Relationship advices: Financial Issues

One year of being in a relationship with my boyfriend.

My boyfriend and I have a great relationship and we always communicate openly about our feelings and issues. However, I'm feeling a bit uneasy about our upcoming trip. I'm currently saving my own money, as I work as a call center agent and my salary barely covers my expenses and bills. Meanwhile, my boyfriend makes six times what I earn each month through his social media work. He knows I can’t afford the trip, yet he insists that I come along and suggested that I borrow money from him. I'm left wondering, is this normal? Shouldn't he treat me to the trip, especially since he earns so much more than I do? The cost of the ticket and other expenses is quite high. I just hope someone understands where I'm coming from.

Did I prioritize money over love?

Did I make the wrong decision by prioritizing financial stability over love? I’m seeking a second opinion on my situation. Just before my 35th birthday, I ended my relationship with the love of my life (45 M) because he was unable to provide the financial support necessary to build our own family. You could say I was experiencing a mid-life crisis. I met him when I was 29 and had openly expressed my desire for children. I knew he had undergone a vasectomy. A year into our relationship, we decided to split the cost of the reversal, which was $8,000 in Alberta. He has three children of his own (16, 18, and 20). Throughout our relationship, I took on the role of stepmom, often compromising my own aspirations for his children. He raised them as a single dad and truly was the love of my life. He always reassured me that he wanted nothing more than to have kids with me. Yet, he still had his existing family. I have a successful career and felt financially ready, but he wasn’t matching my efforts. Over the nearly five years together, he struggled to maintain a job, which weighed heavily on me. We found out that the reversal didn’t work and decided to pursue IVF, but he didn’t have the funds for that either. After three years of trying to conceive, it became clear that I was facing this challenge largely on my own. After having my uterus evaluated, I discovered there were no medical issues preventing me from getting pregnant. Since he was the one who had the vasectomy, I wished to see more financial commitment on his part as a way to demonstrate his willingness to contribute. Am I a terrible person for leaving the love of my life over financial concerns? Now, five months later, I still find myself no closer to having my own family. It genuinely breaks my heart. I feel it’s unfair that I would have to shoulder the entire cost of IVF, considering how expensive it is. All I wanted was for him to assist me financially so I wouldn’t have to bear the burden alone. Am I wrong for choosing financial security over love? After all, money plays a crucial role in every aspect of life. After nearly five years of trying, I just didn’t feel financially supported, and creating my own family is of utmost importance to me. I’m still in love with him, but he still lacks the funds for IVF. I am aware there are other options out there, but they also come with costs. I’m reaching out to see if anyone has experienced something similar and to find out if I am indeed wrong for prioritizing money over love. Should I consider looking for a new partner—risking the chance of never finding love again and potentially being too old to have children—or should I accept a life where I bear all the financial responsibility?

My boyfriend and I are having trouble agreeing on how to divide our expenses, which is impacting our aspirations to move in together and get married. I could use some advice.

I'm a 21-year-old male, and my boyfriend is 23. We've been together since 2023—almost two years now—and we live in London. I care for him deeply, but there's something that's been on my mind, causing me to question our future together. We’re considering moving in together by the end of 2026, but we can’t seem to agree on how to share expenses. He insists on a 50/50 split, despite earning nearly double my salary and having fewer expenses (he lives close to his job, so he has no transport costs, while I would if we shared a place). I've tried to explain that a proportional division seems fairer, but he refuses to consider it. This has been a recurring issue since we started dating. I'm the one who always brings it up, yet he never initiates the conversation and often shuts it down when I try to discuss it. It feels like he's avoiding the topic, which is really frustrating for me. For me, a relationship only makes sense if we're planning for a future together, including the possibility of marriage. However, if we can't even agree on something as basic as splitting expenses, I'm uncertain about our ability to live together, which in turn makes me reconsider our marriage plans. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Is it possible to resolve this, especially when one person avoids the discussion? Could this indicate a deeper misalignment in our values? I would really appreciate any advice.

Should I cover all the expenses and move in with him, or should I end the relationship?

I've been in a relationship with my partner for five years now. He’s always claimed that we have the same goals for our future, but I’m starting to question his commitment to actually achieving them. Money has always been a struggle for him. He eventually admitted that he had debt, especially after he asked for my help paying his bills about a year into our relationship. Over the last four years, I’ve tried everything to help him manage his finances better so we could save up to move out together. I’ve always been a good saver and had the means to do this, but nothing seems to be working. When I moved back in with my parents out of frustration, he promised me that if I gave him four months, he would reduce his spending and start saving. Unfortunately, he only managed to save £25 a week, which isn't nearly enough. I can’t continue like this; it has led to so many trust issues due to his unfulfilled promises, and I feel deeply unhappy. Yet, aside from this financial problem, he makes me feel loved and fulfilled. While he is making progress and will soon be debt-free, he hasn’t saved anything because he tends to overspend on hobbies and food. My heart is telling me to just pay for us to move out so we can finally settle down, believing he would manage the monthly bills and rent from then on. But my mind is urging me to consider ending things. I would really appreciate any advice or insights from others who have faced similar situations.

Did I choose incorrectly?

Did I prioritize money over love? I could really use a second perspective. I recently turned 35, just five months ago. The day before my birthday, I ended a relationship with the person I believed was the love of my life. The reason? He wasn't in a position to contribute financially to starting a family together. You might say I was facing a mid-life crisis. I met my partner when I was 29, and I’d expressed my desire to have kids, despite knowing he had a vasectomy. A year into our relationship, we decided to split the $8,000 cost for the reversal in Alberta. He has three children of his own—now aged 16, 18, and 20—and is ten years my senior. As a devoted single dad, he raised them by himself. He always told me how much he longed to have children with me, but he still had his own family to consider. While I have a stable career and felt financially prepared, he wasn't making the same effort on his part. We learned that the reversal hadn’t worked and were planning to pursue IVF, but the issue was that my partner didn’t have the funds for that either. So, just before I turned 35, I made the tough decision to break up with him. After three years of trying to conceive, it dawned on me that I was bearing the financial burden alone. Am I a terrible person for leaving the love of my life over money? Now, five months later, I find myself no closer to having my own family, and it truly hurts. I didn’t believe it was fair for me to shoulder the cost of IVF on my own; I wanted us to work together on this. Does that make me a bad person for prioritizing finances over love? After nearly five years of trying, I felt unsupported financially when starting my own family became a priority for me. I need advice! I still have feelings for him, but he’s yet to find the means for IVF. I know there are alternative options out there. I'm just hoping to figure out if choosing financial stability over love makes me a villain in this story. Has anyone else faced a similar crossroads?

M31 cohabitating with his girlfriend, F30, for two years

I have a quick question: what would be a fair monetary contribution from my girlfriend in this situation? Here's the background: I earn £2,250 per month (after tax) working full-time (35 hours per week) in the UK. My girlfriend, whom I care for deeply, earns £850 per month (after tax) working part-time (20 hours per week). For the past few months, I've been covering all our bills, but now she wants to start contributing fairly and has asked me to suggest an amount. What do you all think? For context, I own the property, and she moved in with me from a rented place. Our total monthly expenses, including everything (groceries, bills, travel, and living costs), amount to £1,172.33. I welcome insights and calculations from both perspectives. Thank you for your help!

Should I support my girlfriend in selling socks for extra money?

My girlfriend (22) and I (23) have been together for almost three years. During this time, she has shared personal stories about how she used to sell her socks and make a good amount of money from it. She's mentioned several times that she's struggling financially, even though she has a full-time job that pays poorly and requires her to commute over 100 miles daily. She’s sticking with this job because it’s currently the only one within a 50-mile radius that will provide her with valuable experience for her career. She understands my discomfort about the sock selling, but to her, it’s not sexual; it’s just a straightforward transaction — wear them, send them off, get paid, and move on. While the idea of what others might do with them is a bit off-putting to me, I can see that it has the potential to generate considerable income and that her previous experience in this area could give her a head start. I’m feeling conflicted and could use some advice. On one hand, there's the allure of good money, but on the other hand, it feels strange. Since she can separate her feelings about it so easily, I’m left wondering if I can do the same. **TL;DR**: My girlfriend wants to start selling socks online again to earn extra money. She views it as a practical solution to her financial struggles, while I feel uneasy about it. I'm uncertain whether I should support her decision.

My husband has been prioritizing his best friend's financial needs over our household. How can I address this issue?

My husband, Rich, and his best friend, Tom, started a business together six years ago. While it’s mainly Rich’s venture—he conceived the idea and handles over 80% of the workload—it's been struggling significantly. Calling it a financial burden would be an understatement; it’s essentially a money pit. The only reason it’s still operating is that Tom has been selling off investments to keep it afloat. For the record, I urged both of them to shut it down two years ago. Rich was ready to quit, but Tom wanted to continue, so Rich kept working. He feels an overwhelming sense of gratitude and guilt towards Tom for his ongoing financial support. If, or rather when, the business fails, both of them will have to declare bankruptcy. Fortunately, due to our state laws, Rich’s bankruptcy will only impact our joint assets, which means our house, cars, and my personal savings will remain safe and sound. I’m currently not working due to a disability and a surprise baby. My personal savings were meant to cover several months of our family’s expenses in case of Rich’s business failure and his job loss. Unfortunately, I’ve had to dip into that account multiple times over the past six years, leaving it significantly depleted. Last winter, we found ourselves in a tough situation where we couldn’t make ends meet. For several months, we went without essentials until I had to once again use my personal savings to fill the gap. In the spring, I discovered that during this time, Rich was only taking two-thirds of his salary, which made me extremely frustrated. This, among other issues related to his startup, led to us beginning marital counseling. Recently, during one of our sessions, I learned that he had been taking a reduced salary for a much longer period than I realized and had depleted our joint savings to lessen the amount of money Tom needed to invest in the business. I vaguely remember him mentioning a reduced salary long ago, and since that money would likely be lost in the upcoming bankruptcy, I’m not overly upset about that. However, what truly angers me is that after draining our joint account, instead of asking Tom to restore his full salary when we needed it, he chose not to for fear of adding stress to Tom's life. He admits he should have discussed this with me more openly, but now I can’t shake the feeling that I was excluded from crucial decisions and that he prioritized Tom over me. I feel deeply betrayed. I'm really struggling to move past this issue. Rich's startup is a significant point of contention in our relationship, and I no longer trust his judgment regarding it. On the flip side, he is a loving husband and a devoted father, and our counseling sessions have been beneficial. I’ve come to understand through therapy that I find it challenging to let go of the past and that I harbor some bitterness towards his business endeavors. Rich doesn’t seem to view this situation as a major problem. Am I being unreasonable? Regardless, how can we both move forward from this?

How can I (26F) best support my boyfriend (26M) as he pursues his MBA?

My boyfriend (26M) and I (26F) have been together for nearly two years. We met during a challenging time in my life when I was unemployed due to switching careers and facing financial difficulties. He was in a great financial position with a high-paying job. While he didn’t contribute to my bills or groceries early on (since our relationship was new and I didn’t ask), he frequently took me out to eat and surprised me with gifts, which helped improve my quality of life. When my lease ended, he generously allowed me to stay with him rent-free while I got back on my feet. However, after the first year of our relationship, he lost his job and struggled to find his direction. He made the decision to pursue an MBA at an Ivy League school, where he is currently studying. During this time, I secured a job in my desired field and earn a decent salary. I often visit him at school, staying for a month at a time since I work remotely. Now, I find myself in need of advice. He took a significant risk by committing to an MBA without savings and relying on student loans. He is now looking to me to help support him financially, which is creating tension in our relationship. My aspiration is to be a digital nomad and travel to immerse myself in different cultures, and I worry that contributing more to his goals means sacrificing my own. We aren’t married, which adds to my concerns about potentially funding his dreams without the security that marriage provides. Still, I don’t want to be an unsupportive partner while he faces these challenges. How can I help him without compromising my own dreams? I’m aiming to find a healthy balance that allows me to support him while staying true to my own aspirations.