that we live on different continents. Recently, he expressed his feelings about being the sole one putting effort into the relationship and mentioned that he feels responsible for planning visits. He also brought up that he thinks I'm not giving him enough gifts. As a student, my finances are quite limited, making it challenging for me to visit him. Additionally, obtaining a visa to his country is both difficult and expensive. I do my best to show my affection: I send him sweet messages, we video chat daily, and on Valentine's Day, I arranged a gift to be delivered to him. When he came to see me, I gave him a gift as well, and I've been preparing another one for our upcoming meeting, despite his inability to send me flowers. We often argue about surprises, particularly regarding my expectations. On my birthday, he didn't bring me any flowers. Instead, he bought me my favorite shoes, which he said was for my birthday. But I still wished I had received a flower on that special day. For Valentine's Day, there was supposed to be a gift, but his order was canceled, and I ended up receiving nothing since he simply got refunded. All the flowers he has given me were only after I asked for them. He suggested that I should get a job to save for a trip to see him or for the visa. However, I feel grateful for the opportunity my parents have given me to focus on my studies right now, and I plan to work later. When I asked if he could cover my visa expenses, he seemed unhappy about the idea. This made me realize that I might not want to continue in this relationship anymore. I'm just feeling exhausted from it all.

Dissatisfied [23F] in relationship with [24M]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, sharing a home, playing on the same sports teams, and maintaining a close circle of friends. Despite this, I've been feeling increasingly unhappy lately, and I can't pinpoint the cause. I'm wondering if it could be seasonal depression or if I've outgrown our relationship. He's very focused on his own ambitions and has skipped significant life events in favor of pursuing his interests. I've taken on the role of his supporter, but I'm beginning to feel exhausted by it. While he’s a great guy, I’m uncertain about how to address this feeling or if it’s simply a seasonal phase. Has anyone else gone through something similar? I'm torn between whether it’s time to move on or if it's just the winter blues affecting me.

I'm a 23-year-old woman and my boyfriend, who is 25, will be moving away in a few months. I'm looking for some positive advice on how to navigate this situation.

Hello everyone, I wanted to share that my boyfriend of nearly a year has just been accepted into graduate school, starting this fall. I’m incredibly proud of him and fully support his decision, but there’s a catch: he’ll be moving 4.5 hours away. For the past three months, we’ve already been managing a sort of long-distance relationship (about 2.5 hours apart) because I just graduated and returned to live with my family. Though it’s not ideal, we’ve made it work so far. I also have some not-so-great experiences with long-distance relationships, and that hasn’t been helping my anxiety about the future. Living with my family while I search for a full-time job doesn’t make things easier either, as he can’t really stay with me; I have to go to his place if we want to spend time together (my parents are a bit traditional about that). I'm hopeful that things will change once I secure a job and move out. His graduate program will last a minimum of five years, which means we’d have to maintain a long-distance relationship for a significant amount of time. I'm looking for advice on how to navigate this situation and ensure it works out for both of us. My boyfriend is staying positive and optimistic, but I’m worried about being too naive and getting hurt again. The last thing I want is to break up. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I could really use some hope and guidance.

Should I, a 23-year-old male, consider ending my relationship with my 22-year-old girlfriend?

I was in a long-distance relationship with a girl for 1.5 years. We lived about 8,000 km apart, on different continents and in different cultures, and we both recognized the challenges that came with it. For a time, everything seemed to be going well, but there were issues that bothered me. I always communicated openly about my feelings, and she did the same, yet I often found myself adjusting for her while her changes were short-lived. I tried to be patient since it was her first serious relationship, focusing on our personal growth. Then, around two months ago, we had an argument, and she expressed a desire to take a break to work on herself. This caught me off guard, and I felt betrayed after all the effort I had put in. She mentioned wanting to get better and even moving to my country so we could start dating again, allowing us to maintain contact, but this news hurt me deeply. I worried that our relationship felt unstable under these circumstances. I explained that we needed to stay together to improve as a couple, but she didn't engage with my concerns; she made a unilateral decision that left me feeling pressured. A few days later, I started to recognize the red flags I had overlooked during our time together: her lack of communication, my feeling of being disrespected, and the sense that I was just an option for her. I had even changed my life goals to create a secure future for us, but I had not received any acknowledgment for that. She also lied, even about minor things, and often acted selfishly. I know many would advise me to let go of it all, but I also understand her desire to improve and to be with me. She's done some good things for us, but my trust has been shaken. Now, I find myself torn between hope and heartbreak, viewing her differently than before. I feel lost, unsure whether to move on or to hold on and hope for the best.

Me [18M] and my girlfriend [18F]

Hello everyone, This is my first serious relationship, and it's long-distance. We see each other for about 10 days each month, and we've been together for nearly six months now. I tend to overthink things, especially since after the first couple of months, she started becoming distant for no apparent reason. I understand it's just part of her personality, and she acknowledges it too, often apologizing for her behavior after her phases of being distant, which usually last 1-2 weeks. After those periods, she acts normally for a week, but then the cycle repeats. I refer to it as being distant, but I sometimes wonder if I’m overreacting. There are times when our texting decreases, and she can come off as less affectionate, which leads to fewer calls. Despite this, we’re still on good terms. I’m seeking advice on how to manage my overthinking, as I know it can be frustrating for her, and often she ends up getting annoyed with me. Thank you to everyone who takes the time to respond! Have a great day!

My boyfriend can be a bit boring at times, and I'm not sure how to handle it. [I - 23F and BF - 24M]

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for three years, and we've been living together for the past year and a half. I'm 23, and he's 24. While I have a lively personality, he’s much more laid-back and seems uninterested in many things. The surprising part is that he’s a stand-up comedian and performs at local cafes. However, when we go out, he doesn’t show much interest or take on adventures like I expected when we started dating. I’m struggling to communicate to him that I thrive on excitement and want to live life to the fullest. For him, quality time means sitting together for dinner and watching episodes of Shark Tank, which feels a bit dull to me. He’s not into public displays of affection, even something as simple as holding hands, and he doesn’t share my love for dancing. When we're at concerts, he doesn't even look my way, and it’s puzzling. I truly want to marry him because he understands me in a way that no one else does, but this behavior is really putting a damper on things. Is it normal to feel this way? Or am I overreacting?

I (28M) feel like my long-distance girlfriend (26F), whom I've been with for three years, doesn't understand my perspective.

Here’s a rewritten version of your text: I want to provide a little background about my situation. I’m a single father of a child with special needs, living in a small city while my girlfriend resides about two hours away in a larger city across state lines. Throughout our relationship, we’ve engaged in various discussions about our future together, including the possibility of marriage and our thoughts on having children. We share many values, such as our desire for kids and our love languages. However, when it comes to the topic of where we would live if we got married, I’ve mentioned to her that, given her job as a bank teller, I would like her to consider moving with me. I have a well-paying job here and, since my son requires specialized support, I want him to continue at his current school, which has an excellent staff. She, on the other hand, expresses that there are no job opportunities with her bank in my city and that she isn’t interested in working for any other bank. I acknowledge that it may seem selfish for me to ask her to move instead of relocating myself, but I believe it would be simpler for her to join me post-marriage due to the licensing requirements for my job, which can involve lengthy processes in different states. She often becomes upset by this suggestion, feeling that there are more opportunities in her city, that she enjoys her current job, and that my motivation for wanting her to move is convenience. We’ve also discussed our hopes for having children. My girlfriend hasn’t menstruated for several years, and I’ve urged her to seek medical advice, worried about possible underlying issues. While she has mentioned she’d go, she often brushes it off, citing her previous doctor’s departure as a barrier and suggesting she thinks she has PCOS, although her doctor previously told her otherwise. I’ve provided her with recommendations for medical professionals, emphasizing the importance of understanding her health in relation to our future family plans, but she tends to dismiss my concerns, saying we can address it once we’re married and ready for kids. Lately, I’ve been questioning whether I’m being selfish or overthinking things. I love my girlfriend and have considered marrying her, but I worry that she may not be ready for that commitment despite her frequent discussions about it. I’m at a crossroads, uncertain if I should end the relationship to avoid wasting either of our time, or if I’m acting too hastily.

Looking for advice on my boyfriend [22M], who feels like he’s not a good partner and struggles to see how a relationship fits into his life. I'm [21F].

My boyfriend and I have been together for 11 months, although we've known each other casually for two years before that. We're both college seniors and have experienced long-term relationships in the past. The main issue we face is my feeling of emotional distance from him, along with his need for a significant amount of space. Currently, he is under a lot of stress, which he isn't managing well. He’s dealing with the usual pressures of school work, job applications, uncertainty about the company he’s set to join, and general existential concerns about his career and future. As an introvert, he tends to need more space when he’s stressed, resulting in less time spent together and reduced affection. To me, this increasing emotional distance is noticeable, and our intimacy has significantly declined. Recently, I expressed my feelings of distance and sought reassurance, but he seemed upset and accused me of not trusting him. Over the next few days, communication became sparse. I sent him three texts over three days sharing my feelings, but he replied that he couldn't handle it at the moment. The outcome left me feeling miserable due to our unresolved argument, while he struggled with my emotions on top of his stress, which only added to his burden. Our conflict resolution tends to be a cycle—when I’m upset, I need more reassurance and tend to ask numerous questions, which frustrates him. In response, he often adopts a dismissive tone or remains neutral, which makes me feel unheard, leading me to ask more questions and heightening his frustration. Eventually, he mentioned that he cannot manage my emotions right now and suggested that I want a "real relationship," which he feels incapable of providing. He even proposed breaking up for my sake, which leaves me feeling lost. I don't want to end our relationship, but I'm starting to wonder if I need to suppress my feelings for the time being. Ironically, the more distant he becomes, the more I feel the urge to discuss our issues, which only adds to his stress. He acknowledges that this isn't fair to me, but he genuinely can’t offer more at the moment. These conflicts were less pronounced when he felt less overwhelmed. During our recent conversation, he mentioned that he can’t envision a relationship while focused on his career goals, stating that a relationship isn’t his priority. I'm struggling to understand this perspective since his current plan is a typical path of working a 9-5 post-graduation and then pursuing grad school. I discussed this with his mom, and we believe he might be experiencing tunnel vision, leading to his pessimistic outlook. According to my therapist, he likely exhibits avoidant attachment, whereas I am mostly secure but become more anxious in our relationship. He has confessed to romanticizing solitude in a stoic manner, expressing doubts about his own lovability and suitability for a relationship in the past. I would greatly appreciate any advice. I realize I might sound like I believe I can "fix" him, but I don’t fully accept that he genuinely doesn’t want a relationship in the future. He actively sought me out, respects me, and was an affectionate partner before this rough patch. I'm tempted to hang in there for now since I don’t feel the need to date others and still see him as a positive presence in my life. However, I won’t remain in this relationship indefinitely if things don’t improve.

What steps can I, a 21-year-old male, take to ensure my long-distance relationship is successful?

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past 10 months, and I’m 21, while she’s 21 as well. In two months, I'll be moving to another city where I’ll be for the next six years to complete my MBBS degree. In my previous long-distance relationship, the communication gap was significant and it turned quite toxic, which I’m relieved has ended. My current girlfriend is open to long-distance, but I’m worried about issues like communication gaps, physical needs, and trust. How can I navigate these challenges? Do you have any advice? Should I consider ending my relationship before it potentially becomes toxic?

I'm a 22-year-old male facing difficulties in my relationship with a 23-year-old female. I could use some advice on whether I'm just overthinking things or if there are genuine problems to address.

Hi everyone, I’m a 22-year-old guy, and I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend, who’s also 22, for two years now. After spending a month traveling, I've started to feel uncertain about our relationship. While we have great chemistry when I’m home and we’re together, I find that doubts creep in when we’re apart. I’ve been doing a lot of soul-searching lately and can't tell if I'm overanalyzing things or if there are actual issues at play. I've experienced similar feelings in this relationship (a bit too often) and in previous ones, so I'm unsure if it's just me or if there’s something more serious happening. Growing up, my parents had a lot of arguments, and I wonder if I'm subconsciously seeking conflict as a form of love. I’m just not sure. Here’s what I’m experiencing: 1. **Connection Issues**: While I’ve been away, our communication feels forced. Phone calls often turn awkward, and the conversation lacks flow, which leaves me questioning our compatibility. Although I make an effort, the connection seems off. Is this a sign that things aren’t working, or am I expecting too much? We genuinely enjoy each other’s company when I’m home, yet I still have lingering doubts. 2. **Desire for Independence**: I’ve been reflecting on whether I need more personal independence for my own growth. It’s been a while since I’ve been single, and I feel a pull to focus on myself before fully committing to a relationship. Can I develop a stronger sense of self while being in a relationship, or should I take some time to be single for that? 3. **Diverging Life Goals**: We have different aspirations in life, and I’m beginning to question whether our long-term goals align. Can a relationship thrive if our paths don’t match, or is it a clear indication that we may not be suited for each other in the future? I genuinely care about her and we’ve created many wonderful memories together, yet I can’t shake the feeling that something is amiss. I’m uncertain whether I’m fabricating problems in my mind or if there are real concerns in our relationship. Is this feeling normal, or is it a sign that things might not be going well? Any advice or insights would be greatly appreciated!

Great on Paper but Emotionally Distant: Should I [31NB] Continue with My Partner [32F] or Am I Just Wasting My Time?

My partner [32F] and I [31NB] have been in a relationship for a year and a half, living together for nearly as long. From the outside, we appear to be an ideal match—we align on finances, future aspirations, lifestyle choices, and family goals. She embraces my nomadic lifestyle and unconventional career without judgment. However, I’ve begun to question whether compatibility on paper is sufficient when the emotional connection feels lacking. Here’s what’s been troubling me: - She entirely shuts down conversations about emotions and feelings, while for me, emotional intimacy is crucial. - I bear all the emotional labor in our relationship. - When I stop managing our emotional dynamics, everything tends to unravel. - She lacks initiative—I'm the one who organizes every date, social event, and activity in our lives. - The chemistry and spark between us seem to be dwindling (if they were ever truly present). Nevertheless, she is incredibly reliable, dependable, and stable. We complement each other—she helps ground my sometimes chaotic energy. On a scale from -10 to +10, I would say our relationship usually hovers around +3 or +4, occasionally reaching +6 on good days, but dipping to -2 during tough times. (To clarify, +3 or +4 translates to about a 6.5 on a standard 1-10 scale.) I find myself torn between: 1. Acknowledging that this stable foundation is valuable (and hard to come by given my lifestyle) and trying to make the best of it. 2. Realizing that I might be settling for less than I deserve and contemplating leaving. 3. Seeking ways to enhance our emotional connection without trying to change who we fundamentally are. Is a stable yet emotionally shallow relationship worth pursuing? How can one tell when "good enough" is truly insufficient? Has anyone else ever prioritized stability over passion and emotional depth? How did that turn out? Have you discovered effective ways to foster a sense of connection when one partner isn't as interested?

I'm a 21-year-old female who enjoys chatting, and my boyfriend, who is 23, tends to be more reserved. Here's how things have been developing. Is this a positive sign?

I’m a 21-year-old woman who plays in a band, and I met him—a 23-year-old man—during a trip where he was the best friend of our bassist. After the trip, he asked me out. We went on several dates, but despite feeling physically attracted to him, our conversations often felt lackluster and led nowhere. At that time, I valued myself a lot and ultimately decided to decline pursuing anything romantic. We remained friends for about a year. As for my background, I'm a designer with an insatiable curiosity about the world. I thrive on long, meaningful conversations and enjoy discussing a variety of topics, including art, social issues like women's rights, and philosophical questions. My previous relationships were with artistic types who could talk for hours about deep subjects, but eventually, they would become avoidant, leading to breakups. I've realized that I tend to be attracted to charming, avoidant men, and I often rush into relationships, focusing more on feelings than actions. I love reading and listening to discussions or podcasts on specific topics. On his side, he’s an architect who excels at math, chemistry, and physics—not because he has a deep passion for those subjects, but because he’s naturally good at them. His thinking is practically oriented, as he enjoys solving everyday problems and focuses on what’s useful rather than exploring broad ideas. However, he does engage deeply with his interests like coffee, fashion, playing guitar, and music. He’s responsible, hardworking, and displays a calm confidence that many older individuals struggle to maintain. After a year of friendship, I began to see him in a different light—more as a companion than a potential partner. We had our own relationships during that year, but nothing serious. We shared a dark sense of humor, and although I still found him attractive—especially his stoic demeanor—I had my preconceptions about what "interesting" looked like. I often thought he didn’t fit my type since I favored conversationalists who were equally curious and adventurous. Then, about five months ago, he invited me out for coffee. I found myself comfortably chatting, even if I did most of the talking. The chemistry was undeniable, prompting me to write about it in my journal as I tried to convince myself not to develop feelings. For the next couple of months, we spent Sundays together, but old patterns emerged; I felt like I was carrying the conversations again. Despite that, we explored different activities, attending galleries and socializing with our band, which helped build trust. One day, I confronted him about what we were—friends or something more? We tried to create some distance, but after a few drinks, we ended up kissing. Even then, I hesitated to fully dive into a relationship due to my frustrations with our conversations. However, we couldn’t maintain the distance and ended up spending more time together. Eventually, we faced our feelings, became intimate, and within a month and a half, we were officially a couple. Initially, I felt overwhelmed by our communication issues and the silences between us. I sent him a long note detailing what I valued in our relationship and my need for deeper conversations. At that moment, I didn’t quite understand my own needs, just knowing I wanted more meaningful dialogue. After much reflection, I finally articulated my thoughts during a call, and he admitted he worried about not being knowledgeable enough for me. I reassured him that love encompasses more than just intellectual conversations; it’s about connection. I’ve realized that he calms me with his wisdom and genuine care, which resonates with my emotional nature. The best part is that I’ve noticed progress. I’ve discovered how to engage him in conversations about topics he doesn’t usually discuss, and he’s willing to contribute his perspectives. I can teach him how to ask questions and keep dialogue flowing, even in less familiar territory. However, we both need time to better understand one another. I’m eager to keep fighting for this relationship because I believe it’s worthwhile. We’ve already met each other’s families; his are incredibly warm and welcoming. I genuinely see a future with him and would love to hear any similar experiences or advice from others about navigating such dynamics.

I'm a 22-year-old woman, and I'm feeling frustrated with my 24-year-old boyfriend's lack of full commitment to our relationship.

I want to clarify that my boyfriend is really sweet and caring, but there are times when I feel like I’m putting in more effort than he is. I sometimes worry that I’m overreacting since it's mostly about small things. For instance, he's never bought me flowers, and whenever I casually mention it, he responds with something like, “Just tell me which ones you want, and I’ll get them.” While I appreciate the offer, I’d love to be surprised with romantic gestures. It shouldn’t feel like I have to ask for those things. It’s not about needing extravagant gifts; it’s really about the thoughtfulness behind them. That’s the essence of my concern: I adore my boyfriend—he’s kind, sweet, and lovable—but things feel a bit lacking in the romance department. I know I’m young, and I’ve heard that I might have an idealized view of love or unrealistic expectations of “rom-com romance.” I understand that, but I can’t help but feel a bit disappointed by the absence of those cheesy moments. We’ve never been to a nice dinner, and he’s never organized a date; our “dates” tend to be just us hanging out at home, watching TV. I want to emphasize that I definitely know he loves me; he shows that love every day. However, I feel like our love languages might be quite different. I’ve made an effort to connect with his love languages (physical touch and words of affirmation), but it doesn’t seem like he’s tried to understand mine. So, my main question is: how should I approach this? I love him and wouldn’t consider breaking up over this issue, but I would like to feel a bit more acknowledged. At the same time, I don’t want to feel like I have to constantly guide him in our relationship.

My boyfriend [23M] and I [23F] are in a long-distance relationship, and I don't miss him at all.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and it's my first serious relationship. I'm really happy with him; he’s the best partner I’ve had. He’s currently in another country for a total of six months, and although I’m going to visit him in four weeks, I find that I don’t miss him much. He wants to text and call frequently, but I feel like it's draining my energy when we try to connect. I enjoy my independence, but he feels frustrated and as though he’s just a part of my life that I can switch on and off when it suits me. Even the idea of scheduling a phone call feels too forced for me. Is this a concerning sign about our relationship, or should I just make an effort to call him once a week?

I'm a 36-year-old woman, and my 39-year-old husband refuses to buy me gifts. Am I overreacting?

My husband doesn't make an effort when it comes to special occasions like Valentine's Day, birthdays, or Christmas. He typically expects me to buy my own gifts or just gives me money. I value his thoughtfulness more than the actual presents he gives. When we were dating, he was much more considerate, but now he claims he’s too busy with work. He often gets frustrated with me for not going along with his suggestions. I find it hard to believe that picking out a thoughtful gift for me is too difficult, especially since we’ve known each other for a long time and have been married for years. I believe that if a man truly wants to express his love and affection, he will find a way to do so. As a mom of three with a full-time job, I still manage to make special moments for them. Can someone help me understand if this behavior is typical? Am I in the wrong for feeling this way? I want to emphasize that it’s not really about the gift itself; it's about the lack of affection I feel from him.

I [25F] don't feel the same way I did when I first began dating my boyfriend [31M].

My boyfriend [30M] and I [25F] met 3.5 years ago at work, and we quickly hit it off. We experienced that wonderful honeymoon phase where everything felt perfect and we couldn’t get enough of each other. However, over the last year, we've both left our jobs, and he has embarked on a fitness journey to improve his health. I’m incredibly proud of him for sticking to his strict diet and gym routine. Although our schedules are quite busy, and we don’t see each other as often as we’d like, we do our best to make the most of the situation. We don’t live together, and financial constraints have also been an issue. I have more flexibility in my spending compared to him. Because of this, I realized it's been a while since we actually went on a date. Reflecting on the past year, I noticed that we haven't done anything together as a couple. I’m not asking for extravagant evenings; even a simple outing to CFA or a movie would be nice. It makes me sad that we don’t really “date” anymore. I've offered to pay for outings, but he always declines. I long for the spark we had in the beginning. Recently, I made a comment that I intended as a joke (though I’m not comfortable sharing it), which upset him, and I apologized afterward. Since then, our communication has dwindled significantly, and I feel like we’ve barely spoken. I've found myself crying at home after work, on my way to work, or whenever I think about us or see his name on my phone. I'm unsure how to navigate this situation and what the future holds for us. I don’t want to end things because I love him dearly and he means everything to me. I'm at a loss for what to do or say to lift myself out of this emotional slump.

What makes him reluctant to take responsibility? [48M], [44F]

My husband [48M] and I [44F] have been married for two months. We dated for three years before tying the knot and lived together for a year before the wedding. He is an amazing man who tolerates my vibrant personality. However, there’s one thing he does that really frustrates me, and I’m trying to determine if it's just typical "guy" behavior or if my feelings are justified. Accountability has become a concern for me. He has accidentally broken several of my belongings—true accidents, as I was present at the time. He tends to act like a bull in a china shop. While I understand that accidents happen, he rarely offers a genuine apology. Instead, he often deflects responsibility by saying things like, "Well, so-and-so shouldn't have put it there." Why is it so hard for him to just say sorry? Is it common for some people to avoid taking responsibility for their actions? Even if it was unintentional and not entirely their fault, doesn’t a simple apology seem reasonable? Should I just accept this behavior as part of who he is?

What are some enjoyable offline activities my husband (20M) and I (19F) can do together at home?

My husband (20M) and I (19F) are newlyweds, celebrating two months together by the end of February. With the cold and snowy weather where we live, we're looking for enjoyable offline activities we can do at home. I prefer activities that involve little to no technology because I feel a stronger connection when we're not using screens, and we already enjoy playing some video games together. We also live in a one-bedroom, one-bath apartment with our adorable six-week-old puppy, a mix of Great Pyrenees and collie. I would love to hear any suggestions for fun things we can do together at home. Thank you!

I, a 27-year-old female, asked my boyfriend, who is 28 and we've been together for 10 years, to organize a date since I've been feeling lonely, but he hasn't made any plans.

I'm a 27-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 28, for a decade. We started dating in high school, initially without much thought for the future, and we’ve now been living together for two years alongside two roommates (26M and 25M). Lately, I’ve been feeling neglected and bored; we rarely go on dates—usually just once a year or less. Our weeknights often follow a predictable pattern: I come home from work, maybe hit the gym, have dinner while watching a show with our roommates, he plays games on Discord with friends while I find my own activities, and then he takes a long shower before joining me just as I’m drifting off to sleep, often on his phone until I fall asleep. Weekends tend to be more of the same; I spend them doing chores and hobbies alone, while he mostly plays games. If we do anything together, it’s always with roommates or his friends, who I like but don’t consider my own. Recently, I decided to express my feelings by asking him to plan something for Valentine's Day. I told him I don’t care what it is—just want to spend quality time together, sans any questioning on his part. I genuinely tried not to raise my expectations to avoid disappointment, as I’ve been that way since childhood. Valentine's Day arrives, and while I'm okay going out with his friends (since crowded "date spots" aren’t my preference), I casually asked if we had plans. He assured me we did, but when I got home, he was acting strangely. He eventually broke down, saying he couldn’t think of anything special to do and felt unwell after lunch, so we ended up doing nothing. We did play some computer games together, which was enjoyable, but I still felt an overwhelming sense of disappointment. I feel guilty for being upset because he did seem to care, but the concept of "weaponized incompetence" keeps popping into my mind, and I’m at a loss for how to address this. Over the past year, I’ve told him I want to spend more intentional time together and have suggested going on at least one date a month, but that hasn’t happened. Whenever we consider dining out, he always asks if we should invite our lonely roommate, which makes me feel obligated to say yes, even though I sometimes wish he wouldn’t ask at all. I apologize for the lengthy message, but I’m seeking advice on how to handle this situation. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. **TL;DR:** I asked my boyfriend of 10 years to plan something special for Valentine's Day since we rarely spend quality time together, but he ended up planning nothing.

What are some ways I, a 26-year-old man, can be more romantic with my 22-year-old girlfriend?

I'm a 26-year-old man and I feel like I'm not being the best partner to my 22-year-old fiancée. I want to find ways to show her my love in a more meaningful and romantic way, but I don't have the funds to buy gifts or flowers. I’m looking for actions that can express my feelings beyond just telling her I love her. I do enjoy drawing, so I’ve been creating illustrations of her favorite characters and writing little notes on the back for her to discover. However, those gestures seem small to her, and I want to step it up. She used to write me heartfelt messages every day before I left for work at 6 a.m., and I want to reciprocate that level of thoughtfulness. I find myself struggling to come up with ideas that truly reflect how much she means to me. She is incredibly special, and I believe she deserves the world and more. I really want to make her feel that love. I’m reaching out for suggestions on how to do better.

How can I navigate this relationship dilemma with my boyfriend (21M)?

Here’s a revised version of your text: --- For some background, I’m a 20-year-old woman and my boyfriend is 21. We met through a mutual friend and are currently in a long-distance relationship. I'm in college, while he is preparing for a competitive exam to get into university, having taken a two-year break after high school. The issue I'm facing is that I’m the kind of person who really appreciates a chivalrous partner—someone who surprises me with gifts from time to time, just as I love to surprise him with little expressions of affection. Although I'm a student and don't have much money right now, I plan to shower him with thoughtful gifts once I start earning. Naturally, I hope for a partner who will do the same for me. My boyfriend, being a student himself and in the same financial situation, has his limitations, especially since we are far apart. He’s incredibly sweet, listens to me, and makes an effort, but it often feels insufficient compared to what I put into the relationship. I desire to be spoiled a bit too, which is where the conflict arises. Today, he expressed his sadness and said, "You chose the wrong guy... I’m broke." I reassured him that I love him and chose him for a reason—I want him in my life—yet I still feel a longing for that “princess treatment.” He explained that while he’s not naturally chivalrous, he’s trying his best despite the financial constraints. Our conversation led us to reflect on how things have changed since we started dating. While he is supportive, understanding, and genuinely tries to meet my emotional needs, he struggles with being romantic, which is something I value deeply. I truly appreciate his efforts, and it’s one of the reasons I love him so much. However, I can’t help but compare our relationship to those of my friends, who seem to receive gifts and gestures regularly, especially during tough times. Being a young woman, I also have those wants. I have no intention of breaking up with him because I genuinely enjoy our time together and our conversations. However, the reality is that he will start college this year, which means he won’t graduate and start earning for another five years, and I’m not sure how we’ll manage our long-distance situation in that time, especially since I don’t have a plan in place. Right now, my boyfriend suggested we take a break from talking for a day. I’m seeking advice on how to navigate this situation. How should I react, and what steps should I take?

Tips for maintaining a long-distance relationship in the future?

I'm 22, and my boyfriend is 24. We’re both Filipinos, and soon we'll be facing a long-distance relationship for a few months since I have to move back to Korea for at least three months. After that, I’ll return to the Philippines. My boyfriend's mom is married to a U.S. citizen and plans to bring her children, including him, to the States once their visa situation is sorted out. I've agreed to move to the U.S. with him, but I'm concerned about how this will all play out. The thought of being apart and going through the long wait for visas and other documents makes me anxious. I genuinely want to be with him, but I'm feeling scared about the future.

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