Relationship advices

Am I taking up his time unnecessarily?

I’m looking for an unbiased opinion. So, I'm a 20-year-old female and he’s a 21-year-old male; we’ve been high school friends. We spent the first two years of our relationship together, but the last two years have been more on and off. Now, things are getting serious again, and we’ve talked about intimacy. He often asks when we will take that step, but I’m not ready for it. Just to clarify, I haven't had any sexual experience, and I don’t have any trauma; it’s just where I am right now. I’m hesitant to share this with him because I really value our relationship and I’m afraid of losing him. He’s a wonderful person, but I worry that he might want more than I can give.

I just discovered that my mother-in-law (55f) is irritated that I always arrive with something in hand.

I was always taught that it’s impolite to arrive without something in hand, so I’ve consistently brought treats like cupcakes, brownies, or cookies to events at my in-laws. I never went overboard—just enough to express my gratitude and respect. During our last visit, I asked what I should bring for Thanksgiving, and she said, “You’re in charge of wine. No need for anything else—just one.” We have a wonderful relationship, and I never sensed that she was bothered by my contributions in the past. However, I still felt uneasy about this new directive, as I was raised to believe it’s discourteous to show up empty-handed. I checked in with my husband, asking, “Are you sure one bottle of wine is enough? Should I make another dessert? Is there something else she might need help with? It feels a bit rude to only bring one wine for the whole family.” His reply was, “She only gave you the wine task because she knows that if she didn’t, you’d probably overdo it. She doesn’t even need the wine; it’s just to make you feel involved. She told me not to mention this to you.” (For context, my husband is autistic, so while his delivery can come across as blunt, he means no offense.) I’ll follow her request and bring just one bottle of wine, and perhaps I’ll learn that it’s okay to arrive empty-handed, even if that feels a bit unsettling. Am I overstepping by wanting to contribute, or is it common in American culture to show up without something for gatherings?

Tips for relationships

I'm in need of some guidance. My boyfriend (23) and I (24) have been together for just 10 months, and I experienced a whirlwind romance that led us to move in together. However, I think I might have rushed that decision. After moving in, I've come to realize that we have significant differences regarding crucial topics like career aspirations, family values, politics, and even our levels of maturity and public behavior. I’m not sure how I missed these red flags earlier—perhaps I was simply blinded by love. Now that I'm aware of these discrepancies, I find myself questioning our relationship more than ever. What once seemed minor now feels frustrating to me, and I’m surprised by how much annoyance I’ve started to feel. Initially, I thought my lack of libido was due to hormonal issues, but I've realized that it's not about a lack of desire for intimacy—it's more about my lack of desire for intimacy with him. When I try to discuss these concerns, he tends to downplay them. For instance, when he made a borderline racist joke in a store, I felt uncomfortable and embarrassed, telling him it wasn't appropriate. His response was that it wasn't a big deal since the person he was joking about didn’t hear. That’s really not the point for me. Here's the thing: he treats me incredibly well and makes me feel special in ways I can’t complain about. Despite his immature humor and sometimes questionable behavior, he is fundamentally a kind person. The idea of hurting him makes me truly sad. What should I do? Since we just moved in together, I know we could break the lease if necessary. Is it too soon to consider couples counseling? How do I express that I feel a lack of attraction to him and that he has room to grow, without coming across as trying to change him? I really don’t want to be the “bad guy,” but I also feel like my love for him is fading, and I feel terrible about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I've been dating this guy (40m) for a month, but he always chooses date locations just 5-10 minutes from his place. Then, he lies and says it takes him twice or three times that long to get there. What should I do?

I've been dating a guy for a month now, and he lives in a different city, about 30 minutes away from me—sometimes a bit longer. He did share his general area, but I managed to find out his exact location. I've noticed that every time he plans our dates, they are always set just 5 to 10 minutes from his place, which ends up taking me 30 to 40 minutes to get there. Although he pays for all our outings (even though I’ve offered to split), what bothers me is that he often claims he’s trying to find a location that’s convenient for both of us. He also exaggerates how long it takes him to get there, saying it takes him double or even triple the time, when in fact, the places are just around the corner from him. I've tried suggesting dates that are further away, but he always suggests meeting closer to him instead or complains about parking. He has come to my city once, which was nice, and he brought me food once after I canceled a date because I was tired. I did feel a bit turned off by how he handles our date planning, especially when he lies about travel times. He even mentioned he was worried I would stop seeing him because I canceled. I'm confused about his intentions. If our relationship gets more serious and he invites me over, I’ll eventually uncover the truth. Since I have a general idea of where he lives, I wonder if he's truly serious about me. I feel awkward bringing it up since he seems unaware that I know his location. In brief: I've been dating this guy (40) for a month, and he consistently chooses places just a short distance from his home while telling me it takes significantly longer to reach them.

As an 18-year-old woman, I can't shake the feeling that my boyfriend, who's 19, still loves his ex more than me. Am I just overthinking this, or is there something more going on?

We began to get to know each other while he was still in an on-and-off relationship with his ex-girlfriend. At that time, we were just friends with no romantic intentions. After they broke up for a while, we started spending more time together and officially became a couple four months later. Initially, everything felt great, but soon I realized that things weren't quite what I had anticipated. We used to have so much fun together, but once we entered a relationship, we began to notice each other's flaws and became more considerate of one another. One day, while going through his playlists, I stumbled upon a newly created one that included a description expressing his feelings of missing his ex and asking for a second chance. When I brought this up to him, he explained that it was just a moment of stress and admitted it was foolish. I chose to overlook it, and we continued dating. As time passed, I began to notice that his expression of love for me was quite different—not in a positive way—compared to how he treated his ex. In my opinion, the best way to request something is to treat people as you wish to be treated, without appearing needy. I shared my feelings on social media, wrote him heartfelt messages, and even made playlists for him, but he didn’t reciprocate in the same way. He hadn’t even completed the gift for our anniversary or saved the playlist I created. He had done those things for his ex, but not for me, and it's difficult to bring this up with a partner. His ex also mentioned that he wrote her emails during our situationship, but he claimed they were generic messages meant to spare my feelings, and I chose to trust him and continue our relationship. Despite having numerous arguments in just three months, we still managed to work through them. However, I later discovered that he had been texting his ex, saying he wouldn’t leave her alone, but I kept that information to myself. Throughout our relationship, he has sometimes hurt me, but I tend to blame myself for taking his jokes too seriously or for being unaware in certain situations, despite trying my best to make him feel seen and loved. I often find myself thinking about his ex, reflecting on our love, and wondering if I'm somehow at fault for his behavior. We're only a few months into the relationship, and already there are problems, which leads me to worry a lot. I love him and don’t want this to become a long-term issue. Is there anything I can do to improve our situation?

Here are a few alternative ways to express the concept of "marriage": 1. Matrimony 2. Wedding union 3. Nuptials 4. Spousal relationship 5. Marital bond Let me know if you need something specific!

I'm a 21-year-old woman married to my 22-year-old husband, who is in the military. We relocated to a different country when I was 19 and he was 21. To give you some background, I was raised to be very independent and I value self-sufficiency. I wasn’t thrilled about his decision to join the military, but ultimately, it was his choice. I left behind my family, friends, car, and career to support his goals, and now I often feel lost, like I’m just following him around. We've been in this new country for over a year, and the transition has been tough. Initially, I would cry multiple times a day, then once a day, then weekly, and so on. I never wanted this for myself, but I recognize that I am responsible for my current situation. There have been some things my husband has done that I can’t seem to shake off. They may not be extreme, but they weigh on my mind: - When we first arrived, we both agreed to quit vaping, and we had heartfelt conversations about how much better we felt. However, I later found out he had been lying and was still smoking. - During a heated argument, he shoved me hard out of the bedroom while I was standing in the doorway, which was alarming. - Just a few days ago, he was having a tough day at work and got rough with me, putting me in a headlock. It wasn’t excessively tight, but it startled me. - When I express feelings of loneliness about being in this new place, missing friends, or sacrificing my previous life for his career, he dismisses my concerns as having a “woe is me” mentality and shuts down the conversation. I feel completely isolated here; he’s the only person I talk to. Sometimes I just need to share how I’m feeling. Another issue is that I have to essentially beg for dates. This month, we haven’t gone out at all. I had planned for every Wednesday to be date night, but something always comes up—he’s sick, tired from work, or doesn’t mention it at all. I feel conflicted because, despite these issues, he is a good person. I never doubt his loyalty, and he’s open about sharing his passwords and keeping his phone accessible. He surprises me with small gifts from the store and remembers what I like. However, he often tells me that I don’t appreciate him enough. When I ask for specifics, he mentions small tasks like walking the dog on the weekend or picking up after himself. But I feel like I handle most of the household responsibilities—cleaning up after him, taking care of our dog, and cooking multiple meals each day to accommodate our different diets. It’s disheartening that I don’t get to go out or receive appreciation in return. Honestly, I’m uncertain about where my marriage stands. I’m only 21, and I’m struggling to understand my feelings about our relationship. Any advice would be appreciated.

22 male and 23 female

22M Hey, I've been dating my girlfriend, who’s 23, for about six months. A week ago, she invited me to a Friendsgiving event. I haven’t seen her much lately because she’s been busy with family. The plan is for everyone to hang out and then go out for drinks afterward. I work full-time, and I'm not really into drinking. Yesterday, I checked in with her to see if she still wanted me to come, and she mentioned that she doesn’t know many people there and that everyone will be drinking. Am I overthinking this? I can’t shake the feeling that she might not actually want me to be there, but when I asked her, she promised that wasn’t the case.

Feeling the Need to Be Needed - is that truly a negative aspect? (M43/F39)

**TWO QUESTIONS from a self-reflective, emotional woman (39) living with my Prince Charming, also known as Dr. Robert Bruce Banner, a.k.a. The Conqueror (43).** Tonight marks the first time in four months of cohabitation that we will be sleeping apart—it oddly feels like we’ve done this forever. He made plans with friends, and I unintentionally chose to stay home (which I already regret). So here I am, lying awake with my anxious, overactive mind engaging in a deep conversation with myself. It’s dawned on me that I possess another trait associated with Borderline Personality Disorder: the need to feel needed. **A little about me:** I’m continually striving to become the person I wish to have as a partner. It’s been heartbreaking to realize that I am 100% accountable for the failures in my past relationships. However, this time feels different; I have the opportunity to avoid sabotage and be the best version of myself for him. **QUESTION #1:** I’m exploring ways to overcome this need but would genuinely appreciate advice on how to embrace and channel this trait positively to improve myself and my relationship with him. While I cherish my giving nature, I need to learn not to overlook my own well-being in the process of caring for someone else. I love others as I wish to be loved. I’m learning to extend that same love to myself, so I can recognize affection when it’s reciprocated and appreciate it fully. **About him:** He is my reciprocal, an incredible, charming, intelligent partner who I cannot imagine life without. My past has been filled with unique (and quite difficult) experiences, and I was in a tumultuous place when we met. Yet, we recognized each other's true love and life aspirations. Though he found me at my lowest, he sees my strength and leadership. He values my unique gifts and incredible potential, which were buried beneath the remnants of my past. He truly crowns me as his Queen and supports my success in every endeavor. Moreover, he is undoubtedly a King, and I am honored to be by his side, especially since he pursued me even after I initially turned down his invitations. **QUESTION #2:** In the event that he chooses to stay with me on my ‘self-growth journey,’ what advice could you offer him (aside from “be patient, be kind, be brave, and stock up on gray hair dye for New Year’s”)? Perhaps some encouraging words to reassure him that he’s not the first, nor the only, brave man willing to love a flawed, yet precious diamond? I believe our meeting later in life signifies that we are meant to navigate the journey together. Now, we’re ready for an unparalleled level of honesty and loyalty. Thank you for any insights you can share from either perspective.

What’s the best way to end my relationship with my girlfriend?

I recently discovered that my girlfriend has autism, which I wasn't aware of when we began our relationship. As time has passed, it's become increasingly noticeable, and I'm struggling with how to handle it. I truly don't want to be insensitive, but I'm finding it difficult to continue, and this situation is starting to overwhelm me. The first time I attempted to break up with her, she went home and harmed herself, which was distressing to witness. In many ways, she behaves quite childishly, and I understand that this is part of her experience with autism. Right now, I'm feeling lost and unsure of what to do. I would appreciate any advice or suggestions. If I come across as insensitive, please let me know. She’s a really nice person, but I’m beginning to feel that we might not be compatible. On our first day together, she told me she loved me, and that has added to my discomfort.

I’m a 25-year-old man, and after five years, I no longer feel attracted to my partner, who is 24. Should I consider ending the relationship?

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for nearly five years, and she truly is a wonderful person. We share many interests; she’s athletic, excels academically, and possesses a kind, caring nature. Like any relationship, we've experienced our highs and lows, including some significant disagreements, but I believe these conflicts are fairly typical. However, this is my only relationship, so I may not have the full perspective. I realize that part of my struggle comes from a fear of loneliness and the idea of giving up on someone who has been such a positive presence in my life. I feel torn because deep down, I believe I should be exploring other options at this stage in my life to understand different perspectives and determine my preferences for a serious relationship. Compounding this is my high sex drive, which has created tension in our relationship, as I'm not very affectionate otherwise, except when it comes to intimacy. There are times when I feel guilty for only initiating physical touch in that context. I genuinely enjoy discovering new experiences with her, and I cherish the time we spend together, whether traveling or engaging in activities we both love. I have many wonderful memories with her. Nonetheless, there are periods when I contemplate whether we should break up, contrasted with times when I feel immensely grateful for her presence. Just yesterday, I felt frustrated when she walked through the door and I wasn’t attracted to her at all. It seems we're approaching a stage where marriage and children are on the horizon. I often think she would make a fantastic mother and life partner, yet I also struggle with my current lack of attraction, which is affecting my feelings toward her. For some context: - We don't live together; she resides with her parent and siblings while I still live with my own parent. - She is currently studying, whereas I just completed my studies this year.

My boyfriend wishes to have some distance and prefers to live independently.

My boyfriend wants to live separately and is asking for space. This might be a lot to take in, but here’s the context: I’m F29 and he’s M32. We have been together for two years, and lived together for about one and a half of those years (I know we moved in quickly). Around two weeks ago, my boyfriend shared that he doesn’t want to renew our lease because he feels the need for space. To be fair, we spend a lot of time together since he works from home and I’m often at home too. His reasons include: 1. He feels boxed in and wants his own space, as he doesn’t like having to explain his whereabouts. 2. He mentioned that he isn’t fully in love with me and wants to explore other connections (which feels like he’s looking for someone ‘better’), even though he loves me and thinks living apart could help us both. We have a solid connection on several levels, but I’m more of a homebody while he is outgoing and enjoys singing and dancing. I do have fun and go out with him, but our interests differ somewhat. 3. He expressed a desire for us to be less co-dependent and focus on personal growth, which I agree is important. I have been consumed with taking care of him, his kids, and managing the household, and it feels almost robotic at times. He suggested that having space might make him miss my energy, and if we both work on ourselves, we could return to each other stronger. I believe in this possibility. He stated that he still wants to support me and would like us to continue seeing each other. I have a close relationship with his children, and he hopes to maintain that connection as well. I’m reaching out for advice and perspectives. I am deeply in love with him, and we had been planning our future, which I didn’t realize was overwhelming for him given his discomfort with pressure. My hope is for him to see me in a different light and come back to our relationship. I’m feeling incredibly sad, and my emotions are overwhelming right now. I find myself wanting to plead with him to stay, but I know I can’t do that. I’m just so hurt, and it’s hard to articulate. We have two months left on our lease, so we will still be living together during that time. How can I approach this situation and make him reconsider while we coexist? Do you think this space will be beneficial? How can I give him the space he needs while still living together?

I, a 19-year-old male, am starting to feel unsure about whether we really connect [20-year-old female].

I'm feeling increasingly uncertain about whether we can continue living happily together due to our differences. We've been together for about 19 months, and have lived together for around 14 of those months in Germany. Recently, I've come to realize that we really don’t have much in common. Our views on various issues—politics, religion, society—are almost completely different, which leads to frequent arguments. She has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and depression, and has been on sick leave for the past year while I work full time as a mechanic. Despite my demanding job, I often find myself doing more around the house than she does. This, along with her sometimes rude behavior (I'm not sure if it stems from her condition) leaves me feeling undervalued and disrespected. I've nearly considered breaking up about three times now, but each time there have been moments where she’s done something that truly touched my heart, giving me hope for our relationship in the weeks that follow. However, this cycle feels endless. Her frequent outbursts, mood swings, and unpredictable behavior are taking a toll on my mental health. It’s hard to determine if someone you love is causing you pain, and it’s increasingly affecting my confidence in our love. I genuinely care for her and don’t want anything bad to happen to her, but I can't help but worry that our relationship is destined to end badly, largely due to our differences. I sometimes think about the future, imagining us having kids, and how our contrasting ideas about parenting could drive a wedge between us, potentially harming not just our relationship but also the well-being of a child. I feel so conflicted and unsure of what to do. Should I hold on to hope and believe that we can work through our issues, or should I surrender to my fears that our relationship will inevitably deteriorate or come to an end?

My girlfriend (22F) wants me (26M) to move back out of state. Is there a way to resolve this?

My girlfriend (22f) has expressed a desire for me (26m) to move back out of state. I'm seeking advice on how to navigate this situation. I met my girlfriend online and quickly fell deeply in love with her. When we first connected, she was in an unfulfilling relationship with someone who lacked ambition, which made me stand out to her. She eventually ended that relationship, and we began dating. I would drive 13 hours to see her every couple of weeks, but the emotional toll of long-distance caught up with her. To support her, I made the decision to move in together. I’ve always enjoyed traveling and experiencing new places, so I didn’t mind the change. Unfortunately, just as we were settling into the new arrangement, my car broke down, and she drives a manual, which I can’t operate. She’s not comfortable letting me learn on her car. Over time, her past traumas began to weigh heavily on her, and I had to help her seek professional help. I worried that this would strain our relationship, but it had the opposite effect; she was able to access therapy and became more introspective. While her family began to take her mental health seriously, she still struggled with anger and body image issues. Throughout this period, I reassured her of my support, no matter what challenges arose. While her situation has improved, I’ve noticed that my own self-esteem and motivation have taken a hit. It's disheartening to feel less independent, and I started comparing myself to the man she had left behind. I regret to say that my insecurities caused me to become overly suspicious about her phone use and privacy, which I’ve since acknowledged and worked through. However, I fear it has damaged her perception of me. Our sex life, which was once vibrant with her frequently initiating intimacy, has dwindled since early November. My anxious behavior led me to constantly question her about our intimacy, which only pushed her further away. A few days ago, she shared that she wants space, feeling more like an accessory in a relationship rather than an individual. She also hinted at a shift in her attraction, expressing a stronger preference for women. From what she has conveyed, she seems to identify as pansexual, valuing personality and attitude over appearance in her attractions to men. I feel like I've lost a part of myself, and it's unsettling to realize that her lack of attraction might stem from my change in mentality rather than just physicality. Our living situation has become cluttered due to my inability to drive and the lack of laundry facilities, adding to both of our stress. Financial strain has also been a factor, as I’ve been managing bills for both of us. I believe that many external issues are influencing her decision, many of which could be addressed. I can’t just leave as I have nowhere to go and lack resources. I love her deeply and want to find a way to restore balance to our relationship. I’ve consciously stepped back from my previous behavior, and I genuinely want to maintain our relationship and home together. I’d even be willing to forgo physical intimacy if it meant preserving our connection, as I believe romance and individuality can coexist. I'm looking for guidance on what steps to take next and how to approach our upcoming couples therapy session on the 18th. Any advice would be appreciated.

Boyfriend views adult content.

My boyfriend (19) told me (18) that he watches porn, and while I appreciate his honesty, it leaves me feeling really down. I truly love him and he treats me wonderfully, better than I ever expected. However, I'm struggling to understand why he still thinks about and looks at other women in that way; it makes me uncomfortable because I couldn’t imagine doing the same with another man. How can I bring this up with him in a way that’s open and understanding, without making him feel upset or accused? This is my first serious relationship, and I’m really afraid of ruining it.

I'm a 19-year-old woman and I find myself getting upset with my 18-year-old boyfriend over both minor and major issues. How can I manage this more effectively?

Recently, I've noticed that my boyfriend seems to be pulling away from me, and I believe it’s linked to how I manage conflict in our relationship. I get upset not just over minor issues but also about ongoing concerns that really bother me. For instance, I've asked him to stop making insensitive comments about my appearance, frequently checking out other girls' Instagram profiles, and treating me as if I'm inferior in certain situations. These behaviors genuinely upset me, and when they occur, I react with anger because I feel disrespected. I'm also exhausted from having to repeat myself and continuously ask him to make changes. However, when I do get upset, I struggle to move past it and often end up having what some might call a tantrum. Even in times when we could resolve the issue, I tend to prolong the argument, which escalates to a point where I start to feel guilty for overreacting. I recognize that this behavior causes him to withdraw, and I don't blame him; he’s a good boyfriend in many ways, and I can see how my anger and tendency to hold onto grievances are impacting him. I want to learn how to express the things that hurt me without losing my temper or making him feel more distant. What strategies can I use to manage these conflicts in a healthier way so we can strengthen our bond? In short, I find myself getting really angry at my boyfriend over both minor irritations and persistent issues I've requested he address, like making jokes about my looks, obsessively browsing other girls' Instagram pages, and treating me as though I'm less significant. Although my feelings are valid, I tend to prolong arguments until I feel guilty, even though he is a good boyfriend overall. How can I share my frustrations more constructively without escalating situations or harboring resentment?

How should I (26F) address my boyfriend (30M) regarding his social media follows?

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly a year, and recently I've started to feel uneasy about who he’s following on social media. Most of these accounts belong to girls who share risqué photos and videos, often linking to their OnlyFans pages. This raises questions for me about whether he’s spending money on this content or using other platforms like Snapchat or Telegram that I’m unaware of. Additionally, he recently began following his ex, which adds another layer to my concerns. A couple of months ago, I expressed how uncomfortable this made me feel, and he did unfollow several of those accounts, but he’s since followed a bunch of new ones that evoke similar feelings. While I’m fine with him watching porn, following these accounts feels different and undermines my trust in him. It makes me feel insecure and hesitant to share anything personal with him. I’m seeking advice on how to address this issue productively. Given that I’ve already raised it before, should I view this as a red flag? I’m torn and would appreciate some outside perspectives.

The husband asserts that he takes on a more maternal role.

I'm a 27-year-old female, and my husband is also 27. We have two young boys, aged 1 and 2.5. I returned to work six weeks ago after being unemployed for 10 months due to a layoff. My work hours are Monday to Friday, 9 am to 5 pm, while my husband works on a rotating schedule: Monday, Tuesday, Friday through Sunday one week, and then Wednesday and Thursday the following week, from 6 am to 6:30 pm. When we both work, the kids go to a babysitter, and I handle drop-off and pick-up. On the days I work and he doesn’t, he stays home with the kids, and vice versa. This morning, my husband told me, “I’m watching the kids more than you. I’m more of a mom than you are.” I was taken aback by his comment. During the 10 months I was a stay-at-home mom, I never once claimed to be the primary caregiver or implied that I was better than him. Yet he struggles with the concept of being a parent when he’s alone with the kids. This situation is incredibly frustrating. He often says that when he’s with the kids on his own, he’s “Mom for the day,” as if taking care of his own children somehow makes him more maternal than paternal. He seems to believe he’s being a “better mom” without me there to help him. I’m not sure how to communicate to him that he’s not “being mom”; he’s just being a parent, and I don’t want him to react defensively. We can’t afford for me to stay home, which is why I took a job, and I never hold that over him, implying that he doesn’t earn enough for me not to work or that he has to step up to parent. I’m feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. Does anyone have advice on how to handle this?

I’m unsure about what to do: should I stay or should I go?

**Summary:** I lean towards leaving the relationship, but the hope for change makes me hesitate. When I consider staying, I feel anxious and struggle to commit to my partner's desire for one last attempt, as I doubt his ability to truly change. I’m a 25-year-old woman feeling uncertain about my long-term relationship with my partner, who is 23. We’ve been together for nine years, starting from high school. We almost broke up until I discovered I was pregnant, prompting us to stay together for our daughter. Over the years, I’ve been a stay-at-home mom, dedicating myself to caring for both our daughter and him, often at the expense of my own dreams and aspirations. I’ve voiced my need for change countless times, but I haven’t seen any real progress. Despite my hopes for improvement, I’ve felt mentally drained while he believes everything is fine. After expressing my desire for change one last time, he agreed, but the effort lasted only a day before things returned to the same routine. This led me to request a separation, during which he suggested we live together as roommates. While apart, I began feeling an attraction to someone else, which made me realize I may have emotionally checked out of my current relationship. It was painful for both of us, but I eventually accepted that it was over. About two weeks later, he expressed a desire to move out because it hurt too much. But then he asked for one last chance. While I want to support him, I worry that it might be too late. I’m also skeptical about his ability to change this time. My feelings for him revolve around the person he is, not just what he provides—I'd prefer to share a life instead of being two individuals who only connect at the end of the day. When I take time to reflect on how to proceed, staying fills me with panic, fear, and stress. I worry that if this last chance fails, I’ll feel deep resentment towards him. On the other hand, the idea of leaving and starting fresh elsewhere feels scary, but not as overwhelmingly so. Right now, my mind is a jumble, and I feel lost when thinking about my options.

My boyfriend (21m) mentioned to my best friend (18f) that he thinks I’m being too distant. I’m a 19-year-old female, and I’m not sure how to address this. What can I do to improve the situation?

I’m a 19-year-old female, and about a week ago, I had a really traumatic experience. Since then, I've noticed that I’ve been acting differently—more reserved and less outgoing—as I try to come to terms with what happened. This situation is even harder because it coincided with some personal struggles I was already facing. I kept my boyfriend, who is 21, informed while everything was happening, and he was aware of the issues I was dealing with. Whenever we met, I apologized for my quieter demeanor and reassured him that I truly enjoy our time together. He always reassured me that it was alright. However, I found out two days ago that he had messaged my best friend, expressing concerns about my distance and suggesting that he thinks I might be losing interest in him. This really upset me for several reasons: A) He reached out to my friend instead of checking in on me, B) He knows I’m going through a lot and I’ve made it clear that my feelings for him haven't changed, and C) While he claims I don’t text or call him as much, he’s never made the initiative to contact me first. On top of the traumatic event, I'm also a college student preparing for finals, and with the holidays approaching, there’s a lot on my plate. After learning about his message to my friend—who he asked not to tell me—I reached out to him again, expressing my apologies once more for being quieter and explaining the reasons: the trauma, school, and holiday stress. He said it was fine, but today in class, after I hadn’t replied for about 10-15 minutes, he started spamming me about wanting to change his schedule at work to spend more time together. It’s just frustrating because he claims I don’t initiate communication, yet I’m the one who reaches out first every day. I talk about wanting to see him and making plans, and despite my apologies and explanations, it feels like it’s never enough. What hurts even more is that instead of checking on me, he chose to confide in my best friend. I’m at a loss on how to address this situation. I really like him, but this constant feeling of being suffocated is overwhelming, and it seems like no amount of communication can resolve the issue of him feeling I’m too distant. In short, I feel like I’m not getting this right. My boyfriend thinks I’m too distant, and I’m not sure how to fix it. Any advice?

My boyfriend's need for control has me doubting our relationship—am I being selfish for wanting some independence?

If you're looking for guidance on posting in a specific Reddit community, like the "Relationship Advice" subreddit, here’s a rewritten version that aligns with their guidelines and provides adequate context about everyone involved: **[Relationship Advice] My boyfriend's controlling behavior is making me rethink everything—what should I do?** Hello, everyone. I'm a 20-year-old woman in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is also 20. While I know he loves me deeply, I'm feeling overwhelmed by the level of control he exerts, and I’m unsure of how to move forward. To give you some background, we've been together for a while. I'm more of a homebody and rarely go out; maybe once or twice a year, I’ll visit a nightclub with friends, but I always act responsibly. Despite this, my boyfriend strongly disapproves of me going out, viewing it as disrespectful towards him, even though these outings are infrequent and with trusted friends. His controlling tendencies go beyond just outings. He frequently comments on my clothing choices, hairstyle, and even my curfew when I spend time with friends. Remarks like, “Why would you dress like that?” or “Why do you need to be out so late?” have made me anxious about doing anything I think he might disapprove of. He insists he's not controlling, claiming, “Go do whatever you want—I’m not your dad.” But his actions speak otherwise. He checks my phone nearly every time we’re together and has pressured me to unfollow almost every male contact, including those I haven't interacted with in years. I feel like I'm constantly tiptoeing around, afraid to like a guy's post on social media or engage with a male classmate for fear of starting an argument. He seems unable to accept that I can maintain friendships with guys in a respectful manner, like in school or at work. Whenever I bring this up, he deflects the conversation, threatening that I’ll regret losing him because no one will love me like he does. He accuses me of dismissing something significant by wanting to retain my independence, saying that if I can't prioritize him over “trivial matters” like social media or time with friends, I must not truly love him. He has even suggested he would prefer to find someone who will respect his wishes. He often reminds me that, in 10 years, I’ll regret letting go of someone who cares for me this much, which genuinely scares me. I worry about losing him and doubt I’ll find someone who loves me like he does. But I’m only 20—I feel like I haven’t really experienced life yet. I’ve hardly been to a club, traveled with friends, or made new connections. I don’t want to look back and feel like I missed out on life. Next year, I’m moving to a larger city for university, where I plan to spend more time socializing and meeting new people with friends and family nearby. While he says he’d come with me, he lives 40 minutes away and likely wouldn’t make the effort. His support feels more performative than genuine. My parents encourage me to embrace my youth and focus on friendships rather than a relationship. I know they would be upset if they knew how stressed I feel because of my boyfriend's behavior. To complicate matters, we come from different religious backgrounds, which my mom would be very displeased about if she found out about him. I feel incredibly conflicted. I love him and know he loves me, but his controlling behavior is concerning. Am I being selfish for wanting to seek my own experiences and freedom? Is it reasonable to ask for more autonomy, even if it might endanger the relationship? I fear losing him, but I’m unsure how much more I can tolerate. What advice can you offer?

Seeking Guidance

I'm a 33-year-old female and recently reconnected with a friend who's 34. A few years ago, we dated for about nine months, but he wasn't ready to make it official, which led me to walk away. That really hurt me, especially since he had expressed that he didn't want children, while I was still undecided. When we reconnected, I was in another relationship that lasted eight months, so I thought it was best to just be friends. I even considered setting him up with my best friend, who is also 33, believing it would be a good arrangement since both of them seemed interested. I mentioned that my friend wanted kids, and he told me he was open to that now. When I asked about his previous reluctance, he explained that he wouldn't want kids with someone he didn't think would make a good parent (that hit hard). After my breakup a month ago, we ended up becoming intimate. However, I had promised my best friend that we could all move in together once my lease ends, and she has no idea about my recent connection with him. While having him back in my life makes me incredibly happy, I can't shake the fear that he might still be hesitant to commit. Why did he avoid a serious relationship back then, and what has changed now? Plus, I can't help but think about how he considered dating my best friend only a few months ago and was willing to have kids with her, but not with me. What does this mean for our living situation? I would really appreciate some advice on this.

I'm a 23-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, who is 28, has asked for a break to have some space. I'm worried about losing him.

I'm a 23-year-old woman, and my boyfriend Levi, who is 28, has expressed that he needs some space. He told me yesterday that he’s been feeling this way since Saturday night. The previous Friday, I picked him up from his friends’ place after he had been drinking. While we were in my car outside Levi's house, he mentioned that he planned to take a break from using a drug we both partake in, starting in January. I overreacted, arguing that he should consider a longer break, citing concerns about his possible addiction and how it could harm our relationship. I made him promise not to use it alone, as he had described it as a social drug only. On Saturday evening, as we were preparing to hang out with my friends, Levi brought home two bags of the drug—one for us and one for my friends. I had asked him to get a bag for them, but he didn’t pay for it. While getting ready to leave, Levi asked about the bag for my friends, but since they don’t use the drug, I started to lie about it. Levi, being perceptive, caught on that my story didn't add up, and I felt tired of lying because he had been honest with me in the past. I finally confessed that the bag was for me and that I’d been using it since Wednesday. He pointed out that I was projecting my own issues onto him, which was true. We went out with my friends, and while I don't recall anything significant from Sunday, we spent the day together until I went home that night. On Monday, I called in sick, and Levi mentioned he would be fixing his computer that day. When he texted me about it, I ignored his message and asked him to pick me up instead. After a few exchanges where he explained he was busy, I pushed him to come get me. Eventually, he finished fixing his computer and picked me up. When I wanted to stay over that night, he was confused about why I’d asked for a ride if I could just drive home. This led to a breakdown for me, which opened the conversation about everything. When I left, he told me he still loves me, but I’m struggling to understand how that can be true given my actions. As I reflect, I realize how my behavior has hurt him, and I desperately don’t want to lose him. I would really appreciate some honest advice, especially about how to apologize effectively, along with actionable steps I can take to make amends. Thank you.

How can I, a 37-year-old woman, encourage my partner, a 45-year-old man, with whom I've been together for 15 years, to consider trying therapy?

I’m a 37-year-old female who has been in a long-term relationship with a 45-year-old male for 15 years. We’ve lived together for 13 of those years. Our relationship was strong until around 2017/2018 when I had an affair. I fully acknowledge that what I did was wrong; I regret not ending the relationship or refraining from the affair altogether, but I can’t change my past decisions. Now, over six years later, I realize that he still hasn’t truly forgiven me. While I understand he can’t forget what happened, I don’t believe we can have a healthy relationship if it continues to resurface and he can’t let it go. I’ve suggested individual therapy for him and couples therapy for us, and I’ve been working on myself through my own therapy for several years. This journey has helped me identify aspects of our relationship that I’m unhappy with, and I’ve tried discussing these with him. However, whenever I express my needs or stand up for myself, he accuses me of being a bully. On the other hand, when I disengage from the conversation because I feel sad, tired, or just want to avoid conflict, he sees me as playing the martyr. I’ve also expressed my desire to move to a different state, where my family lives, as I feel isolated here with only a few friends and no family nearby. I want to be closer to my dad and to experience my nephew’s upbringing. When I mention this, he interprets it as me trying to pressure him since I’m willing to go regardless of whether he joins me. My intention is to give him the choice about moving. Though we aren’t legally married, we do share a home, which means that if we decide to part ways, some logistics would need to be addressed together. I wish he would understand that individual or couples therapy could really help us navigate this situation. He seems to think I’m pushing him into something uncomfortable because he believes “men don’t talk about their feelings.” To clarify, he’s never been abusive, but I do perceive a passive-aggressive tendency toward my needs. I also sense that he knows how to steer conversations in a way that avoids him looking bad. I’m reaching a breaking point, but I’m not ready to leave because I still love him. **Just to emphasize, I don’t need him financially; I have a solid job. In summary, how can I encourage my partner of 15 years to consider therapy?

Should I allow my boyfriend to move in with me?

I'm a 26-year-old woman who met my boyfriend, a 36-year-old man, during the early phases of my separation from my husband (divorce proceedings are still ongoing). We've been together for nearly a year now. Recently, I moved 2.5 hours away for work-related reasons, and my boyfriend is planning to relocate next week as well. Initially, we intended to move in together, but I’m starting to have serious doubts about it. I have two daughters: a 7-year-old and a 2-year-old. My younger daughter is from my soon-to-be ex-husband, while my older daughter is from a previous relationship I had after high school. Because of my divorce, my 7-year-old has lost the father she's known all her life; he won't see her unless I "come home." I can see that she’s hurting, especially since she often tells me she misses her dad, and I’m at a loss for words when she does. Both girls adore my boyfriend and get excited when they see him. I've introduced him to them as just a friend, but I think my 7-year-old senses that it's more than that. When I asked her how she’d feel about him moving in with us, she responded positively. Later, she expressed that she wishes he could be her dad, which surprised me because it shows how much she cares for him. However, I have some concerns. I don’t want someone else to step in as a parental figure for my kids, especially if he might not be a long-term presence in their lives. I want my children to be raised with Christian values, and while he has said he would respect that, he has also made comments that question Christianity, which makes me doubt his commitment to helping me raise them in that way. Additionally, he spends $200 a month on nicotine, which isn’t necessarily bad, but he doesn’t seem to see it as a financial concern, while I do. I also feel that it might be too soon for us to take this step, even though we had initially planned to live together as roommates in front of the kids. Are these concerns valid? Are there other issues I should consider, or am I just overreacting?

What strategies can I use to support her in overcoming her anxiety while still validating her emotions?

I apologize for the length of this post, but I think it’s important to provide all the details. I'm a 24-year-old male, and I've been close friends with a 26-year-old female for over five years. Our chemistry is so apparent that our friends have even started betting on when we'll finally get together. Throughout our friendship, we've experienced both highs and lows, yet we always find our way back to one another. When we first started spending time together, I had a major crush on her and confessed my feelings. She didn't reciprocate, which hit me hard as a teenager. After some time apart, I apologized for my immature behavior, and we began hanging out again. A couple of years later, she took the initiative to ask me out. I was thrilled since my feelings for her had never really faded. However, she began canceling our dates last minute, claiming she felt ill. Given that it was during the COVID pandemic and she suffers from OCD and medical anxiety, I tried to be patient. But after several months of cancellations, I started to doubt her feelings for me and ended our relationship. A few months ago, I learned that she genuinely liked me and wanted to be in a relationship, but her nerves made her feel sick, which broke my heart. Despite this, we continued to hang out in group settings while I focused on moving on. I attempted to date other people, but it never felt right. Spending time with her just felt natural. This summer, I confided in her about feeling lonely, and a few weeks later, she made a move on me at a friend's wedding. I was taken aback and initially resisted, but soon we started spending a lot of time together, doing date-like activities such as having brunch in the suburbs or just driving around, essentially dating without labeling it. One of our mutual friends noticed this dynamic and encouraged me to have a conversation about our relationship status. I expressed my feelings and desire for a relationship, and she felt the same way, which seemed promising. However, shortly after, she started experiencing anxiety again. I recognize this is largely due to her nervousness; I even witnessed it firsthand. Last week, she pushed herself to join me for dinner despite having a panic attack upon arrival. I helped her calm down, and we ended up having a lovely evening. Then, she canceled our plans for Sunday, citing the same issues. I'm determined not to give up on her this time, but I also don't want to remain in this ambiguous "dating" phase without clarity. I’m unsure how to approach this conversation without invalidating her feelings and suggesting she isn’t genuinely unwell. I’m seeking advice, but my friends and family have their own biases about our situation, so I’m not sure who to turn to. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. Help me out, Reddit!

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 [43] 44 45 46 47 48 49