Relationship advices

Toxic Relationships • 1mo ago

Should I prioritize my boyfriend or my parents?

I'm a 21-year-old female, and my boyfriend, who is also 21, and I have had an on-again, off-again relationship for the past two and a half years. We recently got back together about two months ago, and things are going really well. However, when we last broke up a year ago, he insulted both me and my parents, and his behavior during our relationship was abusive and manipulative. I confided in my parents about this, which understandably made them dislike him. I regret sharing those details, especially now that we're back together, so I've decided to keep our relationship a secret. The issue is that he wants me to spend New Year's Eve with him and his family, which is a five-hour drive from my parents' house. It's December 29th, and he wants me to be there by the 31st at the latest. I’m struggling with how to explain to my parents why I need to leave, especially since they’re thrilled to have me around—since I work in another county and don’t see them often. If I tell them I'm back with the same guy who disrespected us and hurt me, it would not only hurt them but also undermine their efforts to help me heal. If I concoct a story about having a party at work, they would likely be upset that I’m leaving them right after they’ve been so happy to have me home. On the other hand, if I stay with my parents, my boyfriend will be disappointed. I care deeply about all three of them, and I'm really torn about what to do. I could suggest that my boyfriend come to my parents' place, apologize, and celebrate the holiday with us, but I’m uncertain how my parents would react to that. I'd really appreciate any advice on how to handle this situation.


Work-Life Balance • 1mo ago

I'm a 29-year-old man and I've made a mistake. My wife, who is 28, hasn't talked to me in three days. What can I do to resolve this?

This is a repost because the original was taken down. I've made an edit to address something I overlooked in the initial submission. **In Brief:** I procrastinated on some household chores, which frustrated my wife, and it has led to emotional distance between us. Now, I’m unsure how to reconnect or mend things. **The Full Story:** My wife is a stay-at-home partner, while I work full-time, including two days from home. I don't subscribe to the notion that simply because I earn the income, she should handle all other responsibilities. I cook most of our meals, help with the dishes, and contribute as much as I can around the house. However, I struggle with procrastination, a habit I've had since childhood. A few days ago, she asked me to do the ironing over the weekend, as she was busy visiting family during the weekdays. I replied that I would handle it later since I needed to apply for new jobs. By evening, I was mentally exhausted. She was tired too, and when she went to bed, I asked if I could do the ironing the following day. She agreed, but instead of resting, I ended up playing video games. The next day, she wanted to sort through my room together. I wasn't enthusiastic but didn't voice my reluctance. While cleaning, we discovered an old, rotting piece of cake in my work bag—something I had forgotten about for months. She became upset and said, “Whenever you procrastinate, I have to deal with it.” I tried to lighten the mood, but her frustration was evident. By the evening, we had reconciled without addressing the underlying issue. Both of us had been incredibly busy that week: she was preparing for guests, and I was juggling a hectic work schedule along with my job search. Fast forward a few days—I had a packed agenda filled with meetings and job applications, but I still managed to make breakfast and tidy up the kitchen before she woke up. I worked a bit and attended several meetings before heading to the office to deliver some documents. Meanwhile, she was busy cooking all day for her guests. Once I took the dog out around 6 PM, she remarked, “Oh, now you walk the dog?” I explained that I had been overwhelmed with work, and she just rolled her eyes. (For the record, I had walked the dog the previous night, and she typically manages two walks most days.) Later in the evening, I tried to connect with her to help with the dishes, but she exploded. She said, “It’s been four days! I forgave you without discussing it, but since we got married, I’m the one who deals with everything you put off! Get your priorities straight!” I attempted to explain my perspective, but she stormed off. I want to clarify that walking the dog is not solely my responsibility, but I do it whenever I can. I stayed home to clean the kitchen and waited for her. She eventually went over to a friend's house and didn't come back until late. Unable to sleep, I tracked her location on Find My (we share our locations) and noticed she was just sitting in her car for fifteen minutes upon her return. When I checked on her, she locked the doors and ignored me. I waited outside in the cold for half an hour before retreating inside. After another 15 minutes of waiting, I checked on her again. She rushed past me, locked herself in her dressing room, and went to sleep in another room. The following morning, I had a full-day workshop to moderate, so I woke up early and rushed to work at 6 AM. The guests were coming that day for a girls' night, and I wasn't invited. After finishing work at 6 PM, I wandered around the city until 1 AM. When I finally got home, the guests had left, and she seemed in a hurry to go to bed, stopping whatever she was doing. I approached her and gave her a kiss before cleaning the rest of the house. After finishing, I went to bed, but she was in the bathroom. I waited for her but accidentally fell asleep. When I woke up, she was in another room. I made her breakfast and picked a rose while walking the dog, leaving it by her side with a kiss, but she didn't react. Later, I made her coffee and told her it was in the kitchen, but she hadn’t acknowledged me. Since then, we haven't communicated. She stays mostly in her room, and I check in occasionally to see if she needs anything. I've noticed she's been writing on her computer and quickly hides the screen when I walk by. I feel lost and terrible about the situation, recognizing this isn’t just about a rotting piece of cake or walking the dog. How do I repair our relationship?


Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • 1mo ago

My girlfriend (20 years old) needs some time apart from our relationship (21 years old) to focus on her mental health and deal with her underlying depression.

About five months ago, I connected with this girl, and we really hit it off. I got her Instagram, and since then, we've been chatting and chatting on the phone every day. We've been together as a couple for three months now, even though we’re in a long-distance relationship—she's in America, and I'm in New Zealand. We have a strong trust between us. However, recently, she started to talk less, and while I understood it might be due to the Christmas and New Year season, it felt a little off. So, I reached out to her last night, and she opened up about how she’s been feeling. She mentioned that she’s going through a tough time and is afraid of slipping back into depression, something she’s experienced before, and it was really bad. She was very open about her feelings, saying that right now, she needs a friend more than a boyfriend. She wants to take some time to focus on herself because she often neglects that. In the past, when she faced similar challenges, she lost a lot of friends and feared losing me as well. That’s when she suggested taking a break from our relationship until she feels ready to reconnect. I assured her that I completely understand and that I’m willing to wait, as she is the only one I want to be with. While I trust her completely, I can't help but feel a bit hurt. I had hoped we could work through this together, but I realize I’m not a therapist, so I’m not sure if that’s the best approach. I would really appreciate any suggestions on how I can express my support and show her that I’ll always be there for her during this time.


Mental Health • 1mo ago

Male, 28 years old; Female, 28 years old; relationship

I've been in a relationship with my partner for about three years. I've consistently talked to her about my mental health, but I feel like she's not really supporting me. Whenever I bring it up, she interprets it as me "bashing" her and insists that she's "trying so hard." I keep stating that all I need from her is a simple question about how I'm doing. Before Christmas, we had an argument about this. I bought a gift for her mother, and she kept asking when I would deliver it. When I inquired if she had gotten anything for my mom or sister, she replied that she "hadn't gotten around to it but would" and then mentioned how much she had spent on her own "loved ones" but would still do something. It's not about the cost or the gift for me; I value the thought behind it. Now I'm left wondering if this is a sign of manipulation or just a lack of care.


Work-Life Balance • 1mo ago

Will I seem controlling if I surprise my boyfriend with Christmas dinner after he mentioned he’s busy?

My boyfriend (27M) and I (27F) have been together for almost three years. We both work in the same lab and live on campus (in separate buildings), so we’re never too far apart. The last two Christmases have been special for us, as we’ve started a tradition of cooking an excessive amount of food and enjoying it together. This year, though, he’s swamped with a grant proposal that’s due in ten days. He’s been working hard on it for weeks and had planned to finish by this weekend, so we were set to dine out for Christmas. He just cancelled our plans, saying he needs to wrap up his work first but will finish as soon as possible so we can celebrate. I’m not upset because he’s always reliable, and being a scientist myself, I understand the pressure he’s under. Since he won’t be able to make it to Christmas dinner this year, I thought it would be fun to bring the holiday meal to him. I plan to spend the day cooking, and maybe even baking, to keep our holiday traditions alive. However, he did mention that he’s busy, so I’m concerned that surprising him with dinner might feel like I’m imposing a celebration when he’d prefer to focus on his work. This is especially troubling since he knows (A) I’m not great at baking, and (B) what I really want is for him to make his delicious pumpkin pie. I’m worried because since July, I’ve had a series of personal crises with my labmates that made me quite irritable. Although I didn’t take it out on him, he did have to listen to my rants about people he knows, to the point where he told me I needed to calm down because he was worn out. By November, I addressed my issues, apologized to him, and worked on improving my attitude. However, it’s only been a few weeks since then, and I fear that my decision to make Christmas dinner might come off as a passive-aggressive way of forcing a celebration. In summary, I want to surprise my boyfriend with a Christmas feast while he’s busy, but I’m worried that my recent attitude might make it seem like I’m pushing a celebration on him.


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 1mo ago

I'm a 31-year-old female and I'm noticing that I'm feeling less attracted to my boyfriend, who is 30. I recently discovered that he watches porn every day. Can anyone offer some advice?

I'm a 31-year-old female doctor working full-time (more than 54 hours a week) and I’m the primary income earner in our relationship. My partner, who is 30, left his full-time job in May, and I supported his decision since it was a toxic and underpaid environment. Since then, he’s tried various ventures, but none have worked out. I’m currently covering all our expenses, including bills, the mortgage, car payments, and date nights, while he’s still trying to pay off tax debt from his previous job. I’m aware of his current low earning potential, which has become a point of tension in our relationship that we’re trying to address. However, I can’t help but feel like I'm losing respect for him because it appears he doesn’t have his life in order. I work long and often exhausting shifts, and when I come home, I’m both emotionally and physically drained. We’ve both gained some weight recently; I’m actively working on losing some and have already shed 6kg (yay!). However, I find myself put off by his appearance, particularly his hanging belly, even though I love him. Due to the stress from his job situation and these physical changes, my interest in sex has dwindled, which I know is affecting him. We talked about it, and he mentioned he feels rejected and has stopped making an effort to initiate intimacy, though I believe he isn’t trying as hard as he used to. I understand his point, and I don’t want him to feel rejected. He also shared that he watches porn daily for masturbation, which upset me for reasons I can't quite pinpoint. I know he finds me attractive and that we share a strong emotional bond, but I’m struggling to process my feelings regarding his daily porn use. It makes me feel as though he’s given up on us, and I’m losing my emotional and physical attraction to him as well. Aside from this issue, our relationship is really good, and I want to work on fixing this aspect. Any advice would be appreciated.


Communication Problems • 1mo ago

My boyfriend, who is 34, is upset because I, 32, only said "I love you" after he expressed his feelings first. What do you think?

We've been together for nearly five years, living together, and it's been a challenging relationship for me. This is my first serious relationship, while he has had significant relationships prior to ours. I’ve come to realize that I have unresolved issues and tend to get defensive during certain conversations. Unfortunately, this defensiveness has hurt him on multiple occasions, and he feels he has been patient with me. He often expresses reasons for not wanting to be with me, saying that I need to change and improve in order for him to accept me. I agree that I need to do better because I want to stop being defensive. Whenever we encounter issues, he often threatens to break up with me but then we discuss it and try to find a way to move forward. During these discussions, he tends to critique my life and makes comments that sting, stating it's a reaction to the hurt I’ve caused him. My intention is never to hurt him; it usually stems from my past, where I find myself fighting old ghosts. When misunderstandings arise, I try to clarify, but he perceives my need to rephrase things as defensiveness, which makes him feel like I’m being confrontational. I become distant because I feel attacked, and I wish he would approach our conversations differently. This pattern has continued for a while, along with other issues we've faced, which I can explain later. This morning, while I’m away for the holidays, I texted him saying, "Hey baby, good morning." He replied that he didn't want to talk and needed space, without expressing love. Since he didn’t say "I love you," I didn’t either, as it felt hurtful. Although I tell him I love him, sometimes he doesn’t respond, and I take it to heart. Later, he messaged me, telling me to have a good day and added, "I love you." In response, I wished him a good day and reciprocated the love, but he became upset, saying I only said it because he did and that it was unnecessary to restate "have a good day" just to say "I love you." I explained that I misunderstood and thought he was encouraging me to respond that way. He reacted harshly, questioning my intelligence for believing I misinterpreted his message. As our conversation progressed, he said he was moving out and has blocked my number and all my social media accounts. I feel so lost right now. I understand how my responses might have come across as insincere, but I genuinely meant what I said. It's tough to be vulnerable with him when it seems like he doesn't want to communicate. I don’t know how to navigate this situation, and I often feel like a terrible person. I love him deeply, yet I'm feeling so lost. **TLDR;** We've had a lot of issues, and after he indicated he wanted to be alone today and didn’t say "I love you," I refrained from saying it too. When he later messaged me wishing me a good day and saying "I love you," I replied in kind and wished him a Merry Christmas. He got upset, claiming I only reciprocated because he said it first, and now he wants to break up and move out.


Communication Problems • 1mo ago

My boyfriend, who is 31, gave me a Christmas gift that I don't intend to use.

Hello everyone! I’m hesitant to share this, but I wanted to talk about a gift I received from my boyfriend of six years. He got me a KitchenAid stand mixer for Christmas—the largest model, in fact! While it’s a beautiful gift, it feels a bit impractical for us since it’s just the two of us (no kids), and we're both trying to stick to a budget. Baking can be expensive, and as a vegetarian, I don't cook with meat. We also rent our home, which means our kitchen has limited counter space and storage. My boyfriend mentioned he thought I could use it to make cookies and breads, but I’m currently trying to watch my diet. I can’t shake the feeling that he assumed it would be something I’d love, and since it’s my only gift from him, it’s hard not to feel disappointed. I’ve considered suggesting he return it, but I worry he would take it the wrong way; it might be better to keep it and let him enjoy using it since he seems so excited about it. I guess I’m just feeling a bit down about it all since it’s my only Christmas present from him, and it’s not quite what I was hoping for. Has anyone else ever felt guilty for not being thrilled about a gift? It’s been weighing on my mind, and I just don’t see myself using it as much as he would like.


Communication Problems • 1mo ago

What are some ways I can navigate challenging discussions with my boyfriend?

I'm a 27-year-old woman in a relationship with my boyfriend, who's 32. I’d like to discuss some feelings I've been having lately. While he’s been spending time with his family over the past few days, I’ve had a chance to reflect on our relationship and consider where I want it to go. Lately, I’ve noticed that he seems to have become a bit too comfortable and hasn’t been putting in the same effort that he did when we first started dating. I’m not expecting him to change because I know that it has to come from within, but I really want him to understand that I’m not feeling the level of love that I need. I believe in our relationship, but I can’t work on it alone. He knows I'm afraid of losing him, but I don’t think he realizes how close that fear is to becoming a reality. One challenge I face is that when we talk, especially if he gets upset, I tend to shut down. I struggle with PTSD from my childhood, which causes my mind to go blank, leaving me unsure of how to continue the conversation or find a resolution. I often consider writing down my feelings, but that approach feels insincere to me; I’d rather not read from a script, even though that’s typically what I would do in such situations. I’m looking for advice on how to have these conversations without freezing up. If anyone has suggestions for gently expressing my feelings without making it sound like I’m attacking him, I would greatly appreciate it.


Low Self-Esteem and Personal Growth • 1mo ago

My boyfriend, who is 27, mentioned that I'm not at his ideal weight. I'm 29.

I’m a 29-year-old woman, and my boyfriend is 27. We’ve been together for seven years. Recently, during a casual conversation, we found ourselves discussing what attracts different people. He mentioned that I’m not really his type, but he likes me anyway. I found this confusing, but he insisted that he genuinely likes me. I tried to brush it off. Then, he suggested that I could lose some weight and even showed me what he considers to be his ideal body type, which is significantly smaller than I am. I told him that achieving that would take time and effort, something I had already been considering. He responded by saying he didn’t think I’d ever be able to reach that size. This left me feeling hurt, as it seemed he didn’t believe I could meet his ideal. The conversation shifted again when he asked if I’d ever thought about being with other people. I told him I hadn’t, but he admitted he had and wouldn’t mind hooking up with someone attractive and then never speaking to her again. This made me feel uneasy, especially considering he once said that I was the only girl who would date him. It makes me worry that he’s only with me because he thinks he can’t find someone else. Throughout our relationship, we’ve broken up several times, and he has always begged me to come back, even stating that if I didn’t want to be with him, we couldn’t stay friends. This complicates things since our families are friends, and I often find myself at his house. Now I’m left feeling confused and upset, especially since this all unfolded on Christmas. I'm unsure whether to continue this relationship or end it entirely. Please help me figure this out.


Trust and Jealousy • 1mo ago

Is it acceptable for a partner to still be following their exes on social media?

Hello! This is my first post on Reddit; I've been just a reader until now. Before writing this, I looked into some posts on a similar topic, but I couldn't find a clear answer. Here's what's going on: I (27M) recently started dating a wonderful girl (27F) about four months ago. She's sweet, loving, and we really enjoy each other's company. We communicate openly about any issues that come up, which has been great. Recently, we went on a trip to a place she had visited before, and while everything was fantastic, there was one thing that bothered me. She kept saying "we," like "Oh, I remember when we were here before," or "We did this." I jokingly asked who this "we" was since it wasn’t us, and she explained that she meant her ex and friends from past experiences. I’m trying not to overthink it, but when I learned who her ex is, I noticed they’re still connected on social media—Facebook and Instagram. She also has a lot of archived stories from her time with him, including pictures and short videos, which I initially thought were from a friend. I haven't brought up the archived stories yet because I'm afraid of how she might react. When I did ask about them following each other, she shrugged it off and mentioned she's still following another ex, which didn’t sit well with me. We've taken new photos together, and she’s added them to her existing stories. While she’s been nothing but supportive towards me, the fact that she’s still connected to her exes is troubling. I'm uncertain about how to approach this. She reassured me they don’t communicate, and she even shared details about a brief meeting to pick up her belongings, so I feel somewhat okay about that. Am I overreacting? Am I reading too much into this? Ideally, I would love for her to unfollow her exes and remove the pictures where they’re together. I think my feelings stem from my previous long-term relationship, which ended abruptly because of infidelity. Although that was over four years ago, the trauma still lingers. I’m looking for guidance—should I address this, or let it go? She doesn’t perceive it as a problem, and I’m worried confronting it might create unnecessary conflict. For context, I blocked my ex and her friends to move on. Although I’ve moved past that, these feelings are resurfacing now, and I don’t want to jeopardize this new relationship. What do you all think I should do? Should I say something, or let it be? I don’t want to face a confrontation, especially since we usually discuss our issues openly. And by the way, she still uses her ex’s Netflix account because she doesn’t want to log out—though I’ve shared my account with her to solve that issue. After writing all this out, I’m feeling a little foolish. Is it normal to feel this way? Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. I really like her and don’t want to break up; it’s just this one concern that’s bothering me. Thanks!


Family Conflicts • 1mo ago

My sister is ignoring me.

As a first-time user and a non-native English speaker, I apologize if my message is a bit scattered. I (F30) feel like my sister (F41) has been ghosting me, and I'm unsure why or how to address it. A bit of background: we didn’t have the most stable upbringing. She was like a second mother to me, and during my teenage years, we became best friends. She was my safe haven. Now, we’re both in relationships and have children around the same age, who are very close and love each other. Although we live two hours apart and have busy lives, we always made an effort to get together. Each time we met felt like no time had passed, and we had a great bond for over five years. However, two years ago, my sister started responding less frequently to my texts and calls. I initially thought she was just busy, so I tried to give her space while occasionally reaching out. Unfortunately, I rarely got a response. I tried to find a healthy balance—enough contact to show I care, but not so much that I’d be bothering her. Early on, she mentioned that her mental health wasn’t great, and I tried to help her find better support. She also came out to me, and for about three weeks, we communicated daily. I wanted to offer her a safe space if she needed one. She seemed to be improving, but then she just stopped responding altogether. It’s not just me; she has also ghosted our mom, brother, and my partner. I can understand her distancing from our mom due to their past, and our brother isn’t very involved in our lives, but I’m at a loss for why she has shut us out. When I suggested going no contact, she declined, and she’s never told us to stop reaching out or explained her absence. I’ve had to stop myself from overthinking the reasons behind it. I’ve tried reaching out for the sake of our kids, as it breaks my heart to see my daughter upset about missing her cousins. I miss them too. This past year, I’ve been dealing with health issues, including multiple surgeries and hospital stays, which I kept her updated on, but she hasn’t acknowledged any of it. That hurt because she was someone I trusted to be there for me. It’s been hard to come to terms with this situation. I’m sad because it feels like she doesn’t miss us, but I don’t want our kids to suffer because of it. We love and miss her family, and I’m unsure if they even know what’s happening. In the last two months, I’ve received a few short voice messages from her and her kids for holidays and birthdays, but when I attempt to engage in conversation, she ignores me. Recently, I reached out to her partner about the kids, taking a cue from my mom, who managed to connect with her this way. However, when I sent him a Christmas video, he replied that “your sister will send something from us.” I’m starting to wonder if he still wants to be in contact with me. I don’t want to bring this up on Christmas Day, but I’d appreciate any advice on how to foster a situation where my daughter and her cousins can stay connected.


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 1mo ago

My girlfriend, who is 19, shows no interest in being intimate with me, a 20-year-old.

I'm a 20-year-old college student in a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman, who is 19. However, I’m facing a challenge I never expected: my girlfriend doesn't want to have sex and doesn't seem to feel any sexual desire. When we first got together, she was dealing with trauma from a past assault and expressed a desire for intimacy. At that time, she was on birth control and trying to overcome her experiences. However, she has since decided that she doesn't want to force herself to engage in sexual activities anymore, and I completely respect that. She’s very open about her lack of interest, and I would never want her to feel pressured to "push herself." Additionally, she has changed her birth control twice, and now she rarely feels aroused. I love her deeply, and everything else about our relationship feels perfect, but we haven't been intimate in nearly three months, which is something I desire. When we've been intimate, it tends to be short-lived, and she’s not comfortable with certain aspects—like performing oral sex or engaging with me physically in ways I’d like. I consistently make an effort to please her, often spending a significant amount of time ensuring she enjoys herself. Although she claims to feel attracted to me, I struggle with self-esteem issues due to an eating disorder, which leads me to worry that she doesn’t find me appealing at all. This doubt is damaging my self-image, and I’m unsure how to bring this up without making her feel further pressure. I wish she wanted me the way I want her; it sometimes feels like our connection is primarily emotional rather than physical. I don’t even mind the lack of sex as much as I fear she might find me unattractive. She has mentioned that during intimacy, she doesn't really feel me but just a sensation of pressure. I’ve never felt insecure about my size or ability to please a partner before, but for the first time, I feel inadequate and worry that she might view me as unappealing. I’m not angry with her—understanding her trauma makes it difficult for me to talk about my feelings. The last thing I want to do is make her feel guilty or worse about her experiences.


Cultural and Religious Differences • 1mo ago

Afraid to Share About My Boyfriend with Mom

For some context, I'm an 18-year-old African American woman with autism, and my boyfriend is a 20-year-old Egyptian man who has been living in the U.S. for two years. We met on Tinder around April and chatted on iMessages for a few days before meeting up in person. Before our first date, we exchanged nudes, and he mentioned, "We don't know each other, so it would be nice to get to know each other first." We decided to go to a semi-formal restaurant. He was more talkative than I was, which made me a bit anxious since I struggle with maintaining eye contact. He paid for everything, and once we got into the car, I began to relax. We had a great conversation as he drove me around. Things escalated when I admitted I was "horny" and offered him oral sex. He hesitated at first and said, "Maybe next time." I respected his feelings, but he later asked if I was sure about my offer, and I confirmed that I wanted to proceed. I ended up giving him oral sex, but then I wanted to stop and have sex instead. He was keen, but when we were about to go further, I realized I wasn't ready. He attempted to penetrate me but struggled because I was tense from stress. He asked, "Do I not arouse you, or are you playing games with me?" I then suggested we try anal sex instead, which we did. Unfortunately, the condom broke during his ejaculation. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me about the broken condom, adding, "There's nothing we can do now." On the car ride back to my house, we had a brief conversation: **BF:** I loved when you **[explicit content]** **Me:** Thank you. **BF:** You okay? **Me:** Yeah, I'm fine. **BF:** You didn't seem like it. You can tell me what happened. **Me:** It's fine. **BF:** Oh, okay. Well, I hope you have a good day. **Me:** Don’t you want to come with me? **BF:** No, I'm sorry. I have to be somewhere soon. **Me:** *Kisses him* **BF:** *Kisses me back* Once I got home, I checked my phone and saw that he had blocked me on iMessages. I burst into tears and ended up telling my parents what had happened. Naturally, they were upset with him. For months, I felt crushed, questioning what I did wrong and how things could have turned out differently. In August, he unblocked me and apologized, explaining that he was sorry for blocking me and that he found it awkward since he had never had sex on the first date, especially after the condom broke. We exchanged messages for a bit, but in September I chose to block him again to heal from the pain he caused. During that time, I reflected on the situation and realized that, ultimately, it was his choice, not mine. By November, I unblocked him, and we started communicating again. He expressed how much he missed me and felt hurt by the breakup, saying that I was genuinely nice and he didn’t want to lose me again. After about three weeks of talking, we began dating. We’ve been together since the end of November, but we haven't seen each other since April. He wants to meet, but I've been too anxious to tell my mother about our relationship. I want to be open with her since keeping it a secret adds stress, but I'm worried she might overreact, especially since she isn’t keen on me dating anyone without her knowing them—especially given a past incident that made her and my father wary of him. How can I approach my mother about him? **TL;DR:** After our first date, he blocked me because he felt I was "moving too fast," and the condom broke. I cried to my parents about it, and they didn't like him. Later, he unblocked me, apologized, and we reconnected. I blocked him again to heal, then unblocked him a month later, and we've been dating for a few weeks. Now I’m anxious about telling my mother about him.


Mental Health • 1mo ago

I (18 male) am struggling to support my girlfriend (18 female) and really need some guidance.

Here's an alternate version of your text: "A bit of background: My girlfriend (18f) and I (18m) have been together for about a year and a half. Initially, everything was great, but after we reached the one-year mark, things started to decline. I understand that getting comfortable in a relationship can mean relying on each other, and while I appreciate her doing this, I also want to support her in any way I can. Recently, however, whenever I try to help her feel better—whether through a phone call when I can’t be there in person or by doing something nice for her—she often responds by saying I don’t understand what she’s going through and that I never will because I’ve always had what I want. While it’s true that I've been fortunate, I’ve worked hard to achieve what I have and made significant changes in my life to get here. This cycle repeats every time I try to help, and it leaves me feeling lost since she doesn’t seem to listen. About her: She’s quite introverted and has only a small circle of friends. She's trying to pursue a music career, but it hasn’t been going well. I’ve suggested she consider different coaching options, but she’s resistant to that. She has struggled with feelings of not fitting in for a long time, which I find hard to believe because she’s genuinely fun to be around. She’s been dealing with significant depression for a while now, even before we started dating. I truly love her and want to help, but I feel powerless to do so. I’ve tried everything I can think of, even seeking advice from friends, but nothing seems to work. I’m reaching out for guidance because this situation is taking a serious toll on my mental health, and I’m feeling overwhelmed."


Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • 1mo ago

Should I consider getting a cat even if my girlfriend isn't in favor?

I'm a 22-year-old male, and I've been in a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend (21) for the past year and a half. She is an amazing partner—loving, kind, and generally a great person. I care for her deeply. While we don't live together at the moment and have no plans to for a while, she is currently in graduate school, and I've just finished college and started working full-time. A bit of background: I've always had a passion for animals and have dreamed of having a cat ever since I could remember. Now that I have my own place post-college, I'm really looking forward to getting one. My girlfriend also loves animals, but she prefers not to keep them indoors. Early in our relationship, she made it clear that if we were to marry, she wouldn't want pets living in the house. I mostly agree with her—I'm a strong proponent of outdoor dogs—but I believe that cats can thrive indoors if cared for properly, as they are generally clean animals. We definitely differ on this opinion. Now I'm torn about whether to get a cat. I've been bringing it up frequently because I'm really excited, but I can sense that she doesn't share that enthusiasm. Whenever I mention it, her mood shifts and she seems a bit down. She's never outright told me not to get a cat, as she would never do that, but she has expressed concerns about feeling uncomfortable around cat hair. I've reassured her that I would keep my apartment clean to ensure she wouldn't notice any mess when she visits. Part of me wants to adopt a cat just to demonstrate that it’s possible to maintain a tidy home with a pet. However, I don’t want to jeopardize our relationship by bringing in a cat, but I really hope to have one. What should I do? Oh, and I should mention that I live in a one-bedroom apartment without a yard, so the cat would need to stay indoors.


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 1mo ago

My boyfriend is watching content creators and engaging in private activities in bed while I’m asleep.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a decade; we met in high school and have been living together since we were 18. Now at 23, we occasionally watch porn together or separately. Lately, I've noticed that he's been watching the same OnlyFans content creator and other similar content more frequently. I’ve previously mentioned that I'm okay with him watching porn, but his search habits have expanded significantly. He’s moved from YouTube ASMR videos to Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram—platforms I thought were just for keeping in touch with friends and family, but now they're filled with explicit content. I brought up my concerns with him, explaining that it bothers me. While porn is explicitly meant for erotic purposes and occasional viewing of random videos doesn’t bother me much, there’s a difference when he consistently watches the same girls and visits their pages often. When I watch porn, I tend to focus more on imagining intimate moments with him rather than the individuals on screen. However, seeing him actively seek out content featuring specific women makes me uneasy. It leads me to compare myself to them and question what I might be lacking. Rather than addressing my feelings, he started deleting his search history, which only made me more anxious. It felt like he believed that hiding his actions was a solution instead of changing them. In another conversation, he admitted to this and owned up to what he had been watching. I had noticed new searches appearing whenever I got home from work or woke up in the morning after sleeping next to him. He explained that he felt bored or curious while I was sleeping, at work, or in the shower, and that led him to look at this content. This realization hit me hard; the fact that I was right there yet he chose to seek out other women felt really hurtful. Most of the women he’s interested in don’t even resemble me, which makes it painful to accept that he could find pleasure in images of them while I’m in the same bed. I told him that I find this worse than watching porn because it’s not just a video with a clear erotic context—he’s deriving pleasure from mere pictures, imagining sexual experiences with women who aren’t me. Since that discussion, I’ve expressed that I feel uncomfortable being intimate with him, and I’m not sure how to move past these feelings. Am I overreacting?


Infidelity • 1mo ago

How can I inform a girl that the guy she was involved with was cheating on her with me and is not a good person?

I've (F26) been involved with a guy (M36) who has a situationship (F27) in another country. For the first couple of months of dating, he repeatedly claimed he would end things with her because he didn't have feelings for her and she was more invested. However, he lied about several things, and I found her Instagram. She has pinned photos of them that look very much like a couple, which contradicted his claims. After a big fight, he told me he ended things with her, but we didn’t talk for two weeks before we started seeing each other again. Recently, he went back to the US, and I saw on his story that she shared a picture with him sitting on his lap, captioned by her friend: "stop being happy 🤮." This made me question everything. I’ve been contemplating whether to inform her about what I know and to end things with him for good. I wrote her a detailed message explaining the entire situation, including screenshots of him arranging dates with me while he was with her and his intentions to end things from the start. I'm unsure how to approach contacting her, considering she blocked me after viewing her story during our fallout. He later claimed he broke up with her around that time. I would need to reach her through Facebook Messenger since we're not friends, but I’m worried she won't believe me or that he has misled her about the situation. I want her to know the truth, especially since I've moved on for good and don't want any further involvement with him. I even noticed he was chatting with other girls and still talking to her within 24 hours while I was at his place. I didn't confront him about this at the time, though he did ask me to be exclusive that night, which I declined due to my mistrust. He has been disrespectful to both of us, and I fear he never truly ended things with her or was in a real relationship. I considered reaching out to one of her friends to see if they could tell her instead, but they don't accept message requests from people they don’t follow on Instagram. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just want to ensure she knows the truth and that he doesn’t get away with treating people poorly.


Infidelity • 1mo ago

My boyfriend, who is 32, and I, a 20-year-old female, have been having some disagreements recently. I'd appreciate an outsider's perspective on our situation.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nine months. When we first started dating, I sensed that things progressed too quickly; we went from getting to know each other to being in a relationship in just two weeks. After only a week of dating, he told me he loved me, but I felt it wasn't right to reciprocate at that moment. I wanted to truly mean it before saying those words, which upset him and made me realize how fast our relationship was moving. When we met, he had just come out of a toxic eight-year relationship with his ex-girlfriend, who had cheated on him multiple times. He assured me he had never cheated, but I couldn't help but wonder if he was truly ready for a serious commitment after such a painful experience. As our relationship deepened, I often felt that his feelings for me were more obsessive than genuine love. He had liked me for a while before gathering the courage to ask me out. I thought his fixation might be partly due to our age difference—I'm 20, and he's 32. When he learned about me through my mom's boyfriend, he was told I have a good job and that I'm a bit reserved. While I believe a woman's worth isn't defined by such traits, I felt he saw them as advantages that shaped his view of me. In our relationship, I was consistently a supportive presence for him, but he rarely listened to my thoughts or feelings. He would often interrupt me, showing little engagement with the emotional aspects of our connection. To his friends and family, I sometimes felt more like a trophy than a true partner. Given his history with a toxic relationship, I never thought he would betray my trust. However, a few days ago, I felt an odd urge to check his phone, and I discovered messages to another girl in which he seemed to be pleading for her to meet. At that time, we had been dating for three months. When I confronted him, he adamantly denied sending those messages. To verify, I texted the girl from his phone, posing as him, and asked if she recalled their last encounter. She replied that it had happened about six months ago during warm weather, but he insisted she was lying. This isn’t the first time a situation like this has arisen; previously, it turned out to be false. He argues that this instance is just the same, claiming she’s lying about someone taking his phone. When he called her, asking why she was being dishonest, she said, "Don't involve me in your issues. You know what you did. You’re being unfaithful and don’t want to face the consequences. Just leave me alone." I have a big heart, and when he lost his home last December, I didn’t want him to be left homeless, so I invited him to stay at my house. Now we’re living at my mom’s place together, and I’m feeling lost. I see him every day as he cries and insists he’s innocent. I want to believe him, but deep down, I suspect he’s not telling the truth. It’s confusing because he’s starting to make me doubt my own instincts. I even question if the previous instance of suspected dishonesty was real. All I want is for him to be honest with me. Each day is filled with tears and anxiety, mainly because he insists everything is fine, even when the evidence suggests otherwise. He promised to find the person who texted her, but after four days, there's been no proof. He wants me to disregard what I know, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s lying. He finds ways to twist my thoughts, redirecting my focus to the good moments we’ve shared, which makes me feel guilty for questioning his feelings. I feel trapped in this situation. While I know I’m not literally confined—no one can force me to stay—it’s perplexing to realize I’m being manipulated and still find myself affected by it.


Infidelity • 1mo ago

What should I do? I've been in a relationship with this girl for three years, and I'm uncertain about my next steps.

My girlfriend, who's 19 and has been with me for three years, has been working as a server and recently got involved with the cook. I'm not sure how to respond to this. She feels guilty about it, and she means everything to me. I did cheat once early in our relationship, and I'm left wondering if this is an act of revenge or something else. I'm feeling lost and uncertain about what to do next. She gave me a second chance, and I told her I would also give her one opportunity, but this really hurts. If you've been in a similar situation, how did it turn out for you? Did it continue?


Work-Life Balance • 1mo ago

Today, my frustration with feeling overlooked in the relationship reached its peak.

I'm a 25-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 33, for about 10 months. Lately, I've been facing some challenges. He is incredibly hardworking and committed to his career in the trades, often trying to fill his schedule with as many jobs as possible. Being an immigrant from a struggling European country, he feels a strong obligation to send money back home and support his parents' retirement. His ambition is one of the things that initially drew me to him. While he is a sweet, caring man, I feel that he hasn’t been dedicating enough time to our relationship or meeting my emotional needs. I moved to this city to be closer to him and currently don't have many friends around. When I try to socialize with his friends, it’s difficult since they primarily speak a language I don't understand. Recently, he seems too exhausted to invest the effort I need from him. Around Thanksgiving, I planned a little getaway for us to relax during his time off, but our host canceled last minute, and he didn’t suggest alternative plans. Instead, I went to his house and made meals for him and his brother, hoping to spend quality time together afterward. Unfortunately, he filled the rest of the weekend with work, and I ended up feeling neglected. After I expressed my feelings of loneliness and the need for more effort from him, he acknowledged I have keys to his place but couldn’t grasp my point about the imbalances in our effort levels. He promised to try harder and make plans with me. We discussed rescheduling our trip for the Christmas break, but that fell through again, and he let me know he’d only be free the day after Christmas. In the lead-up to that day, I emphasized the need to finalize our plans, but his responses were vague, indicating we might end up staying home. On the morning of the day after Christmas, he texted me saying he wanted to relax and play video games. I felt crushed but communicated my disappointment since there had been anticipation for this day. Although he said he would go along with whatever I suggested, his tone made it clear he wasn’t enthusiastic. I ended up feeling very emotional through the day, hoping for just a simple moment together. When he finally invited me over to watch a movie, I thought it was a good sign until he canceled due to a last-minute job. So, I spent the day feeling alone and upset. I worry that if I share my feelings with him, he’ll dismiss them as dramatic or suggest I should’ve planned something instead. I am genuinely hurt by his lack of consideration for my feelings, especially given that he was the one who proposed doing something during the Christmas break. I’m tired of the disappointment that comes with his last-minute changes and his tendency to prioritize work over our relationship. Despite my concerns, I know he loves me and wants to marry me—he's had a ring for a month, which I discovered by accident. I love him too, but I’m uncertain about committing to someone who doesn’t seem to prioritize our relationship. We’ve discussed building a life together and starting a family, but his recent behavior has left me questioning everything. I really don’t want to end things because we share a deep love, but I’m reaching my breaking point. While I understand his work obligations and responsibilities to his family, I worry that I’ll always feel unhappy if my needs aren’t met. How can I express the pain this situation has caused me without triggering his defensiveness about needing rest on his rare day off?


Dating and Starting Relationships • 1mo ago

Should I heed my significant other's best friend's warning about him? (I'm 21, female; he's 22, male)

I've been seeing this guy for about a month, and he's incredibly sweet and chivalrous. He pays for all our meals and always invites me out. I've met his friends, and we all get along well. However, he’s not the type I usually go for—I tend to like video games and nerdy interests while he fits more of a "typical guy" mold (I’m not sure how else to put it). I understand that relationships don't have to be built on the same interests, but I do wish we had more common ground to relate on. He has a pretty poor memory due to the epilepsy medication he's on. There was one instance where I was telling him about a game I loved as a kid and how they made a show out of it, which I wanted to watch with him. A week later, he mentioned that a friend suggested a show to him, and he ended up subscribing to a service to watch it. I brought up that I had just told him about that, and he genuinely didn’t remember. It made me feel a bit overlooked, like my personal interest wasn’t enough to catch his attention, even though maybe I'm overreacting. Additionally, there’s the physical aspect of our relationship. To be straightforward, he is transgender, and I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone transgender before. I’m a bit nervous and want to give him the space to initiate anything. One night, we had a few drinks, and his friend pointed out that he hadn’t even kissed me yet. He admitted he wanted to but was unsure how to go about it, and then he kissed me. At some point, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Afterward, he got quite drunk, and I helped him home. He was really affectionate and possessive, which I liked. I find myself spending the night with him frequently, but nothing physical has gone beyond cuddling and gentle kisses on the cheek and forehead. He mentioned that he and his friends wanted to visit another friend a few hours away for New Year's, and he invited me. I took off work for it, but then he messaged me today about his friend wanting to leave two days earlier, which I couldn’t manage. I told him to enjoy the trip with his friends, and then he mentioned he didn’t really want to go anyway. Then, his best friend reached out to me. He said he heard I couldn’t make it and was unsure if there was any misunderstanding between me and this guy. He offered that he and the other friends are there for me if things go south. Then he said, "Out of respect for you, if you want a serious relationship, you won't find it with him for various reasons that have nothing to do with you but everything to do with him." He insisted he wouldn't let his best friend hurt me, adding that he had his reasons but wouldn’t disclose them. He concluded by urging me to distance myself from the situation and not to bring it up with this guy. I’m completely at a loss here, and I don't have anyone to talk to. Should I consider ending things with him?


Toxic Relationships • 1mo ago

My boyfriend's drug use makes me feel uneasy. 23M, 24F.

I'm at a pivotal moment in my relationship and could really use some guidance. I've been with my boyfriend for four years—he's my first serious partner, and I initially thought he was perfect. I’ve always envisioned sharing my life with one person, and I genuinely love him. However, over time, we've reached a point where I'm uncertain if we can move past it. **The Dilemma** From the beginning, I've been open about my boundaries when it comes to drug use. I can't be in a relationship with someone who occasionally uses hard drugs. This isn’t just about my personal beliefs; I'm also concerned for his health and what I perceive as a risky lifestyle. He used to experiment with drugs, and I may have overlooked it too easily until I finally expressed my feelings. Since that conversation, he’s become more secretive, and I've caught him lying about it. I made it clear that if he ever used cocaine again, I would leave. Fast forward to this past Christmas weekend—he spent the entire time with friends drinking and using drugs (cocaine, balloons, pills, and weed). I found out he hadn’t even slept and realized it was more than just alcohol. He apologized afterward, and we’ve since tried to act “normal” again. But inside, I don't feel okay. I feel disgusted, disrespected, and conflicted. **What I'm Facing** On one side, I love him and don’t want to end the relationship. We've built so much together, and I always envisioned this as my forever. On the other side, staying now feels like a betrayal to myself. I'm afraid that if I stay, he'll just repeat his behavior, and I’ll end up feeling worse for not leaving when I had the chance. I also worry about how he would react if I decided to leave. He tends to act indifferent outwardly while suffering internally. I doubt his friends would even notice the change in him, which is difficult for me to consider, as I would be left to shoulder most of the emotional weight. Another fear I can’t shake off is the thought of him moving on and finding someone “better.” I know it's irrational, but after investing so much love and time, it's hard not to feel that way. **What I Need to Understand** If our breakup stems from his drug use and my refusal to accept it, does that make me a better person? Am I wrong for seeking a partner who shares my values? Should I just let him do as he pleases and try to be more accepting, or does this indicate that we aren’t compatible at a fundamental level? I’ve thought about therapy because I know I need help navigating these feelings. However, I'd love to hear from others who have faced similar situations or have any advice. How do you walk away from someone you still love but no longer trust? How do you manage the fear of them moving on while you're left to heal?


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 1mo ago

Seeking advice on marriage and intimacy for a couple (M46, F46).

Hey everyone, I'm at a crossroads in my life and could really use some advice. My wife and I are quite different, and as we age and our three kids grow, I'm starting to worry about our future together. Our libidos have always been mismatched, and I had hoped it would improve after getting married and moving in together, but that hasn’t been the case. Despite having multiple discussions and even attending relationship counseling, we still struggle to find common ground. My main concern is that we don't share many interests. I enjoy exercising, staying fit, eating healthily, and spending time in nature, while she tends to prefer sitting down to watch TV or scrolling through her phone. She indulges in binge drinking once a week and generally doesn’t follow a healthy diet. I want to honor our marriage and care for her, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult. I sometimes feel lonely, as my efforts to engage her in activities together often go unnoticed. I usually take her out for dinner once a month for some quality time, but I don’t feel that I’m getting much in return. While she actively plans outings with her friends, I can’t help but feel that she puts more effort into those friendships than into our relationship. She often seems exhausted and lacks energy, and after initially trying to encourage her to exercise, I've run out of ideas. We do manage to keep things running smoothly with the kids and housework, which is a positive aspect of our partnership, but it only adds to my disappointment in other areas. I'm not exactly sure what I’m hoping to achieve here. Should I lay down an ultimatum? I really don’t want to disrupt our home, but I also feel that this situation is taking a toll on my mental health. The ongoing sexual frustration is something I dislike, and although I make efforts for intimacy, the response is minimal. I appreciate any thoughts or advice you might have.


Dating and Starting Relationships • 1mo ago

What’s the best way for me (F19) to address my boyfriend’s (M25) sudden silence?

I'm a 19-year-old woman currently in a long-distance relationship with my 25-year-old boyfriend. We're approaching three months together, and this is my first serious relationship. In his dating profile, he described himself as “quiet, unless he’s with friends,” among other traits. He caught my attention, so I thought I’d give it a try. We clicked and ended up talking for hours every single day. However, recently—about a week ago—he started to seem a bit off. He wasn't mad at me, but he seemed generally annoyed. Despite that, he still laughed and smiled during our conversations. I tried to give him chances to share what was bothering him, and he eventually opened up about feeling dissatisfied with his work performance and thinking he could do better. Over the last week and a half, though, he has reduced his engagement during our calls. While he’s in a neutral to good mood now, like before, it’s confusing because he still wants to call every day for just as long as we used to. The difference is that he’s much quieter now, almost as if I’m not even there. I attempt to spark conversations, but his responses tend to be brief. He still compliments me and asks about my day, but something feels off. We're still texting, sharing memes, and communicating just like we did before; it’s just during our calls that he’s more subdued. Is he pulling away, or is it something else? I’m starting to wonder if my insecurities are getting the better of me. Any advice on how to navigate this situation would be much appreciated, especially since I’m new to dating.