Relationship advices: Cultural and Religious Differences

I, a 19-year-old male, am starting to feel unsure about whether we really connect [20-year-old female].

I'm feeling increasingly uncertain about whether we can continue living happily together due to our differences. We've been together for about 19 months, and have lived together for around 14 of those months in Germany. Recently, I've come to realize that we really don’t have much in common. Our views on various issues—politics, religion, society—are almost completely different, which leads to frequent arguments. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and depression, and has been on sick leave for the past year while I work full time as a mechanic. Despite my demanding job, I often find myself doing more around the house than she does. This, along with her sometimes rude behavior (I'm not sure if it stems from her condition) leaves me feeling undervalued and disrespected. I've nearly considered breaking up about three times now, but each time there have been moments where she’s done something that truly touched my heart, giving me hope for our relationship in the weeks that follow. However, this cycle feels endless. Her frequent outbursts, mood swings, and unpredictable behavior are taking a toll on my mental health. It’s hard to determine if someone you love is causing you pain, and it’s increasingly affecting my confidence in our love. I genuinely care for her and don’t want anything bad to happen to her, but I can't help but worry that our relationship is destined to end badly, largely due to our differences. I sometimes think about the future, imagining us having kids, and how our contrasting ideas about parenting could drive a wedge between us, potentially harming not just our relationship but also the well-being of a child. I feel so conflicted and unsure of what to do. Should I hold on to hope and believe that we can work through our issues, or should I surrender to my fears that our relationship will inevitably deteriorate or come to an end?

Relocating from a developed nation to a developing nation for the sake of love?

I'm a 20-year-old female in a relationship with a 20-year-old male. We're from different countries; we met three years ago when he visited Canada, where I'm from. We've been together for two years and have been living together in Canada for the past year. Recently, he suggested that I move to his country due to rising inflation and living costs here. Initially, I was hesitant, but I decided to visit for over two months to explore and immerse myself in his culture, taste local foods, and learn some of his language. The experience was quite a roller coaster; there were days I felt lonely without my family and friends, yet I also had incredible moments. Ultimately, the decision to stay there is mine, as he won’t be coming back to Canada. If I choose to remain, my plan would be to learn the language and look for work while he attends university. Although the lifestyle there wouldn’t be stressful for me, it means leaving behind my loved ones. Is moving to a developing country for love a worthwhile choice? TL;DR: Would you relocate from a developed country to a developing country for love?

A white male, who is 18, is dating a Black female, also 18. I have feelings for him, but his mother does not support their relationship due to her disapproval of him dating Black individuals.

I'm an 18-year-old high school senior, set to graduate in May 2025. I started chatting with a boy in one of our core classes, and we quickly became close friends. As we grew closer, we started hanging out outside of school, and we both felt a growing tension between us. One Friday after school, he came over to my house and asked if he could stay the night since we didn’t have school the next day. I agreed, and after a few hours of lounging on my bed and scrolling through our phones, he asked me if I like white boys. Caught off guard, I replied that race doesn't really matter to me, and asked why he was asking. He leaned in and mumbled, “I like you.” I was surprised and asked him to repeat it. He clarified, “I like you, okay?” It felt like something out of a sitcom! I admitted I had liked him since I first noticed him in freshman year. Fast forward three years, and we’re now dating. One day while chilling at my house watching a movie, he mentioned wanting to have sex. I admitted I was scared, and he reassured me that it was fine if I wasn't ready, given our age and the complications that could arise, like an unplanned pregnancy. I asked him if he really wanted this, and he affirmed that he did. I then said I would only go through with it if I could visit his house or meet his parents, and suggested he get the morning-after pill just in case. He said they knew about me but were unaware of my ethnicity, which might be a concern. Jokingly, I asked if his parents were racist, and he replied, “Kind of, but not really.” A few days later, he called to say his parents agreed to meet me, which made me nervous because I knew they weren't fond of Black people. He invited me over for dinner. The next day, as I was getting ready, I asked for the address, and he told me his parents were coming to pick me up to see if my house was “ghetto." When they arrived, I got in the backseat with him, expecting to head to his house for dinner. Instead, we ended up at Texas Roadhouse. I told his mom I didn’t bring any money, and she shot me a judgmental glance, saying, “Don’t worry, hun, we don’t expect you to pay.” Her husband added, “No need to be rude, hun!” During dinner, his mom was quite rude while his dad was friendly, which made me realize where my boyfriend got his kindness from. As the evening wrapped up, they took us back to my house. Since he had left some clothes over, we planned to take showers and hang out. I asked if he brought the pill and condoms, and I made sure my parents weren't home; I knew they would react strongly if they walked in on us. Once I confirmed we had privacy, we talked about our feelings for each other, and after he had penetrated, it was painful at first, but he was reassuring and supportive. Afterward, we cuddled and laughed together, and he even told me he loved me. Since that day, he has been expressing how much he wants a future with me, including kids. However, I’m concerned about his mom and her behavior, which seems to complicate things. I truly like him, but I’m not sure how to navigate this with his mother in the picture. Should I ignore her and stay with him?

Looking for assistance with a hidden relationship.

### Inquiry About a Relationship I’m a 23-year-old Norwegian Christian guy who recently started dating a 27-year-old girl from Kosovo who identifies as an Albanian Muslim. We met at our local gym through a mutual friend. We both live nearby and continue to work out at the same gym. We've been together for about a year and a half now. She has met my whole family and has formed a close bond with my parents. Initially, we were both hesitant to meet outside the gym, but eventually, we began to spend a lot of time together. At one point, she would tell small lies—claiming she was working overtime or visiting her best friend while actually being at my place. We've enjoyed various outings, including spa resorts, cinemas, and restaurants. Our relationship has faced significant challenges in a relatively short time, including an abortion, a brief breakup, and her family discovering our relationship. Despite these obstacles, we find it hard to let go, as we truly love each other and feel like "soulmates." Although she hasn’t officially told her parents and brothers about us, there was an incident when they found out. They reacted very angrily, calling her names, but they never disowned her. She told them she was seeing a younger Norwegian boy for about a year but didn’t reveal my name. Her brothers were more supportive, saying, "Everyone makes mistakes, but we still love you as our sister." After her family found out, I thought for sure we were done, but two months later, she came back. I still loved her and wanted to give it another shot, and now we’re still together. I often wonder why she continues to be with me, knowing her family's disapproval due to her Muslim background. Yet, she frequently expresses her desire to share her life with me and reassures me saying, "We’ll make this work no matter what." I genuinely can’t imagine being with anyone else; she feels like the one for me. Born and raised in Norway, she doesn’t have a strong connection to Kosovo or strict Islamic practices. She drinks alcohol, dresses freely, and while she does fast during Ramadan and avoids pork, she firmly believes in loving whomever she chooses, which she feels is beyond her control. In contrast, her parents are devout Muslims who pray five times daily and have made pilgrimage to Mecca. Currently, we are committed to staying together and taking things one day at a time, focusing on positivity for the future. She often mentions that she wouldn’t have invested 1.5 to 2 years in our relationship if she didn’t believe it could work out, which I genuinely believe. She has also pointed out that my converting to Islam wouldn’t change much since she doesn’t practice it fervently, and her family would prefer to see her with an Albanian man. My questions are: Is there a genuine possibility for us to make this work long-term? What steps can we take to ensure our relationship's success? Will her family ever accept her decision if she chooses to be with me?

I, a 19-year-old female, met my boyfriend, who is 21 years old, through dating apps.

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a month now, and although it's still quite fresh, we're already facing numerous challenges that are causing me to doubt myself. This is my first relationship, so I lack any experience in navigating these situations. To complicate things further, we come from different cultural and religious backgrounds— I am deeply committed to my faith, while he identifies as an atheist. When we met at university, I felt a strong connection with him, as if we shared a lot in common. However, as we became more comfortable, he began to "change," or perhaps his true self started to emerge. In hindsight, I don’t think we experienced a real "honeymoon phase," and if we did, it was fleeting. Early on, I spotted dating apps on his phone. At that time, we were just getting to know each other, so I didn’t feel it was appropriate to raise the issue. He also invited me to places like clubs and shisha lounges that made me uncomfortable due to my personal boundaries. When I declined, he shrugged it off since we weren’t officially dating yet. A few days later, he asked me out, and at first, everything seemed fine. But then, things began to fall apart. He pressured me into doing something that went against my religious beliefs (it wasn't peer pressure; he simply offered me something and misrepresented it), which I found incredibly distressing. Shortly after, he disrespected my faith. I chose to overlook it at the time, but I made it clear that if it ever happened again, I would end the relationship, as it’s a serious issue for me. For context, we had agreed on abstaining from sex until marriage, which is important to me for both religious and personal reasons. I expressed that, even without the religious element, I still want to remain a virgin until marriage. During a visit to his house, I mentioned the dating apps I had seen, and he deleted them on the spot. Yet this week, I noticed those same two apps on his phone again (you can probably guess which ones). He initially claimed his friend had made him download them and then later said he was just trying to delete his account. This explanation seemed somewhat plausible because a friend of mine who uses one of those apps could no longer find his profile. However, she did discover him on Hinge with a photo taken just six days ago. When I confronted him, his story kept changing—first it was about his friends, then he forgot to delete it, and finally, he blamed it on being drunk. He turned the conversation around, saying, “If there’s no trust, there’s no relationship.” Despite all this, I have trusted him in many ways—allowing him to go to different cities and even frat parties. Still, I can’t shake the feeling that he’s not being honest with me. I’m conflicted about what to do: part of me thinks breaking up might be the best option, but I’m not quite ready to take that step. I also don’t want my kindness to lead to hurt. To his credit, he has altered some behaviors that I expressed concerned about. For instance, he no longer vapes in front of me and claims he wants to learn more about my culture and religion. He’s introduced me to all his friends, invited me to group hangouts, and even brought me to his friend’s frat house. His family is also aware of our relationship. My concern is that even though he promised me yesterday that I would never see those apps on his phone again and assured me he isn't communicating with anyone on them, I worry that his motivation is the lack of sex, despite us being intimate in other ways. My friends think I should end things, but I haven’t shared many details with them, so they don’t have the full story. Without that context, it’s difficult for them to offer objective advice, leaving me even more uncertain about my next steps.