Relationship advices: Toxic Relationships

My boyfriend was dishonest with me (20M) (19F).

I've been in a relationship with this guy for eight months, and he has truly been the best boyfriend I could ask for. He only focuses on me, showers me with love, flirts with me, and is incredibly patient when I have my moments. Plus, he’s dedicated to his studies and building a career; he really embodies what I would call a "man's man." Despite all the positive things I've experienced with him, there are some concerns that are troubling me. Recently, someone informed me that last year, my boyfriend allegedly harassed a female classmate and was in another relationship, neither of which he mentioned to me. When I tried discussing it with him, he flatly denied both claims, saying he was never in a relationship and that the girl was lying about the harassment because he rejected her. Now I’m wondering: should I trust him? The person who shared this information truly cares for my well-being and wants to help me avoid a toxic relationship. However, he has also told me things in the past that turned out to be completely false, including made-up stories about our mutual friends. Another point of concern is that my boyfriend often comes across as selfish; he tends to brag a lot, even about things he doesn't actually own, and he often lies to show off. At this point, these traits haven’t impacted our relationship, but I worry about how they might affect us in the long run, especially if we get married and have kids. I'm serious about him, but is this behavior sustainable for the future?

What steps can I take to end my relationship with my partner who is experiencing suicidal thoughts?

I'm bracing myself for a wave of criticism for sharing this. I've been with my partner for four years, and while we’re both in our early 30s and he lives in my house, we’ve always faced challenges. The good moments are truly special, but in hindsight, I realize there have been more difficult times. For a year, we were quite happy, enjoying nights filled with smoking together, which seemed to mask our problems. Last year, he lost his job, something he was relieved about since he disliked it. He decided to take a break before searching for something new. After several months of fruitless interviews, he felt he had no choice but to return to the same company in a different position. Since going back, he has been miserable and has already faced another layoff. A couple of years ago, I supported him emotionally to the point where I felt overwhelmed. Now, he’s struggling and is feeling suicidal, while I’m trying to guard my own mental health. I worry that my efforts to protect myself are making me seem unsympathetic, and I'm terrified of slipping into that dark place I once faced. I’m also exhausted; we’ve never taken a vacation or enjoyed any of the activities most couples do, despite my attempts to create those experiences. I’m emotionally drained, but leaving him weighs heavily on my mind because I fear for his well-being. Recently, he's been more confrontational, and I just want to escape this situation.

21-year-old female, what should I do about this 34-year-old male?

I met my ex in April and moved in with him in May. He was incredibly sweet, always showering me with gifts and never showing any signs of toxicity. However, we broke up in June, and I moved out. In September, I ran into him at a place I often go to, and three of his friends mentioned he had a girlfriend. That evening, he approached me and started a conversation. I asked him, “Don’t you have a girlfriend? You should focus on her, not me.” He insisted he was single and invited me to talk privately. When we arrived at his apartment, I discovered his girlfriend was there, and upon seeing me, she decided to leave. In an unsettling turn of events, he grabbed her arm and yelled at her, showing signs of physical abuse, which I witnessed and heard. Afterward, I urged her to break away from him, and she did. Unfortunately, following that incident, he began to stalk me, as his friends informed me, and I noticed it myself. We stopped communicating in November when I had to go to the hospital for a couple of weeks. We haven’t spoken since before my hospital stay, but lately, I’ve found myself missing him and reminiscing about the good times we shared. Now, I'm considering reaching out to him but I need some advice on what to do. What should I make of this situation?

I'm starting to feel some strong negative feelings towards my boyfriend.

I'm honestly unsure if I still love my boyfriend. I've shared my struggles here before, but things have become even more overwhelming since then. It's hard to admit, but he often exhibits controlling behavior, despite claiming he never wants to. I spend almost every waking hour with him—I'm only not on the phone with him when I’m at work, with my mom, or if my phone dies at night. I care for him deeply, but I feel like I have no personal space or privacy. I've tried discussing this with him, but he reacts dramatically, often shutting down completely for the day—no calls, no texts, just our messages left on read. We're nearing adulthood; I wish he could communicate better. He’s mentioned before that I don’t put in enough effort and that my memory is poor, which stings because I've made a genuine effort to improve by writing things down and reassuring him about little things. When I don't receive any acknowledgment of my efforts, it hurts. I find myself canceling plans with friends just because he prefers spending time together, but we often end up lounging around instead of going out. I crave adventure and social interaction, while he imagines a future where it’s just the two of us in a house—something I can't envision for myself. It's stressful when I try to talk about my aspirations, and he gets upset, as if I'm planning my future without him. I've made sacrifices to spend more time with him, but we hardly do anything meaningful together. The other day, he vented about our problems to my mother—my mother! It's strange since I don't even have a close relationship with his parents. Why does he feel so attached to mine? It's just a lot to handle right now.

Did I make a mistake?

I (21F) attended my friend's 21st birthday celebration last night. Before I left, I mentioned to my fiancé (27M) that I wasn't sure if my ride, who was my friend, would be drinking, so I asked him to keep his phone on in case I needed a ride. At around 10 PM, he said he was getting ready for bed and asked if I needed a ride home or if my friend could bring me back later. She assured me that she’d take me home once she sobered up. However, she fell asleep around 12:30 AM, so I sent my fiancé a message just in case I dozed off waiting for her, so he wouldn't worry if I didn't make it home. Apparently, he thought I should have woken up my friend who had been drinking to drive me home, which didn’t seem safe to me. He eventually came and picked me up but was really upset about it. He said he felt he couldn't sleep without me there and that I should have known he wanted me home earlier. But this all started at 12:30, and my friend was both intoxicated and asleep. I just wanted to celebrate my friend's milestone birthday, and I would have been fine staying the night if necessary. For some extra context, he wasn't there because my friends perceive him as controlling after he didn’t allow me to go to a Halloween party they hosted. Now I’m wondering if I'm in the wrong here and would appreciate some opinions. Note: I hadn’t given him a specific time for when I would be home.

Is my relationship coming to an end?

I’m an 18-year-old girl and my boyfriend, also 18, and I have been together for a year. At the beginning of our relationship, he was really sweet and always eager to chat with me. However, lately he seems to have become distant—he doesn't talk to me as much, often ignores my calls, and even has his location off for hours at a time. I trust that he isn't cheating, but I'm starting to feel like he’s lost interest in our relationship. We’ve been arguing about trivial things, and he often puts the blame on me. The arguments usually stem from me expressing how his actions are impacting me, but somehow he flips it and accuses me of manipulating or guilt-tripping him. He even compared me to his ex, who wasn't the best person. I’m at a loss about what to do. I don't want to leave him, but I also don’t want to keep feeling hurt. It seems like he’s only really sweet and caring when we're together physically. Should I keep trying to make this work? I could really use some advice.

My girlfriend drinks heavily, and it's affecting our relationship.

My girlfriend (36 years old) and I (22 years old) have been together for about four months. When we first met, she was working as a machinist with long 12-hour shifts. About a month into our relationship, she decided to switch back to her old job as a barber. While she's focused on building her clientele, I've noticed that with her new schedule, she tends to go out 4-5 times a week and drinks heavily each time. On New Year's Eve, she expressed a desire to spend the evening with me at the movies. Unbeknownst to me, her college friends were in town, and she decided to go out with them before joining me. When she finally returned home, she was quite drunk, slurring her speech and being a bit argumentative. I tried to brush it off, but it still upset me, leading to a minor disagreement. When we got to the movies, she fell asleep almost right away, which I found disappointing since it was our first New Year's together. However, I recognized that her friends were visiting, so I chose to let it go. A few weeks ago, she invited me over to make dinner (spaghetti) while she was at work. I agreed and went grocery shopping in preparation. When I arrived, I tidied up a bit and waited to start cooking until closer to when she was due home. She was supposed to finish work around 7 but didn’t come back until after midnight. She explained that she had to drop something off at a friend's bar and ended up staying longer than expected. Because I noticed she was still at the bar through our shared location, I opted not to cook for her. When she finally came home, she was very drunk and immediately got upset upon realizing I hadn’t made dinner. She stormed upstairs and slammed her bedroom door. I felt disheartened because this seemed to be a recurring situation. I tried to talk to her, but she was too inebriated and confrontational, so I went back downstairs, made her spaghetti, and then slept on the couch. Later that night, she sobered up and came downstairs to apologize. I forgave her and tried to move on. Last night, after work, my girlfriend went to play pool at a nearby pub and stayed until around 11:30. She called me on her way home, slightly intoxicated, and immediately started making rude comments. Frustrated, I told her I needed some space to sort through my feelings since it was becoming overwhelming. The next day, I avoided her calls and texts until she reached out again after leaving the pub, apologizing and expressing regret. I called her to discuss what was bothering me, but she said she wanted to have that talk later. I agreed and checked her location, which confirmed my feelings—she was at her friend's bar again after work at 11 PM. I texted her to reiterate my earlier concerns, but I was left feeling confused and drained. This is a lot for me, but I do love her. I'm unsure how to approach her about this without it leading to an argument. Any advice would be appreciated.

I just discovered that my boyfriend has been smoking without telling me. Should I consider ending our relationship?

**The Title... Allow me to summarize the situation as succinctly as possible.** When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I was very clear about my strong negative feelings toward smoking and drug use due to some past trauma. In my previous relationship, my partner would force me to watch him get high and drunk, knowing it made me uncomfortable, which was incredibly hurtful. The smell of weed is especially triggering for me, as it brings back painful memories. I expressed that I couldn't have that in my life—not because I'm against everyone who partakes, but simply because of my own experiences and preferences. Recently, he has shared that he used to smoke but was committed to quitting for his health and our relationship, emphasizing that it means a lot to him and that he cares deeply for me. However, this past week, he has been unusually distant. There are stretches of time—up to 6 or 7 hours—when he doesn’t respond. We could be in the middle of a conversation, and then he just disappears. During our discussions, he mentioned feeling increased anxiety, having existential crises at night, headaches, and nausea. Today, I discovered that he has been smoking weed excessively for the past week, which is contributing to how he’s been feeling. Unfortunately, I learned this through a public online chat rather than from him directly, and that’s what hurts the most—his decision to hide it from me. Upon finding this out, I was overwhelmed with a panic attack; I was sobbing and struggling to breathe. It struck me that my reaction is deeply tied to my past experiences. The situation with my boyfriend is eerily similar to what I went through with my ex—the secrets, the mood swings from substance use—and I simply can't bear to go through that again. I usually address any issues or feelings directly with him, but right now, I feel paralyzed. I'm still crying and shaken, heartbroken. The thought that keeps echoing in my mind is, "I can't do this again." I refuse to endure another experience like the one with my ex, as it’s not worth it to me. In the end, my last relationship left me with growing resentment toward my ex. I realized that the drugs always seemed to take precedence over my comfort and values. I recognize that my emotions are currently quite chaotic and that I may not be thinking clearly. But all I can think to do right now is flee. At this moment, I can hardly look at him the same way...

My situation is a bit complicated; my male roommate, who has a girlfriend, tends to be quite the player.

1. My roommate is an average-looking guy with a girlfriend who is not attractive and exhibits narcissistic personality traits. She has taken advantage of him to the point where it’s hard for anyone to tolerate. Both are college students; my roommate shares a spacious house with me and other tenants, while his girlfriend lives in a one-bedroom apartment. We all moved in last September, and I was unaware he had a girlfriend at first. I’m considered attractive, and after moving in, he began showing interest in me. Initially, I wasn't interested, but over time, I started to warm up to him. His girlfriend insisted on spending time in our house without the landlord's consent, violating our house rules that prohibit additional residents in a bedroom. They both have an unhealthy obsession with sex, often engaging in it at all hours. He seems unable to go a few hours without sleeping with her. She is a typical narcissist with more wealth than him and owns a car, yet she never drives. Instead, she demands that he pick her up from her place twice daily to bring her to our house. She also has a flea-infested dog, which has now impacted our living space. He drops her off in the morning to care for her dog and picks her up again later, allowing the fleas to spread. Initially, my roommate only required intimacy at night, but his girlfriend incessantly called him shortly after returning home, insisting he answer her calls while driving. She frequently occupies our house for twenty hours a day while only remaining at her apartment long enough to tend to her dog. She is quite controlling, keeping him busy—he cooks multiple meals for her, sometimes late at night, and washes their sheets daily. He is very thin, while she has a bit more weight. As soon as she arrived at our house, she demanded elaborate meals instead of simple snacks. In late September, he approached me again romantically, but that was the first time I met his girlfriend, and I found myself utterly frustrated with the situation. By October, she wanted to spend the day with him, effectively moving in and saving money on food and gas as he paid for everything in their relationship, becoming her driver, cook, and housekeeper just to maintain constant physical intimacy. I eventually informed him that their living arrangement was untenable, leading to a heated argument where he showed no remorse or understanding of how his actions affected me. He even started making early morning trips to her apartment, returning only to fulfill her demands without even providing him with food. While he juggles cooking for himself and doing laundry for her between visits, I noticed her stingy nature and selfishness. Each time tensions rose between us, he directed his frustration toward me, clearly enjoying the role of being exploited. At one point, he even attempted to flirt with another tenant's girlfriend. When I suggested he move in with her to save on commuting, he flatly refused multiple times without giving a reason. I’ve never encountered anyone like him before—engaging intimately with his girlfriend while openly pursuing me. He acted as though I was oblivious to his girlfriend’s presence, but after she was kicked out, he pretended he was never interested in me. Now, we all still live together, and I’m left wondering what I should do next.

Why does my boyfriend act so affectionate one moment and then become distant and harsh during arguments?

I'm really struggling to understand my boyfriend's behavior. When things are going well, he’s incredibly kind, caring, loving, and warm. However, during arguments, he transforms into someone unrecognizable—almost like a monster. He hurls insults at me, tells me to leave him alone, refuses to listen to my side, and makes me plead with him not to break up. He even threatens to cheat and hangs up on me while I'm trying to explain myself. I often find myself calling him multiple times, hoping he’ll pick up. What's causing this drastic change in him? Which side of him should I believe in? He’s been on medication for depression for the past three years and also has ADHD. His upbringing was challenging; he was raised by a single mother and his grandparents and has never met his father. He’s shared that growing up, he often felt like an emotional punching bag for his mom, which has affected their relationship, though it's slowly getting better. It’s clear he has anger issues. He often slams or bangs on the table when he loses at games or things don't go as he wants, and his table is actually broken from one of these incidents. To provide some context to our arguments, they typically start when I try to share my feelings. He becomes triggered and defensive, often dismissing my emotions, which makes me hesitant to open up. He’s 26, works full-time, and otherwise leads a normal life, but this aggressive behavior only surfaces during fights. There was one instance where a minor disagreement left me in tears while he chose to play cards with his friends, telling me I was ruining his night and asking me to go home. I even begged him, but he pushed me away. On top of all of this, we haven't had intimacy in months. He attributes it to his depression and ADHD medications. I can't help but question whether it’s normal for him to go this long without sex. I suspect he might be keeping things from me, like he could still be taking care of his needs on his own. We used to have a great and adventurous sex life, but suddenly, it’s come to a halt. Is his lack of interest due to his meds or could it signify he’s interested in someone else? Does this mean he no longer loves me? I can’t shake the feeling of insecurity, wondering if he still finds me attractive or desires me.

We both engage in verbal abuse.

I’m a 22-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, who is 23, and I have been in a long-distance relationship for five years, with the aim of eventually getting married. We’ve both come from challenging family backgrounds, and recently, our relationship faced significant strain, resulting in a breakup. We’ve both struggled with verbal abuse and certain triggers in our interactions. I’m actively working on improving myself, and when my boyfriend is calm, he’s responsive and takes accountability for the hurt he’s caused me. He’s very committed to our future and is eager to marry next year, so I can move to his city. However, I’m concerned that our unhealthy patterns might persist after marriage. Knowing that divorce can be particularly challenging for women in my culture, I’m seeking advice on how to make this relationship successful. I truly want it to work.

I'm a 19-year-old guy dating a 29-year-old man who is currently going through a divorce and doesn't know how to advance our relationship toward something more serious. What should I do?

Hey everyone, I've been a long-time lurker here, and I've finally decided to post because I'm looking for some help and advice. I apologize if this isn't the typical scenario for this subreddit, as I know it mainly caters to straight couples and long-term relationships. Unfortunately, my parents, who are conservative Christians, aren't really the type I can discuss these things with. So here’s the situation: I’m 19 and just started university after taking a gap year, which, looking back, may not have been the best idea. Here's the scoop: I met this guy online, and we've hung out a few times in person, going on some nice dates. However, we have to act like just friends in public. He’s 29, and I understand that could raise eyebrows. I really like him, though, and he treats me well. We’ve spent a lot of time together, and he’s never pressured me into anything sexual, which makes me feel at ease since I'm inexperienced. Our situationship is about to hit the 6-month mark, and he’s suggested a two-day getaway at a hotel or cabin, which I think sounds lovely. But I have two significant concerns that I’d appreciate your insight on: 1. **The Big Issue**: He mentioned two weeks ago that he’s married and going through a divorce. He claims he’s separated and living apart from his wife, but he’s never invited me over to his place. I’m at a loss as to how to navigate this. I really didn’t expect to deal with this complication! 2. **A More Personal Matter**: He has sent me some intimate photos, and while I’m curious to explore that side of things, I have very limited experience. I've sort of practiced on a banana (don’t judge—I had to try!), but I really want to impress him with my skills. I know he isn’t exclusive and has been honest about seeing other people, which makes me think he might worry about my abilities. I want to prove to him that I can satisfy him. I’ve lightly brought up the idea of a long-term, monogamous relationship, and he seemed open and even excited about it. However, he emphasized wanting to handle things correctly with his ex-wife first and suggested I settle into college. He said once he’s fully single, we can explore a serious relationship with future plans. Am I being naïve to believe him? 3. **General Concerns**: Do you think it’s realistic to expect him to leave his wife for me? I hate that I’m developing feelings for him, and I’m unsure if he’ll truly take that step. I want to be the kind of partner he needs right now, but I’m shy and not the most outgoing person. Still, he laughs at my jokes and genuinely cares for me. What are your thoughts? If you need any more details, feel free to ask!

My boyfriend (29M) and I (24F) have been together for seven years, but I want to end the relationship. I need some advice.

My boyfriend (29M) and I (24F) have been together for the past seven years, but the last few have been particularly challenging. I often feel that he provides me with very little emotional support, especially during my breakdowns. Last night, we had a heated argument in public. While I was sobbing and struggling to cope, he raised his voice at me and even called his mother to say that I’m making his life difficult by arguing all the time. Although I admit that I can get into arguments, he tends to completely dismiss my feelings, which is what leads to these conflicts. I'm quite attached to him, and it’s hard for me to imagine ending this relationship. However, this latest fight made me realize that I may have been emotionally abused for years. At one point, he physically pulled and pushed me in public while trying to get me to the car. So here I am, seeking advice on whether I should stay in this relationship. If I decide to leave, how can I move on when I’m feeling so trapped?

Am I, a 19-year-old female, being controlling with my 18-year-old male boyfriend?

**Am I being toxic to my boyfriend (18M) at 19?** My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. I have to admit that I was aware he was best friends with his ex before we started dating, and I received some warnings about it from others. The first month of our relationship went smoothly, but by the second month, I started noticing that he was bringing up his ex more often—almost to provoke jealousy. He mentioned how he found her attractive and smart, which upset me. I brought it up with him, and he stopped talking about her for a few weeks. However, around the four-month mark, he became increasingly "friendly" with her. I expressed my discomfort with their relationship, but he insisted they were just friends. The next day, a friend saw him hugging her at college, and though I was hesitant to take her word for it, I caught a glimpse myself. When I confronted him about it, he claimed he hugged her because she was upset. A few days later, he said he had ended his friendship with her for my sake, even though I had never asked him to do that. He made me feel guilty by saying he had no one left and begged me not to leave him. Fast forward to nine months into the relationship, and he started posting TikToks about her. One video expressed that she was the best female in his life, which hurt me deeply. When I confronted him about his lack of change after I mentioned it multiple times, he acted immature. On our ten-month anniversary, he called me by his ex’s name while we were making out, which broke my heart. He apologized, saying it was an accident, and that he’d called his ex by my name too, as if that made it any better. I decided that I needed some space to focus on myself. The next day, he told me he was going to a game, but it turned out he was actually going to see a celebrity crush. He admitted he didn’t want to tell me because he thought I'd get "mad," even though I wouldn’t have been upset. Later, I discovered he had given her a perfume, while he hasn’t given me anything in the entire 11 months we’ve been together. Shortly after, he posted a story about how his ex was at his house, just the two of them. I know it might seem like I don’t trust him, but his actions have led me to lose trust over time. Then he suggested we take a break because he wasn’t happy anymore. I took a few hours to respond and told him, “You don’t value me, and I feel like you disregard my requests. I've been distancing myself because your actions show that you don’t care. You should know what’s right and wrong. I don’t care about the sweet words you say; I need you to show me you want me through your actions.” He replied, “Sorry, I know I don’t listen to you. I’m still young and want to enjoy the moment without telling you when I’m going out.” I couldn’t believe that—he gets jealous when I go out with friends, yet he expected me to be okay with him going out without keeping me in the loop. Today, I posted a TikTok, which he typically engages with by liking, commenting, and reposting. But today, he just viewed it. I asked him why he didn’t interact with it as usual, and he said, “Because I want a more private life and to change some things about myself.” What should I do?

I'm a 22-year-old female, and I'm uncertain about whether to continue my relationship with my 23-year-old girlfriend.

Here’s a rewritten version of your text: To provide some context, we connected online in 2017 while I was living in the UK and she was in Australia. For years, we communicated through messages and FaceTime, and finally, in 2023, I made the trip to Australia to meet her in person. By the time I arrived, we both realized we had feelings for each other, so we quickly became a couple. We started making plans for me to move there with a partner visa, and everything seemed magical, just as I had hoped. However, I’ve had an unsettling feeling in my gut throughout this experience. Despite being in Australia, I find it hard to enjoy my time here. We've taken road trips and visited different states, but my feelings remain unchanged—I just don't like it here. I’m also facing challenges in my relationship with my girlfriend, who has a traumatic background due to past abuse and is autistic. Living with her can be difficult at times; she tends to be messy, disorganized, and struggles with personal hygiene. I've addressed these issues with her multiple times—at least three times each month—but while she promises to improve, nothing seems to change. She often expects me to manage all our responsibilities, such as buying, servicing, and selling our car, handling bills, making bookings, dealing with technology, and building furniture. The list goes on. She works part-time in a restaurant and frequently complains about being tired. Just recently, after a three-hour shift, she broke down in tears when I asked her to take care of the dishes she’d left from two nights prior. It’s these little things that add up all the time. I'm constantly picking up after her; after she makes coffee in the morning, I'm the one who cleans up the mess of spilled coffee and sugar. I even bought us a new washing machine, but she leaves wet clothes in it, and the kitchen is never cleaned unless I do it. She rarely offers to help with anything. Our intimacy has also dwindled; despite my efforts to initiate, she often brushes me off, claiming she’s too tired or responds with a lack of enthusiasm, thinking that the bare minimum is enough. I long to feel wanted and cared for as well, and to have someone willing to put in the effort for me. I find myself feeling angry all the time, and nothing seems to bring me happiness here. I left everything behind to come to Australia, believing I was following a solid plan. Although my upbringing wasn't ideal, I'm determined to work toward a better future, but I’m starting to question whether she fits into that vision. It’s draining. I love her, which complicates my feelings and makes the idea of leaving even harder. Yet, being around her has become so exhausting that I often find myself looking forward to her going to work just so I can catch my breath. What should I do? If I decide to end the relationship, I'm uncertain about what my next steps would be.

Relationship issue

My boyfriend, who is 40, and I, at 29, have been together for four years. He’s an amazing person and quite different from my previous partners. Unfortunately, my own toxicity and insecurity have caused harm in our relationship, leading him to express that he needs time to decide whether he wants to continue being with me. I respect his need for space and have told him I’m willing to wait while he reflects on things. We still keep in touch, and he continues to update me, drop me off at home, and spend time together. I'm feeling uncertain about what I should do next.

M34 and F27: We care for one another, but we also cause each other pain. We need assistance.

We first connected two years ago on a dating app. She was only in my city for one night, and we met that evening. We quickly bonded over our shared experiences and felt an immediate attraction. After she returned home, which was four hours away, we kept in touch but eventually drifted apart due to the distance. During that time, I briefly dated someone else. Four months later, we reconnected on Instagram, and she came to visit me for four days. Over that time, we fell in love, and two months later, I asked her to be my girlfriend. She warned me about the lingering effects of a previous toxic relationship, and I promised to be mindful of her trauma. She moved in with me while searching for her own place, and we became quite dependent on each other. However, soon after, I started noticing red flags: overwhelming jealousy, frequent arguments, aggressive communication, and heightened emotions stemming from her sensitivity. As someone who avoids conflict, I put up with this for five months until I eventually reached my breaking point and ended the relationship. Five months later, feeling the absence of her in my life, I reached out. She had begun therapy and welcomed me back. But this time, the dynamic shifted. I began to feel resentful and found myself blaming her for our problems. Despite her attempts to work on herself, we continued to fight, and after seven months of this cycle, I decided to leave again, which left her heartbroken. Three months later, I returned to her. She agreed to give it another shot, but she confessed that her trust in me had faded and that she felt emotionally blocked. We are now in couples therapy, but our relationship feels stuck. I’m struggling and feel like my life is unraveling. Is there a chance for this relationship to heal? Should I wait for her to open up, or is it time for me to move on?

I'm a 23-year-old male, and I'm feeling unappreciated by my girlfriend, who is 24. I'm unsure about how to proceed from here and could really use some advice or support.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about eight months. The first two months were the most incredible of my life. It felt like we were deeply connected and shared a lot of love for each other. There was mutual understanding and lots of listening between us. We were close both physically and emotionally. I always make a point to compliment her, support her, and do little things to brighten her day. She often wanted me over right after she finished work, and we would spend long stretches of time together. She would sometimes pout playfully if I had to leave or couldn’t visit. I fell deeply in love with her. I’ve always tried to communicate openly and be as understanding as possible. I want to treat her like a princess—opening car doors and taking care of the little things. However, after about two months, she started to distance herself and became more closed off. Given her history of difficult relationships, I tried not to overthink it, but her behavior shifted; she started to show signs of annoyance and even disgust at times, which was really painful. While we used to be intimate—sharing showers and sleeping close—it’s now been six months since I’ve received more than a peck on the lips. We now sleep at opposite ends of the bed. Though I adore her pets, she seems to have neither the time nor the energy for me anymore. Whenever I bring up the idea of being romantic, she gets irritated. I always do what she wants and even drove ten hours to bring her one of her puppies. I would do anything for her, but I often don’t even get a thank you. Lately, she rarely looks me in the eye. At the start of our relationship, she mentioned it would take her at least six months to say "I love you," and she wasn’t interested in sex often, which I completely understood. However, the ongoing lack of care, affection, and love has taken a toll on me. I find myself overthinking constantly. For months, I’ve tried to gently express that compliments or small notes would mean a lot to me. In the beginning, it all felt so effortless. When our six-month anniversary came, she knew I would be giving her gifts and seemed excited, but despite my thoughtful present—a sweet rose, a stuffed animal, and a handwritten note—she didn’t reciprocate and just wanted to hang out. It feels more like a friendship at this point. When I try to address our relationship issues, she claims I’m arguing. She says I compliment and love her too much, which makes it feel less special for her, and that she needs more alone time. Talking to her often feels like speaking to a brick wall. It hurts to think that I might be unintentionally hurting her or making her feel uncared for; I would try to correct that if I could, but I get nothing back in return. On my birthday, we went out with friends, and while she kindly paid for my meal, that was about all the effort she showed. I got hurt falling down her stairs, and her response was simply that I was "fine." She has faced extreme hardships in previous relationships, but when I mention how she treats me, she insists her behavior is normal, while I just treat her exceptionally. In my view, "normal" shouldn’t mean being emotionally unavailable. She doesn’t seem to make an effort to comfort me, show care, or offer compliments. Yet, she claims she wants to be with me. She hasn’t said "I love you" yet and doesn’t demonstrate that she genuinely cares about me. I know I deserve better, but I feel a deep attachment to her and her pets, whom I adore. I keep hoping that things will improve, that we’ll have another romantic moment or become close again. I long to feel loved, appreciated, and cared for—by her, specifically. Week after week, nothing seems to change. I'm at a loss about how to move forward. Since we also work together, I can’t bear the thought of just being friends—it would break me. Why would she say she wants to be with me but have no energy to engage or even write me a note? I feel so lost and confused after what once seemed perfect, desperately clinging to the hope that the spark will reignite from her side.

Am I (20F) in an unhealthy relationship with my boyfriend (21M), or is this just my tendency to overthink?

My boyfriend (21) and I (20) have been together for nearly a year and a half. Lately, he's stopped surprising me with flowers or planning sweet dates, and our time together has turned into just ordering takeout and eating at home. I tried to bring this up with him, but I tend to struggle with communication—I often shut down or approach conversations with anger. When I mentioned it, he made excuses and got upset, which led to me comforting him instead. Whenever I want to discuss something that's been bothering me, he tends to get defensive, saying things like, "Why do I feel like I'm going to get dumped over this?" Recently, he got really upset when I asked to go to a club with some friends, one of whom is moving away for a bit. I understand that he knows I'm more of a homebody, but I thought one night out wouldn’t hurt, especially since I communicated my plans. I reminded him that I'm okay with him going out to the bar or club, as I trust him, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. After a night out, there’s often silence when I return, and the next morning, he acts as if nothing happened, flooding me with affection. Throughout our relationship, he often makes jokes when either of us goes out, saying things like, "No new boyfriends." Recently, while I was fighting off a cold, he made a comment implying it was because I went out and "sucked face" with some guys. However, he also takes care of me and inquires about my health. When he gets upset, it seems to affect everything around him—he slams small items on the counter and is impatient with me. I’ve mentioned therapy, but he just said, "It's fine, I'll handle it." I spend most of my time at home since I don’t have a vehicle. He promised to fix it but hasn't followed through. My sister feels uneasy about our relationship, sensing that I’m trapped at home. I've expressed my boredom to him, and he suggests visiting our moms, but he doesn’t seem interested in my family. He often complains about my 5-year-old sister, saying he wouldn't want a child like that. One time, when I tried to show him a video from my childhood, he just smiled without showing any excitement and walked away. I wish he would have said something nice like, "Aww, you were cute." I've invested so much into this relationship—loving him, being supportive, and doing things for him without hesitation. I respect him and trust him completely, but it never feels like I get that same level of care in return. My friends think I might be in a controlling relationship and that I shouldn’t have to ask for permission to do anything. I feel lost because while he loves me and I love him, I’ve exhausted myself trying to please him, and he doesn’t seem to see or appreciate it.

My unusual connection with a friends-with-benefits (33M) at 29F. Is there anything more I can try?

I met someone online, and we began a casual relationship in January 2023. At first, I didn't think much of him, and we started hooking up, which led me to become attached. We stopped communicating after a text exchange turned awkward when I casually mentioned that I "like" him during one of our encounters. Looking back, it seemed like a careless thing to say, and I couldn't pinpoint why I did. We didn't talk again until February 2024 when he unexpectedly reached out. I had spotted him near my home a few days earlier but chose to ignore him as I walked past. Fast forward, and we resumed seeing each other casually through the summer. I noticed he had an impressive memory, recalling nearly every detail of our past conversations. He'd reference things I said during our first meeting or comments I made the previous year. Things then took another turn—I'd started realizing that our encounters coincided suspiciously with the times I stepped out of my apartment to run errands. We were still connected through the dating app we met on, which indicates how close someone is to you, adding to my discomfort. Things escalated further when he mentioned he was interviewing for a job in my industry, which is quite niche and closely related to where I work. I was honestly taken aback by this coincidence. Given that he had previously expressed that he considered us strictly casual friends with benefits, this felt excessive. It made me uneasy when he became moody after I went on a date, probing about where I had been and reminding me that he knew people who worked there. Generally, he seemed very interested in my dating life and romantic history, sometimes making subtle digs about my job. At one point, during a hookup, he asked when I last had sex, and another time, he wanted to know when I last finished. I didn’t answer because we weren’t exclusive, but his probing was unsettling. All of this gave me a sense of possessiveness and jealousy from him. There was also a summer incident where a neighbor began stalking me. I decided to go off the grid completely and used that as the reason for deleting the app, feeling it gave him too much awareness of my whereabouts. Additionally, we shared a community of activists, and I ran into him several times, making me feel he was more intertwined in my life than I had anticipated. A couple of months ago, I ended things with him, expressing that I felt "too attached." He reiterated that he wasn’t interested in a committed relationship and put the decision of whether to continue on me. This struck me as somewhat defeatist when I was looking for solutions, and honestly, I'm not someone who thrives in casual arrangements as he framed it. I've been grappling with his contradictory behavior and how it clashes with his stated intentions. While I don't have concrete proof of anything, I feel a need for validation that I did the right thing by ending our situation and blocking him. I recognize there’s potential for plausible deniability, but this whole situation just feels off. In summary, I ended a friends-with-benefits arrangement but still feel uneasy about it. I’m unsure if I should take further action or if my instincts are valid.

My 39-year-old partner, who is 38, is struggling with alcoholism. I feel like he’s not the person I married, and I'm uncertain about what to do next.

I married my husband seven years ago, and when we first started dating, he was incredibly dedicated to his sobriety, having been sober for over four years. We were very active together, and it never posed a problem for us. I admired his strength in overcoming his past struggles. However, during the Covid pandemic, his father passed away, and he began drinking again. It caught me off guard, but he was initially moderate about it, as the loss hit him hard—he fell into a deep depression. After the birth of our second child, I felt we should relocate closer to family for support. That was two years ago, and since then, things have become increasingly difficult. He resents me for the move and brings it up constantly. I've worked hard to create a comfortable home, advanced in my career, and recently landed my dream job that pays well—I'm now responsible for most of our expenses, including healthcare, mortgage, and daycare. Meanwhile, he seems unmotivated to progress in his own career or engage in much at all. He works from home and spends his days drinking. When he’s not working, he’s glued to his phone and drinking, often avoiding meaningful conversations. He tends to lose interest or walk away while I'm speaking, claiming it’s due to his ADHD. We've talked many times about his drinking, but his responses vary from acknowledging the issue and promising to work on it to insisting that I’m overreacting. Our children, aged five and two, are starting to notice his behavior. He often gets frustrated with them and has outbursts, which is concerning; I’ve even seen my five-year-old yelling at his brother in a similar way. Other troubling behaviors have also caught my attention. I’m feeling utterly exhausted. It seems like I’m shouldering all the responsibilities, and it no longer feels like a partnership. I’m becoming someone I don't recognize—filled with nagging and anger. I’m at a loss about what to do, and I feel like I’m on the verge of giving up. This isn’t the man I married, and I fear I may never get him back.

My (23, Transgender Male) situationship with a 22-year-old guy is quite unstable.

I've (23FTM) been involved in a situationship with a guy (22M) for a few months, and lately, I've found myself increasingly unsure about where things stand. Let me give you some background... We were together for a few days when he realized he needed some space from relationships. He told me he needed time, started seeing someone else a few weeks later, and stated it was because I'm "difficult." However, that relationship ended within a week because he genuinely needed time to work on himself. He has told me that he still likes me, but maintains that he needs to focus on self-improvement first. Even though this situation hurt me, I held onto hope that we could possibly make it work in the future. We recently took a trip to a hotel in another city to celebrate the holidays and enjoy some drinks. While it was a good time, I've started reflecting on our issues and the moments when I felt hurt. 1. We have significant differences that might seem trivial to others. I’m a huge movie fan, especially of comedies, while he enjoys movies but shies away from any hint of

Are my partner, who is 18M, and I, a female (18F), too obsessed with each other at such a young age? My mother thinks so.

My partner and I are still quite young, and we've chosen to stay close to home, frequently visiting or staying with our parents. For instance, my partner is currently in his hometown, which is about 5 to 6 hours away. During this time, I've been either at home or at my aunt's place. Since we started our relationship at the age of 16, we've developed a strong attachment to each other. I care for him so deeply that sometimes, when I focus on how much I miss him, it brings me to tears. I'm curious if this level of feeling is normal—am I allowed to miss my boyfriend so much that I cry about it? My mom and aunties think I’m too obsessed with him because I spend most of my time hanging out with him, leading them to believe I don’t interact with others. I cherish both my boyfriend and my friends, but everyone is usually busy dealing with their own issues. Unlike them, my partner’s mom understands what we're going through; she even told him that it’s completely normal to miss a partner intensely. She said if she were separated from my partner's dad, she would feel the same way. The reason my partner hasn’t been able to drive back home is that he came with his parents in their car. He initially had high hopes for the trip, expecting to spend Christmas with his family, but that didn’t happen. His relatives seem to have forgotten his upcoming birthday, which has left him feeling neglected and unappreciated. I’ve been vocal about how much I miss him and want him back home, and he’s expressed a desire to return since he’s already done everything he wanted to do there. After sharing our situation, I’m left wondering: are we too obsessed with each other? These feelings have emerged over the past couple of weeks, and I’m unsure how to interpret our mothers’ opinions. For context, my mom has primarily relied on my stepdad financially and hasn’t worked much, while my partner's mom works part-time and also has the added responsibility of caring for his little sister. If you'd like more insight into my mom's views on our "obsession," I can provide further examples. Thank you!

My partner (M21) reacted aggressively towards me for the first time, and I'm still trying to make sense of it. (F21)

Hi everyone, I’m using a throwaway account to keep this private from my partner (M21), but I really need some help understanding a phone call we had. I tend to shut down and struggle to process things, so I'm hoping for some clarity. Whenever something goes wrong in his life, he tends to project or deflect blame onto others. Last night, it was directed at me when he was upset about why his former best friend had cut him out of his life. This friend was his closest companion, and he distanced himself for reasons like a lack of communication and feeling insulted by my partner regarding his writing abilities. The complication is that this friend is still in touch with me, which puts me in an awkward position. On one hand, my partner continually asks what his friend is doing, why he’s shut him out, and why I won’t discuss it. On the other hand, my friend is urging me to block my partner entirely. During our conversation, my partner began to grill me, analyzing every detail of what little I shared about the friend’s feelings. I kept my responses brief because I didn’t want to act as the messenger. He asked if the friend knew about our recent two-week breakup, to which I said yes, and explained the reason: my partner claimed he 'loved me but wasn’t in love with me', wanted to explore other options, and needed time to decide whether he wanted to continue our relationship. My friend was not pleased with that and found it to be very harsh towards me, which I conveyed to my partner. He felt that I painted him as the 'bad guy' for being honest about the breakup. Additionally, during that two-week period, the friend lost his childhood dog, and my partner asked if he was aware of it when we resumed communication. I confirmed that he knew, and my partner seemed upset that he hadn’t reached out to check on him during his grief. However, my partner claimed that I told the friend to take space. In his eyes, I was to blame for the friend’s decision to stop talking to him, which made me feel like the villain. It’s especially troubling because my partner often insults my friend’s writing talent, which is something my friend takes great pride in. This was the first time my partner actually yelled at me, and he wouldn’t let me hang up the phone despite my attempts to end the conversation. After I finally did, I told him I had to go but that he could reach out if needed. I haven’t heard from him since, and I’m still trying to process everything that happened. I’d really appreciate others’ thoughts on this situation before I decide what to do next, if anything at all. Thank you for listening; any advice would mean so much to me!

Should I prioritize my boyfriend or my parents?

I'm a 21-year-old female, and my boyfriend, who is also 21, and I have had an on-again, off-again relationship for the past two and a half years. We recently got back together about two months ago, and things are going really well. However, when we last broke up a year ago, he insulted both me and my parents, and his behavior during our relationship was abusive and manipulative. I confided in my parents about this, which understandably made them dislike him. I regret sharing those details, especially now that we're back together, so I've decided to keep our relationship a secret. The issue is that he wants me to spend New Year's Eve with him and his family, which is a five-hour drive from my parents' house. It's December 29th, and he wants me to be there by the 31st at the latest. I’m struggling with how to explain to my parents why I need to leave, especially since they’re thrilled to have me around—since I work in another county and don’t see them often. If I tell them I'm back with the same guy who disrespected us and hurt me, it would not only hurt them but also undermine their efforts to help me heal. If I concoct a story about having a party at work, they would likely be upset that I’m leaving them right after they’ve been so happy to have me home. On the other hand, if I stay with my parents, my boyfriend will be disappointed. I care deeply about all three of them, and I'm really torn about what to do. I could suggest that my boyfriend come to my parents' place, apologize, and celebrate the holiday with us, but I’m uncertain how my parents would react to that. I'd really appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation.

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