Relationship advices: Breakups and Divorces

Afraid of getting married

The title says it all. I'll keep this brief, but there's a lot to unpack. I’m a 25-year-old male, and my fiancé/girlfriend/ex, who is also 25, and I are going through a tough time. We've been together for just over two years, during which we've lived together for most of that time. In the last year, we both left the military, moved across the country, and got engaged about nine months ago. Up until recently, our relationship was great—healthy, an active sex life, and we’re best friends. I love her deeply. However, she has been somewhat pressing about our wedding timeline, which I didn't mind until now. For the past four or five months, I’ve felt increasingly unhappy. I can’t pinpoint why; she’s perfect for me, and there’s nothing about her I dislike. Yet, I find myself feeling unfulfilled in life in general. My hobbies don’t excite me, work feels mundane, and sadly, I’ve started to view my relationship in the same light. When marriage was brought up a few months ago, I didn’t feel ready. I confided in my mom, who suggested that perhaps she isn’t the right one for me. I shared my unhappiness and this opinion with my girlfriend, which ultimately strained our relationship. While she initially tried to support me, her mood vacillates between being understanding and frustrated. Now, she has a negative view of my mom, and I can see how my mother’s opinion weighs on me. It’s like a wedge driving us apart. To give us both some space, I’ve moved in with a friend, and I’ve started therapy. I know I have a lot of responsibility for how things have turned out, but I can’t grasp why I have these mixed feelings. Even with minimal contact and not living together, every day feels overwhelming. I’m struggling deeply—occasionally not eating or sleeping, drinking too much, feeling withdrawn, and not performing well at work. Why can’t I make a decision? I worry I can't go back until I feel completely ready, but I’m uncertain how to achieve that. Have any of you ever experienced a strong, undeniable “yes” when it comes to marriage? I’ve had some rough breakups in the past, but this feels so much worse. Is this a sign that I’m head over heels in love, or am I just co-dependent? I feel trapped in a cycle where every day that passes makes me feel like she’s slipping away, which is painful knowing I’m causing her hurt. It’s a difficult time for me; at points, I feel like it would be better to not be here at all. I’m caught between wishing I had more time to figure out my feelings and not wanting to waste her time because I’m unsure. I can’t picture myself with anyone else, and the idea of her being with someone else makes me feel physically ill. I’m seeking advice—has anyone else been through something similar?

What does it signify when a girl asks for a break?

My girlfriend, who is 20 and with whom I've been for three years, has decided she wants to take a break. The past few days have been tough, but she still reaches out through texts and occasionally calls me. She explained that she needs this time apart to rediscover herself, as she feels she changed too much to align with what she thought I wanted. She quickly removed our photos and updated her Instagram bio, although she mentioned she would change it back eventually. Our pictures still remain on Facebook, though. She reassures me that this is just a temporary situation and that she envisions marrying me one day. Still, I'm left feeling confused about what actions to take and how to process my feelings. I love her deeply and recognize my mistakes, but I am committed to improving myself during this time apart. My fear is that this break might be more permanent than she's suggesting. While she continues to text regularly, her attitude seems different now. It feels as if the spark between us has faded. She claims she still loves me, yet admits she's losing feelings, and I'm not quite sure what that really signifies. What does it mean when she says she loves me but is losing those feelings?

28-year-old female married to a 49-year-old male.

Hello, I’m looking for some guidance: My husband and I have been together for nine years and married for three. He often makes comments that I find hurtful. For instance, when I take medication for weight loss and mental health, it feels like he's throwing it back at me, which affects my self-esteem. When I try to discuss how I feel, he tends to dismiss my feelings, suggesting that my reactions are just due to my menstrual cycle. We haven’t spoken since Monday, December 16, despite living together. I suggested going out for dinner or celebrating New Year's apart, and he replied that he would like to talk first. I agreed to have a conversation on Saturday when I’m off work. Should I be bracing myself for a divorce? We have a dog and share property. I’m seeking advice on how to improve our relationship.

Did I serve as his rebound? Female, 27 | Male, 23 - Relationship duration: 10 months

I'm a 27-year-old woman and a single mother to my daughter. After five years of being on my own, I met a guy in March who I genuinely believed could be “the one.” We connected incredibly well! He shared that he had previously been in a three-year relationship, but his partner left him to focus on her faith, which left him heartbroken for quite some time. He mentioned that it took him a year to heal and that he was still not in the right mindset for a relationship, wanting to dedicate this year to himself. Initially, I thought I wasn’t looking for a relationship either, but after months of chatting with him, I realized that deep down, that’s exactly what I wanted. One night on a date, I got a bit tipsy and inadvertently confessed that I loved him. He reassured me that it wasn't embarrassing and reminded me that we had previously discussed his need to focus on himself and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship right now. Feeling embarrassed, I suggested we should part ways, but he insisted we shouldn’t because he wasn’t put off by my comment. As the months went by, he became my safe haven, and I found myself completely falling for him. Yet, I longed for him to see me as his partner, not just someone to talk to or hook up with. During our time together, I accidentally got pregnant. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t want a child and still wasn’t interested in a relationship, which led to my first abortion—an extremely difficult experience. I tried to walk away multiple times because of his uncertainty about us. Each time, he would get emotional, even crying, and confess that he loved me but was scared. He feared starting over and questioned what would happen if we didn’t work out. He praised my love for him but thought he couldn’t give me the love I truly deserved. He often told me I was his dream girl, and his younger self would be thrilled to have found me, yet he still couldn’t commit. He repeatedly insisted that I deserved someone better. Despite my attempts to leave, he would reach out, expressing that our lack of communication felt torturous and that he suffered from my absence. He said I brought him comfort and that he had never felt so loved before, even if he wasn’t accustomed to it. He frequently reminded me of how rare and precious I was, yet he still hesitated to commit. It’s been 14 days since we last communicated, and he recently texted me to remind me about my eye appointment. Those 14 days were filled with a whirlwind of emotions, and I was just starting to feel a bit better. His message threw me off balance, leaving me emotionally wrecked. I had allowed him to become my safe place, integrating him into my life and opening myself up to him. I loved him with the sincerity of a schoolgirl experiencing her first crush. I confronted him, asking why he stayed if he never wanted me, why he gave me hope when he could have ended things, and why he set up situations that led to hurt. I've decided to go back to no contact and have completely blocked him. A friend mentioned that he has recently been posting things aimed at his ex. We shared dates, exchanged gifts, and even planned trips together. He was open to meeting my daughter. But after one miscommunication, he told me he didn't see a future with me and that I wasn't healed or whole because I was still trying to give myself to him. He felt I wasn’t in a place in my life to share myself with someone else. I've never experienced such devastation before.

What happens if I don't conceive?

My boyfriend, 28, and I, 29, have been together for over seven years. We lived together for four years, and six months ago, we took the plunge and secured a loan to buy a house and lot. Throughout our relationship, I've frequently asked him when we would get married. His usual response has been that he wants to have a baby first. He has promised me that he will stay with me even if we don't end up having children. We've been trying to conceive for some time now, but it hasn’t happened yet. Last month, the doctor informed me that I have early signs of infertility, and I’m really scared about what that means. What if I end up being infertile? I worry that he might leave me. And what will happen to our house and everything we've built together? Three days ago, we had a fight, and I texted him suggesting we break up since I had blocked him on my social media accounts. I expressed that I was tired of the relationship and of him, but so far, he hasn’t reacted. We’re still sharing the same room but not communicating. I feel lost and overwhelmed. I’ve been diagnosed with emotional depression since 2018; it has its ups and downs but always seems to come back. I’ve struggled with thoughts of self-harm many times. Right now, I’m battling with my emotions, praying, and crying constantly. Please help me. I don’t know what to do in this situation. I love him, but I feel like I’ve reached my limit.

My boyfriend won't be able to deceive me if he wants to be with me.

We've only been together for about 6-7 months (F20, M20). Recently, we moved in together because I had to relocate for work, and I needed a roommate to help with rent. Just before our move, I found out I was pregnant, which was a huge surprise since I already have a daughter. About a week ago, I noticed he was becoming easily irritated by small things and distancing himself. He’s been stressed out from work, which doesn’t help. When I asked him what was going on, he said he wasn’t sure if he wants to be with me and wanted to be honest instead of misleading me. He suggested taking a break—not to move out or date other people—but just to have some space. He mentioned that our recent arguments might be a factor, as I’ve been a bit snappy at times, but it's tough when I'm stressed too. Now I’m at a crossroads: Should I protect myself from further hurt and break up with him completely, or should I try to give him the space he needs? It’s a bit challenging to do that while still living together, but I’m willing to try. If I do give him space, should that mean no communication, or any physical affection? I’ve also scheduled an abortion because I don’t have the strength to bring a child into a broken family, and I believe it’s the best decision given the circumstances. Has anyone gone through something similar or have any advice?

Should I, a 20-year-old male, break up with my girlfriend, who is 21 and with whom I've been together for two years?

I'm a 19-year-old male, and I've been considering ending my two-year relationship with my 20-year-old girlfriend. Here are my reasons: 1) To be honest, I can't envision a future marriage with her. She annoys me at times, which hurts to admit, but it's the truth. 2) One of the main reasons I'm still with her is that she provides support with my college work. While I could manage on my own, her help makes balancing school and my workload easier. 3) Her parents dislike me. I got into trouble during high school, and I’ve barely spoken to her dad and only exchanged a few words with her mom over the past two years. Her dad is quite withdrawn, and I rarely visit their home. 4) Her friends seem to have issues with me as well. I don’t understand why, but they spread rumors about me and act friendly only when she’s around. 5) I've had concerns about her loyalty. While I wonder if I'm just being insecure, I’ve found texts from her about missing other guys just six months into our relationship. She also maintains contact with several of her exes and spends about 16 hours a week on extracurricular activities, which sometimes involve questionable late-night disappearances. Additionally, her friends aren’t exactly a positive influence on her. On the flip side, here are some reasons I hesitate to break up: 1) We’re often seen as a power couple among our friends. 2) Her help with my schoolwork significantly reduces my stress and saves me a lot of time. 3) She is my only girlfriend, while she has had more than a dozen exes. 4) I talk to her frequently; although I don’t rely on her emotionally, losing her would impact my social life. 5) She has been a positive force in my life, helping me get sober and distancing me from bad influences. So, what should I do? **In Summary** I’m thinking of breaking up with my girlfriend of two years because I don’t see a future with her, her friends and family dislike me, and I suspect she may have been unfaithful. However, I also want to stay with her because she’s my main social connection, my only girlfriend, she’s helped me get sober, and she alleviates a lot of my stress. What should I do?

My girlfriend (18F) tends to overthink a lot, and it's starting to make me feel like she might not be that interested in me. Am I jumping to conclusions, or should I be more understanding?

My partner (19M, 18F) and I have been together for seven months, and we truly love each other. We've had many discussions about the seriousness of our relationship, and while we've had a few disagreements, we've always resolved them quickly because we're both good communicators. Lately, though, she occasionally has doubts about our relationship, questioning whether this is the right path for her or if she should explore other options. It’s important to note that she has never asked for a breakup or a break and has told me that her feelings of uncertainty stem from overthinking, something she’s actively working on. She's very open about her feelings and has expressed her belief that we are meant to be together, even discussing the possibility of marriage in the future. Yet, her moments of doubt make me question her commitment and leave me feeling underappreciated. On the positive side, I have no doubt about her love for me. She has always treated our relationship with respect and affection, making me feel valued. However, when she shares her insecurities with me, it hurts and causes me to feel inadequate. I'm seeking advice on whether I should continue to hold on to this relationship or consider moving on. I genuinely want to make it work, but I’m open to taking the necessary steps if needed. I would appreciate any advice or perspectives on this situation. Thank you!

I (28, male) would like to reconcile with my girlfriend (25, female).

I ended my relationship with her two years ago, but I still have feelings for her. There's no one else that I feel any connection with. While I live in Surat and she’s in Mumbai, we do manage to stay in touch. Our conversations are infrequent but pleasant, and she never turns down an invitation to meet up. I genuinely believe there’s a chance for us to be together again. Perhaps she’s also waiting for that opportunity, but I haven’t spoken to her with any expectations. However, I’m determined to make one final effort to rekindle what we once had. Over the next six months, I plan to give it my all. I want to spend time with her, go out, and watch movies together as much as possible. I’m considering moving to Mumbai for this time. When I feel the moment is right, I’ll ask her directly for clarity. I’m prepared to accept whatever response I receive. So, I’m wondering if this is the right approach or if I should let go. I would appreciate your guidance.

I'm a 19-year-old female, and I'm starting to lose feelings for my boyfriend, who's 20. Should I break up with him or wait it out?

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly three years. We started as good friends in high school and eventually began dating. We both attended community college, and now I've transferred to my dream university. Since my school is local, we're not in a long-distance relationship, but it feels like we might as well be. He is truly amazing—one of the best partners I could ask for. He loves me deeply, treats me with kindness, and for over two years, my feelings for him were incredibly strong. However, since starting university in September, our time together has decreased, and our conversations have become less frequent due to our busy schedules. I find myself not missing him like I used to when we weren’t hanging out, and sometimes I feel annoyed when I receive his texts and don’t feel like responding. He hasn’t done anything wrong, so I feel guilty for my feelings, but I’m beginning to wonder if I still love him. I know that if you fall out of love, the right thing to do is to break up, but that would hurt us both deeply. He doesn’t have many close friends and views me as his main support, especially during tough times. I worry about how he would handle a breakup, given his self-esteem issues. Plus, I’m anxious about regretting my decision later on since he plans to transfer to my university next year, and I wouldn’t want him to rethink that choice—it’s a great school for his major. I’m considering two options: ending our relationship now to avoid stringing him along or waiting to see if my feelings change, as they might just be a reaction to the stress of a new school. I really need some advice!

Do men overlook good women?

We ended our relationship last night on amicable terms. Though we had our reasons for breaking up, we both feel content with the decision. Unfortunately, our differing beliefs mean we can’t be together in the future. It’s not a bad thing; we made this choice for our own good, and I’m proud of the maturity we showed by parting ways before any wounds could deepen. When we started dating two months ago, I was the supportive partner who listened and helped him, even though I wasn’t fully prepared for a relationship. I took the risk of not breaking his heart, and while I don’t regret it, I’ve always been the one trying to be perfect for him. I used to apologize before going to bed, in case I’d upset him. I hope I don’t sound like I’m complaining, but I really did strive to be the ideal partner—fun-loving, always laughing, and celebrating moments like his birthday. He often told me I brought him peace, and I made sure he never felt sad or hurt. When we decided to end things on good terms, he seemed calm, though I noticed he was upset and even cried in front of me. My biggest fear is that he’ll forget me easily. It often feels like men don’t forget the ones who hurt them, but I was never that person for him. I wanted to be the one who made him feel a little pain over my absence, but I simply can’t do that. I’m someone who enjoys being a source of peace for others, not their source of distress. Yet, I know I struggle to forget those who have hurt me; it's part of human nature. So, will he truly forget me easily? I wonder if he’ll ever remember how good I was to him. He’s not the type to overlook someone’s kindness, but we often remember negative experiences more than the positive ones. Will he reflect on how he felt comforted in my embrace, or will he only remember the pain caused by his past relationships? I’d really like to know.

Is it time to end my relationship with my girlfriend?

I’m a 28-year-old man in a relationship with my girlfriend, who is 22, for about a year. It seems clear that she’s thinking about a future together, possibly marriage, but I’m not on the same page. This is my first relationship, so I lack experience. I’ve made some impulsive choices in the past, which makes me question whether I should trust my instincts or wait to see if my feelings evolve. I’m finishing my Master's degree this upcoming spring and am considering potential job opportunities that might require relocation. My girlfriend has faced some trauma around Christmas, and the thought of adding to that by breaking up with her just before the holiday makes me feel terrible. I haven't brought this up with her yet. Should I discuss how I feel, or is it better to end things now so we can both move forward?

I could use some advice on how to handle my situation with my ex. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

I haven't had any contact with my ex for the past six months. Recently, she broke up with her boyfriend, so I decided to reach out. We've been chatting for a few days now, but she doesn't want anyone to know we're talking. She mentioned that a lot of her friends have issues with me, which could cause drama. On top of that, she's talking to another guy but claims she doesn’t want to get into a relationship with anyone. Still, she wants to keep speaking to both that guy and me in secret. I'm feeling confused about what to do, especially since we were together for a year and a half, and I still have strong feelings for her. Any advice would be appreciated.

Developing feelings for someone new while attempting to move on from a past relationship.

It's been a year since my four-year relationship ended, and every day since has felt like a challenge. I can hardly believe it's been this long. The breakup was intensely painful, and not a single day goes by without thoughts of him and the sorrow he left behind. I've prayed countless times to let him go and move forward, but it hasn’t been an easy process. In the midst of this struggle, Phil, a friend from high school, came back into my life. We had already reconnected before my relationship fell apart, but he became my anchor in the aftermath. We bonded over our shared experiences of heartbreak and many other topics, and he turned into my pillar of support when I felt like I couldn’t rely on anyone else. The loss of mutual friends with my ex made Phil's friendship even more significant to me. As time went on, Phil and I grew exceptionally close. With him, everything feels effortless—comfortable and safe. We share so many laughs, and it’s been a long time since I experienced that kind of joy. However, I’ve started developing feelings for him, and that scares me. Given what I went through, the prospect of opening my heart to someone again, even someone as wonderful as Phil, feels risky. I’m terrified of losing him, too. I don't intend to admit my feelings anytime soon. The fear of losing yet another close friend outweighs everything else. Still, I'm struggling to figure out how to handle this situation. Oddly enough, despite everything my ex put me through, a part of me still holds onto love for him—the connection was so deep, and he was my first love. When I like Phil, I feel guilty, even though I know it’s not wrong. I also question whether Phil likes me back; there's chemistry sometimes, but I'm hesitant to let myself feel it fully. I've started to distance myself from Phil, though I worry that might hurt him. What should I do?

I believe my girlfriend has left me because of hormonal changes.

Subject: Heartbroken Over Sudden Changes in My Relationship Hi, I'm reaching out because my girlfriend recently broke up with me and asked me to move out after discovering she was pregnant. I’m 27, and she’s 25. We've always shared a close bond and enjoyed a good relationship, despite the typical ups and downs that come with stressful times at work. However, in the last couple of months, my work situation has become challenging. I've been paired with an alcoholic colleague who makes everything more difficult, leaving me to handle most of the work on my own. His behavior has been pushing me to drink again, which I had issues with in the past. I’m stuck in endless conversations with him that are driving me crazy while balancing all the driving and paperwork. Despite all this, I’ve made an effort to be a good partner. However, my girlfriend’s attitude towards me changed dramatically out of nowhere. She stopped being affectionate, distanced herself emotionally, and began making manipulative comments. For example, when I quietly whispered to her at night, she insisted I was shouting. This has been the pattern for about two months. Then a few days ago, she called me at work in tears, revealing she was pregnant. When I got home, she was missing. Later, I found out she had gone to the cinema, which upset me. I waited for her to return, and when I finally checked on her around 11:30 PM, she was asleep on the couch. I took care of her by bringing her water, removing her makeup, and getting her pajamas ready. However, once again, she accused me of shouting while I was merely whispering. Frustrated and overwhelmed, I snapped and ended up punching the fridge. I know it was wrong, but after working tirelessly for 54 days straight and dealing with my girlfriend's harsh words, my emotions came to a head. Now, she has left me, and it's been hard to process her mood swings—one moment she seems fine and engaging, then suddenly switches to being distant and unkind. I can’t help but wonder if she might realize that her behavior was influenced by hormonal changes once the pregnancy ends and hope she will want to reconcile. I feel completely heartbroken, having lost my girlfriend, our dogs, our home, and the baby we might have had together. Our relationship was strong until she found out she was pregnant (she’s about eight weeks along), and since then, things took a downward turn. I'm devastated, struggling to eat, sleep, and coping with dark thoughts. I miss her deeply and want to know what I can do to address this situation. Thank you for any advice or insights you might have.

Developing feelings for someone while trying to move on from another?

It's been a year since my four-year relationship ended, and every day has been a challenge. I still can’t believe how long it’s been. The breakup was profoundly painful, and not a day passes that I don’t think of him and the sadness he left me with. I've prayed countless times to move on and forget him, but it's proven difficult. In the midst of this, Phil, a high school friend, came back into my life. We had reconnected before the breakup, but after everything crumbled, he became my lifeline. We bonded over our shared experiences of heartbreak, among other things. He became my pillar of support when I didn’t feel I could rely on anyone else. The loss of mutual friends with my ex only made Phil's presence even more significant. As time went on, Phil and I grew incredibly close. With him, everything feels easy—comfortable and safe. We share so many laughs, and it’s been a long time since I’ve felt that kind of happiness. But now I find myself developing feelings for him, and it frightens me. Given my past, the thought of opening my heart to someone again, even someone as great as Phil, feels risky. I’m terrified of losing him too. I don’t plan to reveal my feelings. The fear of losing yet another best friend is overwhelming. But at the same time, I’m unsure how to handle this situation. Despite all the pain my ex caused me, a part of me still feels attached to him, and I have no idea if Phil feels the same way about me. I’ve started to distance myself from Phil out of worry. My thoughts are all over the place. What should I do?

My boyfriend wishes to have some distance and prefers to live independently.

My boyfriend wants to live separately and is asking for space. This might be a lot to take in, but here’s the context: I’m F29 and he’s M32. We have been together for two years, and lived together for about one and a half of those years (I know we moved in quickly). Around two weeks ago, my boyfriend shared that he doesn’t want to renew our lease because he feels the need for space. To be fair, we spend a lot of time together since he works from home and I’m often at home too. His reasons include: 1. He feels boxed in and wants his own space, as he doesn’t like having to explain his whereabouts. 2. He mentioned that he isn’t fully in love with me and wants to explore other connections (which feels like he’s looking for someone ‘better’), even though he loves me and thinks living apart could help us both. We have a solid connection on several levels, but I’m more of a homebody while he is outgoing and enjoys singing and dancing. I do have fun and go out with him, but our interests differ somewhat. 3. He expressed a desire for us to be less co-dependent and focus on personal growth, which I agree is important. I have been consumed with taking care of him, his kids, and managing the household, and it feels almost robotic at times. He suggested that having space might make him miss my energy, and if we both work on ourselves, we could return to each other stronger. I believe in this possibility. He stated that he still wants to support me and would like us to continue seeing each other. I have a close relationship with his children, and he hopes to maintain that connection as well. I’m reaching out for advice and perspectives. I am deeply in love with him, and we had been planning our future, which I didn’t realize was overwhelming for him given his discomfort with pressure. My hope is for him to see me in a different light and come back to our relationship. I’m feeling incredibly sad, and my emotions are overwhelming right now. I find myself wanting to plead with him to stay, but I know I can’t do that. I’m just so hurt, and it’s hard to articulate. We have two months left on our lease, so we will still be living together during that time. How can I approach this situation and make him reconsider while we coexist? Do you think this space will be beneficial? How can I give him the space he needs while still living together?

I’m unsure about what to do: should I stay or should I go?

**Summary:** I lean towards leaving the relationship, but the hope for change makes me hesitate. When I consider staying, I feel anxious and struggle to commit to my partner's desire for one last attempt, as I doubt his ability to truly change. I’m a 25-year-old woman feeling uncertain about my long-term relationship with my partner, who is 23. We’ve been together for nine years, starting from high school. We almost broke up until I discovered I was pregnant, prompting us to stay together for our daughter. Over the years, I’ve been a stay-at-home mom, dedicating myself to caring for both our daughter and him, often at the expense of my own dreams and aspirations. I’ve voiced my need for change countless times, but I haven’t seen any real progress. Despite my hopes for improvement, I’ve felt mentally drained while he believes everything is fine. After expressing my desire for change one last time, he agreed, but the effort lasted only a day before things returned to the same routine. This led me to request a separation, during which he suggested we live together as roommates. While apart, I began feeling an attraction to someone else, which made me realize I may have emotionally checked out of my current relationship. It was painful for both of us, but I eventually accepted that it was over. About two weeks later, he expressed a desire to move out because it hurt too much. But then he asked for one last chance. While I want to support him, I worry that it might be too late. I’m also skeptical about his ability to change this time. My feelings for him revolve around the person he is, not just what he provides—I'd prefer to share a life instead of being two individuals who only connect at the end of the day. When I take time to reflect on how to proceed, staying fills me with panic, fear, and stress. I worry that if this last chance fails, I’ll feel deep resentment towards him. On the other hand, the idea of leaving and starting fresh elsewhere feels scary, but not as overwhelmingly so. Right now, my mind is a jumble, and I feel lost when thinking about my options.

I'm a 23-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, who is 28, has asked for a break to have some space. I'm worried about losing him.

I'm a 23-year-old woman, and my boyfriend Levi, who is 28, has expressed that he needs some space. He told me yesterday that he’s been feeling this way since Saturday night. The previous Friday, I picked him up from his friends’ place after he had been drinking. While we were in my car outside Levi's house, he mentioned that he planned to take a break from using a drug we both partake in, starting in January. I overreacted, arguing that he should consider a longer break, citing concerns about his possible addiction and how it could harm our relationship. I made him promise not to use it alone, as he had described it as a social drug only. On Saturday evening, as we were preparing to hang out with my friends, Levi brought home two bags of the drug—one for us and one for my friends. I had asked him to get a bag for them, but he didn’t pay for it. While getting ready to leave, Levi asked about the bag for my friends, but since they don’t use the drug, I started to lie about it. Levi, being perceptive, caught on that my story didn't add up, and I felt tired of lying because he had been honest with me in the past. I finally confessed that the bag was for me and that I’d been using it since Wednesday. He pointed out that I was projecting my own issues onto him, which was true. We went out with my friends, and while I don't recall anything significant from Sunday, we spent the day together until I went home that night. On Monday, I called in sick, and Levi mentioned he would be fixing his computer that day. When he texted me about it, I ignored his message and asked him to pick me up instead. After a few exchanges where he explained he was busy, I pushed him to come get me. Eventually, he finished fixing his computer and picked me up. When I wanted to stay over that night, he was confused about why I’d asked for a ride if I could just drive home. This led to a breakdown for me, which opened the conversation about everything. When I left, he told me he still loves me, but I’m struggling to understand how that can be true given my actions. As I reflect, I realize how my behavior has hurt him, and I desperately don’t want to lose him. I would really appreciate some honest advice, especially about how to apologize effectively, along with actionable steps I can take to make amends. Thank you.

I (26F) have been experiencing grief over a potential breakup with my boyfriend (29M), even though it hasn't occurred yet.

I (26F) feel like I'm already grieving a breakup that seems inevitable after nearly 10 years together. My boyfriend (29M) and I started our relationship when we were just 16 and 20 years old. The first couple of years were challenging, particularly due to a few incidents of infidelity on his part. However, we managed to work through those issues with open communication and honesty, and nothing of that nature has happened since. We experienced a strong connection, embodying the "opposites attract" cliché, and for about five years, our relationship flourished. Sadly, over the last three years, it has begun to fade. During my teenage years, I faced many struggles and felt an intense need for his love. Issues with my parents led me to consider emancipation at 16, and I eventually moved out at 17 to live with my boyfriend and his family. My relationship with my parents has improved significantly since then, and we've built a wonderful bond. However, I'm concerned about how a potential breakup could affect our current dynamics, especially since my boyfriend wishes to stay connected to my family, which I cannot control—and wouldn't want to. I'm also close to his family, and it's heartbreaking to think I might lose that connection. My boyfriend has been there for me during both the highs and lows of my life, just as I've been for him. We have three wonderful cats together that I couldn’t take with me if I moved out. Returning to my parents isn't an option for me right now, and I’m in the process of improving my financial situation so I can eventually live independently. The only feasible housing arrangement would be with my best friend, her fiancé, and her two lovely daughters (ages 6 and 8), whom I consider my nieces. However, I worry that my sadness might strain our friendship if I move in with them. For the past few years, my boyfriend and I have felt increasingly out of sync, primarily due to differing political views, philosophical beliefs, and attitudes toward money and value. In our decade together, we’ve never taken a break because I believe in an "all or nothing" approach to relationships, and I’m not convinced breaks would be beneficial for me. Tonight, we had an extended conversation about how our differences are driving us apart instead of bringing us together. We both feel that our life together has become mundane, with more bad days punctuated by a few good moments. We want the best for each other and acknowledge that we deserve to pursue true happiness—yet we’re uncertain if that can be found together anymore. I feel like I've been hesitant to confront this for the last couple of years, though a part of me has been ready to move on. My identity feels intertwined with him, and I'm scared of who I might be without him. I’m feeling lost and anxious about what the future holds, whether we should make an effort to stay together longer or officially end things and seek our individual paths to happiness. Thank you for taking the time to read my lengthy, but only partially explored, post. How do we choose which direction to take? What coping strategies could help if we do break up? How can we have a constructive discussion to reach a decision? I would love to hear your thoughts. TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been together for about 10 years, and we’re contemplating a breakup. I find myself mourning the loss of our relationship before it’s even ended, and I’m unsure about what steps to take next.

A 22-year-old woman suggested a possible break to her 23-year-old boyfriend, as she feels their relationship has become stagnant. Could this be beneficial?

My girlfriend (22F) and I (23M) have been together for just over three years, but we’ve been experiencing some ups and downs for the past six months. We cycle between good and bad times, and I’ve made several mistakes along the way. I tend to project my own issues onto her and often seek constant validation, stemming from past trauma. Today, she suggested taking a break. We had talked about it a few months ago when our problems first began to surface. I genuinely want to work things out and break this negative cycle. It’s important to me to address my issues and become a better partner. I know that sometimes love fades, and she has been incredibly supportive, helping me in ways I never expected. During our conversation about the break, she mentioned that she might want one but isn’t entirely sure what she wants at the moment. While she still expresses love for me, the idea of a break is confusing. I understand that breaks can sometimes help couples gain perspective on their feelings, but there’s also a real possibility that this is just a stepping stone toward a breakup. I’ve come across many voices online that imply a break signals the end, but I genuinely believe she loves me based on her actions and support. It's possible she’s still undecided about her feelings. I can see the potential benefits of a break—time apart might help us both realize what we truly value in our relationship and perhaps even strengthen it. My main question is: how can I tell if she is genuinely committed to a constructive break with healthy boundaries? Would couples counseling be a better avenue to explore? Given that we’ve talked about our future together before but things have stagnated, is it possible for us to rekindle the love we once had? Can we fix our relationship, or is this just a way for her to create distance before a breakup? I know we need to talk this through together, but I’m also seeking some glimmer of hope from others. I believe not all relationships that hit a rough patch end in failure, and I want to hold on to the possibility of improvement. She brings me happiness, and while we share many similarities, we also have our differences. Maybe some time apart could help her focus on her own happiness while I work on the concerns she’s raised. Ultimately, I hope to show her that I’m capable of personal growth—for both her and myself. **TL;DR**: My girlfriend (22F) is uncertain about whether she wants a break, as she feels our relationship has become stagnant and fears resenting me (23M) in the long run.

What's really happening? I need some clarification.

This is quite lengthy. I'm a 32-year-old female who began talking to a 32-year-old male colleague (he's literally one day older than me). From the start, he took the initiative, openly expressing his crush on me to our coworkers and even using our astrology charts to get my number. It was clear that he knew I liked him too, as we flirted often at work. For 25 days, we communicated every day, all day. One evening, we decided to grab a bite, and ended up in my car. It was there that he expressed he couldn't continue our relationship because his spiritual guides advised against it, although he still wanted to get to know me. At that point, we hadn't even kissed, so I thought that’s all we were doing—getting to know each other. We shared a warm hug and continued texting daily. As time progressed, he asked me out again, and we found ourselves in my car once more. During this meeting, he revisited his spiritual beliefs, emphasizing his desire for emotional connection rather than purely sexual, and he then asked if he could kiss me. After an intense hour-long make-out session that heightened our mutual attraction, we parted ways and everything felt wonderful. I suggested we cuddle and watch a movie together, which excited him. He invited me over to meet his pets but mentioned that there were still concerns about our relationship that we’d need to discuss. When I arrived, he shared that his sister had given him some insight regarding our energies, recommending we tread carefully. He confessed he had not been in touch with his spiritual guides lately because they disallowed our connection, but when I asked if he wanted me to step back, he said no. However, he admitted that if it came down to spirituality or me, he would have to make a choice (which I recognize as a sign of narcissism). We ended up crying, comforting each other, sharing personal stories, and laughing. Despite his concerns, we kissed for hours, but ultimately, we didn't have sex because I had to take a test the next day. I accidentally left my ring at his place, but he sent me sweet messages afterward, and we made plans to see each other again. The following day was fairly regular; we texted throughout the day and shared music. He was heading to a concert with his sister, the same one who had been cautious about our situation, and kept communicating with me during his drive. The next day, he responded to my texts but finally sent a message that hinted at a serious conversation. He stated: “I had some insight about us on my drive to the concert. Some of this will be difficult to hear… I just want to be real.” He followed up with a nine-minute audio message discussing his day and asking about mine, expressing a desire to meet up before or after work to chat more about his insights and mentioned wanting to hear me sing. I couldn't meet up, so I suggested he call me, which he did. I sensed something was about to shift. After some small talk, he got to the point, explaining that he believed we had a trauma bond, despite only having known each other for 25 days. He mentioned feeling a sort of addiction to me, making it difficult to go about his daily life without thinking of me, even at the concert. He acknowledged that this was dysfunctional, expressing regret about how he felt. I responded simply with, “okay.” He offered compliments about my strength and openness, mentioning he still wanted to maintain our work relationship. I told him I was still processing everything and felt uncertain about whether our relationship was more helpful than hurtful. There was a long pause, and after some silence, he said, “I’ll see you at work… have a good night.” Naturally, I was heartbroken. The next day at work, I expected him to bring my ring and engage in our usual small talk, but he was distant and didn’t bring the ring. Fast-forward to now, four days after the breakup, and he's been deliberately avoiding me at work, despite my attempts to be casual. He seems quieter around everyone and even said “good morning” to me with a sad expression yesterday. Still, no mention of my ring, and I know he remembers it, as he’s very organized. I’m trying to understand why he is behaving this way after breaking up with me. He indicated that he wanted to maintain some level of communication at work, yet now he seems intent on avoiding me. It's confusing. **TL;DR:** I’m unsure what’s going through this man’s mind after our breakup, especially since I wasn’t the one who ended things.

I feel overwhelmed with guilt just thinking about leaving. What do you think?

What do you think about my situation? I'm considering breaking up with my partner, who identifies as non-binary and is 23, while I am a 23-year-old woman. We've been close since high school, having known each other for seven years and been in a relationship for three. I cared deeply for them and often imagined our future together during our high school years, but it hurt when they were still interested in their ex. We both have BDP, so our emotional ups and downs were intense, but we always found our way back to each other. In college, I made the decision to distance myself from them, despite my efforts to keep them in my life. After going through a significant change following COVID, I confessed my feelings only to be turned down again, which prompted me to pull away. Eventually, we reconnected as friends, and our dynamic shifted; there was flirtation, and we ended up becoming intimate. When they asked me to be their girlfriend, I agreed, fulfilling a long-held desire. I moved them into my dorm, and for the last two years of college, we essentially lived as a couple, juggling school, jobs, and home life. The beginning was challenging, but I learned to trust the process as they worked through their depression and became more responsible. However, I've noticed that I've taken on a caregiving role in our relationship for the past three years. I still love them, but I've come to realize that I'm no longer interested in being in a romantic relationship. I feel like the "mom" in the partnership, and I've lost touch with my former self—I used to be so lively and happy, but now I don’t feel that way as much. I've stopped hanging out with friends and have neglected my appearance (though I know that's not all their fault). They’ve made some positive changes, like advancing in their job and helping around the house—things many women wish for in a partner. Despite their loyalty and the fact that they’re my best friend, they still struggle with self-care. They've frequently expressed feeling isolated since moving in with me, as well as dissatisfaction with their appearance and lack of a degree (I have my bachelor's). Living in a bustling college town, they could have engaged more with the community, but they tend to stay inside, and even after I encouraged them to return to school, they found it difficult to keep up with the classes. I can understand why, yet if they'd taken more initiative, they could have transferred out in time for my graduation. Their mental health challenges hold them back from prioritizing themselves, and they often voice their frustrations about it. We've discussed these issues over the years, but they seem to become sad without making the progress I hope for. I've taken charge of things like utilities and picking our apartment after I graduated. I recognize that at some point, I need to let them take more control, but I struggle to trust them. I know they're smart and capable, but my history of managing our responsibilities has led me to naturally take over tasks like handling bills and debts. I often find myself feeling overwhelmed and burdened by the need to remind them of things; it shouldn’t always fall on me to nudge them into action. It’s frustrating that it often takes my emotional breakdown for them to step up and help around the house. They genuinely try, which makes me feel guilty about my feelings. I do love them, but it’s not in the same way anymore. I once believed I could fix our relationship, but now I’m uncertain.

I (19M) am ending my relationship with my girlfriend (18F), but she refuses to accept it. What should I do next?

I've been considering breaking up with her for the past few weeks, and yesterday, I finally opened up about how I feel. For context, we've been together for nearly five years, but I'm ending things because I need to focus on myself and can't fully commit to the relationship, especially since I've moved to a different city for college. Part of me also wants to explore being with other people. She keeps insisting that we can work things out and that she wants to support me, but she doesn’t seem to grasp that I truly need to be on my own and can’t continue in this relationship. I'm coming home for the weekend and I plan to have a face-to-face conversation with her, but I'm worried she won't let me go. What should I do?

Should I share my feelings with her?

We ended our relationship amicably about a month ago, and it wasn't due to any personal issues—she just needed some time to focus on herself during a stressful period. My feelings for her haven't changed; I love her just as deeply as I did the day I left her place. Last weekend, she called me after having a few drinks, and I expressed my desire to reconnect when she's feeling better. She responded by saying, "We're not getting back together. It could be years before I'm ready for anything again, and I don't want you to wait. I want you to move on and find someone just as wonderful and loving as you are." The truth is, I believe that person is her. I'm more than willing to wait—whether it's years or even decades. I understand it's still early, but she is everything I've ever wanted and more. While we did have some challenges in our relationship, I've reflected on them and don't think they would pose a problem now. My love for her remains, and I want her in my life, always. Should I share my feelings with her? If you have any other questions, feel free to ask—I'm open to discussing anything.

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