My former best friend wants to reconnect after a decade without communication, and I'm feeling a bit apprehensive about it.
I (34F) recently bumped into my ex-BFF (35F) after ten years of no contact. I’d anticipated this moment for a long time, knowing we would eventually cross paths again. Surprisingly, the encounter was pleasant, despite the abrupt and nasty way we ended our friendship.
Let’s rewind to a decade ago. We went out on New Year’s Eve, and she was flirting heavily with my boyfriend. I was so upset that I started to give her the cold shoulder without explaining why. After living together for six months with me acting icy because of that night, she eventually confronted me. I finally admitted what was bothering me, and she apologized, saying she was too drunk to remember and genuinely didn’t mean to hurt me. We attempted to move forward, but it was awkward.
A few weeks later, she stormed into our apartment at 2 a.m., demanding that I vacate within a week. Naively, I believed she had the authority to evict me. She created fake documents and impersonated calls from the apartment management while draining our shared bank account (yes, I was pretty gullible). It was a painful separation, feeling like a breakup, since she was like my other half.
Fast forward to now—I often thought of her over the years and hoped she was doing well. I even wrote numerous drafts of apology letters, but I ultimately decided against reaching out.
When we ran into each other, she expressed how much she missed me and had always wanted to reconnect, but consistently hesitated.
Now, we’ve started talking again, and I’m supposed to meet up with her, but I have mixed feelings for two main reasons:
REASON 1: I’m hesitant to assume we’ll just hit it off like we used to after all this time. I’m afraid of getting my hopes up only to be disappointed.
REASON 2: Remember how she fabricated documents and calls to evict me? That’s her pattern. I’ve seen her get involved with a drug dealer and then set him up for arrest after their breakup. I’ve witnessed her go after people who owe her money, harassing their families and workplaces until they pay her back. When she’s out to hurt someone, it’s genuinely frightening. She’s extremely clever and resourceful. Back then, I was a recent college graduate with little to lose, but now I have so much more at stake, and her current situation doesn’t seem stable. I’m worried she might try to hurt me again, and that idea scares me.
My husband (who was my boyfriend at the time of that New Year’s incident) strongly advises against rekindling our friendship. He witnessed how she treated me at the end, and while he didn’t see the good times we shared, he views me through a protective lens—imagining how he’d feel if I ignored him for six months because of a single mistake he made. I want to be somewhat forgiving, considering that we were still in the early stages of dating back then.
So, Reddit, should I attempt to reconnect with her? I’m curious about where this could lead, but then again, curiosity can be dangerous!
TL;DR: Friendship ended poorly, and we’ve had a decade of no contact. How can I realistically consider rekindling this friendship, or should I just walk away?