Relationship advices

Struggling with Sexual Challenges in My Relationship - Seeking Guidance

Subject: Seeking Guidance on a Challenging Relationship Hey everyone, I hope you're all doing well. I'm reaching out for some advice and support, as I've been feeling quite lost and confused lately. I’m a 29-year-old man in a relationship with my partner, also 29, for the past 2.5 years. This is my second serious relationship, while it's her fourth. I truly love her; she’s kind, supportive, and an overall wonderful person. However, we’ve been having some significant challenges in our sex life that are affecting me emotionally. To provide some context, my partner has been diagnosed with vaginismus, which was confirmed about a year ago after she consulted a gynecologist. While we suspected it for some time, it took her more than a year and a half to seek medical help, despite her initial promises to do so. Our conversations on the topic often ended in frustration, and it was only after I opened up about my deep feelings of depression that she finally visited the doctor. Unfortunately, since her diagnosis, there hasn't been much follow-up care, even though she was advised to return after 15 days. When I try to discuss it, it typically leads to arguments, and my therapist has suggested that I refrain from pushing the issue. Here are the main challenges we’re facing: - She never takes the initiative when it comes to sex, and we seldom discuss it, even though it’s one of the key issues in our relationship. - She appears to lack interest in sexual activities altogether. For instance, she only started masturbating four years ago and doesn’t seem engaged with it currently. She also doesn’t enjoy watching porn or participating in anything like dirty talk, which I’ve minimized because she finds it uncomfortable. - During our intimate moments, she often seems uneasy with certain actions. For example, she is not comfortable with oral sex, whether giving or receiving, and I usually have to request it, even after I’ve just showered. - There’s a noticeable lack of engagement with my body during intimacy; aside from some kissing, there’s little reciprocation, which leaves me feeling unfulfilled. Emotionally, I’ve been grappling with: - About six months into our relationship, I started experiencing issues like erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. The stress reached a point where I even considered breaking up, but we reconciled after she promised to seek help, which was 1.5 years ago. Unfortunately, aside from her one gynecologist visit, there hasn’t been any real progress. - We’ve recently been doing long-distance, and while I miss her dearly, she hasn’t shown much interest in deeper conversations. I long for physical intimacy, but it feels like she has lost interest in that aspect of our relationship. Engaging in activities over video call is uncomfortable for her, and it feels awkward for me to seek pleasure alone, so I’ve stopped pursuing phone sex. - While I’ve suggested alternatives like outercourse, she often prefers to skip those moments. There seems to be a lack of exploration into other forms of intimacy despite my encouragement. - We attempted couple's therapy in hopes of addressing our sex life, but ended up focusing on non-sexual issues, leading us to discontinue since she dislikes discussing our relationship with a third party. - Additionally, she is resistant to seeing a sex therapist, which leaves me feeling trapped. I’ve invested time researching ways to support her, but she often finds fault with each suggestion. Other difficulties: I don’t know much about her progress with dilators, as she’s reluctant to discuss it, despite having had them for a year. We’ve only engaged in penetrative intercourse when she initiates, and I’ve reassured her that I'm comfortable in the relationship without it for the time being—though I can’t envision this being the case indefinitely. I genuinely want this relationship to work, but there hasn’t been much change in our sexual dynamics over the past 2.5 to 3 years. I’m feeling conflicted about whether I should stay or move on. I’m experiencing significant feelings of depression and uncertainty about how to proceed. I love her and want to provide support, but these ongoing issues are becoming increasingly hard to manage. I’m worried that discussing this will make me seem like a bad partner, but I truly need guidance on how to move forward. Has anyone faced a similar situation? How did you navigate it? Thank you for taking the time to read this. I would greatly appreciate any advice or support you can offer. **TL;DR:** I’m a 29-year-old man in a 2.5-year relationship with my partner, who has vaginismus. Although she is a fantastic partner in many ways, we struggle significantly with intimacy and communication regarding our sexual life. Despite her initial promise to seek help, little progress has been made, and she's against seeing a sex therapist. I feel emotionally drained and uncertain about the future of our relationship. I love her, but I feel lost and conflicted—any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Am I the bad person for ending things because of Taylor Swift?

I (25M) met my girlfriend (23F) about a year ago through work, and we've been living together for roughly a month now. From the start, we really connected, and honestly, things felt nearly perfect until recently. We share a lot of interests, and I can’t deny she’s incredibly attractive, which is definitely a nice perk, haha. We’ve always had slightly different music tastes—I'm into indie rock, while she leans more towards the "pop girlies," as she describes them. It’s never really caused any issues; we usually just compromise by either tuning into mainstream radio or taking turns with our favorite tracks. A few days ago, my girlfriend attended a Taylor Swift concert (I didn’t go because tickets were nearly $2,000 each), and while I’m happy she enjoyed herself, it feels like she came back a completely different person. That night, she bombarded me with a ton of videos from the concert, which we ended up watching until about 2 a.m. I got it; Taylor is her favorite artist, so I figured that's just how it goes. But then things took a strange turn the next day. When I got home from work, I was greeted by a life-size Taylor Swift cutout in our living room. My girlfriend claimed she’d bought it a week earlier but thought it was only right to put it up after being "initiated" into the fandom by attending the concert. I laughed, assuming she was joking, but she was dead serious. Now she refuses to move the cutout out of the living room, only plays Taylor’s music on our speakers, and even insists on bringing the giant cutout into our bedroom at night so "Taylor can watch over us." I’m at a loss for what to do. I tried to talk to my girlfriend about it, and she insists I should be happy for her finding something she loves. And I am—truly, I am—but it’s starting to interfere with our everyday lives. To me, it feels a bit obsessive and off. Today, I finally told her that she needs to tone it down and put the life-size cutout in a closet, or I’d have to consider breaking up with her. She ended up crying and mentioned she would enter her “reputation era” if I left, though I’m not even sure what that means—it's apparently another Taylor Swift reference. So, am I being unreasonable for wanting to break up over this? I really don’t recognize my girlfriend anymore.

How can I (26F) best support my boyfriend (26M) as he pursues his MBA?

My boyfriend (26M) and I (26F) have been together for nearly two years. We met during a challenging time in my life when I was unemployed due to switching careers and facing financial difficulties. He was in a great financial position with a high-paying job. While he didn’t contribute to my bills or groceries early on (since our relationship was new and I didn’t ask), he frequently took me out to eat and surprised me with gifts, which helped improve my quality of life. When my lease ended, he generously allowed me to stay with him rent-free while I got back on my feet. However, after the first year of our relationship, he lost his job and struggled to find his direction. He made the decision to pursue an MBA at an Ivy League school, where he is currently studying. During this time, I secured a job in my desired field and earn a decent salary. I often visit him at school, staying for a month at a time since I work remotely. Now, I find myself in need of advice. He took a significant risk by committing to an MBA without savings and relying on student loans. He is now looking to me to help support him financially, which is creating tension in our relationship. My aspiration is to be a digital nomad and travel to immerse myself in different cultures, and I worry that contributing more to his goals means sacrificing my own. We aren’t married, which adds to my concerns about potentially funding his dreams without the security that marriage provides. Still, I don’t want to be an unsupportive partner while he faces these challenges. How can I help him without compromising my own dreams? I’m aiming to find a healthy balance that allows me to support him while staying true to my own aspirations.

My girlfriend (F37) has a romantic relationship with her best friend (F37).

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year. Overall, we're very compatible and care for each other deeply; however, I've started to feel uncomfortable with her close friendship with her best friend, which they've maintained for 15 years. At the beginning of our relationship, my girlfriend mentioned her best friend, who now lives abroad, and the strong bond they share. As time has gone by, I've noticed some behaviors that have raised concerns for me. They've had a few threesomes together in the past, and there were instances of physical intimacy between them, including kissing and touching, which I initially dismissed as part of her past. A few months in, I discovered that they were exchanging nudes, and I expressed my discomfort with this. My girlfriend agreed to stop sharing those photos. However, I soon became aware of other behaviors that bothered me, like her friend often mentioning how she misses their shared intimacy and the fact that they exchange clothes to feel connected. It made me question the nature of their relationship, especially when her friend showed signs of jealousy over new relationships. The situation escalated when I learned they had a pact where her friend said she would "marry" my girlfriend if she couldn’t move to her country. This really upset me, as it felt like it hinted at something beyond friendship. I confronted my girlfriend, expressing that all of this makes their connection seem romantic, regardless of the fact that her friend is a woman. She insisted that their relationship is separate from ours and that she would never leave me for her friend, but I can't shake the feeling that there’s something more to it. My girlfriend does have a slight romantic inclination towards women, which complicates things further. I've noticed times when she seems to prioritize her best friend over me in decisions that affect our relationship. An instance that stood out was when they planned a trip together, and her friend joked about finding someone for my girlfriend to be with during the trip. Even though my girlfriend declined, it felt out of place for a friendship. Despite my girlfriend's reassurances that their relationship doesn’t impact ours, I feel like the dynamics between them invade our relationship space. How should I approach this issue? To me, this is a boundary that shouldn’t be crossed. **tl;dr:** My girlfriend has a very close friendship with a woman that displays signs of a romantic dynamic, making me uncomfortable.

What constitutes a break?

Lately, my boyfriend (26 M) and I (24 F) have been facing challenges both in our relationship and our personal lives. Our struggles intensified when he violated a boundary we had established at the beginning of our relationship regarding his consumption of pornographic content, specifically OnlyFans-style material. I had communicated that I was comfortable sharing intimate pictures and videos with him, but discovering he was looking at other people’s content instead hurt deeply, particularly because he had previously lied about it. After some lengthy conversations, I decided I wanted to continue the relationship, as he was sincere in his apologies and took full responsibility for his actions without deflecting blame. He expressed a strong desire to make things right. However, things took another turn about a week ago. I reached out, hoping to meet the next day for a face-to-face conversation. I was still processing my hurt and anger, feeling insecure about our relationship. I felt it was too emotionally charged to discuss over the phone, but he called anyway. I ended up crying and shared my feelings for a couple of hours. In my emotional state, I tried to articulate how much his betrayal had affected me. While I typically strive for calm communication during conflicts, I did say some things that, while true, were hurtful. I struggled to trust him again, especially since this wasn’t the first time we’d faced a similar issue. Ultimately, I committed to working on rebuilding trust, as I still believed our relationship was worth fighting for. I even expressed a desire to start over and do things differently. The next morning, I received a text where he apologized sincerely and mentioned needing some space to be the person I deserve. I agreed that some distance would be beneficial for both of us, allowing time for healing. I clarified that this meant we would be taking a break but aimed to get back together, and he confirmed that was indeed his intention. We briefly discussed future plans, including a 10-hour road trip together for Thanksgiving. Now, here’s my dilemma: after he sent that break message, I asked if we could discuss things later, and he agreed, indicating it might take a few days. However, nearly a week has passed, and he hasn’t reached out yet. Our only communication since has been a brief exchange about dinner plans that ultimately fell through. I’ve moved from anger to acceptance and am ready to forgive and move forward, but I feel anxious about the lack of communication regarding our break. I need clarity on where we stand and how long this will last, but I don’t want to pressure him and want to respect his need for space. My anxiety is escalating, causing me distress and sleepless nights, and I fear that not addressing this open-ended situation is only making things worse. TL;DR: How can I initiate a conversation about our break while still respecting his need for space? We've been together for just over a year.

My boyfriend gave a girl a rating of 10 out of 10 two years ago.

I'm a 19-year-old female currently in a relationship with my high school boyfriend, who is also 19. Back in school, we used to play a game where we rated our classmates on their looks. During one of these games, my boyfriend mentioned a girl who had a crush on him during his younger years, about four years ago. Although he didn't have feelings for her, he was excited when he was around her during tuition classes. We were playing the game with another friend of his, and when asked to rate that girl, his friend gave her a 2 out of 10. In a moment of excitement, my boyfriend exclaimed that he would give her a 10 out of 10. I felt a pang of hurt at how quickly he reacted. He even tried to convince his friend to raise her rating to an 8, despite the fact that everyone in class disliked her attitude. Ironically, my boyfriend often teased her in front of me for the same reason. I confronted him about why he reacted the way he did. He explained that he hadn't really considered her looks in the past two years and only remembered her as a pretty girl he had a crush on. When he asked his friend for a rating, memories of how he initially felt about her resurfaced, leading him to believe she deserved a higher score than he had previously thought. It's also worth mentioning that he had set her up with a friend shortly before this rating game and didn't attend a tuition picnic where she was present.

My boyfriend's mother is claiming that I'm having an affair with her husband.

My boyfriend’s mother (55) recently cornered me and made it clear that she is aware of what she feels is my true character. I’m a 26-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (25) for about a year. We’ve started discussing our future together, including the possibility of settling down, but I am an immigrant in the United States while he is a citizen and a military veteran. Currently, we both live with our parents. Sometimes I stay at his house, and other times he stays over at mine. I live only with my mother (48), who is fine with my boyfriend visiting. In contrast, my boyfriend resides with his mother, stepfather (50), and his two younger siblings. From the start of our relationship, my boyfriend warned me about his mother. After his stepfather cheated on her, she installed cameras throughout the house, which reveals her insecurities and controlling behavior. Recently, she accused me of trying to use her son to obtain American citizenship. She claimed to have videotapes of me entering her husband's room and suggested that I “hacked” her camera system to erase any compromising footage of myself. She stated that her husband would never leave her for me because, in her eyes, I'm just “a nobody,” while she is the love of his life. She went on to say that she would persuade my boyfriend not to marry me and threatened that he would ultimately leave me. Furthermore, she claimed he is aware that I am a “homewrecker” and that he supposedly promised her he would “shoot me in the head” if given the chance. She even attempted to blackmail me into silence about our conversation. Feeling devastated, I left her home, wished her well, and got into my car. I called my boyfriend and told him everything. He confronted his mother and left the house that same night, expressing his desire to distance himself from her. He apologized for her behavior and admitted, “I told you she was crazy, but I didn’t realize she was THIS CRAZY.” The following day, she called him begging for him to come by and talk. He agreed, and even though I’m hurt, I want him to clear the air with her. We have always had a strong relationship, and I trust him. However, I’m feeling sad, broken, and confused about this situation. I sense that his mother may need mental health support, but I worry about potentially becoming the enemy if I suggest it. Her lies, blackmail, threats, and slander have left me shaken, and I'm concerned she might manipulate my boyfriend or retaliate against me if he chooses to return to her. To clarify, everything she accused me of is false. Her husband told her she was mistaken, and both my boyfriend and his older brother (35) defended our relationship, as he also experienced similar treatment from their mother when he married a Central American woman five years ago. In the end, she assured me that if not me, another woman would try to come between her and her husband and sons, but she would fight to prevent that from happening. I would appreciate any advice or insight on how to navigate this difficult situation.

I’m a 24-year-old female, and I discovered messages from my boyfriend, who is 26, where he compares me to his ex from a year before we started dating.

My boyfriend, who is 26, and I, 24, have only been dating for two months, but we've known each other for over a year. He was interested in me a year ago, but I turned him down. Now that we're together, I've never felt so cherished. He loves me deeply and is incredibly committed; he addresses any issues I bring up right away. I was really happy in our relationship, and my feelings for him grew stronger each day. However, he misled me about when he broke up with his ex, claiming it was in January when it actually happened in July. He said he lied to protect my feelings and promised not to do it again. But since then, I’ve struggled with trusting his word, so I looked through his text messages to find their last conversation and confirm his story. Instead, I discovered he had been comparing me to his ex from a year ago when we first met. He had asked friends and his sister who they thought was more attractive, saying he would go for the "hotter" one, with everyone but his sister agreeing that his ex was more attractive. He even rated me a 6/10 and body-shamed me with his friends, saying I was too skinny and that his ex had a nicer body and they had over 50 sex tapes together. This was very painful for me, and I confronted him about it. He insisted he doesn’t feel that way anymore and apologized profusely, saying he has fallen in love with everything about me and wants to help rebuild my confidence while fighting for our relationship because he truly loves me. I want to know—would this be a deal-breaker for you, or is it something from the past that shouldn’t weigh heavily on our present?

I (21F) would like to deepen the intimacy in my relationship with my boyfriend, who is 24, and with whom I've been for 7 months.

This is my first post, and I'm really unsure where to seek advice—feeling a bit down about it, to be honest. Here goes: I’m a 21-year-old woman, and I’ve been dating a 24-year-old man for seven months as of this Friday. Overall, things have been good in terms of avoiding fights, but I've encountered some personal challenges. For context, he spent five years in the military as a Marine. He’s the first military guy I’ve dated and also the oldest. I guess I expected a more mature relationship from someone older, but it doesn't feel that way. My main concern has to do with how he treats me. While he doesn’t mistreat me, it often feels like he views me more as a friend with benefits than a romantic partner. Our communication is minimal; I only receive basic texts like “How was your day?” or “How was class?” I know we’re both busy with school, but it feels like I’m the only one making an effort. Additionally, the way he speaks with me is the same as he does with his friends. The few compliments I’ve received from him have been sparse; he’s only told me I look nice and once said I’m a 10 in my state. I don’t mean to come across as vain—I'm not the prettiest girl out there, but I have confidence in my appearance. He never uses pet names like "babe" or "baby," and we’ve yet to express our love for each other—it makes me sad because I've been in love with him for months. It seems at times that he views me primarily as a monogamous partner for sex. However, there are signs that suggest he’s serious about our future. He planned for me to meet his family in Louisiana, but his car broke down just an hour away. He’s also begun talking about our relationship in future terms and taking steps that indicate commitment. My biggest concern, though, is the emotional aspect. Recently, he's started acting strangely regarding my devices, looking through my phone and watch. I have nothing to hide, but when I ask him about it, he responds sarcastically with, “You got something to hide?” This behavior leaves me feeling disrespected and untrusted, which is confusing. I genuinely want to deepen our connection and create a more intimate and special relationship, but I’m unsure how to approach this without making things awkward or pushing him away. **TL;DR** How can I encourage my boyfriend to be more open and affectionate with me?

Tips for Healthy Relationships

My husband (44M) and I (36F) have been married for five years. Recently, I discovered that he had been messaging girls on a website offering sexual services. He underwent a formal polygraph test conducted by an administrator with over 20 years of experience, which confirmed that he has not had any physical contact with other women since we've been together. It also indicated that, aside from the incident in question, there has been no other interaction with women through messages or similar means. He has agreed to refrain from using his computer privately and to delete his social media accounts. Additionally, he is seeking individual counseling, and we will soon begin marriage counseling together. He feels deeply remorseful and has been quite depressed over the past year. I genuinely believe he made a mistake that is completely out of character for him. I want to forgive him and work on keeping our family intact. He’s my friend, and I still enjoy spending time with him, but the loss of trust is really painful. Has anyone out there successfully navigated staying together after experiencing something like this?

My boyfriend, who is 28, follows girls on TikTok, and I'm 25.

**Context:** My boyfriend and I have been together for over six years. Recently, I've noticed that he's been following a lot of girls on TikTok. I want to clarify that I typically don't mind him following other girls, but the current situation is different. Out of the approximately 250 accounts he follows, around 200 are girls, and they are primarily Asian. For context, I'm Hispanic and don’t resemble them at all. I know this might make me seem insecure, but it's tough not to feel that way. It definitely makes me uneasy, and I’m unsure how to address it without starting an argument. I want to emphasize that I’m not constantly checking his follows; it's just something that’s been on my mind. He mostly just follows and occasionally likes their videos, without much interaction. How should I approach this? I want to avoid coming off as controlling; I simply find it bothersome. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

I'm a 21-year-old guy, and I'm struggling to help my girlfriend, who is also 21, understand that it’s not that I don’t love her. It’s just that I’m not comfortable cuddling while I’m sleeping.

My girlfriend and I share many similarities, especially when it comes to our preferences. For instance, we both strongly dislike when people invade our personal space. Handshakes are uncommon for us, and we only feel comfortable giving hugs to those we've known for a long time. When we first started getting to know each other, we became comfortable enough to let each other into our personal spaces—we embraced, kissed, and held hands. However, I've always had a hard time sleeping next to someone. The only person I shared a bed with as a child was my grandma, and since my mom gave me my own room at seven, I've been more or less alone at night. This led to fears of both sleeping alone and needing a light on. I've had relationships where I stayed over, but I’ve never really been able to fall asleep while cuddling. Spooning and the heat can make me feel itchy and restless, preventing me from sleeping well, and I tend to squirm away, which can be frustrating for my partner. I’ve always been fine sleeping with pillows, a habit I developed as a child with my teddy bears (even if I had to give them up at 13 for being ‘not manly’). But having another person so close while I sleep has never been comfortable for me. My girlfriend, on the other hand, thrives on affection and often craves my touch. Sometimes she wants to be right next to me for extended periods, and while that doesn't diminish my love for her, I occasionally need space to feel like myself. I enjoy cuddling on the couch or during a movie, but when it comes to sleeping, it’s a different story. Despite having a king-sized bed, I often find myself near the edge or waking her up because her instinct is to pull me closer while I automatically try to move away, leaving me teetering off the bed. She sometimes playfully accuses me of not caring because I don't want to cuddle while we sleep. It’s exhausting to repeat that I'm just not used to it and that I find it uncomfortable, much like anyone else might have their own discomforts. While I know she’s mostly joking, this issue arises every time she stays over, and it leaves me feeling uneasy.

Feeling Disconnected in My Current Relationship and Considering Emotional Infidelity – What Steps Should I Take?

Hey Reddit, I’m a 20-year-old male who has been in a relationship with my 19-year-old girlfriend for over seven months. This is my first serious long-term relationship, and while it has been a valuable learning experience, I’ve recently been feeling emotionally distant. We seem to have different values and expectations that are causing friction. She places a strong emphasis on punctuality and remembering important dates, while I tend to be more easygoing. I've been trying to adapt for her—like arriving early to meet her and setting reminders for special occasions—but it often feels like my efforts are overlooked in favor of my mistakes. Additionally, her communication style can be challenging; she sometimes refers to me as a "disappointment," which brings up painful memories from my past. Despite my attempts to address our issues and foster better communication, I’m not feeling fulfilled in this relationship. I’m starting to question whether we’re truly compatible, particularly given how one-sided our interactions feel and how unsupported I am. Things get even more complicated because there is someone else involved. **The Other Girl**: Recently, I’ve been getting closer to a friend who has been a great support during this challenging time. We’ve been spending a lot of time together—talking late into the night, meeting almost daily, and genuinely enjoying each other’s company without the tension that I feel with my girlfriend. Being with her feels easy and natural. We’ve even shared moments that flirted with emotional and possibly physical boundaries, like cuddling in a secluded park and engaging in playful activities like silent talking competitions and tracing each other’s hands. I even carried her bridal style to her car and shared long hugs, which prompted her to jokingly call me “needy.” Afterward, I apologized to my friend for the situation, acknowledging that it felt strange considering I have a girlfriend. She agreed it was a bit odd but reassured me that it was okay. However, since then, her texts have dwindled to just one or two exchanges a day. Now, I’m left wondering: is she pulling away because she's losing interest, or is she trying to create space to avoid being a rebound? I've reached a decision about ending my current relationship, but I would really appreciate any insights, especially from those who have been in a similar situation.

My girlfriend and I can no longer share a bed.

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for three years now, and for context, she experienced sexual assault before we started dating. Throughout our time together, we've shared a bed every night. However, in the past couple of months, she's been struggling with her trauma again. As a result, I've found myself sleeping on the sofa or in the spare room each night. Recently, I tried sharing the bed with her again, but both nights, she woke me up in the early hours having a panic attack. This is largely due to my breathing and the noises I make while I sleep, which she says remind her of that traumatic night. Although she wears AirPods to help mask the sounds, it seems I’m still too loud for her to feel comfortable. I'm worried this is starting to put a strain on our relationship, and I miss the closeness we shared while sleeping together. I'd appreciate any advice on how I might support her healing process. I understand this could be the situation moving forward, and I'm open to that possibility, but I want to help her as much as I can.

I'm a 19-year-old guy and I'm thinking about ending my relationship with my girlfriend, who's 18. I’m feeling really conflicted and anxious about it. What’s the best way to go about breaking up with her?

We've been together every day for nearly five years, and she is truly in love with me. Yet, I find it incredibly difficult to look her in the eye and tell her that I want to move on and explore new relationships. I'm uncertain if I should feel guilty about this. She is kind-hearted and wonderful, but I've reached a point where I no longer wish to be in a relationship. After relocating to a different city for college, she's been struggling with the change. She calls me constantly, often in tears, expressing how much she needs me. Meanwhile, I'm left feeling emotional—not because I miss her, but rather because I don’t feel that sense of longing at all. I hesitate to end things because I know it will deeply affect her, and she doesn't deserve that pain. However, I also recognize that I shouldn't remain in a relationship if I don't truly want to be in it. It's a difficult situation, and I’m unsure of what steps to take.

A female coworker in her mid-20s asked me, a 30-year-old man, what type of dog I thought would best represent her and some other coworkers. She then said I gave off "St. Bernard vibes" but didn’t explain further. What does that even mean? Should I interpret it as a compliment?

A colleague of mine, who is not single, posed a question to me and described me in a certain way before laughing and refusing to explain what it meant. I’m posting here because every other "ask women" community I've tried has rejected my submission. After reaching out to the moderators, they encouraged me to go ahead and share my post.

My boyfriend was unfaithful to his ex with me.

Hi, I'm a 26-year-old woman, and my boyfriend is 28. We've been together for five years and have been living together for four. We're even planning to get married and start a family soon. When I first met him, he had a bit of a "bad boy" reputation and received a lot of messages from other girls. I asked him if he was seeing anyone besides me, and he assured me he wasn't. My friends advised me not to worry too much about his interactions with other girls since we weren't officially in a relationship at that point, suggesting I should only care if he had a girlfriend. He claimed he didn't have one, so we continued seeing each other casually for a few months. Eventually, he opened up about wanting a caring girlfriend and expressed that he wouldn't need anyone else or even friends. After three months of casual dating, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I happily accepted. A few days later, I overheard his friends jokingly ask him if he had broken up with his girlfriend. He laughed it off and said he would call them later. When I questioned him about it, he dismissed it as just a joke, and after meeting his friend, who confirmed his odd sense of humor, I didn't think much of it. Fast forward five years, we reminisced about how we first met and shared some funny memories. I decided to bring up that friend's comment again, and to my shock, he told me that it had been bothering him for years, and he was finally ready to tell me the truth. He revealed that he had a girlfriend the entire time we were seeing each other, even while we were intimate. I was devastated; it felt like a betrayal. He assured me he never cheated on me, spending time at the gym or out for coffee with friends, which were rare. He explained that his previous relationship was very toxic, and he wanted someone who cared for him, but he was too afraid to end it. He claimed they broke up just three days before we started dating, and during that time, he received constant calls and messages from her, which he dismissed as work-related. He said he stopped being intimate with her when he met me, but I'm struggling to believe that. I feel like my entire life has been a deception, and it's hard to accept that I was a second choice. TL;DR: I just found out that my boyfriend had a girlfriend while we were together, and it's shattered me.

He's just begun to overlook me..!

He's suddenly started ignoring me...? So, here’s the backstory: My guy friend goes to a different school and wanted my friends and me to meet his group, which we did in September. There was a guy in that group with whom I kept making eye contact. After they left, my friends said they noticed it too. I thought about him for a week but then kind of moved on, assuming I'd never see him again since it was meant to be a one-time meetup and some of the others didn't really hit it off. About three weeks later, the guy I had been making eye contact with sent me a follow request on Instagram, which I accepted, and we started texting. Our conversations flowed easily; he’d give me cute nicknames and send good morning and good night messages. I felt a bit unsure at times and worried I might come off as dry because things were moving so quickly. After two weeks of chatting, we decided to meet up after school. When we finally met, it was pretty awkward. I warned him that I can be a bit shy, and he reassured me that it was okay and that we would get through it. However, I was so anxious that I ended up being quite blunt, which he commented on—saying I was hard to communicate with. He suggested we go to a nearby town, but I declined, so I just said goodbye, and he left. The meetup felt so awkward that I figured that would be the end of it. But then he messaged me to check if I got home safely and tried to keep the conversation going. Unfortunately, my reply was short and felt out of character for me. Days went by, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. Instead of waiting to see if he would message first, I reached out to apologize for being awkward. He replied, "It's fine, don’t worry about it; we’re all different, lol." After that, I tried to keep the conversation going, and while he briefly responded in his usual style, he ended with another short reply. We still follow each other on Instagram, which is how we communicate. I’m at a loss about what to do. At first, I wasn't sure about him, but now I find myself feeling heartbroken. I know this story is lengthy, and I did my best to condense it, but I’m just trying to understand why things have changed and what I should do next. Hearing my friends tell me to "just get over him" or "you deserve better" isn’t helping because I genuinely want to get to know him more, but it feels like everything has come to an abrupt end, and I can’t stop feeling bad about it.

I'm deteriorating from within.

I'm not sure if this is better suited for a mental health discussion, but I'm genuinely at a loss for where to turn. I recently started my first relationship over five years after divorcing my mentally abusive ex-wife, and I’m realizing just how much damage that experience has caused, often in ways I didn't even notice before. When I was single, I wasn't aware of these issues, but now it feels like I'm on a self-destructive path, and it's honestly terrifying. This is the happiest I have ever felt, yet I'm constantly worried that I'll say or do something to ruin it. Here are some of the thoughts that keep racing through my mind: 1. Why would she want to be with me? She could definitely find someone better. 2. What if she meets someone else and decides to cheat on me? 3. I'm so annoying; I'm going to push her away. 4. Why would anyone love me? I feel worthless. 5. Deep down, I know I'm just setting myself up for heartache—why prolong the inevitable? There are countless other negative thoughts that swirl around, but these are the main ones. My partner is incredibly sweet and caring. Sure, I annoy her sometimes, but I feel like I annoy everyone. She hasn’t given me any reason to doubt her loyalty, and I trust her completely. We share everything, including our unusual interests (which I know I need to ease up on), and we've established a foundation of total openness and honesty. Still, my anxious mind keeps telling me I'm not good enough. What can I do to address these feelings?

Partner of 11 years had an affair with a colleague.

Hey Reddit, The title really sums up my feelings, and I’m not quite sure what I expect to gain from sharing this, but I need to vent and would appreciate any words of encouragement from those who have been in a similar situation. I’m a 29-year-old guy, and my girlfriend is 28. We’ve been together since high school—our first love and our first everything. I’ve poured my heart into this relationship, and she’s mostly done the same for me. However, things have taken a turn in the past few months. She started expressing doubts, which hit me hard. I genuinely believed we would be together forever; we have a home, pets, and our families get along wonderfully. Lately, she’s been very cold and distant, even more so in the past week. I had a nagging feeling that something was off. I suspected she had been out late, claiming to be at a friend’s house, but my instincts told me otherwise. So, I looked through her phone and discovered that she had lied to me and spent the night at a colleague's place. Right now, I feel like I'm living a nightmare. I’m sad, angry, confused, and mostly just defeated. I want nothing more than to forgive her and pretend this never happened. She is clearly feeling the weight of her actions—she’s a mess, overwhelmed with shame and self-loathing. I know the common advice is to walk away, and I understand that may be what’s best. But 11 years is a long time; it feels impossible to just throw that away. She’s never done anything like this before, and while I know I shouldn’t excuse her behavior, part of me gets how she could be caught up in the excitement of it. So, where do I go from here? I have good friends, and I’m fairly intelligent and not bad-looking, so I know I have the potential to move on. But right now, all I want to do is curl up and disappear. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

I’m worried that if I respond to my sister's questions, it will hurt her feelings. What should I do? (W: Abuse)

(References to abuse) I’m a 50-year-old woman and recently shared some negative thoughts about my life on Facebook, specifically regarding my sperm donor (71 years old), whom I’ll refer to as SD. My sister, who is 45, responded by asking why I couldn’t simply “let things go and reconcile.” To give some context, SD has always exhibited classic narcissistic traits, including a quick temper and an emotionally abusive demeanor. To me, he was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive, alternating between cold indifference and outright neglect. Being the older sibling, I felt a strong responsibility to protect my younger sister from him. My sister was viewed as the “golden child.” She thrived in her father’s eyes, engaging in traditional “boy activities” like fishing, hunting, and sports. I remember hearing SD express more than once that he didn’t miss having a son because his little girl more than filled that role. She adored him, almost to a fault. In our upbringing, the difference in treatment was stark. While my sister faced rare instances of spanking or yelling, I endured far worse. I faced physical punishment, slaps to the face, bullying, and constant belittlement, sometimes even being locked out of the house until our mother returned. Academically, I struggled, particularly with tests, resulting in below-average grades. My sister never witnessed the depths of SD’s cruelty. The most brutal incident I experienced occurred when I was around 12. After he falsely accused me of lying and I dared to defend myself, he grabbed me by the jaw and lifted me off my feet, holding me suspended in the air. I remember hearing cracking sounds, convinced he might actually kill me. Once he finally released me, I escaped to my room, living on soft foods for weeks and lying to our mother by claiming the injury happened on the playground. I knew that revealing the truth would subject me to an even harsher reality. Ultimately, a visit to the dentist revealed that he had cracked my lower jaw and partially dislocated it, leaving me with ongoing issues related to that incident. My sister has never known the truth about what I endured. I never wanted her to—she deserves to have her hero. However, she’s now pushing me to reconcile, calling me “self-centered” and urging me to return to the family. I find myself grappling with whether to tell her the truth and risk ruining a relationship she cherishes. Complicating matters further, she has two sons, and SD is a good grandfather to them. Meanwhile, due to SD’s influence, my sister and I were estranged for years, and only in the last seven years have we attempted a reconciliation. Part of me feels that maintaining the status quo, as I have for so long, is the best course of action. I’m resigned to being seen as the “bad kid” to spare her any discomfort and preserve her family life. My own situation feels irreparable. Should I keep my silence and potentially safeguard our relationship, or risk everything by revealing the truth? Additionally, I’d appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced similar abuse. I’m simply seeking different perspectives. Thank you for your time and insights.

Do you have any suggestions for how I, a 28-year-old woman, can support my boyfriend, who is 29, with his frequent porn consumption and his struggles with depression?

My boyfriend (29M) and I (28F) have been together for a year and a half. I'm reaching out for advice on how to support him with his depression and his tendency to watch porn frequently. Does porn truly impact a guy's sex life? He is currently struggling with depression and takes a lot of medication, which affects his libido. I understand this and try to be patient, but I have a high sex drive and often feel horny. Recently, our sex life has declined, which is starting to affect my self-esteem. While I know his depression plays a role in his lack of interest, it's disheartening when I initiate intimacy and he tells me he’s not in the mood. However, I notice he frequently watches porn. I’ve expressed how this makes me feel, and suggested he might consider limiting his porn consumption, perhaps waiting to initiate intimacy until I’m home or not working. He insists that porn doesn’t impact his desire for me and that the two aren’t connected. Don’t get me wrong—if he wants to watch porn, that's fine, but it hurts my feelings that he chooses it over being intimate with me. I’ve found myself pointing out that when he does engage in self-pleasure, he seems uninterested later in the evening when I try to initiate intimacy. When I ask him whether he has masturbated, he often lies about it, which makes me feel like I'm losing my mind and leads me to accuse him of dishonesty. I've even resorted to checking the trash for evidence—something I’m not proud of, but his lies are driving me to question my own sanity. One night, after flirting with him throughout the day, I came home and tried to be intimate again, but once more he said he wasn't in the mood. When I asked if he had masturbated, he replied, "No, but whatever I say, you won’t believe me." Shortly after, I found a used tissue in the trash, which led me to inspect it further just to reassure myself that I wasn’t imagining things. The next morning, I messaged him about how upset I was for feeling lied to. When I brought it up when I got home, we argued. I confronted him about the tissue, and he denied ever seeing it, leaving me feeling confused and questioning whether I was imagining it. He suggested I was overthinking things. We recently had a conversation where I expressed my feelings of inadequacy, believing I couldn’t satisfy him. He reassured me of his attraction to me and his love, admitting that while he struggles with a porn addiction, it doesn’t affect how he feels about me. He emphasized that I always turn him on. Thanks for taking the time to read my situation. I appreciate any advice you might have!

This entire friendship was a facade.

I apologize for jumping into Reddit for the first time, but I genuinely need an outside perspective on how to handle a tricky situation. For some context, my boyfriend and I met another couple—I'll refer to the woman as M and her partner as K—at my daughter’s school two years ago, and we’ve become good friends. Our kids also get along well. However, M has made some remarks about K that always seemed off, and there were random stories that just didn't add up. Wanting to give our new friendship time to develop, I held off on forming any judgments. Fast forward to this past weekend when M and K came over for drinks. M ended up getting quite drunk and asked me to call her a cab, but since I had only had one drink, I offered to drive her home instead. K stayed behind to hang out with my boyfriend, which was fine. While driving M home, she started getting sassy, questioning why I was taking her home and insinuating that no one wanted to hang out with her. I reminded her that she was the one who asked to leave and suggested she get some rest, offering to pick her up if she wanted to come back later. When I returned home, the guys were chatting, and I decided to spend some time on my computer before starting dinner. That's when K opened up about his tumultuous relationship with M. He shared some hefty claims: she has cheated on him, been physically abusive, struggles with alcoholism, and fails to contribute to their household. Everything I had ever questioned about M suddenly made sense, confirming all my doubts and the odd comments she had made in the past. You might wonder how I could trust K’s story, but there are times you just know. My boyfriend completely believes him as well. The pain and defeat in K’s eyes were palpable, and he also acknowledged his own faults within the relationship, which made me feel he was being honest. He stays with M mainly out of concern for their child and fears of losing custody if things escalate. After dropping K off, M showed up at my place, visibly upset and still drunk. I asked her to leave and told her I needed to process everything before talking again because I was overwhelmed. M then began texting me furiously, saying things like, “I hate when he does this,” and “he lies, remember?” I didn’t respond at first but eventually told her that I needed space to think about the situation. With our kids attending the same school, I’m uncertain about the future of our friendship. M hasn’t even apologized for showing up at my door unannounced, which I’ve made clear is not okay. It’s obvious she needs help, but I’m unsure how to proceed. I've spent the weekend weighing my options, and I'm really lost. K doesn’t want to lose our friendship either, but I’m at a crossroads and need some guidance. Ignoring M feels wrong, but I’m unsure how to move forward from here. Any advice would be appreciated.

Is he intentionally trying to hurt my feelings?

I’m starting to feel like my boyfriend is purposely trying to hurt my feelings. It seems like he forgets things we’ve talked about and continues to repeat the same behaviors after we've discussed them. For example, I express that it bothers me when he does something, and then a few months later, he does it again. He hardly remembers our conversations, and it feels like he has the same discussions with me that he has with his coworkers. While he’s not interested in living together, he also doesn’t want to break up. Does anyone have any insights on this?

I'm a 19-year-old female, and he is an 18-year-old male.

Hello, there's this guy I’m friendly with, but I need to share something. A few days ago, he mentioned that he used to have feelings for me, although he doesn't remember when or what year. I can't shake the feeling that it might have been more recent, but I don’t want to bombard him with questions. Here's the kicker: about a year ago, he actually blocked me after I told him I liked him back in high school. I’m really confused about his actions. If anyone, especially guys, could offer some insight, I’d really appreciate it. I just want to understand his perspective.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 [10] 11 12