Relationship advices: Family Conflicts

Having difficulty getting along with my future fiancé.

My fiancé and I have been together for five years—I'm 25 and she's 25. We're planning to get married next year. Recently, she has been rekindling her relationship with her brother, the same brother who has physically hurt her for simply resting after college, and for not doing house chores. When she asked a friend of his to take down her picture from social media, he refused, and her brother didn't support her. I stood up for her, even getting into a physical altercation with him. Now, I find it hard to accept that she has patched things up with him, as I view him as my enemy. I'm deeply in love with her and can't forgive anyone who has hurt her. I've been trying to explain why it’s important for her to keep her distance from him, as I fear that if he mistreats her again, it could affect our relationship. I’m feeling overwhelmed and confused about the situation. What should I do?

My mother and my girlfriend don't see eye to eye.

I've been dating my girlfriend for two years now; I'm 19, and she's 18. We started our relationship during my senior year of high school and everything has been going well, except for one major issue: my mother can't stand her. In fact, she has openly wished she could choose my partners like in an arranged marriage and often expresses that she believes I could do better. To give you more context, my girlfriend is a year younger, partially deaf, and struggles with anxiety. She doesn't drive yet and is currently in her first year of beauty school, working one night a week at a nearby bowling alley. Her parents are pretty laid back—they didn’t push her to get a job and trust she'll find work after finishing school. They often help us out by giving us rides since I’m still in the process of buying my own car, and they’re perfectly fine with it. However, my mother has been critical of my girlfriend from the start. She’s concerned about her parents driving us around because she thinks we should be more independent. She also takes issue with my girlfriend's inability to drive, her behavior, and several other aspects. I'm not sure if this is a phase that will pass or if it's a permanent issue, but it weighs heavily on me that they don’t get along. I truly care about both my mom and my girlfriend, and I'm looking for advice on how to navigate this situation without hurting either of them. If anyone has faced similar challenges, I’d really appreciate your thoughts.

I'm not certain I can manage my future mother-in-law.

I'm 26 and contemplating ending my relationship with my girlfriend Cam, who is 25, mainly because I'm uncomfortable with her family. I feel she struggles to recognize that her mother, Aimee, is a deeply flawed individual. This seems to indicate a fundamental incompatibility between us. After two years together, during which we've been living together, I was even considering proposing before our upcoming family vacation. Aimee divorced Cam's dad and married her stepdad, Bob, who is 18 years older and quite wealthy, with an estimated net worth of over $20 million. Unfortunately, Aimee is often rude and disrespectful toward Bob, who has significant physical limitations. She refuses to walk with him and has let him fall in the middle of the street numerous times, which could easily result in serious injury or even death. After spending time with this family on multiple occasions and now heading out on a three-day vacation with them, it's clear to me that Aimee has little regard for Bob and her behavior towards him is frankly disturbing. Moreover, Aimee spends Bob's money extravagantly, treating my girlfriend and her stepbrother to lavish purchases, including an $80,000 rug and various renovations. There are countless examples of wasteful spending and disrespectful treatment that I’ve observed. I worry that Cam idolizes her mother, and while I get why—Aimee is very affectionate towards her—I can't help but be concerned that Cam might adopt similar behaviors in our relationship. I've tried pointing out how Aimee treats Bob, who is genuinely kind and accepting of Cam, but she seems blind to what I view as clearly abusive behavior. Coming from a less privileged background, it also frustrates me that Aimee spends money so frivolously, especially since she wasn’t involved in Bob's life when he was building his wealth. My own upbringing hasn’t been without flaws; my dad cheated on my mom several times, and she struggles with a severe hoarding problem and has taken money from both me and her siblings. I love them both, but I can see their faults and acknowledge their mistakes. After this vacation, I’m not sure I can have Aimee in my life and feel strongly about it. I would appreciate any advice on how to approach this topic with Cam. I worry that she may not understand my perspective, and it feels disingenuous to bring it up now if she hasn't recognized these issues at 28. Is this relationship irreparable?

How to create distance from your partner discreetly

Good evening, everyone. My girlfriend (24) and I (23) have been in a relationship for about a year and a half, but we've been facing some challenges. One major issue is my discomfort with her family and friends; they often treat both of us poorly, and I feel quite devalued around them. Her family is very closed off, and their behavior towards her is harsh, which she seems to accept as normal. Her friends also don't treat her well, and again, she finds it acceptable. I’ve tried to communicate my feelings about these situations, but she doesn't seem interested in listening. She wants me to be a part of her life with them despite my discomfort. I'm beginning to feel like I'm the reason her friends don't talk to her like that as much anymore. Lately, she’s made me feel guilty for wanting to take a step back from her social circle, even though I’ve told her she’s free to do those things without me. I've reached a point where I feel the need to distance myself for my own mental health. It’s a tough decision, but I really can’t handle the emotional strain any longer. Any suggestions for how to do this discreetly?

Advice on family relationships and sibling dynamics

My brother's girlfriend comes over to our family's house almost every day. Although she rents a room nearby, she stays with us about 3-4 days a week. She doesn’t contribute to anything, from meals to household bills—my family covers all the expenses. She interacts with everyone except me, and I find her behavior rude; I've had a negative impression of her since the beginning. My family is even willing to let her live here and is planning to pay for her upcoming trip with us overseas. As a sibling, am I wrong for disagreeing with this situation? I think it’s important to establish some boundaries. They’ve only been together for less than two years and have had numerous arguments, but that’s their issue. I just wanted to provide some context.

I just discovered that my mother-in-law (55f) is irritated that I always arrive with something in hand.

I was always taught that it’s impolite to arrive without something in hand, so I’ve consistently brought treats like cupcakes, brownies, or cookies to events at my in-laws. I never went overboard—just enough to express my gratitude and respect. During our last visit, I asked what I should bring for Thanksgiving, and she said, “You’re in charge of wine. No need for anything else—just one.” We have a wonderful relationship, and I never sensed that she was bothered by my contributions in the past. However, I still felt uneasy about this new directive, as I was raised to believe it’s discourteous to show up empty-handed. I checked in with my husband, asking, “Are you sure one bottle of wine is enough? Should I make another dessert? Is there something else she might need help with? It feels a bit rude to only bring one wine for the whole family.” His reply was, “She only gave you the wine task because she knows that if she didn’t, you’d probably overdo it. She doesn’t even need the wine; it’s just to make you feel involved. She told me not to mention this to you.” (For context, my husband is autistic, so while his delivery can come across as blunt, he means no offense.) I’ll follow her request and bring just one bottle of wine, and perhaps I’ll learn that it’s okay to arrive empty-handed, even if that feels a bit unsettling. Am I overstepping by wanting to contribute, or is it common in American culture to show up without something for gatherings?

How can I, a 35-year-old man, sever ties with my 75-year-old father who supports Trump?

Subject: Seeking Guidance on a Difficult Family Situation Hi everyone, I know this is a sensitive topic, so I’m posting anonymously. I assure you this is genuine and not an attempt to stir up drama. Please keep the conversation respectful. My relationship with my father is somewhat distant; we chat every few months, and our conversations are typically light and focused on our current lives. We haven’t spent more than a few hours together in over 20 years since my parents divorced, and I wouldn’t say we feel particularly at ease around each other. We’ve always had different personalities. When it comes to politics, we’ve never had a substantive discussion. I identify as progressive/leftist and have been deeply engaged in political matters for the past 15 years. I don't know my dad's political views for certain, but there have been a couple of notable moments: - A few years ago, he displayed a "Keep Christ in Christmas" sign in his yard, which struck me as odd since he never took us to church during my upbringing. - In early 2020, shortly before the pandemic began, he mentioned attending a Trump rally. I reacted negatively, he acknowledged that I probably wouldn’t approve, and we let it go. This was during my wedding, so there were other topics to explore. At that point, we were all aware of Trump’s character, so it concerned me. Since the election, I’ve decided to distance myself from Trump supporters for clear reasons. If someone is still backing him by 2024, there’s a reason—they're no longer supporting an underdog; it’s become serious with initiatives like Project 2025 in play. Despite both being white men with reasonable financial means, I have significant worries about this administration: - I have two naturalized citizens in my family: one is an Iraqi refugee who recently achieved citizenship after enduring immense hardships, and the other is a family member who overstayed a visa but is now married to a citizen. I’m anxious about their status under Project 2025. - I have numerous LGBTQ+ friends, including those married in conservative states, who fear that their marriages might be invalidated. - My wife and I are trying to start a family, but due to our age, it’s challenging. We’re genuinely concerned that complications during her pregnancy could have dire consequences given our location. - Many of my family members work in education. - And let’s not ignore the events of January 6. - There are countless other sociopolitical concerns on my mind. I haven’t spoken to my dad since the election. I recently lost my job and am going through a tough time, which kept me from reaching out. Today, he called, but I didn’t answer. Aside from my job situation, my sister is going through a divorce, and I think he wants to discuss that with me. However, I feel strongly about informing him that I no longer want Republicans in my life, and if he supported Trump, then I’d be fine without him. At the same time, I worry I might be blindsiding him. Since we’ve never discussed politics, perhaps he would have voted differently if I’d raised it before November. It’s possible he didn’t support Trump at all. Given his age and limited family connections, I can’t help but feel bad about it. I would appreciate any advice you might have. Thank you!

My mom appears to be excessively emotionally dependent.

Hello, as the title suggests, my mom (50F) has always been really dependent on both me (19F) and my dad. I recently moved away for college, and I can only visit home about twice a year because it's far and expensive. Honestly, I’ve never felt happier—I was so unhappy back home, and moving has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. However, my mom has been asking me for a good morning and good night call every day, wanting to know what I’m doing, who I’m with, and more. While I can manage this to some extent, it’s been months, and it’s getting overwhelming. With my busy school schedule, I barely have time to sleep at night; I can’t be on the phone for three hours a day. My dad visited me this week since my mom couldn’t come due to visa issues. Now that he’s away too, she’s calling me even more frequently, which I understand, but a few days ago, I missed her call because I was occupied. I hung up and texted, "I’ll call you back," but when I called back an hour later, she was in tears, yelling at me for hanging up. She said I was her whole world and accused me of not caring and disrespecting her upbringing, saying she regretted sending me abroad for college. I tried to explain, but she wouldn’t listen. I eventually handed the phone to my dad to handle it because I was really upset. Yesterday and today, I called her three times, but she’s been cold and distant. Her eyes were puffy, and she mentioned feeling physically and mentally unwell but said she couldn’t talk to me about it because I never liked what she had to say. She’s been in bed wearing the same clothes, and I suspect she hasn’t eaten for two days. I’m genuinely worried, but I’m also incredibly frustrated because I don’t understand how to handle this. I feel guilty even though I don’t believe I did anything wrong. This situation is draining for both me and my dad, and I know it won’t be the last time this happens. The same issue arose when my dad and I were both away before, and now that I’m away for good and he has several upcoming business trips, I’m at a loss for what to do. What on earth should I do? 😭 TL;DR: My mom calls me four times a day, and when I declined a call once due to being busy, she got angry and has been in bed and not eating for two days. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened.

My boyfriend (22M) and I (20F) had the police called on us by his mother because we're in a relationship. How should I handle this situation?

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. Initially, his mother liked me, but over time she started calling me boring and began bad-mouthing me. My boyfriend is currently unemployed, and she has begun blaming me for his situation, even though he tends to be lazy and only engages in productive activities when prompted repeatedly. One day, after a conversation with him, I hung up for a moment and called back without receiving an answer. Concerned, I reached out to his friend for help. I found out that his mom had taken his phone away because she disapproved of our relationship. I decided to call her directly, and while she acted benign, she called me a "bitch" and hung up when I confronted her about the phone situation. Determined to resolve things, I went to his house. When I arrived, his mother wasn't home, so I waited until she returned. To my surprise, she showed up with the police, stating she wanted to put an end to our relationship. The officers asked my boyfriend if he wanted to be with me, and he affirmed that he did, as did I. The police found the situation awkward and suggested we go to the nearest station. Eventually, I managed to convince his mother that we would reduce our communication and meet less frequently, which seemed to ease the tension for a while. However, yesterday, she argued with my boyfriend after we met for just an hour in the evening. She has now threatened him with arrest if he doesn’t end our relationship. I believe no parent should dictate their child's dating life. If he's happy with me, why does it matter to her? What do you think of this situation? "TL;DR": My boyfriend's mom called the police because we want to be together, but she doesn't approve. We both still wish to stay together despite her opposition.

Parents with difficult dynamics

Is anyone else dealing with dysfunctional parents? If so, how do you manage it? My mother frequently asks me for money every week. While I try to help her when I can, as a single woman, I have my own bills to pay. It's worth noting that she has a husband as well. Recently, she stopped communicating with me and no longer shares her location, which I suspect is because I didn't lend her money last week. She has often made me feel like my worth to her is tied to my financial support. I’d appreciate any advice from those who have experienced similar situations or any tips on how to cope.

My partner's animosity towards our friend is stressing me out.

My partner (33F) has developed a strong dislike for our neighbor (20sF), which has put a strain on our social circle. We used to hang out regularly with other neighbors, watching TV and playing games, but now my partner can hardly stand her. The way she speaks about our neighbor is often vulgar, and it makes me uncomfortable. She's made hurtful comments suggesting that I like the neighbor, which I know she doesn’t really believe, but it still stings. My partner often refers to the neighbor as "my friend" in a sarcastic manner, even though our interactions have always been casual. This sudden animosity has affected our entire group dynamic. Just yesterday, the neighbor and her partner (also in their 20s) stopped me while I was out walking to express their concern about my partner, asking if they could help in any way. I can't be honest with them about the tension, though. My partner criticizes the neighbor for trivial things, even while doing the same herself, which feels hypocritical to me. She thinks the neighbor is selfish, and when I chatted with the neighbor outside recently, my partner had her headphones in to avoid hearing our conversation. This negativity is really unappealing to me, and whenever I bring it up, my partner becomes defensive, insisting that she doesn't have to like her or her values. However, her unwillingness to even pretend is impacting my relationships with both of them. I'm at a loss for what to do or why this has all unfolded, and I genuinely don't believe there's any underlying attraction in play.

My boyfriend's mother is claiming that I'm having an affair with her husband.

My boyfriend’s mother (55) recently cornered me and made it clear that she is aware of what she feels is my true character. I’m a 26-year-old woman and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (25) for about a year. We’ve started discussing our future together, including the possibility of settling down, but I am an immigrant in the United States while he is a citizen and a military veteran. Currently, we both live with our parents. Sometimes I stay at his house, and other times he stays over at mine. I live only with my mother (48), who is fine with my boyfriend visiting. In contrast, my boyfriend resides with his mother, stepfather (50), and his two younger siblings. From the start of our relationship, my boyfriend warned me about his mother. After his stepfather cheated on her, she installed cameras throughout the house, which reveals her insecurities and controlling behavior. Recently, she accused me of trying to use her son to obtain American citizenship. She claimed to have videotapes of me entering her husband's room and suggested that I “hacked” her camera system to erase any compromising footage of myself. She stated that her husband would never leave her for me because, in her eyes, I'm just “a nobody,” while she is the love of his life. She went on to say that she would persuade my boyfriend not to marry me and threatened that he would ultimately leave me. Furthermore, she claimed he is aware that I am a “homewrecker” and that he supposedly promised her he would “shoot me in the head” if given the chance. She even attempted to blackmail me into silence about our conversation. Feeling devastated, I left her home, wished her well, and got into my car. I called my boyfriend and told him everything. He confronted his mother and left the house that same night, expressing his desire to distance himself from her. He apologized for her behavior and admitted, “I told you she was crazy, but I didn’t realize she was THIS CRAZY.” The following day, she called him begging for him to come by and talk. He agreed, and even though I’m hurt, I want him to clear the air with her. We have always had a strong relationship, and I trust him. However, I’m feeling sad, broken, and confused about this situation. I sense that his mother may need mental health support, but I worry about potentially becoming the enemy if I suggest it. Her lies, blackmail, threats, and slander have left me shaken, and I'm concerned she might manipulate my boyfriend or retaliate against me if he chooses to return to her. To clarify, everything she accused me of is false. Her husband told her she was mistaken, and both my boyfriend and his older brother (35) defended our relationship, as he also experienced similar treatment from their mother when he married a Central American woman five years ago. In the end, she assured me that if not me, another woman would try to come between her and her husband and sons, but she would fight to prevent that from happening. I would appreciate any advice or insight on how to navigate this difficult situation.

I’m worried that if I respond to my sister's questions, it will hurt her feelings. What should I do? (W: Abuse)

(References to abuse) I’m a 50-year-old woman and recently shared some negative thoughts about my life on Facebook, specifically regarding my sperm donor (71 years old), whom I’ll refer to as SD. My sister, who is 45, responded by asking why I couldn’t simply “let things go and reconcile.” To give some context, SD has always exhibited classic narcissistic traits, including a quick temper and an emotionally abusive demeanor. To me, he was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive, alternating between cold indifference and outright neglect. Being the older sibling, I felt a strong responsibility to protect my younger sister from him. My sister was viewed as the “golden child.” She thrived in her father’s eyes, engaging in traditional “boy activities” like fishing, hunting, and sports. I remember hearing SD express more than once that he didn’t miss having a son because his little girl more than filled that role. She adored him, almost to a fault. In our upbringing, the difference in treatment was stark. While my sister faced rare instances of spanking or yelling, I endured far worse. I faced physical punishment, slaps to the face, bullying, and constant belittlement, sometimes even being locked out of the house until our mother returned. Academically, I struggled, particularly with tests, resulting in below-average grades. My sister never witnessed the depths of SD’s cruelty. The most brutal incident I experienced occurred when I was around 12. After he falsely accused me of lying and I dared to defend myself, he grabbed me by the jaw and lifted me off my feet, holding me suspended in the air. I remember hearing cracking sounds, convinced he might actually kill me. Once he finally released me, I escaped to my room, living on soft foods for weeks and lying to our mother by claiming the injury happened on the playground. I knew that revealing the truth would subject me to an even harsher reality. Ultimately, a visit to the dentist revealed that he had cracked my lower jaw and partially dislocated it, leaving me with ongoing issues related to that incident. My sister has never known the truth about what I endured. I never wanted her to—she deserves to have her hero. However, she’s now pushing me to reconcile, calling me “self-centered” and urging me to return to the family. I find myself grappling with whether to tell her the truth and risk ruining a relationship she cherishes. Complicating matters further, she has two sons, and SD is a good grandfather to them. Meanwhile, due to SD’s influence, my sister and I were estranged for years, and only in the last seven years have we attempted a reconciliation. Part of me feels that maintaining the status quo, as I have for so long, is the best course of action. I’m resigned to being seen as the “bad kid” to spare her any discomfort and preserve her family life. My own situation feels irreparable. Should I keep my silence and potentially safeguard our relationship, or risk everything by revealing the truth? Additionally, I’d appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced similar abuse. I’m simply seeking different perspectives. Thank you for your time and insights.

This entire friendship was a facade.

I apologize for jumping into Reddit for the first time, but I genuinely need an outside perspective on how to handle a tricky situation. For some context, my boyfriend and I met another couple—I'll refer to the woman as M and her partner as K—at my daughter’s school two years ago, and we’ve become good friends. Our kids also get along well. However, M has made some remarks about K that always seemed off, and there were random stories that just didn't add up. Wanting to give our new friendship time to develop, I held off on forming any judgments. Fast forward to this past weekend when M and K came over for drinks. M ended up getting quite drunk and asked me to call her a cab, but since I had only had one drink, I offered to drive her home instead. K stayed behind to hang out with my boyfriend, which was fine. While driving M home, she started getting sassy, questioning why I was taking her home and insinuating that no one wanted to hang out with her. I reminded her that she was the one who asked to leave and suggested she get some rest, offering to pick her up if she wanted to come back later. When I returned home, the guys were chatting, and I decided to spend some time on my computer before starting dinner. That's when K opened up about his tumultuous relationship with M. He shared some hefty claims: she has cheated on him, been physically abusive, struggles with alcoholism, and fails to contribute to their household. Everything I had ever questioned about M suddenly made sense, confirming all my doubts and the odd comments she had made in the past. You might wonder how I could trust K’s story, but there are times you just know. My boyfriend completely believes him as well. The pain and defeat in K’s eyes were palpable, and he also acknowledged his own faults within the relationship, which made me feel he was being honest. He stays with M mainly out of concern for their child and fears of losing custody if things escalate. After dropping K off, M showed up at my place, visibly upset and still drunk. I asked her to leave and told her I needed to process everything before talking again because I was overwhelmed. M then began texting me furiously, saying things like, “I hate when he does this,” and “he lies, remember?” I didn’t respond at first but eventually told her that I needed space to think about the situation. With our kids attending the same school, I’m uncertain about the future of our friendship. M hasn’t even apologized for showing up at my door unannounced, which I’ve made clear is not okay. It’s obvious she needs help, but I’m unsure how to proceed. I've spent the weekend weighing my options, and I'm really lost. K doesn’t want to lose our friendship either, but I’m at a crossroads and need some guidance. Ignoring M feels wrong, but I’m unsure how to move forward from here. Any advice would be appreciated.

How can I prevent disappointing my mum (45F) or myself (26F)?

My relationship with my mom hasn’t always been great, but we’ve grown closer as I’ve entered adulthood. For some background, my parents divorced when I was two, and I primarily lived with my dad. My mom remarried and had two kids (a 16-year-old son and a 13-year-old daughter), but that marriage ended three years ago, and she’s struggled to adjust to being a single mother. As a result, she’s been reaching out to me more, even though I’m living independently and managing my own life. She also deals with a disability and is facing increasing financial difficulty. Recently, she asked if I would join her and my siblings on a vacation next summer. To be honest, I’m not keen on going. She sees this as a crucial opportunity, since starting in 2026, her income will significantly drop, and she’s worried that my brother might not want to participate in family vacations anymore as he transitions into adulthood. I’ve always found it hard to say no, as I don’t want to disappoint her, but I feel that I’ve reached an age where family vacations aren’t a priority for me anymore. My friends are eager to travel together, I want to spend time with my partner, and I have limited vacation days and budget to consider. Plus, I prefer to travel during the school holidays when prices are lower. In summary, I’m uncertain about whether I should go on this family vacation and how to communicate my decision if I choose not to. (For additional context: Both of us have ADHD, and I’m also autistic. Our family has a history of mental health challenges, which can make social interactions a bit difficult.)

What is it that's making me feel sad about this...?

My boyfriend (43) and I (39) have been in a relationship for over five years. He comes from a large family, and I truly enjoy spending time with them. This year has been challenging as my mom has been in and out of the hospital, but she is currently in rehabilitation, and I’m able to bring her home for Thanksgiving. Typically, I go to my brother-in-law's house, which is a four-hour drive, and my boyfriend and I usually spend the long weekend there. However, this year, due to my mom’s health situation, I've decided that Thanksgiving will be at my place instead (my boyfriend and I don’t live together). I have a few family members coming over. My boyfriend just informed me that he will spend Thanksgiving Day with my family, but he plans to leave for his brother's house on Friday and won’t return until Tuesday. For some reason, I started feeling anxious about this. Why am I feeling this way? Should I be concerned about it?