Relationship advices: Friendship and Relationships

I made a mistake with my best friend who is a girl.

I’m an 18-year-old guy and recently attended a high school party with my best friend, an 18-year-old girl I’ll call B. We’ve been friends for the past two years, and while I don’t have many close friends, she doesn’t either, aside from her boyfriend. I’ve always appreciated our friendship and never wanted more. At the party, her boyfriend wasn’t there, and B playfully asked me to lift her onto my shoulders. I went ahead and did it, not thinking much of it. Unfortunately, some people took pictures, and those photos ended up reaching her boyfriend, which understandably made him upset. While I don’t have strong feelings about her boyfriend, I care about B and want her to be happy since he’s a good guy. I suggested she talk to him several times, but she refused. I took responsibility for my actions and apologized, but it seems she hasn’t taken it to heart. She’s been distant ever since and doesn’t want to talk. Any advice on how to handle this situation?

I, a 26-year-old woman, have feelings for my friend, a 25-year-old man.

I'm trying to figure out whether to maintain my friendship with a guy friend. I feel that our friendship has greater potential for development than a romantic relationship would. I worry that dating could compromise the deep bond we have, and the thought of losing him entirely would be incredibly painful for me. He’s making real progress in his personal growth, but he's grappling with some challenges that I’ve encountered in past relationships. For instance, he struggles to express his feelings verbally and tends to communicate through actions alone. For me, being with someone who articulates their thoughts and feelings is crucial since that's my natural way of connecting. For example, we met up yesterday, and when we hung out, he held my hand while driving. I asked him what holding hands meant to him, and he shared that it signifies he likes someone. Given that we’ve only known each other for four months, I understand how nerve-wracking it can be to express that feeling, which is why I haven't yet revealed my own feelings for him. I recently learned that his parents never verbally expressed their love for him, and he is just beginning to experience that with them. It's heartwarming to witness his growth in forming genuine friendships—with me and our mutual friends—and to see him start expressing loving words to his parents. I’ve received mixed advice from friends: some suggest letting things unfold naturally, while others advise staying just friends. What I do know is that this connection feels healthier than any similar situation I've had before. There aren’t any major red flags, just a few minor concerns, and he has already shown a willingness to grow after our discussions about better expressing himself. I also try not to let astrology overly influence my feelings, but the fact that he is a Virgo does affect my perspective. I haven’t had the best experiences with Virgos in the past, and some of his struggles echo issues I've faced before. Additionally, I had a dream about a dark figure with a right eye, sitting in a room full of people we both know. Everyone around him seemed comfortable, but he was staring directly at me, which left me feeling frightened. I didn't delve too deeply into it, but I came across a Bible verse that resonated strongly with that dream. Matthew 5:29 states, "If your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it away. For it is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." If anyone would like more details, I’m open to sharing further. What would you do in my situation?

Should I consider forgiving my friend who betrayed my trust last year?

Here's a rewritten version of your text: **A bit of context…** - I'm someone who strives to please others and avoids conflict. - In late 2023, I was taken advantage of and assaulted by a man. - He displayed both mental and physical aggression, and I fear he could become a predator in the future. - For my own safety, my friends severed ties with him, as they recognized he was dangerous and knew what he did to me. - In early 2024, I received a message from one of my friends, informing me that one of my closest friends had invited this man to her birthday party. - I felt incredibly betrayed, especially since she tried to keep this information from me, so I decided to cut her out of my life immediately. She has no idea why I blocked her and hasn’t spoken to me in months, although she’s reached out a few times via text. I only blocked her on social media, not on messaging. - Yesterday, after my dog passed away, she sent me a message expressing her condolences after seeing a post my sister made about it. - Now I'm unsure whether to continue ignoring her, simply say thank you and leave it at that, or attempt to rebuild our friendship. What do you think I should do? I find her untrustworthy, but I'm conflicted about whether to keep her as a casual friend or let things unfold naturally. Being a people pleaser often complicates my decisions, and I really struggle with maintaining a friendly demeanor with everyone. I'd appreciate any advice. I’m 18F and she is too.

What surprise should I plan for my boyfriend's birthday during our trip?

I'm a 28-year-old woman, and I’m heading to Brazil with my boyfriend, who’s 30, and his friends (mostly guys, plus two ladies) for the Rio de Janeiro Carnaval 2025 to celebrate his 30th birthday. This trip is fully planned, and he knows all about it. I'm hoping to surprise him with a sweet gesture while we're there, like an excursion or some thoughtful birthday surprises, but I’m having trouble coming up with something special! I already have a gift for him, but I really want to add a cute touch! His actual birthday isn’t during our trip, and we’ll be staying in an Airbnb with his friends. Any ideas? 😊

Is it strange that I'm really drawn to (and maybe a little obsessed with) someone I just met?

I’m an 18-year-old female, and I've struggled to make friends my age ever since kindergarten. Even now, I find it challenging to understand my peers and connect with them, and I have no idea why. This has caused me a lot of anxiety whenever I try to build friendships, and I'm constantly worried that any relationship I form will eventually fall apart because I just don’t know how to connect with people. Recently, I met a guy online who is two years older than me and lives in a neighboring state. We had a long and meaningful conversation about our life situations and challenges. He was incredibly humble, grounded, wise, and empathetic. I’ve never felt such a strong connection with anyone before. I was genuinely surprised that he wanted to listen to my struggles with family issues instead of just ignoring me. We’ve been chatting for a few days, though not as deeply as that first conversation, and I can’t shake the fear that I might come across as annoying or that he might pull away once he realizes I’m a bit quirky. I really dislike feeling this way because he has a girlfriend, and the last thing I want is to interfere in their relationship. But I can’t help feeling a bit obsessed with the idea of not losing someone I’ve just met. It seems ridiculous, and I feel like a creep for being anxious about it. Honestly, it makes me feel down because I think I’m fixating on him—not because he’s particularly special, but because I’ve struggled to make close friends my age. When I find someone cool, I become anxious about keeping that connection. I worry that this might be unhealthy behavior, and I fear that my emotions are leading me in a bad direction. I hope that by acknowledging my anxiety and obsession, I can learn to manage them better. But this pattern has been a part of my life for so long, and I’m scared it’s something I can’t change. Any advice would be appreciated. :’(

Why doesn't my best friend ever want to hang out?

Hello! I'm a woman in my mid-thirties and I met "John," a man in his mid-twenties, through work. We developed a strong connection over several months, and he eventually told me I’m his best friend. We communicate every day, whether through work or texting. I've tried inviting John to hang out—nothing too intense, considering he deals with anxiety—but he always declines. In fact, over the past year, he’s never come to my house, and I’ve only visited his once just to drop something off. I don’t understand why. The only times we've been able to meet up outside of work are when we attend mutual friends' gatherings, but even then, he frequently opts out. John has some quirks and personal struggles, much like I do. I don’t expect him to be available all the time, but it feels odd to think that a best friend wouldn’t want to hang out at all. I’ve directly mentioned that his behavior seems unusual, but he just brushes it off with a nonchalant "I know." He claims to value our friendship and is genuinely a kind person. So, what’s going on with him? How should I move forward? I can’t help but worry about what will happen when we can’t stay in touch through work and will only be able to communicate via text. Does anyone else experience this? Edit: I also want to mention that he often expresses feelings of loneliness, which adds to my confusion. It’s one thing to be less social, but it doesn't make sense to complain about loneliness while avoiding in-person meetings. It puzzles me how someone can be comfortable being best friends but rely solely on digital communication—something that could change in the future due to work shifts. Maybe we just have different definitions of what being a "best friend" entails.

I'm experiencing difficulties with my favorite person (F25); dealing with BPD is tough.

(25F) I'm in love with my best friend more than my girlfriend. My best friend (F26) tends to take advantage of me, while my girlfriend (F23) reassures me that she's there for me whenever things go wrong. However, deep down, I crave a relationship with my best friend, even though I know she doesn't deserve that. I'm unsure about what to do.

M22 Looking for Guidance on Mixed Signals and Conflicting Behavior from F21

Hello everyone, I wanted to share something that's been on my mind. I was pursuing a friendship with a girl, F21, who initially rejected my romantic advances. After her rejection, I tried to distance myself, but she made significant efforts to maintain our friendship, which left me feeling confused. I couldn't tell if she genuinely valued our friendship or if she simply enjoyed the attention I gave her. Eventually, I chose to sever ties, but she continued to reach out. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but after several months of her attempts to reconnect, we struck up a conversation again. I dropped some hints about my feelings for her, and she seemed receptive initially. However, over time, she began to ignore or brush off those hints, which led me to question her interest. Was she no longer interested? Was she just playing hard to get? Or had I completely misinterpreted her responses? Despite my persistent hints, she continued to dismiss them. On my final attempt, she acted as if she hadn’t noticed anything at all. At that point, I decided to withdraw from the conversation: Me: I'm going to do something now Her: You don't have to tell me everything Me: Okay Her: What was that? Me: Nothing important So, what was her intention with that question? She seemed to ignore me until I stopped engaging, and then suddenly she was curious about my comments. I know there are plenty of other people out there and that I should consider moving on, but I’m genuinely interested to understand what she meant. Am I analyzing this too much, or could there be something more to it?

My former friend with benefits invited me (27M) and my girlfriend (25F) to her Shabbat dinner, and I'm feeling uneasy about it. What should I do?

In 2021, while living at home, I met a girl named Clare (26F) on Hinge. We spent some time together and started hooking up, but we both agreed early on that we weren’t looking for a relationship. For a year, we kept hanging out and being intimate, mainly due to the boredom of the COVID times. Eventually, Clare decided to end things for good, as our casual arrangement was leading to complicated feelings for her. After that, we didn’t speak for six months and moved on with our lives. Eventually, we reconnected through text and confirmed that we were okay with each other. Since then, our conversations have been infrequent, usually just random chats or occasional life updates. I’ve always enjoyed our talks and view her as a good person, but I’ve never felt any romantic attraction toward her. Shortly after reconnecting, I moved into my own place and started dating a girl named Alison, who has now been my girlfriend for almost two years. Clare also entered a serious relationship for a while, but that has since ended. About a month ago, Clare reached out with a random question, and after I responded, she began texting me more often, which felt a bit unusual. She then mentioned that she had recently converted to Judaism and invited me to a Shabbat dinner she’s hosting in January, asking me to bring my girlfriend (she knows I’ve been in a relationship for some time). I panicked and replied, “I’ll let you know,” but haven’t followed up since. Clare texted again about the dinner and even called me, but I didn’t pick up. I genuinely believe Clare is only looking for a friendly connection. It seems she doesn’t have many friends and wants to expand her social circle, seeing me as someone she’d like to keep in touch with. However, I feel uneasy about this for two reasons: (1) We have a sexual history, and I’m in a relationship now, and (2) I already have a lot of friends, and Clare isn’t connected to my social circle. My girlfriend knows about Clare, but I rarely mention her since she isn’t significant to me. I can imagine that she wouldn’t be comfortable attending Shabbat dinner with my former friends-with-benefits. Plus, going to that dinner would imply that I’m interested in developing a closer friendship with Clare, which isn’t the case. At the same time, blocking or cutting off Clare feels excessive, as keeping in touch occasionally doesn’t seem harmful. I’m unsure of how to address this without coming across as unkind. - - - - - - - - *TL;DR* I’ve kept in sporadic contact with an old FWB, and now I have a long-term girlfriend. Recently, Clare reached out more, mentioning her conversion to Judaism and inviting us to a Shabbat dinner. I think she wants a closer friendship because she lacks friends, but I’m uncomfortable and unsure how to decline without being hurtful.

Should I engage in a challenging discussion with my friend?

I, a 50-year-old woman, have close friendships with three remarkable women in their 60s and 70s, and their support means the world to me. However, I need to have a tough conversation with Caitlin, who is 72, about her behavior and how it affects me, especially since we both attend several groups together. In one of our meetings, she has been engaging in behavior that could be emotionally harmful—specifically, she frequently crosstalks by offering advice directly to other members, which is against the group's rules. Although the members, a mix of men and women in their 50s to 70s, have discussed this issue, she has not changed her behavior. Since there isn't a designated leader in this group and we all take turns leading, this situation makes it harder to address. I worry that if we can't find a resolution or if she resents my approach, it could jeopardize my participation in these shared groups. There's a risk that I might lose my friendships if the others choose to side with her. Given these potential consequences, should I speak up about this issue?

I'm an 18-year-old female, and I'm finding it difficult to connect with my partner, who is 19, as I'm having trouble making time for him.

I don't typically form many friendships, especially on a deeper level. However, I've recently connected with someone new, and we really get along well. This budding friendship has made me more acutely aware of just how emotionally distant I am from my partner. I could easily brush off those feelings before, but now, with this new friend in my life, it's harder to ignore. I find myself wanting to spend time with him, but I also feel the need to reconnect with my partner. I'm unsure how to strike a balance between the two, especially since their schedules are quite similar. My friendship with this new guy is developing quickly, and I’m worried about coming across as too preoccupied with my partner, a mistake I made too often in high school. I've always wished for a friend like this, and now that I finally have one, I’m not sure how to navigate it all.

My former best friend wants to reconnect after a decade without communication, and I'm feeling a bit apprehensive about it.

I (34F) recently bumped into my ex-BFF (35F) after ten years of no contact. I’d anticipated this moment for a long time, knowing we would eventually cross paths again. Surprisingly, the encounter was pleasant, despite the abrupt and nasty way we ended our friendship. Let’s rewind to a decade ago. We went out on New Year’s Eve, and she was flirting heavily with my boyfriend. I was so upset that I started to give her the cold shoulder without explaining why. After living together for six months with me acting icy because of that night, she eventually confronted me. I finally admitted what was bothering me, and she apologized, saying she was too drunk to remember and genuinely didn’t mean to hurt me. We attempted to move forward, but it was awkward. A few weeks later, she stormed into our apartment at 2 a.m., demanding that I vacate within a week. Naively, I believed she had the authority to evict me. She created fake documents and impersonated calls from the apartment management while draining our shared bank account (yes, I was pretty gullible). It was a painful separation, feeling like a breakup, since she was like my other half. Fast forward to now—I often thought of her over the years and hoped she was doing well. I even wrote numerous drafts of apology letters, but I ultimately decided against reaching out. When we ran into each other, she expressed how much she missed me and had always wanted to reconnect, but consistently hesitated. Now, we’ve started talking again, and I’m supposed to meet up with her, but I have mixed feelings for two main reasons: REASON 1: I’m hesitant to assume we’ll just hit it off like we used to after all this time. I’m afraid of getting my hopes up only to be disappointed. REASON 2: Remember how she fabricated documents and calls to evict me? That’s her pattern. I’ve seen her get involved with a drug dealer and then set him up for arrest after their breakup. I’ve witnessed her go after people who owe her money, harassing their families and workplaces until they pay her back. When she’s out to hurt someone, it’s genuinely frightening. She’s extremely clever and resourceful. Back then, I was a recent college graduate with little to lose, but now I have so much more at stake, and her current situation doesn’t seem stable. I’m worried she might try to hurt me again, and that idea scares me. My husband (who was my boyfriend at the time of that New Year’s incident) strongly advises against rekindling our friendship. He witnessed how she treated me at the end, and while he didn’t see the good times we shared, he views me through a protective lens—imagining how he’d feel if I ignored him for six months because of a single mistake he made. I want to be somewhat forgiving, considering that we were still in the early stages of dating back then. So, Reddit, should I attempt to reconnect with her? I’m curious about where this could lead, but then again, curiosity can be dangerous! TL;DR: Friendship ended poorly, and we’ve had a decade of no contact. How can I realistically consider rekindling this friendship, or should I just walk away?