Relationship advices: Trust and Jealousy

I’m an 18-year-old female and I intend to move in with my boyfriend, who is also 18, but I have a desire to explore and travel.

Hey everyone! I’m an 18-year-old female considering moving in with my 18-year-old boyfriend and his family once I graduate. Honestly, I’m feeling pretty anxious about it because I’ve never had a relationship where love feels mutual, and I can’t shake this underlying fear that things could go wrong at any moment. Although I'm not too worried about the act of moving in itself—since I know I can always find a place to stay if things don’t go as planned—I'm more concerned about how living together might change our relationship. We already spend nearly every day together and do almost everything as if we’re living together, except for sleeping over. Our relationship is strong, and we’ve been together for about a year now, but I can’t help fearing that this change might somehow negatively affect his feelings for me. I’d really appreciate advice from anyone who has experienced similar feelings or anxiety about moving in with a partner. What strategies helped you cope with your worries? How did you come to feel completely confident about the decision? I’ve tried looking for guidance on TikTok, but much of it adds to my stress, even if it’s mostly positive; the negative stories really hit hard. I just want to avoid reaching a point of comfort, only to feel abandoned or see a shift in his feelings. Just a quick note: I understand we’re young and that this situation might seem unconventional to some, but it makes sense for us. I get along well with his family and practically live at his house already. I'm looking to make this change to escape a difficult home life. It’s only about a 10-minute drive from my current place, so visiting my dad isn’t far if I feel the need. Moving out of state doesn’t appeal to me since I want to stay close to my friends and my boyfriend’s family. We both work full-time and have talked about the need for personal space, so we’ve covered the basics. What I’m seeking advice on is how to overcome my anxiety and become fully comfortable in this new, nearly permanent situation, especially given my past trust issues. I don’t want to delve too deeply into it, but I’ve been through some tough relationships where I faced emotional and sometimes physical abuse, and infidelity. Because of that, I tend to worry that something similar could occur again. I know my boyfriend is not like that at all, but my mind often wanders to those fears—it's just how overthinking goes. This change isn’t huge, aside from the fact that I won’t be making that daily 10-minute drive to his house, and we’ll actually be sharing a bed on his non-working nights. Thanks for any insights you can share!

It's typically those who are "obsessed." [22F]/[21M]

My boyfriend, 21M, and I, 22F, have been together for five months. He is completely smitten with me, expresses his love daily, and can be incredibly considerate. However, I’ve noticed some things that raise concerns about his trustworthiness. Before meeting him, I had just emerged from a traumatic relationship where I discovered my ex was hiding an entire marriage. Meeting my current boyfriend felt like a dream come true; he was incredibly patient, assured me he only wanted me, and waited for me to fully heal emotionally before we started dating. But my trust in him began to waver in January. While at the beach with friends, I asked to borrow his phone to play some music. He suddenly "forgot" his password and was locked out. I was taken aback—how do you forget a password you enter numerous times daily? When I brought it up later, he apologized profusely, acknowledged it seemed suspicious, and even offered me his phone to check. At that point, I declined because whatever might have been there could have already been deleted, but I did remember his passcode. Then, two weeks ago during our camping trip, I looked through his phone while he was asleep. Initially, I found it suspiciously clean—no notes, cleared search history, and his texts with his best friend only dated back two weeks. When I checked his Instagram Explore page, it was filled with OnlyFans girls. His link history revealed he had been viewing their profiles, and I discovered a second Instagram account I had never seen, though it had no followers. What upset me the most is that we had recently discussed this. I had told him that I didn’t mind if he watched porn since I do as well, but OnlyFans feels entirely too intimate. When I confronted him discreetly, he denied searching for those accounts but promised to "minimize" his porn usage. Later that night, I checked again. His link history had been wiped clean except for a few new searches for more OnlyFans models and a girl's VSCO account, which he had visited multiple times. The biggest red flag, however, was when I checked his "hide story from" list—there were 122 people blocked, most of whom were girls. At the beginning of our relationship, I expressed my discomfort with him following so many OnlyFans models and e-girls. He reassured me by unfollowing almost all women—whether they were OnlyFans creators or not—but they still follow him, and now he’s blocking them from seeing his stories? And his main posts? Me. I realize this is a lot to unpack, and I’m unsure how to address it. This situation isn’t like my past relationship where I caught blatant cheating and could simply walk away. This feels too close to cheating for comfort. It breaks my heart because the very person who claims to love me more than anything seems to be acting in secretive ways.

Can a relationship survive after deceit? [26M] [25F]

I’ll keep this brief since it’s a lengthy story and we’ve been discussing it for the past two days. I discovered that my wife was dishonest about something early on in our relationship. What’s really hurting me isn’t the lie itself, but the fact that I had to extract the truth from her, despite giving her several opportunities to be honest during our conversations. Now, I can’t help but wonder what else she might have lied about. Still, I love her and find myself seeking advice from strangers. What’s the biggest lie you’ve encountered in your relationship, and how did you work through it? I’d especially like to hear from those currently in relationships, but I appreciate all responses! Thanks in advance!

I'm a 21-year-old woman and I care deeply for my boyfriend, who's 24, but I feel like I've messed things up.

Hello everyone, this is my first time participating in this community. English isn't my first language, so I apologize for any mistakes. I’d like to share a bit about my boyfriend, who I believe is the best partner in the world. There’s truly no one like him. He is incredibly caring, sweet, and supportive. He has stood by me through tough times, including depressive episodes, arguments, and a relapse into self-harm a year and a half into our relationship. We’re also classmates in college, and he has always been there to lift me up when I’ve struggled academically in our electrical engineering program. He constantly gives me compliments and, when I’m about to share something but hesitate, he’ll often ask, "What did you want to tell me?" He insists on tying my shoelaces for me every time and prefers to carry my bag, even when I insist that I can manage it myself. He has a remarkable way with animals and people of all ages—his kindness makes him an incredibly considerate person. He embodies everything that many girls dream of in a partner—the kind of man who genuinely cares and values loyalty. While he does have his flaws, there is nothing that would warrant a breakup. The issue I’m facing is my inability to manage my jealousy. I don’t want to dive into specifics, but I’m currently attending therapy. We’ve had numerous arguments about the women he follows on social media and the types of pictures he likes—especially bikini photos. He reassures me that he loves me and that I needn’t worry, but I often find myself questioning the implications of his actions. Although I don’t see him as the type to cheat, I can’t fully shake the fear that a girl from his past might have ulterior motives. I know everyone has a right to their past, but I still struggle with it. My therapist has given me many exercises to help with the intrusive thoughts, but I feel hurt that he seems to dismiss my feelings about him engaging with other women. After Valentine's Day, we posted a picture together on Instagram that received many likes from girls we know. I questioned why he follows a lot of women and whether that might lead to complications. My concerns escalated when I learned that he deactivated his Instagram account after our earlier conversation, which made me very sad as I never intended for that to happen. We had a rough time after that, marked by arguments and misunderstandings. Although we reconciled, feelings of sadness lingered, particularly around his sister's birthday, where I struggled to connect with him emotionally. Recently, we’ve had ongoing issues regarding his social media usage. I deactivated my own accounts because I wanted to move towards normalcy in our relationship. However, when I confronted him about his account, we ended up in another argument. He expressed that if I resumed using Instagram, he would deactivate his account again. I’m afraid of becoming the couple that spirals into constant conflict. In our last conversation, he suggested that I wanted him to break up with me, but I strongly asserted that I want us to return to how we were before. I love him dearly, but I’m scared of the pain we both experience. I often worry about my mental state, feeling overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts that are hard for me to control. It’s difficult to see him as the wonderful person he is while I navigate these feelings. I’m contemplating studying abroad to escape the emotional turmoil of being in the same city. I'm tired and seeking some clarity or even medication to help quiet my racing thoughts. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I'm a 19-year-old female, and my boyfriend is 20. We recently had a fight that really upset me. How can I help him understand that he’s taking me for granted?

Hello everyone, I'm going through a difficult time with my boyfriend and could really use some outside perspective. We've been in a relationship for a while now, and he embodies everything I look for in a partner. He loves me wholeheartedly and makes an effort to express that love, even in front of his friends and family. However, we recently had a heated argument that shook me. It began when he asked how I would react if he cheated on me, despite the fact that we've never encountered any issues like that before. He has always been faithful and has never made me doubt his commitment. When I told him I would leave if he cheated, he was upset, which hurt me deeply. Things escalated when he stated that if I were to cheat, he would also leave. He insisted that it was a different situation because "he's a man," and mentioned that he had many girls he could choose from but picked me because he believes I'm worth it. While I understand his intention was likely meant to be affectionate, it made me feel more like an option than someone who is truly valued. Although we’ve somewhat reconciled, he still aligns with his previous statements. I'm struggling with this situation, feeling as though he sees me as someone who will always chase after him and tolerate everything. I've tried to express how his comments hurt me, but he became angry because I was upset. He admitted that while he knows it's wrong—something most people would agree with—he feels the need for that 1 in 10 perspective. He reassured me he would never cheat, branding that behavior as weak, and stated he needs someone by his side regardless of his mistakes, wanting to know if my love for him is strong enough to endure. Yet, he didn't apologize, which he rarely does, even when he clearly is in the wrong. He acknowledges that he can be emotionally distant, and when I try to discuss anything with him (without being confrontational), he often feels attacked and shuts down, making me feel like I have to chase after him for communication. I love him deeply, and there's no doubt that he loves me back, but it's his behavior during conflicts and his inability to apologize that concern me. Is this kind of behavior normal? Is it just part of his personality (he's a Libra, for what it's worth), or should I genuinely be worried? I want to grasp his perspective and discover a way forward, but I currently feel very uncertain.

I’m a 27-year-old male seeking advice on understanding what she, a 26-year-old female, wants. Should I move on or not?

She mentioned that she wants to wait for me to find a new job in the summer. She expresses that she's happy being single, but she often suggests hanging out. We have a great time together and share many common interests. However, when we go out to eat or relax, she tends to be on her phone a lot. I've noticed that when I catch a glimpse of her messages, they sometimes come from guys I don't know, and they often include a lot of heart emojis or other flirty symbols. When I notice her phone, she often asks why I'm looking at it. Her phone is always face-up and visible when we talk. Interestingly, she mirrors my movements; for example, when I lean forward at the bar, she does the same almost immediately. We frequently make plans for future trips together, but there's no set timeline. I'm uncertain about her feelings—whether she's genuinely into me, sees me as a backup, or something else entirely. I could really use some advice. Thank you!

[25M] I'm seeking help and guidance for dealing with PTSD within a relationship.

I have a feeling my boyfriend might be keeping something from me, but I'm not sure. We've been together for a while, and I’ve been dealing with PTSD, so it’s tough to discern whether my feelings are driven by fear or intuition. Lately, I've noticed something off about how he interacts with his phone. While I was away in the military, he got a privacy screen and mentioned that it was for work, which I respected. However, now that I'm back, he often keeps his phone turned face-down and holds it at a distance sometimes. He has a lot of gay friends, some of whom he’s hooked up with before we started dating, and while I understand that I can’t control his past, I can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t right. I’ve also observed that he rarely initiates sex or intimacy. The only times he seems more engaged are when he’s had a few drinks on the weekends. He tends to look around a lot, but I haven’t mentioned it to him. He follows hundreds of gay models and guys on social media, which makes me question things. I'm trying to work through my insecurities, but I wonder if my feelings are rooted in that. I’m currently in therapy to better understand myself and improve my relationship with trust. For those who have experienced PTSD, have you faced challenges in your relationships? I’d appreciate any advice you might have. I don’t have a wide circle of gay friends, which makes it seem like he knows someone wherever we go. I've encountered some difficult experiences within the gay community, which makes me prefer to stick to my own interests and comfort zone.

My girlfriend [34F] won't add me [40M] as a friend on Facebook. What's going on?

My girlfriend hasn't accepted my friend request on Facebook, and at first, I thought she simply hadn't noticed it. However, I've noticed that she has accepted around 30 other people since I sent the request, which makes me wonder if she feels embarrassed about me or is hiding something. I can't help but feel like I'm overreacting, but it's hard to understand why this is happening, especially considering she has around 700 friends on her account. Has anyone else experienced something similar? I plan to bring it up the next time we see each other, but it's really bothering me. How would you suggest approaching this? Does this seem normal to anyone?

How can I, a 28-year-old female, communicate to my 26-year-old male partner that I'm feeling uneasy about his mother-in-law, who is 47?

**Trigger Warning: Discussion of abuse** Hello everyone, I find myself in a challenging situation and could use some guidance. I’m using a throwaway account to keep this private from my partner. To provide some background: I (currently 28F) experienced abuse between the ages of 17 and 20 by an older man, which has left me feeling very uncomfortable in relationships with significant age differences. Currently, my partner (26M), whom I'll refer to as "R," and I are in a polyamorous relationship and practice Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM). We generally have an understanding that we can date and sleep with others separately. However, the other day, while we were driving, he asked me to check a message thread for him. When I opened it, I noticed a message where he referred to someone as "mommy." R explained that this was a woman he was planning to meet and potentially sleep with, whom he described as a "MILF." We typically don't talk much about our other partners, so I immediately felt uneasy and asked a few questions. He mentioned that she is in her late forties. I requested to see a picture of her, and I commented that she didn't seem to be my type, probably because I'm not attracted to older women. I don't want to come off as hypocritical since I also have a casual relationship with a 35-year-old man. Later, as we were lying in bed, R asked if the age gap between him and "his MILF" bothered me. In the moment, I wasn't sure how to respond and simply acknowledged that he is an adult capable of making his own choices. He knows about my past relationship and the trauma I carry regarding age gaps. He assured me that he only plans to see her casually, but I still feel highly unsettled about the whole situation. I welcome any and all advice. Thank you.

I’m a 36-year-old man seeking advice about my troubled relationship with a 36-year-old woman.

**Content Warning: NSFW tag relates to sensitive topics, not sexuality.** I'm at a loss for what to do. The woman I cherish more than anything, whom I've known for 14 years, has expressed her fear that I might physically harm her. I can't understand why she feels this way; I’ve never harmed her or anyone else, and I hardly ever raise my voice. She means everything to me, and we’ve shared countless beautiful moments together. While she does have a history of experiencing emotional and physical pain, I was never the cause of it. My love for her has remained constant over the years, and I still feel the same rush of affection I did when we first embraced. It's perplexing to think she might believe I would hurt her. She asked me how I would react if she were to hurt me. I told her I would run away or let it happen, but I could never hurt her—I meant that sincerely. Then she posed a more extreme scenario: what if she was trying to kill me? I responded honestly, saying that if she were truly trying to do that, then I would just accept it, because my love for her is so profound that I wouldn't want to live without her. I realize that might have been a drastic thing to say in the heat of the moment, but my intention was to emphasize that I would never hurt her. She has a therapist and a doctor who have confirmed that she's in good health—healthier than many, in fact. So now I’m starting to wonder if I’m answering my own questions. Does she want to leave me? Why bring this up? She knows me well enough to understand that these worries don’t make sense. We’ve even discussed breaking up before, and I assured her that if she truly believed she’d find more happiness apart from me, I would let her go. She knows she doesn't need to voice such strange concerns. Perhaps she’s hoping I’ll end things? I’m really unsure of what to do. (Interestingly, it seems Reddit AI thinks this relationship is already finished, as I'm receiving a warning that this is about a "past relationship.")

My boyfriend (29) wants to take a trip alone with his female best friend (29).

Hi everyone, I really need some guidance here, so I would appreciate a quick response. My boyfriend has a female friend in the US, and he’s scheduled a trip there with his family. However, he also plans to spend an additional 5-6 days alone with this friend, exploring new places and sharing accommodations. I can't shake off my feelings of possessiveness and find this whole situation unnecessary, especially since we’re in a committed relationship. Is it normal for me to feel this way? Or am I overreacting? I do trust my boyfriend, but I’m confused about why they need to go on this trip together without anyone else. Does this seem like a big deal only to me? While I trust him, the idea of them sharing a bed and experiencing intimacy feels unwarranted. I’d really like to hear your thoughts on this. Thank you!

I’m a 26-year-old woman and I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable about two of my boyfriend’s friends, who are both 23 years old. I would really appreciate any advice on how to navigate these feelings in a healthy manner.

Hello everyone, I'm reaching out for some advice regarding two situations. These aren't constantly on my mind, and I usually manage to let them go, but I'd appreciate an external perspective. To provide some context: I (26F) and my boyfriend (23M) have been together for nearly three years, with the past two being long-distance. We're planning to move in together soon, which I'm really excited about! I genuinely value our relationship—he means a lot to me, and I believe the feeling is mutual. Last year, we faced some challenges due to the distance and certain uncertainties in our relationship, which led to a break. During that time, I sensed he was going through a tough period (he has since confirmed this). He started going out more, drinking excessively, and not taking care of himself well, which included experimenting with drugs. While we were apart, he became quite close with an older friend (30) I had met once. My impression of this person wasn't the best; he made some disrespectful comments about women. I tried to address these issues calmly, which seemed to affect his behavior toward me. He even confronted me rather aggressively once for responding to a message with a smile emoji, which I found surprising. During their time together, this friend encouraged my boyfriend to experiment with various drugs. When we reconciled, my boyfriend was honest about everything. While I empathized with his feelings of being lost, I suggested stepping away from those habits for his well-being, which he agreed to do. However, he continues to spend a fair amount of time with this friend, who has tried to persuade him to use drugs again. I don’t want to judge this friend, but he appears to be struggling himself, and his values differ significantly from mine (he's in a toxic on-and-off relationship with his girlfriend, filled with arguments and drama). I fully trust my boyfriend's judgment and would never pressure him to cut ties with someone he cares about. However, I can't help but wish he would distance himself from this particular friend. It's not about controlling his relationships; I just want him to be surrounded by people who positively influence him. The second concern involves a friendship my boyfriend developed with a woman during our break. I trust him completely and believe that men and women can have genuine friendships (I have close male friends too). However, I noticed some physical affection between them in pictures and videos that made me a bit uncomfortable. We had an open conversation about it, and he was understanding, reassuring me and creating more space in that friendship, which I appreciate. The challenge is that in a month, I'll be moving from Italy to his state to live with him, and I'm not particularly excited about engaging with his group of friends, including these two individuals. I don’t want to create tension by making him choose between me and his friends, as that wouldn't be fair or healthy. Yet, I can't disregard my own feelings; I find it difficult to be around them given the circumstances, even though everyone else in the group is very kind. I would love to hear how others might handle a situation like this. How can I approach it in a way that strengthens our relationship and allows my boyfriend to make his own decisions while also respecting my feelings? Thank you for taking the time to read this! <3

I, a 28-year-old man, picked up my partner, a 27-year-old woman, after her night out, and she was extremely intoxicated.

I picked my girlfriend up after a night out, and she didn't recognize me at first because she was so drunk. A day or two later, we both noticed a bruise on her backside that looked like a bite mark. I've been struggling with anxiety over infidelity, and we've had some issues recently. I haven't been the best version of myself, and I acknowledge that I've pushed her away in significant ways, which I'm actively working to improve. I can't shake the feeling that there might be something more to this situation. She claims she fell down the stairs while drunk, but part of me feels foolish for doubting and another part thinks I might be overreacting. How would others handle this? I've discussed my concerns with her, and she shared her perspective, suggesting that I either trust her or consider ending things. Since this incident, I've been quite distant, and I can see how it's negatively impacting our relationship.

I'm a 18-year-old male seeking some perspective on certain behaviors of my 19-year-old girlfriend.

I apologize for any spelling mistakes; English isn't my first language. My girlfriend and I have been together for just over a year and have faced some minor issues. Recently, I've been struggling with communicating with her friends, as I don't have many friends myself. When I tried to engage with them, it didn't go well, and she ended up deciding to end things, citing my insecurity. We worked things out and chose to stay together. In my country, we have a major celebration similar to a carnival, but we weren't able to go together. I trusted her not to cheat or dance with another guy. However, she later mentioned that she was sleeping next to a male friend, which felt odd to me. She had also been distant and, at one point, told me to shut up and go to sleep because she didn't want to talk. I've been feeling really down lately and even cried myself to sleep several nights. I skipped the carnival because of how I was feeling. Today, she saw an old message on my Instagram (she has access to my account) from someone I used to talk to but stopped messaging at her request. She reacted strongly, calling me names and saying she should have cheated on me, claiming I’m worthless. Despite being a generally affectionate couple, when she gets upset or has a breakdown, she can lash out like this, and it really hurts me. She has been my first everything, and I truly don’t want to break up with her. Why would she react this way? Is she possibly cheating, which could explain her behavior?

My girlfriend (25F) believes it's inappropriate for me (23M) to have conversations with female colleagues outside of work.

We've been together for six months now, and it’s definitely been a rocky journey. We both tend to be a bit jealous, and we’ve mostly come to terms with that. In my recent therapy session, my therapist pointed out that it’s unhealthy for two people in a relationship to have differing boundaries. This prompted a conversation with my partner, during which she mentioned that she believes her boundaries are toxic. I agreed, which understandably upset her. I later clarified that I only find one particular boundary concerning: she doesn’t allow me to chat with other women outside of work—whether it’s through messaging or any other platform—even if the topic is purely work-related, like venting about our boss. When I reminded her that she had labeled herself as toxic, she seemed to backtrack. I’ve said before that I’m fine with her communicating with male coworkers, even though it does make me feel a bit jealous at times. She talks to them rarely and usually shares what they discuss. When I pressed her about whether she thinks it’s wrong to speak to colleagues of the opposite sex outside of work, she admitted that she’s a hypocrite and that she doesn’t really want to engage in those conversations. I personally don’t mind that boundary; I don’t feel the need to chat with female colleagues or even male ones. It’s more about the restriction that bothers me, and I expressed that to her. An important detail: before we started dating, I had been messaging a female colleague mostly about work-related issues—like reminding me about missed meetings. Over the course of four months, we exchanged messages six to eight times. When I began dating my girlfriend, I didn’t mention this colleague, not because I was trying to hide anything, but because it didn’t seem significant to me. When she found out about our messages, she was very upset, and we almost broke up. I explained that I wasn’t aware of her boundaries, and we managed to move past it. Now, I’m wondering what you think about this situation. I’m uncertain if it’s normal to communicate with female colleagues in this way.

I'm a 19-year-old male in a new relationship with a 19-year-old female, and I'm feeling quite confused.

A mutual friend introduced us, and we hit it off right away. We share many interests, enjoy each other's company, and feel at ease together. We've even exchanged "I love yous" already. Recently, we discussed our pasts. This is my first serious relationship, but she mentioned a one-year relationship with someone named “S” that ended due to conflicts. A friend also hinted that she had other past experiences, which she ultimately acknowledged, though she claimed they weren't serious. Now, I'm feeling a mix of jealousy and betrayal. I can't stop thinking about her past, and it's really bothering me. How can I get past this?

My boyfriend [24M] expressed that he would like to see me [21] kiss another girl.

My boyfriend mentioned that he has a fantasy of me kissing another girl, which made me really upset. I’m a 21-year-old woman, and my boyfriend is 24. We've been together for over a year, and our relationship has been fantastic in every way, including a healthy sex life and shared kinks. We’re completely in sync and satisfied because we share the same fetishes. We’ve both agreed that we would never consider opening our relationship or having a threesome. That’s just not us, and my friends and I aren’t the type to get drunk and kiss randomly. Last night, during a phone sex call, he encouraged me to share more of my fantasies, so I did. Then he surprised me by saying, “I want to see you kiss another girl.” I went silent and stopped what I was doing. When he noticed, he asked what was wrong, and I requested him to repeat his statement. Here’s how the conversation went after that: Me: Why would you want that? Him: It was just something that popped into my mind when we were talking about fantasies, but if you're not into it, it doesn’t mean anything. Me: So, you want me to cheat on you? Him: No, it's not cheating. Some couples are okay with that and give each other permission. Me: Is that what you want? Why are you thinking about someone else? Him: No, I don’t want that. It was just a fleeting thought, and I don’t actually think about anyone else. It was just about you. Me: I just don’t understand why you would even say that. Him: I told you it was a spontaneous thought, and now that I know you don’t like it, I’ll forget about it. It's not important to me, and I don’t want you to think I truly want that. I’m sorry. While I was getting angrier and speaking with an edge, he remained calm and insisted it was just a momentary thought, not something he genuinely wanted in real life. I confronted him about how strange it was and asked how he could say he loves me while expressing that fantasy. He reassured me that I’m the most important person in his life and that he never thinks about anyone else. He emphasized he wasn’t actually asking me to kiss another girl. I then asked him to consider how he’d feel if I said my fantasy was to kiss another man in front of him. He understood my point and kept apologizing, reiterating that it was a passing thought. I accepted his apology. He then shifted the conversation to lighter topics, and we ended up joking around for another hour before hanging up on good terms. Was I overreacting? I just never expected him to say something like that. I’ve given him no indication that I would want to kiss another girl, so I thought he would know that I'd hate the idea. I keep wondering what would have happened if I had gone along with it and expressed a desire to kiss another girl.

Concerns about trust in my relationship [20F][21M]

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years now, and sometimes I feel the urge to check his phone. This is partly because I once found a brief conversation he had with a coworker who has made advances towards him in the past, despite my request for him to respect our relationship by not engaging with her. Since then, he’s attended several parties with his coworkers, and he often makes excuses for why I can't join him. Earlier today, I quickly looked at his phone and noticed a picture of a naked woman in his hidden photos. I've also overheard him discussing this same coworker and other girls with his friends. The last time I asked to see his phone after discovering the conversation with the coworker, he seemed very reluctant to let me look at it, and I had to ask multiple times before he finally agreed. Now I'm unsure whether I should confront him again and request to see his phone for my own peace of mind, or if I should try to let it go and stay chill about it. I’m feeling really confused, as I worry that my love for him might be clouding my judgment.

I (27F) had intimate relations with my fiancé (25M) after drinking and I can't recall what happened. Now he's placing blame on me for it.

Recently, I (27F) and my fiancé (26M) visited my sister's family. I hadn't intended to drink, but with everyone else partaking, I decided to join in. I had four drinks, which typically wouldn't leave me hungover. However, I hadn't eaten much that day, and while I felt fine when I left, it hit me hard once I got home. I woke up the next day with significant memory loss, which was unusual for me. When I asked my fiancé how the night ended, he got angry. I wasn’t sure if we had sex or if I had washed my hair, but it turned out I did both. After he calmed down, he explained that we had indeed had sex and that I was the one who initiated it. I didn't dwell on the incident much and went to a two-day work meeting. Although I wasn’t hungover, I thought I just reacted strangely to the alcohol. Later, around 5 PM, while I was still at the meeting, my fiancé told me he got drunk and cried. When I asked what triggered this, he said nothing in particular, and I suggested that sometimes it's therapeutic to let it all out. My team had a gathering that evening, but I was sleep-deprived and still recovering from the previous night, so I left at 10 PM and went to bed. When I returned home the next day, my fiancé started recounting details about the sex we had, emphasizing that it was my idea. He mentioned he tried to help me sleep but that I refused. I felt a bit confused; it wasn’t like he had assaulted me, and I knew I had wanted it. However, he kept insisting that I seemed lifeless but was still eager for sex, which made me uncomfortable. I couldn't remember anything and that bothered me. If I truly seemed lifeless, I questioned why he would consent to rough or anal sex without my usual preparation. As the conversation continued, he expressed concerns that I might get drunk again and sleep with someone else, jeopardizing our relationship. I couldn’t understand why he would think I wanted to be with anyone else. In my younger years, I drank a lot and never had a one-night stand; I have no interest in casual sex and need a strong emotional connection to consider being intimate with someone. My fiancé has known me for 2.5 years, and we’ve shared our phones without any issues. I've never shown interest in anyone else during our relationship, and it pains me that this situation made him doubt my commitment. I recognize that anyone can get too drunk; it wasn't intentional on my part. I hadn’t even consumed that much, and now he’s accusing me of potential infidelity while intoxicated. I’m feeling very conflicted about all of this. It’s worth noting that he hadn’t been drinking at all that day. I’m unsure how to handle this situation, and I’d appreciate any advice you might have.

How should I approach my boyfriend [20M] about going through my phone without permission?

I'm an 18-year-old female and I'm currently in a loving relationship with my boyfriend, who is 20. We both carry some deeply rooted trauma from past relationships involving infidelity. His previous girlfriend of two years had a secret husband and child, which understandably makes him more anxious about issues of cheating and abandonment. However, his recent expressions of fear have crossed into territory that I find concerning in our otherwise loving and trusting relationship. We pride ourselves on our open and honest communication, and I am fully dedicated to him. I share everything with him and would never dream of being unfaithful. Lately, I've felt that he may have gone through my phone looking for anything that could be misconstrued (there's absolutely nothing to find). Just this morning, he mentioned he had a nightmare that I was messaging his ex-girlfriend on TikTok. Afterward, he checked my phone, searched for her account, found no messages, and then blocked her. This has made me increasingly anxious about my phone and the messages I have, fearing that he might misinterpret something and accuse me of dishonesty or cheating. I find myself deleting innocent messages from before we even met, just to avoid any potential misunderstandings. What should I do or say to him? I love him immensely, and he treats me exceptionally well—he cares for me more than anyone else ever has. We have navigated many challenges together and come out stronger, but I need a way to earn his trust while also upholding my personal boundaries.

My boyfriend [26M] follows various random girls—should I see this as a red flag?

I'm a 24-year-old woman in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend, who is 26. Recently, I've noticed that he occasionally follows 1-2 random girls on social media. It's not a frequent occurrence, but it happens at certain intervals. I get the sense that these connections aren't just casual acquaintances from work or social circles, especially since some of these girls don't even follow him back. Initially, I thought he was just trying to build his social media presence since most of these girls are quite distant from him. However, he recently started following people from his local area, which has made me feel even more anxious since he lives in another country. Whenever this happens, I can't help but feel a deep sense of disappointment, and it makes me question the significance of my emotional investment in our relationship. The girls he follows seem to share a common trait of having a follow/follow back rate of about 1:2, which gives off a vibe of seeking attention. I'm hesitant to bring this up directly with him because I worry he might view me as overly obsessive or paranoid. Plus, I fear that if I mention it, he'll become more secretive about things in the future. I also wonder how effective it would be to ask him to stop this behavior—after all, this feels more like a deeper issue rather than something that can be easily fixed. To me, it seems to reflect on his character. On a positive note, he is generally supportive and open about his future goals with me. However, I can't just ignore my feelings; my anxiety is noticeable, and he seems to sense that something is off, which only adds to the tension between us. I'm left wondering if this issue is significant enough to reconsider the relationship. I would sincerely appreciate any advice or insights on this situation!

My girlfriend (20F) reacted quite abruptly and seemed upset when I (23M) brought up the idea of planning a trip with the guys. How should I handle this situation?

Subject: Seeking Advice on a Holiday Dilemma Hey everyone, I recently brought up the idea of planning a boys' trip to Portugal with my friends later this year to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she reacted quite negatively, stating, "holidays are not for people in relationships." Just to clarify, this is a drinking holiday that involves some clubbing. I understand her feelings, especially given our age, as young people can often be sensitive about issues like cheating. My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over a year, and I truly care for her and value her feelings. However, she tends to become quite abrupt whenever I talk about going out with friends, and her reaction to this holiday was particularly strong. Last year, I went on a similar holiday without her, where I enjoyed myself responsibly and kept her updated throughout. Unfortunately, I did fall ill and had to go to the hospital, which I know must have been concerning for her. The friends I’m going with are mostly single, with one other in a relationship as well. They’ve met my girlfriend and get along with her well, and she likes them too. I've noticed that over the past few months, I've started to drift away from my friends, not engaging in group chats as much and not seeing them as often, which I completely understand. This distance worries me, and when I brought up the holiday, her reaction was to snap at me. I've never been in a serious relationship before, but I know she has been cheated on in the past. While I recognize that guys' trips can sometimes be associated with infidelity, I want to reassure her that, living in a big city where she doesn’t know anyone, cheating would be equally possible regardless of location. I’ve never been unfaithful and consider myself mature enough to avoid risky situations, like going to strip clubs, which I generally don’t frequent anyway. She doesn’t have many friends and seems to feel a bit lonely without me, which I understand. However, I feel that this shouldn’t restrict my ability to enjoy time with my friends, within reason. If anyone has any thoughts or advice on how to approach this situation, I would appreciate it. Thank you!

[23f] [27m] I need someone to reassure me that it's okay to feel insecure about this friendship I'm so invested in.

I'm a 23-year-old woman currently in a relationship with a man, but we've been facing some issues lately due to my insecurities regarding one of his friendships. He has been friends with this girl since before we started dating, and he admitted that at the beginning of our casual relationship, he received nudes from her, although that didn’t last long once we began seeing each other more seriously. They don't meet in person, but they do text each other daily, albeit not constantly. Recently, we discussed this again, and he reassured me that they are just friends. He even told me he enjoys talking to her and tried to comfort me by saying, "I'm out of her league," which didn't sit well with me. This morning, I noticed him sending her good morning texts. In our previous conversations about their friendship, he has claimed that they only discuss her love life and other typical friend topics. He's even shown me some of their messages, but I really struggle with trust issues. So, I'm wondering if my insecurity is clouding my judgment and making me assume the worst. He has always been honest with me about things, but part of me still worries he could be hiding something. I know I have my own issues to work on, so I'm looking for an outside perspective, even if it’s a tough one.

Envy [19F]

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who's 24, for nearly a year now. Our first date was interrupted when his best friend's girlfriend got too intoxicated and needed a ride home, so he went to pick her up. Since then, he’s had her location to help his friend keep an eye on her, as she often drinks excessively and can act irresponsibly. I've noticed that she’s very attractive, and during our time together, I’ve caught my boyfriend looking at her inappropriately, which bothers me. I’ve asked him to knock it off because it makes me uncomfortable, even though we still hang out with them quite often. The other night, while we were all drinking, she fell asleep on our couch. To wake her up, my boyfriend started tickling her feet and playfully wrestling with her, which made me extremely uneasy. When we play games, she never participates when I’m around, but somehow she always ends up playing with him when I’m not home. At times, my boyfriend talks about her more than he does about his best friend, and I know they might just be having fun, but I can't shake off my jealousy. I'm curious how others have dealt with similar feelings—how did you manage to overcome your jealousy?

Is my brother’s girlfriend, who is 23, feeling jealous of me, a 21-year-old female?

I’d like to share a bit about my upbringing. My brother and I were homeschooled in a town often associated with incest, but that's not us at all. There's been absolutely no incest; we simply share a close bond as siblings given our unique circumstances. A couple of years ago, my brother started dating a girl who has seemed, at least subconsciously, annoyed by my presence. Even now as adults, we live together, which has become more complicated since she moved in last year. Honestly, I’d prefer not to live with either of them—she can be quite emotionally abusive, and I enjoy my own space. Unfortunately, due to financial reasons, we’re in this situation. I don’t want to delve into the specifics of how she treats both of us, but I’m looking for advice on how to help her overcome the jealousy she’s expressed towards me as the "closest woman in his life." To clarify, I’m not interested in men or my brother at all, and I thought she understood that. Should I just have a direct conversation with her?

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