Relationship advices

Toxic Relationships • 13d ago

Why does my boyfriend act so affectionate one moment and then become distant and harsh during arguments?

I'm really struggling to understand my boyfriend's behavior. When things are going well, he’s incredibly kind, caring, loving, and warm. However, during arguments, he transforms into someone unrecognizable—almost like a monster. He hurls insults at me, tells me to leave him alone, refuses to listen to my side, and makes me plead with him not to break up. He even threatens to cheat and hangs up on me while I'm trying to explain myself. I often find myself calling him multiple times, hoping he’ll pick up. What's causing this drastic change in him? Which side of him should I believe in? He’s been on medication for depression for the past three years and also has ADHD. His upbringing was challenging; he was raised by a single mother and his grandparents and has never met his father. He’s shared that growing up, he often felt like an emotional punching bag for his mom, which has affected their relationship, though it's slowly getting better. It’s clear he has anger issues. He often slams or bangs on the table when he loses at games or things don't go as he wants, and his table is actually broken from one of these incidents. To provide some context to our arguments, they typically start when I try to share my feelings. He becomes triggered and defensive, often dismissing my emotions, which makes me hesitant to open up. He’s 26, works full-time, and otherwise leads a normal life, but this aggressive behavior only surfaces during fights. There was one instance where a minor disagreement left me in tears while he chose to play cards with his friends, telling me I was ruining his night and asking me to go home. I even begged him, but he pushed me away. On top of all of this, we haven't had intimacy in months. He attributes it to his depression and ADHD medications. I can't help but question whether it’s normal for him to go this long without sex. I suspect he might be keeping things from me, like he could still be taking care of his needs on his own. We used to have a great and adventurous sex life, but suddenly, it’s come to a halt. Is his lack of interest due to his meds or could it signify he’s interested in someone else? Does this mean he no longer loves me? I can’t shake the feeling of insecurity, wondering if he still finds me attractive or desires me.


Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • 13d ago

Tips for Navigating Long-Distance Relationships

I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for two years now. Initially, everything was fantastic; we would talk every morning and night, which felt so special. However, my boyfriend recently landed a job with an American company, and he now lives in another country. He works night shifts based on New York time, so by the time I wake up, he’s already at work. As a result, our conversations have become limited to just brief messages throughout the day. I only get to talk to him for about five minutes in the afternoon during his meal break. During my night, he’s asleep—understandably so, as he works 12-hour shifts. I’m starting to feel quite lonely and am struggling with the timing differences. I often find myself trying to express everything in those quick five minutes, and it’s hard to get my thoughts across. While we do text, it can take an hour for him to respond. I realize I’ve become quite attached to him, and it’s been tough. If only he had a schedule that aligned better with the time zone here in California, things would be so much easier. Unfortunately, juggling his New York hours while I’m in California has made things really challenging. He works in logistics, and I miss him so much that sometimes I feel frustrated with him. What should I do? I'm a 19-year-old female and he's a 21-year-old male.


Trust and Jealousy • 13d ago

Is it ROCD or simply trauma?

My partner and I have been together for nearly two years. About a year ago, he was caught lying about his communication with a woman from his past. They knew each other a long time ago, but there was nothing romantic or sexual between them. They ran into each other while he was at work, and he didn’t tell me about it. Instead, he lied about seeing her and even deleted their messages on Instagram. Since then, there have been other "understandable" lies regarding his issues with erectile dysfunction, and I discovered that his Instagram search was filled with pictures of other women—he initially didn’t admit that he was looking at them for that purpose. Now, I find myself constantly questioning whether this relationship is right for me. I analyze everything he does, even minor things like him getting off work 15 minutes later than usual. He works in construction, but his office is in the same building where this woman goes to the gym, which makes me anxious about the possibility of them running into each other again each day. I feel like I can’t find any peace of mind. Is this a case of Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (ROCD) that can be resolved with him, or did he fundamentally mess things up, leading to my deteriorating mental health? I would appreciate any advice you could offer. Thank you in advance.


Toxic Relationships • 13d ago

We both engage in verbal abuse.

I’m a 22-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, who is 23, and I have been in a long-distance relationship for five years, with the aim of eventually getting married. We’ve both come from challenging family backgrounds, and recently, our relationship faced significant strain, resulting in a breakup. We’ve both struggled with verbal abuse and certain triggers in our interactions. I’m actively working on improving myself, and when my boyfriend is calm, he’s responsive and takes accountability for the hurt he’s caused me. He’s very committed to our future and is eager to marry next year, so I can move to his city. However, I’m concerned that our unhealthy patterns might persist after marriage. Knowing that divorce can be particularly challenging for women in my culture, I’m seeking advice on how to make this relationship successful. I truly want it to work.


Breakups and Divorces • 13d ago

29-year-old female and 29-year-old male, please assist.

Hi there. I'm a 29-year-old woman, and my “ex” is a 29-year-old man. We were in a relationship for four years but recently agreed that some time apart would be beneficial. This decision was primarily his. To provide some background, we've faced challenges because I haven't been very proactive around the house, and until now, I haven't made any changes to improve my life or contribute to building our family. Unfortunately, he felt unappreciated, but he never communicated that, so I was unaware. Since our separation in November, I've been staying with my parents. We've stayed in touch almost daily, and I would even spend nights at his place when I didn’t have my daughter. I began to ask him about his feelings, and he seems torn because we've dealt with similar issues before. He acknowledges that it’s unfair, but he’s uncertain about what he wants right now, fearing that the same problems might resurface, and I share that fear. He decided we should go no contact for a while, though I'm unsure how long that will last. I feel incredibly confused, frustrated, and disappointed in myself, as all I want is to reunite when the time is right. However, I don't know how to move forward. This is the most serious relationship I've ever had, and I’ve never felt so certain about wanting to marry someone and even have a second child. He shares those desires, and yet I feel stuck. I want to clarify that he isn’t dating or considering anyone else; we've talked about this, and I trust his honesty completely. I'm just feeling lost right now. How should I proceed?


Toxic Relationships • 13d ago

I'm a 19-year-old guy dating a 29-year-old man who is currently going through a divorce and doesn't know how to advance our relationship toward something more serious. What should I do?

Hey everyone, I've been a long-time lurker here, and I've finally decided to post because I'm looking for some help and advice. I apologize if this isn't the typical scenario for this subreddit, as I know it mainly caters to straight couples and long-term relationships. Unfortunately, my parents, who are conservative Christians, aren't really the type I can discuss these things with. So here’s the situation: I’m 19 and just started university after taking a gap year, which, looking back, may not have been the best idea. Here's the scoop: I met this guy online, and we've hung out a few times in person, going on some nice dates. However, we have to act like just friends in public. He’s 29, and I understand that could raise eyebrows. I really like him, though, and he treats me well. We’ve spent a lot of time together, and he’s never pressured me into anything sexual, which makes me feel at ease since I'm inexperienced. Our situationship is about to hit the 6-month mark, and he’s suggested a two-day getaway at a hotel or cabin, which I think sounds lovely. But I have two significant concerns that I’d appreciate your insight on: 1. **The Big Issue**: He mentioned two weeks ago that he’s married and going through a divorce. He claims he’s separated and living apart from his wife, but he’s never invited me over to his place. I’m at a loss as to how to navigate this. I really didn’t expect to deal with this complication! 2. **A More Personal Matter**: He has sent me some intimate photos, and while I’m curious to explore that side of things, I have very limited experience. I've sort of practiced on a banana (don’t judge—I had to try!), but I really want to impress him with my skills. I know he isn’t exclusive and has been honest about seeing other people, which makes me think he might worry about my abilities. I want to prove to him that I can satisfy him. I’ve lightly brought up the idea of a long-term, monogamous relationship, and he seemed open and even excited about it. However, he emphasized wanting to handle things correctly with his ex-wife first and suggested I settle into college. He said once he’s fully single, we can explore a serious relationship with future plans. Am I being naïve to believe him? 3. **General Concerns**: Do you think it’s realistic to expect him to leave his wife for me? I hate that I’m developing feelings for him, and I’m unsure if he’ll truly take that step. I want to be the kind of partner he needs right now, but I’m shy and not the most outgoing person. Still, he laughs at my jokes and genuinely cares for me. What are your thoughts? If you need any more details, feel free to ask!


Trust and Jealousy • 13d ago

My 25-year-old boyfriend didn't mention that his previous crushes would be at the same event as us, and I'm 25 too.

Hello dear Community, I’d like to share a story that has been on my mind since last week, and I’m seeking your advice on how to proceed. This situation has been emotionally taxing for both me and my boyfriend, yet I can’t seem to shake it off. **Background:** My boyfriend (25) and I (25) began dating in mid-June 2024, officially coming together in July. Our relationship has been progressing nicely, and we've started planning our long-term future together. He introduced me to his parents in September 2024, and we moved in together that same month, while I kept my own apartment as well. This isn’t my first relationship, but it is for him. I experienced deep betrayal in a previous relationship when my ex suggested an open relationship due to the challenges of long-distance—even though we could have met a couple of times a week. I ultimately chose to end that relationship because I valued loyalty and emotional support. In this relationship, we’ve also discussed our desire for children and building a family, even starting to look for an apartment together to move in by September. Everything felt wonderful until December 2024. We attended a birthday party in another city hosted by a friend of his whom he met on a trip in September 2023. I didn’t think much of it when he mentioned another person with the same name, but upon arrival, I realized it was actually a girl. She approached us while we were sitting together and remarked, "You look so sad—are you bored?" I politely replied that I wasn’t, and though she left a moment later, I didn’t feel comfortable with her directness. Later, she returned, standing uncomfortably close to us and asking how we were doing. My boyfriend responded kindly, but afterward mentioned that it seemed odd for her to leave with another male guest later that evening. I shared my discomfort with him, and while he tried to reassure me, I was still unsettled. I later discovered they were following each other on Instagram, which struck me as odd considering he had only “seen” her a few times. I asked him to unfollow her, and he complied. Things seemed to settle until mid-January when I inquired about another girl he was following. He revealed that he had a crush on her during their trip and had even tried to pursue her despite her being in a relationship at the time. She also had been invited to the same party we attended, but couldn’t attend due to distance. Their history and continued connection made me uncomfortable, especially since he hadn’t mentioned her before. He assured me that he loved me and didn’t think it was relevant. I felt betrayed by the omission, especially considering the potential impact on our relationship had she attended the gathering. I managed to address some of these concerns with him, and he removed her from Instagram and deleted their chat history. However, I learned that he had also previously attempted to date the earlier girl I mentioned before but was brushed off. The fact that both ex-crushes were at the same party without him mentioning it to me feels heavy on my heart. Now, I find myself at my office, writing this message to sort through my thoughts and seek your insights. I want to move forward but fear that my past experiences might have left me vulnerable to similar emotional wounds. I would appreciate any advice or thoughts you might have.


Friendship and Relationships • 14d ago

Why doesn't my best friend ever want to hang out?

Hello! I'm a woman in my mid-thirties and I met "John," a man in his mid-twenties, through work. We developed a strong connection over several months, and he eventually told me I’m his best friend. We communicate every day, whether through work or texting. I've tried inviting John to hang out—nothing too intense, considering he deals with anxiety—but he always declines. In fact, over the past year, he’s never come to my house, and I’ve only visited his once just to drop something off. I don’t understand why. The only times we've been able to meet up outside of work are when we attend mutual friends' gatherings, but even then, he frequently opts out. John has some quirks and personal struggles, much like I do. I don’t expect him to be available all the time, but it feels odd to think that a best friend wouldn’t want to hang out at all. I’ve directly mentioned that his behavior seems unusual, but he just brushes it off with a nonchalant "I know." He claims to value our friendship and is genuinely a kind person. So, what’s going on with him? How should I move forward? I can’t help but worry about what will happen when we can’t stay in touch through work and will only be able to communicate via text. Does anyone else experience this? Edit: I also want to mention that he often expresses feelings of loneliness, which adds to my confusion. It’s one thing to be less social, but it doesn't make sense to complain about loneliness while avoiding in-person meetings. It puzzles me how someone can be comfortable being best friends but rely solely on digital communication—something that could change in the future due to work shifts. Maybe we just have different definitions of what being a "best friend" entails.


Financial Issues • 14d ago

Did I prioritize money over love?

Did I make the wrong decision by prioritizing financial stability over love? I’m seeking a second opinion on my situation. Just before my 35th birthday, I ended my relationship with the love of my life (45 M) because he was unable to provide the financial support necessary to build our own family. You could say I was experiencing a mid-life crisis. I met him when I was 29 and had openly expressed my desire for children. I knew he had undergone a vasectomy. A year into our relationship, we decided to split the cost of the reversal, which was $8,000 in Alberta. He has three children of his own (16, 18, and 20). Throughout our relationship, I took on the role of stepmom, often compromising my own aspirations for his children. He raised them as a single dad and truly was the love of my life. He always reassured me that he wanted nothing more than to have kids with me. Yet, he still had his existing family. I have a successful career and felt financially ready, but he wasn’t matching my efforts. Over the nearly five years together, he struggled to maintain a job, which weighed heavily on me. We found out that the reversal didn’t work and decided to pursue IVF, but he didn’t have the funds for that either. After three years of trying to conceive, it became clear that I was facing this challenge largely on my own. After having my uterus evaluated, I discovered there were no medical issues preventing me from getting pregnant. Since he was the one who had the vasectomy, I wished to see more financial commitment on his part as a way to demonstrate his willingness to contribute. Am I a terrible person for leaving the love of my life over financial concerns? Now, five months later, I still find myself no closer to having my own family. It genuinely breaks my heart. I feel it’s unfair that I would have to shoulder the entire cost of IVF, considering how expensive it is. All I wanted was for him to assist me financially so I wouldn’t have to bear the burden alone. Am I wrong for choosing financial security over love? After all, money plays a crucial role in every aspect of life. After nearly five years of trying, I just didn’t feel financially supported, and creating my own family is of utmost importance to me. I’m still in love with him, but he still lacks the funds for IVF. I am aware there are other options out there, but they also come with costs. I’m reaching out to see if anyone has experienced something similar and to find out if I am indeed wrong for prioritizing money over love. Should I consider looking for a new partner—risking the chance of never finding love again and potentially being too old to have children—or should I accept a life where I bear all the financial responsibility?


Communication Problems • 14d ago

My boyfriend, who is 20, told me, a 20-year-old female, that I make him feel worse in every situation where I communicate.

I’m a 20-year-old woman who has been in a relationship with my boyfriend, also 20, for over seven months. At the start of our relationship, we had some significant arguments and disagreements, which have lessened over time. I struggled to express my feelings and often chose to ignore him instead of communicating. Now that I’m trying to communicate openly about my emotions, I feel like I'm not doing it correctly. Today, he mentioned he wasn't feeling well at work due to being sick and dealing with other issues. I asked if I was part of the problem, and he responded, "I would have told you." I apologized because his tone seemed off, but then he expressed that he didn't want my apologies and couldn't handle it today. I suggested I could give him some space, explaining that I was just feeling bad and my messages were only meant to check in. He ended the conversation by saying I do this 2-3 times a week but wouldn’t explain what I'm doing wrong or how to improve it. I’m feeling confused because it seems like my attempts to communicate upset him, and I don’t know how to change that. What am I doing wrong, and how can I improve my communication?


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 14d ago

I feel deeply torn about my 4-year relationship, which has a seemingly insurmountable issue, especially with a proposal anticipated in the coming years.

I'm really struggling with this situation. My partner (29M) and I have been together for nearly four years, and while she's always excitedly showing me rings and discussing wedding venues, I can’t shake the feeling that our intimacy has significantly dwindled since the honeymoon phase. I'm aware that these phases are temporary, but I've never felt such a stark contrast before. It’s like I'm with a completely different person now. Flirting used to be a big part of our relationship—she would initiate at any chance, regardless of the circumstances. Now, though, that seems like a distant memory. Despite my efforts to communicate my feelings and concerns over the past few years, nothing has really changed for the better. The closest we come to intimacy now feels forced, mostly when she senses that something’s bothering me but isn't sure what. What makes it so challenging is that I'm still very much in love with her. We have a great connection in pretty much every other aspect of our relationship. We laugh a lot, have lived together for two years, and we resolve arguments swiftly. We respect and support each other in our personal and professional lives. In many ways, our relationship is healthy and functional. She has a demanding job that has taken a toll on her mental health, disrupting the balance that allowed her to focus on fitness and self-image. It's clear that work has changed her, and she doesn't seem like the same person I fell in love with, although I still find her incredibly beautiful. After two years of feeling this way, I'm reaching out because I can feel the negative impact this situation is having on me, and I don’t want it to tarnish what we've built together. I used to approach our relationship with selflessness, going out of my way, but lately, I’ve started feeling resentful about my efforts. I work hard to provide for us, plan surprise outings, handle household chores, and bring home little gifts. I listen and strive to be a supportive partner. I promised myself I wouldn’t fall into the typical traps that guys sometimes do, but now I feel like it's all one-sided. Sometimes, I catch myself thinking about her challenges to remind myself that it’s not all about me, but I can't help feeling used when my needs seem overlooked. I find myself frustrated when I receive attention from other women because I wish I could get that same attention from her. The thought of leaving feels like a huge mistake, but I can't keep sacrificing my mental well-being for the sake of what I thought was a perfect relationship. Or am I being unreasonable? I don’t know. TL;DR: I feel unable to ask for advice without providing important context about my situation. Sorry for the length.


Trust and Jealousy • 14d ago

Should I go?

I've been seeing a guy for the past seven months, and we've faced some challenges in our relationship. One major issue is his close friendship with a girl, for whom he has previously admitted to having feelings. He assured me that nothing physical ever happened between them, but he seems to have held onto those feelings until he met me. As we began dating, I noticed he continued to communicate with her frequently, which made me uncomfortable. I asked him to establish some boundaries, but it doesn't seem like he has enforced them as much as I would prefer. I get the impression that he genuinely cares for her and wants her in his life, which disturbs me, especially given what I know about their history. Recently, he mentioned that they hadn't spoken for about a month and a half, but during the weekend he spent with me, I saw that she messaged him in the morning. That triggered a lot of anxiety for me. It feels like no matter what I do or say, he will always keep her around, and I would need to accept that if I want to be with him. However, I don't think I can accept it after everything we've been through together. Just seeing that one notification has consumed my thoughts for the past two days, and I feel like I need to walk away from this relationship. I could really use some advice on how to handle this situation.


Infidelity • 14d ago

I was unfaithful to my wife (29F), and now I'm seeking guidance on how to either rebuild or renew our relationship.

I'm feeling really low after making a huge mistake a month ago; I cheated on my wife by texting another woman on Christmas Eve. I had brought home a case of beer for myself, as I'm not really into the holidays. I made an effort to clean the apartment and get the kids involved to help out. Unfortunately, things spiraled out of control that night. After consuming two edibles and drinking ten beers, I was definitely not in the right mindset. I mistakenly thought my wife was in a Discord chat with friends, and I vaguely remember someone expressing love, which led to a conversation about breasts. From there, I ended up messaging this woman I didn't even know, asking for inappropriate pictures. I never received any pictures, but I spent the whole night complimenting her looks and expressing some rather crazy thoughts like wanting to be an "international husband." When I woke up the next morning and saw those messages on my phone, I was utterly heartbroken. I've never acted like this in the decade I've been with my wife. I tried to brush it off with the woman I contacted, saying I didn't mean what I said, and she just replied, "It's okay, you were drunk." I even ended up yelling at others in the group, though I can't remember any of it. Out of shame and disgust for myself, I kept this from my wife for five days, hoping it would just fade away. I didn't want to reach out to the woman again or engage any further; I was horrified at the thought of hurting my wife like this. Now, after a month of reflection, I've been digging into my childhood trauma and what led me to this point. I've been reading books on healing and trying to put more effort into my marriage. I want to be a better husband and make the necessary changes to move forward. I realized that my wife is truly amazing; my mistake was getting lazy in the relationship. I studied the concepts of personal awakening and am now focusing on self-improvement while also giving my wife space. I'm seeking therapy for my trauma, though it's quite expensive. I'm working on rebuilding myself, breaking down the walls I had up, and envisioning the man I want to be for my wife. Has anyone else experienced something similar and found help? Are you still together?


Friendship and Relationships • 14d ago

I'm experiencing difficulties with my favorite person (F25); dealing with BPD is tough.

(25F) I'm in love with my best friend more than my girlfriend. My best friend (F26) tends to take advantage of me, while my girlfriend (F23) reassures me that she's there for me whenever things go wrong. However, deep down, I crave a relationship with my best friend, even though I know she doesn't deserve that. I'm unsure about what to do.


Dating and Starting Relationships • 14d ago

I’m feeling really confused and could use some help.

Hey everyone, I’m a 21-year-old female, and I’ve been feeling really down lately. Last year, I connected with a guy on a dating app, and after chatting for about a week, I visited him at his place after he picked me up from college. He’s 23, and honestly, I felt completely comfortable with him for the first time in my life. I genuinely smiled and laughed, we kissed and cuddled, and I had the best time ever. It felt amazing, like I just melted in his arms. But after three days, I admitted that I really liked him, and then he ghosted me. I tried reaching out a couple more times, but he ghosted me again each time. He mentioned having commitment, attachment, and anger issues, and I had this urge to protect him. However, my friends pointed out that I needed to move on, so I hesitated but eventually re-downloaded the app. I met another guy, 21, who is really sweet and brought me flowers and chocolates, and I started developing feelings for him. But guess what? He’s still hung up on his ex and isn’t ready for any commitment. Honestly, I’m still not over my first guy, and now I’m feeling really lost. I could use some advice—what should I do?


Mental Health • 14d ago

My girlfriend (24) is dealing with depression, and I'm feeling lost on how to support her.

I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about nine months now, and she frequently experiences depressive episodes that cause her to pull away significantly. During those times, it feels as if I no longer have a girlfriend. Because of our busy schedules, we can only meet 1-3 times a week, and sometimes not at all. I find it challenging to support her when she declines my efforts to see her and takes hours to respond to my texts. When she finally does reply, her messages are brief and lack the usual warmth, which is out of character for her. Should I consider reaching out to her parents or friends to share what’s going on? Is it appropriate to send her supportive messages even though I haven’t received a response to my last one? I genuinely want to be there for her, but it feels like she’s intentionally keeping me at a distance. It’s tough for me knowing she’s struggling and feeling helpless about how to assist her. She mentioned that she doesn’t want to discuss her feelings because it’s overwhelming, yet it’s difficult to maintain a normal conversation when I feel responsible for carrying it due to her minimal replies. I’m unsure whether I should continue to express my usual cheerful self around her or scale back my emotions so I don’t add to her stress. She rarely shares what’s bothering her, only mentioning that she’s in a “weird mood.” The decline in her mood has been gradual but worsened over the past week and a half—she initially told me her mood had dipped, but even our daily exchanges of "good morning" and "good night" have stopped. Now, I barely receive one or two texts a day, and she has turned down my attempts to see her since this started. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I truly want to do everything I can for the person I love.


LGBTQ+ Relationships • 14d ago

Feeling conflicted and longing to be with a woman... despite being in a relationship with my boyfriend.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly three years, and I truly love him. We're both in eleventh grade, and he means the world to me. He often talks about wanting to marry me, and while I do love him and sometimes share those feelings, I can't shake this intense desire to kiss a girl. It all started with curiosity, but now it feels like an essential part of what I need to experience in my life. I'm so confused. I care about him deeply, but I know our relationship may not last forever—he hopes it will, but I’m aware of the statistics. My biggest fear is the thought of being with him for my entire life, which sounds terrible, I know. Maybe we’ll make it through high school together, and possibly even part of college, but I feel a strong urge to date a girl, and I can't emphasize that enough. Sometimes, this confusion and sense of regret consume my thoughts. I love him, I’m attracted to him—everything about our relationship feels real. Yet, I just can’t envision a long-term future with him.


Infidelity • 14d ago

Betrayed once more

I'm at a loss for what to do or say at this point. I'm a 23-year-old woman and I've caught my 24-year-old fiancé cheating on me for the sixth time. This isn't the first time I've confronted him—it's just one instance in a long history I've tried to ignore until it's become unbearable. He leaves explicit pictures in his gallery, keeps his incognito mode open at night, and I've discovered messages spanning months from various people. He's even used a specific app to cheat. We have a 16-month-old child and two teenagers, and I truly love him. I've cut ties with my family due to their abusive behavior, all in an effort to protect our own family. Yet, despite everything I do for him, he continues to betray my trust, offering nothing but apologies and vague assurances that he's “working on it.” He can't even explain why he cheats, which only deepens my frustration. We even tried swinging, hoping it would lead to more honesty between us, but that seems to have made things worse. I'm hurt and frustrated—I've never messaged or flirted with anyone else throughout our nearly three-year relationship. I helped him pay off IRS debt, covered nearly $1,000 for his car repairs, and paid for daycare for our son. I thought things were finally looking up, but when I checked his phone recently, I had a feeling something was off, and unfortunately, I was right. Every time it seems like we're doing well, I discover more secrets, and it stings. I really need advice on how to move forward because I don't want to end the relationship, but emotionally, I can't keep handling the betrayal.


Dating and Starting Relationships • 14d ago

I didn't receive a Valentine's gift from my boyfriend. Is it unreasonable for me to feel upset about it?

"I (20F) just celebrated my first Valentine's Day in a relationship, and I have to say, I was really looking forward to it. Watching my friends enjoy it in the past had me eager for that special moment with someone. However, when Valentine’s Day came, my boyfriend (20M) simply texted me a casual 'Happy Valentine's Day,' explaining that only kids celebrate it and that we’re too mature for such things. I had gotten him a gift, but after hearing his response, I felt too embarrassed to give it to him. So, I played it off and agreed with him, saying it was just a kids' holiday. But truthfully, I expected a bit more. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it? Was I out of line for having those expectations? EDIT: I just remembered something that's been on my mind. We recently had a small argument, and he mentioned that we’re not like other couples because we don’t talk on the phone very often. As a final-year student, I’m always swamped with assignments and seminars, yet I still find the time to text him regularly and call him 2-3 times a day. Hearing his comment made me reflect on our Valentine's Day experience. If we're different from other couples, then why skip the Valentine’s Day celebration?"


Dating and Starting Relationships • 14d ago

What should I do?

Last October, a girl from church whom I had a slight crush on asked my sister for my number. She expressed that she wanted to get to know me better and was interested in me. Initially, everything seemed to go smoothly as we chatted and connected over text. A week later, I suggested going on a date, which she agreed to. However, when I checked in about her availability for that Sunday—since she was busy with the worship team—she said she couldn't make it, so we rescheduled for the following week. But when I reached out that Friday to confirm if she'd be free, she started coming up with excuses, mentioning concerns about being seen together by others from church. This shift confused me since she had seemed enthusiastic before, so I decided to cancel to avoid complicating things. Fast forward two weeks, and we hadn't communicated much. I asked her out for coffee before a youth event, but she replied that she felt something was off and didn’t want to meet up. In January, after she finished her finals, I reached out to see how she was doing, letting her know I was there to listen. She responded with, "Hi, thank you for your concern. As I mentioned before, I’m not looking for a relationship right now and I'm not ready for one. I’ve realized I don’t have feelings for you; what I felt was just admiration. I really appreciate your kindness, but it’s making me uncomfortable. It’s probably best if you don’t wait for me because I don’t want to hurt your feelings. There are many other girls who would be a better match for you." I can't shake the feeling that I rushed things and crossed her boundaries, and now I feel terrible about it. She's the only person I genuinely like, and I had said I was willing to wait for her. What should I do now? Can I do anything to help the situation, or should I simply wait for the right moment to apologize?


Work-Life Balance • 14d ago

My boyfriend is asking me to take care of his household chores.

I'm a 20-something female university student living with my boyfriend of three years, who is almost 30 and works long shifts as a chef. Lately, I feel like he expects me to take care of all the housework, including washing his clothes and cleaning up after him. While I may not work long hours like him, being a full-time student still takes up a lot of my time. Even if I had the time, I don’t think it’s fair for me to be responsible for everything. Just to clarify, he doesn’t provide any financial support for me. I've communicated to him that I don’t want to fall into a "traditional wife" role. When we first started dating, I made it clear that my education and future were my top priorities. I’m happy to help out as a kind gesture occasionally, but I don’t want it to be an expectation. Unfortunately, I've had to reiterate this point several times throughout our relationship. Tonight, he came to bed wearing his dirty socks, and I asked him to take them off so the sheets wouldn’t get dirty (since we don’t have a washing machine, I would have to handwash them). He responded, “Well, that’s what happens when I don’t have any clean socks,” and refused to take them off, implying it was my responsibility to wash them. I couldn’t help but laugh and asked him why he wasn’t washing them himself. Honestly, I can’t even recall his exact response, but it frustrated me. He often says things like, “If you loved me, you’d do these things to make my life easier." I’ve made it clear that I’m not his maid, and while I understand that his job is demanding, it shouldn’t mean I have to shoulder all the household chores just because I'm studying at home. I have my own life to lead, and he managed just fine at my age without relying on someone to cater to him. Additionally, our mutual friend, who is female, often sides with him and insists that if I truly cared for him, I should ensure he has food ready when he gets home. However, she has never been in a relationship, so I didn't give her opinion much weight, even though it was frustrating. He has ample time to prepare meals during the day but often chooses to relax and play video games instead, or he claims he has a bad sleep schedule and rushes to his shift without planning ahead. Today was a minor exception; he intended to cook a meal for himself for lunch but asked me to wash his pot. I didn’t do it, so he skipped eating and went back to gaming. As much as I care for him, I find this behavior quite off-putting. I want a partner, not someone I need to take care of. I’d appreciate any advice or insights, especially if anyone has faced a similar situation.


Low Self-Esteem and Personal Growth • 14d ago

My boyfriend mentioned that he thinks I appear heavier.

I'm struggling to process what just happened. My boyfriend recently mentioned that he thinks I look "fat" — not in an angry way, just said it casually like it was nothing. But honestly, it feels like my whole world has turned upside down. I've always felt confident in my body, or at least I thought I did. Ever since he made that comment, I've found myself fixating on every little detail, doubting my appearance, and I can't even look in the mirror without feeling awful. It's as if that one remark has shattered all the positivity I had about myself. I know he didn't intend to hurt me, but it still stings. It feels like he sees me differently than I believed he did, and that's making me question everything. I just want to regain my self-esteem. Should I let this go, or do I need to talk to him about it? I don't want to overreact, but it's really weighing on me. How can I move past this without letting his comment undermine my confidence? I could use some advice... I’m not sure how to handle this.


Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • 14d ago

Here are the pros and cons of my boyfriend. I'd appreciate your feedback and opinions.

For context, I'm a 20-year-old female, and he’s a 21-year-old male. We're in a semi-long-distance relationship, seeing each other about once a month, and we’ve been together for two years. Both of us are currently in college, and I also work part-time. **Pros** 1. He’s very affectionate and loves to cuddle, which makes me feel desired. 2. It’s clear he’s attracted to me; he expresses a strong desire for intimacy, which I appreciate. 3. He encourages me to be my healthiest self, reminding me to take my medication, eat well, exercise, keep up with schoolwork, and attend classes. 4. He provides comfort during tough times, especially since I live with my parents, who have a tumultuous relationship. My dad's alcoholism leads to frequent arguments that are hard for me to witness. He offers support and has suggested moving in together to help me escape that situation. When I’m upset, he tries to distract me. 5. His loyalty is unwavering. He shows little interest in other girls, and his social media is filled with fitness videos and memes. He doesn’t communicate with any girls apart from me, and I have his phone password, which gives me peace of mind regarding his trustworthiness. 6. We easily connect on many topics, including politics, spirituality, humor (which is vital), future family goals, and our tastes in things like homes and clothing. He doesn’t do drugs or drink often, which aligns with my values. 7. He makes me feel safe and cared for. Once, when I had too much to drink and got sick, he took care of everything, from cleaning up to helping me shower and get comfortable again. Despite my embarrassment, he was nothing but supportive. **Cons** 1. He can be quite cheap. While I understand the value of being frugal, his penny-pinching can become irritating, especially since he isn’t struggling financially. He could easily get a part-time job like I do but doesn’t want to. 2. He rarely gives gifts. Despite knowing how important this is to my love language, he doesn’t offer anything like flowers, love notes, or even a simple candy bar. I’ve expressed my feelings about this multiple times, but he hasn’t changed. He even mentioned he “doesn’t really want to” but agreed to try only after I insisted. 3. He shows little interest in activities I enjoy and won’t even pretend to like them for my sake. If I suggest a walk, he typically declines. It’s rare for him to agree to do something I enjoy, like pottery painting, even though I make an effort to participate in his interests. 4. He often criticizes my spending, even when it’s for him or not extravagant. It’s rare for him to acknowledge anything positively when I buy something. 5. He seems unambitious about his future. When we talk about our life ahead, he appears resigned to a mundane 9-5 desk job, lacking passion or goals to change that path despite knowing he wants more. 6. Although he finds me attractive, his reactions when I model clothes for him often feel distracted or uninterested. He acknowledges me if I'm in something particularly revealing but doesn’t respond as many girls would hope for. 7. He can be very stubborn, believing he’s right about everything, even when I have evidence to the contrary. Admitting he’s wrong or being open to new information is a challenge for him. 8. His stubbornness extends to working through conflicts. It often takes considerable effort for him to acknowledge my feelings and say he’ll work on himself for my sake. For instance, when I expressed my desire for us to walk my dog, he didn’t validate my feelings and instead emphasized his own indifference. 9. Occasionally, he spends too much time flexing and posing in the mirror while I’m trying to engage him in conversation. I find him attractive, but it can feel a bit out of place when I'm looking for connection. 10. I often feel unappreciated. I try hard to engage in his interests, cook for him, and do thoughtful things like having breakfast ready when he visits. Yet, he rarely acknowledges these efforts on social media or in any significant way, which leaves me feeling like my gestures go unreciprocated. While I understand it may seem trivial, it would mean a lot to me if he expressed his appreciation more openly.


Breakups and Divorces • 14d ago

I found my boyfriend chatting and flirting with girls on Instagram.

I ended my relationship with my boyfriend two weeks ago, and right now, I'm feeling really lost. We had a fantastic nine-month relationship; he’s 26, and I’m 24. We were compatible in so many ways, and I genuinely wanted to build a future with him. I loved him deeply and supported him a lot—financially, too, since I run my own business while he’s still in school. I even covered the costs for all our dates. However, things took a turn when I caught him lying to me, and I made it clear that I couldn’t accept that. I pride myself on being honest in both my personal and professional life, and I expected the same from him. Unfortunately, I discovered that he had been texting other girls on Instagram and WhatsApp, complimenting their looks and expressing concern when they didn’t respond. He was very active on social media, and when I initially asked him if he talked to other girls, he assured me that he would only reply if they responded to his stories. It turned out he was the one starting conversations with them all along. This was a major dealbreaker for me. I told him I had lost trust in him and decided to cut off all contact. He kept asking for another chance, but I was terrified of getting hurt again, so I stood firm in my decision. Not only did he damage our relationship, but I also had a close bond with his mother, and now I've lost that, too. I’m left feeling very disappointed and heartbroken. I'm just hoping I made the right choice.


Dating and Starting Relationships • 14d ago

I'm a 23-year-old female and I have feelings for my coworker and friend, who is 22 and male.

I (23/F) have been friends with someone we'll call “Jake” (22/M) for about seven months. We both work in the same department and grew closer after a night out where we danced together and he was really attentive. At the time, I interpreted his attention as friendly, since we were just starting to get to know each other. He often asked if I was interested in dating anyone, but I wasn't because I had just moved to town and wanted to focus on settling into my new job. I returned the question, and he mentioned that he had recently gotten out of a relationship and wasn't seeing anyone, although he didn’t clarify if he was looking for anything. After that night, our friendship continued to deepen. Over the next few months, I began to sense that Jake might have romantic feelings for me, as coworkers started to notice our flirtation and closeness. They made jokes about us, which left me perplexed. Eventually, I picked up on signs that he might like me—he gave me frequent compliments, we often found ourselves sitting close together, and he joked about my height by playfully putting his arm over my head. There were also moments when it felt like he was leaning in, making comments that hinted at something beyond friendship. I tried not to overthink things and just enjoyed our friendship. However, after I recently injured myself and struggled to walk properly, Jake showed a thoughtful side by making sure the car seat was pushed all the way back to accommodate me. That gesture struck me as sweet and sparked feelings I didn’t expect to have. But now, I’ve noticed that Jake seems a bit distant. When we talk, there’s an awkward tension, but neither of us brings it up. I can't tell if he feels the shift too, but I definitely do. Sometimes I give him rides, and it can be silent and uncomfortable. I’m feeling confused about how to proceed. I like Jake and value our friendship, but I’m unsure whether to address the changes in our dynamic or give him some space. On one hand, I sense there might be something between us, but on the other, I worry about making things awkward if he isn't interested or never was. Should I talk to Jake about my feelings, risking an awkward situation, or should I wait it out? If I decide to bring it up, what should I say? I don’t think he has any idea how I feel, and I’m uncertain about his feelings towards me.