Relationship advices

My girlfriend and I, who have been together for a year and a half, are taking things slower.

Hello everyone, I'm new to this subreddit! :) This past weekend, my girlfriend and I had our biggest fight in our relationship, which has lasted a year and seven months. Until now, we’ve rarely had any disagreements—what we previously experienced wouldn’t even be classified as fights. After a few days of limited communication, we finally had an intense conversation about what went wrong and how we can improve. I realized that I made some mistakes, and we discussed our issues openly. During our talk, she suggested the idea of being friends, which really hit me hard because I thought I might be getting dumped. We then acknowledged that we had become too reliant on each other—almost in an unhealthy way. We weren't functioning as our own individuals anymore, so we decided to press the "slow down" button. We're both going to take some time apart to focus on personal growth and independence. She mentioned that she still loves me and has feelings for me, but she needs to figure out if our relationship can work in the long run. I don’t want to get caught in a situation where I’m just being strung along, but I’m determined to not lose her. Is it common to try this for a month or two before deciding on the future, or does this seem like a step in the right direction? Has anyone else faced a similar situation? This is my first long-term relationship, and while I feel hopeful, I also have some anxiety about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! :)

What are some effective ways to move on from someone more quickly?

"I'm having difficulty getting over my last relationship, even though it's been weeks. Is there anything I can do to help these feelings fade more quickly?"

I'm a 20-year-old woman and I have a wonderful, caring, and respectful boyfriend. Despite that, I find myself subconsciously trying to distance myself from him. What can I do to address this, aside from seeking therapy?

We met around November, and everything is going well. However, I think I developed feelings for him when we met in person, but I find myself pushing him away when we text. I'm currently working on starting therapy. Thank you for your advice! xx

My (23M) girlfriend (21F) messaged an ex. Should I be worried?

My girlfriend and I, who have been together for seven months, ended up going through each other's phones (I know, not the best idea). After some thorough searching in late December, I discovered that she had texted an ex about hanging out back in October. When I confronted her about it, she explained—despite our previous discussions on this topic—that she felt I wasn’t that into her during that time, and she genuinely thought I might leave her since we had a tough month. To cope with those feelings, she reached out to him for attention, knowing he was always eager to engage with women. I found these messages by texting him from her phone, asking “Hey, I forgot where we left off” and “I deleted our messages; could you refresh my memory?” He was very eager to meet up with her in person and eventually sent me screenshots of their October conversations, where she mentioned hanging out on Halloween and made similar plans a week earlier. He remarked that she would ask to get together but would then completely ghost him. So, does this mean her texts were purely for attention, or was there something more serious behind them? This situation really made me reflect on how I had made her feel.

Have I made a mistake?

I (18M) was in a talking stage with an 18F who identifies as bisexual, which I'm totally okay with. At the beginning of our conversations, she said she would call me to chat, but she never followed through. I didn’t think much of it until two days ago when she got really drunk and, based on her messages, she told her dad she's bisexual, and he reacted with anger. I wanted to be supportive, so I suggested, “We can always talk about it if you want since you still owe me that call, lol.” She replied, “I don’t owe you anything.” I quickly apologized, clarifying that I was just joking. She read my texts but has since deleted her Instagram and blocked me on TikTok. I tried reaching out via text, but she hasn’t responded. Did I do something wrong? Also, it’s worth mentioning that just 10 minutes before this, she was flirting with me, saying she could “beat my cute ass” in a fight and called me "baby" with a heart emoji. I'm just really upset about the whole situation.

Disagreements between husband and wife

My husband feels that I disrespected him, but he won’t allow me to clarify what I meant. I never intended to offend him. We used to share jokes in a lighthearted way, but I realize now that I chose the wrong moment to make a joke, especially given the changes in our lives. I didn’t realize it would upset him; it seems like no matter what I say, it ends poorly, and if I stay silent, that's not right either. I’ve noticed that even my good intentions often lead to misunderstandings. He has disrespected me on several occasions, and I’ve chosen to keep quiet because he has been grieving and working on his mental health. He’s previously told me that I'm just expected to handle everything when he's having a tough time, despite my own struggles with postpartum depression for the past two years. I’ve been trying to support myself while managing the demands of homeschooling our four-year-old and taking care of our two-year-old and six-month-old. Now, he’s saying it’s my fault for not speaking up, accusing me of being selfish for staying quiet. He claims he doesn’t want a silent partner, and I’ve been unsure how to communicate without triggering an argument. I often felt it was better to keep my thoughts to myself to avoid causing him more stress. Despite all this, he won’t let me explain my perspective. He insists that there’s no need to discuss things further and claims he’s not surprised by my disrespectful comments. He says he needs space but then avoids talking about our issues. When we do communicate, it seems my explanations don’t satisfy him and he perceives me as blaming him. I’m at a loss for what to do. He refuses to go to therapy and disapproves of me talking to others about our issues. What should I do now?

SEEKING ADVICE: I (21F) find myself comparing my social life to that of my outgoing boyfriend (21M), and it's leading to feelings of resentment toward him because I feel lonely. How can I express my feelings to him in a way that helps me move past this resentment?

**(Summary: I'm struggling to make friends while my boyfriend has many, which has led to some unfair resentment due to my own insecurities. I'm looking for advice on how to share my feelings with him in a way that fosters understanding for both of us.)** I created a burner Reddit account because I'm embarrassed and really need some guidance. Please bear with me as this is a bit lengthy. Socializing has always been tough for me, and I've repeatedly had difficulties forming and maintaining friendships, leaving me with a significant insecurity. I've always felt quite awkward, adding to my social anxiety. Currently, I'm undergoing cognitive behavioral therapy to help with this. In contrast, my boyfriend is very outgoing and sociable. It's impressive how easily he connects with others and leaves every conversation with new friends. Everyone adores him, and he truly lights up any gathering. He’s my best friend, and I genuinely admire him. We’ve been together for four years. As we're both in university, he’s made numerous friends, while I haven’t built any connections on my own. The friends I do have are those he introduced me to, as they were his friends initially. Here are the roots of my insecurities: - People regard my boyfriend as his own individual, whereas I feel perceived only as his girlfriend, rather than by my name. - When he walks into a room, people greet him warmly. In his absence, others ask me where he is, but I don’t receive the same engagement. - I struggle to engage in fun conversations with our friends like he does. When I contribute to group discussions, the mood tends to drop, in stark contrast to how people respond to him. - I often feel that my connection with our friends exists solely because they’re associated with him. - My boyfriend is really the only person I spend time with or confide in. I enjoy being with him and feel more self-assured around him. However, in group settings, I often feel overshadowed by his extroverted presence, becoming almost invisible. - He spends a lot of time with others, which leaves me feeling alone. Although I appreciate my alone time, it stings knowing I have no one to turn to when I seek social connection. Lately, I’ve begun to feel resentment towards my boyfriend, and I recognize that this isn’t fair to him. I know I need to make changes myself, rather than expect him to change, but it’s challenging to suppress those feelings. He is aware of my loneliness and the pain I’ve experienced from lacking genuine friendships. At times, he can sense when I’m feeling down and encourages me to share what’s bothering me. I find it difficult to express my emotions to him. I often bottle things up to avoid burdening him with my struggles, and I hate the idea of making him feel guilty about my situation. There have been nights when I've cried myself to sleep next to him, trying to keep quiet. Sometimes I find myself sobbing during the day, but he’s unaware because I turn away. When I do express my feelings of loneliness, he genuinely tries to comfort me, yet I often end up feeling worse afterward. He doesn’t grasp what I’m experiencing — he’s never known what it’s like to lack friends. I sometimes push him away, fearing I’ll take my emotions out on him, yet I’m also frustrated with him for not understanding my feelings. I love him deeply and don’t want him to feel guilty; I know this isn't his fault, but mine. I hope that by improving my communication with him, I can stop feeling resentful. How can I express my feelings to him without making him feel guilty or pressured? What’s the best way to share my emotions so that I feel understood and heard? And how do I manage my feelings overall?

Is there a way to recover from this?

I've been in a relationship with my (now ex) boyfriend for just over a year. I'm 25, and he's 26. Recently, I found out that he hasn't been completely faithful. I discovered he had been frequenting bars, talking to other girls, and even getting their numbers, although he didn't text them afterward. To make matters worse, I stumbled upon a folder on his laptop filled with hundreds of photos of partially clothed women—some of whom are colleagues and friends, not just Instagram models. I feel incredibly betrayed, especially since he's always presented himself as Mr. Nice Guy. While he has generally been a decent boyfriend, there were moments when he made rude comments about my appearance, brushing them off as jokes, and instances where he’d cancel plans at the last minute. However, on the whole, he was loving. After I learned about his infidelity, I ended the relationship. Now, he’s been relentlessly messaging me, asking for another chance. I’m torn—I don’t want to seem foolish by taking him back, but I really thought we had a future together. What would you do in my situation?

What steps can I take to end my relationship with my partner who is experiencing suicidal thoughts?

I'm bracing myself for a wave of criticism for sharing this. I've been with my partner for four years, and while we’re both in our early 30s and he lives in my house, we’ve always faced challenges. The good moments are truly special, but in hindsight, I realize there have been more difficult times. For a year, we were quite happy, enjoying nights filled with smoking together, which seemed to mask our problems. Last year, he lost his job, something he was relieved about since he disliked it. He decided to take a break before searching for something new. After several months of fruitless interviews, he felt he had no choice but to return to the same company in a different position. Since going back, he has been miserable and has already faced another layoff. A couple of years ago, I supported him emotionally to the point where I felt overwhelmed. Now, he’s struggling and is feeling suicidal, while I’m trying to guard my own mental health. I worry that my efforts to protect myself are making me seem unsympathetic, and I'm terrified of slipping into that dark place I once faced. I’m also exhausted; we’ve never taken a vacation or enjoyed any of the activities most couples do, despite my attempts to create those experiences. I’m emotionally drained, but leaving him weighs heavily on my mind because I fear for his well-being. Recently, he's been more confrontational, and I just want to escape this situation.

I (28F) ended up in tears because my significant other (26M) forgot to get me a birthday gift. How would you respond in this situation?

Last Friday was my birthday, and my significant other had been working night shifts, finishing at 6 AM. When he came home, he wished me a happy birthday, and we chatted briefly before he had to run some errands and sleep, which I totally understand after a long night. I jokingly remarked, "Make sure you get a birthday card," thinking he would have already picked one up. He went straight to bed and woke up around 4 PM while I continued working from home. I had to step out to run some errands before heading to my mom's for the night since we had plans for the morning. When I returned home, there was still no sign of a card or anything. I went ahead and bought my own birthday cake because I wasn’t about to let my birthday pass without one. Yesterday, I brought this up after waiting to see if he would do something, and when he didn’t, I finally said something. He explained that he was really tired and forgot to get anything. I’ve always considered myself low maintenance; I prefer gifts with meaning over expensive ones. But I wonder if I’ve given the impression that I don’t want anything at all. I pointed out that he could have at least grabbed a cheap card or some flowers, and he responded, "You have flowers in your vase," even though they were practically dead—something anyone can see since we live together. To make matters worse, a little over a month ago, I started a new job, and when he attended a party, he didn’t wish me good luck beforehand or even afterward until I brought it up. I’ve always been laid-back, and now I’m starting to wonder if that leads people to think they don’t need to put in any effort. I’ve cried for two days over this situation. It's not about the gift itself; it's the thought behind it that matters. Adding to my feelings, my friend, who is two days younger than me, mentioned how her partner made her feel special, which made me feel even worse. And here I am, crying all over again.

I shattered my boyfriend's trust.

So I've been in an on-and-off relationship with my boyfriend [28M] for about a year. One night, I went out with friends, had a few drinks, and ended up doing cocaine with a group of them, including a guy I didn’t know who was around my age and had the drugs. When it was time to go home, he couldn’t drive because he was too drunk, so he came with us. We ended up playing games and using cocaine until early morning—definitely not my best choice. I ended up getting his contact information because I knew I might want to buy more cocaine from him later. Our chat felt innocent; I told him I had a boyfriend and that I was only looking for drugs. After he left, I kind of hoped he’d come back, but it was mainly because I wanted more cocaine. I didn't want my boyfriend to find out I was using, so I deleted all the texts. I didn’t respond to my boyfriend's messages for about two hours, which understandably made him anxious since he can be a bit jealous. I feel really guilty and ended up confessing everything to him. I’m really torn—part of me doesn’t want to label this as cheating, but what if it qualifies as micro-cheating? I just want to cry because I love my boyfriend so much. He has a tendency to investigate, and I'm worried he might find the guy's number in my blocked contacts and confront him. The truth is, I didn’t cheat, but I can’t control what this guy might say. What if my boyfriend ends up believing I did and decides to leave me? I really need some advice here.

Should I be concerned before I begin dating this guy?

I've been planning to meet this guy, who lives in Canada, for the first time this August. I'm from the U.S., and we've been friends for nearly five years after connecting on RecRoom—yeah, it's a bit cheesy. Last night, during a discussion about relationships, he asked me: "Are you okay with your boyfriend being friends with other females?" I replied, "As long as there’s no emotional (as in romantic) or physical attraction involved, and it started and remains platonic, then yes." I feel this way because emotional cheating can happen unexpectedly, even to people who believe they would never cheat. Personally, I wouldn’t keep exes or former partners close when pursuing a new relationship. Moving on from past connections is easy for me, but it would be a different scenario if marriage and children were involved. I expect the same consideration from a partner. He mentioned he’s still friends with a girl he dated for about a year in middle or high school. Even though their relationship didn’t work out, they still stay in touch in case something develops in college. He also noted that they haven't had sex, and her boyfriend is usually around when they hang out. Since I've never dated before, I don’t get very jealous. I would never demand my partner stop being friends with someone, as it's ultimately their choice. Still, his comment caught me off guard. I’m running on just two hours of sleep, so I might just be anxious. I can’t tell if I should be concerned or if I’m simply overthinking things, especially since he doesn’t often share much about himself.

Please assist me urgently.

I've been with my girlfriend for a year and a month now, and we're both 19. So far, everything has been going well. Our relationship has been solid—we’ve spent a lot of time together, met each other’s families, created countless memories, and supported one another through good times and bad. However, a month or two ago, I noticed a slight change in her behavior, which made me realize I had been treating her poorly. I had been dismissive, not really listening to her, and focusing mostly on myself. In response, I made a conscious effort to change my behavior—being less aggressive, more patient, and more attentive. But after making those changes, I started to feel uneasy and questioned everything, wondering if I had changed too late. It felt like the closeness we once shared was fading. I began to overthink whether she truly loved me for about a week or two until she reassured me, and for a brief moment, everything felt normal again. However, the next morning, I found myself doubting my own feelings for her, which made it difficult for me to be present with her even when we were together or on the phone. I recognize that my feelings for her are genuine; I've never experienced anything quite like this before. She brings me joy, I genuinely care for her, and I feel safe enough around her to cry in front of her. When we lie together, it feels as though we are a married couple. Though I’ve never been physically close with a girl before, being with her feels natural and comforting. I think my relationship anxiety stems from what I've read about love and relationships, which explains my persistent overthinking and loss of appetite over the last two weeks. I sometimes worry that I don't fully embody what love is supposed to be—like being free of jealousy or envy, because those feelings seem to arise for me, although it’s not specific to her. I realize this is more about my own struggles, and I'm committed to working on myself. I want to strengthen my connection with God and learn how to show love genuinely, because I truly want to be with her. Typically, when I feel stressed in a relationship, I tend to walk away, but this time has been different. Despite the anxiety and stomach aches that accompany me daily, the only relief I find is through distractions like watching YouTube, which is not sustainable. I want to confront these challenges, improve myself, and continue building a relationship with her. I understand it won't be easy, but I don't want to lose someone as caring, beautiful, and good-hearted as she is. We have similar goals, and she teaches me new things, though I occasionally feel envious, which I know is unhealthy. I’m working on being more attentive when she speaks as my attention span has been poor lately, unless I'm really engaged in something. I’m making an effort to put everything aside and listen more actively. I envision a future with her, maybe getting a dachshund and even having kids together. I know we’re young, but I feel a strong connection. I wonder if my childhood traumas contribute to my feelings since she's the first person who has genuinely made me feel valued. I hope that my anxiety is at the root of these feelings, especially since how I treated her in the past doesn’t align with the concept of love. But if it isn’t love, why am I so invested in wanting to change for her and introduce God into our relationship? They say love reveals your flaws, and perhaps that's what I'm experiencing. I’m recognizing aspects of myself that need improvement. There’s a belief that love shouldn’t be forced; yet with her, I experience the qualities people associate with love—comfort, happiness, and a sense of safety. Recently, I’ve been waking up with stomach pain and racing thoughts, which I attribute to relationship anxiety. I believe we might just be going through a rough patch, and if I can stick with it, we might emerge stronger than ever. I notice that the anxiety tends to fade when I binge-watch videos or engage in distractions, but seeing her sometimes triggers my worries because I’m scared of hurting or losing her.

Tricky scenario '33F'

I'm a 33-year-old woman who’s often described as attractive, popular, and fit, with plenty of friends and a generally cheerful disposition. Recently, I entered into a wonderful relationship with a 39-year-old provider, and I genuinely love him. He’s sweet, a fire sign, and very attentive—he’ll bring me food and happily give me foot rubs every night if I ask, as well as take care of my bills. He always comes home on time, and we’re approaching four months together. However, our intimate life has dwindled to once a week, if I’m lucky. When I ask him about it, he insists that everything is fine. It used to be four or five times a week, which is why I started checking his phone at night. We both have each other's passwords, so it felt justified. In his deleted messages, I discovered that he was using an escort text line to request a quick visit. This has left me heartbroken. I tried to bring it up with him, but I was hesitant to admit that I had looked through his deleted messages. I asked him to communicate with me if something was wrong or if he wanted to take a break, but he acted oblivious and wanted me to clarify. I couldn’t bring myself to do that. I’m truly in love with him, and I recognize that no one is perfect. The thought of breaking up is daunting—not only am I financially dependent on him, but our families are intertwined, and we’ve been together for three years. How should I go about confronting him?

Why do I let my emotions guide me so much? How can I make better decisions in life?

Hi, I'm a 28-year-old woman. I was in a three-year relationship with a 28-year-old man. We come from different backgrounds, and he had mentioned that it would be challenging to convince his family, but he promised he would do his best. As time went on, I grew increasingly convinced that he wouldn't be able to convince his family since I didn't see him making significant efforts. He made a few attempts, but they didn't feel substantial enough to me. When my family started pressuring me to look for a husband, I asked him to make a final decision, allowing me to move on if necessary. Ultimately, he told me he couldn't leave his family, so I decided to let go. However, he wanted to stay in touch until I found someone else. I knew it was not the right thing to do, but he insisted we could just be friends. Our communication decreased to brief exchanges every few days. I realize this was a mistake, but I was overwhelmed by my emotions. During this time, my parents introduced me to a profile of a potential arranged marriage candidate. Thinking I would just humor the family and tell them I wasn't interested, I agreed to engage with him. To my surprise, I began enjoying our conversations and developed a meaningful connection. After a couple of months, I expressed my feelings, believing he was a great match for me. While I had feelings for him, I was still in touch with my ex, which I know is wrong. My intentions weren't to betray anyone; I was perhaps still influenced by my ex's insistence that we could remain friends until I found someone. Eventually, the arranged marriage guy discovered my past with my ex and the lies I told him. He felt deeply hurt and betrayed. I understand that I wronged him, but I thought once we informed our families of our intentions to marry, I'd end things with my ex for good. I intended to do this sooner, but I thought everything would work out once we took that step. Unfortunately, before I could move forward, everything fell apart, and I feel like I've lost a truly wonderful person. I genuinely had feelings for the arranged marriage candidate but made a series of poor decisions. Now he hates me, and we are no longer together. I'm struggling to understand why I acted this way despite knowing the potential consequences. I tend to be very emotional and often make the wrong choices. **TL;DR - I want to understand why I did this. Is it possible to get that person back in my life?**

21-year-old female, what should I do about this 34-year-old male?

I met my ex in April and moved in with him in May. He was incredibly sweet, always showering me with gifts and never showing any signs of toxicity. However, we broke up in June, and I moved out. In September, I ran into him at a place I often go to, and three of his friends mentioned he had a girlfriend. That evening, he approached me and started a conversation. I asked him, “Don’t you have a girlfriend? You should focus on her, not me.” He insisted he was single and invited me to talk privately. When we arrived at his apartment, I discovered his girlfriend was there, and upon seeing me, she decided to leave. In an unsettling turn of events, he grabbed her arm and yelled at her, showing signs of physical abuse, which I witnessed and heard. Afterward, I urged her to break away from him, and she did. Unfortunately, following that incident, he began to stalk me, as his friends informed me, and I noticed it myself. We stopped communicating in November when I had to go to the hospital for a couple of weeks. We haven’t spoken since before my hospital stay, but lately, I’ve found myself missing him and reminiscing about the good times we shared. Now, I'm considering reaching out to him but I need some advice on what to do. What should I make of this situation?

Looking for advice for myself (22F) and my boyfriend (44M).

I could really use some help! I'm not seeking opinions on the age gap—I understand that aspect already. We've been dating for quite a while, and I'm feeling conflicted about whether to continue the relationship or end it. He treats me very well, but I sometimes wonder if that's out of fear of losing me. He often shares how lucky he feels, gives me compliments, discusses our future together, and occasionally covers expenses (though I assure you, I'm not with him for his money). Lately, I’ve started to question if I'm really ready for a relationship or if I’m just bored with our current dynamic. It feels more like a friendship than a romance to me. I've had these thoughts before, and when I’ve shared them with him, it always ends the same way—I end up reminiscing about our good times and decide to stay. But I don’t want to remain together solely because of our history; I need to think about our future and whether it has potential. My mom isn’t very supportive of our relationship (which I understand), and he hasn't met anyone else in my family. I'm apprehensive about how they would react to the age difference. Meanwhile, I've met his family and friends. Given the time that's passed, I feel like if I’m serious about this relationship, he should have met my family by now. I worry about continuing in a relationship that my family won't support. On the flip side, I fear losing someone who treats me so well because I doubt I'll find that again. That brings me back to my earlier concern: is he nice to me out of genuine affection or fear of being alone again? He often mentions that I'm his last chance at love and happiness. This leaves me feeling lost. I dislike confrontation, yet I don’t want to prolong this uncertainty. Should I share my feelings with him again, risking being drawn back in? Or should I directly say that it feels more like a friendship and that I need some space? I appreciate any advice you might have! Sorry for the repetition; I'm just jotting down my thoughts as they come.

Challenging circumstances in a budding relationship

I'm a 33-year-old woman, attractive and well-liked, with a great social circle and a positive outlook on life. I've recently entered a wonderful relationship with a generous 39-year-old man whom I truly care for. He's thoughtful, a fire sign, and is so attentive—often bringing me food and giving me foot massages every night if I ask. He also takes care of my bills and comes home on time every night. We're approaching the four-month mark in our relationship, but I've noticed our intimacy has dwindled to just once a week, if I’m lucky. When I ask him about it, he reassures me that everything is okay, despite it previously being four or five times a week. This shift made me feel compelled to check his phone at night, even though we both have each other's passwords. In the deleted messages, I discovered that he was using an escort messaging service and inquired about a quick visit. I was devastated. I attempted to bring it up subtly, but I didn’t want to reveal that I had snooped. I asked him to communicate openly if something was wrong or if he needed a break, but he seemed oblivious and insisted I clarify my concerns. I wanted to speak up but felt stuck. If we were to part ways, not only would I face financial challenges, but our families are intertwined, having known each other for three years. How should I confront him about my findings? **TL;DR:** I've noticed a decline in our physical relationship and found evidence of him seeking escorts. I'm heartbroken and unsure how to confront him about it.

I made a mistake with my best friend who is a girl.

I’m an 18-year-old guy and recently attended a high school party with my best friend, an 18-year-old girl I’ll call B. We’ve been friends for the past two years, and while I don’t have many close friends, she doesn’t either, aside from her boyfriend. I’ve always appreciated our friendship and never wanted more. At the party, her boyfriend wasn’t there, and B playfully asked me to lift her onto my shoulders. I went ahead and did it, not thinking much of it. Unfortunately, some people took pictures, and those photos ended up reaching her boyfriend, which understandably made him upset. While I don’t have strong feelings about her boyfriend, I care about B and want her to be happy since he’s a good guy. I suggested she talk to him several times, but she refused. I took responsibility for my actions and apologized, but it seems she hasn’t taken it to heart. She’s been distant ever since and doesn’t want to talk. Any advice on how to handle this situation?

A 22-year-old man suddenly broke up with a 24-year-old woman, and now she's looking for ways to move on and find closure. How can she stop thinking about him every day?

She feels somewhat desperate and genuinely misses him; he was her first love, and their intimacy and conversations were fantastic. They also live just 30 minutes apart and occasionally work together.

[35M] I've uncovered details about my wife's [37F] past that are difficult for me to process. I need some support.

I'm posting anonymously for obvious reasons. So, yesterday, my curiosity got the better of me. I came across my wife's old phone in a drawer, guessed her PIN, and decided to take a look. I know it's wrong, but I was curious. I didn’t find much in her photo library, just a few softcore selfies. That wasn’t too surprising, as I figured she tends to keep things clean. I couldn't see her chat history because she usually deletes those conversations anyway. However, I did come across a period tracker app. As I swiped through it, a realization hit me. The app allows you to track sexual activity, including whether it was protected, and even notes about orgasms and contraceptive use. It turns out she hasn’t been on birth control for quite some time, despite tracking a few months when she was. More alarmingly, she had noted down various names—some appeared consistently for weeks, while others were one-offs. Several of these encounters were marked as unprotected, and I saw entries for two threesomes, one of which was also unprotected. Unfortunately, I can only see a little over a year’s worth of data because she changed phones, so I don’t know if this behavior has been ongoing for longer. She's told me before that she had been with three guys, never had a one-night stand, and definitely never had a threesome. All of that appears to be untrue. I had my doubts before based on certain hints she dropped, but she would get upset if I ever brought it up. We've been together for three years and have a one-year-old daughter. I’m really at a loss about how to address this without revealing what I found; I fear that could end our relationship, and I don’t want that. Right now, I can’t even look her in the eye or express my feelings. How should I approach this situation and figure out the next steps? TL;DR: I discovered that my wife has significantly downplayed her sexual history.

I'm a 41-year-old woman seeking advice about my relationship with my boyfriend, who is also 41. I'm feeling uncertain and could use some guidance. Any suggestions?

**Buckle Up**—I want to begin by saying that I genuinely consider myself a kind person who gives a lot to others without expecting anything in return. I typically don’t voice my frustrations, but here we are. I (41F) have been in a relationship with a guy (41M) for the past two years. He initially swept me off my feet, claiming to be a successful business owner and a six-figure earner who could manage on his own despite his visual impairment. He assured me that he was looking for a serious relationship, something he had never found before, and my friends even vouched for his character. Having spent much of my life financially supporting my boyfriends and their families, it was refreshing to meet someone who didn't seem to need that kind of help. At the time, I was in a job I despised, although I enjoyed the work itself; it was just the people I struggled with. We started dating in January 2023, but by March, something felt off. I found out that he had been seeing other women since the very beginning. While some approach dating like a game, I see it differently. For me, dating is about assessing whether someone is marriage material; otherwise, there’s no reason for me to label them as anything more than a friend, and I don’t sleep with my friends. He was aware of my stance from the start but chose to disregard it, continuing to cheat throughout our relationship. I even caught another woman at his place once. We attempted to reconcile through counseling, but I eventually stopped when it became clear he had no intention of being faithful. I also ceased contributing to his household because, frankly, why should I? I know I should have walked away, but after receiving repeated apologies, I felt stuck. Our lack of chemistry in the bedroom and his substance abuse issues, which he claims lead him to cheat, have complicated matters. I’ve told him that our relationship can only improve if he commits himself solely to me, but I keep finding evidence that he hasn’t changed. There are so many stories that illustrate this situation. Along the way, he has criticized me for not cleaning or cooking enough, insisting I’ve not been supportive. In reality, I do help out but have scaled back because it’s hard to go all out for someone who doesn’t reciprocate. I went from being his live-in girlfriend to more of a caregiver. I usually drop my son off at school and then prepare meals or take him out to eat, recognizing that he needs assistance. I might let his dog out or take her for occasional walks, but I stopped cleaning the house entirely. So, why do I stay? Honestly, I keep searching for a reason to remain in this relationship. We generally get along and enjoy each other's company—even when we clash over political issues, it rarely affects us. We share good times and affection. Yet, I’m missing the loyalty I need from a partner. Now to the core of my dilemma: I feel used, and when I withdrew the "relationship perks," suddenly I’m deemed "not enough" for him. He’s had many women come and go, seeming to live off him, but I am not one of them and never aspire to be. I’ve been self-sufficient since I started working at 14. It’s been a year since I’ve worked, and finding a job in the current market has proven challenging. You’d expect I could lean on him for some support, but I don’t; I even asked for gas money recently—why should I pay to drive someone who cheats on me? Cheating is a significant trigger for me. Growing up watching my parents betray each other, my childhood was shadowed by the lies their infidelities created. I refuse to share space with another woman for any reason. What should I do about this? Should I even continue trying?

I'm looking for assistance or guidance.

I'm a 24-year-old married man, and like many couples, my spouse and I have faced our share of challenges. There was a time when she was unfaithful, but we managed to work through that. Lately, I've developed a close friendship with a girl at work who really matches my energy. It’s refreshing to see her, and over time, I’ve found myself developing feelings for her. She’s unaware of this, and I have no intention of acting on it. I think it’s just that being around her helps me momentarily escape my issues with my spouse. We’ve been arguing a lot recently, and spending time with this colleague seems to provide some relief. I feel guilty about my emotions, but I’m not sure how to handle this situation. I could really use some advice.

schedule conflict

My boyfriend of six months unexpectedly ended our relationship, citing our incompatible schedules as the reason. He claimed he still wanted to be with me and genuinely cared for me, but we were only able to see each other every three weeks. He felt overwhelmed by work and other commitments and believed he couldn't give me the attention and love I deserved. When he initially brought up the issue, he asked for my thoughts, but during our call, it seemed he had already made up his mind. We didn’t agree on a no-contact period, but that’s how it’s turned out in the days since. I’m trying to move on, but I had strong feelings for him. Though I’m aware I shouldn’t hold onto hope, part of me can’t help but do so.

Challenging scenario 33f

I'm a 33-year-old woman—attractive, popular, and blessed with a great body and many friends. I’ve entered a wonderful relationship with a 39-year-old man who takes care of me in every way. I really love him; he’s sweet and a fire sign. He brings me food and offers foot rubs every night when I ask, plus he pays my bills and comes home on time every evening. We’ve been together for nearly four months, but our intimacy has dwindled to about once a week, if I'm lucky. He insists everything is fine, but it used to be four or five times a week, which has prompted me to check his phone at night. We both have access to each other's devices, but in his deleted messages, I discovered he was communicating on an escort text line and asking for a quick visit. I’m heartbroken. I tried to bring it up indirectly without revealing I snooped. I asked him to talk to me if something was wrong or if he wanted to take a break, but he seemed oblivious and wanted me to clarify. I struggled to find the right words. I'm worried about breaking up, as I’m financially dependent on him and our families and lives are intertwined after three years together. How should I approach this conversation? TL;DR: I found out my boyfriend is seeking escorts, and I don’t know how to confront him.

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