Relationship advices: Financial Issues

Financial Issues • 14d ago

My husband has been prioritizing his best friend's financial needs over our household. How can I address this issue?

My husband, Rich, and his best friend, Tom, started a business together six years ago. While it’s mainly Rich’s venture—he conceived the idea and handles over 80% of the workload—it's been struggling significantly. Calling it a financial burden would be an understatement; it’s essentially a money pit. The only reason it’s still operating is that Tom has been selling off investments to keep it afloat. For the record, I urged both of them to shut it down two years ago. Rich was ready to quit, but Tom wanted to continue, so Rich kept working. He feels an overwhelming sense of gratitude and guilt towards Tom for his ongoing financial support. If, or rather when, the business fails, both of them will have to declare bankruptcy. Fortunately, due to our state laws, Rich’s bankruptcy will only impact our joint assets, which means our house, cars, and my personal savings will remain safe and sound. I’m currently not working due to a disability and a surprise baby. My personal savings were meant to cover several months of our family’s expenses in case of Rich’s business failure and his job loss. Unfortunately, I’ve had to dip into that account multiple times over the past six years, leaving it significantly depleted. Last winter, we found ourselves in a tough situation where we couldn’t make ends meet. For several months, we went without essentials until I had to once again use my personal savings to fill the gap. In the spring, I discovered that during this time, Rich was only taking two-thirds of his salary, which made me extremely frustrated. This, among other issues related to his startup, led to us beginning marital counseling. Recently, during one of our sessions, I learned that he had been taking a reduced salary for a much longer period than I realized and had depleted our joint savings to lessen the amount of money Tom needed to invest in the business. I vaguely remember him mentioning a reduced salary long ago, and since that money would likely be lost in the upcoming bankruptcy, I’m not overly upset about that. However, what truly angers me is that after draining our joint account, instead of asking Tom to restore his full salary when we needed it, he chose not to for fear of adding stress to Tom's life. He admits he should have discussed this with me more openly, but now I can’t shake the feeling that I was excluded from crucial decisions and that he prioritized Tom over me. I feel deeply betrayed. I'm really struggling to move past this issue. Rich's startup is a significant point of contention in our relationship, and I no longer trust his judgment regarding it. On the flip side, he is a loving husband and a devoted father, and our counseling sessions have been beneficial. I’ve come to understand through therapy that I find it challenging to let go of the past and that I harbor some bitterness towards his business endeavors. Rich doesn’t seem to view this situation as a major problem. Am I being unreasonable? Regardless, how can we both move forward from this?


Financial Issues • 19d ago

How can I (26F) best support my boyfriend (26M) as he pursues his MBA?

My boyfriend (26M) and I (26F) have been together for nearly two years. We met during a challenging time in my life when I was unemployed due to switching careers and facing financial difficulties. He was in a great financial position with a high-paying job. While he didn’t contribute to my bills or groceries early on (since our relationship was new and I didn’t ask), he frequently took me out to eat and surprised me with gifts, which helped improve my quality of life. When my lease ended, he generously allowed me to stay with him rent-free while I got back on my feet. However, after the first year of our relationship, he lost his job and struggled to find his direction. He made the decision to pursue an MBA at an Ivy League school, where he is currently studying. During this time, I secured a job in my desired field and earn a decent salary. I often visit him at school, staying for a month at a time since I work remotely. Now, I find myself in need of advice. He took a significant risk by committing to an MBA without savings and relying on student loans. He is now looking to me to help support him financially, which is creating tension in our relationship. My aspiration is to be a digital nomad and travel to immerse myself in different cultures, and I worry that contributing more to his goals means sacrificing my own. We aren’t married, which adds to my concerns about potentially funding his dreams without the security that marriage provides. Still, I don’t want to be an unsupportive partner while he faces these challenges. How can I help him without compromising my own dreams? I’m aiming to find a healthy balance that allows me to support him while staying true to my own aspirations.