Relationship advices

Feeling the Need to Be Needed - is that truly a negative aspect? (M43/F39)

**TWO QUESTIONS from a self-reflective, emotional woman (39) living with my Prince Charming, also known as Dr. Robert Bruce Banner, a.k.a. The Conqueror (43).** Tonight marks the first time in four months of cohabitation that we will be sleeping apart—it oddly feels like we’ve done this forever. He made plans with friends, and I unintentionally chose to stay home (which I already regret). So here I am, lying awake with my anxious, overactive mind engaging in a deep conversation with myself. It’s dawned on me that I possess another trait associated with Borderline Personality Disorder: the need to feel needed. **A little about me:** I’m continually striving to become the person I wish to have as a partner. It’s been heartbreaking to realize that I am 100% accountable for the failures in my past relationships. However, this time feels different; I have the opportunity to avoid sabotage and be the best version of myself for him. **QUESTION #1:** I’m exploring ways to overcome this need but would genuinely appreciate advice on how to embrace and channel this trait positively to improve myself and my relationship with him. While I cherish my giving nature, I need to learn not to overlook my own well-being in the process of caring for someone else. I love others as I wish to be loved. I’m learning to extend that same love to myself, so I can recognize affection when it’s reciprocated and appreciate it fully. **About him:** He is my reciprocal, an incredible, charming, intelligent partner who I cannot imagine life without. My past has been filled with unique (and quite difficult) experiences, and I was in a tumultuous place when we met. Yet, we recognized each other's true love and life aspirations. Though he found me at my lowest, he sees my strength and leadership. He values my unique gifts and incredible potential, which were buried beneath the remnants of my past. He truly crowns me as his Queen and supports my success in every endeavor. Moreover, he is undoubtedly a King, and I am honored to be by his side, especially since he pursued me even after I initially turned down his invitations. **QUESTION #2:** In the event that he chooses to stay with me on my ‘self-growth journey,’ what advice could you offer him (aside from “be patient, be kind, be brave, and stock up on gray hair dye for New Year’s”)? Perhaps some encouraging words to reassure him that he’s not the first, nor the only, brave man willing to love a flawed, yet precious diamond? I believe our meeting later in life signifies that we are meant to navigate the journey together. Now, we’re ready for an unparalleled level of honesty and loyalty. Thank you for any insights you can share from either perspective.

What’s the best way to end my relationship with my girlfriend?

I recently discovered that my girlfriend has autism, which I wasn't aware of when we began our relationship. As time has passed, it's become increasingly noticeable, and I'm struggling with how to handle it. I truly don't want to be insensitive, but I'm finding it difficult to continue, and this situation is starting to overwhelm me. The first time I attempted to break up with her, she went home and harmed herself, which was distressing to witness. In many ways, she behaves quite childishly, and I understand that this is part of her experience with autism. Right now, I'm feeling lost and unsure of what to do. I would appreciate any advice or suggestions. If I come across as insensitive, please let me know. She’s a really nice person, but I’m beginning to feel that we might not be compatible. On our first day together, she told me she loved me, and that has added to my discomfort.

I’m a 25-year-old man, and after five years, I no longer feel attracted to my partner, who is 24. Should I consider ending the relationship?

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for nearly five years, and she truly is a wonderful person. We share many interests; she’s athletic, excels academically, and possesses a kind, caring nature. Like any relationship, we've experienced our highs and lows, including some significant disagreements, but I believe these conflicts are fairly typical. However, this is my only relationship, so I may not have the full perspective. I realize that part of my struggle comes from a fear of loneliness and the idea of giving up on someone who has been such a positive presence in my life. I feel torn because deep down, I believe I should be exploring other options at this stage in my life to understand different perspectives and determine my preferences for a serious relationship. Compounding this is my high sex drive, which has created tension in our relationship, as I'm not very affectionate otherwise, except when it comes to intimacy. There are times when I feel guilty for only initiating physical touch in that context. I genuinely enjoy discovering new experiences with her, and I cherish the time we spend together, whether traveling or engaging in activities we both love. I have many wonderful memories with her. Nonetheless, there are periods when I contemplate whether we should break up, contrasted with times when I feel immensely grateful for her presence. Just yesterday, I felt frustrated when she walked through the door and I wasn’t attracted to her at all. It seems we're approaching a stage where marriage and children are on the horizon. I often think she would make a fantastic mother and life partner, yet I also struggle with my current lack of attraction, which is affecting my feelings toward her. For some context: - We don't live together; she resides with her parent and siblings while I still live with my own parent. - She is currently studying, whereas I just completed my studies this year.

My boyfriend wishes to have some distance and prefers to live independently.

My boyfriend wants to live separately and is asking for space. This might be a lot to take in, but here’s the context: I’m F29 and he’s M32. We have been together for two years, and lived together for about one and a half of those years (I know we moved in quickly). Around two weeks ago, my boyfriend shared that he doesn’t want to renew our lease because he feels the need for space. To be fair, we spend a lot of time together since he works from home and I’m often at home too. His reasons include: 1. He feels boxed in and wants his own space, as he doesn’t like having to explain his whereabouts. 2. He mentioned that he isn’t fully in love with me and wants to explore other connections (which feels like he’s looking for someone ‘better’), even though he loves me and thinks living apart could help us both. We have a solid connection on several levels, but I’m more of a homebody while he is outgoing and enjoys singing and dancing. I do have fun and go out with him, but our interests differ somewhat. 3. He expressed a desire for us to be less co-dependent and focus on personal growth, which I agree is important. I have been consumed with taking care of him, his kids, and managing the household, and it feels almost robotic at times. He suggested that having space might make him miss my energy, and if we both work on ourselves, we could return to each other stronger. I believe in this possibility. He stated that he still wants to support me and would like us to continue seeing each other. I have a close relationship with his children, and he hopes to maintain that connection as well. I’m reaching out for advice and perspectives. I am deeply in love with him, and we had been planning our future, which I didn’t realize was overwhelming for him given his discomfort with pressure. My hope is for him to see me in a different light and come back to our relationship. I’m feeling incredibly sad, and my emotions are overwhelming right now. I find myself wanting to plead with him to stay, but I know I can’t do that. I’m just so hurt, and it’s hard to articulate. We have two months left on our lease, so we will still be living together during that time. How can I approach this situation and make him reconsider while we coexist? Do you think this space will be beneficial? How can I give him the space he needs while still living together?

I, a 19-year-old male, am starting to feel unsure about whether we really connect [20-year-old female].

I'm feeling increasingly uncertain about whether we can continue living happily together due to our differences. We've been together for about 19 months, and have lived together for around 14 of those months in Germany. Recently, I've come to realize that we really don’t have much in common. Our views on various issues—politics, religion, society—are almost completely different, which leads to frequent arguments. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and depression, and has been on sick leave for the past year while I work full time as a mechanic. Despite my demanding job, I often find myself doing more around the house than she does. This, along with her sometimes rude behavior (I'm not sure if it stems from her condition) leaves me feeling undervalued and disrespected. I've nearly considered breaking up about three times now, but each time there have been moments where she’s done something that truly touched my heart, giving me hope for our relationship in the weeks that follow. However, this cycle feels endless. Her frequent outbursts, mood swings, and unpredictable behavior are taking a toll on my mental health. It’s hard to determine if someone you love is causing you pain, and it’s increasingly affecting my confidence in our love. I genuinely care for her and don’t want anything bad to happen to her, but I can't help but worry that our relationship is destined to end badly, largely due to our differences. I sometimes think about the future, imagining us having kids, and how our contrasting ideas about parenting could drive a wedge between us, potentially harming not just our relationship but also the well-being of a child. I feel so conflicted and unsure of what to do. Should I hold on to hope and believe that we can work through our issues, or should I surrender to my fears that our relationship will inevitably deteriorate or come to an end?

My girlfriend (22F) wants me (26M) to move back out of state. Is there a way to resolve this?

My girlfriend (22f) has expressed a desire for me (26m) to move back out of state. I'm seeking advice on how to navigate this situation. I met my girlfriend online and quickly fell deeply in love with her. When we first connected, she was in an unfulfilling relationship with someone who lacked ambition, which made me stand out to her. She eventually ended that relationship, and we began dating. I would drive 13 hours to see her every couple of weeks, but the emotional toll of long-distance caught up with her. To support her, I made the decision to move in together. I’ve always enjoyed traveling and experiencing new places, so I didn’t mind the change. Unfortunately, just as we were settling into the new arrangement, my car broke down, and she drives a manual, which I can’t operate. She’s not comfortable letting me learn on her car. Over time, her past traumas began to weigh heavily on her, and I had to help her seek professional help. I worried that this would strain our relationship, but it had the opposite effect; she was able to access therapy and became more introspective. While her family began to take her mental health seriously, she still struggled with anger and body image issues. Throughout this period, I reassured her of my support, no matter what challenges arose. While her situation has improved, I’ve noticed that my own self-esteem and motivation have taken a hit. It's disheartening to feel less independent, and I started comparing myself to the man she had left behind. I regret to say that my insecurities caused me to become overly suspicious about her phone use and privacy, which I’ve since acknowledged and worked through. However, I fear it has damaged her perception of me. Our sex life, which was once vibrant with her frequently initiating intimacy, has dwindled since early November. My anxious behavior led me to constantly question her about our intimacy, which only pushed her further away. A few days ago, she shared that she wants space, feeling more like an accessory in a relationship rather than an individual. She also hinted at a shift in her attraction, expressing a stronger preference for women. From what she has conveyed, she seems to identify as pansexual, valuing personality and attitude over appearance in her attractions to men. I feel like I've lost a part of myself, and it's unsettling to realize that her lack of attraction might stem from my change in mentality rather than just physicality. Our living situation has become cluttered due to my inability to drive and the lack of laundry facilities, adding to both of our stress. Financial strain has also been a factor, as I’ve been managing bills for both of us. I believe that many external issues are influencing her decision, many of which could be addressed. I can’t just leave as I have nowhere to go and lack resources. I love her deeply and want to find a way to restore balance to our relationship. I’ve consciously stepped back from my previous behavior, and I genuinely want to maintain our relationship and home together. I’d even be willing to forgo physical intimacy if it meant preserving our connection, as I believe romance and individuality can coexist. I'm looking for guidance on what steps to take next and how to approach our upcoming couples therapy session on the 18th. Any advice would be appreciated.

Boyfriend views adult content.

My boyfriend (19) told me (18) that he watches porn, and while I appreciate his honesty, it leaves me feeling really down. I truly love him and he treats me wonderfully, better than I ever expected. However, I'm struggling to understand why he still thinks about and looks at other women in that way; it makes me uncomfortable because I couldn’t imagine doing the same with another man. How can I bring this up with him in a way that’s open and understanding, without making him feel upset or accused? This is my first serious relationship, and I’m really afraid of ruining it.

I'm a 19-year-old woman and I find myself getting upset with my 18-year-old boyfriend over both minor and major issues. How can I manage this more effectively?

Recently, I've noticed that my boyfriend seems to be pulling away from me, and I believe it’s linked to how I manage conflict in our relationship. I get upset not just over minor issues but also about ongoing concerns that really bother me. For instance, I've asked him to stop making insensitive comments about my appearance, frequently checking out other girls' Instagram profiles, and treating me as if I'm inferior in certain situations. These behaviors genuinely upset me, and when they occur, I react with anger because I feel disrespected. I'm also exhausted from having to repeat myself and continuously ask him to make changes. However, when I do get upset, I struggle to move past it and often end up having what some might call a tantrum. Even in times when we could resolve the issue, I tend to prolong the argument, which escalates to a point where I start to feel guilty for overreacting. I recognize that this behavior causes him to withdraw, and I don't blame him; he’s a good boyfriend in many ways, and I can see how my anger and tendency to hold onto grievances are impacting him. I want to learn how to express the things that hurt me without losing my temper or making him feel more distant. What strategies can I use to manage these conflicts in a healthier way so we can strengthen our bond? In short, I find myself getting really angry at my boyfriend over both minor irritations and persistent issues I've requested he address, like making jokes about my looks, obsessively browsing other girls' Instagram pages, and treating me as though I'm less significant. Although my feelings are valid, I tend to prolong arguments until I feel guilty, even though he is a good boyfriend overall. How can I share my frustrations more constructively without escalating situations or harboring resentment?

How should I (26F) address my boyfriend (30M) regarding his social media follows?

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year, and recently I've started to feel uneasy about who he’s following on social media. Most of these accounts belong to girls who share risqué photos and videos, often linking to their OnlyFans pages. This raises questions for me about whether he’s spending money on this content or using other platforms like Snapchat or Telegram that I’m unaware of. Additionally, he recently began following his ex, which adds another layer to my concerns. A couple of months ago, I expressed how uncomfortable this made me feel, and he did unfollow several of those accounts, but he’s since followed a bunch of new ones that evoke similar feelings. While I’m fine with him watching porn, following these accounts feels different and undermines my trust in him. It makes me feel insecure and hesitant to share anything personal with him. I’m seeking advice on how to address this issue productively. Given that I’ve already raised it before, should I view this as a red flag? I’m torn and would appreciate some outside perspectives.

The husband asserts that he takes on a more maternal role.

I'm a 27-year-old female, and my husband is also 27. We have two young boys, aged 1 and 2.5. I returned to work six weeks ago after being unemployed for 10 months due to a layoff. My work hours are Monday to Friday, 9 am to 5 pm, while my husband works on a rotating schedule: Monday, Tuesday, Friday through Sunday one week, and then Wednesday and Thursday the following week, from 6 am to 6:30 pm. When we both work, the kids go to a babysitter, and I handle drop-off and pick-up. On the days I work and he doesn’t, he stays home with the kids, and vice versa. This morning, my husband told me, “I’m watching the kids more than you. I’m more of a mom than you are.” I was taken aback by his comment. During the 10 months I was a stay-at-home mom, I never once claimed to be the primary caregiver or implied that I was better than him. Yet he struggles with the concept of being a parent when he’s alone with the kids. This situation is incredibly frustrating. He often says that when he’s with the kids on his own, he’s “Mom for the day,” as if taking care of his own children somehow makes him more maternal than paternal. He seems to believe he’s being a “better mom” without me there to help him. I’m not sure how to communicate to him that he’s not “being mom”; he’s just being a parent, and I don’t want him to react defensively. We can’t afford for me to stay home, which is why I took a job, and I never hold that over him, implying that he doesn’t earn enough for me not to work or that he has to step up to parent. I’m feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. Does anyone have advice on how to handle this?

I’m unsure about what to do: should I stay or should I go?

**Summary:** I lean towards leaving the relationship, but the hope for change makes me hesitate. When I consider staying, I feel anxious and struggle to commit to my partner's desire for one last attempt, as I doubt his ability to truly change. I’m a 25-year-old woman feeling uncertain about my long-term relationship with my partner, who is 23. We’ve been together for nine years, starting from high school. We almost broke up until I discovered I was pregnant, prompting us to stay together for our daughter. Over the years, I’ve been a stay-at-home mom, dedicating myself to caring for both our daughter and him, often at the expense of my own dreams and aspirations. I’ve voiced my need for change countless times, but I haven’t seen any real progress. Despite my hopes for improvement, I’ve felt mentally drained while he believes everything is fine. After expressing my desire for change one last time, he agreed, but the effort lasted only a day before things returned to the same routine. This led me to request a separation, during which he suggested we live together as roommates. While apart, I began feeling an attraction to someone else, which made me realize I may have emotionally checked out of my current relationship. It was painful for both of us, but I eventually accepted that it was over. About two weeks later, he expressed a desire to move out because it hurt too much. But then he asked for one last chance. While I want to support him, I worry that it might be too late. I’m also skeptical about his ability to change this time. My feelings for him revolve around the person he is, not just what he provides—I'd prefer to share a life instead of being two individuals who only connect at the end of the day. When I take time to reflect on how to proceed, staying fills me with panic, fear, and stress. I worry that if this last chance fails, I’ll feel deep resentment towards him. On the other hand, the idea of leaving and starting fresh elsewhere feels scary, but not as overwhelmingly so. Right now, my mind is a jumble, and I feel lost when thinking about my options.

My boyfriend (21m) mentioned to my best friend (18f) that he thinks I’m being too distant. I’m a 19-year-old female, and I’m not sure how to address this. What can I do to improve the situation?

I’m a 19-year-old female, and about a week ago, I had a really traumatic experience. Since then, I've noticed that I’ve been acting differently—more reserved and less outgoing—as I try to come to terms with what happened. This situation is even harder because it coincided with some personal struggles I was already facing. I kept my boyfriend, who is 21, informed while everything was happening, and he was aware of the issues I was dealing with. Whenever we met, I apologized for my quieter demeanor and reassured him that I truly enjoy our time together. He always reassured me that it was alright. However, I found out two days ago that he had messaged my best friend, expressing concerns about my distance and suggesting that he thinks I might be losing interest in him. This really upset me for several reasons: A) He reached out to my friend instead of checking in on me, B) He knows I’m going through a lot and I’ve made it clear that my feelings for him haven't changed, and C) While he claims I don’t text or call him as much, he’s never made the initiative to contact me first. On top of the traumatic event, I'm also a college student preparing for finals, and with the holidays approaching, there’s a lot on my plate. After learning about his message to my friend—who he asked not to tell me—I reached out to him again, expressing my apologies once more for being quieter and explaining the reasons: the trauma, school, and holiday stress. He said it was fine, but today in class, after I hadn’t replied for about 10-15 minutes, he started spamming me about wanting to change his schedule at work to spend more time together. It’s just frustrating because he claims I don’t initiate communication, yet I’m the one who reaches out first every day. I talk about wanting to see him and making plans, and despite my apologies and explanations, it feels like it’s never enough. What hurts even more is that instead of checking on me, he chose to confide in my best friend. I’m at a loss on how to address this situation. I really like him, but this constant feeling of being suffocated is overwhelming, and it seems like no amount of communication can resolve the issue of him feeling I’m too distant. In short, I feel like I’m not getting this right. My boyfriend thinks I’m too distant, and I’m not sure how to fix it. Any advice?

My boyfriend's need for control has me doubting our relationship—am I being selfish for wanting some independence?

If you're looking for guidance on posting in a specific Reddit community, like the "Relationship Advice" subreddit, here’s a rewritten version that aligns with their guidelines and provides adequate context about everyone involved: **[Relationship Advice] My boyfriend's controlling behavior is making me rethink everything—what should I do?** Hello, everyone. I'm a 20-year-old woman in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is also 20. While I know he loves me deeply, I'm feeling overwhelmed by the level of control he exerts, and I’m unsure of how to move forward. To give you some background, we've been together for a while. I'm more of a homebody and rarely go out; maybe once or twice a year, I’ll visit a nightclub with friends, but I always act responsibly. Despite this, my boyfriend strongly disapproves of me going out, viewing it as disrespectful towards him, even though these outings are infrequent and with trusted friends. His controlling tendencies go beyond just outings. He frequently comments on my clothing choices, hairstyle, and even my curfew when I spend time with friends. Remarks like, “Why would you dress like that?” or “Why do you need to be out so late?” have made me anxious about doing anything I think he might disapprove of. He insists he's not controlling, claiming, “Go do whatever you want—I’m not your dad.” But his actions speak otherwise. He checks my phone nearly every time we’re together and has pressured me to unfollow almost every male contact, including those I haven't interacted with in years. I feel like I'm constantly tiptoeing around, afraid to like a guy's post on social media or engage with a male classmate for fear of starting an argument. He seems unable to accept that I can maintain friendships with guys in a respectful manner, like in school or at work. Whenever I bring this up, he deflects the conversation, threatening that I’ll regret losing him because no one will love me like he does. He accuses me of dismissing something significant by wanting to retain my independence, saying that if I can't prioritize him over “trivial matters” like social media or time with friends, I must not truly love him. He has even suggested he would prefer to find someone who will respect his wishes. He often reminds me that, in 10 years, I’ll regret letting go of someone who cares for me this much, which genuinely scares me. I worry about losing him and doubt I’ll find someone who loves me like he does. But I’m only 20—I feel like I haven’t really experienced life yet. I’ve hardly been to a club, traveled with friends, or made new connections. I don’t want to look back and feel like I missed out on life. Next year, I’m moving to a larger city for university, where I plan to spend more time socializing and meeting new people with friends and family nearby. While he says he’d come with me, he lives 40 minutes away and likely wouldn’t make the effort. His support feels more performative than genuine. My parents encourage me to embrace my youth and focus on friendships rather than a relationship. I know they would be upset if they knew how stressed I feel because of my boyfriend's behavior. To complicate matters, we come from different religious backgrounds, which my mom would be very displeased about if she found out about him. I feel incredibly conflicted. I love him and know he loves me, but his controlling behavior is concerning. Am I being selfish for wanting to seek my own experiences and freedom? Is it reasonable to ask for more autonomy, even if it might endanger the relationship? I fear losing him, but I’m unsure how much more I can tolerate. What advice can you offer?

Seeking Guidance

I'm a 33-year-old female and recently reconnected with a friend who's 34. A few years ago, we dated for about nine months, but he wasn't ready to make it official, which led me to walk away. That really hurt me, especially since he had expressed that he didn't want children, while I was still undecided. When we reconnected, I was in another relationship that lasted eight months, so I thought it was best to just be friends. I even considered setting him up with my best friend, who is also 33, believing it would be a good arrangement since both of them seemed interested. I mentioned that my friend wanted kids, and he told me he was open to that now. When I asked about his previous reluctance, he explained that he wouldn't want kids with someone he didn't think would make a good parent (that hit hard). After my breakup a month ago, we ended up becoming intimate. However, I had promised my best friend that we could all move in together once my lease ends, and she has no idea about my recent connection with him. While having him back in my life makes me incredibly happy, I can't shake the fear that he might still be hesitant to commit. Why did he avoid a serious relationship back then, and what has changed now? Plus, I can't help but think about how he considered dating my best friend only a few months ago and was willing to have kids with her, but not with me. What does this mean for our living situation? I would really appreciate some advice on this.

I'm a 23-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, who is 28, has asked for a break to have some space. I'm worried about losing him.

I'm a 23-year-old woman, and my boyfriend Levi, who is 28, has expressed that he needs some space. He told me yesterday that he’s been feeling this way since Saturday night. The previous Friday, I picked him up from his friends’ place after he had been drinking. While we were in my car outside Levi's house, he mentioned that he planned to take a break from using a drug we both partake in, starting in January. I overreacted, arguing that he should consider a longer break, citing concerns about his possible addiction and how it could harm our relationship. I made him promise not to use it alone, as he had described it as a social drug only. On Saturday evening, as we were preparing to hang out with my friends, Levi brought home two bags of the drug—one for us and one for my friends. I had asked him to get a bag for them, but he didn’t pay for it. While getting ready to leave, Levi asked about the bag for my friends, but since they don’t use the drug, I started to lie about it. Levi, being perceptive, caught on that my story didn't add up, and I felt tired of lying because he had been honest with me in the past. I finally confessed that the bag was for me and that I’d been using it since Wednesday. He pointed out that I was projecting my own issues onto him, which was true. We went out with my friends, and while I don't recall anything significant from Sunday, we spent the day together until I went home that night. On Monday, I called in sick, and Levi mentioned he would be fixing his computer that day. When he texted me about it, I ignored his message and asked him to pick me up instead. After a few exchanges where he explained he was busy, I pushed him to come get me. Eventually, he finished fixing his computer and picked me up. When I wanted to stay over that night, he was confused about why I’d asked for a ride if I could just drive home. This led to a breakdown for me, which opened the conversation about everything. When I left, he told me he still loves me, but I’m struggling to understand how that can be true given my actions. As I reflect, I realize how my behavior has hurt him, and I desperately don’t want to lose him. I would really appreciate some honest advice, especially about how to apologize effectively, along with actionable steps I can take to make amends. Thank you.

How can I, a 37-year-old woman, encourage my partner, a 45-year-old man, with whom I've been together for 15 years, to consider trying therapy?

I’m a 37-year-old female who has been in a long-term relationship with a 45-year-old male for 15 years. We’ve lived together for 13 of those years. Our relationship was strong until around 2017/2018 when I had an affair. I fully acknowledge that what I did was wrong; I regret not ending the relationship or refraining from the affair altogether, but I can’t change my past decisions. Now, over six years later, I realize that he still hasn’t truly forgiven me. While I understand he can’t forget what happened, I don’t believe we can have a healthy relationship if it continues to resurface and he can’t let it go. I’ve suggested individual therapy for him and couples therapy for us, and I’ve been working on myself through my own therapy for several years. This journey has helped me identify aspects of our relationship that I’m unhappy with, and I’ve tried discussing these with him. However, whenever I express my needs or stand up for myself, he accuses me of being a bully. On the other hand, when I disengage from the conversation because I feel sad, tired, or just want to avoid conflict, he sees me as playing the martyr. I’ve also expressed my desire to move to a different state, where my family lives, as I feel isolated here with only a few friends and no family nearby. I want to be closer to my dad and to experience my nephew’s upbringing. When I mention this, he interprets it as me trying to pressure him since I’m willing to go regardless of whether he joins me. My intention is to give him the choice about moving. Though we aren’t legally married, we do share a home, which means that if we decide to part ways, some logistics would need to be addressed together. I wish he would understand that individual or couples therapy could really help us navigate this situation. He seems to think I’m pushing him into something uncomfortable because he believes “men don’t talk about their feelings.” To clarify, he’s never been abusive, but I do perceive a passive-aggressive tendency toward my needs. I also sense that he knows how to steer conversations in a way that avoids him looking bad. I’m reaching a breaking point, but I’m not ready to leave because I still love him. **Just to emphasize, I don’t need him financially; I have a solid job. In summary, how can I encourage my partner of 15 years to consider therapy?

Should I allow my boyfriend to move in with me?

I'm a 26-year-old woman who met my boyfriend, a 36-year-old man, during the early phases of my separation from my husband (divorce proceedings are still ongoing). We've been together for nearly a year now. Recently, I moved 2.5 hours away for work-related reasons, and my boyfriend is planning to relocate next week as well. Initially, we intended to move in together, but I’m starting to have serious doubts about it. I have two daughters: a 7-year-old and a 2-year-old. My younger daughter is from my soon-to-be ex-husband, while my older daughter is from a previous relationship I had after high school. Because of my divorce, my 7-year-old has lost the father she's known all her life; he won't see her unless I "come home." I can see that she’s hurting, especially since she often tells me she misses her dad, and I’m at a loss for words when she does. Both girls adore my boyfriend and get excited when they see him. I've introduced him to them as just a friend, but I think my 7-year-old senses that it's more than that. When I asked her how she’d feel about him moving in with us, she responded positively. Later, she expressed that she wishes he could be her dad, which surprised me because it shows how much she cares for him. However, I have some concerns. I don’t want someone else to step in as a parental figure for my kids, especially if he might not be a long-term presence in their lives. I want my children to be raised with Christian values, and while he has said he would respect that, he has also made comments that question Christianity, which makes me doubt his commitment to helping me raise them in that way. Additionally, he spends $200 a month on nicotine, which isn’t necessarily bad, but he doesn’t seem to see it as a financial concern, while I do. I also feel that it might be too soon for us to take this step, even though we had initially planned to live together as roommates in front of the kids. Are these concerns valid? Are there other issues I should consider, or am I just overreacting?

What strategies can I use to support her in overcoming her anxiety while still validating her emotions?

I apologize for the length of this post, but I think it’s important to provide all the details. I'm a 24-year-old male, and I've been close friends with a 26-year-old female for over five years. Our chemistry is so apparent that our friends have even started betting on when we'll finally get together. Throughout our friendship, we've experienced both highs and lows, yet we always find our way back to one another. When we first started spending time together, I had a major crush on her and confessed my feelings. She didn't reciprocate, which hit me hard as a teenager. After some time apart, I apologized for my immature behavior, and we began hanging out again. A couple of years later, she took the initiative to ask me out. I was thrilled since my feelings for her had never really faded. However, she began canceling our dates last minute, claiming she felt ill. Given that it was during the COVID pandemic and she suffers from OCD and medical anxiety, I tried to be patient. But after several months of cancellations, I started to doubt her feelings for me and ended our relationship. A few months ago, I learned that she genuinely liked me and wanted to be in a relationship, but her nerves made her feel sick, which broke my heart. Despite this, we continued to hang out in group settings while I focused on moving on. I attempted to date other people, but it never felt right. Spending time with her just felt natural. This summer, I confided in her about feeling lonely, and a few weeks later, she made a move on me at a friend's wedding. I was taken aback and initially resisted, but soon we started spending a lot of time together, doing date-like activities such as having brunch in the suburbs or just driving around, essentially dating without labeling it. One of our mutual friends noticed this dynamic and encouraged me to have a conversation about our relationship status. I expressed my feelings and desire for a relationship, and she felt the same way, which seemed promising. However, shortly after, she started experiencing anxiety again. I recognize this is largely due to her nervousness; I even witnessed it firsthand. Last week, she pushed herself to join me for dinner despite having a panic attack upon arrival. I helped her calm down, and we ended up having a lovely evening. Then, she canceled our plans for Sunday, citing the same issues. I'm determined not to give up on her this time, but I also don't want to remain in this ambiguous "dating" phase without clarity. I’m unsure how to approach this conversation without invalidating her feelings and suggesting she isn’t genuinely unwell. I’m seeking advice, but my friends and family have their own biases about our situation, so I’m not sure who to turn to. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. Help me out, Reddit!

I urgently require some advice.

I’m a 22-year-old woman and my boyfriend is 24. We’ve been together for five years, and while we've shared many joyful moments and grown together, I’ve also endured a significant amount of loss during our relationship. For instance, I had a male best friend since I was around 12 or 13, but for my boyfriend, that was a dealbreaker, so I chose to cut ties with him. I even deleted my Instagram and Snapchat after he went through my accounts and unfollowed every man I had connections with, including my older male coworkers. In the early stages of our relationship, he cheated on me a few times. I’m not trying to excuse his actions, but I often find myself dwelling on them. I once started flirting with someone online, which led me to delete my Instagram after he discovered it while checking my phone. This was before and during the time he had cheated. Over the years, I've dealt with ongoing issues, including his frequent following of other girls and liking their posts, despite the fact that I’ve been completely transparent on my end. He often brings up the fact that I unblocked my male best friend after he had blocked him, even though we were never romantically involved. Now we find ourselves in a new phase where there’s been no sex or affection at all. He snaps at me frequently, and his tone can be quite harsh. I’ve stopped taking my birth control since there’s been zero intimacy. I don’t want to live like this; I’m seeking advice or just a place to vent because I feel like I'm losing myself. I can't imagine being 22 and living a life without passion, fun, or the freedom to do things for myself. Thanks for listening!

My boyfriend, who is 28, mentioned that he's beginning to feel less love for me, a 28-year-old woman.

My boyfriend is set to leave for a month on Wednesday, and last night he said I could go out with my friends. So, I went to dinner with them, intending to be back in a couple of hours. However, after a few drinks, my plans changed, and I ended up going to a couple of bars. I struggle with a drinking problem and have been trying to stay sober, but I tried to drink like I used to. Unfortunately, I lost control and ended up getting very drunk. My friends had to call him to pick us up. When I woke up this morning, he was packing his things and getting ready to leave. He told me I was a mess, a disaster, and that I’m going to ruin everything in my life. He expressed that he’s beginning to love me less and that all I do is mess up. His words made me feel terrible about myself, and I felt both embarrassed and ashamed. I apologized and admitted that I had made a mistake. He accused me of lying about just going to dinner and claimed that I intended to stay out all night. After he left, I texted him, asking if he could come back tonight, but he said he was spending time with his family and wouldn’t return. When I asked if I would see him before he leaves, he said he would think about it and suggested I shouldn’t chase him, telling me to "be respectful"—which I didn’t fully understand. I told him I’d give him space, and I haven’t heard back from him in a few hours. I know I messed up, but his reaction feels really harsh. I have a history of being in toxic and abusive relationships, and I don’t fully understand what a healthy relationship looks like. Is this a typical response?

I have a feeling that my boyfriend was glancing at another woman while we were being intimate.

I need some advice. I'm a 33-year-old woman, and my boyfriend is 29. We've been officially together for a year and a half but had been seeing each other for a long time prior to that. Last Friday, we enjoyed a wonderful evening together. We had what I thought was great sex, and later, I was giving him oral pleasure while he played games on his tablet—something I find fun to do occasionally. A few weeks back, I noticed he had been emailing a woman he hadn't mentioned before. I spotted it a few times when he was on his tablet or computer (I haven't gone through his personal things). I tend to be insecure due to past experiences, so I asked him about her. He assured me she was just an old friend who had reconnected and that there had never been anything romantic between them. I was satisfied with his explanation and chose to trust him. On Friday night, while I was giving him oral sex, I was under the covers for a bit before emerging. He placed his tablet on the bed, and I continued. He held my head down as I was performing oral, which was fine by me since consensual activities like that are part of our dynamic. However, he was notably forceful this time, but I didn't dwell on it. We finished up, cuddled, and went to bed. The next day, while he visited family, I sat down to do some work on the computer. Noticing that one of his games had been left open overnight, I didn’t realize I was logged into his Google account. I intended to buy Christmas gifts, so I searched my browsing history for a tab I had used the day before. To my shock, I saw multiple Google searches for the woman he’d been emailing, along with a Depop picture of her—just a torso shot. This was a bit concerning, especially since it was past 11 PM when we were in bed together. I thought we shared a lovely evening, with him mostly playing games on his tablet, and I really believed there were no issues in our relationship. Now I’m left wondering: Was he looking at that while I was giving him head? Did he sneak off to check it after we were intimate or when I stepped outside for a cigarette break? Could this just be an innocent situation that I'm overreacting about? This uncertainty is driving me crazy—I feel betrayed, unattractive, and disrespected. I’m unsure how to approach this without risking our relationship, as I am afraid he might think I violated his trust by looking at his account, even though that wasn’t my intention.

My girlfriend was unfaithful, and I'm unsure about how to handle the situation.

I'm a 22-year-old guy, and it’s been a couple of months since I discovered something troubling. I initially found out that my girlfriend, who is 20, was approached by an older guy while I was at work. He asked her out, framing it as a casual lunch among friends. Naturally, I confronted her about it, and because she never agreed to the date, I decided to let it slide, but I remained vigilant. The next day, I checked her phone and found over 200 deleted text messages from this guy. Many of the messages were him flirting with her, and she seemed hesitant, but there were a few instances where she appeared interested, even mentioning, “I’ll leave him soon.” Other times, though, she insisted, “We don’t talk like that.” Before all of this, she had a significant drinking problem, which I had addressed multiple times. Remarkably, she hasn't touched alcohol for three months since I last confronted her. When I found out about the texts, I pressed her for answers. Initially, she claimed she was talking to him because I wasn’t giving her enough attention and insisted, “I don’t care about him, I want you.” When I asked her what had transpired, she described him as a nuisance who wouldn't leave her alone, so she said what he wanted to hear just to get him off her back. However, I was still skeptical, as some of her messages didn’t seem entirely one-sided. After weeks of talking about it, she finally admitted that she had gotten drunk one night and couldn’t remember what happened. She claimed he told her they had sex the next day, but she had no recollection. I know it takes a lot to get to that point, but just to clarify, she’s generally not the type to frequently go out. This man lived next door, and I had grown accustomed to her socializing outside while drinking with friends. She mentioned she went over to pet his cat and then forgot everything until she returned home wanting to shower. I don’t know if that’s a typical response for a hangover. Is it possible to lose only an hour of memory, or does that seem like a blatant lie? Doesn’t it feel a bit too convenient to lose the memory of the moment that could jeopardize our relationship? Given that she has stopped drinking, could that be a sign that she might still be a faithful partner? Has anyone experienced a situation where their partner cheated but still managed to rebuild trust in the relationship? I understand that I might not get clear answers to all my questions, but I felt the need to share my thoughts.

How can I, a 35-year-old man, sever ties with my 75-year-old father who supports Trump?

Subject: Seeking Guidance on a Difficult Family Situation Hi everyone, I know this is a sensitive topic, so I’m posting anonymously. I assure you this is genuine and not an attempt to stir up drama. Please keep the conversation respectful. My relationship with my father is somewhat distant; we chat every few months, and our conversations are typically light and focused on our current lives. We haven’t spent more than a few hours together in over 20 years since my parents divorced, and I wouldn’t say we feel particularly at ease around each other. We’ve always had different personalities. When it comes to politics, we’ve never had a substantive discussion. I identify as progressive/leftist and have been deeply engaged in political matters for the past 15 years. I don't know my dad's political views for certain, but there have been a couple of notable moments: - A few years ago, he displayed a "Keep Christ in Christmas" sign in his yard, which struck me as odd since he never took us to church during my upbringing. - In early 2020, shortly before the pandemic began, he mentioned attending a Trump rally. I reacted negatively, he acknowledged that I probably wouldn’t approve, and we let it go. This was during my wedding, so there were other topics to explore. At that point, we were all aware of Trump’s character, so it concerned me. Since the election, I’ve decided to distance myself from Trump supporters for clear reasons. If someone is still backing him by 2024, there’s a reason—they're no longer supporting an underdog; it’s become serious with initiatives like Project 2025 in play. Despite both being white men with reasonable financial means, I have significant worries about this administration: - I have two naturalized citizens in my family: one is an Iraqi refugee who recently achieved citizenship after enduring immense hardships, and the other is a family member who overstayed a visa but is now married to a citizen. I’m anxious about their status under Project 2025. - I have numerous LGBTQ+ friends, including those married in conservative states, who fear that their marriages might be invalidated. - My wife and I are trying to start a family, but due to our age, it’s challenging. We’re genuinely concerned that complications during her pregnancy could have dire consequences given our location. - Many of my family members work in education. - And let’s not ignore the events of January 6. - There are countless other sociopolitical concerns on my mind. I haven’t spoken to my dad since the election. I recently lost my job and am going through a tough time, which kept me from reaching out. Today, he called, but I didn’t answer. Aside from my job situation, my sister is going through a divorce, and I think he wants to discuss that with me. However, I feel strongly about informing him that I no longer want Republicans in my life, and if he supported Trump, then I’d be fine without him. At the same time, I worry I might be blindsiding him. Since we’ve never discussed politics, perhaps he would have voted differently if I’d raised it before November. It’s possible he didn’t support Trump at all. Given his age and limited family connections, I can’t help but feel bad about it. I would appreciate any advice you might have. Thank you!

What strategies can I use to stay calm during arguments with my girlfriend?

I'm a 20-year-old male, and my girlfriend, who is 18, and I have been arguing more frequently lately, despite being together for three years. She has mentioned that she doesn’t appreciate my tone during our disagreements, which I completely understand. However, I don’t always recognize when I'm being rude or dismissive in the moment. I want to be able to remain calm and truly listen to her, but I often find myself feeling defensive. If anyone has any tips on how to manage this, I would greatly appreciate it. TL;DR: Seeking advice on how to stay calm during arguments.

Looking for assistance with communication.

I’m a man in my 50s, and I’ve been married to my wife, who’s in her mid-40s, for 20 years. Like many couples, we've experienced our fair share of ups and downs. Overall, we’re somewhat content—I wouldn’t call it happiness, but we’re not unhappy either. I sense that she’s more at ease with our situation than I am; I wish we could spend more time together, but neither of us is contemplating a separation. However, I’m beginning to feel overwhelmed by the way we communicate. She often tells me that I have a tone she finds displeasing. I try to be mindful of this, but I can’t deny that it happens. When we argue, she tends to raise her voice and interrupts me before I can finish even a single thought. She jumps in with her own assumptions, completely disregarding what I was trying to articulate. It feels like she’s not listening at all—she doesn’t engage to understand; she only hears enough to react. When I attempt to discuss our communication issues in a calm moment, she seems frustrated and often cuts me off. In the two decades we’ve been together, I can recall her apologizing to me only three times. I acknowledge that I’m not perfect, but I’m starting to feel emotionally drained. I’ve attended individual therapy, where I’ve gained insights into my communication style and my reactions to her words. Unfortunately, she’s not willing to pursue individual therapy and stopped attending couples counseling as soon as the discussions turned serious. I’m at a loss for what to do. I want to make her happy, but I’m unsure how to achieve that anymore. I struggle to find a way for her to listen long enough to grasp my perspective. I feel lost and need guidance. Thank you for your assistance.

Pages: 1 [2] 3 4 5 6 7 8