Relationship advices

There's a big conflict, and I'm unsure how to handle it.

I (17F) recently had a major fight with my boyfriend (17M) of one year, and it was pretty intense—definitely the most serious argument we've ever had. At one point, I even accused him of cheating because he's been spending time with a classmate I don’t particularly like. I can't quite put my finger on why she makes me feel jealous, but whenever I hear about their interactions, I lose it. I've never experienced jealousy like this before and I know I need to address it. Our argument lasted the entire weekend, from Friday to Sunday. He mentioned that he didn’t want to talk, and I respected his space, but as an overthinker, I couldn’t shake off the worry that he might want to end things. Eventually, I reached out to tell him I love him and I was sorry because I wasn’t sleeping anyway. He left my message unread in the morning, which only heightened my anxiety, so I messaged him again asking for a response. We finally had a conversation where I apologized, and it seemed like he forgave me. However, the atmosphere between us still feels tense and everything seems different now. This is my first relationship, and I'm worried things won’t go back to how they used to be. Is this a normal part of relationships? Are we going to be okay? I feel like crying and I’m not sure how to handle this. I don’t have much experience with relationships, and this situation just feels off to me.

I (21 M) feel terrible every time I discuss my emotions with my girlfriend (21 F).

I've been dating my girlfriend (21F) for the past two months, and I’m feeling really exhausted. From the start, we both agreed to be open and honest about our feelings. Initially, we faced some typical relationship challenges, but we worked through them together. I put in a lot of effort to make her happy. However, just one month in, she started getting upset over what I consider minor issues, shutting down communication, and disappearing. Here are a few examples: * I told her multiple times that I was tired and planned to go to bed early, but it still upset her. * While we were watching a movie, I went to grab some water and she sent me an Instagram video that I didn’t check out because I wanted to focus on the movie. * I spent time chatting with my friends. Last week, I finally shared my feelings about her behavior, explaining how her reactions made me feel awful, but I also reassured her that I was open to discussing things. Unsurprisingly, she didn’t take it well. Yet, the next morning, we talked as if nothing significant had happened. Today, she sent me a video saying, *"When I try to express my feelings and he responds with 'I hear you, baby,' instead of 'Why do you have to make a problem out of everything?'"* She added, *"Unfortunately, you made me feel like the second part."* It appears that I’m somehow at fault for not fully understanding her feelings. Sometimes she claims it’s merely *"her attitude,"* which I don't think is a valid excuse. Every time I try to express my feelings, I end up feeling like I'm doing something wrong or saying hurtful things to her. This situation is becoming overwhelming, and I don’t feel at peace in our relationship. I find myself overthinking every little action, which I really dislike, but I still love her. I’m not sure if this is just because it’s my first relationship, but I worry that if I choose to end things, I might come across as someone cruel who hurt someone just trying to be understood.

21M, why am I still single?

Hey everyone! I hope you’re all doing well. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on why I’m still single, and I could really use your insights. A little about me: I’m a 21-year-old guy, standing at 1.96m and weighing around 98kg. I’ve worked hard for my athletic build, and I like to think I have a decent level of intelligence. Plus, I have a great taste in music that seems to resonate with many people. On paper, I check a lot of boxes that people typically look for. Yet, I find myself navigating the dating scene alone, which makes me question whether it’s just a matter of timing, my dating approach, or something else entirely that I might be missing. I’d love to hear your perspectives. Has anyone else faced a similar situation? What do you think might be contributing to my single status? If you’re interested in offering some advice, feel free to check out my Instagram: @silvah.tv. I can’t wait to hear your stories and suggestions. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

How can I determine if my relationship is characterized by narcissism?

In my current long-distance relationship, there are certain behaviors from my partner that genuinely upset me. Although we've only been together for a short time, I've noticed that being direct and attempting to take charge of the situation often helps me communicate my feelings, though it frequently leads to arguments. There are multiple actions of his that leave me feeling hurt, including: - Ignoring me or ending our calls whenever something I say bothers him. - Telling me to "shut up" when I talk too much. While I realize he often means this as a joke, at times I can't tell his intention. - Guilt-tripping me by claiming he's a bad boyfriend whenever I'm upset, regardless of whether it's due to him or something else. - Misrepresenting my words or taking them out of context. - Disregarding my boundaries. - Becoming upset when I check in on him; his tone shifts noticeably before I ask, indicating he's already bothered. He then insists that he’s fine but gets angry with me, saying, “Do you not realize you’re the one making me upset right now?” - Getting easily angered over minor issues, often without me meaning to provoke him. These patterns have led me to question whether this could be a form of narcissistic abuse, and that's not even everything. I have no intention of leaving him as I'm not someone who gives up easily. He deserves love just like everyone else, and I can't bear the thought of him being alone for the rest of his life, especially since I care deeply for him. He brings me joy and is my best friend, but some of these issues seem insurmountable. I’m seeking answers and a clearer understanding of his perspective. A breakup isn’t something I’m considering right now because I know how to navigate my feelings, and if it becomes overwhelming, I’ll know when to walk away. Any advice on how to handle this situation would be truly appreciated.

I, a 31-year-old male, met a 28-year-old female online. We're from different states and have plans to meet in person.

Hello, this is my first time posting, so I appreciate your patience. I've been talking to a girl I met online from another state—she's 28 and very kind, but she tends to be quite emotional and cries over various things. We've been getting closer for about seven months, and I’m set to meet her in a couple of weeks. However, I’m feeling unsure about it. She has expressed a strong desire for me to move to her state and seems eager to accelerate our relationship into something more serious in under a year, which makes me a bit uneasy. Moving away from my home state would be a significant risk for me, as I would be leaving behind family, friends, and everything I've worked for. I’m torn between whether to end things before I meet her or to go ahead and meet her and see how I feel afterward. I don’t want to hurt her by leading her on, but I also don’t want to stay in a situation that makes me uncomfortable. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

20F I recently lost my virginity to a 19M and have started being more active sexually, but it's still a bit awkward. Any tips on how we can improve?

My boyfriend (19M) and I (20NB/F) recently lost our virginity to each other, and it was genuinely enjoyable! Initially, I thought everything would be straightforward, but when we started, lining up our bodies was a challenge, and things didn’t always go or stay where we expected. We were surprised by some unexpected sounds and even ended up slipping off the bed— it was actually pretty funny, and we shared a lot of laughs. During foreplay, he’s very enthusiastic about making sure I’m satisfied and is open to suggestions! However, he sometimes gets a bit too eager while going down on me— he can be a little rough, especially when he’s stimulating my clitoris, which can go from pleasurable to overly sensitive very quickly. He’s also been a bit intense when we kiss, but with some guidance, he’s been getting softer during those moments, which is encouraging. On our first encounter, things progressed so rapidly that my immediate reaction was to fake an orgasm to redirect him, which I know sounds bad. I left feeling a little upset that it had to end in that way, and I felt guilty for not expressing my feelings in the moment. So, the next time we were getting intimate, I suggested we show each other how we usually prefer to be touched. I guided him to be gentler with his hands and explained how I like to be touched. When he tried going down on me again, I was nervous about how things might escalate too quickly, so I had to keep guiding his head away. Additionally, since we were in a cold AC room, I found myself drying up from the chill, which made things even more challenging. How can we navigate this without losing the moment? Also, while I think my boyfriend is well-endowed lengthwise, I tend to respond better to girth. Are there particular positions that would highlight his girth more effectively while we’re in motion? We enjoyed the lazy doggy style position when we tried it, as it felt incredibly intense. Furthermore, I’ve found that practicing riding positions on my own is much easier than doing so on a small bed with another person involved. Even though I'm quite flexible, it can be surprising to find the right rhythm and balance. Do you have any tips for building my endurance and stamina for those positions? Any insights into managing the various factors I’ve mentioned would be greatly appreciated. Overall, my boyfriend has expressed some insecurity about his ability to please me, and I find myself torn between not wanting him to feel inadequate as we both learn together and understanding that I need to assert what I need to ensure a positive experience. I don’t want to enable any bad habits that might become harder to address later on. I’m here seeking any advice, suggestions, or guidance you all can provide. Edit: I realize that if I’m asking for advice on communication and the response is simply “communicate,” it kind of feels like we’re going in circles, doesn’t it? LOL.

Am I taking up his time unnecessarily?

I’m looking for an unbiased opinion. So, I'm a 20-year-old female and he’s a 21-year-old male; we’ve been high school friends. We spent the first two years of our relationship together, but the last two years have been more on and off. Now, things are getting serious again, and we’ve talked about intimacy. He often asks when we will take that step, but I’m not ready for it. Just to clarify, I haven't had any sexual experience, and I don’t have any trauma; it’s just where I am right now. I’m hesitant to share this with him because I really value our relationship and I’m afraid of losing him. He’s a wonderful person, but I worry that he might want more than I can give.

I just discovered that my mother-in-law (55f) is irritated that I always arrive with something in hand.

I was always taught that it’s impolite to arrive without something in hand, so I’ve consistently brought treats like cupcakes, brownies, or cookies to events at my in-laws. I never went overboard—just enough to express my gratitude and respect. During our last visit, I asked what I should bring for Thanksgiving, and she said, “You’re in charge of wine. No need for anything else—just one.” We have a wonderful relationship, and I never sensed that she was bothered by my contributions in the past. However, I still felt uneasy about this new directive, as I was raised to believe it’s discourteous to show up empty-handed. I checked in with my husband, asking, “Are you sure one bottle of wine is enough? Should I make another dessert? Is there something else she might need help with? It feels a bit rude to only bring one wine for the whole family.” His reply was, “She only gave you the wine task because she knows that if she didn’t, you’d probably overdo it. She doesn’t even need the wine; it’s just to make you feel involved. She told me not to mention this to you.” (For context, my husband is autistic, so while his delivery can come across as blunt, he means no offense.) I’ll follow her request and bring just one bottle of wine, and perhaps I’ll learn that it’s okay to arrive empty-handed, even if that feels a bit unsettling. Am I overstepping by wanting to contribute, or is it common in American culture to show up without something for gatherings?

Tips for relationships

I'm in need of some guidance. My boyfriend (23) and I (24) have been together for just 10 months, and I experienced a whirlwind romance that led us to move in together. However, I think I might have rushed that decision. After moving in, I've come to realize that we have significant differences regarding crucial topics like career aspirations, family values, politics, and even our levels of maturity and public behavior. I’m not sure how I missed these red flags earlier—perhaps I was simply blinded by love. Now that I'm aware of these discrepancies, I find myself questioning our relationship more than ever. What once seemed minor now feels frustrating to me, and I’m surprised by how much annoyance I’ve started to feel. Initially, I thought my lack of libido was due to hormonal issues, but I've realized that it's not about a lack of desire for intimacy—it's more about my lack of desire for intimacy with him. When I try to discuss these concerns, he tends to downplay them. For instance, when he made a borderline racist joke in a store, I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed, telling him it wasn't appropriate. His response was that it wasn't a big deal since the person he was joking about didn’t hear. That’s really not the point for me. Here's the thing: he treats me incredibly well and makes me feel special in ways I can’t complain about. Despite his immature humor and sometimes questionable behavior, he is fundamentally a kind person. The idea of hurting him makes me truly sad. What should I do? Since we just moved in together, I know we could break the lease if necessary. Is it too soon to consider couples counseling? How do I express that I feel a lack of attraction to him and that he has room to grow, without coming across as trying to change him? I really don’t want to be the “bad guy,” but I also feel like my love for him is fading, and I feel terrible about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I've been dating this guy (40m) for a month, but he always chooses date locations just 5-10 minutes from his place. Then, he lies and says it takes him twice or three times that long to get there. What should I do?

I've been dating a guy for a month now, and he lives in a different city, about 30 minutes away from me—sometimes a bit longer. He did share his general area, but I managed to find out his exact location. I've noticed that every time he plans our dates, they are always set just 5 to 10 minutes from his place, which ends up taking me 30 to 40 minutes to get there. Although he pays for all our outings (even though I’ve offered to split), what bothers me is that he often claims he’s trying to find a location that’s convenient for both of us. He also exaggerates how long it takes him to get there, saying it takes him double or even triple the time, when in fact, the places are just around the corner from him. I've tried suggesting dates that are further away, but he always suggests meeting closer to him instead or complains about parking. He has come to my city once, which was nice, and he brought me food once after I canceled a date because I was tired. I did feel a bit turned off by how he handles our date planning, especially when he lies about travel times. He even mentioned he was worried I would stop seeing him because I canceled. I'm confused about his intentions. If our relationship gets more serious and he invites me over, I’ll eventually uncover the truth. Since I have a general idea of where he lives, I wonder if he's truly serious about me. I feel awkward bringing it up since he seems unaware that I know his location. In brief: I've been dating this guy (40) for a month, and he consistently chooses places just a short distance from his home while telling me it takes significantly longer to reach them.

As an 18-year-old woman, I can't shake the feeling that my boyfriend, who's 19, still loves his ex more than me. Am I just overthinking this, or is there something more going on?

We began to get to know each other while he was still in an on-and-off relationship with his ex-girlfriend. At that time, we were just friends with no romantic intentions. After they broke up for a while, we started spending more time together and officially became a couple four months later. Initially, everything felt great, but soon I realized that things weren't quite what I had anticipated. We used to have so much fun together, but once we entered a relationship, we began to notice each other's flaws and became more considerate of one another. One day, while going through his playlists, I stumbled upon a newly created one that included a description expressing his feelings of missing his ex and asking for a second chance. When I brought this up to him, he explained that it was just a moment of stress and admitted it was foolish. I chose to overlook it, and we continued dating. As time passed, I began to notice that his expression of love for me was quite different—not in a positive way—compared to how he treated his ex. In my opinion, the best way to request something is to treat people as you wish to be treated, without appearing needy. I shared my feelings on social media, wrote him heartfelt messages, and even made playlists for him, but he didn’t reciprocate in the same way. He hadn’t even completed the gift for our anniversary or saved the playlist I created. He had done those things for his ex, but not for me, and it's difficult to bring this up with a partner. His ex also mentioned that he wrote her emails during our situationship, but he claimed they were generic messages meant to spare my feelings, and I chose to trust him and continue our relationship. Despite having numerous arguments in just three months, we still managed to work through them. However, I later discovered that he had been texting his ex, saying he wouldn’t leave her alone, but I kept that information to myself. Throughout our relationship, he has sometimes hurt me, but I tend to blame myself for taking his jokes too seriously or for being unaware in certain situations, despite trying my best to make him feel seen and loved. I often find myself thinking about his ex, reflecting on our love, and wondering if I'm somehow at fault for his behavior. We're only a few months into the relationship, and already there are problems, which leads me to worry a lot. I love him and don’t want this to become a long-term issue. Is there anything I can do to improve our situation?

Here are a few alternative ways to express the concept of "marriage": 1. Matrimony 2. Wedding union 3. Nuptials 4. Spousal relationship 5. Marital bond Let me know if you need something specific!

I'm a 21-year-old woman married to my 22-year-old husband, who is in the military. We relocated to a different country when I was 19 and he was 21. To give you some background, I was raised to be very independent and I value self-sufficiency. I wasn’t thrilled about his decision to join the military, but ultimately, it was his choice. I left behind my family, friends, car, and career to support his goals, and now I often feel lost, like I’m just following him around. We've been in this new country for over a year, and the transition has been tough. Initially, I would cry multiple times a day, then once a day, then weekly, and so on. I never wanted this for myself, but I recognize that I am responsible for my current situation. There have been some things my husband has done that I can’t seem to shake off. They may not be extreme, but they weigh on my mind: - When we first arrived, we both agreed to quit vaping, and we had heartfelt conversations about how much better we felt. However, I later found out he had been lying and was still smoking. - During a heated argument, he shoved me hard out of the bedroom while I was standing in the doorway, which was alarming. - Just a few days ago, he was having a tough day at work and got rough with me, putting me in a headlock. It wasn’t excessively tight, but it startled me. - When I express feelings of loneliness about being in this new place, missing friends, or sacrificing my previous life for his career, he dismisses my concerns as having a “woe is me” mentality and shuts down the conversation. I feel completely isolated here; he’s the only person I talk to. Sometimes I just need to share how I’m feeling. Another issue is that I have to essentially beg for dates. This month, we haven’t gone out at all. I had planned for every Wednesday to be date night, but something always comes up—he’s sick, tired from work, or doesn’t mention it at all. I feel conflicted because, despite these issues, he is a good person. I never doubt his loyalty, and he’s open about sharing his passwords and keeping his phone accessible. He surprises me with small gifts from the store and remembers what I like. However, he often tells me that I don’t appreciate him enough. When I ask for specifics, he mentions small tasks like walking the dog on the weekend or picking up after himself. But I feel like I handle most of the household responsibilities—cleaning up after him, taking care of our dog, and cooking multiple meals each day to accommodate our different diets. It’s disheartening that I don’t get to go out or receive appreciation in return. Honestly, I’m uncertain about where my marriage stands. I’m only 21, and I’m struggling to understand my feelings about our relationship. Any advice would be appreciated.

22 male and 23 female

22M Hey, I've been dating my girlfriend, who’s 23, for about six months. A week ago, she invited me to a Friendsgiving event. I haven’t seen her much lately because she’s been busy with family. The plan is for everyone to hang out and then go out for drinks afterward. I work full-time, and I'm not really into drinking. Yesterday, I checked in with her to see if she still wanted me to come, and she mentioned that she doesn’t know many people there and that everyone will be drinking. Am I overthinking this? I can’t shake the feeling that she might not actually want me to be there, but when I asked her, she promised that wasn’t the case.

Feeling the Need to Be Needed - is that truly a negative aspect? (M43/F39)

**TWO QUESTIONS from a self-reflective, emotional woman (39) living with my Prince Charming, also known as Dr. Robert Bruce Banner, a.k.a. The Conqueror (43).** Tonight marks the first time in four months of cohabitation that we will be sleeping apart—it oddly feels like we’ve done this forever. He made plans with friends, and I unintentionally chose to stay home (which I already regret). So here I am, lying awake with my anxious, overactive mind engaging in a deep conversation with myself. It’s dawned on me that I possess another trait associated with Borderline Personality Disorder: the need to feel needed. **A little about me:** I’m continually striving to become the person I wish to have as a partner. It’s been heartbreaking to realize that I am 100% accountable for the failures in my past relationships. However, this time feels different; I have the opportunity to avoid sabotage and be the best version of myself for him. **QUESTION #1:** I’m exploring ways to overcome this need but would genuinely appreciate advice on how to embrace and channel this trait positively to improve myself and my relationship with him. While I cherish my giving nature, I need to learn not to overlook my own well-being in the process of caring for someone else. I love others as I wish to be loved. I’m learning to extend that same love to myself, so I can recognize affection when it’s reciprocated and appreciate it fully. **About him:** He is my reciprocal, an incredible, charming, intelligent partner who I cannot imagine life without. My past has been filled with unique (and quite difficult) experiences, and I was in a tumultuous place when we met. Yet, we recognized each other's true love and life aspirations. Though he found me at my lowest, he sees my strength and leadership. He values my unique gifts and incredible potential, which were buried beneath the remnants of my past. He truly crowns me as his Queen and supports my success in every endeavor. Moreover, he is undoubtedly a King, and I am honored to be by his side, especially since he pursued me even after I initially turned down his invitations. **QUESTION #2:** In the event that he chooses to stay with me on my ‘self-growth journey,’ what advice could you offer him (aside from “be patient, be kind, be brave, and stock up on gray hair dye for New Year’s”)? Perhaps some encouraging words to reassure him that he’s not the first, nor the only, brave man willing to love a flawed, yet precious diamond? I believe our meeting later in life signifies that we are meant to navigate the journey together. Now, we’re ready for an unparalleled level of honesty and loyalty. Thank you for any insights you can share from either perspective.

What’s the best way to end my relationship with my girlfriend?

I recently discovered that my girlfriend has autism, which I wasn't aware of when we began our relationship. As time has passed, it's become increasingly noticeable, and I'm struggling with how to handle it. I truly don't want to be insensitive, but I'm finding it difficult to continue, and this situation is starting to overwhelm me. The first time I attempted to break up with her, she went home and harmed herself, which was distressing to witness. In many ways, she behaves quite childishly, and I understand that this is part of her experience with autism. Right now, I'm feeling lost and unsure of what to do. I would appreciate any advice or suggestions. If I come across as insensitive, please let me know. She’s a really nice person, but I’m beginning to feel that we might not be compatible. On our first day together, she told me she loved me, and that has added to my discomfort.

I’m a 25-year-old man, and after five years, I no longer feel attracted to my partner, who is 24. Should I consider ending the relationship?

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for nearly five years, and she truly is a wonderful person. We share many interests; she’s athletic, excels academically, and possesses a kind, caring nature. Like any relationship, we've experienced our highs and lows, including some significant disagreements, but I believe these conflicts are fairly typical. However, this is my only relationship, so I may not have the full perspective. I realize that part of my struggle comes from a fear of loneliness and the idea of giving up on someone who has been such a positive presence in my life. I feel torn because deep down, I believe I should be exploring other options at this stage in my life to understand different perspectives and determine my preferences for a serious relationship. Compounding this is my high sex drive, which has created tension in our relationship, as I'm not very affectionate otherwise, except when it comes to intimacy. There are times when I feel guilty for only initiating physical touch in that context. I genuinely enjoy discovering new experiences with her, and I cherish the time we spend together, whether traveling or engaging in activities we both love. I have many wonderful memories with her. Nonetheless, there are periods when I contemplate whether we should break up, contrasted with times when I feel immensely grateful for her presence. Just yesterday, I felt frustrated when she walked through the door and I wasn’t attracted to her at all. It seems we're approaching a stage where marriage and children are on the horizon. I often think she would make a fantastic mother and life partner, yet I also struggle with my current lack of attraction, which is affecting my feelings toward her. For some context: - We don't live together; she resides with her parent and siblings while I still live with my own parent. - She is currently studying, whereas I just completed my studies this year.

My boyfriend wishes to have some distance and prefers to live independently.

My boyfriend wants to live separately and is asking for space. This might be a lot to take in, but here’s the context: I’m F29 and he’s M32. We have been together for two years, and lived together for about one and a half of those years (I know we moved in quickly). Around two weeks ago, my boyfriend shared that he doesn’t want to renew our lease because he feels the need for space. To be fair, we spend a lot of time together since he works from home and I’m often at home too. His reasons include: 1. He feels boxed in and wants his own space, as he doesn’t like having to explain his whereabouts. 2. He mentioned that he isn’t fully in love with me and wants to explore other connections (which feels like he’s looking for someone ‘better’), even though he loves me and thinks living apart could help us both. We have a solid connection on several levels, but I’m more of a homebody while he is outgoing and enjoys singing and dancing. I do have fun and go out with him, but our interests differ somewhat. 3. He expressed a desire for us to be less co-dependent and focus on personal growth, which I agree is important. I have been consumed with taking care of him, his kids, and managing the household, and it feels almost robotic at times. He suggested that having space might make him miss my energy, and if we both work on ourselves, we could return to each other stronger. I believe in this possibility. He stated that he still wants to support me and would like us to continue seeing each other. I have a close relationship with his children, and he hopes to maintain that connection as well. I’m reaching out for advice and perspectives. I am deeply in love with him, and we had been planning our future, which I didn’t realize was overwhelming for him given his discomfort with pressure. My hope is for him to see me in a different light and come back to our relationship. I’m feeling incredibly sad, and my emotions are overwhelming right now. I find myself wanting to plead with him to stay, but I know I can’t do that. I’m just so hurt, and it’s hard to articulate. We have two months left on our lease, so we will still be living together during that time. How can I approach this situation and make him reconsider while we coexist? Do you think this space will be beneficial? How can I give him the space he needs while still living together?

I, a 19-year-old male, am starting to feel unsure about whether we really connect [20-year-old female].

I'm feeling increasingly uncertain about whether we can continue living happily together due to our differences. We've been together for about 19 months, and have lived together for around 14 of those months in Germany. Recently, I've come to realize that we really don’t have much in common. Our views on various issues—politics, religion, society—are almost completely different, which leads to frequent arguments. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and depression, and has been on sick leave for the past year while I work full time as a mechanic. Despite my demanding job, I often find myself doing more around the house than she does. This, along with her sometimes rude behavior (I'm not sure if it stems from her condition) leaves me feeling undervalued and disrespected. I've nearly considered breaking up about three times now, but each time there have been moments where she’s done something that truly touched my heart, giving me hope for our relationship in the weeks that follow. However, this cycle feels endless. Her frequent outbursts, mood swings, and unpredictable behavior are taking a toll on my mental health. It’s hard to determine if someone you love is causing you pain, and it’s increasingly affecting my confidence in our love. I genuinely care for her and don’t want anything bad to happen to her, but I can't help but worry that our relationship is destined to end badly, largely due to our differences. I sometimes think about the future, imagining us having kids, and how our contrasting ideas about parenting could drive a wedge between us, potentially harming not just our relationship but also the well-being of a child. I feel so conflicted and unsure of what to do. Should I hold on to hope and believe that we can work through our issues, or should I surrender to my fears that our relationship will inevitably deteriorate or come to an end?

My girlfriend (22F) wants me (26M) to move back out of state. Is there a way to resolve this?

My girlfriend (22f) has expressed a desire for me (26m) to move back out of state. I'm seeking advice on how to navigate this situation. I met my girlfriend online and quickly fell deeply in love with her. When we first connected, she was in an unfulfilling relationship with someone who lacked ambition, which made me stand out to her. She eventually ended that relationship, and we began dating. I would drive 13 hours to see her every couple of weeks, but the emotional toll of long-distance caught up with her. To support her, I made the decision to move in together. I’ve always enjoyed traveling and experiencing new places, so I didn’t mind the change. Unfortunately, just as we were settling into the new arrangement, my car broke down, and she drives a manual, which I can’t operate. She’s not comfortable letting me learn on her car. Over time, her past traumas began to weigh heavily on her, and I had to help her seek professional help. I worried that this would strain our relationship, but it had the opposite effect; she was able to access therapy and became more introspective. While her family began to take her mental health seriously, she still struggled with anger and body image issues. Throughout this period, I reassured her of my support, no matter what challenges arose. While her situation has improved, I’ve noticed that my own self-esteem and motivation have taken a hit. It's disheartening to feel less independent, and I started comparing myself to the man she had left behind. I regret to say that my insecurities caused me to become overly suspicious about her phone use and privacy, which I’ve since acknowledged and worked through. However, I fear it has damaged her perception of me. Our sex life, which was once vibrant with her frequently initiating intimacy, has dwindled since early November. My anxious behavior led me to constantly question her about our intimacy, which only pushed her further away. A few days ago, she shared that she wants space, feeling more like an accessory in a relationship rather than an individual. She also hinted at a shift in her attraction, expressing a stronger preference for women. From what she has conveyed, she seems to identify as pansexual, valuing personality and attitude over appearance in her attractions to men. I feel like I've lost a part of myself, and it's unsettling to realize that her lack of attraction might stem from my change in mentality rather than just physicality. Our living situation has become cluttered due to my inability to drive and the lack of laundry facilities, adding to both of our stress. Financial strain has also been a factor, as I’ve been managing bills for both of us. I believe that many external issues are influencing her decision, many of which could be addressed. I can’t just leave as I have nowhere to go and lack resources. I love her deeply and want to find a way to restore balance to our relationship. I’ve consciously stepped back from my previous behavior, and I genuinely want to maintain our relationship and home together. I’d even be willing to forgo physical intimacy if it meant preserving our connection, as I believe romance and individuality can coexist. I'm looking for guidance on what steps to take next and how to approach our upcoming couples therapy session on the 18th. Any advice would be appreciated.

Boyfriend views adult content.

My boyfriend (19) told me (18) that he watches porn, and while I appreciate his honesty, it leaves me feeling really down. I truly love him and he treats me wonderfully, better than I ever expected. However, I'm struggling to understand why he still thinks about and looks at other women in that way; it makes me uncomfortable because I couldn’t imagine doing the same with another man. How can I bring this up with him in a way that’s open and understanding, without making him feel upset or accused? This is my first serious relationship, and I’m really afraid of ruining it.

I'm a 19-year-old woman and I find myself getting upset with my 18-year-old boyfriend over both minor and major issues. How can I manage this more effectively?

Recently, I've noticed that my boyfriend seems to be pulling away from me, and I believe it’s linked to how I manage conflict in our relationship. I get upset not just over minor issues but also about ongoing concerns that really bother me. For instance, I've asked him to stop making insensitive comments about my appearance, frequently checking out other girls' Instagram profiles, and treating me as if I'm inferior in certain situations. These behaviors genuinely upset me, and when they occur, I react with anger because I feel disrespected. I'm also exhausted from having to repeat myself and continuously ask him to make changes. However, when I do get upset, I struggle to move past it and often end up having what some might call a tantrum. Even in times when we could resolve the issue, I tend to prolong the argument, which escalates to a point where I start to feel guilty for overreacting. I recognize that this behavior causes him to withdraw, and I don't blame him; he’s a good boyfriend in many ways, and I can see how my anger and tendency to hold onto grievances are impacting him. I want to learn how to express the things that hurt me without losing my temper or making him feel more distant. What strategies can I use to manage these conflicts in a healthier way so we can strengthen our bond? In short, I find myself getting really angry at my boyfriend over both minor irritations and persistent issues I've requested he address, like making jokes about my looks, obsessively browsing other girls' Instagram pages, and treating me as though I'm less significant. Although my feelings are valid, I tend to prolong arguments until I feel guilty, even though he is a good boyfriend overall. How can I share my frustrations more constructively without escalating situations or harboring resentment?

How should I (26F) address my boyfriend (30M) regarding his social media follows?

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year, and recently I've started to feel uneasy about who he’s following on social media. Most of these accounts belong to girls who share risqué photos and videos, often linking to their OnlyFans pages. This raises questions for me about whether he’s spending money on this content or using other platforms like Snapchat or Telegram that I’m unaware of. Additionally, he recently began following his ex, which adds another layer to my concerns. A couple of months ago, I expressed how uncomfortable this made me feel, and he did unfollow several of those accounts, but he’s since followed a bunch of new ones that evoke similar feelings. While I’m fine with him watching porn, following these accounts feels different and undermines my trust in him. It makes me feel insecure and hesitant to share anything personal with him. I’m seeking advice on how to address this issue productively. Given that I’ve already raised it before, should I view this as a red flag? I’m torn and would appreciate some outside perspectives.

The husband asserts that he takes on a more maternal role.

I'm a 27-year-old female, and my husband is also 27. We have two young boys, aged 1 and 2.5. I returned to work six weeks ago after being unemployed for 10 months due to a layoff. My work hours are Monday to Friday, 9 am to 5 pm, while my husband works on a rotating schedule: Monday, Tuesday, Friday through Sunday one week, and then Wednesday and Thursday the following week, from 6 am to 6:30 pm. When we both work, the kids go to a babysitter, and I handle drop-off and pick-up. On the days I work and he doesn’t, he stays home with the kids, and vice versa. This morning, my husband told me, “I’m watching the kids more than you. I’m more of a mom than you are.” I was taken aback by his comment. During the 10 months I was a stay-at-home mom, I never once claimed to be the primary caregiver or implied that I was better than him. Yet he struggles with the concept of being a parent when he’s alone with the kids. This situation is incredibly frustrating. He often says that when he’s with the kids on his own, he’s “Mom for the day,” as if taking care of his own children somehow makes him more maternal than paternal. He seems to believe he’s being a “better mom” without me there to help him. I’m not sure how to communicate to him that he’s not “being mom”; he’s just being a parent, and I don’t want him to react defensively. We can’t afford for me to stay home, which is why I took a job, and I never hold that over him, implying that he doesn’t earn enough for me not to work or that he has to step up to parent. I’m feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. Does anyone have advice on how to handle this?

I’m unsure about what to do: should I stay or should I go?

**Summary:** I lean towards leaving the relationship, but the hope for change makes me hesitate. When I consider staying, I feel anxious and struggle to commit to my partner's desire for one last attempt, as I doubt his ability to truly change. I’m a 25-year-old woman feeling uncertain about my long-term relationship with my partner, who is 23. We’ve been together for nine years, starting from high school. We almost broke up until I discovered I was pregnant, prompting us to stay together for our daughter. Over the years, I’ve been a stay-at-home mom, dedicating myself to caring for both our daughter and him, often at the expense of my own dreams and aspirations. I’ve voiced my need for change countless times, but I haven’t seen any real progress. Despite my hopes for improvement, I’ve felt mentally drained while he believes everything is fine. After expressing my desire for change one last time, he agreed, but the effort lasted only a day before things returned to the same routine. This led me to request a separation, during which he suggested we live together as roommates. While apart, I began feeling an attraction to someone else, which made me realize I may have emotionally checked out of my current relationship. It was painful for both of us, but I eventually accepted that it was over. About two weeks later, he expressed a desire to move out because it hurt too much. But then he asked for one last chance. While I want to support him, I worry that it might be too late. I’m also skeptical about his ability to change this time. My feelings for him revolve around the person he is, not just what he provides—I'd prefer to share a life instead of being two individuals who only connect at the end of the day. When I take time to reflect on how to proceed, staying fills me with panic, fear, and stress. I worry that if this last chance fails, I’ll feel deep resentment towards him. On the other hand, the idea of leaving and starting fresh elsewhere feels scary, but not as overwhelmingly so. Right now, my mind is a jumble, and I feel lost when thinking about my options.

My boyfriend (21m) mentioned to my best friend (18f) that he thinks I’m being too distant. I’m a 19-year-old female, and I’m not sure how to address this. What can I do to improve the situation?

I’m a 19-year-old female, and about a week ago, I had a really traumatic experience. Since then, I've noticed that I’ve been acting differently—more reserved and less outgoing—as I try to come to terms with what happened. This situation is even harder because it coincided with some personal struggles I was already facing. I kept my boyfriend, who is 21, informed while everything was happening, and he was aware of the issues I was dealing with. Whenever we met, I apologized for my quieter demeanor and reassured him that I truly enjoy our time together. He always reassured me that it was alright. However, I found out two days ago that he had messaged my best friend, expressing concerns about my distance and suggesting that he thinks I might be losing interest in him. This really upset me for several reasons: A) He reached out to my friend instead of checking in on me, B) He knows I’m going through a lot and I’ve made it clear that my feelings for him haven't changed, and C) While he claims I don’t text or call him as much, he’s never made the initiative to contact me first. On top of the traumatic event, I'm also a college student preparing for finals, and with the holidays approaching, there’s a lot on my plate. After learning about his message to my friend—who he asked not to tell me—I reached out to him again, expressing my apologies once more for being quieter and explaining the reasons: the trauma, school, and holiday stress. He said it was fine, but today in class, after I hadn’t replied for about 10-15 minutes, he started spamming me about wanting to change his schedule at work to spend more time together. It’s just frustrating because he claims I don’t initiate communication, yet I’m the one who reaches out first every day. I talk about wanting to see him and making plans, and despite my apologies and explanations, it feels like it’s never enough. What hurts even more is that instead of checking on me, he chose to confide in my best friend. I’m at a loss on how to address this situation. I really like him, but this constant feeling of being suffocated is overwhelming, and it seems like no amount of communication can resolve the issue of him feeling I’m too distant. In short, I feel like I’m not getting this right. My boyfriend thinks I’m too distant, and I’m not sure how to fix it. Any advice?

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