Relationship advices

Hidden internet

I'm seeking some advice. I recently ended my relationship with the father of my children after four on-and-off years. Throughout our time together, we've faced several issues, including his persistent pornography use, adding other women on social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat, and paying for local girls’ OnlyFans accounts. I discovered that he has been spending hundreds of pounds on sex cam websites while I’ve been home with our kids. My biggest concern, however, is something that keeps troubling me. While I was looking through his work laptop, I found email receipts for live webcam sessions, but I also noticed a recent Google search for the "dark web." I don’t know much about it, but after some research, I learned that it can involve disturbing content like illegal pornography and drugs. It seems complicated to access and requires downloading specific software. However, I don’t have any evidence that he actually explored this, as his browser history was deleted, leaving only his recent searches. Given his significant pornography addiction, I can't shake the feeling that the worst is possible. I'm not inclined to involve the police unless I have clear evidence of someone being harmed, but I keep hoping I'm mistaken. I mentioned my concerns to him during our breakup, and he dismissed them, calling me ridiculous. Is there any way I can have someone look into this without concrete evidence? He primarily uses his phone, which I can't access, and he also has a VPN installed. I really don't want to falsely accuse anyone, but the thought continues to linger in my mind, and since we no longer live together, I have no way to investigate further.

What are some ways I can become more open with my partner about my emotions?

I'm a 24-year-old man seeking to improve my communication with my partner, a 24-year-old woman, with whom I’ve been in a relationship for eight years. I recognize that I have some personal issues that I need to address, but despite this, she chooses to stay with me because she loves me. However, I struggle with intense self-doubt and a lot of self-hatred, making it difficult for me to express my thoughts and feelings to her. Recently, she returned from a trip that I’m glad she enjoyed, but there are aspects of her experience that evoke feelings I find hard to articulate. I worry that my hesitation to share how I feel could harm our relationship. I’m looking for advice on how to navigate this situation or any ideas on how to start communicating better. I'm all ears for any help you can provide.

What are some ways I can become more inviting and friendly in my relationships?

I make an effort to remain calm, open-minded, and understanding in my relationships. However, I’ve noticed that many of them tend to surface unresolved issues, leading to growing resentment toward me. By the time it becomes apparent, it's often too late for us to address the problems. Some partners come with past experiences that make them wary of conflict, which I understand. Beyond offering reassurance and maintaining a calm demeanor, what else can I do to demonstrate to a woman that I genuinely want to communicate in a peaceful manner?

What is it that's making me feel sad about this...?

My boyfriend (43) and I (39) have been in a relationship for over five years. He comes from a large family, and I truly enjoy spending time with them. This year has been challenging as my mom has been in and out of the hospital, but she is currently in rehabilitation, and I’m able to bring her home for Thanksgiving. Typically, I go to my brother-in-law's house, which is a four-hour drive, and my boyfriend and I usually spend the long weekend there. However, this year, due to my mom’s health situation, I've decided that Thanksgiving will be at my place instead (my boyfriend and I don’t live together). I have a few family members coming over. My boyfriend just informed me that he will spend Thanksgiving Day with my family, but he plans to leave for his brother's house on Friday and won’t return until Tuesday. For some reason, I started feeling anxious about this. Why am I feeling this way? Should I be concerned about it?

Looking for assistance with a hidden relationship.

### Inquiry About a Relationship I’m a 23-year-old Norwegian Christian guy who recently started dating a 27-year-old girl from Kosovo who identifies as an Albanian Muslim. We met at our local gym through a mutual friend. We both live nearby and continue to work out at the same gym. We've been together for about a year and a half now. She has met my whole family and has formed a close bond with my parents. Initially, we were both hesitant to meet outside the gym, but eventually, we began to spend a lot of time together. At one point, she would tell small lies—claiming she was working overtime or visiting her best friend while actually being at my place. We've enjoyed various outings, including spa resorts, cinemas, and restaurants. Our relationship has faced significant challenges in a relatively short time, including an abortion, a brief breakup, and her family discovering our relationship. Despite these obstacles, we find it hard to let go, as we truly love each other and feel like "soulmates." Although she hasn’t officially told her parents and brothers about us, there was an incident when they found out. They reacted very angrily, calling her names, but they never disowned her. She told them she was seeing a younger Norwegian boy for about a year but didn’t reveal my name. Her brothers were more supportive, saying, "Everyone makes mistakes, but we still love you as our sister." After her family found out, I thought for sure we were done, but two months later, she came back. I still loved her and wanted to give it another shot, and now we’re still together. I often wonder why she continues to be with me, knowing her family's disapproval due to her Muslim background. Yet, she frequently expresses her desire to share her life with me and reassures me saying, "We’ll make this work no matter what." I genuinely can’t imagine being with anyone else; she feels like the one for me. Born and raised in Norway, she doesn’t have a strong connection to Kosovo or strict Islamic practices. She drinks alcohol, dresses freely, and while she does fast during Ramadan and avoids pork, she firmly believes in loving whomever she chooses, which she feels is beyond her control. In contrast, her parents are devout Muslims who pray five times daily and have made pilgrimage to Mecca. Currently, we are committed to staying together and taking things one day at a time, focusing on positivity for the future. She often mentions that she wouldn’t have invested 1.5 to 2 years in our relationship if she didn’t believe it could work out, which I genuinely believe. She has also pointed out that my converting to Islam wouldn’t change much since she doesn’t practice it fervently, and her family would prefer to see her with an Albanian man. My questions are: Is there a genuine possibility for us to make this work long-term? What steps can we take to ensure our relationship's success? Will her family ever accept her decision if she chooses to be with me?

How to gain certainty

I've been in a long-distance relationship with my partner for four years now. He’s living with friends about two and a half hours away, while I’m at home with my parents. I struggle with severe mental health issues and autism, which has affected my sex drive lately—I find myself lacking interest, while he seems to want it more than I can handle. When he visits, he tends to be quite insistent about sex, despite me communicating my struggles. This pressure creates a lot of anxiety around sexual activity, and we often end up fighting instead of enjoying our time together. I truly love him, but it feels like we’re both wanting aspects of each other that aren't attainable. I’m at a crossroads, uncertain whether this relationship is what I truly want or if I’m genuinely happy. I enjoy our time together when he’s not bringing up sex, but that happiness quickly turns into conflict. I’m dreading the thought of breaking up, yet I feel so confused. How do I determine the right path forward?

Wrestling with a Sense of Significance

**TL;DR: I'm starting to feel overlooked in my relationship.** Hey everyone, I’m a 23-year-old guy, and I’ve been with my partner, who is 25, for nearly three years. We met during our undergraduate studies, but shortly after we started dating, she graduated and went on to law school. Our relationship has seen its share of challenges, but recently, things have been getting tougher. It seems like there’s always something demanding her attention – law review, her clinic, classes, or friends. While I respect the dedication it takes to pursue law, I can’t help but feel like I’m not a priority for her anymore. My partner is genuinely loving, kind, and an incredible person. She has acknowledged the sacrifices I’ve made, which has been somewhat reassuring. However, as time goes by, I can’t shake the growing resentment I feel. There’s an underlying worry that I’ll never be her top priority. A specific instance that has stuck with me is when one of her classmates confessed his feelings for her about a year and a half ago. She turned him down but continues to maintain a close friendship with him. They’ve dined together several times, and he even helped her secure a job at the public defender’s office next semester. I struggle to understand how she can keep a friendship with someone who has flirted with the idea of cheating before. I’ve tried to keep quiet because I know this relationship aids her career, but whenever I bring it up, she doesn’t seem to grasp why it bothers me. I recognize she’s a wonderful person, but accepting these things as “part of the deal” is becoming increasingly difficult. Tonight was another tough moment—she canceled our plans to help a friend prepare for a trial tomorrow. Earlier, she informed me that our anniversary trip is off since she’s committed to a law school competition that weekend. Most of her reasons are legitimate, and I get that law school is demanding. I work long hours in public accounting, so I understand the struggle of balancing work and life. Yet, I can’t shake the feeling that there’s no longer a place for me in her life, and I’m being gradually pushed out. I feel conflicted because I don’t want to seem unsupportive or ungrateful—she’s working so hard. But at the same time, I feel more like her best friend than her partner, and that leaves me feeling invisible. I’m unsure how to address this concern without coming off as the “bad guy.” Any advice on how to navigate this situation would be greatly appreciated.

Is it time to end my relationship with my boyfriend?

I'm a 23-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. Overall, it's been a positive experience, but I've noticed a few things that give me pause, and I'm not entirely sure if they're serious enough to warrant a breakup. Sometimes, I feel like he talks down to me, possibly because he's an only child and hasn't had much experience interacting with kids. For instance, when we're playing video games together, if I make a mistake, he tends to get upset and grumpy. I often find it hard to argue back because I process things differently, and articulating my feelings can be challenging due to my ADHD. He's quite assertive, and comments like, “You weren’t thinking when you did this,” or “What you’re thinking doesn’t make sense,” come off in a frustrated tone rather than a calm one. These comments leave me feeling inadequate and as if I'm to blame for the situation. Whenever I try to express my feelings about how he speaks to me, he often considers my concerns unreasonable or becomes frustrated with me for bringing it up. He claims that I'm the one making a big deal out of nothing. Am I overreacting? This doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens often enough that it sticks with me and causes me to cry. P.S. I apologize if my writing isn’t great; I wrote this late at night and just needed a place to vent.

Experiencing tension in the relationship as a partner withdraws and avoids communication following disagreements.

My girlfriend and I, both 20, are going through a challenging time. We fell in love within just a few days (about 10-12), and since then, a lot has unfolded. We both agreed that we want to date with the intention of marriage, and she even told me, "No matter what happens, I'll be your wife." She made me feel incredibly special in a way no one else has. She's kept many promises and has supported me a lot, but she's also dealing with significant childhood trauma, including past physical abuse and ongoing issues with her mother, who still hits her when she doesn't meet expectations. She's quite shy, too. Here’s a breakdown of recent events: **Event 1:** On our first day together, she was showing me something on Instagram when she accidentally opened her direct messages and quickly closed her phone. This surprised me, and when I asked what was wrong, she said there was something private she didn’t want me to see. We argued about it, and I felt hurt that she could share so much but not that. Eventually, she apologized and showed me her DMs, explaining she had gotten defensive. **Event 2:** A few days later, I traveled 30 km to pick her up from college, which was exhausting due to crowded trains. She had a tough day with her exams and was kind of ignoring me, despite me cooking her favorite pasta to cheer her up. I expressed my love, but she was unresponsive, saying she wasn’t in the mood. I felt frustrated because I had traveled so far just to see her. **Event 3:** A few days later, she mentioned being anxious about upcoming practicals and fighting with me because of that stress. I suggested she take some space to focus on her studies, but she insisted on talking to me. Then she started ignoring me, even after we agreed to communicate about where we were. After disappearing for several hours, I confronted her, feeling upset that she hadn’t communicated her situation. **Event 4:** I suggested we meet to sort things out, but she was busy. Eventually, she agreed to meet, and after traveling 30 km again, she saw me but ignored me, walking away with her friends. I was shocked and confused, especially since I had brought her flowers and her favorite sweets. She left, and I felt dejected. **Event 5:** After a few days of no contact, we talked and resolved our issues. However, I noticed she started behaving differently—she became distant and less enthusiastic. When I confronted her, she explained that she needed time to heal from her past struggles, which left me feeling perplexed. I felt abandoned, especially since I was the one who initiated the reconciliation. Over the following week, I mentioned that things felt off, and she responded that she didn’t want compliments for a while. This led to more silence between us. When I checked in again, she expressed feelings of inadequacy, suggesting I should find someone better for my mental health. She started indicating that I should only talk about my issues, not hers. While I tried to be understanding and patient, I still found her behavior puzzling. She was often busy and distracted during our conversations, which sometimes led me to question if she was chatting with someone else. When I asked, she admitted to talking to another guy from college. I found this concerning since we had previously agreed to share everything with each other. After a particularly tumultuous week, during which she attended a multi-day ceremony, I reassured her not to worry about texting me. When she finally responded after several hours, I expressed my frustration over her late replies. This led to her getting angry, and she stated she would respond more slowly on purpose. She then shut down communication entirely, blocking my number. Now it’s been over a week without any contact. She’s active on Instagram but has not interacted with my posts. I'm left wondering whether our relationship is over or if I should reach out again. Throughout this, I've struggled with trust issues, having faced infidelity in my family. She had promised to reassure me, but now I feel lost. To be honest, I’m unsure what to do next. Should I wait for her to reach out, or try contacting her again? It seems she feels inadequate and believes she keeps hurting me. I truly want to work through this, but she isn’t responding.

My boyfriend (23M) has left me feeling drained and confused (24F).

Where do I go from here? To provide some context, I entered a relationship with my boyfriend after leaving a tumultuous nine-year marriage filled with physical and emotional abuse, which left me with three daughters and a lot of trauma. From the moment we met, he took on the role of a dad and partner as if it were second nature. He is the only father my youngest daughters have ever known. However, he's struggled with trust issues stemming from his own childhood and past relationships. I’ve always tried to be patient and supportive, but looking back, I realize I tolerated emotional abuse throughout our four years together. He often accuses me of cheating, especially in the beginning, where he fixated on my ex-husband. My ex would maliciously tell him that I was still in contact with him, trying to make my life as difficult as possible after our separation. After a physical altercation two years in, because he "knew" I had been unfaithful, I called the police out of fear for my safety. Following that incident, he went to anger management classes, and I thought things would improve. While he made some changes, I often felt like I was still starting from ground zero in terms of trust. He would watch my daughters while I worked, claiming he couldn't find a job, but he didn't help out much unless pushed to do so through conflict. After moving into a new home and starting my dream job, I took a stand about three months ago, insisting we wouldn't resume our relationship until real changes happened. He became paranoid again, particularly accused me of having an affair with a coworker. He has since acknowledged his mistakes and promised to improve, and while I've been careful to avoid arguments in front of the girls, he still makes side comments that concern me. Recently, he seemed to show progress by participating more in family activities. However, over the past month, there have been signs of regression—comments about my coworker and accusations of infidelity that make me uneasy. Despite acknowledging some of his past behaviors and their impact, he still believes my attitude is a major issue in our relationship. His recent behavior, including liking photos of other women while never acknowledging my posts, has planted seeds of doubt in my mind. I entered his social media and discovered he has been interacting with numerous women but not with me. When I brought it up, he blamed it on his suspicions about me and apologized. Today, though, he changed his passwords, and despite his initial apology, he seemed upset with me for being upset. He is the only father my children know, and I rely on him to watch them while I work; I wouldn’t qualify for much state assistance because of my income. I'm at a crossroads. It’s incredibly exhausting and disheartening. I know I deserve better treatment and that I'm unhappy, but I struggle with feelings of depression during breakups. I'm afraid of a leap of faith that might leave me homeless with children, especially since I moved 45 minutes away from my family to be nearer to his. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I feel lost and alone in all of this without any friends or family to turn to. **EDIT:** To clarify, my first husband and I began seeing each other at 12 and started dating at 14, so it was more like 6 or 7 years, not 9.

My girlfriend is really testing my patience! There's a lack of respect and intimacy.

Hi everyone, Over the past year, my girlfriend (25F) and I (27M) have barely been intimate. It all began with her dealing with family stress, then work-related pressures, and eventually our relationship dynamic deteriorated. It’s been frustrating for me as well, especially since our romance has taken a backseat. Recently, we've entered into a long-distance situation, and when I visited her after four weeks apart, she explained that her focus needs to be on her new job and her life in her town, stating she's just not in the mood for intimacy. During my visit, I found myself feeling increasingly rejected. She pulled away from kisses, declined my attempts to be close, and never initiated any affection. Eventually, I expressed to her that I felt needy and desperate, and that it wasn’t fair for me to keep putting myself out there if she wasn’t willing to engage. Her response was that she had already decided the long-distance aspect wouldn't work for us, emphasizing that I shouldn’t expect sex or intimacy, as everything was new to her and she had other priorities. The following day, while out with friends, I overheard someone I didn't know asking her if we were really together. A mutual friend joked about their chemistry, and the guy replied, "That's why I had to ask!" After dinner, my friend let her know he would text me later to arrange another meetup, and she actually asked him about it multiple times throughout the night. I don’t typically feel jealous, but it really upset me that she seemed more interested in him than focusing on us during my visit. Right now, I feel like such a failure. I’m tall, fit, have solid social skills, and a good career, attracting attention from other women, but nothing seems to matter when it comes to the one I truly care about, and it’s really taking a toll on me. It feels like I have to maintain this enormous facade to manage all the drama, rejection, stress, and coldness. The moment I show any vulnerability, it seems she loses respect for me and intimacy disappears for weeks or even months. Women of Reddit, what would lead you to behave this way towards a guy? Men of Reddit who've faced a similar situation — how did you cope?

Boyfriend spends time with his ex.

I'm a 24-year-old woman, and I rekindled my relationship with my boyfriend, who is 25, in July. We used to date in high school. When we got back together, I was aware that he still maintained some friendship with his ex due to shared responsibilities over their pets. I initially thought they only interacted when it was necessary for the animals. His ex has been in a serious relationship with someone else for over a year now. At first, my boyfriend wouldn’t tell me in advance when he was meeting up with her; he would let me know afterward to avoid upsetting me. However, I eventually asked him to inform me beforehand so I could gauge my reaction, and today he did just that. I trust him, but I still feel uneasy. I learned that she reacted emotionally when she found out he was dating me again, and he mentioned that she doesn’t like me. This is partly because I was involved with him while they were just starting to talk seven years ago, although I was unaware of that at the time. I’m feeling conflicted—I want to ask him a lot of questions to alleviate my concerns, but I also trust him. Having been cheated on before adds to my anxiety. I’d appreciate any advice or thoughts on this situation. Thank you!

I'm feeling really confused.

I (19F) recently broke up with my ex (18M) two days ago. On Wednesday night, he shared that he wasn’t in a good place emotionally; he feels unmotivated and has lost interest in school. He mentioned how he sees me happy and it makes him feel bad about himself. I can tell that his situation at home isn't great, and he’s been dealing with a lot. He expressed how he wanted to make me happy but felt he couldn't, and he apologized for it all. I told him that I understood and wished him the best because I care about him. After our breakup, I unfollowed him on Instagram, but we were still following each other on his spam account, where he only follows me and his main account. After saying goodbye, I noticed he had turned off his location sharing with me. Later that day, I posted a light-hearted note on my Instagram that said, "It's her turn now *sighs nonchalantly*." He replied to it from his spam account the following afternoon. I saw his message but didn’t respond until later. We ended up texting back and forth, and I noticed his location feature was back on. He also sent a request to follow me again from his main account, which I accepted because I still want to have a relationship with him. Yesterday, I posted a story as a joke featuring a girl with a shirt that said "World's Best Ex-Girlfriend." He responded by asking, "Whose ex are you?" I replied, "Yours," and he followed up with, "Are you?" I responded, "Am I?" and he closed with, "If you say so." Now, I’m feeling really confused and wondering what he might be hinting at. I’d love to get some opinions from someone else's perspective. Apologies for any typos or grammatical errors; I'm in a bit of a rush!

I, a 19-year-old female, met my boyfriend, who is 21 years old, through dating apps.

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a month now, and although it's still quite fresh, we're already facing numerous challenges that are causing me to doubt myself. This is my first relationship, so I lack any experience in navigating these situations. To complicate things further, we come from different cultural and religious backgrounds— I am deeply committed to my faith, while he identifies as an atheist. When we met at university, I felt a strong connection with him, as if we shared a lot in common. However, as we became more comfortable, he began to "change," or perhaps his true self started to emerge. In hindsight, I don’t think we experienced a real "honeymoon phase," and if we did, it was fleeting. Early on, I spotted dating apps on his phone. At that time, we were just getting to know each other, so I didn’t feel it was appropriate to raise the issue. He also invited me to places like clubs and shisha lounges that made me uncomfortable due to my personal boundaries. When I declined, he shrugged it off since we weren’t officially dating yet. A few days later, he asked me out, and at first, everything seemed fine. But then, things began to fall apart. He pressured me into doing something that went against my religious beliefs (it wasn't peer pressure; he simply offered me something and misrepresented it), which I found incredibly distressing. Shortly after, he disrespected my faith. I chose to overlook it at the time, but I made it clear that if it ever happened again, I would end the relationship, as it’s a serious issue for me. For context, we had agreed on abstaining from sex until marriage, which is important to me for both religious and personal reasons. I expressed that, even without the religious element, I still want to remain a virgin until marriage. During a visit to his house, I mentioned the dating apps I had seen, and he deleted them on the spot. Yet this week, I noticed those same two apps on his phone again (you can probably guess which ones). He initially claimed his friend had made him download them and then later said he was just trying to delete his account. This explanation seemed somewhat plausible because a friend of mine who uses one of those apps could no longer find his profile. However, she did discover him on Hinge with a photo taken just six days ago. When I confronted him, his story kept changing—first it was about his friends, then he forgot to delete it, and finally, he blamed it on being drunk. He turned the conversation around, saying, “If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship.” Despite all this, I have trusted him in many ways—allowing him to go to different cities and even frat parties. Still, I can’t shake the feeling that he’s not being honest with me. I’m conflicted about what to do: part of me thinks breaking up might be the best option, but I’m not quite ready to take that step. I also don’t want my kindness to lead to hurt. To his credit, he has altered some behaviors that I expressed concerned about. For instance, he no longer vapes in front of me and claims he wants to learn more about my culture and religion. He’s introduced me to all his friends, invited me to group hangouts, and even brought me to his friend’s frat house. His family is also aware of our relationship. My concern is that even though he promised me yesterday that I would never see those apps on his phone again and assured me he isn't communicating with anyone on them, I worry that his motivation is the lack of sex, despite us being intimate in other ways. My friends think I should end things, but I haven’t shared many details with them, so they don’t have the full story. Without that context, it’s difficult for them to offer objective advice, leaving me even more uncertain about my next steps.

I'm a 26-year-old woman, and I feel like he, a 28-year-old man, has wasted nine years of my life.

**[TL;DR] Is it wrong for me, a 26-year-old woman, to want to end my relationship with my partner, a 28-year-old man, because he has wasted 9 years of my life by delaying our plans to have children?** **Edit:** This post is on behalf of my sister, who is new to Reddit and still figuring things out. Any advice would be appreciated, as I’ll share the link with her. Thank you! **Edit 2:** My sister has replied to some comments below, so please check those for additional context. Is it wrong for me to want to end my relationship because I want children and he is firmly against it? I find it selfish that he made me wait nearly a decade only to tell me that he has no interest in having kids. My partner and I have been together for 9 years. I've always expressed my desire to have children, and he initially agreed that we would start a family one day. However, just a few days ago when I mentioned the idea of having kids, he finally said he doesn’t want them because he doesn't want to take on the financial responsibilities that come with parenting. We’re in a stable place and have everything we need, so I feel ready to take that step, but his words and actions indicate otherwise. He mentioned that I would need to continue working throughout my pregnancy and after, which I think is unreasonable given that my job involves exposure to chemicals and dust (I’m a nail technician). I’ve made it clear before that if I were to have a baby, I would need to take time off work for the child’s health. The concern for me is that he will not allow me to be a stay-at-home mom, which ultimately led to his decision that we cannot have children. Am I being selfish for wanting kids when he doesn’t? I feel really depressed and stressed about this situation.

How should I handle this situation?

I used to work at a Xerox store, and there was this customer who came in often. He was nice, and we shared some small talk every time he visited. I always felt a bit giddy around him, but that was as far as it went—until I learned my boss was attempting to set him up with another female employee. I figured it was fair game to reach out, as I hadn’t before, assuming dating customers was off-limits. I sent him a Facebook friend request after digging up his name online, and he accepted right away. We started chatting regularly, but he would act like he didn’t know me whenever he came by the store. This was puzzling, yet he continued to visit almost daily, which made me think he might be nervous or something. In a moment of frustration, I jokingly mentioned to my boss and coworkers that he only came in when I was working. They got defensive and pretended not to know what I was talking about, quickly changing the subject. I realized I was being petty, but they had treated me poorly, so it felt good to retaliate a little. Eventually, I quit due to the toxic work environment, and within a week, I landed a much better job. I reached out to him to let him know he’d have to deal with my old coworkers from now on, joking about how strange they were during their interactions with clients. After that, we talked less and less since I was working longer hours, and he was busy with work and college. Recently, I noticed he had unfriended me on Facebook, although he still follows me on Instagram. When I messaged him, he was surprisingly rude. He ignored my question and basically ghosted me. I can't help but think that perhaps my boss or coworkers mentioned my earlier comments to him, which might explain why he became distant after showing interest. By the way, my former boss has been posting about me on the store’s social media, almost calling me out after I had gone above and beyond for that job, even working through my lunch breaks. She’s just upset that I quit without giving a two-week notice. Should I just let this go? I don’t have strong feelings for him—it was still early in getting to know each other—so I’m just feeling confused.

What steps do you take to cope with a breakup?

My engagement has been called off, and I'm feeling incredibly heartbroken. My ex has emotionally disconnected, and while there were plenty of red flags indicating we weren't truly compatible beyond the physical aspect, I gave it my best shot to make things work. Unfortunately, he seems ready to move on. I don't harbor any anger or resentment toward him; I just feel sad and want to approach this situation in a healthy way. I've never experienced a breakup that felt healthy or successfully maintained a friendship after dating. What are some ways to navigate moving on from a relationship in a constructive manner?

My girlfriend (29F) and I (30M) no longer watch shows together.

We’ve been together for nearly a decade now, and our relationship has been quite stable. We don’t argue much and spend a good amount of time together, typically engaging in activities like watching YouTube. Sometimes, one of us will be occupied with our hobbies while the other is present—she might watch something while I play video games, or I might give her back rubs as she enjoys music or plays a mobile game. However, we’ve really stopped watching any structured shows together. In the beginning, we shared almost everything, so it feels strange for me to watch something solo now. Over time, her interest in watching shows has diminished significantly. These days, we only catch about one or two shows a year, and she’s even dropped a few mid-series. I’ve hesitated to start many shows that I’m interested in, not wanting to get too far ahead in case she decides to pick them back up. Gradually, I've come to accept that she simply isn’t interested, so I’ve started to watch them on my own. She doesn’t explicitly say she doesn’t want to watch anything, but she rarely seems in the mood and often prefers to do something else—anything else, really—though it isn't as if she avoids spending time with me entirely. I’ve pinpointed two reasons behind this shift, both of which I believe are contributing factors, but I’m unsure how to address them. The first is that she can hold onto grudges for a long time without expressing them. I think she felt hurt when I struggled to enjoy some intense dramas she was passionate about. I made it through several long series—despite her sometimes tearful insistence to watch more—but eventually, I had to tell her that they just weren’t for me. She dismissed the shows I enjoy as "stupid," and I snapped, saying at least they have coherent plots and budgets. Despite apologizing and trying to compromise by watching more of her shows, I get the sense she’s decided not to engage with anything I like, even if many of those shows were ones she wanted me to watch initially. The second reason relates to her aspirations as an artist and writer. She has ambitious ideas for books and comics, but it seems she struggles to take the next steps toward realizing them. She’s been brainstorming since before we met and has accumulated countless sketches, concept art, and story lore that haven’t progressed beyond the initial stages. Although she has immense talent, she’s held back by fear and self-doubt, despite encouragement from both me and her mother. In the last few shows and movies we watched together, she found it difficult to enjoy them, becoming frustrated that she felt unable to pursue her ideas after seeing them portrayed onscreen. I reminded her of the “Simpsons did it” concept from one of her favorite episodes of South Park; I asked if that was why she struggled to move forward with her projects, as she would often feel the need to start over if something resembled her vision. She admitted that this reluctance to compare her work was indeed part of the problem. I tried explaining that many renowned authors and artists openly acknowledge their influences, highlighting how they draw inspiration from other works without claiming their creations are entirely original. Even truly unique ideas are often a response to missed opportunities or existing clichés. Unfortunately, she seemed uninterested, and I’ve noticed her growing frustration while watching shows. I can tell when she’s dismissing something out of concern for how it might relate to her future work, as if she feels the need to critique it to protect her own ego. In short, my girlfriend is reluctant to watch shows with me because of my lack of enthusiasm for some of her favorites, and she finds herself comparing these shows to the stories she struggles to develop.

I (18, female) was ended by my ex (19, male) through a text message. Does that make me the toxic one?

I honestly don’t know how to process everything right now. We were together for nearly two years, and suddenly a single argument caused everything to unravel. It all started when we argued about whether he could pick me up while I was alone in the city and it was getting dark. He assured me he could, so I waited for three hours for him to show up. When I messaged him, understandably frustrated, he told me it was never guaranteed and that I was being dramatic for feeling upset. After waiting alone in the darkness, cold and scared, I decided to call an Uber home and expressed my feelings to him. He reacted by accusing me of being unfair and overly emotional, even threatening our relationship by saying, “Don’t text me anymore tonight, or we’re done.” He claimed he wanted me to “calm down,” but I just wanted to communicate about what had happened. I continued messaging him, feeling hurt and begging him to listen because I didn’t believe I had done anything wrong. After six hours of silence, he FaceTimed me in the middle of the night, shouting hurtful things like, “Any normal guy would have broken up with you six months ago,” “You’ve ruined my life,” and “You’re crazy.” His anger stemmed from me calling him a hypocrite, which upset him. While I know I can get emotional, I still feel justified in my reaction this time. After he hurled insults at me, I ended the call and never heard from him again. He blocked me on all social media and began messaging my older sister, venting about how toxic I was. I tried reaching out through her, but he only became more volatile, claiming I was damaging his mental health and that he wanted nothing to do with me. However, I wasn't ready to give up. Weeks went by without contact, but then he reached out, and I agreed to meet him to talk things over. In short, he told me I was too emotional for him, that he needed to focus on himself and his career, and that he wanted to grow as a person. I told him he could do that with me and that breaking up over a small argument was unnecessary, but he remained resolute. I felt overwhelmed and cried throughout our conversation, and during that vulnerable moment, he took advantage of me and insisted we be intimate. The same thing happened when I saw him a second time; I was in tears, and he pressured me again. Immediately after, he told me he wanted nothing to do with me and had moved on. Now, I feel mentally and physically drained. I haven't been able to eat properly, and he’s spreading rumors that I’m “crazy and suicidal.” I'm at a loss for what to do. I definitely don’t want him back, yet I can’t shake the feeling that I might have been the problem. I would appreciate any advice you have. <3

My girlfriend (25, female) of 1.5 years ended our relationship because I wasn’t affectionate enough. Should I reach out to her?

My girlfriend of 1.5 years recently broke up with me after several arguments about whether or not I express my love for her. It always felt like our discussions centered around her feelings and rarely acknowledged mine. I tried to show her I care in numerous ways, but she tended to focus on the times I seemed neglectful. For instance, there was a night when she asked me for water at 2 a.m. while she was feeling sick, and I told her I would get it after I finished a video game mission. She got really upset and went to get it herself. Another incident happened during our trip to San Francisco, where she thought I was upset because she suggested we stay at a hotel in a less desirable area. After I found out the location was indeed problematic, I expressed my frustration about not being able to get a refund, but reassured her it wasn't her fault. There were also times when she felt like a burden, which led her to hold back from suggesting activities or even texting me. I admit that it became exhausting for me, and it affected my mood. However, I always communicated how I felt and never ignored any issues. When she got upset, she would disregard my texts and calls, preventing me from having a dialogue with her, which didn't feel fair. The tipping point seemed to be my perceived lack of support regarding her state exam. I had planned a celebratory dinner for after she finished, but she mentioned she had plans with her parents. So, I simply wished her luck and told her to text me when she got there and again when she was done, promising a surprise. When she didn't reach out afterward, I checked in but received no response. Later, she came by to grab her toothbrush and ended up packing her things. We both shared our feelings, but I realized I was going in circles. She spent the night, and we were intimate, but in the morning, she left in tears, telling me she loved me. After that, she removed our photos from Instagram and exited our group chats. I believe I'm also blocked on iMessage. I've dealt with similar situations before. Now I'm wondering if it's worth trying to win her back and giving us another chance. She genuinely cared for me and had high expectations that I struggled to meet. I know we both love each other. Is this a situation worth discussing, or should I let it go since she seems unwilling to talk about it right now? **TL;DR:** My girlfriend ended our relationship because she felt I wasn't matching her affection, despite my efforts to show my love. She was an incredible partner and the best I've had. Should I attempt to discuss this issue, or is it better to just move on?

27F, 38M—should I end my 7-year relationship because my fiancé is considering being with two women without me?

Here’s a rewritten version of your text: --- This is quite a lengthy tale, so please bear with me. I’m a 27-year-old woman engaged to my 38-year-old fiancé. We’ve been together for five years and engaged for two. To provide some context, we’ve been in a monogamous relationship since 2017. I’m a bit of a nerd and tend to be the odd one out in my family. My fiancé is incredibly supportive of my interests, and he comes from a family where love isn’t always openly expressed. He stood by my side when my mother lost her battle with cancer and even received her blessing. Likewise, I supported him when his stepfather passed away. He also helped me realize that some friends I trusted were actually toxic influences in my life. Thanks to him, I've been able to make new, positive friendships, for which I’m very grateful. He has truly been my light for so long that about two years ago, I suggested we explore each other’s fantasies. He was on board with the idea. For me, it was him dressing up as my favorite male character from an anime and attending a convention. For him, it was a more intimate fantasy involving a threesome—he wanted to be with two women. I told myself I would go along with it if he kept his part of the agreement. When the convention rolled around, he didn't accurately portray the character I had in mind. Instead of wearing the messy red wig I had for him, he spray-painted his buzz-cut hair and acted cold and rude throughout the event. Later, I learned he had been distracted because there was a popular voice actor at the convention whose autograph he wanted, but he felt self-conscious about his look. I was disappointed but reminded myself that we had an agreement. When he brought up the idea of a threesome, I assumed he meant hiring an escort or someone familiar with such arrangements. To my surprise, he suggested a mutual acquaintance named Serena. She had a tumultuous background and had known my fiancé for over a decade. Although I was uncomfortable with him wanting someone he knew, I decided to let it go, understanding his perspective. On the day of our planned threesome, I panicked and backed out. Earlier that month, he had mentioned I had gained weight, which triggered my insecurities and made me feel unattractive. I worried he might leave me for Serena, compounded by my family's past messages that there was something wrong with my interests in video games and anime. I’ve struggled with low self-esteem and emotional neglect, which has often led me to doubt my worthiness of love. Thankfully, I’m in therapy and working on overcoming my people-pleasing tendencies. When I called off the threesome, he was understandably upset, and we agreed to move on without discussing it further. However, the topic resurfaced five years later. We work in healthcare and finally had a day off together. After a lovely day, we began to get intimate, but he suddenly confessed he couldn't stop thinking about having an experience with two women and contemplated doing it behind my back. That broke my heart and completely killed the mood. He reassured me that it was all right because he never acted on those thoughts, but I still felt devastated. A couple of days later, I opened up to my therapist about it. She suggested a separation but was understanding if I wasn’t ready for that. I experience anxiety, and my understanding of relationships is primarily shaped by what I've heard from older family members, which often involves stories of infidelity. This made me reflect on our relationship—he waited over five years to propose, and when he finally did, it wasn’t a traditional kneeling moment. On Valentine's Day, he often gives me discounted chocolates, and he rarely chooses thoughtful gifts for my birthday. During our date, he disclosed a personal secret of mine to his friends, which embarrassed me. When I told him it was inappropriate, he dismissed my feelings, insisting that I shouldn’t be ashamed. Since the argument, it’s been a week, and I’ve been in a state of depression. I’ve taken off my engagement ring, and I think he’s noticed. He keeps apologizing, acknowledging his mistake, but I’m not convinced he understands what love truly means. No matter how many times I express my feelings or concerns, he seems to shut me down. I worry that I might be overthinking things. I used to turn to my mom for support, but now I rely on my therapist, who is far away and not always available. If this relationship is indeed toxic and I choose to separate, I’m uncertain if I’ll find someone who can accept me. I welcome any advice and appreciate you listening.

I broke up with my boyfriend, who is 29, and I'm 23. I'm feeling unsure about whether to go back to him.

I'm feeling confused and could use some personal advice. We've been apart for seven months after a six-year relationship. Recently, we reconnected, and I can't stop thinking about him. He finally wants to talk after I ended things earlier this year. I keep wondering if I should have tried harder or sought counseling instead. I've started seeing someone new, who is a genuinely good man, but something feels off. I can’t shake thoughts of my ex from my mind, which adds to my confusion about what to do next. Our past had its share of ups and downs, but that's common in relationships. When we met recently, he mentioned he's changed and would like to give things another shot. I agreed, but then I backed out because I was unsure. I don't want to ruin the possibility of rekindling our relationship, but I feel torn about my feelings. What should I do?

What’s the best way for me (34F) to navigate my 'situationship' with him (36M)?

I'm embarrassed to be asking this at my age, but I really care about this guy and don’t want to ruin things. So, there's this man I've been seeing—let's call him John, because I think that name suits a privileged guy pretty well! We met at work when he was covering our location for a couple of months. I found him attractive, but since we were colleagues, I tried to keep things professional. Fast forward four months after we stopped working together—I ran into him at a work event, and we were both being flirty. He insisted that I join him and some others at a bar afterward. I had prior plans, so I told him I would stop by if they were still out when I was free. When I got off work at 10:30 PM, I texted John to see if they were still out, and he said, “Yes!” and told me to come to his place. I figured no one else would be there, but I went anyway. One thing led to another, and we ended up sleeping together that night. Since then, we've been in this complicated dating/friendship situation. A couple of months back, he let me know he’s not ready for anything serious or exclusive since he just got out of a long-term relationship and doesn’t want to hurt me. However, I felt hurt that he waited until we were already so close to tell me this, especially after he pushed for us to sleep together. Here’s where it gets complicated: I’m head over heels for this guy, and he has no idea how I’m feeling. At one point, I reached out to see if I was misreading signals since he hadn't been asking to hang out. He reassured me that I’m one of his favorite people but reiterated that he’s not ready for a relationship right now. I recently messaged him to say that I’d like to discuss our situation the next time we meet. To be clear, I would love to have a relationship with him, but I’m worried about approaching the topic the wrong way. Should I wait longer, since it's only been about 3.5 months? Should I lay all my feelings out on the table? Or do I just need to be more patient? The thought of him possibly seeing other people really bothers me. HELP!

How should I view this?

Hi there! Even after three years, I'm still uncertain about how to feel regarding something my girlfriend did. I'm a 23-year-old male, and she is 20. Here's the background: When we had been dating for four months—she was 17 and I was 19—she attended a birthday party with her close female friends. Near the end of the party, they decided to play a game where they kissed each other. Although my girlfriend initially declined to participate, she eventually gave in due to her friends' persistence and the alcohol she had consumed. She ended up kissing one of her friends, whom I’ll refer to as "X" (she's female, and I should note that my girlfriend is heterosexual). The kiss lasted only a couple of seconds, was not passionate, and immediately afterward, my girlfriend felt awful, burst into tears, and reached out to tell me everything through chat. I reacted very poorly at first because, even though it was just a game, I viewed it as infidelity. I felt angry and sought explanations, especially since "X" often joked about finding my girlfriend attractive. My girlfriend defended herself by claiming she was drunk and succumbed to the pressure from her friends. Over time, I managed to move past it, and we gradually rebuilt our trust. She has since reduced her contact with those friends, and we've been together for three and a half years. Our relationship is now quite strong and stable. Still, I occasionally reflect on that incident, as it deeply affected me, and I never fully processed it at the time. I often question whether forgiving her was the right choice or if her reasons were merely excuses. The fact that I still feel unsettled by her occasional communication with those friends—especially since they insisted on the kiss despite knowing she was in a relationship—proves that I haven't completely reconciled this in my mind. Could this have simply been a matter of inexperience? (We’re each other's first serious relationship.) Was it justified for me to forgive her? How can I express my lingering discomfort about her staying in contact with those friends, especially since we haven't revisited this topic in three years?

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