Relationship advices: Parenting and Raising Children

My husband (37) and I (40) are having disagreements about the amount of game time our 4-year-old daughter is getting.

Hello Reddit, This is my first time posting here, so I hope I do this right. I'm a 40-year-old female, and my husband is 37. We're currently having a disagreement about our eldest child's gaming time. My husband is a passionate gamer, and while I used to enjoy gaming myself, I haven't had the time since we had kids. I now view life itself as a game where I’m focused on developing my skills. I enjoy socializing, particularly with fellow socially awkward individuals, while my husband prefers to avoid social interactions. We have a daughter who's almost 4 years old, and my husband has been introducing her to gaming. This has been a source of contention between us. We’ve managed to agree on a limit of 2 hours of gaming per day, but I'm still uncomfortable with that restriction. It applies specifically to the game he enjoys, which she has now taken to as well. Additionally, there's TV screen time, watching him play, or activities she might do while he’s playing that don't count towards that limit. He insists he keeps track in his head, but I worry he loses track, allowing her time to accumulate. I’m concerned that she might start engaging in random activities just to extend her gaming time. My husband believes the game helps her learn valuable skills and thinks this justifies the gaming time. However, I feel it’s troubling that our daughter is so eager to play that it’s often the first thing she mentions when she wakes up. I also feel frustrated that I end up being the “bad cop” who has to enforce the gaming limits, putting me in a position where it feels like it’s fun daddy versus mean mommy. He claims I'm being unfair by wanting to limit her time, but he acknowledges that my restrictions on her gaming time might be unfair to him as well, since it means he would have less time to play, too, since he’d need to entertain her with other activities. So, Reddit, what do you think is an acceptable amount of gaming time for an almost 4-year-old?

Timing for our first baby: [28F] and [30M]

I'm a 28-year-old woman, and my husband is 30. I’ll be turning 29 this year, and he’ll be 31. We just tied the knot a few months ago and are currently focused on paying off our wedding expenses along with some other debts. Fortunately, things are looking up financially as our careers have taken off (thank goodness). The past couple of years have been challenging for us, largely due to various external issues, including family and financial struggles. We’ve finally reached a better place now, with no contact with his family, and our financial situation is improving. Becoming a mom has always been a dream of mine, and we’re thrilled to be moving back to a state we love in just over a year, where we’ll be closer to friends and family who care for us. Both my husband and I feel ready to start a family. We’ve agreed to hold off until the end of this year to ensure we don't have any financial burdens when our first child arrives, and I completely support that decision. However, I’m anxious about waiting too long to start trying for a baby. I worry about not being able to conceive right away or about how the timing would affect our plans to have 3 or 4 children. It feels like time is slipping away, and that thought gives me a lot of anxiety. He suggested that we wait until 2027 to start trying, reasoning that another year isn’t a big deal. This would allow us to enjoy financial stability and have quality time with loved ones in a city we adore, and then pursue starting our family without regrets. While I understand his perspective, I can’t shake the worry that if we wait too long, I could find myself facing difficulties with fertility as I approach my early 30s. Sometimes it feels like he doesn’t fully grasp the urgency of this biological clock since he’s a man. Am I being unreasonable? I could really use some advice!

My boyfriend (34) is struggling to adjust to our new life as parents, and I (31) feel powerless.

I’m not sure if I’m just venting or genuinely seeking advice. My partner and I have two young children—one is in kindergarten, and the other is at home with my partner. We share a relaxed, healthy, and loving relationship. While there may not be a lot of “honeymoon phase” activities these days, we still kiss, laugh, and enjoy our time together. We find humor in parenting, share frustrations about our kids, and generally agree on both small and big matters. Overall, our relationship isn’t difficult. However, my partner is struggling. He’s dealing with anxiety sparked by his self-image, current health issues, overthinking, the state of the world, and most significantly, our children. I feel at a loss when it comes to supporting him. I want to give him the alone time he needs to unwind and engage in activities he enjoys, but it seems like there’s never enough time. Each evening, we have from 8 PM to around midnight to ourselves, but he feels this isn’t sufficient, even though I try to handle the kids if they wake up during that time. Our days are filled with work, kindergarten, dinner, and bedtime, leaving little room for more “me time.” On weekends, we do get some help from grandparents, but we don’t want to burden our family with our kids constantly. Plus, we enjoy family time, but lately my partner has been feeling overwhelmed and lacks energy, so our activities have become quite limited. Another issue weighing on me is my own selfishness. I recognize that he’s having a tough time, and I want to help, but I’m also exhausted and in desperate need of alone time. My youngest is still nursing and relies on me heavily, so as soon as I come home, I’m responsible for him 99% of the time. Meanwhile, my oldest can be quite territorial, claiming “my mommy” or “my toy” and throwing tantrums if he doesn't get his way. It’s challenging; however, I know it could be worse, and I honestly don’t feel like we have too much to complain about. Yet, I struggle to balance my own needs with my partner’s struggles and the demands of our kids, feeling like most of my energy is directed toward them. How can I better support my partner through his difficulties? I often feel like it’s “out of my hands” and want to give up, which leaves me feeling terrible and like a bad partner. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Apologies for my less-than-perfect English! 😇

My boyfriend wants to get rid of my dog! 🐶 [23F] or [24M]

To keep it brief, I've been in a relationship for over five years. My boyfriend (24) and I (23) are planning to buy a house soon and have been living at my parents' place for two years to save money. In September, my parents and I went searching for a dog to keep theirs company. We found a Havanese puppy living in terrible conditions—only three months old and left outside in the cold. He was dirty, his food bowl was filthy and empty, and his cage was soaked through. My parents decided to adopt him, and we brought him home, gave him a bath, and started feeding him puppy food. Now, in March, this little guy has become incredibly attached to me. He follows me everywhere and waits for me to sit down. He’s a great puppy, but he does have some quirks: 1) he barks at night, prompting us to close the curtains, or else he starts barking outside; 2) he barks at any noises; 3) he growls when eating his treats; and 4) he recently started peeing indoors out of the blue. I take him out almost every hour, but he still manages to go by the corners of the tables. Recently, my boyfriend came home early and found pee and poop on the carpet, which is rare. He told me he won't let me keep the dog and that I have to choose between my puppy and him. I love both of them, but my puppy has brought me so much joy, and I can’t bear the thought of him being sad without me. He waits at the door for me when I go to work, showing just how loyal he is. What should I do? 🤯

I [31F] feel like I'm in a relationship with [29M], but it often feels like I'm a single parent.

I'm a 31-year-old woman facing challenges with my boyfriend, who is 29, regarding his involvement in parenting our 6-month-old son and sharing household responsibilities. When I first got pregnant, we were both thrilled, and he convinced me that he'd be an amazing father. Sadly, his actions have proven otherwise, and he's resistant to change despite my attempts to address the issue. It feels like he only wants to engage in parenting when it's convenient for him, leaving me to handle most of the responsibilities on my own, even during the night. Currently, he’s sleeping in the third bedroom (which was meant to be the baby’s room) to help me get more sleep due to his snoring, and to have space to work through some personal issues. I made it clear that I didn't want him to treat this as a break, and I even offered him access to my Audible account to listen to self-help books while he plays games. A month has gone by, and he’s done the exact opposite—staying up late gaming and ignoring the audiobooks. On weekends, he sleeps in well past noon instead of waking up at 10 am as I’ve requested to help with the baby. It’s currently 3 pm, and he’s still asleep. I usually get him to help out for about three hours after work before I have to put the baby to bed alone and handle nighttime care by myself. His weekend wake-up times are unpredictable. I often feel like a single parent in this relationship. Whenever I try to talk with him, I’m met with defensiveness and excuses. He claims he’ll make changes, but nothing ever happens. It seems like he doesn’t genuinely care about following through, and I can't shake the feeling that he’s just waiting for me to leave. I’m honestly at my breaking point. He behaves as though he's single, while I'm the only one trying to maintain our partnership. How do you stay in a relationship where respect and love feel absent? And how can I reach someone who seems so disengaged, hoping he’ll step up as a parent even if he doesn’t want to function as a partner?

I have a question about my boyfriend, who occasionally comes across as a bit needy. [F26] [M28]

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly six months and are expecting our first child. We've talked about marriage, rings, and our future, but there are moments when he really frustrates me. I guess that's part of loving someone, but he can get annoyed when I'm not in the mood to cuddle or put my legs on him. There are times when I just need some space. Although he doesn't live with me, he spends a lot of time at my place, which I’m fine with. However, instead of communicating his feelings, sometimes he just raises his hands slightly and shakes his head before walking away. It can be challenging not to feel angry in those moments.

How can I expose the father of my child [51M] as a serial cheater?

Fifteen years ago, I had a brief relationship with a man I’ll call Martin while living in Texas. This led to the birth of my beautiful daughter, whom I’ll name Amelie. When I informed Martin of my pregnancy, he revealed that he had a girlfriend named Nicola who was six months pregnant herself and had experienced multiple miscarriages before. I was taken aback and distressed, but I had already fallen in love with Amelie through her ultrasound images. Nevertheless, I chose to continue with my pregnancy, knowing I would be a single mother, as Martin assured me he would help raise our child. However, he went back on that promise and abruptly left Texas for Arizona when I was four and a half months pregnant. He moved there with his girlfriend and soon welcomed their son, Ben, who is four months older than Amelie. After I gave birth to Amelie, Martin visited her when she was three months old. When Amelie turned two and a half, he relocated back to Texas and started maintaining regular contact. He even brought Ben along for playdates at my house. During our conversations, I learned that he had another child, Claude, with someone else in Arizona, who is younger than both Ben and Amelie. While I found his choices irresponsible, my priority was Amelie. Martin struggled to find steady work in Texas, so he moved to Wyoming, followed by Claude’s mother to keep their relationship intact. He also suggested I move to Wyoming, which I found absurd, considering my life, family, friends, and career are all based in Texas. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to secure a job in Wyoming, and I noted that he had many low-paying, temporary positions over the years. Amelie grew up without a strong relationship with her father, although he remembered her birthdays and holidays. As a single mom, I didn’t want to travel to Wyoming for visits, preferring to take Amelie to cities like New York or Mexico instead. However, since Amelie expressed a strong desire to see her dad and he couldn’t afford to visit us, I took her to see him. During our visit, Martin made an effort with Amelie, taking her out to eat and buying her gifts. Meanwhile, he had two more children with Nicola and revealed that he had a third child with someone else, totaling six kids from three different women. Amelie, who is autistic and has a keen sense of justice, feels uneasy about her family’s dynamics. I genuinely believe that Martin is a serial cheater. While Amelie wants to connect with her siblings, Nicola is unaware of Amelie’s existence. This situation brings us to the present: Amelie wants everything to be revealed, but I’m uncertain how to approach it. If Nicola learns of Amelie, it could provoke anger from Martin or lead him to further distance himself from her. In June, Nicola will come to Texas with Martin to visit her family, and I’ve considered discussing Amelie with her when she has support nearby. I worry, however, as Martin has exhibited violent tendencies; after Amelie was born, he mentioned having been violent with Nicola, which shocked me since he didn’t seem that way when I first met him. I attempted to reach out to Nicola’s sister for support, but she hasn’t responded, and I haven’t met her in person—only contacted her via social media. Each time Martin has fathered a child, he has forced Nicola to relocate, which adds complexity to the situation. Moving forward, I seek advice on the best approach to reveal Amelie’s existence while ensuring her safety and that of Nicola. I recognize that societal views on half-siblings and step-siblings can often be traditional, but I want Amelie to foster a positive relationship with her half-siblings. I hope Nicola shares that sentiment and would want all the children to know and love each other. Is that too much to hope for? In summary, my daughter’s father is untrustworthy with six kids and four different women, including a long-term girlfriend. Amelie desires recognition and relationship with her siblings, and I’m seeking guidance on how to disclose this safely.

Together yet apart, I'm unsure—female, 27, male, 56.

I'm a 27-year-old woman struggling with my relationship with my partner and the father of my child, who is 53. It feels like we’re constantly out of sync. Our circumstances are complicated—we don’t live together, and he seems to hold onto traditional views where men provide financially while women manage childcare. However, I don’t think he understands the extent of what I handle on my own. Our daughter is just 4.5 months old, and he has never cared for her alone, hasn’t woken up with her overnight, and has not stepped up as an engaged parent. He visits for a few hours each day and offers financial support, but I’ve been her primary physical and emotional caregiver since she was born. I made the decision to end our relationship on Christmas Eve because I couldn’t wait any longer for someone who wasn’t fully present. It was easier to come to terms with being a single parent than to hold onto false hopes. Yet, we never truly severed ties—we still love each other, and I wanted to maintain a positive relationship for our daughter’s sake. I thought things were improving. Today, on Valentine’s Day, he surprised me with roses and we planned to go grocery shopping and spend some family time together. However, I haven’t heard from him since 2:20 PM, and now it’s 5:30 PM. This pattern keeps repeating, and I’m so exhausted from continually giving him the benefit of the doubt. I don’t think I can keep going like this. I wanted us to stay together for our daughter, but it’s becoming too overwhelming for me. I can’t depend on him, and I feel like I’m shouldering everything alone. I’m at a loss for what to do next.

I had a disagreement with my mom and the guy I'm talking to.

I've been talking to a guy for a few months (I'm 18F and he's 19M), and while we've met up before, I avoided telling my mom about him. She tends to make me feel uncomfortable, shares everything with our family, and adds unnecessary pressure on me. Anyway, yesterday he came to visit me. He lives about three hours away by train, and while we were sitting in my car chatting, we checked the train schedule for his return. It was nearly 10 PM, and all the trains were getting canceled, with the next one not leaving until 6 AM the following day. We were unsure of what to do, and I was hesitant to inform my mom, so I suggested staying with him until 6 AM. However, he was uncomfortable with that idea and encouraged me to tell my mom about him and ask if he could stay over. I had no problem with him staying since he’s very respectful and wouldn’t do anything to make me uncomfortable. I texted my mom to let her know, but she got really upset that I hadn't mentioned him earlier. She called all my friends and their parents, asking if they knew who he was. They all recognized him and reassured her that he was fine, but she still didn't believe it and insisted he couldn’t stay. I understood her concerns since she had never met him before, so I told her I would wait with him until the train and suggested we leave it for now and talk later. This led to a huge argument, and she forced me to come home. Meanwhile, he ended up booking a hotel, and I took him to the train station the following day. Now my mom has informed the whole family and is angry with me for not being upfront. I've tried explaining how uncomfortable she makes me feel when I share things with her, but she thinks I'm overreacting. I haven’t spoken much to the boy since; he mentioned he needs time to process everything that happened. He had warned me this could be an issue and that I should mention him to my mom, but I didn’t listen. Now I regret it because I feel like I've messed up both my relationship with him and with my mom. I’m really upset about the situation. I was crying so much after dropping him off that I could hardly drive home, and I just don’t know what to do now.

Should we consider starting a family?

We are a couple, 27F and 26M, and celebrated our first wedding anniversary last year. However, we had a significant disagreement yesterday. I have a strong desire to start a family, but my partner feels it’s too soon. He is currently unemployed and believes he should secure a stable income before considering having a baby, which is a perspective I understand. While I also recognize that it might be early, the pressure of my biological clock is quite overwhelming for me. We've been together for seven years and have had unprotected sex several times during that period, yet I've never become pregnant. Additionally, I am dealing with endometriosis, which adds to my concerns about possibly waiting too long. After our argument, he seemed very stressed about our situation. He does want a child as well, but finances are a significant worry for him. I would appreciate any advice on how to navigate this situation.

My husband (30M) is growing more distant from me (26F) since we had our baby.

My husband (30M) and I (26F) have been married for two years, and we recently welcomed a baby into our family. However, since the baby's arrival, my husband has become increasingly distant, to the point where he won’t visit us at my mom’s house. During a recent conversation, I pressed him to share what he was feeling, and he expressed that he wants the best for our child but feels overwhelmed and unable to contribute. I reassured him that we could navigate this journey together and encouraged him to enjoy these early moments with our newborn. No matter how much I try to reach him, he still seems unreachable. I suspect he may be experiencing some depressive feelings, and I’m at a loss for how to support him. As a first-time mom myself, I'm struggling with postpartum challenges, and his lack of support is putting a strain on our relationship. Fast forward three months—our baby had a minor procedure, and I’m staying at my mom’s for a few days. Even though he lives just 15 minutes away, he hasn’t come to see the baby. I feel completely heartbroken. Has anyone faced a similar situation after having a child? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Looking for some advice! I'm a 22-year-old female and he's a 23-year-old male.

I've been with my partner for almost a year now, just a few days shy of that milestone. We connected on Tinder, met in person quickly, and hit it off immediately. Since then, we've hardly been apart. A few weeks into our relationship, he revealed that he had just ended a five-year relationship with his ex two weeks before we met. In August, I discovered I was pregnant and initially considered having an abortion since we had only been together for seven months and lived 100 miles apart. However, he pleaded with me to keep the baby and assured me he would support both me and the child. So, I let him move in with me, as he had been sofa surfing. Once I reached about 20 weeks pregnant, he started acting differently. He became distant, and our intimate life dwindled. Every evening after work, he would come home and immediately FaceTime his mom, often playing games with her late into the night, which disrupted my sleep. We argue over trivial matters and can never resolve our issues, which just gets ignored until the next week when the same problems resurface. I've bought everything for the baby myself, while he claims he doesn't have the money and expresses confusion, as his single mother provided for him during his childhood. This week, things took a turn. He had a good month at work and received a sizable paycheck. I thought he might help with the baby’s needs, but instead, he announced he would be leaving on Monday to visit his mom, 150 miles away, spending almost £300 on fuel. He didn't even mention this plan to me beforehand, which struck me as odd; had he discussed it, I wouldn’t have minded rearranging my schedule. He’s also not offered to buy anything for the baby again this month. On top of that, the car he's taking is the one we share—I cover half of all expenses like petrol, insurance, and taxes—so now I’m left without transportation to my hospital appointments next week. He didn’t even remember my appointment on Monday, which I will have to attend alone, a recurring situation, and the staff had expressed concerns about the baby’s size. I'm terrified at the thought of becoming a single mom at 22 and heartbroken that he seems indifferent towards me and our baby. I genuinely believed he was the love of my life, and I was looking forward to this new chapter together. However, I don’t want my child to feel second best, like I do now. I reached out to his mom to share my feelings, but she essentially labeled me as selfish, insisting that he deserves time away with her since she misses him. She also indicated that our relationship moved too quickly, which I agree with, but he’s the one who insisted on keeping the baby. I could really use some advice, as I feel so lost and scared right now. 😫

Am I overthinking this? I could use some help.

My partner needs a new sofa since he's currently living in a one-bedroom place and has turned his room into a children's space. I just ordered a corner sofa bed as a surprise for him, but now I'm concerned I might upset him. Am I overthinking this? 🤔😂

Is it just me, or are we experiencing abuse?

My husband believes I overly coddle our children and don’t discipline them for their actions. Our oldest has Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and often responds with “no” over the smallest requests. Typically, he becomes upset, but once he calms down, he apologizes and does what I’ve asked. Our middle child struggles with ADHD and anxiety. He has trouble sleeping and is somewhat less mature for his age. My husband, a combat veteran, has been diagnosed with PTSD since leaving the military 12 years ago. He often resorts to yelling at our kids, which has made them express fear toward him. Simple incidents, like a spilled drink, can provoke his anger. I've communicated my concerns, particularly regarding our oldest son, who now prefers to avoid his dad. There have been instances where my husband has physically dragged him when he refuses to go to his room, and he has slapped him for being defiant. He believes punishment is necessary, but I feel his approach has become overly harsh. Despite my efforts to explain my perspective, my husband insists I spoil them. Today, there was a heated argument between him and our oldest. My son ran downstairs and locked himself in a room, afraid his dad might hit him. In a fit of rage, my husband kicked the door down, and I tried to intervene. No one has ever told me I baby my children except for him. He’s now threatening to quit his job and leave our family, which terrifies me, as I wouldn’t be able to support myself and the kids on my income alone. I fear losing everything. I know I’m not in the wrong, and I've urged him to seek help, but he refuses, claiming it doesn’t work. I’ve been in therapy for years due to a difficult upbringing with a narcissistic mother who struggled with substance abuse—she has since passed away. Am I mistaken? Am I the bad parent here? I feel incredibly isolated, with no family or friends in our area. Is this situation abusive?

I recently lost some family members, and my girlfriend isn't able to support me during this tough time.

My girlfriend and I have been together for six years, and we have two wonderful children—our eldest is three and the youngest is two. I'm 24, and she's 23. Recently, I've been facing a lot of loss in my family, which is quite large, so it's unfortunately not uncommon for us to experience deaths. The most recent one was my grandpa, who passed away from a heart attack, and this one hit me particularly hard. Normally, I manage to cope with loss, but my grandpa lived with me and my parents for my entire life, making it more difficult to process. In the weeks leading up to this, my girlfriend has been harboring a grudge and hasn't been supportive in my grieving process. She's been distant, refusing to talk or even look at me, and her attitude has been consistently negative. She attributes this to what she perceives as my lack of help around the house and with our kids. We've had similar discussions before, as this pattern seems to repeat itself every few months. I genuinely don't understand her perspective because I'm quite active in taking care of our home. I clean daily, and I have OCD, which compels me to keep things organized and tidy—particularly when it comes to items on the floor. I handle nearly all the household chores except for the dishes, which I can admit I don’t do often. I also contribute to caring for the kids as much as I can, including getting them ready to go out and changing diapers. While I know this is all part of my role, she often acts as if I do nothing. I recognize that we haven't gone on a date in a long time, and I've made attempts to take her out, but she seems unable to switch off her "parenting mode" and relax. We have several options for babysitting, which would make it easier for us to have some time together, but she remains irritable and snaps at minor issues throughout the day. Since the birth of our children, I've put in my best effort, but we seem to go through good periods that last a few months before she raises a complaint. Personally, I dislike arguing or venting frustrations; I prefer to focus on what needs to be done and move forward. There's a lot more to this situation, so if you have any questions or thoughts, please feel free to share. I love her and our kids dearly, and I want to avoid a split that would complicate our lives, especially since we are moving into a new apartment in a month and both work full-time. I don’t want everything we’ve worked for to go to waste.

My boyfriend is worried about the man I will eventually marry.

I'm a 20-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, also 20, and I have been in a relationship for 14 months. Last night, we had a conversation about my plans for my body once I have more money. I mentioned that I want to get laser hair removal first and then a female vasectomy. He asked if I was serious, and I explained that while I want to have kids someday, I prefer to adopt. The thought of being pregnant really scares me, and I don't think I ever want to experience it. I also mentioned that while my feelings could change, I feel firm about my decision for now. He expressed that he wants us to have a biological child together. I was surprised and pointed out that he seems uncertain about marrying me. He said that if we were to marry, we could have kids together. I explained to him that pregnancy involves not just having a child, but also physical pain, postpartum depression, and more. He responded by saying that pain is something I would have to endure, and he would be there to support me emotionally and mentally. This annoyed me, and I decided to end the conversation. Today, he brought the topic up again, and I told him I didn’t want to discuss it because I didn't feel he would understand. He insisted on talking about it and criticized me for being "immature" for making this decision for myself, claiming I'm too young to figure this out. He accused me of being selfish for viewing pregnancy as painful and not considering how he feels about having a child. He said I come off as narcissistic for only thinking about my own feelings. I asked why he couldn't accept that it's my body and my choice, regardless of age. He argued that in marriage everything would be shared, and nothing would belong solely to me or him. I told him that if that’s his perspective, he might need to rethink it; otherwise, I'd be concerned about my potential future as his wife. I also mentioned that if I couldn't find someone who thinks like me, I’d be better off alone. He then accused me of being ready to leave this relationship for someone else and said he was genuinely worried about my future husband. So, am I in the wrong here? **TL;DR:** My boyfriend believes I'm immature for not wanting to get pregnant and wanting to adopt instead. He thinks I'm selfish and too young to make this decision for myself. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Guidance

I'm on a date with my ex at the movies, and we're trying to rekindle our relationship. So far, the date has been going well. While watching the film, she brings up her son, mentioning that he doesn’t like to leave the house. I suggest it’s probably because he has a PS5 at home and feels more comfortable there; I can relate since I was a kid once too. Then she adds, “I wish he would leave the house sometimes, so I could have company over.” I can’t help but feel that she might be referring to someone other than me, which is strange since I've spent time with her both with and without her kid. Am I overthinking this, or is there something more to it?

Should I allow my boyfriend to move in with me?

I'm a 26-year-old woman who met my boyfriend, a 36-year-old man, during the early phases of my separation from my husband (divorce proceedings are still ongoing). We've been together for nearly a year now. Recently, I moved 2.5 hours away for work-related reasons, and my boyfriend is planning to relocate next week as well. Initially, we intended to move in together, but I’m starting to have serious doubts about it. I have two daughters: a 7-year-old and a 2-year-old. My younger daughter is from my soon-to-be ex-husband, while my older daughter is from a previous relationship I had after high school. Because of my divorce, my 7-year-old has lost the father she's known all her life; he won't see her unless I "come home." I can see that she’s hurting, especially since she often tells me she misses her dad, and I’m at a loss for words when she does. Both girls adore my boyfriend and get excited when they see him. I've introduced him to them as just a friend, but I think my 7-year-old senses that it's more than that. When I asked her how she’d feel about him moving in with us, she responded positively. Later, she expressed that she wishes he could be her dad, which surprised me because it shows how much she cares for him. However, I have some concerns. I don’t want someone else to step in as a parental figure for my kids, especially if he might not be a long-term presence in their lives. I want my children to be raised with Christian values, and while he has said he would respect that, he has also made comments that question Christianity, which makes me doubt his commitment to helping me raise them in that way. Additionally, he spends $200 a month on nicotine, which isn’t necessarily bad, but he doesn’t seem to see it as a financial concern, while I do. I also feel that it might be too soon for us to take this step, even though we had initially planned to live together as roommates in front of the kids. Are these concerns valid? Are there other issues I should consider, or am I just overreacting?

I'm a 26-year-old woman, and I feel like he, a 28-year-old man, has wasted nine years of my life.

**[TL;DR] Is it wrong for me, a 26-year-old woman, to want to end my relationship with my partner, a 28-year-old man, because he has wasted 9 years of my life by delaying our plans to have children?** **Edit:** This post is on behalf of my sister, who is new to Reddit and still figuring things out. Any advice would be appreciated, as I’ll share the link with her. Thank you! **Edit 2:** My sister has replied to some comments below, so please check those for additional context. Is it wrong for me to want to end my relationship because I want children and he is firmly against it? I find it selfish that he made me wait nearly a decade only to tell me that he has no interest in having kids. My partner and I have been together for 9 years. I've always expressed my desire to have children, and he initially agreed that we would start a family one day. However, just a few days ago when I mentioned the idea of having kids, he finally said he doesn’t want them because he doesn't want to take on the financial responsibilities that come with parenting. We’re in a stable place and have everything we need, so I feel ready to take that step, but his words and actions indicate otherwise. He mentioned that I would need to continue working throughout my pregnancy and after, which I think is unreasonable given that my job involves exposure to chemicals and dust (I’m a nail technician). I’ve made it clear before that if I were to have a baby, I would need to take time off work for the child’s health. The concern for me is that he will not allow me to be a stay-at-home mom, which ultimately led to his decision that we cannot have children. Am I being selfish for wanting kids when he doesn’t? I feel really depressed and stressed about this situation.