Relationship advices

Looking for guidance on relationships

I’ll try to keep this straightforward. I'm a 25-year-old male in a two-year relationship with a 25-year-old woman. We've been engaged for about ten months. Lately, I’ve been feeling down, depressed, and generally unhappy, which has affected my sex drive. I left the military about a year ago and relocated for a new job, which my fiancée and I did together. We've been living together for most of our relationship, and overall, our dynamic is strong—we communicate well, share numerous interests, divide household tasks fairly, and rarely have conflicts. When we got engaged, I thought it was what I wanted; it may have come a bit sooner than I expected, but I was on board. As time has gone on, though, we haven’t made any wedding plans, and when the topic arises, I find myself lacking the enthusiasm to move forward. I can’t quite explain it—my mind says yes, but my heart isn’t ready. I love her deeply; she’s been my support and does so much for me. After discussing my feelings with her, I feel like I’ve completely shattered everything. I expressed my unhappiness, not knowing why, and stated that I’m not ready for marriage at this moment. Since then, I’ve moved to the basement for some space to think things through. I genuinely don’t want to hurt her, and this situation is tearing me apart. I don’t want to imagine life without her, but I’m uncertain about how to proceed. My indecision is overwhelming, and I’m starting to regret everything. I can’t pinpoint the reason I’m struggling to commit. We have a solid financial situation, good jobs, stable incomes, and virtually no conflicts. So how do I work through this?

My partner's animosity towards our friend is stressing me out.

My partner (33F) has developed a strong dislike for our neighbor (20sF), which has put a strain on our social circle. We used to hang out regularly with other neighbors, watching TV and playing games, but now my partner can hardly stand her. The way she speaks about our neighbor is often vulgar, and it makes me uncomfortable. She's made hurtful comments suggesting that I like the neighbor, which I know she doesn’t really believe, but it still stings. My partner often refers to the neighbor as "my friend" in a sarcastic manner, even though our interactions have always been casual. This sudden animosity has affected our entire group dynamic. Just yesterday, the neighbor and her partner (also in their 20s) stopped me while I was out walking to express their concern about my partner, asking if they could help in any way. I can't be honest with them about the tension, though. My partner criticizes the neighbor for trivial things, even while doing the same herself, which feels hypocritical to me. She thinks the neighbor is selfish, and when I chatted with the neighbor outside recently, my partner had her headphones in to avoid hearing our conversation. This negativity is really unappealing to me, and whenever I bring it up, my partner becomes defensive, insisting that she doesn't have to like her or her values. However, her unwillingness to even pretend is impacting my relationships with both of them. I'm at a loss for what to do or why this has all unfolded, and I genuinely don't believe there's any underlying attraction in play.

Seeking some guidance! Here's a detailed post.

I'm not quite sure where to begin, as this might turn into a lengthy post. I'm a 40-year-old woman in a relationship with a 43-year-old man, and we've been dating since August 2023. Initially, things were fantastic, but our time together was limited because he is a single dad. He made an effort to connect with me through calls and texts throughout the day. By November 2023, we decided to move in together. To give some context, I’ve been living with my parents after my divorce so I could get help with my kids. He owned a home about an hour away, but his ex-girlfriend had a key since she would visit their son. I warned him about the complications of that situation. One weekend, while he was staying with me, his ex took their son and moved her family into his house, changed the locks, and stored his belongings in the garage. With nowhere else to go, I asked my parents if he could stay with us temporarily, and they agreed. Things went smoothly at first. He works from home as a mechanical engineer, while I’m a dental hygienist with a decent income. However, there were continuous issues with his paycheck—whether it was a missed direct deposit, a mix-up with his brother signing his name, or checks being held. Fast forward to May 2024, when my boyfriend learned that his father had stage four prostate cancer. At the same time, my parents grew uncomfortable with our living arrangements and his ongoing financial troubles, prompting them to ask him to move out. He decided to return home to care for his dad, assuring me he just needed some time to sort out his father’s affairs. I was hesitant, fearing he might not come back, but ultimately, I let him go. Six months have passed since he left, and he hasn’t returned yet—something seems to come up every time (first he had a month-long migraine that led to surgery, then he got kidney stones, which he’s still dealing with). Meanwhile, I’ve been working tirelessly to support my family, as well as him and his son, but it’s been a struggle to make ends meet, despite earning good money every week. I send him money regularly for groceries and other necessities. When I had some extra funds, I would buy him gifts without him asking, including an Xbox for our anniversary and a monitor, desk, and gaming chair for his birthday. I’m feeling overwhelmed with my thoughts. I’m considering whether I should cut ties, as he hasn’t come back yet, but he always finds a way to keep me invested. I’m reaching out for advice on what to do: Should I wait this out, or should I sever ties and possibly reconnect down the line if he returns?

I'm uncertain whether I should simply accept my losses.

I'm 24, and my wife is 23. After five years of marriage, we find ourselves at a turning point. My time in the military has changed me, leaving me feeling like a shadow of my former self. I know I've made mistakes, and she’s expressed that her needs haven’t been met. I’ve made numerous attempts to become the partner she needs, but my struggles with depression and a demanding 60-hour work week have always gotten in the way. Recently, she found someone else who seems to fulfill her needs. Two weeks ago, she suggested the idea of an open marriage with this new person, assuring me that I would remain her primary partner since we’re married. She claimed that she has always felt polyamorous but had suppressed those feelings for a long time. She insisted that her request wasn't due to my shortcomings, and I wanted to believe her. Out of fear of losing her, I reluctantly agreed, but it has been haunting me ever since. Yesterday, overwhelmed by my insecurities, I reversed my decision about the open relationship. In response, she revealed the truth: she sought someone else to meet her needs because she felt she had no other choice. Now, she’s given me one last chance to improve myself. However, her feelings for this other person have grown during the time I initially agreed to the arrangement, making it difficult for her to reconsider leaving him. I now have two months to work on my issues and transform into the person she needs while also coming to terms with her seeing someone else. I believe that through therapy and self-reflection, there’s a possibility I can accept the situation and make positive changes. Yet, I’m terrified that she hasn’t fully decided whether she wants to give me another chance, and I fear the damage may already be too significant for her to love me the same way again. There’s a real possibility she might end up preferring this other person and choose to leave me altogether. She promised to give me an answer soon, but I’m left feeling lost about what to do next.

Tips for managing a partner who may have anger issues?

My partner is 21 and I’m 26. We’ve been together for a year, and I’m uncertain whether his behavior is a permanent state or just part of his personal development, especially considering this is his first serious relationship and his frontal cortex is still maturing. He genuinely wants the best for me, takes responsibility for his actions, and often expresses gratitude for my patience with him. However, every few weeks, he experiences anger that he doesn’t always manage well. Over the course of our relationship, I've seen some improvement; he's stopped certain behaviors that he used to exhibit regularly. Still, he often gets upset, raises his voice, makes a few hurtful comments, and occasionally slams a door or an object during heated discussions. There’s one concerning trend: in the past, I could appeal to his logical side during his angry moments, and he’d quickly calm down. Lately, however, for the past couple of months, he seems to hold onto his anger longer, even when I get emotional, which used to trigger his empathy. Typically, after cooling down for about 30 minutes, he returns to apologize and appears genuinely remorseful, making an effort to treat me well for a while until the next trigger arises. When I address his reactions, he seems genuinely worried about how he behaves and admits he struggles to control it. I’ve seen him try to manage his anger, and it does seem challenging for him. I can’t fully relate to this struggle, which leaves me feeling confused. I can't help but wonder if he will always react this way. He tries to remain positive and hopeful that things will improve. I know that a few months ago, he confided in a friend about his outbursts and expressed worry about his behavior. He has been waiting for the new year to seek therapy and has started researching personal development and listening to podcasts about anger and self-control. While I can’t fully understand his lack of impulse control, I’ve recognized moments over the past couple of years where I’ve reacted differently than I might have at 20, surprising myself with my own growth. This gives me hope that he can change too, especially since he genuinely wants to improve and treat me better during conflicts. Is it common for people to struggle with how they treat their loved ones? Can it be resolved? Could his challenges be linked to his developing frontal cortex?

I care for my boyfriend, but sometimes I feel like I deserve someone better.

I care deeply for my boyfriend, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m more ambitious and driven than he is. I’m a 22-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, also 22, for nearly four years. We met online and have been navigating a long-distance relationship, visiting each other about once a month. I know my initial statement might sound harsh, and I feel bad saying it, but I hope you can understand my perspective. We connected in 2020 shortly after finishing high school. I immediately enrolled in a local university to pursue a nursing degree while he opted for a community college to get an associate degree in business. Unfortunately, he didn’t take his studies seriously, and it took him four years to graduate, resulting in us finishing school at the same time but with vastly different career trajectories. Completing nursing school was a significant challenge for me, and it feels like he often downplays the effort I put in. He has made dismissive remarks comparing nursing to being a coffee barista, which is disheartening. Throughout our relationship, I’ve tried to guide him toward potential career paths and have spent countless hours researching options and certifications that could enhance his resume. Regrettably, none of my suggestions have sparked his interest, which is frustrating. On top of that, there's the issue of his job. Throughout our time together, he has only worked at two restaurants. The first was a sports bar where he engaged in problematic behavior, including micro-cheating, which led to a lot of issues between us. When I discovered this, he quit and got a job at an Italian restaurant. There, I became suspicious of a girl he was spending time with, only to find out he had developed feelings for her. After enduring a lot of gaslighting, I uncovered thousands of deleted messages between them. The day I learned of this betrayal was also the day my grandma passed away; it broke me, and I ended up ending the relationship. Despite my heartbreak and grief, I foolishly considered giving him yet another chance. After a month of waiting for him to reach out while he ignored me, I learned he was trying to pursue a relationship with that girl from work, who was already taken. He has since attempted to repair his damaged relationships while still holding onto remnants of our past, which left me feeling confused and conflicted. He eventually came back, begging for a second chance, and despite my hesitations, I took him back. It’s been a few months, and he has significantly improved as a partner. He has taken me on trips, surprised me with gifts, and offers plenty of verbal reassurances to show he values our relationship. However, when we reconciled, I made it clear that my expectations had changed; I need a partner who has ambition and goals. I refused to settle for someone without a direction or plan for the future. Despite my patience, I haven’t seen any progress from him. While he has taken on debt from purchasing a new car, he has no savings or real plans beyond moving in with me and finding another restaurant job. I am juggling my responsibilities as a caregiver for my terminally ill father while building a stable future for myself, complete with a savings plan, health insurance, and a 401k. This isn’t something I flaunt or hold over him, but I can’t ignore the fact that he doesn’t seem to value these things. When I reflect on our situation, I often feel like I’m destined for better things. I genuinely love him, and he has been loyal, which I appreciate. However, his lack of ambition and direction weighs heavily on me. I’m seeking advice on how to navigate these feelings because I’m torn between my love for him and my desire for a more fulfilling future. TL;DR: My boyfriend has cheated on me and lacks ambition or a plan for life. While I love him, I feel like I could do better, and I’m struggling with the pain of potentially leaving him again.

A white male, who is 18, is dating a Black female, also 18. I have feelings for him, but his mother does not support their relationship due to her disapproval of him dating Black individuals.

I'm an 18-year-old high school senior, set to graduate in May 2025. I started chatting with a boy in one of our core classes, and we quickly became close friends. As we grew closer, we started hanging out outside of school, and we both felt a growing tension between us. One Friday after school, he came over to my house and asked if he could stay the night since we didn’t have school the next day. I agreed, and after a few hours of lounging on my bed and scrolling through our phones, he asked me if I like white boys. Caught off guard, I replied that race doesn't really matter to me, and asked why he was asking. He leaned in and mumbled, “I like you.” I was surprised and asked him to repeat it. He clarified, “I like you, okay?” It felt like something out of a sitcom! I admitted I had liked him since I first noticed him in freshman year. Fast forward three years, and we’re now dating. One day while chilling at my house watching a movie, he mentioned wanting to have sex. I admitted I was scared, and he reassured me that it was fine if I wasn't ready, given our age and the complications that could arise, like an unplanned pregnancy. I asked him if he really wanted this, and he affirmed that he did. I then said I would only go through with it if I could visit his house or meet his parents, and suggested he get the morning-after pill just in case. He said they knew about me but were unaware of my ethnicity, which might be a concern. Jokingly, I asked if his parents were racist, and he replied, “Kind of, but not really.” A few days later, he called to say his parents agreed to meet me, which made me nervous because I knew they weren't fond of Black people. He invited me over for dinner. The next day, as I was getting ready, I asked for the address, and he told me his parents were coming to pick me up to see if my house was “ghetto." When they arrived, I got in the backseat with him, expecting to head to his house for dinner. Instead, we ended up at Texas Roadhouse. I told his mom I didn’t bring any money, and she shot me a judgmental glance, saying, “Don’t worry, hun, we don’t expect you to pay.” Her husband added, “No need to be rude, hun!” During dinner, his mom was quite rude while his dad was friendly, which made me realize where my boyfriend got his kindness from. As the evening wrapped up, they took us back to my house. Since he had left some clothes over, we planned to take showers and hang out. I asked if he brought the pill and condoms, and I made sure my parents weren't home; I knew they would react strongly if they walked in on us. Once I confirmed we had privacy, we talked about our feelings for each other, and after he had penetrated, it was painful at first, but he was reassuring and supportive. Afterward, we cuddled and laughed together, and he even told me he loved me. Since that day, he has been expressing how much he wants a future with me, including kids. However, I’m concerned about his mom and her behavior, which seems to complicate things. I truly like him, but I’m not sure how to navigate this with his mother in the picture. Should I ignore her and stay with him?

I urgently need assistance!

I have a girl in mind, but it's not official yet. I've shared my feelings with her, but she values her independence. Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to see that true independence in her situation is only possible with a supportive partner. Her home life isn't great—she comes from a conservative household and isn't even allowed to use public transportation; only the organization’s bus is permitted. I feel like I'm the only guy who genuinely connects with her. I'm her closest friend now, even though she turned me down when I confessed my feelings. She can't text me freely because her parents monitor her messages, so I haven't been messaging her much lately. However, we still spend time together at school. I’m in my final year of high school, and I only have seven days left. If I don't manage to get her into a relationship during this time, I might not have the chance to talk to her again. I'm reaching out because I could really use some advice. I know you all have more experience; I'm just 18 and could use some guidance. Please help me out!

Is my perception of 'insufficient interest from my partner' a valid concern, or is it an issue of my own? (M25, F22).

I've been in a relationship with my partner (F22) for the past two years. Often, during our conversations on platforms like Discord or WhatsApp, I feel like she isn't interested in my feelings or motivations. When I share what's on my mind, she rarely asks follow-up questions—something I naturally do as a way to show my interest. We've discussed this before, and she mentioned that these questions just don't come to her mind, and she struggles to express her interest. This situation makes me feel quite insecure. I'm unsure whether my feelings are valid or if I just need to reassure myself that my thoughts are interesting, rather than looking for validation from her. I realize that this topic might be challenging to address, but I would appreciate any insights on it. If you've had a similar experience, I’d love to hear about it. I'm finding it difficult to bring this up with her again since we've already talked about it. I know I need to discuss it with her eventually, but for now, I'm just looking for some input. Thank you!

Managing Jealousy (M21): Am I Overanalyzing?

My girlfriend (21) is working in a corporate job and earning well, while I’m currently in college studying medicine and not making any money yet. I live in a hostel, and her lifestyle is quite different from mine. All of her colleagues live in apartments where they can invite friends over, and since I’m not earning, I can’t spend much on outings. I can’t help but feel jealous that I can’t provide her with that kind of life, especially when I hear about the fun events and night outings her colleagues enjoy. Additionally, even though I don’t smoke, I feel a bit uneasy knowing that she has a male friend with whom she smokes. He has a girlfriend, but I still feel a pang of jealousy whenever she mentions it.

I struggle with various mental health challenges, which makes dating more difficult for me.

Hi there, I'm a 26-year-old female looking for some dating advice. I struggle with various mental health challenges, including anxiety, ADHD, and borderline personality disorder, which makes dating particularly tough for me. Despite having a good sense of self-confidence and feeling good about my appearance, I often find it hard to communicate effectively, especially when it comes to flirting. Although many men show interest, I feel like I end up turning them off when I try to make a connection. I wish I could be quicker with my conversation skills, but it's genuinely a struggle for me. As I reach a point where I'm ready to settle down, I'm becoming increasingly scared of being alone. I want to know how to keep a conversation flowing and avoid putting undue pressure on myself given my situation. It's really frustrating, and I would appreciate any tips you can offer. Thank you!

Struggling with Sexual Challenges in My Relationship - Seeking Guidance

Subject: Seeking Guidance on a Challenging Relationship Hey everyone, I hope you're all doing well. I'm reaching out for some advice and support, as I've been feeling quite lost and confused lately. I’m a 29-year-old man in a relationship with my partner, also 29, for the past 2.5 years. This is my second serious relationship, while it's her fourth. I truly love her; she’s kind, supportive, and an overall wonderful person. However, we’ve been having some significant challenges in our sex life that are affecting me emotionally. To provide some context, my partner has been diagnosed with vaginismus, which was confirmed about a year ago after she consulted a gynecologist. While we suspected it for some time, it took her more than a year and a half to seek medical help, despite her initial promises to do so. Our conversations on the topic often ended in frustration, and it was only after I opened up about my deep feelings of depression that she finally visited the doctor. Unfortunately, since her diagnosis, there hasn't been much follow-up care, even though she was advised to return after 15 days. When I try to discuss it, it typically leads to arguments, and my therapist has suggested that I refrain from pushing the issue. Here are the main challenges we’re facing: - She never takes the initiative when it comes to sex, and we seldom discuss it, even though it’s one of the key issues in our relationship. - She appears to lack interest in sexual activities altogether. For instance, she only started masturbating four years ago and doesn’t seem engaged with it currently. She also doesn’t enjoy watching porn or participating in anything like dirty talk, which I’ve minimized because she finds it uncomfortable. - During our intimate moments, she often seems uneasy with certain actions. For example, she is not comfortable with oral sex, whether giving or receiving, and I usually have to request it, even after I’ve just showered. - There’s a noticeable lack of engagement with my body during intimacy; aside from some kissing, there’s little reciprocation, which leaves me feeling unfulfilled. Emotionally, I’ve been grappling with: - About six months into our relationship, I started experiencing issues like erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. The stress reached a point where I even considered breaking up, but we reconciled after she promised to seek help, which was 1.5 years ago. Unfortunately, aside from her one gynecologist visit, there hasn’t been any real progress. - We’ve recently been doing long-distance, and while I miss her dearly, she hasn’t shown much interest in deeper conversations. I long for physical intimacy, but it feels like she has lost interest in that aspect of our relationship. Engaging in activities over video call is uncomfortable for her, and it feels awkward for me to seek pleasure alone, so I’ve stopped pursuing phone sex. - While I’ve suggested alternatives like outercourse, she often prefers to skip those moments. There seems to be a lack of exploration into other forms of intimacy despite my encouragement. - We attempted couple's therapy in hopes of addressing our sex life, but ended up focusing on non-sexual issues, leading us to discontinue since she dislikes discussing our relationship with a third party. - Additionally, she is resistant to seeing a sex therapist, which leaves me feeling trapped. I’ve invested time researching ways to support her, but she often finds fault with each suggestion. Other difficulties: I don’t know much about her progress with dilators, as she’s reluctant to discuss it, despite having had them for a year. We’ve only engaged in penetrative intercourse when she initiates, and I’ve reassured her that I'm comfortable in the relationship without it for the time being—though I can’t envision this being the case indefinitely. I genuinely want this relationship to work, but there hasn’t been much change in our sexual dynamics over the past 2.5 to 3 years. I’m feeling conflicted about whether I should stay or move on. I’m experiencing significant feelings of depression and uncertainty about how to proceed. I love her and want to provide support, but these ongoing issues are becoming increasingly hard to manage. I’m worried that discussing this will make me seem like a bad partner, but I truly need guidance on how to move forward. Has anyone faced a similar situation? How did you navigate it? Thank you for taking the time to read this. I would greatly appreciate any advice or support you can offer. **TL;DR:** I’m a 29-year-old man in a 2.5-year relationship with my partner, who has vaginismus. Although she is a fantastic partner in many ways, we struggle significantly with intimacy and communication regarding our sexual life. Despite her initial promise to seek help, little progress has been made, and she's against seeing a sex therapist. I feel emotionally drained and uncertain about the future of our relationship. I love her, but I feel lost and conflicted—any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Am I the bad person for ending things because of Taylor Swift?

I (25M) met my girlfriend (23F) about a year ago through work, and we've been living together for roughly a month now. From the start, we really connected, and honestly, things felt nearly perfect until recently. We share a lot of interests, and I can’t deny she’s incredibly attractive, which is definitely a nice perk, haha. We’ve always had slightly different music tastes—I'm into indie rock, while she leans more towards the "pop girlies," as she describes them. It’s never really caused any issues; we usually just compromise by either tuning into mainstream radio or taking turns with our favorite tracks. A few days ago, my girlfriend attended a Taylor Swift concert (I didn’t go because tickets were nearly $2,000 each), and while I’m happy she enjoyed herself, it feels like she came back a completely different person. That night, she bombarded me with a ton of videos from the concert, which we ended up watching until about 2 a.m. I got it; Taylor is her favorite artist, so I figured that's just how it goes. But then things took a strange turn the next day. When I got home from work, I was greeted by a life-size Taylor Swift cutout in our living room. My girlfriend claimed she’d bought it a week earlier but thought it was only right to put it up after being "initiated" into the fandom by attending the concert. I laughed, assuming she was joking, but she was dead serious. Now she refuses to move the cutout out of the living room, only plays Taylor’s music on our speakers, and even insists on bringing the giant cutout into our bedroom at night so "Taylor can watch over us." I’m at a loss for what to do. I tried to talk to my girlfriend about it, and she insists I should be happy for her finding something she loves. And I am—truly, I am—but it’s starting to interfere with our everyday lives. To me, it feels a bit obsessive and off. Today, I finally told her that she needs to tone it down and put the life-size cutout in a closet, or I’d have to consider breaking up with her. She ended up crying and mentioned she would enter her “reputation era” if I left, though I’m not even sure what that means—it's apparently another Taylor Swift reference. So, am I being unreasonable for wanting to break up over this? I really don’t recognize my girlfriend anymore.

How can I (26F) best support my boyfriend (26M) as he pursues his MBA?

My boyfriend (26M) and I (26F) have been together for nearly two years. We met during a challenging time in my life when I was unemployed due to switching careers and facing financial difficulties. He was in a great financial position with a high-paying job. While he didn’t contribute to my bills or groceries early on (since our relationship was new and I didn’t ask), he frequently took me out to eat and surprised me with gifts, which helped improve my quality of life. When my lease ended, he generously allowed me to stay with him rent-free while I got back on my feet. However, after the first year of our relationship, he lost his job and struggled to find his direction. He made the decision to pursue an MBA at an Ivy League school, where he is currently studying. During this time, I secured a job in my desired field and earn a decent salary. I often visit him at school, staying for a month at a time since I work remotely. Now, I find myself in need of advice. He took a significant risk by committing to an MBA without savings and relying on student loans. He is now looking to me to help support him financially, which is creating tension in our relationship. My aspiration is to be a digital nomad and travel to immerse myself in different cultures, and I worry that contributing more to his goals means sacrificing my own. We aren’t married, which adds to my concerns about potentially funding his dreams without the security that marriage provides. Still, I don’t want to be an unsupportive partner while he faces these challenges. How can I help him without compromising my own dreams? I’m aiming to find a healthy balance that allows me to support him while staying true to my own aspirations.

My girlfriend (F37) has a romantic relationship with her best friend (F37).

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year. Overall, we're very compatible and care for each other deeply; however, I've started to feel uncomfortable with her close friendship with her best friend, which they've maintained for 15 years. At the beginning of our relationship, my girlfriend mentioned her best friend, who now lives abroad, and the strong bond they share. As time has gone by, I've noticed some behaviors that have raised concerns for me. They've had a few threesomes together in the past, and there were instances of physical intimacy between them, including kissing and touching, which I initially dismissed as part of her past. A few months in, I discovered that they were exchanging nudes, and I expressed my discomfort with this. My girlfriend agreed to stop sharing those photos. However, I soon became aware of other behaviors that bothered me, like her friend often mentioning how she misses their shared intimacy and the fact that they exchange clothes to feel connected. It made me question the nature of their relationship, especially when her friend showed signs of jealousy over new relationships. The situation escalated when I learned they had a pact where her friend said she would "marry" my girlfriend if she couldn’t move to her country. This really upset me, as it felt like it hinted at something beyond friendship. I confronted my girlfriend, expressing that all of this makes their connection seem romantic, regardless of the fact that her friend is a woman. She insisted that their relationship is separate from ours and that she would never leave me for her friend, but I can't shake the feeling that there’s something more to it. My girlfriend does have a slight romantic inclination towards women, which complicates things further. I've noticed times when she seems to prioritize her best friend over me in decisions that affect our relationship. An instance that stood out was when they planned a trip together, and her friend joked about finding someone for my girlfriend to be with during the trip. Even though my girlfriend declined, it felt out of place for a friendship. Despite my girlfriend's reassurances that their relationship doesn’t impact ours, I feel like the dynamics between them invade our relationship space. How should I approach this issue? To me, this is a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed. **tl;dr:** My girlfriend has a very close friendship with a woman that displays signs of a romantic dynamic, making me uncomfortable.

What constitutes a break?

Lately, my boyfriend (26 M) and I (24 F) have been facing challenges both in our relationship and our personal lives. Our struggles intensified when he violated a boundary we had established at the beginning of our relationship regarding his consumption of pornographic content, specifically OnlyFans-style material. I had communicated that I was comfortable sharing intimate pictures and videos with him, but discovering he was looking at other people’s content instead hurt deeply, particularly because he had previously lied about it. After some lengthy conversations, I decided I wanted to continue the relationship, as he was sincere in his apologies and took full responsibility for his actions without deflecting blame. He expressed a strong desire to make things right. However, things took another turn about a week ago. I reached out, hoping to meet the next day for a face-to-face conversation. I was still processing my hurt and anger, feeling insecure about our relationship. I felt it was too emotionally charged to discuss over the phone, but he called anyway. I ended up crying and shared my feelings for a couple of hours. In my emotional state, I tried to articulate how much his betrayal had affected me. While I typically strive for calm communication during conflicts, I did say some things that, while true, were hurtful. I struggled to trust him again, especially since this wasn’t the first time we’d faced a similar issue. Ultimately, I committed to working on rebuilding trust, as I still believed our relationship was worth fighting for. I even expressed a desire to start over and do things differently. The next morning, I received a text where he apologized sincerely and mentioned needing some space to be the person I deserve. I agreed that some distance would be beneficial for both of us, allowing time for healing. I clarified that this meant we would be taking a break but aimed to get back together, and he confirmed that was indeed his intention. We briefly discussed future plans, including a 10-hour road trip together for Thanksgiving. Now, here’s my dilemma: after he sent that break message, I asked if we could discuss things later, and he agreed, indicating it might take a few days. However, nearly a week has passed, and he hasn’t reached out yet. Our only communication since has been a brief exchange about dinner plans that ultimately fell through. I’ve moved from anger to acceptance and am ready to forgive and move forward, but I feel anxious about the lack of communication regarding our break. I need clarity on where we stand and how long this will last, but I don’t want to pressure him and want to respect his need for space. My anxiety is escalating, causing me distress and sleepless nights, and I fear that not addressing this open-ended situation is only making things worse. TL;DR: How can I initiate a conversation about our break while still respecting his need for space? We've been together for just over a year.

My boyfriend gave a girl a rating of 10 out of 10 two years ago.

I'm a 19-year-old female currently in a relationship with my high school boyfriend, who is also 19. Back in school, we used to play a game where we rated our classmates on their looks. During one of these games, my boyfriend mentioned a girl who had a crush on him during his younger years, about four years ago. Although he didn't have feelings for her, he was excited when he was around her during tuition classes. We were playing the game with another friend of his, and when asked to rate that girl, his friend gave her a 2 out of 10. In a moment of excitement, my boyfriend exclaimed that he would give her a 10 out of 10. I felt a pang of hurt at how quickly he reacted. He even tried to convince his friend to raise her rating to an 8, despite the fact that everyone in class disliked her attitude. Ironically, my boyfriend often teased her in front of me for the same reason. I confronted him about why he reacted the way he did. He explained that he hadn't really considered her looks in the past two years and only remembered her as a pretty girl he had a crush on. When he asked his friend for a rating, memories of how he initially felt about her resurfaced, leading him to believe she deserved a higher score than he had previously thought. It's also worth mentioning that he had set her up with a friend shortly before this rating game and didn't attend a tuition picnic where she was present.

My boyfriend's mother is claiming that I'm having an affair with her husband.

My boyfriend’s mother (55) recently cornered me and made it clear that she is aware of what she feels is my true character. I’m a 26-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (25) for about a year. We’ve started discussing our future together, including the possibility of settling down, but I am an immigrant in the United States while he is a citizen and a military veteran. Currently, we both live with our parents. Sometimes I stay at his house, and other times he stays over at mine. I live only with my mother (48), who is fine with my boyfriend visiting. In contrast, my boyfriend resides with his mother, stepfather (50), and his two younger siblings. From the start of our relationship, my boyfriend warned me about his mother. After his stepfather cheated on her, she installed cameras throughout the house, which reveals her insecurities and controlling behavior. Recently, she accused me of trying to use her son to obtain American citizenship. She claimed to have videotapes of me entering her husband's room and suggested that I “hacked” her camera system to erase any compromising footage of myself. She stated that her husband would never leave her for me because, in her eyes, I'm just “a nobody,” while she is the love of his life. She went on to say that she would persuade my boyfriend not to marry me and threatened that he would ultimately leave me. Furthermore, she claimed he is aware that I am a “homewrecker” and that he supposedly promised her he would “shoot me in the head” if given the chance. She even attempted to blackmail me into silence about our conversation. Feeling devastated, I left her home, wished her well, and got into my car. I called my boyfriend and told him everything. He confronted his mother and left the house that same night, expressing his desire to distance himself from her. He apologized for her behavior and admitted, “I told you she was crazy, but I didn’t realize she was THIS CRAZY.” The following day, she called him begging for him to come by and talk. He agreed, and even though I’m hurt, I want him to clear the air with her. We have always had a strong relationship, and I trust him. However, I’m feeling sad, broken, and confused about this situation. I sense that his mother may need mental health support, but I worry about potentially becoming the enemy if I suggest it. Her lies, blackmail, threats, and slander have left me shaken, and I'm concerned she might manipulate my boyfriend or retaliate against me if he chooses to return to her. To clarify, everything she accused me of is false. Her husband told her she was mistaken, and both my boyfriend and his older brother (35) defended our relationship, as he also experienced similar treatment from their mother when he married a Central American woman five years ago. In the end, she assured me that if not me, another woman would try to come between her and her husband and sons, but she would fight to prevent that from happening. I would appreciate any advice or insight on how to navigate this difficult situation.

I’m a 24-year-old female, and I discovered messages from my boyfriend, who is 26, where he compares me to his ex from a year before we started dating.

My boyfriend, who is 26, and I, 24, have only been dating for two months, but we've known each other for over a year. He was interested in me a year ago, but I turned him down. Now that we're together, I've never felt so cherished. He loves me deeply and is incredibly committed; he addresses any issues I bring up right away. I was really happy in our relationship, and my feelings for him grew stronger each day. However, he misled me about when he broke up with his ex, claiming it was in January when it actually happened in July. He said he lied to protect my feelings and promised not to do it again. But since then, I’ve struggled with trusting his word, so I looked through his text messages to find their last conversation and confirm his story. Instead, I discovered he had been comparing me to his ex from a year ago when we first met. He had asked friends and his sister who they thought was more attractive, saying he would go for the "hotter" one, with everyone but his sister agreeing that his ex was more attractive. He even rated me a 6/10 and body-shamed me with his friends, saying I was too skinny and that his ex had a nicer body and they had over 50 sex tapes together. This was very painful for me, and I confronted him about it. He insisted he doesn’t feel that way anymore and apologized profusely, saying he has fallen in love with everything about me and wants to help rebuild my confidence while fighting for our relationship because he truly loves me. I want to know—would this be a deal-breaker for you, or is it something from the past that shouldn’t weigh heavily on our present?

I (21F) would like to deepen the intimacy in my relationship with my boyfriend, who is 24, and with whom I've been for 7 months.

This is my first post, and I'm really unsure where to seek advice—feeling a bit down about it, to be honest. Here goes: I’m a 21-year-old woman, and I’ve been dating a 24-year-old man for seven months as of this Friday. Overall, things have been good in terms of avoiding fights, but I've encountered some personal challenges. For context, he spent five years in the military as a Marine. He’s the first military guy I’ve dated and also the oldest. I guess I expected a more mature relationship from someone older, but it doesn't feel that way. My main concern has to do with how he treats me. While he doesn’t mistreat me, it often feels like he views me more as a friend with benefits than a romantic partner. Our communication is minimal; I only receive basic texts like “How was your day?” or “How was class?” I know we’re both busy with school, but it feels like I’m the only one making an effort. Additionally, the way he speaks with me is the same as he does with his friends. The few compliments I’ve received from him have been sparse; he’s only told me I look nice and once said I’m a 10 in my state. I don’t mean to come across as vain—I'm not the prettiest girl out there, but I have confidence in my appearance. He never uses pet names like "babe" or "baby," and we’ve yet to express our love for each other—it makes me sad because I've been in love with him for months. It seems at times that he views me primarily as a monogamous partner for sex. However, there are signs that suggest he’s serious about our future. He planned for me to meet his family in Louisiana, but his car broke down just an hour away. He’s also begun talking about our relationship in future terms and taking steps that indicate commitment. My biggest concern, though, is the emotional aspect. Recently, he's started acting strangely regarding my devices, looking through my phone and watch. I have nothing to hide, but when I ask him about it, he responds sarcastically with, “You got something to hide?” This behavior leaves me feeling disrespected and untrusted, which is confusing. I genuinely want to deepen our connection and create a more intimate and special relationship, but I’m unsure how to approach this without making things awkward or pushing him away. **TL;DR** How can I encourage my boyfriend to be more open and affectionate with me?

Tips for Healthy Relationships

My husband (44M) and I (36F) have been married for five years. Recently, I discovered that he had been messaging girls on a website offering sexual services. He underwent a formal polygraph test conducted by an administrator with over 20 years of experience, which confirmed that he has not had any physical contact with other women since we've been together. It also indicated that, aside from the incident in question, there has been no other interaction with women through messages or similar means. He has agreed to refrain from using his computer privately and to delete his social media accounts. Additionally, he is seeking individual counseling, and we will soon begin marriage counseling together. He feels deeply remorseful and has been quite depressed over the past year. I genuinely believe he made a mistake that is completely out of character for him. I want to forgive him and work on keeping our family intact. He’s my friend, and I still enjoy spending time with him, but the loss of trust is really painful. Has anyone out there successfully navigated staying together after experiencing something like this?

My boyfriend, who is 28, follows girls on TikTok, and I'm 25.

**Context:** My boyfriend and I have been together for over six years. Recently, I've noticed that he's been following a lot of girls on TikTok. I want to clarify that I typically don't mind him following other girls, but the current situation is different. Out of the approximately 250 accounts he follows, around 200 are girls, and they are primarily Asian. For context, I'm Hispanic and don’t resemble them at all. I know this might make me seem insecure, but it's tough not to feel that way. It definitely makes me uneasy, and I’m unsure how to address it without starting an argument. I want to emphasize that I’m not constantly checking his follows; it's just something that’s been on my mind. He mostly just follows and occasionally likes their videos, without much interaction. How should I approach this? I want to avoid coming off as controlling; I simply find it bothersome. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

I'm a 21-year-old guy, and I'm struggling to help my girlfriend, who is also 21, understand that it’s not that I don’t love her. It’s just that I’m not comfortable cuddling while I’m sleeping.

My girlfriend and I share many similarities, especially when it comes to our preferences. For instance, we both strongly dislike when people invade our personal space. Handshakes are uncommon for us, and we only feel comfortable giving hugs to those we've known for a long time. When we first started getting to know each other, we became comfortable enough to let each other into our personal spaces—we embraced, kissed, and held hands. However, I've always had a hard time sleeping next to someone. The only person I shared a bed with as a child was my grandma, and since my mom gave me my own room at seven, I've been more or less alone at night. This led to fears of both sleeping alone and needing a light on. I've had relationships where I stayed over, but I’ve never really been able to fall asleep while cuddling. Spooning and the heat can make me feel itchy and restless, preventing me from sleeping well, and I tend to squirm away, which can be frustrating for my partner. I’ve always been fine sleeping with pillows, a habit I developed as a child with my teddy bears (even if I had to give them up at 13 for being ‘not manly’). But having another person so close while I sleep has never been comfortable for me. My girlfriend, on the other hand, thrives on affection and often craves my touch. Sometimes she wants to be right next to me for extended periods, and while that doesn't diminish my love for her, I occasionally need space to feel like myself. I enjoy cuddling on the couch or during a movie, but when it comes to sleeping, it’s a different story. Despite having a king-sized bed, I often find myself near the edge or waking her up because her instinct is to pull me closer while I automatically try to move away, leaving me teetering off the bed. She sometimes playfully accuses me of not caring because I don't want to cuddle while we sleep. It’s exhausting to repeat that I'm just not used to it and that I find it uncomfortable, much like anyone else might have their own discomforts. While I know she’s mostly joking, this issue arises every time she stays over, and it leaves me feeling uneasy.

Feeling Disconnected in My Current Relationship and Considering Emotional Infidelity – What Steps Should I Take?

Hey Reddit, I’m a 20-year-old male who has been in a relationship with my 19-year-old girlfriend for over seven months. This is my first serious long-term relationship, and while it has been a valuable learning experience, I’ve recently been feeling emotionally distant. We seem to have different values and expectations that are causing friction. She places a strong emphasis on punctuality and remembering important dates, while I tend to be more easygoing. I've been trying to adapt for her—like arriving early to meet her and setting reminders for special occasions—but it often feels like my efforts are overlooked in favor of my mistakes. Additionally, her communication style can be challenging; she sometimes refers to me as a "disappointment," which brings up painful memories from my past. Despite my attempts to address our issues and foster better communication, I’m not feeling fulfilled in this relationship. I’m starting to question whether we’re truly compatible, particularly given how one-sided our interactions feel and how unsupported I am. Things get even more complicated because there is someone else involved. **The Other Girl**: Recently, I’ve been getting closer to a friend who has been a great support during this challenging time. We’ve been spending a lot of time together—talking late into the night, meeting almost daily, and genuinely enjoying each other’s company without the tension that I feel with my girlfriend. Being with her feels easy and natural. We’ve even shared moments that flirted with emotional and possibly physical boundaries, like cuddling in a secluded park and engaging in playful activities like silent talking competitions and tracing each other’s hands. I even carried her bridal style to her car and shared long hugs, which prompted her to jokingly call me “needy.” Afterward, I apologized to my friend for the situation, acknowledging that it felt strange considering I have a girlfriend. She agreed it was a bit odd but reassured me that it was okay. However, since then, her texts have dwindled to just one or two exchanges a day. Now, I’m left wondering: is she pulling away because she's losing interest, or is she trying to create space to avoid being a rebound? I've reached a decision about ending my current relationship, but I would really appreciate any insights, especially from those who have been in a similar situation.

My girlfriend and I can no longer share a bed.

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for three years now, and for context, she experienced sexual assault before we started dating. Throughout our time together, we've shared a bed every night. However, in the past couple of months, she's been struggling with her trauma again. As a result, I've found myself sleeping on the sofa or in the spare room each night. Recently, I tried sharing the bed with her again, but both nights, she woke me up in the early hours having a panic attack. This is largely due to my breathing and the noises I make while I sleep, which she says remind her of that traumatic night. Although she wears AirPods to help mask the sounds, it seems I’m still too loud for her to feel comfortable. I'm worried this is starting to put a strain on our relationship, and I miss the closeness we shared while sleeping together. I'd appreciate any advice on how I might support her healing process. I understand this could be the situation moving forward, and I'm open to that possibility, but I want to help her as much as I can.

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