Relationship advices: Friendship and Relationships

I [5148M] find it difficult to make friends.

It's as straightforward as the title suggests. Throughout my life, I’ve been a soldier, dedicated to serving my empire and complying with every command. However, as I've grown older, I find myself feeling increasingly isolated. Despite my attempts to engage with others, hardly anyone seems to want to talk to me. I’ve spent my life following orders, and in doing so, I've created this loneliness for myself. I often ponder what I could achieve if I stepped outside this role—I know there's so much more I could offer. Sometimes, when I’m flying solo, I feel a wave of sadness wash over me, and I almost want to cry. But what would be the point? No one would be there to witness it. I'm seeking advice on how to make friends, but the one person I confided in [18M] ended up attacking me instead. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.

My friends are speaking negatively about my best friend.

Recently, I met up with some friends at the mall, and everything was going smoothly until they started talking about my best friend, Ceecee. They described her as 'competitive' and 'controlling,' which really surprised me—I've always seen Ceecee as a kind and amazing person after 13 years of friendship! I hoped the discussion would just fade away, but every now and then, whenever I see them, they bring it up again, and it’s starting to annoy me. It makes me wonder if they say similar things about me behind my back. I’m not sure how to deal with this situation, but perhaps someone has some advice?

I'm uncertain if there's more to my relationship with my best friend [26F] or if I'm just overthinking it.

I'm sorry for the lengthy backstory, but I want to share some important context. Here's the situation: My best friend, whom I'll refer to as D, and I have developed a really close bond over the last couple of years. We first met at a local fitness studio where she was an instructor. Despite her limited teaching schedule (only 2-3 classes a month), we quickly hit it off. After class, we'd often spend 10-20 minutes chatting about everything from her playlists and upcoming concerts to our personal lives. About six months later, when the studio closed, we remained connected. Our first outing for drinks happened a couple of months after that, during the summer when she was preparing for the bar exam (which she passed, by the way). Since then, we've become nearly inseparable. We text almost daily, she’s introduced me to her entire friend group, and we've met each other's parents multiple times. We often go out for drinks several times a week, spending long hours talking and laughing together, sometimes until 1 a.m. We confide in each other about significant events, like when I learned my grandmother was in the hospital and she encouraged me to visit her, or when she called me about her mom being diagnosed with cancer. I live in the city where she works, and she lives about 15 minutes away in a suburb. Typically, she drives me home after our outings, and we often have deep conversations for a few minutes right before I get out of the car. Although our relationship feels very close and intimate, it resembles more of a sibling dynamic than a romantic one. We regularly discuss topics like sex and sexuality (we're both bisexual) with a fair amount of openness, which is something I appreciate. However, there's one topic I haven’t felt comfortable addressing with her. We often say "I love you" to each other and consider ourselves practically family. Lately, though, I’ve sensed a shift in our dynamic. When we talk on the phone, there’s often an awkward pause after we say goodbye, and our conversations sometimes feel like we’re trying to fill space with mundane topics. There’s a touch of physical intimacy as well. While it doesn't happen often, on occasion when we’re drunk and alone, we’ve found ourselves acting in ways that are not entirely platonic. This includes leaning against each other in the car, holding hands, and even getting close to the edge of crossing a line. About nine months ago, we spent a night together at my place, leading to an emotionally charged conversation that ended in a brief make-out session. We didn’t have sex, but we did sleep close to each other afterward. There have also been times when we’ve lounged together on my couch, where her behavior suggested something more intimate was brewing, although it didn’t escalate further those nights. The most recent occasion that brought this to a head was a few days ago. We celebrated St. Patrick’s Day together and ended up at her place for the first time. While watching a movie, we began to make out, but she seemed to have a change of heart and pulled away, stating she was tired. This left me confused, as I initially thought she might be inviting me to join her, but she assured me she was just fatigued. I felt uneasy about possibly crossing a boundary, so I opted to leave when I got the chance. The following morning, she surprised me by texting early, which is quite unusual. Our conversation flowed, and I felt comfortable checking in about the previous night. Her response seemed nonchalant, possibly downplaying her inebriation. We continued to chat about plans for the day, though she eventually canceled those plans to help her brother with his cat. A couple of other relevant details about D are worth mentioning: she has significantly more relationship and sexual experience than I do, she juggles her role as an attorney with moonlighting as a stripper, and she tends to be flirty with men, which leaves me uncertain about her intentions when she interacts with me. According to her, I'm not her usual type, as she prefers older men and has specific preferences regarding who she’s attracted to. Given these factors, I’m torn over whether there’s something mutual brewing between us or if I’m merely reading too much into the situation. My primary concern is maintaining our friendship—I genuinely treasure our bond. D has profoundly impacted my life, boosting my self-worth and encouraging me to adopt a cat, among other things. A few weeks back, she referred to me as the smartest person she knows, which made me feel incredibly valued, although she has a habit of praising her friends. I’m just afraid of misinterpreting the signs, complicating our relationship, and potentially losing her.

I admitted to kissing my female friend three years ago. At that time, we weren’t officially together, so I didn't cheat, but I never mentioned it to her. Now she's upset with me.

My best friend of four years and I recently experienced an unexpected romantic shift in our relationship, leading to an incredible makeout session. Things unfolded so quickly that I realized afterward I hadn’t communicated my feelings to her. The guilt of keeping it to myself weighed heavily on me, so I immediately confessed everything. I care for her deeply and couldn’t bear the thought of looking into her eyes while hiding the truth. Now, I’m left wondering if she’ll ever forgive me, or if she’ll think I’m a jerk for only coming clean after we made out. That wasn’t my intention at all—I truly love her for more than just physical connection. I just hope she understands; she means too much to me. TL;DR: I admitted to a mistake from 2022 and now she’s upset with me.

My best friend [27F] and I [32M] had a fascinating weekend, but I fear I may have jeopardized both our friendship and the chance of a romantic relationship.

**My Best Friend** A little background about me: I’m a 32-year-old man in the US Army, and I've been deployed frequently over the last ten years, spending seven of those years overseas. I'm divorced and have two wonderful little girls. A few years ago, before my divorce, I met my best friend, who is 27. We connected through mutual friends during one of my deployments. Our friendship developed quickly; she is gay and has only been with one guy back when she was around 15, which is an important detail. We've kept in touch about everything—heartbreak, work, life, death—and we enjoy going out together. She's my wingwoman, and I’m her wingman. Last weekend, while she was out drinking with friends, she texted me saying she was feeling horny, which isn’t unusual for our banter. When I asked if she had her eye on anyone there, she mentioned she did, but she has a boyfriend. I jokingly responded that if I were there, we’d hit the town and get her laid. Then, out of the blue, she asked if I could make her squirt, which caught me off guard. We talked about it for a bit, but after she went home and went to bed, I brought it up again the next day in a lighthearted way, and since then, she’s been distant. Did I mess up by bringing it up? Should I have kept quiet? Was she hinting at wanting something more, even though she generally hasn’t shown interest in guys until that moment? I’ve always thought of her as just a friend, but she's amazing—gorgeous, funny, and we have so much in common. I'd appreciate any advice or thoughts on the situation. Sorry for the long post!

I [25F] had a conversation with my coworker [24M] today. What could our other coworkers' behavior indicate?

I've been working with this guy for a year now. His dad and friends are also part of our team. Today, while we were chatting during our shift, his dad and friend walked by, playfully punched him, and gave him a wink. Any idea what that's about? Haha!

The situation took a terrible turn after she (20F) confided in me (19M) about being taken advantage of.

Hello everyone, I'll keep this introduction to the upcoming event as short as possible, but I need to share something that’s quite embarrassing for me. A few months ago, I connected with a girl on TikTok, and we had a lot of conversations in January that included some flirting. However, there was a stretch of about a week and a half where our communication slowed down significantly—it felt pretty discouraging, so I started to give up on it. About a week and a half ago, our chat picked up again, which made me happy because I had become quite attached to her. During our conversations, she confided in me that she had been taken advantage of at a party while heavily intoxicated. Initially, she expressed some extreme feelings about it, even mentioning wanting to harm herself, which was heartbreaking to hear. I quickly encouraged her to seek help, especially to talk to a therapist, and she agreed to consider it. We talked for a few more days, and I had even gotten her phone number at this point, and the flirting resumed. In an effort to be honest without putting too much pressure on her, I mentioned that I was developing feelings for her. Unfortunately, I only realized afterward how poorly timed that was when she disabled all her TikTok accounts, and it seemed like my last message was still marked as delivered. I felt terrible, especially since she had already removed herself from other social media after feeling a lot of shame from that incident. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was the reason for her distress, and for days, I struggled with it. My friends reassured me that there was nothing more I could have done and that I handled it the best way I could, but I didn’t feel that way. I ended up blocking her number, thinking things were over, which added to my guilt, and I deleted our chat on TikTok. Then, just a few days ago, she reinstated her TikTok, and I was surprised to see her account pop up in my messages. We were still mutuals, which left me contemplating for days. I’ve been tempted to reach out, apologize, and make sure she’s okay after everything she's been through, especially since I feel like I mishandled things. At this point, I’m no longer worried about pursuing her romantically; I just want to check in on her well-being.

My friend [18M] has feelings for me [18F]. What should I do?

I’ve been friends with him for over a year, and from the very beginning, I made it clear that I didn’t see him romantically and would never want a relationship with him. A few weeks ago, when I mentioned that I was going on a date, he erupted in an angry confrontation and told me we couldn’t be friends anymore. Since then, he’s been posting hurtful things about me on TikTok. Today, I confronted him about those posts, but he didn't provide any clarity; instead, he's claiming I was "leading him on" and comparing the situation to the movie "500 Days of Summer." Now, it seems I'm the one being blamed for not having feelings for him. On top of that, he lied to me for four months about something important. He has also been speaking badly about me to his friends, who recently reached out to me and called me a bad person. They even contacted the guy I was going on a date with and warned him to be cautious around me, even though I'd never met or talked to any of his friends before. I'm at a loss for what to do now, especially since he owes me money and refuses to pay it back.

I had an intimate encounter with my best friend's older brother.

About a year and a half ago, I met my best friend (24F), and we instantly connected. She’s truly the best friend I’ve ever had, and I wouldn’t trade our friendship for anything. I've only met her older brother (31M) a few times, but he seems cool. This weekend, their family had a baby shower for her brother and his girlfriend. During the event, her brother and I started talking and clicked pretty well. He even added me on Snapchat, and we’ve been chatting for about a week and a half. A few days ago, he came over, and we spent some time together. Things escalated, and we ended up sleeping together. It didn’t feel like a one-night stand since we genuinely connected, and we hung out the entire next day. We tried to keep a low profile around my best friend and their mom because I was worried they might be upset with us. Being my best friend, she noticed something was up but didn’t mention it right away. After everyone left, she texted me expressing her concern about losing our friendship if things didn’t work out with her brother. We discussed it, and I shared my worries about not wanting to lose her, especially since I barely know him. She reassured me that she would be okay with whatever happens as long as we were happy. I mentioned that I’d like to give it a try but wanted to take things slow. I didn’t reveal that we slept together, but I suspect she might have figured it out. She encouraged me to talk things over with him and go for it if he asks me on a date. While there’s a ten-year age difference—he’s much older than me—he seems very sweet and good with kids; he even enjoyed playing with my 18-month-old son and her son. I’m feeling anxious because I cherish my friendship with her and her family, who have had a tremendous impact on my life, and I don’t want to jeopardize that. Should I continue exploring this relationship and see where it leads, or would it be better to end it now to protect what I have? I worry that cutting it off might create even more complications. What should I do?

I'm a 27-year-old man, and I recently had my second make-out session with a longtime friend who's 26. Now I'm starting to reevaluate our relationship.

Let's refer to her as S. S is attractive, intelligent, funny, and self-aware, and we have numerous shared interests; however, I've never viewed her as anything beyond a friend nor have I pursued her romantically. While it would be foolish not to consider it if she showed interest, I've never actively chased her because she doesn't fit my typical type, and I don't think I fit hers either. There has always been a bit of light-hearted flirting between us, but nothing more. Over the years, we've been there for each other through family issues, relationship struggles, mental health challenges, and various other life obstacles. We share a closeness that I don't have with many people, understanding each other's strengths and weaknesses well. We've also had some great times together, and that's where this story begins. A few years ago, while at a rave, both enjoying drinks and MDMA, we found ourselves unexpectedly kissing after dancing for a while. We quickly stopped, as we were both in committed relationships at the time. It felt terrible, and we both regretted it deeply. Later, when we were both single, we had a conversation agreeing that it shouldn't happen again because: **1.** We didn’t want to cross that line, as we don't see each other in a romantic way. **2.** It could harm our friendship. However, it happened again. A few weeks ago, at a party, under the influence of alcohol and cocaine, we began reminiscing about how much we missed each other and expressed love for one another, something we hadn't done in a few months after spending a lot of time together. This led to hugging and, yes, kissing once more. And it happened again. Repeatedly. Throughout the night, in various places, we shared quick kisses and longer ones, along with hugging and touching. We ended up sleeping next to each other but only slept, with nothing else occurring. The next morning, we laughed it off and discussed how it wouldn’t ruin our friendship, but we agreed it shouldn't happen again, treating it as if it never took place. I'm unsure if these moments were just spontaneous, but they've happened twice now, and I worry it might happen again, leading to me developing feelings. I’m at a loss for how to handle this situation. Has anyone experienced something similar? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks! **P.S.** If you come across this post, I just needed to share my thoughts with someone 🤷‍♂️.

I'm a 21-year-old female, and I'm feeling anxious about asking my 20-year-old male coworker if he'd like to spend time together outside of work.

I'm quite introverted and often struggle with social anxiety, which makes taking the initiative to make new friends feel really intimidating. Currently, I have only a handful of adult friendships, and I'm eager to put in the effort to meet people who truly enhance my happiness. I met my coworker, E, last year when I began my job, and he's incredibly nice. We have friendly exchanges at work, and I’ve attended a group event at his place once. He’s also thoughtful enough to check in on me when we haven’t worked together in a while. I've realized that we have many shared interests and similar personality traits, and he’s mentioned before that he tends to be quite solitary and has few friends, just like me. I have a strong feeling that we would get along well, and I’d like to invite him to hang out outside of work. Do you have any tips on how to approach this? I'm worried about coming off as awkward, but I don’t want my social anxiety to hold me back.

My best friend [21M] just confessed his feelings to me [19F], and I'm not sure how to respond.

We’ve been friends for about two years and share a really close bond, with many common interests and plenty of time spent together. I even think of him as a closer friend than some of my female friends. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have romantic feelings for him and wish he felt the same way. A few days ago, while we were joking around, I teased him until he admitted that he loves me and has for a long time. At first, I was thrilled to hear that he loves me, but the next day, I started to feel strange and began to distance myself. I like him, yet I can’t seem to shake this odd feeling and remain distant. Is this normal? I would appreciate any advice on what I’m feeling or what I should do.

[19M] Did I err by investing too much energy into this friendship with a [19F]?

I attended an all-boys school and had never had a female friend before. I always longed for that connection, and when I started college, I met a girl on my very first day. She was the first woman I interacted with outside of my mother. I made a genuine effort to bond with her, but our conversations were mostly limited to academic matters, and I was always the one to initiate contact. At one stage, I helped her secure an internship at a major multinational company. I also sent her study notes and asked her to let me know after she read them—unfortunately, she never did. I ended up completing our project on my own because she forgot to assist me, later saying, "Sorry, it completely slipped my mind. You should have reminded me." I responded, "Yes, I was always the one reaching out first... Am I not also your friend? Have you ever spent even five minutes for me?" That was the moment I finally admitted that I had been trying to develop a closer friendship with her—not romantically, but as a friend. She replied, "I’ve always considered you a good friend. I attended a girls' school for my last two years, so I’m more comfortable around girls. That doesn’t mean you’re not my friend." However, I noticed that she engaged freely with both juniors and seniors, including boys. I questioned whether my age played a role in her perceptions. She answered, "It’s more like an older brother and younger brother dynamic." That stung. I thought to myself, "Do I come across as someone dangerous simply because of my age? Am I really that different?" Then a serious incident occurred—she was stalked by a senior who misused a photo of her with malicious intent. I defended her, confronted the guy, got beaten up badly, and ended up bleeding heavily. After that incident, I hoped she might see me in a new light. One day, I called her and suggested having lunch together since I was alone. She responded, "My two friends will be alone if I come with you." In that moment, I recognized that she couldn’t prioritize me, even just for one day. Despite everything, she still viewed me the same way. I finally asked her, "I don’t know what else I can do to bridge the gap between us. I literally fought for you and bled for you, yet you still see me as an outsider. It's exhausting." Her reply was, "I never asked you to help me or fight for me." In reality, I never intended to start a fight. I simply wanted him to delete the photo, which she knew he had. But when he and his friends confronted me, I was attacked without retaliation. When I informed her about the situation, she asked me to do something and let him know that I wasn’t interested. That was the tipping point. I stopped texting her, and now it's been 30 days without any communication from her. Should I reach out again? Did I make a mistake?

[32F] A friend of mine suddenly wants me, [31F], to change.

I've made a friend online, and over the past year, we've spent a lot of time chatting on Discord and playing games together. While we've had our share of arguments, things have improved recently, and we agreed to start fresh. However, I've noticed that she's become distant and a bit erratic. About a week ago, she asked me why I don't initiate greetings or goodnight messages. Normally, she takes the lead since she's more talkative and outgoing, while I tend to be quieter and more introverted—something she is aware of. Now, it feels like she's expecting more from me and wants me to change aspects of my personality that I've had since childhood. This shift is confusing because it wasn't an issue before. Yesterday, we had a small argument stemming from a misunderstanding about my texting frequency. I understand her concerns, but the way she expresses them feels somewhat punitive. She made comments suggesting I'm a waste of time, that I don't care, and that she isn't worried if we stop being friends—yet in the same breath, she's asking me to initiate conversations more. Instead of discussing her feelings directly, she mentioned that she had been monitoring how often I reach out first over the past year. This makes it difficult to feel comfortable being friends with her right now. When I asked if she genuinely wants to continue our friendship, it felt like she was pushing me away with hurtful remarks. Her response was, "Don't try if you don't want to," which signals a sort of ultimatum. As a side note, we chat on voice calls on Discord almost daily, so this issue revolves specifically around texting. We also have a mutual friend who spends time with us, but lately, it feels like the dynamic has shifted, and I worry it’s unfair to them. I genuinely want to maintain our friendship, especially since things felt good until she started expressing her need for me to text her more, despite our regular voice calls. She has other friends she connects with, and when I'm playing a game alone, she'll ask if I want her to join, which adds to my sense of imbalance. I understand that relationships should be mutual, but she seemed content just over a week ago. It’s disheartening to feel like she’s been watching my behavior and expecting me to change to meet her needs. I keep asking for more insight into her feelings, but she just repeats that if I don’t want to try, I shouldn’t. I don’t want to lose either her or our third friend, but I'm feeling uncomfortable with how things are right now. How can I regain a sense of lightness and comfort around her so we can continue to be friends?

[28M] has feelings for [27F], but she's currently in a relationship with [45M]. Should I tell her how I feel?

I've been friends with this girl for nearly a decade. We share similar thoughts, provide each other with support, and always look out for one another. Although we've kept in touch sporadically over the years, I've recently moved close enough for us to spend meaningful time together. In the past, I've been in relationships that were quite damaging to me, and I went through a phase of being a heavy stoner when I was younger. But I’ve managed to completely turn my life around; I now have a home, a car, and a stable job. The only addiction I still have is coffee. For a long time, I've had feelings for her and a strong desire to protect her, but I used to dismiss these feelings, convincing myself they were just a result of my past traumas or my stoned state. Recently, as we started hanging out more, she began dating a guy who's over a decade older than her. There are many reasons I’m not fond of him, but as a friend, I want to support her. I always try to provide a different perspective because her happiness is important to me. However, I worry that I’m justifying his behavior to her out of fear of expressing my true feelings, and I’m scared of losing her or discovering that she reciprocates my feelings but would be better off with someone else. I know it's not advisable to ask general questions, but I'm feeling lost—what should I do?

Is My [26F] Boyfriend's Best Friend's Girlfriend [25F] Trying to Compete With Me?

It’s a bit of a long story, but essentially, there's this girl who is dating my boyfriend's close friend. She's really nice, but over the last three years, I've started to notice that she’s been mimicking so much of what makes me... me. I understand that imitation can be flattering, and honestly, I can relate—I've definitely taken inspiration from others and bought things I see recommended on social media. However, her copying has escalated to the point where she mimics everything—my laugh, every date spot my boyfriend and I visit, my outfits, my shoes, and now she’s even trying to land a job at my workplace. Since we're part of the same friend group, we occasionally play board games together. However, every time we play, she gets incredibly competitive with me, specifically targeting me to knock out from the game and accusing me of cheating whenever I win. I used to enjoy board games, but it’s no longer fun for me. There was also an incident in December during a white elephant gift exchange with our group. I picked a gift that didn’t seem popular, and I was quite happy with it. When it was her boyfriend's turn to choose, he asked her what she wanted, and she said she wanted the gift I had selected. According to our rules, if she wanted to steal it, we would have to compete in a “shot off.” Normally, I wouldn’t get involved in competitions, but this was the last straw for me, and I decided to participate. By the end of the night, I felt so frustrated—like, why did I even bother? I talked to my boyfriend about it, but at first, he was skeptical. So, I decided to test my theory—I bought something and posted it on my story, telling him that I expected her to buy the same item. Sure enough, a week later, she shared the exact item on her story. Keep in mind, this item could only be ordered online from an international website. My boyfriend was shocked, but he’s unsure how I should address this without directly confronting her. I’m feeling uncertain about how to handle this situation because it feels wrong to be upset. I guess I'm posting this to ask—am I overreacting or overthinking things?

My closest friend let me down.

I have a really dysfunctional friend group. My best friend, E, was briefly involved with one of the guys in our circle, M, but it never became serious. A similar situation occurred with me and another guy in the group, B. I actually fell for B, but things got complicated because he didn’t feel the same way. As time went on, I found myself getting closer to M, although it's purely platonic. Meanwhile, E and B started spending more time together since they live in the same town. M grew jealous of their growing closeness and mentioned he suspected they were more than just friends. I assured him that wasn’t possible; B isn’t even E’s type. Over the weekend, we had a small gathering, and I discovered that B had some inappropriate photos of me—some even taken without my consent. I confided in E and we managed to grab his phone to delete them. The next day, M called to tell me that E and B had kissed during the same gathering. I was skeptical until I asked E directly; she eventually confessed via text that she couldn’t hide her attraction to B any longer and went for it. The betrayal I felt was overwhelming. How could my best friend pursue someone who had hurt me, taken those photos without consent, and who I was still not over? She apologized profusely, but I’m so furious that I can’t even think about having a civil conversation with her. Our five-year friendship feels ruined over a single night. E said, “I wanted to indulge for once in my life,” and claimed she intended to tell me about the kiss right away but never did. I can't shake the feeling that she wouldn't have come clean if I hadn't found out myself. My heart feels shattered, and I’m at a loss for how to move forward.

(26M) Requested an apology from a friend (25M) and then got ignored for it?

Here’s a revised version of your text: --- This is quite a lengthy story, but I’ll keep it brief. Last April, I met a guy at the library, and we quickly developed a close connection. He introduced me to many of his friends and family, and we really bonded. He’s quite the argumentative type with strong beliefs and is unwilling to budge, but I didn’t notice that right away. I offered him advice on relationships and career matters, and I even sought his guidance a few times. Recently, we started discussing politics, and when he identified as a conservative, I mentioned that I lean liberal. He speculated that my views might stem from my father's liberal beliefs, to which I agreed partially, but not completely. He laughed and asked how much I was influenced by it. I told him I wouldn’t quantify it, and he took that to imply I was heavily influenced, subsequently trying to persuade me that my views aligned more closely with conservative beliefs. The next day, I brought up his assumption that my liberal stance was solely due to my father and asked him to apologize, as it didn’t accurately reflect my beliefs. This led to a conflict, and he requested that we meet in person, which I agreed to. During our meeting, he insulted my character, suggesting I only sought an apology because of low self-esteem, implying I wanted to control him and liked to argue for my own amusement. I asserted that he was mistaken about my intentions and reminded him of the ways I had supported him, not to boast, but to counter his negative assertions. He firmly declared, “This friendship is over,” and stood by that decision. I then sent him a final message before blocking him: "I’m not insecure, Charles. I’m quite content with who I am, even more so than many others. It surprised me how much the apology affected you, leading to insults and negative comments about my character. Everyone has their ups and downs in life, and while you often joke about yours, this time you took it seriously and hurled hurtful words at me. I’m not interested in maintaining a friendship after this. I don’t deserve that kind of treatment. Goodbye for now." We attend the same church, and he’s usually at the center of conversations, but now when I see him, I just nod and keep it brief. How could he speak to me that way? I’ve always been supportive and invested a lot of time in our friendship. **TL;DR**: An ex-friend made false assumptions about my beliefs. I asked for an apology, leading to a heated argument that ended our friendship.

How should I handle my best friend, whom I've come to recognize as toxic?

Since starting university, I've come to realize that my best friend of seven years isn't as wonderful as I once believed. Here are some reasons why I'm beginning to have doubts: 1. **She Frequently Lies** Her boyfriend attends my university, while she goes to one about half an hour away. I understand that she wants to spend time with him since they've been together for two years, and I always try to accommodate her schedule when she visits. However, every time she goes to see him and we make plans for the next day, she often cancels last minute, arrives hours late, or when she does stay over after a few days at his place, she fabricates her departure time to sneak back to him. For example, last time she told me her mom would pick her up in five minutes but ended up staying at his place for three more hours. I don’t mind if she prioritizes him; I just wish she wouldn’t lie about it. 2. **Jealousy Issues** She seems to get envious of the close friends I've made at university. We didn’t have many friends in high school and relied on each other, but my current program is filled with supportive peers. At a club outing recently, one of my new friends came up to me excitedly and hugged me, and she just stood there glaring and sulking. Whenever she feels jealous, she suggests that I should simply replace her, even if I’m just hanging out with another friend. I'm honestly at a loss for how to handle this. 3. **Never Invited to Her Place** In our seven-year friendship, I've never been invited to her home, while I've lost count of the times she’s been to mine. I thought it was just a family thing at first, but I’m noticing a similar pattern at university. She’s spent time at my place five times now, and I still haven’t been invited back. I’d feel awkward bringing it up since it might come off like I'm inviting myself. 4. **Insecurity About Our Friendship** This ties back to her jealousy, but she keeps asking me if we’re still friends on seemingly random occasions, and it’s become a weekly thing. It feels like I’m constantly having to reassure her about our friendship. 5. **Guilt Trips** Some mutual friends of hers and her boyfriend dislike my ex, which means she gets invited to social events that I don’t. I don’t mind not being included, but she goes out of her way to conceal it from me. For instance, during Christmas, I got a photo of them both at a party, and when I wished them a good time, she replied saying how boring the party was without me. She does the same when she’s with him, saying how much she wishes she was with me, even though she tells him the exact same thing while they’re together. I don’t mind if she puts him first; it just stings when she leads others on and makes them feel special. A similar instance happened when we promised to get second piercings together, and she ended up getting hers with another friend but tried to hide it from me. Whenever I try to express how her actions make me feel, especially about her lying, she becomes defensive and insists that I don't appreciate everything she does for me. That makes it hard for me to talk to her, leaving me unsure about how to proceed. I was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety, which I haven't shared with her yet, and I'm beginning to feel less inclined to reach out. It might be related to my diagnosis, but something just doesn't feel right anymore. Compared to my university friends, I’m realizing that she might not be the great friend I thought she was. I’d really appreciate any advice, aside from the typical "just find new friends," because I don’t want to just cut her out. I think something needs to change.

Do you have any tips for maintaining friendships?

I've been friends with a girl I'll call Leah for over three years. Earlier this year, we decided to have some fun and got "fake engaged" as a joke, complete with silly paper frog rings. I want to clarify that there's no romantic element to it; it’s all in good fun. Typically, when we hang out—especially during our public transport rides—we chat, joke around, and enjoy each other's company. We've even talked about our "fake wedding," which we jokingly scheduled for February 14th because it’s lighthearted and amusing. However, lately, things have felt a bit off. During our weekday mornings, when we meet up with another mutual friend, everything seems perfectly normal; we laugh and chat just as we always have. But when it’s just the two of us on the bus, Leah seems distant. She appears disengaged and often just scrolls through games on her phone instead of interacting. This change has been going on for a while, and I've been trying to connect with her like before, but I’m met with icy responses. I can't help but wonder if I’m reading too much into this, if I’ve upset her somehow, or if something else is affecting her. What should I do? Should I confront her about this, or is it better to give her some space?

Could I please get some advice? Thank you! X

I've made some edits to respect both my privacy and that of my friend. The crux of the matter is that I felt my friend was prioritizing a party over the event I was hosting. Notably, she mentioned the party just two days before my event. Here's a summary of our conversation from the end of October: K: "Hey, this is a bit difficult for me to bring up because I don't like confrontation, but I wouldn’t say anything unless I felt it was important. I feel like I’ve been pushed aside. I love a party, and I genuinely want you to have fun with your coworkers because I know how much they mean to you. However, I hope you can see it from my perspective. I haven’t seen you in about a month, and we had this event planned for a while. The other week, you seemed excited to attend, and now it feels like that’s changed with the party news. I understand that there can be multiple events going on, and I just wanted to express how this made me feel because you’re an important friend, and I miss you." (On Saturday, November 2) K: "Hey, I hope you’re still planning to come tonight. I’m not trying to pressure you; I also mentioned Sunday. I’m really sorry if I upset you—that was never my intention. I thought we had a friendship where we could be honest and work through things together." She didn’t come and didn’t respond. After some time, I reached out again on November 12: K: "Hey, I’ve taken time to reflect, and I chose my words carefully. I still stand by what I felt, but I see now that you were planning to come. I hope I didn’t come off as controlling. What upset me most were your words regarding the party. It seemed like that was a higher priority to you, and I know that might sound childish, but I really looked forward to your attendance. I put a lot of effort into the event and wanted you there, along with the artist who helped me. I’m not trying to dictate; I just wanted to express how I felt as you have in the past, and I’ve acknowledged and apologized for those feelings." Lastly, while I’m not trying to play the victim, context is important. When I sent that message, I was having a tough week, with an intense mental health appointment. I’ve been struggling for a while, and perhaps my emotions got the best of me. I realize now you planned to attend, but the party news made me sad for those reasons, and I panicked about when I would see you next. I understand if this seems dramatic, but you mean a lot to me. I hope we can use this bump in the road to strengthen our friendship and that it opens the door for you to share any concerns you might have, as I know I make mistakes. M didn’t respond until November 17: M: "It’s fine. I needed some time to cool off. I understand your position and that you were stressed, but you also need to consider that I had a demanding week. It felt like you were accusing me of lying about Mo’s Halloween party, which was actually planned months in advance. The invitation you gave me to the Rose St. Foundry session came just four days before the show, and your tone felt a bit lackadaisical. This made it easier for me to choose between the two events without feeling pressured—our Halloween party is a significant tradition for our shop. I hope you understand that attending your show instead would have meant disregarding that plan. I felt you were coming across as controlling, and honestly, it spooked me a little. You know the reality—we’ve both moved to new cities and are busy with our intense courses. Meeting up isn’t going to be easy, and we need to accept that. You know about my mental health struggles. Maybe we can regroup during the Christmas break to talk this through." My response on November 19: K: "Hey, I’ve been busy with a show, but now that it’s over, I want to express my appreciation for acknowledging my previous message. I agree that meeting up can help us clear the air. However, I’m still a bit hurt that you haven’t said, 'I’m sorry for making you feel that way.' I get that there are different perspectives, but I believe it's important to acknowledge feelings before addressing the issue. Like when I apologized about my past actions, it felt important to address your feelings first. I’ve always tried to support you and understand your stresses, but if you feel otherwise, we can discuss that in person. I recognize that I neglected to mention your stress in my initial message, but I usually do consider that, especially since I have my own challenges. I truly admire how well you’re handling your teaching responsibilities. Regarding the controlling aspect, I hope you know that’s not who I am, and I appreciate your feedback. I want to ensure this incident doesn’t change your view of me because I’m still the same kind person you know. I’m human, and I make mistakes. I’d like to discuss this further in person, as that would be more appropriate for sensitive topics. As for your mental health, I’ve always been supportive. I remember when you started university and I sent you counseling resources. I want to help, but I also understand the importance of giving you space. Know that you don’t need to mask anything around me; I value you for who you are. My door is always open for you to talk about anything, including autism. I’ll be in town for Christmas and would love to meet up. I have some dates available—14th, 15th, 16th, 18th, and 21st. If none of those work, I might be back for New Year’s, but my classes start up again the week of January 6th. Thank you. xx" I reached out again in early December to propose a meeting, but she didn’t respond. On December 20, I dropped off a Christmas gift for her, wanting to remind her that I still consider her a friend and that Christmas is a time for kindness and forgiveness. I received a text from her on Christmas Day: M: "Thanks for the gift. Hope you’ve had a good day." The following day, I replied: K: "You’re welcome! I saw the cat biscuits and thought of you. If you make them soon, I’d love to see how they turn out! Hope your day was lovely and work went well for you. Have a great New Year’s Eve—hopefully, I’ll see you in the new year!" I didn't get a response. I also sent her a birthday card in early January but didn’t receive any acknowledgment in return. I’m feeling confused and upset. I know I made a mistake with my wording, but it seems to have spiraled further than I anticipated. I've given her space, and I plan to continue doing so for the rest of the month. I’m hesitant to reach out again, but I’d like to know where we stand and if we can discuss what was essentially a miscommunication—especially since the Halloween party wasn’t mentioned until the last minute. I value her feelings and appreciate her response, but I feel as though I’ve done something unforgivable, and I’m unsure how to proceed. Should I suggest we talk once our courses are over so we can set things straight? Thank you for any advice you can provide.

I made a mistake with my best friend who is a girl.

I’m an 18-year-old guy and recently attended a high school party with my best friend, an 18-year-old girl I’ll call B. We’ve been friends for the past two years, and while I don’t have many close friends, she doesn’t either, aside from her boyfriend. I’ve always appreciated our friendship and never wanted more. At the party, her boyfriend wasn’t there, and B playfully asked me to lift her onto my shoulders. I went ahead and did it, not thinking much of it. Unfortunately, some people took pictures, and those photos ended up reaching her boyfriend, which understandably made him upset. While I don’t have strong feelings about her boyfriend, I care about B and want her to be happy since he’s a good guy. I suggested she talk to him several times, but she refused. I took responsibility for my actions and apologized, but it seems she hasn’t taken it to heart. She’s been distant ever since and doesn’t want to talk. Any advice on how to handle this situation?

I, a 26-year-old woman, have feelings for my friend, a 25-year-old man.

I'm trying to figure out whether to maintain my friendship with a guy friend. I feel that our friendship has greater potential for development than a romantic relationship would. I worry that dating could compromise the deep bond we have, and the thought of losing him entirely would be incredibly painful for me. He’s making real progress in his personal growth, but he's grappling with some challenges that I’ve encountered in past relationships. For instance, he struggles to express his feelings verbally and tends to communicate through actions alone. For me, being with someone who articulates their thoughts and feelings is crucial since that's my natural way of connecting. For example, we met up yesterday, and when we hung out, he held my hand while driving. I asked him what holding hands meant to him, and he shared that it signifies he likes someone. Given that we’ve only known each other for four months, I understand how nerve-wracking it can be to express that feeling, which is why I haven't yet revealed my own feelings for him. I recently learned that his parents never verbally expressed their love for him, and he is just beginning to experience that with them. It's heartwarming to witness his growth in forming genuine friendships—with me and our mutual friends—and to see him start expressing loving words to his parents. I’ve received mixed advice from friends: some suggest letting things unfold naturally, while others advise staying just friends. What I do know is that this connection feels healthier than any similar situation I've had before. There aren’t any major red flags, just a few minor concerns, and he has already shown a willingness to grow after our discussions about better expressing himself. I also try not to let astrology overly influence my feelings, but the fact that he is a Virgo does affect my perspective. I haven’t had the best experiences with Virgos in the past, and some of his struggles echo issues I've faced before. Additionally, I had a dream about a dark figure with a right eye, sitting in a room full of people we both know. Everyone around him seemed comfortable, but he was staring directly at me, which left me feeling frightened. I didn't delve too deeply into it, but I came across a Bible verse that resonated strongly with that dream. Matthew 5:29 states, "If your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it away. For it is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." If anyone would like more details, I’m open to sharing further. What would you do in my situation?

Should I consider forgiving my friend who betrayed my trust last year?

Here's a rewritten version of your text: **A bit of context…** - I'm someone who strives to please others and avoids conflict. - In late 2023, I was taken advantage of and assaulted by a man. - He displayed both mental and physical aggression, and I fear he could become a predator in the future. - For my own safety, my friends severed ties with him, as they recognized he was dangerous and knew what he did to me. - In early 2024, I received a message from one of my friends, informing me that one of my closest friends had invited this man to her birthday party. - I felt incredibly betrayed, especially since she tried to keep this information from me, so I decided to cut her out of my life immediately. She has no idea why I blocked her and hasn’t spoken to me in months, although she’s reached out a few times via text. I only blocked her on social media, not on messaging. - Yesterday, after my dog passed away, she sent me a message expressing her condolences after seeing a post my sister made about it. - Now I'm unsure whether to continue ignoring her, simply say thank you and leave it at that, or attempt to rebuild our friendship. What do you think I should do? I find her untrustworthy, but I'm conflicted about whether to keep her as a casual friend or let things unfold naturally. Being a people pleaser often complicates my decisions, and I really struggle with maintaining a friendly demeanor with everyone. I'd appreciate any advice. I’m 18F and she is too.

What surprise should I plan for my boyfriend's birthday during our trip?

I'm a 28-year-old woman, and I’m heading to Brazil with my boyfriend, who’s 30, and his friends (mostly guys, plus two ladies) for the Rio de Janeiro Carnaval 2025 to celebrate his 30th birthday. This trip is fully planned, and he knows all about it. I'm hoping to surprise him with a sweet gesture while we're there, like an excursion or some thoughtful birthday surprises, but I’m having trouble coming up with something special! I already have a gift for him, but I really want to add a cute touch! His actual birthday isn’t during our trip, and we’ll be staying in an Airbnb with his friends. Any ideas? 😊

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