Relationship advices: Long-Term Relationships and Marriage

Have I fallen out of love with my husband?

I'm seeking advice from those with experience in marriage or divorce. I'm a 30-year-old woman married to a 33-year-old man for eight years, and we've been together for twelve. We have three kids aged 11, 7, and 15 months. To provide some context, he is an amazing partner—he shares household chores, offers emotional and financial support, and spends quality time with our kids, though his night work makes that challenging at times. We have a strong friendship, often finishing each other’s sentences and sharing lots of laughter. However, I’ve noticed a significant lack of physical attraction for quite some time now. Although we do argue, I believe that’s normal in any relationship. I have struggled with low libido for many years since becoming a parent, and while I've often pushed myself to be intimate, I no longer feel compelled to do so, which is creating issues for him. I really care for him; he’s truly my best friend and has supported me through so much, yet I can’t shake the feeling that I might be ungrateful. It’s hard to describe, but I don't feel that initial spark or that I'm actively in love with him. I often think he deserves someone better because I know I can be emotionally challenging. Is this a common experience after being in a relationship for a long time, especially starting young, or should I consider seeking couples counseling or personal therapy?

Unrealistic expectations regarding a possible proposal

Hey everyone, I’m a 25-year-old woman, and I have this strong feeling that my boyfriend, who's 27, might propose soon. We've been together for over a year and have been living together for about a year now. He knows I feel he’s "the one," and we often discuss marriage and our future. His family frequently hints that they believe I’m the one he’ll marry. He knows my preferences for rings and my size. We’ve talked about proposals, and while he insists he has a specific plan in mind, he refuses to share the details—thank goodness, because I don’t want to know! Recently, though, he seems to be acting a bit differently. It’s not in a suspicious way or anything like that. It started when he mentioned that a coworker is proposing to his girlfriend on Christmas Day. I responded, “Wow, that’s exciting! They have kids together.” He then quipped, “You wish that was you, don’t you?” I replied that I absolutely want to marry him, but we already share a life together, and I don’t want to pressure him. I told him, “When it happens, it happens.” He went quiet for a bit, and in his usual joking manner, he said, “Oh, so you don’t want to marry me…” I laughed it off, but I’m unsure if he was actually offended or just being playful. Fast forward three days, and I had a dream where he proposed. This week has been filled with signs—like seeing couples getting engaged on social media. The other night, while we were looking at Christmas lights, we spotted a big inflatable ring. I’m quite spiritual and believe that the universe gives us signs, and my intuition keeps telling me he’s either planning to propose or has something in mind. Am I being unrealistic or overthinking this? I’m hesitant to bring it up with him because if he’s not planning anything, I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment or put pressure on him. I know that kind of pressure can strain a relationship over time. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else, but my best friend shares a similar hunch—though we like to joke that we might just be a bit delusional!

The other day, my boyfriend (35m) mentioned engagement rings.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. Although we don’t live together, I spend five days a week at his place, and we see each other nearly every day. Recently, he asked me what type of engagement rings I like, claiming it was just out of curiosity. I truly love him and, for the first time in my life, I feel like I’ve found my soulmate. While I know no one can read his mind, I’m curious—would he bring up such a topic casually if he didn’t have serious intentions? I wouldn’t mind if our relationship moved in that direction, and we’ve discussed marriage loosely before. Is this just a playful comment, or does it hint at something more serious? How might this be interpreted in my situation? Thanks for your thoughts!

My partner and I do not share a common goal.

My partner (F26) and I (F26) have been together for six years. I’ve been open about my desire for marriage and children, but her responses are usually along the lines of “let’s do it now” or “I’m not someone who likes to plan everything, as we can’t predict the future.” Each time I bring up this topic, her replies make me question everything about our relationship. She’s a wonderful partner and my best friend, but sometimes I feel like she’s not ready to settle down with me. This thought makes me feel sad, regretful, and upset that we’ve been in this situation for so long. I don’t want to give her an ultimatum or pressure her into shaping our relationship according to my wishes, fearing it would lead to resentment. I'm scared to end the relationship, but I’m losing hope for our future together.

I love you?

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 13 months, and we've essentially been living together for that entire period. I own a house that has been on the market for 8 months, and we’ve agreed that I will fully move in with him once it sells. He is very caring, and his actions show that he values me, but he has never expressed his feelings using the "L" word. Recently, he referred to us as liking each other, which was a bit disheartening for me. I first brought up this topic in November, and he mentioned that he intended to say it during our trip in October, but it just didn’t feel like the right moment (that trip had its challenges!). It's been five weeks since that conversation, and still nothing has changed. Both of us have been married before, and I understand that the word carries significant weight for him. I worry about investing my time in someone who may not feel strongly enough about me. I’m 39, he’s 38, and I really want to have a child. Should I stay in this relationship, or do actions truly speak louder than words?

Is my boyfriend asking for too much, or am I not contributing enough?

My boyfriend, 22, and I, 21, have been together for over four years. I'm currently a first-year university student, while he works as a pilot with a demanding schedule. For the past three years, we’ve navigated long-distance periods, which have been challenging. He felt very unhappy in his previous town, isolated from family, friends, and me, leading him to move closer to me earlier this year. At first, he proposed that I move in with him, and I considered it. I initially agreed but, after thinking it through, I realized I wasn't ready. My parents, who are funding my education and living costs, were also hesitant, and I later found out his parents didn't support the idea either. This caused some intense disagreements, as he believed that living together would save us money and allow us to spend valuable time together after being apart for so long. While I understand his viewpoint, I felt overwhelmed by the magnitude of the decision. Our arguments became heated, and he even said some hurtful things. Later, he expressed that he felt I wasn't fully committed to our relationship. Since my university break began, I've spent the last month staying at his apartment, cooking and cleaning for him while he puts in long hours at work. By the time he returns home, he's understandably tired and unable to make time for dates or quality moments together. Although I’m happy to help, I often feel overlooked and as though I'm contributing more to the relationship, which I suspect is tied to his disappointment over me not moving in. For instance, on our fourth anniversary, I surprised him with a special dinner, cake, and decorations, but he didn’t plan anything for me, which hurt, even though I tried to brush it off. It seems that physical intimacy has been our only consistent form of connection lately, and even that sometimes feels empty. I’m also very close to my family. My sister is a single mom who just left an abusive relationship, and my parents are facing health issues. Because of this, I prioritize spending time with them, especially during the holidays. My boyfriend has mentioned that this makes him feel less significant, which is tough to hear because I do care deeply for him. However, I don’t think it’s fair for him to expect me to always be around when he’s not there most of the time, and I don't want to miss precious moments with my family when I actually have the opportunity to be with them. I recently informed him that I’d like to spend most of December with my family, but would drive four hours to be with him on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. This sparked another fight, during which he suggested I reconsider our relationship. He told me he feels I still have a lot of growing up to do for prioritizing my family, and that he sometimes feels “too mature” for me, implying I should just stay home with my “mommy and daddy.” To complicate matters, my parents are worried about me driving long distances on dangerous roads, and financially, I can't afford to make multiple trips. They've told me to choose where I want to spend Christmas, supporting my decision even if it's not with them. Unfortunately, my boyfriend has also expressed that he feels lonely because I'm not with him this month. He's even downloaded Bumble (the friends version) to meet new people. He continually reminds me that he moved closer for me after I declined to move in. This morning, he asked if I'd consider leaving my family and studies behind to move to another country with him for his job while continuing my education overseas. We've discussed the possibility of moving abroad, and I'm open to it, but it all feels too rushed. I haven’t even finished my degree yet, and the idea of leaving behind my family, education, and stability is unsettling, especially given our recent arguments. The ongoing conflicts and his recent suggestion that I reevaluate our relationship have left me feeling emotionally drained and detached. Being at home has given me the space to reflect, and despite our love for each other—and acknowledging that we both have our flaws—I’m starting to question if this relationship is worth sacrificing so much for, particularly my time with family, which I might regret missing. I would really appreciate any advice or perspectives on my situation.

How much are you prepared to overlook for the sake of love?

Hey everyone! I'm a 19-year-old female, and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who's also 19, for over a year now. We met when we were both 17 and started dating when he was 17 and I was 18. A bit of background: I didn’t have healthy relationship role models growing up, just what I saw in movies and on TV. Because of this, I never really understood what a healthy relationship should look like—just the idealized version in my mind. I often turn to AI for advice on relationships, which is kind of funny. As an only child, I grew up pretty independent. My boyfriend, on the other hand, has had a mother and stepfather for most of his life, but there’s a noticeable emotional distance in his family dynamic. From what he's shared about his past, it seems there isn't much emotional closeness among them. Now, regarding our relationship: we've had our fair share of arguments and have had to make positive changes. We've both learned a lot and experienced some unhealthy phases, too. This is both of our first serious relationships. While I've dated a bit, it's never lasted due to my commitment issues, and he hasn't dated much either because he was homeschooled and primarily interested in flirting with girls online. Every challenge we face brings us closer together, and I'm proud to see our growth. He has a lot to learn about emotional intimacy since he was diagnosed with autism at a young age, and I sometimes feel like his parents didn’t provide enough support. This has resulted in me doing most of the emotional labor because he’s more emotionally immature than I am. Despite the challenges, he’s dedicated to me and is committed to improving, just as I am. Right now, things are going pretty well. So, here’s my question, and my TL;DR: If you're young and a bit immature—perhaps making mistakes—but very committed to the person you love, how much would you be willing to forgive? I'm looking for a general perspective since I’ve never modeled a healthy relationship, but I want to build one of my own. I know we're both young and bound to slip up—what’s a reasonable amount of forgiveness to expect in the name of true love? What constitutes a healthy and constructive approach?

Should I stay or leave?...

I'm a 32-year-old man in a 4.5-year relationship with a 28-year-old woman. When we first began dating, I didn't experience the “butterflies” that I had felt in previous relationships. Despite this, I chose to move forward because we share similar values, political views, interests, a mutual physical attraction, and have great chemistry in bed. On the surface, it seems promising, right? Now we're at a pivotal point—it's either time to get married and start a family or break up and begin anew. She is deeply in love with me and experienced those butterflies from the very beginning. In many ways, she is the ideal partner—loving, nurturing, would be an excellent mother, and is financially stable. We have much in common, including a passion for psychology, visiting museums, and enjoying nature. Both of us desire families and children. However, I find myself grappling with doubts about whether she is truly the right match for me. I've grown fond of her and cherish the time we spend together when work isn't wearing me out. I feel stuck at a crossroads. I never envisioned being my age and contemplating starting over. The thought of becoming an older dad is daunting if I choose to begin again now. While I love and care for her deeply, and she would undoubtedly make a wonderful mother, I can't shake the concern about the absence of those initial butterflies. I'm anxious that this lack of excitement might lead to problems in the future.

Should I take a job I don't enjoy and live with my girlfriend, or pursue a job I’m more passionate about and do long-distance? (21M)

**My Situation**: I’m nearing the end of my senior year in college and have received job offers in both New York and California. I would prefer the position in California, as it’s closer to my family—just a 30-minute drive from where I will be working. In contrast, while the New York job isn’t terrible, the city feels incredibly overwhelming for me when I visit. **Our Situation**: My girlfriend and I have been in a long-distance relationship since the end of high school, totaling 3.5 years. Naturally, we want to live together, but she plans to work in New York for a year before pursuing graduate school for 4-5 years. This means we could only live together for that brief year, assuming she secures a job there (which I’m also worried about). I’ve shared my preference for the California position, which has upset her, and now I feel confused about how to move forward. On one hand, I’m eager to live with her in New York, but if it’s only for a year, what happens when she goes to grad school? I’d be left in New York without her, which feels like a major reason to accept that job in the first place. Meanwhile, the California opportunity seems promising career-wise and would put me closer to my family, but that distance could strain our relationship, potentially leading to a breakup. I need advice on how to navigate this situation, as I have to make a decision in **three days.**

Am I indifferent or confident?

**Summary:** My marriage is facing significant challenges, yet I remain surprisingly calm. How can I tell if I'm genuinely secure in our relationship or simply indifferent? I'm a 32-year-old woman who has been on a personal journey this year after experiencing a minor mental breakdown in May. With the help of a therapist, I’ve been addressing various issues in my life. Initially, I believed that my marriage was the sole positive aspect of my life. Now, six months later, I’m recognizing several aspects of my marriage that bring me unhappiness, which I’ve been suppressing. My husband and I have been together for eight years, married for four. I’ve begun discussing the areas I want to improve with my husband, who is 40. He has reacted calmly, but he has also brought up some of my behaviors that hurt him. I can understand his perspective, though I wouldn’t have reacted the same way. I apologized for causing him pain and am committed to making changes. However, we're delving into serious issues—like a lack of intimacy, feeling uncared for, and feeling unsupported—yet I feel remarkably numb about it all. For instance, when I woke up at 3 a.m. to realize he hadn’t come home, I had to consciously decide to check on him instead of just going back to sleep. I can't determine if I am simply secure and confident we’ll find a way through these problems or if I’m indifferent and accept the possibility of divorce. I would appreciate any guidance on how to navigate this situation.

Lack of dynamics in a long-distance relationship.

I'm 18 years old and in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend, who is 19. We broke up four months ago due to our immaturity. Recently, she reached out to me, and I feel that we've both grown up a bit, so I really want to give our relationship another shot. However, I’d like to ensure we have fun and keep things engaging, even through chat. The problem is that our conversations have become a bit monotonous—just talking about our days, what we did, and how much we miss each other. So, my question is: how can I make our relationship more dynamic and interesting?

Tips for relationships

I'm in need of some guidance. My boyfriend (23) and I (24) have been together for just 10 months, and I experienced a whirlwind romance that led us to move in together. However, I think I might have rushed that decision. After moving in, I've come to realize that we have significant differences regarding crucial topics like career aspirations, family values, politics, and even our levels of maturity and public behavior. I’m not sure how I missed these red flags earlier—perhaps I was simply blinded by love. Now that I'm aware of these discrepancies, I find myself questioning our relationship more than ever. What once seemed minor now feels frustrating to me, and I’m surprised by how much annoyance I’ve started to feel. Initially, I thought my lack of libido was due to hormonal issues, but I've realized that it's not about a lack of desire for intimacy—it's more about my lack of desire for intimacy with him. When I try to discuss these concerns, he tends to downplay them. For instance, when he made a borderline racist joke in a store, I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed, telling him it wasn't appropriate. His response was that it wasn't a big deal since the person he was joking about didn’t hear. That’s really not the point for me. Here's the thing: he treats me incredibly well and makes me feel special in ways I can’t complain about. Despite his immature humor and sometimes questionable behavior, he is fundamentally a kind person. The idea of hurting him makes me truly sad. What should I do? Since we just moved in together, I know we could break the lease if necessary. Is it too soon to consider couples counseling? How do I express that I feel a lack of attraction to him and that he has room to grow, without coming across as trying to change him? I really don’t want to be the “bad guy,” but I also feel like my love for him is fading, and I feel terrible about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I’m a 25-year-old man, and after five years, I no longer feel attracted to my partner, who is 24. Should I consider ending the relationship?

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for nearly five years, and she truly is a wonderful person. We share many interests; she’s athletic, excels academically, and possesses a kind, caring nature. Like any relationship, we've experienced our highs and lows, including some significant disagreements, but I believe these conflicts are fairly typical. However, this is my only relationship, so I may not have the full perspective. I realize that part of my struggle comes from a fear of loneliness and the idea of giving up on someone who has been such a positive presence in my life. I feel torn because deep down, I believe I should be exploring other options at this stage in my life to understand different perspectives and determine my preferences for a serious relationship. Compounding this is my high sex drive, which has created tension in our relationship, as I'm not very affectionate otherwise, except when it comes to intimacy. There are times when I feel guilty for only initiating physical touch in that context. I genuinely enjoy discovering new experiences with her, and I cherish the time we spend together, whether traveling or engaging in activities we both love. I have many wonderful memories with her. Nonetheless, there are periods when I contemplate whether we should break up, contrasted with times when I feel immensely grateful for her presence. Just yesterday, I felt frustrated when she walked through the door and I wasn’t attracted to her at all. It seems we're approaching a stage where marriage and children are on the horizon. I often think she would make a fantastic mother and life partner, yet I also struggle with my current lack of attraction, which is affecting my feelings toward her. For some context: - We don't live together; she resides with her parent and siblings while I still live with my own parent. - She is currently studying, whereas I just completed my studies this year.

My girlfriend (22F) wants me (26M) to move back out of state. Is there a way to resolve this?

My girlfriend (22f) has expressed a desire for me (26m) to move back out of state. I'm seeking advice on how to navigate this situation. I met my girlfriend online and quickly fell deeply in love with her. When we first connected, she was in an unfulfilling relationship with someone who lacked ambition, which made me stand out to her. She eventually ended that relationship, and we began dating. I would drive 13 hours to see her every couple of weeks, but the emotional toll of long-distance caught up with her. To support her, I made the decision to move in together. I’ve always enjoyed traveling and experiencing new places, so I didn’t mind the change. Unfortunately, just as we were settling into the new arrangement, my car broke down, and she drives a manual, which I can’t operate. She’s not comfortable letting me learn on her car. Over time, her past traumas began to weigh heavily on her, and I had to help her seek professional help. I worried that this would strain our relationship, but it had the opposite effect; she was able to access therapy and became more introspective. While her family began to take her mental health seriously, she still struggled with anger and body image issues. Throughout this period, I reassured her of my support, no matter what challenges arose. While her situation has improved, I’ve noticed that my own self-esteem and motivation have taken a hit. It's disheartening to feel less independent, and I started comparing myself to the man she had left behind. I regret to say that my insecurities caused me to become overly suspicious about her phone use and privacy, which I’ve since acknowledged and worked through. However, I fear it has damaged her perception of me. Our sex life, which was once vibrant with her frequently initiating intimacy, has dwindled since early November. My anxious behavior led me to constantly question her about our intimacy, which only pushed her further away. A few days ago, she shared that she wants space, feeling more like an accessory in a relationship rather than an individual. She also hinted at a shift in her attraction, expressing a stronger preference for women. From what she has conveyed, she seems to identify as pansexual, valuing personality and attitude over appearance in her attractions to men. I feel like I've lost a part of myself, and it's unsettling to realize that her lack of attraction might stem from my change in mentality rather than just physicality. Our living situation has become cluttered due to my inability to drive and the lack of laundry facilities, adding to both of our stress. Financial strain has also been a factor, as I’ve been managing bills for both of us. I believe that many external issues are influencing her decision, many of which could be addressed. I can’t just leave as I have nowhere to go and lack resources. I love her deeply and want to find a way to restore balance to our relationship. I’ve consciously stepped back from my previous behavior, and I genuinely want to maintain our relationship and home together. I’d even be willing to forgo physical intimacy if it meant preserving our connection, as I believe romance and individuality can coexist. I'm looking for guidance on what steps to take next and how to approach our upcoming couples therapy session on the 18th. Any advice would be appreciated.

36-year-old man seeks advice to prevent losing his family.

I'm 36, and my partner is also 36; we’ve been together for 11 years. We have two children: a 13-year-old daughter whom I didn't father biologically but have been a dad to for most of her life, and a 4-year-old son that we share. Recently, my partner told me she doesn't want to get married, which honestly hurt. We've faced many challenges over the years, yet we always seemed to rebound. I'll admit that I cheated on her two years into our relationship, something I regret deeply and promised myself would never happen again. Since then, I’ve worked hard to be a supportive partner and father for my family. However, lately, it feels like we’re just going through the motions. The spark we once had seems to have faded, and we're mostly coexisting rather than truly connecting. Things took a turn after a significant argument about her spending habits and a lack of intimacy (it’s been three months). Additionally, I did become close with a co-worker. While it was purely platonic, I confided in her about my relationship, which I now realize was a huge mistake—my partner found out. Since then, she has been acting differently; she takes longer to reply to my messages, goes out with friends more often, and seems distant overall. When we discussed it, she assured me that she still loves me and always will, which I believe. Yet, when I approached the topic of marriage again, she told me she wasn’t interested, which caught me off guard. I recognize that I should've proposed a long time ago, but now I'm left wondering if she's emotionally checked out. I even suspect she might be seeing someone else since she's been staying out late. If she's ready to move on, I can understand—maybe it's karma for my past mistakes. Still, I want to do everything I can to make this work, and I think we owe it to each other to have an open and honest conversation. I'm planning to take her out to dinner soon to discuss everything and understand the future direction of our relationship. I would appreciate any advice on how to approach this without pushing her further away or making matters worse.

I'm a 18-year-old female and my boyfriend, who is 19, wants us to get married, but I'm unsure if I'm ready for that step.

I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, and we've recently begun discussing marriage. At first, I was super excited, but then a flood of doubts crept in. What if he isn't the right one, and we end up divorced? I find myself questioning whether I'm truly ready for marriage, and I'm unsure if I'll ever feel prepared. I love him and envision a future together, so I suggested we get our own place first and then consider marriage. He insists he wants to marry me and spend his life with me, which sounds amazing, but I still have my reservations. I haven't finished school yet, we don’t have our own home, and I’m not in my dream job. I’d prefer to feel more stable before taking such a big step, but I worry that I might never feel ready. I tend to overthink everything, and I might be doing that with this situation as well. I genuinely love him and can picture a life together. We share the same values, want similar lifestyles, and agree on how to raise our future kids. He feels perfect for me; we both embrace our quirks, and I appreciate his kindness and willingness to improve. Still, I grapple with the uncertainty of whether I'm ready for marriage and fear he might leave if I’m not. I desire independence and want to experience life on my own, but I also long to share those experiences with him. My emotions are all over the place. I care deeply for him and fear losing him, but I’m conflicted about whether I'm truly ready or just overthinking everything.

I could use some assistance in helping my boyfriend reconnect with his affectionate side.

I've been in a relationship with my partner for over four years, following three years of an on-and-off dating period. We made the decision to fully commit to each other, introduced our families, and even talked about getting married in the near future. For a long time, he felt like my best friend, and I believed I was his as well. Like any couple, we've had our share of minor disagreements, but nothing significant—until recently. Lately, I've noticed a shift in our dynamic, and I'm struggling to understand what's going on. A recurring issue relates to his friends. I've often felt that they take their jokes too far, making me uncomfortable. He brushed it off and said they meant no harm. However, during a trip with them a few months ago, one of his friends called me "difficult." I don't see myself that way—maybe I'm just not the typical "submissive" person. His silence in that moment really hurt me. After returning from the trip, I expressed my concern to him: if he couldn't defend me in front of his friends, how could I expect him to support me with extended family in a similar situation? (Just to clarify, I have a good rapport with his immediate family; my worries were primarily about the extended members.) Since that conversation, he's become emotionally unavailable. When I ask him what's wrong, he shifts to different issues: first, he didn't want me distancing myself from his friends; then he cited our families being too different; he has mentioned struggling with depression; and ultimately, he’s claimed that I’m the source of his unhappiness. He talks about how we are too different and even brings up past conflicts, saying they weigh too heavily on our relationship. I’ll admit that I wasn't easy to deal with at the start, as I wasn't ready for commitment back then. But that was long ago, and we had moved forward. This sudden change is bewildering to me. For over four years, we've genuinely enjoyed our time together and navigated our differences. How does someone just switch like that? I've been doing my best to restore what we once had, and there were moments when it seemed like he was starting to come around. However, whenever I express a desire for mutual effort, he pulls away and claims he doesn’t think we’re working anymore. It seems like whenever I try to delve deeper, he becomes uncomfortable, and then he tells me he feels unloved, even though he's not allowing me to show him love. I recognize that at the beginning, I made things difficult for him because of my reluctance to commit, and I hurt him during that time. He forgave me, though, and I thought we had moved beyond that. How can he now use that as a reason to consider leaving? I suspect he might be going through a depressive episode and is projecting his feelings onto our relationship, which is an aspect of his life he can control. However, when I brought this up, he dismissed it and insisted that I’m the reason for his unhappiness. For context, he's more introverted and non-confrontational while I'm the opposite; I prefer to discuss and sort through issues. Being in this situation where I feel I have to tiptoe around him is incredibly frustrating. I acknowledge that he used to handle much of the emotional work in our relationship. He has been an amazing boyfriend and more than I ever could have asked for, and I might have taken that for granted, assuming we would always be together. But I’ve been actively working to improve that dynamic. He is my person, and I genuinely want to make this work. However, he's now resurfacing past grievances and using old reasons as excuses, leaving me confused. I'm committed to finding a resolution and supporting him because I know he’s a wonderful person, but I need some reassurance from him as well. He often claims that things are getting better when I bring up the subject, yet whenever I express concerns about reciprocity, he suggests we should break up (which is where we currently stand). How do I remind him of what we have together? Why has this change occurred? Any advice would be appreciated. How can we reach such a turning point after everything we've been through together?

My girlfriend (29F) and I (30M) no longer watch shows together.

We’ve been together for nearly a decade now, and our relationship has been quite stable. We don’t argue much and spend a good amount of time together, typically engaging in activities like watching YouTube. Sometimes, one of us will be occupied with our hobbies while the other is present—she might watch something while I play video games, or I might give her back rubs as she enjoys music or plays a mobile game. However, we’ve really stopped watching any structured shows together. In the beginning, we shared almost everything, so it feels strange for me to watch something solo now. Over time, her interest in watching shows has diminished significantly. These days, we only catch about one or two shows a year, and she’s even dropped a few mid-series. I’ve hesitated to start many shows that I’m interested in, not wanting to get too far ahead in case she decides to pick them back up. Gradually, I've come to accept that she simply isn’t interested, so I’ve started to watch them on my own. She doesn’t explicitly say she doesn’t want to watch anything, but she rarely seems in the mood and often prefers to do something else—anything else, really—though it isn't as if she avoids spending time with me entirely. I’ve pinpointed two reasons behind this shift, both of which I believe are contributing factors, but I’m unsure how to address them. The first is that she can hold onto grudges for a long time without expressing them. I think she felt hurt when I struggled to enjoy some intense dramas she was passionate about. I made it through several long series—despite her sometimes tearful insistence to watch more—but eventually, I had to tell her that they just weren’t for me. She dismissed the shows I enjoy as "stupid," and I snapped, saying at least they have coherent plots and budgets. Despite apologizing and trying to compromise by watching more of her shows, I get the sense she’s decided not to engage with anything I like, even if many of those shows were ones she wanted me to watch initially. The second reason relates to her aspirations as an artist and writer. She has ambitious ideas for books and comics, but it seems she struggles to take the next steps toward realizing them. She’s been brainstorming since before we met and has accumulated countless sketches, concept art, and story lore that haven’t progressed beyond the initial stages. Although she has immense talent, she’s held back by fear and self-doubt, despite encouragement from both me and her mother. In the last few shows and movies we watched together, she found it difficult to enjoy them, becoming frustrated that she felt unable to pursue her ideas after seeing them portrayed onscreen. I reminded her of the “Simpsons did it” concept from one of her favorite episodes of South Park; I asked if that was why she struggled to move forward with her projects, as she would often feel the need to start over if something resembled her vision. She admitted that this reluctance to compare her work was indeed part of the problem. I tried explaining that many renowned authors and artists openly acknowledge their influences, highlighting how they draw inspiration from other works without claiming their creations are entirely original. Even truly unique ideas are often a response to missed opportunities or existing clichés. Unfortunately, she seemed uninterested, and I’ve noticed her growing frustration while watching shows. I can tell when she’s dismissing something out of concern for how it might relate to her future work, as if she feels the need to critique it to protect her own ego. In short, my girlfriend is reluctant to watch shows with me because of my lack of enthusiasm for some of her favorites, and she finds herself comparing these shows to the stories she struggles to develop.