Relationship advices: Work-Life Balance

The husband asserts that he takes on a more maternal role.

I'm a 27-year-old female, and my husband is also 27. We have two young boys, aged 1 and 2.5. I returned to work six weeks ago after being unemployed for 10 months due to a layoff. My work hours are Monday to Friday, 9 am to 5 pm, while my husband works on a rotating schedule: Monday, Tuesday, Friday through Sunday one week, and then Wednesday and Thursday the following week, from 6 am to 6:30 pm. When we both work, the kids go to a babysitter, and I handle drop-off and pick-up. On the days I work and he doesn’t, he stays home with the kids, and vice versa. This morning, my husband told me, “I’m watching the kids more than you. I’m more of a mom than you are.” I was taken aback by his comment. During the 10 months I was a stay-at-home mom, I never once claimed to be the primary caregiver or implied that I was better than him. Yet he struggles with the concept of being a parent when he’s alone with the kids. This situation is incredibly frustrating. He often says that when he’s with the kids on his own, he’s “Mom for the day,” as if taking care of his own children somehow makes him more maternal than paternal. He seems to believe he’s being a “better mom” without me there to help him. I’m not sure how to communicate to him that he’s not “being mom”; he’s just being a parent, and I don’t want him to react defensively. We can’t afford for me to stay home, which is why I took a job, and I never hold that over him, implying that he doesn’t earn enough for me not to work or that he has to step up to parent. I’m feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. Does anyone have advice on how to handle this?

Seeking guidance on relationships.

Subject: Seeking Advice on Our Relationship Hi, My girlfriend and I are both in our 30s; I don’t have any kids, but she has two from a previous relationship. Over the past month or two, I've started to feel like she's giving me "leftover" time. I’ve tried discussing it with her, explaining that it bothers me when she has time for friends and parties, but not for us to spend quality time together—whether it’s going out on a date or just sitting down for a chat. Lately, it seems like I only see her when she needs assistance with something, like driving her to a friend's party, helping with shopping for her kids, or fixing things around her house. Even when we do manage to spend time together, she often seems preoccupied with other tasks. It feels like there's little attention or effort from her side toward our relationship, and I can't recall the last time she planned something special for us. Yet, I notice she always carves out time for at least one evening with friends each week. From the beginning, I’ve been very supportive, offering my time, financial help, and assistance with her home and kids. Recently, when I expressed my feelings, she apologized and promised to work on our relationship. She even suggested creating a jar with color-coded notes for activities we can do together, but whenever I bring up the idea of preparing that jar, she seems too busy or uninterested. There have been some improvements in our communication, which is encouraging, but there are still many little things we've discussed and agreed upon that need attention to strengthen our relationship. I'm feeling quite lost right now. I want to understand how to support her better, yet I also sense a lack of appreciation and effort from her side. While I've tried addressing this and she promised to change, it hasn’t led to any significant progress. I genuinely love her, and the thought of breaking up is tough, as I don’t want to lose what we have. However, it’s starting to feel like I’m more of a convenience for her rather than a partner, especially as I become more involved in her children’s lives. I’m concerned about delaying action on this issue because the prospect of losing her and having to navigate life without the two kids is daunting. Has anyone experienced something similar in their relationship? I would appreciate any advice on how to communicate my feelings to her. Am I being too needy for expecting more? Thank you for your support.

I'm a 28-year-old woman, and my girlfriend, who is 26, tends to be quite messy. It's beginning to affect me emotionally.

We've been together for two years and have spent most of that time living under the same roof. When we were in our small apartment in Baltimore, I attributed the clutter to our tight space. However, after moving to a slightly larger place in Minneapolis, I’ve come to realize it’s more than just that. For instance, our nightstands reveal a stark contrast—hers is cluttered with soda bottles, food wrappers, and miscellaneous items, while mine remains tidy. In the bathroom, clothes accumulate on the floor; although some are mine, the majority are not. I've been trying to create a more equitable division of chores, but it's been challenging. I often have to remind her to do the dishes, and even then, it's hit-or-miss. Laundry is another battle—if I don’t keep up with the routine, it quickly falls apart. Clean clothes pile up in the dryer until I finally fold them, and when I hand her clothes to put away, they frequently remain unattended. Overall, I feel like I’m handling about 70-75% of the household tasks. I’ve brought this up before, but she only helps out when I specifically ask her to, and even then, it feels like she’s not fully engaged. This situation has me reconsidering our future together. How can I express my stress and frustration to her without coming across as harsh?

I need to find out how to handle this.

I've been in a relationship with this wonderful woman (F37) for a while now, but she has a high-stress job that sometimes requires her to take time for herself. I totally understand the need for personal space—everyone needs time to recharge and reflect, right? However, she’s mentioned that in the past, her stress has led her to completely withdraw for days at a time, and that’s where I struggle. I know it’s not me causing her need for space, as she reassures me of that, but I can't help but wonder why I have to bear the brunt of her needing to isolate, especially if it’s due to stress from others. It’s tough for me to accept, and I worry that it makes me come off as unsupportive. I really question myself about this. Days without communication feel really painful. I’d appreciate any advice on how to cope during these times, and I’d like to hear your thoughts: Am I being selfish? Thank you!

How long should I, a 25-year-old woman, continue my relationship with my boyfriend, who is 28 and struggling with substance abuse?

His issues haven't negatively impacted our relationship so far. We have a healthy and loving connection and are considering marriage. However, he does use recreational drugs and has struggled specifically with cocaine. We’ve talked about it, and he agreed to quit. Unfortunately, I believe he has substituted that with increased alcohol consumption and smoking weed. He drinks several times a day and uses cannabis throughout the day. Although he promised to stay away from cocaine, one night he tried ketamine because he felt it wasn’t the same. He also has a nicotine addiction (I don't smoke). I've communicated that living a healthy lifestyle is important to me, and while he agrees, he believes that being young makes it acceptable and plans to cut back in a few years. I feel that real change comes from a desire to change, and I’m not sure he’ll overcome this addictive nature. If it's not one substance, it might just be another. I want a life partner, and I’m concerned that his substance use will pose challenges in the future. Nicotine alone can lead to serious health issues. I’m seeking advice because while I enjoy going out for drinks occasionally, I believe it’s unhealthy to rely on substances.

Am I in the wrong for beginning to question my relationship?

**TLDR:** I'm starting to feel overlooked in my relationship. Hi everyone, I'm a 23-year-old guy in a nearly three-year relationship with my partner, who is 25. We met during our undergraduate years, but shortly after we began dating, she graduated and entered law school. Over the years, our relationship has had its highs and lows, but recently, it's began to decline. A significant part of the issue seems to be her busy schedule—between law review, her clinic work, classes, and socializing with friends. I fully understand that law school demands a lot of effort, but I'm struggling to feel like I matter as much in her life. My partner is caring, thoughtful, and truly wonderful. She has apologized for the compromises I've had to make, which has helped a bit, but the situation is still weighing on me. There's a growing sense of resentment because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ll never be her top priority. For instance, about a year and a half ago, a classmate of hers confessed feelings for her. Although she turned him down and insists she's not interested, they've remained close friends. They've gone out to dinner several times, and he even helped her secure a job at the public defender’s office for next semester. It’s difficult for me to understand how she can stay friends with someone who has, on multiple occasions, suggested that she cheat on me. I try to hold back my feelings because I see the career benefits for her, but whenever I bring it up, she doesn’t seem to grasp why it bothers me. I know she’s a great person, but some of this is hard for me to accept as just part of our reality. The latest incident happened tonight—she canceled our plans to help a friend prepare for a trial. Earlier today, she informed me that our trip for our three-year anniversary is off because she’s signed up for a law school competition that weekend. Most of her reasons are legitimate, and I understand that law school is demanding; I also work long hours in public accounting, so I know what it’s like to juggle everything. But it’s beginning to feel like I’m being pushed out of her life. I feel conflicted because I don’t want to seem unsupportive—she’s working incredibly hard, and I admire that. Yet, I can't shake the feeling of being invisible, like I’m more of a best friend than a partner. I’m uncertain how to handle this situation, or if I’m being unreasonable. AITA for questioning my relationship?

Wrestling with a Sense of Significance

**TL;DR: I'm starting to feel overlooked in my relationship.** Hey everyone, I’m a 23-year-old guy, and I’ve been with my partner, who is 25, for nearly three years. We met during our undergraduate studies, but shortly after we started dating, she graduated and went on to law school. Our relationship has seen its share of challenges, but recently, things have been getting tougher. It seems like there’s always something demanding her attention – law review, her clinic, classes, or friends. While I respect the dedication it takes to pursue law, I can’t help but feel like I’m not a priority for her anymore. My partner is genuinely loving, kind, and an incredible person. She has acknowledged the sacrifices I’ve made, which has been somewhat reassuring. However, as time goes by, I can’t shake the growing resentment I feel. There’s an underlying worry that I’ll never be her top priority. A specific instance that has stuck with me is when one of her classmates confessed his feelings for her about a year and a half ago. She turned him down but continues to maintain a close friendship with him. They’ve dined together several times, and he even helped her secure a job at the public defender’s office next semester. I struggle to understand how she can keep a friendship with someone who has flirted with the idea of cheating before. I’ve tried to keep quiet because I know this relationship aids her career, but whenever I bring it up, she doesn’t seem to grasp why it bothers me. I recognize she’s a wonderful person, but accepting these things as “part of the deal” is becoming increasingly difficult. Tonight was another tough moment—she canceled our plans to help a friend prepare for a trial tomorrow. Earlier, she informed me that our anniversary trip is off since she’s committed to a law school competition that weekend. Most of her reasons are legitimate, and I get that law school is demanding. I work long hours in public accounting, so I understand the struggle of balancing work and life. Yet, I can’t shake the feeling that there’s no longer a place for me in her life, and I’m being gradually pushed out. I feel conflicted because I don’t want to seem unsupportive or ungrateful—she’s working so hard. But at the same time, I feel more like her best friend than her partner, and that leaves me feeling invisible. I’m unsure how to address this concern without coming off as the “bad guy.” Any advice on how to navigate this situation would be greatly appreciated.