Relationship advices: Work-Life Balance

My partner (37m) is not providing support for my health issues.

Context: We are engaged and have been together for six years. We have a young child and own a home together. I’m currently in a highly stressful job that is causing me high blood pressure and frequent panic attacks. I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown. I'm finding it challenging to search for a new job that fits around childcare and my partner's ever-changing hours. I’ve reached a point where I feel I can't handle it anymore, and my partner is unwilling to support me if I choose to quit my job. I take care of household responsibilities, including cooking and cleaning. I prepare dinner for him every day. I’m not neglecting my own well-being or moping around the house, but the demands of my job are overwhelming me, and I'm genuinely concerned for my physical and mental health. I'm not sure what advice I’m seeking, but I’m struggling with the reality of marrying someone who seems to dismiss the commitment of “in sickness and in health.” I don't want to depend on him; I simply need some time to search for another job.

Ending my relationship with my boyfriend over pickleball.

I’m a 24-year-old woman who met my boyfriend, a 32-year-old man, on Bumble, and we've been dating for four months. In my Bumble profile, I mentioned that I play pickleball every Saturday, which has been a cherished hobby of mine long before I met him. It’s an important aspect of my life, and I was honest about it from the start. Recently, however, he hasn't been supportive of my pickleball games because they take away time we could spend together. He has even suggested that I quit so we can hang out more. I proposed that we play together, but he isn’t interested. I feel like quitting would mean giving up a significant part of who I am, and I'm concerned that this could set a precedent for sacrificing my other hobbies in the future. I’ve shared these feelings with him, but the issue continues to be a point of contention. It feels a bit extreme to consider breaking up over pickleball, but I’m not willing to sacrifice my hobbies for the sake of our relationship. Am I being unreasonable? Do I have valid reasons to think that breaking up might be necessary?

Feeling Exhausted – Juggling Work, Home, and Lack of Routine M33 F33 Any Advice?

A few years ago, my career was in a downward spiral—I was dealing with depression, a terrible boss, and numerous challenges. Thankfully, I managed to turn my situation around with a new job. Although I’m doing well now, the constant demands make it both mentally and physically exhausting. At home, my partner works night shifts. On some nights, she claims her job is easy, even allowing herself to take naps when it’s not too busy. She truly is an amazing woman, handling cooking, cleaning, and maintaining the household. I recognize that I should be contributing more, and I genuinely try to help. However, it often feels like nothing I do is good enough. I’ve attempted to do the laundry, only to be told I might ruin it. When I offer to clean, I find out there’s only one "right" way to do it, which apparently isn’t how I do things. I thrive on structure and organization, especially with the kids around, but her system seems to change constantly. One week, there’s one designated drawer for items, and the next week, it’s different. This inconsistency drives me crazy as I try to maintain order, yet she insists on doing things her way. I’ve taken on the majority of our household expenses and want to help take care of our home. But simple surfaces like the kitchen counter and the bottoms of drawers are frequently grimy or damaged. While I don’t expect everything to be perfect, I believe that if something spills, it should be cleaned up right away—something I even teach the kids! When I attempt to discuss these concerns, she often reacts with anger, sarcasm, or tears, even when I’m being logical. It feels impossible to have a calm conversation about something as straightforward as household structure. I often find myself feeling overwhelmed and shut down as a result. We've even joked about the possibility of me becoming a lonely old man, and lately, that idea feels increasingly appealing compared to the ongoing stress. Her ever-changing shift patterns and unwillingness to compromise on household organization leave me feeling isolated and drained. What I’m seeking is balance—a way to transform our home into a haven rather than another source of conflict. Has anyone else faced a similar situation? How did you manage to create structure and peace in your home life? I’m at a loss for what to do next. Thank you for your thoughts and advice!

I'm a 20-year-old female, and my boyfriend is a 20-year-old male. We're currently in a long-distance relationship, and I have a situation to discuss.

My boyfriend and I hardly get the chance to spend quality time together. One day, he’s home alone and has invited me over, but that same day, my best friend from university is throwing her birthday party (not on her actual birthday). I feel torn about which to choose and guilty about letting one of them down. I'm really stuck on what to do!

I'm unsure about how to navigate my relationship.

I've been living with my boyfriend for nearly five years, and from the start, I’ve felt more like a mother figure than a partner. I've told him how overwhelmed I am by the constant chores and the bills that seem to rest solely on my shoulders. Although I earn almost double what he does, all the financial responsibilities still fall to me. I tried asking him to take care of one bill, but when I did, my electricity was cut off due to non-payment. He claimed he forgot because “we don’t have a folder for our bills.” It feels like his free time is just that—his—but mine is devoted to managing household tasks. His money is his, while mine seems to be for household expenses too. When I brought this up, he changed his behavior for less than a month before things reverted back to the way they were. Recently, I received a Nintendo Switch as a work gift (I’m in the gaming industry), and he casually mentioned selling it to buy the new model coming out this year, but we’ve never discussed that together. I’m at a loss about what to do. My mother-in-law recently brought up the topic of marriage, and I felt like crying because I’m uncertain about the life I’m living. Yet, I love him deeply and don’t want to break up. He’s never been abusive or unkind to me, but being in my 30s makes me feel like time is running out. I'm really struggling to figure out my next steps.

My boyfriend is asking me to take care of his household chores.

I'm a 20-something female university student living with my boyfriend of three years, who is almost 30 and works long shifts as a chef. Lately, I feel like he expects me to take care of all the housework, including washing his clothes and cleaning up after him. While I may not work long hours like him, being a full-time student still takes up a lot of my time. Even if I had the time, I don’t think it’s fair for me to be responsible for everything. Just to clarify, he doesn’t provide any financial support for me. I've communicated to him that I don’t want to fall into a "traditional wife" role. When we first started dating, I made it clear that my education and future were my top priorities. I’m happy to help out as a kind gesture occasionally, but I don’t want it to be an expectation. Unfortunately, I've had to reiterate this point several times throughout our relationship. Tonight, he came to bed wearing his dirty socks, and I asked him to take them off so the sheets wouldn’t get dirty (since we don’t have a washing machine, I would have to handwash them). He responded, “Well, that’s what happens when I don’t have any clean socks,” and refused to take them off, implying it was my responsibility to wash them. I couldn’t help but laugh and asked him why he wasn’t washing them himself. Honestly, I can’t even recall his exact response, but it frustrated me. He often says things like, “If you loved me, you’d do these things to make my life easier." I’ve made it clear that I’m not his maid, and while I understand that his job is demanding, it shouldn’t mean I have to shoulder all the household chores just because I'm studying at home. I have my own life to lead, and he managed just fine at my age without relying on someone to cater to him. Additionally, our mutual friend, who is female, often sides with him and insists that if I truly cared for him, I should ensure he has food ready when he gets home. However, she has never been in a relationship, so I didn't give her opinion much weight, even though it was frustrating. He has ample time to prepare meals during the day but often chooses to relax and play video games instead, or he claims he has a bad sleep schedule and rushes to his shift without planning ahead. Today was a minor exception; he intended to cook a meal for himself for lunch but asked me to wash his pot. I didn’t do it, so he skipped eating and went back to gaming. As much as I care for him, I find this behavior quite off-putting. I want a partner, not someone I need to take care of. I’d appreciate any advice or insights, especially if anyone has faced a similar situation.

What’s the best way for a 18M to break up with a 21F?

I'm an 18-year-old guy and I want to end my relationship with a 21-year-old girl I've been dating for the past two months. She's very romantic and sexually active, which I struggle to keep up with. As I’m studying Law, my grades during my first semester have suffered because I've been spending too much time on dates and being intimate with her. This is my first serious relationship, and I've found it difficult to balance my studies, exercise, and time with her. I tried to break up with her a few weeks ago, but since we attend the same college and share a friend group, I wanted to handle it delicately and suggested we could remain friends. Unfortunately, she seemed to feel embarrassed by my attempt to 'friend-zone' her and responded by being quite unkind. The next morning, we agreed to stay together and try to find a balance between studying and our relationship. Initially, I thought we could make it work, but now that the new semester is starting, I'm seriously worried about my grades slipping again. While I'm just starting out in college, she’s almost finished with her program and has already secured good grades, allowing her to leave at the end of the year. We're scheduled to meet on the day we both return to college in a few days. What's the best way to end things with her? Should I do it that evening, or would it be wiser to gradually distance myself to help her adjust and prepare for the inevitable?

I get anxious every day when my boyfriend comes home.

My boyfriend (24m) has struggled with work stress for as long as I’ve known him. We’ve been together for three years and have lived together for one. I've tried to be as supportive and understanding as possible. When he mentioned needing some time alone to unwind after work, I agreed to give him that space. However, I’ve started to feel really anxious each day as I anticipate him coming home. It’s like I can’t catch my breath. He often arrives home feeling upset—withdrawn, sullen, and angry. When we do interact, he barely makes eye contact and only offers a few words before retreating to his office for at least an hour. If I try to join him, he doesn’t seem to acknowledge my presence; he just continues playing games on his phone. Dinner time is usually when he comes out and seems to be in a better mood, ready to engage with me. My question is, is this behavior typical in a relationship? I grew up in a tight-knit family, where we support each other through tough times, so I wanted to get an outside perspective. I feel a disconnect between us every day, and getting back into our normal routine after his alone time feels a bit awkward. While he has always been this way, I’m starting to reevaluate what I need from our relationship. Thanks for reading this lengthy message!

33M, 27F: He desires more intimacy, but I'm constantly exhausted. Can you offer me some advice?

Hi! My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years and have lived together for over a year and a half. In the early days of our relationship, we were intimate frequently, just like most couples, and everything felt fun and carefree. These days, we find ourselves having sex only one to three times a week. He desires more intimacy and struggles with the fact that we’re not having sex daily, but I’m perpetually exhausted. I'm the primary breadwinner, and I'm juggling multiple business ventures to ensure our long-term stability. He's been working on starting a photography business for three years, but it's not generating any significant income. Meanwhile, I have responsibilities like caring for a horse and managing other expenses, which adds pressure on me to work harder financially. At the end of the day, I’m so drained that the last thing on my mind, either at night or in the morning, is sex. On top of all this, I’ve been dealing with an overwhelming amount of family drama that's caused my stress levels to soar. I recognize that managing my stress is my responsibility. Although I’m on birth control, I’m unsure of its effects on my libido. I can still get aroused and reach orgasm, but the thought of sex feels exhausting both physically and mentally. Honestly, I’m so tired that I don’t even want to go through with it. He feels frustrated about being the main person responsible for cleaning the house and not having enough intimacy, while I’m frustrated by my grueling 12-hour workdays. It feels unbalanced, especially since he isn’t contributing financially. His main focus is on a few jobs, going to the gym, and playing guitar without any other obligations. He does so many wonderful things for me and supports me in many ways, but financially, he’s struggling. I know that sex is important to him for feeling loved and connected, and since we both prefer to keep intimacy personal, we don’t engage in porn or masturbation. But I’m at a loss about what to do. I find myself resenting him for financial issues and household obligations while I’m too exhausted to engage in anything enjoyable. Whenever we want to go on a date or plan a trip, the financial burden falls entirely on me. He has occasionally contributed, but it’s always me footing the bill, which makes me reluctant to plan outings. I recognize the importance of finding a work-life balance, but it's difficult to imagine reducing my income given my responsibilities. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I'm a 29-year-old man and I've made a mistake. My wife, who is 28, hasn't talked to me in three days. What can I do to resolve this?

This is a repost because the original was taken down. I've made an edit to address something I overlooked in the initial submission. **In Brief:** I procrastinated on some household chores, which frustrated my wife, and it has led to emotional distance between us. Now, I’m unsure how to reconnect or mend things. **The Full Story:** My wife is a stay-at-home partner, while I work full-time, including two days from home. I don't subscribe to the notion that simply because I earn the income, she should handle all other responsibilities. I cook most of our meals, help with the dishes, and contribute as much as I can around the house. However, I struggle with procrastination, a habit I've had since childhood. A few days ago, she asked me to do the ironing over the weekend, as she was busy visiting family during the weekdays. I replied that I would handle it later since I needed to apply for new jobs. By evening, I was mentally exhausted. She was tired too, and when she went to bed, I asked if I could do the ironing the following day. She agreed, but instead of resting, I ended up playing video games. The next day, she wanted to sort through my room together. I wasn't enthusiastic but didn't voice my reluctance. While cleaning, we discovered an old, rotting piece of cake in my work bag—something I had forgotten about for months. She became upset and said, “Whenever you procrastinate, I have to deal with it.” I tried to lighten the mood, but her frustration was evident. By the evening, we had reconciled without addressing the underlying issue. Both of us had been incredibly busy that week: she was preparing for guests, and I was juggling a hectic work schedule along with my job search. Fast forward a few days—I had a packed agenda filled with meetings and job applications, but I still managed to make breakfast and tidy up the kitchen before she woke up. I worked a bit and attended several meetings before heading to the office to deliver some documents. Meanwhile, she was busy cooking all day for her guests. Once I took the dog out around 6 PM, she remarked, “Oh, now you walk the dog?” I explained that I had been overwhelmed with work, and she just rolled her eyes. (For the record, I had walked the dog the previous night, and she typically manages two walks most days.) Later in the evening, I tried to connect with her to help with the dishes, but she exploded. She said, “It’s been four days! I forgave you without discussing it, but since we got married, I’m the one who deals with everything you put off! Get your priorities straight!” I attempted to explain my perspective, but she stormed off. I want to clarify that walking the dog is not solely my responsibility, but I do it whenever I can. I stayed home to clean the kitchen and waited for her. She eventually went over to a friend's house and didn't come back until late. Unable to sleep, I tracked her location on Find My (we share our locations) and noticed she was just sitting in her car for fifteen minutes upon her return. When I checked on her, she locked the doors and ignored me. I waited outside in the cold for half an hour before retreating inside. After another 15 minutes of waiting, I checked on her again. She rushed past me, locked herself in her dressing room, and went to sleep in another room. The following morning, I had a full-day workshop to moderate, so I woke up early and rushed to work at 6 AM. The guests were coming that day for a girls' night, and I wasn't invited. After finishing work at 6 PM, I wandered around the city until 1 AM. When I finally got home, the guests had left, and she seemed in a hurry to go to bed, stopping whatever she was doing. I approached her and gave her a kiss before cleaning the rest of the house. After finishing, I went to bed, but she was in the bathroom. I waited for her but accidentally fell asleep. When I woke up, she was in another room. I made her breakfast and picked a rose while walking the dog, leaving it by her side with a kiss, but she didn't react. Later, I made her coffee and told her it was in the kitchen, but she hadn’t acknowledged me. Since then, we haven't communicated. She stays mostly in her room, and I check in occasionally to see if she needs anything. I've noticed she's been writing on her computer and quickly hides the screen when I walk by. I feel lost and terrible about the situation, recognizing this isn’t just about a rotting piece of cake or walking the dog. How do I repair our relationship?

Will I seem controlling if I surprise my boyfriend with Christmas dinner after he mentioned he’s busy?

My boyfriend (27M) and I (27F) have been together for almost three years. We both work in the same lab and live on campus (in separate buildings), so we’re never too far apart. The last two Christmases have been special for us, as we’ve started a tradition of cooking an excessive amount of food and enjoying it together. This year, though, he’s swamped with a grant proposal that’s due in ten days. He’s been working hard on it for weeks and had planned to finish by this weekend, so we were set to dine out for Christmas. He just cancelled our plans, saying he needs to wrap up his work first but will finish as soon as possible so we can celebrate. I’m not upset because he’s always reliable, and being a scientist myself, I understand the pressure he’s under. Since he won’t be able to make it to Christmas dinner this year, I thought it would be fun to bring the holiday meal to him. I plan to spend the day cooking, and maybe even baking, to keep our holiday traditions alive. However, he did mention that he’s busy, so I’m concerned that surprising him with dinner might feel like I’m imposing a celebration when he’d prefer to focus on his work. This is especially troubling since he knows (A) I’m not great at baking, and (B) what I really want is for him to make his delicious pumpkin pie. I’m worried because since July, I’ve had a series of personal crises with my labmates that made me quite irritable. Although I didn’t take it out on him, he did have to listen to my rants about people he knows, to the point where he told me I needed to calm down because he was worn out. By November, I addressed my issues, apologized to him, and worked on improving my attitude. However, it’s only been a few weeks since then, and I fear that my decision to make Christmas dinner might come off as a passive-aggressive way of forcing a celebration. In summary, I want to surprise my boyfriend with a Christmas feast while he’s busy, but I’m worried that my recent attitude might make it seem like I’m pushing a celebration on him.

Today, my frustration with feeling overlooked in the relationship reached its peak.

I'm a 25-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 33, for about 10 months. Lately, I've been facing some challenges. He is incredibly hardworking and committed to his career in the trades, often trying to fill his schedule with as many jobs as possible. Being an immigrant from a struggling European country, he feels a strong obligation to send money back home and support his parents' retirement. His ambition is one of the things that initially drew me to him. While he is a sweet, caring man, I feel that he hasn’t been dedicating enough time to our relationship or meeting my emotional needs. I moved to this city to be closer to him and currently don't have many friends around. When I try to socialize with his friends, it’s difficult since they primarily speak a language I don't understand. Recently, he seems too exhausted to invest the effort I need from him. Around Thanksgiving, I planned a little getaway for us to relax during his time off, but our host canceled last minute, and he didn’t suggest alternative plans. Instead, I went to his house and made meals for him and his brother, hoping to spend quality time together afterward. Unfortunately, he filled the rest of the weekend with work, and I ended up feeling neglected. After I expressed my feelings of loneliness and the need for more effort from him, he acknowledged I have keys to his place but couldn’t grasp my point about the imbalances in our effort levels. He promised to try harder and make plans with me. We discussed rescheduling our trip for the Christmas break, but that fell through again, and he let me know he’d only be free the day after Christmas. In the lead-up to that day, I emphasized the need to finalize our plans, but his responses were vague, indicating we might end up staying home. On the morning of the day after Christmas, he texted me saying he wanted to relax and play video games. I felt crushed but communicated my disappointment since there had been anticipation for this day. Although he said he would go along with whatever I suggested, his tone made it clear he wasn’t enthusiastic. I ended up feeling very emotional through the day, hoping for just a simple moment together. When he finally invited me over to watch a movie, I thought it was a good sign until he canceled due to a last-minute job. So, I spent the day feeling alone and upset. I worry that if I share my feelings with him, he’ll dismiss them as dramatic or suggest I should’ve planned something instead. I am genuinely hurt by his lack of consideration for my feelings, especially given that he was the one who proposed doing something during the Christmas break. I’m tired of the disappointment that comes with his last-minute changes and his tendency to prioritize work over our relationship. Despite my concerns, I know he loves me and wants to marry me—he's had a ring for a month, which I discovered by accident. I love him too, but I’m uncertain about committing to someone who doesn’t seem to prioritize our relationship. We’ve discussed building a life together and starting a family, but his recent behavior has left me questioning everything. I really don’t want to end things because we share a deep love, but I’m reaching my breaking point. While I understand his work obligations and responsibilities to his family, I worry that I’ll always feel unhappy if my needs aren’t met. How can I express the pain this situation has caused me without triggering his defensiveness about needing rest on his rare day off?

My boyfriend (22M) keeps falling asleep whenever I'm with him.

I realize I might come across as insensitive for saying this, but here it goes. He’s on night shifts, which I totally get as I work late too, often until around midnight or 1 AM. I chose this schedule because my store is closed at night, and I thought it would align better with his sleep pattern. We agreed that it would help him stay awake, or at least be less overtired when he comes over to my place. Currently, we don’t have our own place, so I’m living with my parents. I can’t stay at his place anymore because I have an elderly cat who is very attached to me and refuses to eat unless I’m around. Whenever he visits, it feels like 80% of the time he’s either asleep or too worn out to engage with me. I struggle to empathize with this because I handle tiredness very well. I can easily pull an all-nighter and go to work and still seem fine, which I’ve done several times. I may feel a bit off, but I tend to act and perform just as usual. It’s frustrating because it feels like we hardly have any quality time together. I’ve brought this up with him several times, but the situation hasn’t improved. I know he can’t control falling asleep, so I try not to make a big deal out of it. What puzzles me is how he manages to stay awake at his home before and after work, yet appears unable to do so when he's at mine. At his place, he interacts normally with his family and is an engaging person, but when he’s with me, he seems less present, even when he’s awake. I've been hoping this would change for months. We had originally agreed he would stay awake when he came over, then sleep later after I went to bed, and keep that routine until his next work shift. However, he now just sleeps whenever he feels like it, while I’m usually wide awake. He’ll sleep at night when I sleep, nap in the morning when I’m up, and then again in the evening when I’m free. I don’t know how to help him; he apologizes for it, and I feel for him because it’s clear he’s exhausted, but it's really starting to wear on me.

My boyfriend's fishing hobby (he's 23) is starting to annoy me (I'm 23). Am I being unreasonable?

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now. Our lives are quite busy, and we usually spend time together from Sunday to Friday. We share meals and sleep together before I head off to my internship and he goes to work. On Friday nights, I go to my parents’ house, which is about an hour away, to work on Saturday. I often return on Saturday night, but sometimes I come back on Sunday. There have been instances where his fishing habits have caused some tension in our relationship. When I bring it up, he often responds with, "Yeah, but..." and I usually end up letting it go. Fortunately, he has been fishing less frequently in recent years, so it hasn't been as much of an issue for me. However, lately, he has started making more plans to go fishing again. Since he works on Saturdays, he tries to find some free time during the week, but unfortunately, it never aligns with my schedule. For several weeks, he has promised to look for a day when we can hang out together, but I’ve been left waiting, hoping we can enjoy some time as a couple. Today, I'm home sick, and yesterday he told me he was free today and had already arranged to go fishing. I said that was fine, but now I’ve found out he won't be back until after dinner. He left early this morning at 6, and I'm feeling irritated. I haven’t heard from him all day and feel uncertain about where we stand. I had hoped he would return a bit earlier, even though I recognize that being sick limits what we could do together. Still, I'm disappointed, especially after waiting so long for that promised time together. Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? I'm starting to doubt myself, especially since I haven't been feeling like myself lately.

The husband asserts that he takes on a more maternal role.

I'm a 27-year-old female, and my husband is also 27. We have two young boys, aged 1 and 2.5. I returned to work six weeks ago after being unemployed for 10 months due to a layoff. My work hours are Monday to Friday, 9 am to 5 pm, while my husband works on a rotating schedule: Monday, Tuesday, Friday through Sunday one week, and then Wednesday and Thursday the following week, from 6 am to 6:30 pm. When we both work, the kids go to a babysitter, and I handle drop-off and pick-up. On the days I work and he doesn’t, he stays home with the kids, and vice versa. This morning, my husband told me, “I’m watching the kids more than you. I’m more of a mom than you are.” I was taken aback by his comment. During the 10 months I was a stay-at-home mom, I never once claimed to be the primary caregiver or implied that I was better than him. Yet he struggles with the concept of being a parent when he’s alone with the kids. This situation is incredibly frustrating. He often says that when he’s with the kids on his own, he’s “Mom for the day,” as if taking care of his own children somehow makes him more maternal than paternal. He seems to believe he’s being a “better mom” without me there to help him. I’m not sure how to communicate to him that he’s not “being mom”; he’s just being a parent, and I don’t want him to react defensively. We can’t afford for me to stay home, which is why I took a job, and I never hold that over him, implying that he doesn’t earn enough for me not to work or that he has to step up to parent. I’m feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. Does anyone have advice on how to handle this?

Seeking guidance on relationships.

Subject: Seeking Advice on Our Relationship Hi, My girlfriend and I are both in our 30s; I don’t have any kids, but she has two from a previous relationship. Over the past month or two, I've started to feel like she's giving me "leftover" time. I’ve tried discussing it with her, explaining that it bothers me when she has time for friends and parties, but not for us to spend quality time together—whether it’s going out on a date or just sitting down for a chat. Lately, it seems like I only see her when she needs assistance with something, like driving her to a friend's party, helping with shopping for her kids, or fixing things around her house. Even when we do manage to spend time together, she often seems preoccupied with other tasks. It feels like there's little attention or effort from her side toward our relationship, and I can't recall the last time she planned something special for us. Yet, I notice she always carves out time for at least one evening with friends each week. From the beginning, I’ve been very supportive, offering my time, financial help, and assistance with her home and kids. Recently, when I expressed my feelings, she apologized and promised to work on our relationship. She even suggested creating a jar with color-coded notes for activities we can do together, but whenever I bring up the idea of preparing that jar, she seems too busy or uninterested. There have been some improvements in our communication, which is encouraging, but there are still many little things we've discussed and agreed upon that need attention to strengthen our relationship. I'm feeling quite lost right now. I want to understand how to support her better, yet I also sense a lack of appreciation and effort from her side. While I've tried addressing this and she promised to change, it hasn’t led to any significant progress. I genuinely love her, and the thought of breaking up is tough, as I don’t want to lose what we have. However, it’s starting to feel like I’m more of a convenience for her rather than a partner, especially as I become more involved in her children’s lives. I’m concerned about delaying action on this issue because the prospect of losing her and having to navigate life without the two kids is daunting. Has anyone experienced something similar in their relationship? I would appreciate any advice on how to communicate my feelings to her. Am I being too needy for expecting more? Thank you for your support.

I'm a 28-year-old woman, and my girlfriend, who is 26, tends to be quite messy. It's beginning to affect me emotionally.

We've been together for two years and have spent most of that time living under the same roof. When we were in our small apartment in Baltimore, I attributed the clutter to our tight space. However, after moving to a slightly larger place in Minneapolis, I’ve come to realize it’s more than just that. For instance, our nightstands reveal a stark contrast—hers is cluttered with soda bottles, food wrappers, and miscellaneous items, while mine remains tidy. In the bathroom, clothes accumulate on the floor; although some are mine, the majority are not. I've been trying to create a more equitable division of chores, but it's been challenging. I often have to remind her to do the dishes, and even then, it's hit-or-miss. Laundry is another battle—if I don’t keep up with the routine, it quickly falls apart. Clean clothes pile up in the dryer until I finally fold them, and when I hand her clothes to put away, they frequently remain unattended. Overall, I feel like I’m handling about 70-75% of the household tasks. I’ve brought this up before, but she only helps out when I specifically ask her to, and even then, it feels like she’s not fully engaged. This situation has me reconsidering our future together. How can I express my stress and frustration to her without coming across as harsh?

I need to find out how to handle this.

I've been in a relationship with this wonderful woman (F37) for a while now, but she has a high-stress job that sometimes requires her to take time for herself. I totally understand the need for personal space—everyone needs time to recharge and reflect, right? However, she’s mentioned that in the past, her stress has led her to completely withdraw for days at a time, and that’s where I struggle. I know it’s not me causing her need for space, as she reassures me of that, but I can't help but wonder why I have to bear the brunt of her needing to isolate, especially if it’s due to stress from others. It’s tough for me to accept, and I worry that it makes me come off as unsupportive. I really question myself about this. Days without communication feel really painful. I’d appreciate any advice on how to cope during these times, and I’d like to hear your thoughts: Am I being selfish? Thank you!

How long should I, a 25-year-old woman, continue my relationship with my boyfriend, who is 28 and struggling with substance abuse?

His issues haven't negatively impacted our relationship so far. We have a healthy and loving connection and are considering marriage. However, he does use recreational drugs and has struggled specifically with cocaine. We’ve talked about it, and he agreed to quit. Unfortunately, I believe he has substituted that with increased alcohol consumption and smoking weed. He drinks several times a day and uses cannabis throughout the day. Although he promised to stay away from cocaine, one night he tried ketamine because he felt it wasn’t the same. He also has a nicotine addiction (I don't smoke). I've communicated that living a healthy lifestyle is important to me, and while he agrees, he believes that being young makes it acceptable and plans to cut back in a few years. I feel that real change comes from a desire to change, and I’m not sure he’ll overcome this addictive nature. If it's not one substance, it might just be another. I want a life partner, and I’m concerned that his substance use will pose challenges in the future. Nicotine alone can lead to serious health issues. I’m seeking advice because while I enjoy going out for drinks occasionally, I believe it’s unhealthy to rely on substances.

Am I in the wrong for beginning to question my relationship?

**TLDR:** I'm starting to feel overlooked in my relationship. Hi everyone, I'm a 23-year-old guy in a nearly three-year relationship with my partner, who is 25. We met during our undergraduate years, but shortly after we began dating, she graduated and entered law school. Over the years, our relationship has had its highs and lows, but recently, it's began to decline. A significant part of the issue seems to be her busy schedule—between law review, her clinic work, classes, and socializing with friends. I fully understand that law school demands a lot of effort, but I'm struggling to feel like I matter as much in her life. My partner is caring, thoughtful, and truly wonderful. She has apologized for the compromises I've had to make, which has helped a bit, but the situation is still weighing on me. There's a growing sense of resentment because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ll never be her top priority. For instance, about a year and a half ago, a classmate of hers confessed feelings for her. Although she turned him down and insists she's not interested, they've remained close friends. They've gone out to dinner several times, and he even helped her secure a job at the public defender’s office for next semester. It’s difficult for me to understand how she can stay friends with someone who has, on multiple occasions, suggested that she cheat on me. I try to hold back my feelings because I see the career benefits for her, but whenever I bring it up, she doesn’t seem to grasp why it bothers me. I know she’s a great person, but some of this is hard for me to accept as just part of our reality. The latest incident happened tonight—she canceled our plans to help a friend prepare for a trial. Earlier today, she informed me that our trip for our three-year anniversary is off because she’s signed up for a law school competition that weekend. Most of her reasons are legitimate, and I understand that law school is demanding; I also work long hours in public accounting, so I know what it’s like to juggle everything. But it’s beginning to feel like I’m being pushed out of her life. I feel conflicted because I don’t want to seem unsupportive—she’s working incredibly hard, and I admire that. Yet, I can't shake the feeling of being invisible, like I’m more of a best friend than a partner. I’m uncertain how to handle this situation, or if I’m being unreasonable. AITA for questioning my relationship?

Wrestling with a Sense of Significance

**TL;DR: I'm starting to feel overlooked in my relationship.** Hey everyone, I’m a 23-year-old guy, and I’ve been with my partner, who is 25, for nearly three years. We met during our undergraduate studies, but shortly after we started dating, she graduated and went on to law school. Our relationship has seen its share of challenges, but recently, things have been getting tougher. It seems like there’s always something demanding her attention – law review, her clinic, classes, or friends. While I respect the dedication it takes to pursue law, I can’t help but feel like I’m not a priority for her anymore. My partner is genuinely loving, kind, and an incredible person. She has acknowledged the sacrifices I’ve made, which has been somewhat reassuring. However, as time goes by, I can’t shake the growing resentment I feel. There’s an underlying worry that I’ll never be her top priority. A specific instance that has stuck with me is when one of her classmates confessed his feelings for her about a year and a half ago. She turned him down but continues to maintain a close friendship with him. They’ve dined together several times, and he even helped her secure a job at the public defender’s office next semester. I struggle to understand how she can keep a friendship with someone who has flirted with the idea of cheating before. I’ve tried to keep quiet because I know this relationship aids her career, but whenever I bring it up, she doesn’t seem to grasp why it bothers me. I recognize she’s a wonderful person, but accepting these things as “part of the deal” is becoming increasingly difficult. Tonight was another tough moment—she canceled our plans to help a friend prepare for a trial tomorrow. Earlier, she informed me that our anniversary trip is off since she’s committed to a law school competition that weekend. Most of her reasons are legitimate, and I get that law school is demanding. I work long hours in public accounting, so I understand the struggle of balancing work and life. Yet, I can’t shake the feeling that there’s no longer a place for me in her life, and I’m being gradually pushed out. I feel conflicted because I don’t want to seem unsupportive or ungrateful—she’s working so hard. But at the same time, I feel more like her best friend than her partner, and that leaves me feeling invisible. I’m unsure how to address this concern without coming off as the “bad guy.” Any advice on how to navigate this situation would be greatly appreciated.