Relationship advices: Breakups and Divorces

I’m a 26-year-old woman, and my partner, also 26, and I have been in a relationship for nine years. Recently, he went out for drinks and returned home expressing doubts about our relationship.

I’m a 26-year-old woman, and I’ve been with my boyfriend, who’s also 26, for almost a decade. Recently, he’s been acting distant and quiet. When I asked him about it, he kept saying he was fine, but I could sense that something was bothering him. One day, he went out after work and got drunk for the first time ever. He didn’t contact me until just three hours before he was supposed to be home, which was really upsetting for me. When I confronted him about it, he admitted he was feeling stressed and unhappy—not just with himself, but also with our relationship. He expressed that even after nearly ten years together, he feels like we don’t really know each other. I was in tears but tried to communicate my feelings, suggesting couples counseling to help us reconnect. He mentioned that he would seek therapy for himself instead. He struggles to open up and confessed he sometimes wonders if there’s something better out there for him. Although he loves me and doesn’t want to break up, he wished we had met later in life rather than starting a relationship when we were so young. We agreed to try to work things out, with him focusing on his therapy. However, he also mentioned wanting to see what life would be like without me. He’s been avoiding physical affection because it feels dishonest to him. We’re currently living together, and I started packing my things after he asked me to leave, but then he got upset, saying my actions would make it feel like a clean break, even though that’s what he had requested. I asked him again if he wanted space and to experience life without me, and he nodded in agreement. That was yesterday, and now we’re both at home, unsure of how to move forward. I recognize that we’ve both neglected the relationship. Has anyone gone through something similar? I’m curious to know how it turned out for you.

What approach can be taken to help a woman [37/f] navigate an emotionally intense situation with her partner [36/m]?

I’m a 37-year-old woman who's been in a relationship with a 36-year-old man for a year and a half. Everything seemed fine overall—sure, we had our bumps along the way, but nothing major. Then, out of the blue, he cut off all communication with me right after my birthday. A week later, he reached out to say that my having a child (an 11-year-old son) is a dealbreaker for him. This shocked me because my son lives with his father and stepmom in another state—we have shared custody, and I'm just caring for him over the summer. We all get along well, so his sudden reaction left me reeling. I told him that this was a huge issue and that if I had known my child could be a reason for him to walk away, I wouldn't have invested my time. He then mentioned having bad experiences in the past with women who had kids, feeling unsure since he’s never felt such a strong connection with someone before. Our three-hour conversation left me even more confused, as nothing was resolved. He had always been straightforward with me until this point, but I decided it was best to move on since uncertainty is also an answer. What's baffling is that he’s known about my child since our first meeting, so it wasn’t a surprise to him. I consider myself a good mom, educated, employed, kind, and fit—my life is drama-free, so I can't understand why it took him a year and a half to mention this. Fast forward to yesterday, when my car broke down two hours away from home; it lost power steering and smoke was billowing from under the hood. I honestly thought it might explode. Swallowing my pride, I called him for advice since he’s great with cars. He showed up three hours later with a trailer to tow my car back home and even researched how to replace the motor. Now, I’m finding it hard to reconcile all of this. I had decided to have no contact with him before the car incident, but now I’m unsure of what to do. I deeply believe he’s my “person,” but I don’t want to be in a position of trying to change his mind. I just need different perspectives because I feel genuinely lost. His choices and feelings seem so disconnected, and I’m really devastated by the whole situation.

I’m a 38-year-old woman considering divorce, but my 40-year-old husband is pleading with me to stay. I don’t want to hurt him, but I also don’t want to remain in the marriage out of pity. Is there a way to handle this situation appropriately?

I no longer find any joy in this marriage—neither intellectually, physically, nor spiritually. While it’s convenient from a practical perspective, that’s where it ends. He still has feelings for me and wants to give it another shot, but the idea of trying again fills me with dread. I know others have faced similar situations. Is there a graceful way to exit? Lifelong commitments simply aren't for me.

I [18M] feel like I might not have feelings for her [17F] anymore.

We have been in a relationship for over a year, but lately, things have started to feel off. We've had quite a few arguments in the past couple of months, and while things seem to be calmed down now, I've come to realize that my feelings have changed. There was a time when I couldn't imagine my life without her, but now, I struggle to envision a future together, and I feel terrible about it, especially since she still expresses her love for me. I find it difficult to just walk away, especially since I lost those feelings a few weeks ago. I've been trying to reignite the spark and see her with the same affection I once had, but it hasn't been easy. I've thought about ending the relationship, but I feel guilty for a couple of reasons: firstly, she is still very much in love with me, and secondly, I was the one who took her virginity. That makes it feel like I can't just leave without considering the impact it's going to have on her. I don't want to leave if there's a chance to revive the love I once felt, but right now, it just doesn’t feel the same. I’m genuinely unsure of what to do next. I could stay in hopes of rekindling those feelings, but if I don’t, I’d just be stringing her along. However, if I decide to leave, I know it would hurt her deeply. What should I do moving forward?

[18M] She is [18F] and needs honest advice urgently.

**Seeking Relationship Advice [18M]** I've been dating my girlfriend for nearly a year, and we were "talking" for about 10 months before that, so we’ve been part of each other's lives for around two years. Recently, about a month ago, she called for a "break," expressing that she wasn’t entirely happy in our relationship. She didn’t specify why, but I suspect it might be related to my friendships with other girls. I assured her I would make changes to improve our relationship, and we kept in touch during the break. However, just a few days ago she said, "we need to talk," and ultimately expressed her desire to fully break up, believing it was unfair for both of us to be uncertain. I supported her decision, as I genuinely want her to be happy. Since the breakup, I've been experiencing feelings of emptiness and sickness, and seeing her makes me want to cry. She mentioned wanting to remain friends because she values the bond we share. So, do you think there's a chance we could get back together? If so, what steps should I take? Thanks for your help!

How can you tell when it's truly over or when you've finished? [24F] and [29M]

I'm a 29-year-old male in a relationship with a 24-year-old female, and we've been together for four years. During this time, we've experienced quite a lot. For the first couple of years, I found my partner incredible, regardless of his actions—whether it was lashing out at me, shutting me out during his insecurities instead of communicating, or telling small lies because he struggled with trust and often saw himself as a victim. He did try therapy eventually, but it didn't last long. Over the past year and a half, he has made significant changes, and many of those earlier issues have been addressed. However, I find that my admiration for him has waned, and the vision of a future together—marriage and forever—doesn't feel as strong anymore. I feel like I support him in many ways, including financially, emotionally, and mentally. Although he has started to be more emotionally supportive, it took a considerable amount of time and the loss of someone close to him for him to understand my feelings, especially during tough times like birthdays or anniversaries when I just needed some quiet. I'm not really sure what I'm trying to convey with this post. I guess I want to hear from others who might have gone through something similar. How did you realize it was time to move on or that you weren't truly in love anymore? I care about him deeply, and the thought of leaving makes me feel guilty because I'm not sure how he would cope. I just felt the need to share my thoughts.

Should I, a 19-year-old female, end my relationship with my 23-year-old boyfriend?

Hi everyone, I’m seeking some advice. I (19F) am considering breaking up with my boyfriend (23M), but I'm unsure and worried about regretting my decision. For some background, he kissed another girl two months ago, just two weeks after we became official. It came as a big shock, especially since he had always spoken out against cheating. After some reflection, I chose to forgive him because he was very drunk and promised to avoid excessive drinking in the future. A week later, I lost my job due to my boss’s passing, which distracted me from processing everything. I told him I would see how I felt after a month. That month was emotionally draining, and once I started feeling better, I realized I was still quite upset with him—not just about the kiss, but also because I’ve lost interest in him. Since the incident, he hasn’t asked me how I feel at all; it’s always about him. He often asks questions like, “What do you like about me?” and “How have you changed since we met?” These little things are starting to weigh heavily on me, and I feel like breaking up with him is the right choice. I did really care for him before the cheating, and I'm afraid of making a decision I'll regret, especially since I’ve had strong feelings for him. Another complicating factor is that we live together in a house with six others (I know, it’s a bit complicated). He plans to move out before summer, which makes me think I should wait until then, but I also don’t want to lead him on. I’m going to talk to him tomorrow, so maybe I’ll have more clarity after that, but I could really use some outside perspectives. Should I break up with him? P.S. Another important detail: he promised he wouldn’t drink again, but during a recent celebration, he got really drunk. He pressured me to come over and then wanted to be intimate, even though I expressed that I was tired and didn’t want to. That really upset me, especially since he broke his promise about drinking. I’m realizing I don’t trust him when he drinks excessively.

20M discussing my girlfriend.

I'm 20 years old and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for two years. I truly love her and think she's incredible, but I find myself curious about being single and what that experience might be like. Having spent much of my time in relationships prior to hers, I haven’t had many opportunities to explore single life. Would it be possible to take a break, travel, and enjoy being single for a while, all while knowing that I would return to her after satisfying my curiosity? I genuinely believe she's my lifelong partner, but I also don’t want to look back and regret not having some thrilling experiences in my twenties.

Should I, a 22-year-old woman, get in touch with him, a 30-year-old man?

Hello Reddit, I'm in a tough spot and could really use your advice or insights. Here’s what’s going on: I recently ended a relationship with my ex that lasted a few months, and it progressed quite quickly. I was okay with that because it felt like we had a deep connection, as if we had known each other for years. There’s an 8-year age difference (I'm in my 20s and he’s in his early 30s), and after finishing college last year, things began to complicate. He has a dismissive avoidant attachment style, which I didn't fully grasp at the time, but can now recognize in hindsight. He had just relocated to NYC for a new job in sales, which came with demanding hours, and he was feeling very overwhelmed. Eventually, he quit his job and, on the same day, abruptly ended our relationship, citing the distance and our different life stages as reasons. He said he needed to focus on finding another job and felt we weren't compatible. This came as a shock because we had even discussed moving in together, and I was considering relocating to NYC. After about five months of no contact, I reached out one night to see how he was doing (I admit, I was a bit tipsy and missing him). He responded enthusiastically, but then suddenly went silent again. Fast forward to a week ago—he reached out to ask about my life and grad school, seemed genuinely interested, but then, once more, stopped replying. Now, I'm really missing him. I believed he was "the one" for me, and the whole situation feels unresolved. I'm caught in a dilemma—should I reach out to express my feelings, or is it best to let go and move on? I'm feeling lost and unsure about my next steps. Any advice, perspectives, or sage words would mean a lot. Thanks for taking the time to read!

One-year anniversary crisis [F24] and M[26]" can be rephrased as "Crisis at the one-year anniversary [F24] and M[26].

My boyfriend [26M] and I [24F] recently celebrated our one-year anniversary, but I’m feeling really off and not happy at all. I’m curious if it’s common to feel this way as an anniversary approaches. It’s making me rethink whether I should continue our relationship and if he’s truly the right person for me. Two weeks before the anniversary, we had a significant argument. While we were out bowling with his friends, he pulled me aside and accused me of embarrassing him, saying that I act crazy and childish. I have an outgoing personality, but I didn’t do anything out of character. I was simply in a good mood, joking around, and I hadn’t been drinking or anything. Although I didn’t react in the moment, once we got home, I asked him why he said that, which led to a major fight. I spent the entire night and most of the next day crying; I felt so unaccepted and misunderstood. At one point, I seriously thought about leaving him, but the thought of life without him was overwhelming. He apologized, but now, even weeks later, I still feel terrible. It bothers me that he cares so much about what others think of me that he felt justified in putting me down to avoid drawing attention. We have had other arguments, including one where he told me I looked horrendous when I don’t shave. That comment made me feel really rejected, and I considered ending things then, too, because I couldn’t believe he thought he had the right to control my body. I didn’t want to overreact, so I didn’t break up with him, especially because I still loved him. Now, I don’t feel excited when I talk to him, just a lot of disappointment. He’s started reading a book on relationships that I recommended, which makes me think he wants to change. After our fight, I expressed that I wasn’t sure why I stayed with him if he treated me this way. I hate the idea of breaking up with him because I’m so accustomed to having him in my life, and I worry I’d feel lonely since most of my friends are long-distance. I’m scared that a breakup would really affect me. Do you think our relationship can be repaired? Is it possible for me to love him like I used to? Just a month ago, I felt certain he was the one, but now I’m questioning everything and don’t feel any passion for him.

I feel like my fiancé has ghosted me after six years together. [55F] [55M]

I'm the 55-year-old woman, by the way. We had a disagreement just before Valentine's Day, but we resolved it. On February 15, I received a random Instagram message from a provocative model saying negative things, which made me upset. I confronted him about it. Just to clarify, I live in the U.S., and he’s in Australia. I'm planning to immigrate in four months. Right after I confronted him, he cut off all communication. I'm not blocked, but it seems like I've been muted. To make matters worse, I was hacked. All my accounts were compromised, and I lost access to my chats with everyone I’ve ever messaged. Even messages to my son wouldn't go through. It took me two weeks to regain access to my information, and everything has been changed and secured now. Now, I can't reach out to him to work things out. I've sold everything here, and my house is under contract. I really need to know what's happening, but I'm at a loss about what to do. His mom and best friend have actually blocked me as well. I have only ten Facebook friends, and four of them are deceased. I'm feeling very isolated and overwhelmed. I have a serious health issue, which is worsening because of all this stress. Most of my belongings have already been shipped and are waiting for me. Does anyone know how to contact someone who has muted you? I can't find any death notices. I had the police do a welfare check on him, but he either won't answer the door or isn't home. We've been together for six years and engaged for nearly two years. Any constructive advice would be greatly appreciated.

How can I end things with a guy in his 30s who doesn't treat me seriously?

I would appreciate your understanding as I share some context: I (a woman in my 30s) reconnected with my boyfriend (a man in his 30s) after knowing him since high school. Back then, he was much younger than me, and I didn’t give him much thought—just the typical "cute kid syndrome." A decade later, following my divorce, he reached out, and we quickly hit it off. While my divorce wasn’t particularly messy, the relationship with my ex-husband was complicated. When my boyfriend and I got together, I was dealing with PTSD, depression, and undiagnosed anxiety. It was a difficult time, but my boyfriend has been a steadfast support, always lifting me up and reminding me of my worth. Now, to the challenges we’re facing: my boyfriend moved in with me and my kids during the pandemic, agreeing to find a job since I couldn't support both him and my children. Unfortunately, years have passed, and he has yet to secure a stable job. He occasionally earns some income through side projects, but it’s barely enough. When he does manage to make money, he tends to splurge on gifts for others while I’m left worrying about bills and household expenses. Whenever I try to discuss these issues, he responds by saying that if the roles were reversed, supporting me and my kids wouldn’t be a problem for him. However, that’s not the case—I have been financially supporting him for the past five years. Additionally, he often dismisses my concerns about our relationship. Having experienced childhood abuse and a toxic marriage, I sometimes struggle to express my emotions healthily. I tend to bottle up my feelings until they reach a breaking point, leading to stressful situations. Recently, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed more frequently, and any added stress pushes me closer to losing control. My inner voice that questions whether this relationship is working is growing louder with each argument or moment of high stress. During fights, I’ve found myself expressing doubts about our relationship, but he counters with remarks like, “You can’t break up with me every time we argue.” I can understand why he feels that way, given that I’m good at hiding my emotions until I can’t anymore. I’ve told him that he doesn’t truly hear me until I mention our relationship’s viability, yet he responds by saying it’s hard to take me seriously because I seem “cute.” For the record, being called “cute” when I’m frustrated is not helpful. In fact, during one recent disagreement, he likened me to an angry Chihuahua barking at a giant. I’ve attempted to calmly express my feelings and discuss a breakup, only for him to assure me that we can work through things and that I’m right about my concerns. He professes his love for me and my kids, which only adds to my guilt for letting the situation deteriorate when I should have set firmer boundaries long ago. I’m at a loss about how to end this relationship when he doesn’t take me seriously and uses my guilt against me. I could really use some advice on how to navigate this situation. Thank you.

I would appreciate some advice on this topic, please. [25F, 23M]

We're not officially together, and honestly, I'm not even sure what we are—it's complicated and hard to explain. I just need someone to help me make sense of this situation. He sent me a birthday text in the middle of the night in a neutral way, and I simply thanked him for the wishes. Then, later that day, he called me twice just to wish me a happy birthday again. I was really confused since he had already texted me, so I thought that was it. But then he called again later in the afternoon. Why did he do that?

Unsure about where to begin. My husband (M28) and I (F25) - (Long post)

Subject: Seeking Advice on Navigating Divorce Hi there, I've been reflecting on my relationship with my husband for a while now, and I've reached a point where I believe divorce may be the best option for us. However, I feel uncertain about how to approach the conversation and what preparations I should make beforehand. I want to ensure that I have everything organized before discussing this with him, especially since I recently started a new job after being unemployed for over a year. We’ve been together for nearly seven years and married for more than half of that time. It’s dawning on me that we might have married too young. We were each other’s firsts in many ways. He helped me escape my difficult family situation by inviting me to live with his family shortly after I turned 18, and he was my first genuinely kind and stable relationship. Even now, I still love him and consider him my best friend. He's always been protective of me, caring for animals, and assisting his parents as they age. I genuinely want him to be happy, but I can no longer prioritize his happiness over my own mental well-being. It's time for me to put myself first. **Reasons I believe divorce is the right choice:** I've kept a list of issues I've felt uncomfortable bringing up to him, only to have them ignored. I often feel more like a mother, friend with benefits, or roommate than a wife. Here are some points I've noted down: - He hasn't memorized my phone number after seven years, only learning it when we switched to a new phone plan. - He sometimes leaves spills in front of the toilet without cleaning them up. - He doesn’t call me by the affectionate names I prefer, using terms that make me feel more like a child than an adult. - The prospect of having children with him makes me anxious, as he struggles to discuss our potential future as parents. - Despite me being an avid writer, he hasn’t taken the time to read any of my books, even when I created a cozy reading space for him. - He isn’t emotionally available and finds it difficult to articulate why he loves me. - Our sexual relationship often caters to his desires, leaving me feeling unnoticed and unfulfilled. - I feel that after being together for years, he should have a better understanding of my needs and preferences. - He tends to minimize and trivialize the ways I express love and affection, which often leads me to feel underappreciated. - His family’s needs often take precedence over mine, which concerns me regarding our future together, especially with children. - When I get emotional during movies or shows, he often ridicules me, despite having asked him to stop. - I feel like I carry a disproportionate amount of household responsibilities, despite both of us now working full-time. - Lastly, he was dismissive about taking time off for my birthday, even though it was planned months in advance. I’m aware that I have my own flaws, and I’ve been working hard to improve our communication. I've shifted to using "I feel" statements when discussing issues and have practiced patience when handling his reactions, which stem from my childhood experiences. Four months ago, we talked about my feelings of neglect in our intimate life, and while he initially made an effort to change, it didn’t last long. Now, I’m seeking any advice on how to prepare for the divorce process. We have three dogs, and we’ve previously joked that he would take one and I would take the other two. I plan to stick to this agreement, although it will be challenging. Here’s what I need to focus on: - Saving money - Gathering important documents and obtaining copies - Buying my own car (we’ve been sharing his since mine broke down) - Securing a storage unit to pack my belongings (I plan to wait until closer to my move to discuss this with him) I have some idea about negotiation points like furniture and baby items, and I plan to make a list of questions for an attorney or mediator. Ideally, I’d prefer mediation since my husband is fairly reasonable, and it seems he senses the distance between us. If you have any tips or suggestions that could help me navigate this situation, I would greatly appreciate your input. Thank you for taking the time to read my lengthy message!

I’m a 23-year-old guy and I've been thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend, who is 22, for more than a year now. However, I’m really worried about hurting her feelings. I could use some advice.

Hi everyone, I want to share some feelings I’ve been grappling with lately. I've noticed that the connection in our relationship seems to be fading, and this realization has been a gradual process for me. There was a time when we were deeply in love, but early in our relationship, I was accepted into a challenging medical program that is situated about three hours away from where we live. This long-distance dynamic has been a part of our relationship from almost the start, and to be completely honest, it's taken a toll on both of us. It's difficult to go months without seeing each other, and I believe this distance has contributed to my feelings of growing apart. A unique aspect of our relationship is my partner’s anxiety about driving. While she does drive, it’s usually only when absolutely necessary, which means that I've been the one making the journey home to see her. I've tried my best to visit as often as possible since starting the program, but as my studies have intensified, my time for travel has diminished. Sometimes, I can barely find time to take care of myself, and I know that’s not fair to her. It’s not uncommon for us to go for months without seeing each other. My classes take around ten hours a day, and since phones aren’t allowed, we face further communication barriers. By the time I finish my day, she’s often winding down for bed. Most of my time lately has been dedicated to my studies, and on top of that, I'm working full time to cover my bills and tuition. While she’s been understanding of my limited availability, I feel as if I'm not contributing enough to our relationship, which feels incredibly unfair to her. I’m approaching graduation soon, and I’ve accepted a position at my dream hospital—the place I’ve always wanted to work. This new job will distance us even more, as it’s a night shift role, meaning I’ll be extremely busy, especially during my first year. She still has about a year and a half left until her graduation, which means it could be at least two years before we can see each other regularly. She is an amazing person and truly deserves the best, and I need to acknowledge that letting her go might be the right thing. She has so much love to share and deserves someone who can reciprocate that fully. While there’s no reason I should feel anything but love for her—she embodies so many of the qualities I admire—I recognize that this is the best path for both of us. I’ve never ended a relationship before, and I’m unsure how to start such a difficult conversation. How should I approach this? What should I say? The phrase "We need to talk" feels so intimidating. I would appreciate any advice on how to navigate this situation and what I should communicate. I don’t view myself as a bad person, but I feel guilty about the hurt this will cause her. I know it will be tough for both of us, but I believe it’s necessary.

I'm a 22-year-old guy and I'm unsure about what steps to take regarding my girlfriend, who is 21.

My girlfriend and I have been experiencing a difficult time recently. Just to give you some background, we started dating in October 2023, the same month I was diagnosed with cancer. We had only known each other for a short while, but I felt an instant connection on our first date, and I was determined to be with her. She has been a tremendous support during my chemotherapy, making me feel seen, heard, and loved—an experience I've never had before. At the beginning of January, she expressed her deep unhappiness with her current situation, reiterating that it had nothing to do with me or my illness. However, she asked for a break, which I respected. For nearly a month, I received little communication other than apologies and general reassurances. After several discussions, she decided she wanted to give our relationship another try. It has now been almost a month since we've resumed things, and I can’t shake the feeling of sadness. She has been taking more time for herself, focusing on her friends and hobbies. I want to emphasize that I’m genuinely happy and proud of her for prioritizing her well-being. However, she hasn’t shared her work schedule with me in weeks, making it difficult to plan dates. She’s participating in activities I expressed an interest in sharing with her, but with others instead. Lately, she’s made little effort to involve me in her hobbies, and while she’s improved her texting, the messages are just brief updates without our usual playful banter. I don’t know what to do. If none of this is my fault, why does it feel like she’s purposely avoiding spending time with me? I’m trying to manage my anxiety, but the past two months have been incredibly tough on my mental health, and it feels like there’s nothing I can do but wait and hope. I'm at a loss for what advice I’m seeking here; I just can’t shake the feeling that when she mentioned not wanting to make the wrong decision, she was being very literal. I feel like I can’t discuss my feelings with her or anyone else, and it’s consuming me from the inside. I haven’t felt this low in months. I want to offer her the same support she provided to me during my hard times, but I’m gradually losing hope. I believe that if you love someone, you naturally want to share your life with them and make time for each other. Instead, I feel as though I’ve been quietly sidelined, only catching glimpses of the woman I care for. When we do spend time together, I’m terrified of saying or doing something wrong. What can I do? Is there anything I can do? Should I prepare for the worst? These past two months have brought nothing but unease, anxiety, and heartache. I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this lengthy post. Thank you.

Could someone please give me some advice? [18, female]

My ex and I have been trying to reconnect for the past two months. We've had our ups and downs, but we are at least talking. I love him deeply, but he's not the same person he used to be; he doesn't seem to care about me at all anymore. He was once so gentle, kind, and loving, but none of that is evident now. I'm really unsure about what to do because I don't want to end things—I know I would regret it, and I can't help but wonder if we could eventually make it work. I really need advice and someone who can relate to what I'm going through because I'm feeling so lost and hurt, and I just don’t know what to think anymore.

I could really use some assistance, please! [23M] and [21F]

I (M23) met my girlfriend (F21) in August of last year, and we just celebrated five months together last weekend. She is completely in love with me, but after a conversation with my parents last week, I can’t shake the feeling that I need to end things. She is a truly wonderful person—caring, kind, and thoughtful. However, I fear that’s where it ends. She lacks ambition and doesn’t challenge me intellectually. I crave a relationship where I can grow together with my partner. Currently, she's stuck in a dead-end job and expresses a desire to find something new, yet she hasn’t taken any steps toward that goal. Meanwhile, I’ve recently relocated across the country to begin my career as an aircraft engineer, and my life is about to take off (no pun intended). While I’m 200 miles away pursuing my dreams, she remains at home with her parents, working a job without aspirations beyond wanting to start a family someday. Right now, she's feeling quite low due to her job situation, has only one friend, struggles with anxiety, and deals with severe eczema. She adores me, and the last thing I want to do is break her heart. I genuinely like her as a person—she's amazing—but sadly, I don't think she can fulfill my needs. I don’t want to spend my life feeling like I’m her caretaker. My parents, along with my sisters and friends, are suggesting I end the relationship for those reasons, which makes me feel even worse. To complicate matters, I live away for work and won’t see her in person for another 10 days. Should I consider breaking up with her? If I do, how should I handle our messages and FaceTime calls during this time? I’m heartbroken over how I feel. Every time we FaceTime and she’s excited to see me, the guilt washes over me, making it feel as though I’m spending time with a pet that doesn’t realize it’s about to be let go. It’s an awful feeling. I really need unbiased advice. Thanks for listening—any guidance would be greatly appreciated. x

I'm seeking some guidance regarding my boyfriend [26M] and myself [27F] as we think about our future together.

My boyfriend [26M] and I [27F] have been together for two years, and recently we’ve been discussing our future. I dream of traveling and experiencing the world, while he has the traditional American dream of starting a family. It feels like we’re on completely different paths. Some of my online friends have suggested that it might be best for us to part ways if I want to pursue my travel goals. My boyfriend is open to breaking up since I don’t share his desire to have kids. He doesn't want to pressure me, but starting a family is a top priority for him. For me, I see our dog and him as my perfect family, and I feel content with that. Still, there are days when I find myself wanting children and feeling excited about it, but then there are other days when I’m certain I don’t want them. I’m really conflicted. We’ve broken up before over this issue, and I had told him I would have kids because it hurt so much to leave him. But I keep thinking it might be best to let him go so I can heal. It’s frustrating because I'd worked hard to heal after a previous relationship, and I never really had the chance to grieve a healthy one. I genuinely think it’s probably time for me to leave, but I need to be sure it’s the right decision. I need to know I'm making the right choice. Outside of this issue, we’re incredibly happy together—he’s affectionate in just the right way, and I can be as clingy as I want. I’m just feeling lost right now. Any advice would be appreciated.

How can I, a 69-year-old woman, end my relationship with a generally good 63-year-old man?

My boyfriend and I started dating last May after meeting on a dating site, which might be relevant. Initially, I noticed some differences in our viewpoints but didn’t dwell on them too much. However, as time passed, these differences became more pronounced. I identify as a liberal Democratic Socialist, am an atheist, and have a broad view of the world. In contrast, he holds more conservative views and has become increasingly intolerant, with his political and social beliefs clashing with mine. His religious convictions have also become stricter. He tends to be gullible when it comes to conspiracy theories, yet he dismisses current news. Despite this, he is a decent person, and I’ve certainly dated worse in the past. When I joined the dating site a couple of years after my husband passed away, I hoped to find someone with shared beliefs and interests who would enjoy spending time together and being activists for causes that matter to us both. Instead, our relationship consists mainly of sex, conversation, and more sex, followed by my returning home. While I appreciate the physical aspect, I wish we were compatible in other ways as well. He wouldn’t attend a Pride event or protest deportations with me, which highlights our opposing views, and he wouldn’t even join me for activities like rock hunting or foraging. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m squandering my limited free time. I know this sounds harsh, but I’m not in love with him, and he has made it clear he doesn’t love me either—he just claims to need me. I’ve never experienced loneliness; I’m comfortable being alone. I hope I don’t come across as heartless. I simply want to spend my free time on activities I enjoy. I want to be as gentle as possible when ending the relationship and would appreciate any advice on how to approach this kindly.

I'm a 30-year-old man considering ending my relationship with my 32-year-old girlfriend after seven months together.

Hey everyone, long-time listener, first-time caller. I've known my girlfriend (32) for several years. She moved to another state with her then-boyfriend, but about a year after their breakup, we started talking and things quickly became serious. After reconnecting and chatting for a few months, I made the decision to move 14 hours away to be with her. At first, everything seemed great, but lately I've been feeling unhappy and unsure of what to do. I sacrificed a lot—missed major life events back home, left family and friends behind, and gave up a good job to be with her. In the past seven months, we've had about two arguments a month, often ending with me being kicked out of bed. One significant fight happened over her birthday cake. I tried to surprise her after a long workday, but it didn’t turn out well. While I tried to laugh it off, she slammed a door in my face, and I ended up sleeping on the floor during our move. Another argument arose over my finances. I enjoy gaming occasionally, but I’ve barely been able to since moving. Recently, I also faced the cold shoulder for a day just because I messed up the cats’ breakfast routine. Visiting home briefly intensified these feelings. We talked about both moving back, but it felt more like a way to appease me than a mutual decision. Right now, I just feel unhappy, and even simple things like cuddling don't seem to help. What would you do in my situation? Thank you in advance.

I'm a 32-year-old woman contemplating divorce from my 35-year-old husband and seeking advice.

I'm a 32-year-old woman and I've been facing challenges in my marriage with my 35-year-old husband for some time now. It feels like our relationship is gradually falling apart, and I'm reaching my breaking point. Recently, on my birthday, things came to a head. My husband forgot the date and didn't arrange anything special. When I jokingly asked if he was expecting me to spend the evening gaming with friends (which I often do), he candidly admitted that he was hoping for a night off from me. That statement struck me deeply, especially since I've always gone all out for his birthdays. It made me feel neglected and insignificant, and it resurfaced painful memories from previous birthdays that were tough for me. Since that incident, everything has unraveled further. I've been feeling incredibly hurt and angry. While he has attempted to apologize, I struggle to accept apologies that lack meaningful actions to support them. I've found myself crying for long stretches, and in a moment of frustration, I even hurt myself by hitting a wall. I'm at a point where I feel like giving up and seriously contemplating divorce. I've always been the one putting in the effort in our relationship, and now I'm feeling worn out and resentful. I'm uncertain whether our relationship can be salvaged or if I should just move on. I've expressed the need for space, but living together complicates things immensely. I'm seeking advice from anyone who has faced a similar situation or can offer insight on what steps I should take next. Is there a possibility of saving this marriage, or is it time to acknowledge that it's over? How do I even start this process? Thank you for taking the time to read my situation. I truly appreciate any guidance you can provide.

He [27M] left due to his career, but I [24F] can't help but cling to hope.

Hey everyone, I could really use your insights on my situation because I’m having a tough time processing it. Last summer, I met a guy at a party, and we hit it off incredibly well right from the start. We spent the entire evening together, and as I was leaving, he got down on one knee and promised we'd meet again. After that, we began talking daily, texting non-stop, and having long phone calls where we shared everything about ourselves. A few weeks later, he invited me to Austin (I’m based in Chicago) for a week, and it was absolutely perfect—just the two of us, completely in sync. While we weren’t officially dating yet, it felt like a relationship was blossoming. Over the next couple of months, he visited Chicago twice for job interviews at a prestigious law firm. After his second interview, he got the job and relocated to Chicago on November 1st. He dove straight into work, which was very demanding (often from 9 AM to 9 PM or longer), and on top of that, he was pursuing two master’s degrees while working on his thesis. Understandably, he was overwhelmed. We couldn’t see each other for the first week after he moved, but when we did, it was wonderful. Moving forward, we could only meet every two weeks due to his busy schedule. I understood this and felt reassured by our daily conversations. Though the intensity of our connection had mellowed because of his workload, I never questioned his feelings for me. He consistently expressed how happy I made him and how different I was from his past experiences with trust issues. I was always there for him, offering support during stressful times. However, in December, after three months together, we met up, and I genuinely thought he would ask me to be his girlfriend. Instead, he told me he couldn’t continue seeing me because he felt he couldn’t give me what I deserved. He explained how overwhelmed he was with work, often barely having time for himself or family, and made it clear this wasn’t about me at all. He said he cared for me deeply and that there were no other girls involved. He mentioned some family issues but didn’t want to elaborate, which struck me as odd since he’d previously shared so much about them. We both ended up in tears. I told him I would be willing to wait until he found stability, but he said he couldn’t predict the future. He walked me home, and honestly, I thought that would be the last time I heard from him. Yet the following day, he sent me a long, heartfelt message (I’ll summarize it). He spoke of how much he had been reflecting and that it broke his heart to part ways. He emphasized that I had done nothing wrong and that he was the one at fault. He expressed gratitude for the support I had given during a challenging period in his life and mentioned keeping my contact information in case I wanted to talk. He concluded by noting that it might not be our time, making it clear he didn’t want to erase our experiences together. A week later, I replied, expressing how fortunate I felt to have met him. I reassured him that I respected his decision, held no resentment, and would cherish our memories. I mentioned I’d be praying for him and his career, knowing how hard he had worked. I also requested that he stay in touch. The next day, he thanked me and expressed how much my words meant to him. He apologized once more for the pain of the breakup but was relieved I didn’t harbor resentment. He mentioned he was still feeling overwhelmed but hoped things would improve soon. To my surprise, he began asking about my life—how I was doing, my exams, and whether I was going to Florida for Christmas. It puzzled me since he chose to step back, yet he was engaging in conversation. If I’m honest, it gave me a flicker of hope. The following day, I told him I was in Florida with my family and excitedly shared that I’d landed an internship with a major consulting firm. I also encouraged him, hoping he could find some relaxation during the holiday season. Four days later, he replied, saying he was proud of me, apologized for his delayed response, and expressed joy at hearing from me. I answered two days later, thanking him and saying his words meant a lot to me. I hoped he could soon find peace and enjoy Christmas with his family. And then… silence. It’s been two months with no word from him. I’m perplexed. If he truly cared, why the sudden disappearance? Why say he didn’t want to vanish from my life, only to stop responding? I didn’t expect constant conversation, but just a simple reply—even weeks later—would have been appreciated. I’m left wondering whether he wanted to gradually fade away, if his expressions were sincere, or if they were merely an attempt to soothe his guilt. I feel sad because I genuinely loved him. He’s a great guy, and I have nothing negative to say about him. The time we spent together was the happiest I’ve ever been, with no bad memories at all, making it even harder to let go. What do you all think? Was he being genuine, or was he just trying to lessen his guilt? Should I take his silence as an answer and move on? Do you think there’s a chance he’ll return? I can’t shake the thought that once he settles into his new job and gets through his master’s programs, he might come back. Am I clinging to false hope?

A married couple, ages 42 (male) and 44 (female), is looking for advice on how to navigate their current situation.

My husband and I are approaching 14 years of marriage, and the past three have been the hardest we've faced. He struggles with an addiction to pornography, engages in catfishing women online, and masturbates every night before bed. It falls to me to initiate intimacy, while he remains distant. It's bewildering that he can go for months without sex with his willing wife yet chooses to pursue self-gratification right next to me. I've caught him several times chatting with other women online; he claims he never meets them, but some of these women didn't even know his real name or what he looks like. He doesn't see it as cheating, but as a Christian woman, I believe it is. I've tried to forgive him because I believe in the sanctity of marriage and understand that no one is perfect; we all make mistakes. Another strain in our marriage is his mother, who has visited multiple times and caused significant issues between us. She seems to thrive on discord and doesn't want to see anyone happy, having also created problems for his brother and sister-in-law, who refuse to let her back into their home. My husband wants me to accept her back into our lives, but I have put my foot down. He can't see the damage she has done, which is painful, especially since he prioritizes her over me. I frequently feel unsupported compared to the way I support him, and he even seems to be trying to create a divide between my son and me. For the last three years, my husband has slept in another room with our son, who is now 13. I decided my son was too old to sleep with us, and since then, my husband has been with him every night. He indulges our son completely, never saying no, claiming he sleeps beside him until he falls asleep. I want our son to learn independence as he matures into a young man, but my husband and I disagree sharply on how to raise him. It feels like we live together as roommates or strangers. Our communication mainly happens through texts, and despite numerous conversations about how his actions affect me, there has been no real change. He promises to improve, yet his actions contradict his words. He doesn’t mention divorce but suggests that things will get better, leaving me wondering how long I should hold on to a commitment that feels increasingly one-sided. As a Christian, I believe a marriage should prioritize the bond between husband and wife, followed by children and extended family. I believe we must put God first to create a loving home for our children to grow up in, surrounded by positive role models. While I can get angry when provoked, he tends to avoid confrontation and sweep issues under the rug, whereas I prefer to talk things through for resolution. I feel I have reached my breaking point and am contemplating moving on. I helped him become a citizen and supported him while he built a successful career, all while I stayed home with our son. Now that I wish to pursue a career myself, I face multiple obstacles, including financial constraints, as he manages all our finances. I want to consult an attorney about a divorce, but I'm unsure how to proceed without manageable funds. We’ve agreed to sell our home and split the proceeds, but he continues to delay this process. We have both acknowledged the house needs repairs before it can sell, but over the past year, he has made little progress. I have medical expenses due to ongoing health issues, as well as typical costs like car payments, rent, and groceries. I feel overwhelmed and don’t know how to move forward. If anyone has any advice or information that could help me navigate this situation, I would greatly appreciate it. I'm truly in need of guidance.

I'm an 18-year-old female, and I'm experiencing problems with my boyfriend, who is also 18. Lately, I've been feeling unwanted by him.

About a month ago, I connected with a friend (let's call him "F") while playing an online game. We often played together with my boyfriend and another friend, but we didn’t interact at all for about a month. During that time, I found myself having serious discussions and sometimes arguments with my boyfriend. I felt increasingly unwanted and sensed that we were drifting apart. About a week ago, F logged into the game, and we spent some time together, watching a show and chatting while my boyfriend was at work. The next day, I asked F if he wanted to hang out again, and we ended up discussing our sex lives. It felt normal to talk about such topics with friends, but the conversation took a more flirty turn, and I eventually told him that I couldn’t continue because I was in a relationship. However, the attention I received from F made me realize how much I missed feeling wanted. With the ongoing issues in my relationship, I started considering a breakup, feeling justified in my decision. That night, I slept on the couch to think things over, while still communicating with F, despite knowing it was wrong. The following night, I confided in a friend about my situation. She pointed out that I seemed unhappy in my relationship and encouraged me to break up with my boyfriend, a thought I had been dreading. The next morning, I did just that, telling him I needed space to reflect on our relationship. I reassured him that it wasn’t his fault; I just needed to evaluate my long-term needs. Since then, I’ve talked to F more and appreciate how he makes me feel. I don’t foresee a long-term future with him, but our conversations have made me realize that I need more than what I currently have. Being bisexual, I’ve always wanted to explore that side of myself but have only dated men. If I’m in a relationship, I can’t pursue that, which has been a source of conflict in the past. I do miss my boyfriend tremendously and care about him deeply, and the thought of hurting him is difficult for me. If we don’t reconcile, it’ll be painful for both of us, but I find it hard to take that step. We've been living together, and now I’m essentially homeless, staying at friends’ places until I figure things out. I really don’t want to leave him alone and face this situation. I’m seeking outside perspective on whether I should try to salvage my relationship or if it’s best to move on to find what I truly need. I know my actions have been hurtful, and I want to avoid making things worse if I can. **TL;DR** My boyfriend and I have been having issues for months. I connected with an online friend who gave me the attention I’ve been lacking, which made me realize how much I miss it. I broke up with my boyfriend to take some time to think and now need advice on what to do next.

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