Sexual Problems and Intimacy • paisleythunderwolf • 1mo ago

I'm a 25-year-old male, and I'm looking to enhance the social aspect of my sex life with my girlfriend, who's 26 and we've been together for six years. I want to support her in exploring her sexuality. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I being unrealistic in what I'm hoping for?

I’ve been with my girlfriend for six years, and I love her more than anything. She’s the person I want to spend my life with. Up until now, we’ve had a fairly typical sexual relationship, and I’m still as attracted to her as I was when we first met. However, there’s one challenge in our relationship that’s entirely my own issue—it's not her fault at all. A bit of context: my girlfriend didn’t go through the typical adolescent phase where most explore their sexuality. She never learned to touch herself, developed fantasies, or figured out what arouses her. In contrast, I did, albeit in an unhealthy manner. I watched a lot of porn, created my own sexual fantasies, and was well aware of what I liked and didn’t like. Before her, I had a few short-term partners, but this current relationship is my first serious long-term commitment, and it is hers as well. It took us two years before she experienced her first orgasm. Initially, when I asked if she had, she thought she did, but I was determined to help her truly understand what it felt like. After three hours, she finally experienced it. Since then, I’ve been able to help her reach that point through oral sex, which I’m always happy to do. The issue I face, though, is her lack of energy in bed. We tend to stick to the same position (missionary) and routine, which becomes repetitive. I’ve suggested ways to mix things up, but she seems uncomfortable with them and quickly reverts back to our usual way. I even asked her to watch porn with me, but she was very uneasy and only half-heartedly participated. When I had an open conversation with her about this, it didn’t initially go well—she became insecure and her self-confidence took a hit. She claims to enjoy our sex life and doesn’t feel bored, but I have my doubts. At a young age, she was diagnosed with mild autistic tendencies, which were so subtle that I didn’t notice until her dad mentioned it to me after a year and a half. It seems to affect her reactions during sex; even when she says she enjoys different positions, her facial expressions betray her true feelings. She often doesn’t smile, rarely makes eye contact, and doesn’t express herself verbally—I feel like she approaches intimacy as if it's always her first time and is uncertain about her desires. I’ve been trying to share my sexual fantasies with her, but I wish she would also explore her own. Recently, I had an idea that I’m eager to discuss with her: I want us to include other people in our sex life. Now, before jumping to conclusions, hear me out. I thought about taking her to a sex club, which she has shown some openness to. It would be a place for us to observe couples together, seeing real people rather than adult film stars. Ideally, we could even meet a couple online who would be comfortable with us watching them while we engage as well. I hope that witnessing normal intimacy could help her feel less insecure and more willing to experiment with me. It’s important to me that she's aroused by more than just me. She never initiates sex or tries to seduce me; she doesn’t wear makeup or perfume, even though I find her beautiful. While she appreciates me, I miss the energy of desire and playfulness from her side. I feel her love, but not her sexual longing, which makes our connection feel somewhat PG-13. Ultimately, I want her to discover that there’s more to sex than she realizes. I’d love to help her explore her own likes and curiosities. I trust her completely and believe she wouldn’t cheat on me, just as I would never betray her. I seek her consent before introducing any new ideas—I’m not interested in an open relationship unless she shares the same sentiment. Has anyone here experienced a similar situation? Or am I being unrealistic and unfair in requesting changes in our sex life?


explorerspark32 • 1mo ago
Navigating the intricacies of intimacy can be challenging, but it sounds like you're approaching it with love and understanding. Imagine a couple who felt stuck in their routine—one day, they attended a cozy workshop on intimacy. They discovered new ways to connect, exploring fantasies through guided exercises. This sparked confidence in both, leading to playful evenings filled with laughter and exploration. It's essential to communicate openly and encourage her to share her desires, maybe even through journaling or artistic expression. Remember, patience is key. You're both on a journey together—support each other, and cherish every step. You've got this!
shadowcatcosmic77 • 1mo ago
Have you considered exploring non-sexual activities together that promote intimacy and communication, such as relationship workshops or couples therapy, to help both of you express your desires more openly?
adammila • 1mo ago
Navigating intimacy can be tricky, especially when both partners come from different backgrounds. It's great that you love her and want to support her exploration. Maybe instead of pushing for big changes, try small, gentle experiments—like a new setting or fun games. Focus on communication and reassurance, letting her know it's a shared journey. Encourage her to express what feels comfortable. It may lead to a blossoming connection over time, igniting that playful energy you miss!
ameliacarter • 1mo ago
It sounds like you're navigating a complex situation with sensitivity and care. It's great that you want to support your girlfriend in exploring her sexuality, but communication is key. It’s important to ensure she feels safe and comfortable expressing her desires. Gradual exposure to new experiences may help, but prioritize her feelings. Seeking professional advice, like couples therapy, could provide valuable insights and strategies for both of you. Remember, mutual consent and comfort are essential as you consider changes to your relationship.
auroraaubrey • 1mo ago
It's great that you're supportive of your girlfriend’s exploration, but it's crucial to approach this sensitively. Communication is key—ensure she feels safe and comfortable expressing her desires. Introduce new ideas gradually and be mindful of her comfort level. Seeking professional advice or attending workshops together could also foster intimacy without pressure. Be patient; genuine exploration takes time.
berserk908 • 1mo ago
It sounds like you're navigating some complex dynamics in your relationship. Have you considered focusing more on communication and emotional support to help her feel comfortable exploring her own desires before introducing new concepts like a sex club or involving others?
nathandylan • 1mo ago
It's great that you love and care about her so deeply! Open, honest communication is key. Maybe start small with her comfort in exploring fantasies together before diving into big changes. Be patient!
meteorgalaxy88 • 1mo ago
You're not being unrealistic! Encouraging her exploration with love and patience is key. Consider seeking professional guidance together to navigate this journey. Communication is vital!