Relationship advices

Am I a sex addict at 32 years old, or am I just seeking validation?

I'm not sure where to begin, but I'm currently in a long-term relationship that I consider pretty solid—we're both happy and have no major issues. I believe I’m an attractive guy; I notice women looking my way, and I stay active, run my own business, and own a nice house. Some women even make it clear that they’d like me to approach them, whether at work or the gym. Occasionally, they’ll ask if I’m single, and I always tell them that I have a girlfriend. Sometimes, though, I catch myself wanting to fall back into old habits, like visiting massage parlors or hiring escorts. While the physical pleasure is one aspect, I think it’s more about the thrill of their reaction when they see me aroused. I consider myself well-endowed, and I enjoy seeing how they respond. The experience feels like a challenge to me—watching someone take me fully has an appeal, especially when there's a contrast in comfort levels. I wonder if this is problematic. In past relationships, I often felt indifferent about them ending, thinking I could always revert to this "hobby" of paying for encounters. There are even communities out there that normalize this behavior. I love my partner, and this is a secret I plan to keep because I feel a certain shame about using services from women in those industries. Yet, the excitement I get from these encounters and the anticipation of the next one is addictive, though it can become expensive, and there are health risks involved. When the moment comes, it feels almost irresistible. This might be a contentious issue, but I wonder if this would be considered cheating while I'm in a relationship. The sex I have with my partner is great, but I can’t help but think that professional providers might offer something different due to their experience. I often daydream about those past experiences, even though I’ve resisted acting on these thoughts because the guilt would be overwhelming. There’s no emotional connection with these women; I pay for their time, and often I won't see them again since there are so many available. I’m contemplating speaking to a therapist. I hope to unpack my thoughts and feelings around this situation, hoping for some clarity on why I seem to be stuck in this mindset.

Summary: My long-distance girlfriend recently hosted her ex-boyfriend for a few days, and they shared a bed. She insists that nothing occurred between them and that they are just friends, but I’m struggling to trust her. I could use some advice.

I (M26, living in Canada) was on a call with my girlfriend (F22, living in Germany) when I asked her about her time with a friend who had come to visit. That's when she revealed it was her ex-boyfriend, who lives in a different city where she attends college. She mentioned they just hung out and smoked a lot of weed together. She had previously told me they were still good friends and that their romantic relationship ended on good terms, with both realizing they were better off as platonic friends. When I inquired whether they shared a bed, she said yes, but clarified that she had two blankets and they didn't cuddle. She also mentioned she had informed him that she would be visiting me next month. My main concern stems from the fact that she cheated on her ex with me, and I have no idea how many other guys she may have been with. I only learned about the cheating when I visited her two months ago. She and I met last March while backpacking, and she stated that her relationship with her ex was on the rocks when she went traveling. She believes he might know she’s been with other people, but it hasn’t been openly discussed. She expressed that she doesn’t want to hurt him or lose him because she now views him as a brother. I've urged her to tell him the truth, and she says she plans to do so next time they speak. I’m not against my girlfriend having a friendship with her ex; I was friends with mine too (even though that never quite worked out), but I could never share a bed with an ex while in a relationship—that feels like betrayal. I'm aware of what typically happens in such situations, especially with alcohol and late-night conversations involved. Maybe my perspective is skewed because I've had romantic involvement with my ex, but being a guy, I can understand how men generally think. My girlfriend is stunning, and her ex has his appeal (she even posted about him on her Instagram story during his visit). While she might see their relationship as purely platonic, a guy’s intentions with his ex are often more complicated. As I write this, I can’t help but feel foolish; the signs seem glaringly obvious. Yet, I truly love her and she loves me. She justifies her actions by stating she wants to avoid repeating the mistakes she made in the past with her ex. She acknowledges my discomfort and says she would feel the same in my position. She apologized and promised not to sleep in the same bed with her ex again. I want to take her at her word but I struggle to do so, especially considering a few factors. Recently, we haven’t communicated as much—she had college exams and was feeling unwell, which I understand, but even afterward, our communication didn’t pick up. It seemed to improve only after her ex’s visit. She mentioned she tends to overthink sending me messages and ends up not doing so. I was already anxious about this situation before our conversation. When I saw her post about her friend on Instagram, I felt insecure but tried to rationalize that it couldn’t be her ex. Unfortunately, it was. There are numerous red flags here. Am I overreacting? How can I trust her? I often overthink everything, and my mind tends to spiral into worst-case scenarios. The facts are troubling: she shared a bed with her ex while knowing it would make me uncomfortable, she’s been distant lately, she didn’t clarify that it was her ex visiting, she cheated on him with me and possibly others, and she hasn't told him about her infidelity. Although we’ve known each other for a year, we only started dating exclusively two months ago after my last visit. Her relationship with her ex is significantly deeper and longer. She wants me to move to Germany when my visa expires in September, and we’ve made all sorts of loose plans to travel together. At one point, she felt like a dream, but now it seems like that dream is fading. Sorry for the lengthy message, but she’s coming to visit me next month, and I could really use advice on how to navigate this uncomfortable situation. Thank you.

My boyfriend, who is 29, told me, a 24-year-old, that he doesn't believe in Valentine's Day.

My boyfriend [29M] and I [24F] have been together for nearly four years. In the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, he mentioned that he doesn’t believe in the holiday but expresses his love in other ways. I graduated from college this year, and while he typically doesn’t buy me flowers unless I bring it up, he has only gotten me flowers twice throughout our relationship. He rarely posts about me on social media or takes me out, and when I graduated, I wanted to celebrate, but it didn’t happen. We finally went out to dinner, which was our first outing in six months. Initially, he used to do these things for me when we first started dating. Yesterday, he didn’t even acknowledge Valentine’s Day, which really upset me and led to an argument. I’m starting to feel like I'm settling because I want to be okay with not celebrating Valentine’s Day or him surprising me with flowers occasionally or posting pictures of us together. I often post about him, and I have to remind him to like my posts. 🤷‍♀️ He claims he doesn’t use social media much anymore, although he used to be quite active. I don’t want to come off as greedy or like a needy girlfriend, but I’m unsure if my expectations are unreasonable. What should I do?

My boyfriend overlooked me on Valentine's Day.

My boyfriend [22M] and I [21F] have been together for a year and a half, and right now I'm feeling really hurt. We have an ongoing issue in our relationship where I don’t feel that he takes my feelings seriously. Whenever I bring up something that bothers me, he either ignores it, brushes it off, makes a joke, or completely sidesteps the conversation until I let it go. This has become a recurring pattern, and despite my attempts to communicate my feelings nicely, nothing seems to change. Now it’s Valentine’s Day, and I feel like I'm just waiting for my boyfriend to acknowledge the day. We had planned to celebrate, but then he had to leave for a military mission, which I completely understood. What I don’t understand is that even though he knew he wouldn’t be around, he didn’t do anything to make me feel special in a small way. This morning, he texted me saying, “Hello. No text from you?” as if I was supposed to reach out first. I kept my response neutral, hoping he would mention Valentine’s Day on his own. He didn’t. Hours went by with no word from him, and I saw other couples celebrating, which made me feel really sad because I wanted that too. I wasn’t expecting a grand gesture, just a little recognition that I was on his mind. Instead of acknowledging the day or saying something meaningful, he sent me a meme about how his “Valentine’s plans” were with the military instead of me. That was the first mention of the day from him—no “Happy Valentine’s Day,” no small thoughtful gesture, just a joke about his absence. At that point, I was already feeling hurt, so I replied, “I’m glad you think it’s funny.” Rather than understanding my feelings, he just asked, “Am I laughing?” I tried to explain how I felt like he doesn’t take things seriously, but he acted confused and said, “Uh what?” then left me on read. He hasn’t texted me since. What hurts the most is that he’s active on his phone. He’s been on Instagram and watching YouTube, yet he won't take a moment to check in on me. He had several opportunities to make me feel special today, even with a simple message, but he didn’t. I see other girls receiving posts, flowers, and dinner dates—even the bare minimum from their boyfriends—and I feel foolish for wanting anything at all. I love him, but I don’t feel the love I need in return. I feel ignored and unimportant, and I’m unsure what to do. Should I wait and see if he steps up, or is this just who he is? I don’t want to keep feeling this way. P.S. He did say we could celebrate and do the things we planned when he gets back from his week-long mission, and I appreciate that. But I wasn’t asking for anything extravagant—I just wanted a little something special on the day itself. A message, a thoughtful note, or even a small meal delivered would have shown that I was on his mind. Instead, I received silence.

Seeking relationship advice for a 23-year-old female and a 28-year-old male.

Hello everyone, this is my first post and I’m feeling a bit lost. I've been in a relationship with my partner, who is 28, for nearly six years. We have two special needs children, a 5-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son. Like many couples, we argue, but during our fights, he can become extremely verbal and makes me feel worthless. He often goes into great detail about why he thinks I'm not enough and has called me all sorts of names. While he has always had a temper, he has never resorted to physical violence, but the hurtful things he says are deeply upsetting — this behavior is even witnessed by his mother, who is horrified by it. I feel trapped because we own a house together, which makes me scared to leave. I would really appreciate any advice you might have. I'm sharing this anonymously—should I still keep the lights on? Thank you.

Do guys make jokes about anything and everything in group chats? [25F][24M]

My girlfriend [25F] and I [24M] have been in a close relationship for four years without any trust issues. He’s always been honest with me; we share our locations, know each other’s passcodes, and are actively involved with our families. We both envision a future together. Since I’ve always had easy access to his phone, I never felt the need to check it. He’s always been transparent, which kept any suspicions at bay. In January, he traveled to Thailand with his friends, who are known for their immaturity and engage in a lot of "locker room talk." While he was away, he regularly updated me without me prompting him, which put my mind at ease. When he returned, I jokingly asked to see his phone, and for the first time, he hesitated. He explained that the group chat was filled with nonsense and he didn’t want to "dog on his friends." That struck me, but I chose to let it go. A month later, I had my first real chance to look through his phone in the four years we’ve been together. I found nothing concerning—no messages with other girls and nothing suspicious. However, the group chat from Thailand was shocking. The conversations were completely immature and nonsensical, but I did find messages from my boyfriend joking about cheating and making inappropriate comments. While there was no concrete evidence of him cheating, the way they egged each other on was unsettling. Not wanting to reveal that I had seen the chat, I asked him if there was anything he needed to tell me. He remained calm, reassured me, and denied any wrongdoing. I then asked to go through his phone *in front of him*, but he hesitated before handing it over and appeared visibly anxious. I tried to find the messages again, but there were so many in the chat that it became impossible. He insisted that nothing in the chat was serious, that they were just joking, and that the humor didn’t reflect their actual behavior. Since his return, he hasn’t acted suspiciously, which leads me to believe the jokes were tasteless but harmless. However, I can’t shake the concern—do guys joke about anything in group chats, even if it crosses boundaries? Is this typical "guy talk," or should I be more worried? I’d appreciate any honest opinions on this.

Am I in the wrong for communicating with someone else since my boyfriend keeps neglecting me?

I’m a 31-year-old woman, and my boyfriend is 33. We’ve been in a relationship for three years, but we’ve never met face-to-face—I'm based in Asia, while he lives in Africa. In our dynamic, I tend to be the anxious one, and he’s more avoidant. When we first connected, he was dealing with a breakup, and after just two weeks of friendship, he asked me to be his girlfriend, to which I happily agreed. Over time, he has played a significant role in helping me discover my purpose in life. He’s supportive and encourages me to improve myself. However, he comes from a very toxic family background, having experienced significant emotional abuse in his childhood, which has impacted his adult life. Early on, I offered to move to his country for work, but he declined, expressing a desire to become the best version of himself before making any commitments. I respected his wish, believing this process would take a year. Unfortunately, he hasn’t made any progress—he's still jobless and stagnant. Despite repeatedly promising to visit me, he never followed through. I let his lack of follow-through slide too many times, and now I feel he takes it for granted. Whenever he fails to keep even small promises, it leads to arguments, and over time, I’ve begun to lose faith in his words. I’ve consistently communicated my feelings and needs, but he tends to ignore them. When I express frustration, it often results in me saying things I regret, while he focuses on my tone instead of my concerns. Additionally, he has a pattern of blocking me on social media during our disagreements, which makes me anxious and disrupts my sleep. Meanwhile, he seems unaffected and messages me the next day as if nothing has happened. Despite my repeated pleas for him to stop this behavior, he continues to do it. We have a nightly ritual of calling before bed that we’ve never missed, and when he blocks me, it feels like he’s giving up on us. After one such incident, I reached my breaking point and messaged an old fling for comfort because I felt unloved. My boyfriend found out and nearly ended our relationship. Fast forward four months, things were still shaky, so I issued him an ultimatum: he needed to buy a ticket to visit by February 20th, or I would end things. However, given his history, I'm skeptical he will follow through. Whenever I seek reassurance, he tells me I’m pressuring him or threatens to hang up, which leaves me feeling like he’s just waiting for the deadline to walk away. Last month, after another blocking episode, I contacted the old fling again, and we’ve been casually chatting and calling whenever I’m ignored by my boyfriend—there’s no romantic involvement, just support on my part. Recently, my boyfriend lost a close family member. I reached out to comfort him, but he went silent for three days, leaving me worried, sad, and angry. Eventually, I made the difficult decision to end the relationship, as I had felt heartbroken for some time. I told him that I had been in touch with the "fling" again. It turns out that during those three days of silence, he was trying to arrange the funds to buy a ticket to visit me but chose not to communicate that at all. Now he’s accusing me of cheating. I recognize I shouldn’t have reached out to someone else for support, but his continued avoidance and emotional unavailability pushed me to seek connection elsewhere. In short, I’ve been navigating a long-distance relationship for three years with a boyfriend who often breaks promises and ignores my needs. His pattern of blocking me during fights increases my anxiety, and after one such instance, I reached out to an old friend for emotional connection (albeit without any physical involvement). Now he’s labeling me as unfaithful. Am I in the wrong?

What can I do to prevent the 'right person, wrong time' scenario with [25M]?

I’m feeling a bit heartbroken as I write this—it's a situation I truly hoped to avoid. It’s complicated because there’s no cheating or wrongdoing involved; it’s just that some issues have come up. I [24F] recently connected with C [25M] on a dating app, and we hit it off wonderfully. Our sense of humor is awful, we share a love for the same food and music, and we both have unique hobbies that complement each other well. We've been on about five dates so far, and we've agreed to keep seeing each other weekly or more. So things have been going quite well. The issue? C is graduating soon. We met while he was in college, but I’ll be moving back home this summer as he relocates for work across the country. He’ll return to graduate, but after that, he’s off indefinitely due to his commitments in the Navy. For Valentine’s Day, I realized we needed to have an honest discussion about how we can make this work. We’ve touched on it before, but I wanted a complete conversation. It went pretty much as I expected. We both agreed that trying to figure this out in three months will be challenging. I asked him if there's any chance of making it work, stressing that I’m not just a temporary fling. (We’ve been intimate but haven’t gone all the way yet.) He said there’s always a possibility for us, assuring me that I’ve never just been a passing thing for him. We agreed that we can ease off the physical side for now and continue to date casually. I mentioned that I've enjoyed this laid-back approach. Past experiences have left me wary of losing attraction, so compatibility is a big deal for me. His main concern is that he might hold me back. I told him that our relationship has been refreshing, motivating me to do better, and he seemed pleased by that. He’s been in a couple of past relationships that ended because his partners couldn’t handle his Navy commitments. They were demanding and toxic, and he’s still healing from that. He mentioned that every girl he’s had this discussion with has disappeared quickly, and he wouldn’t be surprised if I did too. I teased him about how surprised he’d be when I don’t ghost him, and he chuckled, telling me to wait and see. Honestly, I’m at a loss about what to do next. We feel so right together, and I genuinely hope I can make this work. The next few years will be tough, but I think it’s worth it if he wants to keep me in his life. What should I do from here? I’m considering keeping things consistent and continuing to see him. We’ve gone to dinner, enjoyed ice cream, watched movies at his place, and we’re loosely planning a hike when our schedules allow. We’ve also made casual plans where I read while he studies. I asked if he’s seeing anyone else, and he said he’s talking to a couple of people, but I’m the one he feels closest to. I trust him not to lie about this since there was nothing to gain from being dishonest. In short, C [25M] and I [24F] are getting along really well. His career is about to take him away, and I want to establish our relationship before he leaves.

My girlfriend, who is 26, is displaying some concerning behavior.

I’m in need of some serious relationship advice. My girlfriend [26F] and I [29M] have been together for a little over a year, and generally, things have been going well aside from some minor disagreements that are common in any relationship. However, early on, we had a significant argument regarding her past relationships. There was a particular guy we’ll call John, whom she was seeing casually around the same time we started dating. She was messaging both of us simultaneously and involved with both of us without either of us knowing. I’ve moved past that since we weren’t officially together at the time—we had just been talking for a month or two. Now, there’s a situation that has me concerned. She’s planning to visit her family next month, and I discovered she’s been messaging a guy she dated for a couple of months about three years ago. Their conversation seemed innocent enough—just catching up and talking about life. What worries me is that she suggested they meet up while she’s in town. I feel secure in our relationship, but given the history, I can’t help but feel uneasy. Additionally, I noticed that after I first saw their messages, they mysteriously moved into her deleted messages. We have an open phone policy, so I wasn’t snooping, but that behavior caught my attention. She hasn’t mentioned any plans to see this guy, which makes it even more troubling that she would propose meeting up without discussing it with me first. I'm torn about how to approach this. I don’t want to come off as petty or overprotective, especially if it’s not as serious as I’m imagining. But I can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t quite right. I could use some guidance on how to deal with this situation. No one wants to experience betrayal, and it feels like I might be heading in that direction. What should I do?

The post title MUST include the age/sex format as either [18M] or [21F].

Example: I \[18F\] often have disagreements with my boyfriend \[20M\]. If your post gets removed because of an incorrect title, please correct the format and resubmit it. Avoid including it in the main body of your post. Formats like 30M, (30F), M230, 30f, etc., will not be accepted. This adjustment makes sure that these details are readily available without having to sift through each post.

Is it reasonable for my boyfriend (24M) to ask, "Did YOU get me anything?" when I questioned him about why he didn't get me anything for Valentine's Day?

The title pretty much sums it up—my boyfriend (24M) responded with, "Did YOU get me anything?" when I (21F) asked him why he didn’t get me anything for Valentine’s Day. **ADDED CONTEXT/CLARIFICATION—PLEASE READ AGAIN EVEN IF YOU ALREADY DID! Thank you!** We’ve been in a relationship for two and a half years, but we officially started dating on Valentine’s Day two years ago. The first year, I made him a DIY Minecraft flower from wooden cubes with a note that read, "You are mine and I am yours." He surprised me with a grocery store bouquet, which I genuinely appreciated, along with Starbucks coffee and Valentine-themed cupcakes made by a friend. Last year, after we’d been together for a year, I created a handmade DIY coupon bundle. It included themes like “I’ll make any food you want,” “Free scalp massage,” “Free foot massage,” “Free oil massage,” “You win a disagreement,” “A whole hour/day of doing anything you want,” “Eight billion kisses for life,” and more—fun stuff! Unfortunately, he didn’t get me anything last year despite my hints about how meaningful a simple handwritten letter would be. The coupons I made for him still sit untouched on a shelf, even after I gently reminded him throughout the year to use them. This year, neither of us exchanged gifts. As an international student, I have no income, and he knows that. I had saved a few dollars and looked for a gift on Amazon a few days before Valentine’s but couldn’t choose between a Lego bonsai or a bamboo plant. I thought he might like either one, so I decided to wait and ask for his opinion later when we could talk. I felt compelled to get him something like Legos since I was unsure about writing him a letter or doing another DIY gift. So, on Valentine’s Day, I brought up why he hadn’t gotten me anything, and he replied, "Did YOU get anything for me?" I felt really hurt by that reaction, especially seeing other girls receiving gifts and flowers, while I grew up in a culture where it’s typical for men to surprise their girlfriends. Despite this cultural difference, I have tried to make him feel special with thoughtful gifts over the past two years, but it feels like my efforts aren’t reciprocated since I didn’t give him anything this year. Do I really need to give him a gift for him to give me one, especially when last year I was the only one gifting him? Is that reasonable?

Am I expecting too much from my boyfriend?

My boyfriend [19M] and I [18F] started dating two months ago, and I've known him for a few years. Overall, he's a really sweet guy. However, there are times when I want to do things or hope he'll participate in activities that he doesn't seem interested in. For instance, I don’t care much about social media, so it doesn't bother me that he doesn't post about me, but I did have a slight expectation for a Valentine's post. I know that sounds silly since he's never posted about me before. I also wish we could play games together, but he never wants to. He's not very responsive either—he often leaves me on read for hours. I love spending time with him, but despite living only fourteen minutes apart, we've only hung out twice since we started dating. I realize he has other commitments, but is it wrong for me to think he could carve out some time for me? I manage to balance work and classes while still trying to make time for him. I’m aware he’s dealing with some personal issues and may not feel up to socializing. Am I simply asking for too much?

Am I being taken advantage of? [f18] [m26]

I started a relationship with a guy who was born and raised in China and has been living in the United States for three years. He doesn’t have U.S. citizenship yet, but he keeps mentioning that he wants to get married within a year. He’s 26, so I can see that in his culture, people often marry young. However, I can’t shake the feeling that he might be looking to use our relationship to secure his citizenship. What are your thoughts or concerns about this? I’d love to hear your input.

Would you end your relationship if you discovered that your partner had been married for a longer duration than they initially claimed? (We're both in our 30s—female 30 and male 30—and have been together for over a year.)

I've been in a relationship with my partner (M30s) for just over a year. He mentioned that he was married for 5 years before, but I recently discovered that it was actually closer to 10 years. I'm puzzled as to why he would misrepresent something like that. He doesn’t have any children from that marriage, so I'm not sure why it’s such a big deal. Marriage history is a part of life, and lying about it feels strange, especially since it’s not necessarily a negative thing. Has anyone else faced a similar situation? How did you address the issue, and what advice can you offer for moving forward in a healthy way? I’m open to hearing different viewpoints!

I'm a 27-year-old male facing challenges in my relationship with my 25-year-old female partner.

I apologize for my grammar and for not providing a thorough explanation—I'm just trying to express my thoughts as they come to me. My partner (F25) is away on deployment for a long time, and I (M27) feel that it's taking a significant toll on our relationship. Before she left, we had a major argument about our status as a couple, during which she claimed I was the source of our problems. She expressed that I struggle to articulate my feelings and keep conversations going, and she feels like she barely knows me even after a year together. While I found her words hurtful, I can't deny that I need to improve my communication skills; however, I feel like she's been overly critical and not allowing me the opportunity to grow. On the day she departed, she asked me not to take her to the airport, saying she struggles with goodbyes. This really affected me because I felt deprived of a proper farewell, which I communicated to her, but it didn't seem to matter to her. Since she arrived at her new location, she has been distant and has brought up our previous conflicts. At one point, she mentioned wanting to end things, believing I couldn't change. I managed to persuade her not to, but now she seems to be acting differently toward me, as though she's staying for my sake yet avoiding simple gestures, like saying "Happy Valentine's Day" or wanting to video chat. I'd appreciate your thoughts on this. TL;DR: My partner considered breaking up with me because she thinks I can't grow, and while I convinced her to stay, her behavior has changed since then. I'm feeling lost.

Partner/baby's father removing messages

In my apartment complex, we have a shared laundry room, so I need to do laundry outside my unit. I have the app on my phone to make payments. When he was taking my phone to pay for the laundry, I asked if I could use his phone to scroll through TikToks in the meantime. Initially, he handed it to me, but then he returned and said, "You know what? Show me how to get the app on my phone." I told him that was unnecessary since I already have money in my account. I suggested he use my phone for the payment while I used his for TikTok. He hesitated, saying he didn’t want me to change anything on his page and make different posts appear. I reassured him that I wouldn’t like or interact with anything, just scroll. He eventually relented and let me use his phone. Out of curiosity, I glanced at his messages and noticed he was texting two girls: one was his best friend, with whom we’ve had issues, and the other I didn’t recognize. I didn’t read the texts but noted the names. After returning to scrolling on TikTok, I felt the need to bring it up, so when he got back, I asked to see his messages. He questioned why, and I replied it was just out of curiosity. He told me to wait because he was busy with his phone and his game. I then noticed him quickly swiping and clicking, and when I looked again, the messages were gone. I handed back his phone and simply said, “Okay.” He asked, “What do you mean, okay?” and I repeated, “Just okay.” I want to address this calmly but feel it’s important to talk about what I saw. How should I approach this? I'm [23F] and he’s [22M].

My boyfriend (20M) decided to spend Valentine’s Day with his friend (20M) instead of me.

Today is Valentine’s Day, and my boyfriend ([20M] and I [18F] have been planning for this day for over a month. The last time I saw him was during the December break, which didn't go well because he promised to see me again, but it never happened. He suggested we wait until Valentine’s Day since we both have busy schedules with school. A couple of days ago, we had a minor argument because I wanted to go out for dinner and catch a movie, but he was reluctant at first. After some convincing, he agreed but asked me to handle the reservations. I explained that I was swamped with schoolwork and asked why he couldn’t make the reservations instead. He said he would take care of it the next morning. When the morning came (yesterday), all the nearby restaurants were fully booked, and he suggested we just go to the movies instead. I was upset because I had been looking forward to seeing him for over a month, but he claimed I never mentioned wanting to eat out, only the movie. I expressed disappointment that he didn't think to surprise me, but then I tried to stay optimistic, mentioning that there was only a small chance I wouldn’t be able to meet him due to schoolwork. An hour later, I told him it was all clear and that I could meet him after all. But he informed me he had already made plans to go to the movies with his friend (20M) instead. I lost it because he hadn’t checked with me first before making new plans, especially so soon after I said I could probably make it. Now, on Valentine’s Day, I asked if he was still going with his friend, and he replied, “yes, he already booked the tickets 🙄.” I’m feeling utterly heartbroken. I’ve been with him for over two years, and while things were great in December, I don’t understand why he’s acting like this now. I'm torn about my feelings. I want to leave him, but the thought of being alone scares me. My friends are all with guys who treat them well, and I feel left out. I know I should probably end this relationship, but I don’t know how to start. I've tried taking breaks and other methods, but nothing seems to work. I feel so attached to him, and it hurts to know he feels I love him more than he loves me. Please, I need advice.

Join us for a Valentine’s Day word game you can enjoy right here on Reddit! ❤️

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I'm a 26-year-old woman and I feel overlooked and undervalued in my relationship with my boyfriend, who is 25. Am I asking for too much?

My boyfriend [25M] and I [26F] have been together for just over a year. We met while studying in grad school, and as fellow immigrants in the U.S., we’re both currently struggling to find jobs in a really tough market. It’s a big deal for him, especially since he wants to secure a job before his family visits, and I can sense the pressure he’s under. There’s a lot going on for both of us. Lately, though, I’ve been feeling like I don’t matter to him. I seem to be the one always making the effort—reaching out, checking in, and planning our time together—while he appears to go through the motions without showing how much I mean to him. If I don’t initiate communication, we hardly talk. I long for a deeper connection, but with him, I often feel like I’m too much and that I have to suppress my feelings because they seem to irritate him. This has led to a growing anxiety around him, and I think he’s become distant as a result. We seem stuck in a painful cycle: the more reassurance I seek, the more he withdraws, and the more he pulls away, the more anxious I get, which causes me to cling tighter. I recognize this pattern isn’t healthy, but I’m not sure how to change it. His behavior is also confusing; he can be warm and affectionate one day and cold and dismissive the next. On his sweet days, I feel hopeful, but during the distant ones, I feel like just an afterthought. Whenever I express feeling neglected or unimportant, he turns it around, suggesting I should communicate better or that I’m overreacting. Moreover, I can’t shake the feeling that I don’t have a meaningful place in his life beyond convenience. I want to be a priority and for my feelings and needs to be acknowledged. I don’t expect to be his only focus—I get that he has a lot on his plate. Still, it’s painful to feel like I barely register as significant in his life. At the same time, I’m beginning to question whether I’m leaning on him too much for emotional support. Being in a new country, away from family, has left me feeling incredibly lonely, and it seems like I’ve expected him to fill that void. Perhaps that’s unfair to him—maybe he’s just not in a position to provide what I need right now. I feel exhausted and heartbroken constantly. I’m unsure if I’m asking for too much or if this relationship simply isn’t right for me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated because I’m tired of feeling like I don’t matter.

I, a 24-year-old woman, feel quite intimidated by my 26-year-old date and often struggle with feelings of inadequacy around him.

For some context, I’m a 24-year-old female with a college degree, but I'm finding it challenging to establish myself in the workforce. Despite having been out of school for a couple of years, I haven't secured a graduate job yet. On the other hand, the guy I'm seeing is 26 and has a graduate job in a very impressive field. I know I shouldn’t let this affect me, but I can't help feeling intimidated by him, and I often feel like a complete failure when I'm around him. It's as if I shrink into insignificance, even though we have the same level of education. And truthfully, even if we didn't have the same background, I know that a college education and a career shouldn't define someone's worth—yet those feelings are hard to shake. I would appreciate any insights on how to handle situations like this or ways to regain your confidence when you're feeling diminished. Thank you!

Seeking suggestions on how I, a 40-year-old man, can foster a deeper connection with my neurodivergent wife, who is also 40.

Suggestions for Connecting with Neurodivergent Partners My wife [40F] has recently received diagnoses of OCD, ADHD, and ASD. I [40M] often struggle with feelings of depression and loneliness, which can create challenges in our relationship, especially since she hasn’t always recognized my efforts to connect. As a result, I've spent a considerable amount of time feeling isolated. I’m committed to making a change. I don’t want to continue feeling this way, and I’m actively looking for strategies to strengthen our bond. One idea I came across is to have a monthly activity night where we take turns planning and selecting what to do. I’d love to hear what other couples have found effective in similar situations.

Is tonight considered a date? I [19F] was invited out by someone [19F].

Hey! So, I [19F] was invited by this girl [19F] to watch the premiere of Yellowjackets today (Valentine’s Day). We met through some mutual friends and everything was pretty laid back for a while. I’m bisexual, and she identifies as a lesbian. Things started to get a little confusing when she invited me to see But I’m a Cheerleader with her (just the two of us). Since then, we’ve been spending time together, both in group settings and one-on-one. One night, she made a point of mentioning that she had the house to herself for one of our movie nights, though nothing actually happened. We keep having these movie nights where things feel a bit awkward, but we keep going anyway. Now, I’m really nervous about what might happen tonight. 😭 Does she have feelings for me? Is this the moment? Should *I* make a move? (I’m way too scared). I leave in about 30 minutes…

I'm an 18-year-old female, and I'm experiencing problems with my boyfriend, who is also 18. Lately, I've been feeling unwanted by him.

About a month ago, I connected with a friend (let's call him "F") while playing an online game. We often played together with my boyfriend and another friend, but we didn’t interact at all for about a month. During that time, I found myself having serious discussions and sometimes arguments with my boyfriend. I felt increasingly unwanted and sensed that we were drifting apart. About a week ago, F logged into the game, and we spent some time together, watching a show and chatting while my boyfriend was at work. The next day, I asked F if he wanted to hang out again, and we ended up discussing our sex lives. It felt normal to talk about such topics with friends, but the conversation took a more flirty turn, and I eventually told him that I couldn’t continue because I was in a relationship. However, the attention I received from F made me realize how much I missed feeling wanted. With the ongoing issues in my relationship, I started considering a breakup, feeling justified in my decision. That night, I slept on the couch to think things over, while still communicating with F, despite knowing it was wrong. The following night, I confided in a friend about my situation. She pointed out that I seemed unhappy in my relationship and encouraged me to break up with my boyfriend, a thought I had been dreading. The next morning, I did just that, telling him I needed space to reflect on our relationship. I reassured him that it wasn’t his fault; I just needed to evaluate my long-term needs. Since then, I’ve talked to F more and appreciate how he makes me feel. I don’t foresee a long-term future with him, but our conversations have made me realize that I need more than what I currently have. Being bisexual, I’ve always wanted to explore that side of myself but have only dated men. If I’m in a relationship, I can’t pursue that, which has been a source of conflict in the past. I do miss my boyfriend tremendously and care about him deeply, and the thought of hurting him is difficult for me. If we don’t reconcile, it’ll be painful for both of us, but I find it hard to take that step. We've been living together, and now I’m essentially homeless, staying at friends’ places until I figure things out. I really don’t want to leave him alone and face this situation. I’m seeking outside perspective on whether I should try to salvage my relationship or if it’s best to move on to find what I truly need. I know my actions have been hurtful, and I want to avoid making things worse if I can. **TL;DR** My boyfriend and I have been having issues for months. I connected with an online friend who gave me the attention I’ve been lacking, which made me realize how much I miss it. I broke up with my boyfriend to take some time to think and now need advice on what to do next.

How can I navigate this relationship dilemma with my boyfriend (21M)?

Here’s a revised version of your text: --- For some background, I’m a 20-year-old woman and my boyfriend is 21. We met through a mutual friend and are currently in a long-distance relationship. I'm in college, while he is preparing for a competitive exam to get into university, having taken a two-year break after high school. The issue I'm facing is that I’m the kind of person who really appreciates a chivalrous partner—someone who surprises me with gifts from time to time, just as I love to surprise him with little expressions of affection. Although I'm a student and don't have much money right now, I plan to shower him with thoughtful gifts once I start earning. Naturally, I hope for a partner who will do the same for me. My boyfriend, being a student himself and in the same financial situation, has his limitations, especially since we are far apart. He’s incredibly sweet, listens to me, and makes an effort, but it often feels insufficient compared to what I put into the relationship. I desire to be spoiled a bit too, which is where the conflict arises. Today, he expressed his sadness and said, "You chose the wrong guy... I’m broke." I reassured him that I love him and chose him for a reason—I want him in my life—yet I still feel a longing for that “princess treatment.” He explained that while he’s not naturally chivalrous, he’s trying his best despite the financial constraints. Our conversation led us to reflect on how things have changed since we started dating. While he is supportive, understanding, and genuinely tries to meet my emotional needs, he struggles with being romantic, which is something I value deeply. I truly appreciate his efforts, and it’s one of the reasons I love him so much. However, I can’t help but compare our relationship to those of my friends, who seem to receive gifts and gestures regularly, especially during tough times. Being a young woman, I also have those wants. I have no intention of breaking up with him because I genuinely enjoy our time together and our conversations. However, the reality is that he will start college this year, which means he won’t graduate and start earning for another five years, and I’m not sure how we’ll manage our long-distance situation in that time, especially since I don’t have a plan in place. Right now, my boyfriend suggested we take a break from talking for a day. I’m seeking advice on how to navigate this situation. How should I react, and what steps should I take?

Finding a healthy, individualized approach to fostering independence for college students? [18m] [19m]

Hi, I (M18) and my partner (M19) have been discussing the codependency in our relationship, which we've come to realize is affecting our academic performance and mental well-being. As both of us are engineering students, we signed up for the same classes and have spent nearly all of our time together during the past six months. However, we've acknowledged that we need to cultivate some independence in our interests to ensure our relationship can thrive in the long run. While we understand this need for change, we feel that trying to establish strict "solutions," like limiting our time together or scheduling separate activities, could lead to an unhealthy dynamic. We both find that approach uncomfortable and immediately sensed that it wouldn't be good for either of us. Looking ahead to next semester, we'll have more classes tailored to our specific engineering fields, which should help. In the meantime, we’re eager to explore ways to encourage independence without it feeling toxic or negative. What suggestions do you have for fostering this independence in a healthy manner?

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