Relationship advices

I'm a 18-year-old guy facing some challenges in my life. I’m currently in a relationship with my girlfriend, who is 19, but I'm developing feelings for a friend who is also 18. Does anyone have any advice?

This situation is really weighing heavily on me. I've been in a nearly two-year relationship with my girlfriend (19F), but right now, all I feel is toxicity. I often find myself being gaslighted during our arguments, and she tends to get upset when I don't give her enough attention. I genuinely try to make time for her, even sacrificing my personal time. About a year ago, I met a friend (18F) with whom I can share my thoughts and frustrations. She has always been there for me, and while I know we’re just friends, I’ve developed feelings for her. She’s cheerful, understands me, and makes me feel less alone. I'm really at a loss about what to do.

My partner, who is 28 years old, is considering breaking up with me, also 28, in order to prioritize her own self-care, just as I've begun therapy.

The start of our relationship was quite chaotic. I was supporting her during a difficult time after her previous relationship, and as we spent more time together, she began to develop feelings for me. We eventually started dating and decided to rent a house from a mutual friend who was leaving for a couple of years. Unfortunately, that friend ended up being dishonest about his job situation, which created a lot of tension and led to numerous arguments between us, as we were under a significant amount of stress. Once we moved out of the friend’s place and settled into our own apartment, we hoped it would mark a new beginning. However, while unpacking, we had another fight. During this time, therapy came up; she took a break but remained in the relationship while seeking comfort from another friend, which upset me even more. My frustration boiled over, resulting in me accidentally breaking a cupboard door in anger, something that frightened both of us. To provide some context, we both struggle with trust issues rooted in our pasts. She fears I might get angry if she expresses her feelings, and I worry she harbors resentment because she doesn't share her thoughts. After I lost my temper over the cupboard incident, therapy was suggested since I had never felt that kind of anger before—I really didn’t want to become an abusive person, and it pained me deeply. I attempted to seek therapy, but during the intake appointment, I was told I wasn't in need of it and was sent away. Frustrated and feeling invalidated, I discussed this with her, and she promised to help me change my health insurance, but months passed without any follow-up. Then, another significant incident occurred. I picked her up from work with her child in the car, and our van had no heat. Faced with low funds and gas, I was feeling anxious and didn’t want to drive around. When it seemed like she was taking too long to get inside, I lost my cool and yelled at her, which I regretted afterwards. During the drive, while I didn’t act recklessly, I did slam on the brakes out of frustration, and that event marked a turning point for us. We reconciled after that incident, and I promised her I’d seek therapy, but soon she began spending almost all her time in her room talking to friends online while I took care of her child or watched YouTube. I ended up feeling neglected and tried to address it calmly, but she often responded with uncertainty about her feelings, which hurt. Eventually, after one too many feelings of being ignored, I exploded again, which led her to suggest that she preferred to be friends rather than remain in a relationship. That left me heartbroken, but she did finally assist me in getting therapy organized. During the time apart, she suddenly began to show me affection again—wanting to watch shows together and even going out to dinner with me and the baby. I hoped this was a sign she wanted to rekindle our relationship, but whenever I brought it up, she expressed her fear of returning to the past. To complicate matters, she started showing interest in two other guys, which hurt me tremendously given our recent closeness. I voiced this pain, and although she acknowledged my feelings, she said she shouldn’t be developing an attraction to anyone right now. I didn't get as angry as before, but it made me cry, feeling abandoned at a time when I was trying to better myself through therapy. Over the last few days, I’ve felt increasingly distraught. I expressed to her how I felt like she was letting me down at my lowest point, with only a couple of friends for support. She reassured me she wanted to remain friends but often gave mixed signals by being affectionate toward me, even while we weren’t officially together. In an emotional discussion yesterday, she surprisingly agreed to give things another shot after hearing my commitments to change. However, today she woke up sad and didn't want to talk. I drove her to work, trying to be supportive, and when I showed her that I had cleaned up as promised, she thanked me but seemed distant. I couldn’t hold back my emotions anymore—I sobbed at the thought that I might be manipulating her into being with me. I brought this up calmly but got a shock when she declared she didn’t want to be with anyone, which made me lose my temper a little as I questioned if she still loved me. Now, I’m left wondering what she really wants and why she seems to be influenced by her friends’ advice against our relationship. I feel like I’m truly trying to improve ourselves, and I wish she could see that for what it is. I acknowledge that my past actions, including the car incident, were unacceptable and I genuinely want to change. I’m looking for insight into her feelings and whether there’s a way forward for us.

My boyfriend, who is 31, is feeling dissatisfied with our relationship, and I often find myself being blamed for it. I'm 20.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half, and we live together. Lately, more than when we first started dating, he expresses how disconnected he feels in our relationship—often weekly, sometimes even daily. Initially, I tried to address this by having more engaging conversations, being more romantic, and spending quality time together, but the next day he still says, "I didn't feel connected last night," and becomes upset all over again. He insists that he can't have a sexual relationship with someone he feels disconnected from, which has left our sex life nearly nonexistent. It would be easier if we were working through this together, but he keeps saying "it's up to you to know what to do," which frustrates me because I genuinely don’t know. When I ask him for guidance, he replies, "I don’t know; you should be able to read me." I feel like I’ve tried everything—making significant efforts to connect—but he continues to say he feels disconnected and alone in our relationship. He has even mentioned that I will "never change." But I know I've made changes. It’s incredibly frustrating to the point where I just want to cry. Maybe I really am not "intuitive enough" for him, as he claims, but I don’t believe that. At this point, I think the responsibility falls on him too. I don't understand how he can keep blaming me when I’m the one who tries to pull him away from his phone or suggest outings, only to be met with disappointment when it doesn’t feel sufficient to him. He often acts like everything is fine, and we can have a wonderful night together, but then the next day I'll receive a text saying, "I still felt a disconnect last night." It shatters my hope all over again. When I express my feelings, he tells me, "Well, stop assuming everything is okay." My response is, "Then stop giving me the impression that it is!" So, how should I approach this situation? Clearly, my current approach isn’t working. I’ve shared my feelings with him, including everything I’ve expressed here, but that hasn’t led to any resolution. Is there something I’m missing, or is he just being unreasonable? I'm tired of feeling like I'm the crazy one or that I'm not good enough to be in this relationship.

How can I reassure my girlfriend [18F] that she can trust me while I play video games with my friends, even though I'm [19M]?

As the title implies, I want to ensure my girlfriend feels comfortable when I play video games with my friends. She often feels jealous of any girl I associate with and tends to worry that I might replace her, even though she’s the only one I love. Currently, there’s one girl in our friend group that I play with, and whenever I ask for my girlfriend’s permission to join them, it seems to drain her energy. I always try to reassure her and follow her boundaries, but at times, I find it difficult to handle the negative vibes she gives off when she's upset.

"I'm a 29-year-old woman, and I communicate in a different way than my 31-year-old partner. This difference is impacting our relationship. How can we manage our varying communication styles?"

**Hello everyone,** I’m looking for some guidance regarding an issue that’s creating some tension between my partner and me—our contrasting communication styles. To give you some background, I \[29F\] prefer to address disagreements immediately through conversation, as it helps me process my thoughts. My partner \[31M\], however, tends to withdraw or stay silent in tense moments. He expresses a need for time to think before responding, but it often feels to me like I’m being ignored or that he’s dodging the situation. While we don’t fight often, when we do, the conflict tends to escalate—not due to the disagreement itself, but because of the way we’re trying to communicate. I find myself feeling anxious and urgently seeking resolution, while he feels overwhelmed and withdraws further. This creates a sense of misunderstanding for both of us. Recently, we discussed our communication styles and recognized that we hadn’t really delved into how we *prefer* to engage with each other. That conversation was somewhat helpful, but we still revert to our old behaviors. I’m striving to be more patient, while he’s working on being more open, but it’s a challenge. **I would appreciate hearing from anyone**: * Have you and your partner discovered significant differences in your communication styles? * How did you handle it? * What communication strategies have strengthened your relationship? I’m open to any suggestions, tips, or even just reassurance that we’re not alone in this. **TL;DR**: I \[29F\] like to resolve conflicts through immediate discussion, while my partner \[31M\] tends to shut down and require space. This has led to some tension between us. How have you dealt with differing communication styles in your relationship, and what has worked for you?

"I’m a 18-year-old female seeking kissing tips for my boyfriend, who is 19 and has more experience."

To sum it up, I'm an 18-year-old woman in my first relationship with my 19-year-old boyfriend. This is not only my first boyfriend, but also my first experience with anything intimate, including kissing. My boyfriend is quite experienced and has been with several girls. I'm looking for some advice on making out because we've been dating for a while, and I thought I was doing fine, but he mentioned that I might be focusing too much on the kissing itself. He told me, “I’ve been with a lot of girls, and I can usually sense when I unlock their emotions, but I can’t with you.” I’m not really sure what he means by “unlock their emotions.” He also said I tend to freeze up or feel stiff when we kiss. It seems like he wants me to be more physically affectionate, like touching him and exploring his body, but I'm unsure where to start. I think I've held back because I don't want to embarrass myself. While I do put my hands on his neck, cheek, or the back of his neck, I feel like I could do more. I’m aware this isn’t the best-written message, but I would really appreciate any advice. Thank you!

"I'm a 22-year-old man who recently relocated across the country to be with my partner, who is 23. I'm seeking advice."

I met him about two years ago after ending my relationship with my previous partner. For a while, it was long distance while I finished school, but I managed to get through that. Eventually, I moved in with him, traveling across the country to live with him and his extended family. He had a job for a few weeks but then quit and hasn't applied for any positions since, leaving me to support both of us. I'm working constantly for DoorDash in a car that's barely holding up. I’m not sure how much longer I can sustain this; I don’t have the funds to return to my family, and they aren’t in a position to help. I’m also not sure my car could make the trip. I love him, but it’s becoming really difficult. Has anyone else experienced something like this? (I apologize if this is hard to read; I’m just feeling exhausted.)

I'm a 27-year-old man, and I'm starting to feel uncertain about the future of my relationship with my 25-year-old girlfriend. Is there still hope for us?

Hello everyone, I hope you're all having a wonderful day. My girlfriend and I have been together for two years now. We initially met online and have never met in person. Our relationship began when she expressed her feelings for me, and from there, it blossomed. She's an incredible person, and we have a lot in common. As we've grown closer, my love for her has deepened. I currently live in Asia, while she resides in Europe. Both of us have plans to migrate in the future. However, as we get to know each other better, I've come to realize that our future together may present significant challenges. I'm earning an average income and hope it will be sufficient for my eventual migration, whereas she is currently receiving financial support from the government due to her disability. We dream of owning a home and starting a family together, but with rising costs of living—rent, food, and other essentials—it seems increasingly necessary for her to look for employment as well. I worry that we can't sustain ourselves on just one person's salary. Her disability makes finding a job much more difficult. I'm also unsure if our migration plans will even be successful. Are we moving too quickly? I feel a lot of pressure because she wants me to migrate as soon as possible, as if there's a deadline looming. She's truly wonderful, and I want to preserve our relationship, just as she does. However, I fear that if we only follow our hearts without considering practical matters, we may face challenges in the future. Lately, I've been reflecting on the situation alone, and I’m starting to wonder if this might not work out and if we are wasting our time. Is there still a way for us to make it work? What should our next steps be?

My wife [38F] accuses me [40M] of being an unequal parent, claiming that it's always the husband at fault.

**Help Needed** My wife (38F) and I (40M) generally have a strong relationship. We've been together for 15 years, experiencing both ups and downs, but overall, we are quite happy. We have a six-year-old daughter together. I work full-time but have a shift work schedule that allows me to be home more often than a typical 9-to-5 job. This flexibility lets me engage in various activities with our daughter, and I usually handle her drop-offs and pickups from school. My wife works from home with a women's health organization, focusing on mental health and domestic violence support. Day to day, we share the responsibilities of caring for our daughter. When I'm not at work, I take on most after-school activities and pickups. I help tidy the house while my wife handles meal preparation and the nighttime routine, although we alternate storytime based on our daughter's preference. My wife typically manages the bedtime routine, which lasts around 30-45 minutes. I’m currently renovating our home, which occupies much of my time off, and my wife is usually busy with work during these periods. We struggle to find time for activities as a couple since we don’t have family support. We haven’t had a night out without our daughter since she was born. I genuinely believe we share equal roles in our daughter’s life and responsibilities. However, a few days ago, during a calm conversation, my wife mentioned that we are "unequal parents." I didn’t take this well, and we ended up arguing for two days. She later clarified that she meant we have an uneven parental load, but her words deeply hurt me, and I’m having difficulty moving past it. Recently, she asked how I would feel about her wearing a shirt that says, “It’s always the husband,” a reference to domestic violence and the risks women face from their partners. I acknowledged the seriousness of the issue but expressed that I wouldn’t want her to wear something that implies I could be a threat. To my surprise, the shirt arrived today, as she had ordered it before our argument. I feel even more hurt now, as it reinforces my belief that she doesn’t see me as an equal partner; it makes me feel like she perceives me as a potential danger. I’m unsure how to move forward since my wife feels she has apologized and believes it’s now my issue to resolve.

"Girlfriend [26F] is behaving inconsistently towards me [24M]."

**Summary:** I'm confused by her behavior, which fluctuates between affectionate and distant. I recently started dating a girl, and things felt great at first. We were really close for the first month, but then her behavior shifted. One day she was very affectionate—cuddling, kissing, and being extra friendly—then the next day she seemed distant, talking less and reducing contact. This pattern repeated, with her being cuddly one day and cold the next. The same thing happened in our texts. Some days she would text me all night, while other days her replies would come an hour later. I understand that she might need space; I’ve experienced that in past relationships, so I gave her some distance. Out of curiosity, I once asked why her responses were so slow. She replied that she doesn’t want to seem needy and that too much attention can irritate her. She seemed upset by my question. After not reaching out for a day, she became very affectionate again. I'm uncertain about what to do here. I don't want to come off as clingy, but I also don’t want to lose her when she’s acting cold.

How can I, a 19-year-old female, discuss my partner's attractions, who is 18 male, without complicating things further?

Hi there, this is a throwaway account and I’m new to posting on Reddit, so I hope I’m doing this correctly. I’m a 19-year-old female and my boyfriend is 18. We’ve been together since our teenage years and have grown into adulthood together. Last year, my boyfriend mentioned that he’s attracted to femboys. I didn’t mind this, although I didn’t quite understand it. We had a disagreement about it back then, but I can’t recall the details. Since then, I’ve been feeling insecure and have started therapy, which has helped somewhat. Recently, we had another major argument, which is unusual for us. During that conversation, I set clear boundaries, stating that I didn’t want to hear anything related to his X account, which I hope is clear what it implies, as it contributes to my insecurities. Last night, despite my request, he brought up his X account, which led to another argument. We don’t live together, so this all took place over text, although we see each other weekly since we live nearby. I stressed that hearing about that account affects me, yet he mentioned it anyway. This spiraled into a discussion about his attractions and whether they lean towards femininity or if he identifies as gay/bi. I told him I don’t care about his identity; I just don’t use labels myself since it doesn’t bother me. I made it clear that it’s his behavior and communication style that make me feel insecure. I understand he’s not responsible for my feelings, but I also expressed my need for reassurance, especially since he often makes jokes about ending our relationship for someone else. While he claims they’re just jokes, I sometimes feel he’s not joking at all. How can I discuss this with him without triggering anger? Every time I’ve tried, he responds with anger and evasion. Any advice would be greatly appreciated, as I genuinely want to make this relationship work. I’m also open to hearing if I’m in the wrong; I can sometimes lack self-awareness. Thanks for reading this lengthy post!

My boyfriend, who is 32, had a crush on my best friend before we started dating, and he texted her the day after we got together.

To summarize, I met my current boyfriend through my best friend, who is stunning. He openly admitted years ago that he finds her attractive. After our first hookup, he didn’t reach out to me the following day, only for me to discover that he had started a conversation with my best friend and was flirting with her. He confessed that he had feelings for her and didn’t expect that we would end up together, despite claiming he “always knew he loved me.” He told me I was amazing and that if he had known we would connect, he wouldn’t have pursued anything with my friend. Still, I can’t shake the feeling that what he did was really hurtful. I’m struggling with these feelings and would appreciate any advice on how to move past this, as I’m feeling quite hurt.

Considering my future with my boyfriend, who is 24.

I've been reflecting on my boyfriend’s plans for the future. He mentioned that once he moves and resumes school, we won’t be able to see each other, which has been weighing on my mind. I tend to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself, but I’m willing to drive any distance just to see him. However, he gave the impression that our relationship might end when he relocates, and that thought has stuck with me. Lately, he seems to be a bit distant, even though we’ve been texting. His messages feel different, and when I asked him if I had done something wrong, he assured me it was just his busy schedule and that I hadn’t done anything to upset him. I’ve tried to let it go, but the feeling of being avoided lingers, and I’m unsure whether to trust his explanation. I've been wanting to ask him what will happen once he moves. Will we continue our relationship, or is a breakup inevitable? Is it too much to bring up? I don’t want to make things awkward or push him away, but I feel the need to know where we stand. I could use some advice on how to approach this situation.

"My fiancée, who is 25, noticed a questionable photo."

My fiancée was going through my phone, and I wasn't too worried since I wasn't hiding anything serious. In our relationship, she views watching porn as a form of infidelity, whereas I don’t see it that way. I’ve never engaged in physical or emotional cheating, but I do occasionally watch porn. When she stumbled upon my photos, I remembered that I had downloaded some content. I reached for my phone to take it back, and she asked why I was doing that. I just slowly took it from her. We both sat in silence. As I glanced at my phone, I noticed a recent picture of myself taking a body shot. I had been comparing it to older photos from when I was heavier, but in that moment, it felt like I was giving off a vibe of infidelity. I did confess about the porn, but my explanation seemed to make things worse. She has lost trust in me again and has taken off her engagement ring. I know I have a history of cheating through text messaging a couple of years ago, so I understand her feelings. Now, she's completely shut down emotionally, and I feel lost about how to move forward. I know I've made mistakes, but I genuinely want to improve for her. I’ve been watching porn due to a lack of intimacy in our relationship, which I don't mind, although I do suggest it and take rejection in stride. I would appreciate any advice on how to navigate this situation. Thank you.

"My husband is monitoring me."

Both of us have struggled with bad habits in the past, but I feel like I’m losing my mind. He might read this, but to be honest, I’m past caring. I suspect my husband has been keeping tabs on me. I’m not sure how, but it seems he’s been more intrusive and nosy over the past year and a half. Since returning from basic training, he has become overly dependent, wanting to involve himself in my life whenever he thinks I’m being secretive or simply enjoying some quiet time with my headphones. He checks in constantly, but when I address his co-dependency, he insists that I don’t recognize the manipulation in his responses to my frustration with his odd behavior. He uses weaponized incompetence, avoids communication, engages in grey rocking, and stonewalling—he never seems to grow out of these immature behaviors. Much of what he fails to understand only seems to be acknowledged when it’s convenient for him, and honestly, I feel like I’ve been through this routine before. I understand that his peers in the service influence him, but he doesn’t seem to realize the impact they have on him, and it frustrates me. It’s turning my feelings for him into resentment over things that shouldn’t really matter. I’m open to discussing anything, but if he lacks the courage to approach me directly and wants to “confirm” things through other means, I’m growing weary of it. I shouldn’t have to be the emotional caretaker for his unavailability or teach him how to communicate after being together for ten years. I’m feeling particularly emotional right now, and I think some of this is provoking reactionary behavior. He seems to think I can’t see him for who he really is, but after a decade together, he knows our dynamic well. For the past couple of years, we've maintained open communication about our locations and phones. Just last week, he suggested we explore opening up our relationship; I’ve asked him about this in the past, but he wasn’t interested until now. I’ve been honest about my past infidelity, and while I confessed my actions to him, I was advised in marriage counseling that I shouldn’t have shared the details, even though I did. That incident occurred roughly five years ago, and we’ve been married for about a year now. I’m feeling lost. He claims he would give up everything for me, yet his current behavior makes me think he might abandon me at any moment. Who knows?

How can I, a 21-year-old female, make my first meeting with my long-distance boyfriend, who is 22, memorable?

I'm not usually one to ask for help, but I'm feeling a bit anxious right now. I'm about to meet my boyfriend of six months in just a few days for the very first time. We originally met online as teenagers years ago and have maintained a friendship since then. After years of longing and life getting in the way, we finally got together last September. Now, the moment we've been waiting for is finally here. I really want to make this weekend memorable for him since he's only visiting for a short time (we're both students living in Europe). We have an outing planned with mutual friends on Saturday, but I’m wondering if anyone has other suggestions to help make this meeting special for him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you! 😊

My boyfriend (35) and I (33) had a major argument after I learned that my mom had a seizure. How can we move forward in our relationship?

In context, both my partner and I are streamers, and we were live during this entire ordeal. Late one night, while I was in the middle of a ranked game, my phone started lighting up with texts and calls. I quickly scanned my messages and learned that my mother had fallen and subsequently had a seizure. By that time, she was already on her way to the hospital for treatment. I muted my stream and called my aunt, focusing solely on my mother and not sharing much about the situation. My aunt was in a panic, making it difficult to process what was happening. Given the distance and financial constraints, I couldn't be with my mother, but it was a relief to know family was there for her. Meanwhile, viewers noticed my sudden quietness and my boyfriend began to worry he might have said something wrong. His concern only added to the stress, and viewers likely thought they were the cause of my unease, which left me feeling incredibly guilty. To make matters worse, I was on the front page of the streaming platform without realizing it, meaning hundreds of people were watching this unfold. I tried to maintain my composure since I was live, even as I felt overwhelmed. But the increased tension only exacerbated the situation; my boyfriend felt I was giving him the cold shoulder. Eventually, I broke down and revealed that my mom had a seizure and I needed to end the stream, which prompted my boyfriend to stop his as well. This led to a confrontation between us, with him guilt-tripping me about how I made things awkward and that I should have communicated better. He even suggested we shouldn't stream together anymore if I was going to react like that. I was taken aback by his audacity and struggled to hold my composure, especially when he shifted the conversation to wanting to game with his friends due to his new work schedule. It took everything in me not to walk away at that moment. Instead, I told him that there would be times when I truly needed him, and this was one of those rare occasions. He went quiet and attempted to distract me with gaming. After a few hours, I mentioned that I was going to lie down. He jumped at the chance to play games with his friends and stream again. Today, I found out my mother is okay and receiving the help she needs. We spent some time together after he ended his stream, but I remained quiet for most of it. I've been reflecting ever since on how I felt during and after this experience. I'm deeply hurt, scared, angry, and emotionally drained.

I'm a 33-year-old woman and my boyfriend, who is also 33, unexpectedly went back on his promise to give up his vices...

We’ve been in a relationship for 3.5 years, and throughout that time, we’ve embraced a stoner lifestyle together. However, we took a break for about a month when he began drinking alone and asked me to pick up extra shifts so he could indulge in gin by himself. I’ve been sober from alcohol for over 4 years, and during that time, I felt like he was choosing alcohol over me. He, on the other hand, believed I was just forcing him out of my life without any other option. We eventually reconciled and decided to start fresh, making plans to move into an apartment together since we had been living at my parents' house. Before settling into our first apartment a few months ago, we discussed him finally quitting weed, which he has used daily for over 18 years. We mutually agreed that, since alcohol was my major issue, he wouldn’t drink around me. In a show of solidarity, I was prepared to quit weed as well, believing we were both committing to a sober lifestyle. He has a tendency to enter unhealthy drinking phases and recognized the need to stop. However, he started smoking in our apartment, and when I inquired about how his plan to quit was progressing, he erupted in anger, claiming he never intended to go fully sober. He didn’t understand where I got that impression and mentioned that he had drinks with his family recently, considering detoxing from weed only to eventually smoke again socially. I’m feeling really confused and upset because I wanted us to maintain open communication before signing a lease together. I genuinely want to give up weed and strive for full sobriety, and I believed we were in this journey together. It’s challenging for me to envision a future with someone who reacted so defensively about substances being central to his life. He insists that we can stay together as long as I just focus on my sobriety, but I’m unsure what to do. We have a year to sort this out, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m overreacting.

"I'm a 23-year-old woman, and my 23-year-old boyfriend seems to have lost his attraction to me after I lost some weight. I'm unsure how to process this situation."

I'm a 23-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, also 23, has a weight gain fetish, meaning he's attracted to the idea of someone gaining weight (especially around the stomach) rather than to the individual themselves. When we began dating, I unintentionally gained weight over the first year and a half, and during that time, he was very attracted to me and frequently initiated physical intimacy. However, I struggled significantly with my body image, physical health, and mental well-being, so I chose to lose weight for my own sake, primarily due to lifestyle adjustments and increased workload. In the past year, I've lost about 10-15 pounds (going from 150 to currently 138). While I don't think it's a drastic change, it initially unsettled him, but he now claims to support my fitness goals and has no issues with me going to the gym. He mentions feeling a little uneasy at times, but it's not a frequent concern. Recently, however, he admitted that he's not attracted to me the way he once was, and he's likely not going to initiate anything sexual anymore. He insists that his desire is solely connected to a growing belly and that he may even identify as asexual at times, although I'm unsure if he's still figuring that out. He watches weight gain adult content, and while I was upset about it initially, I realized everyone has their preferences, and I can’t fulfill that for him. What truly stung was when he told me that when I send him photos of my body (aside from my belly), they don’t genuinely excite him, and he only compliments them to avoid being unkind—even though he’d seemed to enjoy them at the time. During our intimate moments, he also confessed that he tends to imagine me as I was when we first met, rather than how I am now (I was even smaller back then). This revelation hurt because it felt like he wasn't fully present with me in those intimate experiences and was instead picturing a different version of me. I understand that attraction is multifaceted and that love involves more than just physical appeal, but it still stings to hear that my partner isn’t attracted to me like he used to be. He claims to love me as a person, but I can't shake the feeling of rejection. I don’t want to push him to feel something that doesn't come naturally, but I’m uncertain on how to move forward from here. Has anyone experienced something similar? How can I navigate a relationship where my partner's physical attraction appears to have diminished? I feel blindsided, as I thought his attraction was genuine and based on me, rather than just my weight gain. I had hoped he still appreciated me as a person beyond his fetish, but it seems that might not be the case anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. [EDIT] I've just realized that my boyfriend used to feel aroused by me and seemed genuinely attracted during the early days of our relationship when I was even slimmer than I am now, and I was unaware of his fetish at the time. What does this shift mean, and why is it different now? This has left me more confused than ever.

"I'm a 21-year-old female, and I feel uncomfortable with a 'pick me' girl always being at my boyfriend's (24M) place. What’s the best way to bring this up with him?"

I’m seeking some advice and perhaps a different perspective. I've been feeling uneasy lately about a girl who is always around my boyfriend and his roommates. She really gives off *pick me* vibes—always trying to fit in with the guys and inserting herself into conversations in subtle ways; you know what I mean. My boyfriend insists that he sees her as a pick-me girl and assures me that I shouldn’t worry. They don’t spend time alone together, and her connection is more with the friend group since she’s frequently at their apartment, where my boyfriend lives with two other roommates. Here’s the situation: Two of the roommates recently ended long-distance relationships. It honestly looks like something might be developing between this girl and at least one of them—it feels like a “new girl” scenario. There are even whispers that her constant presence might have contributed to one of those breakups. I’m not suggesting that my boyfriend should cut her off completely; I know she’s part of the friend dynamic rather than a personal friend of his. However, it frustrates me that she’s always present and seems to center herself around the guys. It makes me uncomfortable. While I trust him, he feels like I’m not fully trusting him. I don’t want to come off as controlling or insecure, but I feel like my boundaries are being pushed. I also worry that they might see me as the overly concerned girlfriend, even though I’ve always been pretty easygoing. TL;DR: My boyfriend thinks I’m being unreasonable for feeling annoyed by this pick-me girl.

How can I, a 22-year-old female, help my 23-year-old boyfriend push his boundaries?

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years. While I really enjoy our intimacy, it has started to feel a bit routine, and I sense that something is lacking in the passion department. I’m eager to explore new experiences, but he seems to be less secure and adventurous than I am. I’d love any suggestions on how to encourage him to open up and discover new aspects of our sexuality together.

Seeking advice: I'm struggling to trust my boyfriend because of some lies. I'm 32, and he's 34.

My boyfriend and I connected on a dating app on November 24. A month later, he revealed that he is married—albeit separated—but still married. He lives on his own and has his two kids regularly. When we started dating, I made it clear that my top deal breaker was dishonesty. Unfortunately, he has continued to lie about smaller things, though nothing has been as significant as his marriage, which was a lie of omission. At this point, I love him deeply and have given him a deadline of 90 days to finalize his divorce. That deadline is April 6, 2025, and he hasn’t filed yet, citing financial concerns as the reason for the delay. We're currently in a rough patch, and I'm torn about whether to stay or leave. The lying is the main issue for me. I would really appreciate any advice on what to do next.

I'm a 20-year-old woman and I feel like I'm in a neglectful relationship with my 22-year-old partner. Do you have any advice on how to address this?

My partner and I have been living together for over two years. Initially, everything was wonderful, but gradually it has turned into what I can only describe as neglect. The first issue is chores. He rarely picks up after himself despite my repeated requests for help. After two years of asking, we had agreed that he would take care of the dishes and take out the trash, but he only does it if I ask multiple times. I've also asked him to help with laundry since it often piles up and half of it belongs to him. He simply said he would just wear the same clothes for a week, which I know isn't true because he doesn’t want to do laundry. I’ve asked him to be more tidy to help when it comes time to clean, but even that request went unheeded, despite him getting a trash can for his office. Consequently, I end up doing everything myself. I got back from a trip four days ago, and despite feeling jetlagged, I’ve been cleaning since I returned. I’ve done two loads of laundry, tackled the dishes that were piled up, changed five litter boxes that hadn’t been touched while I was away, cleaned the toilets that had skid marks, and dealt with food wrappers and used paper plates left on the counters. At 8 a.m., I’m still surrounded by chores, staring at the laundry that needs folding before I can continue cleaning. Despite cleaning the kitchen the night before, I see trash and seasoning scattered across the counter and grease covering the stove. I don’t have OCD or particularly strong reasons for wanting a clean home, other than my upbringing. My mother struggled with severe alcoholism and was an animal hoarder, leading to a chaotic living environment. I dealt with the mess of multiple pets and felt overwhelmed trying to maintain cleanliness. My biggest fear is replicating that situation; I don’t want to return to a dirty home or dread stepping inside after a week away. While I strive to keep things tidy, it’s challenging to handle it all alone. The second major issue is the complete lack of physical, emotional, and intimate attention. We haven’t been intimate in the bedroom for at least four months, likely longer. We haven’t cuddled in ages, no matter how much I’ve asked, so I stopped trying. You might think, “but you live together, just initiate closeness.” However, he stays up until 5 or 6 a.m., and I end up going to bed alone. When he does come to the living room, he sits on the opposite couch, and if I lay in his lap, he doesn’t even touch me. Opening up about my depression, he blamed it on our financial situation and suggested I hit the gym to boost my mood. I’ve asked him repeatedly to spend time with me and even made a list of inexpensive date ideas, but he shot down every one of them, claiming they were uninteresting or too costly, even though all were budgeted for $30 or less. He has completely abandoned any romantic gestures. In the beginning, I wondered if he was just not romantic or simply did not think of me. I always brought back little treats when I went out, yet he rarely thought to do the same. For holidays and birthdays, I’d ask for flowers, which he’d only purchase after several reminders. I miss the times when there was more affection and desire between us. The last time I kissed him, he made a scene about what I had eaten, which was just plain potato chips. The last attempt at intimacy didn’t go well; there was no warm-up, which made it painful for me, and we had a small argument afterward where he admitted he didn’t even want to. I don’t demand intimacy often, but I do have needs that are going unfulfilled. I’ve stopped trying to initiate, turning to self-pleasure instead, and I’ve even mentioned it to him to avoid awkward encounters. The third significant issue is his sleep schedule. He has been unemployed for two months, and things have only worsened. When he was working, I at least saw him briefly before he left, but now he stays up late and sleeps until 2-4 p.m. By the time I get home, he’s either in his office studying for his real estate license or gaming. Last night, I stayed up until 12:30 a.m. hoping to spend time together. When he came to bed, I was excited, but by 6 a.m., I woke up to him unknowingly waking me by rummaging in his pockets. While I may have gotten used to this pattern—waking up alone, spending most of my day by myself, and having lonely dinners—it’s still disheartening. I feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness. If I had my own space, I imagine I’d feel less alone without expecting companionship. I realize some of this behavior stems from his own struggles, especially after losing his job. I’ve tried to encourage him to seek help for his depression and have been met with anger instead. He’s started to belittle me during arguments, making harsh comments. I’ve numbingly accepted my situation; while it sometimes hurts, I’ve stopped crying over it. I begin school in a few months, and I worry that this situation will continue, pulling my focus away from studying and needed cleaning. I don’t want to abandon him during this tough time, but I also don’t want to compromise my own wellbeing. I’m at a crossroads and looking for advice on how to address these issues before school begins. **TL;DR:** I (20F) feel like I'm in a neglectful relationship (22M), where I'm constantly alone and ignored. Any advice on how to improve the situation before I start college?

My husband [33M] is unsure about wanting to have children with me [34F].

**Summary:** My husband frequently cites our political differences as a reason not to have children, only to later retract those statements. Given his repeated hesitations, should I consider resuming birth control? I’ll try to be brief, but please feel free to ask questions for more context. My husband and I met a decade ago and have been married for five years. When we first connected, he identified as a Libertarian, and our disagreements were mostly about taxes and the economy. After dating casually for a year, I expressed my love for him, but he hesitated due to our differences. He ultimately decided he didn’t want to end things, admitting he was acting out of fear. We established that we share core values: we’re both Atheist, career-focused, have a quirky sense of humor, and initially expressed a desire to adopt rather than have biological children. I’ve always been passionate about human rights, and while he never openly opposed my beliefs, I noticed he was raised in an environment where unsavory jokes were commonplace. However, during our first year of marriage, everything changed with the onset of COVID. I discovered that he held negative views regarding my passions but made efforts to compromise to keep moving forward. After finishing college, we moved to a less expensive, more politically mixed city in a more conservative state. It was a tough decision since we loved our families, but we needed a fresh start. When I brought up the idea of adoption, he shocked me by saying, "I want kids, just not with you," claiming our differences would complicate parenting. I was devastated by his assumption that I would impose my beliefs on our child instead of collaborating to raise an independent individual. I suggested he reconsider our relationship if he felt that way, but after processing it, he agreed that we could navigate parenting as a team. We bought a house, adopted two dogs, and even attended adoption orientations. My husband then suggested having biological children, which conflicted with my long-held desire not to pursue that path but I remained open to it. After months of reflection and therapy, I finally agreed to stop taking birth control. We attempted to find a marriage counselor, but I'm the only one actively searching, and I’m losing motivation since he doesn’t seem committed to therapy. The current political climate is causing me anxiety as many of my moral beliefs feel threatened. In tears, I voiced my fears to him, expecting support, but he merely rubbed my knee and asked if I had someone else to talk to—I had hoped that person was him. A week later, he started avoiding intimacy, leading me to ask about it. Once again, he expressed doubts about raising kids together because of our differences. I was blindsided and reacted strongly, reminding him that he had initiated the idea of having biological children. Following this, I stayed in the spare room for a month before asking him if he truly wanted kids with me. He cried and said yes. Yet, after multiple discussions, his doubts linger, leaving me feeling misled, especially since I believed we had moved past this issue. I love him deeply, but I struggle to envision a future with someone who is uncertain. I’m thinking about going back on birth control, but I question whether I should even be intimate with someone who is so conflicted. Should I suggest he seek individual therapy?

I [26M] don't feel the same level of love for my girlfriend [23F] as I once did.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a sense of stagnation and frustration in my relationship, which has lasted about a year and a half. Over the last 4 to 6 months, I've noticed a concerning decline in my girlfriend's behavior. When we first started dating, she was passionate about working out, meal prepping, and enjoyed her job while maintaining an active lifestyle. Now, however, she rarely goes to the gym, opts for snacks over meals, and dislikes her job and coworkers. She doesn't spend time with friends, has few hobbies, and prefers to be around me all the time. There are days when she experiences depressive episodes and stays in bed all day, leaving me to handle all household chores and daily responsibilities. She’ll help out only when I express my frustration, but after a few days, she usually returns to the same patterns. I’ve begun to doubt her potential as a good partner or future mother, as I’m concerned that my responsibilities will only increase without much support from her, especially since I work swing shifts. Despite voicing my concerns, she continues to push for marriage and children, which I feel is unwise given her current state. I already manage all the household bills, most of the cleaning, and take care of our dogs. I've tried to address her mental health issues and how they're affecting our relationship, and I’m not fond of her family, who struggle with alcoholism, drug addiction, and criminal behavior, which I believe may contribute to her struggles. Although she hasn't gotten into trouble herself, she does take medication for her depression and ADHD. In a final attempt to help, I suggested she seek therapy. Is my frustration justified? Would it make me a bad person if I chose to end the relationship if things don’t improve?

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