Relationship advices

My friends are speaking negatively about my best friend.

Recently, I met up with some friends at the mall, and everything was going smoothly until they started talking about my best friend, Ceecee. They described her as 'competitive' and 'controlling,' which really surprised me—I've always seen Ceecee as a kind and amazing person after 13 years of friendship! I hoped the discussion would just fade away, but every now and then, whenever I see them, they bring it up again, and it’s starting to annoy me. It makes me wonder if they say similar things about me behind my back. I’m not sure how to deal with this situation, but perhaps someone has some advice?

[25F] [37M] partner engages with porn more frequently than starting sexual activities.

I'm not uncomfortable with porn; I've mentioned that to my boyfriend before. I do watch it occasionally, though it's not really my thing compared to sex. However, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being replaced by it. I recently discovered he's into granny porn, which doesn’t bother me much—I don’t feel like I need to compete, honestly. But I’m youthful and attractive, and I crave physical intimacy. He also seems drawn to older women with larger breasts, while mine are more on the medium side, which makes me wonder if that's not enough for him. I came home to find socks with evidence he’s been masturbating, and I know he did that last week after we had sex on Tuesday. He still chose to self-pleasure on Thursday, and even though we had the entire weekend together, there was no intimacy. I find it hard to believe he has “no sex drive” when it seems he’s choosing to satisfy himself instead. He barely looks at me or shows any affection. I’m unsure how to approach this, especially since he’s wonderful in so many other ways.

My girlfriend, who's 27, wants to spend even less time together. What should I do next?

**TL;DR:** I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 1.5 years, but she's very busy with golf, her social life, and work, which leaves us with limited time together. Despite our efforts to compromise, she now wants even more time for herself and her hobbies, which has led to my frustration. I often cover the costs of our dates and try to arrange quality time, but I'm questioning whether I'm being too demanding or controlling. Any advice would be appreciated. First off, I apologize for the lengthy post; I wanted to include enough details to give you the full context. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 1.5 years and have generally been happy, aside from the occasional small disagreements. We enjoy each other's company and share a similar outlook on life, gradually getting to know each other better over the past year, with hopes of progressing our relationship, such as moving in together. I believe in open communication, so we've talked through any issues we’ve had, aiming to find solutions and compromises together. One recurring issue is how much "quality time" (and money) we can spend together. For context, she is extremely passionate about golf. She plays as often as she can, typically on weekends, since she works during the week. Additionally, she's very active as a committee member in a golf society, attending various social events and fixtures. She’s also a member of two prestigious golf clubs, where she holds a captaincy role, which involves attending events, competitions, and networking. Her dedication to golf is admirable, and I support her passion, even though I don't play myself. In addition to golf, she values her social life. She's part of a lively friend group that organizes vacations (like skiing trips) and meets up regularly. She also has a wide circle of friends who invite her to drinks and events, and her job as a broker requires her to network often. This results in a packed schedule, making it challenging for us to find quality time together amidst her commitments to golf, socializing, work, fitness, and family. While her job doesn't pay poorly, it’s not a high-paying position either, meaning she spends a significant portion of her disposable income on golf and social activities. After moving out a year ago, she returned to live with her parents because renting alongside her active lifestyle became unsustainable. In contrast, my job is demanding but I have a much lighter social calendar, typically going out a couple of times a month and visiting family once. Unfortunately, I don’t have a serious hobby that I pursue regularly. We’ve discussed this before and tried to find compromises that satisfy both our needs. I never want her to give up her passions: - We agreed to share our calendars to help plan time together, sometimes scheduling dates months in advance. Generally, we manage to spend one weekend together and possibly an additional day if her schedule allows. - My girlfriend has made efforts to prioritize spending time with me, even turning down other invitations. She occasionally plans activities for us, which I genuinely appreciate. - Since I have a higher disposable income, I often cover the costs for dates and trips. I even offered to pay for our upcoming holiday, even though it will stretch my budget, because I want her to have the experience. - During the workweek, she stays at my place for 2-3 nights, and while I try to cook dinner for us, we often find ourselves too tired to enjoy meaningful time together. After dinner, we typically have about 30 minutes before she goes to bed, and sometimes she has events after work that prevent us from spending time together. She views this as quality time; I'm not sure if that's reasonable. Initially, this arrangement felt like a fair compromise that worked for us, but it recently changed. After returning from a skiing trip with friends, she expressed a desire to spend more time with them, feeling she had sacrificed too much time for me. Now she’s planning to attend a party she initially declined when she was supposed to stay at my place, and wants to go on an expensive golf weekend that she previously said she wouldn’t attend to save money for our time together. I communicated that I don't want to control her and that I want her to enjoy her time with friends if she can afford it. I suggested we discuss everything in person. However, I'm feeling very overwhelmed. I wonder if I’m being unreasonable—I'm already struggling to see her as much as I’d like and often must negotiate to carve out time in her busy schedule. Now, she expresses the need for even more personal time, which leaves me feeling frustrated and questioning my own needs. In the past, she’s mentioned I want to see her more because I don’t have much else going on. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated; I genuinely love her and thought we had reached a good compromise. I’m unsure how to move forward from here. Thank you for your help.

[20F and 21M] Should We Break Up?

Hey Reddit, I [F20] have been in a relationship with my boyfriend [21M] for over a year now, and he's truly amazing. He’s intelligent, kind, and incredibly supportive. When I’m with him, I really cherish our time together. However, I do have a concern. I struggle with loyalty. While I’ve never cheated and never would, I do have a strong wandering eye. I can manage it, but I sometimes wish I could explore connections with other people. In an ideal scenario, I would remain with him but also date others (and just to clarify, I’m not open to a non-monogamous setup with him). I realize this is a classic case of wanting to have my cake and eat it too—I completely understand that. I’ve discussed this with my parents; my dad thinks it’s just a phase of being young and that it’s not a huge deal. I’m now questioning whether this is a sign of something bigger. The thought of ending our relationship makes me anxious, and I’m unsure if that would be the right decision. I truly love him and he brings me joy, but I can’t shake off this habit I have. I’m not unfair to him, as I’m not acting on these thoughts, but they’re still feelings I struggle to manage. Is this a dealbreaker? I’d appreciate any perspective to help me sort through this. And if I come off as a terrible person, please let me know. I’m just trying to navigate this honestly.

Should I break up with him? I'm a 20-year-old female, and he's 25.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two months. He lives in England, while I am in Lithuania. The first month was wonderful; he was sweet and attentive, the ideal boyfriend. However, after he returned to Lithuania and spent time with me, he changed dramatically. There are no more good mornings, no check-ins, and I feel deprived of any signs of his affection. When we talk, he seems irritated. I've spent the entire week crying over him and opened up about my feelings, explaining that I have bipolar disorder, which he knows well. He responded, "Baby, I don't know why you feel that way, but I want you to know I love you no matter what and want to be with you. I've been thinking about the photos you've sent me. I like them, but I feel like you think you need to show me your body for me to love you. I love you for your smile, your personality, and how you make me feel needed. I would love you even if you turned into a frog." He reassures me with such words, but his actions don’t reflect that love. When I express my feelings for him, he often ignores me or responds with a simple, "Same, babe." I'm at a loss for what to say or do. I'm looking for advice on how to handle this situation.

Different levels of sexual desire? [23F] [24M]

I need some advice. For a while now, I’ve been struggling with an issue in my sex life with my boyfriend. To give some context, I generally want to be intimate every time I see him, with at least one sexual encounter. However, he rarely takes the initiative, and even when we’re kissing, I don’t sense any sexual urgency or desire from him. He might get aroused, but he tends to let me take the lead. There have been several occasions over the past few months when I’ve tried to initiate sex before we go to sleep. I’ll start kissing him and attempt to create a sexual vibe, but he just falls asleep instead. Recently, I’ve started directly asking him if we can have sex. He usually agrees and seems enthusiastic, but when a few minutes pass without any initiation from him, he shifts back to chatting casually. When I bring it up again, he sometimes replies, “Honestly, I’m not in the mood because…” Last night, it was due to a strong emotional reaction he had to a show we were watching, which left him feeling confused and uncomfortable. I was taken aback but acknowledged his feelings as valid. Other times, he cites reasons like having an upset stomach, being too tired, feeling insecure about his body, or being stressed. While these are all understandable situations, I can’t shake the feeling of constant rejection, dissatisfaction, and disconnection. It’s affecting my mood, and I’ve been snapping at him, which feels toxic, and I genuinely dislike how I’m behaving. I find myself questioning what’s wrong with me, but I’m also incredibly hurt and confused. I should mention that outside of this issue, we share a wonderful, loving, and affectionate relationship. We are truly devoted to one another. I’m seeking advice on how to navigate a mismatch in sexual desire with my partner. What should I do?

[M20] and [F21] are experiencing relationship issues, and I believe the problem lies with me.

I'm a 20-year-old male in a happy, four-year relationship with a 21-year-old female. However, I face a challenge whenever I see my ex-girlfriend, who lives in the same building in my hometown. Seeing her stirs up feelings that quickly fade once I leave, and I'm uncertain whether I still have feelings for her or not. I could really use some help with this situation!

I, a 28-year-old male, feel that my girlfriend, who is 25, is struggling with insecurities and immaturity, which is negatively impacting my life.

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly three years, and throughout our relationship, I've overlooked several red flags in the name of love. The first incident occurred early on when she took my phone and keys while I was asleep (it was unlocked because, as a YouTube enthusiast, I often drift off while watching videos). She drove several blocks away and went through my phone. At that time, we were still getting to know each other and weren't officially exclusive, so I was communicating with other people and sharing pictures and videos. When she returned, she brought her family and confronted me, accusing me of cheating—a scenario that's happened twice now. The second instance involved a female coworker for whom I bought lunch because she didn't have money. Now, I've reached a point where I hardly use my phone or communicate with family and friends to avoid conflict. Another concerning behavior is that she often includes her family in our arguments, which has led to tension with them as well. Additionally, she doesn't contribute to household chores. We have an 18-month-old, and I find myself constantly cooking and cleaning while she mostly sits on her phone, holding the baby and expressing fatigue. Although we both work, I feel that I can never express my own exhaustion or stress, especially since I care for our child most of the time when I'm home. I'm trying to improve our lives by learning new skills, taking on side jobs, and getting back into content creation, but any time I focus on myself, I feel gaslit into believing I'm in the wrong. The most significant issue, however, is related to my six-year-old son from a previous relationship. She treats him differently, primarily because I have a solid co-parenting arrangement with his mother. I'm unable to discuss anything related to my son with her. Whenever she makes family plans, she often excludes him unless I intervene, which is incredibly draining. I'm contemplating leaving, but I'm fearful of how she would react, especially considering the impact it might have on our child and her mental well-being.

I’m feeling confused about how [39M] is reacting to my sudden grieving since we just started dating.

Hello everyone! I appreciate you taking a moment to read my post, and I welcome any and all insights. I’m a 32-year-old female currently seeing a 39-year-old man whom I met around a month ago through a dating app. We've been quite exclusive since we began chatting and hanging out, so we're still in the early stages of getting to know each other. That's why I would really value different perspectives on my current situation. My best friend, who was a 34-year-old male and someone I've known for over 20 years, passed away yesterday after being struck by a drunk driver. He was the person who understood me best, and losing him feels as devastating as losing a close family member. The shock and pain are hard to articulate, and I’m experiencing intense waves of grief that leave me feeling somewhat disconnected from reality. The man I’m seeing lives about 1.5 hours away, and he FaceTimed me as soon as he heard about my friend's passing. We had made plans for me to stay at his place tonight so I wouldn’t have to be alone during this tough time. However, he called earlier to say he needs to cancel. Due to work commitments, he won't finish until 5 PM and will still need time to hit the gym, so he suggested we reschedule for later in the week. I’m unsure if my feelings are heavily influenced by grief, but I struggle to understand how someone wouldn’t prioritize being there for a loved one going through such a traumatic experience. I can’t help but feel like an afterthought, which makes me question my worth and raises red flags as I navigate this new relationship. What would you think or feel if you were in my shoes? Thank you for reading and for any responses you may have.

How can I demonstrate my love for my partner, who is 18?

We’ve been together since October, which makes it around five months now. This marks our first experience in a more substantial relationship. She’s truly amazing—a writer and poet, and one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever encountered. She brings a vibrant energy wherever she goes. I struggle with words and even more with expressing my feelings. If I had to define my love languages, they would be physical touch and quality time, which proves to be challenging given our long-distance arrangement. She does so much for me—both intentional acts and those she may not even realize. She shares music, poetry, book recommendations, leaves notes around my room during her visits, made a Valentine's reservation for us, compliments me, and inspires me to believe that anything is possible and that a wonderful life awaits. There’s nothing quite like when she brings me a cup of tea, just the way I love it—heavy and sweetened with honey—even though she prefers hers plain. I find it hard to express how much I love and appreciate her. I sent her a late Valentine’s card, but it felt disorganized and the words seemed to fall flat. I never feel like words are enough, and I’ve never been particularly skilled at giving gifts. She radiates like an angel—truly a sight to behold, and impossible to capture. I also worry about overwhelming her—I don’t want to come on too strong. I’ve never had deep or intimate connections with anyone, so I’m uncertain about how to navigate close relationships. Even though we’ve had meaningful conversations about avoiding traditional relationship norms, I’m still anxious about not doing enough for her. I want her to truly feel loved. I’m not sure if this post conveys my thoughts clearly or if there’s a specific question that can be answered, but any advice would be appreciated. I feel embarrassed asking my friends for help. For a bit more context, we’re both queer, and the genders mentioned in the title are approximate.

Should I, a 19-year-old female, break up with my 22-year-old boyfriend? I urgently need advice. Please help!

I met Colton last year, and after several months of talking, we officially started dating. From the beginning, I made it clear that I wanted to be the only girl in his life, and he agreed. However, two months later, he slept with Karli. I was hurt but willing to forgive him. I asked him to remove her from his social media, and he assured me he did, yet I later discovered that he hadn’t—he only removed her for the girlfriend he took on after me. This broke my trust, and at that point, I felt no reason to remain loyal to someone who wasn't loyal to me. As a result, I slept with his best friend Sam—someone I'd known and spoken to before I ever met Colton. He only found out recently, when I told him. A few months afterwards, Colton reassured me that I was the only girl in his life. By this time, he had moved six hours away to Boise. Shortly after, I found out I was pregnant with his baby. While he offered to cover the cost of an abortion and was supportive over the phone, he didn’t show up when the time came, being still six hours away. I had to face it alone. A week later, I discovered he had been making out with another girl named Amanda at a bar. She actually reached out to me, which is how I learned what happened. When I confronted him, he initially denied it, claiming she was just a friend—until I showed him proof. Then, he told Amanda he wasn't serious about me, while assuring me that she was a mistake; she ended up blocking him. After that, he apologized, sent me flowers, and promised to change. Yet, less than a month later, he said he had "met someone else." When I asked if that meant he was choosing another girl over me, he claimed, "It’s not like that," and insisted he just wanted to be honest. This new girl was named Vanessa. At that point, I was done—this was right after my abortion, shortly after he had promised to change for me and cut ties with other girls. So, I unadded and unfollowed him. Several months later, after ending a different relationship, Colton and I matched on Tinder again. We started hanging out, and he told me that he had made Vanessa his girlfriend over the summer in Boise. That hit me hard, as it felt like he had chosen her over me. Now, fast forward to today—Colton and I have been dating for five months. He’s changed a lot. I’ve seen his phone, he surprises me with flowers every week, takes me out, and treats me wonderfully. He even forgave me for what happened with Sam, likely because he knew I had always chosen him. However, I can’t seem to move past his past mistakes—especially since I still feel he didn’t choose me. When I finally asked him why he picked her at that time, he explained: “I had stronger feelings for her because I had moved away, and our fighting created negative feelings between us. I just had more positive feelings for her and saw a future with her. I didn’t envision anything between us. When I saw you post about another guy, I viewed her as a fresh start and thought I could escape the baggage we had.” Hearing that hurt. When I pressed him, asking whether his feelings for me were stronger than for Vanessa before everything happened, he hesitated but finally admitted, “Yeah.” However, when I asked about Karli, he said, “Oh! By a million, yeah.” Now, I can’t shake the feeling that he was quick to declare that his feelings for Karli didn’t compare to his feelings for me, but he wasn’t as enthusiastic when discussing Vanessa. That realization hurts more than anything—it's not just about his actions but how he felt for someone else while we were together. Now, I’m unsure about what to do. I believe he wouldn’t hurt me like that again, and I trust him, which isn’t the issue. What troubles me is that I can't move past his mistake. I love him dearly, but I feel trapped in the past. Although I’ve gotten past his other mistakes, I still can’t forget that he met someone else while we were involved. I’m unsure if I’ll ever be truly happy in this relationship. Should I leave, or should I try to make it work?

I’m a 24-year-old man, and I have some worries about my 22-year-old girlfriend.

Hello everyone! I have a question concerning something my girlfriend does. We occasionally have arguments over text, which is pretty normal. However, I've noticed that she screenshots our disagreements and saves them on her phone. Additionally, when she’s upset, she sometimes takes pictures or videos of herself and retains those as well. I can’t help but feel that this might be unhealthy—why would someone want to hold onto negative moments like that? I understand that I’ve made some mistakes that have hurt her, and we’ve discussed them, but her habit of saving these moments seems really strange to me. I’d appreciate any thoughts you might have on this. Thanks!

[26F] Tips for initiating a tough discussion with my boyfriend [32M]

Hello, My partner [32M] and I [26F] share a strong, close, and committed relationship. He’s not only my best friend but also my life partner, and we deeply support each other through everything. We align closely in our work ethics, love for travel, and life goals. However, I've noticed that the frequency of our intimate moments has dwindled to just about once a month. When we first moved in together two years ago, things were much more regular. But with rising responsibilities at work, we've faced challenges that have limited our opportunities for intimacy. My partner's stress has further complicated things by affecting who feels comfortable initiating. It’s been a while since those changes, and I believe work pressures have lightened or found a better rhythm. Yet, I sense that some past awkward encounters have introduced a bit of shyness and discomfort into our bedroom. To clarify, it’s not the intimacy itself (which is usually fantastic), but rather the initiation and the anxiety surrounding performance. He knows I’ve been supportive throughout this time. Initially, I felt a bit upset, as I thought my needs were going unmet, but I’ve managed to adapt. I suspect he may be feeling some guilt about this based on past conversations. Recently, he’s also been in therapy for his stress and depression, which has been beneficial, but there are moments when he tends to withdraw. I fully respect his boundaries during those times. I would really like to bring this topic up again. The last time I attempted to discuss it, he seemed to freeze as he searched for solutions. I don’t feel an urgent need for immediate answers, but I do want us to consider ways to eliminate some of the negative feelings surrounding our intimacy. I've let him know that I’m willing to talk whenever he feels ready. Do you have any suggestions on how to approach this conversation? I’m open to all kinds of perspectives to help me navigate this situation. Thank you!

What can he [22M] do to help alleviate this feeling I'm experiencing [21F]?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a half, although we took a break for a few months before recently reuniting. We waited a while before officially getting back together, during which he repeatedly assured me that he would make an effort and really try. I wanted to believe him. But after hearing those promises so many times in the past, they began to lose meaning when his actions didn’t align with his words. Yet, somehow, I had faith this time. And then, unsurprisingly, he hurt me again. He crossed boundaries I had set, spoke to me inappropriately, and stopped making an effort. It seemed like he intentionally acted in ways that would hurt me whenever he felt wronged. For context, I mentioned a female friendship of his that made me uncomfortable because she appeared overly invested in him, which caused him to react explosively. Now, I feel so disconnected. I’m no longer interested in what he’s doing. I don’t miss him, and I don’t want to see or talk to him. This feeling has been growing for about a week now. His behavior repulses me, and even though he’s trying to engage, I just don’t care anymore. It feels superficial, like he's making an effort only because I’ve been distant, and I worry that as soon as things seem stable, he’ll revert to his old ways. Affection feels forced, and saying "I love you" feels disingenuous. I’ve lost hope in him, in our relationship, and in the possibility of things getting better. Is it possible for him to fix this? Can I come back from here? (For additional context, he’s currently on a trip to Hawaii with his family, which means I can’t see him for a few more days, but honestly, I don’t want to. I don’t ask about his day, nor do I care much. He could be flirting with other girls at the beach, and it hardly bothers me anymore.)

My partner [M21] wants to end our relationship for now but hopes to reconnect later.

I'm having a hard time understanding why my partner feels the need to take some space to work on himself. He claims that he doesn’t want to lose me and intends to return once he’s figured things out. He’s asking me to wait, expressing that he envisions a future together. However, I’m aware of my own limits—our relationship has faced trust issues for the last two years. Since we moved in together a year ago, he has shown improvement, overcoming a porn addiction, lying, and manipulation. Yet, we've also dealt with significant transgressions, including him following numerous girls, sharing a room with his female best friend—where they were too intimate given the closeness of their friendship—and even flirting in front of me. He broke my trust again just last week, feeling terrible about it, marking a relapse after months of stability. Following a small argument, he opened up about feeling empty and needing space to discover himself. He assured me that he didn’t truly want to leave, but within half an hour of our conversation, he mentioned the idea of being just friends to avoid the pressures of a relationship, wanting solitude to reflect and even write a book—something he’s never done. He talks about wanting a future with me, still dreaming of growing old together and building a life. I tried to convey that I'm not the type to simply wait around. I've already shown so much patience and faced many challenges in this relationship. Holding on to hope for months while he sorts himself out feels overwhelming, especially since our trust has already taken a hit. What if we discover that we’re not meant to be? I told him that I’m not equipped to handle the long-distance aspect either, especially given the nature of our relationship so far. He argued that he wouldn’t pursue this path if it meant losing me and that I shouldn’t have to endure the wait for him to return as a better person. He could talk to me about what he’s going through, so I don’t understand why he can’t work on himself alongside me. He’s planning to move back in with his mother, who would put him to work. He believes he won’t have time for this introspection while we’re together, suggesting that being apart might help him focus. He feels hurt that I pointed out how his reassurances changed within such a short span, as I find it hard to cope with shifts like that. I’ve made it clear that I won’t wait around indefinitely, which frustrates him. Given all this, I feel confused, scared, and hopeless about our situation. Just last week, I was unwell and felt betrayed in our shared space, and now I’m expected to trust that everything will turn out fine. The reassurance I received seems to have vanished, leading to a complete reversal of the situation. I've attempted to talk to him for four hours but have given up because he keeps falling asleep, only expressing his apologies and saying we don’t have to continue our discussion, which leaves me feeling abandoned. I’ve been sitting on the edge of the bed, contemplating everything while he dozes off, which feels incredibly disheartening. He has a pattern of not being present when I need him.

The spare bedroom is utilized every other weekend by my boyfriend's son, who is 34 years old.

I’m a 31-year-old woman who bought my first home a couple of years ago. It's a two-bedroom, two-bath house. Before moving here, I always rented and shared my space with roommates, so I never had the chance to live alone, even though I've always wanted to. When I bought the house, my disabled mom needed a place to stay, so she moved in with me. A few months later, I met my current boyfriend, who is 34, and he eventually moved in as well. My mom found a place to live near her brother, which she was excited about, and my boyfriend helped her move out. I was thrilled about having a home with my boyfriend and my pets and mentioned how I wanted to turn the spare bedroom into a guest room or a craft/workout space. He liked the idea and we discussed different plans for it. However, shortly after my mom moved, he started having his son come over every other weekend, which I was totally fine with since I knew about his child from the start. His son stayed in the spare room, which I hadn’t yet transformed. Then, my boyfriend expressed that he wanted his son to feel like the room was his own, wanting to decorate it with Mario Kart posters and action figures. I'll admit, I was a bit taken aback. I felt that I had just gained access to the room my mom used, and for the first time had a spare room in my home to use as I pleased, only to have that taken away. After some reflection, I recognized that it would be best for his son to have a comfortable space when he visits, so I agreed to it. Fast forward to now, the door to that room stays shut about 26 days a month since his son only stays with us every other weekend, resulting in just four nights a month. My pets can’t go in there because of the toys (my one-year-old dog loves to play with anything). I’ve asked for the toys to be stored in the drawers or the closet while the child is away, but it hasn’t really changed. My senior cat used to love spending time in that room, but she doesn’t have access to it now. I’m starting to feel frustrated again because it seems like we’re wasting an entire room that could be enjoyed by everyone in the house, yet it remains locked for just four nights a month. I know it’s not right, but I’m starting to resent the situation, especially the child. I’m reaching out to Reddit for advice on how to navigate this delicate issue. Thanks in advance for any help!

[24f] talking to [24m] isn't able to give me compliments?

I'm a 24-year-old woman and recently started dating a 24-year-old guy I met on Hinge. We've been talking and going on dates for just over a month, and overall, things have been going well. However, I have some concerns about the way he compliments me. He often says things like, "You're decent" or "You're alright." When he's drunk, his compliments are more typical, but when he’s sober, it goes back to those same phrases. He also wants to wait until we’re in a committed relationship to be intimate, which I’m okay with, but he keeps asking me to perform oral favors without reciprocating. The other night, while we were on the phone, I jokingly mentioned that we should work on his complimenting skills after hearing "you're decent" again. He took this as an opportunity to make rougher jokes about it and crossed a line when he said, "I’d just turn out the lights and imagine I'm cuddling someone with more meat on their bones." I called him out on that, explaining that my weight is related to a thyroid issue and he needed to stop. (His friends have even mentioned I’m not usually his type since he prefers curvier girls.) He still makes comments about wishing I would gain some weight. I’m just wondering if this behavior is acceptable.

I'm uncertain if there's more to my relationship with my best friend [26F] or if I'm just overthinking it.

I'm sorry for the lengthy backstory, but I want to share some important context. Here's the situation: My best friend, whom I'll refer to as D, and I have developed a really close bond over the last couple of years. We first met at a local fitness studio where she was an instructor. Despite her limited teaching schedule (only 2-3 classes a month), we quickly hit it off. After class, we'd often spend 10-20 minutes chatting about everything from her playlists and upcoming concerts to our personal lives. About six months later, when the studio closed, we remained connected. Our first outing for drinks happened a couple of months after that, during the summer when she was preparing for the bar exam (which she passed, by the way). Since then, we've become nearly inseparable. We text almost daily, she’s introduced me to her entire friend group, and we've met each other's parents multiple times. We often go out for drinks several times a week, spending long hours talking and laughing together, sometimes until 1 a.m. We confide in each other about significant events, like when I learned my grandmother was in the hospital and she encouraged me to visit her, or when she called me about her mom being diagnosed with cancer. I live in the city where she works, and she lives about 15 minutes away in a suburb. Typically, she drives me home after our outings, and we often have deep conversations for a few minutes right before I get out of the car. Although our relationship feels very close and intimate, it resembles more of a sibling dynamic than a romantic one. We regularly discuss topics like sex and sexuality (we're both bisexual) with a fair amount of openness, which is something I appreciate. However, there's one topic I haven’t felt comfortable addressing with her. We often say "I love you" to each other and consider ourselves practically family. Lately, though, I’ve sensed a shift in our dynamic. When we talk on the phone, there’s often an awkward pause after we say goodbye, and our conversations sometimes feel like we’re trying to fill space with mundane topics. There’s a touch of physical intimacy as well. While it doesn't happen often, on occasion when we’re drunk and alone, we’ve found ourselves acting in ways that are not entirely platonic. This includes leaning against each other in the car, holding hands, and even getting close to the edge of crossing a line. About nine months ago, we spent a night together at my place, leading to an emotionally charged conversation that ended in a brief make-out session. We didn’t have sex, but we did sleep close to each other afterward. There have also been times when we’ve lounged together on my couch, where her behavior suggested something more intimate was brewing, although it didn’t escalate further those nights. The most recent occasion that brought this to a head was a few days ago. We celebrated St. Patrick’s Day together and ended up at her place for the first time. While watching a movie, we began to make out, but she seemed to have a change of heart and pulled away, stating she was tired. This left me confused, as I initially thought she might be inviting me to join her, but she assured me she was just fatigued. I felt uneasy about possibly crossing a boundary, so I opted to leave when I got the chance. The following morning, she surprised me by texting early, which is quite unusual. Our conversation flowed, and I felt comfortable checking in about the previous night. Her response seemed nonchalant, possibly downplaying her inebriation. We continued to chat about plans for the day, though she eventually canceled those plans to help her brother with his cat. A couple of other relevant details about D are worth mentioning: she has significantly more relationship and sexual experience than I do, she juggles her role as an attorney with moonlighting as a stripper, and she tends to be flirty with men, which leaves me uncertain about her intentions when she interacts with me. According to her, I'm not her usual type, as she prefers older men and has specific preferences regarding who she’s attracted to. Given these factors, I’m torn over whether there’s something mutual brewing between us or if I’m merely reading too much into the situation. My primary concern is maintaining our friendship—I genuinely treasure our bond. D has profoundly impacted my life, boosting my self-worth and encouraging me to adopt a cat, among other things. A few weeks back, she referred to me as the smartest person she knows, which made me feel incredibly valued, although she has a habit of praising her friends. I’m just afraid of misinterpreting the signs, complicating our relationship, and potentially losing her.

I [30F] discovered that my boyfriend [26M] had been lying to me, and he only admitted it after I confronted him multiple times.

Hey Reddit! Yesterday, I discovered that my boyfriend of three months was lying about spending time with his girl best friend. It wasn’t until I asked him several times about his plans that he finally came clean. I initially asked about his day, followed up the next morning, and continued checking to see if there was anything else he had forgotten—yet he always left her out of the conversation. For a bit of context, I have no issues with him having friends of any gender, and I’m not jealous of his female friendships. I believe it's beneficial for men to have women in their lives who aren’t just romantic interests. This best friend of his has been a part of his life for a few years, especially after he got out of a bad relationship, and they used to hang out frequently. In fact, I met him through her. Initially, we had a great friendship, but once I started dating him, she started distancing herself from me while still spending a lot of time with him—often during the day and for an hour or two at night. This meant he would frequently visit her after leaving my place, then head home to prepare for work, only to see her again after his shifts, sometimes late into the night. When she began to be less responsive to my texts and plans, I felt uncomfortable and mentioned to my boyfriend that I’d appreciate it if they set a boundary to only hang out during the day, as I knew they weren’t doing anything inappropriate. I realize I probably should've voiced my concerns earlier, especially since I initially didn’t sense any issues between us. He agreed to the boundary but eventually stopped hanging out with her completely, and I reassured him that his friendships matter. Just a few weeks later, she reached out to me to make plans, but when I explained that I couldn’t meet her schedule, she didn’t follow up or check on me—despite knowing it was my birthday weekend. My boyfriend claims he hadn’t seen her in a month, attributing their lack of contact to her not reaching out, rather than my request for boundaries. Fast forward to now: he spent a couple of hours with her because she wanted to see his child from a previous relationship. The issue is he didn’t mention it to me first, and I had to extract the information from him. While he apologized, he insinuated that this situation was partly my fault for making him feel uncomfortable about his friendship. I’ve become more aware of their interactions, questioning things like their Snapchat conversations, but he insists it’s all innocent—just casual snapshots of their activities. Now, he claims that my feelings and comments are what led him to lie. I feel like I’ve lost trust in him, especially since this topic was already sensitive. How can I rebuild trust with him while still allowing for his friendship with her? I don’t want him to cut her out of his life.

I admitted to kissing my female friend three years ago. At that time, we weren’t officially together, so I didn't cheat, but I never mentioned it to her. Now she's upset with me.

My best friend of four years and I recently experienced an unexpected romantic shift in our relationship, leading to an incredible makeout session. Things unfolded so quickly that I realized afterward I hadn’t communicated my feelings to her. The guilt of keeping it to myself weighed heavily on me, so I immediately confessed everything. I care for her deeply and couldn’t bear the thought of looking into her eyes while hiding the truth. Now, I’m left wondering if she’ll ever forgive me, or if she’ll think I’m a jerk for only coming clean after we made out. That wasn’t my intention at all—I truly love her for more than just physical connection. I just hope she understands; she means too much to me. TL;DR: I admitted to a mistake from 2022 and now she’s upset with me.

What is it about me that draws so many sapphic women? [18F]

I may appear quite ordinary—I'm cisgender and heterosexual—but I've never been in a serious relationship, nor have I had any close male friends. It seems that cis men are generally not drawn to me. However, I have a diverse group of LGBTQ friends, and I've noticed that many of my sapphic or transmasc friends either flirt with me or have directly asked if I’d be open to a relationship. I've even heard rumors that I might be gay, likely stemming from my friendship with a trans person during my freshman year of high school. Although I consider myself pretty basic and understand that it doesn’t imply anything specific, I find it fascinating. Is there a reason so many queer individuals seem to be attracted to me, or is it just a coincidence?

[20F] seeking relationship guidance about (24M)

I (20f) moved in with my boyfriend (24m) in January because I study and work in London, and he invited me to live with him. Since I made the move from my hometown, which is only an hour away, I feel like he prefers doing things with others rather than with me. I left behind my friends and family, and between work and school, finding time to visit them has become tough. Unfortunately, I don't have any university friends due to my niche program. We've been together for nearly a year and a half, and I remember him saying friends meant a lot to him, but I didn’t realize the extent of that. He spends almost all his free time with his best friend (24m), whom he works with from 8 am to 4 pm, and they often go out for drinks at least three times a week. They also make weekend plans together. For instance, I work at a pub and once asked him to come by an hour before closing since the tube wasn't running, so I could cycle home with him. But instead, he ended up spending the entire Saturday at another pub with his best friend and his girlfriend since 2 pm. I didn’t finish work until midnight, and I felt humiliated by his lack of consideration. On Sunday, I expressed a desire to attend a St. Patrick's event, but he told me he had to go to work for a shift and chose the 1 pm to 7 pm one, which only added to my frustration. I recently went away for the weekend with him, his dad, and his best friend, and I felt like a third wheel the whole time. One night, when his best friend wanted to stay out past 2 am and I didn’t, I said I would walk back to the hotel alone. He didn’t seem to care, and even though I felt unsafe during my walk and was followed for a while, he only rushed to me after my best friend contacted him. He apologized, but ultimately chose to prioritize staying out over my safety. This pattern is frequent; even when his best friend is on a date, my boyfriend happily tags along, just like his friend does when I want to spend time with him. I can't ever make plans with him without feeling like he’s uninterested. For example, when we went to Paris recently, he was glued to his phone, whereas when he went away with his best friend and dad, he didn’t respond for over eight hours because he "wasn't on his phone." I trust him, but it makes me feel guilty and awful to see him enjoying himself more with everyone else while he seems bored and quiet when we’re together.

What steps can I take as a 24-year-old woman to leave a toxic relationship with my 26-year-old boyfriend without risking homelessness?

To give you some background, my boyfriend and I moved in together last July. Our relationship has never been without its challenges, but things took a turn for the worse after we started living together. Our arguments typically revolve around the same issues. They often begin with me trying to express my feelings, but he quickly reacts defensively and aggressively. Instead of listening, he interrupts me, accuses me of misrepresenting my concerns, and asserts that I don't understand him. This usually leads me to over-explain myself until I feel completely drained. After we moved in, I found myself handling most of the household chores along with preparing meals every day, while he contributed the largest portion of the rent. He checked off many boxes that I valued, and we did have some truly wonderful days. However, the fights resurfaced, repeating the same patterns as before. For instance, if I brought up a simple question like why I didn’t receive flowers on a specific day, his immediate response would be that he’s too busy, that paying the rent should be enough, and that I was implying he was a bad boyfriend. He would often tell me I was misremembering events, correct my statements, label my emotions as aggressive, pressure me for intimacy, and point out everything he deemed wrong with me. These confrontations would sometimes happen in public or around friends, leaving me feeling overwhelmed and exhausted from having to explain myself to someone who wouldn’t listen. He would isolate me from my friends by expressing concern over how they viewed him, making me feel unable to share what was happening. This only fueled my anxiety, leading to severe panic attacks that felt almost seizure-like. In August, I asked for a break since he had a work-paid apartment he could use. His reaction was emotional; he sobbed, sat beside me for hours just staring, and even threatened to harm himself, leaving without explanation at times. Eventually, he would promise to improve and acknowledge that he was part of the problem, as he often did after our disputes. Then, as fate would have it, he had to leave the country for work. We decided to remain friends, and he professed his love, assuring me he would return and that he would attend therapy, to which I suggested I would also seek help. I was concerned about his rent payments, but he assured me he would still contribute. Fast forward to New Year’s, we decided to start dating again. He visited since it’s still our apartment, brought me gifts, and seemed to have changed significantly, reminiscent of the person I first met. I remained cautious because I had been going to therapy, while he hadn’t started his, although he did begin taking antidepressants. Unfortunately, old patterns have resurfaced. I’ve expressed to him that I struggle to address issues with him, but despite his reassurances that it's a safe space, he often responds with outbursts and vindictiveness. Even when I discuss my own challenges, he gives me “logical” advice and becomes angry if I don’t agree. Recently, I experienced such a severe panic attack that I fainted and ended up with a concussion from hitting my head. Currently, I’m pursuing my bachelor’s degree and am still tied to this apartment for another four months. I’ve done everything I can to make our relationship work, but I’m at a loss about what to do next since my feelings for him remain. I worry about moving, both financially and morally, especially concerned about his well-being if I were to leave. I could really use some advice on how to navigate this situation.

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I’m a 22-year-old male and I flirted with someone other than my girlfriend, who is also 22. Should I tell her about it?

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly four years, and my love for her is immeasurable. I see a future with her, and many of my fondest memories are with her; I truly can’t envision my life without her. However, I now feel as though I’ve jeopardized what we have, and I’m overwhelmed with remorse and guilt. This past weekend, a group from our school went out drinking. I invited my girlfriend, but she decided to head home early because she had work the next morning. I stayed out with a close friend and a girl I had only spoken to a couple of times before. We have a lot in common and have shared some meaningful conversations about our interests, which made our interaction feel safe and friendly, even though I found her attractive. At the afterparty, my friend ended up falling asleep, leaving just the two of us on the couch. We listened to music and chatted casually, but at some point, the atmosphere shifted. She told me I was good-looking and confessed that she had a crush on me. I was taken aback, but regrettably, I reciprocated by telling her she was pretty too. It felt good to be desired, and our legs touched as we sat together, with lingering eye contact that suggested we might kiss. We engaged in some light flirting, though I was trying hard to resist temptation, expressing how much I enjoyed our conversations and that I had noticed her at school. Then she mentioned she was a "really good kisser," which snapped me back to reality, and I told her I was going home. In the moment, I was unsure how to feel, partly because I had been drinking. Since then, though, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I feel as though I’ve damaged the only healthy part of my life and I’m struggling with a sense of foolishness. I keep reminding myself that I made the right choice by leaving without escalating anything physically, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve betrayed her trust by flirting and finding the situation entertaining. Moving forward, I am determined to avoid similar situations. Now, I'm at a crossroads: should I tell her what happened? I worry that it might hurt her more than it would help. I feel selfish wanting to relieve my own guilt at the potential cost of her heart. There’s always a chance she might hear about it, since everyone involved is part of the same arts community. We don’t share mutual friends, and both my girlfriend and I are new to the city, so we’re not connected to any gossip circles. Still, the thought of her finding out from someone else urges me to come clean first.

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