Experiencing tension in the relationship as a partner withdraws and avoids communication following disagreements.
My girlfriend and I, both 20, are going through a challenging time. We fell in love within just a few days (about 10-12), and since then, a lot has unfolded. We both agreed that we want to date with the intention of marriage, and she even told me, "No matter what happens, I'll be your wife." She made me feel incredibly special in a way no one else has. She's kept many promises and has supported me a lot, but she's also dealing with significant childhood trauma, including past physical abuse and ongoing issues with her mother, who still hits her when she doesn't meet expectations. She's quite shy, too.
Here’s a breakdown of recent events:
**Event 1:**
On our first day together, she was showing me something on Instagram when she accidentally opened her direct messages and quickly closed her phone. This surprised me, and when I asked what was wrong, she said there was something private she didn’t want me to see. We argued about it, and I felt hurt that she could share so much but not that. Eventually, she apologized and showed me her DMs, explaining she had gotten defensive.
**Event 2:**
A few days later, I traveled 30 km to pick her up from college, which was exhausting due to crowded trains. She had a tough day with her exams and was kind of ignoring me, despite me cooking her favorite pasta to cheer her up. I expressed my love, but she was unresponsive, saying she wasn’t in the mood. I felt frustrated because I had traveled so far just to see her.
**Event 3:**
A few days later, she mentioned being anxious about upcoming practicals and fighting with me because of that stress. I suggested she take some space to focus on her studies, but she insisted on talking to me. Then she started ignoring me, even after we agreed to communicate about where we were. After disappearing for several hours, I confronted her, feeling upset that she hadn’t communicated her situation.
**Event 4:**
I suggested we meet to sort things out, but she was busy. Eventually, she agreed to meet, and after traveling 30 km again, she saw me but ignored me, walking away with her friends. I was shocked and confused, especially since I had brought her flowers and her favorite sweets. She left, and I felt dejected.
**Event 5:**
After a few days of no contact, we talked and resolved our issues. However, I noticed she started behaving differently—she became distant and less enthusiastic. When I confronted her, she explained that she needed time to heal from her past struggles, which left me feeling perplexed. I felt abandoned, especially since I was the one who initiated the reconciliation.
Over the following week, I mentioned that things felt off, and she responded that she didn’t want compliments for a while. This led to more silence between us. When I checked in again, she expressed feelings of inadequacy, suggesting I should find someone better for my mental health. She started indicating that I should only talk about my issues, not hers.
While I tried to be understanding and patient, I still found her behavior puzzling. She was often busy and distracted during our conversations, which sometimes led me to question if she was chatting with someone else. When I asked, she admitted to talking to another guy from college. I found this concerning since we had previously agreed to share everything with each other.
After a particularly tumultuous week, during which she attended a multi-day ceremony, I reassured her not to worry about texting me. When she finally responded after several hours, I expressed my frustration over her late replies. This led to her getting angry, and she stated she would respond more slowly on purpose. She then shut down communication entirely, blocking my number.
Now it’s been over a week without any contact. She’s active on Instagram but has not interacted with my posts. I'm left wondering whether our relationship is over or if I should reach out again. Throughout this, I've struggled with trust issues, having faced infidelity in my family. She had promised to reassure me, but now I feel lost.
To be honest, I’m unsure what to do next. Should I wait for her to reach out, or try contacting her again? It seems she feels inadequate and believes she keeps hurting me. I truly want to work through this, but she isn’t responding.