Relationship advices: LGBTQ+ Relationships

I’m a 23-year-old male involved sexually with my straight best friend, who is 20.

I've had feelings for my friend for quite a while now. I suspect he's aware of my crush, and he often reminds me that he's straight, despite our frequent intimate moments together, like cuddling and deep conversations. Recently, while we were traveling, he started dry humping me in the hotel room, and things escalated from there. However, this only seems to happen in the mornings when we’re waking up and hugging; the rest of the day, we completely avoid mentioning it. He also seems to be actively searching for women to bring back to the hotel, using Tinder and similar apps. It seems to me that he's in the closet and quite afraid to come out, which I completely understand. Being gay can be really challenging. But I'm also feeling uncertain about our situation. How would you handle this?

My girlfriend, who is 20, became quite anxious just before we were going to have sex for the first time.

To start, I identify as a trans woman (MtF), and my girlfriend is aware of this. I haven't undergone bottom surgery and don't intend to for personal reasons that she understands. We've been together for about a year and a half, and it’s been incredible. She is absolutely stunning, we communicate exceptionally well (she’s autistic and articulates her needs very clearly, although it’s not always in the most gentle manner; I can handle that because she tolerates my quirks, too). Her personality is amazing, and our dates are fantastic. I’m not sure if this is too much information, but we’ve shared a lot of kisses and have strong sexual chemistry. We’ve been in a sort of honeymoon phase until now, but we hadn’t had sex yet because she didn’t feel ready—until recently. The other night, while we were drinking (which is legal in our area), she took the initiative. I went along with it, but when she felt my anatomy, she became quite anxious. Even though she was still trying to continue, she then started sobbing uncontrollably and became very frustrated, even tearing up some newspaper—which I think helps her cope. She had a complete meltdown, which she tends to do when things feel unsettling for her. I totally understand where she was coming from, but it was really painful for me, and she recognized that it hurt me, yet she couldn’t stop crying. Eventually, she left. She did apologize for her outburst, but I haven’t heard from her since I texted her back two days ago. I feel lost on what to do. She’s the first person I ever came out to (living in a very homophobic country with Christian parents who believe I have a "devil's illness"), and she has been my strongest supporter. I genuinely don’t want this relationship to end; I would do anything to fix this situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please avoid any homophobic or transphobic comments—it's unhelpful and only spreads negativity.

I'm a 32-year-old woman and I'm questioning my boyfriend's sexuality, who's 30. I'm uncertain if I should end the relationship.

My boyfriend (30M) often shares his fantasies about being with other men. While he reassures me that he's in love with me and we generally have a wonderful relationship, I can't help but feel concerned. Our sex life is satisfying, we communicate openly, and we're both willing to explore new things together. I truly believe this could be a lasting love, but I'm worried he might cheat on me, come to terms with being gay, or develop resentment towards me for not wanting to open up our relationship. I want to be supportive of him; I understand that everyone has different thoughts and fantasies, and that doesn't necessarily mean they need to act on them. Just like many straight guys might fantasize about Instagram models or consider threesomes, that doesn't mean they will pursue those experiences. I don’t want to end our relationship over this issue, especially since everything else is going so well. However, I do realize that love alone might not be enough. Is it possible for us to maintain a monogamous relationship even if he desires to explore sexual experiences with men as well?

I'm currently navigating a complex romantic connection with a transgender man as a gay man.

This is a lengthy story, so brace yourself. At the start of December, I ended my relationship with my girlfriend because I was questioning my sexuality and wanted to explore more as a young man entering adulthood. We had been dating for five months, making it somewhat serious, but my extreme sexuality crisis was causing pain for both of us. A week after the breakup, I started dating a guy, which turned out to be a poor choice and contributed to some issues in that new relationship. I didn’t take the time to really get to know him, so I broke it off to allow us some space, but he has severe BPD and attachment issues, which drew me back in, and I started dating him again. I recognize that I unintentionally played with his feelings without being aware and didn’t do enough research on BPD or address his issues properly. I ended things again at the beginning of January, this time to genuinely take a step back and have a longer talking stage to really understand each other. One important point to mention is that I struggle with attaching to people and trusting them, which creates a dynamic of pushing together two very different personalities. Now, regarding his identity as a trans man: he still lives with his parents, who, despite him being out, are very controlling and heavily transphobic due to their religious beliefs. Neither of us can drive yet—I'm working on it—and he's expressed a desire to dress and act more masculinely, but he's felt forced to present himself in a way that feels inauthentic to him. He mainly has female friends who seem to influence him to conform to that feminine persona. While I care for him, his feminine behaviors sometimes make me uncomfortable. His mannerisms and speech can be akin to how a girl interacts with her gay best friend, and I’m not looking to be his gay best friend. Now, onto a more personal aspect. Although I'm on the aroace spectrum, I do want to explore intimacy, which I’ve communicated to him during our deeper conversations. Unfortunately, I learned I don’t enjoy being in the dominant position during intimate moments. I envision a relationship without rigid roles, where both partners can switch it up rather than adhering to traditional dynamics. However, as things have developed, I find myself taking on a more dominant role emotionally and physically, which feels somewhat unbalanced, as I don’t receive the same level of protection from him. He's mentioned using toys to help fulfill my desires, which I’m fine with, but I can’t quite articulate the complicated feelings surrounding our intimacy. He has expressed a willingness to adopt more dominant traits as our connection progresses, but I haven’t seen much evidence of that yet. In previous instances, I'd convey my desire to be held from behind, but those moments have been fleeting. Perhaps our needs and expectations simply aren’t compatible? I genuinely want this to work, but I worry I might be overly critical and focusing only on the negatives. When he presents himself in a more masculine manner, I find it incredibly attractive, but it often doesn't last long. Maybe he needs time to explore and discover himself as well? I’m just voicing the questions that swirl in my mind without concrete answers. What I’m looking to understand from the Reddit community is whether this situation has potential for improvement in the long run. He has shown appreciation for the advice I offer on embracing a more masculine style, and I've considered visiting his home to help him dress that way. I also try to include him in outings with my friends so he can gain some needed “bro time” and gather insights. He has acknowledged his dissatisfaction with his current behavior and how it’s influenced by his friends, and I’m trying to be patient. I’ll stop here since I’ve shared a lot. Please refrain from explicit comments or advice regarding intimacy.

Fresh romance and challenges

Sure! Here’s a rewritten version of your text: --- I [25F] and my partner [23NB], who have been together for two years, recently discovered that we both have a crush on someone [22M]—for the sake of this story, I’ll refer to him as "Crush" and my partner as "P." To give you some background: P and I have been discussing the idea of opening our relationship for over six months since we both felt a desire for someone else. Although we never acted on it initially, I brought up the possibility of a third person, and we agreed to see how things unfolded if we met someone we both liked. I've had some poly relationships in the past, but they were toxic and ultimately disappointing experiences. P has also had polyamorous relationships and is fully comfortable with the concept. We agreed to take things slowly, and P was okay with remaining exclusive for as long as I preferred. Fast forward to about a month ago when we met Crush. I immediately felt a strong connection with him—he's attractive, kind, stylish, and incredibly cool. We hit it off remarkably well, sharing the same vibes, music tastes, and laughter. We spent hours playing video games, watching videos, and even doing each other's hair, sometimes just the three of us, sometimes with friends. P and I shared how massive our crush was on him and decided to continue seeing him to explore where it could lead. We even asked Crush if he felt similarly, but he responded that he saw us as "just friends." That was okay, though; we both love him dearly because he’s just that wonderful (considering P and I have trust issues with men due to past traumas, having a crush on one felt unsettling yet right because he’s so lovable). So, we kept it at the notion of a friendship with a crush. A week ago, P went to visit their parents, who invited Crush and me to join them in the countryside while they were away. At first, Crush hesitated but ultimately decided to come. When I got that text saying, "We’re going to P’s," I can’t express how thrilled I felt! Crush and I took the train together to meet P, and it was such a fantastic time. We had long, poetic walks under the stars, shared many laughs, and felt truly alive. He even initiated some physical contact, like holding us while we admired the full moon from a mountaintop—it was so romantic. We spent the time having fun and sharing some intimate moments. By the second day, however, I sensed some confusion from Crush regarding his feelings, even though we agreed to keep things friendship-focused despite our strong feelings for him. On the final day, the bond between the three of us deepened, and I began to realize that my feelings for Crush were more than just a crush. P felt the same way. We took the train back home and decided to go to Crush’s place after. Long story short, we were cuddly and affectionate, and I kissed Crush, to which he responded positively. This led to an intimate moment among the three of us, although I experienced a little panic attack during it. After talking through my feelings and the traumas that triggered it, he was incredibly understanding and sweet. We had another intimate moment the next morning, which was delightful. We stayed an additional day (yesterday, as I write this), but later that night, I felt a wave of jealousy and panic. I worried that P and Crush might initiate intimacy without me, which I know they would never do; they’re very respectful. I think it’s just my deep-rooted issues surfacing. I shared my feelings with them, and they reassured me, but this morning, I found myself feeling a strange mix of anger and sadness. I don’t want to jeopardize this amazing situation we have, as Crush is genuinely into both P and me, and we share a lot of affection for each other. I’m terrified that my insecurities will push them away. Please, I could really use some guidance. I love them both so much, and I feel utterly lost. Ugh!

I’m a 29-year-old female, and my husband, who is 30, has started wearing women’s clothing at home. Has anyone experienced something similar and can share what the future might hold?

My husband, who is 30, has been wearing women's clothes at home—such as pajamas, underwear, and bras—for the past six months. I’m 29 and have been supportive because he shared that this is something he has long wanted to explore. Whenever he stops wearing these clothes for a while, he feels like it’s something he can't shake off, and he finds less enjoyment in men’s clothing and shopping for it. As a result, he has accumulated a significant amount of women's clothing, underwear, shoes, and makeup. However, this change has affected our intimacy; I find it difficult to feel attracted to him when he’s dressed this way or speaking to me as his “bestie.” He is aware of this and has even encouraged me to explore self-pleasure instead. For context, I’m a generally attractive woman who stays fit and receives compliments often. In my previous relationships, I never faced such issues, and my sexual experiences were great. We’ve been married for three years, and I'm uncertain about where this situation might lead, especially since I've spoken with him about his sexuality. He insists that he has no attraction to men or women, but he enjoys wearing women’s clothing. This wasn’t what I expected when we got married, and I miss my husband. It’s challenging for me to be patient while he navigates this new aspect of himself. Although he has no intention of wearing these clothes in public, I still feel like I’m living with a cross-dresser who acts more like a friend than a partner. He expresses love for me, but we often refer to each other as “girl” or “bestie.” This shift began just six months ago, and he claims he never had such thoughts before. Has anyone else been through a similar experience? I could really use some insight.

What type of relationship is this? I could use some advice or insights.

I'm a 23-year-old man, and my close friend, who is 22, and I share an intimate bond that resembles that of a couple, even though we are both straight. We spend nearly all our time together, often cuddling and holding hands, and we frequently have each other on our minds. Our friends often speculate that we might be in a romantic relationship. Despite this, after much reflection, we've concluded that we aren't sexually compatible, even though we sometimes wish it were different. We've talked openly about the possibility of having a sexual relationship, but each time, we find that we wouldn't enjoy it since we're only attracted to women. We both often imagine what it would be like if the other were a woman. While theoretically, one of us transitioning might address this issue, we've both come to realize through introspection that we are happiest as cis men. What does this relationship mean, and how can we navigate it? Both of us find it frustrating, and we lack resources for guidance. I'm concerned that this dynamic might be affecting our ability to connect with women. We're at a loss for how to unravel or even articulate the odd tension between us.

I have a sense of guilt...

I'm a 19-year-old woman, and loneliness has been a constant in my life. I've struggled to make friends and have always felt like I had no one to reach out to or share my experiences with. My family is quite strict and judgmental, which has led me to keep my feelings bottled up. A few months ago, I connected with someone online through a community I belong to. Our initial exchanges were light-hearted and flirty, which was enjoyable at first. However, as time passed, she admitted to developing feelings for me. Upon hearing this, I considered pulling back, as I didn't feel the same way. I deeply valued her friendship but saw her more as a best friend than a romantic partner. As we continued to talk, her attention and care began to mean a lot to me—something I had never truly felt before. It made me question if I might have feelings for her, or perhaps I just wanted to believe that I did. I started to wonder if I had misinterpreted my own emotions. She was always supportive, never judgmental, and cared for me in ways I had never experienced. Eventually, I confessed my feelings to her, despite having always identified as straight. Everything seemed to be going well; we texted daily and even had phone calls. Now, with Valentine's Day approaching, she has been discussing love and the nature of our relationship more often, and I'm feeling really conflicted. When I reflect on my feelings, I don't feel as strongly as I thought I did. I feel terrible because I recognize how much she genuinely cares about me, and the last thing I want to do is hurt her. She has faced so much already, and I fear I might be giving her false hope only to take it away. This is especially hard for me because I don’t want to keep pretending if my feelings aren’t authentic. For a few days now, I’ve been avoiding her messages because I'm unsure how to express this to her. I feel selfish for not figuring this out sooner, and the idea of breaking her heart fills me with guilt. I find it hard to be open with her about my feelings, and I feel like I’ve made a mistake. I really need some advice on how to navigate this without inflicting more pain on her.

Guidance for Relationships and Friendships

Throwaway account for privacy reasons. To start, I recognize that I've made a lot of mistakes. I'm a 23-year-old guy in love with my gay friend, who is 20. He's currently in a very unhealthy relationship, and I've heard both sides of the story. It's essentially a dead-end situation, as I've been told. I've already confessed my feelings to him, which I realize might not have been the best move, but I tend to value honesty highly, perhaps to my own detriment. It's also important to mention that he's struggling with depression. We’ve agreed to remain friends, but I’m feeling lost about how to navigate this situation. This is my first experience with love, and while I genuinely want to support him through his depression, I can't help but hold onto a small glimmer of hope for us. We've had several discussions about it, but everything has become complicated since I revealed my feelings. I don't want to lose him, and I know he needs my support, but I’m uncertain how much longer I can manage these feelings without it affecting our friendship. I appreciate any insights or advice; I just need a fresh perspective. Thank you.

Have I made a mistake?

I (18M) was in a talking stage with an 18F who identifies as bisexual, which I'm totally okay with. At the beginning of our conversations, she said she would call me to chat, but she never followed through. I didn’t think much of it until two days ago when she got really drunk and, based on her messages, she told her dad she's bisexual, and he reacted with anger. I wanted to be supportive, so I suggested, “We can always talk about it if you want since you still owe me that call, lol.” She replied, “I don’t owe you anything.” I quickly apologized, clarifying that I was just joking. She read my texts but has since deleted her Instagram and blocked me on TikTok. I tried reaching out via text, but she hasn’t responded. Did I do something wrong? Also, it’s worth mentioning that just 10 minutes before this, she was flirting with me, saying she could “beat my cute ass” in a fight and called me "baby" with a heart emoji. I'm just really upset about the whole situation.

I've never been attracted to a man or masculine person before, but now I (24F) have feelings for my close friend (21M). How does this happen?

Hey! So, here’s the quick version: I'm a 24-year-old woman who has only ever been attracted to women. However, I recently developed feelings for one of my closest friends, who is a very androgynous guy, and it's left me feeling quite confused 😭. I’ve already come to terms with what this means for my sexuality, but navigating this situation is tricky for a couple of reasons: he’s a great friend and he’s a man. I’ve been dropping hints, but I can’t tell if he’s not picking up on them because he doesn’t want to acknowledge them or if I need to be more direct. I’m uncertain. The full story is below. Let’s call my friend Youssef ❤️. We met online about two years ago while creating content in the same niche on TikTok. We followed each other and quickly started chatting, which turned into daily voice notes and texts. Our bond has grown strong, and it’s been wonderful! He lives in my home country, while I’m in the U.S. When I visited family last summer, he was the only friend I made time to see—even though I didn’t have feelings for him then, I just knew I wanted to spend time with him. I felt butterflies the whole time, but I didn’t think much of it since he had a boyfriend and I didn’t consider myself attracted to anyone who wasn’t a woman. Fast forward a few months to December: Youssef shared that he had broken up with his boyfriend and I was the first person he told. As he opened up to me, I felt an unfamiliar ache in my heart, realizing how much I truly cared for him. I started replaying his voice notes and reminiscing about our messages, ultimately identifying my feelings as a crush. After a bit of an identity crisis regarding my sexuality, I fully embraced it and began crushing hard, lol. Here’s the catch—he identifies as pansexual but mostly dates men. When we became friends, I mentioned I was a lesbian, which we joked about, and I even said he’d be my type if I liked men 🥲. As the months went by, I began overanalyzing our friendship, thinking maybe I was overstepping. Even though we flirted playfully—typical of our queer friendship—I started toning that down a bit. Early January, he shared a bunch of pictures of himself with friends, and one included us. I messaged him, saying, "Omg, all your friends are so cute, look at us ❤️," to which he replied, “We’re all sexy, be real... I would date every single one of us, including you." I was totally shocked! It felt like he was giving me more than just friendly vibes, and my crush reignited. There’s definitely been a lot of flirtation between us, but sometimes I can’t tell if it’s just playful banter or if he actually feels something for me. Here are a few examples to help clarify: Signs he might like me: - He used to comment on my TikToks complimenting me like he does with people he likes, saying things like, “Damn, you look so good, cutie.” - He sends me TikToks with sexual jokes. - He talks about what he wants in a partner and lists traits I have, then mentions, “If only someone like that was in our country…” (I want to move back, so who knows?) - He frequently expresses how much he wishes I could be there for activities or celebrations. - When I first met him, I let slip that I kind of liked him, and he got excited about it but then later lamented that the right people for him aren’t in our country. Signs that confuse me: - He recently mentioned a crush on a mutual friend I introduced him to and keeps talking about them but adds that it won’t lead anywhere. - When I jokingly suggest I could be into men, he doesn’t seem to react. He only responds to other parts of the conversation. - After I told him about a friend getting engaged, he expressed a desire for us to live authentically and then sent me a mildly flirty message an hour later. This left me wondering if he still sees me strictly as a lesbian or if he doesn’t recognize that I could like him. What do you think? I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship, so I’m keeping the flirting light. I’m curious to know if he might feel the same or if I should just let it go and continue being friends. Thanks for reading and for your thoughts!

Ways to show love to my girlfriend

I'm facing a somewhat unique challenge in my relationship. My girlfriend and I (in a wlw relationship) have been navigating our different ways of expressing love. While we both cherish physical touch—even simple gestures like holding hands—things get a bit tricky when we're out in public. I struggle with anxiety and come from a strict, homophobic upbringing, which leads me to shy away from any public displays of affection. On the other hand, she enjoys showing affection openly and often feels down about my discomfort, although she makes an effort to understand my perspective. I'm looking for advice on how to make her feel loved in a way that aligns with both of our needs or how I can manage my anxiety about being queer in public. I live in a fairly accepting city, but it's hard to shake the habits I developed growing up. Any suggestions would be deeply appreciated!

Feeling conflicted and longing to be with a woman... despite being in a relationship with my boyfriend.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly three years, and I truly love him. We're both in eleventh grade, and he means the world to me. He often talks about wanting to marry me, and while I do love him and sometimes share those feelings, I can't shake this intense desire to kiss a girl. It all started with curiosity, but now it feels like an essential part of what I need to experience in my life. I'm so confused. I care about him deeply, but I know our relationship may not last forever—he hopes it will, but I’m aware of the statistics. My biggest fear is the thought of being with him for my entire life, which sounds terrible, I know. Maybe we’ll make it through high school together, and possibly even part of college, but I feel a strong urge to date a girl, and I can't emphasize that enough. Sometimes, this confusion and sense of regret consume my thoughts. I love him, I’m attracted to him—everything about our relationship feels real. Yet, I just can’t envision a long-term future with him.