Relationship advices

What are some ways I can navigate challenging discussions with my boyfriend?

I'm a 27-year-old woman in a relationship with my boyfriend, who's 32. I’d like to discuss some feelings I've been having lately. While he’s been spending time with his family over the past few days, I’ve had a chance to reflect on our relationship and consider where I want it to go. Lately, I’ve noticed that he seems to have become a bit too comfortable and hasn’t been putting in the same effort that he did when we first started dating. I’m not expecting him to change because I know that it has to come from within, but I really want him to understand that I’m not feeling the level of love that I need. I believe in our relationship, but I can’t work on it alone. He knows I'm afraid of losing him, but I don’t think he realizes how close that fear is to becoming a reality. One challenge I face is that when we talk, especially if he gets upset, I tend to shut down. I struggle with PTSD from my childhood, which causes my mind to go blank, leaving me unsure of how to continue the conversation or find a resolution. I often consider writing down my feelings, but that approach feels insincere to me; I’d rather not read from a script, even though that’s typically what I would do in such situations. I’m looking for advice on how to have these conversations without freezing up. If anyone has suggestions for gently expressing my feelings without making it sound like I’m attacking him, I would greatly appreciate it.

My boyfriend, who is 27, mentioned that I'm not at his ideal weight. I'm 29.

I’m a 29-year-old woman, and my boyfriend is 27. We’ve been together for seven years. Recently, during a casual conversation, we found ourselves discussing what attracts different people. He mentioned that I’m not really his type, but he likes me anyway. I found this confusing, but he insisted that he genuinely likes me. I tried to brush it off. Then, he suggested that I could lose some weight and even showed me what he considers to be his ideal body type, which is significantly smaller than I am. I told him that achieving that would take time and effort, something I had already been considering. He responded by saying he didn’t think I’d ever be able to reach that size. This left me feeling hurt, as it seemed he didn’t believe I could meet his ideal. The conversation shifted again when he asked if I’d ever thought about being with other people. I told him I hadn’t, but he admitted he had and wouldn’t mind hooking up with someone attractive and then never speaking to her again. This made me feel uneasy, especially considering he once said that I was the only girl who would date him. It makes me worry that he’s only with me because he thinks he can’t find someone else. Throughout our relationship, we’ve broken up several times, and he has always begged me to come back, even stating that if I didn’t want to be with him, we couldn’t stay friends. This complicates things since our families are friends, and I often find myself at his house. Now I’m left feeling confused and upset, especially since this all unfolded on Christmas. I'm unsure whether to continue this relationship or end it entirely. Please help me figure this out.

Is it acceptable for a partner to still be following their exes on social media?

Hello! This is my first post on Reddit; I've been just a reader until now. Before writing this, I looked into some posts on a similar topic, but I couldn't find a clear answer. Here's what's going on: I (27M) recently started dating a wonderful girl (27F) about four months ago. She's sweet, loving, and we really enjoy each other's company. We communicate openly about any issues that come up, which has been great. Recently, we went on a trip to a place she had visited before, and while everything was fantastic, there was one thing that bothered me. She kept saying "we," like "Oh, I remember when we were here before," or "We did this." I jokingly asked who this "we" was since it wasn’t us, and she explained that she meant her ex and friends from past experiences. I’m trying not to overthink it, but when I learned who her ex is, I noticed they’re still connected on social media—Facebook and Instagram. She also has a lot of archived stories from her time with him, including pictures and short videos, which I initially thought were from a friend. I haven't brought up the archived stories yet because I'm afraid of how she might react. When I did ask about them following each other, she shrugged it off and mentioned she's still following another ex, which didn’t sit well with me. We've taken new photos together, and she’s added them to her existing stories. While she’s been nothing but supportive towards me, the fact that she’s still connected to her exes is troubling. I'm uncertain about how to approach this. She reassured me they don’t communicate, and she even shared details about a brief meeting to pick up her belongings, so I feel somewhat okay about that. Am I overreacting? Am I reading too much into this? Ideally, I would love for her to unfollow her exes and remove the pictures where they’re together. I think my feelings stem from my previous long-term relationship, which ended abruptly because of infidelity. Although that was over four years ago, the trauma still lingers. I’m looking for guidance—should I address this, or let it go? She doesn’t perceive it as a problem, and I’m worried confronting it might create unnecessary conflict. For context, I blocked my ex and her friends to move on. Although I’ve moved past that, these feelings are resurfacing now, and I don’t want to jeopardize this new relationship. What do you all think I should do? Should I say something, or let it be? I don’t want to face a confrontation, especially since we usually discuss our issues openly. And by the way, she still uses her ex’s Netflix account because she doesn’t want to log out—though I’ve shared my account with her to solve that issue. After writing all this out, I’m feeling a little foolish. Is it normal to feel this way? Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. I really like her and don’t want to break up; it’s just this one concern that’s bothering me. Thanks!

My sister is ignoring me.

As a first-time user and a non-native English speaker, I apologize if my message is a bit scattered. I (F30) feel like my sister (F41) has been ghosting me, and I'm unsure why or how to address it. A bit of background: we didn’t have the most stable upbringing. She was like a second mother to me, and during my teenage years, we became best friends. She was my safe haven. Now, we’re both in relationships and have children around the same age, who are very close and love each other. Although we live two hours apart and have busy lives, we always made an effort to get together. Each time we met felt like no time had passed, and we had a great bond for over five years. However, two years ago, my sister started responding less frequently to my texts and calls. I initially thought she was just busy, so I tried to give her space while occasionally reaching out. Unfortunately, I rarely got a response. I tried to find a healthy balance—enough contact to show I care, but not so much that I’d be bothering her. Early on, she mentioned that her mental health wasn’t great, and I tried to help her find better support. She also came out to me, and for about three weeks, we communicated daily. I wanted to offer her a safe space if she needed one. She seemed to be improving, but then she just stopped responding altogether. It’s not just me; she has also ghosted our mom, brother, and my partner. I can understand her distancing from our mom due to their past, and our brother isn’t very involved in our lives, but I’m at a loss for why she has shut us out. When I suggested going no contact, she declined, and she’s never told us to stop reaching out or explained her absence. I’ve had to stop myself from overthinking the reasons behind it. I’ve tried reaching out for the sake of our kids, as it breaks my heart to see my daughter upset about missing her cousins. I miss them too. This past year, I’ve been dealing with health issues, including multiple surgeries and hospital stays, which I kept her updated on, but she hasn’t acknowledged any of it. That hurt because she was someone I trusted to be there for me. It’s been hard to come to terms with this situation. I’m sad because it feels like she doesn’t miss us, but I don’t want our kids to suffer because of it. We love and miss her family, and I’m unsure if they even know what’s happening. In the last two months, I’ve received a few short voice messages from her and her kids for holidays and birthdays, but when I attempt to engage in conversation, she ignores me. Recently, I reached out to her partner about the kids, taking a cue from my mom, who managed to connect with her this way. However, when I sent him a Christmas video, he replied that “your sister will send something from us.” I’m starting to wonder if he still wants to be in contact with me. I don’t want to bring this up on Christmas Day, but I’d appreciate any advice on how to foster a situation where my daughter and her cousins can stay connected.

My girlfriend, who is 19, shows no interest in being intimate with me, a 20-year-old.

I'm a 20-year-old college student in a wonderful relationship with an amazing woman, who is 19. However, I’m facing a challenge I never expected: my girlfriend doesn't want to have sex and doesn't seem to feel any sexual desire. When we first got together, she was dealing with trauma from a past assault and expressed a desire for intimacy. At that time, she was on birth control and trying to overcome her experiences. However, she has since decided that she doesn't want to force herself to engage in sexual activities anymore, and I completely respect that. She’s very open about her lack of interest, and I would never want her to feel pressured to "push herself." Additionally, she has changed her birth control twice, and now she rarely feels aroused. I love her deeply, and everything else about our relationship feels perfect, but we haven't been intimate in nearly three months, which is something I desire. When we've been intimate, it tends to be short-lived, and she’s not comfortable with certain aspects—like performing oral sex or engaging with me physically in ways I’d like. I consistently make an effort to please her, often spending a significant amount of time ensuring she enjoys herself. Although she claims to feel attracted to me, I struggle with self-esteem issues due to an eating disorder, which leads me to worry that she doesn’t find me appealing at all. This doubt is damaging my self-image, and I’m unsure how to bring this up without making her feel further pressure. I wish she wanted me the way I want her; it sometimes feels like our connection is primarily emotional rather than physical. I don’t even mind the lack of sex as much as I fear she might find me unattractive. She has mentioned that during intimacy, she doesn't really feel me but just a sensation of pressure. I’ve never felt insecure about my size or ability to please a partner before, but for the first time, I feel inadequate and worry that she might view me as unappealing. I’m not angry with her—understanding her trauma makes it difficult for me to talk about my feelings. The last thing I want to do is make her feel guilty or worse about her experiences.

Afraid to Share About My Boyfriend with Mom

For some context, I'm an 18-year-old African American woman with autism, and my boyfriend is a 20-year-old Egyptian man who has been living in the U.S. for two years. We met on Tinder around April and chatted on iMessages for a few days before meeting up in person. Before our first date, we exchanged nudes, and he mentioned, "We don't know each other, so it would be nice to get to know each other first." We decided to go to a semi-formal restaurant. He was more talkative than I was, which made me a bit anxious since I struggle with maintaining eye contact. He paid for everything, and once we got into the car, I began to relax. We had a great conversation as he drove me around. Things escalated when I admitted I was "horny" and offered him oral sex. He hesitated at first and said, "Maybe next time." I respected his feelings, but he later asked if I was sure about my offer, and I confirmed that I wanted to proceed. I ended up giving him oral sex, but then I wanted to stop and have sex instead. He was keen, but when we were about to go further, I realized I wasn't ready. He attempted to penetrate me but struggled because I was tense from stress. He asked, "Do I not arouse you, or are you playing games with me?" I then suggested we try anal sex instead, which we did. Unfortunately, the condom broke during his ejaculation. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me about the broken condom, adding, "There's nothing we can do now." On the car ride back to my house, we had a brief conversation: **BF:** I loved when you **[explicit content]** **Me:** Thank you. **BF:** You okay? **Me:** Yeah, I'm fine. **BF:** You didn't seem like it. You can tell me what happened. **Me:** It's fine. **BF:** Oh, okay. Well, I hope you have a good day. **Me:** Don’t you want to come with me? **BF:** No, I'm sorry. I have to be somewhere soon. **Me:** *Kisses him* **BF:** *Kisses me back* Once I got home, I checked my phone and saw that he had blocked me on iMessages. I burst into tears and ended up telling my parents what had happened. Naturally, they were upset with him. For months, I felt crushed, questioning what I did wrong and how things could have turned out differently. In August, he unblocked me and apologized, explaining that he was sorry for blocking me and that he found it awkward since he had never had sex on the first date, especially after the condom broke. We exchanged messages for a bit, but in September I chose to block him again to heal from the pain he caused. During that time, I reflected on the situation and realized that, ultimately, it was his choice, not mine. By November, I unblocked him, and we started communicating again. He expressed how much he missed me and felt hurt by the breakup, saying that I was genuinely nice and he didn’t want to lose me again. After about three weeks of talking, we began dating. We’ve been together since the end of November, but we haven't seen each other since April. He wants to meet, but I've been too anxious to tell my mother about our relationship. I want to be open with her since keeping it a secret adds stress, but I'm worried she might overreact, especially since she isn’t keen on me dating anyone without her knowing them—especially given a past incident that made her and my father wary of him. How can I approach my mother about him? **TL;DR:** After our first date, he blocked me because he felt I was "moving too fast," and the condom broke. I cried to my parents about it, and they didn't like him. Later, he unblocked me, apologized, and we reconnected. I blocked him again to heal, then unblocked him a month later, and we've been dating for a few weeks. Now I’m anxious about telling my mother about him.

I (18 male) am struggling to support my girlfriend (18 female) and really need some guidance.

Here's an alternate version of your text: "A bit of background: My girlfriend (18f) and I (18m) have been together for about a year and a half. Initially, everything was great, but after we reached the one-year mark, things started to decline. I understand that getting comfortable in a relationship can mean relying on each other, and while I appreciate her doing this, I also want to support her in any way I can. Recently, however, whenever I try to help her feel better—whether through a phone call when I can’t be there in person or by doing something nice for her—she often responds by saying I don’t understand what she’s going through and that I never will because I’ve always had what I want. While it’s true that I've been fortunate, I’ve worked hard to achieve what I have and made significant changes in my life to get here. This cycle repeats every time I try to help, and it leaves me feeling lost since she doesn’t seem to listen. About her: She’s quite introverted and has only a small circle of friends. She's trying to pursue a music career, but it hasn’t been going well. I’ve suggested she consider different coaching options, but she’s resistant to that. She has struggled with feelings of not fitting in for a long time, which I find hard to believe because she’s genuinely fun to be around. She’s been dealing with significant depression for a while now, even before we started dating. I truly love her and want to help, but I feel powerless to do so. I’ve tried everything I can think of, even seeking advice from friends, but nothing seems to work. I’m reaching out for guidance because this situation is taking a serious toll on my mental health, and I’m feeling overwhelmed."

Should I consider getting a cat even if my girlfriend isn't in favor?

I'm a 22-year-old male, and I've been in a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend (21) for the past year and a half. She is an amazing partner—loving, kind, and generally a great person. I care for her deeply. While we don't live together at the moment and have no plans to for a while, she is currently in graduate school, and I've just finished college and started working full-time. A bit of background: I've always had a passion for animals and have dreamed of having a cat ever since I could remember. Now that I have my own place post-college, I'm really looking forward to getting one. My girlfriend also loves animals, but she prefers not to keep them indoors. Early in our relationship, she made it clear that if we were to marry, she wouldn't want pets living in the house. I mostly agree with her—I'm a strong proponent of outdoor dogs—but I believe that cats can thrive indoors if cared for properly, as they are generally clean animals. We definitely differ on this opinion. Now I'm torn about whether to get a cat. I've been bringing it up frequently because I'm really excited, but I can sense that she doesn't share that enthusiasm. Whenever I mention it, her mood shifts and she seems a bit down. She's never outright told me not to get a cat, as she would never do that, but she has expressed concerns about feeling uncomfortable around cat hair. I've reassured her that I would keep my apartment clean to ensure she wouldn't notice any mess when she visits. Part of me wants to adopt a cat just to demonstrate that it’s possible to maintain a tidy home with a pet. However, I don’t want to jeopardize our relationship by bringing in a cat, but I really hope to have one. What should I do? Oh, and I should mention that I live in a one-bedroom apartment without a yard, so the cat would need to stay indoors.

My boyfriend is watching content creators and engaging in private activities in bed while I’m asleep.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a decade; we met in high school and have been living together since we were 18. Now at 23, we occasionally watch porn together or separately. Lately, I've noticed that he's been watching the same OnlyFans content creator and other similar content more frequently. I’ve previously mentioned that I'm okay with him watching porn, but his search habits have expanded significantly. He’s moved from YouTube ASMR videos to Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram—platforms I thought were just for keeping in touch with friends and family, but now they're filled with explicit content. I brought up my concerns with him, explaining that it bothers me. While porn is explicitly meant for erotic purposes and occasional viewing of random videos doesn’t bother me much, there’s a difference when he consistently watches the same girls and visits their pages often. When I watch porn, I tend to focus more on imagining intimate moments with him rather than the individuals on screen. However, seeing him actively seek out content featuring specific women makes me uneasy. It leads me to compare myself to them and question what I might be lacking. Rather than addressing my feelings, he started deleting his search history, which only made me more anxious. It felt like he believed that hiding his actions was a solution instead of changing them. In another conversation, he admitted to this and owned up to what he had been watching. I had noticed new searches appearing whenever I got home from work or woke up in the morning after sleeping next to him. He explained that he felt bored or curious while I was sleeping, at work, or in the shower, and that led him to look at this content. This realization hit me hard; the fact that I was right there yet he chose to seek out other women felt really hurtful. Most of the women he’s interested in don’t even resemble me, which makes it painful to accept that he could find pleasure in images of them while I’m in the same bed. I told him that I find this worse than watching porn because it’s not just a video with a clear erotic context—he’s deriving pleasure from mere pictures, imagining sexual experiences with women who aren’t me. Since that discussion, I’ve expressed that I feel uncomfortable being intimate with him, and I’m not sure how to move past these feelings. Am I overreacting?

How can I inform a girl that the guy she was involved with was cheating on her with me and is not a good person?

I've (F26) been involved with a guy (M36) who has a situationship (F27) in another country. For the first couple of months of dating, he repeatedly claimed he would end things with her because he didn't have feelings for her and she was more invested. However, he lied about several things, and I found her Instagram. She has pinned photos of them that look very much like a couple, which contradicted his claims. After a big fight, he told me he ended things with her, but we didn’t talk for two weeks before we started seeing each other again. Recently, he went back to the US, and I saw on his story that she shared a picture with him sitting on his lap, captioned by her friend: "stop being happy 🤮." This made me question everything. I’ve been contemplating whether to inform her about what I know and to end things with him for good. I wrote her a detailed message explaining the entire situation, including screenshots of him arranging dates with me while he was with her and his intentions to end things from the start. I'm unsure how to approach contacting her, considering she blocked me after viewing her story during our fallout. He later claimed he broke up with her around that time. I would need to reach her through Facebook Messenger since we're not friends, but I’m worried she won't believe me or that he has misled her about the situation. I want her to know the truth, especially since I've moved on for good and don't want any further involvement with him. I even noticed he was chatting with other girls and still talking to her within 24 hours while I was at his place. I didn't confront him about this at the time, though he did ask me to be exclusive that night, which I declined due to my mistrust. He has been disrespectful to both of us, and I fear he never truly ended things with her or was in a real relationship. I considered reaching out to one of her friends to see if they could tell her instead, but they don't accept message requests from people they don’t follow on Instagram. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just want to ensure she knows the truth and that he doesn’t get away with treating people poorly.

My boyfriend, who is 32, and I, a 20-year-old female, have been having some disagreements recently. I'd appreciate an outsider's perspective on our situation.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nine months. When we first started dating, I sensed that things progressed too quickly; we went from getting to know each other to being in a relationship in just two weeks. After only a week of dating, he told me he loved me, but I felt it wasn't right to reciprocate at that moment. I wanted to truly mean it before saying those words, which upset him and made me realize how fast our relationship was moving. When we met, he had just come out of a toxic eight-year relationship with his ex-girlfriend, who had cheated on him multiple times. He assured me he had never cheated, but I couldn't help but wonder if he was truly ready for a serious commitment after such a painful experience. As our relationship deepened, I often felt that his feelings for me were more obsessive than genuine love. He had liked me for a while before gathering the courage to ask me out. I thought his fixation might be partly due to our age difference—I'm 20, and he's 32. When he learned about me through my mom's boyfriend, he was told I have a good job and that I'm a bit reserved. While I believe a woman's worth isn't defined by such traits, I felt he saw them as advantages that shaped his view of me. In our relationship, I was consistently a supportive presence for him, but he rarely listened to my thoughts or feelings. He would often interrupt me, showing little engagement with the emotional aspects of our connection. To his friends and family, I sometimes felt more like a trophy than a true partner. Given his history with a toxic relationship, I never thought he would betray my trust. However, a few days ago, I felt an odd urge to check his phone, and I discovered messages to another girl in which he seemed to be pleading for her to meet. At that time, we had been dating for three months. When I confronted him, he adamantly denied sending those messages. To verify, I texted the girl from his phone, posing as him, and asked if she recalled their last encounter. She replied that it had happened about six months ago during warm weather, but he insisted she was lying. This isn’t the first time a situation like this has arisen; previously, it turned out to be false. He argues that this instance is just the same, claiming she’s lying about someone taking his phone. When he called her, asking why she was being dishonest, she said, "Don't involve me in your issues. You know what you did. You’re being unfaithful and don’t want to face the consequences. Just leave me alone." I have a big heart, and when he lost his home last December, I didn’t want him to be left homeless, so I invited him to stay at my house. Now we’re living at my mom’s place together, and I’m feeling lost. I see him every day as he cries and insists he’s innocent. I want to believe him, but deep down, I suspect he’s not telling the truth. It’s confusing because he’s starting to make me doubt my own instincts. I even question if the previous instance of suspected dishonesty was real. All I want is for him to be honest with me. Each day is filled with tears and anxiety, mainly because he insists everything is fine, even when the evidence suggests otherwise. He promised to find the person who texted her, but after four days, there's been no proof. He wants me to disregard what I know, but I can’t shake the feeling that he’s lying. He finds ways to twist my thoughts, redirecting my focus to the good moments we’ve shared, which makes me feel guilty for questioning his feelings. I feel trapped in this situation. While I know I’m not literally confined—no one can force me to stay—it’s perplexing to realize I’m being manipulated and still find myself affected by it.

What should I do? I've been in a relationship with this girl for three years, and I'm uncertain about my next steps.

My girlfriend, who's 19 and has been with me for three years, has been working as a server and recently got involved with the cook. I'm not sure how to respond to this. She feels guilty about it, and she means everything to me. I did cheat once early in our relationship, and I'm left wondering if this is an act of revenge or something else. I'm feeling lost and uncertain about what to do next. She gave me a second chance, and I told her I would also give her one opportunity, but this really hurts. If you've been in a similar situation, how did it turn out for you? Did it continue?

Today, my frustration with feeling overlooked in the relationship reached its peak.

I'm a 25-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 33, for about 10 months. Lately, I've been facing some challenges. He is incredibly hardworking and committed to his career in the trades, often trying to fill his schedule with as many jobs as possible. Being an immigrant from a struggling European country, he feels a strong obligation to send money back home and support his parents' retirement. His ambition is one of the things that initially drew me to him. While he is a sweet, caring man, I feel that he hasn’t been dedicating enough time to our relationship or meeting my emotional needs. I moved to this city to be closer to him and currently don't have many friends around. When I try to socialize with his friends, it’s difficult since they primarily speak a language I don't understand. Recently, he seems too exhausted to invest the effort I need from him. Around Thanksgiving, I planned a little getaway for us to relax during his time off, but our host canceled last minute, and he didn’t suggest alternative plans. Instead, I went to his house and made meals for him and his brother, hoping to spend quality time together afterward. Unfortunately, he filled the rest of the weekend with work, and I ended up feeling neglected. After I expressed my feelings of loneliness and the need for more effort from him, he acknowledged I have keys to his place but couldn’t grasp my point about the imbalances in our effort levels. He promised to try harder and make plans with me. We discussed rescheduling our trip for the Christmas break, but that fell through again, and he let me know he’d only be free the day after Christmas. In the lead-up to that day, I emphasized the need to finalize our plans, but his responses were vague, indicating we might end up staying home. On the morning of the day after Christmas, he texted me saying he wanted to relax and play video games. I felt crushed but communicated my disappointment since there had been anticipation for this day. Although he said he would go along with whatever I suggested, his tone made it clear he wasn’t enthusiastic. I ended up feeling very emotional through the day, hoping for just a simple moment together. When he finally invited me over to watch a movie, I thought it was a good sign until he canceled due to a last-minute job. So, I spent the day feeling alone and upset. I worry that if I share my feelings with him, he’ll dismiss them as dramatic or suggest I should’ve planned something instead. I am genuinely hurt by his lack of consideration for my feelings, especially given that he was the one who proposed doing something during the Christmas break. I’m tired of the disappointment that comes with his last-minute changes and his tendency to prioritize work over our relationship. Despite my concerns, I know he loves me and wants to marry me—he's had a ring for a month, which I discovered by accident. I love him too, but I’m uncertain about committing to someone who doesn’t seem to prioritize our relationship. We’ve discussed building a life together and starting a family, but his recent behavior has left me questioning everything. I really don’t want to end things because we share a deep love, but I’m reaching my breaking point. While I understand his work obligations and responsibilities to his family, I worry that I’ll always feel unhappy if my needs aren’t met. How can I express the pain this situation has caused me without triggering his defensiveness about needing rest on his rare day off?

Should I heed my significant other's best friend's warning about him? (I'm 21, female; he's 22, male)

I've been seeing this guy for about a month, and he's incredibly sweet and chivalrous. He pays for all our meals and always invites me out. I've met his friends, and we all get along well. However, he’s not the type I usually go for—I tend to like video games and nerdy interests while he fits more of a "typical guy" mold (I’m not sure how else to put it). I understand that relationships don't have to be built on the same interests, but I do wish we had more common ground to relate on. He has a pretty poor memory due to the epilepsy medication he's on. There was one instance where I was telling him about a game I loved as a kid and how they made a show out of it, which I wanted to watch with him. A week later, he mentioned that a friend suggested a show to him, and he ended up subscribing to a service to watch it. I brought up that I had just told him about that, and he genuinely didn’t remember. It made me feel a bit overlooked, like my personal interest wasn’t enough to catch his attention, even though maybe I'm overreacting. Additionally, there’s the physical aspect of our relationship. To be straightforward, he is transgender, and I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone transgender before. I’m a bit nervous and want to give him the space to initiate anything. One night, we had a few drinks, and his friend pointed out that he hadn’t even kissed me yet. He admitted he wanted to but was unsure how to go about it, and then he kissed me. At some point, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Afterward, he got quite drunk, and I helped him home. He was really affectionate and possessive, which I liked. I find myself spending the night with him frequently, but nothing physical has gone beyond cuddling and gentle kisses on the cheek and forehead. He mentioned that he and his friends wanted to visit another friend a few hours away for New Year's, and he invited me. I took off work for it, but then he messaged me today about his friend wanting to leave two days earlier, which I couldn’t manage. I told him to enjoy the trip with his friends, and then he mentioned he didn’t really want to go anyway. Then, his best friend reached out to me. He said he heard I couldn’t make it and was unsure if there was any misunderstanding between me and this guy. He offered that he and the other friends are there for me if things go south. Then he said, "Out of respect for you, if you want a serious relationship, you won't find it with him for various reasons that have nothing to do with you but everything to do with him." He insisted he wouldn't let his best friend hurt me, adding that he had his reasons but wouldn’t disclose them. He concluded by urging me to distance myself from the situation and not to bring it up with this guy. I’m completely at a loss here, and I don't have anyone to talk to. Should I consider ending things with him?

My boyfriend's drug use makes me feel uneasy. 23M, 24F.

I'm at a pivotal moment in my relationship and could really use some guidance. I've been with my boyfriend for four years—he's my first serious partner, and I initially thought he was perfect. I’ve always envisioned sharing my life with one person, and I genuinely love him. However, over time, we've reached a point where I'm uncertain if we can move past it. **The Dilemma** From the beginning, I've been open about my boundaries when it comes to drug use. I can't be in a relationship with someone who occasionally uses hard drugs. This isn’t just about my personal beliefs; I'm also concerned for his health and what I perceive as a risky lifestyle. He used to experiment with drugs, and I may have overlooked it too easily until I finally expressed my feelings. Since that conversation, he’s become more secretive, and I've caught him lying about it. I made it clear that if he ever used cocaine again, I would leave. Fast forward to this past Christmas weekend—he spent the entire time with friends drinking and using drugs (cocaine, balloons, pills, and weed). I found out he hadn’t even slept and realized it was more than just alcohol. He apologized afterward, and we’ve since tried to act “normal” again. But inside, I don't feel okay. I feel disgusted, disrespected, and conflicted. **What I'm Facing** On one side, I love him and don’t want to end the relationship. We've built so much together, and I always envisioned this as my forever. On the other side, staying now feels like a betrayal to myself. I'm afraid that if I stay, he'll just repeat his behavior, and I’ll end up feeling worse for not leaving when I had the chance. I also worry about how he would react if I decided to leave. He tends to act indifferent outwardly while suffering internally. I doubt his friends would even notice the change in him, which is difficult for me to consider, as I would be left to shoulder most of the emotional weight. Another fear I can’t shake off is the thought of him moving on and finding someone “better.” I know it's irrational, but after investing so much love and time, it's hard not to feel that way. **What I Need to Understand** If our breakup stems from his drug use and my refusal to accept it, does that make me a better person? Am I wrong for seeking a partner who shares my values? Should I just let him do as he pleases and try to be more accepting, or does this indicate that we aren’t compatible at a fundamental level? I’ve thought about therapy because I know I need help navigating these feelings. However, I'd love to hear from others who have faced similar situations or have any advice. How do you walk away from someone you still love but no longer trust? How do you manage the fear of them moving on while you're left to heal?

Seeking advice on marriage and intimacy for a couple (M46, F46).

Hey everyone, I'm at a crossroads in my life and could really use some advice. My wife and I are quite different, and as we age and our three kids grow, I'm starting to worry about our future together. Our libidos have always been mismatched, and I had hoped it would improve after getting married and moving in together, but that hasn’t been the case. Despite having multiple discussions and even attending relationship counseling, we still struggle to find common ground. My main concern is that we don't share many interests. I enjoy exercising, staying fit, eating healthily, and spending time in nature, while she tends to prefer sitting down to watch TV or scrolling through her phone. She indulges in binge drinking once a week and generally doesn’t follow a healthy diet. I want to honor our marriage and care for her, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult. I sometimes feel lonely, as my efforts to engage her in activities together often go unnoticed. I usually take her out for dinner once a month for some quality time, but I don’t feel that I’m getting much in return. While she actively plans outings with her friends, I can’t help but feel that she puts more effort into those friendships than into our relationship. She often seems exhausted and lacks energy, and after initially trying to encourage her to exercise, I've run out of ideas. We do manage to keep things running smoothly with the kids and housework, which is a positive aspect of our partnership, but it only adds to my disappointment in other areas. I'm not exactly sure what I’m hoping to achieve here. Should I lay down an ultimatum? I really don’t want to disrupt our home, but I also feel that this situation is taking a toll on my mental health. The ongoing sexual frustration is something I dislike, and although I make efforts for intimacy, the response is minimal. I appreciate any thoughts or advice you might have.

What’s the best way for me (F19) to address my boyfriend’s (M25) sudden silence?

I'm a 19-year-old woman currently in a long-distance relationship with my 25-year-old boyfriend. We're approaching three months together, and this is my first serious relationship. In his dating profile, he described himself as “quiet, unless he’s with friends,” among other traits. He caught my attention, so I thought I’d give it a try. We clicked and ended up talking for hours every single day. However, recently—about a week ago—he started to seem a bit off. He wasn't mad at me, but he seemed generally annoyed. Despite that, he still laughed and smiled during our conversations. I tried to give him chances to share what was bothering him, and he eventually opened up about feeling dissatisfied with his work performance and thinking he could do better. Over the last week and a half, though, he has reduced his engagement during our calls. While he’s in a neutral to good mood now, like before, it’s confusing because he still wants to call every day for just as long as we used to. The difference is that he’s much quieter now, almost as if I’m not even there. I attempt to spark conversations, but his responses tend to be brief. He still compliments me and asks about my day, but something feels off. We're still texting, sharing memes, and communicating just like we did before; it’s just during our calls that he’s more subdued. Is he pulling away, or is it something else? I’m starting to wonder if my insecurities are getting the better of me. Any advice on how to navigate this situation would be much appreciated, especially since I’m new to dating.

My wife dislikes 'notes'.

My wife and I have been experiencing intense fights this past week, and it feels worse than any time before. We are both in our mid-40s and have been together for 11 years. On a separate note, I've discovered that I'm on the autism spectrum—a realization that came only a few years ago, as I always thought I was just a bit unusual. We both carry the weight of traumatic pasts along with significant baggage. We have an 8-year-old daughter who is also on the spectrum, but in her case, she faces more challenges with verbal communication and social interactions than I did, despite having a formal diagnosis. Parenting her requires the efforts of both of us, complicating our situation beyond just being "incompatible" and needing to separate. Last night, we managed to uncover what I believe is at the heart of our issues. She dislikes any form of feedback, commonly referred to as "notes." Over the years, there have been times when she's been cold and distant, but I didn't understand why until now—it's because I had given her notes. Take a recent example: I really enjoy it when she touches me. A simple rub on my head or scalp in the morning significantly improves my day. I mentioned this to her and asked if she could spend just 10-15 seconds each morning to do this as she walked by. She agreed and it was wonderful, but soon it diminished to every other day, then to every third day, and when I pointed it out, she stopped altogether. When I express appreciation for something she did, she often interprets it as criticism, thinking, "Oh, I've been failing by not doing this before." This makes it difficult for me to communicate any of my needs or desires without it feeling like an attack or a "note" to her. Conversely, she has no issues giving me feedback or asking me to do things for her. I actually appreciate her notes; they make it easier for me to meet her expectations. For instance, after she injured her back last summer and began experiencing pain in her legs, I have given her leg and foot massages nearly every single day for the last six months, customizing the treatments according to her requests. However, when she revealed that her lack of affection stemmed from my notes, I felt hurt and betrayed, as though I were being punished. In the past, when I brought up her coldness, she would attribute it to being tired or stressed, never revealing that it was my actions that bothered her. She disagrees with my perspective, arguing that it's natural to withdraw affection when upset with someone. However, I countered that when I’ve done the same to her, she labeled it as immature and hurtful behavior. For example, when I’ve been upset, I didn’t bring her coffee in bed, and after discussing it with her, I agreed to stop that behavior as it was deemed unkind. I'm seeking advice on how to handle this situation, especially since she is resistant to therapy—though she herself is trained in the field and feels she cannot take seriously anyone without a PhD and decades of experience. I am growing weary of constantly being expected to meet her needs while being unable to voice my own. We have additional issues, but this seems to be the main barrier to our progress. At this point, I’m contemplating whether to stop asking her for anything entirely and see how that impacts our relationship. I love her deeply and am fully committed to her. Any advice beyond suggesting a breakup would be greatly appreciated.

Is my boyfriend preoccupied with admiring other women?

**TL;DR:** My boyfriend (soon to be ex) can't stop checking out thirst traps online but still expects another chance in our relationship, despite my loss of trust in him. I've been with my boyfriend (24M) for a year now, and while he's respectful, kind, and supportive—essentially my best friend—he can't seem to stop following women who post thirst traps online. I first noticed this when I saw he was following over 100 OnlyFans accounts on X. When I brought it up, he told me he had been following them long before we started dating. I explained that it bothered me and asked him to unfollow them, but he only did so partially. After three attempts over the next few months, I finally got fed up and blocked him everywhere. As expected, he found another way to reach me, and since I still cared about him, I gave him another shot. Since then, we’ve struggled with my trust issues, and I worry he could still be checking out other women without following them. He insists that’s not the case. Then, just after Christmas—when I introduced him to my family for the first time—I found out that he still engages with this behavior. He has two Instagram accounts; while he claimed he doesn’t use the old one from high school, I discovered he was sending posts of women from his main account to that “unused” page. I know there are countless beautiful women out there, and his interest doesn't diminish my self-worth. However, it’s hard to understand how someone can genuinely love and respect a relationship while still indulging in this way. With sexual content being so easily accessible now, I wonder if it’s just something men will always do. When I ask him why, he calls it a “habit,” which I can't buy into. I’d love to hear perspectives from both men and women on this. Is it something men will inevitably do? Can you truly love someone while still looking at other women in that manner?

My partner (22F) seems to trigger my nervous system every time she does something. Do you have any advice?

Hey, I’m a 23-year-old guy, and I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend, who’s 22, for about eight months. We've experienced some significant highs and lows, primarily due to our differing attachment styles—I'm anxious, while she tends to be more avoidant. No matter what I do, I struggle to trust her and feel secure in our relationship. I think this stems from her fluctuating behavior; she can be incredibly warm one moment and then distant the next. Our busy schedules mean I can only see her once a week, which adds to my worries. Today, something happened that really triggered my anxiety. I was on VSCO and noticed she had reposted a picture of another guy's dog running on the beach. She's never mentioned knowing this guy, and it freaked me out, especially since she’s never shared any photos of me or reposted anything I've posted. I can’t help but wonder if it’s worth being constantly stressed over someone I care about. Another issue is that whenever I bring up something that bothers me through text, she tends to shut down and ignores me for days. This means I have to bottle up my feelings until I see her, which leaves me anxious throughout the week. I’d really appreciate any advice on how to work through this. Edit: I’m also concerned about looking foolish since I’ve invested so much time and let things slide that I shouldn't have. I want to stop feeling like I'm being walked all over, but I’m uncertain about how to change that.

REPOSTING WITH PARAGRAPHS! Is it possible for my boyfriend (20M) and me (20F) to repair our relationship after being together for three years?

Hello everyone! I anticipate this will be a bit of a lengthy post, so I appreciate your patience. My boyfriend and I go way back to middle school when we met and quickly became best friends. He moved a few hours away to live with his dad during our freshman year and ended up dating someone who wasn't fond of me (yet would still message me about their problems?). He came back during our sophomore year, and we reignited our friendship. At that time, I was in a pretty toxic relationship with my ex, and my boyfriend really helped me navigate my way out of that situation. We started talking in July 2021 and officially began dating in April 2022. I know it seems like a long period of "talking," but I wanted to take the time to heal before jumping into another relationship; the last thing I wanted was to drag him down with me. From July 2021 to December 2022, he was absolutely amazing—always there for me, complimenting me, and making me feel special. It was like he was putting in extra effort to win my heart over again. In January 2023, we hit a rough patch and ended up breaking up after a series of arguments. I admit that when we argue, it can get pretty intense. I have bipolar disorder, which means I often react more strongly to situations than others might. After about a month, we got back together, but we've been a bit on and off since then—we'd have months where we were great, only to slip back into conflict. I want to clarify that neither of us has cheated during our time apart, but we would meet occasionally to catch up because we missed each other. Things were going well for months, but lately, we’ve been facing friction again. Since the election, our arguments have escalated over trivial political discussions, and talking politics with him feels like talking to a brick wall. We've been bickering over various topics, including plans to hang out and him not putting in as much effort as he used to. Just the other day, I walked into his room to find him on his phone, watching YouTube with an AirPod in, barely acknowledging my presence. It seems silly, but it genuinely upset me because he hasn't been the same for a while. While he’s still a wonderful person, it feels like he no longer feels the need to put in that same effort to chase me, even though I'm still trying to show him my affection. He does thoughtful things, but I often feel like I'm not his top priority. Two days ago, I asked him if he wanted to hang out the next day, and he agreed. (We live just three minutes apart.) When I called him yesterday morning to check in, he mentioned he and his mom were going to Walmart and that I could come over afterward, but they didn't leave until around 4 PM. I only found out they had gone when I passed them on my way to town. Despite being in touch throughout the day, he spent most of it playing Xbox. When he finally got home, he called to say he was taking a nap and that I could visit him afterward before he headed out with friends. I felt discouraged because I had been looking forward to seeing him all day, and it felt like he could make firm plans with his friends but not with me. This has been a recurring issue in recent weeks—he's often had time off or said he would be free, only to get called into work unexpectedly or have to stay longer. I've expressed that it feels like he doesn't want to see me, and he insists that's not the case and that things come up. After an hour of arguing, I suggested he take his nap and we could return to the conversation later. When he came over after his nap, he shared that he wasn't sure if he wanted to continue our relationship since we couldn't seem to stop fighting and he didn't know how to resolve things anymore. I urged him that if he could just put in a little more effort, it might help me do my part as well. I recognize I’m often the one who gets upset and instigates conflicts. He’s generally laid-back and lets me express myself without getting angry (he’s a stoner, which might explain his relaxed nature). But I get frustrated about his lack of effort. We ended up talking for a while and agreed that we want to work on our relationship because we're both tired of the constant strife. He expressed concern about worsening my mental health, given that I’ve been dealing with stress from other areas of my life, and he genuinely wants to see me happy. I love my boyfriend, and I know he loves me too; we’re just both exhausted from the conflicts. This turned out to be a lengthy rant, but I thought some context would be helpful. I’m at a bit of a loss and would love to learn how to communicate better and express my feelings without causing conflict. I feel positive and determined about wanting to fix our relationship, and it’s reassuring that we both share that desire. If anyone has tips on how we can navigate this more smoothly and reduce our arguments, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this, and thanks in advance for any advice!

Having difficulty getting along with my future fiancé.

My fiancé and I have been together for five years—I'm 25 and she's 25. We're planning to get married next year. Recently, she has been rekindling her relationship with her brother, the same brother who has physically hurt her for simply resting after college, and for not doing house chores. When she asked a friend of his to take down her picture from social media, he refused, and her brother didn't support her. I stood up for her, even getting into a physical altercation with him. Now, I find it hard to accept that she has patched things up with him, as I view him as my enemy. I'm deeply in love with her and can't forgive anyone who has hurt her. I've been trying to explain why it’s important for her to keep her distance from him, as I fear that if he mistreats her again, it could affect our relationship. I’m feeling overwhelmed and confused about the situation. What should I do?

'55M' and '27F'—she's breaking up with him. Would you do the same?

Here's a revised version of your text: "I'm significantly younger than him; he’s 55 and I’m 27. His health isn’t great, and I find myself contemplating moving on because he feels more like a father figure than a romantic partner. I got caught up in a relationship filled with lies and omissions, and as time has gone by, he seems to be falling apart. I’ve tried to be supportive, especially since life has thrown him some tough challenges, but it’s been exhausting to watch him struggle. He has no real support system, primarily because he has deceived the friends who once stood by him, and they ultimately abandoned him when his life spiraled out of control. He still keeps his struggles hidden from them and only confides in me. I’m at my wit's end playing the role of a pseudo-counselor, the listening ear, and the caretaker for someone I don’t love, respect, or admire. He doesn’t treat me with the care and respect I deserve. I’ve made room for him in my life out of pity, but my feelings for him aren't romantic. For me, genuine love is essential to build a home and family—I want children, and I’m in a fortunate position to conceive whenever I choose. However, he isn’t interested in a physical relationship, and honestly, neither am I. Part of my disinterest is due to his age and frail demeanor. He often struggles to engage with my excitement and enthusiasm for new things, frequently resorting to negativity. It seems he believes this will somehow keep me in check, but it only heightens my focus on my own goals, family, and aspirations. He’s clearly uncomfortable knowing I’ve seen his lows and may think I see him differently because of it. If I leave him to his own devices, he’ll likely fall apart emotionally due to his isolative tendencies. I don’t want to have to guide him; I desire to be led by a strong, spirited man who embodies traditional values—someone who can truly support me in all aspects of life. I dislike feeling like a daughter in this relationship; that's not what I want or need. I seek a partner, a best friend to share life's journey with, creating memorable experiences and navigating life together. In short: she’s a younger woman wanting to live fully and have children; he’s an older man who is choosing to retreat into himself. He expects her to be a domestic servant, while she feels pity and indulges him. He’s intentionally unhappy, and she chooses happiness, but he creates a dark shadow in her life. She desires a strong partner, someone who can lead and share passion with her, while he remains content but unengaging. She's made her needs clear, but he’s simply unable to meet them. What options does she have? Thank you to everyone who contributed to the discussion. I deeply resonate with all your insights. I wrote this during a personal crisis about my next steps. With the end of the year approaching and a new one on the horizon, it feels like the right time to let go of the past and embrace new beginnings."

How can I, a 22-year-old woman, make my romantic relationship with a 21-year-old man feel less like a father-daughter dynamic?

Although he’s younger than me, I often feel like he plays the role of my sugar daddy. He usually takes me shopping every other week, showering me with gifts, which is nice. However, he tends to see himself as superior and often tries to teach me lessons as if I were a child. Our relationship feels quite superficial. Whenever I try to steer things towards deeper communication, understanding, or addressing issues, he typically responds with, "It’s fine as it is," ignores me, or changes the subject to something trivial. When he wants me to change, he raises his voice and threatens to break up or "punish" me by going quiet. I’ve adjusted things for him, yet I often overlook my own concerns, which don’t impact him. Ending things is always my last option, but I’ve started developing feelings for some friends, which I realize might not be a good indication of where I’m at...

I’m a 24-year-old woman, and I’m feeling uneasy about my boyfriend, who is 39, having a close relationship with a female coworker.

I'm a 25-year-old woman in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 39. We've been together for about seven months and currently live in his apartment. He started a customer service job just over a month ago. During his probation period, he worked in an Airbnb office with some colleagues. After passing, he transitioned to work from home, now on the night shift from midnight to 8 AM every day. While working in the office, he frequently texted a female colleague, whom I'll refer to as 'J,' who is also 25. I only learned about her after he mentioned her being nice and supportive when others weren't. They met once during a work gathering, but I wasn't aware of how often they communicated until more recently. He minimized their connection, eventually describing them as 'close.' Noticing that he seemed uneasy whenever he texted her at home, I confronted him about it, as it triggered my trust issues. He insisted he wasn't trying to hide anything and said I could read their conversations whenever I wanted since his WhatsApp was always open on his computer. To satisfy my curiosity, I downloaded their entire chat history. I discovered that they exchanged messages throughout his entire work shift, during his commutes, and even late at night. Their conversations consisted of work-related topics, emotional support, office gossip, and a bit of personal sharing, without overt flirtation. They even discussed having meals together despite being in different places. I chose to keep my feelings to myself and supported him during his work hours, staying up late alongside him. I pointed out that he seemed to avoid texting her in my presence because he feared it might lead to conflict, and although he acknowledged this, his behavior didn’t change much. I noticed that they stopped texting each other goodnight and their communication patterns shifted. We had a small argument recently, and when I didn’t sit beside him until 3 AM, I saw they had exchanged messages since 1 AM. This made me feel that he used that time to reach out to her because I wasn’t there, which raised red flags for me. When I returned, he was replying with very short answers, almost as if trying to downplay their interaction. Now I’m caught in a whirlwind of uncertainty. I wonder if the only reason he toned down their communication was because I was around or if there’s something more going on. I’m also concerned about an upcoming Christmas gathering of colleagues, where he’ll attend with them, and another where I'll be invited. I want to know how to handle their close relationship and if I'm facing a slow breakup. What should I do?

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