Relationship advices: Family Conflicts

Please assist me in getting out of this situation.

Today, I spent some time in my town center hanging out with friends. It's a Tuesday, and for the past few months, I've been lying to my parents about going to college when I'm actually not. While we were hanging out, I kissed one of my friends a few times and started flirting with her. When we got on the escalator, I lit up a cigarette, and suddenly I heard a guy behind me say, "Call Mamu Rashid" to Siri (that's my dad's name). I turned around and realized it was my cousin, whom I hadn’t seen in a year. It took me a moment to recognize him. I decided to ignore him because, honestly, who uses Siri to make calls these days? It felt like he wanted me to overhear him. I was panicking the rest of the day, worrying if he’d tell my dad about what he saw—whether it was me kissing my friend or smoking. When I got home, I noticed there were missed calls from him on my dad's phone at the same time he called out to Siri on the escalator. My cousin’s parents have always been difficult with my family, especially since they never approved of my parents' marriage. There’s a lot of tension between us, and I've always thought they were terrible people. Now, I’m at a loss about what to do. I don't want to come clean to my parents because I know they wouldn’t trust me again. Should I try to say it wasn’t me and that he mistook someone else for me? I could really use some advice on how to get out of this situation. Plus, my parents are homophobic and have no idea I'm gay, and they definitely don't know I smoke.

The Bfs family began to randomly bully me and make unfounded accusations.

**Background Context:** My boyfriend and I have been together for a year, and his family recently moved to France, taking everyone with them. His siblings are in different high school grades: one is a senior, another is a junior, and the youngest is a freshman. Concerned for my safety and well-being in this situation, his grandmother reached out to me. She expressed her love for her grandson while also caring for me, warning that his mother is particularly protective. She indicated that if she feels I’m “taking her son away,” she might go to great lengths to keep us apart. My boyfriend ultimately decided to attend college back in the States to be with me and his friends. Recently, I spent three weeks in France with him and his family, and here’s what transpired. During my time with my boyfriend's family, I made a concerted effort to be kind and helpful. I bought his brothers nice gifts, made them breakfast, and tried to keep the house tidy. However, his 17-year-old brother constantly accused me of various things I didn’t do, treating me rudely and condescendingly—often hurling 2-3 accusations at me every day. For example, he criticized me for leaving Q-tips out, calling it “disgusting,” even though I hadn’t used them at all—only to discover that he did. He even berated my boyfriend for leaving an empty Sriracha bottle on the table for an hour, suggesting that we both “aren’t adults.” When my boyfriend left a yogurt container’s cardboard out, his brother overreacted again, despite my efforts to clean, walk the dogs, and pay for my own groceries. The situation intensified when a small receipt fell out of my bag in the car one evening. His brother quickly snapped at me to “learn how to pick up after yourself; it’s not hard.” I picked it up right away, but he continued to berate me. At dinner, he accused me of “purposefully” kicking his feet, implying I was acting childishly, even though I wasn’t even near him. Thankfully, my boyfriend stood up for me, but it was all quite surreal. Additionally, my boyfriend’s mother scolded him for defending me and demanding an apology from his brother. She insisted he shouldn’t take on a parental role, despite the fact that he was simply standing up against the unfounded accusations directed at me. It has been draining and painful to be blamed for things I haven’t done, especially when I’ve been trying my hardest to lend a hand and show respect. His brother’s comments seem deliberately provocative, and it’s incredibly frustrating. After leaving his family’s home, his father even sided with his brother, stating, “Slobs are better than if he called her a pig,” and insisted that his son owes me no apology. I find myself at a loss for what to do next; I tried discussing the issues with his mother, who dismissed my feelings, saying “no one will ever be good enough for my son” in her son's eyes. She suggested I try to be understanding, claiming his brother feels he has “lost his brother because of you,” which I suspect is the mother speaking through him. Now, I’m questioning whether to continue in this relationship. My boyfriend does his best to defend me, but his mother keeps telling me, “Don’t make him choose between you and his family.” I’m unsure if I want to navigate the guilt that comes with this situation.

What can I do to avoid feeling like an outsider in my boyfriend's family?

My boyfriend (23M) and I (24F) have been together for just over a year. Since we both live at home, I’ve had the opportunity to meet his parents and siblings multiple times. However, I’ve always struggled with social anxiety, which makes it hard for me to open up and truly be myself around others. His family dynamic is quite different from mine, and I’ve found it uncomfortable to fit in. They are really close, spend a lot of time together, and generally come across as a “normal” family, while my own family is more distant and has faced its share of conflicts. I’ve been making an effort to engage and be myself in order to feel like I belong, but I continue to find it challenging. The main reason I wanted to share this is because of something my boyfriend's dad said last night. After dinner, there was a typical debate among his siblings and my boyfriend about who would help with cleanup. One of his brothers questioned why my boyfriend wasn’t pitching in, and my boyfriend responded, “I have a guest.” His dad chimed in, noting that it's a general rule that someone with a guest is not obligated to help. Then the brother pressed further, asking why he had to help clean when his girlfriend was over. Their dad indicated that was different, explaining, “Because [brother’s girlfriend] is like family.” I kind of zoned out after that, but a moment later, the dad added, “Well, I suppose that applies to [my name] too.” I recognize that there was no ill intent behind his comment, but it stung nonetheless. It makes me feel even more like an outsider, and I'm unsure how to navigate this. My boyfriend encourages me to relax and be myself, but sometimes engaging feels like telling a joke that falls flat, with crickets in response. He’s also advised me not to compare myself to his brother’s girlfriend, which I’m trying to avoid. To be fair, I know his family doesn’t dislike me; they’re very kind overall. But the dad and siblings seem indifferent, at least from my perspective. Maybe I’m overreacting or just having a tough mental health week, but I want to know how I can improve the situation. I’m trying to express myself at my own pace, but I wonder if there are additional steps I can take to feel more included. Has anyone else experienced something similar with their partner’s family and figured out a way to navigate those feelings? I’d appreciate any advice on how to make this situation feel more welcoming and inclusive.

My girlfriend is saying some hurtful things about my mother.

I'm a 21-year-old male, and I've been dealing with an issue that's really been bothering me for the past few weeks. Here's the situation: my mother, who is 50, said something about my girlfriend, who is 22, and it led to a big argument. While I was running errands with my mom, she made a comment about my girlfriend's outfit not matching. I ended up arguing with her about it. When I got home, I talked to my girlfriend about what my mom said, and it made her really upset. She accused my mom of lying and said that my mom hates her, even though my mom had actually complimented her outfit when we were at my cousin's engagement party. Since then, my girlfriend and I have been bickering for weeks. Even though we've addressed the initial issue, she keeps making hurtful remarks about my mother. I've asked her to stop, but she just laughs it off and doesn't seem to take it seriously. Is this behavior acceptable? I'd appreciate any advice, and I'm open to answering any questions for clarification.

Parents disapprove of long-distance relationships.

Hello everyone, I'm a 22-year-old male (M22) currently in a long-distance relationship with a wonderful 21-year-old girl (F21). We've been together for a year and a half, and I’d like to share my situation with you—apologies if my English isn’t perfect. We both live in Italy and met after she attended an event nearby. Our communication started through text, and after a couple of weeks, I shared our budding relationship with my parents, who were initially supportive. Eventually, we became a couple, and after a month, I visited her, where my parents also had the opportunity to meet her. Following this meeting, however, my parents began to express doubts about her. They started critiquing her appearance and even asked mutual acquaintances about her character, despite not knowing her personally. I want to clarify that she comes from a good family and has always treated me with love and respect. She is supportive and understanding, and our bond is strong. Her parents have embraced me like a son, and we often communicate via video calls. Unfortunately, my parents view our relationship as unattainable due to the distance and have unfounded concerns that she is not sincere. This despite the fact that both her family and friends are aware of and support our relationship. They have even objected to us sharing pictures together on social media, despite me having their consent. I've attempted to limit what my parents can see online, but others still fill them in, leading to them expressing their displeasure. They believe it reflects poorly on me, which I fail to understand, as she is my girlfriend. I've discussed this situation with her, and it genuinely hurts her. Despite the negativity, we remain committed to each other and are determined to make it work. However, my parents consistently criticize her without understanding the depth of our relationship. Conversations often escalate into arguments, and they show no desire to accept her or get to know her family. Throughout this ordeal, my girlfriend and her family have been a source of support for me, which sometimes feels more reliable than my relationship with my own parents. It’s puzzling because I generally have a good relationship with them, except when it comes to this issue, where they are inexplicably intrusive. Last summer, my girlfriend and I planned a day out with her parents, which my own parents took poorly, despite me informing them of our plans. This leads to arguments whenever I return home after spending time with her. They claim to have heard "rumors" about her family, which are baseless, and their refusal to listen to my reassurances is disheartening. A few months ago, my mother even managed to get my girlfriend's mother’s phone number to argue with her directly, telling her to advise her daughter to stop seeing me. This was not only inappropriate but hurtful, and it upset both my girlfriend and her mother immensely. More recently, my father took it upon himself to show up at my girlfriend’s house to confront her parents while they were away, which shocked both her and me. This kind of behavior feels like an infringement on our autonomy as adults, and I have tried to explain this to my father, but he doesn’t seem to understand. My girlfriend and I are feeling the strain of the situation, but we continue to support one another. We are also backed by friends and her family who understand our commitment to each other. It’s disheartening to see such outdated mentalities still prevalent in society today. This ongoing issue has left me feeling desperate for change, as nothing seems to sway my parents' opinions. I’ve even considered moving out to escape the negative atmosphere and regain some peace in my life. It’s difficult, but I just want to lead a stress-free life where I feel understood and supported by my family. Thank you for taking the time to read this lengthy post. I welcome any advice or perspectives you might have.

My sister (20F) shared her travel plans, and my dad (54M) had a breakdown, expressing that he wishes we all get sexually assaulted. I'm looking for advice on how to handle this situation.

I'm a 23-year-old woman trying to keep my details private, so I apologize for any lack of clarity. I'm open to answering any questions in the comments. My dad, who is 54, has been through a lot (he had to flee his home country due to war) and as a result, he can be quite unpredictable. Although we were raised in a Western country, which makes him somewhat progressive, he comes from a culture with much more conservative views about women, which is crucial context. We all still live together because of the challenging housing market, but I'm currently saving to move out. Recently, my younger sister, who is 20, announced her plans to go backpacking in Southeast Asia for a month. My dad reacted explosively. He disowned both of us (for reasons I don't quite understand), yelled about how we mistreat him, declared that she wouldn't have a room when she returned, called us foolish, and expressed disbelief that we would allow her to travel. He even shockingly said she could be raped and dropped an ominous comment about World War III happening and how it would serve women a lesson. He finished by stating, "You’ll look to me for help and I won’t be there. I’m not your father anymore." It's hard to interpret this in any other way, right? During his screaming outburst, everyone remained silent, including my mom. He was yelling from the kitchen while we each hid away in our rooms, trying to tune him out. I learned early on that he calms down faster if you don’t engage, so I no longer try to argue back. Eventually, he exhausted himself and went to bed. I'm not exactly sure what I'm looking for here. Maybe some validation that his reaction was extreme? Any advice on what to do next? I've gotten used to these tirades, but the comment about WW3 really caught me off guard. Just to clarify, he has never been physically or sexually abusive, but there's been a lot of emotional manipulation. Thank you for taking the time to read this. TL;DR: My sister announced a month-long backpacking trip in Southeast Asia, and Dad is furious we "allowed" her to go. He says he won't be there to protect us when WW3 happens.

What are some strategies for dealing with conflicts about student debt with my mom (46F) as a 26-year-old woman?

Hey everyone, I’m in a bit of a tough spot following a big argument with my mom regarding a past due statement that recently arrived at her house, and I could really use some guidance on how to handle the situation. For some background: I graduated in 2020 with around $10,000 in student loan debt, which I’ve been paying off gradually. During my final year of college, I moved out and have been living independently since then. My mom and I don’t communicate much anymore (a long story), but I still care about her. Recently, she called me upset about a past due statement and sent me a picture of a Parent Plus loan from 2016 for $18,000 that hasn’t been paid and has since accrued interest, bringing the total to $23,000. I was taken aback. She accused me of leaving her with this bill and insisted that I take action. I was confused and told her, “What the heck?” Back in high school, I asked her for help with college, and she agreed, but she never mentioned that she expected me to repay her for the Parent Plus loan afterward! I completely forgot about the Parent Plus loan since it’s not in my name! I’ve been focusing on my own loans. I’ve been working since I was 18, sacrificing a lot of my paychecks and tax returns during college to get a head start on my debt. Now it’s 2025 and I only have $5,000 left to pay off. Being suddenly responsible for a $23,000 loan has me feeling overwhelmed. I’ve talked to some family members, and they think I should help my mom out with this loan, but I feel it’s not fair. Does anyone have any advice? I don’t want to come across as a terrible daughter and ruin our relationship, but I really don’t want to take on this loan.

My girlfriend's brother is upset with us because we didn’t let him stay at our house.

My girlfriend and I recently moved into a private house about six months ago. We're still in the process of furnishing it and currently only have one bed for sleeping. During the holiday season, my girlfriend's brother returned from abroad. A few days after his arrival, he informed my girlfriend that he would be staying with us. This was a definitive statement rather than a question, and he didn’t clarify how long he intended to stay or check if we even had space for him. He simply assumed that since we live in a house, there would be room for him. Generally, we had a good relationship with him, and we had jokingly mentioned that one of the rooms could be his. However, this was all in good fun, especially considering that during the construction of our house, many, including my girlfriend’s family, questioned why we needed so much space for our 80-square-meter home. When we first met after his announcement, it was at dinner at our parents' place. At that dinner, he asked my girlfriend, “Have you prepared a bed for me?” My girlfriend attempted to explain that he hadn't even asked if we were okay with him staying and that we wanted to spend quality time together during the holidays. She also mentioned that he had other options, such as staying with their parents. He reacted strongly, expressing his upset and even tried to shame us in front of the family by saying we were denying him a place to stay. Interestingly, he still hadn’t booked his return flight back to the country where he works, more than a week after this incident, which suggested he might have expected to stay with us for up to two weeks. Since then, he hasn’t communicated with us. He’s in his mid-20s, older than my girlfriend, and I've noticed similar situations where he prioritizes his feelings. This situation is taking a toll on my girlfriend, as she feels sad about the fallout. Ultimately, the decision not to accommodate her brother was mutual between us. Yesterday, my girlfriend reached out to him via message, attempting to clarify that he might have had unrealistic expectations and that it was partially our fault. However, she also pointed out that he should have communicated better and initiated a discussion instead of making demands. He responded with an aggressive message, criticizing us for not allowing him to stay in our "big house" and dismissing our concerns about lack of additional bedding. He claimed not to be angry, just disappointed, and mentioned that he just wanted to spend time with us. He also made a comment comparing us to their mother’s sister and her husband, who do not communicate. What should we do in this situation? How can we resolve this amicably?

Reason for worry? 29 males - 28 females.

My fiancé (29M) and I (28F) are currently at an emotional impasse. When we began dating three years ago, he expressed a strong fondness for animals and was incredibly affectionate toward my special needs dog. I cherished his love for my dog, as I feel the same way. In return, I’ve treated his special needs cat as if she were my own, giving her equal care and affection. However, over the past year, I’ve noticed that his attitude toward my dog has changed. While he still feeds him and takes him outside, he no longer shows affection. When my dog approaches him for cuddles or pets, my fiancé often tries to push him away, prompting me to remind him, "He's excited to see you; could you please just give him a little pat on the head?" I feel like I shouldn't have to ask for basic kindness. Yesterday morning, we took my dog to the vet to address worsening skin issues, and my fiancé reacted with visible disgust and annoyance towards him. Afterward, I asked him about it and expressed how hurt I felt by his behavior. He admitted that the worsening condition grosses him out and that he thinks dogs are inherently less clean than cats. This revelation concerns me, as I never expected this to be an issue in our relationship. I adore all animals, but I primarily identify as a dog lover. Now, I can't shake the feeling that his initial affection for my dog was insincere. I still love my fiancé, but I'm worried about our future with dogs or other animals. Will he feel disgusted as they age or encounter issues? Am I overreacting and taking this too personally? I would appreciate any advice. Thank you!

My sister with racist views

How can I (30F) confront my sister (44F) about her racist behavior, especially when she can also be quite bullying and has emotionally abused me in the past? To give you some background, I’m Indian and have been in a secret relationship with my black partner for nine years. I want to share this part of my life with my family, but I always hesitate because of her openly racist remarks and the potential fallout—such as being disowned, having intense arguments, or facing emotional abuse where she insults me and calls me hurtful names like "slag" and "embarrassment to the family." I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable around my family because of this, and it’s really distressing.

I'm tired of my husband smoking inside the house.

My husband (40) and I (36) have been married for 16 years, and I find myself increasingly frustrated with his smoking habits. He insists on smoking in the kitchen, despite the fact that the back door to the garden is readily available for him to use. He believes that by closing the door between the kitchen and hallway, he can keep the rest of the house smoke-free. However, he seems unaware that the smoke seeps through the gaps around the door, affecting the living room, stairs, and all the bedrooms. The smell has permeated our home—it's in the carpets, on the soft furnishings, and it lingers on the dishes left to dry. Even our fruit bowl is contaminated. As a non-smoker, I’m alarmed that my clothes reek of cigarette smoke, and I worry about the health risks this poses to me and our young children, given their exposure to secondhand smoke day after day. I've approached him calmly, asking him to smoke outside, but he consistently refuses, which usually leads to arguments. He doesn't respond well to being told what to do and seems incapable of empathizing with how I feel about this situation. I even suggested that he could smoke in the upstairs bathroom and vent it out the window if he couldn't manage to go outside, as I believe smoking near food preparation areas is unsanitary and harmful. Yet, he has dismissed that idea as well and continues to smoke in the kitchen. There have been instances when I’ve been cooking and he has started smoking right behind me, showing no willingness to compromise. His indifference to our children's lung development and health is deeply troubling. Additionally, it infuriates me when he ashes on the floor and kitchen surfaces. If you were in my position, what would you do?

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 31, for over five years now. He wants us to get married, but my mother is opposed to the idea because she worries that he will take all my money and attention.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over five years, and I just got engaged this year. However, the biggest challenge in our relationship is my mother. In a typical Filipino household, she feels that I owe her for all the sacrifices she has made for me. I don’t mind supporting my parents financially each month, but my mother believes that once I get married, I should devote all my attention and resources to her. I don’t understand why she feels this way. My boyfriend is everything I could ask for—he has a stable job, runs a business, owns a car, and is responsible with saving for the future. He truly is the perfect partner. Recently, he asked me about my future plans and whether I genuinely want to get married. He’s been patient for so long, and I want to marry him, but I’m at a loss about how to approach my mother. She’s older now and is on medication for hypertension. How do I communicate this to her? What do you think I should do? I can’t stop crying over this situation; it’s been weighing heavily on me for days, affecting my ability to eat and sleep.

I'm a 33-year-old man seeking advice regarding a disagreement with my 30-year-old wife.

I've (33M) been experiencing ongoing conflicts with my wife (30F) that have been quite frustrating. We've been married for a decade and are facing a few recurring challenges that I need some guidance on. I’ll share some specific examples to give you a better idea of what’s been troubling me. I'm looking for outside perspectives to determine if I'm being unreasonable or if I have a clear view of the situation. 1. **The Scratched Hardwood Floors** We recently invested in refinishing our hardwood floors. During a painting project at home, my wife insisted we do it ourselves, worried that a contractor wouldn’t meet her expectations. While she was working on the walls after a week of my illness, she accidentally scratched the new floors with the step ladder after a couple of days of use. I was really frustrated about the damage, especially given the expense. Her response was that she had used the ladder before without any problems, so she didn’t foresee an issue. Although she stopped using it once she noticed the scratch, I felt that a little more precaution, such as placing something protective under the ladder, could have averted the damage altogether. Now we’re left with a scratched floor that could have been easily avoided. 2. **The Cat Incident** We have an indoor cat whom I’ve grown to love, even though I wasn’t always a cat person. My wife enjoys carrying him outside, insisting he likes the view, but I’ve repeatedly requested that she not do this. A few weeks ago, while she was holding him near an open door, he got scared and darted into the yard, prompting a chase from our dogs. Luckily, I was able to get him back inside safely. Although she felt guilty afterward and promised to stop taking him outside, her defense—that it never happened before—seemed like a way of dismissing the potential danger involved. 3. **The Tree-Cutting Dilemma** Living in a wooded area, we’ve experienced power outages from fallen branches in storms. A utility crew tagged several trees on our property for removal, but my wife became anxious about potential damage to our garden or other trees. She asked me to communicate with the crew to ensure they were cautious. I was reluctant, believing that asking them to be careful wouldn't change their work approach, but I complied. She also spoke to them, making her concerns clear. Ultimately, while she did give the go-ahead for the work, her initial hesitation seemed to confuse the crew. They never returned to complete the task, and now one of the trees has a large, unstable branch that could pose a danger to our dogs or cause further damage. When I raised this issue with my wife, she became defensive, attributing the blame to the utility company rather than acknowledging her role. I don’t see her as solely responsible, but I do feel her actions contributed to the situation’s unresolved state. I also played a part in this and wish I hadn’t spoken to them at all, considering she was eventually okay with the work being done. Every time I try to address this, it leads to an argument, and she has asked me not to discuss it again. These incidents seem indicative of a larger pattern. When things go awry, my wife often responds with, “How could I have known?” or, “It’s not my fault,” and she tends to dismiss issues as “spilled milk.” I understand she’s not acting out of malice, but her lack of accountability is troubling. I worry that without recognizing these patterns, she may not take steps to prevent similar problems in the future. For instance: - With the ladder and floors: Using protective material could have avoided damage. - Regarding the cat: Being aware of the risks might have prevented the scare. - About the trees: A more assertive approach could have ensured the crew completed their work. When I try to explain why this bothers me, she becomes defensive and angry. I’ve tried to avoid mentioning past issues, but during our last conversation, she insisted I bring them up, which only heightened tensions. I love my wife dearly. She is intelligent, caring, and wonderful in many ways. None of these incidents are dire, but the ongoing pattern of not anticipating potential outcomes is creating friction. My aim isn’t to make her feel guilty; I simply want her to consider possible risks more thoughtfully. Does anyone have advice on how to approach this without making her feel attacked? Or any strategies for navigating these recurring disagreements productively? Am I overreacting, or is there something I could handle differently?

My sister is ignoring me.

As a first-time user and a non-native English speaker, I apologize if my message is a bit scattered. I (F30) feel like my sister (F41) has been ghosting me, and I'm unsure why or how to address it. A bit of background: we didn’t have the most stable upbringing. She was like a second mother to me, and during my teenage years, we became best friends. She was my safe haven. Now, we’re both in relationships and have children around the same age, who are very close and love each other. Although we live two hours apart and have busy lives, we always made an effort to get together. Each time we met felt like no time had passed, and we had a great bond for over five years. However, two years ago, my sister started responding less frequently to my texts and calls. I initially thought she was just busy, so I tried to give her space while occasionally reaching out. Unfortunately, I rarely got a response. I tried to find a healthy balance—enough contact to show I care, but not so much that I’d be bothering her. Early on, she mentioned that her mental health wasn’t great, and I tried to help her find better support. She also came out to me, and for about three weeks, we communicated daily. I wanted to offer her a safe space if she needed one. She seemed to be improving, but then she just stopped responding altogether. It’s not just me; she has also ghosted our mom, brother, and my partner. I can understand her distancing from our mom due to their past, and our brother isn’t very involved in our lives, but I’m at a loss for why she has shut us out. When I suggested going no contact, she declined, and she’s never told us to stop reaching out or explained her absence. I’ve had to stop myself from overthinking the reasons behind it. I’ve tried reaching out for the sake of our kids, as it breaks my heart to see my daughter upset about missing her cousins. I miss them too. This past year, I’ve been dealing with health issues, including multiple surgeries and hospital stays, which I kept her updated on, but she hasn’t acknowledged any of it. That hurt because she was someone I trusted to be there for me. It’s been hard to come to terms with this situation. I’m sad because it feels like she doesn’t miss us, but I don’t want our kids to suffer because of it. We love and miss her family, and I’m unsure if they even know what’s happening. In the last two months, I’ve received a few short voice messages from her and her kids for holidays and birthdays, but when I attempt to engage in conversation, she ignores me. Recently, I reached out to her partner about the kids, taking a cue from my mom, who managed to connect with her this way. However, when I sent him a Christmas video, he replied that “your sister will send something from us.” I’m starting to wonder if he still wants to be in contact with me. I don’t want to bring this up on Christmas Day, but I’d appreciate any advice on how to foster a situation where my daughter and her cousins can stay connected.

Having difficulty getting along with my future fiancé.

My fiancé and I have been together for five years—I'm 25 and she's 25. We're planning to get married next year. Recently, she has been rekindling her relationship with her brother, the same brother who has physically hurt her for simply resting after college, and for not doing house chores. When she asked a friend of his to take down her picture from social media, he refused, and her brother didn't support her. I stood up for her, even getting into a physical altercation with him. Now, I find it hard to accept that she has patched things up with him, as I view him as my enemy. I'm deeply in love with her and can't forgive anyone who has hurt her. I've been trying to explain why it’s important for her to keep her distance from him, as I fear that if he mistreats her again, it could affect our relationship. I’m feeling overwhelmed and confused about the situation. What should I do?

My mother and my girlfriend don't see eye to eye.

I've been dating my girlfriend for two years now; I'm 19, and she's 18. We started our relationship during my senior year of high school and everything has been going well, except for one major issue: my mother can't stand her. In fact, she has openly wished she could choose my partners like in an arranged marriage and often expresses that she believes I could do better. To give you more context, my girlfriend is a year younger, partially deaf, and struggles with anxiety. She doesn't drive yet and is currently in her first year of beauty school, working one night a week at a nearby bowling alley. Her parents are pretty laid back—they didn’t push her to get a job and trust she'll find work after finishing school. They often help us out by giving us rides since I’m still in the process of buying my own car, and they’re perfectly fine with it. However, my mother has been critical of my girlfriend from the start. She’s concerned about her parents driving us around because she thinks we should be more independent. She also takes issue with my girlfriend's inability to drive, her behavior, and several other aspects. I'm not sure if this is a phase that will pass or if it's a permanent issue, but it weighs heavily on me that they don’t get along. I truly care about both my mom and my girlfriend, and I'm looking for advice on how to navigate this situation without hurting either of them. If anyone has faced similar challenges, I’d really appreciate your thoughts.

I'm not certain I can manage my future mother-in-law.

I'm 26 and contemplating ending my relationship with my girlfriend Cam, who is 25, mainly because I'm uncomfortable with her family. I feel she struggles to recognize that her mother, Aimee, is a deeply flawed individual. This seems to indicate a fundamental incompatibility between us. After two years together, during which we've been living together, I was even considering proposing before our upcoming family vacation. Aimee divorced Cam's dad and married her stepdad, Bob, who is 18 years older and quite wealthy, with an estimated net worth of over $20 million. Unfortunately, Aimee is often rude and disrespectful toward Bob, who has significant physical limitations. She refuses to walk with him and has let him fall in the middle of the street numerous times, which could easily result in serious injury or even death. After spending time with this family on multiple occasions and now heading out on a three-day vacation with them, it's clear to me that Aimee has little regard for Bob and her behavior towards him is frankly disturbing. Moreover, Aimee spends Bob's money extravagantly, treating my girlfriend and her stepbrother to lavish purchases, including an $80,000 rug and various renovations. There are countless examples of wasteful spending and disrespectful treatment that I’ve observed. I worry that Cam idolizes her mother, and while I get why—Aimee is very affectionate towards her—I can't help but be concerned that Cam might adopt similar behaviors in our relationship. I've tried pointing out how Aimee treats Bob, who is genuinely kind and accepting of Cam, but she seems blind to what I view as clearly abusive behavior. Coming from a less privileged background, it also frustrates me that Aimee spends money so frivolously, especially since she wasn’t involved in Bob's life when he was building his wealth. My own upbringing hasn’t been without flaws; my dad cheated on my mom several times, and she struggles with a severe hoarding problem and has taken money from both me and her siblings. I love them both, but I can see their faults and acknowledge their mistakes. After this vacation, I’m not sure I can have Aimee in my life and feel strongly about it. I would appreciate any advice on how to approach this topic with Cam. I worry that she may not understand my perspective, and it feels disingenuous to bring it up now if she hasn't recognized these issues at 28. Is this relationship irreparable?

How to create distance from your partner discreetly

Good evening, everyone. My girlfriend (24) and I (23) have been in a relationship for about a year and a half, but we've been facing some challenges. One major issue is my discomfort with her family and friends; they often treat both of us poorly, and I feel quite devalued around them. Her family is very closed off, and their behavior towards her is harsh, which she seems to accept as normal. Her friends also don't treat her well, and again, she finds it acceptable. I’ve tried to communicate my feelings about these situations, but she doesn't seem interested in listening. She wants me to be a part of her life with them despite my discomfort. I'm beginning to feel like I'm the reason her friends don't talk to her like that as much anymore. Lately, she’s made me feel guilty for wanting to take a step back from her social circle, even though I’ve told her she’s free to do those things without me. I've reached a point where I feel the need to distance myself for my own mental health. It’s a tough decision, but I really can’t handle the emotional strain any longer. Any suggestions for how to do this discreetly?

Advice on family relationships and sibling dynamics

My brother's girlfriend comes over to our family's house almost every day. Although she rents a room nearby, she stays with us about 3-4 days a week. She doesn’t contribute to anything, from meals to household bills—my family covers all the expenses. She interacts with everyone except me, and I find her behavior rude; I've had a negative impression of her since the beginning. My family is even willing to let her live here and is planning to pay for her upcoming trip with us overseas. As a sibling, am I wrong for disagreeing with this situation? I think it’s important to establish some boundaries. They’ve only been together for less than two years and have had numerous arguments, but that’s their issue. I just wanted to provide some context.

I just discovered that my mother-in-law (55f) is irritated that I always arrive with something in hand.

I was always taught that it’s impolite to arrive without something in hand, so I’ve consistently brought treats like cupcakes, brownies, or cookies to events at my in-laws. I never went overboard—just enough to express my gratitude and respect. During our last visit, I asked what I should bring for Thanksgiving, and she said, “You’re in charge of wine. No need for anything else—just one.” We have a wonderful relationship, and I never sensed that she was bothered by my contributions in the past. However, I still felt uneasy about this new directive, as I was raised to believe it’s discourteous to show up empty-handed. I checked in with my husband, asking, “Are you sure one bottle of wine is enough? Should I make another dessert? Is there something else she might need help with? It feels a bit rude to only bring one wine for the whole family.” His reply was, “She only gave you the wine task because she knows that if she didn’t, you’d probably overdo it. She doesn’t even need the wine; it’s just to make you feel involved. She told me not to mention this to you.” (For context, my husband is autistic, so while his delivery can come across as blunt, he means no offense.) I’ll follow her request and bring just one bottle of wine, and perhaps I’ll learn that it’s okay to arrive empty-handed, even if that feels a bit unsettling. Am I overstepping by wanting to contribute, or is it common in American culture to show up without something for gatherings?

How can I, a 35-year-old man, sever ties with my 75-year-old father who supports Trump?

Subject: Seeking Guidance on a Difficult Family Situation Hi everyone, I know this is a sensitive topic, so I’m posting anonymously. I assure you this is genuine and not an attempt to stir up drama. Please keep the conversation respectful. My relationship with my father is somewhat distant; we chat every few months, and our conversations are typically light and focused on our current lives. We haven’t spent more than a few hours together in over 20 years since my parents divorced, and I wouldn’t say we feel particularly at ease around each other. We’ve always had different personalities. When it comes to politics, we’ve never had a substantive discussion. I identify as progressive/leftist and have been deeply engaged in political matters for the past 15 years. I don't know my dad's political views for certain, but there have been a couple of notable moments: - A few years ago, he displayed a "Keep Christ in Christmas" sign in his yard, which struck me as odd since he never took us to church during my upbringing. - In early 2020, shortly before the pandemic began, he mentioned attending a Trump rally. I reacted negatively, he acknowledged that I probably wouldn’t approve, and we let it go. This was during my wedding, so there were other topics to explore. At that point, we were all aware of Trump’s character, so it concerned me. Since the election, I’ve decided to distance myself from Trump supporters for clear reasons. If someone is still backing him by 2024, there’s a reason—they're no longer supporting an underdog; it’s become serious with initiatives like Project 2025 in play. Despite both being white men with reasonable financial means, I have significant worries about this administration: - I have two naturalized citizens in my family: one is an Iraqi refugee who recently achieved citizenship after enduring immense hardships, and the other is a family member who overstayed a visa but is now married to a citizen. I’m anxious about their status under Project 2025. - I have numerous LGBTQ+ friends, including those married in conservative states, who fear that their marriages might be invalidated. - My wife and I are trying to start a family, but due to our age, it’s challenging. We’re genuinely concerned that complications during her pregnancy could have dire consequences given our location. - Many of my family members work in education. - And let’s not ignore the events of January 6. - There are countless other sociopolitical concerns on my mind. I haven’t spoken to my dad since the election. I recently lost my job and am going through a tough time, which kept me from reaching out. Today, he called, but I didn’t answer. Aside from my job situation, my sister is going through a divorce, and I think he wants to discuss that with me. However, I feel strongly about informing him that I no longer want Republicans in my life, and if he supported Trump, then I’d be fine without him. At the same time, I worry I might be blindsiding him. Since we’ve never discussed politics, perhaps he would have voted differently if I’d raised it before November. It’s possible he didn’t support Trump at all. Given his age and limited family connections, I can’t help but feel bad about it. I would appreciate any advice you might have. Thank you!

My mom appears to be excessively emotionally dependent.

Hello, as the title suggests, my mom (50F) has always been really dependent on both me (19F) and my dad. I recently moved away for college, and I can only visit home about twice a year because it's far and expensive. Honestly, I’ve never felt happier—I was so unhappy back home, and moving has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. However, my mom has been asking me for a good morning and good night call every day, wanting to know what I’m doing, who I’m with, and more. While I can manage this to some extent, it’s been months, and it’s getting overwhelming. With my busy school schedule, I barely have time to sleep at night; I can’t be on the phone for three hours a day. My dad visited me this week since my mom couldn’t come due to visa issues. Now that he’s away too, she’s calling me even more frequently, which I understand, but a few days ago, I missed her call because I was occupied. I hung up and texted, "I’ll call you back," but when I called back an hour later, she was in tears, yelling at me for hanging up. She said I was her whole world and accused me of not caring and disrespecting her upbringing, saying she regretted sending me abroad for college. I tried to explain, but she wouldn’t listen. I eventually handed the phone to my dad to handle it because I was really upset. Yesterday and today, I called her three times, but she’s been cold and distant. Her eyes were puffy, and she mentioned feeling physically and mentally unwell but said she couldn’t talk to me about it because I never liked what she had to say. She’s been in bed wearing the same clothes, and I suspect she hasn’t eaten for two days. I’m genuinely worried, but I’m also incredibly frustrated because I don’t understand how to handle this. I feel guilty even though I don’t believe I did anything wrong. This situation is draining for both me and my dad, and I know it won’t be the last time this happens. The same issue arose when my dad and I were both away before, and now that I’m away for good and he has several upcoming business trips, I’m at a loss for what to do. What on earth should I do? 😭 TL;DR: My mom calls me four times a day, and when I declined a call once due to being busy, she got angry and has been in bed and not eating for two days. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

My boyfriend (22M) and I (20F) had the police called on us by his mother because we're in a relationship. How should I handle this situation?

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. Initially, his mother liked me, but over time she started calling me boring and began bad-mouthing me. My boyfriend is currently unemployed, and she has begun blaming me for his situation, even though he tends to be lazy and only engages in productive activities when prompted repeatedly. One day, after a conversation with him, I hung up for a moment and called back without receiving an answer. Concerned, I reached out to his friend for help. I found out that his mom had taken his phone away because she disapproved of our relationship. I decided to call her directly, and while she acted benign, she called me a "bitch" and hung up when I confronted her about the phone situation. Determined to resolve things, I went to his house. When I arrived, his mother wasn't home, so I waited until she returned. To my surprise, she showed up with the police, stating she wanted to put an end to our relationship. The officers asked my boyfriend if he wanted to be with me, and he affirmed that he did, as did I. The police found the situation awkward and suggested we go to the nearest station. Eventually, I managed to convince his mother that we would reduce our communication and meet less frequently, which seemed to ease the tension for a while. However, yesterday, she argued with my boyfriend after we met for just an hour in the evening. She has now threatened him with arrest if he doesn’t end our relationship. I believe no parent should dictate their child's dating life. If he's happy with me, why does it matter to her? What do you think of this situation? "TL;DR": My boyfriend's mom called the police because we want to be together, but she doesn't approve. We both still wish to stay together despite her opposition.

Parents with difficult dynamics

Is anyone else dealing with dysfunctional parents? If so, how do you manage it? My mother frequently asks me for money every week. While I try to help her when I can, as a single woman, I have my own bills to pay. It's worth noting that she has a husband as well. Recently, she stopped communicating with me and no longer shares her location, which I suspect is because I didn't lend her money last week. She has often made me feel like my worth to her is tied to my financial support. I’d appreciate any advice from those who have experienced similar situations or any tips on how to cope.

My partner's animosity towards our friend is stressing me out.

My partner (33F) has developed a strong dislike for our neighbor (20sF), which has put a strain on our social circle. We used to hang out regularly with other neighbors, watching TV and playing games, but now my partner can hardly stand her. The way she speaks about our neighbor is often vulgar, and it makes me uncomfortable. She's made hurtful comments suggesting that I like the neighbor, which I know she doesn’t really believe, but it still stings. My partner often refers to the neighbor as "my friend" in a sarcastic manner, even though our interactions have always been casual. This sudden animosity has affected our entire group dynamic. Just yesterday, the neighbor and her partner (also in their 20s) stopped me while I was out walking to express their concern about my partner, asking if they could help in any way. I can't be honest with them about the tension, though. My partner criticizes the neighbor for trivial things, even while doing the same herself, which feels hypocritical to me. She thinks the neighbor is selfish, and when I chatted with the neighbor outside recently, my partner had her headphones in to avoid hearing our conversation. This negativity is really unappealing to me, and whenever I bring it up, my partner becomes defensive, insisting that she doesn't have to like her or her values. However, her unwillingness to even pretend is impacting my relationships with both of them. I'm at a loss for what to do or why this has all unfolded, and I genuinely don't believe there's any underlying attraction in play.

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