Relationship advices: Toxic Relationships

How can I, a 22-year-old woman, make my romantic relationship with a 21-year-old man feel less like a father-daughter dynamic?

Although he’s younger than me, I often feel like he plays the role of my sugar daddy. He usually takes me shopping every other week, showering me with gifts, which is nice. However, he tends to see himself as superior and often tries to teach me lessons as if I were a child. Our relationship feels quite superficial. Whenever I try to steer things towards deeper communication, understanding, or addressing issues, he typically responds with, "It’s fine as it is," ignores me, or changes the subject to something trivial. When he wants me to change, he raises his voice and threatens to break up or "punish" me by going quiet. I’ve adjusted things for him, yet I often overlook my own concerns, which don’t impact him. Ending things is always my last option, but I’ve started developing feelings for some friends, which I realize might not be a good indication of where I’m at...

I'm a 22-year-old man and I'm feeling really unhappy in my relationship with my 25-year-old girlfriend. Does anyone have any advice?

I've been with my girlfriend for about a year and a half, having met her through my cousin. The first few months were amazing, but after that, I've noticed some troubling behavior from her. At first, her outbursts were not directed at me, and while I thought they were overreactions, I justified them given the circumstances. However, she slowly began to show her harsh side towards me. Our first major argument left me mentally exhausted, and I ended up apologizing in an attempt to move past it. Around the nine-month mark, I found an apartment suitable for both of us and invited her to join me. Shortly after moving in, her behavior worsened significantly—she would often yell or ignore me after work. Despite this, there were still moments when I saw her softer side when she was more relaxed. After a week or two, I reached my breaking point and confronted her, which led to another argument. Lately, her demeanor has become increasingly mean, although she still maintains a pleasant facade around friends, except for one incident when she lashed out at me in private. I've ended up sleeping on the couch more often than in our bed, and I find myself dreading returning home from work. My happiness in the relationship has diminished, but I'm too afraid to end things. I'm not worried about physical abuse, but I feel it's easier to endure her harshness than face the prospect of being single again. I'm hesitant to admit to anyone that I'm in a situation where I'm being mistreated, and the idea of explaining a breakup fills me with dread. A close friend of mine noticed that I seemed off when I visited him last Sunday. He texted to ask what was wrong, but I brushed it off, claiming I was just tired from working overtime. I'm scared of being single and feeling inadequate in relationships, leaving me conflicted about what I truly want in life. What should I do?

Would you consider marrying my boyfriend if you dislike him?

We’ve been together for three years, and while I love him, there are times when I really can’t stand him. He hasn’t cheated, but he has hurt me in other ways that he doesn’t seem to recognize. He has done a lot of good as well, but sometimes the negative feelings overwhelm everything else.

My boyfriend has carried over some toxic traits from previous relationships, and it's taken a toll on us.

I've been feeling really confused and have needed advice for quite some time. My partner, a 23-year-old man, and I, a 20-year-old woman, are in a complicated situation. His ex was incredibly toxic—she screamed at him every day, was physically abusive, and cheated on him throughout their 4.5-year relationship. I understand that this trauma has affected how he behaves now. The first issue is that early on in our relationship, whenever we went out, he would get upset and start yelling over minor things. I wasn't blameless either; I often worried he was checking out other women right in front of me. When I’d ask for reassurance, he would become defensive, interpreting my questions as accusations. I’m well aware that accusing someone isn’t a healthy way to communicate, as I’ve learned from therapy. Our arguments would last for hours, sometimes until 4 a.m. Thankfully, things have improved somewhat, but I still feel uncomfortable going out with him because of his past reactions and my own fears rooted in past experiences. I trust him, but I deal with my insecurities privately and only seek reassurance occasionally. The second issue is my struggle with panic attacks and anxiety. I often find myself in a state of panic for several hours daily. Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to grasp this, or perhaps he lacks empathy. Recently, when I had a panic attack, instead of supporting me, he scolded me for not helping myself and insisted I take my prescribed medication—with an angry tone to boot. This has happened multiple times, leaving me feeling more like I need to explain myself rather than receiving the support that I need. While I manage my daily anxiety on my own, I just require extra support during panic episodes. The third issue arises when I try to discuss things that upset me; he often retreats into silence, looking sad and just repeating “I’m sorry.” I know this may be his way of coping, but it makes me feel guilty for expressing my feelings, and I often end up dropping the subject. It’s okay for him to feel bad, but it makes me anxious about bringing up my feelings in the first place. As for the medication I mentioned earlier—Zoloft—I’m scared to take it. I realize it might be beneficial, but with my panic disorder, the thought is daunting. His insistence that I take it during my episodes makes me feel misunderstood. I worry that if I experience side effects from the medication, I won’t have his support since he might panic, too, which doesn’t help when I need someone to ground me. Another issue is his behavior when he drinks. He tends to lash out, blaming me for things like my relationship with my mom. He never communicates these feelings calmly; instead, it all comes out in a drunken rage. I’ve worked hard to create an open, safe space for him to express himself, and I don’t retaliate, yet he still seems unable to speak up unless he’s intoxicated. The next day, he often regrets what he said, which leaves me bewildered. I’m feeling pretty exhausted. I can see he’s working on himself and has a sensitive, beautiful soul. He’s genuinely a good person, and with therapy and the right coping strategies, I believe he could be someone I want to spend my life with. I can tell he’s remorseful for his past mistakes and is making an effort. But I’m just tired of dealing with all of this. The mere thought of having a conversation about my feelings drains me. It’s like I need a nap before we even start talking. I worry that if I move on, I might never find someone as passionate and wonderful as he is. Still, I want to enjoy life; I’m 20, and I should be out having fun, not trapped in my room feeling anxious. While he's a great person, our relationship isn't where I want it to be. I don’t want to overlook its potential, but relationships require effort, and I feel like I have nothing left to give right now.

Is it time for me to end my relationship with my boyfriend?

I'm a 21-year-old woman, and I've been dating my boyfriend, also 21, for nearly a year. Until recently, we hadn't said "I love you" to each other. I started getting a sense that something was off. Early in our relationship, he shared that he had a toxic on-and-off relationship with another girl, which lasted three months on, six months off, then back on for another three. He claimed he loved her but ended it, and she never forgave him. He’s been in one other serious relationship that I know of, where he really liked the girl, but she broke things off because he wasn’t expressing his feelings enough. The other night, I told him I loved him, but he didn’t say it back. Deep down, I expected that response, even though I hoped he would say it back. He opened up more about his past relationships and mentioned he hasn't said "I love you" yet because he wants to be sure. Now that I see all of this written down, I can’t help but feel a little pathetic. He's my first boyfriend, so I don't have anything else to compare this experience to. I'm feeling lost because I love him and want to make things work, but I’m not sure what to do. I've been loyal and supportive, but I'm starting to wonder how much more I can do. Aside from this, our relationship is actually pretty great. We have fun together, can be ourselves, and enjoy our time together. I just can't shake the feeling that he might be hiding something from me. I’m torn because I know he struggles emotionally, and I feel like I’m just hanging on. Is it worth having another conversation about this? He still follows that second girl on almost all platforms. I feel so confused and a bit foolish about everything.

Transforming a Toxic Relationship into a Healthy One

I (17M) spent five years in a toxic relationship that ended with betrayal and abandonment. After taking some time to heal, I’ve been in a healthy relationship for three months. However, there are days when I find myself longing for the toxicity, almost as if I’m addicted to it. I was so accustomed to enduring verbal and physical abuse, along with gaslighting, that I sometimes crave that dynamic, even though I don’t want to return to it. I’m concerned that these feelings might jeopardize my current relationship, especially since I often felt like a punching bag in my past one. Is it possible for a healthy relationship to become unhealthy for someone like me? How can I overcome these cravings?

My boyfriend (M23) playfully teases me (F21)?

I've been seeing this guy for a few months now, and he's always been incredibly sweet. He goes out of his way for me, showers me with compliments, and makes me feel special—essentially the ideal boyfriend. We've never had an argument, and our communication about any concerns has been great. However, there's been something concerning lately that I've hesitated to bring up with him. It started a few days ago when he kept playfully slapping my leg. Then, he did this thing where he shaped his hand like a claw and slammed it down on my thigh. It was painful, and I felt like it could leave bruises. I had to ask him to stop about three times. A day or two later, while we were drinking with friends, he removed the rubber tips from my crutches and threw them at me—keeping in mind that I have a broken foot and he has been helping me a lot. The hard tips hit my face and upper body, which wasn't pleasant at all. I jokingly asked, "Why do you like hurting me?" but he just walked away. Today, while we were sitting on the couch, he charged into me, and my side hit the wooden frame beneath the cushion. My ribs still hurt from it. When I told him it hurt, he replied with, "What are you going to do about it?" I said, "I guess just be in pain." Then he went to grab our food. When he dropped me off at home, he playfully punched my arm, and we went back and forth for a bit until he stopped. I'm feeling unsure about the whole situation. I don't want to be overdramatic, but I never imagined he could be physically aggressive. I’ve been in a physically abusive relationship before, and I'm worried about the similarities in how those situations started. I could use a second opinion on this.

My boyfriend, who is 20, wants to take a 3-month break after I, a 19-year-old female, called him a bad boyfriend during a heated argument.

My partner and I had an argument a few days ago because he brought up someone I can't stand. I told him how I feel, but he insisted he wouldn't cut ties with them, even though we’ve been together longer than he’s known this person. He said he would never end a friendship just because I dislike them. This individual has tried to interfere in our relationship several times. In the heat of the moment, I ended up calling him a bad boyfriend, which I now regret, especially since it led him to suggest we take a break. For some background, he has called me names when drunk and accused me of being insecure when I expressed discomfort about his friendship with someone he used to like. Additionally, he often does the bare minimum in our relationship while I put in a lot more effort, and he has admitted that I'm more invested than he is. I know I deserve better, yet I still love him deeply and feel uncertain about what to do. He is the first person I’ve felt this way about, and he was so different at the start. How can I move on from this?

How can I determine if my relationship is characterized by narcissism?

In my current long-distance relationship, there are certain behaviors from my partner that genuinely upset me. Although we've only been together for a short time, I've noticed that being direct and attempting to take charge of the situation often helps me communicate my feelings, though it frequently leads to arguments. There are multiple actions of his that leave me feeling hurt, including: - Ignoring me or ending our calls whenever something I say bothers him. - Telling me to "shut up" when I talk too much. While I realize he often means this as a joke, at times I can't tell his intention. - Guilt-tripping me by claiming he's a bad boyfriend whenever I'm upset, regardless of whether it's due to him or something else. - Misrepresenting my words or taking them out of context. - Disregarding my boundaries. - Becoming upset when I check in on him; his tone shifts noticeably before I ask, indicating he's already bothered. He then insists that he’s fine but gets angry with me, saying, “Do you not realize you’re the one making me upset right now?” - Getting easily angered over minor issues, often without me meaning to provoke him. These patterns have led me to question whether this could be a form of narcissistic abuse, and that's not even everything. I have no intention of leaving him as I'm not someone who gives up easily. He deserves love just like everyone else, and I can't bear the thought of him being alone for the rest of his life, especially since I care deeply for him. He brings me joy and is my best friend, but some of these issues seem insurmountable. I’m seeking answers and a clearer understanding of his perspective. A breakup isn’t something I’m considering right now because I know how to navigate my feelings, and if it becomes overwhelming, I’ll know when to walk away. Any advice on how to handle this situation would be truly appreciated.

Here are a few alternative ways to express the concept of "marriage": 1. Matrimony 2. Wedding union 3. Nuptials 4. Spousal relationship 5. Marital bond Let me know if you need something specific!

I'm a 21-year-old woman married to my 22-year-old husband, who is in the military. We relocated to a different country when I was 19 and he was 21. To give you some background, I was raised to be very independent and I value self-sufficiency. I wasn’t thrilled about his decision to join the military, but ultimately, it was his choice. I left behind my family, friends, car, and career to support his goals, and now I often feel lost, like I’m just following him around. We've been in this new country for over a year, and the transition has been tough. Initially, I would cry multiple times a day, then once a day, then weekly, and so on. I never wanted this for myself, but I recognize that I am responsible for my current situation. There have been some things my husband has done that I can’t seem to shake off. They may not be extreme, but they weigh on my mind: - When we first arrived, we both agreed to quit vaping, and we had heartfelt conversations about how much better we felt. However, I later found out he had been lying and was still smoking. - During a heated argument, he shoved me hard out of the bedroom while I was standing in the doorway, which was alarming. - Just a few days ago, he was having a tough day at work and got rough with me, putting me in a headlock. It wasn’t excessively tight, but it startled me. - When I express feelings of loneliness about being in this new place, missing friends, or sacrificing my previous life for his career, he dismisses my concerns as having a “woe is me” mentality and shuts down the conversation. I feel completely isolated here; he’s the only person I talk to. Sometimes I just need to share how I’m feeling. Another issue is that I have to essentially beg for dates. This month, we haven’t gone out at all. I had planned for every Wednesday to be date night, but something always comes up—he’s sick, tired from work, or doesn’t mention it at all. I feel conflicted because, despite these issues, he is a good person. I never doubt his loyalty, and he’s open about sharing his passwords and keeping his phone accessible. He surprises me with small gifts from the store and remembers what I like. However, he often tells me that I don’t appreciate him enough. When I ask for specifics, he mentions small tasks like walking the dog on the weekend or picking up after himself. But I feel like I handle most of the household responsibilities—cleaning up after him, taking care of our dog, and cooking multiple meals each day to accommodate our different diets. It’s disheartening that I don’t get to go out or receive appreciation in return. Honestly, I’m uncertain about where my marriage stands. I’m only 21, and I’m struggling to understand my feelings about our relationship. Any advice would be appreciated.

What’s the best way to end my relationship with my girlfriend?

I recently discovered that my girlfriend has autism, which I wasn't aware of when we began our relationship. As time has passed, it's become increasingly noticeable, and I'm struggling with how to handle it. I truly don't want to be insensitive, but I'm finding it difficult to continue, and this situation is starting to overwhelm me. The first time I attempted to break up with her, she went home and harmed herself, which was distressing to witness. In many ways, she behaves quite childishly, and I understand that this is part of her experience with autism. Right now, I'm feeling lost and unsure of what to do. I would appreciate any advice or suggestions. If I come across as insensitive, please let me know. She’s a really nice person, but I’m beginning to feel that we might not be compatible. On our first day together, she told me she loved me, and that has added to my discomfort.

My boyfriend's need for control has me doubting our relationship—am I being selfish for wanting some independence?

If you're looking for guidance on posting in a specific Reddit community, like the "Relationship Advice" subreddit, here’s a rewritten version that aligns with their guidelines and provides adequate context about everyone involved: **[Relationship Advice] My boyfriend's controlling behavior is making me rethink everything—what should I do?** Hello, everyone. I'm a 20-year-old woman in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is also 20. While I know he loves me deeply, I'm feeling overwhelmed by the level of control he exerts, and I’m unsure of how to move forward. To give you some background, we've been together for a while. I'm more of a homebody and rarely go out; maybe once or twice a year, I’ll visit a nightclub with friends, but I always act responsibly. Despite this, my boyfriend strongly disapproves of me going out, viewing it as disrespectful towards him, even though these outings are infrequent and with trusted friends. His controlling tendencies go beyond just outings. He frequently comments on my clothing choices, hairstyle, and even my curfew when I spend time with friends. Remarks like, “Why would you dress like that?” or “Why do you need to be out so late?” have made me anxious about doing anything I think he might disapprove of. He insists he's not controlling, claiming, “Go do whatever you want—I’m not your dad.” But his actions speak otherwise. He checks my phone nearly every time we’re together and has pressured me to unfollow almost every male contact, including those I haven't interacted with in years. I feel like I'm constantly tiptoeing around, afraid to like a guy's post on social media or engage with a male classmate for fear of starting an argument. He seems unable to accept that I can maintain friendships with guys in a respectful manner, like in school or at work. Whenever I bring this up, he deflects the conversation, threatening that I’ll regret losing him because no one will love me like he does. He accuses me of dismissing something significant by wanting to retain my independence, saying that if I can't prioritize him over “trivial matters” like social media or time with friends, I must not truly love him. He has even suggested he would prefer to find someone who will respect his wishes. He often reminds me that, in 10 years, I’ll regret letting go of someone who cares for me this much, which genuinely scares me. I worry about losing him and doubt I’ll find someone who loves me like he does. But I’m only 20—I feel like I haven’t really experienced life yet. I’ve hardly been to a club, traveled with friends, or made new connections. I don’t want to look back and feel like I missed out on life. Next year, I’m moving to a larger city for university, where I plan to spend more time socializing and meeting new people with friends and family nearby. While he says he’d come with me, he lives 40 minutes away and likely wouldn’t make the effort. His support feels more performative than genuine. My parents encourage me to embrace my youth and focus on friendships rather than a relationship. I know they would be upset if they knew how stressed I feel because of my boyfriend's behavior. To complicate matters, we come from different religious backgrounds, which my mom would be very displeased about if she found out about him. I feel incredibly conflicted. I love him and know he loves me, but his controlling behavior is concerning. Am I being selfish for wanting to seek my own experiences and freedom? Is it reasonable to ask for more autonomy, even if it might endanger the relationship? I fear losing him, but I’m unsure how much more I can tolerate. What advice can you offer?

I urgently require some advice.

I’m a 22-year-old woman and my boyfriend is 24. We’ve been together for five years, and while we've shared many joyful moments and grown together, I’ve also endured a significant amount of loss during our relationship. For instance, I had a male best friend since I was around 12 or 13, but for my boyfriend, that was a dealbreaker, so I chose to cut ties with him. I even deleted my Instagram and Snapchat after he went through my accounts and unfollowed every man I had connections with, including my older male coworkers. In the early stages of our relationship, he cheated on me a few times. I’m not trying to excuse his actions, but I often find myself dwelling on them. I once started flirting with someone online, which led me to delete my Instagram after he discovered it while checking my phone. This was before and during the time he had cheated. Over the years, I've dealt with ongoing issues, including his frequent following of other girls and liking their posts, despite the fact that I’ve been completely transparent on my end. He often brings up the fact that I unblocked my male best friend after he had blocked him, even though we were never romantically involved. Now we find ourselves in a new phase where there’s been no sex or affection at all. He snaps at me frequently, and his tone can be quite harsh. I’ve stopped taking my birth control since there’s been zero intimacy. I don’t want to live like this; I’m seeking advice or just a place to vent because I feel like I'm losing myself. I can't imagine being 22 and living a life without passion, fun, or the freedom to do things for myself. Thanks for listening!

My boyfriend, who is 28, mentioned that he's beginning to feel less love for me, a 28-year-old woman.

My boyfriend is set to leave for a month on Wednesday, and last night he said I could go out with my friends. So, I went to dinner with them, intending to be back in a couple of hours. However, after a few drinks, my plans changed, and I ended up going to a couple of bars. I struggle with a drinking problem and have been trying to stay sober, but I tried to drink like I used to. Unfortunately, I lost control and ended up getting very drunk. My friends had to call him to pick us up. When I woke up this morning, he was packing his things and getting ready to leave. He told me I was a mess, a disaster, and that I’m going to ruin everything in my life. He expressed that he’s beginning to love me less and that all I do is mess up. His words made me feel terrible about myself, and I felt both embarrassed and ashamed. I apologized and admitted that I had made a mistake. He accused me of lying about just going to dinner and claimed that I intended to stay out all night. After he left, I texted him, asking if he could come back tonight, but he said he was spending time with his family and wouldn’t return. When I asked if I would see him before he leaves, he said he would think about it and suggested I shouldn’t chase him, telling me to "be respectful"—which I didn’t fully understand. I told him I’d give him space, and I haven’t heard back from him in a few hours. I know I messed up, but his reaction feels really harsh. I have a history of being in toxic and abusive relationships, and I don’t fully understand what a healthy relationship looks like. Is this a typical response?

I'm a 20-year-old guy currently feeling like I'm being treated more like a plaything than a partner by my girlfriend, who is also 20. This dynamic has come about because I've hurt her in the past and have been rude to her. I’m seeking advice on whether I should stay in this relationship or if it’s time to move on.

I'm a 20-year-old guy, and my girlfriend is also 20. We've been in a relationship for over two years, but it often feels forced. We both thought we were meant for each other, but it was clear from the start that she had unresolved feelings for her ex and had loved another guy deeply until I proposed to her, and she accepted. We've been through a lot together, experiencing many ups and downs and intense arguments. After some serious fights, we tried to start anew. For a while, things improved, and I even gave up hobbies and friendships to focus on our relationship because I believed I needed to make up for past mistakes and that she had the right to expect my commitment. However, I was friends with a girl in college whom I didn’t share much about my relationship with, and that made my girlfriend extremely jealous. Things escalated, and I had to cut off that friendship, creating a significant rift. Every time I saw that girl, I felt reminded of how I had let my girlfriend down. Then, one day we had a fight, and she began reaching out to her ex, sending a follow request to a guy she used to love on her private Instagram. That was when I completely lost it. Even though she immediately apologized, the damage was done. I felt heartbroken and betrayed, and I started seeing her more as his ex than my girlfriend. She did block the guy eventually and apologized countless times, even threatening suicide and ending up in the ER for two days when I stopped communicating with her. After things calmed down, she wanted to start fresh, and we did. But we had another serious fight that led us to block each other. When I later apologized, she brought up her ex again and compared me to him, expressing her desire to be with him instead. Now, I adjust to whatever she wants, even when it hurts me. I buy her things her dad won’t get her, and we often argue about it. I work a side job to cover my expenses and treat myself occasionally, but she doesn't like it when I spend money on myself and feels I’m not treating her equally. I sometimes think this is unreasonable; I'm not obligated to cover all her expenses. Yet here I am, almost begging her to stay with me and letting her walk all over my self-respect. I’m not sure why I’m doing this. Is this okay? What should I do? I've isolated myself from my friends because she doesn’t want me spending time with them. I feel lonely, guilty for past mistakes, and I think I’m acting like a “slave” to make up for my past behavior, even though her actions, like reaching out to her ex and seeking attention from other guys, have contributed to our problems. I’m lost and need someone to talk to about this. Sorry for my English; it's not my first language. **TL;DR:** I've been rude to my girlfriend, and now I feel like I'm her servant, hoping to stay together.

My relationship can be unhealthy at times, but I have no desire to end it. In fact, I can’t imagine anything worse than leaving him. I feel really embarrassed about this. For some context, I'm a 24-year-old woman and he's a 30-year-old man; we've been together for 5 years. Does anyone have any advice?

At times, when my partner is extremely angry, he can hurt me or impose some form of punishment that, I must admit, I sometimes enable. It's important to note that this behavior only occurs when he is very upset, and it’s always in reaction to something I've actually done. He doesn’t just come home from work and start an argument every night. It also doesn’t happen when he’s upset about matters beyond my control. He is incredibly caring and supportive, and he has endured a lot of stress that I have contributed to over the past couple of years. However, I recognize that this dynamic is unhealthy. I’ve attempted to discuss it with him multiple times, but those conversations have only made things more difficult in the short term. Even though I know this isn’t a positive situation, I have no desire to leave him—I want to spend the rest of my life with him. It worries me that I might be overlooking the seriousness of his behavior. I would appreciate any advice, as I feel embarrassed, ashamed, and needy for enabling this situation while loving him so deeply. I honestly believe he loves me, and at times I interpret his outbursts as a sign of his passion for our relationship, thinking it reflects our deep love. Yet, I know logically that this isn’t the way to view the situation. If anyone has suggestions for how I can improve our relationship, I would be very grateful. Thank you in advance for your help. For context, I’m a 24-year-old female, and he’s a 30-year-old male, and we've been together for five years.

(19F) - My boyfriend (22M) is acting immature and exhibiting toxic behavior.

Hi, I (19F) am seeking advice regarding my relationship with my boyfriend (22M). I’m starting to feel that he’s immature, manipulative, and doesn’t respect my boundaries. We met online shortly after I ended a mentally draining situationship, and things progressed rapidly. Even before we officially started dating, he requested explicit photos and sent me sexual outfit ideas. Eventually, we transitioned into a friends-with-benefits arrangement, and after a few months, we both admitted our feelings. I initially believed he genuinely cared for me, but now I recognize that I overlooked several red flags. Once we began dating, his friend purchased my ticket to visit him in another country. He didn’t contribute to my travel costs, even though I was flying alone to a new continent for him. I kept hoping he would demonstrate more effort, but it feels as though I’m the only one making sacrifices. He frequently engages in sexual conversations, especially about how we will be intimate when we move in together. I’ve shared my history of sexual abuse with him, but he continues to bring it up and reacts negatively when I’m not interested, saying things like, “You don’t want me” or “You’re not attracted to me.” This feels manipulative and dismissive of my feelings. During arguments, he gives me the silent treatment, despite knowing I dislike it because my father does the same. Instead of addressing issues, he simply acts as if everything is fine afterward, leaving me feeling confused and hurt. Financially, I’ve sent him over $700, even before we started dating, and he has yet to repay me or indicate that he intends to. He often asks for money for his debts or wants, despite having a job, and I lack trust in his financial habits. He tends to overspend on unnecessary items and seems to ignore future planning while frequently talking about us moving in together. Moreover, he is emotionally exhausting. He often says things like, “You hate me,” “I’m a bad boyfriend,” or jokingly mentions breaking up, which makes me feel guilty and insecure. I’m beginning to suspect that he may be manipulative and unhealthy for me, but I’m unsure if I’m overreacting. Should I try to work through these issues or consider ending the relationship? I would appreciate any advice.

My roommate is crossing the line regarding my boyfriend.

I'm feeling really confused about my situation. I'm a 27-year-old woman, and my roommate and friend, who is 28, has never liked my boyfriend, who is 32, since we started dating. She critiques even the smallest things he does and claims they are red flags. Whenever we have a disagreement, she insists that I deserve someone better. But as far as I know, having occasional arguments is normal in relationships. She also comments on how he doesn't visit as often as he used to when we first started dating. We live nearly an hour apart, and he's been swamped with work, which I believe are completely valid reasons for not seeing each other every day. My friend continuously compares his behavior to that of her unfaithful ex, but I've been dismissing her 'concerns' because they seem unfounded and biased. I trust my boyfriend completely. However, this isn’t the first time she’s tried to meddle in my dating life; after a previous incident that led to my heartbreak, we agreed she would stay out of it. Now I’m worried she's acting behind my back and it's going to put my relationship at risk. She even posted about him anonymously on a local Facebook page for people who think they might be dating the same guy. I asked her to take it down because I dread the thought of someone recognizing him and telling him, which would fall back on me. My biggest concern is discovering she went through his wallet and took pictures of things while we were at my place the other night. I found out because I reviewed camera footage. She has no idea that I know about this. If I confront her, it could lead to issues since we have to live together for another two months. But if I say nothing, I feel like I'm betraying my boyfriend. I really don’t know what to do.

When you're feeling less knowledgeable in a relationship, what should I do? Any advice?

Hello, I'm a 20-year-old girl in a very loving relationship with my classmate, who is also 20. We've known each other since childhood. He's generally very kind to everyone, but occasionally he does mistreat me. I understand that people can have moments of anger or frustration, but I find his behavior uncomfortable. Additionally, I experience significant mood swings during my menstrual cycle, which can last about two weeks, making me more irritable than usual. We've been together for so long that he often teases me, and sometimes it feels like he doesn't appreciate me. However, after a while, his efforts tend to win me over again. I love him dearly and don't want to break up, as I truly believe he's a wonderful person. I often spoil him, but there are moments when I feel frustrated and even resentful. Do any guys have advice on how to navigate this situation?

I care for my boyfriend, but sometimes I feel like I deserve someone better.

I care deeply for my boyfriend, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m more ambitious and driven than he is. I’m a 22-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, also 22, for nearly four years. We met online and have been navigating a long-distance relationship, visiting each other about once a month. I know my initial statement might sound harsh, and I feel bad saying it, but I hope you can understand my perspective. We connected in 2020 shortly after finishing high school. I immediately enrolled in a local university to pursue a nursing degree while he opted for a community college to get an associate degree in business. Unfortunately, he didn’t take his studies seriously, and it took him four years to graduate, resulting in us finishing school at the same time but with vastly different career trajectories. Completing nursing school was a significant challenge for me, and it feels like he often downplays the effort I put in. He has made dismissive remarks comparing nursing to being a coffee barista, which is disheartening. Throughout our relationship, I’ve tried to guide him toward potential career paths and have spent countless hours researching options and certifications that could enhance his resume. Regrettably, none of my suggestions have sparked his interest, which is frustrating. On top of that, there's the issue of his job. Throughout our time together, he has only worked at two restaurants. The first was a sports bar where he engaged in problematic behavior, including micro-cheating, which led to a lot of issues between us. When I discovered this, he quit and got a job at an Italian restaurant. There, I became suspicious of a girl he was spending time with, only to find out he had developed feelings for her. After enduring a lot of gaslighting, I uncovered thousands of deleted messages between them. The day I learned of this betrayal was also the day my grandma passed away; it broke me, and I ended up ending the relationship. Despite my heartbreak and grief, I foolishly considered giving him yet another chance. After a month of waiting for him to reach out while he ignored me, I learned he was trying to pursue a relationship with that girl from work, who was already taken. He has since attempted to repair his damaged relationships while still holding onto remnants of our past, which left me feeling confused and conflicted. He eventually came back, begging for a second chance, and despite my hesitations, I took him back. It’s been a few months, and he has significantly improved as a partner. He has taken me on trips, surprised me with gifts, and offers plenty of verbal reassurances to show he values our relationship. However, when we reconciled, I made it clear that my expectations had changed; I need a partner who has ambition and goals. I refused to settle for someone without a direction or plan for the future. Despite my patience, I haven’t seen any progress from him. While he has taken on debt from purchasing a new car, he has no savings or real plans beyond moving in with me and finding another restaurant job. I am juggling my responsibilities as a caregiver for my terminally ill father while building a stable future for myself, complete with a savings plan, health insurance, and a 401k. This isn’t something I flaunt or hold over him, but I can’t ignore the fact that he doesn’t seem to value these things. When I reflect on our situation, I often feel like I’m destined for better things. I genuinely love him, and he has been loyal, which I appreciate. However, his lack of ambition and direction weighs heavily on me. I’m seeking advice on how to navigate these feelings because I’m torn between my love for him and my desire for a more fulfilling future. TL;DR: My boyfriend has cheated on me and lacks ambition or a plan for life. While I love him, I feel like I could do better, and I’m struggling with the pain of potentially leaving him again.

A female coworker in her mid-20s asked me, a 30-year-old man, what type of dog I thought would best represent her and some other coworkers. She then said I gave off "St. Bernard vibes" but didn’t explain further. What does that even mean? Should I interpret it as a compliment?

A colleague of mine, who is not single, posed a question to me and described me in a certain way before laughing and refusing to explain what it meant. I’m posting here because every other "ask women" community I've tried has rejected my submission. After reaching out to the moderators, they encouraged me to go ahead and share my post.

Is it time to end my relationship with my boyfriend?

I'm a 23-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. Overall, it's been a positive experience, but I've noticed a few things that give me pause, and I'm not entirely sure if they're serious enough to warrant a breakup. Sometimes, I feel like he talks down to me, possibly because he's an only child and hasn't had much experience interacting with kids. For instance, when we're playing video games together, if I make a mistake, he tends to get upset and grumpy. I often find it hard to argue back because I process things differently, and articulating my feelings can be challenging due to my ADHD. He's quite assertive, and comments like, “You weren’t thinking when you did this,” or “What you’re thinking doesn’t make sense,” come off in a frustrated tone rather than a calm one. These comments leave me feeling inadequate and as if I'm to blame for the situation. Whenever I try to express my feelings about how he speaks to me, he often considers my concerns unreasonable or becomes frustrated with me for bringing it up. He claims that I'm the one making a big deal out of nothing. Am I overreacting? This doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens often enough that it sticks with me and causes me to cry. P.S. I apologize if my writing isn’t great; I wrote this late at night and just needed a place to vent.

My boyfriend (23M) has left me feeling drained and confused (24F).

Where do I go from here? To provide some context, I entered a relationship with my boyfriend after leaving a tumultuous nine-year marriage filled with physical and emotional abuse, which left me with three daughters and a lot of trauma. From the moment we met, he took on the role of a dad and partner as if it were second nature. He is the only father my youngest daughters have ever known. However, he's struggled with trust issues stemming from his own childhood and past relationships. I’ve always tried to be patient and supportive, but looking back, I realize I tolerated emotional abuse throughout our four years together. He often accuses me of cheating, especially in the beginning, where he fixated on my ex-husband. My ex would maliciously tell him that I was still in contact with him, trying to make my life as difficult as possible after our separation. After a physical altercation two years in, because he "knew" I had been unfaithful, I called the police out of fear for my safety. Following that incident, he went to anger management classes, and I thought things would improve. While he made some changes, I often felt like I was still starting from ground zero in terms of trust. He would watch my daughters while I worked, claiming he couldn't find a job, but he didn't help out much unless pushed to do so through conflict. After moving into a new home and starting my dream job, I took a stand about three months ago, insisting we wouldn't resume our relationship until real changes happened. He became paranoid again, particularly accused me of having an affair with a coworker. He has since acknowledged his mistakes and promised to improve, and while I've been careful to avoid arguments in front of the girls, he still makes side comments that concern me. Recently, he seemed to show progress by participating more in family activities. However, over the past month, there have been signs of regression—comments about my coworker and accusations of infidelity that make me uneasy. Despite acknowledging some of his past behaviors and their impact, he still believes my attitude is a major issue in our relationship. His recent behavior, including liking photos of other women while never acknowledging my posts, has planted seeds of doubt in my mind. I entered his social media and discovered he has been interacting with numerous women but not with me. When I brought it up, he blamed it on his suspicions about me and apologized. Today, though, he changed his passwords, and despite his initial apology, he seemed upset with me for being upset. He is the only father my children know, and I rely on him to watch them while I work; I wouldn’t qualify for much state assistance because of my income. I'm at a crossroads. It’s incredibly exhausting and disheartening. I know I deserve better treatment and that I'm unhappy, but I struggle with feelings of depression during breakups. I'm afraid of a leap of faith that might leave me homeless with children, especially since I moved 45 minutes away from my family to be nearer to his. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I feel lost and alone in all of this without any friends or family to turn to. **EDIT:** To clarify, my first husband and I began seeing each other at 12 and started dating at 14, so it was more like 6 or 7 years, not 9.

I (18, female) was ended by my ex (19, male) through a text message. Does that make me the toxic one?

I honestly don’t know how to process everything right now. We were together for nearly two years, and suddenly a single argument caused everything to unravel. It all started when we argued about whether he could pick me up while I was alone in the city and it was getting dark. He assured me he could, so I waited for three hours for him to show up. When I messaged him, understandably frustrated, he told me it was never guaranteed and that I was being dramatic for feeling upset. After waiting alone in the darkness, cold and scared, I decided to call an Uber home and expressed my feelings to him. He reacted by accusing me of being unfair and overly emotional, even threatening our relationship by saying, “Don’t text me anymore tonight, or we’re done.” He claimed he wanted me to “calm down,” but I just wanted to communicate about what had happened. I continued messaging him, feeling hurt and begging him to listen because I didn’t believe I had done anything wrong. After six hours of silence, he FaceTimed me in the middle of the night, shouting hurtful things like, “Any normal guy would have broken up with you six months ago,” “You’ve ruined my life,” and “You’re crazy.” His anger stemmed from me calling him a hypocrite, which upset him. While I know I can get emotional, I still feel justified in my reaction this time. After he hurled insults at me, I ended the call and never heard from him again. He blocked me on all social media and began messaging my older sister, venting about how toxic I was. I tried reaching out through her, but he only became more volatile, claiming I was damaging his mental health and that he wanted nothing to do with me. However, I wasn't ready to give up. Weeks went by without contact, but then he reached out, and I agreed to meet him to talk things over. In short, he told me I was too emotional for him, that he needed to focus on himself and his career, and that he wanted to grow as a person. I told him he could do that with me and that breaking up over a small argument was unnecessary, but he remained resolute. I felt overwhelmed and cried throughout our conversation, and during that vulnerable moment, he took advantage of me and insisted we be intimate. The same thing happened when I saw him a second time; I was in tears, and he pressured me again. Immediately after, he told me he wanted nothing to do with me and had moved on. Now, I feel mentally and physically drained. I haven't been able to eat properly, and he’s spreading rumors that I’m “crazy and suicidal.” I'm at a loss for what to do. I definitely don’t want him back, yet I can’t shake the feeling that I might have been the problem. I would appreciate any advice you have. <3

27F, 38M—should I end my 7-year relationship because my fiancé is considering being with two women without me?

Here’s a rewritten version of your text: --- This is quite a lengthy tale, so please bear with me. I’m a 27-year-old woman engaged to my 38-year-old fiancé. We’ve been together for five years and engaged for two. To provide some context, we’ve been in a monogamous relationship since 2017. I’m a bit of a nerd and tend to be the odd one out in my family. My fiancé is incredibly supportive of my interests, and he comes from a family where love isn’t always openly expressed. He stood by my side when my mother lost her battle with cancer and even received her blessing. Likewise, I supported him when his stepfather passed away. He also helped me realize that some friends I trusted were actually toxic influences in my life. Thanks to him, I've been able to make new, positive friendships, for which I’m very grateful. He has truly been my light for so long that about two years ago, I suggested we explore each other’s fantasies. He was on board with the idea. For me, it was him dressing up as my favorite male character from an anime and attending a convention. For him, it was a more intimate fantasy involving a threesome—he wanted to be with two women. I told myself I would go along with it if he kept his part of the agreement. When the convention rolled around, he didn't accurately portray the character I had in mind. Instead of wearing the messy red wig I had for him, he spray-painted his buzz-cut hair and acted cold and rude throughout the event. Later, I learned he had been distracted because there was a popular voice actor at the convention whose autograph he wanted, but he felt self-conscious about his look. I was disappointed but reminded myself that we had an agreement. When he brought up the idea of a threesome, I assumed he meant hiring an escort or someone familiar with such arrangements. To my surprise, he suggested a mutual acquaintance named Serena. She had a tumultuous background and had known my fiancé for over a decade. Although I was uncomfortable with him wanting someone he knew, I decided to let it go, understanding his perspective. On the day of our planned threesome, I panicked and backed out. Earlier that month, he had mentioned I had gained weight, which triggered my insecurities and made me feel unattractive. I worried he might leave me for Serena, compounded by my family's past messages that there was something wrong with my interests in video games and anime. I’ve struggled with low self-esteem and emotional neglect, which has often led me to doubt my worthiness of love. Thankfully, I’m in therapy and working on overcoming my people-pleasing tendencies. When I called off the threesome, he was understandably upset, and we agreed to move on without discussing it further. However, the topic resurfaced five years later. We work in healthcare and finally had a day off together. After a lovely day, we began to get intimate, but he suddenly confessed he couldn't stop thinking about having an experience with two women and contemplated doing it behind my back. That broke my heart and completely killed the mood. He reassured me that it was all right because he never acted on those thoughts, but I still felt devastated. A couple of days later, I opened up to my therapist about it. She suggested a separation but was understanding if I wasn’t ready for that. I experience anxiety, and my understanding of relationships is primarily shaped by what I've heard from older family members, which often involves stories of infidelity. This made me reflect on our relationship—he waited over five years to propose, and when he finally did, it wasn’t a traditional kneeling moment. On Valentine's Day, he often gives me discounted chocolates, and he rarely chooses thoughtful gifts for my birthday. During our date, he disclosed a personal secret of mine to his friends, which embarrassed me. When I told him it was inappropriate, he dismissed my feelings, insisting that I shouldn’t be ashamed. Since the argument, it’s been a week, and I’ve been in a state of depression. I’ve taken off my engagement ring, and I think he’s noticed. He keeps apologizing, acknowledging his mistake, but I’m not convinced he understands what love truly means. No matter how many times I express my feelings or concerns, he seems to shut me down. I worry that I might be overthinking things. I used to turn to my mom for support, but now I rely on my therapist, who is far away and not always available. If this relationship is indeed toxic and I choose to separate, I’m uncertain if I’ll find someone who can accept me. I welcome any advice and appreciate you listening.