Relationship advices

Am I about to lose the love of my life?

I’m a 34-year-old woman seeking advice or maybe a reality check. My partner, a 33-year-old man, and I have been in a relationship for three months, but we've worked together for the past two years. We were friends before, both married, so we never crossed any boundaries. Earlier this year, we both ended up separated from our spouses and grew closer while sharing our experiences. It started off with just casual texting, but it escalated quickly, and we became quite serious before we even realized it. I tend to fall hard and fast, but this feels completely different. I've never experienced such deep mutual love, understanding, or chemistry with anyone else, and he claims to feel the same. Currently, we are both separated. My situation is progressing to divorce, which will be finalized in January. I have a 14-year-old daughter with my ex-husband, and though things were rocky at first, we've established a peaceful custody agreement. My partner's relationship with his spouse has always been tumultuous, with reports of verbal and emotional abuse. They have two children, ages 6 and 5, and over the years, his wife has used the kids to manipulate him. This past summer, she took the kids to her hometown without informing him, and he feels threatened that she might permanently relocate with them. Recently, there seemed to be a truce where he was allowed more time with the kids, which was not the case at first. I have urged him numerous times to utilize our company’s Employee Assistance Program for legal advice, but he hasn’t taken that step. Recently, he called me in tears, expressing his desire to do what’s right for his kids and to provide them with a life he never had. He insists on giving his marriage one more shot for their sake. This has left me heartbroken, and he seems to be struggling too. This isn't the first time such concerns have surfaced; it happened around Thanksgiving, but nothing changed then. Now, he’s talking about moving back in with his wife after Christmas. Although I can’t share every detail without this becoming overwhelmingly long, there’s one more important aspect: I had an affair earlier this year, which he strongly disliked. I initially kept it from him but admitted it a few weeks into our relationship because I wanted to be honest. He has repeatedly expressed how much this bothers him and how it makes him feel like a rebound or merely “next in line.” I’ve done everything possible to reassure him that it was a mistake I deeply regret. I was with that other person for a short period, but it ended well before my partner and I got together. I’m not sure why he’s still so affected by it, especially since I’ve emphasized that it’s in the past. He has brought it up several times, and I can't help but wonder if he’s using it as an excuse to justify pursuing his wife again. I’ve told him I would love and care for his kids as if they were my own and that I would always be respectful towards their mother. He feels conflicted, torn between his responsibilities as a father and his feelings for me. He feels empty without one or the other and struggles to see a way to have both. He’s worried his wife might leave with the kids for good this time. My heart is shattered; I’ve never loved anyone like this before, even after a 15-year marriage. It feels profound, on a soul level, and he says he feels the same way. I can see the pain he’s in, but I’m unsure of how to move forward.

My girlfriend (21F) is upset after discovering that I (26M) wear height insoles. How should we handle this situation?

My girlfriend and I have been together for six months. During this time, I’ve been wearing height-increasing insoles that boost my height by two inches. With them, I reach 5'5", while she is 5'3". I chose to wear them for a confidence boost when I’m with her. However, now she’s upset after discovering the insoles, feeling as though I've deceived her. How can we move forward from this?

How can I (F21) get over my boyfriend's (M24) porn use?

Hey everyone! My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about three years, and we've been living together for roughly a year and a half. When we first started dating, I made it clear that I was uncomfortable with frequent porn consumption in a relationship, and he agreed to that boundary. I genuinely believed he respected it. After we moved in together, things changed. One night, both of us were high, and I noticed my boyfriend getting up frequently in the middle of the night and disappearing for a while. The next morning, I checked his phone and discovered he had a significant amount of porn saved. After that, I started to frequently check his browsing history and found a variety of explicit material that he accessed almost daily, including saved and liked videos on TikTok, Instagram, OnlyFans, and various websites. He would watch this content in bed next to me when he thought I was asleep, get up to watch it while I was in another room, and consume it every time I left the house. Feeling overwhelmed, I told him I would leave if he didn’t address this issue, as it crossed my established boundaries and made me feel trapped. He cried and promised to change, and for a while, I thought things were improving. However, a few months ago, I started coming home on my lunch breaks—maybe once a week—and almost every time I did, I found him watching porn and masturbating. It seems like this isn’t just limited to those moments, as I frequently catch him engaged in it. I’m exhausted from dealing with this. We've been together for a while now, and I’m unsure if it's worth the constant turmoil it brings. It leaves me feeling insecure and uncomfortable, as I can’t help but compare myself to the women in those videos. He often watches "hentai" and cosplayers, and after losing 25 pounds in a short time to look more like them, I've developed unhealthy eating habits and exercise routines without seeing any results. It's been over a month since we've been intimate because I'm self-conscious about not measuring up to those images. What should I do? Is there any way to salvage this relationship?

Would you consider marrying my boyfriend if you dislike him?

We’ve been together for three years, and while I love him, there are times when I really can’t stand him. He hasn’t cheated, but he has hurt me in other ways that he doesn’t seem to recognize. He has done a lot of good as well, but sometimes the negative feelings overwhelm everything else.

Did I serve as his rebound? Female, 27 | Male, 23 - Relationship duration: 10 months

I'm a 27-year-old woman and a single mother to my daughter. After five years of being on my own, I met a guy in March who I genuinely believed could be “the one.” We connected incredibly well! He shared that he had previously been in a three-year relationship, but his partner left him to focus on her faith, which left him heartbroken for quite some time. He mentioned that it took him a year to heal and that he was still not in the right mindset for a relationship, wanting to dedicate this year to himself. Initially, I thought I wasn’t looking for a relationship either, but after months of chatting with him, I realized that deep down, that’s exactly what I wanted. One night on a date, I got a bit tipsy and inadvertently confessed that I loved him. He reassured me that it wasn't embarrassing and reminded me that we had previously discussed his need to focus on himself and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship right now. Feeling embarrassed, I suggested we should part ways, but he insisted we shouldn’t because he wasn’t put off by my comment. As the months went by, he became my safe haven, and I found myself completely falling for him. Yet, I longed for him to see me as his partner, not just someone to talk to or hook up with. During our time together, I accidentally got pregnant. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t want a child and still wasn’t interested in a relationship, which led to my first abortion—an extremely difficult experience. I tried to walk away multiple times because of his uncertainty about us. Each time, he would get emotional, even crying, and confess that he loved me but was scared. He feared starting over and questioned what would happen if we didn’t work out. He praised my love for him but thought he couldn’t give me the love I truly deserved. He often told me I was his dream girl, and his younger self would be thrilled to have found me, yet he still couldn’t commit. He repeatedly insisted that I deserved someone better. Despite my attempts to leave, he would reach out, expressing that our lack of communication felt torturous and that he suffered from my absence. He said I brought him comfort and that he had never felt so loved before, even if he wasn’t accustomed to it. He frequently reminded me of how rare and precious I was, yet he still hesitated to commit. It’s been 14 days since we last communicated, and he recently texted me to remind me about my eye appointment. Those 14 days were filled with a whirlwind of emotions, and I was just starting to feel a bit better. His message threw me off balance, leaving me emotionally wrecked. I had allowed him to become my safe place, integrating him into my life and opening myself up to him. I loved him with the sincerity of a schoolgirl experiencing her first crush. I confronted him, asking why he stayed if he never wanted me, why he gave me hope when he could have ended things, and why he set up situations that led to hurt. I've decided to go back to no contact and have completely blocked him. A friend mentioned that he has recently been posting things aimed at his ex. We shared dates, exchanged gifts, and even planned trips together. He was open to meeting my daughter. But after one miscommunication, he told me he didn't see a future with me and that I wasn't healed or whole because I was still trying to give myself to him. He felt I wasn’t in a place in my life to share myself with someone else. I've never experienced such devastation before.

I love you?

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 13 months, and we've essentially been living together for that entire period. I own a house that has been on the market for 8 months, and we’ve agreed that I will fully move in with him once it sells. He is very caring, and his actions show that he values me, but he has never expressed his feelings using the "L" word. Recently, he referred to us as liking each other, which was a bit disheartening for me. I first brought up this topic in November, and he mentioned that he intended to say it during our trip in October, but it just didn’t feel like the right moment (that trip had its challenges!). It's been five weeks since that conversation, and still nothing has changed. Both of us have been married before, and I understand that the word carries significant weight for him. I worry about investing my time in someone who may not feel strongly enough about me. I’m 39, he’s 38, and I really want to have a child. Should I stay in this relationship, or do actions truly speak louder than words?

Is my boyfriend asking for too much, or am I not contributing enough?

My boyfriend, 22, and I, 21, have been together for over four years. I'm currently a first-year university student, while he works as a pilot with a demanding schedule. For the past three years, we’ve navigated long-distance periods, which have been challenging. He felt very unhappy in his previous town, isolated from family, friends, and me, leading him to move closer to me earlier this year. At first, he proposed that I move in with him, and I considered it. I initially agreed but, after thinking it through, I realized I wasn't ready. My parents, who are funding my education and living costs, were also hesitant, and I later found out his parents didn't support the idea either. This caused some intense disagreements, as he believed that living together would save us money and allow us to spend valuable time together after being apart for so long. While I understand his viewpoint, I felt overwhelmed by the magnitude of the decision. Our arguments became heated, and he even said some hurtful things. Later, he expressed that he felt I wasn't fully committed to our relationship. Since my university break began, I've spent the last month staying at his apartment, cooking and cleaning for him while he puts in long hours at work. By the time he returns home, he's understandably tired and unable to make time for dates or quality moments together. Although I’m happy to help, I often feel overlooked and as though I'm contributing more to the relationship, which I suspect is tied to his disappointment over me not moving in. For instance, on our fourth anniversary, I surprised him with a special dinner, cake, and decorations, but he didn’t plan anything for me, which hurt, even though I tried to brush it off. It seems that physical intimacy has been our only consistent form of connection lately, and even that sometimes feels empty. I’m also very close to my family. My sister is a single mom who just left an abusive relationship, and my parents are facing health issues. Because of this, I prioritize spending time with them, especially during the holidays. My boyfriend has mentioned that this makes him feel less significant, which is tough to hear because I do care deeply for him. However, I don’t think it’s fair for him to expect me to always be around when he’s not there most of the time, and I don't want to miss precious moments with my family when I actually have the opportunity to be with them. I recently informed him that I’d like to spend most of December with my family, but would drive four hours to be with him on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. This sparked another fight, during which he suggested I reconsider our relationship. He told me he feels I still have a lot of growing up to do for prioritizing my family, and that he sometimes feels “too mature” for me, implying I should just stay home with my “mommy and daddy.” To complicate matters, my parents are worried about me driving long distances on dangerous roads, and financially, I can't afford to make multiple trips. They've told me to choose where I want to spend Christmas, supporting my decision even if it's not with them. Unfortunately, my boyfriend has also expressed that he feels lonely because I'm not with him this month. He's even downloaded Bumble (the friends version) to meet new people. He continually reminds me that he moved closer for me after I declined to move in. This morning, he asked if I'd consider leaving my family and studies behind to move to another country with him for his job while continuing my education overseas. We've discussed the possibility of moving abroad, and I'm open to it, but it all feels too rushed. I haven’t even finished my degree yet, and the idea of leaving behind my family, education, and stability is unsettling, especially given our recent arguments. The ongoing conflicts and his recent suggestion that I reevaluate our relationship have left me feeling emotionally drained and detached. Being at home has given me the space to reflect, and despite our love for each other—and acknowledging that we both have our flaws—I’m starting to question if this relationship is worth sacrificing so much for, particularly my time with family, which I might regret missing. I would really appreciate any advice or perspectives on my situation.

I’m feeling unhappy due to the lack of a sexual relationship.

Hello, I'm a 24-year-old woman, and my partner is 23. Lately, we've been facing some challenges in our relationship. I have a high sex drive, which wasn't an issue for him at the beginning of our nearly one-year relationship. However, we've been having much less intimacy lately—typically just once a week for a few minutes without any foreplay, leaving me unfulfilled. I've expressed my feelings to him multiple times, and while he says he wants to improve things, there hasn't been any change. The main issue seems to be that he struggles to maintain an erection. I try to approach the situation with sensitivity and respect for his feelings, but I'm starting to feel neglected. I'm at a loss about what to do. The lack of intimacy is making me quite unhappy, yet I want to stay with him. Whenever I try to initiate, I'm usually met with rejection, and just thinking about our intimacy issues saddens me. I don’t want to pressure him into sex, but I also want to find a solution. Does anyone have any advice on how I can help improve our situation?

I discovered that my boyfriend is featured on 'Are We Dating the Same Guy,' and I suspect my roommate might be connected to it.

I (F27) recently shared my concerns about some troubling behavior from my roommate (F28). I've come to realize that she and a few people I once considered close friends have been speaking negatively about my boyfriend (M32) behind my back. It seems like she might want something to happen that would lead to our breakup. Given my concerns about my roommate potentially trying to interfere in my relationship, I checked her Facebook page and found a post about my boyfriend from a few days ago. With everything happening, I feel like I need more substantial evidence beyond an anonymous post. It’s hard for me to believe it, and I suspect I won’t fully accept it unless I can confirm it’s not someone I know. Maybe I’m being unreasonable, but I did reach out to the original poster for proof of their conversations, but they only responded that they met on Hinge and have been talking on Snapchat. I might be in denial, but my intuition is telling me something isn’t right. I'm feeling lost about what to do next.

How much are you prepared to overlook for the sake of love?

Hey everyone! I'm a 19-year-old female, and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who's also 19, for over a year now. We met when we were both 17 and started dating when he was 17 and I was 18. A bit of background: I didn’t have healthy relationship role models growing up, just what I saw in movies and on TV. Because of this, I never really understood what a healthy relationship should look like—just the idealized version in my mind. I often turn to AI for advice on relationships, which is kind of funny. As an only child, I grew up pretty independent. My boyfriend, on the other hand, has had a mother and stepfather for most of his life, but there’s a noticeable emotional distance in his family dynamic. From what he's shared about his past, it seems there isn't much emotional closeness among them. Now, regarding our relationship: we've had our fair share of arguments and have had to make positive changes. We've both learned a lot and experienced some unhealthy phases, too. This is both of our first serious relationships. While I've dated a bit, it's never lasted due to my commitment issues, and he hasn't dated much either because he was homeschooled and primarily interested in flirting with girls online. Every challenge we face brings us closer together, and I'm proud to see our growth. He has a lot to learn about emotional intimacy since he was diagnosed with autism at a young age, and I sometimes feel like his parents didn’t provide enough support. This has resulted in me doing most of the emotional labor because he’s more emotionally immature than I am. Despite the challenges, he’s dedicated to me and is committed to improving, just as I am. Right now, things are going pretty well. So, here’s my question, and my TL;DR: If you're young and a bit immature—perhaps making mistakes—but very committed to the person you love, how much would you be willing to forgive? I'm looking for a general perspective since I’ve never modeled a healthy relationship, but I want to build one of my own. I know we're both young and bound to slip up—what’s a reasonable amount of forgiveness to expect in the name of true love? What constitutes a healthy and constructive approach?

Unusual sensation in that area.

I (FTM) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (CF) for nearly two years, but we face a challenge: she won’t perform oral sex on me. This wouldn't be such a big deal if it weren't for the fact that she really enjoys receiving oral sex herself. She mentioned that I have a 'weird texture' down there, which has made me feel incredibly insecure, especially as a transgender man. My girlfriend is cisgender, so she doesn't fully understand my feelings about this. Hearing her comment about the texture has triggered my pre-existing anxiety, leading me to obsessively clean the area in an attempt to change it. Every time I bring up the possibility of trying again, she immediately shuts me down. Although she talks about it in messages and calls, it often feels like she just isn’t in the mood when we’re together. I’ve scrubbed so much that I’ve caused irritation and swelling, yet I still feel unclean. I don’t have any issues with odor or hygiene—I use a loofah and warm water to wash regularly. Hair isn’t a problem either; I actually don’t shave because it makes her uncomfortable. I keep it trimmed, but I’ve noticed that I’m starting to lose hair in that area for unknown reasons. Am I doing something wrong?

Is it acceptable for my boyfriend to invite a female friend as his plus one to a work Christmas party that we both attend? I’m 35, and he’s 34.

My boyfriend and I have been officially dating for four months, though we've been involved longer than that. The main challenge in our relationship stems from his many female friends—some of whom I know and some he claims I don’t, simply because the topic hasn't come up. I feel that in a committed relationship, it’s concerning for my partner to have an abundance of female friends with whom he texts, FaceTimes, and spends time privately. He disagrees, insisting he should be free to be friends with whomever he chooses. I'm not saying he can't have those friendships; I just find it troubling and worry it could lead to misunderstandings or unwanted feelings. We both work together and are attending our office Christmas party, where we’re allowed to bring a plus one. He mentioned it would be fine to bring a female friend, and I find that disrespectful and inappropriate. When I shared my feelings with him, he asked how that could be disrespectful and pointed out that I seem overly concerned with what others think, calling me insecure and childish. I struggled to articulate why it bothers me so much. Ultimately, I asked if he could give me a heads-up about whether he planned to bring a female friend. He responded by saying, "Why should I have to tell you? Why does it matter? I can bring whoever I want." What do you think about this situation?

I'm a 21-year-old guy, and I have a long-distance girlfriend who's also 21. I can't shake the feeling that she might be involved with someone else.

After being apart from my girlfriend for 12 weeks, I finally visited her. On the first day—after we were intimate—I sensed that something felt off. While driving, I noticed she dimmed her phone’s brightness to send a text and then brightened it again for navigation. Although this isn't definitive proof, it reminds me of subtle signs I’ve picked up in past relationships that hinted something might be amiss. I'm going with her for the holidays to meet her family (whom I've met before) and her friends (whom I haven't met yet). How should I approach this topic?

I'm a 20-year-old female professional belly dancer, and my boyfriend, who is 19 and we've been together for a year, is asking me to give it up.

I've been practicing belly dancing since I was five, and I now perform at various events, parties, and even private gatherings. However, my boyfriend isn't supportive of it; he feels insecure and has asked me to stop because it makes him uncomfortable. Dancing is my true passion, and it plays a significant role in my life. We've been together for a year and share a physical connection (we have sex nearly every other date). I care for him deeply, but his insecurity is starting to put a strain on our relationship. Should I give up dancing to make him happy, or should I prioritize my passion and consider ending the relationship? I'm really torn about this situation. What would you do?

What happens if I don't conceive?

My boyfriend, 28, and I, 29, have been together for over seven years. We lived together for four years, and six months ago, we took the plunge and secured a loan to buy a house and lot. Throughout our relationship, I've frequently asked him when we would get married. His usual response has been that he wants to have a baby first. He has promised me that he will stay with me even if we don't end up having children. We've been trying to conceive for some time now, but it hasn’t happened yet. Last month, the doctor informed me that I have early signs of infertility, and I’m really scared about what that means. What if I end up being infertile? I worry that he might leave me. And what will happen to our house and everything we've built together? Three days ago, we had a fight, and I texted him suggesting we break up since I had blocked him on my social media accounts. I expressed that I was tired of the relationship and of him, but so far, he hasn’t reacted. We’re still sharing the same room but not communicating. I feel lost and overwhelmed. I’ve been diagnosed with emotional depression since 2018; it has its ups and downs but always seems to come back. I’ve struggled with thoughts of self-harm many times. Right now, I’m battling with my emotions, praying, and crying constantly. Please help me. I don’t know what to do in this situation. I love him, but I feel like I’ve reached my limit.

Relationship problem—could you please assist your girl?

I met a guy on Hinge last year, and we've been chatting since December. We quickly became friends with benefits and even started sharing photos. Recently, he proposed to me, but I responded with, “Let’s meet first and see.” Despite my hesitations, he keeps pushing the idea that we’re dating now. The thing is, he doesn’t message me very often, and sometimes takes over six hours to respond, claiming he was busy. While I don’t see any signs of him being with someone else, I'm feeling uncertain. Most of our conversations happen at night, and when we do talk, he’s sweet and reassuring, insisting he wouldn’t cheat and that he wants to be the best partner for me. We have plans to meet this week, but I’m feeling conflicted. Should I wait until we meet to express my feelings, or should I bring up his erratic communication beforehand? Am I wasting my time, or is there something I'm overlooking?

How to create distance from your partner discreetly

Good evening, everyone. My girlfriend (24) and I (23) have been in a relationship for about a year and a half, but we've been facing some challenges. One major issue is my discomfort with her family and friends; they often treat both of us poorly, and I feel quite devalued around them. Her family is very closed off, and their behavior towards her is harsh, which she seems to accept as normal. Her friends also don't treat her well, and again, she finds it acceptable. I’ve tried to communicate my feelings about these situations, but she doesn't seem interested in listening. She wants me to be a part of her life with them despite my discomfort. I'm beginning to feel like I'm the reason her friends don't talk to her like that as much anymore. Lately, she’s made me feel guilty for wanting to take a step back from her social circle, even though I’ve told her she’s free to do those things without me. I've reached a point where I feel the need to distance myself for my own mental health. It’s a tough decision, but I really can’t handle the emotional strain any longer. Any suggestions for how to do this discreetly?

Discovered videos of camgirls on my boyfriend's phone.

So, I (26F) have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (29M) for nine years. This year, we faced some challenges, and I was convinced we were heading towards a breakup. However, after having some deep conversations, we managed to improve our relationship. This morning, I felt an unsettling instinct and decided to look through his phone. To my dismay, I discovered several videos of camgirls in his gallery, a new Snapchat account where he follows a few NSFW profiles, and a Fansly account. In the early days of our relationship, he had subscribed to camgirls, and I made it clear that I considered that cheating since it felt more personal and involved him paying to watch them. He deleted his account back then, assuring me he wouldn't do it again. I genuinely thought he had stopped until now. I don’t know if he paid for all the videos in his gallery or if he accessed them for free, but I feel incredibly hurt and disgusted. I haven’t talked to him about it yet, as I had to leave this morning, but I’m at a loss for how to approach this when I return home. I took photos of what I found and plan to send them to him to show that I'm aware of what’s been happening. However, I’m torn between ending the relationship and expressing how much this has affected me, hoping he will change. I feel like my trust has been shattered again, and I know the insecurity will linger, making me feel compelled to check his phone like I did the first time.

How to Request Simple Photos (Non-Nude)

I'm an 18-year-old male in a long-distance relationship with my 19-year-old girlfriend, and we've been together for about five months. I believe it's important to share pictures regularly—not necessarily anything explicit, just everyday photos to keep each other connected and updated. However, I've noticed that she rarely sends me pictures compared to how often I send them. I really enjoy seeing her, so I'm wondering: what’s the best way to ask her politely for more photos?

My boyfriend won't be able to deceive me if he wants to be with me.

We've only been together for about 6-7 months (F20, M20). Recently, we moved in together because I had to relocate for work, and I needed a roommate to help with rent. Just before our move, I found out I was pregnant, which was a huge surprise since I already have a daughter. About a week ago, I noticed he was becoming easily irritated by small things and distancing himself. He’s been stressed out from work, which doesn’t help. When I asked him what was going on, he said he wasn’t sure if he wants to be with me and wanted to be honest instead of misleading me. He suggested taking a break—not to move out or date other people—but just to have some space. He mentioned that our recent arguments might be a factor, as I’ve been a bit snappy at times, but it's tough when I'm stressed too. Now I’m at a crossroads: Should I protect myself from further hurt and break up with him completely, or should I try to give him the space he needs? It’s a bit challenging to do that while still living together, but I’m willing to try. If I do give him space, should that mean no communication, or any physical affection? I’ve also scheduled an abortion because I don’t have the strength to bring a child into a broken family, and I believe it’s the best decision given the circumstances. Has anyone gone through something similar or have any advice?

Should I, a 20-year-old male, break up with my girlfriend, who is 21 and with whom I've been together for two years?

I'm a 19-year-old male, and I've been considering ending my two-year relationship with my 20-year-old girlfriend. Here are my reasons: 1) To be honest, I can't envision a future marriage with her. She annoys me at times, which hurts to admit, but it's the truth. 2) One of the main reasons I'm still with her is that she provides support with my college work. While I could manage on my own, her help makes balancing school and my workload easier. 3) Her parents dislike me. I got into trouble during high school, and I’ve barely spoken to her dad and only exchanged a few words with her mom over the past two years. Her dad is quite withdrawn, and I rarely visit their home. 4) Her friends seem to have issues with me as well. I don’t understand why, but they spread rumors about me and act friendly only when she’s around. 5) I've had concerns about her loyalty. While I wonder if I'm just being insecure, I’ve found texts from her about missing other guys just six months into our relationship. She also maintains contact with several of her exes and spends about 16 hours a week on extracurricular activities, which sometimes involve questionable late-night disappearances. Additionally, her friends aren’t exactly a positive influence on her. On the flip side, here are some reasons I hesitate to break up: 1) We’re often seen as a power couple among our friends. 2) Her help with my schoolwork significantly reduces my stress and saves me a lot of time. 3) She is my only girlfriend, while she has had more than a dozen exes. 4) I talk to her frequently; although I don’t rely on her emotionally, losing her would impact my social life. 5) She has been a positive force in my life, helping me get sober and distancing me from bad influences. So, what should I do? **In Summary** I’m thinking of breaking up with my girlfriend of two years because I don’t see a future with her, her friends and family dislike me, and I suspect she may have been unfaithful. However, I also want to stay with her because she’s my main social connection, my only girlfriend, she’s helped me get sober, and she alleviates a lot of my stress. What should I do?

I withheld something from my partner.

I kept something from my partner. I'm a 22-year-old woman, and I've been with my partner, who is 21, for over three years. Recently, I decided to come clean because she was starting to become suspicious. She generally feels uncomfortable around drugs and alcohol, and a few months ago, I tried a couple of zyns over the course of a couple of months since a friend was doing it. It wasn't a frequent occurrence, and I stopped after that. I hesitated to tell her because I didn’t want to upset her, especially since I’m not addicted or anything. She has previously expressed that she just wants me to be honest with her, even if it makes her uneasy at the moment. In hindsight, I realize that if I had just admitted it right away, it might not have been as big of a deal. I found myself caught in a dilemma about whether it was better to be honest or protect myself, and I now see that lying was the wrong choice. I know this situation isn’t just about me, but I am truly heartbroken. She means the world to me, and I can’t understand why I made such a poor decision. Now, I’m dealing with the fallout after six months of keeping this secret. I acknowledge that what I did was wrong, and she has every right to feel hurt or betrayed. I just don’t know how to move forward. It’s frustrating because if I had just owned up to it sooner, I would have avoided complicating things. My instincts to protect myself over my relationship led me here. Now she’s having a hard time trusting me, and I can’t shake the feeling of disgust toward myself. I pride myself on being honest in our relationship, so this lapse in judgment is particularly troubling. She doubts that this is the only thing I’ve kept from her, which is understandable. I’m at a loss for how to support her through this. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What can I do? Thank you for any advice. TL;DR - I lied to my partner about something relatively insignificant over an extended period to save face, and now I’m grappling with the consequences.

My boyfriend has carried over some toxic traits from previous relationships, and it's taken a toll on us.

I've been feeling really confused and have needed advice for quite some time. My partner, a 23-year-old man, and I, a 20-year-old woman, are in a complicated situation. His ex was incredibly toxic—she screamed at him every day, was physically abusive, and cheated on him throughout their 4.5-year relationship. I understand that this trauma has affected how he behaves now. The first issue is that early on in our relationship, whenever we went out, he would get upset and start yelling over minor things. I wasn't blameless either; I often worried he was checking out other women right in front of me. When I’d ask for reassurance, he would become defensive, interpreting my questions as accusations. I’m well aware that accusing someone isn’t a healthy way to communicate, as I’ve learned from therapy. Our arguments would last for hours, sometimes until 4 a.m. Thankfully, things have improved somewhat, but I still feel uncomfortable going out with him because of his past reactions and my own fears rooted in past experiences. I trust him, but I deal with my insecurities privately and only seek reassurance occasionally. The second issue is my struggle with panic attacks and anxiety. I often find myself in a state of panic for several hours daily. Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to grasp this, or perhaps he lacks empathy. Recently, when I had a panic attack, instead of supporting me, he scolded me for not helping myself and insisted I take my prescribed medication—with an angry tone to boot. This has happened multiple times, leaving me feeling more like I need to explain myself rather than receiving the support that I need. While I manage my daily anxiety on my own, I just require extra support during panic episodes. The third issue arises when I try to discuss things that upset me; he often retreats into silence, looking sad and just repeating “I’m sorry.” I know this may be his way of coping, but it makes me feel guilty for expressing my feelings, and I often end up dropping the subject. It’s okay for him to feel bad, but it makes me anxious about bringing up my feelings in the first place. As for the medication I mentioned earlier—Zoloft—I’m scared to take it. I realize it might be beneficial, but with my panic disorder, the thought is daunting. His insistence that I take it during my episodes makes me feel misunderstood. I worry that if I experience side effects from the medication, I won’t have his support since he might panic, too, which doesn’t help when I need someone to ground me. Another issue is his behavior when he drinks. He tends to lash out, blaming me for things like my relationship with my mom. He never communicates these feelings calmly; instead, it all comes out in a drunken rage. I’ve worked hard to create an open, safe space for him to express himself, and I don’t retaliate, yet he still seems unable to speak up unless he’s intoxicated. The next day, he often regrets what he said, which leaves me bewildered. I’m feeling pretty exhausted. I can see he’s working on himself and has a sensitive, beautiful soul. He’s genuinely a good person, and with therapy and the right coping strategies, I believe he could be someone I want to spend my life with. I can tell he’s remorseful for his past mistakes and is making an effort. But I’m just tired of dealing with all of this. The mere thought of having a conversation about my feelings drains me. It’s like I need a nap before we even start talking. I worry that if I move on, I might never find someone as passionate and wonderful as he is. Still, I want to enjoy life; I’m 20, and I should be out having fun, not trapped in my room feeling anxious. While he's a great person, our relationship isn't where I want it to be. I don’t want to overlook its potential, but relationships require effort, and I feel like I have nothing left to give right now.

M24 continues to deceive me, F20.

I'm feeling really lost right now, so let me provide some context. My boyfriend and I started dating in July 2023 after meeting on Tinder. Our first date went wonderfully, and by our second date, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes, not realizing I was rushing into things without fully getting to know him. Two months into our relationship, I moved in with him, and we needed to find a new roommate. He announced on Snapchat that we were looking for someone, and a girl responded, claiming to be a “mutual friend from high school.” I took him at his word, and we started discussing her move-in date. However, I started to get an uneasy feeling about the whole situation. One day, he left his Apple Watch behind, and I heard it go off. Out of curiosity, I checked his messages and found her being overly friendly. She even mentioned swinging by his family’s house to grab some things, which confused me because he had told me they didn’t know each other well (can you see where this is heading?). When I confronted him about it, he gave me a weak excuse, and unfortunately, I believed him. As time passed, I had this nagging feeling that something was off, so I looked through his phone and found a message from him asking her why she had texted him on Instagram, to which she replied she was bored. I searched for their communication on Instagram and initially found nothing, but then discovered he had a secret account where he was messaging his ex. I was furious to find out he had been trying to get his ex to move in with us. We argued intensely, and I told him he needed to block her or I would leave. He reluctantly complied but then played this ridiculous game of unblocking her at work and blocking her again when he got home. This has been dragging on for months, and I’m feeling exhausted and unhappy. He's planning to change his number in January, but I’m not sure if I can ever fully trust him again. Today, she called him eight times, and they talked for around three hours. I’m beginning to doubt whether we can work it out, but I don’t know how to express that to him. He keeps saying I can leave if I want to, but it doesn’t feel that simple. My family might let me move back home, but I feel guilty about being a burden since money is tight for them and I wouldn’t even have a room. I want things to work out, but sometimes it feels like I’m talking to a child; he just doesn’t seem to grasp how I feel. If anyone has advice or could offer some validation, I’m really desperate for answers. It feels crazy to think he isn't considering how all of this affects me.

My girlfriend (18F) tends to overthink a lot, and it's starting to make me feel like she might not be that interested in me. Am I jumping to conclusions, or should I be more understanding?

My partner (19M, 18F) and I have been together for seven months, and we truly love each other. We've had many discussions about the seriousness of our relationship, and while we've had a few disagreements, we've always resolved them quickly because we're both good communicators. Lately, though, she occasionally has doubts about our relationship, questioning whether this is the right path for her or if she should explore other options. It’s important to note that she has never asked for a breakup or a break and has told me that her feelings of uncertainty stem from overthinking, something she’s actively working on. She's very open about her feelings and has expressed her belief that we are meant to be together, even discussing the possibility of marriage in the future. Yet, her moments of doubt make me question her commitment and leave me feeling underappreciated. On the positive side, I have no doubt about her love for me. She has always treated our relationship with respect and affection, making me feel valued. However, when she shares her insecurities with me, it hurts and causes me to feel inadequate. I'm seeking advice on whether I should continue to hold on to this relationship or consider moving on. I genuinely want to make it work, but I’m open to taking the necessary steps if needed. I would appreciate any advice or perspectives on this situation. Thank you!

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