I'm a 33-year-old man seeking advice regarding a disagreement with my 30-year-old wife.

I've (33M) been experiencing ongoing conflicts with my wife (30F) that have been quite frustrating. We've been married for a decade and are facing a few recurring challenges that I need some guidance on. I’ll share some specific examples to give you a better idea of what’s been troubling me. I'm looking for outside perspectives to determine if I'm being unreasonable or if I have a clear view of the situation. 1. **The Scratched Hardwood Floors** We recently invested in refinishing our hardwood floors. During a painting project at home, my wife insisted we do it ourselves, worried that a contractor wouldn’t meet her expectations. While she was working on the walls after a week of my illness, she accidentally scratched the new floors with the step ladder after a couple of days of use. I was really frustrated about the damage, especially given the expense. Her response was that she had used the ladder before without any problems, so she didn’t foresee an issue. Although she stopped using it once she noticed the scratch, I felt that a little more precaution, such as placing something protective under the ladder, could have averted the damage altogether. Now we’re left with a scratched floor that could have been easily avoided. 2. **The Cat Incident** We have an indoor cat whom I’ve grown to love, even though I wasn’t always a cat person. My wife enjoys carrying him outside, insisting he likes the view, but I’ve repeatedly requested that she not do this. A few weeks ago, while she was holding him near an open door, he got scared and darted into the yard, prompting a chase from our dogs. Luckily, I was able to get him back inside safely. Although she felt guilty afterward and promised to stop taking him outside, her defense—that it never happened before—seemed like a way of dismissing the potential danger involved. 3. **The Tree-Cutting Dilemma** Living in a wooded area, we’ve experienced power outages from fallen branches in storms. A utility crew tagged several trees on our property for removal, but my wife became anxious about potential damage to our garden or other trees. She asked me to communicate with the crew to ensure they were cautious. I was reluctant, believing that asking them to be careful wouldn't change their work approach, but I complied. She also spoke to them, making her concerns clear. Ultimately, while she did give the go-ahead for the work, her initial hesitation seemed to confuse the crew. They never returned to complete the task, and now one of the trees has a large, unstable branch that could pose a danger to our dogs or cause further damage. When I raised this issue with my wife, she became defensive, attributing the blame to the utility company rather than acknowledging her role. I don’t see her as solely responsible, but I do feel her actions contributed to the situation’s unresolved state. I also played a part in this and wish I hadn’t spoken to them at all, considering she was eventually okay with the work being done. Every time I try to address this, it leads to an argument, and she has asked me not to discuss it again. These incidents seem indicative of a larger pattern. When things go awry, my wife often responds with, “How could I have known?” or, “It’s not my fault,” and she tends to dismiss issues as “spilled milk.” I understand she’s not acting out of malice, but her lack of accountability is troubling. I worry that without recognizing these patterns, she may not take steps to prevent similar problems in the future. For instance: - With the ladder and floors: Using protective material could have avoided damage. - Regarding the cat: Being aware of the risks might have prevented the scare. - About the trees: A more assertive approach could have ensured the crew completed their work. When I try to explain why this bothers me, she becomes defensive and angry. I’ve tried to avoid mentioning past issues, but during our last conversation, she insisted I bring them up, which only heightened tensions. I love my wife dearly. She is intelligent, caring, and wonderful in many ways. None of these incidents are dire, but the ongoing pattern of not anticipating potential outcomes is creating friction. My aim isn’t to make her feel guilty; I simply want her to consider possible risks more thoughtfully. Does anyone have advice on how to approach this without making her feel attacked? Or any strategies for navigating these recurring disagreements productively? Am I overreacting, or is there something I could handle differently?