Relationship advices: Toxic Relationships

Did I experience grooming? [20F] [40M]

I apologize if this isn’t the right place for this, and feel free to remove it, mods. I’m feeling scared and uncertain about what to do. I’m a 20-year-old female working at a laid-back job where most of my coworkers are around my age (15-early 20s). We all get along really well. My boss, a 40-year-old man, is somewhat lonely and awkward, and a lot of us casually text him about work or other topics. One night, I reached out to him about a schedule change, and he started sharing his frustrations about his day. It felt a bit strange, but wanting to be friendly, I replied with supportive comments. This initiated a lot of texting and more interactions at work. After about a month, he confessed that he had a crush on me. Unsure of how to respond, I avoided the topic and provided vague answers about my feelings. I genuinely liked him as a friend, even though the situation felt uncomfortable, so I kept communicating with him. Over the next five months, I found myself being his emotional support, taking on the roles of caregiver, girlfriend, and therapist. He began referring to me as his “best friend” and expressed that he didn’t know what he would do without me. While I initially enjoyed our closeness and felt empathy for his struggles, it eventually became overwhelming. He constantly sought reassurance that I didn’t dislike him and needed my attention. It started to feel uncomfortable to me. Once I transitioned to college, I realized our relationship was not as healthy as I had previously thought. I felt uneasy every time he would message me. He even wrote me a letter about his hopes for our friendship and how great he thought I was. Our relationship never became sexual or physical, but I worry that if I hadn’t been his employee, things might have escalated. He often found excuses to touch my arm or head, would take sneaky pictures of me, and shared inappropriate sexual jokes and memes. I’m conflicted about whether I was taken advantage of, as I genuinely liked him for a time and even felt a bit of a crush. However, reflecting on it now, I feel embarrassed because I know I wouldn’t be interested in someone so much younger, especially if they were my employee. Looking back, I sense that I may have been manipulated in some way. However, during most of it, I didn’t realize it. My friends are suggesting that I was groomed, but I’m unsure. Could anyone offer guidance?

My [M21] keeps crossing my [F19] boundaries. How can I move forward?

From the beginning, I realized I was falling deeply for him, and he seemed to feel the same way. I shared things about myself that I had never revealed to anyone else. We would spend hours late at night discussing our future together, expressing our commitment and seriousness about each other. Sometimes, I wonder if I ignored certain things he said or did because of how in love I was. A week after Valentine's Day, while we were on a phone call, I overheard him talking to his sister. She asked him, "How was Valentine’s Day? Is she your girlfriend?" He replied, "Not really, we’re casual." For much of our relationship, he referred to me as just his friend around family because he didn’t want to be teased. My family has always supported us, and I’ve spoken highly of him, but I know his mom doesn’t like me. She claims I’m brainwashing him and insults me when I’m not there, which hurts since I don't have support from his family. At the beginning of our relationship, he often compared me to his ex-girlfriend, making me feel insecure. He talked a lot about his “type,” and I always felt I didn’t fit that mold. Even though I recognize it’s unhealthy, I couldn’t shake those thoughts. I never felt good enough for him, and while I always found him sweet and understanding, an incident shattered that perception. He once handed me his phone to text a friend, and I accidentally glimpsed messages where he and his friend were mocking my appearance. I fought back tears as it hurt so much. The more I reflect on it, the more it frustrates me. He pressured me to cut ties with male friends I had for over three years and criticized me for wearing a tank top while hanging out with friends. I’ve never given him any reason to distrust me, yet he searched my phone and confronted me for a message I sent about being interested in another guy before we met. While there have been good moments in our relationship, the negative experiences feel overwhelmingly severe, leaving me unsure of what to do next. Early on, I expressed that I considered watching porn to be a boundary issue in a relationship, and he agreed. However, a month ago, I caught him watching it, and when I confronted him, he denied it, insisting it wasn’t what it seemed. I believed him until I caught him again. At that point, I was overwhelmed and broke down in tears, asking him if he had lied. He insisted he hadn’t. The most painful part wasn’t just what he did; it was looking me in the eyes while I cried, displaying no empathy, and continuing to deny the truth. I found over a hundred links to OnlyFans and porn sites on his computer. He admitted to being addicted but didn’t want to tell me. I’m feeling stressed and exhausted, unsure of what to do next. He’s been angry with me, believing I should have moved on by now. I need advice on whether I should keep trying or move on.

Why does it always seem to fall on me? (A confession to myself) [23F]

He [23M] has gone to bed on bad terms with me more times than I can count. We've been together for over a year now, and it feels like I've stopped mattering to him. Ironically, at the start of our relationship, he promised he would never treat me this way. I just can’t understand how someone can become so indifferent so suddenly. This doesn’t feel like love to me; in fact, I don’t think he loves me at all. I don’t even know what caused this change, and honestly, I don’t want to find out. I just want to move on and be happy because I deserve it. He shows no interest in sharing my thoughts or concerns about the future, and whenever I try, he responds with something completely irrelevant. This frustrates me and leads to more conflicts, like what happened yesterday. Additionally, his communication style is a major red flag for me. He recently tried to downplay some serious issues by framing them as "doubt," avoiding the real problems and ignoring my feelings entirely. I don’t want to discuss anything with him anymore because he always makes it about him and plays the victim. It’s frustrating to hear him say things like “Maile testo bhanya haina” or “Maile testo bhanna khojya haina,” along with other excuses. If this were only the first or second time, it would be understandable, but it’s not, and I’m brave enough to recognize that I need to take this step. I can't allow myself to be convinced otherwise. I could be mistaken, but I won't regret leaving. Love shouldn't feel like this, and I've gotten my answer. I can’t expect someone to learn how to love me. I thought he was the one until yesterday, but now I see how naive I was. After breaking up with him a month ago, I realized so much, and it was a mistake to get back together. He only seems to express care when I threaten to end the relationship, which feels manipulative. While he does have good qualities, perhaps I was just blinded by my feelings. Honestly, I don't want to dwell on the positives because that’s when I get hurt, and the cycle repeats. It’s become clear to me that this relationship isn’t fulfilling me, and I won’t waste any more time on him. I've stopped wanting to share my life with him because what’s significant to me doesn’t seem to matter to him. I’m certain this time is final. Even if it takes years to heal, it’s worth it to avoid settling for someone who clearly doesn’t meet my standards. It’s for the best for both of us. One thing I won’t overlook is that during intimacy, he never cares about my satisfaction or asks if I’m enjoying it. He seems solely focused on his own pleasure, which says a lot about him. If I were to return to him after recognizing all these signs, I’d just be fooling myself and undermining my own self-worth. Loving him more than he loves me is unhealthy, and I know I’m not meant to be with someone like that. I refuse to be hurt over these issues in a relationship. I shouldn’t have to sacrifice or compromise in love. I deserve so much better than empty words and his attempts to control me. This isn’t love, and I can’t afford to be blind to it anymore.

Is this where it all begins? [F38] and [M39]

My boyfriend [39m] and I [38f] have been acquaintances for a couple of years, but we've only been in a serious relationship for about four months. One night, during an argument, things escalated beyond what I'm comfortable with. He tends to express himself with animated hand gestures, and in his anger, he was poking at my chest and flicking me while he was talking. I had never seen him behave like this before, and I felt it was best to call it a night so we could both have some time to cool off. Unfortunately, that decision led to a situation where he angrily urged me to leave but also blocked the door. Normally, I would have walked away from anyone who spoke to me in that manner, but instead, I stayed. At that moment, I realized, oh no, this is how unhealthy relationships can start. Until that night, he had been wonderful, and then it felt like everything changed in an instant. The night included him grabbing my wrists, tossing me onto the bed, and head-butting me. While he wasn't using his full strength, I could have been hurt easily. Each time he did something aggressive, he insisted, "I didn't hurt you!" I've never really doubted myself before, but now I find myself questioning if I'm overreacting. Deep down, I know I'm not, but this sudden self-doubt is even more concerning. There was also an earlier incident where my hand got hurt, but again I found myself dismissing it as just a jammed finger, thinking I was overreacting. I've tried to talk to him about my worries, but he quickly becomes defensive and insists that he's not the type of person who would hurt women.

I [F21] want to repair my relationship with my boyfriend [M21], but I'm worried that it might be too late.

I (21F) am trying to salvage my relationship with my boyfriend (21M), but I'm unsure if it's even possible. We've been together for almost four years, having started our relationship in our senior year of high school. We got engaged just five months in because he was planning to join the army. Unfortunately, he failed his psychological evaluation and chose a different career path. About a year into our relationship, I began using Nexplanon birth control, which led to a gradual decline in my mental health. Things took a turn for the worse right before a planned trip to Florida. While I was on his phone helping him, I discovered that he had subscribed to his ex's OnlyFans account. This revelation sent me into a spiral of anxiety and paranoia. I insisted that he delete the account, remove all contacts of other women, and I started to monitor his phone closely. The hormones from the birth control transformed me into someone I hardly recognized, as I became anxiously attached. As I pulled him closer, he withdrew. This cycle of toxicity lasted for about a year until I finally had the birth control removed. After stopping the birth control, I realized the damage had already been done. He became emotionally and physically distant, often manipulating and gaslighting me. In an attempt to cope, I immersed myself in work, where I met someone who filled the emotional void that my boyfriend was unable to fill. Though I never cheated, this distance only grew between us and sex became a chore, leading to resentment on both sides. Eventually, I reached a breaking point. I quit my job and fell into a deep depression. Desperate to fix things and find happiness with him again, I tried to be present and supportive in hopes that he would reciprocate. However, that effort proved unsuccessful and we've now decided to take some time apart. I go home during the week and see him only on weekends. Our communication has dwindled to a single goodnight text each day, leaving me feeling anxious as I try to find the right moment to connect with him. During this period apart, I suspect he may have returned to OnlyFans. I'm unsure how to approach the topic, fearing that he might suggest I leave if I'm unhappy, as he seems to be at the end of his rope. It feels like I have no leverage; he may continue engaging in behavior that hurts me without concern for whether I stay or go. We've built a life together, with close families, planned trips, and a future ahead. I've invested so much into this relationship, but if he is indeed returning to old habits, I'm at a loss for how to proceed. I recognize that my emotional instability contributed to our current situation, and I wish he had respected my boundaries from the start. It might have prevented us from reaching this critical point and my anxious attachment issues. Ultimately, I want to feel happy and respected, and for both of us to honor each other's boundaries. Despite still being in love, the spark is missing. I'm terrified that if I voice any concerns, we'll backslide into the same patterns, and he may be gone for good. Should I stay silent and focus on breaking this attachment during our time apart, or is it worth it to confront him about what’s troubling me? I'm desperate to know if this relationship can be salvaged. **TL;DR:** My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly four years. Our relationship turned toxic after he subscribed to his ex's OnlyFans. My anxiously attached behavior worsened while on birth control, and now we're unsure if we can repair what’s broken. We both love each other, but the spark is gone. I want to be happy and see if there's a chance to save our relationship, but I’m conflicted about how to approach this time apart.

When should I prioritize myself? I'm a 24-year-old male, and my girlfriend is 22.

I recently got back together with my ex, and we've been together for two months this time. During our time apart, we both experienced some difficult relationships that left us both hurt—she faced both mental and physical abuse, while I was mentally affected when my child's mother left me during her pregnancy, which impacted me more than I realized. Lately, she hasn’t shown me much affection and often calls me stupid. We haven’t been intimate in a while because she struggles to have sober sex, but she drinks, which worries me about our connection. She doesn't even offer small gestures like a goodbye kiss. I've been trying to support her and show her that I'm genuinely a nice guy, not like her previous partners. How long should I keep putting effort into this before I start considering my own emotions?

Feeling Unjustly Treated After Disagreement with My Boyfriend

I had a major argument with my boyfriend about a week ago, which almost felt like a breakup. It was one of the worst fights we've ever had, and for a while, I thought it was the end. To give you some context, my boyfriend, 31, has bipolar 1, and things have been pretty challenging lately. He often lacks basic common sense and life skills, so it feels like I'm constantly taking care of him—reminding him to take his medication or to clean up after himself, and it’s exhausting. One morning, we had a particularly bad argument that escalated quickly. He said some really hurtful things (and I definitely contributed to the chaos as well). In these heated moments, it’s easy to lash out at each other verbally, often as a defense mechanism rooted in my own past traumas. I’m aware of my faults, and I go to therapy to improve how I handle my emotions and conflicts. I’m really trying. However, it feels like he doesn’t realize basic things, like when his medication isn’t working well, he should schedule a doctor’s appointment. Sometimes it feels like I’m the one parenting him, and I’m tired of that dynamic. Anyway, on the day of our big fight, it was supposed to be his brother's birthday dinner. He completely twisted the story of our argument when he told his family, claiming I “used him as my personal punching bag,” which was such a misrepresentation of what actually happened. Yes, we had a physical exchange where we both pushed each other, and I know that’s unhealthy, but he made himself out to be the victim while portraying me as abusive. He even told his family that I have an alcohol addiction, which is far from the truth—I do drink, but not in an excessive way. I can’t help but think he wanted to turn them against me. Fast forward to a few days ago, at his child’s birthday party. We had been slowly working on our relationship and trying to resolve our issues. But unbeknownst to me, he had fed his family a bunch of falsehoods about me. When I arrived at the party, I greeted his brother’s wife, and she responded with a disgusted expression and said, “Ummm no thank you,” before walking away. I felt completely blindsided and realized I had walked into a hostile environment without knowing it. Am I being dramatic for thinking this is outrageous? It seems incredibly unfair to be put in this situation without knowing he was painting me as the “bad guy” to his family, all while inviting me to a family gathering. I would have never attended if I had known there was animosity towards me, and it's frustrating that I can’t even defend myself or share my side of the story. I feel embarrassed and disrespected. Should I be upset with him? It’s hard not to feel like this relationship may not work out after all.

This guy [25M] is spreading the word at school that he still has feelings for me [20F]. How can I prevent him from becoming involved in my life?

Hi, I apologize if my English isn't perfect; it's not my first language. I'm feeling really stressed about a situation. There’s a guy I dated while I was on a break from my boyfriend. We still call ourselves "friends," but he insists on that label even though I would prefer not to be in contact since he is still very much in love with me. I reconnected with my boyfriend a few months ago, and things have been going well. However, next year, this "ex" will be repeating a year at my university, so we will both end up in the same class. My program is quite small, with only seven people in each class. I’m really anxious about seeing him every day, especially since he tells everyone how much he still cares about me. This has been going on for about four or five months now. I've asked him to stop, but he won't listen. He still occupies a large part of my life even though our relationship is over, and I made it clear from the beginning that we wouldn't be a couple, which he agreed to. I want to focus on my relationship with my boyfriend, whom I love dearly, but it feels like this guy is constantly hovering around me, declaring his feelings. He even shares random photos of us on Instagram, not romantic ones, but just snapshots from times we spent together months ago. I do care about him as a person and feel sorry for him, but his behavior makes me consider quitting college because I dread the thought of being in class with him starting in September. However, I really don't want to abandon my studies because I'm passionate about my field. He seems to impose himself on my life, claiming that this is his way of expressing himself. I really just want some space to move on. I understand that he can't help how he feels, and I sympathize with him, but his constant displays of affection are overwhelming, and I'm at my wit's end. If you have any advice or suggestions on what I could say to him, I would greatly appreciate it. I tried to be straightforward, as I don't want to come off as insensitive to his feelings. It's just that I've moved on, and he’s making it difficult for me to fully do so, which makes me feel guilty for him too. For some context, I'm 20 years old, and the guy from school is 25. Our relationship took place last year when I was 19 and he was 24.

My therapist suggests that I (22F) should end things with my boyfriend (22M). Any advice?

I'm going to do my best to clarify my situation. I really need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for nearly three years, yet in that time, I have only met his friends once, aside from our mutual acquaintances. He seldom invites me to family gatherings, which is fine to some extent, but I can sense that his family often wonders about my absence. I don’t feel the need to be at every event, but it does feel a bit odd. I would think that if his family wants me there, he would too. He says he just doesn’t think to invite me. When he plays games with his friends during our sleepovers, he prefers that I don’t talk to them because he wants to keep my presence a secret. I’ve been questioning things lately since he mentioned moving in with those friends, which would mean I wouldn’t be welcome to stay over at his place, and he'd be spending more time at my house. He rarely visits me at my home, where I live with my parents, while he has his own place right now. It hurts that he doesn’t spend more time with me. For some context, he grew up in a very religious household—more strict than mine. His family is quite conservative, to the point I often feel like I have to be on my best behavior around them. After three years, I’ve just started feeling comfortable around them. They are lovely people; they’re never unkind, but my lifestyle is different from theirs. When we first started dating, his mother was particularly protective of his virginity. I find it peculiar for parents to guard their adult children's virginity, and it made him hesitant to share personal matters with them, which I understand. He tends to keep a lot to himself, not just about sex, and doesn’t discuss much with his family. They seem to like me; his mother even initiated plans for us to have brunch together regularly, which I take as a sign that she appreciates me. We've talked about these issues before, and there was a point where we almost broke up. We both love each other and want our relationship to work because he’s my best friend. He's conflicted about moving in with his friends, understanding it might impact our relationship. However, I honestly don’t think his friends would mind much—I don’t know them well, but they seem laid-back. I was recently invited to a virtual game night with them, which was enjoyable, and I felt like I could be myself. But afterward, my boyfriend distanced himself again, and now I'm feeling lost about what to do. I appreciate him trying to change by inviting me to socialize with his friends, but I’ve also discussed this with my therapist. She believes the issue lies with him and that I shouldn’t feel hidden in a relationship. I agree with her but can’t help but wonder if I am overreacting or misinterpreting things because she is so firm about me considering a breakup. Perhaps I’m just being stubborn because I love him and don’t want to end things. It’s hard to tell if there is a genuine issue here or if I’m creating problems in my mind. I’m open to any questions, as I’m sure I’ve left out important details. Thank you. **TL;DR:** I feel like my boyfriend is ashamed of me and hides me from his family and friends. What do you think? Is this a valid reason to break up?

I [21M] feel like I'm in a toxic relationship with my girlfriend [21F].

I recently marked three years with my girlfriend, whom I'll refer to as Dani, to protect her identity. I met her in college, and while I care about her deeply, I'm troubled by a persistent feeling that our relationship has turned toxic, leaving me unsure of what to do. I'm reaching out for guidance. For context, Dani faces challenges related to depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder, which often makes me more forgiving of her behavior. However, recently I've noticed some patterns that are becoming overwhelming for me. About a year ago, we attended a pride parade together. Dani insisted we go, arguing it would be a fun summer outing and an opportunity to spend time together away from our families. I’m generally introverted and dislike large crowds, so I hesitated, but her enthusiasm wore me down, and I agreed. Unfortunately, the day of the parade took a negative turn when she revealed she had gone through my belongings and found something personal I hadn’t shared with her. I felt violated and hurt, but I chose to overlook it since we were in a different state and I didn't want to make a scene. At the parade, I soon became overwhelmed by the crowd and told her I needed to leave. Despite my discomfort, she insisted I should be enjoying myself since she was. Later, when we finally had some time alone, she expressed how hurt she was that I wasn't having a good time, mentioning how much effort she put into making the weekend enjoyable. I ended up apologizing for my feelings to avoid causing her pain. The fall of last year brought our college’s music festival, which I initially attended but left early due to bad weather and my stress from the crowds. Dani later wanted to have an afterparty at her place and suggested I meet her at a friend's car. After having already walked home for 20 minutes in the rain, I didn’t want to go back out and asked if her friends could pick me up since I didn’t have my own vehicle. She insisted that I just walk because she didn’t want to impose on her friends. This disagreement escalated into a fight, with me insisting I wouldn’t go unless she arranged a ride for me. Eventually, she relented, but I felt hurt that she prioritized others' convenience over my discomfort. Later, I invited her to join me on a trip to see my brother, who was expecting a baby. This was exciting for me as I hadn’t seen my siblings in over a year. However, soon after arriving, Dani expressed her stress about fitting in and wanted to retreat to the hotel. I compromised, and while we did have some fun at the hotel, her anxiety kept cutting our family time short. She became increasingly anxious about our flight, causing us to leave early even with ample time before departure. I felt frustrated that her stress dictated our plans, and she was upset with me for not being more understanding. Most recently, she worked on a significant film project, and I offered my house for filming with the understanding that she would share food with me for the crew since I didn't want to cook during filming. When it came time to eat, she scolded me, stating that the crew should eat first, implying I wasn’t a part of it. I confronted her about her tone after filming, and she broke down, claiming she was in "director mode" and needed my support as she was overwhelmed. I apologized for my timing but felt dismissed. Reflecting on these experiences, I'm realizing this might not be a healthy relationship. I love Dani, and I don’t believe she acts with malice, but it often feels like I must apologize for my feelings because my pain seems to amplify hers. I strive to be supportive, but her struggles can weigh heavily on me. I often feel like I'm providing emotional support for her without receiving the same in return. I try to share my interests, but she often seems uninterested and shifts the topic. I also feel pressured into activities I’m not comfortable with, leading me to question if I’m adequately expressing my needs. We've had discussions about how she would cope if we broke up, and each time she's expressed that it would devastate her for months, leaving me conflicted about making a decision. How can I approach her with these concerns without feeling that my emotions are invalidated due to her stronger feelings? I'm in desperate need of guidance.

Am I overthinking things, or is my girlfriend being controlling? [18M] [21F]

I'm writing this because I'm feeling scared and honestly a bit delusional. When I first met my girlfriend, she was sweet, calm, and patient with me, even when I was being a bit annoying with my guitar playing and random activities. However, after those initial months, it seems like she has become more controlling. I've spent around £750 on takeaways just to cheer her up when she’s feeling down, even though she rarely buys groceries, which would be much more practical and last longer. I often find myself purchasing expensive things for her out of guilt, and I sometimes feel broke while trying to save money that I earn. There are times when it feels like she's taking my generosity for granted. While she does buy me things, it doesn’t compare to what I spend on her. I don’t want to complain, but I do feel pressured to keep providing. I can’t tell if this is intentional, but I feel isolated from my family because she often gets upset when I want to spend time with them, making me feel like a bad boyfriend. For instance, when I planned to visit my grandparents for a couple of nights after my grandmother’s sister passed away, I was constantly pressured to cut it short because she missed me. It seems like my feelings are often overlooked. I’m trying to keep this brief, but there are many other things weighing on my mind, and I feel guilty about all of this. Recently, my birthday is approaching, and instead of my family coming to me, we’re heading to them since it’s easier. She seems to think that if my family doesn’t make more of an effort, they don’t care about me or love me, which really hurts. My family has their own reasons—they're expecting a child soon, and it makes sense to stay close to the hospital right now. I feel like I have to justify everything I do. Am I being delusional, or is this some form of controlling behavior?

My girlfriend [25F] makes me feel undervalued [25M]. Any advice?

Hey everyone! I’ve been considering sharing my thoughts here for a while, and I finally decided to do it. I’m a 25-year-old man who has been feeling uncertain about my relationship with my girlfriend for the past year and a half. I truly care for her, but I’m worried that I might be standing in my own way. To give you some background, when we first met, I had just moved to her hometown after finishing school, and we instantly clicked. We started spending a lot of time together, and things seemed perfect. She's very athletic, which I really admired since I was active as well. At one point, she encouraged me to gain weight because she thought I was “too small” at 6’2” and 190 lbs. I eventually did put on the weight. Fast forward three years—we moved out of her hometown because I felt we needed a change. Her behavior often felt rude, and although she valued me momentarily, I didn’t feel truly wanted; it seemed like I was just a means to help her get through school. I endured a tough year of feeling mistreated, all because I loved her and wanted things to improve. Now, after a year of living in a new place that I genuinely love, we’ve found ourselves stuck in a rut. Despite my desire to be active, she seems less interested in the fitness lifestyle that initially attracted me to her. While I’ve managed to maintain my fitness, she has gained some weight, which isn’t muscle. I hate to say it, but I crave an active lifestyle—skiing, running, swimming, hiking—and was led to believe she shared that interest, yet she usually prefers watching TV, avoids conversations, claiming she can’t handle them, or going shopping. Speaking of conversations, I put in a lot of effort to engage with her, but often she responds with short answers like “yeah” and doesn’t genuinely participate. It feels like she’s distancing herself from me, yet she still expresses her love and can be very clingy at times. Ultimately, I find myself feeling restricted. I want a partner who will support me when I want to go for a quick jog with a friend, rather than making me justify my actions. As a therapist, I hope that she understands our dynamic, but it feels like she uses it against me, making me feel obligated to cater to her needs whenever I try to discuss my concerns. I’m seeking any advice you may have. If you need more details or have questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I’m worried because she’s been hinting at wanting engagement, but I feel like I have a mother rather than a girlfriend or fiancée—and that’s a tough realization to come to. Additionally, she often turns small issues into arguments. It could be something as simple as choosing where to have lunch (which I usually decide). When she’s stressed, she has a tendency to lash out. Again, feel free to ask for more information if you need it. Just a heads up, I’m using a burner account but will check back for your responses. Thanks, everyone!

I'm feeling uncertain about my boyfriend, who is 22 years old.

I'm not quite sure how to start this, so I’ll begin with a warning: this will probably be lengthy. My boyfriend and I began dating at the end of our senior year of high school when we were both 18. After a year of dating and visiting each other at work, we began discussing the idea of an open relationship, or the possibility of adding another girl to our dynamic. I identify as bisexual and have never been with a girl before, but ultimately, we didn’t pursue it because I felt too insecure. I worried that if I let him explore that avenue, he might find someone better and leave me. We decided to continue our relationship without pursuing that. We moved in together nearly a year ago and have been together for almost four years now. Recently, we revisited the idea of an open relationship or including someone else in our intimate life. We both downloaded dating apps to explore potential connections. However, while I received numerous messages from guys, he engaged in only a couple of conversations with girls. This hit his self-esteem hard, leading him to feel depressed and unattractive. One night while hanging out with friends and playing drinking games, the atmosphere escalated to a point where we ended up in a foursome. This happened a few more times, but one evening, he left the group, claiming he was going to bed. Later, I discovered a series of missed calls and texts from him, pleading me to stop what was happening and come to the bedroom. I hurried in to find him sobbing on the floor, feeling abandoned and alone. I was drunk and upset because I never intended to hurt him. He was so distraught that he punched the concrete floor. We decided that this type of situation wouldn't happen again. After that, he stopped using dating apps, feeling unattractive, which led me to delete mine as well, especially since I felt guilty about having so many messages from guys. For context, I had never met up with any of them and only replied to a few, as my priority was always him. Recently, he’s started using the apps again, which makes me hopeful that he’s feeling better about himself, but he also experimented with mushrooms. He tried them for the first time on a weekday after dinner and seemed fine, but when Sunday came around, things took a turn. I was about to make my usual weekend coffee when I realized I was out of supplies. He offered to accompany me to Target and mentioned he wanted to take mushrooms beforehand. I told him no because I was concerned they might kick in while we were out. He agreed but said he would take them once we arrived. While we were shopping, I noticed he was chewing something and remembered his plan. He started getting snippy with me in the store, and I felt frustrated by his attitude. After we returned home, he asked what was wrong, so I expressed my feelings about his behavior during our shopping trip. He apologized, saying he thought we could make it quick. A few minutes later, I heard him groaning and found him on the floor, feeling nauseous because he hadn’t eaten before taking those gummies. Unfortunately, this led to a rough couple of hours filled with groaning, vomiting, and discomfort. He eventually managed to sleep for about three hours, and I stayed with him, anxious that he might choke on his vomit. With just two days off a week, I was looking forward to spending time how I wanted. I felt frustrated because he had set up plans with a friend on Saturday, which limited my free time. I don’t want to take on the role of a caretaker for an irresponsible partner. I’ve previously mentioned that I don’t want children since I’ve already raised my siblings, and he understands that. I might just be feeling burnt out from work or overly emotional about everything. It could also stem from my jealousy that he gets to work from home while I'm stuck in a hot kitchen for over eight hours a day, then come home to clean and cook. He has supported me through so much and has been there for me as best as he can. We love each other, share two cats, and live in a tiny apartment together. I don’t want to end our relationship, but I’m hesitant to bring up the idea of an open relationship again since it could trigger his depression. He’s struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past, so I’m genuinely confused and saddened by everything. I know a difficult conversation is inevitable, but I tend to get emotional during discussions, often crying regardless of the topic. I’d appreciate any thoughts or advice on my situation. Am I the problem?

I'm a 21-year-old female, and I'm uncertain about whether I should continue my relationship with my 23-year-old boyfriend. I could really use some advice.

We've been together for two years now. He is truly wonderful—sweet, loving, and respectful. While he used to express his affection more openly, I've noticed he has become a bit less affectionate lately, which I chalk up to the end of the honeymoon phase. Nevertheless, he still surprises me with gifts for occasions like Valentine's Day and my birthday, and he listens to me just as I listen to him. In the past year, though, he seems to have become quite angry. For instance, when I ask for kind words, he often tells me that it's hard for him and doesn’t come naturally. Meanwhile, I put effort into writing him loving letters to lift his spirits. When I express any mild upset, he reacts as if he needs to outdo me, huffing and implying that I'm difficult to manage when I'm really just asking for some reassurance. When he's feeling stressed, he wants me to comfort him, which I do. However, if I ask for support in return, he tends to explode, saying that I'm expecting too much from him in his time of stress. I often end up apologizing, and if I try to hold back my feelings to avoid conflict, he gets upset again, accusing me of not being open and communicative. His anger often revolves around him stating that he can't meet all my requests (which are quite reasonable), making it seem like it's my fault and that I'm overwhelming him. He even tries to guilt me by calling me sensitive, only to backtrack by saying, "That's not what I meant," though the implication is clear. It's very confusing because he can be so sweet one moment and then suddenly shift to anger if something triggers him. While he has never been physically abusive, his anger has caused me to experience panic attacks from the fear of setting him off again. It’s draining to navigate this emotional roller coaster because, aside from his anger, he is genuinely kind and caring in so many other ways.

My best friend, who is 27, invited my emotionally abusive husband, who is 25, to spend time together.

To begin with, I was married to my husband for three challenging years. It was a profoundly difficult period, marked by his manipulative and emotionally abusive behavior. I often felt like I was losing my grip on reality and struggled to find the courage to leave him. When my best friend was preparing to move away, I had a mental breakdown at her farewell party. I opened up to her about everything I had endured. She revealed that she had never liked my husband and encouraged me to leave him. She even suggested that I consider moving to her new location, a place I had always dreamed of living. It took me another six months, but I eventually found the strength to leave. Whenever I had second thoughts or contemplated staying, my best friend was there to remind me that I was caught in a cycle of abuse. Her support was invaluable, and I did end up relocating to where she was. However, things took a turn when she attended a wedding back in our hometown. The night before, she and three other girls went to a pumpkin patch, and I noticed that all the pictures she posted on social media included my ex-husband. At first, I didn’t think much of it, assuming some of their husbands were there too. But later, I learned that none of the other husbands had attended—just those four girls and him. When my friend returned, I asked her how he got invited, and she confessed that she had invited him because she “felt bad.” She didn’t elaborate on her reasoning, and I was too shocked to ask for more details. Discovering this made me feel betrayed and invalidated regarding my experiences. I haven't shared these feelings with her yet, and I'm uncertain if my reaction is justified. As a result, I find myself hesitant to spend time with her. Am I overreacting? How should I approach this situation moving forward?

I discovered that my 40-year-old girlfriend was being sexually assaulted by her so-called "best friend."

**Are there any trauma-informed redditors who could share their insights? I'm particularly interested in finding compassion and forgiveness in this situation.** This is a challenging scenario, so get ready for the ride. My girlfriend and I have been together for 14 months, but she has endured over a decade of childhood sexual abuse within her family, followed by 25 years of narcissistic abuse from her ex-husband. After their divorce, she found herself in another manipulative relationship for a year. All this has led her to lose hope in men and explore polyamory for a year without much attachment or desire for commitment—until she met me. I was unaware of her past when we first started dating, and I believe she's too ashamed to share all the details. However, within a month of our relationship, she ended things with three other men. While this was tough, I've come to terms with it—overlap sometimes happens. One of those men, prior to our meeting, managed to create a trauma bond with her after sexually assaulting her and then threatening self-harm if she left him. He manipulated her from a victim into a savior role, preying on her vulnerabilities. Unable to let him go, she compartmentalized the assault and engaged in a friends-with-benefits arrangement with him until we started dating. She attempted to set boundaries and referred to him as her "bestie," but he would coerce her with alcohol and, disturbingly, sexually assault her several times during the first six months of our relationship. Despite her denial, I have evidence of this. It wasn’t until our ninth month together that I discovered the initial assault and the trauma bond, which I confronted her about after noticing his excessive demands on her. It felt incredibly toxic to me, especially as she was a working single mother. We then engaged in two months of tough discussions filled with denial, before she was finally ready to acknowledge the toxicity of that relationship and the abuse she suffered. She has since cut him out of her life and is now undergoing EMDR therapy. This situation has been deeply confusing and painful for both of us, and navigating through it has been tough. I care deeply for her and want to support her while also finding my own inner peace. So, once again, **are there any trauma-informed redditors who might offer some perspectives, especially on finding compassion and forgiveness in this context?**

My boyfriend [23M] raised his voice during an argument after I [22F] hurt his feelings. Am I to blame?

I'm in a situation with my boyfriend (23M) that I'm trying to sort out. He's my first boyfriend and my only relationship experience—it's all been long distance after we met on Instagram. We've met in person twice during the year we've known each other, and we've been dating for about 3-4 months. Recently, we had a disagreement during which I (22F) hurt his feelings by discussing a Christmas gift he gave me. It was our first gift exchange as a couple, and while it was sentimental, I was surprised by it because he often spends significantly on himself and talks about it. I thought gifting might not be a priority for him, and considering my own financial situation, I assigned a lot of value to the gift even if it didn’t cost much. When I brought this up, I certainly didn't intend to upset him, but I understand why he got defensive. He told me that I made him question everything about himself, and in frustration, I expressed doubts about how seriously he viewed our relationship based on his financial contribution. The conversation ended on a sour note. A week later, I attempted to revisit the topic to clarify my feelings, but he reacted with intense anger and even yelled at me, telling me to "shut the f*** up" and accusing me of victimizing myself. I was taken aback, especially since I don't raise my voice in conflicts, and this was all over the phone. The next day, I tried to discuss how he spoke to me, but he insisted that his reaction was justified because of my behavior. He described my crying as unfair, arguing that he was the one who should be hurt and claimed that yelling is normal in relationships. He stood firm that he didn't owe me an apology. Right now, I'm feeling torn. I recognize that I hurt him and I've been apologizing consistently, trying to communicate that my comments stemmed from insecurity. However, I don't want to normalize being treated this way during arguments. I've asked for a break in communication until Sunday because our discussions haven’t been constructive—I’m trying to explain my feelings, and he’s denying me the right to feel hurt. **TL;DR:** I expressed feeling undervalued by a gift my boyfriend gave me, and while I understand why he was upset, he reacted angrily and told me to shut up. He feels justified in his reaction and has refused to apologize, insisting that I shouldn't bring it up again. I'm unsure about how to proceed, especially since he’s been aggressive in arguments before.

My girlfriend (19F) and I (19M) are currently facing a difficult time in our relationship. What can we do to work through this?

My girlfriend (19F) and I (19M) have been together for exactly a year as of February 1, 2025. However, we are currently facing the toughest period in our relationship. While we've had disagreements in the past, they were usually over small issues. Recently, though, it feels like we've been in constant conflict for the past 10 to 15 days, particularly since Valentine's Day. The arguments we're having aren't just about normal, everyday mistakes; instead, they're more profound, focusing on our individual personalities and how we interact. It’s starting to feel as if we’re fundamentally incompatible, with everything we do seeming to trigger criticism from the other person—sometimes it's me, sometimes it's her. These disagreements often begin with something minor, only to escalate into discussions rooted in our behavioral traits and past unresolved traumas. I've realized that I haven't appreciated her efforts, primarily because she doesn't always vocalize them during our conversations, leading me to mistakenly conclude that she wasn't treating me well. She has since clarified this misunderstanding to me. I struggle with conflict—it's something that scares me deeply. I don’t shy away from it, but it’s my greatest fear. My girlfriend, however, reassures me that conflicts are a necessary part of any relationship and will occur regardless of my apprehensions. She's very expressive about what she feels in the moment, communicating her emotions directly. While I respect her honesty, that unfiltered expression can sometimes wound me, making me feel as though I’m constantly in the wrong. I've come to recognize some of my toxic traits, particularly narcissistic behaviors that developed as coping mechanisms for my insecurities. These traits have contributed to many of our arguments, and I'm actively working to reduce them for her sake. It feels like each day brings a new issue or unresolved matter, revealing yet another toxic aspect of my behavior that undermines our connection. Most of our day goes smoothly, but as night falls, something sets off a conflict that can last for hours, like what happened today. These issues are starting to impact our studies, which is a big deal for us since we are both straight-A students, and this disruption could have serious consequences for our academic performance. I’m beginning to feel like I’m not a good boyfriend to her. Despite all the wrongs and conflicts, she still chooses to stay with me, which makes me both happy and undeserving. When I realize I've messed up, I often find it difficult to apologize. With so many things I've done wrong, my apologies feel meaningless—a way to simply end the argument rather than addressing the real issues. I’m unsure how to navigate this situation and create a peaceful environment in our relationship. I truly love her and have no intention of leaving, no matter how hard things get. Yet, I also understand if she ever feels the need to walk away; she deserves someone better. **TL;DR:** I (19M) and my girlfriend (19F) have been together for a year but are now facing our toughest times, arguing almost daily since Valentine's Day. Conflicts stem from deeper personality issues rather than minor mistakes. I struggle with recognizing her efforts, fear conflict, and have identified toxic traits I need to work on. These fights disrupt our studies, creating stress. Though she remains committed to me, I feel undeserving and am unsure how to resolve our issues. I love her deeply and want a peaceful relationship, but I feel lost.

F18 and M20

Hello! I really dislike turning to online platforms for advice, but I'm at a point where it's my only option. I’m a female, 18, and my boyfriend is 20; we've been together for almost two years, with our anniversary coming up in mid-March. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, including breaking up and getting back together multiple times. Additionally, his family has been less than welcoming towards me, often making rude comments, which has left me feeling guilty as though I've done something wrong. Although he has cheated on me in the past and I’ve chosen to forgive him because of my strong feelings for him, I've recently found myself seeking attention from other guys. I feel like I'm not receiving the attention I need and deserve from him. I have BPD and other mental health issues, and I’m not sure whether these factors play a role in my feelings or if the situation runs deeper. What do you all think? Should I consider ending things, or would it be worth trying to work through our issues together, given my deep love for him? I’m still exploring my options. I would really appreciate any advice or insights about my situation. Am I overthinking this? Am I overreacting? Is this a toxic relationship?

I'm a single mom (23) and my boyfriend (26) is beginning to behave unpredictably.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year, and he has been a really great partner overall. However, every few months, I discover instances of online infidelity, concerning messages about me, or other unsettling behaviors. He also exhibits strong narcissistic traits and recently got extremely drunk at bars, even threatening me over the phone. Whenever we seem to be in a good place—about three months of what feels like a healthy relationship—he inevitably sabotages it through lies, getting involved with an OnlyFans account, or yelling at me while I’m pleading with him to calm down. His anger escalates to such an extent that he turns bright red, and it looks like he might burst with rage. Last night, after he got blackout drunk, we had several phone calls over six hours while he was out with a friend. I was in tears, begging him to settle down, but he laughed at my distress, physically threatened me, and emotionally abused me. My son calls him "dada," and he means the world to me. I can't understand why he would treat our family this way. While he provides for us, I’m close to finishing my degree and have no savings. I live far from my family and friends, at least three hours away. I'm scared. I love him, but my son’s well-being is my top priority. I’m at a loss as to what to do. How can I either fix this relationship or safely get out of it?

Seeking advice regarding my boyfriend, who is 22, as a 23-year-old woman.

Hey everyone, I’m in need of some guidance, and I’d appreciate it if we could keep things supportive. I've been dating a guy for three months, and he has started to exhibit controlling, manipulative, and at times, narcissistic behavior. The first month was great, but now I find it really difficult to be around him. He accuses me of treating him poorly but threatens to harm himself whenever I try to break things off. He claims I don't appreciate what he does for me, even though I've consistently expressed my gratitude. He insists I shouldn’t have friends outside of our relationship and becomes jealous whenever I want to spend time with them, often making up stories to guilt-trip me into letting him tag along. When we go out, he gets angry if I interact with my friends, and he’ll lash out by punching things or yelling, sometimes trying to get us kicked out so I can’t socialize. He also pressures me into intimacy when I’m not interested; it often takes numerous refusals for him to finally back off, which leaves him upset, claiming this is how couples show love. The turning point for me was last night—my friend needed a place to stay, so I offered him my couch. My boyfriend then lied, saying he'd been kicked out of his place and needed to stay with me, but when I confronted him about the lie, he dismissed it, saying he would just go home after all. I truly want to end this relationship. I feel manipulated and gaslit, and I’m beginning to suspect he might be a narcissist. Each time I try to express my concerns, I end up feeling like the bad guy for making him feel hurt, which leads to him crying and bombarding me with messages while I’m trying to rest. I worry that if I attempt to break things off, he could lash out, either at himself or someone I care about, or hold the things he’s bought me over my head. This whole situation is causing me so much stress; I haven’t been sleeping well, and I constantly have headaches and body aches from the tension. I really need some advice. Thank you.

My partner, who is 29 years old, struggles with violent behavior due to alcohol addiction, and I'm feeling lost about how to handle this situation.

As the title indicates, my partner struggles with severe alcoholism. Her behavior often leads to blackouts, destructive outbursts, and even self-harm. She drinks almost every night, gradually increasing her intake from a third of a bottle of Jack Daniel's to a whole bottle. Although her key worker suggested she reduce her drinking gradually, she misinterpreted the advice to mean she should continue her usual habits until she can enter detox four weeks from now. When sober, she is incredibly quiet and introverted. She has endured a decade-long abusive relationship that severely disrupted her education, social life, employment, and financial independence. At 16, she became pregnant by her older partner, who took out loans in her name that she is still repaying. He was physically violent, even threatening her with a knife, which ultimately led her to leave him and her children. Although her children are safe with him—albeit neglected—they are not harmed. The extent of the abuse left her so unprepared to take care of herself that she felt trapped and lost in her own life. Adding to her struggles is a difficult childhood. She has no support system and is at risk of losing her job, despite me and my mother helping her find work. She now has a stable job that pays more than her ex does (he provides child support, but we’re uncertain how it’s spent). Last night, she threatened me, saying that if I didn’t buy her drinks, she would take her sleeping pills. This morning, while I was in a meeting, she barged in, demanding more alcohol and resorted to shouting, hitting, and throwing things at me. I had to push her back to protect myself, and she retaliated by continuing to yell and strike at me. I tried to contact her key worker for support but was advised to call the police, which I hesitated to do. After discussing options with my mother, I decided to buy her two beers, hoping it would quell her aggression. It worked temporarily, but she soon returned demanding more drinks and her sleeping pills. I had hidden her sleeping medications after she threatened to take them, but she managed to find her antidepressants and locked herself in the bathroom. I picked the lock to retrieve the pills, but her demands for more medication continued as she rummaged through her other prescriptions. She has been increasingly violent toward me for several months now. I've faced physical aggression along with emotional abuse, including verbal assaults and infidelity (which has been resolved). It used to be confined to shouting and throwing things, but it has escalated. I want to support her sober side, but I’m uncertain if I can endure the waiting period until she receives treatment. My mental health is deteriorating, and her words have left me feeling hopeless. Just two days ago, she told me to go die, and I found myself contemplating that. If I leave her, she faces homelessness with little to nothing to support herself. If I stay, I risk ongoing abuse for an unknown duration, followed by detox and an uncertain future. I fear involving the police might have detrimental effects on her life and career. In summary, my girlfriend is a violent drunk, and I’m at a loss for how to proceed. If we part ways, she could be homeless; if I remain by her side, I face continued abuse. What steps can I take? Is there any guidance or actions I can consider to address this situation?

My partner, who is 36, started off as a close friend, but now I'm feeling a sense of aversion.

My lover turned close friend, but now I'm feeling the ick. I've been caught in an emotional whirlwind with a man I truly care about. We had our first drinks together last Halloween, and I had already admired him for some time after watching him coach my son over a year ago. Our chemistry was instant—physically, emotionally, and socially. He blended in perfectly with my inner circle. Although we weren’t exclusive and didn’t use protection due to my IUD and medical condition, he never mentioned it. Early in our connection, he lost a coaching job he’d held for over 20 years. I encouraged him to start his own club and offered to help with his resume for professional opportunities. However, rather than leaning into our connection, he withdrew, avoiding me for three weeks and limiting our conversations to logistics and his resume. I assumed he’d lost interest, which led me to have a brief, disappointing hookup with an old fling who was passing through town. Not long after, he returned, confiding in me about his personal struggles and asking for help to regain his job. I made a conscious decision to stay true to our connection and support him through this. I leveraged my network to assist him while maintaining a balance; we were lovers and friends but still had our own separate lives. Unfortunately, he started retreating again, expressing feelings of being a “charity case” and not contributing enough to our relationship. While I was focused on my job and my kids, he remarked that “sometimes connections turn into flings.” In my eyes, we were far from just a fling. We communicated daily, spent quality time together, and shared vulnerabilities. Yet, he insisted he wasn’t on my financial level and that his past made him unworthy of a relationship. He also suggested that I desired more commitment than I was willing to openly express, dismissing the fact that I was content with what we had. Then came "the flea incident." My cats caught fleas, and when I informed him, he accused me of infesting his space. He canceled plans and went to stay with his mother. After I offered to leave repellant in his mailbox, he called me “pushy” and ordered me to respect his space, even though he wasn’t home. His disrespect made me furious, prompting me to end things and ask him not to contact me again. The following day, he reached out, and after some back-and-forth, we decided to discuss our relationship—but only after the holidays. When I asked if he had been with anyone else since we started dating, he said it was none of my business but admitted he was still flirting with women at bars and on dating apps. After I told him about my brief hookup, he reacted explosively, accusing me of being reckless, implying I had STDs, and demanding no contact until after the holidays. The next day, I got tested (as I always do), and when I informed him, he brushed it off: “I already got tested, so I know I’m clean. Thanks though.” Following that, we didn’t contact each other. After the holidays, I reached out to discuss what we had postponed. He was cold, claiming there was nothing to discuss. I tried to reconnect a couple more times, but he ignored me, so I blocked him and moved on. A week later, he contacted me, and we met on January 7th. We cleared the air, apologized, and planned to continue our conversation. That afternoon ended with an intimate, meaningful encounter, and I thought we were back on solid ground. But later that same night, A went to a bar we had frequented together and pursued a waitress who happened to be my friend. He even left to get his car and returned after midnight just to see her, asking her to go home with him, only for her to reject him. I found out about this only a few days ago—six weeks after the fact—from her texts. Since then, our emotional bond has grown deeper. We talk almost every day, collaborate on projects, and support each other. I assisted him in reinstating his job, and he finally began his own coaching club, something I had encouraged all along. He has also been there for me during difficult times, and I genuinely appreciate his presence in my life. However, discovering that he was pursuing my friend on the very night we shared such a profound and intimate moment has made me question if I even want to remain friends. He now seems careless and selfish, and it has given me the ick. Currently, A claims I’m the most important person in his life, yet he keeps me at a distance. He maintains that he’s “not on my level” and feels unworthy due to his past. We’ve remained physically affectionate and did intimate things, but he has refused to have sex without a condom—not for safety, but to “protect his feelings.” Despite reminding him of my medical condition that makes condom use unsuitable, it seems like another means of creating distance. We were supposed to meet for lunch to discuss my feelings, but I didn’t follow up. He reached out today, yet I’m hesitant to respond. When asked about my feelings, I admitted I couldn’t move on because I love him, yet now I feel humiliated and disposable. I realize we never finalized our last conversation to set clear boundaries, and I’ve let things unfold naturally over the past six weeks. But with what I now know, I’m unsure how to proceed. Reddit, what would you do in my situation? (I’m posting this for a friend who doesn’t have Reddit)

[26F] is looking for guidance regarding [24m].

I need some guidance. I'm contemplating cutting ties with someone I've been romantically involved with. It's a long-distance relationship, and we've gone back and forth, each having different partners along the way. We've broken up again, and I feel like I've fallen for his unrealistic promises one too many times. The flirtation has faded, and our communication seems to be dwindling by the day. Whenever I try to express my concerns, he insists that nothing is wrong, but I can clearly see that this isn't a healthy situation. I ended things before due to infidelity and a lot of betrayal. After a brief three-month relationship with someone else, he came back into my life, even though I’m in Scotland and he’s in the UK. I don't understand why he would return only to mess with my feelings again. We've visited each other, which involves a lot of travel, and while he claims he cares, it feels like he doesn't truly mean it. I can't keep enduring this situation.

I'm a 19-year-old guy seeking urgent advice about my relationship with my girlfriend, who is also 19.

Hello, I'm a 19-year-old male seeking advice about my girlfriend, who is also 19. We've been together for nearly three years, but our relationship has been filled with arguments. My girlfriend struggles with severe jealousy, which initially concerned me, but since she was in therapy, I hoped she could improve. Early on, I discovered troubling signs when I found out she was involved with other guys on Snapchat, which included exchanging explicit photos. When I confronted her, she insisted they were just old friends who were "gay" and that she didn't really talk to them. We had a relatively open relationship regarding passwords (a decision she requested), but my curiosity got the better of me, and I looked through her messages. I know it wasn't the best choice, but after she had checked my phone multiple times, I felt compelled to do the same. This led to arguments, which we eventually moved past. About two years into our relationship, a particularly heated argument escalated when she became physical and caused me to bleed. I felt vulnerable, being a man who didn't want to retaliate, so I tried to restrain her and told her to stop. This incident hurt me more emotionally than physically; it was painful to see someone I cared for act that way towards me. Through ups and downs, we managed to stay together despite her making threats that I don’t want to discuss in detail. Today, however, things took a turn for the worse. My best friend had a birthday celebration at IHOP and Skyzone, a laid-back event that included his ten closest friends, one of whom was female. I talked to my girlfriend about it to ease her concerns, and after a bit of persuasion, she agreed to let me go. During the celebration, she bombarded me with texts demanding I come home, but I informed her that I couldn’t just leave my best friend’s birthday. Afterward, I went to see her, hoping to reassure her of my loyalty and commitment. However, she became angry, accusing me of making her look bad. In a fit of rage, she got out of my car and slammed her keys against it to hurt the vehicle, which I cherish. With that background, I’m looking for advice. While she possesses some wonderful qualities, she can't seem to overcome these troubling behaviors. What should I do?

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