Relationship advices

Is it my fault, or do I have the right to feel a little unsettled?

I've been dating someone (33F) for two months, and everything has been going really well, except for a few recent incidents that have left me feeling anxious. A few days ago, I stayed at her place and woke up after she'd already left for work. As I was getting ready to leave, I noticed her dehumidifier was still on. I texted her to see if she wanted me to leave it running or turn it off since I knew she was going away for the weekend. However, I started spiraling into an OCD-related train of thought and convinced myself that if I didn’t turn it off, something terrible might happen. I was already running late and my Uber had arrived, so I just switched it off. Later, when she messaged me to say I should have left it on, I lied and told her I hadn’t touched it. I felt that sharing my OCD-related concerns would make me seem irrational or too vulnerable after only eight weeks of dating. Once I got to work, though, I decided to come clean. I admitted to turning it off and explained that I had spiraled into some distressing “what-if” scenarios about it. I didn’t want her to think I was crazy. But her reaction surprised me—it seemed quite intense, and she didn’t understand why I had lied. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. For example, she once asked if I knew how much air to put in my bike tires, and I responded affirmatively but then realized I didn’t know the exact amount. When she pressed me about why I said I did, I felt a physiological reaction stemming from a childhood experience where I would face punishment for not knowing something. My girlfriend also reacted strongly, bewildered that I would be dishonest about such a minor detail. Following the incident with the dehumidifier, we had a lengthy phone call where I expressed my anxiety and regret. I truly value honesty, and I felt awful about upsetting her over something trivial. During our conversation, she asked me a barrage of questions to understand my motivations, referencing other instances where she felt I had been dishonest. For example, when I admitted to knowing a band but could only name a couple of their songs, she viewed that as being untruthful. She also questioned my decision to display my degree certificates on my wall, asking why it mattered for others to know about my achievements. This made me feel belittled, as if my pride in my accomplishments was being dismissed. Despite my efforts to explain my feelings—trying to shield her from my mental health struggles and not wanting to come across as irrational—her response felt disproportionate. Even though I've acknowledged that any dishonesty can feel unsafe, I'm left feeling interrogated rather than supported in these situations. My friends have reacted similarly, reinforcing that I'm feeling overlooked and anxious rather than comforted. I've apologized for the fib about the dehumidifier and explained my reasoning, yet the intensity of her reaction continues to trouble me. I’m now questioning whether she unintentionally undermines or dismisses my feelings during these discussions. Am I in the wrong here? Is her strong reaction to my seemingly small lie justified? I've tried to present this situation as objectively as possible, without leaving anything out. Thanks for your understanding.

I'm 26, and I'm wondering if I made the right choice.

I'm John, 26, and I've been in a situationship with a girl, 24, for nearly a year. She ended her relationship with her boyfriend last year to be with me, stating she had lost feelings for him, and after a month, she chose to pursue things with me. We've been acting like a couple since then, though we never officially defined our relationship. Recently, she's become distant, ignoring me for almost two weeks and pulling away from intimacy, saying she's too exhausted from work and needing to support her family. I tried to talk about our situation, but she declined. Out of frustration, I decided to end things and returned her belongings. She later sent me a lengthy message explaining that she isn't ready to commit, wants to focus on herself, and is afraid she won't be a good partner. Now I'm questioning my decision. I still have feelings for her and want to be with her, but I'm uncertain if she's truly ready for a relationship after almost a year without a label. Should I block her on social media to help myself move on, or did I make the right choice in breaking up?

Kindly treat me with kindness.

F(30) m(29) I need some advice. I've been in a relationship with this person for several years. He cheated on me once, we reconciled, then he left me during a holiday. Eleven months later we got back together, but he cheated again and returned afterward. Things have been okay, but for the past month, we’ve been arguing non-stop. For context, I recently started a new job, and one of the people he cheated with is a colleague of his. I’ve struggled to move past that because he promised he stopped communicating with her, but I recently found a text exchange where he was still being friendly with her. Although it's been a few months since that incident, I still can't fully trust him; he often hides his phone. He mostly takes pictures of just our child or just him and our child, excluding me from a lot of moments. He also tends to place blame on me, and I feel so lost. This is my first serious relationship and my first heartbreak—any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Could I please have some advice?

I’m seeking some advice. I recently ended my relationship with the father of my children after a tumultuous four years filled with ups and downs. Our issues stem from his ongoing use of pornography, adding women on Facebook and Instagram, and actively searching for other females nearby, including subscribing to their OnlyFans accounts. I also discovered that he has been spending significant amounts of money on cam sites while I’m at home with the kids. What’s troubling me is something I found while using his work laptop—a device where I came across email receipts for live webcam sessions. I noticed he had searched for "dark web" in his recent Google activity. While my knowledge on the dark web is limited, I understand that it's associated with illicit content, including pornography and drugs. It appears difficult to access and requires special downloads. Although there’s no proof he actually visited those sites—his browsing history was cleared except for the search terms—I can’t help but worry, especially given his deep-seated porn addiction. I typically wouldn’t go to the police unless there was a clear indication of someone being harmed, and right now I have no solid evidence—just a mounting concern. When I brought it up after our breakup, he brushed it off and made me feel ridiculous for even mentioning it. I’m looking for guidance on how I might investigate this further without tangible proof. He primarily uses his phone, which I can’t access, and he also has a VPN installed. I truly dread the thought of making unfounded accusations, but this keeps weighing on my mind, especially now that we live separately and I have no access to his devices. I’m a 29-year-old female, and he’s 28. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

My boyfriend of three years and I just broke up, but we're still in touch as friends.

I, a 20-year-old female, recently ended my relationship with my 20-year-old male ex. I've written about it before, but essentially we decided to focus on personal growth separately while still caring for each other. We’ve agreed to see if we might reconnect in the future, although we’re not certain if that will happen. I'm feeling a bit lost about how to communicate with him. I don’t think a strict no-contact approach would benefit us, but I'm also unsure what to do. He recently helped me out by taking my sick cat to the vet since I had no one else to turn to, and he readily agreed to help. His responses have left me feeling confused, especially since we exchanged a few texts today. I mentioned going hiking alone and asked if I could send him my location for safety, to which he also agreed. Now, I’m wondering if I’m taking advantage of the situation. We’ve had some chats, he sends emojis and has even mentioned things like how he promised to take me out to do something special that means a lot to him. I know he still has feelings for me, just as I do for him, but it’s becoming a bit challenging to act as though everything is normal. I imagine this must be strange for him too. At the moment, I’m working on myself by listening to podcasts, doing affirmations, and journaling to address the issues I had in our relationship. So, I guess I'm more venting than seeking advice. Regardless, I can see that the breakup has its upsides, yet I still miss him. I don’t call him “mi amor” anymore, and I miss casually saying “I love you.” I realize I shouldn’t put too much pressure on him, especially since that was one of the reasons we broke up—my anxious attachment style. Ultimately, I just have to trust that whatever happens is for the best, but deep down, I truly love him and hope he can be the one for me.

My girlfriend (26F) has begun to connect her thoughts about me with emotions from her childhood trauma related to her father. I'm a 30-year-old man, and I'm wondering if there's anything I can do to help.

I've been in a wonderful relationship with an incredible girl (I'm 30, she's 26, for context) for nearly a year. Our time together has been filled with love and happiness, perhaps the best we've both experienced. However, last week I brought up that she seemed a bit distant, sensing she was stressed about something. She's not one to easily open up about her feelings, so I received the typical “I’m fine” response I’ve come to expect. I know she has some childhood trauma related to her biological father, who is no longer in her life, but she hasn’t shared much about it. It turns out, my comment about her distance made her feel like "my love isn't enough for him," which led to a serious panic attack at work, requiring her parents to come to her aid. Throughout last weekend, the panic attacks continued, and she unexpectedly cut off communication with me. When I reached out to her stepfather, he explained that her feelings of inadequacy are triggering memories of her father’s absence. Apparently, she hadn't experienced panic attacks in over a decade. Her stepfather conveyed that she intends to end our relationship, though several family members have suggested she doesn't truly mean it. On the positive side, she started seeing a therapist today. What concerns me is that her mother suggested she contact me for closure, which seemingly prompted another panic attack. I'm worried she’s beginning to associate me with the trauma of her past due to a misunderstanding of my innocent comment. I truly adore her and had plans to propose soon. Right now, I’m giving her space and maintaining no contact. Is there anything else I can do? I hope her therapy helps her objectively revisit our wonderful relationship to realize that I’m nothing like her father and that she is more than enough for me. This situation has hit me hard, as it all came so suddenly, and I feel helpless in wanting to support her. Thank you for any advice!

Is incompatibility a valid reason to end a relationship?

We are both 18 and have been together for nearly a year. Our love for each other runs deep, and I truly believe he is a good person who cares for me. However, we do have our disagreements, and sometimes it feels like we just don’t understand one another. There are moments when I need someone to empathize with me, which is a challenge for him. Additionally, he can come across as insensitive and lacking emotional intelligence. I also worry about feeling like I’m raising someone else’s child. During busy times, he tends to show less affection, which isn’t necessarily wrong, but I sometimes wonder if I’m asking too much for a consistent display of love. I want a lifelong partner, and while I love him, I'm unsure if this relationship is truly worth the struggle.

My former best friend wants to reconnect after a decade without communication, and I'm feeling a bit apprehensive about it.

I (34F) recently bumped into my ex-BFF (35F) after ten years of no contact. I’d anticipated this moment for a long time, knowing we would eventually cross paths again. Surprisingly, the encounter was pleasant, despite the abrupt and nasty way we ended our friendship. Let’s rewind to a decade ago. We went out on New Year’s Eve, and she was flirting heavily with my boyfriend. I was so upset that I started to give her the cold shoulder without explaining why. After living together for six months with me acting icy because of that night, she eventually confronted me. I finally admitted what was bothering me, and she apologized, saying she was too drunk to remember and genuinely didn’t mean to hurt me. We attempted to move forward, but it was awkward. A few weeks later, she stormed into our apartment at 2 a.m., demanding that I vacate within a week. Naively, I believed she had the authority to evict me. She created fake documents and impersonated calls from the apartment management while draining our shared bank account (yes, I was pretty gullible). It was a painful separation, feeling like a breakup, since she was like my other half. Fast forward to now—I often thought of her over the years and hoped she was doing well. I even wrote numerous drafts of apology letters, but I ultimately decided against reaching out. When we ran into each other, she expressed how much she missed me and had always wanted to reconnect, but consistently hesitated. Now, we’ve started talking again, and I’m supposed to meet up with her, but I have mixed feelings for two main reasons: REASON 1: I’m hesitant to assume we’ll just hit it off like we used to after all this time. I’m afraid of getting my hopes up only to be disappointed. REASON 2: Remember how she fabricated documents and calls to evict me? That’s her pattern. I’ve seen her get involved with a drug dealer and then set him up for arrest after their breakup. I’ve witnessed her go after people who owe her money, harassing their families and workplaces until they pay her back. When she’s out to hurt someone, it’s genuinely frightening. She’s extremely clever and resourceful. Back then, I was a recent college graduate with little to lose, but now I have so much more at stake, and her current situation doesn’t seem stable. I’m worried she might try to hurt me again, and that idea scares me. My husband (who was my boyfriend at the time of that New Year’s incident) strongly advises against rekindling our friendship. He witnessed how she treated me at the end, and while he didn’t see the good times we shared, he views me through a protective lens—imagining how he’d feel if I ignored him for six months because of a single mistake he made. I want to be somewhat forgiving, considering that we were still in the early stages of dating back then. So, Reddit, should I attempt to reconnect with her? I’m curious about where this could lead, but then again, curiosity can be dangerous! TL;DR: Friendship ended poorly, and we’ve had a decade of no contact. How can I realistically consider rekindling this friendship, or should I just walk away?

Am I in the wrong for beginning to question my relationship?

**TLDR:** I'm starting to feel overlooked in my relationship. Hi everyone, I'm a 23-year-old guy in a nearly three-year relationship with my partner, who is 25. We met during our undergraduate years, but shortly after we began dating, she graduated and entered law school. Over the years, our relationship has had its highs and lows, but recently, it's began to decline. A significant part of the issue seems to be her busy schedule—between law review, her clinic work, classes, and socializing with friends. I fully understand that law school demands a lot of effort, but I'm struggling to feel like I matter as much in her life. My partner is caring, thoughtful, and truly wonderful. She has apologized for the compromises I've had to make, which has helped a bit, but the situation is still weighing on me. There's a growing sense of resentment because I can’t shake the feeling that I’ll never be her top priority. For instance, about a year and a half ago, a classmate of hers confessed feelings for her. Although she turned him down and insists she's not interested, they've remained close friends. They've gone out to dinner several times, and he even helped her secure a job at the public defender’s office for next semester. It’s difficult for me to understand how she can stay friends with someone who has, on multiple occasions, suggested that she cheat on me. I try to hold back my feelings because I see the career benefits for her, but whenever I bring it up, she doesn’t seem to grasp why it bothers me. I know she’s a great person, but some of this is hard for me to accept as just part of our reality. The latest incident happened tonight—she canceled our plans to help a friend prepare for a trial. Earlier today, she informed me that our trip for our three-year anniversary is off because she’s signed up for a law school competition that weekend. Most of her reasons are legitimate, and I understand that law school is demanding; I also work long hours in public accounting, so I know what it’s like to juggle everything. But it’s beginning to feel like I’m being pushed out of her life. I feel conflicted because I don’t want to seem unsupportive—she’s working incredibly hard, and I admire that. Yet, I can't shake the feeling of being invisible, like I’m more of a best friend than a partner. I’m uncertain how to handle this situation, or if I’m being unreasonable. AITA for questioning my relationship?

My girlfriend is somewhat innocent, and I feel a strong sense of protectiveness towards her.

Hi everyone, I’m a 25-year-old guy, and my girlfriend, who’s 24, means the world to me. She truly is the girl of my dreams in every way. That said, she’s quite trusting and somewhat innocent, while I have a good grasp of how the world works and I'm not afraid to take action when necessary. We live in India, which can be a challenging environment in terms of safety. Recently, she moved to a new city for her job and mentioned that some friends were planning a sleepover at her place. I was having a good time playing video games when I received a text from her saying, “The girls are going out, and I’ll join them. X and I will definitely go, even if the others might not.” While I know she’s at a responsible age, I’m concerned about the idea of her going out at 2 a.m. with just a couple of friends. How can I express my concerns without coming across as controlling or overly authoritative?

How can I prevent disappointing my mum (45F) or myself (26F)?

My relationship with my mom hasn’t always been great, but we’ve grown closer as I’ve entered adulthood. For some background, my parents divorced when I was two, and I primarily lived with my dad. My mom remarried and had two kids (a 16-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter), but that marriage ended three years ago, and she’s struggled to adjust to being a single mother. As a result, she’s been reaching out to me more, even though I’m living independently and managing my own life. She also deals with a disability and is facing increasing financial difficulty. Recently, she asked if I would join her and my siblings on a vacation next summer. To be honest, I’m not keen on going. She sees this as a crucial opportunity, since starting in 2026, her income will significantly drop, and she’s worried that my brother might not want to participate in family vacations anymore as he transitions into adulthood. I’ve always found it hard to say no, as I don’t want to disappoint her, but I feel that I’ve reached an age where family vacations aren’t a priority for me anymore. My friends are eager to travel together, I want to spend time with my partner, and I have limited vacation days and budget to consider. Plus, I prefer to travel during the school holidays when prices are lower. In summary, I’m uncertain about whether I should go on this family vacation and how to communicate my decision if I choose not to. (For additional context: Both of us have ADHD, and I’m also autistic. Our family has a history of mental health challenges, which can make social interactions a bit difficult.)

In a caring relationship with an asexual partner, I'm experiencing a growing sense of apathy.

I’m [21], and she’s [20]. We’ve been together for about a month. I’m feeling really down about some recent developments. I’m in a relationship with a girl who was my best friend for years, and she recently shared that she identifies as asexual. Initially, I thought it wouldn’t be an issue since I truly love her. However, after discussing it again a few days ago, I’m feeling incredibly uncertain about whether I can really handle a non-sexual relationship. I genuinely want to make it work, but I’ve been feeling so apathetic about everything. It’s as if a part of me wants to shut down to avoid getting hurt, and I can’t shake the feeling that everything is on the verge of falling apart. What should I do? We’ve talked things through and are trying to figure it out, but this sense of apathy is consuming me. I don’t want to become distant or unaffectionate just because my mind is trying to cope. I'm not someone who thinks in the short term—I worry about the future. Can I see myself being okay with this in 5 years? 3 years? 1 year? It’s making me feel so miserable.

I could use some assistance in helping my boyfriend reconnect with his affectionate side.

I've been in a relationship with my partner for over four years, following three years of an on-and-off dating period. We made the decision to fully commit to each other, introduced our families, and even talked about getting married in the near future. For a long time, he felt like my best friend, and I believed I was his as well. Like any couple, we've had our share of minor disagreements, but nothing significant—until recently. Lately, I've noticed a shift in our dynamic, and I'm struggling to understand what's going on. A recurring issue relates to his friends. I've often felt that they take their jokes too far, making me uncomfortable. He brushed it off and said they meant no harm. However, during a trip with them a few months ago, one of his friends called me "difficult." I don't see myself that way—maybe I'm just not the typical "submissive" person. His silence in that moment really hurt me. After returning from the trip, I expressed my concern to him: if he couldn't defend me in front of his friends, how could I expect him to support me with extended family in a similar situation? (Just to clarify, I have a good rapport with his immediate family; my worries were primarily about the extended members.) Since that conversation, he's become emotionally unavailable. When I ask him what's wrong, he shifts to different issues: first, he didn't want me distancing myself from his friends; then he cited our families being too different; he has mentioned struggling with depression; and ultimately, he’s claimed that I’m the source of his unhappiness. He talks about how we are too different and even brings up past conflicts, saying they weigh too heavily on our relationship. I’ll admit that I wasn't easy to deal with at the start, as I wasn't ready for commitment back then. But that was long ago, and we had moved forward. This sudden change is bewildering to me. For over four years, we've genuinely enjoyed our time together and navigated our differences. How does someone just switch like that? I've been doing my best to restore what we once had, and there were moments when it seemed like he was starting to come around. However, whenever I express a desire for mutual effort, he pulls away and claims he doesn’t think we’re working anymore. It seems like whenever I try to delve deeper, he becomes uncomfortable, and then he tells me he feels unloved, even though he's not allowing me to show him love. I recognize that at the beginning, I made things difficult for him because of my reluctance to commit, and I hurt him during that time. He forgave me, though, and I thought we had moved beyond that. How can he now use that as a reason to consider leaving? I suspect he might be going through a depressive episode and is projecting his feelings onto our relationship, which is an aspect of his life he can control. However, when I brought this up, he dismissed it and insisted that I’m the reason for his unhappiness. For context, he's more introverted and non-confrontational while I'm the opposite; I prefer to discuss and sort through issues. Being in this situation where I feel I have to tiptoe around him is incredibly frustrating. I acknowledge that he used to handle much of the emotional work in our relationship. He has been an amazing boyfriend and more than I ever could have asked for, and I might have taken that for granted, assuming we would always be together. But I’ve been actively working to improve that dynamic. He is my person, and I genuinely want to make this work. However, he's now resurfacing past grievances and using old reasons as excuses, leaving me confused. I'm committed to finding a resolution and supporting him because I know he’s a wonderful person, but I need some reassurance from him as well. He often claims that things are getting better when I bring up the subject, yet whenever I express concerns about reciprocity, he suggests we should break up (which is where we currently stand). How do I remind him of what we have together? Why has this change occurred? Any advice would be appreciated. How can we reach such a turning point after everything we've been through together?

Hidden internet

I'm seeking some advice. I recently ended my relationship with the father of my children after four on-and-off years. Throughout our time together, we've faced several issues, including his persistent pornography use, adding other women on social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat, and paying for local girls’ OnlyFans accounts. I discovered that he has been spending hundreds of pounds on sex cam websites while I’ve been home with our kids. My biggest concern, however, is something that keeps troubling me. While I was looking through his work laptop, I found email receipts for live webcam sessions, but I also noticed a recent Google search for the "dark web." I don’t know much about it, but after some research, I learned that it can involve disturbing content like illegal pornography and drugs. It seems complicated to access and requires downloading specific software. However, I don’t have any evidence that he actually explored this, as his browser history was deleted, leaving only his recent searches. Given his significant pornography addiction, I can't shake the feeling that the worst is possible. I'm not inclined to involve the police unless I have clear evidence of someone being harmed, but I keep hoping I'm mistaken. I mentioned my concerns to him during our breakup, and he dismissed them, calling me ridiculous. Is there any way I can have someone look into this without concrete evidence? He primarily uses his phone, which I can't access, and he also has a VPN installed. I really don't want to falsely accuse anyone, but the thought continues to linger in my mind, and since we no longer live together, I have no way to investigate further.

What are some ways I can become more open with my partner about my emotions?

I'm a 24-year-old man seeking to improve my communication with my partner, a 24-year-old woman, with whom I’ve been in a relationship for eight years. I recognize that I have some personal issues that I need to address, but despite this, she chooses to stay with me because she loves me. However, I struggle with intense self-doubt and a lot of self-hatred, making it difficult for me to express my thoughts and feelings to her. Recently, she returned from a trip that I’m glad she enjoyed, but there are aspects of her experience that evoke feelings I find hard to articulate. I worry that my hesitation to share how I feel could harm our relationship. I’m looking for advice on how to navigate this situation or any ideas on how to start communicating better. I'm all ears for any help you can provide.

What are some ways I can become more inviting and friendly in my relationships?

I make an effort to remain calm, open-minded, and understanding in my relationships. However, I’ve noticed that many of them tend to surface unresolved issues, leading to growing resentment toward me. By the time it becomes apparent, it's often too late for us to address the problems. Some partners come with past experiences that make them wary of conflict, which I understand. Beyond offering reassurance and maintaining a calm demeanor, what else can I do to demonstrate to a woman that I genuinely want to communicate in a peaceful manner?

What is it that's making me feel sad about this...?

My boyfriend (43) and I (39) have been in a relationship for over five years. He comes from a large family, and I truly enjoy spending time with them. This year has been challenging as my mom has been in and out of the hospital, but she is currently in rehabilitation, and I’m able to bring her home for Thanksgiving. Typically, I go to my brother-in-law's house, which is a four-hour drive, and my boyfriend and I usually spend the long weekend there. However, this year, due to my mom’s health situation, I've decided that Thanksgiving will be at my place instead (my boyfriend and I don’t live together). I have a few family members coming over. My boyfriend just informed me that he will spend Thanksgiving Day with my family, but he plans to leave for his brother's house on Friday and won’t return until Tuesday. For some reason, I started feeling anxious about this. Why am I feeling this way? Should I be concerned about it?

Looking for assistance with a hidden relationship.

### Inquiry About a Relationship I’m a 23-year-old Norwegian Christian guy who recently started dating a 27-year-old girl from Kosovo who identifies as an Albanian Muslim. We met at our local gym through a mutual friend. We both live nearby and continue to work out at the same gym. We've been together for about a year and a half now. She has met my whole family and has formed a close bond with my parents. Initially, we were both hesitant to meet outside the gym, but eventually, we began to spend a lot of time together. At one point, she would tell small lies—claiming she was working overtime or visiting her best friend while actually being at my place. We've enjoyed various outings, including spa resorts, cinemas, and restaurants. Our relationship has faced significant challenges in a relatively short time, including an abortion, a brief breakup, and her family discovering our relationship. Despite these obstacles, we find it hard to let go, as we truly love each other and feel like "soulmates." Although she hasn’t officially told her parents and brothers about us, there was an incident when they found out. They reacted very angrily, calling her names, but they never disowned her. She told them she was seeing a younger Norwegian boy for about a year but didn’t reveal my name. Her brothers were more supportive, saying, "Everyone makes mistakes, but we still love you as our sister." After her family found out, I thought for sure we were done, but two months later, she came back. I still loved her and wanted to give it another shot, and now we’re still together. I often wonder why she continues to be with me, knowing her family's disapproval due to her Muslim background. Yet, she frequently expresses her desire to share her life with me and reassures me saying, "We’ll make this work no matter what." I genuinely can’t imagine being with anyone else; she feels like the one for me. Born and raised in Norway, she doesn’t have a strong connection to Kosovo or strict Islamic practices. She drinks alcohol, dresses freely, and while she does fast during Ramadan and avoids pork, she firmly believes in loving whomever she chooses, which she feels is beyond her control. In contrast, her parents are devout Muslims who pray five times daily and have made pilgrimage to Mecca. Currently, we are committed to staying together and taking things one day at a time, focusing on positivity for the future. She often mentions that she wouldn’t have invested 1.5 to 2 years in our relationship if she didn’t believe it could work out, which I genuinely believe. She has also pointed out that my converting to Islam wouldn’t change much since she doesn’t practice it fervently, and her family would prefer to see her with an Albanian man. My questions are: Is there a genuine possibility for us to make this work long-term? What steps can we take to ensure our relationship's success? Will her family ever accept her decision if she chooses to be with me?

How to gain certainty

I've been in a long-distance relationship with my partner for four years now. He’s living with friends about two and a half hours away, while I’m at home with my parents. I struggle with severe mental health issues and autism, which has affected my sex drive lately—I find myself lacking interest, while he seems to want it more than I can handle. When he visits, he tends to be quite insistent about sex, despite me communicating my struggles. This pressure creates a lot of anxiety around sexual activity, and we often end up fighting instead of enjoying our time together. I truly love him, but it feels like we’re both wanting aspects of each other that aren't attainable. I’m at a crossroads, uncertain whether this relationship is what I truly want or if I’m genuinely happy. I enjoy our time together when he’s not bringing up sex, but that happiness quickly turns into conflict. I’m dreading the thought of breaking up, yet I feel so confused. How do I determine the right path forward?

Wrestling with a Sense of Significance

**TL;DR: I'm starting to feel overlooked in my relationship.** Hey everyone, I’m a 23-year-old guy, and I’ve been with my partner, who is 25, for nearly three years. We met during our undergraduate studies, but shortly after we started dating, she graduated and went on to law school. Our relationship has seen its share of challenges, but recently, things have been getting tougher. It seems like there’s always something demanding her attention – law review, her clinic, classes, or friends. While I respect the dedication it takes to pursue law, I can’t help but feel like I’m not a priority for her anymore. My partner is genuinely loving, kind, and an incredible person. She has acknowledged the sacrifices I’ve made, which has been somewhat reassuring. However, as time goes by, I can’t shake the growing resentment I feel. There’s an underlying worry that I’ll never be her top priority. A specific instance that has stuck with me is when one of her classmates confessed his feelings for her about a year and a half ago. She turned him down but continues to maintain a close friendship with him. They’ve dined together several times, and he even helped her secure a job at the public defender’s office next semester. I struggle to understand how she can keep a friendship with someone who has flirted with the idea of cheating before. I’ve tried to keep quiet because I know this relationship aids her career, but whenever I bring it up, she doesn’t seem to grasp why it bothers me. I recognize she’s a wonderful person, but accepting these things as “part of the deal” is becoming increasingly difficult. Tonight was another tough moment—she canceled our plans to help a friend prepare for a trial tomorrow. Earlier, she informed me that our anniversary trip is off since she’s committed to a law school competition that weekend. Most of her reasons are legitimate, and I get that law school is demanding. I work long hours in public accounting, so I understand the struggle of balancing work and life. Yet, I can’t shake the feeling that there’s no longer a place for me in her life, and I’m being gradually pushed out. I feel conflicted because I don’t want to seem unsupportive or ungrateful—she’s working so hard. But at the same time, I feel more like her best friend than her partner, and that leaves me feeling invisible. I’m unsure how to address this concern without coming off as the “bad guy.” Any advice on how to navigate this situation would be greatly appreciated.

Is it time to end my relationship with my boyfriend?

I'm a 23-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. Overall, it's been a positive experience, but I've noticed a few things that give me pause, and I'm not entirely sure if they're serious enough to warrant a breakup. Sometimes, I feel like he talks down to me, possibly because he's an only child and hasn't had much experience interacting with kids. For instance, when we're playing video games together, if I make a mistake, he tends to get upset and grumpy. I often find it hard to argue back because I process things differently, and articulating my feelings can be challenging due to my ADHD. He's quite assertive, and comments like, “You weren’t thinking when you did this,” or “What you’re thinking doesn’t make sense,” come off in a frustrated tone rather than a calm one. These comments leave me feeling inadequate and as if I'm to blame for the situation. Whenever I try to express my feelings about how he speaks to me, he often considers my concerns unreasonable or becomes frustrated with me for bringing it up. He claims that I'm the one making a big deal out of nothing. Am I overreacting? This doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens often enough that it sticks with me and causes me to cry. P.S. I apologize if my writing isn’t great; I wrote this late at night and just needed a place to vent.

Experiencing tension in the relationship as a partner withdraws and avoids communication following disagreements.

My girlfriend and I, both 20, are going through a challenging time. We fell in love within just a few days (about 10-12), and since then, a lot has unfolded. We both agreed that we want to date with the intention of marriage, and she even told me, "No matter what happens, I'll be your wife." She made me feel incredibly special in a way no one else has. She's kept many promises and has supported me a lot, but she's also dealing with significant childhood trauma, including past physical abuse and ongoing issues with her mother, who still hits her when she doesn't meet expectations. She's quite shy, too. Here’s a breakdown of recent events: **Event 1:** On our first day together, she was showing me something on Instagram when she accidentally opened her direct messages and quickly closed her phone. This surprised me, and when I asked what was wrong, she said there was something private she didn’t want me to see. We argued about it, and I felt hurt that she could share so much but not that. Eventually, she apologized and showed me her DMs, explaining she had gotten defensive. **Event 2:** A few days later, I traveled 30 km to pick her up from college, which was exhausting due to crowded trains. She had a tough day with her exams and was kind of ignoring me, despite me cooking her favorite pasta to cheer her up. I expressed my love, but she was unresponsive, saying she wasn’t in the mood. I felt frustrated because I had traveled so far just to see her. **Event 3:** A few days later, she mentioned being anxious about upcoming practicals and fighting with me because of that stress. I suggested she take some space to focus on her studies, but she insisted on talking to me. Then she started ignoring me, even after we agreed to communicate about where we were. After disappearing for several hours, I confronted her, feeling upset that she hadn’t communicated her situation. **Event 4:** I suggested we meet to sort things out, but she was busy. Eventually, she agreed to meet, and after traveling 30 km again, she saw me but ignored me, walking away with her friends. I was shocked and confused, especially since I had brought her flowers and her favorite sweets. She left, and I felt dejected. **Event 5:** After a few days of no contact, we talked and resolved our issues. However, I noticed she started behaving differently—she became distant and less enthusiastic. When I confronted her, she explained that she needed time to heal from her past struggles, which left me feeling perplexed. I felt abandoned, especially since I was the one who initiated the reconciliation. Over the following week, I mentioned that things felt off, and she responded that she didn’t want compliments for a while. This led to more silence between us. When I checked in again, she expressed feelings of inadequacy, suggesting I should find someone better for my mental health. She started indicating that I should only talk about my issues, not hers. While I tried to be understanding and patient, I still found her behavior puzzling. She was often busy and distracted during our conversations, which sometimes led me to question if she was chatting with someone else. When I asked, she admitted to talking to another guy from college. I found this concerning since we had previously agreed to share everything with each other. After a particularly tumultuous week, during which she attended a multi-day ceremony, I reassured her not to worry about texting me. When she finally responded after several hours, I expressed my frustration over her late replies. This led to her getting angry, and she stated she would respond more slowly on purpose. She then shut down communication entirely, blocking my number. Now it’s been over a week without any contact. She’s active on Instagram but has not interacted with my posts. I'm left wondering whether our relationship is over or if I should reach out again. Throughout this, I've struggled with trust issues, having faced infidelity in my family. She had promised to reassure me, but now I feel lost. To be honest, I’m unsure what to do next. Should I wait for her to reach out, or try contacting her again? It seems she feels inadequate and believes she keeps hurting me. I truly want to work through this, but she isn’t responding.

My boyfriend (23M) has left me feeling drained and confused (24F).

Where do I go from here? To provide some context, I entered a relationship with my boyfriend after leaving a tumultuous nine-year marriage filled with physical and emotional abuse, which left me with three daughters and a lot of trauma. From the moment we met, he took on the role of a dad and partner as if it were second nature. He is the only father my youngest daughters have ever known. However, he's struggled with trust issues stemming from his own childhood and past relationships. I’ve always tried to be patient and supportive, but looking back, I realize I tolerated emotional abuse throughout our four years together. He often accuses me of cheating, especially in the beginning, where he fixated on my ex-husband. My ex would maliciously tell him that I was still in contact with him, trying to make my life as difficult as possible after our separation. After a physical altercation two years in, because he "knew" I had been unfaithful, I called the police out of fear for my safety. Following that incident, he went to anger management classes, and I thought things would improve. While he made some changes, I often felt like I was still starting from ground zero in terms of trust. He would watch my daughters while I worked, claiming he couldn't find a job, but he didn't help out much unless pushed to do so through conflict. After moving into a new home and starting my dream job, I took a stand about three months ago, insisting we wouldn't resume our relationship until real changes happened. He became paranoid again, particularly accused me of having an affair with a coworker. He has since acknowledged his mistakes and promised to improve, and while I've been careful to avoid arguments in front of the girls, he still makes side comments that concern me. Recently, he seemed to show progress by participating more in family activities. However, over the past month, there have been signs of regression—comments about my coworker and accusations of infidelity that make me uneasy. Despite acknowledging some of his past behaviors and their impact, he still believes my attitude is a major issue in our relationship. His recent behavior, including liking photos of other women while never acknowledging my posts, has planted seeds of doubt in my mind. I entered his social media and discovered he has been interacting with numerous women but not with me. When I brought it up, he blamed it on his suspicions about me and apologized. Today, though, he changed his passwords, and despite his initial apology, he seemed upset with me for being upset. He is the only father my children know, and I rely on him to watch them while I work; I wouldn’t qualify for much state assistance because of my income. I'm at a crossroads. It’s incredibly exhausting and disheartening. I know I deserve better treatment and that I'm unhappy, but I struggle with feelings of depression during breakups. I'm afraid of a leap of faith that might leave me homeless with children, especially since I moved 45 minutes away from my family to be nearer to his. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I feel lost and alone in all of this without any friends or family to turn to. **EDIT:** To clarify, my first husband and I began seeing each other at 12 and started dating at 14, so it was more like 6 or 7 years, not 9.

My girlfriend is really testing my patience! There's a lack of respect and intimacy.

Hi everyone, Over the past year, my girlfriend (25F) and I (27M) have barely been intimate. It all began with her dealing with family stress, then work-related pressures, and eventually our relationship dynamic deteriorated. It’s been frustrating for me as well, especially since our romance has taken a backseat. Recently, we've entered into a long-distance situation, and when I visited her after four weeks apart, she explained that her focus needs to be on her new job and her life in her town, stating she's just not in the mood for intimacy. During my visit, I found myself feeling increasingly rejected. She pulled away from kisses, declined my attempts to be close, and never initiated any affection. Eventually, I expressed to her that I felt needy and desperate, and that it wasn’t fair for me to keep putting myself out there if she wasn’t willing to engage. Her response was that she had already decided the long-distance aspect wouldn't work for us, emphasizing that I shouldn’t expect sex or intimacy, as everything was new to her and she had other priorities. The following day, while out with friends, I overheard someone I didn't know asking her if we were really together. A mutual friend joked about their chemistry, and the guy replied, "That's why I had to ask!" After dinner, my friend let her know he would text me later to arrange another meetup, and she actually asked him about it multiple times throughout the night. I don’t typically feel jealous, but it really upset me that she seemed more interested in him than focusing on us during my visit. Right now, I feel like such a failure. I’m tall, fit, have solid social skills, and a good career, attracting attention from other women, but nothing seems to matter when it comes to the one I truly care about, and it’s really taking a toll on me. It feels like I have to maintain this enormous facade to manage all the drama, rejection, stress, and coldness. The moment I show any vulnerability, it seems she loses respect for me and intimacy disappears for weeks or even months. Women of Reddit, what would lead you to behave this way towards a guy? Men of Reddit who've faced a similar situation — how did you cope?

Boyfriend spends time with his ex.

I'm a 24-year-old woman, and I rekindled my relationship with my boyfriend, who is 25, in July. We used to date in high school. When we got back together, I was aware that he still maintained some friendship with his ex due to shared responsibilities over their pets. I initially thought they only interacted when it was necessary for the animals. His ex has been in a serious relationship with someone else for over a year now. At first, my boyfriend wouldn’t tell me in advance when he was meeting up with her; he would let me know afterward to avoid upsetting me. However, I eventually asked him to inform me beforehand so I could gauge my reaction, and today he did just that. I trust him, but I still feel uneasy. I learned that she reacted emotionally when she found out he was dating me again, and he mentioned that she doesn’t like me. This is partly because I was involved with him while they were just starting to talk seven years ago, although I was unaware of that at the time. I’m feeling conflicted—I want to ask him a lot of questions to alleviate my concerns, but I also trust him. Having been cheated on before adds to my anxiety. I’d appreciate any advice or thoughts on this situation. Thank you!

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