Relationship advices: Cultural and Religious Differences

Value discrepancies [20M] [20F]

I'm feeling uncertain about what to do. My girlfriend and I have significant differences in our values that could impact our future together. To put it simply, she isn't particularly interested in adopting my last name, which is something that's very important to me. She’s also unsure about when she wants to get married and feels that her family might not allow her to until she reaches her 30s. She even asked me what I would do if I sought her mom's blessing and her mom declined—almost as if she expects that outcome. I'm just feeling lost right now. Being the youngest of three, she mentions that her family tends to be protective of her, and it seems her mom has a major influence over her life choices. I really don’t know what to think or how to proceed.

My girlfriend [21F] and I [19F] are looking to move in together, but it's a bit complicated. Is there a straightforward way to make this happen?

Hello! This is my first time writing, so let’s dive in. I (19f) and my partner (21f) are preparing to move in together after 3.5 years of long-distance. I currently reside in Virginia, while she lives in Texas. We’ve come to terms with the fact that, although her parents claim to accept our relationship, their true feelings are apparent. They make comments suggesting that being with men is still an option for us, even when I'm right there with her. The primary concern is that her parents are quite controlling. Her initial visit to see me was complicated; after notifying them well in advance, when they finally realized she was serious about it, they reacted dramatically, even taking away her car. We thought we could manage that situation, but now they’ve said she can't sign the lease with me because “we don’t want her to be tied down.” They finance her college education and have threatened to cut her off if she goes against their wishes. This left us in a tough spot since I can’t qualify for any apartments on my own in the area. Thankfully, my dad agreed to co-sign, which resolved the immediate issue. Although she won’t be on the lease, she’ll essentially be a “long-term guest” who pays me half the rent under the table. After signing the lease, I noticed a clause that we had been told didn’t exist: a guest policy stating that guests can only stay two consecutive nights a week for a maximum of four nights a month, and any longer stays require written consent. I figured we could attempt to follow our original plan and see if the management enforces the policy. If they do, I could explain our situation to them, but that might put us on their radar. I worry that if they say she can't move in without being on the lease, it would be devastating for both of us, as that was the main reason I moved out here, and paying the entire rent by myself is a significant burden, especially since I currently live rent-free with my mom. I keep encouraging my girlfriend to stand up to her parents because she’s an adult who needs to set boundaries, but that hasn’t made much progress. Should we try to hide her living there, or look for other options? The lease is signed, so I'm feeling a bit trapped. Any advice would be appreciated! Edit: I shared this message with her because I want us to move forward together in this bigger city, no matter the challenges. "There are two real options and a third, not-so-great option that people are advising against: 1. You stay in the dorms, avoiding rent, allowing us to maintain our relationship even while living separately. 2. You sign the lease and establish boundaries with your parents so we can find a compromise. or 3. We risk violating the lease and hope they don’t enforce it, but that could lead to eviction and leave a mark on my record. Those are our options. I’m committed to moving there regardless, and I feel a bit trapped in this situation. It’s ultimately your decision, and I hate to put this stress on you, but it’s where we’re at right now.”

My girlfriend [F29] believes that my focus on family is putting a strain on our relationship. Are our expectations misaligned?

Hello everyone, I'm facing a significant challenge in my relationship and could really benefit from some external insights. I come from a large Bosnian immigrant family, and maintaining a close relationship with them is crucial to me. We spend a lot of time together, which I truly enjoy. However, my girlfriend feels that my focus on family interferes with our relationship. She believes I should cut back on the time I spend with them to create more balance, while I feel like I'm being asked to choose between her and my family. From her point of view, my family's dynamics can feel overwhelming and sometimes invasive. She feels pressured to either fully integrate into my family or remain on the sidelines. For instance, when we decided to move in together, my mother got emotional and expressed that she hardly knew my girlfriend. This comment made my girlfriend feel uncomfortable, especially considering she has spent more time with my mom than I have with hers (I get my mom's feelings as our past interactions have been somewhat superficial, even though my girlfriend and I have been together for four years). She thinks our relationship should take precedence over my family, while I view both as vital and non-negotiable. A recent conversation underscored our differences: - She sees "compromise" as me intentionally reducing family time to prioritize our couple time. - I perceive it as assessing flexibility during conflicts; if neither can adjust, then we find a way to balance. - She believes my approach signifies I'm not willing to make sacrifices for our relationship. - I feel I'm being expected to sacrifice family time when I don't understand why the two need to be at odds. It's particularly frustrating for her that I wouldn't cancel a family event for a one-on-one with her, while to me, family gatherings are deeply rooted traditions that I value highly. I can spend quality time with my girlfriend on other days, which is why I don't see her issue with these family events, even if they occur relatively frequently (like once a month). For special occasions like New Year's, I long to celebrate with my family in Bosnia, as opportunities to visit them are rare. Meanwhile, she prefers to celebrate just the two of us or with friends in our current country. She feels she's always competing for my attention with my family and that she ultimately comes in second. Additionally, my girlfriend has some discomfort concerning my parents. Although she likes them, she finds their attempts to connect with her somewhat forced and unnatural. She would prefer more space, while my mother is emotionally expressive and open—something typical in my culture, but it makes my girlfriend uneasy as she feels it places expectations on her. Conversely, I believe that in a serious relationship, one should also cultivate a bond with the partner's family. What truly leaves me feeling desperate is that my girlfriend has expressed that breaking up would break her heart and that she genuinely wants to stay together despite the conflicts. She's willing to endure the ongoing tension for the sake of our positive and loving interactions. However, I'm exhausted. I can't envision a way forward if things remain as they are. I love her, but I feel like I'm losing in every direction—I don't want to lose her, yet I also don’t wish to constantly weigh my relationship against my family. Are we fundamentally too different in our values? Has anyone else successfully navigated something similar? I could really use some perspective or a reality check. **TL;DR:** I (M31) come from a close-knit Bosnian immigrant family, and staying connected with them is vital to me. My girlfriend (F29) feels overwhelmed by this family dynamic and wants me to prioritize our four-year relationship by reducing family time. I view both family and relationship as equally important, while she often feels second. She also finds my parents' emotional involvement uncomfortable, whereas I believe a serious relationship should include a close connection with family.

Is it strange that my boyfriend, who is 25, gifted me a pocket knife?

I'm a 22-year-old woman, and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 25, for about four months now. He’s my first boyfriend, and my mother hasn’t taken to him at all, mainly because our beliefs differ. She’s been trying to convince me that everything he does is odd. For some context, I still live at home with my mom while I’m in college. One of her biggest complaints is that we stay out until midnight, but since we live quite a distance apart, we really want to maximize our time together, which is often just a couple of times a month due to our busy school schedules. Another thing she dislikes is his family, suggesting that their influence might affect how he treats me in the future. The list goes on, but one incident that particularly stood out was when he gave me a pocket knife as a gift. He knew my father never gave me one like he did for my brother and thought it would be useful for my safety. I found it really thoughtful, but my mom reacted strongly, saying it sounded suspicious and likening it to a murder scenario straight out of a true crime show, mentioning cases like Gabby Petito's. This left me wondering—if he had bad intentions, would he really treat me so well? He pays for all our dates, makes the long drive to see me, gives thoughtful gifts on special occasions, and respects my desire to wait until marriage. Additionally, I question why he would give me a knife if his intent were harmful. I'm feeling really confused about all this and would love to hear others' thoughts. Am I just being naïve, or is there something deeper at play? Overall, he’s making this experience, my first and hopefully only one in dating, incredibly positive.

My girlfriend's parents discovered our relationship, and I'm feeling uncertain about what to do next. Should I stick around or walk away?

Here's some background on my situation: My girlfriend and I had been together for nearly a year before her parents discovered our relationship, and it escalated into a violent situation for her. They treated her terribly, and I can’t help but blame myself since she stayed in the relationship longer than she should have, hoping I would become a better boyfriend. We had our share of disagreements before this, and while I wasn’t always fair to her, she approached it with maturity and wanted to find solutions. I didn’t pull my weight and thought we had time to improve things, but everything changed when her parents found out, leading to a significant rift since they strongly disapprove of her dating. Despite everything, she still believes in me and wants to make this work. She has endured so much pain and abuse from her parents yet remains committed to us. This weighs heavily on me because I felt paralyzed by their threats to take legal action against us. However, she reassured me that those threats were meant to intimidate, and thankfully, nothing has come of it so far. She’s made immense sacrifices for our relationship and for the sake of my family, concerned about the potential consequences of a legal case. Now I’m at a crossroads, struggling to decide whether to support her and fight for our relationship or to walk away because her parents disapprove. It’s particularly tough because my own parents are unaware I’m still talking to her, having been supportive of our relationship before this turmoil. The pressure is immense. She has done so much for us, and in a situation like this, she should have been the one feeling scared and wanting to leave, but she chose to stay, which speaks volumes about her commitment. Just before her parents found out, we talked about improving our relationship, and she expressed feeling safe with me, while I affirmed that I was serious about us. I’m seeking realistic advice on how to move forward from here. **TL;DR:** My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly a year, but her parents reacted violently when they found out, creating significant tension. Despite the abuse and threats, she remains committed and believes in our relationship. I've made mistakes, and my own parents don’t know I’m still in touch with her. I'm torn between staying to support her or ending things due to the pressure from our families. I need advice on what to do next.

My girlfriend [18F] wants to end our relationship [18M] because her parents might not approve of us due to our different races. How should I handle this situation?

I'm from India, where caste differences are a significant issue. She mentioned that she can't upset her parents and cannot go against their wishes. When I asked why she hadn't mentioned this before we started dating, she admitted that she thought she could manage her parents' opinions. However, she now realizes that they won't accept our relationship.

Am I being taken advantage of? [f18] [m26]

I started a relationship with a guy who was born and raised in China and has been living in the United States for three years. He doesn’t have U.S. citizenship yet, but he keeps mentioning that he wants to get married within a year. He’s 26, so I can see that in his culture, people often marry young. However, I can’t shake the feeling that he might be looking to use our relationship to secure his citizenship. What are your thoughts or concerns about this? I’d love to hear your input.

[18F] and [19M] come from a conservative, strict family background, while one of them is dating an alternative boyfriend.

What should I do in this situation? Hi, I'm [18F], and my boyfriend is [19M]. We've been in a long-distance relationship for two years, and we’re finally meeting in person this summer for the first time—I'm really excited! However, I'm feeling quite anxious. My boyfriend identifies as alternative and is goth. While he usually dresses more conventionally around important people, he still paints his nails, which I think is charming. Recently, though, he's started getting more piercings. I was okay with the changes at first, but there's a complication: I come from a conservative Slavic family, and my mom is particularly critical of visible facial piercings beyond a simple nose stud or a few earrings. My boyfriend is considering getting a septum piercing, which I know for a fact my mom would hate—especially as she already dislikes my brother’s girlfriend who has one. To be fair, her disdain is compounded by her negative views concerning the girlfriend's character. I witness my brother facing my mom's judgment daily, and I’d prefer not to experience the same backlash. I used to find my boyfriend incredibly attractive—he had beautiful hair, a charming smile, glasses, and a simple style, which made me confident that my mom would like him. Now, I'm worried about losing my attraction to him as he continues to adapt his look, even though I adore his personality. I know he’s a great person with a few minor flaws, but I just want him to stop altering his appearance in ways that might make my mom less accepting. I miss the simpler, handsome version of him. I don't want to dictate how he expresses himself, but I’m uncertain how to navigate this situation. Am I in the wrong? How can I balance my boyfriend’s individuality with my mom's expectations? Thank you in advance, and feel free to ask for any more details if needed!

My girlfriend (26, female) and I (34, male) have been together for two years, and she believes I may be autistic (which I’m not). This has led her to question our future plans regarding having children.

I'm a 34-year-old man in a two-year relationship with my 26-year-old girlfriend. Recently, she's expressed concerns that I might be autistic, which I don't believe to be the case. She's also uncertain about having children, especially considering my nephew has autism along with serious health issues—something she's been aware of since we started dating. Aside from my nephew, there are no known cases of autism in my family. She’s mentioned that the idea of having a child with special needs is overwhelming for her, and my supposed autism adds to her anxiety. Occasionally, she shows frustration regarding my behaviors, which she associates with autism—this happens roughly once a month. Overall, our two-year relationship has been quite positive. She is kind, family-oriented, and we have a harmonious living situation after nine months together. I consider this my healthiest relationship to date compared to three previous ones. Recently, an incident sparked a deeper conversation. While she was out dining with friends, I was home watching a movie. With the washing machine running next to the living room, I used noise-canceling headphones to better hear the film. When she returned, she had her hands full and was upset I didn't hear her knocking to open the door. I apologized, explaining that I hadn't heard her due to the headphones, but she responded, “ugh, clearly you're on the spectrum.” Her comment shocked me and left me feeling frustrated for a couple of reasons: First, I don't have autism, and it's perplexing that she feels so certain about this diagnosis despite lacking any medical expertise or experience with autistic individuals. I've reassured her multiple times about my status, yet she clings to her belief. Second, even if I were autistic, I find it troubling that she would express frustration over a condition I can't control. This incident opened a dialogue about her feelings and our future, especially since we’re approaching a more serious stage in our relationship. She apologized for her reaction and shared that her frustrations have been growing in light of her concerns about my "supposed" autism and the implications of my nephew's condition. While she indicated that her feelings might shift slightly if I were diagnosed—whether or not I am on the spectrum—the core issue about autism in my family still persists. I’m seeking advice on how to navigate this situation because at 34, I have limited time to focus on building a family, which I desire. To summarize: My girlfriend believes I’m autistic (which I’m not), and my nephew's autism raises doubts for her about our future and the prospect of having children. She often feels frustrated by my supposed behaviors linked to autism.

Am I losing my mind?

Hey everyone! Apologies for the lengthy post—just needed to share my thoughts (one of the reasons I started this account) and see if anyone else feels the same way. A little background: My parents are both from Italy, and I grew up in a very traditional, conservative household. I've always been taught that I should find a nice Italian man, start a family, and "preserve our culture." When I turned 16, my parents introduced me to a family friend’s son who was 18. He seemed really sweet, and the fact that my parents approved of him was a bonus. Now, at 22, and he's 24, we're living together but aren’t married. I’ve always seen myself as a nurturing partner, a future housewife, supporting the man I love. However, after he got a job in law enforcement, I've noticed some alarming changes in him. He's become insecure, angry, and even shows signs of being borderline racist, which is really unsettling. On his days off, he’s either gaming or drinking with his colleagues. To make matters worse, I recently discovered he was unfaithful. Growing up, I was taught to keep relationship issues private, so I haven’t confided in anyone about this. I genuinely find joy in cooking, cleaning, and embodying that traditional wife role, but I’ve learned he doesn’t want kids, and we’ve barely discussed marriage. I’ve also come to realize that I thrive with a partner who is confident and decisive—someone I can trust to lead. My boyfriend often feels the need to prove his masculinity using his badge and Italian heritage, which feels troubling to me. I believe a real man doesn’t need to justify his manhood. All of this came to a head recently during a conversation with my mom and cousin. She mentioned dating a nice Latino guy, and my dad overheard, making comments about how he couldn't accept me being with someone outside our culture. This really hit me hard. I despise any form of racism or bigotry (my dad even reprimanded me for defending the decision to replace Columbus Day with recognition for Indigenous people), so I’m left feeling trapped. It feels like I have to choose between staying in this tumultuous relationship or returning home to an environment where I'm constantly controlled and treated like a child. Am I overreacting? Sorry for the long rant!

My boyfriend's parents aren't fond of me (they don't know we're back together).

My boyfriend (29) and I (28) have been together for 10 months now. We previously dated in high school for two years and were each other's first loves and experiences. Back then, I was dealing with mental health issues and addiction, which led to me hurting him deeply. As a result, his parents don’t like me, and he’s aware of that. He hasn’t shared our current relationship with them because he wants to keep both our relationship and his family connections intact. Every time his dad visits, my boyfriend has to remove all our photos and anything I’ve given him from his house. It’s painful, but I understand that revealing our relationship might strain his ties with his parents. He’s shared with me how much it hurts that I can’t attend family gatherings or holidays with him. I often think about our future—marriage, living together—and it feels daunting given the current situation. He mentioned recently, during a conversation on this topic, that “my dad’s going to find out eventually.” I feel so lost about what to do. He feels like my soulmate and best friend, and I envision a future with him. However, it's clear that moving in together isn't feasible right now. I’m considering writing a letter to his parents, but I’m unsure. TL;DR: My boyfriend and I reunited after 10 years apart; we dated for two years in high school, and I hurt him then, which led to his parents disliking me. They don’t know we’re dating now. What should I do?

The Importance of Political Perspectives in Relationships: How Do Differences Impact Long-Term Partnerships?

Hello, I’m a 26-year-old woman and I’ve been in a relationship with my partner, a 29-year-old man, for three years. I am from Ukraine, while he was born in Latvia; however, his family has roots in Eastern Ukraine but relocated to Latvia around thirty years ago. When the conflict began, not a single member of his family reached out to me. Although his best friend sent me a supportive message, he also expressed his belief that Russia's intentions were not to destroy Ukrainian cities, particularly the larger ones. I found it inappropriate for him to assert what Russia aims to do, especially since he is not directly impacted by the situation. Moreover, his best friend’s mother took to Facebook to express her pride in being Russian, boasting about the merits of her country. All of his friends reside in the Baltic states, speak Russian, and still visit Russia for vacation. Some have even unfollowed me on Instagram, as my posts about Ukraine don’t resonate with them. Additionally, he has shared screenshots from Ukrainian group chats with his friend for their amusement. He expressed disappointment over a t-shirt I wore that read “Russian warship, go f*** yourself,” which references a famous response from Ukrainian soldiers. This clash of perspectives is beginning to affect my sense of identity, and I sometimes feel like I am betraying my values. I’m uncomfortable around his friends, yet he insists I spend time with them. He shows little respect for my mother but happily shares meals with his friend’s proud Russian mother. During a visit to his family, his father stated that Kyiv would soon become part of Russia, and his brother occasionally reads Tolstoy. While this is acceptable in itself, it’s notable that he does not typically read much, and when he does, it’s exclusively Russian literature. I understand that people can coexist happily despite political differences, but this situation feels fundamentally wrong to me. What are your thoughts?

I'm a 22-year-old woman, and my partner is a 24-year-old man. We have our differences, but our love for each other is strong, and we want to stay together.

Hello, I’m a 22-year-old woman in a six-month relationship with my boyfriend, who is 24. We deeply care for each other, but at times, I feel like my love for him is stronger. Despite our differences, we connect remarkably well. He enjoys math, while it's not my forte. He's more avoidant and values his space, whereas I tend to be anxiously attached and seek connection. He loves adventure, while I prefer a more cautious approach. He expresses a desire to have children, which I’m open to because I envision him as a father, but it's not something I personally aspire to. I also value my faith in God, which is significant to me, while he identifies as non-religious. Often, it feels like I’m the one making all the compromises. I’m being patient as he navigates his own faith journey, and I share my beliefs with him. Though I’m not religious in the conventional sense and maintain my personal relationship with God, he has had negative experiences with religion; he views it as restrictive and has encountered Christians who have acted poorly. He’s made an effort for me, even attending church with my family, but remains firm in his disbelief. Another concern is his use of weed and his interest in experimenting with drugs, claiming he wants to avoid the "dangerous" ones. While I disapprove of drug use, I’ve tolerated his smoking, but recently learning about his interest in other drugs has made me anxious. I fear exposure and the potential for addiction. My family has had difficult experiences with substance abuse, including an uncle who is now homeless and a cousin who is unable to see his children due to legal issues. When I voiced my worries, I mentioned that I wouldn't want that for ourselves or our future children. He expressed that he’d like to smoke and get high with our kids when they’re older, provided they are "responsible," but what if something goes wrong? He feels that I’m misinformed and that my fears are clouding my judgment about what could be a positive experience for us. He often wishes I would be more open-minded. Does he expect me to engage in late-night partying, drinking, and drug use? I’m unsure where we stand. Is it possible for us to reach a compromise on these issues? Should we consider parting ways to find partners more aligned with our values? I love him deeply and am hesitant to give up on our relationship without exploring all options. I would appreciate any insights on whether I’m truly misinformed or advice on how to navigate this situation.

Should I marry for love or prioritize financial stability through an arranged marriage?

I'm in love with a guy, and we've been in a relationship for about 7-8 months. Recently, my parents started pressuring me for marriage through arranged means, so I felt it was necessary to inform them about my relationship. They're opposed to it because my boyfriend currently doesn't have a stable job, and neither he nor his family possesses significant assets. There are also concerns about our different castes, how I would fit in, and what society might think. Initially, I was alright with his financial situation. We discussed it, and he’s actively working towards finding a better job. But now, I find myself thinking more practically. What if he doesn't secure a better position? What if he struggles to support his family? That thought has been weighing on me. Now I’m torn between staying with the man I love or opting for an arranged marriage with someone who has a solid financial background. What should I do?

In a two-year relationship, they haven't met each other's families due to concerns about her dating someone of a different race. She is 21, and he is 24.

My girlfriend (21F) is about to graduate as a senior in her undergraduate studies, while I (24M) am in my first year of a master's program. We both come from the same town and high school. We’ve been together for two years, and only her two sisters know about our relationship since her family doesn’t approve of men of color. This situation has been really difficult for me. She believes that if her family finds out, they might stop supporting her financially with tuition, rent, and food, which is why she’s hesitant to tell them. I honestly think it wouldn’t be as bad as she fears, but her anxiety complicates things. I've struggled to convince her, leading to a lot of tension between us. I only learned about her family dynamics three months into our relationship, but I believed we could work through it, expecting things would get better by now. It pains me to consider giving her an ultimatum since I can see how hard this is for her. She feels torn, too. With her graduation approaching this semester, I made it clear that I won’t miss it, even if her entire family is there. I have two undergraduate degrees and am pursuing my master’s while working full-time, and I feel like I deserve to be acknowledged in our relationship. I genuinely love her and have always thought she was "the one," but this family issue and her anxiety have made it difficult to envision a future together, especially beyond her graduation. I would appreciate any advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I know some may suggest that I should walk away, while others might encourage me to fight for our love. I'm truly interested in hearing if anyone has faced something like this in today’s world and how it turned out. Has anyone gone through something similar?

My boyfriend (23M) and I (21F) have decided to end our relationship due to our differing religious beliefs. Is there a possibility for us to make this work in the long run?

My boyfriend and I come from different backgrounds—I'm Hindu and he's Muslim. We met six months ago and instantly felt a strong connection, which quickly blossomed into love. We are both in the same college and study the same field, and our time together has been incredibly happy. However, about a month ago, he became very upset and suggested that we shouldn't continue our relationship. I was heartbroken because we had barely begun our journey together, and he had expressed his love for me and his desire to marry. I view our relationship as something long-term; I want to build a future with him. Although we're living abroad, away from our families, we could easily enjoy each other's company and experience all the closeness that comes with a committed relationship. However, he emphasized the importance of thinking about the future, which made me realize that we might be setting ourselves up for heartache if we can't find a way to align our aspirations. He explained that our families' happiness matters a lot to both of us, and continuing the relationship without a clear future could lead to emotional pain. His caution made me feel sad, angry, and a bit unjust, mainly because I wasn't as concerned about the long-term implications. I wanted to focus on cherishing the present and loving him wholeheartedly. After an open and honest conversation, we reluctantly agreed to part ways to avoid further hurt down the line, but also expressed a desire to reconnect in the future if circumstances allowed. As his first love, this situation is particularly emotional for me. There were moments of insecurity, and I wondered if he might be seeing someone else, but he reassured me, clearing up my doubts. We had created such a beautiful bond, and ending things like this has been incredibly difficult. Despite my inability to think long-term and my desire to stay by his side, I'm reaching out for advice. Is there a chance we could find a way to work things out in the future? Any insights or guidance would be appreciated.

I'm a 20-year-old guy, and my girlfriend, who is 24, mentioned something today that surprised me. She expressed a wish that my father would die—though that’s not exactly how she said it. How should I respond to that?

Today, I was on the phone with my girlfriend (we're in a long-distance relationship), and she asked me if my father is racist. I told her that, unfortunately, he is, but he’s not a bad person; he’s always kind to everyone, even to those who aren't of the same race. While he hasn't made any overtly racist comments or treated anyone poorly because of their background, he does hold some prejudiced beliefs. Then she asked me how old my father is, and after I told her, she said, "So he's going to be around for a lot longer?" She laughed afterward, but her tone sounded serious. At first, I was confused, but then I realized the implication of what she said. I didn’t confront her about it in the moment because I’m worried about losing her, but it still hurt me. I love her deeply, and I know she loves me too, but I’m unsure how to handle this situation.

Afraid to Share About My Boyfriend with Mom

For some context, I'm an 18-year-old African American woman with autism, and my boyfriend is a 20-year-old Egyptian man who has been living in the U.S. for two years. We met on Tinder around April and chatted on iMessages for a few days before meeting up in person. Before our first date, we exchanged nudes, and he mentioned, "We don't know each other, so it would be nice to get to know each other first." We decided to go to a semi-formal restaurant. He was more talkative than I was, which made me a bit anxious since I struggle with maintaining eye contact. He paid for everything, and once we got into the car, I began to relax. We had a great conversation as he drove me around. Things escalated when I admitted I was "horny" and offered him oral sex. He hesitated at first and said, "Maybe next time." I respected his feelings, but he later asked if I was sure about my offer, and I confirmed that I wanted to proceed. I ended up giving him oral sex, but then I wanted to stop and have sex instead. He was keen, but when we were about to go further, I realized I wasn't ready. He attempted to penetrate me but struggled because I was tense from stress. He asked, "Do I not arouse you, or are you playing games with me?" I then suggested we try anal sex instead, which we did. Unfortunately, the condom broke during his ejaculation. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me about the broken condom, adding, "There's nothing we can do now." On the car ride back to my house, we had a brief conversation: **BF:** I loved when you **[explicit content]** **Me:** Thank you. **BF:** You okay? **Me:** Yeah, I'm fine. **BF:** You didn't seem like it. You can tell me what happened. **Me:** It's fine. **BF:** Oh, okay. Well, I hope you have a good day. **Me:** Don’t you want to come with me? **BF:** No, I'm sorry. I have to be somewhere soon. **Me:** *Kisses him* **BF:** *Kisses me back* Once I got home, I checked my phone and saw that he had blocked me on iMessages. I burst into tears and ended up telling my parents what had happened. Naturally, they were upset with him. For months, I felt crushed, questioning what I did wrong and how things could have turned out differently. In August, he unblocked me and apologized, explaining that he was sorry for blocking me and that he found it awkward since he had never had sex on the first date, especially after the condom broke. We exchanged messages for a bit, but in September I chose to block him again to heal from the pain he caused. During that time, I reflected on the situation and realized that, ultimately, it was his choice, not mine. By November, I unblocked him, and we started communicating again. He expressed how much he missed me and felt hurt by the breakup, saying that I was genuinely nice and he didn’t want to lose me again. After about three weeks of talking, we began dating. We’ve been together since the end of November, but we haven't seen each other since April. He wants to meet, but I've been too anxious to tell my mother about our relationship. I want to be open with her since keeping it a secret adds stress, but I'm worried she might overreact, especially since she isn’t keen on me dating anyone without her knowing them—especially given a past incident that made her and my father wary of him. How can I approach my mother about him? **TL;DR:** After our first date, he blocked me because he felt I was "moving too fast," and the condom broke. I cried to my parents about it, and they didn't like him. Later, he unblocked me, apologized, and we reconnected. I blocked him again to heal, then unblocked him a month later, and we've been dating for a few weeks. Now I’m anxious about telling my mother about him.

I, a 19-year-old male, am starting to feel unsure about whether we really connect [20-year-old female].

I'm feeling increasingly uncertain about whether we can continue living happily together due to our differences. We've been together for about 19 months, and have lived together for around 14 of those months in Germany. Recently, I've come to realize that we really don’t have much in common. Our views on various issues—politics, religion, society—are almost completely different, which leads to frequent arguments. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and depression, and has been on sick leave for the past year while I work full time as a mechanic. Despite my demanding job, I often find myself doing more around the house than she does. This, along with her sometimes rude behavior (I'm not sure if it stems from her condition) leaves me feeling undervalued and disrespected. I've nearly considered breaking up about three times now, but each time there have been moments where she’s done something that truly touched my heart, giving me hope for our relationship in the weeks that follow. However, this cycle feels endless. Her frequent outbursts, mood swings, and unpredictable behavior are taking a toll on my mental health. It’s hard to determine if someone you love is causing you pain, and it’s increasingly affecting my confidence in our love. I genuinely care for her and don’t want anything bad to happen to her, but I can't help but worry that our relationship is destined to end badly, largely due to our differences. I sometimes think about the future, imagining us having kids, and how our contrasting ideas about parenting could drive a wedge between us, potentially harming not just our relationship but also the well-being of a child. I feel so conflicted and unsure of what to do. Should I hold on to hope and believe that we can work through our issues, or should I surrender to my fears that our relationship will inevitably deteriorate or come to an end?

Relocating from a developed nation to a developing nation for the sake of love?

I'm a 20-year-old female in a relationship with a 20-year-old male. We're from different countries; we met three years ago when he visited Canada, where I'm from. We've been together for two years and have been living together in Canada for the past year. Recently, he suggested that I move to his country due to rising inflation and living costs here. Initially, I was hesitant, but I decided to visit for over two months to explore and immerse myself in his culture, taste local foods, and learn some of his language. The experience was quite a roller coaster; there were days I felt lonely without my family and friends, yet I also had incredible moments. Ultimately, the decision to stay there is mine, as he won’t be coming back to Canada. If I choose to remain, my plan would be to learn the language and look for work while he attends university. Although the lifestyle there wouldn’t be stressful for me, it means leaving behind my loved ones. Is moving to a developing country for love a worthwhile choice? TL;DR: Would you relocate from a developed country to a developing country for love?

A white male, who is 18, is dating a Black female, also 18. I have feelings for him, but his mother does not support their relationship due to her disapproval of him dating Black individuals.

I'm an 18-year-old high school senior, set to graduate in May 2025. I started chatting with a boy in one of our core classes, and we quickly became close friends. As we grew closer, we started hanging out outside of school, and we both felt a growing tension between us. One Friday after school, he came over to my house and asked if he could stay the night since we didn’t have school the next day. I agreed, and after a few hours of lounging on my bed and scrolling through our phones, he asked me if I like white boys. Caught off guard, I replied that race doesn't really matter to me, and asked why he was asking. He leaned in and mumbled, “I like you.” I was surprised and asked him to repeat it. He clarified, “I like you, okay?” It felt like something out of a sitcom! I admitted I had liked him since I first noticed him in freshman year. Fast forward three years, and we’re now dating. One day while chilling at my house watching a movie, he mentioned wanting to have sex. I admitted I was scared, and he reassured me that it was fine if I wasn't ready, given our age and the complications that could arise, like an unplanned pregnancy. I asked him if he really wanted this, and he affirmed that he did. I then said I would only go through with it if I could visit his house or meet his parents, and suggested he get the morning-after pill just in case. He said they knew about me but were unaware of my ethnicity, which might be a concern. Jokingly, I asked if his parents were racist, and he replied, “Kind of, but not really.” A few days later, he called to say his parents agreed to meet me, which made me nervous because I knew they weren't fond of Black people. He invited me over for dinner. The next day, as I was getting ready, I asked for the address, and he told me his parents were coming to pick me up to see if my house was “ghetto." When they arrived, I got in the backseat with him, expecting to head to his house for dinner. Instead, we ended up at Texas Roadhouse. I told his mom I didn’t bring any money, and she shot me a judgmental glance, saying, “Don’t worry, hun, we don’t expect you to pay.” Her husband added, “No need to be rude, hun!” During dinner, his mom was quite rude while his dad was friendly, which made me realize where my boyfriend got his kindness from. As the evening wrapped up, they took us back to my house. Since he had left some clothes over, we planned to take showers and hang out. I asked if he brought the pill and condoms, and I made sure my parents weren't home; I knew they would react strongly if they walked in on us. Once I confirmed we had privacy, we talked about our feelings for each other, and after he had penetrated, it was painful at first, but he was reassuring and supportive. Afterward, we cuddled and laughed together, and he even told me he loved me. Since that day, he has been expressing how much he wants a future with me, including kids. However, I’m concerned about his mom and her behavior, which seems to complicate things. I truly like him, but I’m not sure how to navigate this with his mother in the picture. Should I ignore her and stay with him?

Looking for assistance with a hidden relationship.

### Inquiry About a Relationship I’m a 23-year-old Norwegian Christian guy who recently started dating a 27-year-old girl from Kosovo who identifies as an Albanian Muslim. We met at our local gym through a mutual friend. We both live nearby and continue to work out at the same gym. We've been together for about a year and a half now. She has met my whole family and has formed a close bond with my parents. Initially, we were both hesitant to meet outside the gym, but eventually, we began to spend a lot of time together. At one point, she would tell small lies—claiming she was working overtime or visiting her best friend while actually being at my place. We've enjoyed various outings, including spa resorts, cinemas, and restaurants. Our relationship has faced significant challenges in a relatively short time, including an abortion, a brief breakup, and her family discovering our relationship. Despite these obstacles, we find it hard to let go, as we truly love each other and feel like "soulmates." Although she hasn’t officially told her parents and brothers about us, there was an incident when they found out. They reacted very angrily, calling her names, but they never disowned her. She told them she was seeing a younger Norwegian boy for about a year but didn’t reveal my name. Her brothers were more supportive, saying, "Everyone makes mistakes, but we still love you as our sister." After her family found out, I thought for sure we were done, but two months later, she came back. I still loved her and wanted to give it another shot, and now we’re still together. I often wonder why she continues to be with me, knowing her family's disapproval due to her Muslim background. Yet, she frequently expresses her desire to share her life with me and reassures me saying, "We’ll make this work no matter what." I genuinely can’t imagine being with anyone else; she feels like the one for me. Born and raised in Norway, she doesn’t have a strong connection to Kosovo or strict Islamic practices. She drinks alcohol, dresses freely, and while she does fast during Ramadan and avoids pork, she firmly believes in loving whomever she chooses, which she feels is beyond her control. In contrast, her parents are devout Muslims who pray five times daily and have made pilgrimage to Mecca. Currently, we are committed to staying together and taking things one day at a time, focusing on positivity for the future. She often mentions that she wouldn’t have invested 1.5 to 2 years in our relationship if she didn’t believe it could work out, which I genuinely believe. She has also pointed out that my converting to Islam wouldn’t change much since she doesn’t practice it fervently, and her family would prefer to see her with an Albanian man. My questions are: Is there a genuine possibility for us to make this work long-term? What steps can we take to ensure our relationship's success? Will her family ever accept her decision if she chooses to be with me?

I, a 19-year-old female, met my boyfriend, who is 21 years old, through dating apps.

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a month now, and although it's still quite fresh, we're already facing numerous challenges that are causing me to doubt myself. This is my first relationship, so I lack any experience in navigating these situations. To complicate things further, we come from different cultural and religious backgrounds— I am deeply committed to my faith, while he identifies as an atheist. When we met at university, I felt a strong connection with him, as if we shared a lot in common. However, as we became more comfortable, he began to "change," or perhaps his true self started to emerge. In hindsight, I don’t think we experienced a real "honeymoon phase," and if we did, it was fleeting. Early on, I spotted dating apps on his phone. At that time, we were just getting to know each other, so I didn’t feel it was appropriate to raise the issue. He also invited me to places like clubs and shisha lounges that made me uncomfortable due to my personal boundaries. When I declined, he shrugged it off since we weren’t officially dating yet. A few days later, he asked me out, and at first, everything seemed fine. But then, things began to fall apart. He pressured me into doing something that went against my religious beliefs (it wasn't peer pressure; he simply offered me something and misrepresented it), which I found incredibly distressing. Shortly after, he disrespected my faith. I chose to overlook it at the time, but I made it clear that if it ever happened again, I would end the relationship, as it’s a serious issue for me. For context, we had agreed on abstaining from sex until marriage, which is important to me for both religious and personal reasons. I expressed that, even without the religious element, I still want to remain a virgin until marriage. During a visit to his house, I mentioned the dating apps I had seen, and he deleted them on the spot. Yet this week, I noticed those same two apps on his phone again (you can probably guess which ones). He initially claimed his friend had made him download them and then later said he was just trying to delete his account. This explanation seemed somewhat plausible because a friend of mine who uses one of those apps could no longer find his profile. However, she did discover him on Hinge with a photo taken just six days ago. When I confronted him, his story kept changing—first it was about his friends, then he forgot to delete it, and finally, he blamed it on being drunk. He turned the conversation around, saying, “If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship.” Despite all this, I have trusted him in many ways—allowing him to go to different cities and even frat parties. Still, I can’t shake the feeling that he’s not being honest with me. I’m conflicted about what to do: part of me thinks breaking up might be the best option, but I’m not quite ready to take that step. I also don’t want my kindness to lead to hurt. To his credit, he has altered some behaviors that I expressed concerned about. For instance, he no longer vapes in front of me and claims he wants to learn more about my culture and religion. He’s introduced me to all his friends, invited me to group hangouts, and even brought me to his friend’s frat house. His family is also aware of our relationship. My concern is that even though he promised me yesterday that I would never see those apps on his phone again and assured me he isn't communicating with anyone on them, I worry that his motivation is the lack of sex, despite us being intimate in other ways. My friends think I should end things, but I haven’t shared many details with them, so they don’t have the full story. Without that context, it’s difficult for them to offer objective advice, leaving me even more uncertain about my next steps.