Relationship advices: Dating and Starting Relationships

"Is one month too soon for this pace in a relationship?"

Is it too soon to spend the night at your significant other’s place after just a month of dating? And sharing a bed as well? What do you think?

"Exploring Situationships: Navigating the Gray Zone of Contemporary Dating"

Situationships – that ambiguous territory between a full-fledged relationship and something casual that many of us seem to fall into at some point. They can be messy and perplexing, often leaving us questioning our own choices and intentions. Recently, it appears that situationships have become the norm in the dating landscape. Perhaps it’s driven by a fear of commitment, a desire to keep options open, or simply a breakdown in communication. But let’s face it: it’s not always enjoyable. You might find yourself asking: Are we exclusive? Do they genuinely care about me, or am I just an option? Why can’t we just put a label on this? On one side, situationships can offer a relaxed and adaptable vibe. You’re just enjoying each other’s company, right? Yet, on the flip side, they can be exhausting, especially when one person desires more than what the other is ready to offer. So, let’s discuss: 1. Are situationships a natural outcome of today’s dating scene, or are they simply a result of poor communication? 2. Have you experienced a situationship? What was the outcome? 3. Any tips for moving from ambiguity to clarity? I’m eager to hear your insights!

"What should I buy my boyfriend for our first Christmas together?"

It's our first Christmas together, and he mentioned that he’s spent over £50 on me. I’d like to match that amount for him, aiming to neither overwhelm nor underwhelm him. I appreciate that he shares his interests and passions with me. However, he often buys himself what he wants, so I need to be cautious to avoid getting him something he might end up treating himself to instead. I’m looking for ideas that he hasn’t explicitly mentioned, so I have a broader selection to choose from. Thanks!

"21M, why am I still single?"

Hey everyone! I hope you’re all doing well. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on why I’m still single, and I could really use your insights. A little about me: I’m a 21-year-old guy, standing at 1.96m and weighing around 98kg. I’ve worked hard for my athletic build, and I like to think I have a decent level of intelligence. Plus, I have a great taste in music that seems to resonate with many people. On paper, I check a lot of boxes that people typically look for. Yet, I find myself navigating the dating scene alone, which makes me question whether it’s just a matter of timing, my dating approach, or something else entirely that I might be missing. I’d love to hear your perspectives. Has anyone else faced a similar situation? What do you think might be contributing to my single status? If you’re interested in offering some advice, feel free to check out my Instagram: @silvah.tv. I can’t wait to hear your stories and suggestions. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

I've been dating this guy (40m) for a month, but he always chooses date locations just 5-10 minutes from his place. Then, he lies and says it takes him twice or three times that long to get there. What should I do?

I've been dating a guy for a month now, and he lives in a different city, about 30 minutes away from me—sometimes a bit longer. He did share his general area, but I managed to find out his exact location. I've noticed that every time he plans our dates, they are always set just 5 to 10 minutes from his place, which ends up taking me 30 to 40 minutes to get there. Although he pays for all our outings (even though I’ve offered to split), what bothers me is that he often claims he’s trying to find a location that’s convenient for both of us. He also exaggerates how long it takes him to get there, saying it takes him double or even triple the time, when in fact, the places are just around the corner from him. I've tried suggesting dates that are further away, but he always suggests meeting closer to him instead or complains about parking. He has come to my city once, which was nice, and he brought me food once after I canceled a date because I was tired. I did feel a bit turned off by how he handles our date planning, especially when he lies about travel times. He even mentioned he was worried I would stop seeing him because I canceled. I'm confused about his intentions. If our relationship gets more serious and he invites me over, I’ll eventually uncover the truth. Since I have a general idea of where he lives, I wonder if he's truly serious about me. I feel awkward bringing it up since he seems unaware that I know his location. In brief: I've been dating this guy (40) for a month, and he consistently chooses places just a short distance from his home while telling me it takes significantly longer to reach them.

22 male and 23 female

22M Hey, I've been dating my girlfriend, who’s 23, for about six months. A week ago, she invited me to a Friendsgiving event. I haven’t seen her much lately because she’s been busy with family. The plan is for everyone to hang out and then go out for drinks afterward. I work full-time, and I'm not really into drinking. Yesterday, I checked in with her to see if she still wanted me to come, and she mentioned that she doesn’t know many people there and that everyone will be drinking. Am I overthinking this? I can’t shake the feeling that she might not actually want me to be there, but when I asked her, she promised that wasn’t the case.

Seeking Guidance

I'm a 33-year-old female and recently reconnected with a friend who's 34. A few years ago, we dated for about nine months, but he wasn't ready to make it official, which led me to walk away. That really hurt me, especially since he had expressed that he didn't want children, while I was still undecided. When we reconnected, I was in another relationship that lasted eight months, so I thought it was best to just be friends. I even considered setting him up with my best friend, who is also 33, believing it would be a good arrangement since both of them seemed interested. I mentioned that my friend wanted kids, and he told me he was open to that now. When I asked about his previous reluctance, he explained that he wouldn't want kids with someone he didn't think would make a good parent (that hit hard). After my breakup a month ago, we ended up becoming intimate. However, I had promised my best friend that we could all move in together once my lease ends, and she has no idea about my recent connection with him. While having him back in my life makes me incredibly happy, I can't shake the fear that he might still be hesitant to commit. Why did he avoid a serious relationship back then, and what has changed now? Plus, I can't help but think about how he considered dating my best friend only a few months ago and was willing to have kids with her, but not with me. What does this mean for our living situation? I would really appreciate some advice on this.

What strategies can I use to support her in overcoming her anxiety while still validating her emotions?

I apologize for the length of this post, but I think it’s important to provide all the details. I'm a 24-year-old male, and I've been close friends with a 26-year-old female for over five years. Our chemistry is so apparent that our friends have even started betting on when we'll finally get together. Throughout our friendship, we've experienced both highs and lows, yet we always find our way back to one another. When we first started spending time together, I had a major crush on her and confessed my feelings. She didn't reciprocate, which hit me hard as a teenager. After some time apart, I apologized for my immature behavior, and we began hanging out again. A couple of years later, she took the initiative to ask me out. I was thrilled since my feelings for her had never really faded. However, she began canceling our dates last minute, claiming she felt ill. Given that it was during the COVID pandemic and she suffers from OCD and medical anxiety, I tried to be patient. But after several months of cancellations, I started to doubt her feelings for me and ended our relationship. A few months ago, I learned that she genuinely liked me and wanted to be in a relationship, but her nerves made her feel sick, which broke my heart. Despite this, we continued to hang out in group settings while I focused on moving on. I attempted to date other people, but it never felt right. Spending time with her just felt natural. This summer, I confided in her about feeling lonely, and a few weeks later, she made a move on me at a friend's wedding. I was taken aback and initially resisted, but soon we started spending a lot of time together, doing date-like activities such as having brunch in the suburbs or just driving around, essentially dating without labeling it. One of our mutual friends noticed this dynamic and encouraged me to have a conversation about our relationship status. I expressed my feelings and desire for a relationship, and she felt the same way, which seemed promising. However, shortly after, she started experiencing anxiety again. I recognize this is largely due to her nervousness; I even witnessed it firsthand. Last week, she pushed herself to join me for dinner despite having a panic attack upon arrival. I helped her calm down, and we ended up having a lovely evening. Then, she canceled our plans for Sunday, citing the same issues. I'm determined not to give up on her this time, but I also don't want to remain in this ambiguous "dating" phase without clarity. I’m unsure how to approach this conversation without invalidating her feelings and suggesting she isn’t genuinely unwell. I’m seeking advice, but my friends and family have their own biases about our situation, so I’m not sure who to turn to. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. Help me out, Reddit!

I'm looking for advice regarding a girl from Peru.

I’m an Indian and I've been chatting with a Peruvian girl for the past 20 days. I’m looking for advice on how to maintain our relationship. We haven’t met in person yet; our connection started on Instagram. She shared her WhatsApp number with me, and I’d like to get some guidance on how to approach this. She recently called me on a video call, but I'm not very proficient in Spanish, and she's not great at English either. These days, we chat for about four hours. She primarily speaks Spanish.

Did She Feel the Same Way, or Was I Just Dreaming?

I recently experienced something that's been consuming my thoughts. There's this colleague of mine—let's call her Anna—who I've had a crush on ever since we first met. She's intelligent, funny, and incredibly easy to communicate with. There's an effortless charm about her, and I’ve found myself daydreaming about her more times than I’d like to admit. A few days ago, our team went out for lunch. We were a large group, with lots of conversation and laughter around the table. I went in expecting just a typical lunch experience. Suddenly, in the midst of it all, Anna turned to me and said, “Hey, could I borrow your spoon? Mine broke.” What struck me was that we were among at least ten people, each with their own utensils. For some reason, she chose to ask me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that this was significant—was I overthinking it? When she asked, it felt like a little spark ignited in my chest. Why me? Why not someone else? I handed her my spoon, and we exchanged a brief smile. I didn’t want to create any awkwardness, so I returned to my food and continued chatting with everyone. But later, as I replayed that moment in my mind, I started to wonder—was this meaningful, or am I just imagining things? Here's the catch: she’s in a relationship and has a baby. I know I shouldn't read too much into it, yet I can't shake the feeling that maybe there was something more there. It wasn’t our first conversation, but it was the first time I felt she purposely singled me out from the group. Perhaps I’m overinterpreting this small moment because of my feelings for her, but it keeps nagging at me. I'm curious if anyone else thinks this is something worth considering, or if I’m just projecting my feelings onto an innocent interaction. I’d hate to complicate things at work or overstep any boundaries, especially since I know she’s already committed. Still, I'm feeling a bit bewildered by her behavior. Any insights or advice would be greatly appreciated!

My (19F) talking stage (19M) is behaving oddly after our first date. Am I in trouble?

Hi Reddit, I don't have many people to turn to for advice, so I’d love to hear your thoughts on my current situation. I’ve been chatting with someone in the talking stage for about a week and a half. He's got a busy schedule, so he can't always reply right away, but he does find time during the day to keep in touch, which has been really nice. We recently went on a date, and I thought it went really well! It wasn't awkward at all; we had great conversations, and at the end, he gave me a kiss. Just five minutes after I left, he texted to say he enjoyed seeing me. However, since that date, his responses have drastically slowed down to just 1-2 messages a day, while we used to text more frequently. He mentioned he has a lot on his plate right now, but I can’t help but wonder—does that really prevent him from sending quick replies throughout the day? I made it clear that I want to get to know him better, and he said he "wouldn't mind meeting again." I’m starting to feel like something is off. Is he losing interest after our date? It's been a week of lackluster replies, and I can't tell if he’s being honest about his situation. I know he doesn’t owe me anything, but this leaves me feeling really confused about how to move forward. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! <3

Looking for assistance in finding a partner.

Hello! I’m looking for some advice, not about an existing relationship, but rather about how to find one. I’m a 19-year-old guy and I've discovered that I'm attracted to older women, especially those in their late 20s and early 30s. I also find myself particularly drawn to single mothers, but there's a challenge... Many women in this age group don’t seem to be interested in dating someone my age. I genuinely want to meet someone who fits this description. Does anyone have suggestions on how I might connect with someone who would consider dating someone younger?

I urgently need assistance!

I have a girl in mind, but it's not official yet. I've shared my feelings with her, but she values her independence. Unfortunately, she doesn’t seem to see that true independence in her situation is only possible with a supportive partner. Her home life isn't great—she comes from a conservative household and isn't even allowed to use public transportation; only the organization’s bus is permitted. I feel like I'm the only guy who genuinely connects with her. I'm her closest friend now, even though she turned me down when I confessed my feelings. She can't text me freely because her parents monitor her messages, so I haven't been messaging her much lately. However, we still spend time together at school. I’m in my final year of high school, and I only have seven days left. If I don't manage to get her into a relationship during this time, I might not have the chance to talk to her again. I'm reaching out because I could really use some advice. I know you all have more experience; I'm just 18 and could use some guidance. Please help me out!

I struggle with various mental health challenges, which makes dating more difficult for me.

Hi there, I'm a 26-year-old female looking for some dating advice. I struggle with various mental health challenges, including anxiety, ADHD, and borderline personality disorder, which makes dating particularly tough for me. Despite having a good sense of self-confidence and feeling good about my appearance, I often find it hard to communicate effectively, especially when it comes to flirting. Although many men show interest, I feel like I end up turning them off when I try to make a connection. I wish I could be quicker with my conversation skills, but it's genuinely a struggle for me. As I reach a point where I'm ready to settle down, I'm becoming increasingly scared of being alone. I want to know how to keep a conversation flowing and avoid putting undue pressure on myself given my situation. It's really frustrating, and I would appreciate any tips you can offer. Thank you!

I (21F) would like to deepen the intimacy in my relationship with my boyfriend, who is 24, and with whom I've been for 7 months.

This is my first post, and I'm really unsure where to seek advice—feeling a bit down about it, to be honest. Here goes: I’m a 21-year-old woman, and I’ve been dating a 24-year-old man for seven months as of this Friday. Overall, things have been good in terms of avoiding fights, but I've encountered some personal challenges. For context, he spent five years in the military as a Marine. He’s the first military guy I’ve dated and also the oldest. I guess I expected a more mature relationship from someone older, but it doesn't feel that way. My main concern has to do with how he treats me. While he doesn’t mistreat me, it often feels like he views me more as a friend with benefits than a romantic partner. Our communication is minimal; I only receive basic texts like “How was your day?” or “How was class?” I know we’re both busy with school, but it feels like I’m the only one making an effort. Additionally, the way he speaks with me is the same as he does with his friends. The few compliments I’ve received from him have been sparse; he’s only told me I look nice and once said I’m a 10 in my state. I don’t mean to come across as vain—I'm not the prettiest girl out there, but I have confidence in my appearance. He never uses pet names like "babe" or "baby," and we’ve yet to express our love for each other—it makes me sad because I've been in love with him for months. It seems at times that he views me primarily as a monogamous partner for sex. However, there are signs that suggest he’s serious about our future. He planned for me to meet his family in Louisiana, but his car broke down just an hour away. He’s also begun talking about our relationship in future terms and taking steps that indicate commitment. My biggest concern, though, is the emotional aspect. Recently, he's started acting strangely regarding my devices, looking through my phone and watch. I have nothing to hide, but when I ask him about it, he responds sarcastically with, “You got something to hide?” This behavior leaves me feeling disrespected and untrusted, which is confusing. I genuinely want to deepen our connection and create a more intimate and special relationship, but I’m unsure how to approach this without making things awkward or pushing him away. **TL;DR** How can I encourage my boyfriend to be more open and affectionate with me?

He's just begun to overlook me..!

He's suddenly started ignoring me...? So, here’s the backstory: My guy friend goes to a different school and wanted my friends and me to meet his group, which we did in September. There was a guy in that group with whom I kept making eye contact. After they left, my friends said they noticed it too. I thought about him for a week but then kind of moved on, assuming I'd never see him again since it was meant to be a one-time meetup and some of the others didn't really hit it off. About three weeks later, the guy I had been making eye contact with sent me a follow request on Instagram, which I accepted, and we started texting. Our conversations flowed easily; he’d give me cute nicknames and send good morning and good night messages. I felt a bit unsure at times and worried I might come off as dry because things were moving so quickly. After two weeks of chatting, we decided to meet up after school. When we finally met, it was pretty awkward. I warned him that I can be a bit shy, and he reassured me that it was okay and that we would get through it. However, I was so anxious that I ended up being quite blunt, which he commented on—saying I was hard to communicate with. He suggested we go to a nearby town, but I declined, so I just said goodbye, and he left. The meetup felt so awkward that I figured that would be the end of it. But then he messaged me to check if I got home safely and tried to keep the conversation going. Unfortunately, my reply was short and felt out of character for me. Days went by, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Instead of waiting to see if he would message first, I reached out to apologize for being awkward. He replied, "It's fine, don’t worry about it; we’re all different, lol." After that, I tried to keep the conversation going, and while he briefly responded in his usual style, he ended with another short reply. We still follow each other on Instagram, which is how we communicate. I’m at a loss about what to do. At first, I wasn't sure about him, but now I find myself feeling heartbroken. I know this story is lengthy, and I did my best to condense it, but I’m just trying to understand why things have changed and what I should do next. Hearing my friends tell me to "just get over him" or "you deserve better" isn’t helping because I genuinely want to get to know him more, but it feels like everything has come to an abrupt end, and I can’t stop feeling bad about it.

I'm a 19-year-old female, and he is an 18-year-old male.

Hello, there's this guy I’m friendly with, but I need to share something. A few days ago, he mentioned that he used to have feelings for me, although he doesn't remember when or what year. I can't shake the feeling that it might have been more recent, but I don’t want to bombard him with questions. Here's the kicker: about a year ago, he actually blocked me after I told him I liked him back in high school. I’m really confused about his actions. If anyone, especially guys, could offer some insight, I’d really appreciate it. I just want to understand his perspective.

How should I handle this situation?

I used to work at a Xerox store, and there was this customer who came in often. He was nice, and we shared some small talk every time he visited. I always felt a bit giddy around him, but that was as far as it went—until I learned my boss was attempting to set him up with another female employee. I figured it was fair game to reach out, as I hadn’t before, assuming dating customers was off-limits. I sent him a Facebook friend request after digging up his name online, and he accepted right away. We started chatting regularly, but he would act like he didn’t know me whenever he came by the store. This was puzzling, yet he continued to visit almost daily, which made me think he might be nervous or something. In a moment of frustration, I jokingly mentioned to my boss and coworkers that he only came in when I was working. They got defensive and pretended not to know what I was talking about, quickly changing the subject. I realized I was being petty, but they had treated me poorly, so it felt good to retaliate a little. Eventually, I quit due to the toxic work environment, and within a week, I landed a much better job. I reached out to him to let him know he’d have to deal with my old coworkers from now on, joking about how strange they were during their interactions with clients. After that, we talked less and less since I was working longer hours, and he was busy with work and college. Recently, I noticed he had unfriended me on Facebook, although he still follows me on Instagram. When I messaged him, he was surprisingly rude. He ignored my question and basically ghosted me. I can't help but think that perhaps my boss or coworkers mentioned my earlier comments to him, which might explain why he became distant after showing interest. By the way, my former boss has been posting about me on the store’s social media, almost calling me out after I had gone above and beyond for that job, even working through my lunch breaks. She’s just upset that I quit without giving a two-week notice. Should I just let this go? I don’t have strong feelings for him—it was still early in getting to know each other—so I’m just feeling confused.

What’s the best way for me (34F) to navigate my 'situationship' with him (36M)?

I'm embarrassed to be asking this at my age, but I really care about this guy and don’t want to ruin things. So, there's this man I've been seeing—let's call him John, because I think that name suits a privileged guy pretty well! We met at work when he was covering our location for a couple of months. I found him attractive, but since we were colleagues, I tried to keep things professional. Fast forward four months after we stopped working together—I ran into him at a work event, and we were both being flirty. He insisted that I join him and some others at a bar afterward. I had prior plans, so I told him I would stop by if they were still out when I was free. When I got off work at 10:30 PM, I texted John to see if they were still out, and he said, “Yes!” and told me to come to his place. I figured no one else would be there, but I went anyway. One thing led to another, and we ended up sleeping together that night. Since then, we've been in this complicated dating/friendship situation. A couple of months back, he let me know he’s not ready for anything serious or exclusive since he just got out of a long-term relationship and doesn’t want to hurt me. However, I felt hurt that he waited until we were already so close to tell me this, especially after he pushed for us to sleep together. Here’s where it gets complicated: I’m head over heels for this guy, and he has no idea how I’m feeling. At one point, I reached out to see if I was misreading signals since he hadn't been asking to hang out. He reassured me that I’m one of his favorite people but reiterated that he’s not ready for a relationship right now. I recently messaged him to say that I’d like to discuss our situation the next time we meet. To be clear, I would love to have a relationship with him, but I’m worried about approaching the topic the wrong way. Should I wait longer, since it's only been about 3.5 months? Should I lay all my feelings out on the table? Or do I just need to be more patient? The thought of him possibly seeing other people really bothers me. HELP!