Relationship advices: Sexual Problems and Intimacy

Feeling burned out and uncertain about the future of my relationship. What advice would you give? (F26/M35)

Hi Reddit, I'm feeling a bit stuck in my relationship, and it's weighing heavily on me at times. I really love my partner, and I know he loves me too. We share a wonderfully romantic life together, and it's not often I feel this way—it's like we're soul mates in many aspects, sharing similar views, values, and tastes. However, every relationship has its challenges, and ours is no exception. Lately, these issues have become increasingly overwhelming, making it difficult for me to cope. To summarize, our physical relationship is lacking. We hardly have sex, and it’s taking a toll on my self-esteem. I find myself imagining him with other girls just to feel okay during moments of intimacy with myself, which isn’t what I want. I often long for him to initiate sex, but when that doesn't happen, I’ve caught myself justifying it in unhealthy ways. While journaling, I’ve become more aware of my feelings. Recently, he's started creating adult content for other women, something I’m not comfortable with at all. When I share my feelings, he gets upset and accuses me of hindering his ability to make a living. He wants my help with promoting it, but I just feel jealousy and resentment, so I hesitate to get involved because I don't want negativity to affect his work. He claims it’s hard for him to be intimate with me because of how protective he feels. He’s promised to address this, but I haven’t seen any real change, and in the meantime, he spends his free time watching other women. This topic is a sensitive one for us. We’ve tried to talk it out during drunken discussions, which ended in a breakup for a day and a lot of tension. When sober, he reassures me that he’ll make an effort to improve our sex life. I recently told him that I would have to consider ending the relationship if things don’t change, despite my deep feelings for him. He seemed hurt by this and reiterated his willingness to work on it, but a month has gone by with little progress, and I feel myself slipping back into a depression. Another issue is my desire for more independence. He tends to be very protective when I want to go out alone, believing that I’m vulnerable and at risk. I'm unsure how to approach this situation. I don’t have many friends to confide in, and my family is distant, so I’m reaching out to a broader audience in hopes of finding someone who has been through something similar. How did you navigate these challenges? Sorry if this sounds a bit like a rant; I'm just trying to share my perspective! Thank you!

My boyfriend [25m] has a much higher libido than I do [24f].

To get straight to the point, my boyfriend (25) has a very high libido, while I (24) have a much lower one. This has been the only source of conflict in our five-year relationship. He’s always ready for sex and feels frustrated if it's been 3 to 5 days since we last were intimate, while I can comfortably go for months without it. We’ve talked extensively about our differences, but we end up going in circles, both understanding that neither of us is at fault—this is simply how we are. We've tried incorporating toys, explored new kinks and fetishes, and even considered an open relationship, but he hasn’t found anyone yet. We went to couples therapy, but the therapist stopped seeing us, saying we were "the most healthy couple she's ever seen." Both of us have done individual therapy as well, but while it provided some temporary relief, it hasn’t led to lasting solutions. I can't use sexual stimulants because I have a gene that could trigger certain cancers. We feel like we’re at our wit's end; we want to get married, but not if we’re going to spend our lives struggling with this emotional issue regarding sex. I feel like I’m living the dream—he's the most understanding and amazing partner I've ever had, my other half, and we don’t want to lose each other over this. I would appreciate any advice, if there’s any to offer at this stage.

My husband believes it's acceptable to masturbate in front of our child.

I'm feeling really disturbed after what happened in the bathroom. I walked in and found my 4-year-old bathing while my husband was sitting on the toilet touching himself and watching inappropriate content on his phone. I find this behavior incredibly troubling, yet he seems to dismiss it as insignificant. When I confronted him about doing something inappropriate in front of our daughter, he responded with, "It wasn't a proper one." I’m unsure how to handle this situation. I'm feeling repulsed and worried that this may not be an isolated incident.

[38m] my circumstances with a complicated arrangement.

In December 2024, I connected with a woman on Facebook Dating who was in an open marriage, and we ended up booking a hotel together. I had only managed to have sex three times before, and in each instance, I struggled to maintain an erection. I even tried taking Cialis, but it didn’t work for me and I ended up being sick afterward. The pressure I felt around my performance led me to say some regrettable things, resulting in her deciding not to see me again. She thought I was overthinking the situation, and during our conversation, she asked if I was fully erect when I masturbated, which I had to admit I wasn’t able to maintain due to medication I’ve been taking for years. At 38 years old, I’ve only had four opportunities for sex and couldn’t follow through with any of them. After our encounter, I had blood work done and discovered I have borderline low testosterone. I pinpointed some medication that was affecting my libido and attempted to wean off it, but it was too difficult, so I resumed taking it. I also tried a supplement from a sex shop that made me nauseous and later experimented with BlueChew, which actually worked for me, although I still need some time and stimulation to get going—it’s not instant. I’ve been considering using a penis pump and erection gel, but it all feels futile since I lost the chance with someone who genuinely liked me, despite the complications. I feel a deep sense of shame over my situation and have been seeking therapy. I’ve been on antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication since I was 20, and my struggles with depression began from feeling distressed about not having had a girlfriend or sex by that age. It feels as though I carry the weight of twenty years of shame. While the BlueChew does help, I’m wary of becoming dependent on it or any similar solutions. I keep wondering why I can’t just succeed at this—it seems like such a natural human experience! If it’s all in my head, I’m not sure how my thoughts could be so overwhelming. I’ve also thought about exploring testosterone replacement therapy (TRT) to address these issues, but I’m still uncertain about that path.

My boyfriend [19M] no longer asks me [18F] for nudes.

**TL;DR** - My boyfriend no longer asks for nudes, which is confusing and makes me feel insecure. He had a porn addiction and has been working on it, and while I appreciate the positive changes in his behavior, I’m unsure if my feelings are valid or if I should address this or wait for him to rekindle interest. To start, sexuality isn't a major priority for me since I'm still young and somewhat inexperienced, but I’m uncertain about how to interpret this change. We began as friends with benefits for about a month before starting to date (I sent nudes less than five times), and after we became an official couple, he stopped requesting them. About a month in, he shared that he had a porn addiction, and I supported him through it, which he has appreciated. However, I’m unsure of the progress he's made and feel awkward asking. Now, four months in, we don't engage in dirty talk very often, though it happens occasionally, and this has been weighing on my mind. He’s shy about sexual topics, and I relate to that, but I’m uncertain if I should bring up my feelings since it might make us both uncomfortable. My perspective is that I want to feel desired and wanted; I enjoy sharing intimate pictures with my partner. I don’t know if he’s still watching porn, but I think his past addiction contributes to my insecurities about this situation and makes me wonder if he’s less attracted to me because I'm real and not like what he sees in porn. He regularly compliments me—at least once a day, except when he’s overwhelmed with school or work. I don't doubt his attraction to me, but the change is puzzling. I just want clarity on why he suddenly stopped asking for nudes. If I decide to address this, as my friends have suggested, I’ll express that we started off more sexual and now it's different, how that affects me, and I might inquire about his progress with his addiction. I’d express that I feel like I should know more about where he stands and that it confuses me. That said, does anyone have insight into why he might be acting this way? He mentioned distancing himself from porn and other NSFW content, yet we still exchange some dirty texts occasionally. However, I know very little about his personal habits regarding this.

I'm a 25-year-old woman in a relationship with my 24-year-old partner, and I've noticed my libido has been unusually low lately, even though I love him.

This is going to be a bit lengthy to provide some context. This is my first serious relationship, and I genuinely adore him. In the past, I’ve dated and hooked up, but I’ve never been in an official relationship. Nothing ever felt quite right for me, and that’s an understatement. I've dealt with years of sexual trauma since childhood, leading me to consider myself hypersexual as a result. This includes religious guilt, experiences of sexual assault, verbal abuse, and more. In 2023, I faced a series of unfortunate events that brought my deeper issues with sex and an autism diagnosis to the forefront. During this time, I decided to embrace celibacy as I worked through my experiences. However, I was still open to dating. After nearly a year of celibacy, I met my current partner. I communicated my past trauma and my decision to abstain from sex, and he responded positively. For the first time, someone showed interest in me without any hint of wanting a sexual encounter. His genuine interest was exciting and ultimately led me to break my celibacy with him. My hypersexuality kicked in during our dates over the next couple of months, and our physical relationship flourished. He was just as enthusiastic about it, having a high libido himself. But once we officially got together and he began to demonstrate what a wonderful partner he is, I started to feel guilty. It seems like he is helping me heal some of the wounds from my childhood. He goes above and beyond for me, and it makes me emotional because I’ve never experienced love without strings attached or hidden agendas. This made me anxious, and as a result, I began having sex with him partly because I felt I needed to show my appreciation, and that was the only way I knew how. Unfortunately, this led to panic attacks during sex. I’ve talked with him about these feelings. He’s been supportive in addressing my guilt and the sense of obligation I had to share my body as a way of thanking him. But now, I've lost all interest in sex. I can barely bring myself to masturbate anymore; since we got together in early 2024, I've only done so twice. I don’t think about sex or feel any sexual desire. While I already struggled with picking up on social cues related to flirting, I now find myself actively avoiding those situations. We’re still intimate, but it’s become rare—almost once a month instead of our previous frequency of two to three times a week. Yet, I feel perfectly fine! I'm genuinely happy in this relationship. The sex we do have is great—he's the only person who has ever made me orgasm. He’s an incredible boyfriend: attentive, caring, and he doesn’t make me feel like a burden, even when he has to be my caretaker due to my chronic illness and autism. I love listening to him talk, and I appreciate his whimsical view on life. Plus, he’s remarkably attractive; sometimes I just find myself staring at him. However, when he initiates sexual advances, I often find I’m just not in the mood. At times, I feel compelled to walk away or change the subject. I’ve graduated from therapy, and my psychiatrist has told me I’m doing well. My medications haven’t changed; I’ve been on the same ones for years, even during my hypersexual phase. I’m feeling lost. I want to be more intimate with him, but he’s noticed my lack of interest and has asked if I’m okay. I can only respond that I feel fine. Nothing seems wrong, yet I’m the one experiencing this issue. I truly want to want sex; I want to feel that physical intimacy with him, but the desire just isn’t there. Is this normal? I understand that libido can fluctuate, but this feels different—as if there’s an underlying issue I can’t quite identify. I crave his touch and enjoy it, but when it becomes a physical advance, I sometimes feel a twinge of discomfort in the back of my mind. It’s akin to being hungry but hesitating to eat. I don’t understand this aversion. Maybe it's natural, and I’m just not accustomed to it? I’d appreciate any insights or second opinions.

My boyfriend (26M) genuinely wants to make me happy (25F), but he keeps missing the mark. How can I keep putting in effort when I'm not satisfied? What’s the best way to talk to him about this?

We began dating about three years ago and are now living together. We've been cohabiting for around three months, and unfortunately, our sex life is at its lowest point ever. Three years ago, it was nearly as bad, but we managed to work through it, and there were better moments in bed during our time together. He was the first to help me reach orgasm and genuinely tried to understand what I enjoy in bed, yet he still often forgets. Lately, he’s been finishing so quickly that I’m unable to enjoy the experience at all, and afterward, he feels disappointed and upset for not being able to satisfy me. It has even gotten to the point where I’ve found myself laughing at the awkwardness of it all, even though I know that might not be the best response. I feel like his lack of physical activity outside the bedroom and his dwindling confidence are impacting our intimacy. He’s requested that I not say “don’t stop” during sex, which leaves me unsure of how to express my desires; it feels like I’m just begging for more. Sometimes he starts off slowly, which can feel uncomfortable and off-putting. I’ve tried to communicate this, but he insists he just needs time to “get in the zone.” He struggles to maintain eye contact during sex, and our moments of connection are brief. I’ve expressed a desire to explore my sexuality and try new things, but we haven't ventured into that territory at all. While he has encouraged me to take more initiative, my attempts in the past often lead to him finishing even faster. It feels like I have to suppress parts of myself just to be intimate with him, and I’m unsure how much longer I can manage this. I’ve noticed that I've been relying on my vibrator quite a bit when I’m home alone, and I occasionally watch porn because I feel so turned on. It seems like he’s trying so hard and overthinking everything that he ends up failing. I’m not sure if I’m articulating this clearly, but I wonder if anyone else has experienced something similar with their partner.

Looking for advice on a relationship issue. [18F] and [18M]

My boyfriend (18M) and I (18F) have been together for almost two years, and I truly love him and would do anything for him. However, I've recently started to feel like our relationship isn’t benefiting me and is instead making me feel miserable. I don’t want to break up, nor do I want him to leave me; I just want to improve our situation, but it's proving to be difficult. He has developed a strong addiction to porn, which I understand is common among teenage boys, but his situation feels excessive. I've tried to express how this affects me and to help him recognize that it’s a problem, but he tends to dismiss my concerns. Recently, he even opened up to a friend about having a “gooning problem,” which makes me feel nauseous just thinking about it. I'm unsure how to help him change this behavior so our relationship can improve. Another issue is that he rarely wants to spend time with me. When we are together, he is affectionate and tells me he loves me, but over the past few months, we’ve only managed to see each other once a week because of our jobs and my school schedule. Meanwhile, I see my friends spending time with their boyfriends daily, which leads me to wonder if he’s losing interest in me. If that's the case, why doesn’t he just end things? He rarely texts or calls me and has stopped playing video games with me, claiming he wants to be alone, yet I see him gaming with friends every night. While I want him to enjoy that time, it feels unfair when he insists he needs space from me despite our limited communication. To complicate matters, he expresses uncertainty about marrying me and questions our future together but also claims to love me deeply. This leaves me feeling trapped in a cycle of love and pain. I sometimes long for the sweet things he used to say. Recently, I told him I missed our time in high school together, and instead of a sweet response, he just sent me a snap. When I pointed out that it would have been nice to hear something like, “I miss that too,” he replied that he’s just not a sentimental person anymore, even though he used to be. I'm feeling lost. I have BPD and other mental health issues, which I know can make things challenging for him, and I genuinely understand that. But I still feel hurt. Whenever I share my feelings of upset with him, he seems frustrated and says he’s tired of my being unhappy. I’m at a loss for how to communicate my emotions to him effectively. Any advice would be appreciated.

My boyfriend, who is 23, is experiencing erectile dysfunction, and I'm unsure how to handle the situation.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, and I’m seeking advice on how to handle his erectile dysfunction, which has been an issue throughout our relationship. I love him deeply and have no intention of leaving, so that’s not an option for me. He’s a fantastic partner, and it pains me to bring this up, but finding therapy has been challenging. I also want to avoid embarrassing him by discussing this with friends. He’s never had a girlfriend before, so it’s possible there are some mental blocks related to that, perhaps influenced by pornography. While our relationship has been wonderful, the only problem is in the bedroom. The sex primarily revolves around him pleasing me. Initially, I appreciated his focus on my pleasure, but I began to feel dismissed when I tried to reciprocate. I’ve made considerable efforts to help him, but overall, it hasn’t worked out, and I’ve only been able to help him climax a few times. My reactions have been quite emotional when he struggles with being erect; I’ve cried and unwittingly made it a bigger issue. I often wonder if I’m not attractive enough, which may have added stress and contributed to his erectile dysfunction. I’ve hoped that patience would help, but things haven’t improved. He wants to be with me and even acquired medication for help. However, I feel uncomfortable using those pills; even when we’ve tried, it felt unnatural, and he still couldn’t climax, which was disheartening for both of us. I do have my needs, and I’ve considered suggesting an open relationship. I know it might sound extreme, but I truly love him, and it’s just the sexual aspect that’s been missing for over a year. It’s becoming overwhelming for me. What can I do to navigate this situation without jeopardizing our relationship?

Why can't my boyfriend finish inside me? :( He's 21 and I'm 23.

When I first met my boyfriend, he shared that he has a foot fetish. Initially, I was supportive and tried to assure him that he shouldn't feel embarrassed. I even adapted my routine to accommodate his needs, letting him finish over my feet while I was falling asleep, often staying awake longer than planned. However, we've run into a significant issue: he struggles to have "normal" sex with me. Though he wants to, he's unable to perform. This has become a real challenge for us, especially since we both want to have a baby. If he can't finish inside me, that goal seems nearly impossible. We both recognize that his foot fetish has started to overshadow our relationship. He recently suggested we stop focusing on it since it may have created an unhealthy dependency for him—his ability to maintain an erection seems tied to his interest in feet. I love him deeply and am committed to finding a resolution, but I won't deny that this situation is really tough on both of us. I'm feeling pretty down, and I know he is too. I'm open to any suggestions. Also, if you could check out my last post, I’d appreciate it. (Sharing a picture for visibility.)

My boyfriend, who is 42, is dealing with performance anxiety, while I'm 30 and finding it hard to fully believe what he’s saying about it.

My boyfriend has confided in me that he experiences significant preference anxiety. We've been together for a few months, and I’ve noticed that he goes through cycles where he finds intimacy challenging, while at other times, it comes easily. There was a week when we were intimate every day, but just yesterday, I found myself almost begging for sex. Initially, he was enthusiastic, but then he suddenly lost interest. He told me he got stuck in his head and that it just couldn’t happen. However, he didn't explain this to me in the moment; instead, he continued to tease me. It was only after he left the room that I confronted him, and that’s when he opened up about his feelings. After reflecting on our situation, I've noticed a pattern: when I initiate things and express how much I desire him, he tends to struggle. I find it hard to fully accept that his anxiety is the cause of this reaction, especially when I’m left wondering if I'm not attractive enough for him. As I write this, I realize it does appear that he has preference anxiety, but I still have my doubts. I know this may be too much to share online, but I’m in need of some guidance. I’ve never been with someone facing an issue like this, and I'm having trouble not overthinking things. What should I do? Should I believe that he genuinely has severe performance anxiety?

Me [28F] and him [29M], and we still haven't met his family?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now, and we live together after meeting at work. Initially, he seemed quite serious, and we were aligned on many things, such as our desire for children and our future goals. However, for the past six months, our sexual intimacy has significantly decreased, and I’m the one who has to initiate any cuddling. To make matters worse, I still haven’t met his family, even though I introduced him to mine right away. Despite asking multiple times, I still don’t know his family, and it’s been 11 months. I’m starting to question if this behavior is normal for someone who claims to love me, is attracted to me, and wants to be with me. His actions don’t seem to align with his words, and I’d really appreciate some advice on how to navigate this, as my intuition tells me something is off.

Am I being unreasonable for feeling frustrated about not feeling well in bed with my boyfriend?

I'm finding that being intimate with him is either really painful or feels completely empty, so I often just lie there, making occasional sounds to avoid the awkwardness. When it comes to oral, it usually either feels like nothing at all or it hurts, partly due to his beard. He frequently offers to perform oral because he genuinely enjoys it, and I like the idea of it. However, when it actually happens, I end up doing it primarily for his pleasure and to help him finish since I don’t derive any pleasure from it myself. Fingering is problematic for me because of a medical issue that makes it hard for anything to go inside, no amount of lube makes a difference. When he tries to finger me, it usually just feels painful and uncomfortable, which can be really frustrating given how turned on I might feel otherwise. At times, it makes me want to shut down and just go to bed. Due to this situation, we haven't been able to have penetrative sex either, which adds to my stress. He often brings it up when I'm at his place and tries to make moves toward it during intimate moments. For example, he likes when I act bratty so he can "correct" me with kisses or light spanking. One time while we were making out, instead of going with the moment, he just pulled out his penis and attempted to enter me, which startled me and made me look at him with concern. This clearly made him feel guilty and killed the mood. We've tried anal a few times, but I don’t get much enjoyment out of it either. Sometimes it hurts, even though I’ve been able to do it painlessly on my own (and even with larger items than him). Unfortunately, he can be a bit rough, and I end up just lying there, listening to music and waiting for it to be over, which leaves me feeling used. It’s brought on a kind of depressive mood where I feel less excited about being intimate with him, even though I do want to be close and appreciate the idea of sex with him. I find that many experiences that should be pleasurable end up hurting instead, and I often just comply with his desires to ensure he feels satisfied, even if I’m not. It’s not that he’s selfish or dismissive; in fact, he’s very eager to please me. He even let me buy a vibrator to help, which I use often when I’m with him. However, when he tries to use it on me, it usually doesn’t feel as good, and when I try to guide him by saying, “Oh, a little to the left,” he often goes in the opposite direction or holds it in a way that doesn’t feel right, asking if I’m close to climaxing. I just want to scream, "No! Please stop going right when I asked you to go left!" Watching him masturbate in front of me brings up some jealousy because it seems so easy for him to feel good. For me, it feels like I'm trying to navigate a storm while dodging raindrops when I’m with him. Am I being selfish or asking too much? Is this typical for girls, or for guys his age? How can I start feeling better or at least less frustrated about my experiences? He’s not super experienced, but he's had more partners than I have since I'm still a virgin, and he’s the only one I’ve been intimate with. My parents are divorced and didn’t provide me with proper sex education; they even pulled me from classes in school, so I feel at a loss when it comes to understanding this. I have some girlfriends, but I wish I had friends with whom I could discuss these topics—not in a creepy way, but just to ask, “Is this normal? Does this happen to you?”

She [22F] is eager to have it, but I [22F] am not as interested. What should I do?

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 8 months now. While I want to be intimate with her, I find that my libido is pretty low, and I don’t feel the need for sex every time we’re together. She, on the other hand, wants to have sex frequently, which creates a bit of tension between us. I think she’s incredibly attractive and I’m definitely drawn to her, but my desire for sex just isn't as strong these days. At the start of our relationship, there was a lot of passion—we were intimate almost everywhere, and I don’t regret any of it. However, lately, I find myself wanting different kinds of affection, like cuddling, kissing, going on dates, or simply spending time together without the pressure of sex. The crux of the issue is that sex makes her feel loved, while I find fulfillment in feeling desired even without constant physical intimacy. We both have experienced childhood trauma, which has shaped how we approach relationships and intimacy, but we’ve processed those experiences quite differently. She’s also the only person I know she’s ever felt attracted to, which adds to my guilt about how I’m feeling. I shared my feelings with her about not wanting to have sex all the time, but it didn't go over well. She felt rejected, which is understandable, and now she seems to be distancing herself. I’m struggling to find a way to help her understand my perspective without making her feel unwanted or rejected. What can I do to communicate this better?

Concerns regarding partner's libido [41F] [37M]

I [41F] have been in a relationship with my partner [37M] for a year and a half. When we first got together, they mentioned they weren’t looking for a serious relationship, and I accepted that and remained patient. Initially, we were intimate about four times a day, once or twice a week. However, after around six months, that frequency dropped to once every two weeks, and only once per occasion. My partner has expressed they've been feeling depressed and have a low libido. While I have tried to be understanding, they seldom initiate intimacy and often decline my attempts—about three out of four times. Additionally, they rarely compliment my appearance or express affection. I inquired about their fantasies or preferences, and after they shared, I began dressing in a way that aligns with those, which has led to a slight increase in intimacy, but still not significantly so. As a result, I often feel unattractive and unappreciated. Although I receive attention and compliments from others who tell me I’m beautiful, I don’t experience that from my boyfriend. I’m looking for advice on what else I can do because I can’t stay in a relationship where my sexual needs aren’t met.

My girlfriend has vaginismus, and it's impacting my feelings for her.

I'm feeling unfulfilled in our relationship at this point. We've been together for a year, and while we started off quite physical, we’ve never engaged in penetrative sex due to her inability to do so, which I’ve accepted. However, I do need some level of intimacy. Initially, we were physically affectionate, but it seems to have diminished since she started birth control. We haven’t been intimate for several months now, and it's really affecting me. I’ve tried to talk to her about it in a compassionate way, expressing that intimacy is something I need in a relationship, but she tends to shut down and not respond. I genuinely believe that physical intimacy is essential for a relationship, and right now, I feel like I'm lacking that connection. I don’t feel loved or desired, as she rarely initiates any sort of sexual interaction. How can I effectively discuss this issue with her and work towards rekindling our intimacy?

I discovered saved files on my boyfriend's phone. How can I move on from this?

I'm a 27-year-old woman in a five-year relationship with my boyfriend, who is 28. He’s my best friend and we've shared a lot of experiences together. Lately, though, I've been feeling unwanted in our relationship. He seldom initiates intimacy, and when we do engage in sex, it feels like I'm the only one making an effort. As a result, there can be months when we go without it. We see each other every weekend and occasionally during the week. I've raised this concern multiple times; he acknowledges it but no real change occurs. Sometimes he becomes emotional when I bring up these issues, expressing that he feels "not enough" or that I’ve been “too hard on him,” which complicates our conversations and often leaves me feeling responsible for comforting him. Recently, while he was sleeping, I went through his phone (I admit it’s not my proudest moment, but I had a strong suspicion, and this was the first time I did anything like this in nearly five years together). I discovered that he had saved explicit videos of women from the internet in his files, which I found in the Recently Deleted folder. What hurt the most was seeing a screenshot of a mutual friend in a bikini also in that folder. It made me feel sick. It’s not just about him looking at such content; I understand that everyone has their needs, but the fact that he saves it, hides it, and then deletes it tells me he knows it’s wrong. Now I'm overwhelmed with thoughts about how this fits into our already struggling sex life. I'm always the one to initiate, and even when we do have sex, he rarely finishes. It’s led me to wonder if he simply doesn’t desire me in that way anymore, and I've questioned whether I can accept our lack of intimacy for the long term. Discovering that he's engaging with sexual material outside of our relationship only adds to my feelings of hurt. I can't shake the thought that he’s choosing to find pleasure elsewhere instead of with me, and if that's the case, what does it mean for us? I’m not sure how to process these feelings. I'm hurt and feel uneasy being around him right now, and a part of me doesn't even want to be intimate with him anymore. Yet, another part of me wants to understand his perspective and see if there’s an explanation that might change how I feel. I just don’t know what that explanation might be.

I [21F] pretended to have an orgasm with the guy I'm seeing [24M]. Should I be honest with him about it? If so, how should I approach the conversation?

I've been seeing this guy since December 2025, and we've been intimate on several occasions. I find it difficult to reach orgasm because of my anti-anxiety medication, which means I don't climax as often as I'd like. Recently, he mentioned that he wants to help me achieve orgasm more frequently since it has only happened once, and he feels a bit of an imbalance since he finishes much more often than I do. He suggested that we should work together to figure out what works for me next time. When that opportunity came, I thought I had expressed what I desired clearly enough, but I still couldn’t reach orgasm. Not wanting to make things uncomfortable or awkward, I ended up faking an orgasm to bring things to a close. Now, I feel guilty about not being truthful and for not communicating effectively. I'm unsure if I should bring it up with him—I don’t want to create tension in our relationship since sex is significant for both of us, but I also don’t want to let him down.

[32F] [32M] My fiancé is having difficulty maintaining an erection.

Hello. I’ve been in a relationship with him since 2018. We met when we were both 25. He told me I was the first girl to give him a chance and that he was a virgin, while I wasn't. During our first sexual encounter, he struggled to maintain an erection, which I assumed was normal for a first time. After a few tries on different nights, he was able to perform well and would even last around two hours with breaks in between. The first year was wonderful, but things changed when I became pregnant. Our sex life remained good for another year, but I later discovered that he was flirting with other women online. I wasn’t heartbroken, but once I noticed this, our intimacy felt different. Sometimes he couldn't get hard at all, and other times he would only last a minute, despite wanting to be intimate. I found this perplexing, and it went on for months. When I expressed my feelings, he assured me he was still attracted to me but didn’t know what was wrong. Now, four years later, since 2020, he still faces difficulties with achieving and maintaining an erection. Occasionally, he would manage to get hard, but most of the time, he was soft. We had another child as well. Over the past year, I noticed that he stopped initiating sex, which frustrated me. When I brought it up, he started asking for sex again, but every time we were intimate, he struggled to get hard, and when he did, it was only semi-hard. Today, during what was supposed to be sex, he pretended to ejaculate, and I suspected he was lying since I didn't see any evidence. He claimed it was just a little bit. Nowadays, he only becomes fully hard with foreplay and has normal ejaculation, which was not an issue in the past. This was the first time I felt he lied to me. I confronted him about it, expressing my frustration and asking whether he still found me sexually attractive. He insisted he did, but his actions have led me to question that. He claims he doesn't understand why this is happening. After being patient for four years, I’m considering ending the relationship. I worry about our children and how they might feel if we separate, but it's becoming unbearable for me. Am I making the right choice? What could be causing his issues?

Is my girlfriend [22F] no longer interested in me? [23M]

Hey everyone! My girlfriend and I have been together for almost four years, and I’ve noticed that our sexual chemistry has gradually shifted more towards a friendship. I often try to initiate intimacy, but she frequently seems tired or just not in the mood. We only have sex about twice a month, which feels low for my age. I make an effort to be flirtatious and romantic, but it seems like she doesn’t have the same sexual desire for me anymore. I rarely ask for oral sex, but it would be nice to feel desired or have her offer it occasionally. I take care of myself, maintain good hygiene, and strive to be a loving partner by bringing her flowers, planning dates, and treating her well. Is it common for women to lose sexual desire for certain partners?

Seeking advice on how to help my boyfriend (22M) with his premature ejaculation. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend (22M) for nearly two years now. When we first met, we never intended to start a relationship; we were just hooking up. Back then, he didn't ejaculate nearly as quickly as he does now. Since we became officially dating, he's had difficulty engaging in any kind of sexual activity without being on the verge of ejaculation. It only takes a few gentle touches for him to reach that point. Every time we try to be intimate, he ends up finishing before we can even get started, which has really impacted our sex life. I'm seeking genuine advice on how to address this issue. I want to ensure that both of us can find pleasure in our intimacy. I'm also unsure how to bring this up with him, as I worry it might make him feel self-conscious.

I, a 20-year-old female, have been experiencing difficulties with penetration while being intimate with my boyfriend, who is 21.

I'm a 20-year-old female and have recently started a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 21. We've been facing challenges with penetration; every time we try to be intimate, I tense up, and it becomes painful. I often feel anxious because of past experiences, but I'm working with a therapist to address these feelings. We've explored other forms of intimacy, and my boyfriend is very understanding, but I worry that penetration may never feel comfortable for me. Is there anything I can do to improve this situation?

My boyfriend (22M) has expressed that he wants to remain celibate until marriage because of his Christian beliefs, but we still engage in sexual activity occasionally. Any advice on how to navigate this situation?

My boyfriend [22M] and I [20F] have been in a relationship for nearly two years. At the start, we were intimate frequently, and I thought we both enjoyed it. However, about a year in, he found religion and decided to dedicate his life to Christianity. I’ve always supported this choice, even though I've never been particularly religious myself; I believe everyone has the right to choose their own path. Recently, he expressed a desire to stop having sex until we get married because it makes him feel "extremely guilty." Although I didn’t want this change, I respected his wishes out of love for him. However, despite his stance, he still occasionally engages in sexual activities with me—like allowing me to perform oral sex or having full intercourse. Afterward, he often seems off, even though he’s admitted that these actions conflict with his beliefs. I truly love him and don’t want to end our relationship, especially if there's a way to address this issue effectively. I’m left wondering why he continues to act this way. When I ask, he says I make him "weak." Yet, I can't shake the feeling that I've done something wrong or led him to sin. I really need some advice on how to navigate this situation. Any insights or shared experiences would be appreciated.

My partner, who is 24 years old, has a very low libido, and I’m 23.

My partner and I have been in a relationship for 3.5 years, but it feels like our sex life has come to a complete standstill. In our first year together, everything was great, and we were very intimate. My partner was also quite sexually active before we started dating and has a high number of previous partners. However, during our second year, we went long distance, and he began taking SSRIs. I would visit him once a month, but by the end of our long-distance phase, our sexual interactions had lessened significantly. Fortunately, we moved in together after about nine months apart, but the decline in our sex life continued. Now, as we approach our fourth year together, we haven’t had sex in over a year. We still engage in some intimacy, but it's limited to maybe twice a month, if that. We’ve discussed this issue, and he reassures me that he’s still attracted to me and wants to be intimate, yet he feels that something is wrong with his ability to perform. He has consulted with doctors and tried different medications for his depression, but nothing has improved the situation. The doctors suggested he simply needs to start going to the gym. What confuses me is that he still watches porn and doesn’t seem to have trouble getting aroused. Also, we are both committed to being monogamous and have no interest in seeing other people. I suspect his difficulties may be linked to his ADHD and mental health medications, but I can’t shake the feeling of being unwanted and unattractive. I’m really struggling with the lack of intimacy and feel unsure about what to think or do next. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Any suggestions on how to navigate this situation?

[23F] and [25M] are engaged, and nothing is changing.

I apologize for the lengthy message, but I really need to share what's been on my mind. I'm 23 and my fiancé is 25. We've been together for over five years and are planning to get married this year. Before him, I was in a really bad relationship, and he helped me understand what true love is. However, sometimes I feel like he's taking me for granted. There have been moments when I should have walked away, but I chose to stay. During a deep conversation we had, I expressed that I don't think he believes I'll actually leave him if necessary. We've experienced our fair share of ups and downs, but we’ve managed to overcome challenges together. About a month ago, we had another serious talk where I shared that I'm feeling disconnected and not quite okay. We even considered taking a break but ultimately decided to work things out. Recently, though, we’ve been struggling with intimacy. I mentioned how this affects my self-esteem, and he reassured me that it’s not about me; it’s him. On top of that, I expressed my discomfort with him searching for a girl’s OnlyFans name on Instagram and then looking her up on Reddit. While I don’t mind if he watches porn, this specific behavior has been bothering me. He promised to stop. However, we tried to be intimate last night, and it didn’t go well. When I asked if he experiences the same issue when he masturbates, he accused me of thinking he does it more than he actually does, which wasn’t the case—I was just asking. He eventually admitted that he still has the same problem. Today, I noticed he visited a girl's OnlyFans account, one he had already been looking up on Reddit. It's frustrating because I don't understand why he needed to look her up again. I know he doesn’t pay for OnlyFans, but I feel like I’m stuck in the same conversation repeatedly. Should I keep waiting for things to improve?

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