Relationship advices

I believe I have a plan, but I would appreciate some advice.

My wife (48) and I (36) have been navigating a divorce. I believe I can't fully mend our relationship until she can let go of my past actions. I'm also focused on taking responsibility for my mistakes while remaining humble in my apologies. Throughout our 15-year relationship, I have emotionally cheated several times. I thought we had resolved these issues, but even though she insists she forgave me for various infractions, she often expresses how hurt she still feels by them. I struggled to accept accountability for my actions, and this led her to reflect on our entire time together, resulting in her perceiving my behavior as abusive and manipulative. I acknowledge that her perception is valid, even if those actions were not intentional. As my therapist points out, "Everyone has their own truth, shaped by their perceptions." Just because I don’t see my actions in the same light doesn’t mean she doesn't perceive them as harmful. Now, a year into this process, I find myself in a position where I never wanted a divorce. After everything unfolded, I opened up completely, allowing her access to everything. She uncovered instances she believes are cheating, along with other things like a single Google search about divorce or paternity. I recognize that I should have cleared my browser history, and she interprets this as proof that I've always wanted a divorce and never trusted her. From my perspective, both of those claims are untrue. We attempted couples therapy, but it was brief, as she decided it wasn't beneficial and chose to stop. I want to work through our issues, particularly for our children. At one time, I was invested in repairing our relationship, and while I still love her, the ongoing "reactive abuse" is diminishing my interest. I've been in therapy throughout this journey, committed to personal growth. I understand I'm far from perfect, and I've come to realize that many of my current struggles originate from childhood abandonment trauma, which is being triggered by her decision to divorce. But whether this situation is my fault, her fault, or simply a series of unfortunate circumstances seems to weigh heavily on her. I'm working on viewing our situation without judgment. We have a back-and-forth dynamic, particularly when she needs support. If she's unwell or needs assistance, I will drop everything to help. I hope that my support is contributing to her well-being, but I also acknowledge that my help primarily consists of caring for the kids and maintaining our family home. I'm uncertain about what to do next. I want to explore the possibility of repairing our relationship, but I find myself questioning whether my desire to be together is for our sake or for the children’s benefit. She may read this and it could lead to further complications. I feel I lack a trustworthy person to discuss these feelings with in real life, apart from my therapist.

Are there any dates that could help me (19F) and my boyfriend (18M) bond more?

My boyfriend and I have been facing some challenges lately. I haven’t been the best partner, but I feel incredibly lucky that he decided to give us another chance today. With that in mind, how can I make today feel more special than a typical day? It’s just a regular workday, and I’ll see him during lunch, followed by spending the evening together at home. What are some activities I can plan for tonight that will help us connect on a deeper level? I’m looking for semi-inexpensive, indoor ideas for our date that will strengthen our bond.

I discovered that my girlfriend has a past with her best friend and roommate.

I, a 25-year-old female, and my girlfriend, also 25, have been together for over a year, and it's been incredible. We've shared countless adventures and I've never felt more like myself than when I'm with her. Recently, we've been discussing the possibility of moving in together and our future plans. My trust and love for her run deep, and the thought of the life we could create together excites me. However, this weekend, I discovered something that’s been troubling me, and I'm seeking advice on how to navigate it. To provide some background, my girlfriend has a best friend, whom I'll refer to as S, a 25-year-old female who lives with her. They've been best friends for years, and I've grown close to S since we started dating. I was aware of their close bond, like family, so I never thought much about it. That changed this weekend. We were enjoying a cozy evening, cooking dinner, sipping wine, and listening to music. While scrolling through our phones, we stumbled upon an old photo of my girlfriend and S that seemed quite intimate, depicting a romantic dinner together. In jest, I remarked, "Ooh, romantic. Did you guys kiss or something?" She seemed flustered and kept insisting, "Ew, no," but never clearly said no. This struck me as odd, so I teasingly said, "You’re acting like you hooked up or something." Again, she became flustered without definitively denying it. I felt unsettled for the rest of the evening but decided not to press further. After watching a movie, we went to bed, but the following morning, I brought it up again. She still wouldn’t provide a direct answer, suggesting we discuss it later. At that moment, I was anxious and confused. Eventually, she confessed that a few years ago, when they first met, they had hooked up a few times, both regretting it and wishing it hadn't happened. A few times? Naturally, I was upset, especially since it felt like I had to pry the truth out of her after our year together. I would have preferred to know from the start, no matter how uncomfortable it might have been. We talked it over, and she apologized for not disclosing this sooner, explaining that she didn’t want to create tension or risk losing me. However, now that I know, I feel it's important to establish some boundaries. For instance, their shared bed when they travel together makes me extremely uncomfortable. She couldn’t understand why this bothered me, asserting they’re just friends and would never act on anything. But despite knowing they wouldn't now, the thought of her sleeping next to someone she had once been intimate with disturbs me. This situation has prompted me to reevaluate many discussions I've had with both my girlfriend and S over the past year. I'm left questioning things that I previously took for granted. It's a strange predicament I never expected to find myself in.

What’s going on with my friend, and how should I respond?

I (20, female) have been friends with another girl (also 20) since we started college together three years ago. She has faced numerous hardships, including divorced parents due to domestic violence, an absent father, severe daddy issues (which I also relate to), obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, compulsive shopping, and an eating disorder that alternates between anorexia and binge eating. I genuinely liked her, and I still care about her. She has shown me deep affection. However, she recently took actions that I cannot ignore. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend last November because he was verbally and emotionally abusive. That story is long and deserves its own post; suffice it to say, I was ready to end things long before the breakup. My friend was supportive during this tough time, offering reassurance that truly helped. However, two weeks post-breakup, I reconnected with an old flame, and things quickly progressed into dating again. I wouldn’t have moved on so fast if I hadn’t been emotionally detached from my ex since August, and now, I don’t have any regrets. My current boyfriend is supportive, a much better match, and he actually likes me for who I am, which makes me very happy. The issue lies with my friend, who is not genuinely happy for me. At first, I thought she might have been put off by how fast things were moving, which I could understand. But soon, she began acting strangely and obsessively. One day, while my boyfriend and I were having lunch on campus, she asked to join us. Once there, she started insulting him in thinly veiled “jokes,” and when he kissed my hand, she shouted that he was a psychopath who might harm me. When I confronted her later, she dismissed it as a joke, but it certainly didn’t seem that way. My boyfriend later informed me that she had touched him inappropriately while I wasn't looking, which made me furious. I controlled my anger and approached her to discuss what happened, but she denied any wrongdoing. She launched into rants about how the “cool girls” in class supposedly hated us (they don’t), and claimed everyone was jealous of her because, despite being "fat," she had hooked up with one guy and was best friends with another (which she isn’t). She insulted our classmates, calling them ugly and brainless. It was shocking to hear, and I felt physically ill. Then she had the audacity to say she didn’t talk badly about them because she wasn't like them. It was clear she was deeply deluded and arrogant. Her comments about my body have also been weird and unsettling. She often talks about my appearance rather than seeing me as a person. The way she talks is reminiscent of misogynistic men objectifying women, which makes me uncomfortable. While I share my insecurities with her, she fixates solely on how I look, which feels incredibly objectifying and creepy. She's also overly curious about my relationship, asking intrusive questions about how my boyfriend dresses, kisses, and treats me. It’s all quite unsettling. Recently, when my boyfriend visited again, she ordered us to kiss in front of her. My initial reaction was one of disbelief. She insisted he looked like he wanted a kiss. I didn’t want to give her that kind of control, but I felt compelled to kiss him to avoid sending the wrong message. After that, she reverted almost to normal, albeit still ridiculing him. My boyfriend, being the respectful person he is, tries to be polite to my friends, but my best friend ultimately scolded her for her behavior. I was too stunned by her actions to react defensively, and I often take my time to process situations before acting. My best friend and I had made plans, including her, but I started to feel unsafe around her. I asked if I could bring my boyfriend along for safety, and she agreed, expressing concern for my well-being. Then my friend asked if I was acting like a “pick me” because I left a lipstick mark on my boyfriend's cheek. It made me uncomfortable, given that he is my boyfriend; why shouldn’t I mark him? She later acted as if nothing had happened, which should have felt good but just left me feeling distrustful. I’ve even had nightmares about her harming me, and my parents have warned me against accepting anything from her. I feel obligated to forgive her, knowing she has her issues, but I'm struggling with feelings of distrust. What if she turns against me again? It feels like she views me as competition, leaving me feeling unsafe. Am I just being paranoid?

I lost the one who genuinely cared for me, and I’m at a loss on how to cope with it...

**College Story - (M20)** I'm not quite sure why I'm sharing this, but I need to pour out what I’ve been holding in. It’s been a month since I lost her, and I still can’t seem to move on. I've isolated myself—no friends around, deleted my Instagram, and without distractions like singing or music. It feels like I'm trapped in an endless cycle of regret and pain. **Chapter 1: The Perfect Illusion** I lost her—the one person who loved me wholeheartedly. She was the only girl who truly understood me, who stood by me, fought for me, and made me feel enough. And I messed it all up. She was my first in so many ways—not just romantically, but in life. She was the first person I studied with late into the night, the first girl I danced with in the rain, the first one to see my worst side and still choose me. She took care of me when I was ill, made sure I was eating right, and checked in on me. She was the first to teach me what love really is, motivating and encouraging me through everything. She was the first person I trusted with my deepest secrets and dreams. Now she’s gone, and I don’t know how to cope without her. I used to remember every little detail—the outfit she wore on our first date, the way her face lit up with genuine happiness, her incredible coding skills, and how she'd lie on my chest sharing her dreams. I wrote her letters, made handmade cards, and apologized whenever we argued. She once told me, “This is the best relationship I’ve ever had,” and I believed her. She was my home. We had our special moments—our own songs, our inside jokes, our favorite films. She loved *Jab We Met*, and I even recreated the dance scene from *Tum Se Hi* just to bring her a smile. We had the same birthday week, and we both adored a singer who sadly passed away around that time. All of those small things felt like destiny. But then, I shattered it. Like all couples, we had our fights, but we never let them linger—until one day when we had the worst argument. She accused me of not giving her enough time, that I had stopped putting in the effort. She was right. I was spending more time with friends, thinking she would always be there. I took her for granted. In anger, she broke up with me, and for the first time, she didn’t come back. I assumed it was over, so when another girl from my friend group expressed interest in me, I went along with it. I messed up; I should have known better but was just trying to fill the void. Two days later, my girlfriend wanted to reconcile. That’s when it hit me—I didn’t want anyone else. I cut off the other girl immediately and went back to my girlfriend. However, something had shifted. We began arguing more often. When I asked if she was happy, I foolishly said, “If you’re not happy, you should find someone who understands you better.” That was the worst thing to say. It made her doubt everything, and instead of repairing things, I made another mistake. I started talking to the other girl again, thinking I could handle it. We grew closer, sharing things I should have only shared with my girlfriend. As I confided in her about my struggles, she revealed her past. I let her in at one of my lowest points. Then my girlfriend sent me a long message listing our issues, and I became confused. But soon, I realized that my feelings for the other girl weren’t the same as what I had with my girlfriend. So I told her we should just be friends with limited interaction—nothing more. I stopped talking to the other girl, hoping that would resolve everything. But it was too late. **Chapter 2: The Fall** My girlfriend found out. She called the other girl, who twisted the truth to make me look terrible. She told my girlfriend that I had been leading her on, that I was playing both sides. My girlfriend initially believed her and even manipulated our friends into thinking I was entirely at fault. I can’t deny I was wrong, but so was she. Just like that, I lost it all... At home, my girlfriend felt crushed. When her parents found out, they urged her to stop speaking to me. Despite this, she tried to fix things, and I was trying too, but our past kept resurfacing. We attempted to work through things over a few days, but she still complained and fought with me. Yet, I was determined to reconcile completely. She didn’t leave right away. Knowing our exams were approaching, she stayed to support me. But once our papers ended, she walked away and blocked me on all platforms. I begged, cried, and even resorted to self-harm out of heartbreak. I even shaved my beard for the first time since ninth grade, which had become my confidence. I did it to remind myself of the pain I had caused to someone who only wanted to love me. My family was shocked by my transformation, but it changed nothing. She told me, “You broke my trust. You broke my heart. You broke me,” and added, “I’m 20. I can find someone better than you.” That crushed my spirit. We had been communicating when she was home, and one day she mentioned liking someone else. I didn’t believe her at first, thinking it was a way to push me away, but it turned out to be true. Now she’s with someone new. Today, I saw her, and she talked about the guy she’s dating. My heart sank with every word she spoke, describing how they were bonding, sharing photos, and feeling an undeniable connection. It was like reliving our moments through her descriptions. She talked about their shared ambitions as if it were preordained. I begged her to come back, losing all sense of dignity and self-respect—I desperately want her back. It eats away at me every day. She seems to take pleasure in this, showcasing her new relationship in front of me. She casually mentions everything they do together, even calling him while I’m there, as if to provoke jealousy. It feels like she enjoys making me envious. She had a minor crush on him before, and I can’t help but think that’s the reason she pursued him now. She’s giving him the attention I once received, and I'm left feeling abandoned. I keep questioning if I’m overthinking things or if she’s genuinely connecting with him. Shouldn’t I deserve just one more chance to prove I can be with her and marry her? What hurts even more is that due to my past mistakes and flirty behavior, people labeled me a playboy. Now, my friends, seniors, and her new boyfriend suggest she avoids him because he has a similar reputation. It feels like my self-obsession has led to my downfall, and because of that, I’ve lost everything. **Chapter 3: The Reckoning** The most terrifying thought lingers—will I ever find love again? Will anyone ever love me like she did? Do I even deserve it? I’m unsure what I hope to achieve by posting this. I just need someone to tell me—what should I do now? Should I attempt one last time to reach out? Should I wait, hoping she’ll unblock me? Or should I finally accept that I’ve lost the one person who truly loved me? Any advice or suggestions would mean the world to me.

My 27-year-old sister and my 50-year-old mom had a disagreement right before my trip to Thailand.

Firstly, I apologize for any grammatical errors; English is not my first language. To begin, I'm a 21-year-old man, and about a month ago, my 56-year-old father asked me to join him in Thailand. I seized the opportunity to travel, as it has always been a dream of mine. However, this is my first time flying alone, especially on a long 15-hour flight, and I tend to be quite anxious. To help me cope, my 50-year-old mother organized a dinner with my sister, who is 27, and me, followed by a trip to the airport together the next day. We went to a lovely Greek restaurant, and when we got home, I wanted to play one last game with my friends. During the game, my sister and mother ended up arguing. They have a turbulent relationship, as my sister had a troubled adolescence; she ran away, experimented with drugs, stole from my mom, and a lot more. After the game, I went to see what was happening, and they were screaming at each other. I asked them to stop, but they didn’t listen. My sister became very angry and started hurling insults at my mom, calling her "the worst mother." I had only asked them to calm down, but then she directed her anger at me too. My mother and I are really close; my sister was absent for much of my childhood. My sister accused my mom of always protecting me, despite her own absence. I noticed that my sister had dilated pupils, which made me think she might have been using something, and the alcohol certainly didn’t help (I don't drink, but they do). Things escalated when my sister became physical, slapping my mom, who then just pushed her away. I stepped in to intervene, and while my sister calmed down somewhat, she continued to hurl insults before storming out. I can't shake the feeling that this is my fault. I don’t understand how things got so out of control, especially since we had been working to mend our relationships lately. My sister and I had been talking almost every day since my mom's struggles with depression, and now I'm leaving with the guilt of having created this situation when I only wanted to enjoy a nice evening with my family. I have a flight tomorrow, and I'm really seeking some advice. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I hope it makes sense because I don’t have anyone else to talk to.

26-Year-Old Woman Dating a 29-Year-Old Man for Two Months – Is This a Phase of Withdrawal or Something Different?

I’m a 26-year-old woman and have been seeing a 29-year-old guy for two months. Things were going pretty well until we had a disagreement three days ago. Before that, I noticed he started texting me less, but I didn't mention it at first. When I get close to my period, I tend to feel more emotional and needy, so I asked him if he really liked me. That didn’t go over well; he got frustrated and said it felt like I just wanted to fight, and he wasn’t going to engage in that. We eventually managed to talk it out, and I thought we were over the hump. However, the next day (Monday), he didn’t message me at all. I figured he was busy at work, so I reached out to him first. He replied after work, explaining it had been a hectic day. I told him I had dinner with friends, and he seemed surprised, responding, “Oh really? Okay.” That night, I wished him goodnight, but he never replied. Tuesday passed without any word from him. I didn’t reach out either, but I hoped he would. Now it’s Wednesday, and I still haven’t heard back. This morning, I sent him a message, saying, “Hey, I just wanted to check in. I’ve been thinking about you and hope you’re okay.” Still no response. I’m trying to understand what’s going on. I’ve heard that some guys tend to "pull away" in relationships, but is that what’s happening here, or is it something different? Has anyone else dealt with similar behavior early in a relationship? If so, how did you handle it? I’d love to hear your thoughts!

I (28F) am considering ending my relationship with my boyfriend (28M), but I'm unsure how to have a constructive conversation about the reasons behind my feelings in an effort to salvage our relationship.

**TL;DR: I'm contemplating breaking up with my boyfriend, but I'd like to have a conversation first to discuss our issues and see if we can resolve them.** My main concerns are that he requires too much of my time and attention, and his negativity is becoming overwhelming. We've touched on the first issue, but he tends to get hurt when I mention needing space. The second issue has been harder to address because I struggle with how to tell him that I'm tired of hearing about his unhappiness without coming off as insensitive, and discussions about his anger often turn into arguments about his yelling. I need help on how to communicate these topics effectively and navigate the potential end of our relationship, especially since we live together, share a lease, and have a pet. Thank you for your advice. Please understand that if I come across as cold, it's out of frustration. I've been in this relationship for three years and have lived together for two and a half. I still care about him, but moving in together may have been premature, and I'm thinking about breaking up due to feelings that have been building over time. However, I think it's only fair to talk things through before making a decision. This is my first relationship, so I'm not sure how to go about it. 1. **I need my own space.** When we first started dating, I felt differently, but by the end of the first year, I started feeling frustrated with constantly being together, and that frustration has been growing. My boyfriend doesn't leave the house much—his work hours are shorter than mine, and he’s often unemployed. Most of his activities happen online, and when he does go out, he usually wants me to come along. Our apartment is small, and his presence is always there. He also craves constant conversation. The moment I get home, he jumps up to fill me in on his day, and he communicates with me throughout the day, even if I’m busy. He wants to do everything together, from eating dinner to watching shows, and he talks a lot, which often makes tasks take longer than necessary. I rarely get a chance to express my own thoughts. I need peace and quiet, alone time, and privacy, none of which I currently have. Whenever I've tried to express this need, he feels hurt and suggests I might be trying to push him out of my life. I miss the early days of dating when we could enjoy each other's company without living together. I even proposed the idea of living apart, given our different preferences for where to stay, but he dismissed it, saying I wasn't making sacrifices for our relationship. 2. **His negativity weighs me down.** He often expresses dissatisfaction with work, money, and life in general, which affects our conversations. Although he can be persuaded to try new things, it often comes after a lot of resistance and grumpiness, and he doesn't seem to learn from those experiences. Additionally, he reacts defensively when I point out his anger or yelling. He insists he’s not yelling, even when it’s clear to me that he is. I feel frustrated that I'm unable to communicate these feelings without escalating into a confrontation. I'm nostalgic for the earlier, happier times in our relationship, and I wonder if we had taken more time to develop our bond before moving in together, we might have avoided some of these issues. Now, living together complicates matters; if we argue, there's no real escape, and if we decide to break up, what happens to our lease and our cat? Any advice on how to approach this conversation and handle the aftermath would be greatly appreciated.

21F and 21M. Is there a solution to this?

Hi, I’m a 21-year-old woman and I've been dating my boyfriend, who is also 21. A couple of days ago, we had a major argument. My boyfriend has expressed interest in threesomes and similar topics. He asked if I had a video of me with my ex, who is 22. I told him no because I genuinely believed I didn’t have any since I recently got a new phone a few months ago and hadn’t transferred much to it. I carry my old phone with me, but I only use it for music. After he kept asking, I finally agreed to check my old phone and ended up finding a video. I mentioned it to him, and he asked me to send it. Despite my instincts telling me this could lead to trouble, I sent it because I wanted to make him happy, as he claimed he was turned on by the idea of seeing me with someone else. Almost immediately after, he asked me to delete it from our chat and became upset about a lot of things, leaving me confused. I wondered why he even wanted to see it in the first place. I know I shouldn’t have sent it, but I did. He was really hurt about various issues, and I’ve tried to explain that I can’t change my past and that my focus is on him and our future together. It’s been a few days now, and his mood swings are really affecting our relationship. He even mentioned that sometimes when he looks at me, he feels like crying.

My partner (37m) is not providing support for my health issues.

Context: We are engaged and have been together for six years. We have a young child and own a home together. I’m currently in a highly stressful job that is causing me high blood pressure and frequent panic attacks. I feel like I’m on the verge of a breakdown. I'm finding it challenging to search for a new job that fits around childcare and my partner's ever-changing hours. I’ve reached a point where I feel I can't handle it anymore, and my partner is unwilling to support me if I choose to quit my job. I take care of household responsibilities, including cooking and cleaning. I prepare dinner for him every day. I’m not neglecting my own well-being or moping around the house, but the demands of my job are overwhelming me, and I'm genuinely concerned for my physical and mental health. I'm not sure what advice I’m seeking, but I’m struggling with the reality of marrying someone who seems to dismiss the commitment of “in sickness and in health.” I don't want to depend on him; I simply need some time to search for another job.

How can I express my regret without actually saying the words "I'm sorry"?

My boyfriend (19M) and I (18M) have a really close and fantastic relationship, and we just celebrated our four-month anniversary. However, there are times when he gets annoyed, irritated, or quiet if something goes wrong at work, home, or elsewhere. When I do something that bothers him, I often try to apologize, but he responds with comments like, "You should know by now I dislike apologies." This leaves me at a loss for words—I just don’t know how to respond beyond saying I'm sorry. It's a tough situation for me, and it tends to make me shut down. I've asked him what he'd prefer I say instead, but he also doesn’t seem to have an answer. Any advice would be appreciated!

21-year-old male / 21-year-old female girlfriend has a past with her male friend.

My girlfriend and I had been together for 10 months when she admitted to kissing a close friend of hers a few months prior to our relationship. She reassured me that she never had any romantic feelings for him, but it made me reconsider a previous instance when she mentioned wanting to buy something from him but ended up spending over an hour driving around with him, which struck me as odd at the time. Intrigued about their connection, I reviewed their text messages and found some unsettling exchanges. Before we started dating, she had invited him to spend the night, and at one point, they spoke frequently. She maintains that she never had feelings for him, regrets the kiss, and asserts that they never discussed it again. While I can't alter what occurred before we met, what frustrates me is that she continued to make an effort to see and spend time with him while we were together. I've already tried to end things twice because I view her actions as a form of cheating; it’s hard to believe a girl would invite a guy over for a sleepover without some underlying attraction. She became distressed, insisting she doesn't want to be seen that way and believes we can still make it work, but honestly, I feel foolish for sticking around. Should I break up with her because I see this as cheating, or should I stay and hope she proves that she won’t engage in this behavior anymore?

34F in a long-term relationship with my best guy friend, who is 29M, for 11 years.

I have a friend whom I've known for years; we met in 2015 at work. That's also where I met my ex. Throughout my relationship, my best friend was always my rock, offering support and a shoulder to cry on. When I finally broke up with my ex, things took an unexpected turn. My best friend started flirting with me, and I went along with it until he suggested we get a hotel room. That caught me off guard, and I ended up ghosting him, feeling like he was treating me as if I were just another girl. Fast forward to 2024, and we've reconnected. We text every day, he sends me good morning messages, and tells me I'm beautiful. We spend hours watching movies on FaceTime, and he's persistent in reaching out if I don’t reply. I've started developing feelings for him. However, there's a complication: he’s active on Hinge and has been dating a girl. He talks to me about their dates, and I give him advice as his friend, but he keeps mentioning that this summer I can come to his place for the weekend because he has a pool, and he often offers to do things for me. I asked him how he thinks our friendship will work if he ends up in a serious relationship, and he confidently told me that I'm not going anywhere in his life, even if he falls in love. I replied, "I guess we'll see," but it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to handle his connection with this girl. Hearing the details he shares is really hard, yet I haven't found the courage to tell him how I feel. Just last night, we were finishing a movie on FaceTime after he returned from a date. The moment I picked up, his first words were, "Wow, you look so pretty." I thanked him, and then he asked, "How are you not married yet?" That really caught me off guard and left me feeling quite shaken.

I'm seeking guidance.

I'm a guy (18M) and she's a girl (18F), and I need some advice. At first, everything was great, but she's changed a lot. She's started lying to me, and she doesn't give me much attention anymore. I often feel unsure; she acts like she doesn't like me, but at the same time, it seems like she does. When we hang out, she's usually on her phone or asleep, and I find myself begging for just a little bit of her attention. I'm wondering if she still loves me.

My girlfriend didn't seem to care about the one thing I requested for Christmas. Am I overreacting?

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year now, and I've noticed that she's not particularly great at giving gifts. It’s not about being materialistic; rather, she tends to lack thoughtfulness when it comes to choosing gifts or doing something meaningful for me, despite my efforts to be considerate with hers. This year, understanding that she's been low on funds, I told her not to worry about getting me anything. The only thing I truly wanted was for her to play my favorite video game with me. It's a cherished part of my childhood, and sharing that experience felt significant to me. She agreed, but when we finally sat down to play, she was negative the entire time, only lasted about 15 minutes, and then wanted to move on to something else. I tried to overlook it, but honestly, it was disappointing. It wasn't really about the game; I just wanted to share something important to me with her, and it felt like she couldn't even make an effort to engage for more than a few moments. When I mentioned it later, she brushed it off as if it didn’t matter. Now I’m left wondering if I’m overreacting or if this points to a deeper issue in our relationship. Would this be a deal-breaker for you?

My boyfriend who struggles with insecurity.

A few months ago, I entered a relationship with my boyfriend, and recently he has become increasingly insecure about my Instagram posts. He wants me to delete all of them because he thinks I look too attractive. I’m not revealing anything too provocative—just showing off my curvy body a little. Meanwhile, he’s posting what can only be described as his hottest pictures, with most of them being shirtless, and there aren’t many where he’s actually wearing clothes! He follows every girl on Instagram, and when I asked him about it, he said it was good for his reach. I requested that he stop, but he refused, explaining that he’s been doing this since he was single. I pointed out that he’s no longer single and that this behavior hurts me, but he’s focused on becoming an influencer and insists on following back every girl. I feel like I’m not his type since I have a curvy body, and he often sends me pictures of other girls, commenting on how cute or hot they are. He seems to find every lean girl attractive, which is starting to make me dislike my body. I’m about to turn 21, and I really need some advice on what to do in this situation.

I'm currently on a break with my partner and I'm unsure of how to act.

I experienced a significant burnout that left me feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and depression. The turning point came when my partner expressed how harshly I had been treating them and mentioned wanting to take a break. That conversation happened nine days ago. I returned to my home country to focus on managing my anxiety and depression, and now we're navigating a long-distance relationship. My partner is also struggling with depression, which has worsened since the break. They feel guilty for initiating it and are hesitant to express love or even allow me to refer to myself as their boyfriend, which I believe stems from their feelings of guilt. Despite this, my feelings for them remain strong. I want to show them how much I care and win them back, perhaps by doing some romantic gestures or being more affectionate. I worry that if I keep our interactions too casual, I might lose them completely. I'm uncertain about the best way to handle this break, but I genuinely love them and believe I can mend the hurt I caused. I truly see a future together. What steps should I take to address this situation?

My boyfriend was dishonest with me (20M) (19F).

I've been in a relationship with this guy for eight months, and he has truly been the best boyfriend I could ask for. He only focuses on me, showers me with love, flirts with me, and is incredibly patient when I have my moments. Plus, he’s dedicated to his studies and building a career; he really embodies what I would call a "man's man." Despite all the positive things I've experienced with him, there are some concerns that are troubling me. Recently, someone informed me that last year, my boyfriend allegedly harassed a female classmate and was in another relationship, neither of which he mentioned to me. When I tried discussing it with him, he flatly denied both claims, saying he was never in a relationship and that the girl was lying about the harassment because he rejected her. Now I’m wondering: should I trust him? The person who shared this information truly cares for my well-being and wants to help me avoid a toxic relationship. However, he has also told me things in the past that turned out to be completely false, including made-up stories about our mutual friends. Another point of concern is that my boyfriend often comes across as selfish; he tends to brag a lot, even about things he doesn't actually own, and he often lies to show off. At this point, these traits haven’t impacted our relationship, but I worry about how they might affect us in the long run, especially if we get married and have kids. I'm serious about him, but is this behavior sustainable for the future?

How crucial is it for you to fit your partner's "type"?

A few months ago, I (40/F) connected with someone on a dating app, and we hit it off almost instantly from our very first message. We’ve grown quite close and developed strong feelings for each other. They’ve been an excellent communicator and listener, showing affection and attentiveness, and our conversations are filled with laughter and depth. Recently, we decided to make our relationship official. They’ve even told me on several occasions that they believe I’m their “Forever Person.” The physical chemistry seemed perfect, or so I thought. However, during a casual chat about attraction (I can’t recall the exact topic), I asked what initially drew them to my profile—specifically, whether they were physically attracted to me right away or if that developed with their feelings. I’m not sure why I asked, as I felt confident we were both attracted to each other. The response surprised me; they mentioned they sometimes like to go for something different than their usual type. When I sought clarification, they described what their typical attraction is, which sounded almost completely different from me, except for a few traits. I asked why they chose to be in a relationship with me if I’m not their usual type, and they said it was because of our vibe and conversations, and they didn’t want to lose that connection. This left me feeling that while they care for me, they might not be physically attracted to me. To be fair, they have called me pretty, but it left me wondering. They insisted that’s not what they meant, but I was too hurt to pursue the discussion any further at that moment. Now, I’m feeling apprehensive about where this relationship is heading. I’m contemplating taking a step back because I’m uncertain how comfortable I’ll be knowing I’m not their typical type. While I consider myself attractive, I’ve never worried about whether the person I’m dating finds me appealing. Is it worthwhile to continue this otherwise enjoyable relationship, or should I focus on the emotional connection, vibe, and bond we share? I’m genuinely torn and could use some advice.

Please assist me in getting out of this situation.

Today, I spent some time in my town center hanging out with friends. It's a Tuesday, and for the past few months, I've been lying to my parents about going to college when I'm actually not. While we were hanging out, I kissed one of my friends a few times and started flirting with her. When we got on the escalator, I lit up a cigarette, and suddenly I heard a guy behind me say, "Call Mamu Rashid" to Siri (that's my dad's name). I turned around and realized it was my cousin, whom I hadn’t seen in a year. It took me a moment to recognize him. I decided to ignore him because, honestly, who uses Siri to make calls these days? It felt like he wanted me to overhear him. I was panicking the rest of the day, worrying if he’d tell my dad about what he saw—whether it was me kissing my friend or smoking. When I got home, I noticed there were missed calls from him on my dad's phone at the same time he called out to Siri on the escalator. My cousin’s parents have always been difficult with my family, especially since they never approved of my parents' marriage. There’s a lot of tension between us, and I've always thought they were terrible people. Now, I’m at a loss about what to do. I don't want to come clean to my parents because I know they wouldn’t trust me again. Should I try to say it wasn’t me and that he mistook someone else for me? I could really use some advice on how to get out of this situation. Plus, my parents are homophobic and have no idea I'm gay, and they definitely don't know I smoke.

I'm not in a relationship, so why hasn't he asked me out?

I met this guy on Tinder, and after we exchanged Instagram accounts, we've been chatting for less than a month. He has suggested going out a few times, but something always comes up. He was the one who brought it up first; initially, his parents were visiting, then he had exams. Once he finished his exams, he wanted to know if I was free to meet up, and I said I was somewhat available. He mentioned he might go to his hometown for a family event but didn’t follow up to check when I was available. Today, I decided to ask him if he was free tomorrow, and he told me he's heading to his hometown. I wished him a pleasant trip, but I’m left wondering if this is just a case of bad timing or something else. He was really engaging and chatty at the beginning, but his communication has decreased since his exams. How should I interpret this situation? Is he genuinely busy, or is there something more going on?

Do you all know why she stopped having feelings?

I'm a 19-year-old guy, and I've been in a long-distance talking stage with an 18-year-old girl. Recently, she told me that she's lost her feelings and wants some space for a week. When I asked her why she felt this way, she admitted she wasn't sure. I'm considering what to say when she reaches out again because I can't shake the feeling that she might be interested in someone else while we've been talking.

The client's husband reached out to me via DM regarding their "affair," and he has since removed their text conversations.

This is lengthy because the guidelines require it to be comprehensive and precise. I, a 42-year-old woman, and my husband, a 32-year-old man, are in the process of getting a divorce. He works as a tattoo artist and had a client who raised red flags for me from the beginning. She spent a considerable amount of money and time with him, frequently giving him gifts like books, vapes, and food, along with generous tips. When I expressed my concerns, he brushed them off, claiming that her feelings didn't matter since he didn’t feel the same way and was merely benefiting financially from her patronage. A few weeks later, I received a direct message on Instagram from this client, admitting that they had been intimate and that she regretted damaging both her marriage and ours. I showed the messages to my husband, and he was visibly terrified—I've never seen him so panicked. Initially, I thought he was worried I'd believe her claims, but now I'm uncertain. He immediately tried to call her, but she rejected his calls and blocked him. He then informed the shop owner, who described her as unstable, mentioning that she had threatened to harm herself and had a history of overdoses (she works as a nurse). He also contacted another tattoo artist who confirmed that the client had reached out to her and seemed very disturbed. Later that night, as we were settling down for bed, I reassured him that I didn't believe he had cheated but that this entire situation made me very uncomfortable and would take time for me to process. I explained that I would likely have questions and would seek comfort during this time. He appeared to understand and accept this. I asked to see their text messages, but he told me he had deleted them. When I inquired why, he said he didn’t want reminders of her and what had happened; I was taken aback by this response. After trying to discuss it further, he eventually told me to stop bringing it up, suggesting that since I seemed to think he cheated and didn't trust him, I should just leave. So, I stopped bringing it up. Now that we're going through the divorce, I've been journaling about the ways he has hurt me. As I was writing down examples, I noted “not respecting my wishes or trusting my instincts,” which triggered those feelings all over again. I confronted him about it the other night, and he told me he deleted the messages to prevent his words from being misinterpreted. I countered that you can’t misinterpret written words, but that ended the conversation again. I'm left with two main thoughts: either she was inappropriate and he didn’t put a stop to it, or there was something inappropriate in their communications. I feel I deserve more clarity, but it seems unlikely I’ll receive any. What do you think? Consider the possibilities: he cheated, failed to shut down inappropriate behavior, or engaged in mutual inappropriate conversation. If it were the second option, I might reconsider my decisions, but I know that if the roles were reversed, he would have left me. It’s extremely frustrating that, alongside my reasons for choosing to divorce, this situation keeps resurfacing in my mind. I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality—he has a pattern of causing me pain while somehow portraying himself as the victim. Perhaps the answer is glaringly obvious, and I'm overthinking it. Still, I would appreciate hearing the perspectives or experiences of others. Thank you for taking the time to read this. TL;DR: My husband deleted a text conversation with a client who claimed he cheated on me. His justifications seem weak, and I'm left questioning everything. I'm uncertain: did he cheat, neglect to address inappropriate comments, or was there a mutual exchange of inappropriate messages?

My ex-boyfriend is insisting he was abducted into an underground fight club—how should I deal with my skepticism?

My ex-boyfriend (25M) once shared a harrowing experience from his teenage years when he was kidnapped by gang members and coerced into fighting in an underground ring. He described how some kids participated willingly, but others, like him, were threatened and had no choice but to fight. He recounted eerie scenes involving masked bettors, weapons, and how they were even forced to take MDMA to dull the pain. He once took me to a location he claimed was where the fights occurred, but I could only see the top of the building, not the underground area. He appeared visibly anxious, and during a conversation about a "final fight" that he had to win to escape, he became overwhelmed with emotion and broke down in tears. A few months later, he showed me an email from someone who allegedly organized the fights, stating, "We want you back." I've been wrestling with this in my mind—could events like this really take place? If so, how frequently does it happen? And if not, what could have motivated him to share such a story? This has been heavy on my mind, and I'm struggling to process it. Any insights would be greatly appreciated, as I've felt awful for him, but since our breakup, the whole narrative seems inconsistent.

My best friend's struggles with jealousy

Hello everyone! I'm new here (20f), so I apologize if my post is a bit off-topic or not suitable for this thread. I'm seeking advice on how to help my friend navigate her feelings about entering a relationship. Recently, my friend (20f) started developing feelings for a guy she likes (22m). Although they’re not exclusive yet, she’s mentioned that they both want to be. However, she’s been struggling with jealousy issues that seem quite intense, especially considering they haven’t officially started dating. Today, she was really upset to find out that he liked another girl's profile picture on Facebook. For some context, we come from a small town where it’s common for everyone from high school to like each other’s posts, so it was really just a casual interaction. Nevertheless, she’s reacting strongly to this, experiencing anxiety and even losing her appetite. She has a history of being cheated on, and it’s been two years since that happened. I genuinely want to see her happy, but I’m unsure how she can approach this potential relationship with a positive mindset and build trust. I'm reaching out to anyone who has experienced similar feelings of jealousy or has dealt with issues of trust after being cheated on. What strategies or insights have helped you overcome these challenges? Personally, I haven’t faced jealousy to this extent, so I’d appreciate any advice you can share. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts! I truly want my friend to find happiness, but I’m worried that something as minor as this could throw her into a downward spiral before the relationship has even begun. Much love to all x

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