Relationship advices: Family Conflicts

I (24F) feel that my boyfriend's (24M) dad (50M) is attempting to sabotage our relationship.

I've been with my partner for nearly a year now. After relocating to Queensland, where he lives, my family is based in southern New South Wales. Recently, we took a road trip together to visit my family, and they were incredibly warm and welcoming, making him feel right at home. Upon returning, we had dinner planned with his family to catch up and talk about the trip, after which I intended to head back to my place to sleep since he still lives with his family while completing his apprenticeship. Overall, I get along well with everyone, except for his father, who tends to be grumpy and unwelcoming. However, his mother once confronted him, urging him to treat me better because I am "nothing but great for their son," and after that, he was more cordial. We even had some decent conversations without my partner present, and things seemed to be progressing positively. But when his father learned about our trip, he reverted to being curt with me, offering only minimal interaction. I brushed it off, thinking he must have personal issues he was dealing with. Two weeks before our trip, he criticized my hometown, telling my partner he’d have a terrible time and even implied he would fund a two-week trip to Japan if my partner decided not to go. Naturally, my partner declined and told him to get a grip. Our road trip ended up being amazing, and we grew even closer. On Tuesday, we coordinated with my partner's mom for a dinner on Friday with everyone involved. However, just four hours before we were due home, his dad texted saying, "When you drop me home, give me a call on your way back." My partner was baffled, asking if she was still coming, and his dad responded, "What a shame," which he later claimed was meant as a joke. Moments later, another message came through: "Dinner's canceled; the grandparents can’t come, so just make your own when you get back." I tried to calm my partner, suggesting it might be better to just head home instead of dealing with the uncomfortable situation. So he dropped me off, and we parted ways. Since I rent, I had no food at home after just leaving my family, which was tough for me. He returned home to find his mom cooking dinner, and shortly after, the grandparents arrived. My partner was furious while I was on the phone with my mom, crying. He didn’t want to cause a scene in front of his grandparents, so he kept his composure, but he was really upset inside. His dad approached him, asking what was wrong. My partner replied, "I don’t like what you did; you manipulated and lied to get your way," to which his dad simply shrugged it off with a dismissive "so." I honestly don't think I can step foot in that house for a long time. I’ve always said I couldn’t be with someone whose parents don’t like me. His mom is wonderful, but I can’t help but wonder how she didn’t know what her husband was planning. She supposedly had been told I was still coming, but who knows for sure? She asked my partner to convey her apology, yet she has my number! I texted her during our trip! If she truly felt sorry, wouldn’t she reach out to me directly? Normally, I’m good at moving on after a day or two, but it’s been a week now, and I still feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. I’ve talked it over with my partner, and he feels terrible about the situation, but I can’t seem to shake it off. Any advice on how to move forward?

My parents (62M & 63F) are unhappy that I (33F) don’t spend enough time with them. Should I consider visiting them more regularly?

My parents, who are 62 and 63, have expressed their disappointment in me for not visiting them more often. We only live about 12 minutes apart, and my siblings and I typically have dinner with our family every Sunday. I’m unsure if that frequency is too little or if I should be making an effort to visit more frequently. The truth is, I have a strained relationship with my father, which is why I limit my visits to once a week. I’m married, don’t have children, and work full-time. They seem to blame my spouse for my infrequent visits and my "depressed state," but they’re unaware of my feelings toward my dad. It feels like they expect us to be in constant communication and drop everything whenever they’re nearby, but we all have our own lives and families to think about now. I’m just trying to determine if I’m in the wrong. Thank you!

The spare bedroom is utilized every other weekend by my boyfriend's son, who is 34 years old.

I’m a 31-year-old woman who bought my first home a couple of years ago. It's a two-bedroom, two-bath house. Before moving here, I always rented and shared my space with roommates, so I never had the chance to live alone, even though I've always wanted to. When I bought the house, my disabled mom needed a place to stay, so she moved in with me. A few months later, I met my current boyfriend, who is 34, and he eventually moved in as well. My mom found a place to live near her brother, which she was excited about, and my boyfriend helped her move out. I was thrilled about having a home with my boyfriend and my pets and mentioned how I wanted to turn the spare bedroom into a guest room or a craft/workout space. He liked the idea and we discussed different plans for it. However, shortly after my mom moved, he started having his son come over every other weekend, which I was totally fine with since I knew about his child from the start. His son stayed in the spare room, which I hadn’t yet transformed. Then, my boyfriend expressed that he wanted his son to feel like the room was his own, wanting to decorate it with Mario Kart posters and action figures. I'll admit, I was a bit taken aback. I felt that I had just gained access to the room my mom used, and for the first time had a spare room in my home to use as I pleased, only to have that taken away. After some reflection, I recognized that it would be best for his son to have a comfortable space when he visits, so I agreed to it. Fast forward to now, the door to that room stays shut about 26 days a month since his son only stays with us every other weekend, resulting in just four nights a month. My pets can’t go in there because of the toys (my one-year-old dog loves to play with anything). I’ve asked for the toys to be stored in the drawers or the closet while the child is away, but it hasn’t really changed. My senior cat used to love spending time in that room, but she doesn’t have access to it now. I’m starting to feel frustrated again because it seems like we’re wasting an entire room that could be enjoyed by everyone in the house, yet it remains locked for just four nights a month. I know it’s not right, but I’m starting to resent the situation, especially the child. I’m reaching out to Reddit for advice on how to navigate this delicate issue. Thanks in advance for any help!

Managing my mother's disappointment

Cross-posting from /r/wedding, as the AutoMod suggested this subreddit too. Hi everyone, I could really use some advice. My wedding is scheduled for October 4th this year. My fiancé [35M] and I [34F] got engaged on April 15th last year, so we've been planning for quite a while. Due to my religious beliefs, I don’t believe in cohabitation before marriage, so currently, I live with my mother [64F], while my fiancé lives with his father [??M]. However, his father plans to sell their home around July, so my fiancé will be renting an apartment that I’ll move into once we’re married. We recently assessed our finances and realized that my fiancé can't afford the apartment alone, and I can't manage to contribute to his rent while also paying my mother. I could ask my mother to let me live with her rent-free to save money, but I know she would hold it over my head and demand favors in return. After being unemployed for two months due to my layoff in December, I returned to work a month ago, and she frequently reminds me of how much she supported me during that time. Therefore, my fiancé and I have decided to go ahead with a simple court wedding next month so I can move in with him. My mother is very upset about this decision. I care for her deeply, but she often makes situations about how they affect her. She had expected me to be living with her until October and, despite claiming that she doesn't rely on anyone, it’s clear that she counted on my rent in her budget. My younger brother [26M] is quitting his job and moving back home at the end of April, and while he has offered to pay rent, he is the favorite child, and my mother has indicated she won't expect him to contribute for a while. Both my fiancé and I, and even my brother, can see the favoritism, but I don't want to bring it up to her. Being her only daughter, my mother is particularly upset that even though I plan to hold the wedding in October, “it won’t be the same” since I will already be legally married. She also mentioned that she might be out of state helping my brother move during the court wedding, and before I could discuss the date with her, she was already upset about potentially missing the ceremony, despite it being just a legal formality before the main event. My fiancé and I are firm in our decision, and I’m not willing to change plans to please her. His parents are supportive, and our closest friends understand our choice. But I’m unsure how to handle this situation. I love my mother and want her happiness, but it feels like accommodating her would compromise my own needs and those of my future husband. Has anyone gone through something similar? How did you cope? How can I communicate to my mother that while I love and respect her, this isn't about her, and her focus on her emotions is making this harder for me as I embark on my new life with my husband? Am I going to have to accept that I’ll disappoint her in this situation? Any words of encouragement or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Hoarder vs. Minimalist

It's not overly dramatic, but when it comes to the Hoarder/Minimalist spectrum, my husband and I are definitely on opposite ends, with me being the collector. We've made some compromises on both sides, but I'm curious to know how other couples have managed to find balance in similar situations. For instance, I've allowed myself to collect glassware, but I've set a limit of 3 unused glasses at any given time. I appreciate any advice or insights you can share! ^.^

Should I encourage my boyfriend to take his dog to the vet?

Hey everyone, I wanted to share some background information: my boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half, and we don’t live together. Lately, we’ve both noticed that his dog’s health seems to be declining. The dog has experienced a significant loss of mobility in recent months, struggling with stairs and unable to jump on the couch without help. Overall, he seems fine for his age, but I’m concerned. I believe my boyfriend should take the dog to the vet, but he hasn’t done so yet, and I’m unsure how much I should encourage him. There was a vet appointment scheduled at one point, but it got canceled, and he hasn’t set up a new one since. He loves the dog dearly, and I’m worried he might be avoiding rescheduling out of fear of what the vet might say. I’ve tried to suggest it gently, mentioning that the dog might just need some arthritis medication. I also offered to schedule a vet appointment for my cat on a certain day and suggested we could handle both appointments together. I’m considering whether I should be more straightforward and push him on this issue or if it's not really my place. What do you all think?

My boyfriend's mother [25 M] holds me [26 F] responsible for everything she disapproves of regarding her son.

The situation is as dire as it appears. My boyfriend, who is 21, has a mother who frequently goes through episodes where she spends the entire week criticizing him for every little thing and blaming me for his behavior. This isn’t the first time, and unfortunately, it likely won’t be the last. A few months into our relationship, which will be two years this May, she expressed her frustration about the amount of time he spends with me. I tried explaining that it’s not solely my doing; he struggles with anxiety attacks whenever I have to leave for any reason. I'm talking about severe reactions, including tears, difficulty breathing, and chest pains. This is my first serious relationship, and I genuinely love him, so I suggested that he try therapy or seek professional assistance, knowing that his reactions weren’t normal. However, both he and his family are opposed to therapy, so I’ve had to support him through this challenging phase. I distinctly remember conversations where she insisted it was my fault, claiming that I was demanding his constant attention. She even went so far as to suggest he keep his options open and try talking to a neighbor’s daughter who had just moved in, despite his assurance that he’s only interested in me. Another issue has been his reluctance to socialize. I encourage him to spend time with his cousins, who are practically his only friends these days, but he declines, saying he doesn’t want to waste time with them when he could be with me. He was invited out of town for his birthday, and while I urged him to go, he always refuses. His mother then claims that it’s because I don’t allow him to talk to anyone else, even though he insists it’s his choice not to hang out with them. Currently, it seems her main concern is his sleep schedule. I agree that it’s not ideal and have asked him to improve it, but he says he has always had trouble sleeping. For most of our relationship, he has taken melatonin to help, yet she accuses me of calling him during his supposed sleep hours. It’s frustrating because I juggle two jobs and often get only about four hours of sleep a night. I only call him when he specifically asks me to, which sometimes sacrifices my own sleep. Yes, I know it can seem like I’m doing a lot; it sometimes feels overwhelming. I understand that relationships require considerable effort and shouldn’t be abandoned at the first sign of trouble. As this is my first real relationship, I genuinely want it to work, yet I find it difficult to deal with his family more than I have to. I’ve put in so much effort to try and build a rapport with them, but they are convinced I’m a bad influence and that he can do better. In the beginning, my self-esteem was low, and I sometimes cried myself to sleep, but now it’s more exasperating than anything, especially since I’m trying to support him in the same way. I’m feeling lost and unsure of how to move forward, aside from encouraging him to move out of his parents’ house so we can live together, which is a goal we’ve set for the end of the year. However, I’m starting to doubt how much longer I can handle this. I hate to acknowledge it, but I’m feeling increasingly drained, and my lack of sleep isn’t helping at all.

My in-laws are making various accusations against me [33M], with the most recent being that I am abusing my wife [30M].

Subject: Seeking Support and Advice Hi everyone, I've been happily married to my wife for over six years now. Unfortunately, her parents, particularly her mother, have consistently accused me of various things, such as using my wife for her finances, trying to control her, deceiving her, and isolating her from her family. Most recently, they've even alleged that I physically abuse her. In reality, I have been a loving and supportive husband, and none of these accusations hold any truth. They tend to imply their accusations rather than stating them outright. For instance, they might say, “You know, [my name], when a husband earns more, he often has control over the relationship” or “Typically, when couples move away and distance themselves from family, domestic violence is involved.” Their comments may not be direct, but the implications are clear. The latest accusation about domestic violence was especially upsetting for my wife, especially after her mother confronted her when no one else was around. These continuous attacks on my character are damaging not only to me but also to our relationship. After our most recent confrontation, I spoke to my mother-in-law to clarify that we moved for our own enjoyment and to have space in a state we love, which offers us many activities. I also expressed how these long-standing accusations have been hurtful to both my wife and me. Unfortunately, she seemed more focused on how my wife's response had hurt her feelings rather than understanding our perspective. We’ve been open about the fact that part of our decision to move was to distance ourselves from her toxic behavior, but she refuses to acknowledge this and keeps probing for reasons we chose to leave family behind—as if we’re the first couple to do so. This situation has been tough on both my mental health and my wife's. Currently, my mother-in-law has apologized to me; however, I've decided to go no contact for the next few months. My wife is taking a firmer stance and wants to avoid any contact for the foreseeable future. As for my father-in-law, he’s not much of a factor in this situation right now. For some additional context: my father-in-law has been diagnosed as a narcissist, while I suspect my mother-in-law may have chronic mania, though I’m not a mental health professional. Any advice on how I can effectively handle this situation and support my wife would be greatly appreciated. Correction: My wife is 30 years old—sorry for the typo! Thank you!

LDR: Concerns About My Boyfriend's Parents - Potential Verbal Abuse Issues

I've overheard several heated conversations where my boyfriend's parents have spoken negatively about me, about him, and about our relationship. After one particular argument, I brought up my concerns to him because he had a significant emotional breakdown. I told him that their behavior felt verbally abusive and that it wasn't acceptable. At the time, he agreed with me. However, a couple of months later, he became incredibly defensive of them and contradicted his earlier stance. I'm really distressed by how cruel they can be and how fiercely he defends them. We’re currently in a long-distance relationship, and they get upset when he spends time with me. Whenever we face any issues, he often runs to them for support. Just this January, his mom had at least two emotional outbursts, crying and having tantrums because he wasn’t dedicating enough time to her, claiming I was taking up all his time. Here are some remarks I've heard his parents make to him during arguments, typically triggered by his time spent with me: * Dad: "She has you wrapped around her finger. She's older than you and knows how to manipulate." * Dad: "You're so ungrateful." * Mom: "You never spend time with your family." * Mom: "I gave you a job. You live at home without responsibilities, and yet you can't even spend time with us?" * Mom: "Your issue is laziness. We’ve done too much for you." * Mom: "Remember last year when I was in the hospital and you didn't come home? We needed you then." (He was living a few hours away for college.) * Mom: "You should be thankful for having a close relationship with your family." * Dad: "It’s concerning that someone is trying to isolate you. You hardly spend time with us." Recently, after a serious disagreement, his father jumped to the conclusion that I might try to sabotage the family, simply because I upset his son and he expressed that to me. I've witnessed a lot of blame and shame directed at him, along with intense yelling and swearing. During these moments, he tends to stay quiet and submissive, then later breaks down and confides in me about how uncomfortable and unsafe he feels living with them. But when he spends time with them afterward, it’s as if nothing ever happened, and their apologies seem to erase the pattern of behavior. "They are good people. You don't understand them." I've told him that good people can still have harmful behaviors, yet he becomes incredibly defensive—especially towards his mom. I'm struggling to cope with the toll their behavior takes on both him and me. I feel lost on how to assert that their behavior is unacceptable. It breaks my heart and frustrates me that he so fiercely defends them, particularly given my own background of abuse. How should I approach this situation? (Please be gentle. 💔)

How can I, a 19-year-old female, inform my parents about my boyfriend, a 22-year-old male, considering that they don't approve of him?

I'm using a burner account to share this. We began as coworkers and friends, but eventually realized we had feelings for each other and started dating. He has joined me on several family trips, always presenting himself as “just a friend.” On one of those trips last year, he had some weed, which my parents strongly disapproved of, and it almost led them to make me stop seeing him. However, after some time, we were able to spend time together again, and we've been officially dating since then. He has joined my family on another trip recently, and everything seems to be going well. My parents are aware that we hang out alone and that we have plans for an upcoming trip with friends. I really want to tell them that I’m dating him because I feel mature enough to do so, and he has been supportive of my family and me. However, I'm unsure of how they will react since he attends community college while I’m at a university, which seems to be an issue for them. It seems like they’ve moved past that previous incident, and he has shown he’s responsible since then, but I’m still feeling conflicted. After that situation, they seemed to think we might be dating and were very much against that idea. What should I do? Keeping this a secret has been challenging for me at times.

I'm a 27-year-old woman living with my boyfriend, who is 27, and his family. However, his brother is creating some difficulties, and I'm unsure how to handle the situation.

I’m a 27-year-old woman living with my 27-year-old boyfriend and his family. Although our move to a bigger room in the house isn’t fully official yet, we’re currently waiting for furniture to be delivered and making adjustments to ensure the space is comfortable for both of us. Since September, I’ve been staying in his current room, gradually making small changes to prepare for the transition. For about six years, I parked on the street, but right before winter, my boyfriend reorganized the garage to accommodate my Honda Fit. With four other cars in the household, mine became the fifth. Now we can fit two cars in the garage and three on the driveway. I park in the garage alongside his mom, while my boyfriend, his dad, and his brother use the driveway. Recently, my boyfriend injured his hand and is currently unable to work, yet we’ve stuck with our routine. However, it’s become apparent that his brother often sleeps in late, causing delays for me as I try to leave for work. To remedy this, my boyfriend moved his car to the garage to ensure I can depart on time. About a year ago, my boyfriend’s brother started dating a lovely girl whom I get along with well. A couple of weeks ago, after playing DND with friends, my boyfriend informed me that his brother’s girlfriend parked in the driveway, taking up my spot. He was upset about this since I’ve transitioned from street parking to driveway/garage parking over the past few months. To avoid conflict while they were sleeping, I opted to stay at my parents’ house for the night because I didn’t want to imply that parking spots operate on a “first come, first served” basis. The real issue arose last night when I had a late doctor’s appointment and returned home around 8 PM. I parked in the driveway without thinking twice about it. After assisting my boyfriend with changing his bandages, his mom came in with some news: his brother had instructed his girlfriend to park in the driveway again. To avoid involving my boyfriend, who was asleep after a long day at the hospital, his mom approached his brother about moving the car. Unfortunately, the exchange turned heated; he reacted angrily, claiming it wasn’t a big deal and that I should just park on the street. He insisted that his mom was yelling at him, despite her calm approach. In defense of my parking situation, she stated, “This is OP’s home; you wouldn’t ask your brother or dad to park on the street, and your girlfriend doesn’t live here.” While he eventually moved the car, he continued to complain and argue with their mom, trying to guilt her into feeling bad. Now, I’m unsure how to navigate this situation, as I’m concerned it might negatively affect my relationship with his brother, particularly since my boyfriend values family ties.

[33M] wants to invite the family of his child's mother to his wedding, but his [33F] fiancée is against it. Is this a reasonable request?

I have a 5-year-old daughter with my ex, and I'm really close to my ex's brother-in-law, who remains a good friend of mine to this day. However, there's an issue: my fiancée doesn’t get along with my ex’s sister. We’re a blended family—she brings three kids to the relationship, and I have one. My friend can be a bit blunt at times, which doesn’t sit well with everyone, but I know his intentions are good. While my fiancée is okay with him attending the wedding, she does not want my ex's sister there at all. I understand that if I invite my friend without his sister, he will likely decline. My fiancée thinks it's reasonable to exclude my ex's family from our wedding, while I feel differently. She’s concerned that the sister will update my ex on the wedding details, but I would have no issue if she did. I'm trying to present both sides fairly in this post because I'm looking for honest opinions on the matter.

My boyfriend (19 years old) doesn't communicate much with my parents, and I'm unsure how to handle the situation.

I'm an 18-year-old female and my boyfriend is 19. My parents are truly my best friends; I share everything with them. When I first met my boyfriend, we connected immediately, and I care for him deeply. However, over the past year, he has been communicating less and less with my parents. Just before I left, I told him, “I’m still your girlfriend, but I need to take a break from us for a bit.” This was after my mom expressed her concerns about his antisocial behavior towards her and my dad. I explained to him that I always treat his parents with respect, and the situation just feels unfair. Aside from this issue, he's generally a great guy who treats me well and doesn’t have many deal-breaking flaws. For context, he's nice to everyone, but his reasoning for avoiding my parents is that it makes him uncomfortable since they are my parents. I don't really understand this since I’m friendly with his family. I'm seeking advice on how to navigate this situation as I'm feeling quite confused. I love him dearly; he's like my best friend, and my friends like him too. But I also value my relationship with my parents and don’t know how to balance the two. What should I do?

My boyfriend's younger sister, who is 19, revealed my private information without a second thought.

How should I approach this situation? Recently, I've been working hard to improve my relationship with my boyfriend’s younger sister, especially since we've had some awkward moments in the past. I recognize how important she is to him, despite her previous rudeness and unkind remarks toward me. My boyfriend has addressed her behavior and has asked her to apologize, but I often feel that her apologies lack sincerity. The latest incident occurred yesterday. A few days ago, I confided in her about my experience with their stepfather, who made inappropriate and offensive comments about me and my race. She seemed very supportive at the time and expressed her disgust with his behavior. However, a day later, my boyfriend received a call from their mother, who learned about the situation through his sister. When he confronted her and told her to apologize to me, she didn’t follow through. I usually don’t expect apologies, knowing it’s not worth the wait, but this situation with her is incredibly frustrating. Here’s why it bothers me: she seems obsessed with me. She imitates my style, my social media posts, my music preferences, my hobbies—essentially everything. Though it might be flattering under different circumstances, her behavior is off-putting because of the way she treats me. Initially, I found it kind of cute and even encouraged her by sharing music and show recommendations. I’ve genuinely attempted to be a friend to her. However, whenever we’re together in person, she appears tense and unable to relax. I wish we could have a normal relationship. I’ve talked to my boyfriend about this multiple times, and he believes she feels intimidated by me due to my self-confidence and independence. It seems that her insecurities are holding her back. I’ve tried to reassure her, aware that my opinion matters to her, but she doesn't seem receptive. I’m really looking for guidance on how to navigate these mixed signals.

My wife (30F) is asking me to inform my mother-in-law that she provides me with money for rent.

My mother-in-law has been living rent-free in one of our properties for several years. She operates a car dealership but doesn’t work full-time. This morning, my wife informed me that her mother had begun asking her for rent payments for our house, which her mom declined. My wife sent me a message saying that if her mother reaches out to me about refusing to pay rent, I should tell her that my wife has been contributing money for the mortgage (which isn’t true, as I cover it since my wife works part-time) and that we truly need the rent money. This situation makes me uncomfortable. It feels like my wife is fabricating a story to gain favor with her mom for supposedly supporting them. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m being used. I relocated for work three years ago, and while my wife attempted to join me, she eventually moved back to be close to her family. To accommodate this, I purchased her a house near them while continuing to pay mortgages on both her property and the one where my in-laws reside. I see her once a month, and she visits me two to three times a year, yet she seems to have the time to take month-long road trips each month for the past four months. It all feels deeply unbalanced. I’ve discussed my feelings with her, but she maintains that our marriage is equal. Should I lie to my mother-in-law, tell her the truth, or avoid the situation entirely? Thank you in advance for your advice.

[26-year-old male] with [25-year-old female]

I'm a 26-year-old man, and my girlfriend is 25 and currently pregnant. I've been doing a lot of housework, like washing dishes, doing laundry, and cleaning daily. However, she feels I should contribute even more and take the initiative to do tasks without her needing to ask me. I’m a laid-back guy who likes to help, but I need guidance on what to do to avoid overstepping or doing things improperly. I enjoy playing video games, but she wants me to cut back on that, and she often finds little things that upset her. For example, if I accidentally drop something on the carpet, she reacts as if it’s a huge catastrophe, while she seems to brush off her own minor mistakes. I also take care of her dog, feeding it and walking it, but I still feel overwhelmed. I’m feeling really low and have even contemplated harming myself, although I don’t want to leave my child to grow up just with her. The situation is complicated because I have nowhere to go. I've invested all my savings into the house we live in, and my parents have distanced themselves since learning about the pregnancy. I really need some advice on how to navigate this tough situation.

My mom, who is 46, won't stop rearranging my stuff.

If something is placed in a specific location in my room, it's because that's the most convenient spot for me to keep it, even if it might not look perfectly organized. (And yes, I do try to maintain a presentable space.) It's nothing extreme; I usually just keep certain items within reach of my bed and desk. However, my mother often rearranges things in my room according to her preferences, claiming it makes the space "presentable" (but for whom?). She never tells me when she does this, leaving me to discover the changes on my own. Whenever I bring this up, she responds in the same way. She denies doing anything, and when I point out her changes, she claims she only moved a few things. When I highlight even more alterations that bother me, she either insists I should be grateful for her "cleaning" my room or mocks me for getting upset over minor issues. If she ever admits to her actions and promises to stop, I inevitably catch her doing the same thing again just a few days later. It's nothing major, nor am I trying to hide anything; it's simply frustrating and inconvenient for me. I feel powerless since she can easily dismiss any concerns I raise. I’ve even tried rearranging things myself to see how she likes it (I admit, it's a bit childish), but she seems unfazed. What can I do to put an end to this behavior?

Wife [20 years old] is pregnant and very unkind to her partner, who is 22 years old.

My wife is 20, and I’m 22. She’s 8 weeks pregnant, and I know the hormones can be tough. However, it feels like every other day she starts an argument. Recently, I caught her with a guy she’s friends with, someone I’m not comfortable with. When I asked if she was hanging out with him, she denied it, but I clearly saw them together. She continues to lie about it, and now she says I’m making her life miserable and that I’m controlling her. The truth is, I don’t mind if they hang out, but I can’t stand the dishonesty. She even told me that I don’t want this baby and that I want her to have a miscarriage. I feel like I’ve done everything for her, and in return, she treats me poorly, often calling me a crybaby. When I cried in front of her once, she just made fun of me and called me names. She insists I don't understand what it’s like to carry a child, which I do. But then she tells me that I’ll be a terrible dad, and those words really hurt me. I often apologize for overthinking and reacting strongly, but she never acknowledges the hurtful things she says or does. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I believe I would be a good parent because I do everything for her; I cook, clean, and I’m the one researching how to be a good father. I read parenting books to prepare myself, while she just dismisses me and claims I will be a bad parent. I never get a thank you for any of my efforts.

I'm a 21-year-old woman seeking guidance regarding my relationship with my 50-year-old mother. Please note there may be sensitive topics related to non-detailed childhood experiences.

I’m 21 and would like to share the beginning of my story. When I was 12, my mother discovered that my father, who had not been in a relationship with her for years, was sexually abusing me. She contacted the police, and the case went to court, but ultimately he faced no consequences due to a lack of evidence—my testimony was the only proof available. After that ordeal faded, my mother rekindled her friendship with him, frequently spoke positively about him, and often encouraged me to reach out to him again despite my distress. She even said things like, “I don’t understand... come on, he knows what he did was wrong. Just get over it,” as if I should resume a relationship with him. My older sister chose to reconnect with our father and interacts with him normally to this day. I, however, have not spoken to him since and have no desire to; the trauma still affects me deeply. There’s more to this story, but it would take a long time to explain everything. This situation strained my relationship with my mother, as I often felt unsupported by her. During my teenage years, I hardly communicated with her, even though we lived together. She frequently expressed her dislike for me, labeling me a narcissist and suggesting I might become abusive as an adult. At times, she would completely shut down communication with me. I recall coming out of my room to find her and my sister laughing together only for them to fall silent when I entered the room. My mother would avoid eye contact and turn away. Being homeschooled meant I had no friends or outside support, leaving me feeling incredibly isolated. Now that I’m 21 and living on my own, I initially distanced myself from my mother. After some time, I decided I wanted to try building a relationship with her, feeling more emotionally secure outside of her home. However, I’m finding it challenging. She has done a lot for me—buying food, gifting me plants because she knows I love them, and helping me install my fridge in my apartment. I appreciate all of this, yet her presence still triggers me. When I’m with her, I often revert to feeling like a bullied teenager, shutting down and feeling ashamed. I also become overly sensitive to her remarks. For instance, after I broke up with my boyfriend last year, she and her new husband sided with him on an issue, which upset me greatly—even though it may not have seemed significant. I struggle with feelings of guilt for experiencing discomfort around my mother, especially given her recent kindness. Sometimes, I find myself snapping at her, feeling anxious and defensive, reminiscent of my teenage years. How can I move forward from the way she treated me in the past?

Seeking guidance on my relationship with my mom [42F] and myself [19M].

Recently, my mom attempted to kiss me on the lips, but I turned my face away. She also tried to undress in front of me. I’m 19 and she’s 42. I’m unsure about how to handle this situation— is it normal, or should I be concerned?

My Mom Continues to Dismiss My Relationship [M22], and It's Impacting My Girlfriend [F20] — Any Advice?

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a while now. We met on an app around mid to late September, started taking an interest in each other in mid to late October, and officially became a couple a week ago. I've been transparent with my parents about our relationship since we first connected. My dad occasionally asks about her and seems fine with it, but my mom tends to dismiss the topic whenever I bring her up, even from the start, despite not having met her yet. It's clear she has reservations about my girlfriend, even if she doesn't openly express them. I've shared my mom's feelings with my girlfriend and have been honest about the situation, but I don't think she fully grasps why my mom is acting this way, and honestly, I'm a bit perplexed as well. From my perspective, I feel like the natural next step would be for my parents—especially my mom—to at least recognize my girlfriend and eventually meet her so they can get to know each other. One parent is receptive while the other isn't. Given my mom's strong opinions, I doubt her feelings will change as she tends to be quite stubborn and holds onto her beliefs. I've tried discussing it with my mom before, but I'm not pushing the issue at this point. I want to avoid creating any unnecessary tension. My girlfriend remains my partner, but we've had our ups and downs, leaving me feeling somewhat stuck. What are your thoughts?

How can I tell if my boyfriend [24 M] is hesitant about renting an apartment with me [25 F]?

After seven years together and six years living with him, I can’t continue living with his parents in this house or this area. However, my boyfriend isn’t interested in renting. I understand it will be costly, but I’ve been trying to explain to him that I’m not happy here. He often complains about his job and worries that having too many job opportunities nearby is a negative sign. A few weeks back, he mentioned holding off on a move because he was going to get his license, which still hasn’t happened. I know he’s feeling anxious, and I am too, but I’m the one actively looking at listings. I’m reaching out to agents, exploring the area, and calculating the potential costs for bills. We haven’t viewed any homes yet, and I can't stand living with hoarders any longer. When I suggest moving, he doesn’t seem enthusiastic about it. If we were to split up, I wouldn’t be able to afford rent on my own and would end up back in a shelter. In summary, I just want my life to progress. I need to escape this house and this area so I can find happiness.

Filipina woman (35) married to an American man (36). Is anyone experiencing challenges due to cultural differences?

Subject: Seeking Advice on a Difficult Family Situation Hi, I am an only child and the only close family I have is my mother, who is 52 and had me when she was quite young. Despite the challenges of growing up in poverty, my mother made countless sacrifices to ensure I could attend college. Now, I am living in the USA and working as a nurse. Before I got married, I initiated the process for my mother to migrate here. Last year, her petition was approved, and she has since moved in with my husband and me. In Filipino culture, it is common for children to care for their parents, especially when they have made significant sacrifices for them. This sense of responsibility is why I decided to petition for my mother's immigration. A few years ago, she had a stroke, and I wanted her to have access to better care. Now that my mother is living with us, I’ve noticed that my husband seems unhappy about it. He often excludes her from activities and expects her to cater to him instead of making an effort to welcome her. My mother has expressed feeling like a burden and unwelcome in our home, which deeply saddens me. My husband questions my decision to bring her here, and this feels unfair to me. I have embraced and loved his son as my own, yet I don't receive the same acceptance for my mother. I am the primary financial provider for our family and have never asked my husband for financial support for my mom. Recently, he told me I shouldn't have married if my priority was caring for my mother. This hurts because I believed that love means caring for each other's families. It’s incredibly challenging to be caught between two people I care about—my mother, who has sacrificed so much for me, and my husband, who seems to struggle with understanding what family means. I’m feeling overwhelmed by this situation and would appreciate any advice or insights you might have. Thank you.

[20M] My [18F] Girlfriend's Parents Disapprove of Our Relationship, and It's Straining Our Connection

I’m 20, and my girlfriend is 18. Both of us are blind, and we’ve been dating since August 2024. Our relationship has been incredible—I honestly couldn’t ask for a better partner. The connection I have with her is unlike anything I’ve ever known. She truly is my soulmate, and I struggle to express the depth of the feelings she brings out in me. From the start, however, her parents have never accepted us. Perhaps we should have anticipated it, but we hoped our love would prevail. I believed that if they got to know me better, they would appreciate how deeply I care for their daughter and recognize my commitment to her happiness. Initially, they cited concerns about our relationship being “inappropriate” and doubted that long-distance would work out. After several months of discussions, they finally agreed to let me visit her in January. I was diligent in involving them throughout the planning process, consistently checking to ensure they were comfortable with everything, and they assured me repeatedly that it was all right. I even tailored my travel arrangements to match their preferences. The visit itself was unforgettable—truly the best experience of our lives. We realized during that time that our love was genuine, and we weren’t going to let go. Her parents were pleasant towards me while I was there, pretending everything was just fine and never indicating any issues with our relationship. However, as soon as I left, everything changed. They told her how much they disapproved of me and vowed to do everything in their power to end our relationship. The insults began to fly. They called me the worst blind person they had ever encountered, labeled me as an jerk, and accused me of being manipulative and ruining her college experience. They claimed she didn’t truly understand love and described me as obsessive. To make matters worse, they later told her that I had coerced them into allowing my visit—despite the fact that I had made every effort to ensure their comfort, and I had their explicit permission before finalizing any plans. They had even agreed multiple times, and I have messages to support that. Yet, they twisted the situation to portray me as someone who forced my way into her life. What’s even more distressing is that her parents seize any chance to spread those negative sentiments to friends, family, and acquaintances—painting me as an insufferable person. However, when they spoke to me directly, they maintained a facade of cordiality. I just don’t understand why they would act this way, and neither does she. This entire ordeal is taking an emotional toll on both of us. It’s draining and painful. The reality of being torn apart by those who should want her happiness is almost indescribable. She feels trapped each day, caught between me—the person she loves dearly—and her parents, who wield significant influence over her life. I feel helpless, as if no matter how strong my love is or how much I try to prove myself, it will never be enough for them. We both cry about it; we both lose sleep over it. The weight of their harsh words rests heavily upon us every single day. The stress and the emotional burden can feel overwhelming at times. Yet, despite all this, we refuse to let go. We won’t give up on each other. Because we envision a future together. Unfortunately, her parents don’t share that vision. They have made it abundantly clear that they not only disapprove of me, but also of our relationship as a whole. They want her to be with someone who is sighted, believing that I can’t provide her with the life she deserves. They even went so far as to say that if we were successful and started a family, it would still be a tragedy if our children were blind. That comment broke both our hearts. How can you respond to something like that? How do you cope with the fact that the very people who should champion her see blindness as something to avoid—something that would diminish the joy of a family? We exist in a world where blindness doesn’t define love or success. They should know this, especially as parents of a blind daughter. Yet, they’re trapped in their outdated beliefs and refuse to see the reality we understand. I wish I could find a solution. I wish she could assert herself more, but honestly, what options remain? Our love for each other is undeniable. If it were a broader societal issue, one that we couldn’t change, I could understand. But it’s mainly her parents who have the most sway over her choices. She has the opportunity to move out soon, which gives us hope. Yet, I worry that before that can happen, they’ll sway her opinion or break her spirit so thoroughly that she won’t feel able to resist. I’m at a loss for what to do. How can we stay resilient in the face of all this? How do we cling to each other when it feels like the entire world is against us? I can’t bear the thought of losing her. I won’t lose her. Any advice would mean the world to us right now.

I [28F] don’t want my dad [64M] to feel like he has to be around me.

To provide some context: my dad, who is 64, suffered a brain aneurysm nearly a decade ago. The incident seriously affected him; he spent a few months in rehabilitation and still struggles to function normally. The aneurysm affected the left side of his brain, leading to difficulties with word associations, memory, and logic. Shortly after his hospitalization, I, at 28, moved out of my parents’ house to live with my then-boyfriend, and we got married five years ago. A year later, my dad was placed in an assisted living facility to ensure his needs were met. Over the last couple of years, his condition has deteriorated; his cognitive abilities are declining, making conversations difficult. He rarely speaks unless prompted, and it has become challenging to read his emotions. I mourned the loss of the father I once knew long ago; the man I see now isn’t the father I grew up with. He wasn’t perfect, but he was warm, kind, and funny—not the shell of a person he is today. My stepmother, mother, and sister usually check in to ensure he is treated well in the group home, which seems fine, but his decline is evident. Recently, he hasn’t been receiving adequate care, which has affected his eating habits and put him at risk for diabetes. About six months ago, my family decided that he would visit a family member each weekend for meals. With my mother and her wife, plus four kids, he joins us at least once a month. Last October, my ex and I realized we had grown apart and decided to file for divorce. We’re currently in the midst of the proceedings, which has taken a significant mental toll on me. I’m in therapy three days a week for at least an hour each session, focusing on self-care and addressing my tendency to prioritize others over myself. Today was supposed to be my day to cook for my dad, but I came down with a stomach bug. This morning, I felt a lot of frustration about the situation. I feel like my dad is being thrust upon me; I have to cook for him, or my mom and stepmom will never let me hear the end of it. It's not that I dislike my dad, but his cognitive issues make conversation difficult, and engaging with him can feel like caring for a toddler—using specific wording and only communicating when asked a question. I’ve realized I’m developing negative feelings toward him because I don’t feel I have a choice in this situation. My mental health is still a significant concern, and this has only added to the stress. It’s not that I don’t want to see my dad; it’s that it feels forced, which brings negativity to the situation. Right now, I don’t have the mental capacity to "babysit" my dad while the healthcare system drags its feet. I’m uncertain about what to do moving forward. While I don’t need advice, I’m open to it, and I appreciate you taking the time to read my story. (P.S. English isn’t my first language, so please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors.)

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