Relationship advices

I (M20) often feel like I'm always in second place to my girlfriend's (F19) friend.

I need to express something that’s been weighing heavily on me. My girlfriend has a male friend who seems to be consistently present for all her significant “firsts.” Whether it’s trying out new activities, visiting special places, or even celebrating small milestones, he’s often the person she shares those experiences with first. For instance, she recently wanted to try out a new activity, and instead of us experiencing it together, she chose to do it with him. This isn’t the first time this has occurred. I try to make an effort, yet it always feels like he’s one step ahead. He makes grand gestures and plans for her, and is simply...always around. I know they’re just friends, and I trust her, but it still hurts. It feels like no matter how hard I try, I’ll always be in second place when it comes to these significant moments in her life. I want to be the one she shares those experiences with, but it often seems like I’m not. I’m not angry; I’m just sad. It makes me feel inadequate, as if I’m not the partner she needs for those “special” occasions. I understand that relationships are not a contest, but it’s difficult not to feel this way when it’s a recurring issue. I’ve tried discussing it with her, but it always seems to get brushed aside, only to resurface later. I don’t want to come off as jealous or controlling; I just feel lost. How can I stop feeling overshadowed by him? How can I find a way to make peace with this situation? I appreciate you taking the time to read this. I just needed to share what’s been on my mind.

My boyfriend (M23) playfully teases me (F21)?

I've been seeing this guy for a few months now, and he's always been incredibly sweet. He goes out of his way for me, showers me with compliments, and makes me feel special—essentially the ideal boyfriend. We've never had an argument, and our communication about any concerns has been great. However, there's been something concerning lately that I've hesitated to bring up with him. It started a few days ago when he kept playfully slapping my leg. Then, he did this thing where he shaped his hand like a claw and slammed it down on my thigh. It was painful, and I felt like it could leave bruises. I had to ask him to stop about three times. A day or two later, while we were drinking with friends, he removed the rubber tips from my crutches and threw them at me—keeping in mind that I have a broken foot and he has been helping me a lot. The hard tips hit my face and upper body, which wasn't pleasant at all. I jokingly asked, "Why do you like hurting me?" but he just walked away. Today, while we were sitting on the couch, he charged into me, and my side hit the wooden frame beneath the cushion. My ribs still hurt from it. When I told him it hurt, he replied with, "What are you going to do about it?" I said, "I guess just be in pain." Then he went to grab our food. When he dropped me off at home, he playfully punched my arm, and we went back and forth for a bit until he stopped. I'm feeling unsure about the whole situation. I don't want to be overdramatic, but I never imagined he could be physically aggressive. I’ve been in a physically abusive relationship before, and I'm worried about the similarities in how those situations started. I could use a second opinion on this.

Do men overlook good women?

We ended our relationship last night on amicable terms. Though we had our reasons for breaking up, we both feel content with the decision. Unfortunately, our differing beliefs mean we can’t be together in the future. It’s not a bad thing; we made this choice for our own good, and I’m proud of the maturity we showed by parting ways before any wounds could deepen. When we started dating two months ago, I was the supportive partner who listened and helped him, even though I wasn’t fully prepared for a relationship. I took the risk of not breaking his heart, and while I don’t regret it, I’ve always been the one trying to be perfect for him. I used to apologize before going to bed, in case I’d upset him. I hope I don’t sound like I’m complaining, but I really did strive to be the ideal partner—fun-loving, always laughing, and celebrating moments like his birthday. He often told me I brought him peace, and I made sure he never felt sad or hurt. When we decided to end things on good terms, he seemed calm, though I noticed he was upset and even cried in front of me. My biggest fear is that he’ll forget me easily. It often feels like men don’t forget the ones who hurt them, but I was never that person for him. I wanted to be the one who made him feel a little pain over my absence, but I simply can’t do that. I’m someone who enjoys being a source of peace for others, not their source of distress. Yet, I know I struggle to forget those who have hurt me; it's part of human nature. So, will he truly forget me easily? I wonder if he’ll ever remember how good I was to him. He’s not the type to overlook someone’s kindness, but we often remember negative experiences more than the positive ones. Will he reflect on how he felt comforted in my embrace, or will he only remember the pain caused by his past relationships? I’d really like to know.

I'm unsure if my girlfriend is keeping something from me...

I'm a 20-year-old female, and my girlfriend, also 20 and female, and I both share our TikTok content. Throughout our one-year relationship, we've been open about checking each other's phones. Recently, I was about to switch to her secondary TikTok account (she has one where she posts regularly and another that she doesn't use), when I noticed a different account that I was already aware of from months ago. At the time, it had no posts or followers. However, when I checked it again, it had gained around 500 likes and some followers. I was intrigued, but the only post on that account had been set to private. It followed a trend called "seeing the TV glow." One comment sought clarification on the meaning of the TikTok, and someone replied that it was related to being transgender. My girlfriend liked those comments that connected to being transgender and dismissing it. One of her comments mentioned that it took her a lot of courage to share the post. The content seemed to express that while she feels comfortable with who she is now, she still occasionally experiences that "glow." What puzzles me is that she never mentioned any of these feelings to me, yet she chose to share them on TikTok. I was planning to approach it casually by asking, "Hey, I noticed your account has 500 likes but no posts. Why didn’t I see anything?" However, when I tried to look up her account to take a screenshot of the likes and followers, it didn’t appear. The username I used was correct, which implies she may have blocked me from seeing the account before she posted anything. If I'm not mistaken, I think I used to follow that account too. Now, I'm at a loss on how to bring this up with her. She has gotten upset with me in the past for checking my phone, but I'm not angry; I’m just confused. Why wouldn’t she share something like this with me, and why block me? I thought we were completely open with each other about everything, even the things we found hard to say. It feels odd that she felt unable to talk to me about this. I’m not entirely sure what I'm seeking in terms of advice, but any thoughts or perspectives would really help.

My boyfriend, who is 20, wants to take a 3-month break after I, a 19-year-old female, called him a bad boyfriend during a heated argument.

My partner and I had an argument a few days ago because he brought up someone I can't stand. I told him how I feel, but he insisted he wouldn't cut ties with them, even though we’ve been together longer than he’s known this person. He said he would never end a friendship just because I dislike them. This individual has tried to interfere in our relationship several times. In the heat of the moment, I ended up calling him a bad boyfriend, which I now regret, especially since it led him to suggest we take a break. For some background, he has called me names when drunk and accused me of being insecure when I expressed discomfort about his friendship with someone he used to like. Additionally, he often does the bare minimum in our relationship while I put in a lot more effort, and he has admitted that I'm more invested than he is. I know I deserve better, yet I still love him deeply and feel uncertain about what to do. He is the first person I’ve felt this way about, and he was so different at the start. How can I move on from this?

Is it time to end my relationship with my girlfriend?

I’m a 28-year-old man in a relationship with my girlfriend, who is 22, for about a year. It seems clear that she’s thinking about a future together, possibly marriage, but I’m not on the same page. This is my first relationship, so I lack experience. I’ve made some impulsive choices in the past, which makes me question whether I should trust my instincts or wait to see if my feelings evolve. I’m finishing my Master's degree this upcoming spring and am considering potential job opportunities that might require relocation. My girlfriend has faced some trauma around Christmas, and the thought of adding to that by breaking up with her just before the holiday makes me feel terrible. I haven't brought this up with her yet. Should I discuss how I feel, or is it better to end things now so we can both move forward?

I could use some advice on how to handle my situation with my ex. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

I haven't had any contact with my ex for the past six months. Recently, she broke up with her boyfriend, so I decided to reach out. We've been chatting for a few days now, but she doesn't want anyone to know we're talking. She mentioned that a lot of her friends have issues with me, which could cause drama. On top of that, she's talking to another guy but claims she doesn’t want to get into a relationship with anyone. Still, she wants to keep speaking to both that guy and me in secret. I'm feeling confused about what to do, especially since we were together for a year and a half, and I still have strong feelings for her. Any advice would be appreciated.

Developing feelings for someone new while attempting to move on from a past relationship.

It's been a year since my four-year relationship ended, and every day since has felt like a challenge. I can hardly believe it's been this long. The breakup was intensely painful, and not a single day goes by without thoughts of him and the sorrow he left behind. I've prayed countless times to let him go and move forward, but it hasn’t been an easy process. In the midst of this struggle, Phil, a friend from high school, came back into my life. We had already reconnected before my relationship fell apart, but he became my anchor in the aftermath. We bonded over our shared experiences of heartbreak and many other topics, and he turned into my pillar of support when I felt like I couldn’t rely on anyone else. The loss of mutual friends with my ex made Phil's friendship even more significant to me. As time went on, Phil and I grew exceptionally close. With him, everything feels effortless—comfortable and safe. We share so many laughs, and it’s been a long time since I experienced that kind of joy. However, I’ve started developing feelings for him, and that scares me. Given what I went through, the prospect of opening my heart to someone again, even someone as wonderful as Phil, feels risky. I’m terrified of losing him, too. I don't intend to admit my feelings anytime soon. The fear of losing yet another close friend outweighs everything else. Still, I'm struggling to figure out how to handle this situation. Oddly enough, despite everything my ex put me through, a part of me still holds onto love for him—the connection was so deep, and he was my first love. When I like Phil, I feel guilty, even though I know it’s not wrong. I also question whether Phil likes me back; there's chemistry sometimes, but I'm hesitant to let myself feel it fully. I've started to distance myself from Phil, though I worry that might hurt him. What should I do?

27-year-old female, 35-year-old male: I'm feeling really disrespected by my partner.

**27/F & 35/M** We welcomed our second baby in July, and I've been focusing on my weight. Despite my friends and family assuring me that I'm making progress, I still feel uncomfortable in my own skin and struggle with self-consciousness. Today, my spouse and I had a small disagreement. I asked for some help around the house, but I might have come across the wrong way. He is really into gaming and spends his mornings playing until lunch, takes a break for a few hours, and then continues gaming after dinner. It feels overwhelming! I gently asked if he could lend a hand instead of being glued to his gaming console. He agreed but told me to hold on for a minute. Earlier this morning, I was on the computer looking up weight loss recipes when he snapped, "What about you, fatass? You were on the computer this morning!" I was furious and wanted to unleash my frustration on him, but I would never do that in front of our kids. It really hurts to hear him say things like that, especially when I'm working so hard to lose weight. Then, after realizing I was upset, he tried to play it off by saying he was just kidding. 😡

How can I (38F) find a compromise with my boyfriend (34M) regarding playing with my hair?

How can I (38F) reach a compromise with my boyfriend (34M) about his hair-twirling? My boyfriend (34M) and I (38F) have been together for three years, both bringing three kids from previous relationships, and we live apart. From the start of our relationship, he has enjoyed playing with my hair, which I initially found special and intimate. However, over time, I’ve noticed that he twirls the hair of everyone around him—his kids, my kids, and even the children of close friends. This has diminished the intimacy of his actions for me, to the point where I feel turned off when he twirls my hair, especially during moments of closeness like cuddling on the couch or when I’m giving him oral pleasure. I’ve expressed to him several times that I would prefer him to touch my body or scalp in a way that feels more like an appreciation of me, rather than just my hair. He argues that he can’t help it because it’s intimate for him, comparing it to how I might rub his back, which I believe is a more conscious and intentional act than simply twirling hair absentmindedly. This difference in perspective has led to interruptions during intimate moments and has sparked disagreements between us. I’m at a crossroads about whether I should begin to view my hair as an extension of my body, or if he should refrain from twirling my hair during those intimate occasions. On a related note that might be influencing my perception: about a year ago, a neighboring mother confronted us, saying he should stop touching her daughter’s hair because that’s how she was groomed, which eventually led to her sexual assault as a child.

I believe my girlfriend has left me because of hormonal changes.

Subject: Heartbroken Over Sudden Changes in My Relationship Hi, I'm reaching out because my girlfriend recently broke up with me and asked me to move out after discovering she was pregnant. I’m 27, and she’s 25. We've always shared a close bond and enjoyed a good relationship, despite the typical ups and downs that come with stressful times at work. However, in the last couple of months, my work situation has become challenging. I've been paired with an alcoholic colleague who makes everything more difficult, leaving me to handle most of the work on my own. His behavior has been pushing me to drink again, which I had issues with in the past. I’m stuck in endless conversations with him that are driving me crazy while balancing all the driving and paperwork. Despite all this, I’ve made an effort to be a good partner. However, my girlfriend’s attitude towards me changed dramatically out of nowhere. She stopped being affectionate, distanced herself emotionally, and began making manipulative comments. For example, when I quietly whispered to her at night, she insisted I was shouting. This has been the pattern for about two months. Then a few days ago, she called me at work in tears, revealing she was pregnant. When I got home, she was missing. Later, I found out she had gone to the cinema, which upset me. I waited for her to return, and when I finally checked on her around 11:30 PM, she was asleep on the couch. I took care of her by bringing her water, removing her makeup, and getting her pajamas ready. However, once again, she accused me of shouting while I was merely whispering. Frustrated and overwhelmed, I snapped and ended up punching the fridge. I know it was wrong, but after working tirelessly for 54 days straight and dealing with my girlfriend's harsh words, my emotions came to a head. Now, she has left me, and it's been hard to process her mood swings—one moment she seems fine and engaging, then suddenly switches to being distant and unkind. I can’t help but wonder if she might realize that her behavior was influenced by hormonal changes once the pregnancy ends and hope she will want to reconcile. I feel completely heartbroken, having lost my girlfriend, our dogs, our home, and the baby we might have had together. Our relationship was strong until she found out she was pregnant (she’s about eight weeks along), and since then, things took a downward turn. I'm devastated, struggling to eat, sleep, and coping with dark thoughts. I miss her deeply and want to know what I can do to address this situation. Thank you for any advice or insights you might have.

My boyfriend believes that therapy will help him change.

He’s a 25-year-old man who has a lot to work on, and as a 21-year-old woman, I’ve been encouraging him to seek therapy. He often insists that the patterns he struggles with are an inherent part of who he is, and he fears that therapy might change him. However, his triggers keep coming up during our arguments, and I don’t want to take on the role of a therapist in our relationship. Does this mean I’m more in love with his potential than with him? (He believes that’s the case.) I’d appreciate some different perspectives on this situation.

Long-Distance Relationship Without Communication

I'm currently facing a challenging situation. I've been in an online relationship for the past 1.5 years with someone I truly care about ('20F' and '24M). We've connected through video calls and chats but haven’t met in person yet. He just got a job as a police officer and starts his training tomorrow. Unfortunately, phones aren’t permitted at the training camp, which means we won't be able to communicate during that time. We were planning to meet this Christmas, but those plans have changed. He’s starting his training tomorrow, and I’m feeling really anxious about how I’ll cope with the next year. I would appreciate any advice or support.

Is one month too soon for this pace in a relationship?

Is it too soon to spend the night at your significant other’s place after just a month of dating? And sharing a bed as well? What do you think?

Exploring Situationships: Navigating the Gray Zone of Contemporary Dating

Situationships – that ambiguous territory between a full-fledged relationship and something casual that many of us seem to fall into at some point. They can be messy and perplexing, often leaving us questioning our own choices and intentions. Recently, it appears that situationships have become the norm in the dating landscape. Perhaps it’s driven by a fear of commitment, a desire to keep options open, or simply a breakdown in communication. But let’s face it: it’s not always enjoyable. You might find yourself asking: Are we exclusive? Do they genuinely care about me, or am I just an option? Why can’t we just put a label on this? On one side, situationships can offer a relaxed and adaptable vibe. You’re just enjoying each other’s company, right? Yet, on the flip side, they can be exhausting, especially when one person desires more than what the other is ready to offer. So, let’s discuss: 1. Are situationships a natural outcome of today’s dating scene, or are they simply a result of poor communication? 2. Have you experienced a situationship? What was the outcome? 3. Any tips for moving from ambiguity to clarity? I’m eager to hear your insights!

Developing feelings for someone while trying to move on from another?

It's been a year since my four-year relationship ended, and every day has been a challenge. I still can’t believe how long it’s been. The breakup was profoundly painful, and not a day passes that I don’t think of him and the sadness he left me with. I've prayed countless times to move on and forget him, but it's proven difficult. In the midst of this, Phil, a high school friend, came back into my life. We had reconnected before the breakup, but after everything crumbled, he became my lifeline. We bonded over our shared experiences of heartbreak, among other things. He became my pillar of support when I didn’t feel I could rely on anyone else. The loss of mutual friends with my ex only made Phil's presence even more significant. As time went on, Phil and I grew incredibly close. With him, everything feels easy—comfortable and safe. We share so many laughs, and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt that kind of happiness. But now I find myself developing feelings for him, and it frightens me. Given my past, the thought of opening my heart to someone again, even someone as great as Phil, feels risky. I’m terrified of losing him too. I don’t plan to reveal my feelings. The fear of losing yet another best friend is overwhelming. But at the same time, I’m unsure how to handle this situation. Despite all the pain my ex caused me, a part of me still feels attached to him, and I have no idea if Phil feels the same way about me. I’ve started to distance myself from Phil out of worry. My thoughts are all over the place. What should I do?

What should I buy my boyfriend for our first Christmas together?

It's our first Christmas together, and he mentioned that he’s spent over £50 on me. I’d like to match that amount for him, aiming to neither overwhelm nor underwhelm him. I appreciate that he shares his interests and passions with me. However, he often buys himself what he wants, so I need to be cautious to avoid getting him something he might end up treating himself to instead. I’m looking for ideas that he hasn’t explicitly mentioned, so I have a broader selection to choose from. Thanks!

Four months in, and there's still been no intimacy.

I'm a 25-year-old male, and my girlfriend, who is 20, and I have been together for four months in a committed relationship. Despite our connection, we have not yet had sex, and I find myself growing increasingly frustrated. I’m trying to be understanding, as she is a virgin and I have had multiple partners in the past. In my experience, even when I was 15, I was intimate with a girlfriend who was also a virgin, and it only took us about a week and a half of dating to take that step. Normally, I wouldn’t wait this long, but I genuinely like this girl and see a future with her, which is why I haven’t ended things. I’ve discussed my feelings with her, and she understands my frustrations. She has mentioned wanting to be more open-minded, yet there hasn’t been much change. I feel torn; I don’t want her to feel pressured, but I’m also frustrated by the continual rejection. We’ve had some sleepovers, but aside from light kissing, nothing advances further. She has expressed that she wants her first time to be with me but isn’t ready and isn’t sure when she will be. I plan to have a heart-to-heart with her about this tonight, as it hasn’t been addressed in a while. What are some suggestions for what I should say or ask during this conversation?

Am I being dramatic?

Last night, my boyfriend (28/M) and I (23/F) were just about to drift off to sleep when our neighbors started making a lot of noise during their intimate moments. When I heard her scream, I noticed my boyfriend was getting aroused. I didn’t say anything, and we ended up being intimate too because he was turned on. I get that it’s a natural response, and I should just move on, but honestly, it left me feeling uneasy and ashamed about my reaction. Any thoughts?

There's a big conflict, and I'm unsure how to handle it.

I (17F) recently had a major fight with my boyfriend (17M) of one year, and it was pretty intense—definitely the most serious argument we've ever had. At one point, I even accused him of cheating because he's been spending time with a classmate I don’t particularly like. I can't quite put my finger on why she makes me feel jealous, but whenever I hear about their interactions, I lose it. I've never experienced jealousy like this before and I know I need to address it. Our argument lasted the entire weekend, from Friday to Sunday. He mentioned that he didn’t want to talk, and I respected his space, but as an overthinker, I couldn’t shake off the worry that he might want to end things. Eventually, I reached out to tell him I love him and I was sorry because I wasn’t sleeping anyway. He left my message unread in the morning, which only heightened my anxiety, so I messaged him again asking for a response. We finally had a conversation where I apologized, and it seemed like he forgave me. However, the atmosphere between us still feels tense and everything seems different now. This is my first relationship, and I'm worried things won’t go back to how they used to be. Is this a normal part of relationships? Are we going to be okay? I feel like crying and I’m not sure how to handle this. I don’t have much experience with relationships, and this situation just feels off to me.

I (21 M) feel terrible every time I discuss my emotions with my girlfriend (21 F).

I've been dating my girlfriend (21F) for the past two months, and I’m feeling really exhausted. From the start, we both agreed to be open and honest about our feelings. Initially, we faced some typical relationship challenges, but we worked through them together. I put in a lot of effort to make her happy. However, just one month in, she started getting upset over what I consider minor issues, shutting down communication, and disappearing. Here are a few examples: * I told her multiple times that I was tired and planned to go to bed early, but it still upset her. * While we were watching a movie, I went to grab some water and she sent me an Instagram video that I didn’t check out because I wanted to focus on the movie. * I spent time chatting with my friends. Last week, I finally shared my feelings about her behavior, explaining how her reactions made me feel awful, but I also reassured her that I was open to discussing things. Unsurprisingly, she didn’t take it well. Yet, the next morning, we talked as if nothing significant had happened. Today, she sent me a video saying, *"When I try to express my feelings and he responds with 'I hear you, baby,' instead of 'Why do you have to make a problem out of everything?'"* She added, *"Unfortunately, you made me feel like the second part."* It appears that I’m somehow at fault for not fully understanding her feelings. Sometimes she claims it’s merely *"her attitude,"* which I don't think is a valid excuse. Every time I try to express my feelings, I end up feeling like I'm doing something wrong or saying hurtful things to her. This situation is becoming overwhelming, and I don’t feel at peace in our relationship. I find myself overthinking every little action, which I really dislike, but I still love her. I’m not sure if this is just because it’s my first relationship, but I worry that if I choose to end things, I might come across as someone cruel who hurt someone just trying to be understood.

21M, why am I still single?

Hey everyone! I hope you’re all doing well. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on why I’m still single, and I could really use your insights. A little about me: I’m a 21-year-old guy, standing at 1.96m and weighing around 98kg. I’ve worked hard for my athletic build, and I like to think I have a decent level of intelligence. Plus, I have a great taste in music that seems to resonate with many people. On paper, I check a lot of boxes that people typically look for. Yet, I find myself navigating the dating scene alone, which makes me question whether it’s just a matter of timing, my dating approach, or something else entirely that I might be missing. I’d love to hear your perspectives. Has anyone else faced a similar situation? What do you think might be contributing to my single status? If you’re interested in offering some advice, feel free to check out my Instagram: @silvah.tv. I can’t wait to hear your stories and suggestions. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

How can I determine if my relationship is characterized by narcissism?

In my current long-distance relationship, there are certain behaviors from my partner that genuinely upset me. Although we've only been together for a short time, I've noticed that being direct and attempting to take charge of the situation often helps me communicate my feelings, though it frequently leads to arguments. There are multiple actions of his that leave me feeling hurt, including: - Ignoring me or ending our calls whenever something I say bothers him. - Telling me to "shut up" when I talk too much. While I realize he often means this as a joke, at times I can't tell his intention. - Guilt-tripping me by claiming he's a bad boyfriend whenever I'm upset, regardless of whether it's due to him or something else. - Misrepresenting my words or taking them out of context. - Disregarding my boundaries. - Becoming upset when I check in on him; his tone shifts noticeably before I ask, indicating he's already bothered. He then insists that he’s fine but gets angry with me, saying, “Do you not realize you’re the one making me upset right now?” - Getting easily angered over minor issues, often without me meaning to provoke him. These patterns have led me to question whether this could be a form of narcissistic abuse, and that's not even everything. I have no intention of leaving him as I'm not someone who gives up easily. He deserves love just like everyone else, and I can't bear the thought of him being alone for the rest of his life, especially since I care deeply for him. He brings me joy and is my best friend, but some of these issues seem insurmountable. I’m seeking answers and a clearer understanding of his perspective. A breakup isn’t something I’m considering right now because I know how to navigate my feelings, and if it becomes overwhelming, I’ll know when to walk away. Any advice on how to handle this situation would be truly appreciated.

I, a 31-year-old male, met a 28-year-old female online. We're from different states and have plans to meet in person.

Hello, this is my first time posting, so I appreciate your patience. I've been talking to a girl I met online from another state—she's 28 and very kind, but she tends to be quite emotional and cries over various things. We've been getting closer for about seven months, and I’m set to meet her in a couple of weeks. However, I’m feeling unsure about it. She has expressed a strong desire for me to move to her state and seems eager to accelerate our relationship into something more serious in under a year, which makes me a bit uneasy. Moving away from my home state would be a significant risk for me, as I would be leaving behind family, friends, and everything I've worked for. I’m torn between whether to end things before I meet her or to go ahead and meet her and see how I feel afterward. I don’t want to hurt her by leading her on, but I also don’t want to stay in a situation that makes me uncomfortable. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

20F I recently lost my virginity to a 19M and have started being more active sexually, but it's still a bit awkward. Any tips on how we can improve?

My boyfriend (19M) and I (20NB/F) recently lost our virginity to each other, and it was genuinely enjoyable! Initially, I thought everything would be straightforward, but when we started, lining up our bodies was a challenge, and things didn’t always go or stay where we expected. We were surprised by some unexpected sounds and even ended up slipping off the bed— it was actually pretty funny, and we shared a lot of laughs. During foreplay, he’s very enthusiastic about making sure I’m satisfied and is open to suggestions! However, he sometimes gets a bit too eager while going down on me— he can be a little rough, especially when he’s stimulating my clitoris, which can go from pleasurable to overly sensitive very quickly. He’s also been a bit intense when we kiss, but with some guidance, he’s been getting softer during those moments, which is encouraging. On our first encounter, things progressed so rapidly that my immediate reaction was to fake an orgasm to redirect him, which I know sounds bad. I left feeling a little upset that it had to end in that way, and I felt guilty for not expressing my feelings in the moment. So, the next time we were getting intimate, I suggested we show each other how we usually prefer to be touched. I guided him to be gentler with his hands and explained how I like to be touched. When he tried going down on me again, I was nervous about how things might escalate too quickly, so I had to keep guiding his head away. Additionally, since we were in a cold AC room, I found myself drying up from the chill, which made things even more challenging. How can we navigate this without losing the moment? Also, while I think my boyfriend is well-endowed lengthwise, I tend to respond better to girth. Are there particular positions that would highlight his girth more effectively while we’re in motion? We enjoyed the lazy doggy style position when we tried it, as it felt incredibly intense. Furthermore, I’ve found that practicing riding positions on my own is much easier than doing so on a small bed with another person involved. Even though I'm quite flexible, it can be surprising to find the right rhythm and balance. Do you have any tips for building my endurance and stamina for those positions? Any insights into managing the various factors I’ve mentioned would be greatly appreciated. Overall, my boyfriend has expressed some insecurity about his ability to please me, and I find myself torn between not wanting him to feel inadequate as we both learn together and understanding that I need to assert what I need to ensure a positive experience. I don’t want to enable any bad habits that might become harder to address later on. I’m here seeking any advice, suggestions, or guidance you all can provide. Edit: I realize that if I’m asking for advice on communication and the response is simply “communicate,” it kind of feels like we’re going in circles, doesn’t it? LOL.

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