Relationship advices: Work-Life Balance

My girlfriend, who is 27, hasn't been to work for the past two weeks, and I'm uncertain about how to approach the situation. What would be the best way to discuss this with her?

My girlfriend experienced significant menstrual cramps two weeks ago on Monday, prompting her to leave work early. She started feeling better by Tuesday but struggled with sleep for a few nights. On Wednesday, she returned to the office without her work laptop. She looked exhausted, and her manager offered her the option to go home and rest. She took him up on it but forgot her laptop again. She didn’t work on Thursday or Friday due to fatigue and poor sleep. By Sunday, she had caught a cold, so she stayed home again on Monday and Tuesday. By Tuesday evening, she felt better and mentioned wanting to go to the office for her laptop so she could work from home the next day. However, she didn’t go. She expressed the same intention on Wednesday (by then she was fully recovered) and again on Thursday, but still did not bring her laptop home. Yesterday, she hinted that she might go to the office today. This morning, I received a message that she didn’t go because, although she slept well, she woke up around 6 am feeling like sleeping more, so she stayed home again. I am completely against working while sick. Personally, I often push myself to work even when I’m unwell, which is my own fault, but I wouldn’t expect anyone else to do the same. However, I can’t shake the feeling of frustration with her perceived laziness and her inconsistency between what she says and what she does. It sits uneasily with me. It seems odd that she has gone two full weeks without working when she could have easily managed working from home for a few of those days, especially since her company is quite flexible. I can’t help but feel a bit weird and angry about the entire situation. How justified are these feelings?

I’m a 29-year-old man facing a dilemma about where to settle down for the next few years. My fiancée, who is 25, has a specific location in mind, while my family has a different preference for where I should live.

I'm going to keep the specifics of the location a bit ambiguous. Next year, I’ll be starting a new job, and I need to choose between living in Location X or Location Y, which will depend on where I decide to work. Regardless of my choice, my fiancé and I will be living together. She currently resides in Location X and prefers to stay there. Meanwhile, my mom and younger brother will be relocating from abroad to Location Y around the time I start my new job, primarily for my brother's education. They will stay there for two years, leaving my dad to live abroad alone. A little background: my parents have always been incredibly supportive, and I have a good job that I want to repay them for. I’ve gone through a similar experience as my little brother, and during that time, my mom and brother supported me while my dad was abroad. At that time, we were in Location Y, and later, I attended university in another place while my mom and brother returned abroad to be with my dad. Location X is about 1 hour and 30 minutes away from Location Y. I’ve been in Location Y for two years now, and I’m quite comfortable living here. However, my fiancé has been in Location X for a few years and is still adjusting to life in this country. She’s finally become comfortable there and heavily relies on her circle of friends in Location Y, where she currently works. She really wants to stay in that area. In terms of job opportunities, I’ve been working in Location Y for two years, and while it’s decent, it’s nothing exceptional. Going for either Location X or Location Y would keep me on the same career path, but Location X seems better for my future, and I feel like I could use a change. Plus, it’s a better city overall. I’ve recently expressed to my parents that we’re considering moving to Location X. I don’t want to portray them negatively; they truly aren’t villains and have sacrificed a lot for me. I recognize that being in Location Y to support my mom and little brother would be beneficial, even if we wouldn’t live together—I'd only be about 20 minutes away. However, they hinted that I should remember the support they offered me in the past and that it’s my turn to give back, even though they know my fiancé prefers Location X. Personally, I'm okay with staying in Location Y, yet I understand how important it is for my fiancé to be happy in Location X. She insists that whatever happens is fine with her, and she’s content with my decision. As you can see, I’m torn between wanting to support my family and ensuring my fiancé feels comfortable and happy in her living situation. While I could use a change, I'm also fine with continuing in Location Y. What advice do you have for making this decision about where to live? Thanks!

[32F] facing challenges with her partner's [36M] unhealthy habits after years of trying to be patient.

My husband (36M) and I have been together for nearly ten years and married for a couple. When we first met, he was facing significant challenges—grieving the loss of both parents and trying to manage a family business that he wasn’t equipped for. His lifestyle was quite unhealthy at that time, but I was drawn to his kindness, particularly in how he cared for animals. Over the years, we've created a life together—sharing a home, running a business, and rescuing several dogs along the way. Although many aspects of our lives have improved, his unhealthy habits (smoking, substance use, irregular eating and sleeping patterns) have remained largely unchanged, despite numerous discussions, therapy sessions, medications, and attempts to quit. I prioritize my health and take care of myself, and I want the same for him—not just for his own well-being, but for our future as a couple. I've always tried to be patient and supportive, but it feels as though we've been trapped in the same cycle for years. He recognizes the issues, agrees with me, and makes small efforts, particularly after arguments, but nothing seems to be sustainable over the long term. I love him deeply, but it's difficult not to feel resentful. I don’t want to leave our relationship, but I also don’t want to spend my life watching someone I care about slowly self-destruct. How can I balance being patient with setting my own boundaries without feeling like I'm giving up on him? Has anyone else gone through a similar experience?

Everything is going well right now! What are some subtle ways I [29F] can inspire my husband [30M] to cultivate a greater zest for life in the future?

I would really like to see my husband take up a hobby. With the little one keeping us busy and the demands of work on top of home life, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. I’d eventually love to explore some hobbies of my own as well, especially since we both seem to be settling into a routine. I just want to ensure that we don’t fall into boredom, and I think it would be great for both of us to have some new interests. While he doesn’t express any unhappiness, I’ve noticed that he doesn’t talk as much these days. Maybe I'm just overthinking things.

I'm a 24-year-old woman, and I'm feeling uncertain about my boyfriend, who is 25. I could really use some advice.

Hi there. I apologize for the lengthy message. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years. We developed a strong bond very quickly; I believe he is my soulmate, and we truly complement each other. Given how rare it is to find a good partner, I cherish him and plan to be with him for life. However, there are some issues that are causing me to wonder if I'm making the right choice. Firstly, this is my first serious relationship, so I don’t have much to compare it to. Yet, from what I observe in others, what we have is truly special. He loves me deeply, treats me with care, and makes me feel genuinely cherished, which are all qualities I seek in a partner. I feel completely comfortable around him; we are not only a couple but also best friends. He is kind, loyal, funny, and has a sensitive heart. There's so much I appreciate about him, and I can’t imagine my life without him. That said, there are a few things that sometimes weigh on my mind. He’s 25 and currently unemployed, not actively searching for work as he’s trying to transition into a new career. Because of this, I end up covering most expenses. He moved in with me before we reached the one-year mark, and I had to hide it from my parents. While I love living together and he helps a lot around the house, my financial burden is significant. As I work from home, I often find it hard to enjoy my earnings or save for the future since I’m effectively supporting two people. When I bring this up to him, he expresses regret and insists he’s doing his best, but his mental and physical health struggles hinder his progress. His primary issue is anxiety, which seems to overwhelm him more than it motivates him to take action. He also suffers from sleep apnea, which severely impacts his quality of life, causing him to struggle with focus and feel restless due to lack of sleep. Unfortunately, he can't afford to see a specialist or get a CPAP machine for his condition. This situation also affects our intimacy; we often can’t sleep together, and our sex life is lacking. While our encounters are satisfying when they happen, they’re infrequent since he’s rarely in the mood, and sometimes his anxiety disrupts the moment. Recently, I've been feeling confused about whether I should keep waiting for him to work through his challenges. I fear we are in different stages of life; I’ve just graduated and am starting to enjoy my newfound independence, while he’s still trying to get his life on track. I worry that I'm wasting my youth by settling down with my first boyfriend, especially since we can’t seem to enjoy experiences together. Our financial disparities affect all our plans; I want to go on vacation, but he can’t afford it, and if I offer to pay, he feels guilty and often declines. We do communicate openly, which is something I value between us. If I were to leave him over these issues, I know finding someone else might be a challenge. The thought of that brings me a lot of sadness because I am truly in love with him and can’t envision leaving. I just feel lost navigating these challenges. When we discuss these matters, he acknowledges my concerns but asks for more understanding from my side. I feel selfish because I recognize he's struggling too. However, I've been patient; I can’t shake this sense of being stuck, unable to live the life I want while I wait for him to find his way. I'm not sure if I've articulated my feelings clearly, but I would really appreciate any advice from anyone who can relate. Thank you!

How can I, a 30-year-old female, let my siblings, who are 35-year-old female and 28-year-old male, know that I prefer not to travel with them?

My siblings—one sister (35F) and one brother (28M)—have both asked me several times to join them and their partners on vacation, and I'm struggling to find a way to say no. My husband and I share a love for travel; it was one of the things that brought us together, and we've enjoyed many trips and weekend getaways over the years (with the exception of 2020). Our demanding jobs and busy social lives make our travel time truly special, allowing us to reconnect and escape from everything else. I find it hard to want to share that experience with just anyone. This conversation would be simpler if I had no intention of traveling with anyone but my husband, but the truth is we are planning a weekend getaway with friends this fall. While I care about my siblings, I can only tolerate their partners, and my husband feels even more strongly against them. We don’t see each other often, and I have a strong feeling that going on a trip together would turn into a frustrating experience, leaving me resentful for spending time and money on something unenjoyable. So, Reddit, I’m looking for advice—what’s the best way to gently explain to my siblings that my husband and I prefer not to go on vacation with them or their partners?

23-year-old aspiring truck driver seeking relationship guidance for my 21-year-old girlfriend.

Hey everyone, I’ve always dreamed of becoming a truck driver, and this month I’ll be 23. I obtained my commercial driver’s license two years ago as a way to enhance my resume, intending it as a backup plan if I needed it. Unfortunately, over the past two years, things haven’t worked out as planned, and I now find myself unemployed. I have an opportunity to drive long distance with a reputable company that will train me and provide valuable experience, aiming for a local driving position in one or two years. They’re offering a minimum of $1,400 a week, with home time from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon. This would be the highest salary I’ve ever earned. However, I’m unsure how this will impact my relationship with my girlfriend (21). We haven’t been together long (4 months of talking, 3 months of dating), but we have strong feelings for one another. Currently, she works part-time three days a week and is looking for a second part-time job to increase her hours to six days a week, with Mondays off. Her plan is to work at a salon on Tuesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays, and at a serving job on Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. She aims to increase her income significantly. We’ve both been supportive of each other’s aspirations, but we’re concerned about how our new schedules might affect our relationship. We’re committed to making this work, but I wonder if it’s realistic. I need a stable, well-paying job to support myself and potentially her in the future, and I'm afraid that if I pass on this opportunity, I may not find another like it. I’d appreciate any advice you can offer, and I’m open to answering further questions. Thank you in advance!

I [26F] feel guilty for wanting to sleep at home instead of with my partner [31M].

I know this may seem trivial, but I appreciate you taking the time to read everything. My partner and I don’t live together full-time yet, but we spend the night at each other's places most nights and are planning to move in together soon since we practically share a home already. On Thursday night, my partner, who I've been with for 15 months, experienced what we think is food poisoning. He had severe vomiting and diarrhea that lasted about seven hours. After that, he’s been somewhat back to normal, aside from lingering fatigue, weakness, and a few digestive issues. Unfortunately, I couldn't sleep that night because he got sick in bed, which meant I had to clean everything and change the sheets, only to have him get sick again shortly after. I worked from home the next day to help him and manage the laundry. He’s been really weak but is slowly able to eat again, though he still feels unwell. I really struggle with vomiting—just seeing or hearing it makes me queasy. Cleaning up after him while lying next to him as he kept getting sick was incredibly tough. Every little sound he makes, like a cough or a burp, makes me jump and worry that he’ll be sick again. Even though he hasn’t actually thrown up since Thursday, my anxiety has kept me from sleeping well. I’ve handled things fairly well given my anxiety, but I feel guilty for being jumpy about every little noise he makes. I’m really tempted to go home tonight to get a good night’s sleep before work tomorrow, yet I feel so selfish for wanting that. He’s my person, and I know that as we spend our lives together, there will be times when we’re both sick or when our kids are sick, and I need to be there for him. Earlier, I stepped out for about an hour to go to yoga and unwind a bit, but he started crying because he didn’t want me to leave when he's feeling so vulnerable. He told me I’ve done a great job caring for him and wished I could stay. It's not like he’s alone; his dad is there to help him if necessary. I've been right by his side since Thursday night, except for a brief time Friday evening when I had to run a race, and an hour on Friday morning to change and tidy up a bit. I even missed my friend's birthday party this weekend to be there for him because I genuinely care, but I’m feeling pretty drained and a bit overwhelmed from being in bed all this time. I apologize for the length of this post; I tend to be long-winded. I just wanted to share my feelings and get the full picture across, as I feel like a terrible person, but I’m really near my breaking point with the constant tension over the last few days. I would appreciate any advice or stories you may have that relate to this experience.

I'm a 24-year-old male and I feel like my relationship with my girlfriend, who is also 24, may only have about a year left. Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I have been in a wonderful relationship with a remarkable woman for the past four years. Our connection is strong and stable, characterized by excellent communication and mutual support and love. However, I’ve been considering relocating to a neighboring country early next year, where I could earn a higher salary and enjoy a lower cost of living. Currently, my earnings are decent, but given the high taxes and living expenses in our area, it’s challenging to save money. Moving would provide a great opportunity for both me and my girlfriend, especially as we start planning for a family in our late 20s to early 30s. She is also interested in relocating with me, but she wants to spend quality time with her grandparents before anything happens to them, as they played a significant role in her upbringing. We’re not fans of long-distance relationships, and I’m beginning to question whether I should go through with the move or not.

My girlfriend (24F) is caught in a frustrating cycle. How can I, as her partner (27M), support her?

I'm a 27-year-old man in a two-year relationship with my 24-year-old girlfriend, and for the most part, things are going well—we even talk about our future together. However, there's a significant challenge that I’m struggling to manage. She has big dreams of becoming wealthy, traveling the world, and starting her own business, but she hasn't taken any concrete steps toward those aspirations. Currently, she's working as a waitress—a job she despises—doesn't save any money, and spends much of her free time either sleeping or binge-watching TV. Most days, she feels frustrated and down about not making better use of her time, and this cycle has been ongoing for two years. I've tried various approaches to support her—I lend an ear, offer motivation, assure her of my love regardless of her situation, encourage her to take small steps, and even suggested going back to university, which she dismissed as pointless. I’m studying computer science, and my career prospects look positive, suggesting we could achieve financial stability, yet she remains anxious about missing out on a life of wealth and entrepreneurship. I feel like her struggle is affecting other aspects of our life together; she often feels shy around my family and sometimes ends up in tears after visiting them because she perceives herself as a failure. She does contribute at home, and I know she desires more for herself, but I’m at a loss about how to assist her further. I’m reluctant to recommend therapy since she previously tried an expensive life coach that didn’t help. Additionally, her support system is limited—her father is absent from her life, and her mother is battling addiction, leaving me as her primary source of guidance. I genuinely love her, but I’m unable to cope with this situation indefinitely. She needs to either start working toward her goals or come to terms with enjoying her life as it is. After two years without any progress, I’m concerned this may become a lasting issue. How can I help her, or at least find a way to deal with it on my own?

I'm a 25-year-old woman, and my fiancé is 32. We're going through a tough time right now, and I’m uncertain whether I should leave and live on my own or stay in the relationship.

I'm Cintia from Brazil. I've been living with my fiancé for nearly six years, and I'm currently the primary provider for our household, even though he earns just over half of my income. Both of us are lawyers, and we enjoy a comfortable lifestyle. We're planning to move out on our own this year since my sister is finally relocating. In 2023, my fiancé decided to leave his well-paying job due to stress and a lack of time, a choice I fully supported. Now, after a year, he has decided to pursue the exam to become a judge, a process that could take two to three years, or even longer. Meanwhile, I’m eager to start a family (I’m 25), move into a new home, and celebrate our wedding, which I see as simply a party. He believes we can't pursue these dreams right now and prefers to wait until we have more financial stability. Despite wanting to become pregnant, I’ve considered getting a second job to boost our income and save, but the idea has caused significant stress and arguments, leading me to lose my desire to start a family with him. Moving is also challenging due to the costs, and I'm still focused on saving what we need. As for the wedding, that's off the table as my sister’s wedding is also happening, so I’ll have to postpone mine. Through all this, I feel sad as if my dreams and efforts don't matter. This has led to feelings of hurt and resentment toward him, clouding my positive emotions. I used to admire his ambition, but since he left his job and spends most of his time at home, that admiration has diminished. He also wants a child, a house, and a wedding, but only in the distant future, and I find it difficult to know how many years that will take, especially with my biological clock ticking. I'm starting to think that if I'm going to experience this much anguish, perhaps it would be better to live alone. Living independently was a dream I had since my teenage years that I've put aside because of my sister and my fiancé. I'm uncertain if our challenges stem from financial issues or if he's just not willing to embark on this journey with me, even if it means starting without all that we wanted. I’ve tried to discuss it with him, but nothing seems to change, likely because it’s not something that necessitates immediate alteration. Neither of us is at fault or intentionally causing harm. However, I can feel myself growing distant from the relationship, and he’s noticed; it’s affecting my happiness. I know I love him—he's simply trying to be practical and responsible—but I’m afraid of jeopardizing what we have for an uncertain future. At the same time, I want to be happy and fulfill my dreams. I'm concerned that if I stay, I may become bitter and unhappy from sacrificing two or three more years before having a child, getting married, and moving. I'm frightened of breaking up and later regretting the good thing I had. For the past two months, I’ve felt sad about our situation and would appreciate some advice on what to do. So, should I leave and live on my own, or should I stay? I'm truly unsure about the best path forward. Apologies for my poor English.

I [23NB] can't quite figure out why I feel so irritated when my fiancé [43M] proposes that we do things together.

Hello! I'm not entirely sure if this is the right subreddit for my question, but it’s the only one that comes to mind. In my relationship, I take on the role of a stay-at-home wife, managing the cooking and upkeep of our home while my fiancé handles the finances. This arrangement is due to my inability to work; I’m not a legal citizen in our country, I struggle with the language (though I’m learning), and I have disabilities, mainly autism, which make job hunting particularly challenging. I’m actively trying to find work, but progress has been slow. Recently, my fiancé lost his job and is now home more often. Fortunately, he still receives state assistance, so our daily routine hasn’t shifted significantly. Here’s the issue: I’ve set up a Trello board that outlines my daily chores, job search tasks, and cooking. While I do have some difficult days, I generally aim to complete my tasks by 6 PM on weekdays and have my free time on Saturdays. However, my fiancé often asks to do activities together—like watching movies or playing video games—starting first thing in the morning or just as I begin my tasks. I don’t mind engaging in these activities after I finish my responsibilities or on Saturdays, but I notice a strong feeling of annoyance rising whenever he asks me to do something together right when I wake up or when I’m trying to get started. What puzzles me is that I know he means well and that it’s harmless to ask, yet I can’t figure out why I feel so frustrated and angry in those moments. I want to address this with him since he’s perceptive to my reactions, but without understanding the root of my annoyance, I'm unsure how to communicate effectively. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Any advice on how to understand my feelings or address this with him would be greatly appreciated!

I'm a 26-year-old woman seeking a new job, but I'm worried about the possibility of having conflicting schedules with my boyfriend, who is 30.

I'm currently looking for a new job and have received an interview opportunity that offers a higher salary than my current position. However, the hours are from 3 PM to 11 PM, Monday through Friday, with weekends as required. My boyfriend works a typical 8:30 AM to 5 PM schedule, and I'm worried about how this disparity in hours might impact our relationship. If you have experienced a similar situation with your partner having a different work schedule, what changes did you notice? Additionally, I have another interview lined up for a role that doesn't offer a pay increase, but the hours would largely align with my boyfriend's, with just the occasional weekend shift. Currently, I work from 6 AM to 2 PM, Monday through Friday.

How long will the woman [22f] remember my cousin [m24]?

Autism is present in my family, and recently my cousin encountered a challenging situation at his workplace. He developed feelings for a woman who was responsible for his care, but things escalated when she requested a substantial amount of company funds for the assistance she provided. In an unfortunate reaction, he made an inappropriate comment suggesting she was struggling financially. The following day, when he returned to the office, she actively avoided him and seemed distressed. After he eventually left the job, he made another unfortunate error by suggesting she block him on LinkedIn, which she did. However, he continued to harass her on social media, causing her and her friends and family to either go private or block him. He even shared his phone number on a gay dating site. He has since mellowed out, but considering they only worked together for less than a year, how long do you think she will remember him?

I'm unsure whether I'm enabling my fiancé [29M] or simply not providing the right support.

I'm a 30-year-old woman engaged to my partner, who is 29. We've been together for seven years and engaged for two. We met in high school but didn't really connect until we rejoined in our early twenties. I love him deeply, but lately, I've been feeling drained by his negative attitude and outlook on life. We've both faced depression, anxiety, and tough life experiences that have really taken a toll on us. Last year was a turning point for me; I realized I didn't want to let past experiences define me or dictate my happiness. In retrospect, I see how we may have formed a trauma bond and have been feeding into each other's negativity over the years. I often feel like he relies on me for support—whether it’s helping with his resume, assisting with taxes, or managing his finances. I’ve stood by him through many ups and downs, trying my best to support him, including co-signing a car for him. Lately, though, he's been struggling more than usual. I empathize with his situation, but when I look at the big picture, he has a stable job, a home, and financial support from his dad. I understand that depression can keep someone feeling stuck even when things are generally okay. He often expresses feelings of worthlessness, claiming that nothing he does matters and that he'll never improve his situation. I’m really at a loss for what to do next. I know I sometimes come off as annoyed, which isn’t fair to him. I’m trying to figure out how to be a supportive partner while also taking care of myself. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. 🙏❤️

Finding a healthy, individualized approach to fostering independence for college students? [18m] [19m]

Hi, I (M18) and my partner (M19) have been discussing the codependency in our relationship, which we've come to realize is affecting our academic performance and mental well-being. As both of us are engineering students, we signed up for the same classes and have spent nearly all of our time together during the past six months. However, we've acknowledged that we need to cultivate some independence in our interests to ensure our relationship can thrive in the long run. While we understand this need for change, we feel that trying to establish strict "solutions," like limiting our time together or scheduling separate activities, could lead to an unhealthy dynamic. We both find that approach uncomfortable and immediately sensed that it wouldn't be good for either of us. Looking ahead to next semester, we'll have more classes tailored to our specific engineering fields, which should help. In the meantime, we’re eager to explore ways to encourage independence without it feeling toxic or negative. What suggestions do you have for fostering this independence in a healthy manner?

fostering a harmonious relationship

I’m a 27-year-old man, and my girlfriend, who is 26, and I have been together for approximately five years, cohabitating for three of those years. About a year into our relationship, I began pursuing my bachelor’s degree while she continued to work full-time. Our schedules rarely matched up—I’d wake up early for classes, and she'd leave for work around 1:30 PM and return around 11 PM. Occasionally, we’d have an hour or two together before her shift, but for the most part, I’ve been managing shared household responsibilities—like cooking, cleaning, and doing laundry—on my own during the weekdays. Over time, I’ve felt the need to frequently remind her about shared tasks for them to be completed. While I recognize that she’s busy with work, it seems her job takes priority over everything else, including our relationship. For instance, she often rushes in the morning, leaving dishes unwashed and barely making time before heading out. When she comes home, she usually showers and relaxes on the couch watching TV, leading us to often go to bed at different times since I need to get up early. Now that I’ve completed my bachelor’s degree and am pursuing a master’s while working part-time, she continues with her full-time job under the same schedule. Recently, she expressed an interest in studying too, and I fully support her decision. She plans to apply to university in a few months, and I hope this will help us find more balance in our lives. However, I’m worried about how we’ll handle our relationship and responsibilities when she begins her studies. I’m finding it challenging to manage our current dynamics, and I have concerns about how we’ll cope if we decide to start a family in the future. I don’t want to criticize her work ethic or dedication, but I do believe there’s a disconnect in how we share our responsibilities and prioritize our relationship. I would appreciate any advice on how to discuss this situation constructively. How can we collaborate to establish a more balanced dynamic, especially as she transitions into her studies? Are there strategies or discussions that have proven effective for others in similar circumstances? **TL;DR:** My girlfriend (26F) and I (27M) have been together for 5 years, living together for 3. Our differing schedules complicate things—I’m studying and working part-time while she works full-time with late hours. I manage most household responsibilities on my own during the week, and I often have to remind her to contribute. Her job appears to be her primary focus, which leaves little time for our relationship. She plans to start studying soon, and while I hope this will bring more balance, I’m concerned about managing responsibilities and our relationship moving forward, particularly if we have kids. Seeking advice on creating a more balanced dynamic.

Valentine's Day didn't go well for me [22F].

My partner [25M] and I [22F] usually don't celebrate Valentine's Day, but this year we wanted to do something special for each other. We've been together for three years now, so I made him his favorite breakfast and lunch, and gave him flowers and chocolate. He promised to take me out for dinner or order something nice, but after finishing lunch, he just watched movies and ended up sleeping the whole night. We didn't go out, and he didn't get me any flowers or gifts. I understand we’re facing some financial struggles right now, but I’m feeling a bit lost on how to respond or what to feel. Any thoughts or advice?

Is a long-distance relationship worth the effort?

My partner (M/23) and I (F/21) have been in a relationship for a year, but we still hardly see each other due to our busy schedules. Now, we’re confronted with the possibility of a long-distance relationship for at least three years. I care deeply for them, but I’m finding it tough to cope with the idea of being apart for so long, especially since our time together is already so limited. For anyone who has been in a similar situation, was it worth it? Did your relationship endure, and if so, what strategies did you use to make it work? Or did you end up regretting the attempt? I would greatly appreciate some honest insights.

Suggestions?????

**Seeking Guidance on a Major Life Decision** I've been in a relationship with a guy for approximately 3-4 months. He appears to be a genuinely kind and respectful person, prioritizing family values and commitment. We have only a one-year age difference (I’m nearly 27, and he’s 28). Currently, he is pursuing a PhD in Ireland and hails from Pakistan. Meanwhile, I’m still in Pakistan, exploring my career options. Last night, he and I had an in-depth discussion about our future. He plans to visit Pakistan in April and expressed a desire to meet in person. He specifically said: "I’d like to meet you, talk about everything, and get to know each other better. We can also discuss our future—our expectations. I’ll speak with my parents, and if everything goes well, we can get engaged. During my next visit, we can plan for marriage. However, I want to be transparent: right now, I’m only on a PhD stipend and not working. A PhD requires full-time dedication, and living expenses here, particularly housing, are quite high. Even if I find a job, it’s essential that my partner also works since managing everything on a single income can be challenging unless one is earning exceptionally well, which is rare. I don’t want to waste your time; in our society, your time is particularly precious. If I wait to marry until after my PhD, that means three more years of delay. I don’t want to put you on hold, but if we decide to marry now, we’d be entering a financially difficult phase." **My Concerns & Questions** I genuinely like him—our values align well, and we communicate effectively. However, I’m confused about the practical implications of this decision: 1. **Career vs. Marriage**: I hold an MPhil in Communication Studies, and in Pakistan, I could potentially secure a stable government job with a good salary. However, he has indicated that he doesn’t plan to return to Pakistan. If I were to move to Ireland, what job prospects would be available to me with my degree from Pakistan? Would I be able to build a career there, or would I have to start from scratch? 2. **His Financial Situation**: He is currently relying on his PhD stipend and mentioned that even if he finds work, his partner will also need to contribute financially. What types of part-time jobs could he do while pursuing his PhD? Would those jobs provide sufficient income to support us, even partially? 3. **Timing of Marriage**: If I marry him, when would be the best time for me to move to Ireland? Given his current financial struggles, I don’t want to add to his burden. Would it be wiser to wait until he achieves more financial stability before relocating? 4. **Family Planning & Expenses**: If we marry and decide to have children down the line, would we be able to manage financially? Ireland is known for its high cost of living, and raising a family there without solid financial backing could be challenging. 5. **Long-Term Financial Stability**: If I choose to wait three years until he completes his PhD, how likely is it that his financial situation will improve significantly? Or could it take longer for him to achieve financial stability? I’d greatly appreciate insights from anyone who has experienced similar situations. Should I prioritize my career in Pakistan, or take the plunge and move to Ireland with him? If I choose marriage, when would be the optimal time for me to relocate? Would I have job opportunities in Ireland with my Pakistani degree? Additionally, what kind of part-time employment are available to him while he continues his PhD, and what is the typical pay for those roles? Thank you in advance for any advice or insights you can share!

Tips for Managing a Long-Distance Relationship

I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for about a year now. Most of the time, I don’t even feel like I’m in a relationship because he’s often sleeping, out, or busy with work, which I understand is important. However, it seems like he struggles to find a balance, and that impacts how connected I feel in this relationship. When I try to express my concerns, he often perceives it as me blaming him, which leads to him getting very upset. I don’t want that to happen. I’m really unsure about what to do.

Encouraging my wife to make small adjustments in her behavior?

My wife and I, both in our early 40s, generally have a strong relationship and share similar views on major issues. However, there are numerous small habits of hers that I've asked her to modify, yet it seems like there's little progress, even though she agrees that these changes would be beneficial. Here are a few examples: - **Use the right credit card**: I’ve asked her to use the optimal credit card for specific purchases instead of mixing our business and personal expenses. For example, using the Amex for clothes or kids' items for purchase protection, a specific card for groceries and gas that offers high cash back in those categories, and yet another card for restaurants. This is quite important to me, as I estimate that it costs us around $1,000 to $2,000 annually in lost rewards, purchase protection, and potential tax deductions. Additionally, I handle her financials for tax purposes, and separating these mixed expenses becomes a tedious half-day task each year. - **Laundry habits**: I’ve asked her to turn clothes right side out before putting them in the laundry to make folding quicker, as I or our maid do most of the laundry. - **Toothpaste**: I’ve mentioned that it’s helpful to squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom and put the cap back on. I’ve tried keeping my own toothpaste, but it inevitably gets shared after a few weeks. - **Replenishing personal items**: I’d appreciate it if she could reorder everyday items before running out, instead of waiting until they’re completely gone, which often results in late-night trips to the pharmacy for things like contact solution. - **Phone etiquette**: I’ve asked her to keep her phone on ring when it’s not inappropriate to do so, as she often misplaces it multiple times a day. - **Car parking**: When parking, it would be great if she could ensure that other cars can pass, that both sets of doors can open, that the climate control is set to automatic so it functions with a remote start, and that the keys are placed in the designated area rather than left in her purse. - **Memorization**: I’ve suggested that she memorize her passwords (especially for email) and at least one credit card number. - **Communication**: I would like her to inform me of her expected arrival time on days when she’s working and I'm at home, so I can plan dinner accordingly. Additionally, notifying me if she will be home significantly later than planned would be really helpful. I find myself frustrated because I’ve genuinely tried to accommodate her requests as well—like not leaving my shoes in a way that creates tripping hazards at the door, hanging my coat properly, cleaning the sink after shaving, and not leaving empty cans or bottles around the house. While I’m not perfect, I do put in the effort when asked for small changes. None of these issues are make-or-break for our relationship, but I believe addressing them would enhance my quality of life. It feels disrespectful when I don’t see a similar effort, and I’m seeking suggestions on how to approach this topic. It’s important to note that she has ADHD and chooses not to medicate because she dislikes the crash associated with stimulants, a decision I fully support. I have mild Asperger's and sometimes find myself overly irritated by these issues, which can affect my mood and our communication.

Disliking my husband's enthusiasm

**”22F”** I'm 22 and happily married to an amazing man who genuinely values my emotions. However, the one challenge in our relationship revolves around his passion for skydiving. Before we met, he practically lived at the drop zone for three years, spending nearly $900 each week. In the early months of our relationship—about 10 months ago—his affection for me was undeniable, but skydiving was always his top priority. He would jump every weekend, spend evenings in the indoor tunnel, and travel to different states every few months for skydiving events. This meant he often missed important family occasions, like my mom’s and brothers’ birthdays, choosing jumps instead of time with loved ones. Over time, he made adjustments and now attends only 1-2 events a year and goes skydiving every two weeks. Yet, I can’t shake the memories of when it consumed him, and it remains a significant trigger for me. I cringe at the mere mention of it. I once joined him at an event and witnessed the intense atmosphere—jumping all day and partying all night with alcohol and drugs. Although my husband tends to avoid those substances, the thought of that environment deeply unsettles me. For the past two months, he hasn’t gone skydiving as we've been concentrating on our marriage, enjoying our honeymoon, and saving for the future. However, he’s now planning a 10-day trip in July, and just the thought of it overwhelms me. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

My partner (37m) is not providing support for my health issues.

Context: We are engaged and have been together for six years. We have a young child and own a home together. I’m currently in a highly stressful job that is causing me high blood pressure and frequent panic attacks. I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown. I'm finding it challenging to search for a new job that fits around childcare and my partner's ever-changing hours. I’ve reached a point where I feel I can't handle it anymore, and my partner is unwilling to support me if I choose to quit my job. I take care of household responsibilities, including cooking and cleaning. I prepare dinner for him every day. I’m not neglecting my own well-being or moping around the house, but the demands of my job are overwhelming me, and I'm genuinely concerned for my physical and mental health. I'm not sure what advice I’m seeking, but I’m struggling with the reality of marrying someone who seems to dismiss the commitment of “in sickness and in health.” I don't want to depend on him; I simply need some time to search for another job.

Ending my relationship with my boyfriend over pickleball.

I’m a 24-year-old woman who met my boyfriend, a 32-year-old man, on Bumble, and we've been dating for four months. In my Bumble profile, I mentioned that I play pickleball every Saturday, which has been a cherished hobby of mine long before I met him. It’s an important aspect of my life, and I was honest about it from the start. Recently, however, he hasn't been supportive of my pickleball games because they take away time we could spend together. He has even suggested that I quit so we can hang out more. I proposed that we play together, but he isn’t interested. I feel like quitting would mean giving up a significant part of who I am, and I'm concerned that this could set a precedent for sacrificing my other hobbies in the future. I’ve shared these feelings with him, but the issue continues to be a point of contention. It feels a bit extreme to consider breaking up over pickleball, but I’m not willing to sacrifice my hobbies for the sake of our relationship. Am I being unreasonable? Do I have valid reasons to think that breaking up might be necessary?

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