Relationship advices

Toxic Relationships • 12d ago

I just discovered that my boyfriend has been smoking without telling me. Should I consider ending our relationship?

**The Title... Allow me to summarize the situation as succinctly as possible.** When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I was very clear about my strong negative feelings toward smoking and drug use due to some past trauma. In my previous relationship, my partner would force me to watch him get high and drunk, knowing it made me uncomfortable, which was incredibly hurtful. The smell of weed is especially triggering for me, as it brings back painful memories. I expressed that I couldn't have that in my life—not because I'm against everyone who partakes, but simply because of my own experiences and preferences. Recently, he has shared that he used to smoke but was committed to quitting for his health and our relationship, emphasizing that it means a lot to him and that he cares deeply for me. However, this past week, he has been unusually distant. There are stretches of time—up to 6 or 7 hours—when he doesn’t respond. We could be in the middle of a conversation, and then he just disappears. During our discussions, he mentioned feeling increased anxiety, having existential crises at night, headaches, and nausea. Today, I discovered that he has been smoking weed excessively for the past week, which is contributing to how he’s been feeling. Unfortunately, I learned this through a public online chat rather than from him directly, and that’s what hurts the most—his decision to hide it from me. Upon finding this out, I was overwhelmed with a panic attack; I was sobbing and struggling to breathe. It struck me that my reaction is deeply tied to my past experiences. The situation with my boyfriend is eerily similar to what I went through with my ex—the secrets, the mood swings from substance use—and I simply can't bear to go through that again. I usually address any issues or feelings directly with him, but right now, I feel paralyzed. I'm still crying and shaken, heartbroken. The thought that keeps echoing in my mind is, "I can't do this again." I refuse to endure another experience like the one with my ex, as it’s not worth it to me. In the end, my last relationship left me with growing resentment toward my ex. I realized that the drugs always seemed to take precedence over my comfort and values. I recognize that my emotions are currently quite chaotic and that I may not be thinking clearly. But all I can think to do right now is flee. At this moment, I can hardly look at him the same way...


Breakups and Divorces • 12d ago

Boyfriend (28M) Struggles with Boundaries (27F)

I'm a 27-year-old woman who recently experienced yet another breakup with my on-and-off boyfriend (28) after discovering he cheated on me—again. In response to the heartbreak, I began reaching out to other people and vented my frustrations about him to friends. When he learned about my messages, he ended the relationship, despite being the one who had been unfaithful. After a week apart, he returned and admitted he overreacted, expressing a desire to work things out. I still care for him and agreed to explore the possibility of reconciling, but I want to approach things differently this time. I made it clear that I don’t want us to slip back into old patterns right away. In past breakups, I tended to let things return to normal too quickly—like spending the night together and pretending nothing happened—without any real effort to change. So, I set a boundary: I’m open to dating and spending time together, but I don’t want to rush back into intimacy or overnight stays. (We just reconnected on Sunday). Instead of respecting my boundary, he’s pushing back against it. He outright told me that if I don’t "give in" on this issue, I shouldn’t be upset if he cheats again, implying that denying him intimacy would lead him to cheat. That statement really disturbed me. Tonight, I invited him to dinner because I still want to spend time together. At the end of the night, after walking me to my car, he asked if I was coming over. I reminded him of my boundary and declined. In response, he refused to kiss me goodnight and acted coldly towards me. Right now, I feel like he’s punishing me for wanting to take a thoughtful approach instead of rushing back into things. I don't believe I'm asking for too much—just some time and effort before we dive back in as if nothing happened. How can I maintain my boundaries while trying to rebuild trust with an ex who seems resistant to change?


Trust and Jealousy • 12d ago

I'm a 19-year-old woman, and I'm trying to figure out if my 19-year-old boyfriend lacks self-esteem or if he's just being a jerk.

My boyfriend has been texting several girls in a flirty manner on behalf of his male best friend to "help him find a potential partner." The conversations have turned out to be quite personal, which makes me wonder whether my boyfriend is simply naive or if he’s enjoying the chance to chat with other girls while in a committed relationship. I'd really appreciate some insight from guys on this too! 🕳👩‍🦯


Trust and Jealousy • 12d ago

I discovered my girlfriend discussing plans to leave me in some text messages.

I'm a 26-year-old guy, and my girlfriend is 25. We've been together for almost nine years, and like any relationship, we've had our ups and downs. Overall, I thought we were doing pretty well. We moved out of our parents' homes together at 17 or 18, and we both share a house along with our eight-year-old dog, who we raised together since he was a puppy. Every day after work, we take him for walks and visit parks. My girlfriend works from home in a job that involves computer work and meetings, although she sometimes has free time. She has a close friend from high school named Natalie, who lives five hours south, and occasionally, my girlfriend visits her and her two sisters for about a week at a time. Now, for the more complicated part. In July 2024, my girlfriend invited Natalie and her sisters over for a sleepover. They asked me to get them MDMA/molly, and I unwittingly agreed, thinking they just wanted to have some fun. However, they ended up spending four hours locked in the bathroom, giggling and whispering, while I sat downstairs feeling neglected and wanting to sleep. After trying to distract myself for too long, I finally lost my cool, banged on the door, and demanded to know what was going on. I accused them of being intimate in a jealous panic, and things escalated into a heated argument. After that night, my girlfriend and I struggled to rebuild trust. Months passed, and despite my attempts to work through it, she began threatening to break up with me over how I handled things that night. I've tried to adjust my schedule to align with hers so we can spend more time together, especially since the chilly weather makes early mornings challenging for me. Despite my efforts to prioritize her, she has grown increasingly distant over the last few months. Recently, I noticed her phone password had changed, which was unusual for us since we've typically shared that kind of information. When I discovered her new password, I snooped and found concerning text messages between her and Natalie. They were discussing potential rental applications and plans to leave me. This realization has left me feeling deceived and confused. Now, as Valentine's Day approaches, I'm conflicted about planning for it, knowing she seems to be plotting her exit. Friends around me suggest I let her go and focus on myself, but I feel like we've invested too much into our relationship to end it over one bad night. I worry about how our dog will react to such a big change. I'm seeking advice: Is this worth fighting for? Am I being irrational or unreasonable? Is she overreacting, influenced by her friend's opinions? What should I do in this situation? Any guidance would be appreciated before things escalate further. Thank you for your input.


Dating and Starting Relationships • 12d ago

What should I do? I would appreciate your help.

I'm a 23-year-old woman, and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 26, for the past two years. Recently, a school friend of mine, who is 24 and lives overseas, called me while drunk and confessed that he has feelings for me. We've known each other for about ten years, and he was aware of my relationship, expressing regret for not confessing sooner and apologizing for his behavior. I shared everything with my boyfriend, who took it calmly and was understanding, emphasizing that my choices are what truly matters. My friend later texted to say he doesn't remember much of the conversation because he was so intoxicated. I haven't mentioned his confession to him yet. I genuinely enjoy the platonic friendship I have with this school friend and appreciate our occasional conversations. I would appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation. Thank you in advance!


Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • 12d ago

What are the best ways to manage a long-distance relationship?

My girlfriend [18F] and I [18M] have been together for about two years, and in six months I’ll be moving away to pursue my master’s degree for the next four years. I know it might seem silly since we’re just teenagers and a long-distance relationship can be tough, but we both really want this to succeed. Unlike many relationships in our generation, we strive to handle our issues maturely and communicate openly—it's us against the world. Still, I can’t help but feel worried and a bit anxious about what the future holds. Does anyone have any advice on how we can make this work? I’m determined not to let go of this incredible opportunity. TLDR: Looking for tips on transitioning from being in the same town to a long-distance relationship.


Dating and Starting Relationships • 13d ago

19F, is it alright if I try to find my boyfriend, 20M, who suddenly disappeared after two months?

My boyfriend and I met in college, where I was a senior and he was a junior. I first noticed him at an event and developed a crush. After finding out his name, I ended up looking him up on social media. Despite being quite popular and having many followers, I took the plunge and texted him first. I'm generally shy and introverted, but we instantly clicked and quickly realized we had strong feelings for each other. We decided to start a relationship and went on several dates. Recently, however, he has become distant. He drinks and smokes, and one night while he was drunk, he broke down and revealed that he has a serious illness related to his addictions. It was a shock to see him show such vulnerability, as he’s usually quite reserved. When I pressed him for details, he was reluctant to share but did mention he was going to see a doctor the following day. When I asked him what the doctor said, he claimed everything was fine. Ever since that conversation, he has seemingly vanished. I’ve tried reaching out through calls, texts, and emails, but he hasn’t responded and is not even active on social media. He hasn’t blocked me, but it's as if he has just disappeared. This is puzzling, especially since he used to be very clingy and would struggle to go a day without talking to me. Now I’m left wondering if I should reach out to his friends to check on him. They don’t know me well; some are familiar, but most aren’t. Do you think he’s trying to distance himself from me? Should I make more effort to get in touch with him?


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 13d ago

Any guidance would be appreciated.

My fiancé, who is 33, has lost interest in being intimate with me, and even in sharing kisses. I've noticed she spends an increasing amount of time on her phone, which has made me feel uneasy. This evening, I walked into the bathroom while she was taking a bath, and she quickly turned off what I suspect was a conversation on her phone. I sensed something was off, and after pressing her with questions, she admitted she had been watching lesbian porn to see if it aroused her. She’s also been engaging with people online and asking questions about how to determine if someone is a lesbian. I can't shake the feeling that there's more going on. She's been secretive about her phone, and when I requested to see some pictures, she hastily deleted them, claiming they were just selfies of her face, which I find hard to believe. Our relationship used to be strong, but ever since the birth of our daughter, who is now three, there have been noticeable changes in her behavior. For instance, she's recently started getting waxing, staying late at work, and even went for an unexpected walk to the store one night. She has agreed to start counseling, but I'm not sure what steps to take next. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


Communication Problems • 13d ago

Am I, a 24-year-old guy, overthinking my girlfriend's comments?

I recently had an uncomfortable interaction with my girlfriend, who is 24. While I was on a work break, I called her twice in a row—something we often do. She eventually called me back after the missed calls, and I overheard her tell her friend, “Oh, let me pick up. It’s my boyfriend. He probably checked my location and thinks I’m cheating on him since I’m at this random building.” I found that comment pretty disheartening, although I understand she likely meant it as a joke. Still, I believe some topics shouldn't be taken lightly due to the impression they can create. If I were in a similar situation with friends or family, I wouldn't feel comfortable making such a joke about her, especially since her friend only met me once briefly. After hearing her comment, I expressed my feelings and asked her why she said that. She told me it wasn't a big deal and didn’t warrant such a reaction. I replied with, “Okay, buddy, I'll let you do your thing,” and hung up. Work was busy, and I wanted to avoid letting my emotions get the best of me, so I chose to step away without escalating the situation. When she called back, I declined to answer. I sent her a text that said, “You’re busy, and I’m busy, so no worries, love.” She replied, “Okay, well then I’m busy tonight too, so have a good night,” which I took as a petty jab since I know she didn’t have any plans for the evening. I also reiterated that I didn’t appreciate her joke. She responded with, “I don’t want to speak to you today. Don’t contact me.” That response was more frustrating than her initial comment. We’ve always agreed on the importance of open communication about our grievances, yet instead of engaging constructively, she brushed it off and seemed to use my annoyance as a reason to be petty. I believe she struggles more than I do with reflecting on her behavior and offering apologies. It used to be the other way around for me, but in the past few months, I’ve made a conscious effort to take responsibility for my actions, even when I don’t think they’re a big deal.


Family Conflicts • 13d ago

The Bfs family began to randomly bully me and make unfounded accusations.

**Background Context:** My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and his family recently moved to France, taking everyone with them. His siblings are in different high school grades: one is a senior, another is a junior, and the youngest is a freshman. Concerned for my safety and well-being in this situation, his grandmother reached out to me. She expressed her love for her grandson while also caring for me, warning that his mother is particularly protective. She indicated that if she feels I’m “taking her son away,” she might go to great lengths to keep us apart. My boyfriend ultimately decided to attend college back in the States to be with me and his friends. Recently, I spent three weeks in France with him and his family, and here’s what transpired. During my time with my boyfriend's family, I made a concerted effort to be kind and helpful. I bought his brothers nice gifts, made them breakfast, and tried to keep the house tidy. However, his 17-year-old brother constantly accused me of various things I didn’t do, treating me rudely and condescendingly—often hurling 2-3 accusations at me every day. For example, he criticized me for leaving Q-tips out, calling it “disgusting,” even though I hadn’t used them at all—only to discover that he did. He even berated my boyfriend for leaving an empty Sriracha bottle on the table for an hour, suggesting that we both “aren’t adults.” When my boyfriend left a yogurt container’s cardboard out, his brother overreacted again, despite my efforts to clean, walk the dogs, and pay for my own groceries. The situation intensified when a small receipt fell out of my bag in the car one evening. His brother quickly snapped at me to “learn how to pick up after yourself; it’s not hard.” I picked it up right away, but he continued to berate me. At dinner, he accused me of “purposefully” kicking his feet, implying I was acting childishly, even though I wasn’t even near him. Thankfully, my boyfriend stood up for me, but it was all quite surreal. Additionally, my boyfriend’s mother scolded him for defending me and demanding an apology from his brother. She insisted he shouldn’t take on a parental role, despite the fact that he was simply standing up against the unfounded accusations directed at me. It has been draining and painful to be blamed for things I haven’t done, especially when I’ve been trying my hardest to lend a hand and show respect. His brother’s comments seem deliberately provocative, and it’s incredibly frustrating. After leaving his family’s home, his father even sided with his brother, stating, “Slobs are better than if he called her a pig,” and insisted that his son owes me no apology. I find myself at a loss for what to do next; I tried discussing the issues with his mother, who dismissed my feelings, saying “no one will ever be good enough for my son” in her son's eyes. She suggested I try to be understanding, claiming his brother feels he has “lost his brother because of you,” which I suspect is the mother speaking through him. Now, I’m questioning whether to continue in this relationship. My boyfriend does his best to defend me, but his mother keeps telling me, “Don’t make him choose between you and his family.” I’m unsure if I want to navigate the guilt that comes with this situation.


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 13d ago

I'm uncertain about my feelings regarding my relationship.

I'm not going to elaborate too much, but the situation I'm facing is causing me to rethink a lot of things. For starters, I've been in several unhealthy relationships—one where someone assaulted me, others where partners tried to pressure me, and I either responded with a firm "NO" or ultimately capitulated. There were also relationships where my disinterest led to pettiness or sadness from my partner when they didn't get their way. While these experiences are not all equally severe, none of them contribute to a healthy relationship, that's for sure. Currently, I'm grappling with a similar issue again. I have several health conditions and take medication that significantly impacts my sex drive. The person I'm involved with is aware of this; it’s not new information to them. We've talked about how my lack of desire isn't a reflection of my feelings for them, but they seemed to interpret it as me simply not wanting them, which is incorrect. I had hoped our conversation would help alleviate their emotional responses when sex doesn't occur, but unfortunately, that hasn't been the case. They still tend to withdraw or sulk if things don't go their way. Moreover, when we do have sex, it's usually because I initiate it. I feel like I have to take the lead every time, which makes me question my worth. If they truly desire me, why don’t they check if I'm in the mood and respond appropriately if I say yes? There's no foreplay unless I instigate it, which adds to my frustration. Additionally, there's this unspoken expectation that after we have sex, oral will follow within that day or the next. If that doesn’t happen, it triggers a return to a low mood for them. To be honest, it's all becoming overwhelming. I do so much for this person, often without being asked, just because I want to. It wasn’t always like this; at the beginning, we could go weeks without sex and things remained stable. If anyone else is experiencing similar struggles, I genuinely empathize with you.


Breakups and Divorces • 13d ago

Lonely Twink hopes to reconcile with his attractive girlfriend.

I'm an 18-year-old guy and I want to get back together with my ex-girlfriend, who is 19. My mom manipulated me into ending our one-year relationship, and I'm wondering if I should reach out to her. A bit of background: we started dating during our senior year of high school in the second semester. Our relationship grew deeper, and while we shared some intimate moments, we never had sex. I was genuinely in love with her, and it seemed like she felt the same. However, my mom, who has suffered brain damage from a car accident and has a pattern of emotional manipulation and abuse towards my sister and me, had unrealistic ideas about my future. She fantasizes about me marrying a “perfect” woman who fits her narrow view of beauty and family life. On the outside, I’m 6’1”, fit, and often told I’m attractive, but I struggle with short-term memory issues and self-esteem, mainly focusing on engineering and robotics. My mom has always been overly concerned with my reputation, often bragging about me in a strange way and being verbally abusive when I didn’t meet her expectations. As for my ex, she has a beautiful angular nose that reminds me of a Greek statue, but my mom dismissed her because she didn't fit her ideal of a thin, blonde woman. Despite my mom’s constant pressure to break up, I didn’t waver until a family trip to Connecticut. During the long drive, my mom relentlessly pointed out my ex’s flaws and convinced me that my relationship wouldn’t last. By the time we reached our destination, I was filled with doubt and, unfortunately, by the time we returned, I felt pressured to end things. We had a week-long camping trip planned, which was supposed to be our first real vacation together, but my mom convinced me that going while planning to break up would be unfair to my ex. This left me with only one day to break up with her, and it was an incredibly painful experience for me. Since then, I’ve been plagued by guilt and regret, realizing how much I truly love her. I initially thought it best to give her space for a month, but the pain in her eyes haunts me. Eventually, she reached out, and we started talking as friends, but I can sense her hurt, and I feel terrible about what happened. I’ve been trying to maintain a friendly demeanor, but it's daunting. I want nothing more than to get back together, but I’m unsure if she feels the same way or if she’s genuinely better off without me. It’s been three months since we broke up, and I’m at a loss for what to do next. What should I do?


Dating and Starting Relationships • 13d ago

Locating her!

I was in a relationship for about 5-6 years, but now she's engaged, and I've been single for the past year. Over the last few months, I've been concentrating on my studies, but lately, I've been craving someone to talk to. I'm not interested in anything casual; I just want someone who can listen and offer a fresh perspective on my thoughts. I've met a few people recently, both through Instagram and coaching, but they seem to be very outgoing and focused on material things like flashy cars and trendy cafes. I come from an affluent background in a small town, but that lifestyle doesn’t appeal to me. What I truly seek is someone who is calm, down-to-earth, and genuine—someone with whom I can have meaningful conversations and who understands me, just as I would strive to understand them. Does anyone else share these feelings?


Dating and Starting Relationships • 13d ago

Why am I feeling lovesick? Male, 33; Female, 24.

I've recently started getting to know this amazing girl, and we have developed strong feelings for each other and even said "I love you." However, I'm feeling some strange symptoms of lovesickness or anxiety that I can't quite grasp. I find myself longing for her, thinking about her constantly, and experiencing a lack of appetite, nausea, and trouble sleeping. It might sound obsessive, but I can't control it. This whole experience is new, and I should be feeling excited and reassured knowing she loves me, yet instead, I feel a sense of worry and anxiety.


Infidelity • 13d ago

My husband's best friend, M (25), urged him to be unfaithful to me.

I recently went through my husband's phone while searching for something specific in our messages, and I stumbled upon his conversation with his best friend. In their messages, his friend—who is in his twenties and single—was openly encouraging my husband to cheat and have fun. This friend, who is divorced and struggling with high child support, seems unhappy and wants my husband to follow the same path he did. (And yes, we do have kids together.) Although my husband made a mistake by flirting with a coworker, we addressed that issue and resolved it. However, he still maintains his friendship with this male friend, which I find incredibly frustrating. Just seeing him makes my blood boil; I feel disrespected by what he’s suggested to my husband. It's wrong for my husband to continue this friendship, especially since there's a risk his friend might encourage him to cheat again. Whenever I ask my husband why he stays friends with someone who undermines our relationship, he usually shrugs it off, apologizes, and continues being friends with him. How should I respond when he dismisses my feelings like that?


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 13d ago

Do I still have it?

My wife of 30 years has given me the green light to explore a side relationship, as our intimacy has dwindled. She’s open to me having a little fun on the side, but only every couple of weeks, and she wants to choose the person without meeting her or having her come to our home. She even asked what kind of woman I’m interested in (age, etc.). As a 58-year-old straight man, I’m feeling overwhelmed and a bit anxious about this new territory. It’s definitely a big change for me!


Friendship and Relationships • 13d ago

Is it strange that I'm really drawn to (and maybe a little obsessed with) someone I just met?

I’m an 18-year-old female, and I've struggled to make friends my age ever since kindergarten. Even now, I find it challenging to understand my peers and connect with them, and I have no idea why. This has caused me a lot of anxiety whenever I try to build friendships, and I'm constantly worried that any relationship I form will eventually fall apart because I just don’t know how to connect with people. Recently, I met a guy online who is two years older than me and lives in a neighboring state. We had a long and meaningful conversation about our life situations and challenges. He was incredibly humble, grounded, wise, and empathetic. I’ve never felt such a strong connection with anyone before. I was genuinely surprised that he wanted to listen to my struggles with family issues instead of just ignoring me. We’ve been chatting for a few days, though not as deeply as that first conversation, and I can’t shake the fear that I might come across as annoying or that he might pull away once he realizes I’m a bit quirky. I really dislike feeling this way because he has a girlfriend, and the last thing I want is to interfere in their relationship. But I can’t help feeling a bit obsessed with the idea of not losing someone I’ve just met. It seems ridiculous, and I feel like a creep for being anxious about it. Honestly, it makes me feel down because I think I’m fixating on him—not because he’s particularly special, but because I’ve struggled to make close friends my age. When I find someone cool, I become anxious about keeping that connection. I worry that this might be unhealthy behavior, and I fear that my emotions are leading me in a bad direction. I hope that by acknowledging my anxiety and obsession, I can learn to manage them better. But this pattern has been a part of my life for so long, and I’m scared it’s something I can’t change. Any advice would be appreciated. :’(


Age Differences • 13d ago

I'm F20 and my boyfriend is M27. I would appreciate some thoughts on our relationship!

I could really use some advice. Do you think a serious relationship is possible between a 20-year-old woman and a 27-year-old man, especially since we live in different countries on separate continents? I met him seven months ago while I was in his country, and we started dating after a month of seeing each other. We had a wonderful time together, filled with dates and trips, but I had to return home three months later once my visa expired. He assured me he would come to visit, and two weeks ago, he did! We enjoyed an incredible week and a half together, but unfortunately, he had to go back to work. He’s already making plans to see me again soon. I’m currently studying at university, and his friends, family, and colleagues are all aware of our relationship. We’ve talked a lot about my potential move to his country. I can't share all the details about his feelings toward me here, but I would love to hear your thoughts on our situation.


Family Conflicts • 13d ago

What can I do to avoid feeling like an outsider in my boyfriend's family?

My boyfriend (23M) and I (24F) have been together for just over a year. Since we both live at home, I’ve had the opportunity to meet his parents and siblings multiple times. However, I’ve always struggled with social anxiety, which makes it hard for me to open up and truly be myself around others. His family dynamic is quite different from mine, and I’ve found it uncomfortable to fit in. They are really close, spend a lot of time together, and generally come across as a “normal” family, while my own family is more distant and has faced its share of conflicts. I’ve been making an effort to engage and be myself in order to feel like I belong, but I continue to find it challenging. The main reason I wanted to share this is because of something my boyfriend's dad said last night. After dinner, there was a typical debate among his siblings and my boyfriend about who would help with cleanup. One of his brothers questioned why my boyfriend wasn’t pitching in, and my boyfriend responded, “I have a guest.” His dad chimed in, noting that it's a general rule that someone with a guest is not obligated to help. Then the brother pressed further, asking why he had to help clean when his girlfriend was over. Their dad indicated that was different, explaining, “Because [brother’s girlfriend] is like family.” I kind of zoned out after that, but a moment later, the dad added, “Well, I suppose that applies to [my name] too.” I recognize that there was no ill intent behind his comment, but it stung nonetheless. It makes me feel even more like an outsider, and I'm unsure how to navigate this. My boyfriend encourages me to relax and be myself, but sometimes engaging feels like telling a joke that falls flat, with crickets in response. He’s also advised me not to compare myself to his brother’s girlfriend, which I’m trying to avoid. To be fair, I know his family doesn’t dislike me; they’re very kind overall. But the dad and siblings seem indifferent, at least from my perspective. Maybe I’m overreacting or just having a tough mental health week, but I want to know how I can improve the situation. I’m trying to express myself at my own pace, but I wonder if there are additional steps I can take to feel more included. Has anyone else experienced something similar with their partner’s family and figured out a way to navigate those feelings? I’d appreciate any advice on how to make this situation feel more welcoming and inclusive.


Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • 13d ago

I want to connect with my boyfriend on a much deeper level.

I'm looking for suggestions on thought-provoking questions and conversations to have with my significant other. I'm a 27-year-old female and he's a 30-year-old male. Lately, I feel like I'm not asking enough meaningful questions, and our discussions often seem to stay on the surface. I want to explore questions that will encourage him to reflect deeply, perhaps ones that could lead him to share more emotional experiences. What types of questions do long-term couples ask each other to deepen their understanding, even after many years together?


Toxic Relationships • 13d ago

My situation is a bit complicated; my male roommate, who has a girlfriend, tends to be quite the player.

1. My roommate is an average-looking guy with a girlfriend who is not attractive and exhibits narcissistic personality traits. She has taken advantage of him to the point where it’s hard for anyone to tolerate. Both are college students; my roommate shares a spacious house with me and other tenants, while his girlfriend lives in a one-bedroom apartment. We all moved in last September, and I was unaware he had a girlfriend at first. I’m considered attractive, and after moving in, he began showing interest in me. Initially, I wasn't interested, but over time, I started to warm up to him. His girlfriend insisted on spending time in our house without the landlord's consent, violating our house rules that prohibit additional residents in a bedroom. They both have an unhealthy obsession with sex, often engaging in it at all hours. He seems unable to go a few hours without sleeping with her. She is a typical narcissist with more wealth than him and owns a car, yet she never drives. Instead, she demands that he pick her up from her place twice daily to bring her to our house. She also has a flea-infested dog, which has now impacted our living space. He drops her off in the morning to care for her dog and picks her up again later, allowing the fleas to spread. Initially, my roommate only required intimacy at night, but his girlfriend incessantly called him shortly after returning home, insisting he answer her calls while driving. She frequently occupies our house for twenty hours a day while only remaining at her apartment long enough to tend to her dog. She is quite controlling, keeping him busy—he cooks multiple meals for her, sometimes late at night, and washes their sheets daily. He is very thin, while she has a bit more weight. As soon as she arrived at our house, she demanded elaborate meals instead of simple snacks. In late September, he approached me again romantically, but that was the first time I met his girlfriend, and I found myself utterly frustrated with the situation. By October, she wanted to spend the day with him, effectively moving in and saving money on food and gas as he paid for everything in their relationship, becoming her driver, cook, and housekeeper just to maintain constant physical intimacy. I eventually informed him that their living arrangement was untenable, leading to a heated argument where he showed no remorse or understanding of how his actions affected me. He even started making early morning trips to her apartment, returning only to fulfill her demands without even providing him with food. While he juggles cooking for himself and doing laundry for her between visits, I noticed her stingy nature and selfishness. Each time tensions rose between us, he directed his frustration toward me, clearly enjoying the role of being exploited. At one point, he even attempted to flirt with another tenant's girlfriend. When I suggested he move in with her to save on commuting, he flatly refused multiple times without giving a reason. I’ve never encountered anyone like him before—engaging intimately with his girlfriend while openly pursuing me. He acted as though I was oblivious to his girlfriend’s presence, but after she was kicked out, he pretended he was never interested in me. Now, we all still live together, and I’m left wondering what I should do next.


Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • 13d ago

I would really appreciate any perspective you can offer. Thank you!

This month marks six years that my partner and I have been together. I'm 41, and he's 45. We moved quickly at the start of our relationship, jumping into a live-in job managing rental properties after knowing each other for only about a month. It was a wild experience, but it gave us valuable insights into how we handle stress, finances, and personal relationships during that time. Fast forward five years: my father passed away in September, just one day after he tried to initiate a discussion about how long our relationship might last. Then, just last night, while discussing a loan for a significant purchase, my partner made a remark suggesting I could take the loan with me if we were to break up. I’ve never had a strong desire for marriage, so I haven’t held any specific expectations, and I tend to live in the moment. I’ve been focusing on becoming more financially responsible and recently paid off some debt. However, I’m starting to feel a nagging curiosity that’s edging toward insecurity, and I want to address that before it becomes a bigger issue.


Age Differences • 13d ago

I'm a 20-year-old female and my boyfriend is 27. What are your thoughts on our relationship?

I’m in need of some advice. Do you believe there’s potential for something serious between a 20-year-old woman and a 27-year-old man? We live in different countries on separate continents. I met him seven months ago while visiting his country on a valid visa, and after three months of staying in touch, I had to head back home. We became a couple about a month into our dating. During my visit, we enjoyed many dates, trips, and even made plans for the future. He assured me that he would come to see me after I returned to my country. Just two weeks ago, he visited, and we had a fantastic week and a half together before he had to go back home for work. He’s already making plans for another visit soon. I’m currently studying at university, and his friends, family, and colleagues are all aware of our relationship. We’ve talked quite a bit about the possibility of me moving to his country, although I can't cover every detail here, especially regarding his feelings towards me. Overall, what’s your perspective on this situation?


Dating and Starting Relationships • 13d ago

What caused my unblocking?

I haven't talked to this guy in six months, and he unexpectedly texted me after unblocking me. I read the message but didn’t respond. What could this mean?


Work-Life Balance • 13d ago

I'm unsure about how to navigate my relationship.

I've been living with my boyfriend for nearly five years, and from the start, I’ve felt more like a mother figure than a partner. I've told him how overwhelmed I am by the constant chores and the bills that seem to rest solely on my shoulders. Although I earn almost double what he does, all the financial responsibilities still fall to me. I tried asking him to take care of one bill, but when I did, my electricity was cut off due to non-payment. He claimed he forgot because “we don’t have a folder for our bills.” It feels like his free time is just that—his—but mine is devoted to managing household tasks. His money is his, while mine seems to be for household expenses too. When I brought this up, he changed his behavior for less than a month before things reverted back to the way they were. Recently, I received a Nintendo Switch as a work gift (I’m in the gaming industry), and he casually mentioned selling it to buy the new model coming out this year, but we’ve never discussed that together. I’m at a loss about what to do. My mother-in-law recently brought up the topic of marriage, and I felt like crying because I’m uncertain about the life I’m living. Yet, I love him deeply and don’t want to break up. He’s never been abusive or unkind to me, but being in my 30s makes me feel like time is running out. I'm really struggling to figure out my next steps.