Relationship advices: Mental Health

I [F30] experienced a breakdown in front of my boyfriend [M30], and I'm unsure if I overstepped any boundaries.

I have PTSD and anxiety, which I managed to keep relatively under control after two years of therapy and lifestyle changes. I've encouraged my partner to seek help and find ways to stay healthy while I dealt with my issues, and for the most part, we've been navigating this together quite successfully. I truly want him to prioritize his own well-being. About four months ago, after I completed a marathon, I developed tinnitus within 24 hours. Since then, it’s progressively worsened, and living in a remote mountain area has made it difficult to see an ENT during the winter months. After months of only getting 3 to 4 hours of sleep at a time, combined with the constant ringing in my ears (along with a low hum), I reached my breaking point. I screamed in frustration, and my boyfriend even brought me a pillow to scream into. I found myself on the floor, pleading for the noise to stop, and I cried so hard I nearly fainted. I’m not sure if this is a normal reaction to prolonged sleep deprivation and tinnitus or if it’s linked to my PTSD and anxiety. Now that it’s the morning after, I feel embarrassed and anxious about my boyfriend's mental health. I worry that I crossed a line where my struggles shouldn't be so visible, and I often think I should distance myself so he can have a normal life without having to handle my issues, even though he has been incredibly supportive. I’m feeling lost and would appreciate some encouragement about my relationship, as well as advice from others who have faced similar challenges.

I’m a 32-year-old woman, and I'm unsure how to support my partner, who is 36.

I'm in need of sincere advice. My partner is struggling with severe depression, stemming from a health-related issue for which he feels a deep sense of responsibility; I’d prefer not to go into details. Since we both work from home, it's reached a point where he frequently interrupts my work to express how overwhelmed he feels. He constantly fixates on the idea that he's "ruined" his life and is unable to focus. When he is less consumed by these feelings, he recognizes that he shouldn't burden me and expresses a desire to change. However, when he spirals back into those thoughts, it becomes a recurring issue. I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which makes it challenging to manage my own emotions. While I’ve tried to support him by letting him vent and offering my perspective, I'm starting to feel frustrated. I'm genuinely at a loss for what to do. He has mentioned that it may be best for us to break up and for him to move out, but he expresses fear about being alone, worried that he might harm himself in the future. This situation feels incredibly difficult, and I’m unsure how to proceed, especially since he fears losing his job if he were to seek help, and his family lives quite far away. **Update: He began taking antidepressants last week and is attending therapy weekly, but he feels embarrassed to discuss this issue with his therapist, insisting that no doctor can truly help him.** Any advice would be greatly appreciated. **Summary:** My partner is deeply depressed, and I'm feeling the weight of his emotional struggles alongside my own.

TW: My boyfriend [22M] discovered that I (21F) had a relapse last night, and I'm feeling really bad about it. What steps can we take to move forward?

Last night, I (21F) spent the evening with my boyfriend (22M). We enjoyed dinner and were watching Netflix when things became a bit more intimate. He placed his hand on my waist, which was a sensitive area for me. I quickly moved his hand away, and he asked if I was okay. I responded a bit abruptly that I was fine. He seemed to sense something was off and asked if I had a cut; I admitted I did. When he inquired whether I had done it myself, I said yes. At that moment, he was lying next to me and held me tightly. I noticed he had fallen silent, and then I felt tears on my neck. When I asked if he was alright, he broke down and sobbed uncontrollably. I told him I was sorry, and he reassured me it was okay. He wasn’t angry; instead, he suggested that I should move in with him to ensure I was safe. I insisted that I was okay and tried to calm him down, but he replied, “it’s clearly not.” He then asked when I had harmed myself and if it was the first time since we started dating. He knew about my past struggles with self-harm and mental health before we got together, but he had never treated me differently because of it. I told him that it wasn’t the first time and that I had self-harmed about two months ago, which I regretted mentioning afterward. Afterward, he went to the bathroom and returned with tissues for me. I hadn’t cried yet, but I ended up needing them. He sat against the wall on his bed, avoiding eye contact with me for hours while I sat at the foot of the bed, feeling too ashamed to look at him either. I cried, feeling as though I deserved the pain I had caused myself the day before, and I felt terrible for hurting him. I think he was processing everything because, at midnight, he pulled me into a hug, and we stayed like that for a long time. He kissed my forehead and told me he loves me. I still felt ashamed and unworthy of him, so I continued to cry. We eventually fell asleep, and in the morning, we cuddled again, but we haven't talked about it since. Should I bring it up? What should I say? I don’t want to keep apologizing since I know it might annoy him after he already said it was okay. I can tell he isn’t angry with me, but it also feels like there’s an unspoken weight in the air.

I [18F] want to improve myself for my boyfriend [19M] as soon as possible.

I'm feeling immense time pressure right now. There's so much I need to address and correct, and I'm not sure if I'll have enough time to do it all before it becomes too late. **TL;DR**: I struggle with pathological lying, forget ways to support my partner, and panic when he's upset or sad. Let me explain the urgency I'm facing: my boyfriend is autistic and has ADHD, OCD, and depression. We’re both trans, but his struggle with dysphoria is much more impactful than mine. His depression has deepened recently due to the disapproval from his parents regarding his identity, challenges at college, and my own actions. This depression has led to suicidal thoughts and doubts about the stability of our relationship. While I'm naturally worried about our relationship, my primary concern is his well-being. I care deeply about him and want to see him happy and alive, which intensifies the pressure I feel. The latest issue I'm grappling with is my tendency to lie. Hurting my boyfriend is the last thing I want to do, but my anxiety leads me to twist the truth to avoid conflict. Unfortunately, this usually backfires; when he uncovers the truth, it hurts him even more than if I had been honest from the start. I've been lying for a long time—altering details and even denying my actions—and it's only now that I'm truly recognizing the pain I've caused someone I love. I realize I need to be more mindful and understand that trying to avoid blame only leads to greater consequences, but I could really use some guidance. I feel terrible about this habit, and I desperately want to change. For instance, when playing a game we both enjoy, I might do something without him and then lie about it, fearing it would hurt his feelings. It's ironic that something minor could turn into a major issue because of my panic-driven dishonesty. How can I stop this quickly? Another challenge is my struggle with being present, especially in difficult situations. I've lost count of how many times he’s told me the same thing, and I still fail to remember or implement the right strategies. He often feels sad, lonely, or hurt by my actions. In response to his distress, I frequently panic and fail to utilize the coping strategies we've discussed. He has shared techniques that help him, and I’ve even managed to apply some successfully, but when he’s in crisis, I often freeze or forget everything. My memory isn’t great, but I can remember important things. His well-being is extremely important to me, so I’m left feeling conflicted: if I care so much, why can’t I stay calm and respond appropriately? I often find myself just waiting for him to feel better, repeatedly failing to provide meaningful support and resorting to apologies. I try hard, but my panic usually prevents me from doing anything helpful. Moreover, I often don’t seem to learn from my past mistakes, which adds to my frustration. How can I genuinely **change?** I feel awful knowing that I'm contributing to my boyfriend's struggles and affecting his mental health. If I want to stop, why do I keep repeating the same mistakes? I keep saying and doing things that hurt him, even after being reminded not to. Why is it so hard to overcome this? I love him deeply, and I don’t want to hurt him at all; something feels off in how I’m approaching this. Additionally, I struggle to notice his nonverbal cues that indicate his discomfort, sadness, or anger. Whether he’s picking at his skin or looking down, I often miss these signs until it's far too late. I try mindfulness exercises throughout the day, but my ability to stay mentally present is incredibly poor. There’s so much more I wish I could articulate. I feel profoundly lost and scared, uncertain of what steps to take. Even the smallest piece of advice would mean the world to me.

Am I a bad boyfriend? [20m] [19f]

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost three months now. She’s my first girlfriend, and I’m her first boyfriend as well. We met online and developed feelings for each other before she asked me out. We’ve met in person once, so we’re familiar with each other’s appearances. I struggle with significant mental health issues, as diagnosed by multiple doctors. Right now, I'm feeling very depressed, and I'm still trying to figure out my actual diagnosis. When she asked me out, I was upfront about my struggles and how they could affect our relationship. I mentioned that I can be a bit boring and sometimes have difficulty expressing my feelings or giving her my full attention due to how I’m feeling. However, I assured her that I would try my best to improve for her. I don’t have many friends and usually rely on her for conversation; I have just a couple of online friends, and I’m currently in college. She reassured me that she would be understanding of my situation. Recently, we’ve hit some bumps in our relationship. She often expresses her feelings by saying things like “I love you so much,” and I reply with emojis and say, “I love you too.” However, sometimes she questions why I don’t emphasize “so much,” which makes me feel like I’m not saying enough. There was an incident when I didn’t inform her that I would be napping during the day after a night of studying for exams. She expressed that she wanted to feel loved, and I apologized but inadvertently upset her more. We ended up arguing, but she apologized afterward, and I promised to try harder to pay attention to her. I know that I sometimes take a couple of hours to reply, which I realize isn’t ideal, and she has said it makes her feel like I’m breaking her heart. Occasionally, when she sends me animal videos, I reply only with an emoji, and she becomes upset that I’m not engaging enough in the conversation. Today, we were discussing a bird video she sent, and she mentioned how exciting it is to think about marriage. I responded with a heart emoji and a smile, but she got upset and asked what my reaction meant. I explained that I didn’t know how to respond without causing conflict, which only added to her frustration. She suggested that if I wasn’t interested in getting married, I should just say so. I told her that I was unsure how to express myself at that moment. I recognize that I’m not always as affectionate as I could be, and sometimes I respond late or seem uninterested in our conversations. I tend to keep my problems to myself, not sharing them with her or anyone else. Despite this, I make an effort to support her in her own struggles. I encourage her to pursue her dream of studying history and try to motivate her when she seems unmotivated. I check her attendance and comfort her when she has issues with her mom, but she still feels like I’m not interested in her as I once was. I’m really seeking advice on how to handle these challenges in our relationship. I don’t want to keep arguing with someone I care about so deeply.

[24M] facing a deteriorating relationship with [23F]

I could really use your advice. I’m a 24-year-old man in a relationship with a 23-year-old woman I deeply care about, but our relationship has always had its challenges. I left an abusive home environment and was invited to stay with her before we started dating. At the time, we were both struggling—she came from a broken family too. Eventually, we began dating, and everything seemed great for a while. However, her mental health took a downward turn, and mine followed suit. I became so focused on supporting her that I neglected my own well-being, sacrificing friendships, family ties, and hobbies in the process. We eventually moved into our own apartment, which brought some improvement, but lately, it feels like we’re dragging each other down, and we've been fighting a lot. My girlfriend has been experiencing severe suicidal thoughts and frequent panic attacks, which has become very difficult for me to handle. I’m at a point where I’m not sure how much more I can take. I fear that breaking up would have a devastating effect on her, yet I’m also uncertain about what my future holds. Just today, she had a breakdown and expressed that she doesn’t want to lose me but also doesn’t want me to suffer any longer. Hearing that really overwhelmed me emotionally—I found myself crying for the first time in years. I feel lost and frightened, unsure of what the right next step is. I would appreciate any advice you can offer.

I could use some advice as I navigate my first relationship with my girlfriend.

**TW: Suicidal mentions** Hi, I’m in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend (23F) for about six months, and I’m 18M—this is my first relationship. Lately, I've been feeling overwhelmed. My girlfriend is very emotional, while I tend to be more reserved. When she gets upset, she often isolates herself and expects complete honesty from me, which I’m fine with. However, she has maintained connections with her ex without informing me and tends to keep other matters hidden. From the beginning, she has struggled with depression, anxiety, and a clingy nature. I believed I could support her, but I’ve come to realize I’m not equipped to handle it. Weekly, I find myself helping her through suicidal thoughts, and while I would never abandon her, it’s taking a toll on me. She carries a lot of emotional baggage, and as a high school student, I’m feeling unprepared for it. At first, the age difference didn’t concern me, but now I see we’re in vastly different stages of life. She dropped out of high school, has no plans to get her GED, and expresses a lack of motivation for work or driving, choosing to live in her mom’s basement instead. Meanwhile, I have clear goals for college and my future career. This disparity feels like a maturity issue, and it’s difficult for me to support her if she isn’t making efforts to improve her situation. I find it challenging to balance her constant need for attention with my own responsibilities, including school. Mentally, I feel drained and unsure of how to proceed. I worry that if I try to end the relationship, she might become more suicidal, which I want to avoid, as I truly care about her. I just feel utterly exhausted. What should I do? **TL;DR:** I'm feeling mentally depleted in a relationship with someone who is overly dependent on me for emotional support, and I’m unsure how to navigate this.

My fiancé is experiencing mental health challenges, and I'm uncertain about how to help.

I’m a 22-year-old male and my fiancée is 23. We’ve been together for almost three years and engaged for one. We've faced a lot together, though none of it has directly impacted our relationship. For instance, we lived in her car when her mom kicked her out, dealt with the loss of my childhood dog, went through the sickness and death of one of her dogs, and experienced a serious car accident that left us without a vehicle for a year. Despite these challenges, we’ve always managed to push through and persevere. Our relationship has been fantastic—no arguments, no bickering. While many couples might experience a honeymoon phase lasting only a few months, ours has endured for years. However, after our anniversary in October, she mentioned two months later that our relationship felt different because we had been disagreeing more often. Initially, she suggested we end things, but after talking it over, we decided to give our relationship a chance since this was the first time we faced difficulties. Now, a month and a half later, she says things were going well, but suddenly she wants to break up. She’s battling mental health issues and feels that I shouldn’t have to bear the weight of her struggles. She believes she’s not good enough for me and that I don’t deserve what she’s going through, even though she has been incredible to me and our little family. We both agreed to explore therapy, but right now, I’m unsure how to best support her. It seems that no matter what I say, her depression and anxiety are overwhelming her.

I feel entirely confused. I would really appreciate your help!

I got married during the COVID pandemic after meeting him online. However, when I met his parents, it became evident that they didn't want me. Things escalated to the point where they called my parents over and insulted them, which made me reconsider the marriage. Despite my hesitations, my mother, feeling offended, insisted that the wedding happen quickly. To make matters worse, his job and family have always taken precedence over everything else. I've experienced sexual assault twice and nearly faced severe violence before my wedding, which has made me particularly cautious in life. He persuaded me to move to the U.S., claiming it would offer a better life. I agreed, leaving behind my established career and business. Since moving here, I’ve found myself stuck at home, staring at the walls day in and day out. When I brought this up with him yesterday, his response was utterly unexpected. Now, I'm in a tough financial situation, with two dogs and no job. I struggle mentally every day, sometimes feeling like I want to escape it all or walk until my feet hurt. If it weren’t for my love for animals, I might have taken a more drastic route by now.

(⚠️CW: suicide) A friend I know online may be just months away from taking her own life, and I'm feeling uncertain about how to help her.

About two years ago, I met a girl in a roleplay group chat on Messenger. From our first conversations in the spam channel—I should clarify that these Spanish-speaking RP groups typically have three sections: roleplay, character sheets, and a spam chat for off-topic discussions—I felt a strong connection with her. A few days later, she slid into my DMs to talk about the game, and we started chatting more regularly. Honestly, it was an incredible feeling to find someone I felt so compatible with. After struggling to connect with women for the past four to five years due to some tough experiences, it felt refreshing to develop a genuine bond with her. I knew that losing this connection would deeply affect me, which is a testament to how much I valued it. However, we did experience some friction that led to periods of no contact for a few months. I fully take responsibility for that; I want to clarify that she had no part in it. The real issue arose during a video call several months after we first connected. She confided in me that she had thoughts of taking her own life at a certain age. I can't remember if it was due to feeling like her life was meaningless or if she felt she hadn't planned beyond that point. While I could check our old chats to confirm, I find it too painful to revisit those memories. As I write this, we are exactly three months and three days away from the date she mentioned. While it may seem like a long time to some, it fills me with anxiety. About three out of four times I log into Facebook, it’s just to check on her: Is she online? Did she post something? The worry about her possible decision to end her life is constantly lurking in my mind, and it’s terrifying. She could be in a precarious situation even as I write this. Whenever she started dating someone during our periods of no contact, it gave me some relief—not just because I genuinely want her to be happy, but because it meant she’d have support if things took a turn for the worse. Right now, though, that’s not the case. I know I need to reach out to her; I was planning to do so on May 7th due to a superstition I have about that date relating to numbers I consider lucky. But as the days pass, this situation feels like a ticking time bomb without a timer, and I don’t want to sit idle while it counts down. Life has taught me to avoid taking risks and to avoid getting too involved with others, but now I feel like this could be my chance to change that. I just don’t know how to proceed. Of course, there’s a possibility that her life is improving and she’s no longer considering suicide, but given the stakes, I can’t afford to take any chances. I’m genuinely at a loss about what to do next; I can’t endure this uncertainty for much longer. And for anyone wondering: yes, I have feelings for her, but I would feel this way even without romantic feelings. A close friend of mine once tried to overdose while we were talking, and even though I didn't have feelings for her, the experience shook me. This girl has always been honest with me and treated me with kindness and respect, even when I stumbled. I miss her so much. She's far too young to be facing such dark thoughts, and she doesn’t deserve it.

My ex-boyfriend is insisting he was abducted into an underground fight club—how should I deal with my skepticism?

My ex-boyfriend (25M) once shared a harrowing experience from his teenage years when he was kidnapped by gang members and coerced into fighting in an underground ring. He described how some kids participated willingly, but others, like him, were threatened and had no choice but to fight. He recounted eerie scenes involving masked bettors, weapons, and how they were even forced to take MDMA to dull the pain. He once took me to a location he claimed was where the fights occurred, but I could only see the top of the building, not the underground area. He appeared visibly anxious, and during a conversation about a "final fight" that he had to win to escape, he became overwhelmed with emotion and broke down in tears. A few months later, he showed me an email from someone who allegedly organized the fights, stating, "We want you back." I've been wrestling with this in my mind—could events like this really take place? If so, how frequently does it happen? And if not, what could have motivated him to share such a story? This has been heavy on my mind, and I'm struggling to process it. Any insights would be greatly appreciated, as I've felt awful for him, but since our breakup, the whole narrative seems inconsistent.

My girlfriend (24) is dealing with depression, and I'm feeling lost on how to support her.

I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about nine months now, and she frequently experiences depressive episodes that cause her to pull away significantly. During those times, it feels as if I no longer have a girlfriend. Because of our busy schedules, we can only meet 1-3 times a week, and sometimes not at all. I find it challenging to support her when she declines my efforts to see her and takes hours to respond to my texts. When she finally does reply, her messages are brief and lack the usual warmth, which is out of character for her. Should I consider reaching out to her parents or friends to share what’s going on? Is it appropriate to send her supportive messages even though I haven’t received a response to my last one? I genuinely want to be there for her, but it feels like she’s intentionally keeping me at a distance. It’s tough for me knowing she’s struggling and feeling helpless about how to assist her. She mentioned that she doesn’t want to discuss her feelings because it’s overwhelming, yet it’s difficult to maintain a normal conversation when I feel responsible for carrying it due to her minimal replies. I’m unsure whether I should continue to express my usual cheerful self around her or scale back my emotions so I don’t add to her stress. She rarely shares what’s bothering her, only mentioning that she’s in a “weird mood.” The decline in her mood has been gradual but worsened over the past week and a half—she initially told me her mood had dipped, but even our daily exchanges of "good morning" and "good night" have stopped. Now, I barely receive one or two texts a day, and she has turned down my attempts to see her since this started. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I truly want to do everything I can for the person I love.

M(21) F(22) My girlfriend told me last week that I’m the only one who makes her happy, and I'm feeling a lot of pressure because of it.

My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for a year and four months. Throughout this time, we've shared wonderful moments and created lasting memories, but she has faced a challenging family life marked by emotional abuse and has few friends to support her. Since we began dating, she has struggled with anxiety, often becoming overwhelmed by the smallest issues. I understand how debilitating anxiety can be, and I want to be supportive without adding to her stress. She has opened up about feeling insecure about her appearance and experiencing deep depression, mentioning that I'm the only person who brings her joy. While I've tried to manage my feelings and support her over the past year, I'm currently juggling college, a sport, and a part-time job, which can be overwhelming. I sometimes feel the weight of responsibility for her happiness, rather than just enjoying the role of being her boyfriend. Recently, I excitedly shared news about a potential summer internship, and her reaction was a sarcastic "great," expressing concern that it would limit our time together since the internship is in a different area. When I pointed out her comment, she abruptly said we were done. I was taken aback and asked if she really wanted to break up; she quickly clarified that she didn’t want that but felt jealous that I seem to have everything figured out while she struggles to find work in her field. This made me feel terrible, and all I could do was hold her as she cried. We've gone through this cycle of "breaking up" about five times now, and each time, I sense that she doesn't genuinely want to end things. This last incident hit me hard because she's expressed feelings of hopelessness, saying she doesn't want to be here anymore. I can't imagine leaving her, as I love her deeply and worry about how she would cope without my support. I really need some advice because I’ve been struggling with this situation a lot.

Is love a form of mental illness? Here's my perspective.

With ample time and exposure, it's possible to cultivate a deep affection or love for nearly anything—be it a person, hobby, place, or even an inanimate object. This evolution occurs as familiarity and understanding grow, ultimately fostering what we perceive as love. Recent research utilizing brain scans illustrates that the experience of being in love triggers changes in the brain that bear striking resemblance to certain severe mental health issues, including drug addiction. Research indicates that serotonin levels tend to decline in the initial phases of love, a phenomenon also observed in individuals with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). This drop in serotonin may clarify the obsessive thoughts associated with infatuation, which often impede logical and long-term thinking. Serotonin, a hormone naturally produced by the body, plays a crucial role in a variety of bodily functions; thus, developing love for someone or something could, in a way, create a sort of mental imbalance. Furthermore, studies have shown that being in love can induce a euphoric experience similar to the high felt from illicit drugs like cocaine, leading to feelings of obsession and addiction, which can leave individuals in a vulnerable state of mind. Socrates referred to love as a form of divine madness, while Plato famously stated, “Love is a serious mental disease,” a sentiment that rings true. "Love sickness" is not merely a poetic expression for those in the throes of romance; it has been examined as a genuine condition. What are your thoughts?

Male, 28 years old; Female, 28 years old; relationship

I've been in a relationship with my partner for about three years. I've consistently talked to her about my mental health, but I feel like she's not really supporting me. Whenever I bring it up, she interprets it as me "bashing" her and insists that she's "trying so hard." I keep stating that all I need from her is a simple question about how I'm doing. Before Christmas, we had an argument about this. I bought a gift for her mother, and she kept asking when I would deliver it. When I inquired if she had gotten anything for my mom or sister, she replied that she "hadn't gotten around to it but would" and then mentioned how much she had spent on her own "loved ones" but would still do something. It's not about the cost or the gift for me; I value the thought behind it. Now I'm left wondering if this is a sign of manipulation or just a lack of care.

I (18 male) am struggling to support my girlfriend (18 female) and really need some guidance.

Here's an alternate version of your text: "A bit of background: My girlfriend (18f) and I (18m) have been together for about a year and a half. Initially, everything was great, but after we reached the one-year mark, things started to decline. I understand that getting comfortable in a relationship can mean relying on each other, and while I appreciate her doing this, I also want to support her in any way I can. Recently, however, whenever I try to help her feel better—whether through a phone call when I can’t be there in person or by doing something nice for her—she often responds by saying I don’t understand what she’s going through and that I never will because I’ve always had what I want. While it’s true that I've been fortunate, I’ve worked hard to achieve what I have and made significant changes in my life to get here. This cycle repeats every time I try to help, and it leaves me feeling lost since she doesn’t seem to listen. About her: She’s quite introverted and has only a small circle of friends. She's trying to pursue a music career, but it hasn’t been going well. I’ve suggested she consider different coaching options, but she’s resistant to that. She has struggled with feelings of not fitting in for a long time, which I find hard to believe because she’s genuinely fun to be around. She’s been dealing with significant depression for a while now, even before we started dating. I truly love her and want to help, but I feel powerless to do so. I’ve tried everything I can think of, even seeking advice from friends, but nothing seems to work. I’m reaching out for guidance because this situation is taking a serious toll on my mental health, and I’m feeling overwhelmed."