Relationship advices

My girlfriend and I can no longer share a bed.

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for three years now, and for context, she experienced sexual assault before we started dating. Throughout our time together, we've shared a bed every night. However, in the past couple of months, she's been struggling with her trauma again. As a result, I've found myself sleeping on the sofa or in the spare room each night. Recently, I tried sharing the bed with her again, but both nights, she woke me up in the early hours having a panic attack. This is largely due to my breathing and the noises I make while I sleep, which she says remind her of that traumatic night. Although she wears AirPods to help mask the sounds, it seems I’m still too loud for her to feel comfortable. I'm worried this is starting to put a strain on our relationship, and I miss the closeness we shared while sleeping together. I'd appreciate any advice on how I might support her healing process. I understand this could be the situation moving forward, and I'm open to that possibility, but I want to help her as much as I can.

I'm a 19-year-old guy and I'm thinking about ending my relationship with my girlfriend, who's 18. I’m feeling really conflicted and anxious about it. What’s the best way to go about breaking up with her?

We've been together every day for nearly five years, and she is truly in love with me. Yet, I find it incredibly difficult to look her in the eye and tell her that I want to move on and explore new relationships. I'm uncertain if I should feel guilty about this. She is kind-hearted and wonderful, but I've reached a point where I no longer wish to be in a relationship. After relocating to a different city for college, she's been struggling with the change. She calls me constantly, often in tears, expressing how much she needs me. Meanwhile, I'm left feeling emotional—not because I miss her, but rather because I don’t feel that sense of longing at all. I hesitate to end things because I know it will deeply affect her, and she doesn't deserve that pain. However, I also recognize that I shouldn't remain in a relationship if I don't truly want to be in it. It's a difficult situation, and I’m unsure of what steps to take.

A female coworker in her mid-20s asked me, a 30-year-old man, what type of dog I thought would best represent her and some other coworkers. She then said I gave off "St. Bernard vibes" but didn’t explain further. What does that even mean? Should I interpret it as a compliment?

A colleague of mine, who is not single, posed a question to me and described me in a certain way before laughing and refusing to explain what it meant. I’m posting here because every other "ask women" community I've tried has rejected my submission. After reaching out to the moderators, they encouraged me to go ahead and share my post.

My boyfriend was unfaithful to his ex with me.

Hi, I'm a 26-year-old woman, and my boyfriend is 28. We've been together for five years and have been living together for four. We're even planning to get married and start a family soon. When I first met him, he had a bit of a "bad boy" reputation and received a lot of messages from other girls. I asked him if he was seeing anyone besides me, and he assured me he wasn't. My friends advised me not to worry too much about his interactions with other girls since we weren't officially in a relationship at that point, suggesting I should only care if he had a girlfriend. He claimed he didn't have one, so we continued seeing each other casually for a few months. Eventually, he opened up about wanting a caring girlfriend and expressed that he wouldn't need anyone else or even friends. After three months of casual dating, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I happily accepted. A few days later, I overheard his friends jokingly ask him if he had broken up with his girlfriend. He laughed it off and said he would call them later. When I questioned him about it, he dismissed it as just a joke, and after meeting his friend, who confirmed his odd sense of humor, I didn't think much of it. Fast forward five years, we reminisced about how we first met and shared some funny memories. I decided to bring up that friend's comment again, and to my shock, he told me that it had been bothering him for years, and he was finally ready to tell me the truth. He revealed that he had a girlfriend the entire time we were seeing each other, even while we were intimate. I was devastated; it felt like a betrayal. He assured me he never cheated on me, spending time at the gym or out for coffee with friends, which were rare. He explained that his previous relationship was very toxic, and he wanted someone who cared for him, but he was too afraid to end it. He claimed they broke up just three days before we started dating, and during that time, he received constant calls and messages from her, which he dismissed as work-related. He said he stopped being intimate with her when he met me, but I'm struggling to believe that. I feel like my entire life has been a deception, and it's hard to accept that I was a second choice. TL;DR: I just found out that my boyfriend had a girlfriend while we were together, and it's shattered me.

He's just begun to overlook me..!

He's suddenly started ignoring me...? So, here’s the backstory: My guy friend goes to a different school and wanted my friends and me to meet his group, which we did in September. There was a guy in that group with whom I kept making eye contact. After they left, my friends said they noticed it too. I thought about him for a week but then kind of moved on, assuming I'd never see him again since it was meant to be a one-time meetup and some of the others didn't really hit it off. About three weeks later, the guy I had been making eye contact with sent me a follow request on Instagram, which I accepted, and we started texting. Our conversations flowed easily; he’d give me cute nicknames and send good morning and good night messages. I felt a bit unsure at times and worried I might come off as dry because things were moving so quickly. After two weeks of chatting, we decided to meet up after school. When we finally met, it was pretty awkward. I warned him that I can be a bit shy, and he reassured me that it was okay and that we would get through it. However, I was so anxious that I ended up being quite blunt, which he commented on—saying I was hard to communicate with. He suggested we go to a nearby town, but I declined, so I just said goodbye, and he left. The meetup felt so awkward that I figured that would be the end of it. But then he messaged me to check if I got home safely and tried to keep the conversation going. Unfortunately, my reply was short and felt out of character for me. Days went by, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Instead of waiting to see if he would message first, I reached out to apologize for being awkward. He replied, "It's fine, don’t worry about it; we’re all different, lol." After that, I tried to keep the conversation going, and while he briefly responded in his usual style, he ended with another short reply. We still follow each other on Instagram, which is how we communicate. I’m at a loss about what to do. At first, I wasn't sure about him, but now I find myself feeling heartbroken. I know this story is lengthy, and I did my best to condense it, but I’m just trying to understand why things have changed and what I should do next. Hearing my friends tell me to "just get over him" or "you deserve better" isn’t helping because I genuinely want to get to know him more, but it feels like everything has come to an abrupt end, and I can’t stop feeling bad about it.

I'm deteriorating from within.

I'm not sure if this is better suited for a mental health discussion, but I'm genuinely at a loss for where to turn. I recently started my first relationship over five years after divorcing my mentally abusive ex-wife, and I’m realizing just how much damage that experience has caused, often in ways I didn't even notice before. When I was single, I wasn't aware of these issues, but now it feels like I'm on a self-destructive path, and it's honestly terrifying. This is the happiest I have ever felt, yet I'm constantly worried that I'll say or do something to ruin it. Here are some of the thoughts that keep racing through my mind: 1. Why would she want to be with me? She could definitely find someone better. 2. What if she meets someone else and decides to cheat on me? 3. I'm so annoying; I'm going to push her away. 4. Why would anyone love me? I feel worthless. 5. Deep down, I know I'm just setting myself up for heartache—why prolong the inevitable? There are countless other negative thoughts that swirl around, but these are the main ones. My partner is incredibly sweet and caring. Sure, I annoy her sometimes, but I feel like I annoy everyone. She hasn’t given me any reason to doubt her loyalty, and I trust her completely. We share everything, including our unusual interests (which I know I need to ease up on), and we've established a foundation of total openness and honesty. Still, my anxious mind keeps telling me I'm not good enough. What can I do to address these feelings?

Partner of 11 years had an affair with a colleague.

Hey Reddit, The title really sums up my feelings, and I’m not quite sure what I expect to gain from sharing this, but I need to vent and would appreciate any words of encouragement from those who have been in a similar situation. I’m a 29-year-old guy, and my girlfriend is 28. We’ve been together since high school—our first love and our first everything. I’ve poured my heart into this relationship, and she’s mostly done the same for me. However, things have taken a turn in the past few months. She started expressing doubts, which hit me hard. I genuinely believed we would be together forever; we have a home, pets, and our families get along wonderfully. Lately, she’s been very cold and distant, even more so in the past week. I had a nagging feeling that something was off. I suspected she had been out late, claiming to be at a friend’s house, but my instincts told me otherwise. So, I looked through her phone and discovered that she had lied to me and spent the night at a colleague's place. Right now, I feel like I'm living a nightmare. I’m sad, angry, confused, and mostly just defeated. I want nothing more than to forgive her and pretend this never happened. She is clearly feeling the weight of her actions—she’s a mess, overwhelmed with shame and self-loathing. I know the common advice is to walk away, and I understand that may be what’s best. But 11 years is a long time; it feels impossible to just throw that away. She’s never done anything like this before, and while I know I shouldn’t excuse her behavior, part of me gets how she could be caught up in the excitement of it. So, where do I go from here? I have good friends, and I’m fairly intelligent and not bad-looking, so I know I have the potential to move on. But right now, all I want to do is curl up and disappear. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

I’m worried that if I respond to my sister's questions, it will hurt her feelings. What should I do? (W: Abuse)

(References to abuse) I’m a 50-year-old woman and recently shared some negative thoughts about my life on Facebook, specifically regarding my sperm donor (71 years old), whom I’ll refer to as SD. My sister, who is 45, responded by asking why I couldn’t simply “let things go and reconcile.” To give some context, SD has always exhibited classic narcissistic traits, including a quick temper and an emotionally abusive demeanor. To me, he was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive, alternating between cold indifference and outright neglect. Being the older sibling, I felt a strong responsibility to protect my younger sister from him. My sister was viewed as the “golden child.” She thrived in her father’s eyes, engaging in traditional “boy activities” like fishing, hunting, and sports. I remember hearing SD express more than once that he didn’t miss having a son because his little girl more than filled that role. She adored him, almost to a fault. In our upbringing, the difference in treatment was stark. While my sister faced rare instances of spanking or yelling, I endured far worse. I faced physical punishment, slaps to the face, bullying, and constant belittlement, sometimes even being locked out of the house until our mother returned. Academically, I struggled, particularly with tests, resulting in below-average grades. My sister never witnessed the depths of SD’s cruelty. The most brutal incident I experienced occurred when I was around 12. After he falsely accused me of lying and I dared to defend myself, he grabbed me by the jaw and lifted me off my feet, holding me suspended in the air. I remember hearing cracking sounds, convinced he might actually kill me. Once he finally released me, I escaped to my room, living on soft foods for weeks and lying to our mother by claiming the injury happened on the playground. I knew that revealing the truth would subject me to an even harsher reality. Ultimately, a visit to the dentist revealed that he had cracked my lower jaw and partially dislocated it, leaving me with ongoing issues related to that incident. My sister has never known the truth about what I endured. I never wanted her to—she deserves to have her hero. However, she’s now pushing me to reconcile, calling me “self-centered” and urging me to return to the family. I find myself grappling with whether to tell her the truth and risk ruining a relationship she cherishes. Complicating matters further, she has two sons, and SD is a good grandfather to them. Meanwhile, due to SD’s influence, my sister and I were estranged for years, and only in the last seven years have we attempted a reconciliation. Part of me feels that maintaining the status quo, as I have for so long, is the best course of action. I’m resigned to being seen as the “bad kid” to spare her any discomfort and preserve her family life. My own situation feels irreparable. Should I keep my silence and potentially safeguard our relationship, or risk everything by revealing the truth? Additionally, I’d appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced similar abuse. I’m simply seeking different perspectives. Thank you for your time and insights.

Do you have any suggestions for how I, a 28-year-old woman, can support my boyfriend, who is 29, with his frequent porn consumption and his struggles with depression?

My boyfriend (29M) and I (28F) have been together for a year and a half. I'm reaching out for advice on how to support him with his depression and his tendency to watch porn frequently. Does porn truly impact a guy's sex life? He is currently struggling with depression and takes a lot of medication, which affects his libido. I understand this and try to be patient, but I have a high sex drive and often feel horny. Recently, our sex life has declined, which is starting to affect my self-esteem. While I know his depression plays a role in his lack of interest, it's disheartening when I initiate intimacy and he tells me he’s not in the mood. However, I notice he frequently watches porn. I’ve expressed how this makes me feel, and suggested he might consider limiting his porn consumption, perhaps waiting to initiate intimacy until I’m home or not working. He insists that porn doesn’t impact his desire for me and that the two aren’t connected. Don’t get me wrong—if he wants to watch porn, that's fine, but it hurts my feelings that he chooses it over being intimate with me. I’ve found myself pointing out that when he does engage in self-pleasure, he seems uninterested later in the evening when I try to initiate intimacy. When I ask him whether he has masturbated, he often lies about it, which makes me feel like I'm losing my mind and leads me to accuse him of dishonesty. I've even resorted to checking the trash for evidence—something I’m not proud of, but his lies are driving me to question my own sanity. One night, after flirting with him throughout the day, I came home and tried to be intimate again, but once more he said he wasn't in the mood. When I asked if he had masturbated, he replied, "No, but whatever I say, you won’t believe me." Shortly after, I found a used tissue in the trash, which led me to inspect it further just to reassure myself that I wasn’t imagining things. The next morning, I messaged him about how upset I was for feeling lied to. When I brought it up when I got home, we argued. I confronted him about the tissue, and he denied ever seeing it, leaving me feeling confused and questioning whether I was imagining it. He suggested I was overthinking things. We recently had a conversation where I expressed my feelings of inadequacy, believing I couldn’t satisfy him. He reassured me of his attraction to me and his love, admitting that while he struggles with a porn addiction, it doesn’t affect how he feels about me. He emphasized that I always turn him on. Thanks for taking the time to read my situation. I appreciate any advice you might have!

This entire friendship was a facade.

I apologize for jumping into Reddit for the first time, but I genuinely need an outside perspective on how to handle a tricky situation. For some context, my boyfriend and I met another couple—I'll refer to the woman as M and her partner as K—at my daughter’s school two years ago, and we’ve become good friends. Our kids also get along well. However, M has made some remarks about K that always seemed off, and there were random stories that just didn't add up. Wanting to give our new friendship time to develop, I held off on forming any judgments. Fast forward to this past weekend when M and K came over for drinks. M ended up getting quite drunk and asked me to call her a cab, but since I had only had one drink, I offered to drive her home instead. K stayed behind to hang out with my boyfriend, which was fine. While driving M home, she started getting sassy, questioning why I was taking her home and insinuating that no one wanted to hang out with her. I reminded her that she was the one who asked to leave and suggested she get some rest, offering to pick her up if she wanted to come back later. When I returned home, the guys were chatting, and I decided to spend some time on my computer before starting dinner. That's when K opened up about his tumultuous relationship with M. He shared some hefty claims: she has cheated on him, been physically abusive, struggles with alcoholism, and fails to contribute to their household. Everything I had ever questioned about M suddenly made sense, confirming all my doubts and the odd comments she had made in the past. You might wonder how I could trust K’s story, but there are times you just know. My boyfriend completely believes him as well. The pain and defeat in K’s eyes were palpable, and he also acknowledged his own faults within the relationship, which made me feel he was being honest. He stays with M mainly out of concern for their child and fears of losing custody if things escalate. After dropping K off, M showed up at my place, visibly upset and still drunk. I asked her to leave and told her I needed to process everything before talking again because I was overwhelmed. M then began texting me furiously, saying things like, “I hate when he does this,” and “he lies, remember?” I didn’t respond at first but eventually told her that I needed space to think about the situation. With our kids attending the same school, I’m uncertain about the future of our friendship. M hasn’t even apologized for showing up at my door unannounced, which I’ve made clear is not okay. It’s obvious she needs help, but I’m unsure how to proceed. I've spent the weekend weighing my options, and I'm really lost. K doesn’t want to lose our friendship either, but I’m at a crossroads and need some guidance. Ignoring M feels wrong, but I’m unsure how to move forward from here. Any advice would be appreciated.

Is he intentionally trying to hurt my feelings?

I’m starting to feel like my boyfriend is purposely trying to hurt my feelings. It seems like he forgets things we’ve talked about and continues to repeat the same behaviors after we've discussed them. For example, I express that it bothers me when he does something, and then a few months later, he does it again. He hardly remembers our conversations, and it feels like he has the same discussions with me that he has with his coworkers. While he’s not interested in living together, he also doesn’t want to break up. Does anyone have any insights on this?

I'm a 19-year-old female, and he is an 18-year-old male.

Hello, there's this guy I’m friendly with, but I need to share something. A few days ago, he mentioned that he used to have feelings for me, although he doesn't remember when or what year. I can't shake the feeling that it might have been more recent, but I don’t want to bombard him with questions. Here's the kicker: about a year ago, he actually blocked me after I told him I liked him back in high school. I’m really confused about his actions. If anyone, especially guys, could offer some insight, I’d really appreciate it. I just want to understand his perspective.

Is it my fault, or do I have the right to feel a little unsettled?

I've been dating someone (33F) for two months, and everything has been going really well, except for a few recent incidents that have left me feeling anxious. A few days ago, I stayed at her place and woke up after she'd already left for work. As I was getting ready to leave, I noticed her dehumidifier was still on. I texted her to see if she wanted me to leave it running or turn it off since I knew she was going away for the weekend. However, I started spiraling into an OCD-related train of thought and convinced myself that if I didn’t turn it off, something terrible might happen. I was already running late and my Uber had arrived, so I just switched it off. Later, when she messaged me to say I should have left it on, I lied and told her I hadn’t touched it. I felt that sharing my OCD-related concerns would make me seem irrational or too vulnerable after only eight weeks of dating. Once I got to work, though, I decided to come clean. I admitted to turning it off and explained that I had spiraled into some distressing “what-if” scenarios about it. I didn’t want her to think I was crazy. But her reaction surprised me—it seemed quite intense, and she didn’t understand why I had lied. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. For example, she once asked if I knew how much air to put in my bike tires, and I responded affirmatively but then realized I didn’t know the exact amount. When she pressed me about why I said I did, I felt a physiological reaction stemming from a childhood experience where I would face punishment for not knowing something. My girlfriend also reacted strongly, bewildered that I would be dishonest about such a minor detail. Following the incident with the dehumidifier, we had a lengthy phone call where I expressed my anxiety and regret. I truly value honesty, and I felt awful about upsetting her over something trivial. During our conversation, she asked me a barrage of questions to understand my motivations, referencing other instances where she felt I had been dishonest. For example, when I admitted to knowing a band but could only name a couple of their songs, she viewed that as being untruthful. She also questioned my decision to display my degree certificates on my wall, asking why it mattered for others to know about my achievements. This made me feel belittled, as if my pride in my accomplishments was being dismissed. Despite my efforts to explain my feelings—trying to shield her from my mental health struggles and not wanting to come across as irrational—her response felt disproportionate. Even though I've acknowledged that any dishonesty can feel unsafe, I'm left feeling interrogated rather than supported in these situations. My friends have reacted similarly, reinforcing that I'm feeling overlooked and anxious rather than comforted. I've apologized for the fib about the dehumidifier and explained my reasoning, yet the intensity of her reaction continues to trouble me. I’m now questioning whether she unintentionally undermines or dismisses my feelings during these discussions. Am I in the wrong here? Is her strong reaction to my seemingly small lie justified? I've tried to present this situation as objectively as possible, without leaving anything out. Thanks for your understanding.

I'm 26, and I'm wondering if I made the right choice.

I'm John, 26, and I've been in a situationship with a girl, 24, for nearly a year. She ended her relationship with her boyfriend last year to be with me, stating she had lost feelings for him, and after a month, she chose to pursue things with me. We've been acting like a couple since then, though we never officially defined our relationship. Recently, she's become distant, ignoring me for almost two weeks and pulling away from intimacy, saying she's too exhausted from work and needing to support her family. I tried to talk about our situation, but she declined. Out of frustration, I decided to end things and returned her belongings. She later sent me a lengthy message explaining that she isn't ready to commit, wants to focus on herself, and is afraid she won't be a good partner. Now I'm questioning my decision. I still have feelings for her and want to be with her, but I'm uncertain if she's truly ready for a relationship after almost a year without a label. Should I block her on social media to help myself move on, or did I make the right choice in breaking up?

Kindly treat me with kindness.

F(30) m(29) I need some advice. I've been in a relationship with this person for several years. He cheated on me once, we reconciled, then he left me during a holiday. Eleven months later we got back together, but he cheated again and returned afterward. Things have been okay, but for the past month, we’ve been arguing non-stop. For context, I recently started a new job, and one of the people he cheated with is a colleague of his. I’ve struggled to move past that because he promised he stopped communicating with her, but I recently found a text exchange where he was still being friendly with her. Although it's been a few months since that incident, I still can't fully trust him; he often hides his phone. He mostly takes pictures of just our child or just him and our child, excluding me from a lot of moments. He also tends to place blame on me, and I feel so lost. This is my first serious relationship and my first heartbreak—any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Could I please have some advice?

I’m seeking some advice. I recently ended my relationship with the father of my children after a tumultuous four years filled with ups and downs. Our issues stem from his ongoing use of pornography, adding women on Facebook and Instagram, and actively searching for other females nearby, including subscribing to their OnlyFans accounts. I also discovered that he has been spending significant amounts of money on cam sites while I’m at home with the kids. What’s troubling me is something I found while using his work laptop—a device where I came across email receipts for live webcam sessions. I noticed he had searched for "dark web" in his recent Google activity. While my knowledge on the dark web is limited, I understand that it's associated with illicit content, including pornography and drugs. It appears difficult to access and requires special downloads. Although there’s no proof he actually visited those sites—his browsing history was cleared except for the search terms—I can’t help but worry, especially given his deep-seated porn addiction. I typically wouldn’t go to the police unless there was a clear indication of someone being harmed, and right now I have no solid evidence—just a mounting concern. When I brought it up after our breakup, he brushed it off and made me feel ridiculous for even mentioning it. I’m looking for guidance on how I might investigate this further without tangible proof. He primarily uses his phone, which I can’t access, and he also has a VPN installed. I truly dread the thought of making unfounded accusations, but this keeps weighing on my mind, especially now that we live separately and I have no access to his devices. I’m a 29-year-old female, and he’s 28. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

My boyfriend of three years and I just broke up, but we're still in touch as friends.

I, a 20-year-old female, recently ended my relationship with my 20-year-old male ex. I've written about it before, but essentially we decided to focus on personal growth separately while still caring for each other. We’ve agreed to see if we might reconnect in the future, although we’re not certain if that will happen. I'm feeling a bit lost about how to communicate with him. I don’t think a strict no-contact approach would benefit us, but I'm also unsure what to do. He recently helped me out by taking my sick cat to the vet since I had no one else to turn to, and he readily agreed to help. His responses have left me feeling confused, especially since we exchanged a few texts today. I mentioned going hiking alone and asked if I could send him my location for safety, to which he also agreed. Now, I’m wondering if I’m taking advantage of the situation. We’ve had some chats, he sends emojis and has even mentioned things like how he promised to take me out to do something special that means a lot to him. I know he still has feelings for me, just as I do for him, but it’s becoming a bit challenging to act as though everything is normal. I imagine this must be strange for him too. At the moment, I’m working on myself by listening to podcasts, doing affirmations, and journaling to address the issues I had in our relationship. So, I guess I'm more venting than seeking advice. Regardless, I can see that the breakup has its upsides, yet I still miss him. I don’t call him “mi amor” anymore, and I miss casually saying “I love you.” I realize I shouldn’t put too much pressure on him, especially since that was one of the reasons we broke up—my anxious attachment style. Ultimately, I just have to trust that whatever happens is for the best, but deep down, I truly love him and hope he can be the one for me.

My girlfriend (26F) has begun to connect her thoughts about me with emotions from her childhood trauma related to her father. I'm a 30-year-old man, and I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to help.

I've been in a wonderful relationship with an incredible girl (I'm 30, she's 26, for context) for nearly a year. Our time together has been filled with love and happiness, perhaps the best we've both experienced. However, last week I brought up that she seemed a bit distant, sensing she was stressed about something. She's not one to easily open up about her feelings, so I received the typical “I’m fine” response I’ve come to expect. I know she has some childhood trauma related to her biological father, who is no longer in her life, but she hasn’t shared much about it. It turns out, my comment about her distance made her feel like "my love isn't enough for him," which led to a serious panic attack at work, requiring her parents to come to her aid. Throughout last weekend, the panic attacks continued, and she unexpectedly cut off communication with me. When I reached out to her stepfather, he explained that her feelings of inadequacy are triggering memories of her father’s absence. Apparently, she hadn't experienced panic attacks in over a decade. Her stepfather conveyed that she intends to end our relationship, though several family members have suggested she doesn't truly mean it. On the positive side, she started seeing a therapist today. What concerns me is that her mother suggested she contact me for closure, which seemingly prompted another panic attack. I'm worried she’s beginning to associate me with the trauma of her past due to a misunderstanding of my innocent comment. I truly adore her and had plans to propose soon. Right now, I’m giving her space and maintaining no contact. Is there anything else I can do? I hope her therapy helps her objectively revisit our wonderful relationship to realize that I’m nothing like her father and that she is more than enough for me. This situation has hit me hard, as it all came so suddenly, and I feel helpless in wanting to support her. Thank you for any advice!

Is incompatibility a valid reason to end a relationship?

We are both 18 and have been together for nearly a year. Our love for each other runs deep, and I truly believe he is a good person who cares for me. However, we do have our disagreements, and sometimes it feels like we just don’t understand one another. There are moments when I need someone to empathize with me, which is a challenge for him. Additionally, he can come across as insensitive and lacking emotional intelligence. I also worry about feeling like I’m raising someone else’s child. During busy times, he tends to show less affection, which isn’t necessarily wrong, but I sometimes wonder if I’m asking too much for a consistent display of love. I want a lifelong partner, and while I love him, I'm unsure if this relationship is truly worth the struggle.

My former best friend wants to reconnect after a decade without communication, and I'm feeling a bit apprehensive about it.

I (34F) recently bumped into my ex-BFF (35F) after ten years of no contact. I’d anticipated this moment for a long time, knowing we would eventually cross paths again. Surprisingly, the encounter was pleasant, despite the abrupt and nasty way we ended our friendship. Let’s rewind to a decade ago. We went out on New Year’s Eve, and she was flirting heavily with my boyfriend. I was so upset that I started to give her the cold shoulder without explaining why. After living together for six months with me acting icy because of that night, she eventually confronted me. I finally admitted what was bothering me, and she apologized, saying she was too drunk to remember and genuinely didn’t mean to hurt me. We attempted to move forward, but it was awkward. A few weeks later, she stormed into our apartment at 2 a.m., demanding that I vacate within a week. Naively, I believed she had the authority to evict me. She created fake documents and impersonated calls from the apartment management while draining our shared bank account (yes, I was pretty gullible). It was a painful separation, feeling like a breakup, since she was like my other half. Fast forward to now—I often thought of her over the years and hoped she was doing well. I even wrote numerous drafts of apology letters, but I ultimately decided against reaching out. When we ran into each other, she expressed how much she missed me and had always wanted to reconnect, but consistently hesitated. Now, we’ve started talking again, and I’m supposed to meet up with her, but I have mixed feelings for two main reasons: REASON 1: I’m hesitant to assume we’ll just hit it off like we used to after all this time. I’m afraid of getting my hopes up only to be disappointed. REASON 2: Remember how she fabricated documents and calls to evict me? That’s her pattern. I’ve seen her get involved with a drug dealer and then set him up for arrest after their breakup. I’ve witnessed her go after people who owe her money, harassing their families and workplaces until they pay her back. When she’s out to hurt someone, it’s genuinely frightening. She’s extremely clever and resourceful. Back then, I was a recent college graduate with little to lose, but now I have so much more at stake, and her current situation doesn’t seem stable. I’m worried she might try to hurt me again, and that idea scares me. My husband (who was my boyfriend at the time of that New Year’s incident) strongly advises against rekindling our friendship. He witnessed how she treated me at the end, and while he didn’t see the good times we shared, he views me through a protective lens—imagining how he’d feel if I ignored him for six months because of a single mistake he made. I want to be somewhat forgiving, considering that we were still in the early stages of dating back then. So, Reddit, should I attempt to reconnect with her? I’m curious about where this could lead, but then again, curiosity can be dangerous! TL;DR: Friendship ended poorly, and we’ve had a decade of no contact. How can I realistically consider rekindling this friendship, or should I just walk away?

Am I in the wrong for beginning to question my relationship?

**TLDR:** I'm starting to feel overlooked in my relationship. Hi everyone, I'm a 23-year-old guy in a nearly three-year relationship with my partner, who is 25. We met during our undergraduate years, but shortly after we began dating, she graduated and entered law school. Over the years, our relationship has had its highs and lows, but recently, it's began to decline. A significant part of the issue seems to be her busy schedule—between law review, her clinic work, classes, and socializing with friends. I fully understand that law school demands a lot of effort, but I'm struggling to feel like I matter as much in her life. My partner is caring, thoughtful, and truly wonderful. She has apologized for the compromises I've had to make, which has helped a bit, but the situation is still weighing on me. There's a growing sense of resentment because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ll never be her top priority. For instance, about a year and a half ago, a classmate of hers confessed feelings for her. Although she turned him down and insists she's not interested, they've remained close friends. They've gone out to dinner several times, and he even helped her secure a job at the public defender’s office for next semester. It’s difficult for me to understand how she can stay friends with someone who has, on multiple occasions, suggested that she cheat on me. I try to hold back my feelings because I see the career benefits for her, but whenever I bring it up, she doesn’t seem to grasp why it bothers me. I know she’s a great person, but some of this is hard for me to accept as just part of our reality. The latest incident happened tonight—she canceled our plans to help a friend prepare for a trial. Earlier today, she informed me that our trip for our three-year anniversary is off because she’s signed up for a law school competition that weekend. Most of her reasons are legitimate, and I understand that law school is demanding; I also work long hours in public accounting, so I know what it’s like to juggle everything. But it’s beginning to feel like I’m being pushed out of her life. I feel conflicted because I don’t want to seem unsupportive—she’s working incredibly hard, and I admire that. Yet, I can't shake the feeling of being invisible, like I’m more of a best friend than a partner. I’m uncertain how to handle this situation, or if I’m being unreasonable. AITA for questioning my relationship?

My girlfriend is somewhat innocent, and I feel a strong sense of protectiveness towards her.

Hi everyone, I’m a 25-year-old guy, and my girlfriend, who’s 24, means the world to me. She truly is the girl of my dreams in every way. That said, she’s quite trusting and somewhat innocent, while I have a good grasp of how the world works and I'm not afraid to take action when necessary. We live in India, which can be a challenging environment in terms of safety. Recently, she moved to a new city for her job and mentioned that some friends were planning a sleepover at her place. I was having a good time playing video games when I received a text from her saying, “The girls are going out, and I’ll join them. X and I will definitely go, even if the others might not.” While I know she’s at a responsible age, I’m concerned about the idea of her going out at 2 a.m. with just a couple of friends. How can I express my concerns without coming across as controlling or overly authoritative?

How can I prevent disappointing my mum (45F) or myself (26F)?

My relationship with my mom hasn’t always been great, but we’ve grown closer as I’ve entered adulthood. For some background, my parents divorced when I was two, and I primarily lived with my dad. My mom remarried and had two kids (a 16-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter), but that marriage ended three years ago, and she’s struggled to adjust to being a single mother. As a result, she’s been reaching out to me more, even though I’m living independently and managing my own life. She also deals with a disability and is facing increasing financial difficulty. Recently, she asked if I would join her and my siblings on a vacation next summer. To be honest, I’m not keen on going. She sees this as a crucial opportunity, since starting in 2026, her income will significantly drop, and she’s worried that my brother might not want to participate in family vacations anymore as he transitions into adulthood. I’ve always found it hard to say no, as I don’t want to disappoint her, but I feel that I’ve reached an age where family vacations aren’t a priority for me anymore. My friends are eager to travel together, I want to spend time with my partner, and I have limited vacation days and budget to consider. Plus, I prefer to travel during the school holidays when prices are lower. In summary, I’m uncertain about whether I should go on this family vacation and how to communicate my decision if I choose not to. (For additional context: Both of us have ADHD, and I’m also autistic. Our family has a history of mental health challenges, which can make social interactions a bit difficult.)

In a caring relationship with an asexual partner, I'm experiencing a growing sense of apathy.

I’m [21], and she’s [20]. We’ve been together for about a month. I’m feeling really down about some recent developments. I’m in a relationship with a girl who was my best friend for years, and she recently shared that she identifies as asexual. Initially, I thought it wouldn’t be an issue since I truly love her. However, after discussing it again a few days ago, I’m feeling incredibly uncertain about whether I can really handle a non-sexual relationship. I genuinely want to make it work, but I’ve been feeling so apathetic about everything. It’s as if a part of me wants to shut down to avoid getting hurt, and I can’t shake the feeling that everything is on the verge of falling apart. What should I do? We’ve talked things through and are trying to figure it out, but this sense of apathy is consuming me. I don’t want to become distant or unaffectionate just because my mind is trying to cope. I'm not someone who thinks in the short term—I worry about the future. Can I see myself being okay with this in 5 years? 3 years? 1 year? It’s making me feel so miserable.

I could use some assistance in helping my boyfriend reconnect with his affectionate side.

I've been in a relationship with my partner for over four years, following three years of an on-and-off dating period. We made the decision to fully commit to each other, introduced our families, and even talked about getting married in the near future. For a long time, he felt like my best friend, and I believed I was his as well. Like any couple, we've had our share of minor disagreements, but nothing significant—until recently. Lately, I've noticed a shift in our dynamic, and I'm struggling to understand what's going on. A recurring issue relates to his friends. I've often felt that they take their jokes too far, making me uncomfortable. He brushed it off and said they meant no harm. However, during a trip with them a few months ago, one of his friends called me "difficult." I don't see myself that way—maybe I'm just not the typical "submissive" person. His silence in that moment really hurt me. After returning from the trip, I expressed my concern to him: if he couldn't defend me in front of his friends, how could I expect him to support me with extended family in a similar situation? (Just to clarify, I have a good rapport with his immediate family; my worries were primarily about the extended members.) Since that conversation, he's become emotionally unavailable. When I ask him what's wrong, he shifts to different issues: first, he didn't want me distancing myself from his friends; then he cited our families being too different; he has mentioned struggling with depression; and ultimately, he’s claimed that I’m the source of his unhappiness. He talks about how we are too different and even brings up past conflicts, saying they weigh too heavily on our relationship. I’ll admit that I wasn't easy to deal with at the start, as I wasn't ready for commitment back then. But that was long ago, and we had moved forward. This sudden change is bewildering to me. For over four years, we've genuinely enjoyed our time together and navigated our differences. How does someone just switch like that? I've been doing my best to restore what we once had, and there were moments when it seemed like he was starting to come around. However, whenever I express a desire for mutual effort, he pulls away and claims he doesn’t think we’re working anymore. It seems like whenever I try to delve deeper, he becomes uncomfortable, and then he tells me he feels unloved, even though he's not allowing me to show him love. I recognize that at the beginning, I made things difficult for him because of my reluctance to commit, and I hurt him during that time. He forgave me, though, and I thought we had moved beyond that. How can he now use that as a reason to consider leaving? I suspect he might be going through a depressive episode and is projecting his feelings onto our relationship, which is an aspect of his life he can control. However, when I brought this up, he dismissed it and insisted that I’m the reason for his unhappiness. For context, he's more introverted and non-confrontational while I'm the opposite; I prefer to discuss and sort through issues. Being in this situation where I feel I have to tiptoe around him is incredibly frustrating. I acknowledge that he used to handle much of the emotional work in our relationship. He has been an amazing boyfriend and more than I ever could have asked for, and I might have taken that for granted, assuming we would always be together. But I’ve been actively working to improve that dynamic. He is my person, and I genuinely want to make this work. However, he's now resurfacing past grievances and using old reasons as excuses, leaving me confused. I'm committed to finding a resolution and supporting him because I know he’s a wonderful person, but I need some reassurance from him as well. He often claims that things are getting better when I bring up the subject, yet whenever I express concerns about reciprocity, he suggests we should break up (which is where we currently stand). How do I remind him of what we have together? Why has this change occurred? Any advice would be appreciated. How can we reach such a turning point after everything we've been through together?

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