Relationship advices

Dating and Starting Relationships • 14h ago

I'm an 18-year-old male, and there's a 22-year-old female at my workplace. Is that age difference too significant?

I work with a girl who's 22, and I'm 18. I really like her, but I'm not sure if she thinks I'm too young. We've been working together for two months, and with Valentine's Day approaching, I asked her about her plans. She mentioned that she recently broke up with someone and doesn’t have anyone at the moment. I haven't asked for her social media yet, so we only communicate while we're at work. Is the age gap too significant to be considered odd? Should I ask for her social media? Any advice would be appreciated!


Trust and Jealousy • 16h ago

How to establish boundaries with my partner

My fiancé (39M) and I (35F) have been together for just over five years, and we have a strong relationship. We’re set to get married this June. However, something has come up recently that has intensified my anxiety, and I can’t seem to shake it. We both work for the same company, though we don’t interact during the day. Recently, a new girl was hired to fill my fiancé’s old role, and he has been tasked with her training. From the start, I felt an odd instinct about her, influenced by her outgoing personality and her social media presence, which includes many provocative and revealing photos. She’s only 23. Since she joined the team, I’ve noticed my fiancé frequently brings her up in conversation—what she had for lunch, something funny she said, and so on. It’s starting to irritate me. I’ve also caught them texting late into the night after work. One day, feeling particularly anxious, I looked through his texts on his laptop. Most of the messages were work-related, but there were definitely some flirty comments mixed in. She referred to him as "Thanks papa," called him dreamy-eyed, and sent him playful memes at night. There was even a time she called him in tears, upset about a work-related issue. Additionally, he recently followed her on Instagram despite claiming he rarely uses the app and doesn’t follow any other coworkers. (I found that out while snooping, which I regret.) I’m unsure how to discuss my discomfort with him, especially considering the way I discovered this information. I want to explain my feelings without admitting that I looked through his messages. I don’t believe he’s cheating, but I’m concerned it could lead to emotional infidelity or that he might be attracted to her. He even mentioned wanting to switch gyms to one that she attends, which he brought up casually. How should I approach this situation? **TL;DR:** I'm anxious about my fiancé's new coworker and unsure how to bring up my concerns.


Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • 16h ago

My boyfriend asked me if it was alright for him to watch pornography.

Subject: HELP! My Long-Distance Boyfriend's Unexpected Question My long-distance boyfriend (we live in different states and only see each other every few months) surprised me by asking something out of the blue. I was taken aback and didn't know how to respond, so I ended up saying, "I don't know." Now, I'm questioning whether it's acceptable for him to watch porn while in a relationship. Is this normal, and should I be okay with it? What should I do? I'm 18 (F) and he's 21 (M).


Low Self-Esteem and Personal Growth • 17h ago

What steps should we take? Young couple facing challenges after an abortion in the UK.

I've been in a turbulent relationship with my girlfriend recently. A couple of weeks ago, she discovered she was pregnant, just under 8 weeks along. Even though I hold traditional views, I felt that keeping the baby wasn't the right choice for us. She was already firm in her decision, and last week she went through with terminating the pregnancy, which I supported. It felt like the best decision for both of us at that time, but we both understandably have some regrets. I'm also struggling with self-diagnosed alcoholism, drinking excessively almost every day, which has intensified my feelings of regret about our choice. While I know my girlfriend wouldn't have changed her mind, I can't help but think about the child we could have had. What should I do?


Toxic Relationships • 20h ago

My boyfriend mentioned that he wasn't feeling happy.

I’m an 18-year-old female, and my boyfriend, S, is 19. We've been together for almost a year, but things have become really rocky recently. I know I’m the one causing a lot of the issues in the relationship, but I’m actively working on improving myself; I just need to develop more self-discipline. S is currently involved in choir and theater competitions, with theater lasting until around April and choir until May. I’ve always struggled with mood swings and tend to lash out at people without any real reason. I also have a habit of putting myself in dangerous situations, like walking around at night, despite S’s constant warnings. This behavior, along with not sharing what’s going on with my parents, has strained our relationship. I realize I have become quite dependent on him. Yesterday, S called and expressed that he isn’t happy with me, though he reassured me that he still loves and cares for me. He mentioned that even if I improve, there's no guarantee things will work out, and that thought terrifies me. In a moment of vulnerability, when he said he couldn’t take the unhappiness anymore, I begged him to stay, promising I would talk to my parents and heed his advice. He decided to stick around. I did end up talking to my parents, and I’ve also made a commitment not to walk outside at night anymore. We still plan to celebrate our one-year anniversary. He has affirmed that he loves me romantically and wants to care for me, and he even mentioned that if we were to break up, he would want to remain friends. I’m looking for advice on how to make him happy again and how to strengthen our relationship. I’ll provide an update in about 6 to 12 months. **TL;DR:** My boyfriend has expressed he hasn’t been happy with me recently, and I recognize that I am the toxic one in the relationship, but he still loves me. I’m seeking advice on how to rebuild and improve our relationship.


Trust and Jealousy • 21h ago

Why does he seem distant after we've been intimate? I'm uncertain about our relationship.

I've been seeing this guy (22M) for a while now, and I'm not quite sure how to define our relationship—friends with benefits seems to fit. However, he often gets upset at the idea of me being with someone else, which feels a bit unfair since he hasn't made any effort to deepen our relationship beyond the physical aspect. I recently discovered that he’s been sleeping with other women while I've been having unprotected sex with him. When we’re together, he’s incredibly passionate—playful, talkative, and genuinely excited about being with me. But afterward, he completely shuts down. He becomes distant and quiet, choosing his words carefully and acting very intentionally. The hardest part is that he won’t even hold me afterwards; he just lies there silently, which really hurts. I'm left wondering: is this just post-nut clarity? Does he not want me in the same way I want him? Or is there something else I’m missing? I'm really confused about the whole situation.


Communication Problems • 21h ago

Nonverbal Communication

I’m a 30-year-old woman, and my boyfriend is 32. We’ve been together for nearly nine years. In the past, he has shared that when he feels upset, sad, anxious, or depressed, he tends to shut down—which I completely understand. These periods of withdrawal can last anywhere from half a day to four days. It pains me to see him go through this alone, especially since he has mentioned that opening up might help, but he struggles to do so. I, on the other hand, thrive on transparency and open communication about issues that matter. Over time, I learned that confronting him can really affect him negatively, so I’ve been attending therapy for the past few years. This has helped me find ways to find closure on my own and approach sensitive topics in a less confrontational manner. Additionally, I've been working on my own trust issues stemming from his infidelities in the first year of our relationship (that’s a whole other story). He promised to work on his communication and attend therapy as well, but in the year and a half since he first made that promise, he has only managed to attend about four or five sessions. Fast forward to now: we hardly ever argue, and he seldom initiates conflicts. This could be because he is more easygoing and not easily bothered, or it may stem from his fear of confrontation, causing him to bottle up any negative feelings or criticisms to avoid tough discussions. We’ve agreed to strike a balance between my approach to conflict and his. The understanding was that if he needs time to himself, he should at least communicate that and provide a timeframe for when we can resume talking—whether it’s a day, a few hours, or something else. However, we had a disagreement nearly four days ago, and since then, he has been giving me the silent treatment without communicating his need for space or how long it would last. He approached me once during this time, which made me think he was ready to talk, but it escalated into another argument, during which he accused me of "forcing him to talk when he didn’t want to," even though he initiated the conversation. After that, I decided to give him space and ignore him. He later expressed that he still wanted us to attend a party we had agreed on, so we went. At the party, he publicly ignored and dismissed me in front of our friends and even conversed with one of the women he had cheated on me with before. This felt intentional, as though he was trying to hurt or punish me. I was upset and quietly left the party alone, returning to our place, which prompted a conversation I initiated the next morning. In hindsight, I should have waited for him to approach me instead. The discussion lasted over 30 minutes, during which he insisted that I wasn’t respecting his need for space and that approaching the woman wasn’t meant to hurt me. He also admitted he has no intentions of attending therapy and believes I am asking too much by simply wanting him to communicate when he’s experiencing anxiety and needs time, as well as how long he might need. I don’t require detailed insight into his thoughts—just a little heads-up. He claims my request is controlling and disrespectful. For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with feeling guilty easily, so I can’t help but wonder if I’m overreacting or indeed asking for too much, as he claims.


Age Differences • 22h ago

My girlfriend mentioned that she needs some time to herself.

My girlfriend is 25, and I’m 32. We’ve been together for four months, but she just let me know that she needs some space. She said it’s not me, but her, and that when she’s ready, she’ll reach out. She delivered all this in about an hour. I’ve been training in the army every few days, which leaves me fatigue and resting a lot, so I haven’t been able to talk much. I understood that she might struggle with being in a relationship with someone who is away for a few weeks every month. Lately, she’s been giving me attitude during our calls and seems upset with me for no clear reason. It feels like she’s used to having me around and now that I can’t be, she’s acting out. I’m just not sure where I went wrong.


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 22h ago

Three-way experience with my partner.

I've been dating my boyfriend [19M] for two years and four months, and he recently brought up the idea of having a threesome with another girl. I'm unsure how to react to his interest in this. When I asked him why he wants to pursue it, he mentioned that he sees it as a shared experience with me and thinks it could be fun. However, I can't shake the feeling that he might want to be with other girls without feeling guilty. I'm seeking some advice—am I overthinking this, or am I onto something?


Trust and Jealousy • 23h ago

My boyfriend (18, male) is upset with me because I (18, female) played my PS5 while he was occupied.

I wanted to play my game today, and since my boyfriend was at school and I was at home, I figured it would be a good time. We’re in a long-distance relationship, and I’m not busy at the moment. He bought me a PS5 not too long ago, and I’ve picked up a few games for it, including MW3, which I introduced him to. While playing MW3, I thought it would be fun to record some videos and timelapses on my phone to send him later. He often worries that I'm talking to other guys in the game or in real life, so I thought sharing the videos would reassure him that I wasn't chatting with anyone. When he got a chance to check his phone, he seemed upset, so I asked him what was wrong. He asked, "So who were you playing with?" I replied, "No one! Didn't you see the videos?" He hadn't, and he wondered why I sent them. I explained that I thought it would ease his mind since he sometimes feels like I’m talking to other guys. This seemed to upset him further, and he told me I knew it would bother him, so why would I choose to play the PS5? I said my intention was to help. He insisted that I knew he would think I was engaging with others and that it would probably make him upset. I acknowledged that I understood his feelings, which is why I made the videos. Now I’m feeling confused. I asked, "Why can’t I play my game when I want, but you can?" I added, "I trust that you’re not talking to girls in the game; why can’t you trust me?" But now he’s shut off and is just replying with "okay" and stating, "I’m not going back and forth with you." I don’t really understand what I did wrong; I just wanted some time to play my game.


Toxic Relationships • 1d ago

Feeling Stuck: Are Control Issues Ruining My 10-Year Relationship (29F & 29M)?

I’m a 29-year-old woman in a 10-year relationship with my fiancé, who is also 29. We first met in middle school and began dating after we graduated high school. Despite facing various challenges and experiencing family interventions, we remained together and recently got engaged with the support of both our families. His family holds very conservative views, even more so than mine in certain aspects. He has always expressed that his mother would not accept a partner who doesn’t strictly adhere to her religious beliefs or who doesn’t dress modestly. While I typically wore jeans and t-shirts in college, I've gradually adopted more traditional attire. However, his mother also prefers a partner who covers her head and stays off social media. I've been active on social media since 2014, and it hasn’t been an issue for him—until now. In his efforts to gain his mother’s approval, he asked me to delete all photos of myself. Although I was upset, I complied and archived everything. Later, I unarchived a few posts where my face wasn’t visible. He noticed this but initially didn't mention it. However, yesterday he confronted me, accusing me of not keeping my promise and declaring that he wouldn’t tolerate this behavior. Recently, we’ve been experiencing conflicts regarding our beliefs and values—issues we should have discussed earlier but didn’t. I regret not addressing them sooner. Social media has always served as a means for me to share my life (nothing revealing, just everyday updates). The larger issue is that he’s becoming increasingly controlling—dictating my clothing choices, where I can go alone, and even what I can post online. It feels constricting, and I’m uncertain if I can continue living like this for the long term. I love him, but I’m starting to question whether this relationship is sustainable. Has anyone else faced a similar situation? How do I approach this?


Trust and Jealousy • 1d ago

Guidance on Setting Relationship Boundaries (32M)

I'm seeking some advice from this community. First, I want to clarify that I hope this post isn't seen as having any negative sentiments toward a particular group, gender, or anything of the sort. I lead a quiet life and prefer to mind my own business. Although I was raised in a more conservative environment, I don't pass judgment on others for being who they are; I believe in treating everyone with kindness and respect. I’m a 32-year-old man, and my girlfriend, who is also 32, and I have been in a serious relationship for over a year. We have a strong connection and make each other very happy. A few months ago, we started discussing some important topics, including boundaries and what we consider acceptable or off-limits. While we both tend to hold moderate views—though I lean slightly to the right and she leans a bit to the left in social matters—our conversations have been constructive. In November, we talked about our thoughts on bachelor and bachelorette parties and the activities that accompany them. I mentioned that I would never go to a strip club because I see that as a form of cheating. I also expressed my discomfort with the drag scene; while I don't judge others for enjoying it, it’s simply not my thing. During our discussion, she assured me that if a bachelorette party involved any elements of drag or stripping, she would excuse herself. Fast forward to last weekend: she attended a bachelorette party for one of her friends and informed me that they went to a drag restaurant for dinner. Although this isn’t a strip club, it still made me uncomfortable, particularly since she had previously stated she wouldn’t attend such events. She later texted me, mentioning that other girls in the group interacted with the performers. When I asked if she participated, she said she only handed them money, which the group had pooled together. While others danced with the performers, she didn’t specify if she did. She met up with some old friends during her trip, and I understand her desire to fit in and not feel excluded. However, we haven’t discussed this since her return. I don’t want to bottle up my feelings, so I’m looking for suggestions on how to express my concerns without coming off as controlling. I genuinely want to give her the benefit of the doubt and consider that she might have simply forgotten our discussion about boundaries, though I find it hard to believe she would overlook our conversation. Should I just let this go since she is an adult, and it seems like there’s nothing to hide on her part? We generally communicate well, but I still feel uneasy about the situation. I appreciate any thoughts you have. Thank you!


Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • 1d ago

I'm a 28-year-old woman who doesn't want a wedding, while my 27-year-old partner does. What should I do?

Hello everyone! I’m a 28-year-old woman, and I’ve been in a serious relationship with my partner, who is 27, for nearly four years now. Recently, we’ve been discussing the future and the prospect of marriage, which excites me greatly because he is the most generous, thoughtful, and amazing person I’ve ever met. However, the thought of being a bride fills me with anxiety. To give some background, I used to work as an event planner. While I enjoyed the aspects of problem-solving and organization, I often felt immense pressure knowing that the success of each event depended on me. This same feeling arises even when I host casual trivia nights with friends. I also struggle with being the center of attention. For example, at a recent event where I took photos, the organizer publicly thanked me, and I felt deeply uncomfortable with all the attention focused on me. Additionally, I have a challenging relationship with how I perceive myself. I’m working on accepting my reflection, but I dislike photos of me that aren’t over a decade old. Now, transitioning this to a wedding scenario where I’d be the focus at multiple events and continuously photographed is overwhelming. To complicate matters, it’s one of the most expensive days of your life, and the pressure to ensure everyone has a good time makes me feel even more anxious. The thought of an intimate courthouse elopement with my dad taking pictures also tightens my chest. My partner, however, truly wants a wedding. His desire for a wedding isn’t selfish at all. He didn’t experience prom or graduation parties, and his family doesn’t celebrate birthdays. I believe part of him yearns for a significant event that marks an important milestone in his life, which I completely understand. He also wishes for his cousins, who are like brothers to him, to attend our wedding instead of opting for an elopement. Even though we grew up in the same country, he comes from a culture where a wedding with 300-400 people is seen as small. I feel that for him, not having a wedding would feel almost unacceptable. I attempted to discuss my feelings with him today. While he was very kind, I sense he doesn’t fully grasp the depth of my discomfort with the idea of a wedding. I even joked about having a “stand-in bride,” someone who is prettier and thinner than me, take the spotlight while I still get to marry him. He responded, “It’s your day too! You’ll be in all the pictures!” I tried to convey that while the thought of marrying him brings me joy, the notion of being a bride had me in tears at work today. Though he was sympathetic, I suspect he believes this is a temporary feeling. I’m struggling with the idea that my reluctance toward a wedding seems selfish, while his reasons for wanting one come from a genuine place. I feel conflicted about discouraging him from having a wedding, but I fear I would break down if I had to go through with it. I would appreciate any advice on how to navigate this situation. **TL;DR:** At 28, I fear the pressure, attention, and dislike of photos related to weddings, while my 27-year-old partner wants a wedding due to cultural importance and a desire to celebrate with loved ones. When discussing this, he seems sweet but doesn’t fully understand my feelings. Having a smaller wedding would feel problematic in his culture. Any advice?


Toxic Relationships • 1d ago

Why does he (22M) seem distant after we have sex? I'm (21F) feeling confused about our relationship status.

I've been involved with this guy for a while now, and I’m uncertain how to define our relationship—aside from calling it “friends with benefits.” He tends to get upset at the thought of me seeing anyone else, which seems unfair since he hasn't made any moves to deepen our connection beyond the physical aspect. I recently discovered that he’s been involved with other women while I've been having unprotected sex with him. When we're intimate, he's really passionate, playful, and chatty, but afterward, he completely withdraws. He becomes distant, quieter, and very deliberate with his words. The hardest part is that he won’t even hold me; he just lays there quietly, which honestly leaves me feeling awful. It makes me wonder: is it just post-nut clarity? Does he not feel the same way I do? Or is there something else happening here that I’m not grasping? I’m really confused about our situation. **TL;DR:** I (21F) have been seeing a guy (22M) as friends with benefits. He gets upset if I mention being with someone else but doesn’t seem interested in anything beyond physical intimacy. After sex, he becomes distant, quiet, and won’t hold me, which makes me feel terrible. Is this post-nut clarity, or does he not want the same as I do? I’m puzzled about where we stand.


Trust and Jealousy • 1d ago

I'm a 23-year-old guy, and my girlfriend, who is 22, often spends time with a coworker who has expressed interest in her romantically. How do you interpret this situation?

I (23M) met this girl (22F) about eight months ago on my university campus in the States. We hit it off right away and went on several dates, officially becoming a couple just four months ago. The relationship has been wonderful; she’s an amazing person who I believe truly loves me, and what we share feels special. Recently, she started her first job in the corporate world. Unsure of how things would unfold, she mentioned she didn’t want to share details about me with her colleagues for the first few weeks to gauge the workplace dynamics and see if people generally talked about their partners. I understood her reasoning and was okay with it. However, a few days into her job, a coworker (22M) began reaching out to her frequently, texting and calling her often, even setting up Zoom calls for work prep. My girlfriend expressed that she enjoyed their conversations and thought he was a cool guy. They shared long, deep chats about past relationships, crushes, and life experiences, which made me feel uneasy, as it seemed like he was trying to flirt with her. What struck me as even stranger was that she hadn’t mentioned me to him at all. When I brought up my concerns, she was receptive and agreed to tell her coworker about me. A few days later, she did share that she was in a relationship. Despite this, later that evening, the coworker called her and confessed his feelings, asking her out on a date. My girlfriend clearly told him she wasn’t interested and that she liked me. However, after that conversation, they still spoke for about 30 minutes, during which he attempted to flirt with her again. I didn’t think too much of it at the time. A few days later, she started going to the office on days when she could have worked from home, inviting this coworker and another coworker (22M) to join her. They began hanging out regularly, spending time together in the office when others were working remotely, and going out for team lunches and other outings. While she assured me that they maintained a strict friendship, there were instances of flirting from him. He even offered to teach her how to ride a bike, which really bothered me since I had always wanted to be the one to do that. It made me question whether this was normal and whether I should be comfortable with her spending so much time with someone who clearly seems to have feelings for her. What do you all think about this situation? How should I approach this in my relationship? I genuinely love her, and I know she loves me too, but this whole scenario feels a bit off. I’d appreciate your thoughts on the best way to move forward.


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 1d ago

I (22F) and my boyfriend (25M) are experiencing some problems and could use some advice.

I'm facing some challenges in my relationship with my boyfriend, and I could really use some advice. We've been together for four years, and I'm starting to feel that his behavior is quite controlling. For instance, he views masturbation as cheating and insists that I shouldn't do it. He also gets upset when I watch anime, especially if a male character is shirtless, and he often tells me to look away. Recently, he got angry over my Call of Duty banner, which features a warrior girl with some cleavage showing. His friend complimented it, and suddenly it became a problem. My profile picture of a girl in a tank top and gaming headset also made him react negatively; he claimed it looked like she was wearing a bikini. When I tried to explain that it was just a tank top, he argued that others might perceive it differently. He insists that he isn't insecure or jealous, but his words and actions suggest otherwise. I've even had to step back from my own gaming league because my teammates are all guys, and I avoid speaking to any men in public. I don’t even chat with my teammates outside of gaming, but he believes he understands how guys and girls think. There's also an aspect of our relationship that’s been troubling me: our sex life. In the first year, everything was great. He was attentive and we both enjoyed ourselves, but for the past three years, it’s been disappointing. I've started to find pleasure on my own because I feel like I need to teach him what I want. Our intimacy has dwindled to a cycle where I give him oral pleasure, but he rarely reciprocates, and when he does, it's not satisfying. In the past, he would make an effort to please me, but that has changed significantly. Recently, after a heated discussion about our intimacy issues, he tried to show me he could please me, but it felt more like a response to criticism rather than genuine effort. I love him deeply and would never cheat, and while I believe that sex isn't everything, it is an important part of our bond. I just wish he would prioritize my pleasure as much as I do his.


Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • 1d ago

I feel disoriented and uncertain.

I've been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for a year and a half, and we’ve been apart for the last six months. He’s 27, and I'm 24. Recently, he’s been overwhelmed with work and studying for interviews, claiming he doesn’t have time to talk. I work a 9 to 6 job, and my commute is exhausting, while he lives nearby in another city and is only available after 11 PM, which is when I need to go to bed to wake up early for work. Our conversations have dwindled to just a few minutes each day, and I feel increasingly isolated. I used to spend so much time with him, and now I worry that I'm coming off as clingy and demanding. He seems to prioritize his social life over our relationship, even canceling our talks today for a game of badminton with friends. I’m emotionally drained from crying over this situation. Part of me fears that he’s lost interest or is trying to push me away, but leaving him is incredibly difficult. I love him deeply. I attempted to end things on Saturday and go no contact, but after just six hours, I reached out to him and even involved his roommates to force a conversation. I hate feeling this way. He used to devote so much time and attention to me, and now I feel like I’m just begging for the bare minimum. I suggested that since he’s so busy, we could limit our conversations to the weekends, but he agreed quickly and then went off without much thought. As I type this, I’m shaking and crying. I don’t have many friends—just a few colleagues whom he won’t let me hang out with since they’re guys. I need help; I can’t keep living like this every day. It feels like I’m just here to serve him, and it's breaking me. Please, I need advice.


Infidelity • 1d ago

My History is Looming Over My Marriage

I (43F) just married the love of my life (45M) three days ago. Unfortunately, my ex-husband (44M) sent a video of me performing oral sex to my new husband. As a result, my husband has left me. I don’t recall making this video and likely was very intoxicated at the time. I'm heartbroken, as is my husband, who has expressed doubts about being intimate with me in the future. What should I do?


Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • 1d ago

How did you maintain your relationships over time (specifically those that lasted) from a non-religious perspective?

I’m 'F15' and my boyfriend 'M15' and I will be celebrating our one-year anniversary next month. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about how to make this relationship last. While I understand that there's no guaranteed formula for a lasting relationship, I genuinely believe in what we have. He's my first love and my first everything, and our relationship is going so well compared to my past ones. He’s truly amazing—always looking out for me, making sacrifices, and just being an overall sweetheart. I can’t shake the fear that one day, whether it’s two or ten years down the line, we might just drift apart and no longer be a couple. I see a bright future with him. I know I’m young, but I can't help but think about these things. What kind of boundaries or practices have helped your relationships endure? I'm looking for advice that doesn’t focus on religious views right now; I am religious but not quite ready to dive into that just yet. I’d love to keep things low-key for now!


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 1d ago

My boyfriend isn't as physically affectionate with me as I'd prefer...

I've been in a relationship for the past four months with my boyfriend, who is also 30. We initially connected through Facebook Dating, where he took the initiative by messaging me first, planning our dates, and encouraging our closeness. He invited me to spend the night at his place, took me to his band practice, and created a romantic atmosphere that felt like something out of a fairytale. In the beginning, our sex life was quite active, but I often found that I would finish while he wouldn't. He reassured me not to worry about it, explaining that he doesn't climax easily and is simply happy to take care of me. However, this discrepancy led to two arguments. The first disagreement arose when I had to leave for work, and though he expressed that he was aroused and wanted to use my toy, he waited until I was about to leave to mention it. This triggered feelings of being unwanted, leading me to ask him to leave when I returned home unexpectedly. The next day, we discussed how I felt triggered by his timing, and he assured me it wasn't about him rejecting me. He understood that my concern was more about not being included in his pleasure. Our second argument came when he mentioned needing some space. I opened up about feeling sexually deprived, and during that conversation, he disclosed his struggles with porn addiction and how it affects both our relationship and his self-esteem. He admitted that his erectile dysfunction is an ongoing issue for him and that he doesn't have a strong sexual drive. Recently, he had a moment where he cleaned his toys and disposed of them, stating he was tired of it being a problem. I interpreted it as a step towards overcoming his porn addiction, and for a while, everything felt fine. But with our busy schedules and social obligations, we haven't had much time to connect. He's asked me to move in, bought us concert tickets, and is planning future events, which gives the impression that everything is okay. However, I've noticed something troubling: he hasn't actually thrown the toy away; it's hidden in a drawer, and he seems to be using it daily. We haven’t been as affectionate lately, which makes me question whether this is just the natural progression of our relationship or if there's a deeper issue we need to address. For context, I fully support masturbation and self-pleasure. My main concern is that while I could engage in similar solo activities, I would prefer our intimate moments to be shared. I want him to climax with me, and though it feels selfish, I want that physical connection. This morning, I tried to initiate intimacy, but he dismissed it, saying we didn’t have enough time. I suggested he use his toy to finish for me, only for him to claim he no longer had one. I felt blindsided because I know he has it and has been using it, but he lied directly to me. I’m confused about why he would hide this, especially since we usually communicate openly. Is he trying to spare my feelings? Does he feel ashamed? Am I no longer attractive to him? I can't help but wonder if he might identify as asexual or if he simply has a lower libido compared to my needs. Previous relationships often involved both good sex and various issues, but this one seems to thrive on romance and emotional connection, despite the sexual discrepancy. I want to embrace our plans and potentially move in together. He loves my dog and enjoys spending time with me, making me feel cherished in so many ways. Yet the inability to climax during our intimate moments is affecting how I feel about our relationship. I find myself in a dilemma about how to address this without jeopardizing what we have. I've talked to a couple of close friends, and one suggested I may want to reconsider the relationship entirely, as they don’t understand my struggle. Why is he lying to me? Is our relationship still worth pursuing? Should I consider discussing something more adventurous to reignite our intimacy or just let him continue his routine? It feels frustrating that his keeping that toy a secret restricts our shared experiences, and while I can find fulfillment on my own, I miss being part of his pleasure. What complicates everything is that he still wants to cuddle at night and plans for our future together. I worry that this issue is too significant to overlook. The idea of confronting him about the hidden toy and revealing I know about it has crossed my mind, but I fear this could lead to dramatic reactions. I don’t want to make impulsive decisions because I'm confused and hurt. I've been genuinely proud of how I've been managing my emotions and interactions, and I don’t want to jeopardize something potentially wonderful. Right now, I'm feeling lost.


Cultural and Religious Differences • 1d ago

My girlfriend (26, female) and I (34, male) have been together for two years, and she believes I may be autistic (which I’m not). This has led her to question our future plans regarding having children.

I'm a 34-year-old man in a two-year relationship with my 26-year-old girlfriend. Recently, she's expressed concerns that I might be autistic, which I don't believe to be the case. She's also uncertain about having children, especially considering my nephew has autism along with serious health issues—something she's been aware of since we started dating. Aside from my nephew, there are no known cases of autism in my family. She’s mentioned that the idea of having a child with special needs is overwhelming for her, and my supposed autism adds to her anxiety. Occasionally, she shows frustration regarding my behaviors, which she associates with autism—this happens roughly once a month. Overall, our two-year relationship has been quite positive. She is kind, family-oriented, and we have a harmonious living situation after nine months together. I consider this my healthiest relationship to date compared to three previous ones. Recently, an incident sparked a deeper conversation. While she was out dining with friends, I was home watching a movie. With the washing machine running next to the living room, I used noise-canceling headphones to better hear the film. When she returned, she had her hands full and was upset I didn't hear her knocking to open the door. I apologized, explaining that I hadn't heard her due to the headphones, but she responded, “ugh, clearly you're on the spectrum.” Her comment shocked me and left me feeling frustrated for a couple of reasons: First, I don't have autism, and it's perplexing that she feels so certain about this diagnosis despite lacking any medical expertise or experience with autistic individuals. I've reassured her multiple times about my status, yet she clings to her belief. Second, even if I were autistic, I find it troubling that she would express frustration over a condition I can't control. This incident opened a dialogue about her feelings and our future, especially since we’re approaching a more serious stage in our relationship. She apologized for her reaction and shared that her frustrations have been growing in light of her concerns about my "supposed" autism and the implications of my nephew's condition. While she indicated that her feelings might shift slightly if I were diagnosed—whether or not I am on the spectrum—the core issue about autism in my family still persists. I’m seeking advice on how to navigate this situation because at 34, I have limited time to focus on building a family, which I desire. To summarize: My girlfriend believes I’m autistic (which I’m not), and my nephew's autism raises doubts for her about our future and the prospect of having children. She often feels frustrated by my supposed behaviors linked to autism.


Trust and Jealousy • 1d ago

My boyfriend (28m) has been dishonest with me about his co-worker, and I'm unsure whether I (25f) should forgive him.

To begin with, we've been in a relationship for four years, and my boyfriend has never exhibited any signs of dishonesty until now. I recently spent a month abroad visiting family, leaving him to spend the holiday season on his own, which made him feel quite isolated. Most of his current friends are people I've introduced him to, and he doesn't have a large circle of his own, so he didn't have many options for socializing during my absence. While he spent Christmas with a mutual friend, he had no plans for New Year's Eve. While I was away, he socialized with a group of coworkers. He told me they gathered at our place, and he really enjoyed it, feeling optimistic about forming friendships with them. However, one night he texted me saying he had been invited out for drinks, and it wasn't until recently (after I went through his phone, which I know was wrong) that I discovered he had actually been hanging out alone with a female coworker, rather than a group. Initially, it was meant to be a group outing, but when everyone canceled, she was the only one available. Additionally, he had invited this coworker to spend New Year’s Eve together, suggesting they do a countdown and cook at our place. He never mentioned this to me beforehand. Although he eventually canceled the plan, stating he felt it was inappropriate, he still went out for drinks with her alone afterward. I had my doubts and made them clear since my return, especially as he had been texting several female coworkers. When I asked him to establish boundaries, he was initially defensive but agreed. However, the next day, I found out he texted that same coworker again to go out for drinks, and although she suggested bringing another female coworker along, he expressed that he enjoyed their time together just the two of them. We eventually talked about everything, and he pleaded for my forgiveness when I mentioned considering a breakup. He explained how lonely he felt and that he had hidden the outing from me to avoid upsetting me. He claimed his intention was just to enjoy friendship and gossip about other coworkers, insisting he had no romantic feelings for her and found her unattractive. He believed he wasn’t doing anything wrong, aiming to prevent conflict about spending time with her. Being a kind person, I could see how he might come across as trustworthy to other girls. He has since promised to be more cautious and set boundaries: no more solo outings, and he agreed to an open phone policy. However, later that same night, this coworker texted him to say she was feeling down and wanted to grab a drink. I asked him to prove his commitment to change, and he declined the invitation and canceled their next outing in a clear manner, which she didn’t seem to mind. Now, I’m left wondering if I should give him the benefit of the doubt or walk away, considering he lied to me, and I can never be certain that he won’t do it again. It bothers me that he prioritized his loneliness over our relationship, seeking conversation with anyone, without considering my feelings or the implications of his deception. After four years together, this is the first significant betrayal I’ve encountered from him.


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 1d ago

My friend M (30) is seeking advice regarding his partner F (27). She lacks experience, and he’s unsure how to support her.

Subject: Seeking Advice for a Friend Hi everyone, I’m reaching out on behalf of a friend. He’s 30 and dating a 25-year-old woman who is still relatively inexperienced when it comes to intimacy. They’ve been having great conversations and have both admitted to feeling attracted to one another, but nothing has really developed yet. She has been with one other guy, but their experience wasn’t very intimate, so she’s navigating her own understanding of intimacy as well. He’s trying to create an environment where she feels comfortable and confident enough to take things to the next level, but he also wants to ensure that his own needs and desires are being met. Does anyone have any advice for him? He’s been incredibly patient and is committed to not pushing her into anything she isn’t ready for. Thanks!


LGBTQ+ Relationships • 1d ago

I have a sense of guilt...

I'm a 19-year-old woman, and loneliness has been a constant in my life. I've struggled to make friends and have always felt like I had no one to reach out to or share my experiences with. My family is quite strict and judgmental, which has led me to keep my feelings bottled up. A few months ago, I connected with someone online through a community I belong to. Our initial exchanges were light-hearted and flirty, which was enjoyable at first. However, as time passed, she admitted to developing feelings for me. Upon hearing this, I considered pulling back, as I didn't feel the same way. I deeply valued her friendship but saw her more as a best friend than a romantic partner. As we continued to talk, her attention and care began to mean a lot to me—something I had never truly felt before. It made me question if I might have feelings for her, or perhaps I just wanted to believe that I did. I started to wonder if I had misinterpreted my own emotions. She was always supportive, never judgmental, and cared for me in ways I had never experienced. Eventually, I confessed my feelings to her, despite having always identified as straight. Everything seemed to be going well; we texted daily and even had phone calls. Now, with Valentine's Day approaching, she has been discussing love and the nature of our relationship more often, and I'm feeling really conflicted. When I reflect on my feelings, I don't feel as strongly as I thought I did. I feel terrible because I recognize how much she genuinely cares about me, and the last thing I want to do is hurt her. She has faced so much already, and I fear I might be giving her false hope only to take it away. This is especially hard for me because I don’t want to keep pretending if my feelings aren’t authentic. For a few days now, I’ve been avoiding her messages because I'm unsure how to express this to her. I feel selfish for not figuring this out sooner, and the idea of breaking her heart fills me with guilt. I find it hard to be open with her about my feelings, and I feel like I’ve made a mistake. I really need some advice on how to navigate this without inflicting more pain on her.


Family Conflicts • 1d ago

The boyfriend's mom has made a few suggestive remarks regarding him.

Recently, my boyfriend hurt his back and has been struggling to move around as he usually does. Since we’re both in our early 20s and living at home with our parents, I decided to visit him to see how he was doing. During my visit, while he was walking around, his mom jokingly said something like, “Oh, he’s showing off because you’re here!” Later, while we were all in the kitchen getting dinner, my boyfriend mentioned his back pain and how difficult it was for him to move. As I helped him carry plates, his mom made a comment like, “Well, since he can’t move, you can do whatever you want!” My boyfriend shot me a strange look, and I laughed it off, not realizing the implication. Then she added, “He might actually enjoy you being in charge, since he doesn’t have to move at all!” I finally caught on, but my initial response was a bit naive: “Wait! I was thinking that if we played tag, he wouldn’t be able to tag me back, so I’d win automatically.” That was the highlight of my week, and I’m curious—do some people just have this type of humor? I could see my friends joking this way, but given that it was about her son, it felt a bit off to me. Am I overreacting for finding it strange in the context of his mom talking about him? There were a couple of other comments, but these were the ones that made both my boyfriend and me feel awkward the most. TLDR: My boyfriend hurt his back, and his mom joked that I could "do whatever I want" to him, adding he’d probably enjoy it. Is this weird, or am I just being a prude?