Relationship advices: Work-Life Balance

My girlfriend [20F] is constantly on her phone, and it's negatively affecting our relationship.

I'm a 19-year-old male and my girlfriend is 20. We're both pursuing challenging studies that demand a lot of time and effort. However, she seems to spend most of her time on Instagram, which I find concerning. Initially, I didn't think much of it, but after a year, her low grades and lack of motivation to improve worry me. I genuinely want her to succeed, and I often encourage her to put down her phone and study with me. At first, I was hopeful that she'd pick up the pace in her second year, but despite my encouragement, she's still not making an effort. I feel like I'm in a relationship with someone who isn't willing to take risks and is instead choosing to waste her time on social media. As we approach final exams, which are really competitive, my stress levels are rising, and I'm working harder. Meanwhile, she spends her time on her phone, showing me funny videos instead of focusing on her studies. When I ask her about her classes, she can't even tell me what they're about! When I express my concerns that this behavior is harming our relationship, she brushes it off and says, “too bad, never mind.” She even blamed me for her lack of studying, claiming I need to force her to do it. In response, I set a three-hour limit on her social media usage each day, which I thought was reasonable, but she quickly dismissed it, saying I'm not her dad. Her reactions feel immature, and she often sulks if I don't go along with what she wants. When our relationship started a year ago, I believed she would improve because I knew she was smart and had potential. Now, I feel she's wasting her opportunities due to her laziness. She admits to being lazy, but I tell her that we all have our moments, and there are times when studying must take priority. I’m at a crossroads; I love her deeply, but I feel like her behavior is straining our relationship. I don’t want to be with someone who seems unmotivated or childlike. I’m seriously considering the future, questioning whether she will ever gain control over her screen time and strive for more in her life. It makes me sad, and I’m unsure of what to do next. (Sorry if my message seems harsh; it’s late, and I’m not a native speaker, so I hope it comes across clearly.)

Boyfriend [43M] Upset That I [43F] Wanted Time with My Child

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and we spend a significant amount of time together. I have two daughters, aged 21 and 16, at home. Their father passed away five years ago. For the last five months, I've been spending every weekend with my boyfriend and recently took a week-long trip to Las Vegas. My 16-year-old works four nights a week, so I don’t get to see her very often. This weekend, I wanted to dedicate some quality time to her, so I told my boyfriend I would come to see him on Saturday instead of Friday. He became upset and said we needed to have a conversation when I arrived. He also mentioned that I'm always welcome to join him when he meets his daughters (21 and 19) for lunch or dinner. He feels like maybe I think he takes up too much of my time and is concerned that my kids might not like him, but that’s not the case—I just want to focus on spending quality time with my daughters. Are his feelings justified? Should I have invited him to spend the weekend with my kids instead? Edit: After considering everyone's comments, I've come to a decision, but I was hoping for some reassurance. I should also mention that he has been incredibly great to me; I've never had such a caring partner before, which makes me conflicted. I really don’t want to end our relationship, and this situation caught me off guard.

I [26M] feel that my girlfriend [23F] is not putting in as much effort in our relationship.

I (M/26) and my girlfriend (F/23) have been together for nearly a year and eight months. Generally, I handle the majority of household chores, such as cleaning, cooking, and yard work, in addition to managing all the bills, except for buying dog food. While I’m not perfect and don’t always keep up with every task, it often feels like I am the only one consistently doing the work. Over the past couple of months, I’ve voiced my frustration regarding her lack of contribution to the household. In response, she often asks me to be patient, citing her struggles with depression and ADHD. These challenges frequently lead her to sleep for 12 to 16 hours on her days off work. On the days she does work, she feels too exhausted to tackle housework. When she does manage to do anything, it’s usually just a task or two before she feels “too stimulated” to continue. I believe her depression is linked to a difficult childhood, with her father being an alcoholic and her mother a drug addict, which created a challenging home environment. Lately, I’ve been contemplating ending the relationship, and we’ve had discussions about it, with her pleading to try harder. She mentioned that she would put in more effort if we were to marry and have a child, to which I responded, “that’s not how it works.” I worry about whether she could live independently, and that complicates my feelings about ending things. Still, I find myself caring less about our relationship as time goes on. I love her and care for her well-being, but I’m uncertain if I can rely on her as a co-parent or life partner. I’ve suggested therapy as a final option, but she seems more focused on increasing her medication doses, which concerns me given her family history of drug addiction. Is there anything else I could try to encourage her to contribute more to our partnership? Am I being unreasonable or too harsh in my feelings?

I [29] F would like to spend more time with my live-in boyfriend [35].

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for two years, and it's honestly the best relationship I've ever had. He treats me wonderfully. However, I struggle with the amount of time he spends with his family compared to the time we spend together. I appreciate that he enjoys helping them, but since we live together, I find that I only get about two hours with him during the week before bed and maybe a full day on the weekends. He's often out taking his family shopping or just spending time with them. He also gives his brother rides to work and picks him up, which I don't mind at all, but he'll often hang out with his brother for hours before coming home to watch his show while I sit with him on the couch. I'm unsure if I'm being unreasonable or if my feelings are justified.

I [22F] want to move out because I feel like I'm taking on the role of my boyfriend's [28M] mother.

**TL;DR:** My boyfriend is lazy and never cleans our home. I'm feeling overwhelmed and contemplating moving out. I want to start by saying that while I'm not the tidiest person, I do prioritize cleanliness overall. My boyfriend and I are both close to finishing our degrees, and we've been together for six years, living together for nearly three. Before we moved in, we’d visit each other for a few days at a time, and everything seemed to work well. However, due to our financial situation as students, we decided to cohabit. In retrospect, I should have paid more attention to his lack of cleanliness; he changed his sheets maybe once every six months and regularly left piles of dirty dishes. Initially, he put in some effort to impress me, but once he settled in, the burden of cleaning fell entirely on me. The floor would often get so filthy that one of his friends needed to wear two pairs of socks just in case! I’m balancing studying and working part-time, while he only focuses on his studies. I have long commutes on some days—nearly four hours total—and I end up feeling exhausted. Meanwhile, he is home four out of seven days a week but doesn't contribute to keeping the place clean. I’ve voiced my frustrations repeatedly over the past couple of months, but he tends to dismiss my concerns. I've reached a breaking point where I'm utterly drained from doing all the cleaning while he continues to make messes. I can spend four hours cleaning, yet the place looks the same the next day. I’ve tried discussing a cleaning schedule with him, but nothing seems to stick. I’m seriously contemplating moving into my own apartment so we can both live without the constant conflict over chores. However, I worry that this might negatively impact our relationship, which I value. Despite his lack of motivation to help around the house and sometimes frustrating demeanor, he’s otherwise a wonderful boyfriend and friend. I simply can't keep handling all the chores on my own. Even when I ask him for help, he forgets or makes excuses, usually claiming he’s too busy with his studies. It seems his priorities always take precedence over mine. I had hoped he would improve once he started working, but I'm beginning to think things will stay the same. His mother has always taken care of everything for him, and he even jokingly refers to me as “mom” since I do everything except cook! This morning, we had an intense argument about his lack of effort and the need for him to act more responsibly, and now he’s not speaking to me. I'm so fed up; in fact, he broke a plate this morning because he left it on a pile of his belongings. Now, it’s evening, and I’m still staring at the shattered pieces on the floor, despite having asked him to clean it up before someone steps on it. I once tried to stop doing any chores, but the state of the house quickly became unbearable. This is why I’m contemplating moving out—it might create some distance that would help us appreciate each other more, and I wouldn’t have to deal with the mess. However, I’m concerned he might misunderstand my decision and panic, given that he relies on me financially. I could manage a second apartment and possibly pay double rent for a while, but the ball would then be in his court. I know it might seem logical to walk away from this situation, but I genuinely love him and feel we have a strong bond. Moving out feels like a regression in our relationship, but the more I consider it, the more I believe it could restore peace and improve our dynamic. Could moving out genuinely help us? I’m open to any suggestions.

My girlfriend, who's 27, wants to spend even less time together. What should I do next?

**TL;DR:** I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 1.5 years, but she's very busy with golf, her social life, and work, which leaves us with limited time together. Despite our efforts to compromise, she now wants even more time for herself and her hobbies, which has led to my frustration. I often cover the costs of our dates and try to arrange quality time, but I'm questioning whether I'm being too demanding or controlling. Any advice would be appreciated. First off, I apologize for the lengthy post; I wanted to include enough details to give you the full context. My girlfriend and I have been together for about 1.5 years and have generally been happy, aside from the occasional small disagreements. We enjoy each other's company and share a similar outlook on life, gradually getting to know each other better over the past year, with hopes of progressing our relationship, such as moving in together. I believe in open communication, so we've talked through any issues we’ve had, aiming to find solutions and compromises together. One recurring issue is how much "quality time" (and money) we can spend together. For context, she is extremely passionate about golf. She plays as often as she can, typically on weekends, since she works during the week. Additionally, she's very active as a committee member in a golf society, attending various social events and fixtures. She’s also a member of two prestigious golf clubs, where she holds a captaincy role, which involves attending events, competitions, and networking. Her dedication to golf is admirable, and I support her passion, even though I don't play myself. In addition to golf, she values her social life. She's part of a lively friend group that organizes vacations (like skiing trips) and meets up regularly. She also has a wide circle of friends who invite her to drinks and events, and her job as a broker requires her to network often. This results in a packed schedule, making it challenging for us to find quality time together amidst her commitments to golf, socializing, work, fitness, and family. While her job doesn't pay poorly, it’s not a high-paying position either, meaning she spends a significant portion of her disposable income on golf and social activities. After moving out a year ago, she returned to live with her parents because renting alongside her active lifestyle became unsustainable. In contrast, my job is demanding but I have a much lighter social calendar, typically going out a couple of times a month and visiting family once. Unfortunately, I don’t have a serious hobby that I pursue regularly. We’ve discussed this before and tried to find compromises that satisfy both our needs. I never want her to give up her passions: - We agreed to share our calendars to help plan time together, sometimes scheduling dates months in advance. Generally, we manage to spend one weekend together and possibly an additional day if her schedule allows. - My girlfriend has made efforts to prioritize spending time with me, even turning down other invitations. She occasionally plans activities for us, which I genuinely appreciate. - Since I have a higher disposable income, I often cover the costs for dates and trips. I even offered to pay for our upcoming holiday, even though it will stretch my budget, because I want her to have the experience. - During the workweek, she stays at my place for 2-3 nights, and while I try to cook dinner for us, we often find ourselves too tired to enjoy meaningful time together. After dinner, we typically have about 30 minutes before she goes to bed, and sometimes she has events after work that prevent us from spending time together. She views this as quality time; I'm not sure if that's reasonable. Initially, this arrangement felt like a fair compromise that worked for us, but it recently changed. After returning from a skiing trip with friends, she expressed a desire to spend more time with them, feeling she had sacrificed too much time for me. Now she’s planning to attend a party she initially declined when she was supposed to stay at my place, and wants to go on an expensive golf weekend that she previously said she wouldn’t attend to save money for our time together. I communicated that I don't want to control her and that I want her to enjoy her time with friends if she can afford it. I suggested we discuss everything in person. However, I'm feeling very overwhelmed. I wonder if I’m being unreasonable—I'm already struggling to see her as much as I’d like and often must negotiate to carve out time in her busy schedule. Now, she expresses the need for even more personal time, which leaves me feeling frustrated and questioning my own needs. In the past, she’s mentioned I want to see her more because I don’t have much else going on. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated; I genuinely love her and thought we had reached a good compromise. I’m unsure how to move forward from here. Thank you for your help.

My girlfriend (28) is facing weight challenges.

As the title suggests, my 28-year-old girlfriend has been trying to recommit to healthier eating and exercising more regularly. While we do engage in some activities together, we often find ourselves frustrated because she struggles to keep up physically during any movement-based activities. When we began our relationship a couple of years ago, she was in better shape at 125 lbs and 5'3", while I was 250 lbs and 6'4". Since then, I've managed to lose weight and build muscle, now weighing 215 lbs, with a goal of reaching 200 lbs by the end of summer. Meanwhile, her weight has increased to 160 lbs. She expresses a desire to eat better and be more active, but her efforts typically last only a few days. Financial resources and time are not obstacles; it seems to come down to self-discipline. We had another conversation about this today, and it left both of us feeling drained. How can I support her in staying motivated?

[30-year-old female] and [36-year-old male] - seeking assistance with relationship issues and FIFO (fly-in fly-out) work challenges.

**Seeking Advice from Male FIFO or DIDO Workers** Hello, I’m reaching out for insights from men who have experience with working away from home, particularly in FIFO or DIDO roles, and the impact it can have on mental health, physical well-being, intimacy, and family life. My husband and I have been married for almost 11 years. I’m 30 and he’s 36, and we have three children aged 8, 3, and 5 months. For the past seven years, he has been the sole breadwinner while I’ve been a stay-at-home mom. Until last year, he worked locally and was home for dinner every night. However, during my pregnancy with our daughter, he took a night shift job with a rotating roster of two weeks on and one week off. This change took a toll on both our relationship and his mental and physical health. Since that job ended in August, he has struggled with his mental health and feels disconnected from the person he once was. He no longer finds joy in activities he used to love and has lost interest in our intimacy, which was never an issue before. He recently started a new job with a 4 days on, 5 days off and 5 days on, 4 days off schedule. We’re actively working on his mental health through counseling, cutting out alcohol, and trying new diets, and I fully support him in these efforts. However, I would be grateful for advice from men or women who have faced similar challenges: How did the long hours and stress of being the financial provider affect your mental health and sex life? What kind of support would you have wanted from your partner during tough times? How did you navigate through darker moments, and what ultimately helped you? I miss the man I married and our intimacy. While I want to help him, I’m unsure of what additional steps I can take, as I haven’t experienced his specific struggles. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

My wife [35F] and I [38M] frequently find ourselves in disagreements about household responsibilities, and we're uncertain about how to address the issue.

Overall, our marriage is quite strong, and I believe we both truly love each other. We each attend individual therapy to work on personal growth, and we participated in couples therapy briefly. My challenges stem from a need for fairness and equality, along with dealing with depression and possibly bipolar disorder, while my wife struggles more with processing her emotions. We are fortunate to have three wonderful, easy-going kids who enjoy their sleep. While many aspects of our relationship are solid—such as shared values and goals—we do face recurring disagreements every three to six months about our contributions to family life. I tend to accomplish tasks (both speed and quantity) much faster than my wife, leading me to feel that she should contribute more at home, as I feel I’m doing a significant share. Conversely, she believes she is doing her best and that her current level of contribution is all she can manage. This issue didn't surface until the arrival of our children when time became limited. After a dispute, my wife often steps up for a while, but then her contributions seem to dwindle again. This tension escalated to the point where I mentioned divorce once, prompting us to seek couples therapy. My wife doesn’t face depression, and her hormone levels are fine, so that doesn’t seem to be the root of the problem. In terms of household responsibilities, I am currently working full-time while she is on parental leave. I manage the finances and budgeting, which we review together monthly. Housework, like cooking, cleaning, and shopping, is split evenly. Our two oldest children are in daycare, and she stays home with the baby, who naps well during the day and now sleeps through the night. I spend over an hour each evening with the family, and I prioritize family time over work on weekends. During our session with the couples therapist, my wife expressed feeling that I don’t spend enough time with the family, and while the therapist acknowledged her concerns, she quickly moved on. My frustration with our current arrangement is that, since my wife is on leave, I believe she should take on more household tasks as she has more time available. While she does engage in baby groups and playdates during the day, I often come home to find dinner hasn’t been prepared. Additionally, when the older kids are sick and unable to go to daycare, I sometimes have to take time off to help care for them. My wife views it as unfair for her to look after the kids when daycare is an option. Once she returns to work, she expects me to take more sick days for the kids because my schedule is more flexible. I suggested we keep a log of who takes off which days to ensure fairness, but she initially resisted, claiming I was being petty, though she eventually agreed after some discussion. When she’s at work, I feel the distribution of tasks is more balanced. I struggle with the feeling that I’m being taken advantage of, which is at the heart of our recurring conflicts. At her job, she often shares how quickly she accomplishes her tasks, and having met her boss, it’s clear she’s a high performer. She also enthusiastically organizes social events for us and the kids. If she has that capacity, why am I left managing so much at home? When I bring this up, I’m often told I’m being unreasonable (which might be true since I have limited relationship experience). I’ve noticed that she rarely takes responsibility or apologizes for significant matters, often responding with, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but I’m trying my best.” I haven’t addressed the apparent inconsistency between her work performance and her efforts at home, fearing that it would lead to a major argument rather than a constructive discussion. I’m considering suggesting we return to couples therapy to facilitate a more balanced conversation. Ultimately, we need advice on how to navigate this situation, as we both recognize it as the main issue affecting our marriage. For me, a significant part of moving forward involves determining whether our current arrangement is fair, allowing me to proceed accordingly.

My husband [M22] and I [F21] have been living apart for the past few months.

My husband is set to separate from the military on March 21st and has secured a job near his family in Florida. However, he feels uneasy about me living with his family and our baby, as he will be staying with them. Their house is quite messy, and there are many people living there. Our house in North Carolina is currently for sale, and we can't afford to pay both our mortgage and rent at the same time. Therefore, I'll be moving to Ohio with our baby for a few months since my parents have an almost empty house and are happy to let us stay rent-free. The job in Florida offers better pay than my husband currently receives, which will improve our financial situation and help us pay off some debts. I won't be working since our baby was just born at the beginning of February. My mom is really upset that my husband isn’t moving to Ohio with us, but my dad is more understanding; he told my husband that he needs to do what’s best for his family and that it's impossible to make everyone happy. My mom wants my husband to find a job in Ohio, but we genuinely can't afford a pay gap unless we dip into our savings, which doesn’t seem like a responsible choice. While neither of us wants to be apart, we view this as a temporary sacrifice that will help us achieve a more stable future. I could really use some advice on how to navigate this situation. I don’t want to upset my mom, as she tends to get very anxious about things, and it ends up stressing me out.

I'm a 36-year-old male facing challenges in my relationship with my 39-year-old girlfriend.

It's challenging to keep this brief, but to provide some context: we've been in a relationship for a couple of years and spent months fixing up a place together before moving in. I regularly handle basic chores like taking out the trash, doing the dishes, and laundry, and we clean on weekends. A few months ago, my partner mentioned that she felt I wasn't contributing enough around the house. When I asked how I could improve, she suggested getting more involved in the kitchen. Since then, I’ve been helping with meal preparation several times a week and contributing to nearly every meal. Despite my efforts, she still feels overwhelmed and believes I should take on more responsibilities. It seems like she expects me to guess what needs to be done rather than telling me directly. I even tried to bring a magnet task list for our fridge to outline weekly chores, but she views it as an additional burden. I’d also like to add that my commute ranges from 75-90 minutes each way, while hers is around 30 minutes. She works about 6.5 hours a day, while my job doesn’t have a set schedule. If I have to work late, she gets upset, adding to my stress of balancing work projects and keeping her satisfied. Her schedule allows her time for hobbies, whereas I struggle to carve out time for myself. This tension has caused her to be irritable with me, leading to larger arguments. I'm looking for advice on how to navigate this situation because it feels like I’m fighting an uphill battle. Edit: Clarified wording and details.

I believe I'm considering ending things with him... [24F] him [25M]

I, a 23-year-old woman, have been in a relationship with him, a 25-year-old man, for two years. In the beginning, everything was great—we never argued and always enjoyed each other's company. However, since we started living together about a year ago, we've been fighting over what I consider trivial matters, like household chores. He feels I should be more "womanly," which he interprets as taking care of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. I don’t mind doing some of these tasks, but I also work full-time, and we share the bills equally. It feels unfair that I’m expected to handle most of the household responsibilities while he spends his time playing video games and only fixes things when I urge him to do so. I find myself feeling like his mother. In one of our recent arguments, it started when I refused to do his laundry. This escalated, and he said I was “changing” and that he felt like he was being treated like a roommate in his own home, which I think is an unfair accusation. I found it almost comical how upset he got over me not doing his laundry. I’ve also begun to lose some of my attraction to him, which has been troubling for a while. I have options for where to go, but living with him makes it complicated, and I’m unsure of what to do next.

Me, a 20-year-old female, and my boyfriend, a 22-year-old male, are navigating the challenges of change and emotional dependency.

I (20) have been in a relationship with my partner (22) for nearly 11 months now. He is much more independent than I am, although I used to be quite self-sufficient. I’ve had some challenges with emotionally relying on him for my happiness, but we’ve talked it through, and I’m actively working on it. He’s the first partner who has treated me kindly, which led me to become overly attached and want to be with him all the time. I regret being inconsiderate and selfish; it wasn’t fair to either of us. Before him, I valued my independence and often preferred spending time alone. Lately, I’ve been getting much better at enjoying my own company and genuinely appreciate my time alone. However, I'm still having difficulties with how suddenly he can change his plans. While I understand that things don’t always go as expected, he knows I’m not a fan of uncertainty, and he tends to be disorganized. For instance, when he's at my place, he’ll say things like, "I’m not sure if I’ll go home today or tomorrow," or "I might see my family this weekend, but I'm not sure." I don’t mind if he makes other plans, but I prefer to know about them as soon as possible for two reasons: 1) I don't want to keep my schedule open only for him to cancel, and 2) it causes me a lot of anxiety not knowing what to expect. He acknowledges his disorganization and apologizes, but it continues to be a pattern. He often makes impulsive changes or leaves unexpectedly, and I'm looking for advice on how to cope with this kind of change, even if it’s just minor shifts in plans. Additionally, any tips on how to relish my alone time and not rely on my partner for happiness would be greatly appreciated, as I’m still figuring it out!

How can I encourage my girlfriend to complete her homework?

My girlfriend (19F) has ADHD and depression, which makes it difficult for her to balance work, life, and school. She really needs to socialize to help stave off her depression, and I completely understand that. However, she often has trouble completing her homework or work before going out. As both of us are in college, there are plenty of opportunities for her to spend time with friends, and while she intends to buckle down and finish her assignments first, she usually doesn't follow through. She's fallen behind on assignments from weeks ago and sometimes fails to meet deadlines, even for those extensions she receives on overdue work. When she feels overwhelmed, she tends to shut down entirely and can't seem to tackle anything. Before the Spring semester began, we discussed ways I could help her find a better balance. She suggested it might be helpful if I asked her, "What assignments do you need to finish before heading to the party tonight?" but occasionally she brushes off those reminders. I find myself getting stressed when I see how behind she is with school and her work commitments. I'm unsure if I should be this concerned or what I might say or do to truly support her. It worries me when she expresses feeling overwhelmed about her backlog. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

I'm struggling to share a 400 square foot space with my messy girlfriend.

I (19, non-binary) moved into a 400 sq ft space about two years ago, which I find perfectly sufficient for my needs. Although I'm not overly meticulous about cleanliness, I keep it tidy enough that I wouldn't mind having guests drop by unexpectedly. A few months ago, my girlfriend (20, female) moved in with me after leaving her parents' house, where she had weekly cleaning services. I know our place is small for two people, but I’m okay with a bit of clutter, and she didn't bring much aside from clothes. The issue arises with her tendency to leave trash, dirty dishes, clothes, wrappers, and cigarette butts around. I work full-time, so I struggle to keep up with the mess. I've asked her to put dishes in the sink for me to wash, place her clothes in the hamper, and not to smoke indoors, especially if she can’t tidy up afterward. She agrees but doesn’t follow through. Everything else between us is great, but the small space gets overwhelming when it's messy. I’m feeling at my wits' end. How can I effectively communicate this to her? I'm hesitant to suggest that she move out, as I really don't want it to come to that.

Advice for altering my behavior in my relationship with my girlfriend of four years. What short-term strategies can I implement?

Hello! I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for nearly five years, and we've been discussing marriage. However, we've been facing a recurring issue lately. She's currently going through a tough time after losing her job. She's also trying to complete her studies at a later stage in life to create better opportunities for herself. Additionally, she's undergoing therapy for past traumas and dealing with some personal challenges stemming from an unstable family situation with minimal support. As a result, she experiences a lot of stress and anxiety, but I admire her for making significant progress through her therapy and personal efforts. In contrast, I have received a lot of family support, finished my studies, and found a stable job. While I may come across as somewhat of a "mama's boy," I've struggled with social anxiety and shyness. I do my best to help her and lighten her load at home; I often cook, and we share cleaning responsibilities while looking out for one another. Generally, our relationship is strong, and we share similar interests, but therein lies the challenge. The stress she’s under and our very close relationship with my family (with whom we both maintain daily contact despite living far away) can sometimes create tension. Occasionally, she has emotional outbursts, leading to heated discussions. These tend to follow a pattern: she gets upset about something I've done, I think her reaction is exaggerated, and then I find myself at fault. Afterwards, she elaborates on all the small things I've overlooked throughout the week and how I failed to recognize her signs when she was having a bad day. I want to change this dynamic. I aim to manage the small things I do throughout the week better, reduce her stress, and address any issues before they escalate. I want to be a supportive partner for her. We've discussed therapy, but adding another session is overwhelming for her considering her current therapy and group work. Therefore, I plan to seek therapy for myself to improve my communication skills and better support her. However, I'm looking for immediate strategies to enhance our situation in the short term. Do you have any suggestions based on similar experiences or advice on how I can navigate these challenges? Any book recommendations would also be appreciated!

My girlfriend, who is 27, hasn't been to work for the past two weeks, and I'm uncertain about how to approach the situation. What would be the best way to discuss this with her?

My girlfriend experienced significant menstrual cramps two weeks ago on Monday, prompting her to leave work early. She started feeling better by Tuesday but struggled with sleep for a few nights. On Wednesday, she returned to the office without her work laptop. She looked exhausted, and her manager offered her the option to go home and rest. She took him up on it but forgot her laptop again. She didn’t work on Thursday or Friday due to fatigue and poor sleep. By Sunday, she had caught a cold, so she stayed home again on Monday and Tuesday. By Tuesday evening, she felt better and mentioned wanting to go to the office for her laptop so she could work from home the next day. However, she didn’t go. She expressed the same intention on Wednesday (by then she was fully recovered) and again on Thursday, but still did not bring her laptop home. Yesterday, she hinted that she might go to the office today. This morning, I received a message that she didn’t go because, although she slept well, she woke up around 6 am feeling like sleeping more, so she stayed home again. I am completely against working while sick. Personally, I often push myself to work even when I’m unwell, which is my own fault, but I wouldn’t expect anyone else to do the same. However, I can’t shake the feeling of frustration with her perceived laziness and her inconsistency between what she says and what she does. It sits uneasily with me. It seems odd that she has gone two full weeks without working when she could have easily managed working from home for a few of those days, especially since her company is quite flexible. I can’t help but feel a bit weird and angry about the entire situation. How justified are these feelings?

I’m a 29-year-old man facing a dilemma about where to settle down for the next few years. My fiancée, who is 25, has a specific location in mind, while my family has a different preference for where I should live.

I'm going to keep the specifics of the location a bit ambiguous. Next year, I’ll be starting a new job, and I need to choose between living in Location X or Location Y, which will depend on where I decide to work. Regardless of my choice, my fiancé and I will be living together. She currently resides in Location X and prefers to stay there. Meanwhile, my mom and younger brother will be relocating from abroad to Location Y around the time I start my new job, primarily for my brother's education. They will stay there for two years, leaving my dad to live abroad alone. A little background: my parents have always been incredibly supportive, and I have a good job that I want to repay them for. I’ve gone through a similar experience as my little brother, and during that time, my mom and brother supported me while my dad was abroad. At that time, we were in Location Y, and later, I attended university in another place while my mom and brother returned abroad to be with my dad. Location X is about 1 hour and 30 minutes away from Location Y. I’ve been in Location Y for two years now, and I’m quite comfortable living here. However, my fiancé has been in Location X for a few years and is still adjusting to life in this country. She’s finally become comfortable there and heavily relies on her circle of friends in Location Y, where she currently works. She really wants to stay in that area. In terms of job opportunities, I’ve been working in Location Y for two years, and while it’s decent, it’s nothing exceptional. Going for either Location X or Location Y would keep me on the same career path, but Location X seems better for my future, and I feel like I could use a change. Plus, it’s a better city overall. I’ve recently expressed to my parents that we’re considering moving to Location X. I don’t want to portray them negatively; they truly aren’t villains and have sacrificed a lot for me. I recognize that being in Location Y to support my mom and little brother would be beneficial, even if we wouldn’t live together—I'd only be about 20 minutes away. However, they hinted that I should remember the support they offered me in the past and that it’s my turn to give back, even though they know my fiancé prefers Location X. Personally, I'm okay with staying in Location Y, yet I understand how important it is for my fiancé to be happy in Location X. She insists that whatever happens is fine with her, and she’s content with my decision. As you can see, I’m torn between wanting to support my family and ensuring my fiancé feels comfortable and happy in her living situation. While I could use a change, I'm also fine with continuing in Location Y. What advice do you have for making this decision about where to live? Thanks!

[32F] facing challenges with her partner's [36M] unhealthy habits after years of trying to be patient.

My husband (36M) and I have been together for nearly ten years and married for a couple. When we first met, he was facing significant challenges—grieving the loss of both parents and trying to manage a family business that he wasn’t equipped for. His lifestyle was quite unhealthy at that time, but I was drawn to his kindness, particularly in how he cared for animals. Over the years, we've created a life together—sharing a home, running a business, and rescuing several dogs along the way. Although many aspects of our lives have improved, his unhealthy habits (smoking, substance use, irregular eating and sleeping patterns) have remained largely unchanged, despite numerous discussions, therapy sessions, medications, and attempts to quit. I prioritize my health and take care of myself, and I want the same for him—not just for his own well-being, but for our future as a couple. I've always tried to be patient and supportive, but it feels as though we've been trapped in the same cycle for years. He recognizes the issues, agrees with me, and makes small efforts, particularly after arguments, but nothing seems to be sustainable over the long term. I love him deeply, but it's difficult not to feel resentful. I don’t want to leave our relationship, but I also don’t want to spend my life watching someone I care about slowly self-destruct. How can I balance being patient with setting my own boundaries without feeling like I'm giving up on him? Has anyone else gone through a similar experience?

Everything is going well right now! What are some subtle ways I [29F] can inspire my husband [30M] to cultivate a greater zest for life in the future?

I would really like to see my husband take up a hobby. With the little one keeping us busy and the demands of work on top of home life, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. I’d eventually love to explore some hobbies of my own as well, especially since we both seem to be settling into a routine. I just want to ensure that we don’t fall into boredom, and I think it would be great for both of us to have some new interests. While he doesn’t express any unhappiness, I’ve noticed that he doesn’t talk as much these days. Maybe I'm just overthinking things.

I'm a 24-year-old woman, and I'm feeling uncertain about my boyfriend, who is 25. I could really use some advice.

Hi there. I apologize for the lengthy message. My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years. We developed a strong bond very quickly; I believe he is my soulmate, and we truly complement each other. Given how rare it is to find a good partner, I cherish him and plan to be with him for life. However, there are some issues that are causing me to wonder if I'm making the right choice. Firstly, this is my first serious relationship, so I don’t have much to compare it to. Yet, from what I observe in others, what we have is truly special. He loves me deeply, treats me with care, and makes me feel genuinely cherished, which are all qualities I seek in a partner. I feel completely comfortable around him; we are not only a couple but also best friends. He is kind, loyal, funny, and has a sensitive heart. There's so much I appreciate about him, and I can’t imagine my life without him. That said, there are a few things that sometimes weigh on my mind. He’s 25 and currently unemployed, not actively searching for work as he’s trying to transition into a new career. Because of this, I end up covering most expenses. He moved in with me before we reached the one-year mark, and I had to hide it from my parents. While I love living together and he helps a lot around the house, my financial burden is significant. As I work from home, I often find it hard to enjoy my earnings or save for the future since I’m effectively supporting two people. When I bring this up to him, he expresses regret and insists he’s doing his best, but his mental and physical health struggles hinder his progress. His primary issue is anxiety, which seems to overwhelm him more than it motivates him to take action. He also suffers from sleep apnea, which severely impacts his quality of life, causing him to struggle with focus and feel restless due to lack of sleep. Unfortunately, he can't afford to see a specialist or get a CPAP machine for his condition. This situation also affects our intimacy; we often can’t sleep together, and our sex life is lacking. While our encounters are satisfying when they happen, they’re infrequent since he’s rarely in the mood, and sometimes his anxiety disrupts the moment. Recently, I've been feeling confused about whether I should keep waiting for him to work through his challenges. I fear we are in different stages of life; I’ve just graduated and am starting to enjoy my newfound independence, while he’s still trying to get his life on track. I worry that I'm wasting my youth by settling down with my first boyfriend, especially since we can’t seem to enjoy experiences together. Our financial disparities affect all our plans; I want to go on vacation, but he can’t afford it, and if I offer to pay, he feels guilty and often declines. We do communicate openly, which is something I value between us. If I were to leave him over these issues, I know finding someone else might be a challenge. The thought of that brings me a lot of sadness because I am truly in love with him and can’t envision leaving. I just feel lost navigating these challenges. When we discuss these matters, he acknowledges my concerns but asks for more understanding from my side. I feel selfish because I recognize he's struggling too. However, I've been patient; I can’t shake this sense of being stuck, unable to live the life I want while I wait for him to find his way. I'm not sure if I've articulated my feelings clearly, but I would really appreciate any advice from anyone who can relate. Thank you!

How can I, a 30-year-old female, let my siblings, who are 35-year-old female and 28-year-old male, know that I prefer not to travel with them?

My siblings—one sister (35F) and one brother (28M)—have both asked me several times to join them and their partners on vacation, and I'm struggling to find a way to say no. My husband and I share a love for travel; it was one of the things that brought us together, and we've enjoyed many trips and weekend getaways over the years (with the exception of 2020). Our demanding jobs and busy social lives make our travel time truly special, allowing us to reconnect and escape from everything else. I find it hard to want to share that experience with just anyone. This conversation would be simpler if I had no intention of traveling with anyone but my husband, but the truth is we are planning a weekend getaway with friends this fall. While I care about my siblings, I can only tolerate their partners, and my husband feels even more strongly against them. We don’t see each other often, and I have a strong feeling that going on a trip together would turn into a frustrating experience, leaving me resentful for spending time and money on something unenjoyable. So, Reddit, I’m looking for advice—what’s the best way to gently explain to my siblings that my husband and I prefer not to go on vacation with them or their partners?

23-year-old aspiring truck driver seeking relationship guidance for my 21-year-old girlfriend.

Hey everyone, I’ve always dreamed of becoming a truck driver, and this month I’ll be 23. I obtained my commercial driver’s license two years ago as a way to enhance my resume, intending it as a backup plan if I needed it. Unfortunately, over the past two years, things haven’t worked out as planned, and I now find myself unemployed. I have an opportunity to drive long distance with a reputable company that will train me and provide valuable experience, aiming for a local driving position in one or two years. They’re offering a minimum of $1,400 a week, with home time from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon. This would be the highest salary I’ve ever earned. However, I’m unsure how this will impact my relationship with my girlfriend (21). We haven’t been together long (4 months of talking, 3 months of dating), but we have strong feelings for one another. Currently, she works part-time three days a week and is looking for a second part-time job to increase her hours to six days a week, with Mondays off. Her plan is to work at a salon on Tuesdays, Saturdays, and Sundays, and at a serving job on Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays. She aims to increase her income significantly. We’ve both been supportive of each other’s aspirations, but we’re concerned about how our new schedules might affect our relationship. We’re committed to making this work, but I wonder if it’s realistic. I need a stable, well-paying job to support myself and potentially her in the future, and I'm afraid that if I pass on this opportunity, I may not find another like it. I’d appreciate any advice you can offer, and I’m open to answering further questions. Thank you in advance!

I [26F] feel guilty for wanting to sleep at home instead of with my partner [31M].

I know this may seem trivial, but I appreciate you taking the time to read everything. My partner and I don’t live together full-time yet, but we spend the night at each other's places most nights and are planning to move in together soon since we practically share a home already. On Thursday night, my partner, who I've been with for 15 months, experienced what we think is food poisoning. He had severe vomiting and diarrhea that lasted about seven hours. After that, he’s been somewhat back to normal, aside from lingering fatigue, weakness, and a few digestive issues. Unfortunately, I couldn't sleep that night because he got sick in bed, which meant I had to clean everything and change the sheets, only to have him get sick again shortly after. I worked from home the next day to help him and manage the laundry. He’s been really weak but is slowly able to eat again, though he still feels unwell. I really struggle with vomiting—just seeing or hearing it makes me queasy. Cleaning up after him while lying next to him as he kept getting sick was incredibly tough. Every little sound he makes, like a cough or a burp, makes me jump and worry that he’ll be sick again. Even though he hasn’t actually thrown up since Thursday, my anxiety has kept me from sleeping well. I’ve handled things fairly well given my anxiety, but I feel guilty for being jumpy about every little noise he makes. I’m really tempted to go home tonight to get a good night’s sleep before work tomorrow, yet I feel so selfish for wanting that. He’s my person, and I know that as we spend our lives together, there will be times when we’re both sick or when our kids are sick, and I need to be there for him. Earlier, I stepped out for about an hour to go to yoga and unwind a bit, but he started crying because he didn’t want me to leave when he's feeling so vulnerable. He told me I’ve done a great job caring for him and wished I could stay. It's not like he’s alone; his dad is there to help him if necessary. I've been right by his side since Thursday night, except for a brief time Friday evening when I had to run a race, and an hour on Friday morning to change and tidy up a bit. I even missed my friend's birthday party this weekend to be there for him because I genuinely care, but I’m feeling pretty drained and a bit overwhelmed from being in bed all this time. I apologize for the length of this post; I tend to be long-winded. I just wanted to share my feelings and get the full picture across, as I feel like a terrible person, but I’m really near my breaking point with the constant tension over the last few days. I would appreciate any advice or stories you may have that relate to this experience.

I'm a 24-year-old male and I feel like my relationship with my girlfriend, who is also 24, may only have about a year left. Has anyone else experienced something similar?

I have been in a wonderful relationship with a remarkable woman for the past four years. Our connection is strong and stable, characterized by excellent communication and mutual support and love. However, I’ve been considering relocating to a neighboring country early next year, where I could earn a higher salary and enjoy a lower cost of living. Currently, my earnings are decent, but given the high taxes and living expenses in our area, it’s challenging to save money. Moving would provide a great opportunity for both me and my girlfriend, especially as we start planning for a family in our late 20s to early 30s. She is also interested in relocating with me, but she wants to spend quality time with her grandparents before anything happens to them, as they played a significant role in her upbringing. We’re not fans of long-distance relationships, and I’m beginning to question whether I should go through with the move or not.

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