Relationship advices: Friendship and Relationships

I'm a 21-year-old female, and I'm feeling anxious about asking my 20-year-old male coworker if he'd like to spend time together outside of work.

I'm quite introverted and often struggle with social anxiety, which makes taking the initiative to make new friends feel really intimidating. Currently, I have only a handful of adult friendships, and I'm eager to put in the effort to meet people who truly enhance my happiness. I met my coworker, E, last year when I began my job, and he's incredibly nice. We have friendly exchanges at work, and I’ve attended a group event at his place once. He’s also thoughtful enough to check in on me when we haven’t worked together in a while. I've realized that we have many shared interests and similar personality traits, and he’s mentioned before that he tends to be quite solitary and has few friends, just like me. I have a strong feeling that we would get along well, and I’d like to invite him to hang out outside of work. Do you have any tips on how to approach this? I'm worried about coming off as awkward, but I don’t want my social anxiety to hold me back.

My best friend [21M] just confessed his feelings to me [19F], and I'm not sure how to respond.

We’ve been friends for about two years and share a really close bond, with many common interests and plenty of time spent together. I even think of him as a closer friend than some of my female friends. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have romantic feelings for him and wish he felt the same way. A few days ago, while we were joking around, I teased him until he admitted that he loves me and has for a long time. At first, I was thrilled to hear that he loves me, but the next day, I started to feel strange and began to distance myself. I like him, yet I can’t seem to shake this odd feeling and remain distant. Is this normal? I would appreciate any advice on what I’m feeling or what I should do.

[19M] Did I err by investing too much energy into this friendship with a [19F]?

I attended an all-boys school and had never had a female friend before. I always longed for that connection, and when I started college, I met a girl on my very first day. She was the first woman I interacted with outside of my mother. I made a genuine effort to bond with her, but our conversations were mostly limited to academic matters, and I was always the one to initiate contact. At one stage, I helped her secure an internship at a major multinational company. I also sent her study notes and asked her to let me know after she read them—unfortunately, she never did. I ended up completing our project on my own because she forgot to assist me, later saying, "Sorry, it completely slipped my mind. You should have reminded me." I responded, "Yes, I was always the one reaching out first... Am I not also your friend? Have you ever spent even five minutes for me?" That was the moment I finally admitted that I had been trying to develop a closer friendship with her—not romantically, but as a friend. She replied, "I’ve always considered you a good friend. I attended a girls' school for my last two years, so I’m more comfortable around girls. That doesn’t mean you’re not my friend." However, I noticed that she engaged freely with both juniors and seniors, including boys. I questioned whether my age played a role in her perceptions. She answered, "It’s more like an older brother and younger brother dynamic." That stung. I thought to myself, "Do I come across as someone dangerous simply because of my age? Am I really that different?" Then a serious incident occurred—she was stalked by a senior who misused a photo of her with malicious intent. I defended her, confronted the guy, got beaten up badly, and ended up bleeding heavily. After that incident, I hoped she might see me in a new light. One day, I called her and suggested having lunch together since I was alone. She responded, "My two friends will be alone if I come with you." In that moment, I recognized that she couldn’t prioritize me, even just for one day. Despite everything, she still viewed me the same way. I finally asked her, "I don’t know what else I can do to bridge the gap between us. I literally fought for you and bled for you, yet you still see me as an outsider. It's exhausting." Her reply was, "I never asked you to help me or fight for me." In reality, I never intended to start a fight. I simply wanted him to delete the photo, which she knew he had. But when he and his friends confronted me, I was attacked without retaliation. When I informed her about the situation, she asked me to do something and let him know that I wasn’t interested. That was the tipping point. I stopped texting her, and now it's been 30 days without any communication from her. Should I reach out again? Did I make a mistake?

[32F] A friend of mine suddenly wants me, [31F], to change.

I've made a friend online, and over the past year, we've spent a lot of time chatting on Discord and playing games together. While we've had our share of arguments, things have improved recently, and we agreed to start fresh. However, I've noticed that she's become distant and a bit erratic. About a week ago, she asked me why I don't initiate greetings or goodnight messages. Normally, she takes the lead since she's more talkative and outgoing, while I tend to be quieter and more introverted—something she is aware of. Now, it feels like she's expecting more from me and wants me to change aspects of my personality that I've had since childhood. This shift is confusing because it wasn't an issue before. Yesterday, we had a small argument stemming from a misunderstanding about my texting frequency. I understand her concerns, but the way she expresses them feels somewhat punitive. She made comments suggesting I'm a waste of time, that I don't care, and that she isn't worried if we stop being friends—yet in the same breath, she's asking me to initiate conversations more. Instead of discussing her feelings directly, she mentioned that she had been monitoring how often I reach out first over the past year. This makes it difficult to feel comfortable being friends with her right now. When I asked if she genuinely wants to continue our friendship, it felt like she was pushing me away with hurtful remarks. Her response was, "Don't try if you don't want to," which signals a sort of ultimatum. As a side note, we chat on voice calls on Discord almost daily, so this issue revolves specifically around texting. We also have a mutual friend who spends time with us, but lately, it feels like the dynamic has shifted, and I worry it’s unfair to them. I genuinely want to maintain our friendship, especially since things felt good until she started expressing her need for me to text her more, despite our regular voice calls. She has other friends she connects with, and when I'm playing a game alone, she'll ask if I want her to join, which adds to my sense of imbalance. I understand that relationships should be mutual, but she seemed content just over a week ago. It’s disheartening to feel like she’s been watching my behavior and expecting me to change to meet her needs. I keep asking for more insight into her feelings, but she just repeats that if I don’t want to try, I shouldn’t. I don’t want to lose either her or our third friend, but I'm feeling uncomfortable with how things are right now. How can I regain a sense of lightness and comfort around her so we can continue to be friends?

[28M] has feelings for [27F], but she's currently in a relationship with [45M]. Should I tell her how I feel?

I've been friends with this girl for nearly a decade. We share similar thoughts, provide each other with support, and always look out for one another. Although we've kept in touch sporadically over the years, I've recently moved close enough for us to spend meaningful time together. In the past, I've been in relationships that were quite damaging to me, and I went through a phase of being a heavy stoner when I was younger. But I’ve managed to completely turn my life around; I now have a home, a car, and a stable job. The only addiction I still have is coffee. For a long time, I've had feelings for her and a strong desire to protect her, but I used to dismiss these feelings, convincing myself they were just a result of my past traumas or my stoned state. Recently, as we started hanging out more, she began dating a guy who's over a decade older than her. There are many reasons I’m not fond of him, but as a friend, I want to support her. I always try to provide a different perspective because her happiness is important to me. However, I worry that I’m justifying his behavior to her out of fear of expressing my true feelings, and I’m scared of losing her or discovering that she reciprocates my feelings but would be better off with someone else. I know it's not advisable to ask general questions, but I'm feeling lost—what should I do?

Is My [26F] Boyfriend's Best Friend's Girlfriend [25F] Trying to Compete With Me?

It’s a bit of a long story, but essentially, there's this girl who is dating my boyfriend's close friend. She's really nice, but over the last three years, I've started to notice that she’s been mimicking so much of what makes me... me. I understand that imitation can be flattering, and honestly, I can relate—I've definitely taken inspiration from others and bought things I see recommended on social media. However, her copying has escalated to the point where she mimics everything—my laugh, every date spot my boyfriend and I visit, my outfits, my shoes, and now she’s even trying to land a job at my workplace. Since we're part of the same friend group, we occasionally play board games together. However, every time we play, she gets incredibly competitive with me, specifically targeting me to knock out from the game and accusing me of cheating whenever I win. I used to enjoy board games, but it’s no longer fun for me. There was also an incident in December during a white elephant gift exchange with our group. I picked a gift that didn’t seem popular, and I was quite happy with it. When it was her boyfriend's turn to choose, he asked her what she wanted, and she said she wanted the gift I had selected. According to our rules, if she wanted to steal it, we would have to compete in a “shot off.” Normally, I wouldn’t get involved in competitions, but this was the last straw for me, and I decided to participate. By the end of the night, I felt so frustrated—like, why did I even bother? I talked to my boyfriend about it, but at first, he was skeptical. So, I decided to test my theory—I bought something and posted it on my story, telling him that I expected her to buy the same item. Sure enough, a week later, she shared the exact item on her story. Keep in mind, this item could only be ordered online from an international website. My boyfriend was shocked, but he’s unsure how I should address this without directly confronting her. I’m feeling uncertain about how to handle this situation because it feels wrong to be upset. I guess I'm posting this to ask—am I overreacting or overthinking things?

My closest friend let me down.

I have a really dysfunctional friend group. My best friend, E, was briefly involved with one of the guys in our circle, M, but it never became serious. A similar situation occurred with me and another guy in the group, B. I actually fell for B, but things got complicated because he didn’t feel the same way. As time went on, I found myself getting closer to M, although it's purely platonic. Meanwhile, E and B started spending more time together since they live in the same town. M grew jealous of their growing closeness and mentioned he suspected they were more than just friends. I assured him that wasn’t possible; B isn’t even E’s type. Over the weekend, we had a small gathering, and I discovered that B had some inappropriate photos of me—some even taken without my consent. I confided in E and we managed to grab his phone to delete them. The next day, M called to tell me that E and B had kissed during the same gathering. I was skeptical until I asked E directly; she eventually confessed via text that she couldn’t hide her attraction to B any longer and went for it. The betrayal I felt was overwhelming. How could my best friend pursue someone who had hurt me, taken those photos without consent, and who I was still not over? She apologized profusely, but I’m so furious that I can’t even think about having a civil conversation with her. Our five-year friendship feels ruined over a single night. E said, “I wanted to indulge for once in my life,” and claimed she intended to tell me about the kiss right away but never did. I can't shake the feeling that she wouldn't have come clean if I hadn't found out myself. My heart feels shattered, and I’m at a loss for how to move forward.

(26M) Requested an apology from a friend (25M) and then got ignored for it?

Here’s a revised version of your text: --- This is quite a lengthy story, but I’ll keep it brief. Last April, I met a guy at the library, and we quickly developed a close connection. He introduced me to many of his friends and family, and we really bonded. He’s quite the argumentative type with strong beliefs and is unwilling to budge, but I didn’t notice that right away. I offered him advice on relationships and career matters, and I even sought his guidance a few times. Recently, we started discussing politics, and when he identified as a conservative, I mentioned that I lean liberal. He speculated that my views might stem from my father's liberal beliefs, to which I agreed partially, but not completely. He laughed and asked how much I was influenced by it. I told him I wouldn’t quantify it, and he took that to imply I was heavily influenced, subsequently trying to persuade me that my views aligned more closely with conservative beliefs. The next day, I brought up his assumption that my liberal stance was solely due to my father and asked him to apologize, as it didn’t accurately reflect my beliefs. This led to a conflict, and he requested that we meet in person, which I agreed to. During our meeting, he insulted my character, suggesting I only sought an apology because of low self-esteem, implying I wanted to control him and liked to argue for my own amusement. I asserted that he was mistaken about my intentions and reminded him of the ways I had supported him, not to boast, but to counter his negative assertions. He firmly declared, “This friendship is over,” and stood by that decision. I then sent him a final message before blocking him: "I’m not insecure, Charles. I’m quite content with who I am, even more so than many others. It surprised me how much the apology affected you, leading to insults and negative comments about my character. Everyone has their ups and downs in life, and while you often joke about yours, this time you took it seriously and hurled hurtful words at me. I’m not interested in maintaining a friendship after this. I don’t deserve that kind of treatment. Goodbye for now." We attend the same church, and he’s usually at the center of conversations, but now when I see him, I just nod and keep it brief. How could he speak to me that way? I’ve always been supportive and invested a lot of time in our friendship. **TL;DR**: An ex-friend made false assumptions about my beliefs. I asked for an apology, leading to a heated argument that ended our friendship.

How should I handle my best friend, whom I've come to recognize as toxic?

Since starting university, I've come to realize that my best friend of seven years isn't as wonderful as I once believed. Here are some reasons why I'm beginning to have doubts: 1. **She Frequently Lies** Her boyfriend attends my university, while she goes to one about half an hour away. I understand that she wants to spend time with him since they've been together for two years, and I always try to accommodate her schedule when she visits. However, every time she goes to see him and we make plans for the next day, she often cancels last minute, arrives hours late, or when she does stay over after a few days at his place, she fabricates her departure time to sneak back to him. For example, last time she told me her mom would pick her up in five minutes but ended up staying at his place for three more hours. I don’t mind if she prioritizes him; I just wish she wouldn’t lie about it. 2. **Jealousy Issues** She seems to get envious of the close friends I've made at university. We didn’t have many friends in high school and relied on each other, but my current program is filled with supportive peers. At a club outing recently, one of my new friends came up to me excitedly and hugged me, and she just stood there glaring and sulking. Whenever she feels jealous, she suggests that I should simply replace her, even if I’m just hanging out with another friend. I'm honestly at a loss for how to handle this. 3. **Never Invited to Her Place** In our seven-year friendship, I've never been invited to her home, while I've lost count of the times she’s been to mine. I thought it was just a family thing at first, but I’m noticing a similar pattern at university. She’s spent time at my place five times now, and I still haven’t been invited back. I’d feel awkward bringing it up since it might come off like I'm inviting myself. 4. **Insecurity About Our Friendship** This ties back to her jealousy, but she keeps asking me if we’re still friends on seemingly random occasions, and it’s become a weekly thing. It feels like I’m constantly having to reassure her about our friendship. 5. **Guilt Trips** Some mutual friends of hers and her boyfriend dislike my ex, which means she gets invited to social events that I don’t. I don’t mind not being included, but she goes out of her way to conceal it from me. For instance, during Christmas, I got a photo of them both at a party, and when I wished them a good time, she replied saying how boring the party was without me. She does the same when she’s with him, saying how much she wishes she was with me, even though she tells him the exact same thing while they’re together. I don’t mind if she puts him first; it just stings when she leads others on and makes them feel special. A similar instance happened when we promised to get second piercings together, and she ended up getting hers with another friend but tried to hide it from me. Whenever I try to express how her actions make me feel, especially about her lying, she becomes defensive and insists that I don't appreciate everything she does for me. That makes it hard for me to talk to her, leaving me unsure about how to proceed. I was recently diagnosed with depression and anxiety, which I haven't shared with her yet, and I'm beginning to feel less inclined to reach out. It might be related to my diagnosis, but something just doesn't feel right anymore. Compared to my university friends, I’m realizing that she might not be the great friend I thought she was. I’d really appreciate any advice, aside from the typical "just find new friends," because I don’t want to just cut her out. I think something needs to change.

Do you have any tips for maintaining friendships?

I've been friends with a girl I'll call Leah for over three years. Earlier this year, we decided to have some fun and got "fake engaged" as a joke, complete with silly paper frog rings. I want to clarify that there's no romantic element to it; it’s all in good fun. Typically, when we hang out—especially during our public transport rides—we chat, joke around, and enjoy each other's company. We've even talked about our "fake wedding," which we jokingly scheduled for February 14th because it’s lighthearted and amusing. However, lately, things have felt a bit off. During our weekday mornings, when we meet up with another mutual friend, everything seems perfectly normal; we laugh and chat just as we always have. But when it’s just the two of us on the bus, Leah seems distant. She appears disengaged and often just scrolls through games on her phone instead of interacting. This change has been going on for a while, and I've been trying to connect with her like before, but I’m met with icy responses. I can't help but wonder if I’m reading too much into this, if I’ve upset her somehow, or if something else is affecting her. What should I do? Should I confront her about this, or is it better to give her some space?

Could I please get some advice? Thank you! X

I've made some edits to respect both my privacy and that of my friend. The crux of the matter is that I felt my friend was prioritizing a party over the event I was hosting. Notably, she mentioned the party just two days before my event. Here's a summary of our conversation from the end of October: K: "Hey, this is a bit difficult for me to bring up because I don't like confrontation, but I wouldn’t say anything unless I felt it was important. I feel like I’ve been pushed aside. I love a party, and I genuinely want you to have fun with your coworkers because I know how much they mean to you. However, I hope you can see it from my perspective. I haven’t seen you in about a month, and we had this event planned for a while. The other week, you seemed excited to attend, and now it feels like that’s changed with the party news. I understand that there can be multiple events going on, and I just wanted to express how this made me feel because you’re an important friend, and I miss you." (On Saturday, November 2) K: "Hey, I hope you’re still planning to come tonight. I’m not trying to pressure you; I also mentioned Sunday. I’m really sorry if I upset you—that was never my intention. I thought we had a friendship where we could be honest and work through things together." She didn’t come and didn’t respond. After some time, I reached out again on November 12: K: "Hey, I’ve taken time to reflect, and I chose my words carefully. I still stand by what I felt, but I see now that you were planning to come. I hope I didn’t come off as controlling. What upset me most were your words regarding the party. It seemed like that was a higher priority to you, and I know that might sound childish, but I really looked forward to your attendance. I put a lot of effort into the event and wanted you there, along with the artist who helped me. I’m not trying to dictate; I just wanted to express how I felt as you have in the past, and I’ve acknowledged and apologized for those feelings." Lastly, while I’m not trying to play the victim, context is important. When I sent that message, I was having a tough week, with an intense mental health appointment. I’ve been struggling for a while, and perhaps my emotions got the best of me. I realize now you planned to attend, but the party news made me sad for those reasons, and I panicked about when I would see you next. I understand if this seems dramatic, but you mean a lot to me. I hope we can use this bump in the road to strengthen our friendship and that it opens the door for you to share any concerns you might have, as I know I make mistakes. M didn’t respond until November 17: M: "It’s fine. I needed some time to cool off. I understand your position and that you were stressed, but you also need to consider that I had a demanding week. It felt like you were accusing me of lying about Mo’s Halloween party, which was actually planned months in advance. The invitation you gave me to the Rose St. Foundry session came just four days before the show, and your tone felt a bit lackadaisical. This made it easier for me to choose between the two events without feeling pressured—our Halloween party is a significant tradition for our shop. I hope you understand that attending your show instead would have meant disregarding that plan. I felt you were coming across as controlling, and honestly, it spooked me a little. You know the reality—we’ve both moved to new cities and are busy with our intense courses. Meeting up isn’t going to be easy, and we need to accept that. You know about my mental health struggles. Maybe we can regroup during the Christmas break to talk this through." My response on November 19: K: "Hey, I’ve been busy with a show, but now that it’s over, I want to express my appreciation for acknowledging my previous message. I agree that meeting up can help us clear the air. However, I’m still a bit hurt that you haven’t said, 'I’m sorry for making you feel that way.' I get that there are different perspectives, but I believe it's important to acknowledge feelings before addressing the issue. Like when I apologized about my past actions, it felt important to address your feelings first. I’ve always tried to support you and understand your stresses, but if you feel otherwise, we can discuss that in person. I recognize that I neglected to mention your stress in my initial message, but I usually do consider that, especially since I have my own challenges. I truly admire how well you’re handling your teaching responsibilities. Regarding the controlling aspect, I hope you know that’s not who I am, and I appreciate your feedback. I want to ensure this incident doesn’t change your view of me because I’m still the same kind person you know. I’m human, and I make mistakes. I’d like to discuss this further in person, as that would be more appropriate for sensitive topics. As for your mental health, I’ve always been supportive. I remember when you started university and I sent you counseling resources. I want to help, but I also understand the importance of giving you space. Know that you don’t need to mask anything around me; I value you for who you are. My door is always open for you to talk about anything, including autism. I’ll be in town for Christmas and would love to meet up. I have some dates available—14th, 15th, 16th, 18th, and 21st. If none of those work, I might be back for New Year’s, but my classes start up again the week of January 6th. Thank you. xx" I reached out again in early December to propose a meeting, but she didn’t respond. On December 20, I dropped off a Christmas gift for her, wanting to remind her that I still consider her a friend and that Christmas is a time for kindness and forgiveness. I received a text from her on Christmas Day: M: "Thanks for the gift. Hope you’ve had a good day." The following day, I replied: K: "You’re welcome! I saw the cat biscuits and thought of you. If you make them soon, I’d love to see how they turn out! Hope your day was lovely and work went well for you. Have a great New Year’s Eve—hopefully, I’ll see you in the new year!" I didn't get a response. I also sent her a birthday card in early January but didn’t receive any acknowledgment in return. I’m feeling confused and upset. I know I made a mistake with my wording, but it seems to have spiraled further than I anticipated. I've given her space, and I plan to continue doing so for the rest of the month. I’m hesitant to reach out again, but I’d like to know where we stand and if we can discuss what was essentially a miscommunication—especially since the Halloween party wasn’t mentioned until the last minute. I value her feelings and appreciate her response, but I feel as though I’ve done something unforgivable, and I’m unsure how to proceed. Should I suggest we talk once our courses are over so we can set things straight? Thank you for any advice you can provide.

I made a mistake with my best friend who is a girl.

I’m an 18-year-old guy and recently attended a high school party with my best friend, an 18-year-old girl I’ll call B. We’ve been friends for the past two years, and while I don’t have many close friends, she doesn’t either, aside from her boyfriend. I’ve always appreciated our friendship and never wanted more. At the party, her boyfriend wasn’t there, and B playfully asked me to lift her onto my shoulders. I went ahead and did it, not thinking much of it. Unfortunately, some people took pictures, and those photos ended up reaching her boyfriend, which understandably made him upset. While I don’t have strong feelings about her boyfriend, I care about B and want her to be happy since he’s a good guy. I suggested she talk to him several times, but she refused. I took responsibility for my actions and apologized, but it seems she hasn’t taken it to heart. She’s been distant ever since and doesn’t want to talk. Any advice on how to handle this situation?

I, a 26-year-old woman, have feelings for my friend, a 25-year-old man.

I'm trying to figure out whether to maintain my friendship with a guy friend. I feel that our friendship has greater potential for development than a romantic relationship would. I worry that dating could compromise the deep bond we have, and the thought of losing him entirely would be incredibly painful for me. He’s making real progress in his personal growth, but he's grappling with some challenges that I’ve encountered in past relationships. For instance, he struggles to express his feelings verbally and tends to communicate through actions alone. For me, being with someone who articulates their thoughts and feelings is crucial since that's my natural way of connecting. For example, we met up yesterday, and when we hung out, he held my hand while driving. I asked him what holding hands meant to him, and he shared that it signifies he likes someone. Given that we’ve only known each other for four months, I understand how nerve-wracking it can be to express that feeling, which is why I haven't yet revealed my own feelings for him. I recently learned that his parents never verbally expressed their love for him, and he is just beginning to experience that with them. It's heartwarming to witness his growth in forming genuine friendships—with me and our mutual friends—and to see him start expressing loving words to his parents. I’ve received mixed advice from friends: some suggest letting things unfold naturally, while others advise staying just friends. What I do know is that this connection feels healthier than any similar situation I've had before. There aren’t any major red flags, just a few minor concerns, and he has already shown a willingness to grow after our discussions about better expressing himself. I also try not to let astrology overly influence my feelings, but the fact that he is a Virgo does affect my perspective. I haven’t had the best experiences with Virgos in the past, and some of his struggles echo issues I've faced before. Additionally, I had a dream about a dark figure with a right eye, sitting in a room full of people we both know. Everyone around him seemed comfortable, but he was staring directly at me, which left me feeling frightened. I didn't delve too deeply into it, but I came across a Bible verse that resonated strongly with that dream. Matthew 5:29 states, "If your right eye causes you to stumble, pluck it out and throw it away. For it is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." If anyone would like more details, I’m open to sharing further. What would you do in my situation?

Should I consider forgiving my friend who betrayed my trust last year?

Here's a rewritten version of your text: **A bit of context…** - I'm someone who strives to please others and avoids conflict. - In late 2023, I was taken advantage of and assaulted by a man. - He displayed both mental and physical aggression, and I fear he could become a predator in the future. - For my own safety, my friends severed ties with him, as they recognized he was dangerous and knew what he did to me. - In early 2024, I received a message from one of my friends, informing me that one of my closest friends had invited this man to her birthday party. - I felt incredibly betrayed, especially since she tried to keep this information from me, so I decided to cut her out of my life immediately. She has no idea why I blocked her and hasn’t spoken to me in months, although she’s reached out a few times via text. I only blocked her on social media, not on messaging. - Yesterday, after my dog passed away, she sent me a message expressing her condolences after seeing a post my sister made about it. - Now I'm unsure whether to continue ignoring her, simply say thank you and leave it at that, or attempt to rebuild our friendship. What do you think I should do? I find her untrustworthy, but I'm conflicted about whether to keep her as a casual friend or let things unfold naturally. Being a people pleaser often complicates my decisions, and I really struggle with maintaining a friendly demeanor with everyone. I'd appreciate any advice. I’m 18F and she is too.

What surprise should I plan for my boyfriend's birthday during our trip?

I'm a 28-year-old woman, and I’m heading to Brazil with my boyfriend, who’s 30, and his friends (mostly guys, plus two ladies) for the Rio de Janeiro Carnaval 2025 to celebrate his 30th birthday. This trip is fully planned, and he knows all about it. I'm hoping to surprise him with a sweet gesture while we're there, like an excursion or some thoughtful birthday surprises, but I’m having trouble coming up with something special! I already have a gift for him, but I really want to add a cute touch! His actual birthday isn’t during our trip, and we’ll be staying in an Airbnb with his friends. Any ideas? 😊

Is it strange that I'm really drawn to (and maybe a little obsessed with) someone I just met?

I’m an 18-year-old female, and I've struggled to make friends my age ever since kindergarten. Even now, I find it challenging to understand my peers and connect with them, and I have no idea why. This has caused me a lot of anxiety whenever I try to build friendships, and I'm constantly worried that any relationship I form will eventually fall apart because I just don’t know how to connect with people. Recently, I met a guy online who is two years older than me and lives in a neighboring state. We had a long and meaningful conversation about our life situations and challenges. He was incredibly humble, grounded, wise, and empathetic. I’ve never felt such a strong connection with anyone before. I was genuinely surprised that he wanted to listen to my struggles with family issues instead of just ignoring me. We’ve been chatting for a few days, though not as deeply as that first conversation, and I can’t shake the fear that I might come across as annoying or that he might pull away once he realizes I’m a bit quirky. I really dislike feeling this way because he has a girlfriend, and the last thing I want is to interfere in their relationship. But I can’t help feeling a bit obsessed with the idea of not losing someone I’ve just met. It seems ridiculous, and I feel like a creep for being anxious about it. Honestly, it makes me feel down because I think I’m fixating on him—not because he’s particularly special, but because I’ve struggled to make close friends my age. When I find someone cool, I become anxious about keeping that connection. I worry that this might be unhealthy behavior, and I fear that my emotions are leading me in a bad direction. I hope that by acknowledging my anxiety and obsession, I can learn to manage them better. But this pattern has been a part of my life for so long, and I’m scared it’s something I can’t change. Any advice would be appreciated. :’(

Why doesn't my best friend ever want to hang out?

Hello! I'm a woman in my mid-thirties and I met "John," a man in his mid-twenties, through work. We developed a strong connection over several months, and he eventually told me I’m his best friend. We communicate every day, whether through work or texting. I've tried inviting John to hang out—nothing too intense, considering he deals with anxiety—but he always declines. In fact, over the past year, he’s never come to my house, and I’ve only visited his once just to drop something off. I don’t understand why. The only times we've been able to meet up outside of work are when we attend mutual friends' gatherings, but even then, he frequently opts out. John has some quirks and personal struggles, much like I do. I don’t expect him to be available all the time, but it feels odd to think that a best friend wouldn’t want to hang out at all. I’ve directly mentioned that his behavior seems unusual, but he just brushes it off with a nonchalant "I know." He claims to value our friendship and is genuinely a kind person. So, what’s going on with him? How should I move forward? I can’t help but worry about what will happen when we can’t stay in touch through work and will only be able to communicate via text. Does anyone else experience this? Edit: I also want to mention that he often expresses feelings of loneliness, which adds to my confusion. It’s one thing to be less social, but it doesn't make sense to complain about loneliness while avoiding in-person meetings. It puzzles me how someone can be comfortable being best friends but rely solely on digital communication—something that could change in the future due to work shifts. Maybe we just have different definitions of what being a "best friend" entails.

I'm experiencing difficulties with my favorite person (F25); dealing with BPD is tough.

(25F) I'm in love with my best friend more than my girlfriend. My best friend (F26) tends to take advantage of me, while my girlfriend (F23) reassures me that she's there for me whenever things go wrong. However, deep down, I crave a relationship with my best friend, even though I know she doesn't deserve that. I'm unsure about what to do.

M22 Looking for Guidance on Mixed Signals and Conflicting Behavior from F21

Hello everyone, I wanted to share something that's been on my mind. I was pursuing a friendship with a girl, F21, who initially rejected my romantic advances. After her rejection, I tried to distance myself, but she made significant efforts to maintain our friendship, which left me feeling confused. I couldn't tell if she genuinely valued our friendship or if she simply enjoyed the attention I gave her. Eventually, I chose to sever ties, but she continued to reach out. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but after several months of her attempts to reconnect, we struck up a conversation again. I dropped some hints about my feelings for her, and she seemed receptive initially. However, over time, she began to ignore or brush off those hints, which led me to question her interest. Was she no longer interested? Was she just playing hard to get? Or had I completely misinterpreted her responses? Despite my persistent hints, she continued to dismiss them. On my final attempt, she acted as if she hadn’t noticed anything at all. At that point, I decided to withdraw from the conversation: Me: I'm going to do something now Her: You don't have to tell me everything Me: Okay Her: What was that? Me: Nothing important So, what was her intention with that question? She seemed to ignore me until I stopped engaging, and then suddenly she was curious about my comments. I know there are plenty of other people out there and that I should consider moving on, but I’m genuinely interested to understand what she meant. Am I analyzing this too much, or could there be something more to it?

My former friend with benefits invited me (27M) and my girlfriend (25F) to her Shabbat dinner, and I'm feeling uneasy about it. What should I do?

In 2021, while living at home, I met a girl named Clare (26F) on Hinge. We spent some time together and started hooking up, but we both agreed early on that we weren’t looking for a relationship. For a year, we kept hanging out and being intimate, mainly due to the boredom of the COVID times. Eventually, Clare decided to end things for good, as our casual arrangement was leading to complicated feelings for her. After that, we didn’t speak for six months and moved on with our lives. Eventually, we reconnected through text and confirmed that we were okay with each other. Since then, our conversations have been infrequent, usually just random chats or occasional life updates. I’ve always enjoyed our talks and view her as a good person, but I’ve never felt any romantic attraction toward her. Shortly after reconnecting, I moved into my own place and started dating a girl named Alison, who has now been my girlfriend for almost two years. Clare also entered a serious relationship for a while, but that has since ended. About a month ago, Clare reached out with a random question, and after I responded, she began texting me more often, which felt a bit unusual. She then mentioned that she had recently converted to Judaism and invited me to a Shabbat dinner she’s hosting in January, asking me to bring my girlfriend (she knows I’ve been in a relationship for some time). I panicked and replied, “I’ll let you know,” but haven’t followed up since. Clare texted again about the dinner and even called me, but I didn’t pick up. I genuinely believe Clare is only looking for a friendly connection. It seems she doesn’t have many friends and wants to expand her social circle, seeing me as someone she’d like to keep in touch with. However, I feel uneasy about this for two reasons: (1) We have a sexual history, and I’m in a relationship now, and (2) I already have a lot of friends, and Clare isn’t connected to my social circle. My girlfriend knows about Clare, but I rarely mention her since she isn’t significant to me. I can imagine that she wouldn’t be comfortable attending Shabbat dinner with my former friends-with-benefits. Plus, going to that dinner would imply that I’m interested in developing a closer friendship with Clare, which isn’t the case. At the same time, blocking or cutting off Clare feels excessive, as keeping in touch occasionally doesn’t seem harmful. I’m unsure of how to address this without coming across as unkind. - - - - - - - - *TL;DR* I’ve kept in sporadic contact with an old FWB, and now I have a long-term girlfriend. Recently, Clare reached out more, mentioning her conversion to Judaism and inviting us to a Shabbat dinner. I think she wants a closer friendship because she lacks friends, but I’m uncomfortable and unsure how to decline without being hurtful.

Should I engage in a challenging discussion with my friend?

I, a 50-year-old woman, have close friendships with three remarkable women in their 60s and 70s, and their support means the world to me. However, I need to have a tough conversation with Caitlin, who is 72, about her behavior and how it affects me, especially since we both attend several groups together. In one of our meetings, she has been engaging in behavior that could be emotionally harmful—specifically, she frequently crosstalks by offering advice directly to other members, which is against the group's rules. Although the members, a mix of men and women in their 50s to 70s, have discussed this issue, she has not changed her behavior. Since there isn't a designated leader in this group and we all take turns leading, this situation makes it harder to address. I worry that if we can't find a resolution or if she resents my approach, it could jeopardize my participation in these shared groups. There's a risk that I might lose my friendships if the others choose to side with her. Given these potential consequences, should I speak up about this issue?

I'm an 18-year-old female, and I'm finding it difficult to connect with my partner, who is 19, as I'm having trouble making time for him.

I don't typically form many friendships, especially on a deeper level. However, I've recently connected with someone new, and we really get along well. This budding friendship has made me more acutely aware of just how emotionally distant I am from my partner. I could easily brush off those feelings before, but now, with this new friend in my life, it's harder to ignore. I find myself wanting to spend time with him, but I also feel the need to reconnect with my partner. I'm unsure how to strike a balance between the two, especially since their schedules are quite similar. My friendship with this new guy is developing quickly, and I’m worried about coming across as too preoccupied with my partner, a mistake I made too often in high school. I've always wished for a friend like this, and now that I finally have one, I’m not sure how to navigate it all.

My former best friend wants to reconnect after a decade without communication, and I'm feeling a bit apprehensive about it.

I (34F) recently bumped into my ex-BFF (35F) after ten years of no contact. I’d anticipated this moment for a long time, knowing we would eventually cross paths again. Surprisingly, the encounter was pleasant, despite the abrupt and nasty way we ended our friendship. Let’s rewind to a decade ago. We went out on New Year’s Eve, and she was flirting heavily with my boyfriend. I was so upset that I started to give her the cold shoulder without explaining why. After living together for six months with me acting icy because of that night, she eventually confronted me. I finally admitted what was bothering me, and she apologized, saying she was too drunk to remember and genuinely didn’t mean to hurt me. We attempted to move forward, but it was awkward. A few weeks later, she stormed into our apartment at 2 a.m., demanding that I vacate within a week. Naively, I believed she had the authority to evict me. She created fake documents and impersonated calls from the apartment management while draining our shared bank account (yes, I was pretty gullible). It was a painful separation, feeling like a breakup, since she was like my other half. Fast forward to now—I often thought of her over the years and hoped she was doing well. I even wrote numerous drafts of apology letters, but I ultimately decided against reaching out. When we ran into each other, she expressed how much she missed me and had always wanted to reconnect, but consistently hesitated. Now, we’ve started talking again, and I’m supposed to meet up with her, but I have mixed feelings for two main reasons: REASON 1: I’m hesitant to assume we’ll just hit it off like we used to after all this time. I’m afraid of getting my hopes up only to be disappointed. REASON 2: Remember how she fabricated documents and calls to evict me? That’s her pattern. I’ve seen her get involved with a drug dealer and then set him up for arrest after their breakup. I’ve witnessed her go after people who owe her money, harassing their families and workplaces until they pay her back. When she’s out to hurt someone, it’s genuinely frightening. She’s extremely clever and resourceful. Back then, I was a recent college graduate with little to lose, but now I have so much more at stake, and her current situation doesn’t seem stable. I’m worried she might try to hurt me again, and that idea scares me. My husband (who was my boyfriend at the time of that New Year’s incident) strongly advises against rekindling our friendship. He witnessed how she treated me at the end, and while he didn’t see the good times we shared, he views me through a protective lens—imagining how he’d feel if I ignored him for six months because of a single mistake he made. I want to be somewhat forgiving, considering that we were still in the early stages of dating back then. So, Reddit, should I attempt to reconnect with her? I’m curious about where this could lead, but then again, curiosity can be dangerous! TL;DR: Friendship ended poorly, and we’ve had a decade of no contact. How can I realistically consider rekindling this friendship, or should I just walk away?