Relationship advices: Breakups and Divorces

Developing feelings for someone new while attempting to move on from a past relationship.

It's been a year since my four-year relationship ended, and every day since has felt like a challenge. I can hardly believe it's been this long. The breakup was intensely painful, and not a single day goes by without thoughts of him and the sorrow he left behind. I've prayed countless times to let him go and move forward, but it hasn’t been an easy process. In the midst of this struggle, Phil, a friend from high school, came back into my life. We had already reconnected before my relationship fell apart, but he became my anchor in the aftermath. We bonded over our shared experiences of heartbreak and many other topics, and he turned into my pillar of support when I felt like I couldn’t rely on anyone else. The loss of mutual friends with my ex made Phil's friendship even more significant to me. As time went on, Phil and I grew exceptionally close. With him, everything feels effortless—comfortable and safe. We share so many laughs, and it’s been a long time since I experienced that kind of joy. However, I’ve started developing feelings for him, and that scares me. Given what I went through, the prospect of opening my heart to someone again, even someone as wonderful as Phil, feels risky. I’m terrified of losing him, too. I don't intend to admit my feelings anytime soon. The fear of losing yet another close friend outweighs everything else. Still, I'm struggling to figure out how to handle this situation. Oddly enough, despite everything my ex put me through, a part of me still holds onto love for him—the connection was so deep, and he was my first love. When I like Phil, I feel guilty, even though I know it’s not wrong. I also question whether Phil likes me back; there's chemistry sometimes, but I'm hesitant to let myself feel it fully. I've started to distance myself from Phil, though I worry that might hurt him. What should I do?

I believe my girlfriend has left me because of hormonal changes.

Subject: Heartbroken Over Sudden Changes in My Relationship Hi, I'm reaching out because my girlfriend recently broke up with me and asked me to move out after discovering she was pregnant. I’m 27, and she’s 25. We've always shared a close bond and enjoyed a good relationship, despite the typical ups and downs that come with stressful times at work. However, in the last couple of months, my work situation has become challenging. I've been paired with an alcoholic colleague who makes everything more difficult, leaving me to handle most of the work on my own. His behavior has been pushing me to drink again, which I had issues with in the past. I’m stuck in endless conversations with him that are driving me crazy while balancing all the driving and paperwork. Despite all this, I’ve made an effort to be a good partner. However, my girlfriend’s attitude towards me changed dramatically out of nowhere. She stopped being affectionate, distanced herself emotionally, and began making manipulative comments. For example, when I quietly whispered to her at night, she insisted I was shouting. This has been the pattern for about two months. Then a few days ago, she called me at work in tears, revealing she was pregnant. When I got home, she was missing. Later, I found out she had gone to the cinema, which upset me. I waited for her to return, and when I finally checked on her around 11:30 PM, she was asleep on the couch. I took care of her by bringing her water, removing her makeup, and getting her pajamas ready. However, once again, she accused me of shouting while I was merely whispering. Frustrated and overwhelmed, I snapped and ended up punching the fridge. I know it was wrong, but after working tirelessly for 54 days straight and dealing with my girlfriend's harsh words, my emotions came to a head. Now, she has left me, and it's been hard to process her mood swings—one moment she seems fine and engaging, then suddenly switches to being distant and unkind. I can’t help but wonder if she might realize that her behavior was influenced by hormonal changes once the pregnancy ends and hope she will want to reconcile. I feel completely heartbroken, having lost my girlfriend, our dogs, our home, and the baby we might have had together. Our relationship was strong until she found out she was pregnant (she’s about eight weeks along), and since then, things took a downward turn. I'm devastated, struggling to eat, sleep, and coping with dark thoughts. I miss her deeply and want to know what I can do to address this situation. Thank you for any advice or insights you might have.

"Developing feelings for someone while trying to move on from another?"

It's been a year since my four-year relationship ended, and every day has been a challenge. I still can’t believe how long it’s been. The breakup was profoundly painful, and not a day passes that I don’t think of him and the sadness he left me with. I've prayed countless times to move on and forget him, but it's proven difficult. In the midst of this, Phil, a high school friend, came back into my life. We had reconnected before the breakup, but after everything crumbled, he became my lifeline. We bonded over our shared experiences of heartbreak, among other things. He became my pillar of support when I didn’t feel I could rely on anyone else. The loss of mutual friends with my ex only made Phil's presence even more significant. As time went on, Phil and I grew incredibly close. With him, everything feels easy—comfortable and safe. We share so many laughs, and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt that kind of happiness. But now I find myself developing feelings for him, and it frightens me. Given my past, the thought of opening my heart to someone again, even someone as great as Phil, feels risky. I’m terrified of losing him too. I don’t plan to reveal my feelings. The fear of losing yet another best friend is overwhelming. But at the same time, I’m unsure how to handle this situation. Despite all the pain my ex caused me, a part of me still feels attached to him, and I have no idea if Phil feels the same way about me. I’ve started to distance myself from Phil out of worry. My thoughts are all over the place. What should I do?

My boyfriend wishes to have some distance and prefers to live independently.

My boyfriend wants to live separately and is asking for space. This might be a lot to take in, but here’s the context: I’m F29 and he’s M32. We have been together for two years, and lived together for about one and a half of those years (I know we moved in quickly). Around two weeks ago, my boyfriend shared that he doesn’t want to renew our lease because he feels the need for space. To be fair, we spend a lot of time together since he works from home and I’m often at home too. His reasons include: 1. He feels boxed in and wants his own space, as he doesn’t like having to explain his whereabouts. 2. He mentioned that he isn’t fully in love with me and wants to explore other connections (which feels like he’s looking for someone ‘better’), even though he loves me and thinks living apart could help us both. We have a solid connection on several levels, but I’m more of a homebody while he is outgoing and enjoys singing and dancing. I do have fun and go out with him, but our interests differ somewhat. 3. He expressed a desire for us to be less co-dependent and focus on personal growth, which I agree is important. I have been consumed with taking care of him, his kids, and managing the household, and it feels almost robotic at times. He suggested that having space might make him miss my energy, and if we both work on ourselves, we could return to each other stronger. I believe in this possibility. He stated that he still wants to support me and would like us to continue seeing each other. I have a close relationship with his children, and he hopes to maintain that connection as well. I’m reaching out for advice and perspectives. I am deeply in love with him, and we had been planning our future, which I didn’t realize was overwhelming for him given his discomfort with pressure. My hope is for him to see me in a different light and come back to our relationship. I’m feeling incredibly sad, and my emotions are overwhelming right now. I find myself wanting to plead with him to stay, but I know I can’t do that. I’m just so hurt, and it’s hard to articulate. We have two months left on our lease, so we will still be living together during that time. How can I approach this situation and make him reconsider while we coexist? Do you think this space will be beneficial? How can I give him the space he needs while still living together?

I’m unsure about what to do: should I stay or should I go?

**Summary:** I lean towards leaving the relationship, but the hope for change makes me hesitate. When I consider staying, I feel anxious and struggle to commit to my partner's desire for one last attempt, as I doubt his ability to truly change. I’m a 25-year-old woman feeling uncertain about my long-term relationship with my partner, who is 23. We’ve been together for nine years, starting from high school. We almost broke up until I discovered I was pregnant, prompting us to stay together for our daughter. Over the years, I’ve been a stay-at-home mom, dedicating myself to caring for both our daughter and him, often at the expense of my own dreams and aspirations. I’ve voiced my need for change countless times, but I haven’t seen any real progress. Despite my hopes for improvement, I’ve felt mentally drained while he believes everything is fine. After expressing my desire for change one last time, he agreed, but the effort lasted only a day before things returned to the same routine. This led me to request a separation, during which he suggested we live together as roommates. While apart, I began feeling an attraction to someone else, which made me realize I may have emotionally checked out of my current relationship. It was painful for both of us, but I eventually accepted that it was over. About two weeks later, he expressed a desire to move out because it hurt too much. But then he asked for one last chance. While I want to support him, I worry that it might be too late. I’m also skeptical about his ability to change this time. My feelings for him revolve around the person he is, not just what he provides—I'd prefer to share a life instead of being two individuals who only connect at the end of the day. When I take time to reflect on how to proceed, staying fills me with panic, fear, and stress. I worry that if this last chance fails, I’ll feel deep resentment towards him. On the other hand, the idea of leaving and starting fresh elsewhere feels scary, but not as overwhelmingly so. Right now, my mind is a jumble, and I feel lost when thinking about my options.

I'm a 23-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, who is 28, has asked for a break to have some space. I'm worried about losing him.

I'm a 23-year-old woman, and my boyfriend Levi, who is 28, has expressed that he needs some space. He told me yesterday that he’s been feeling this way since Saturday night. The previous Friday, I picked him up from his friends’ place after he had been drinking. While we were in my car outside Levi's house, he mentioned that he planned to take a break from using a drug we both partake in, starting in January. I overreacted, arguing that he should consider a longer break, citing concerns about his possible addiction and how it could harm our relationship. I made him promise not to use it alone, as he had described it as a social drug only. On Saturday evening, as we were preparing to hang out with my friends, Levi brought home two bags of the drug—one for us and one for my friends. I had asked him to get a bag for them, but he didn’t pay for it. While getting ready to leave, Levi asked about the bag for my friends, but since they don’t use the drug, I started to lie about it. Levi, being perceptive, caught on that my story didn't add up, and I felt tired of lying because he had been honest with me in the past. I finally confessed that the bag was for me and that I’d been using it since Wednesday. He pointed out that I was projecting my own issues onto him, which was true. We went out with my friends, and while I don't recall anything significant from Sunday, we spent the day together until I went home that night. On Monday, I called in sick, and Levi mentioned he would be fixing his computer that day. When he texted me about it, I ignored his message and asked him to pick me up instead. After a few exchanges where he explained he was busy, I pushed him to come get me. Eventually, he finished fixing his computer and picked me up. When I wanted to stay over that night, he was confused about why I’d asked for a ride if I could just drive home. This led to a breakdown for me, which opened the conversation about everything. When I left, he told me he still loves me, but I’m struggling to understand how that can be true given my actions. As I reflect, I realize how my behavior has hurt him, and I desperately don’t want to lose him. I would really appreciate some honest advice, especially about how to apologize effectively, along with actionable steps I can take to make amends. Thank you.

I (26F) have been experiencing grief over a potential breakup with my boyfriend (29M), even though it hasn't occurred yet.

I (26F) feel like I'm already grieving a breakup that seems inevitable after nearly 10 years together. My boyfriend (29M) and I started our relationship when we were just 16 and 20 years old. The first couple of years were challenging, particularly due to a few incidents of infidelity on his part. However, we managed to work through those issues with open communication and honesty, and nothing of that nature has happened since. We experienced a strong connection, embodying the "opposites attract" cliché, and for about five years, our relationship flourished. Sadly, over the last three years, it has begun to fade. During my teenage years, I faced many struggles and felt an intense need for his love. Issues with my parents led me to consider emancipation at 16, and I eventually moved out at 17 to live with my boyfriend and his family. My relationship with my parents has improved significantly since then, and we've built a wonderful bond. However, I'm concerned about how a potential breakup could affect our current dynamics, especially since my boyfriend wishes to stay connected to my family, which I cannot control—and wouldn't want to. I'm also close to his family, and it's heartbreaking to think I might lose that connection. My boyfriend has been there for me during both the highs and lows of my life, just as I've been for him. We have three wonderful cats together that I couldn’t take with me if I moved out. Returning to my parents isn't an option for me right now, and I’m in the process of improving my financial situation so I can eventually live independently. The only feasible housing arrangement would be with my best friend, her fiancé, and her two lovely daughters (ages 6 and 8), whom I consider my nieces. However, I worry that my sadness might strain our friendship if I move in with them. For the past few years, my boyfriend and I have felt increasingly out of sync, primarily due to differing political views, philosophical beliefs, and attitudes toward money and value. In our decade together, we’ve never taken a break because I believe in an "all or nothing" approach to relationships, and I’m not convinced breaks would be beneficial for me. Tonight, we had an extended conversation about how our differences are driving us apart instead of bringing us together. We both feel that our life together has become mundane, with more bad days punctuated by a few good moments. We want the best for each other and acknowledge that we deserve to pursue true happiness—yet we’re uncertain if that can be found together anymore. I feel like I've been hesitant to confront this for the last couple of years, though a part of me has been ready to move on. My identity feels intertwined with him, and I'm scared of who I might be without him. I’m feeling lost and anxious about what the future holds, whether we should make an effort to stay together longer or officially end things and seek our individual paths to happiness. Thank you for taking the time to read my lengthy, but only partially explored, post. How do we choose which direction to take? What coping strategies could help if we do break up? How can we have a constructive discussion to reach a decision? I would love to hear your thoughts. TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been together for about 10 years, and we’re contemplating a breakup. I find myself mourning the loss of our relationship before it’s even ended, and I’m unsure about what steps to take next.

A 22-year-old woman suggested a possible break to her 23-year-old boyfriend, as she feels their relationship has become stagnant. Could this be beneficial?

My girlfriend (22F) and I (23M) have been together for just over three years, but we’ve been experiencing some ups and downs for the past six months. We cycle between good and bad times, and I’ve made several mistakes along the way. I tend to project my own issues onto her and often seek constant validation, stemming from past trauma. Today, she suggested taking a break. We had talked about it a few months ago when our problems first began to surface. I genuinely want to work things out and break this negative cycle. It’s important to me to address my issues and become a better partner. I know that sometimes love fades, and she has been incredibly supportive, helping me in ways I never expected. During our conversation about the break, she mentioned that she might want one but isn’t entirely sure what she wants at the moment. While she still expresses love for me, the idea of a break is confusing. I understand that breaks can sometimes help couples gain perspective on their feelings, but there’s also a real possibility that this is just a stepping stone toward a breakup. I’ve come across many voices online that imply a break signals the end, but I genuinely believe she loves me based on her actions and support. It's possible she’s still undecided about her feelings. I can see the potential benefits of a break—time apart might help us both realize what we truly value in our relationship and perhaps even strengthen it. My main question is: how can I tell if she is genuinely committed to a constructive break with healthy boundaries? Would couples counseling be a better avenue to explore? Given that we’ve talked about our future together before but things have stagnated, is it possible for us to rekindle the love we once had? Can we fix our relationship, or is this just a way for her to create distance before a breakup? I know we need to talk this through together, but I’m also seeking some glimmer of hope from others. I believe not all relationships that hit a rough patch end in failure, and I want to hold on to the possibility of improvement. She brings me happiness, and while we share many similarities, we also have our differences. Maybe some time apart could help her focus on her own happiness while I work on the concerns she’s raised. Ultimately, I hope to show her that I’m capable of personal growth—for both her and myself. **TL;DR**: My girlfriend (22F) is uncertain about whether she wants a break, as she feels our relationship has become stagnant and fears resenting me (23M) in the long run.

What's really happening? I need some clarification.

This is quite lengthy. I'm a 32-year-old female who began talking to a 32-year-old male colleague (he's literally one day older than me). From the start, he took the initiative, openly expressing his crush on me to our coworkers and even using our astrology charts to get my number. It was clear that he knew I liked him too, as we flirted often at work. For 25 days, we communicated every day, all day. One evening, we decided to grab a bite, and ended up in my car. It was there that he expressed he couldn't continue our relationship because his spiritual guides advised against it, although he still wanted to get to know me. At that point, we hadn't even kissed, so I thought that’s all we were doing—getting to know each other. We shared a warm hug and continued texting daily. As time progressed, he asked me out again, and we found ourselves in my car once more. During this meeting, he revisited his spiritual beliefs, emphasizing his desire for emotional connection rather than purely sexual, and he then asked if he could kiss me. After an intense hour-long make-out session that heightened our mutual attraction, we parted ways and everything felt wonderful. I suggested we cuddle and watch a movie together, which excited him. He invited me over to meet his pets but mentioned that there were still concerns about our relationship that we’d need to discuss. When I arrived, he shared that his sister had given him some insight regarding our energies, recommending we tread carefully. He confessed he had not been in touch with his spiritual guides lately because they disallowed our connection, but when I asked if he wanted me to step back, he said no. However, he admitted that if it came down to spirituality or me, he would have to make a choice (which I recognize as a sign of narcissism). We ended up crying, comforting each other, sharing personal stories, and laughing. Despite his concerns, we kissed for hours, but ultimately, we didn't have sex because I had to take a test the next day. I accidentally left my ring at his place, but he sent me sweet messages afterward, and we made plans to see each other again. The following day was fairly regular; we texted throughout the day and shared music. He was heading to a concert with his sister, the same one who had been cautious about our situation, and kept communicating with me during his drive. The next day, he responded to my texts but finally sent a message that hinted at a serious conversation. He stated: “I had some insight about us on my drive to the concert. Some of this will be difficult to hear… I just want to be real.” He followed up with a nine-minute audio message discussing his day and asking about mine, expressing a desire to meet up before or after work to chat more about his insights and mentioned wanting to hear me sing. I couldn't meet up, so I suggested he call me, which he did. I sensed something was about to shift. After some small talk, he got to the point, explaining that he believed we had a trauma bond, despite only having known each other for 25 days. He mentioned feeling a sort of addiction to me, making it difficult to go about his daily life without thinking of me, even at the concert. He acknowledged that this was dysfunctional, expressing regret about how he felt. I responded simply with, “okay.” He offered compliments about my strength and openness, mentioning he still wanted to maintain our work relationship. I told him I was still processing everything and felt uncertain about whether our relationship was more helpful than hurtful. There was a long pause, and after some silence, he said, “I’ll see you at work… have a good night.” Naturally, I was heartbroken. The next day at work, I expected him to bring my ring and engage in our usual small talk, but he was distant and didn’t bring the ring. Fast-forward to now, four days after the breakup, and he's been deliberately avoiding me at work, despite my attempts to be casual. He seems quieter around everyone and even said “good morning” to me with a sad expression yesterday. Still, no mention of my ring, and I know he remembers it, as he’s very organized. I’m trying to understand why he is behaving this way after breaking up with me. He indicated that he wanted to maintain some level of communication at work, yet now he seems intent on avoiding me. It's confusing. **TL;DR:** I’m unsure what’s going through this man’s mind after our breakup, especially since I wasn’t the one who ended things.

I feel overwhelmed with guilt just thinking about leaving. What do you think?

What do you think about my situation? I'm considering breaking up with my partner, who identifies as non-binary and is 23, while I am a 23-year-old woman. We've been close since high school, having known each other for seven years and been in a relationship for three. I cared deeply for them and often imagined our future together during our high school years, but it hurt when they were still interested in their ex. We both have BDP, so our emotional ups and downs were intense, but we always found our way back to each other. In college, I made the decision to distance myself from them, despite my efforts to keep them in my life. After going through a significant change following COVID, I confessed my feelings only to be turned down again, which prompted me to pull away. Eventually, we reconnected as friends, and our dynamic shifted; there was flirtation, and we ended up becoming intimate. When they asked me to be their girlfriend, I agreed, fulfilling a long-held desire. I moved them into my dorm, and for the last two years of college, we essentially lived as a couple, juggling school, jobs, and home life. The beginning was challenging, but I learned to trust the process as they worked through their depression and became more responsible. However, I've noticed that I've taken on a caregiving role in our relationship for the past three years. I still love them, but I've come to realize that I'm no longer interested in being in a romantic relationship. I feel like the "mom" in the partnership, and I've lost touch with my former self—I used to be so lively and happy, but now I don’t feel that way as much. I've stopped hanging out with friends and have neglected my appearance (though I know that's not all their fault). They’ve made some positive changes, like advancing in their job and helping around the house—things many women wish for in a partner. Despite their loyalty and the fact that they’re my best friend, they still struggle with self-care. They've frequently expressed feeling isolated since moving in with me, as well as dissatisfaction with their appearance and lack of a degree (I have my bachelor's). Living in a bustling college town, they could have engaged more with the community, but they tend to stay inside, and even after I encouraged them to return to school, they found it difficult to keep up with the classes. I can understand why, yet if they'd taken more initiative, they could have transferred out in time for my graduation. Their mental health challenges hold them back from prioritizing themselves, and they often voice their frustrations about it. We've discussed these issues over the years, but they seem to become sad without making the progress I hope for. I've taken charge of things like utilities and picking our apartment after I graduated. I recognize that at some point, I need to let them take more control, but I struggle to trust them. I know they're smart and capable, but my history of managing our responsibilities has led me to naturally take over tasks like handling bills and debts. I often find myself feeling overwhelmed and burdened by the need to remind them of things; it shouldn’t always fall on me to nudge them into action. It’s frustrating that it often takes my emotional breakdown for them to step up and help around the house. They genuinely try, which makes me feel guilty about my feelings. I do love them, but it’s not in the same way anymore. I once believed I could fix our relationship, but now I’m uncertain.

I (19M) am ending my relationship with my girlfriend (18F), but she refuses to accept it. What should I do next?

I've been considering breaking up with her for the past few weeks, and yesterday, I finally opened up about how I feel. For context, we've been together for nearly five years, but I'm ending things because I need to focus on myself and can't fully commit to the relationship, especially since I've moved to a different city for college. Part of me also wants to explore being with other people. She keeps insisting that we can work things out and that she wants to support me, but she doesn’t seem to grasp that I truly need to be on my own and can’t continue in this relationship. I'm coming home for the weekend and I plan to have a face-to-face conversation with her, but I'm worried she won't let me go. What should I do?

Should I share my feelings with her?

We ended our relationship amicably about a month ago, and it wasn't due to any personal issues—she just needed some time to focus on herself during a stressful period. My feelings for her haven't changed; I love her just as deeply as I did the day I left her place. Last weekend, she called me after having a few drinks, and I expressed my desire to reconnect when she's feeling better. She responded by saying, "We're not getting back together. It could be years before I'm ready for anything again, and I don't want you to wait. I want you to move on and find someone just as wonderful and loving as you are." The truth is, I believe that person is her. I'm more than willing to wait—whether it's years or even decades. I understand it's still early, but she is everything I've ever wanted and more. While we did have some challenges in our relationship, I've reflected on them and don't think they would pose a problem now. My love for her remains, and I want her in my life, always. Should I share my feelings with her? If you have any other questions, feel free to ask—I'm open to discussing anything.

I'm a 25-year-old woman who recently ended my relationship with my 28-year-old boyfriend, and now he’s asking for another opportunity. How should I handle this?

My boyfriend (28M) and I (25F) have been together for over a year. While our relationship was never perfect, it had its decent moments. Initially, I was impressed by how open and communicative he was, and I felt genuinely lucky to have him. However, the past few months have been challenging, and I’ve begun to feel like we’re not the same people anymore. To provide some background: I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant in July, though it wasn't confirmed until October. During that period, I realized I wanted to break up due to my unhappiness in the relationship. He convinced me to work through it together, and we began couples counseling. Ultimately, we mutually decided to terminate the pregnancy, a heartbreaking choice. Throughout this, he was supportive and allowed me the space to make my own decision without pressure. Since then, our relationship has been tumultuous. We’ve quarreled over seemingly minor issues (like my reluctance to share my Gatorade on the day of the procedure), which escalated into intense arguments where he resorted to name-calling. He later apologized, saying he felt overwhelmed and hadn’t been the support I needed. Although he attempted to be there for me after the procedure, I’ve felt emotionally, physically, and mentally neglected. He has been spending significant time with friends and family, frequently using our shared car for his own purposes while leaving me to arrange my own transportation. He has also steered clear of talking about the abortion or checking in on my emotional state, leaving me feeling unimportant. Despite repeatedly expressing my needs for affection, communication, and quality time, it seems like nothing has changed. Last night, everything came to a head. I shared my feelings of neglect and that my needs and boundaries were being overlooked. I told him that love alone is insufficient for a healthy relationship and that I’ve been unhappy for quite some time. I expressed my concerns that he might be inherently selfish and that I can’t envision a future together. Initially, he agreed to break up, stating he loves me and wants me to be happy. However, he later became emotional, insisting he doesn’t want to lose me and that our love is the most genuine connection he’s ever experienced. He pleaded for another chance, offering to implement changes, such as establishing a weekly date night on Mondays. He then sent me a message saying: "I know you’re done with me, but if you’d like to go on a date every Monday, please say yes. If not, just tell me what I want to hear. Even after I leave for my trip, I want to continue. I got too comfortable and didn’t put in the effort you deserve. Just forget everything else. Good night. ❤️ Do what’s best for you, love." Now I'm feeling conflicted. Breaking up was heartbreaking, yet it also brought a sense of relief. I’ve never ended a relationship with someone I loved before, and it's been emotionally taxing. Part of me contemplates giving him another chance since he appears willing to change, but another part feels drained and skeptical about whether anything will improve, especially since I’ve heard similar promises in the past. What should I do? How can I determine if it’s worthwhile to try again or if it’s best to walk away? **TL;DR** I (24F) ended my relationship with my boyfriend (28M) after months of conflict, neglect, and unmet needs following an unplanned pregnancy and abortion. He’s now pleading for another chance, claiming he will change, but I feel emotionally exhausted and uncertain if it's worth it. Should I give him another chance or move on? **NOTE:** Throughout our time together, there have been financial problems on his part, breaches of trust, and a past incident of cheating. He once downloaded an app to talk to another woman after a fight, claiming he needed an escape from the negativity. He said I should have focused on what I could do to prevent him from feeling that way (that was about seven months ago).

Seeking some guidance! Here's a detailed post.

I'm not quite sure where to begin, as this might turn into a lengthy post. I'm a 40-year-old woman in a relationship with a 43-year-old man, and we've been dating since August 2023. Initially, things were fantastic, but our time together was limited because he is a single dad. He made an effort to connect with me through calls and texts throughout the day. By November 2023, we decided to move in together. To give some context, I’ve been living with my parents after my divorce so I could get help with my kids. He owned a home about an hour away, but his ex-girlfriend had a key since she would visit their son. I warned him about the complications of that situation. One weekend, while he was staying with me, his ex took their son and moved her family into his house, changed the locks, and stored his belongings in the garage. With nowhere else to go, I asked my parents if he could stay with us temporarily, and they agreed. Things went smoothly at first. He works from home as a mechanical engineer, while I’m a dental hygienist with a decent income. However, there were continuous issues with his paycheck—whether it was a missed direct deposit, a mix-up with his brother signing his name, or checks being held. Fast forward to May 2024, when my boyfriend learned that his father had stage four prostate cancer. At the same time, my parents grew uncomfortable with our living arrangements and his ongoing financial troubles, prompting them to ask him to move out. He decided to return home to care for his dad, assuring me he just needed some time to sort out his father’s affairs. I was hesitant, fearing he might not come back, but ultimately, I let him go. Six months have passed since he left, and he hasn’t returned yet—something seems to come up every time (first he had a month-long migraine that led to surgery, then he got kidney stones, which he’s still dealing with). Meanwhile, I’ve been working tirelessly to support my family, as well as him and his son, but it’s been a struggle to make ends meet, despite earning good money every week. I send him money regularly for groceries and other necessities. When I had some extra funds, I would buy him gifts without him asking, including an Xbox for our anniversary and a monitor, desk, and gaming chair for his birthday. I’m feeling overwhelmed with my thoughts. I’m considering whether I should cut ties, as he hasn’t come back yet, but he always finds a way to keep me invested. I’m reaching out for advice on what to do: Should I wait this out, or should I sever ties and possibly reconnect down the line if he returns?

Feeling Disconnected in My Current Relationship and Considering Emotional Infidelity – What Steps Should I Take?

Hey Reddit, I’m a 20-year-old male who has been in a relationship with my 19-year-old girlfriend for over seven months. This is my first serious long-term relationship, and while it has been a valuable learning experience, I’ve recently been feeling emotionally distant. We seem to have different values and expectations that are causing friction. She places a strong emphasis on punctuality and remembering important dates, while I tend to be more easygoing. I've been trying to adapt for her—like arriving early to meet her and setting reminders for special occasions—but it often feels like my efforts are overlooked in favor of my mistakes. Additionally, her communication style can be challenging; she sometimes refers to me as a "disappointment," which brings up painful memories from my past. Despite my attempts to address our issues and foster better communication, I’m not feeling fulfilled in this relationship. I’m starting to question whether we’re truly compatible, particularly given how one-sided our interactions feel and how unsupported I am. Things get even more complicated because there is someone else involved. **The Other Girl**: Recently, I’ve been getting closer to a friend who has been a great support during this challenging time. We’ve been spending a lot of time together—talking late into the night, meeting almost daily, and genuinely enjoying each other’s company without the tension that I feel with my girlfriend. Being with her feels easy and natural. We’ve even shared moments that flirted with emotional and possibly physical boundaries, like cuddling in a secluded park and engaging in playful activities like silent talking competitions and tracing each other’s hands. I even carried her bridal style to her car and shared long hugs, which prompted her to jokingly call me “needy.” Afterward, I apologized to my friend for the situation, acknowledging that it felt strange considering I have a girlfriend. She agreed it was a bit odd but reassured me that it was okay. However, since then, her texts have dwindled to just one or two exchanges a day. Now, I’m left wondering: is she pulling away because she's losing interest, or is she trying to create space to avoid being a rebound? I've reached a decision about ending my current relationship, but I would really appreciate any insights, especially from those who have been in a similar situation.

I'm a 19-year-old guy and I'm thinking about ending my relationship with my girlfriend, who's 18. I’m feeling really conflicted and anxious about it. What’s the best way to go about breaking up with her?

We've been together every day for nearly five years, and she is truly in love with me. Yet, I find it incredibly difficult to look her in the eye and tell her that I want to move on and explore new relationships. I'm uncertain if I should feel guilty about this. She is kind-hearted and wonderful, but I've reached a point where I no longer wish to be in a relationship. After relocating to a different city for college, she's been struggling with the change. She calls me constantly, often in tears, expressing how much she needs me. Meanwhile, I'm left feeling emotional—not because I miss her, but rather because I don’t feel that sense of longing at all. I hesitate to end things because I know it will deeply affect her, and she doesn't deserve that pain. However, I also recognize that I shouldn't remain in a relationship if I don't truly want to be in it. It's a difficult situation, and I’m unsure of what steps to take.

I'm 26, and I'm wondering if I made the right choice.

I'm John, 26, and I've been in a situationship with a girl, 24, for nearly a year. She ended her relationship with her boyfriend last year to be with me, stating she had lost feelings for him, and after a month, she chose to pursue things with me. We've been acting like a couple since then, though we never officially defined our relationship. Recently, she's become distant, ignoring me for almost two weeks and pulling away from intimacy, saying she's too exhausted from work and needing to support her family. I tried to talk about our situation, but she declined. Out of frustration, I decided to end things and returned her belongings. She later sent me a lengthy message explaining that she isn't ready to commit, wants to focus on herself, and is afraid she won't be a good partner. Now I'm questioning my decision. I still have feelings for her and want to be with her, but I'm uncertain if she's truly ready for a relationship after almost a year without a label. Should I block her on social media to help myself move on, or did I make the right choice in breaking up?

My boyfriend of three years and I just broke up, but we're still in touch as friends.

I, a 20-year-old female, recently ended my relationship with my 20-year-old male ex. I've written about it before, but essentially we decided to focus on personal growth separately while still caring for each other. We’ve agreed to see if we might reconnect in the future, although we’re not certain if that will happen. I'm feeling a bit lost about how to communicate with him. I don’t think a strict no-contact approach would benefit us, but I'm also unsure what to do. He recently helped me out by taking my sick cat to the vet since I had no one else to turn to, and he readily agreed to help. His responses have left me feeling confused, especially since we exchanged a few texts today. I mentioned going hiking alone and asked if I could send him my location for safety, to which he also agreed. Now, I’m wondering if I’m taking advantage of the situation. We’ve had some chats, he sends emojis and has even mentioned things like how he promised to take me out to do something special that means a lot to him. I know he still has feelings for me, just as I do for him, but it’s becoming a bit challenging to act as though everything is normal. I imagine this must be strange for him too. At the moment, I’m working on myself by listening to podcasts, doing affirmations, and journaling to address the issues I had in our relationship. So, I guess I'm more venting than seeking advice. Regardless, I can see that the breakup has its upsides, yet I still miss him. I don’t call him “mi amor” anymore, and I miss casually saying “I love you.” I realize I shouldn’t put too much pressure on him, especially since that was one of the reasons we broke up—my anxious attachment style. Ultimately, I just have to trust that whatever happens is for the best, but deep down, I truly love him and hope he can be the one for me.

My girlfriend (26F) has begun to connect her thoughts about me with emotions from her childhood trauma related to her father. I'm a 30-year-old man, and I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to help.

I've been in a wonderful relationship with an incredible girl (I'm 30, she's 26, for context) for nearly a year. Our time together has been filled with love and happiness, perhaps the best we've both experienced. However, last week I brought up that she seemed a bit distant, sensing she was stressed about something. She's not one to easily open up about her feelings, so I received the typical “I’m fine” response I’ve come to expect. I know she has some childhood trauma related to her biological father, who is no longer in her life, but she hasn’t shared much about it. It turns out, my comment about her distance made her feel like "my love isn't enough for him," which led to a serious panic attack at work, requiring her parents to come to her aid. Throughout last weekend, the panic attacks continued, and she unexpectedly cut off communication with me. When I reached out to her stepfather, he explained that her feelings of inadequacy are triggering memories of her father’s absence. Apparently, she hadn't experienced panic attacks in over a decade. Her stepfather conveyed that she intends to end our relationship, though several family members have suggested she doesn't truly mean it. On the positive side, she started seeing a therapist today. What concerns me is that her mother suggested she contact me for closure, which seemingly prompted another panic attack. I'm worried she’s beginning to associate me with the trauma of her past due to a misunderstanding of my innocent comment. I truly adore her and had plans to propose soon. Right now, I’m giving her space and maintaining no contact. Is there anything else I can do? I hope her therapy helps her objectively revisit our wonderful relationship to realize that I’m nothing like her father and that she is more than enough for me. This situation has hit me hard, as it all came so suddenly, and I feel helpless in wanting to support her. Thank you for any advice!

I'm feeling really confused.

I (19F) recently broke up with my ex (18M) two days ago. On Wednesday night, he shared that he wasn’t in a good place emotionally; he feels unmotivated and has lost interest in school. He mentioned how he sees me happy and it makes him feel bad about himself. I can tell that his situation at home isn't great, and he’s been dealing with a lot. He expressed how he wanted to make me happy but felt he couldn't, and he apologized for it all. I told him that I understood and wished him the best because I care about him. After our breakup, I unfollowed him on Instagram, but we were still following each other on his spam account, where he only follows me and his main account. After saying goodbye, I noticed he had turned off his location sharing with me. Later that day, I posted a light-hearted note on my Instagram that said, "It's her turn now *sighs nonchalantly*." He replied to it from his spam account the following afternoon. I saw his message but didn’t respond until later. We ended up texting back and forth, and I noticed his location feature was back on. He also sent a request to follow me again from his main account, which I accepted because I still want to have a relationship with him. Yesterday, I posted a story as a joke featuring a girl with a shirt that said "World's Best Ex-Girlfriend." He responded by asking, "Whose ex are you?" I replied, "Yours," and he followed up with, "Are you?" I responded, "Am I?" and he closed with, "If you say so." Now, I’m feeling really confused and wondering what he might be hinting at. I’d love to get some opinions from someone else's perspective. Apologies for any typos or grammatical errors; I'm in a bit of a rush!

What steps do you take to cope with a breakup?

My engagement has been called off, and I'm feeling incredibly heartbroken. My ex has emotionally disconnected, and while there were plenty of red flags indicating we weren't truly compatible beyond the physical aspect, I gave it my best shot to make things work. Unfortunately, he seems ready to move on. I don't harbor any anger or resentment toward him; I just feel sad and want to approach this situation in a healthy way. I've never experienced a breakup that felt healthy or successfully maintained a friendship after dating. What are some ways to navigate moving on from a relationship in a constructive manner?

My girlfriend (25, female) of 1.5 years ended our relationship because I wasn’t affectionate enough. Should I reach out to her?

My girlfriend of 1.5 years recently broke up with me after several arguments about whether or not I express my love for her. It always felt like our discussions centered around her feelings and rarely acknowledged mine. I tried to show her I care in numerous ways, but she tended to focus on the times I seemed neglectful. For instance, there was a night when she asked me for water at 2 a.m. while she was feeling sick, and I told her I would get it after I finished a video game mission. She got really upset and went to get it herself. Another incident happened during our trip to San Francisco, where she thought I was upset because she suggested we stay at a hotel in a less desirable area. After I found out the location was indeed problematic, I expressed my frustration about not being able to get a refund, but reassured her it wasn't her fault. There were also times when she felt like a burden, which led her to hold back from suggesting activities or even texting me. I admit that it became exhausting for me, and it affected my mood. However, I always communicated how I felt and never ignored any issues. When she got upset, she would disregard my texts and calls, preventing me from having a dialogue with her, which didn't feel fair. The tipping point seemed to be my perceived lack of support regarding her state exam. I had planned a celebratory dinner for after she finished, but she mentioned she had plans with her parents. So, I simply wished her luck and told her to text me when she got there and again when she was done, promising a surprise. When she didn't reach out afterward, I checked in but received no response. Later, she came by to grab her toothbrush and ended up packing her things. We both shared our feelings, but I realized I was going in circles. She spent the night, and we were intimate, but in the morning, she left in tears, telling me she loved me. After that, she removed our photos from Instagram and exited our group chats. I believe I'm also blocked on iMessage. I've dealt with similar situations before. Now I'm wondering if it's worth trying to win her back and giving us another chance. She genuinely cared for me and had high expectations that I struggled to meet. I know we both love each other. Is this a situation worth discussing, or should I let it go since she seems unwilling to talk about it right now? **TL;DR:** My girlfriend ended our relationship because she felt I wasn't matching her affection, despite my efforts to show my love. She was an incredible partner and the best I've had. Should I attempt to discuss this issue, or is it better to just move on?

I broke up with my boyfriend, who is 29, and I'm 23. I'm feeling unsure about whether to go back to him.

I'm feeling confused and could use some personal advice. We've been apart for seven months after a six-year relationship. Recently, we reconnected, and I can't stop thinking about him. He finally wants to talk after I ended things earlier this year. I keep wondering if I should have tried harder or sought counseling instead. I've started seeing someone new, who is a genuinely good man, but something feels off. I can’t shake thoughts of my ex from my mind, which adds to my confusion about what to do next. Our past had its share of ups and downs, but that's common in relationships. When we met recently, he mentioned he's changed and would like to give things another shot. I agreed, but then I backed out because I was unsure. I don't want to ruin the possibility of rekindling our relationship, but I feel torn about my feelings. What should I do?