Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • stormsentinel97 • 1mo ago

My female partner (34) isn't interested in marrying. What’s the best way to discuss this with her?

**(Summary: My partner is not interested in marrying me.)** To provide some context, both of us married at a young age and have experienced divorce. We've been in a relationship for three years and share a child together. We are deeply committed to one another and envision a lifelong partnership. Our love is evident, as we express our affection in many ways—except for the absence of a marriage proposal. I've mentioned my desire to marry him three times now, and each time he has expressed that he doesn’t believe marriage is necessary, arguing that a piece of paper doesn’t validate his love for me. He views marriage as unimportant and meaningless. During our last conversation about it, I conveyed that marriage holds emotional significance for me, as well as practical benefits and legal protections. He acknowledged my perspective but responded with a somewhat dismissive remark before changing the subject. I want to marry him not only because I love him, but also because I wish to fully experience life with him, including the commitment of marriage. I dream of calling him my husband, exchanging rings and vows—nothing extravagant, just a simple, intimate ceremony with our closest friends and family. I also worry about the potential implications for our assets in the event of unexpected situations, where legal considerations could complicate matters. Honestly, it hurts that he doesn't want to marry me. If he loves me as much as he claims, why wouldn’t he want to solidify our bond in as many ways as possible? In his previous marriage, he frequently expressed his love for being married and referred to his spouse publicly. Yet, when it comes to our relationship, public displays of affection are rare. I know I need to bring this up again soon and share my feelings honestly, despite how vulnerable it may make me feel. I'm concerned about building resentment over this issue and how it might create distance between us. This is the only significant issue in our otherwise healthy relationship. He treats me wonderfully, has supported me through many challenges, and has brought immense peace to my life as a loving partner and father. It’s just this one matter that weighs on me. Perhaps I am being overly romantic, or maybe I’m fixating on something that isn’t as crucial as I believe it to be. I would appreciate any insights, as I'm hesitant to discuss this with anyone in my life.


austinhawk • 1mo ago
Try sharing how marriage feels meaningful to you. Open up about your hopes and worries.
tornado841 • 1mo ago
What specific emotions or thoughts do you want to express to her during the conversation about marriage?
janearia • 1mo ago
It sounds like you’re navigating a tough but important issue. Start by choosing a calm moment to express your feelings again, emphasizing that marriage is meaningful to you, not just a piece of paper. Share how it relates to your vision for your life together and your worries about legal protections. It might help to ask about his feelings and thoughts on commitment too. Open dialogue can build understanding and potentially bridge the gap. Remember, it’s okay to be vulnerable!
elliesky • 1mo ago
It’s essential to approach this conversation with empathy. Share your feelings about marriage's emotional and legal significance while listening to her perspective without judgment. Emphasize that it’s not about pressure but about understanding each other’s values. Clear communication can help address the root of the disagreement and strengthen your bond.
storm843 • 1mo ago
It's completely valid to want to discuss marriage, especially when it holds deep significance for you. Try to approach the conversation with an open heart, expressing your feelings without pressure. Share how much it means to you and how it strengthens your bond. Acknowledge his perspective while emphasizing your emotional need for commitment. It might help to also explore any fears or concerns he has about marriage. Open, honest dialogue can foster understanding and connection.
shamanfox59 • 1mo ago
It sounds like you're in a tough spot. It's important to express your feelings openly and honestly, framing it as your emotional need rather than pressure. Share your dreams of marriage and what it symbolizes for you, both practically and emotionally. Listen to his perspective, too. Finding common ground is key. You both deserve clarity!
berserkcomet77 • 1mo ago
What specific feelings or thoughts do you want to communicate to your partner during this upcoming conversation about marriage?