Relationship advices

Did I choose incorrectly?

Did I prioritize money over love? I could really use a second perspective. I recently turned 35, just five months ago. The day before my birthday, I ended a relationship with the person I believed was the love of my life. The reason? He wasn't in a position to contribute financially to starting a family together. You might say I was facing a mid-life crisis. I met my partner when I was 29, and I’d expressed my desire to have kids, despite knowing he had a vasectomy. A year into our relationship, we decided to split the $8,000 cost for the reversal in Alberta. He has three children of his own—now aged 16, 18, and 20—and is ten years my senior. As a devoted single dad, he raised them by himself. He always told me how much he longed to have children with me, but he still had his own family to consider. While I have a stable career and felt financially prepared, he wasn't making the same effort on his part. We learned that the reversal hadn’t worked and were planning to pursue IVF, but the issue was that my partner didn’t have the funds for that either. So, just before I turned 35, I made the tough decision to break up with him. After three years of trying to conceive, it dawned on me that I was bearing the financial burden alone. Am I a terrible person for leaving the love of my life over money? Now, five months later, I find myself no closer to having my own family, and it truly hurts. I didn’t believe it was fair for me to shoulder the cost of IVF on my own; I wanted us to work together on this. Does that make me a bad person for prioritizing finances over love? After nearly five years of trying, I felt unsupported financially when starting my own family became a priority for me. I need advice! I still have feelings for him, but he’s yet to find the means for IVF. I know there are alternative options out there. I'm just hoping to figure out if choosing financial stability over love makes me a villain in this story. Has anyone else faced a similar crossroads?

M22 Looking for Guidance on Mixed Signals and Conflicting Behavior from F21

Hello everyone, I wanted to share something that's been on my mind. I was pursuing a friendship with a girl, F21, who initially rejected my romantic advances. After her rejection, I tried to distance myself, but she made significant efforts to maintain our friendship, which left me feeling confused. I couldn't tell if she genuinely valued our friendship or if she simply enjoyed the attention I gave her. Eventually, I chose to sever ties, but she continued to reach out. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but after several months of her attempts to reconnect, we struck up a conversation again. I dropped some hints about my feelings for her, and she seemed receptive initially. However, over time, she began to ignore or brush off those hints, which led me to question her interest. Was she no longer interested? Was she just playing hard to get? Or had I completely misinterpreted her responses? Despite my persistent hints, she continued to dismiss them. On my final attempt, she acted as if she hadn’t noticed anything at all. At that point, I decided to withdraw from the conversation: Me: I'm going to do something now Her: You don't have to tell me everything Me: Okay Her: What was that? Me: Nothing important So, what was her intention with that question? She seemed to ignore me until I stopped engaging, and then suddenly she was curious about my comments. I know there are plenty of other people out there and that I should consider moving on, but I’m genuinely interested to understand what she meant. Am I analyzing this too much, or could there be something more to it?

My girlfriend is saying some hurtful things about my mother.

I'm a 21-year-old male, and I've been dealing with an issue that's really been bothering me for the past few weeks. Here's the situation: my mother, who is 50, said something about my girlfriend, who is 22, and it led to a big argument. While I was running errands with my mom, she made a comment about my girlfriend's outfit not matching. I ended up arguing with her about it. When I got home, I talked to my girlfriend about what my mom said, and it made her really upset. She accused my mom of lying and said that my mom hates her, even though my mom had actually complimented her outfit when we were at my cousin's engagement party. Since then, my girlfriend and I have been bickering for weeks. Even though we've addressed the initial issue, she keeps making hurtful remarks about my mother. I've asked her to stop, but she just laughs it off and doesn't seem to take it seriously. Is this behavior acceptable? I'd appreciate any advice, and I'm open to answering any questions for clarification.

How should I bring up the issue of a potential porn addiction with my partner, "m24," especially regarding their messaging people on Discord about it?

Hi everyone, I’m a 21-year-old and my partner is 24. We've talked before about the topic of corn in our relationship. Honestly, I’m not concerned about what he does when he’s alone. However, yesterday, I caught a glimpse of his phone after he got out of the bathroom, and I saw that his Discord app was open. It looked like he was chatting with someone and discussing some pornographic material. I didn’t catch the details because he quickly turned his phone away and shut it off before I could see more. I tried to brush it off but definitely gave him a look. I don’t think he realized what I saw, and I just went to bed afterward. I went to bed around midnight, and he didn’t come to bed until almost 2 AM. I'm looking for advice on what I should do. He has a history of being in roleplay group chats, and I found one before we started dating, but he insists that he keeps things PG now. Lately, I’ve noticed he seems distant, and sometimes he hides his phone when I walk into the room, which gives off a strange vibe. He’s always been so nice, and we’ve been together for almost three years without any suspicions of cheating, but his recent behavior feels a bit off. Any advice would be appreciated!

Did I give him the wrong impression?

**TL;DR: I feel like I may have led him on, and I need some advice.** I (20F) was talking to a guy (20M) for about 3-4 weeks, but it ended because we saw things differently on several topics. I now feel like I may have unintentionally led him on, even though that was never my intention. He was the one who expressed interest first, so I decided to explore where it could go, and I communicated that to him. As we got more comfortable, I shared what I liked about him, but I wasn’t ready to pursue a relationship just yet since I thought it was too soon. Around week two, while we were getting cozy and cuddling, he mentioned wanting to kiss me. I wasn’t ready, as I wanted to be sure about my feelings before taking that step. He encouraged me to make the first move, wanting me to feel comfortable. However, he frequently brought up the idea of kissing and compared it to my previous talking stages. I explained that from those experiences, I learned that I didn’t want to rush into anything unless I was serious about the person. Eventually, I sensed that we weren’t on the same page, but I still held out hope that things might work out. However, he began to make me feel guilty for not having kissed him, which led me to do it just to end the conversation. Afterward, I felt uncomfortable and expressed to him that it shouldn’t have happened like that—that I felt pressured. He insisted it was never his intention to make me feel that way, but he got upset when I didn’t word things more softly, which I understand, but I wanted to be honest about my feelings. We decided to end things after one last meeting, during which he kissed me despite our previous conversation where I had said I wasn’t ready for that. That day, he asked if I ever had feelings for him, and I admitted I wasn’t sure because I wanted to take my time getting to know him. I later realized that my lack of physical attraction was holding me back, although I appreciated many of his other qualities. When I conveyed this, he seemed hurt and interpreted it as me calling him ugly, which wasn’t my intention—just that I wasn’t physically attracted to him. Now I feel guilty, thinking I might have led him on when that was never my goal, but I also recognize that he placed undue pressure on the kissing aspect. I asked him directly if he felt led on, and he said no, yet he continued to act hurt afterward. After we stopped talking, he invited me to hang out as friends, but I declined, explaining why it wouldn’t be a good idea. His reaction was to get upset, which felt quite childish to me. I don’t know what to do next. Can someone please give me some advice?

Am I blowing things out of proportion because my boyfriend doesn’t want to attend a concert with me?

**EDIT: For Clarification** I want to express my gratitude to everyone who has taken the time to read and share their thoughts—I truly value your insights. I’d like to offer some more context to clarify my perspective and the reasons behind my post. To be clear, whether he attends the concert or not isn’t the main issue for me. I’ve already found a couple of friends who are excited to join me, and that’s perfectly fine. The real concern lies in what this situation reveals about a pattern in our relationship. It's not about forcing anyone to participate in activities they’re not interested in—it’s about feeling like the things that are important to me are not being acknowledged or valued. It seems like we can only have fun together if it involves something he enjoys. Of course, I don’t expect my partner to be enthusiastic about the same things I am, and he doesn’t have to like this artist or the music. However, I think it’s reasonable to want a relationship where we can appreciate each other's company, regardless of the activity. I want to feel that he’s willing to invest effort into the things that bring me joy. For instance, we’ve been living together for over a year, and during that time, we’ve done very few of the simple activities I’ve wanted to share—like taking our dogs for a walk together. When it comes to anything bigger, like my birthday last year, the same pattern emerged. Months in advance, I expressed my desire to go camping, and I took charge of all the planning: the timeframe, location, transportation, and budget. He initially agreed to it, similar to his response regarding the concert, but ultimately didn’t follow through or bring it up again. On my birthday, nothing happened—no camping trip, no card, no small gesture. I told him how much that hurt and suggested simple alternatives, like camping in the backyard or even just writing me a note to show he cared. Yet, he did nothing, leaving me to spend my birthday in tears, feeling guilty for having even mentioned it. In contrast, for his birthday, I spent months organizing a meaningful celebration, which included thoughtful gifts, activities he enjoys, and even preparing breakfast in bed. I don’t expect everything to be perfectly balanced, but this recurring imbalance in our efforts has left me feeling unfulfilled. This concert situation is merely one instance in a larger pattern, and it’s causing me to reflect on whether this is the relationship dynamic I want for the long haul. I hope this provides some additional clarity, and again, I truly appreciate everyone’s contributions. **End of EDIT: Original Post Below** I (24F) am a homebody who rarely goes out and have never attended a concert before. It just wasn’t something I cared about—until one of my favorite artists announced their tour. As soon as I found out, I was eager to go, despite the high ticket prices. My boyfriend (23M) isn’t a fan of this artist, so I started considering attending alone to avoid forcing him into spending money on something he wouldn’t enjoy. Then, this week, I got lucky and won tickets from a radio show! I was thrilled and hoped that maybe this would motivate him to join me since the tickets were free (we’re currently on a tight budget). When I shared the good news, he seemed genuinely happy for me and even mentioned that he’d start learning some of the songs. That made me feel hopeful, like he was willing to make an effort. But a few days later, when I tried playing a couple of songs for him, he reacted negatively, saying I couldn’t force him to like the artist and that he’d listen on his terms. That hurt my feelings—it made me doubt his initial excitement about going. I ended up expressing to him that he tends to diminish the fun when he’s not fully into an activity, which affects my enjoyment too. We talked about whether it would be best for him to attend, and he agreed without much enthusiasm. Now I’m conflicted. It’s perfectly fine if he doesn’t want to go, and I can take a friend instead. However, it pains me that he seems unwilling to participate in something that clearly means a lot to me. I’ve always envisioned a relationship where partners show effort for each other’s interests, even if they don’t personally enjoy them. I bring positive energy into the things he loves because I want to see him happy. This isn’t the first time I’ve felt that my interests are not being prioritized, and I’m beginning to question if this is the kind of relationship I want in the long run. I know it may seem trivial to let a concert provoke these feelings, but it symbolizes a deeper issue for me. Am I overreacting?

My boyfriend and I parted ways.

My boyfriend, 26M, and I, 22F, recently broke up, and I’m seeking advice on whether this message indicates he wants to reconcile: "I still love you and want to be with you. It’s difficult for me to let go, and I don’t want anyone else but you. Since the day we met, you’ve been my dream woman, and I love everything about you. The only reason I doubt that we’re meant to be together is because of the pain we've caused each other. I've remained loyal to you since I promised we would start fresh, but it hurts that you haven't shown me the same loyalty. It feels like you value me—and our family—so little by choosing others over what we had. I’m working hard every day to create a stable life for you and Kaelin, and it’s disheartening when my efforts go unappreciated. It makes it tough for me to keep pushing forward, especially since Kaelin deserves stability. But I do miss you..."

Is it a concern if my boyfriend only touches me in a certain way?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over three months now. As teenagers, we're both pretty new to relationships, especially when it comes to physical intimacy. I know that three months is a short time to get physical with someone I’ve just met, but I really like him and enjoy being close with him. However, I’ve noticed that he only touches me in a sexual way. Sure, he’s touched my hair a few times, cuddled for about five minutes, and given me hugs, but they’re not the long, sincere ones I love. I’ve talked to him about this, especially since we both have strict parents and don’t meet up often. When we do see each other, I want to run up and hug him, but he often just stands there or pushes me away after a moment. He says he’s shy, which I understand, but when we get into an auto rickshaw, he immediately goes for more intimate physical stuff, even if I say no. I enjoy kissing him, but I’m not comfortable with intense make-out sessions in public. Holding hands seems to be something I have to initiate, and I wish he would be more affectionate, like patting my head or holding my face instead of forcing kisses with his tongue. Sometimes, I just want a sweet, romantic kiss. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m overreacting because he’s genuinely a nice guy—smart, funny, and handsome. He even shows vulnerability by crying in front of me, which I find really sweet. But there are times when I feel like he’s more interested in my body than in me as a person. He has put a lot of effort into our relationship, often prioritizing my desires over his own, buying me things I want. While there are many good qualities about him, this issue is weighing heavily on me. I could use some advice on how to navigate this situation. Can anyone help?

I'm still with my boyfriend despite his infidelity, but I can't stop dwelling on it.

Five months ago, I shared a post about my boyfriend (then 21), who went out with his friends to the club and got completely plastered. He ended up making out with a random girl, whose identity I still don't know because I can't bring myself to ask him. I wasn't in the country at the time and was actually headed home the next day, so that was just wonderful for me. Despite this, I chose to stay with him because he promised he would change. Now, I find myself in need of advice. He genuinely seems to be a different person since that incident, and in the seven months that have passed, he hasn't done anything that extreme again. I can see the effort he's putting into improving, but whenever he goes out with his friends, I can't help but think about the time he cheated on me. Am I overreacting, or is my concern justified? What should I do? For some context: the betrayal felt even worse because one of his friend's girlfriends had to message me to tell me she saw him kissing someone else. It was only after I confronted him that he admitted to it, claiming he meant to tell me in person so I wouldn't panic. I'm feeling overwhelmed and don't know how to move forward.

A 24-year-old woman and a 29-year-old man had a pretty heated argument last night, but it appears he isn’t keen on addressing the problems.

Hey, my partner and I had a pretty intense argument last night. He apologized for his behavior and seemed upset, but I haven't said much since then because I'm really hurt. It feels like he hasn’t made much effort to reach out either. Now that the whole day has gone by, he only sent me one message, and it was pretty generic. Should I reach out to him or just leave things as they are? I'm feeling confused. Do you think he actually cares, or is he just being stubborn?

My girlfriend, 26, who I've been with for over five years, wants to break up with me, 30. Any advice?

My girlfriend (26F) and I (30M) have been in a relationship for over five years, and we recently moved to a new city with our two cats. We’ve built a life together, but she now believes it's best to end things due to the toll my mental and physical health issues have taken on both of us. When we relocated, we struggled to make new friends and didn’t have family nearby, which meant it was just the two of us, all day, every day, for years. The pandemic further isolated us, and although we once thrived in our little bubble, it's ultimately affected our relationship. At one point, we developed separation anxiety when apart, and I unknowingly became codependent. I’ve been dealing with anxiety, ADHD, OCD, depression, and chronic GERD, which led to feelings of being stuck and hopeless. I didn't have access to healthcare for a long time, so I was unable to seek help for these issues until recently. I’m finally starting to take steps toward improvement by beginning therapy this week. I had hoped to try couples therapy or at least wait until I’m on medication to see if I could start to feel better and change my ways. She still cares for me, but she feels exhausted and believes our relationship has run its course. Her mother encouraged her to break up, drawing parallels to her own divorce, and my girlfriend now thinks it’s best to part ways. I understand her perspective, but it’s difficult because I finally feel like I’m moving in the right direction, and I can’t shake the feeling that it’s too late. We’re still living together while we figure things out, but I can’t help but think this isn’t how it should end. Any advice would really be appreciated.

Is it just me, or are we experiencing abuse?

My husband believes I overly coddle our children and don’t discipline them for their actions. Our oldest has Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and often responds with “no” over the smallest requests. Typically, he becomes upset, but once he calms down, he apologizes and does what I’ve asked. Our middle child struggles with ADHD and anxiety. He has trouble sleeping and is somewhat less mature for his age. My husband, a combat veteran, has been diagnosed with PTSD since leaving the military 12 years ago. He often resorts to yelling at our kids, which has made them express fear toward him. Simple incidents, like a spilled drink, can provoke his anger. I've communicated my concerns, particularly regarding our oldest son, who now prefers to avoid his dad. There have been instances where my husband has physically dragged him when he refuses to go to his room, and he has slapped him for being defiant. He believes punishment is necessary, but I feel his approach has become overly harsh. Despite my efforts to explain my perspective, my husband insists I spoil them. Today, there was a heated argument between him and our oldest. My son ran downstairs and locked himself in a room, afraid his dad might hit him. In a fit of rage, my husband kicked the door down, and I tried to intervene. No one has ever told me I baby my children except for him. He’s now threatening to quit his job and leave our family, which terrifies me, as I wouldn’t be able to support myself and the kids on my income alone. I fear losing everything. I know I’m not in the wrong, and I've urged him to seek help, but he refuses, claiming it doesn’t work. I’ve been in therapy for years due to a difficult upbringing with a narcissistic mother who struggled with substance abuse—she has since passed away. Am I mistaken? Am I the bad parent here? I feel incredibly isolated, with no family or friends in our area. Is this situation abusive?

Should I return to what I'm familiar with or begin something new?

I'm a 22-year-old woman facing a bit of a dilemma, and since I'm still young, I’d really appreciate some unbiased advice due to my past mistakes. I have an ex, a 22-year-old man, with whom I’ve shared a lot. He made some mistakes, including breaking up with me once because of our long-distance relationship, but he returned when I began to move on and showed that he had changed. We ended up living together, but during those two years, I discovered that he and my best friend, a 23-year-old woman, were exchanging explicit messages. I’m unsure if anything physical happened between them, but despite his assurances that he had changed, I continued to find evidence of his disloyalty on his phone and through his actions. We ultimately broke up about six months ago. Since then, I’ve started to move forward and met a wonderful guy, a 27-year-old man. He’s very mature and seems to have his life together; we’ve been dating for a few months and have shared many experiences together. Now, my ex is trying to re-enter my life. He hasn’t directly expressed a desire to reconcile, but I sense it. We’ve had our fair share of bad times, but also some truly great moments, and he was my best friend. Letting go of that bond is challenging for me, despite the universe seemingly pushing us apart repeatedly. The new guy is fantastic, but I find myself feeling anxious about the uncertainty of something new. I'm torn between the connection I had with my ex and the potential for a brighter future with the new guy. What should I do?

Trauma from relationships

I'm 32 and have faced a lot of challenges in my life. I've been in a relationship for 12 years, and we have a 3-year-old together. Reflecting on our time together, I think my girlfriend is struggling with PTSD due to the difficulties we've encountered in our relationship and the significant losses she's experienced, including her sister and multiple pregnancies that didn't go to term. Her perspective has shifted; her life was relatively calm until she turned 19, but since we got together, it's been filled with stress. We're on the brink of breaking up. We argue frequently, and her feelings run so deep that she's wished harm upon me—my son witnesses all of this. 😢 She refuses to seek help for her trauma, believing that removing me from her life will resolve her issues. Despite everything, I hold onto our relationship because I envision a happy family together. ❤️ I genuinely feel that being with me has contributed to her trauma. 😭 Does anyone else feel this way?

She told him, "You're just a friend..."

I'm a 23-year-old male and she's a 20-year-old female. We met in college, and I've had a crush on her for quite a while. Eventually, I confessed my feelings, and while she didn’t get angry, she didn’t give me a clear answer either. I kept trying to reach out, sending memes about having a crush and similar things. Today, I asked her, "Will you be my valentine?" She responded by saying, "Sorry, you're just a friend to me, and I don't want to date a friend. Don't keep your hopes up about us dating." She’s the second girl I’ve been really interested in, and my feelings for her have grown from simply liking her to genuinely loving her. Should I keep pursuing her or just let go? I'm torn between my mind, which says to move on, and my heart, which believes she’s the one for me. What should I do? Is she hinting that I should try harder?

Did I mix things up?

Last year, I (28F) was traveling when I met a local guy (25M), and we ended up dating for a month. Toward the end of that month, he mentioned he wanted to ask me to be his girlfriend. I don't think we took it too seriously, so we didn't really talk about it in depth—I honestly don't remember discussing what it meant for us. To be frank, I had no plans to return, and I didn't want to make promises. I figured we could just be 'boyfriend and girlfriend' until one of us decided to end things. He expressed that he wasn’t interested in dating anyone else, which gave me the impression that we were exclusive. He repeatedly told me he wasn’t looking at other girls either. Fast forward seven months, and I returned because things had developed into something really meaningful for me. I had started taking our relationship seriously, believing we were exclusive. It turns out that during the first two months of my travels, he didn’t realize we were exclusive at all. It was only after I got back that he understood the relationship was becoming serious, and around that time, he had stopped seeing other girls. Naturally, I was upset when I found out he had been dishonest, leading to our breakup. Recently, I was looking through old messages and was puzzled by how he could not have realized we were exclusive. I discovered a message I sent him the day I left, where I said, “It's okay if you change your mind and want to see other girls. Just let me know.” Now, I'm uncertain about what to do. I don't want to analyze his actions too much; he did what he did, and I don’t need to reflect on that. I believe he should have been honest, but I'm more focused on my feelings. At this point, our relationship is a year long, and I’m quite in love, but I can't help but feel like this qualifies as cheating. Am I overreacting? Considering the circumstances, was it a mistake for me to send that message? My intention was to express understanding that long-distance can be challenging and that it’s okay if he changed his mind. However, he interpreted it, along with his experiences with backpackers (since he worked in tourism and had seen a lot of that behavior), as an indication that our relationship was casual and open. He preferred not to discuss it further because he felt open relationships worked best for him when there were no clear expectations. TL;DR: Did sending the message “It's okay if you change your mind and go with other girls. Just let me know” create confusion about exclusivity in a travel romance?

Is it acceptable for me to be 18 and in high school while he is 25?

I (F18) have always been attracted to older, more mature guys, especially those with beards who don’t dress immaturely. Recently, I've been talking to a guy online. He’s 25 and really laid-back, sweet, and respects my boundaries. He often tells me I’m beautiful and asks for pictures of me (nothing inappropriate, thankfully). He likes to compliment me, saying how hot I am and expresses that he misses me when we’re not chatting. While he’s moving a bit fast for my liking, I can't help but feel flattered by his attention. He’s genuinely a nice guy. At times, he does get a bit suggestive, but he’s okay with the fact that I’m still in school, as long as I’m of age. He’s mentioned wanting to be my “older man” and said I’m the youngest girl he’s talked to. There's definitely an allure to our age difference. I also recognize that this might not be the best situation, particularly since it’s online. He loves taking things quickly. Recently, he mentioned wanting to visit me in New York, even though we haven’t known each other for very long. He’s made some offhand comments, like joking about my bust size, just to see how I’d react, which secretly annoys me. He tends to wake up later in the day, but he makes it a point to message me as soon as he does. I feel like I might be the person he communicates with the most. He even said he wants to be "my simp." Is this okay?

My boyfriend (29M) and I (24F) have been together for seven years, but I want to end the relationship. I need some advice.

My boyfriend (29M) and I (24F) have been together for the past seven years, but the last few have been particularly challenging. I often feel that he provides me with very little emotional support, especially during my breakdowns. Last night, we had a heated argument in public. While I was sobbing and struggling to cope, he raised his voice at me and even called his mother to say that I’m making his life difficult by arguing all the time. Although I admit that I can get into arguments, he tends to completely dismiss my feelings, which is what leads to these conflicts. I'm quite attached to him, and it’s hard for me to imagine ending this relationship. However, this latest fight made me realize that I may have been emotionally abused for years. At one point, he physically pulled and pushed me in public while trying to get me to the car. So here I am, seeking advice on whether I should stay in this relationship. If I decide to leave, how can I move on when I’m feeling so trapped?

The potential partner is interested in casually engaging with other women.

I've (23F) been seeing a guy (23M) from Tinder for a few weeks, and last night he expressed his desire to have a serious relationship with me, but he doesn't want to be sexually exclusive. During our time together, I've been focused on him and haven't pursued anyone else, but he has gone on dates with other women. He claims he doesn’t view them as highly as me and hasn’t been physical with any of them. He mentioned that he craves the idea of exploring his sexuality with multiple women throughout the week or year. Nevertheless, he values our time together—our dates, deep conversations, and the support we provide each other in our personal growth. When we're together, the time flies because we genuinely enjoy each other's company, and he shows he cares by paying for meals, covering my petrol, taking me to places I would like, and truly listening to what I have to say. Although he needs to visit his parents who live six hours away, he’s delayed it to spend more time with me. I've been single for two years, struggling to find a connection like this, and I'm hesitant to walk away. I feel a bond with him that I doubt I'll find again. We have a satisfying sexual relationship, but he keeps insisting that he longs for the experience of being with multiple women purely for pleasure, without any emotional involvement. He views sex as a physical act without personal or romantic implications. I want a serious relationship that encompasses exclusivity in every way, but I'm torn because I genuinely feel a connection with him that I haven’t felt in a long time. I fear that while he claims to seek fun, there’s a risk of emotional entanglement developing with other women. He’s never had a "hoe phase," and I’m unsure if this desire is just a phase or a deeper yearning for exploration. He even mentioned that he ended his last relationship because he felt the urge to see other women but didn’t want to cheat. After discussing all of this for nearly three hours last night, he broke down in tears, expressing how much he would miss me and fearing I wouldn’t return after leaving. He’s since reached out, saying he’s unsure of the right path forward and feels conflicted between his attraction to me and his sexual drive for other women. Given how much we enjoy each other, should we just be friends with or without benefits? I'm feeling incredibly emotionally confused about everything—last night, I couldn’t sleep, and I’ve lost my appetite. I really need some guidance.

What steps should I take?

I (25F) and my boyfriend (34M) have been together for nearly two years. To give you some background on our relationship: we met in 2021 and initially became close friends, which eventually led to a friends-with-benefits situation. I fell in love with him, but he didn’t feel the same way at first — he had a bit of a player reputation before we started dating. Before we became an official couple, he went overseas for a job on a ship. A few weeks after he left, I found out I was pregnant, which caused him to panic because he wasn't ready for fatherhood. He urged me to see a doctor to confirm the pregnancy, and later that day, he called to say he was considering a relationship with me and would formally ask when he returned home. However, during the three months he was at sea, he was talking to other girls while I remained completely loyal to him. During this time, I also suffered a miscarriage, which was incredibly difficult for me. When he returned home, he wouldn’t give me a clear answer about wanting to date, and it took me expressing that I could no longer wait for him to realize he might lose me. Once we officially started dating, things seemed to be going well until I had a gut feeling to check his old phone (I know snooping is wrong). What I found shattered me: evidence of the women he had been talking to and explicit pictures he received while I was confiding in him about my loss. We talked things through, but my trust was shaken, especially after discovering notes on his phone listing the pros and cons of dating me. Fast forward a month, we were lounging on the couch together. He was moving between his phone and YouTube videos. When I stepped out to use the bathroom, I noticed he quickly locked his phone. I became suspicious but tried to remain calm. When I returned, I caught a glimpse of him on Reddit looking at explicit content. I confronted him, and while he tried to dismiss it, he knew I saw everything. I was upset because, given my past experiences with my ex, I have strong feelings against pornography. He apologized, but it felt empty since he already knew how I felt. Throughout our relationship, we've faced ups and downs, but the main issue has been me repeatedly catching him looking at porn or naked women online. The last incident was particularly hurtful: we had an intimate morning, went shopping, and when I opened the car door to get in, he was looking at explicit content. I was devastated, and while he apologized over and over again, it felt like he was only regretful about being caught. After expressing how his actions made me feel disrespected, he seemed to understand and hasn’t repeated the behavior since. Recently, I discovered troubling information. Before his last trip, he used my dad's backup phone while waiting for his phone to be repaired. He left everything logged in for me to see, and while browsing his emails, I noticed one that stood out. It was from a girl who helped him renew his driver’s license; she emailed him, saying "I thought you looked cute." He responded casually and ultimately gave her his number. I recently saw their conversation where she expressed her interest in him, and he flirted back, even saying, "I could say the same about you." They discussed whether he was married, which made it seem like he was trying to appear single despite having a profile picture of us together on WhatsApp. Reddit, I’m at a loss for what to do. I genuinely love this guy; he’s done so much for me, from caring for me to helping me out of a deep depression when we first met. In my past relationships, I always felt like I was the one giving. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Connection between my boyfriend (38M) and me (28F)?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two months, but it feels much longer. We’ve known each other for three months now. We first met during a work trip for emergency disaster relief, and I can’t quite explain it, but we clicked instantly. We were seated next to each other in the van and have been inseparable ever since. We shared every meal together and worked alongside each other for 12-hour shifts, always finding time to hang out afterward. He would come to my hotel room to watch TV with me, and ever since that trip, we’ve been together. Now, we meet up several times a week, and our relationship has blossomed. Is it odd that it feels like we’ve known each other our whole lives? He’s even talking about the future—marriage and kids. It honestly feels like we were meant to be. We never experienced any awkward phases. What do you think? Was this meant to happen?

Am I, a 19-year-old female, being controlling with my 18-year-old male boyfriend?

**Am I being toxic to my boyfriend (18M) at 19?** My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year now. I have to admit that I was aware he was best friends with his ex before we started dating, and I received some warnings about it from others. The first month of our relationship went smoothly, but by the second month, I started noticing that he was bringing up his ex more often—almost to provoke jealousy. He mentioned how he found her attractive and smart, which upset me. I brought it up with him, and he stopped talking about her for a few weeks. However, around the four-month mark, he became increasingly "friendly" with her. I expressed my discomfort with their relationship, but he insisted they were just friends. The next day, a friend saw him hugging her at college, and though I was hesitant to take her word for it, I caught a glimpse myself. When I confronted him about it, he claimed he hugged her because she was upset. A few days later, he said he had ended his friendship with her for my sake, even though I had never asked him to do that. He made me feel guilty by saying he had no one left and begged me not to leave him. Fast forward to nine months into the relationship, and he started posting TikToks about her. One video expressed that she was the best female in his life, which hurt me deeply. When I confronted him about his lack of change after I mentioned it multiple times, he acted immature. On our ten-month anniversary, he called me by his ex’s name while we were making out, which broke my heart. He apologized, saying it was an accident, and that he’d called his ex by my name too, as if that made it any better. I decided that I needed some space to focus on myself. The next day, he told me he was going to a game, but it turned out he was actually going to see a celebrity crush. He admitted he didn’t want to tell me because he thought I'd get "mad," even though I wouldn’t have been upset. Later, I discovered he had given her a perfume, while he hasn’t given me anything in the entire 11 months we’ve been together. Shortly after, he posted a story about how his ex was at his house, just the two of them. I know it might seem like I don’t trust him, but his actions have led me to lose trust over time. Then he suggested we take a break because he wasn’t happy anymore. I took a few hours to respond and told him, “You don’t value me, and I feel like you disregard my requests. I've been distancing myself because your actions show that you don’t care. You should know what’s right and wrong. I don’t care about the sweet words you say; I need you to show me you want me through your actions.” He replied, “Sorry, I know I don’t listen to you. I’m still young and want to enjoy the moment without telling you when I’m going out.” I couldn’t believe that—he gets jealous when I go out with friends, yet he expected me to be okay with him going out without keeping me in the loop. Today, I posted a TikTok, which he typically engages with by liking, commenting, and reposting. But today, he just viewed it. I asked him why he didn’t interact with it as usual, and he said, “Because I want a more private life and to change some things about myself.” What should I do?

My boyfriend frequently returns home much later than he originally tells me.

Whenever my boyfriend (21M) goes out with his friends, he tells me the time he expects to be back. We started doing this after moving in together because I’m not comfortable leaving the front door unlocked all night. We usually agree on a reasonable time. The problem is, he often comes home hours later than he said he would. It’s rare for him to return close to the agreed time. I would be okay with it if he just took a moment to text or call me, but he doesn't reach out at all while he's out. This leaves me waiting for up to 10 hours without hearing from him, forcing me to stay up until 2 or 3 AM, only for him to come home with no explanation other than “plans ran late.” This has happened so many times that I’m seriously considering ending the relationship. Does anyone have any advice?

Update: I'm attempting to befriend this American guy, but things are starting to feel strange and frustrating.

I've been chatting with an American guy in his twenties, and since I don’t feel like we know each other well enough yet, I suggested we just be friends for the time being. He agreed, and we decided to talk more regularly to build a solid friendship. Recently, I told him I’d call him while I was on my way home, but when I tried, my network failed, and the call didn’t go through. Later on, I called again and mentioned that I attempted to reach him earlier, and he responded, “No, you didn’t. You can admit it.” This frustrated me because I genuinely tried to connect, and he acted as if I were lying. Another thing getting to me is his frequent comments about just making money, which feel dismissive. It's like he's trying too hard to come across as busy and important, and it’s becoming repetitive and annoying. He often talks about how God shows him visions of people as “snakes” or disloyal, which I suspect may be aimed at me. This really irritates me since I’ve done nothing to warrant that kind of accusation. I don’t owe him anything, and we’re still in the early stages of getting to know each other, so it seems unfair for him to project these strange notions onto me. At one point, he asked, “Why did you choose me?” as if there was some profound reason behind it. Honestly, I didn’t “choose” him; I just thought we could be friends because we had some common interests. But his behavior is making me rethink even trying. When I mentioned I talk to other guys because we’re just friends, he asked, “Why me?” This behavior baffles me, especially since I'm not exclusively speaking to him. Sure, he’s good-looking, but his attitude is starting to make him seem less appealing. I never claimed he was the only one I was talking to; it's clear I'm doing the same with others, but I treat him a bit differently. The last straw came when I forgot to call him one day due to school and other responsibilities. He responded with, “I don’t expect anything from you now,” in a passive-aggressive way, as if I did something wrong just for being busy. Excuse me, but I have a life. This whole situation is becoming overwhelming. His dramatic behavior and delusions of love for someone he barely knows are draining. I’ve tried to be understanding, but it’s exhausting. Things escalated today when we argued over some rude comments he made. He claimed it was very one-sided, saying I only think of him when I’m bored or have no one else to talk to. This hurt because it felt like he was accusing me of only reaching out when I had nothing better to do, which isn’t true. He expressed disappointment and claimed I’m just a party girl who isn’t ready for his vision of life. He talked about wanting a family while I just want to have fun, which felt like a huge assumption. He even said that by the time I’m ready to settle down, all the good guys will be taken. He remarked, “I don’t want to feel strung along or sidelined,” and said it’s unattractive when I’m “always sleeping or out late.” He wrapped up by saying I’m a sweet, beautiful girl, but that I’m “just not right for him.” Honestly, I’m feeling exhausted by all this pressure and his assumptions. I thought we could just be friends, but now it seems like he’s expecting more than I can offer. I’m just 18, trying to figure things out, and I don’t need this emotional burden.

My husband (34M) believes that I (33F) idealize him and tend to treat him like a parental figure.

My husband (34M) believes that I (33F) treat him like a parent, drawing from the adult/parent/child dynamic popularized by a leadership figure whose name I can't recall. He feels like I've placed him on a pedestal, and I worry that this is damaging our long-term relationship. I'm feeling stuck in a mental rut. I'm unsure how to change this mindset because I don't fully grasp what I'm doing wrong. Has anyone else experienced something similar? How did you overcome it? What strategies did you implement, and what kind of mental shift did you need to achieve?

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