Relationship advices: Trust and Jealousy

"There's a big conflict, and I'm unsure how to handle it."

I (17F) recently had a major fight with my boyfriend (17M) of one year, and it was pretty intense—definitely the most serious argument we've ever had. At one point, I even accused him of cheating because he's been spending time with a classmate I don’t particularly like. I can't quite put my finger on why she makes me feel jealous, but whenever I hear about their interactions, I lose it. I've never experienced jealousy like this before and I know I need to address it. Our argument lasted the entire weekend, from Friday to Sunday. He mentioned that he didn’t want to talk, and I respected his space, but as an overthinker, I couldn’t shake off the worry that he might want to end things. Eventually, I reached out to tell him I love him and I was sorry because I wasn’t sleeping anyway. He left my message unread in the morning, which only heightened my anxiety, so I messaged him again asking for a response. We finally had a conversation where I apologized, and it seemed like he forgave me. However, the atmosphere between us still feels tense and everything seems different now. This is my first relationship, and I'm worried things won’t go back to how they used to be. Is this a normal part of relationships? Are we going to be okay? I feel like crying and I’m not sure how to handle this. I don’t have much experience with relationships, and this situation just feels off to me.

As an 18-year-old woman, I can't shake the feeling that my boyfriend, who's 19, still loves his ex more than me. Am I just overthinking this, or is there something more going on?

We began to get to know each other while he was still in an on-and-off relationship with his ex-girlfriend. At that time, we were just friends with no romantic intentions. After they broke up for a while, we started spending more time together and officially became a couple four months later. Initially, everything felt great, but soon I realized that things weren't quite what I had anticipated. We used to have so much fun together, but once we entered a relationship, we began to notice each other's flaws and became more considerate of one another. One day, while going through his playlists, I stumbled upon a newly created one that included a description expressing his feelings of missing his ex and asking for a second chance. When I brought this up to him, he explained that it was just a moment of stress and admitted it was foolish. I chose to overlook it, and we continued dating. As time passed, I began to notice that his expression of love for me was quite different—not in a positive way—compared to how he treated his ex. In my opinion, the best way to request something is to treat people as you wish to be treated, without appearing needy. I shared my feelings on social media, wrote him heartfelt messages, and even made playlists for him, but he didn’t reciprocate in the same way. He hadn’t even completed the gift for our anniversary or saved the playlist I created. He had done those things for his ex, but not for me, and it's difficult to bring this up with a partner. His ex also mentioned that he wrote her emails during our situationship, but he claimed they were generic messages meant to spare my feelings, and I chose to trust him and continue our relationship. Despite having numerous arguments in just three months, we still managed to work through them. However, I later discovered that he had been texting his ex, saying he wouldn’t leave her alone, but I kept that information to myself. Throughout our relationship, he has sometimes hurt me, but I tend to blame myself for taking his jokes too seriously or for being unaware in certain situations, despite trying my best to make him feel seen and loved. I often find myself thinking about his ex, reflecting on our love, and wondering if I'm somehow at fault for his behavior. We're only a few months into the relationship, and already there are problems, which leads me to worry a lot. I love him and don’t want this to become a long-term issue. Is there anything I can do to improve our situation?

Boyfriend views adult content.

My boyfriend (19) told me (18) that he watches porn, and while I appreciate his honesty, it leaves me feeling really down. I truly love him and he treats me wonderfully, better than I ever expected. However, I'm struggling to understand why he still thinks about and looks at other women in that way; it makes me uncomfortable because I couldn’t imagine doing the same with another man. How can I bring this up with him in a way that’s open and understanding, without making him feel upset or accused? This is my first serious relationship, and I’m really afraid of ruining it.

How should I (26F) address my boyfriend (30M) regarding his social media follows?

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year, and recently I've started to feel uneasy about who he’s following on social media. Most of these accounts belong to girls who share risqué photos and videos, often linking to their OnlyFans pages. This raises questions for me about whether he’s spending money on this content or using other platforms like Snapchat or Telegram that I’m unaware of. Additionally, he recently began following his ex, which adds another layer to my concerns. A couple of months ago, I expressed how uncomfortable this made me feel, and he did unfollow several of those accounts, but he’s since followed a bunch of new ones that evoke similar feelings. While I’m fine with him watching porn, following these accounts feels different and undermines my trust in him. It makes me feel insecure and hesitant to share anything personal with him. I’m seeking advice on how to address this issue productively. Given that I’ve already raised it before, should I view this as a red flag? I’m torn and would appreciate some outside perspectives.

I have a feeling that my boyfriend was glancing at another woman while we were being intimate.

I need some advice. I'm a 33-year-old woman, and my boyfriend is 29. We've been officially together for a year and a half but had been seeing each other for a long time prior to that. Last Friday, we enjoyed a wonderful evening together. We had what I thought was great sex, and later, I was giving him oral pleasure while he played games on his tablet—something I find fun to do occasionally. A few weeks back, I noticed he had been emailing a woman he hadn't mentioned before. I spotted it a few times when he was on his tablet or computer (I haven't gone through his personal things). I tend to be insecure due to past experiences, so I asked him about her. He assured me she was just an old friend who had reconnected and that there had never been anything romantic between them. I was satisfied with his explanation and chose to trust him. On Friday night, while I was giving him oral sex, I was under the covers for a bit before emerging. He placed his tablet on the bed, and I continued. He held my head down as I was performing oral, which was fine by me since consensual activities like that are part of our dynamic. However, he was notably forceful this time, but I didn't dwell on it. We finished up, cuddled, and went to bed. The next day, while he visited family, I sat down to do some work on the computer. Noticing that one of his games had been left open overnight, I didn’t realize I was logged into his Google account. I intended to buy Christmas gifts, so I searched my browsing history for a tab I had used the day before. To my shock, I saw multiple Google searches for the woman he’d been emailing, along with a Depop picture of her—just a torso shot. This was a bit concerning, especially since it was past 11 PM when we were in bed together. I thought we shared a lovely evening, with him mostly playing games on his tablet, and I really believed there were no issues in our relationship. Now I’m left wondering: Was he looking at that while I was giving him head? Did he sneak off to check it after we were intimate or when I stepped outside for a cigarette break? Could this just be an innocent situation that I'm overreacting about? This uncertainty is driving me crazy—I feel betrayed, unattractive, and disrespected. I’m unsure how to approach this without risking our relationship, as I am afraid he might think I violated his trust by looking at his account, even though that wasn’t my intention.

What should I consider if my boyfriend cheated on his ex two years ago?

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now, and he’s my first serious relationship, just as I am his. I'm an 18-year-old female, and he's an 18-year-old male. About ten months into our relationship, I used his iPad and found some concerning posts on his social media feed. As I explored further, I noticed he had been liking several suggestive pictures of attractive girls, including some recent ones from just a few days prior. This behavior was surprising since he seemed more discreet on his phone, but it turned out he had a separate account on the iPad. I confronted him about it, and since then, he has stopped using the iPad and given me access to all his other social media accounts. He’s been very patient as I work through my feelings and acknowledges the impact his actions had on our relationship. He’s genuinely trying to make amends. I’ve been gradually forgiving him because he hasn’t cheated on me, right? However, earlier today, I found myself bored and went through some of his old messages. I came across a conversation with a female friend from two years ago, which included explicit messages between them. I checked the dates, and they coincided with the time he was still involved with his ex-girlfriend. He would turn to her whenever he had issues with that relationship, and it seems they were never caught during that time. Although they haven't communicated in over a year, I’m struggling with how to process this new information. I'm a firm believer that once a cheater, always a cheater, yet this was two years ago, and he doesn’t talk to anyone else besides me and his family now. We spend nearly all our time together, and he effectively lives with me, so I’m aware that he doesn’t have much of a social life outside our relationship. Despite how it may sound, he has been devoted to me since I discovered he was liking and engaging with other women online. I occasionally check his accounts, and everything seems clean. I regret looking into his past, but I can't shake the feeling that it may hint at future issues. It’s frustrating because I see that he’s making an effort to change, and he has been understanding of my feelings. If we continue, I know it would be difficult for him to betray my trust since I have access to everything and am aware of his every move. I’m unsure how to approach this situation or what to think about it all. What should I do next?

Should I talk to my boyfriend about his gaming friend?

My boyfriend (21) and I (22) have been together for 9 months. He really enjoys playing video games, and every night he dedicates 2-3 hours to gaming. Afterwards, he’s usually too tired to chat and just goes to sleep. I've been feeling a bit insecure, so I decided to look into his gaming habits. I discovered that he mostly plays with a female streamer, and it seems like they frequently team up during her streams. This made me feel quite jealous. I want to bring this up with him, but I'm unsure how to approach the topic. Part of me wants to test him to see if he’ll be honest about it, while the other part just wants to have an open conversation and express my concerns. I can't shake the feeling that there might be some flirting going on during their games. What should I do? I really need some advice!

Why do I (18M) feel jealous of my partner's (17F) success and accomplishments?

I'm a 19-year-old male who recently ended a relationship with an 18-year-old girl, and I'm reflecting on what went wrong. We met while I was a senior in high school and she was a junior. A key issue in our relationship, ultimately leading to its end, was my jealousy towards her. She was a cheerleader, an honor student, a flag football player, a student ambassador, and a track athlete. She consistently brought home honors and accolades, and instead of feeling happy and proud, I found myself consumed by jealousy. I struggled with feelings of inadequacy, believing she was a better athlete, student, and teammate than I was, which fostered resentment in me. I couldn't shake off the fact that she had won a state championship in cheerleading the year before we started dating, and even though I truly loved her, my emotions overshadowed my pride in her success. My reactions were unhealthy: I stopped attending her events and undermined her achievements, both in my mind and openly to her. I realize now that these actions deeply damaged our relationship and made me feel like a terrible partner and an even worse person. I find myself asking: Am I broken? What’s wrong with me? Why couldn’t I just be happy to be the person she chose? I understand I was in high school then, and now I'm in college, which might make my struggle seem trivial to more mature individuals. But I’m seeking advice because my jealousy cost me a wonderful relationship with a sweet girl, and I want to understand how to address this issue within myself so I can grow beyond it.

dating someone who had a fling with my best friend

Even though my best friend and he hooked up once, they never officially dated; they only talked and occasionally spent time together. We were discussing him and noticed that we share some similarities. She gave me her blessing to talk to him, and we've been chatting for a little while now. I'm beginning to develop feelings for him, and if things progress, the intention would be to date. It doesn't really bother me that they had that experience, but I do wonder if it might affect me in the future. They still have some contact since we all attend the same university, which means we run into each other sometimes. Am I overthinking this, or do I have valid reasons to reconsider pursuing him?

I’m a 19-year-old guy, and I lost my girlfriend’s trust by posting photos on Instagram with girls showing their feet. She shared this with everyone in her life, but she still wants to work things out. How can we rebuild trust together?

Before I started dating my girlfriend, I developed a personal fascination with legs and feet that led me to regularly search for related content on Instagram and save it for myself. While I never acted on it in real life, it became a habit I didn’t take seriously. Two weeks into our relationship, she stumbled upon a folder of saved posts on my account and confronted me. She expressed her hurt and discomfort, asking me to stop, which I promised I would. When she discovered the posts, she was upset and felt as though I was comparing her to tall, slender women and that I didn’t find her attractive. At the time, I misinterpreted her reaction, assuming she was simply insecure about her body and upset with my attraction to a particular body type. I failed to grasp the deeper implications of my actions and how disrespectful they were. I’ve always seen her as perfect and would never intentionally compare her to anyone else. I now recognize that my behavior caused her pain, something I didn’t understand back then. For several months, I succeeded in avoiding this habit, but about nine months into our relationship, similar content began appearing in my Instagram feed again. I secretly started saving it to an alternative account. I told myself it wasn’t a big deal since I wasn’t directly interacting with anyone or doing anything inappropriate. I even rationalized my actions by pointing out that she sometimes watched porn and saved celebrity edits. Looking back, I see this was a poor excuse for my behavior. My habit spiraled out of control; I was sending posts that included images of celebrities wearing open-toed shoes, faceless photos of people from my university, and videos of women dancing. I deeply regret sending the images of people from my university, especially considering I didn’t even know them. I can’t believe I crossed that line, and I now see how much it could hurt her. Two weeks ago, she uncovered the alt account and realized what I had been doing. She confronted me and ended our relationship right away. Initially, I downplayed my actions because I didn’t think they were serious. I wasn’t messaging anyone or engaging with the content, so I convinced myself that they were just harmless images. However, seeing her pain made me fully understand how I had betrayed her trust, and I’m ashamed of what I did. Since that moment, she’s been torn. She’s expressed that her greatest fear is being hurt again. She believes we may be too damaged to repair and doubts my ability to genuinely change. I’ve tried everything I can think of to demonstrate my commitment to change—bringing her flowers, cooking for her, and assuring her I won’t repeat my mistakes. Yet, she’s expressed concern that I’m emotionally manipulating her, which is terrifying for me because that’s the last thing I want. To complicate matters, she has shared what happened with everyone in her life—not just her close friends, but acquaintances as well. Over 20 people are now aware of my actions and have urged her to end things with me. Although her parents don’t view my behavior as severely as others do, they acknowledge that I lied to her, which can be forgiven. Classmates and acquaintances are now aware, and one girl even took it upon herself to warn other girls who are friends of mine. While my friends have assured me they understand, I can’t shake the fear that people will want to ostracize me. Right now, she feels torn because, despite declaring her love for me, she doubts my capacity for change. She fears we are too broken to mend, and I don’t want to give up on our relationship. We both truly love each other and want our partnership to succeed if there’s a chance. I know I have deeply wounded her, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to prove I can improve. Yet, I’m also afraid that it might be too late and that I may not be able to change her perspective. Length of Relationship: Approximately 15 months TL;DR: I undermined my girlfriend’s trust by secretly saving Instagram posts related to feet, despite my promise to stop after she confronted me earlier in our relationship. I rationalized my behavior by pointing to her engagement with porn and celebrity edits, but I now realize how wrong and hurtful that was. After she found my alt account, I’m devastated by the pain I’ve caused her. We’ve both made mistakes, and while she is conflicted, I want to show her that I can change and make things right. How can we both work towards forgiveness and rebuild our relationship?

Drifting away from love? :(

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for four months, but we've been exclusive for over a year. He confessed his love for me more than a month ago, but I wasn't ready to respond until last week, just a day before a huge argument we had. We tend to fight often, but after this last confrontation, things feel different—I can sense a shift in our connection. Last week, we had one of our biggest disputes, sparked by me jokingly touch another girl. Being bisexual, he became really upset about it, and my jealousy towards other girls escalated the situation. He repeatedly told me he was done and asked me to leave when I got to his place. He insists he wasn't suggesting a breakup, but it certainly felt that way, especially since I had to clearly state that I didn't want to end things. After that night, we haven't discussed the argument much, aside from him expressing that he feels I don't care or put in enough effort. It saddens me to hear that, and I can partly understand why he feels that way. He’s been saying he loves me for a while, and I only recently found the courage to reciprocate those feelings, but then we fought, so I haven't had the chance to say it back. Since the fight, there’s been a noticeable distance between us—some days are fine, while others really highlight the gap. He believes that eventually, I'll show that I care more, but I'm worried he might no longer love me. He mentioned it once while I was crying, but that was the last affirmation I had. I feel disheartened at the thought of him falling out of love, as I know that’s usually irreversible. I’m unsure if he still loves me or if I should bring it up or just give it more time. It’s puzzling; he's not as verbally or physically affectionate as before and seems to get annoyed with me more often. I just don't know what to make of it.

Urgent Help and Advice for Long-Distance Relationship

I’m in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend who moved to LA for a job in aerospace engineering just a couple of months after we started dating. We've been together for two years now. I visit her whenever I can, and she tries to come see me too; we make an effort to connect when possible. We’ve discussed the idea of me moving out there with her, but I don’t bring it up often unless she does. I just turned 30, and she’s 24. During my last visit, I noticed the vibe felt off, and I saw scratches on her back and butt, which I've noticed before. This has led me to wonder if she might be cheating. Recently, she’s also been more rude and disrespectful towards me, and her roommate has made it clear that I can't stay for more than five days. It all makes me feel like the energy between us has shifted, and I’m starting to think I might just be a casual fling at this point. I'm at a crossroads: should I distance myself, break up, or stay in this situation? I genuinely want to move closer to her, and she has hinted that she wants that too, but I question whether she really means it. Do you think she’s been in LA for two years without becoming involved with someone else?

Challenges in female friendships

I've been dating a guy who’s 23 for a year now, and I can honestly say it’s been the best relationship I’ve ever had. He's genuinely the sweetest person, and he has really restored my faith in love and relationships. When we first got together, I made it clear that I was okay with him having female friends, as long as it didn’t cross any boundaries in our relationship or if those friends didn’t know about me. He did have a casual female friend from work who was aware of me, and everything was fine—so much so that we even planned a dog playdate together. However, about two weeks ago, I noticed that he had texted her calling her “hun,” and she replied with hearts. While "hun" isn't the worst thing, her response felt a bit flirty, especially since he was congratulating her on a new job when he said it. I expressed to him that it upset me; the pet name and the hearts felt inappropriate. He insisted that the friendship wasn’t significant and ultimately decided to unfriend her, despite me saying he didn’t have to do that—just that I wanted him to be mindful. So, it came as a shock when I found her in my Instagram suggestions just two days ago. I checked his Instagram and saw that he had added her back. He had muted her notifications so I wouldn’t be aware of their conversations. The messages started with him telling her I forced him to unfriend her (which isn’t true) and then claiming he missed her and wanted to hang out. I was outraged. I woke up immediately and confronted him. Not only had he hidden the notifications but he seemed to be planning to meet her while telling her he missed her. If their friendship wasn't that important, why did he say he missed her? He claimed he missed her because they could talk about dogs and still wanted to make arrangements for the dog playdate, insisting he just wanted to figure things out so we could all be friends. He admitted he was hiding this from me because he thought I’d get upset if he told me he wanted to talk to her. I’m struggling to believe this reasoning. I never told him he couldn’t be friends with her, and we’ve always had open communication in our relationship. So, why the secrecy? He promises he would let me know if they actually hung out, but shouldn’t he have told me he wanted to see her before actually doing it? This feels wrong and deceptive. He ultimately blocked her on all platforms at my request, saying he lost trust in being her friend, but I’m left unsure about everything. I never thought he would be unfaithful or act inappropriately, but this situation has really shaken me, and now I'm questioning what I can trust and whether he's being completely honest.

My boyfriend, who identifies as straight, is flirting with the guys in my family.

To begin with, my boyfriend (21M) and I (21F) have been together for about five years. I believe in expressing love through all five love languages, so I do expect the same in return. I care for him deeply, but I've noticed that throughout our relationship, I've often had to either ask him or teach him how to love me—just the basics, really. Over time, he has learned to show me affection. However, recently, I've observed that he flirts and banters with the guys in my family. Initially, I thought it was all in good fun, but I've started to realize that the way he interacts with them is completely different from how he interacts with me. In fact, he hardly flirts with me at all anymore, which is disheartening since I'm always trying to flirt with him. It’s disappointing to see that he can be playful and flirty, just not with me. I've brought this up to him at least three times, and while he has been understanding and promised to flirt with me more, it seems that for every bit of extra flirting he does with me, he increases his banter with my male relatives. It feels frustrating that I still need to request affection from him—it’s honestly a bit sad. There was one particular instance when my boyfriend went to a rave with my family, and I noticed him flirting with my guy cousin. The smile my boyfriend gave him seemed so genuine, whereas when he looks at me, I often just get a half-hearted smile. This makes me constantly seek reassurance and affection from him. I trust him, and I genuinely believe he wouldn’t cheat on me intentionally. But am I overreacting, or are my feelings valid?

Managing Jealousy (M21): Am I Overanalyzing?

My girlfriend (21) is working in a corporate job and earning well, while I’m currently in college studying medicine and not making any money yet. I live in a hostel, and her lifestyle is quite different from mine. All of her colleagues live in apartments where they can invite friends over, and since I’m not earning, I can’t spend much on outings. I can’t help but feel jealous that I can’t provide her with that kind of life, especially when I hear about the fun events and night outings her colleagues enjoy. Additionally, even though I don’t smoke, I feel a bit uneasy knowing that she has a male friend with whom she smokes. He has a girlfriend, but I still feel a pang of jealousy whenever she mentions it.

My girlfriend (F37) has a romantic relationship with her best friend (F37).

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year. Overall, we're very compatible and care for each other deeply; however, I've started to feel uncomfortable with her close friendship with her best friend, which they've maintained for 15 years. At the beginning of our relationship, my girlfriend mentioned her best friend, who now lives abroad, and the strong bond they share. As time has gone by, I've noticed some behaviors that have raised concerns for me. They've had a few threesomes together in the past, and there were instances of physical intimacy between them, including kissing and touching, which I initially dismissed as part of her past. A few months in, I discovered that they were exchanging nudes, and I expressed my discomfort with this. My girlfriend agreed to stop sharing those photos. However, I soon became aware of other behaviors that bothered me, like her friend often mentioning how she misses their shared intimacy and the fact that they exchange clothes to feel connected. It made me question the nature of their relationship, especially when her friend showed signs of jealousy over new relationships. The situation escalated when I learned they had a pact where her friend said she would "marry" my girlfriend if she couldn’t move to her country. This really upset me, as it felt like it hinted at something beyond friendship. I confronted my girlfriend, expressing that all of this makes their connection seem romantic, regardless of the fact that her friend is a woman. She insisted that their relationship is separate from ours and that she would never leave me for her friend, but I can't shake the feeling that there’s something more to it. My girlfriend does have a slight romantic inclination towards women, which complicates things further. I've noticed times when she seems to prioritize her best friend over me in decisions that affect our relationship. An instance that stood out was when they planned a trip together, and her friend joked about finding someone for my girlfriend to be with during the trip. Even though my girlfriend declined, it felt out of place for a friendship. Despite my girlfriend's reassurances that their relationship doesn’t impact ours, I feel like the dynamics between them invade our relationship space. How should I approach this issue? To me, this is a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed. **tl;dr:** My girlfriend has a very close friendship with a woman that displays signs of a romantic dynamic, making me uncomfortable.

What constitutes a break?

Lately, my boyfriend (26 M) and I (24 F) have been facing challenges both in our relationship and our personal lives. Our struggles intensified when he violated a boundary we had established at the beginning of our relationship regarding his consumption of pornographic content, specifically OnlyFans-style material. I had communicated that I was comfortable sharing intimate pictures and videos with him, but discovering he was looking at other people’s content instead hurt deeply, particularly because he had previously lied about it. After some lengthy conversations, I decided I wanted to continue the relationship, as he was sincere in his apologies and took full responsibility for his actions without deflecting blame. He expressed a strong desire to make things right. However, things took another turn about a week ago. I reached out, hoping to meet the next day for a face-to-face conversation. I was still processing my hurt and anger, feeling insecure about our relationship. I felt it was too emotionally charged to discuss over the phone, but he called anyway. I ended up crying and shared my feelings for a couple of hours. In my emotional state, I tried to articulate how much his betrayal had affected me. While I typically strive for calm communication during conflicts, I did say some things that, while true, were hurtful. I struggled to trust him again, especially since this wasn’t the first time we’d faced a similar issue. Ultimately, I committed to working on rebuilding trust, as I still believed our relationship was worth fighting for. I even expressed a desire to start over and do things differently. The next morning, I received a text where he apologized sincerely and mentioned needing some space to be the person I deserve. I agreed that some distance would be beneficial for both of us, allowing time for healing. I clarified that this meant we would be taking a break but aimed to get back together, and he confirmed that was indeed his intention. We briefly discussed future plans, including a 10-hour road trip together for Thanksgiving. Now, here’s my dilemma: after he sent that break message, I asked if we could discuss things later, and he agreed, indicating it might take a few days. However, nearly a week has passed, and he hasn’t reached out yet. Our only communication since has been a brief exchange about dinner plans that ultimately fell through. I’ve moved from anger to acceptance and am ready to forgive and move forward, but I feel anxious about the lack of communication regarding our break. I need clarity on where we stand and how long this will last, but I don’t want to pressure him and want to respect his need for space. My anxiety is escalating, causing me distress and sleepless nights, and I fear that not addressing this open-ended situation is only making things worse. TL;DR: How can I initiate a conversation about our break while still respecting his need for space? We've been together for just over a year.

My boyfriend gave a girl a rating of 10 out of 10 two years ago.

I'm a 19-year-old female currently in a relationship with my high school boyfriend, who is also 19. Back in school, we used to play a game where we rated our classmates on their looks. During one of these games, my boyfriend mentioned a girl who had a crush on him during his younger years, about four years ago. Although he didn't have feelings for her, he was excited when he was around her during tuition classes. We were playing the game with another friend of his, and when asked to rate that girl, his friend gave her a 2 out of 10. In a moment of excitement, my boyfriend exclaimed that he would give her a 10 out of 10. I felt a pang of hurt at how quickly he reacted. He even tried to convince his friend to raise her rating to an 8, despite the fact that everyone in class disliked her attitude. Ironically, my boyfriend often teased her in front of me for the same reason. I confronted him about why he reacted the way he did. He explained that he hadn't really considered her looks in the past two years and only remembered her as a pretty girl he had a crush on. When he asked his friend for a rating, memories of how he initially felt about her resurfaced, leading him to believe she deserved a higher score than he had previously thought. It's also worth mentioning that he had set her up with a friend shortly before this rating game and didn't attend a tuition picnic where she was present.

I’m a 24-year-old female, and I discovered messages from my boyfriend, who is 26, where he compares me to his ex from a year before we started dating.

My boyfriend, who is 26, and I, 24, have only been dating for two months, but we've known each other for over a year. He was interested in me a year ago, but I turned him down. Now that we're together, I've never felt so cherished. He loves me deeply and is incredibly committed; he addresses any issues I bring up right away. I was really happy in our relationship, and my feelings for him grew stronger each day. However, he misled me about when he broke up with his ex, claiming it was in January when it actually happened in July. He said he lied to protect my feelings and promised not to do it again. But since then, I’ve struggled with trusting his word, so I looked through his text messages to find their last conversation and confirm his story. Instead, I discovered he had been comparing me to his ex from a year ago when we first met. He had asked friends and his sister who they thought was more attractive, saying he would go for the "hotter" one, with everyone but his sister agreeing that his ex was more attractive. He even rated me a 6/10 and body-shamed me with his friends, saying I was too skinny and that his ex had a nicer body and they had over 50 sex tapes together. This was very painful for me, and I confronted him about it. He insisted he doesn’t feel that way anymore and apologized profusely, saying he has fallen in love with everything about me and wants to help rebuild my confidence while fighting for our relationship because he truly loves me. I want to know—would this be a deal-breaker for you, or is it something from the past that shouldn’t weigh heavily on our present?

My boyfriend, who is 28, follows girls on TikTok, and I'm 25.

**Context:** My boyfriend and I have been together for over six years. Recently, I've noticed that he's been following a lot of girls on TikTok. I want to clarify that I typically don't mind him following other girls, but the current situation is different. Out of the approximately 250 accounts he follows, around 200 are girls, and they are primarily Asian. For context, I'm Hispanic and don’t resemble them at all. I know this might make me seem insecure, but it's tough not to feel that way. It definitely makes me uneasy, and I’m unsure how to address it without starting an argument. I want to emphasize that I’m not constantly checking his follows; it's just something that’s been on my mind. He mostly just follows and occasionally likes their videos, without much interaction. How should I approach this? I want to avoid coming off as controlling; I simply find it bothersome. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

My girlfriend is somewhat innocent, and I feel a strong sense of protectiveness towards her.

Hi everyone, I’m a 25-year-old guy, and my girlfriend, who’s 24, means the world to me. She truly is the girl of my dreams in every way. That said, she’s quite trusting and somewhat innocent, while I have a good grasp of how the world works and I'm not afraid to take action when necessary. We live in India, which can be a challenging environment in terms of safety. Recently, she moved to a new city for her job and mentioned that some friends were planning a sleepover at her place. I was having a good time playing video games when I received a text from her saying, “The girls are going out, and I’ll join them. X and I will definitely go, even if the others might not.” While I know she’s at a responsible age, I’m concerned about the idea of her going out at 2 a.m. with just a couple of friends. How can I express my concerns without coming across as controlling or overly authoritative?

Experiencing tension in the relationship as a partner withdraws and avoids communication following disagreements.

My girlfriend and I, both 20, are going through a challenging time. We fell in love within just a few days (about 10-12), and since then, a lot has unfolded. We both agreed that we want to date with the intention of marriage, and she even told me, "No matter what happens, I'll be your wife." She made me feel incredibly special in a way no one else has. She's kept many promises and has supported me a lot, but she's also dealing with significant childhood trauma, including past physical abuse and ongoing issues with her mother, who still hits her when she doesn't meet expectations. She's quite shy, too. Here’s a breakdown of recent events: **Event 1:** On our first day together, she was showing me something on Instagram when she accidentally opened her direct messages and quickly closed her phone. This surprised me, and when I asked what was wrong, she said there was something private she didn’t want me to see. We argued about it, and I felt hurt that she could share so much but not that. Eventually, she apologized and showed me her DMs, explaining she had gotten defensive. **Event 2:** A few days later, I traveled 30 km to pick her up from college, which was exhausting due to crowded trains. She had a tough day with her exams and was kind of ignoring me, despite me cooking her favorite pasta to cheer her up. I expressed my love, but she was unresponsive, saying she wasn’t in the mood. I felt frustrated because I had traveled so far just to see her. **Event 3:** A few days later, she mentioned being anxious about upcoming practicals and fighting with me because of that stress. I suggested she take some space to focus on her studies, but she insisted on talking to me. Then she started ignoring me, even after we agreed to communicate about where we were. After disappearing for several hours, I confronted her, feeling upset that she hadn’t communicated her situation. **Event 4:** I suggested we meet to sort things out, but she was busy. Eventually, she agreed to meet, and after traveling 30 km again, she saw me but ignored me, walking away with her friends. I was shocked and confused, especially since I had brought her flowers and her favorite sweets. She left, and I felt dejected. **Event 5:** After a few days of no contact, we talked and resolved our issues. However, I noticed she started behaving differently—she became distant and less enthusiastic. When I confronted her, she explained that she needed time to heal from her past struggles, which left me feeling perplexed. I felt abandoned, especially since I was the one who initiated the reconciliation. Over the following week, I mentioned that things felt off, and she responded that she didn’t want compliments for a while. This led to more silence between us. When I checked in again, she expressed feelings of inadequacy, suggesting I should find someone better for my mental health. She started indicating that I should only talk about my issues, not hers. While I tried to be understanding and patient, I still found her behavior puzzling. She was often busy and distracted during our conversations, which sometimes led me to question if she was chatting with someone else. When I asked, she admitted to talking to another guy from college. I found this concerning since we had previously agreed to share everything with each other. After a particularly tumultuous week, during which she attended a multi-day ceremony, I reassured her not to worry about texting me. When she finally responded after several hours, I expressed my frustration over her late replies. This led to her getting angry, and she stated she would respond more slowly on purpose. She then shut down communication entirely, blocking my number. Now it’s been over a week without any contact. She’s active on Instagram but has not interacted with my posts. I'm left wondering whether our relationship is over or if I should reach out again. Throughout this, I've struggled with trust issues, having faced infidelity in my family. She had promised to reassure me, but now I feel lost. To be honest, I’m unsure what to do next. Should I wait for her to reach out, or try contacting her again? It seems she feels inadequate and believes she keeps hurting me. I truly want to work through this, but she isn’t responding.

Boyfriend spends time with his ex.

I'm a 24-year-old woman, and I rekindled my relationship with my boyfriend, who is 25, in July. We used to date in high school. When we got back together, I was aware that he still maintained some friendship with his ex due to shared responsibilities over their pets. I initially thought they only interacted when it was necessary for the animals. His ex has been in a serious relationship with someone else for over a year now. At first, my boyfriend wouldn’t tell me in advance when he was meeting up with her; he would let me know afterward to avoid upsetting me. However, I eventually asked him to inform me beforehand so I could gauge my reaction, and today he did just that. I trust him, but I still feel uneasy. I learned that she reacted emotionally when she found out he was dating me again, and he mentioned that she doesn’t like me. This is partly because I was involved with him while they were just starting to talk seven years ago, although I was unaware of that at the time. I’m feeling conflicted—I want to ask him a lot of questions to alleviate my concerns, but I also trust him. Having been cheated on before adds to my anxiety. I’d appreciate any advice or thoughts on this situation. Thank you!