Relationship advices

Toxic Relationships • 1mo ago

My (23, Transgender Male) situationship with a 22-year-old guy is quite unstable.

I've (23FTM) been involved in a situationship with a guy (22M) for a few months, and lately, I've found myself increasingly unsure about where things stand. Let me give you some background... We were together for a few days when he realized he needed some space from relationships. He told me he needed time, started seeing someone else a few weeks later, and stated it was because I'm "difficult." However, that relationship ended within a week because he genuinely needed time to work on himself. He has told me that he still likes me, but maintains that he needs to focus on self-improvement first. Even though this situation hurt me, I held onto hope that we could possibly make it work in the future. We recently took a trip to a hotel in another city to celebrate the holidays and enjoy some drinks. While it was a good time, I've started reflecting on our issues and the moments when I felt hurt. 1. We have significant differences that might seem trivial to others. I’m a huge movie fan, especially of comedies, while he enjoys movies but shies away from any hint of


Low Self-Esteem and Personal Growth • 1mo ago

My relationship (19M and 18F) is taking a toll on my mental health. What steps can I take to improve the situation?

I want to start by sharing my situation: I’m a 19-year-old guy, and I’ve been with my girlfriend, who is 18, for about four months. The first couple of months were great; we spent a lot of time together, cuddled, and talked for hours every day. However, things took a turn after those initial two months. She started being distant, with slow replies and a desire for space. I used to be somewhat cold and didn’t want anyone getting too close, but that changed when I became physically close to her. I really enjoyed holding her and being close, but now, for the past two months, she has seemed to withdraw both physically and emotionally. She tells me she’s still interested, but that just adds to my anxiety. For the last two months, I’ve been dealing with chest pain and high blood pressure that has even led me to the emergency room. I had a panic attack on New Year’s Eve while we were in another city with her best friend. I felt completely alone while they were occupied with their activities. What triggered my anxiety was overhearing them play a game I had bought her, and when a question about happiness in the relationship came up, they went silent and then laughed. That’s when I started shaking and couldn’t breathe; I had to leave the apartment in that moment. When I returned, she only asked if I was okay and didn’t offer much else. During our trip, she stayed on the other side of the bed, facing away from me every night. I’ve been feeling unwell for the past two months, and I’m at a loss about what to do. I’m afraid and don’t feel safe opening up to her anymore. She doesn’t initiate conversations but wants me to keep messaging her, and I’m struggling. I don’t recognize myself anymore. I’ve given her everything—emotionally, physically, and financially—as much as I could, and I wish she would reciprocate in some way. Instead, she always seems irritated. When I tell her I don’t feel like I’m enough for her, she reassures me that I am, but her actions don’t reflect that. Our conversations often end with a simple “fair,” and nothing changes. I know she has her own issues, and I’ve tried to be understanding, but I’ve changed so much for her that I don’t even recognize the person in the mirror anymore. My self-confidence has completely disappeared. I love her and don’t want to walk away, but this situation is becoming unmanageable for me. I’d really appreciate any advice or support, and I apologize for venting, but I can’t keep carrying this weight alone.


Trust and Jealousy • 1mo ago

I'm a 21-year-old guy and I'm struggling to find reasons to stay in my relationship with my 19-year-old girlfriend.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about six months, and for the most part, it's been quite good. She shows me a lot of affection, and we generally get along well. However, three days into our relationship, she sent a bikini photo to a group on Snapchat that included both girls and at least one guy. That guy saved the picture and complimented her, but she didn't respond. It wasn’t until about two months later that I found out about this, and it really upset me. I also noticed she had many guys on her Snapchat that she communicated with. When I expressed my discomfort with the situation, she removed them all. Moving past this has been challenging for me, and I find myself questioning her choices and values. Another issue is that she presents herself as a deeply religious person who loves God. She has biblical quotes and highlights on her Instagram about her faith. Yet, I recently discovered that her religious beliefs are superficial; she seems to be religious mainly to secure her place in heaven. She once told me she lost her faith during a wild phase before we started dating, but she continued to post about her love for God, which feels contradictory. While she is genuinely sweet to me, she can be quite judgmental about other girls, which I find troubling, especially given her own past. I’ve pointed out that her comments about others are unfair since she has behaved similarly at one point, and I think she’s starting to grasp that perspective. It hurts to feel that even though she professes her love for me, she’s not fully open about her thoughts and feelings, while I strive to be transparent with her. It seems like she tried to portray herself as the ideal girlfriend at the beginning of our relationship, but once we were together, her flaws started to emerge. She insists that I am her soulmate and that we’re meant to be together forever. I want to believe her, but I can’t shake the disappointment from the past six months. She’s promised to change and improve things, which I genuinely think is possible, but I’m struggling to move past her history and her lack of honesty with me. Should I set aside my feelings and allow her the chance to improve, or has she crossed too many boundaries and revealed her true self?


Dating and Starting Relationships • 1mo ago

I'm a 19-year-old female considering ending my relationship with my 22-year-old girlfriend so I can focus on being independent in college. What do you think?

We began dating in October of last year, and the start was quite bumpy. At the time, neither of us (her 22F and me 19F) was looking for a partner, but we clicked right away and began spending more time together. My girlfriend is sweet, kind, and has a love for bright colors. She's very creative and has ADHD. Initially, I was attracted to taller individuals who were difficult to get (you know what I mean). I communicated my uncertainty to her, explaining that she wasn't exactly my type, yet I liked her and felt conflicted about becoming a couple. Although I found her cute, she didn't draw me in like others had. I worried a lot about her being unsure of where we stood, and while she advised me not to stress, it was hard not to. After a lot of contemplation, I realized I genuinely liked her; she was kind and sweet, unlike previous types that wouldn’t have been healthy for me. So, we decided to be together, and now she’s become my person. With her, I can truly be myself, and I’ve never experienced such unconditional love before. In the summer, I chose to study law, while she was already majoring in archaeology with a minor in primeval and early history. I was searching for a shared apartment, but due to my age, I kept facing rejections. Additionally, we both weren’t keen on long-distance arrangements, so she decided to move in with me and switch her minor. The aspect that bothers me most about our living situation is the distance from the university. The train only runs once an hour, usually 20 minutes late, so it takes me about an hour to reach campus. This is frustrating, especially since I often have long breaks (5-6 hours), and the university isn’t great for passing the time (the cafeteria closes at 2 PM). Plus, without a car, grocery shopping is challenging, and the living expenses are high since we need a car, though the rent is manageable given the size of the place. I could rent a room closer to campus for the same price. Socially, it’s tough too because there’s only one train per hour, and most social activities, including the nearest gym, are near the university. At first, she was adamant about not wanting to move again, which stressed me out since she only wanted to live with me and disliked long-distance arrangements. I panicked, thinking moving out would lead to an indirect breakup. I expressed my desire to move out, but she was upset because I made that decision unilaterally without discussing it. That was my mistake. I was overly caught up in my thoughts and terrified of letting her down, yet I couldn’t envision living like this for another semester. I enjoy going out, hitting the gym, and being part of my book club, and I felt trapped in this small town with little to do. I longed for the freedom to go to the gym whenever I wanted and to be able to walk home if the train were to get canceled (which happens about three times a month). I recognized my need for more autonomy, to go where I please. In the past, I had taken on a maternal role for my younger sister after my parents split. My girlfriend struggles with completing tasks due to her ADHD, but she’s shown improvement since we started living together. However, I also feel like I’ve let myself go; our place is a bit messy and that bothers me. I’m not as ambitious as I used to be and don’t engage in as many activities. In the beginning, I worried about covering her share of the rent since I have some savings (around 1-2k) and she had none. I ended up paying for most of our furniture and essentials, except for the washing machine and the bed her mom gave her. She mentioned that the first few months would be tough financially. She had difficulty landing a job and wouldn’t allow me to help. Thankfully, she could only pay rent in the second month thanks to a last-minute job offer for just three days. She only has a job now because I helped her secure it. Overall, it’s been quite a challenge. Additionally, she frequently asked me if I would ever consider an open relationship, given our young start. At first, we both thought it might be an option, but now she’s firm on not wanting one, which is fine, as she desires someone who’s devoted to her. I want the best for her too. Yet, I’m left feeling conflicted. Can I truly feel free in a relationship? Or should I focus on being single and prioritizing my own needs, studies, and goals? Am I drawn to her, or just the concept of a loving relationship?


Family Conflicts • 1mo ago

My sister with racist views

How can I (30F) confront my sister (44F) about her racist behavior, especially when she can also be quite bullying and has emotionally abused me in the past? To give you some background, I’m Indian and have been in a secret relationship with my black partner for nine years. I want to share this part of my life with my family, but I always hesitate because of her openly racist remarks and the potential fallout—such as being disowned, having intense arguments, or facing emotional abuse where she insults me and calls me hurtful names like "slag" and "embarrassment to the family." I feel embarrassed and uncomfortable around my family because of this, and it’s really distressing.


Work-Life Balance • 1mo ago

33M, 27F: He desires more intimacy, but I'm constantly exhausted. Can you offer me some advice?

Hi! My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years and have lived together for over a year and a half. In the early days of our relationship, we were intimate frequently, just like most couples, and everything felt fun and carefree. These days, we find ourselves having sex only one to three times a week. He desires more intimacy and struggles with the fact that we’re not having sex daily, but I’m perpetually exhausted. I'm the primary breadwinner, and I'm juggling multiple business ventures to ensure our long-term stability. He's been working on starting a photography business for three years, but it's not generating any significant income. Meanwhile, I have responsibilities like caring for a horse and managing other expenses, which adds pressure on me to work harder financially. At the end of the day, I’m so drained that the last thing on my mind, either at night or in the morning, is sex. On top of all this, I’ve been dealing with an overwhelming amount of family drama that's caused my stress levels to soar. I recognize that managing my stress is my responsibility. Although I’m on birth control, I’m unsure of its effects on my libido. I can still get aroused and reach orgasm, but the thought of sex feels exhausting both physically and mentally. Honestly, I’m so tired that I don’t even want to go through with it. He feels frustrated about being the main person responsible for cleaning the house and not having enough intimacy, while I’m frustrated by my grueling 12-hour workdays. It feels unbalanced, especially since he isn’t contributing financially. His main focus is on a few jobs, going to the gym, and playing guitar without any other obligations. He does so many wonderful things for me and supports me in many ways, but financially, he’s struggling. I know that sex is important to him for feeling loved and connected, and since we both prefer to keep intimacy personal, we don’t engage in porn or masturbation. But I’m at a loss about what to do. I find myself resenting him for financial issues and household obligations while I’m too exhausted to engage in anything enjoyable. Whenever we want to go on a date or plan a trip, the financial burden falls entirely on me. He has occasionally contributed, but it’s always me footing the bill, which makes me reluctant to plan outings. I recognize the importance of finding a work-life balance, but it's difficult to imagine reducing my income given my responsibilities. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!


Communication Problems • 1mo ago

My boyfriend has been ignoring me.

I'm a 23-year-old woman in a relationship with a 23-year-old man, and we've been together for two years. Lately, he has been ghosting me for 3-4 days at a time—no calls or messages, just a "good morning" text. This happens even after we've had good conversations, and then he just stops responding. When I bring it up, he says he wasn't in the mood or thought I might be busy, which seems odd since he has nothing to say for days. Recently, he mentioned binge-watching a series and managed to finish eight seasons—around 80 episodes—in just three days, yet he can't find the time to message me. I’m at a loss for what to do. Any advice?


Trust and Jealousy • 1mo ago

It's becoming unmanageable.

I’m a 22-year-old woman in a relationship with a 25-year-old man, and we’ve been together for eight months. He was in a seven-year relationship before we met, and we started dating just two months after his breakup. From the start, he made it clear that he wanted to be with me. He even took the time to learn the language my parents speak so he could communicate with them better, especially since I hope to raise our future children speaking it. I have traditional values and told him early on that I’d like us to wait until engagement before living together or going on vacations. He not only respected my wishes but also expressed appreciation for my values, wishing he had waited to find the right person instead of spending time with the wrong one. His previous relationship was quite different from ours. Even though it lasted seven years, it became emotionally distant, especially towards the end. They lived together and shared a bed, but they hardly communicated, spent little time together, and were not intimate. Their emotional connection faded two years before they actually broke up. During that time, he remained loyal to her, but unfortunately, she cheated on him, further complicating their already toxic situation. My boyfriend has reassured me many times that he has never been as happy or certain about someone as he is with me. He makes me feel special and loved. However, I often struggle with feelings of jealousy about his past relationship. I'm not concerned about the physical or sexual aspects—my experience in those areas exceeds his—but rather about the emotional milestones they reached together, like living together and traveling. These experiences, which I have yet to have in a relationship, leave me feeling sad. I can’t help but think about how he shared those moments with someone else, even though he insists they weren’t meaningful or fulfilling for him. Knowing that they had those experiences together—even if the connection was weak—sometimes leads me to feel like I’m competing with memories that I cannot change. I would really appreciate any advice!


Toxic Relationships • 1mo ago

Are my partner, who is 18M, and I, a female (18F), too obsessed with each other at such a young age? My mother thinks so.

My partner and I are still quite young, and we've chosen to stay close to home, frequently visiting or staying with our parents. For instance, my partner is currently in his hometown, which is about 5 to 6 hours away. During this time, I've been either at home or at my aunt's place. Since we started our relationship at the age of 16, we've developed a strong attachment to each other. I care for him so deeply that sometimes, when I focus on how much I miss him, it brings me to tears. I'm curious if this level of feeling is normal—am I allowed to miss my boyfriend so much that I cry about it? My mom and aunties think I’m too obsessed with him because I spend most of my time hanging out with him, leading them to believe I don’t interact with others. I cherish both my boyfriend and my friends, but everyone is usually busy dealing with their own issues. Unlike them, my partner’s mom understands what we're going through; she even told him that it’s completely normal to miss a partner intensely. She said if she were separated from my partner's dad, she would feel the same way. The reason my partner hasn’t been able to drive back home is that he came with his parents in their car. He initially had high hopes for the trip, expecting to spend Christmas with his family, but that didn’t happen. His relatives seem to have forgotten his upcoming birthday, which has left him feeling neglected and unappreciated. I’ve been vocal about how much I miss him and want him back home, and he’s expressed a desire to return since he’s already done everything he wanted to do there. After sharing our situation, I’m left wondering: are we too obsessed with each other? These feelings have emerged over the past couple of weeks, and I’m unsure how to interpret our mothers’ opinions. For context, my mom has primarily relied on my stepdad financially and hasn’t worked much, while my partner's mom works part-time and also has the added responsibility of caring for his little sister. If you'd like more insight into my mom's views on our "obsession," I can provide further examples. Thank you!


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 1mo ago

I'm a 25-year-old male, and I'm looking to enhance the social aspect of my sex life with my girlfriend, who's 26 and we've been together for six years. I want to support her in exploring her sexuality. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Am I being unrealistic in what I'm hoping for?

I’ve been with my girlfriend for six years, and I love her more than anything. She’s the person I want to spend my life with. Up until now, we’ve had a fairly typical sexual relationship, and I’m still as attracted to her as I was when we first met. However, there’s one challenge in our relationship that’s entirely my own issue—it's not her fault at all. A bit of context: my girlfriend didn’t go through the typical adolescent phase where most explore their sexuality. She never learned to touch herself, developed fantasies, or figured out what arouses her. In contrast, I did, albeit in an unhealthy manner. I watched a lot of porn, created my own sexual fantasies, and was well aware of what I liked and didn’t like. Before her, I had a few short-term partners, but this current relationship is my first serious long-term commitment, and it is hers as well. It took us two years before she experienced her first orgasm. Initially, when I asked if she had, she thought she did, but I was determined to help her truly understand what it felt like. After three hours, she finally experienced it. Since then, I’ve been able to help her reach that point through oral sex, which I’m always happy to do. The issue I face, though, is her lack of energy in bed. We tend to stick to the same position (missionary) and routine, which becomes repetitive. I’ve suggested ways to mix things up, but she seems uncomfortable with them and quickly reverts back to our usual way. I even asked her to watch porn with me, but she was very uneasy and only half-heartedly participated. When I had an open conversation with her about this, it didn’t initially go well—she became insecure and her self-confidence took a hit. She claims to enjoy our sex life and doesn’t feel bored, but I have my doubts. At a young age, she was diagnosed with mild autistic tendencies, which were so subtle that I didn’t notice until her dad mentioned it to me after a year and a half. It seems to affect her reactions during sex; even when she says she enjoys different positions, her facial expressions betray her true feelings. She often doesn’t smile, rarely makes eye contact, and doesn’t express herself verbally—I feel like she approaches intimacy as if it's always her first time and is uncertain about her desires. I’ve been trying to share my sexual fantasies with her, but I wish she would also explore her own. Recently, I had an idea that I’m eager to discuss with her: I want us to include other people in our sex life. Now, before jumping to conclusions, hear me out. I thought about taking her to a sex club, which she has shown some openness to. It would be a place for us to observe couples together, seeing real people rather than adult film stars. Ideally, we could even meet a couple online who would be comfortable with us watching them while we engage as well. I hope that witnessing normal intimacy could help her feel less insecure and more willing to experiment with me. It’s important to me that she's aroused by more than just me. She never initiates sex or tries to seduce me; she doesn’t wear makeup or perfume, even though I find her beautiful. While she appreciates me, I miss the energy of desire and playfulness from her side. I feel her love, but not her sexual longing, which makes our connection feel somewhat PG-13. Ultimately, I want her to discover that there’s more to sex than she realizes. I’d love to help her explore her own likes and curiosities. I trust her completely and believe she wouldn’t cheat on me, just as I would never betray her. I seek her consent before introducing any new ideas—I’m not interested in an open relationship unless she shares the same sentiment. Has anyone here experienced a similar situation? Or am I being unrealistic and unfair in requesting changes in our sex life?


Family Conflicts • 1mo ago

I'm tired of my husband smoking inside the house.

My husband (40) and I (36) have been married for 16 years, and I find myself increasingly frustrated with his smoking habits. He insists on smoking in the kitchen, despite the fact that the back door to the garden is readily available for him to use. He believes that by closing the door between the kitchen and hallway, he can keep the rest of the house smoke-free. However, he seems unaware that the smoke seeps through the gaps around the door, affecting the living room, stairs, and all the bedrooms. The smell has permeated our home—it's in the carpets, on the soft furnishings, and it lingers on the dishes left to dry. Even our fruit bowl is contaminated. As a non-smoker, I’m alarmed that my clothes reek of cigarette smoke, and I worry about the health risks this poses to me and our young children, given their exposure to secondhand smoke day after day. I've approached him calmly, asking him to smoke outside, but he consistently refuses, which usually leads to arguments. He doesn't respond well to being told what to do and seems incapable of empathizing with how I feel about this situation. I even suggested that he could smoke in the upstairs bathroom and vent it out the window if he couldn't manage to go outside, as I believe smoking near food preparation areas is unsanitary and harmful. Yet, he has dismissed that idea as well and continues to smoke in the kitchen. There have been instances when I’ve been cooking and he has started smoking right behind me, showing no willingness to compromise. His indifference to our children's lung development and health is deeply troubling. Additionally, it infuriates me when he ashes on the floor and kitchen surfaces. If you were in my position, what would you do?


Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • 1mo ago

How can my boyfriend (44M) and I (25F) determine when the right time to get married is?

This is a bit of a long story with many details to consider, so please bear with me. My boyfriend and I have been together for about two years and moved in together six months ago, and we’re really happy. We’ve talked about our future, including our desire for marriage and kids, despite the age gap between us. Growing up in Utah, we know that a two-year relationship is considered lengthy, especially compared to the typical six months before engagement. This holiday season, we’ve faced a lot of pressure from our families to tie the knot, with repeated questions about our wedding plans. Coupled with the age difference (as he isn’t getting younger when it comes to wanting kids), the pressure feels even more intense. I personally feel ready for marriage sometime in the next year, but my boyfriend expressed that he wants us to be emotionally stable first. I agree with him, but I’m not sure what else we need to work on since I believed we were emotionally balanced. Today, he surprised me by saying he wants to address certain things before we consider marriage. I asked him directly if he still wanted our relationship and the future we had discussed. He admitted that if our relationship stayed the same indefinitely, he wouldn’t want that. However, he believes we can make progress. This was a total shock for me, as he hadn't previously mentioned any dissatisfaction, and I thought we communicated well and understood each other. We had already discussed specific plans regarding marriage and our future, so I felt blindsided. Logically, I know the solution is to continue improving our communication and understanding of one another, but I can’t shake the fear of not being married a year from now. I fear being stuck in a stagnant relationship. Marriage is important to both of us because we both want children. I have so many questions, and I’m feeling lost about what I thought was a solid foundation. I would really appreciate any advice. Thank you!


Long-Term Relationships and Marriage • 1mo ago

My female partner (34) isn't interested in marrying. What’s the best way to discuss this with her?

**(Summary: My partner is not interested in marrying me.)** To provide some context, both of us married at a young age and have experienced divorce. We've been in a relationship for three years and share a child together. We are deeply committed to one another and envision a lifelong partnership. Our love is evident, as we express our affection in many ways—except for the absence of a marriage proposal. I've mentioned my desire to marry him three times now, and each time he has expressed that he doesn’t believe marriage is necessary, arguing that a piece of paper doesn’t validate his love for me. He views marriage as unimportant and meaningless. During our last conversation about it, I conveyed that marriage holds emotional significance for me, as well as practical benefits and legal protections. He acknowledged my perspective but responded with a somewhat dismissive remark before changing the subject. I want to marry him not only because I love him, but also because I wish to fully experience life with him, including the commitment of marriage. I dream of calling him my husband, exchanging rings and vows—nothing extravagant, just a simple, intimate ceremony with our closest friends and family. I also worry about the potential implications for our assets in the event of unexpected situations, where legal considerations could complicate matters. Honestly, it hurts that he doesn't want to marry me. If he loves me as much as he claims, why wouldn’t he want to solidify our bond in as many ways as possible? In his previous marriage, he frequently expressed his love for being married and referred to his spouse publicly. Yet, when it comes to our relationship, public displays of affection are rare. I know I need to bring this up again soon and share my feelings honestly, despite how vulnerable it may make me feel. I'm concerned about building resentment over this issue and how it might create distance between us. This is the only significant issue in our otherwise healthy relationship. He treats me wonderfully, has supported me through many challenges, and has brought immense peace to my life as a loving partner and father. It’s just this one matter that weighs on me. Perhaps I am being overly romantic, or maybe I’m fixating on something that isn’t as crucial as I believe it to be. I would appreciate any insights, as I'm hesitant to discuss this with anyone in my life.


Dating and Starting Relationships • 1mo ago

My 23-year-old white boyfriend keeps asking me, a 18-year-old female, to use the N-word.

We've been dating for almost a year, and I really hadn't seen any red flags until last night. During an intimate moment, he unexpectedly asked me to say the n-word, despite knowing that I'm completely against that kind of language. He kept pushing me to say it, and now I'm wondering if this is related to a kink?


Trust and Jealousy • 1mo ago

Uncertainty

I'm a 19-year-old male in a relationship with another 19-year-old male, and we’ve been together for about two months. Since we started dating, I’ve been struggling with insecurities and getting upset over things that shouldn’t matter. This is my first relationship, and my partner has more sexual experience than I do; he was also in a relationship before me, which might contribute to my feelings, though I’m not entirely sure. Even though his past relationship was toxic and he often tells me how much happier he is with me, I find myself feeling down about random comments he makes. For example, during a recent night out, he mentioned a building where he had a certain intimate experience with his ex. This completely unsettled me, and I found it hard to enjoy the rest of the night and felt off for a couple of days afterward. Additionally, I often feel physically insecure, thinking I’m not as attractive as he is, or that he has a better life with a more supportive family and friends. I really dislike feeling jealous because I know it’s irrational; he clearly has strong feelings for me and does everything he can to spend time with me. We have good communication, and I genuinely enjoy being with him, but I sometimes experience bad days where I overthink and feel inadequate, making me want to distance myself from him, which is a distressing feeling. Does anyone have advice on how to handle this?


Family Conflicts • 1mo ago

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 31, for over five years now. He wants us to get married, but my mother is opposed to the idea because she worries that he will take all my money and attention.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over five years, and I just got engaged this year. However, the biggest challenge in our relationship is my mother. In a typical Filipino household, she feels that I owe her for all the sacrifices she has made for me. I don’t mind supporting my parents financially each month, but my mother believes that once I get married, I should devote all my attention and resources to her. I don’t understand why she feels this way. My boyfriend is everything I could ask for—he has a stable job, runs a business, owns a car, and is responsible with saving for the future. He truly is the perfect partner. Recently, he asked me about my future plans and whether I genuinely want to get married. He’s been patient for so long, and I want to marry him, but I’m at a loss about how to approach my mother. She’s older now and is on medication for hypertension. How do I communicate this to her? What do you think I should do? I can’t stop crying over this situation; it’s been weighing heavily on me for days, affecting my ability to eat and sleep.


Trust and Jealousy • 1mo ago

Partner attending a funeral.

My boyfriend, who is 36, has been with me for two years and is driving 10 hours to his great uncle's funeral. I'm 32 and have never met his family, who live 8 hours away. I wasn’t invited to go with him; he just mentioned he would be leaving on Friday and coming back on Monday. Would this upset you, or is it a common situation?


Trust and Jealousy • 1mo ago

Does constantly thinking about breaking up indicate something is wrong in my relationship?

My boyfriend (22) and I (23) have been together for some time, and overall, things have been good. However, we’ve had our share of rough times, including arguments, him lying about things, and general annoyances that have led to more conflict. After dealing with his lies, I find myself feeling uneasy in our relationship. We’ve tried talking things over and giving each other some space, but we quickly fell back into our routine. I can't shake the feeling of uncertainty—I'm torn between whether staying with him is the right decision or if breaking up would be better. Will I regret either choice? I love him, and he treats me well, but I’m no longer confident in our relationship. I want to leave, yet I also want to stay. I’m feeling really conflicted, and I would appreciate any advice or perspectives on this situation.


Family Conflicts • 1mo ago

I'm a 33-year-old man seeking advice regarding a disagreement with my 30-year-old wife.

I've (33M) been experiencing ongoing conflicts with my wife (30F) that have been quite frustrating. We've been married for a decade and are facing a few recurring challenges that I need some guidance on. I’ll share some specific examples to give you a better idea of what’s been troubling me. I'm looking for outside perspectives to determine if I'm being unreasonable or if I have a clear view of the situation. 1. **The Scratched Hardwood Floors** We recently invested in refinishing our hardwood floors. During a painting project at home, my wife insisted we do it ourselves, worried that a contractor wouldn’t meet her expectations. While she was working on the walls after a week of my illness, she accidentally scratched the new floors with the step ladder after a couple of days of use. I was really frustrated about the damage, especially given the expense. Her response was that she had used the ladder before without any problems, so she didn’t foresee an issue. Although she stopped using it once she noticed the scratch, I felt that a little more precaution, such as placing something protective under the ladder, could have averted the damage altogether. Now we’re left with a scratched floor that could have been easily avoided. 2. **The Cat Incident** We have an indoor cat whom I’ve grown to love, even though I wasn’t always a cat person. My wife enjoys carrying him outside, insisting he likes the view, but I’ve repeatedly requested that she not do this. A few weeks ago, while she was holding him near an open door, he got scared and darted into the yard, prompting a chase from our dogs. Luckily, I was able to get him back inside safely. Although she felt guilty afterward and promised to stop taking him outside, her defense—that it never happened before—seemed like a way of dismissing the potential danger involved. 3. **The Tree-Cutting Dilemma** Living in a wooded area, we’ve experienced power outages from fallen branches in storms. A utility crew tagged several trees on our property for removal, but my wife became anxious about potential damage to our garden or other trees. She asked me to communicate with the crew to ensure they were cautious. I was reluctant, believing that asking them to be careful wouldn't change their work approach, but I complied. She also spoke to them, making her concerns clear. Ultimately, while she did give the go-ahead for the work, her initial hesitation seemed to confuse the crew. They never returned to complete the task, and now one of the trees has a large, unstable branch that could pose a danger to our dogs or cause further damage. When I raised this issue with my wife, she became defensive, attributing the blame to the utility company rather than acknowledging her role. I don’t see her as solely responsible, but I do feel her actions contributed to the situation’s unresolved state. I also played a part in this and wish I hadn’t spoken to them at all, considering she was eventually okay with the work being done. Every time I try to address this, it leads to an argument, and she has asked me not to discuss it again. These incidents seem indicative of a larger pattern. When things go awry, my wife often responds with, “How could I have known?” or, “It’s not my fault,” and she tends to dismiss issues as “spilled milk.” I understand she’s not acting out of malice, but her lack of accountability is troubling. I worry that without recognizing these patterns, she may not take steps to prevent similar problems in the future. For instance: - With the ladder and floors: Using protective material could have avoided damage. - Regarding the cat: Being aware of the risks might have prevented the scare. - About the trees: A more assertive approach could have ensured the crew completed their work. When I try to explain why this bothers me, she becomes defensive and angry. I’ve tried to avoid mentioning past issues, but during our last conversation, she insisted I bring them up, which only heightened tensions. I love my wife dearly. She is intelligent, caring, and wonderful in many ways. None of these incidents are dire, but the ongoing pattern of not anticipating potential outcomes is creating friction. My aim isn’t to make her feel guilty; I simply want her to consider possible risks more thoughtfully. Does anyone have advice on how to approach this without making her feel attacked? Or any strategies for navigating these recurring disagreements productively? Am I overreacting, or is there something I could handle differently?


Communication Problems • 1mo ago

I'm harsh with my boyfriend and sometimes go overboard. How can I make this better?

Subject: Seeking Advice on Improving My Behavior Towards My Boyfriend Hi everyone, I’m currently in a relationship with a fantastic guy from my class, and I truly believe he’s everything I’ve ever wanted. We’ve been together for about four months, but I’ve noticed something troubling about my behavior towards him. In previous relationships, which were with older men struggling with substance issues and infidelity, I learned some unhealthy habits. While I would never cheat on my boyfriend, I find that I can be unnecessarily harsh and often don’t even realize it. For instance, when he makes a lighthearted joke that I might usually make, I get upset and respond angrily. Just yesterday, while we were grabbing food, something he said bothered me only slightly, yet I ended up lashing out at him for several minutes. He always manages to handle these situations with grace, and I’ve encouraged him to express his feelings when I upset him. However, I had a wake-up call while driving home today. During a phone call, he joked about forgetting my name because he usually calls me "babe." I reacted with anger, yelling about not remembering my name, which visibly upset him. I genuinely feel like a terrible girlfriend, especially since this seems to be a recurring issue that I wasn’t fully aware of. He often says he’s gotten used to it, but I really want to change. I’m reaching out for advice on how to recognize and stop this pattern of behavior. I truly want to be better for him. Any tips or constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! TL;DR: I often overreact and yell at my boyfriend over minor things, a behavior I’ve unintentionally picked up from past relationships. I want to change this pattern because it hurts him, and I don’t want to be a bad girlfriend. Any advice would be helpful!


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 1mo ago

Why doesn't my boyfriend, who is 22, want to be intimate with me, a 21-year-old woman?

Why has my boyfriend of five years suddenly lost interest in sex? We used to be intimate about four times a week, and sometimes even twice a day. Now, it’s down to once or twice a week, and recently even just once a week. Last Tuesday, we had sex twice, and since then, nothing. He used to be the one to initiate things, but that hasn’t happened at all recently. Last Saturday, after a night out, I asked him if we could be intimate, but he claimed he was too drunk and tired. I accepted that and didn’t bring it up again. It’s now been nearly a week of hanging out together, and he still hasn’t made any moves. I don’t mean to sound boastful, but I know I’m attractive; I get attention from other men often. When we are intimate, he always comments on how great it feels and questions why we don’t do it more often, yet he seems to completely forget these moments and doesn’t want to engage more frequently. It doesn’t make sense to me. What’s going on? **TL;DR:** My boyfriend of five years has drastically reduced our sex life, despite expressing that he enjoys it. Why?


Sexual Problems and Intimacy • 1mo ago

I'm a 22-year-old man in a relationship with a 21-year-old woman. We've been together for 8 months, but she recently told me that she no longer feels sexually attracted to me and that I make her feel uncomfortable. What should I do next?

My partner and I have been facing some challenges recently. On Boxing Day, she expressed that she no longer feels sexually attracted to me, and that my kisses and cuddles make her uncomfortable. She mentioned that there are certain behaviors of mine that have contributed to her feelings of attraction diminishing. One of the main issues seems to be my need to communicate more openly with her. Although we generally have good communication, she has been feeling this way for the past three weeks and only brought it up a week before my birthday. Some of her frustrations include my level of cleanliness—while my house isn't excessively messy, she feels I could do a better job, particularly in organizing my room and desk. Additionally, she feels I’m not being my true self and that I tend to go above and beyond for her, buying her gifts and fulfilling her requests, which she believes might give off the impression that I lack standards. I want to address the concerns she raised, but I'm struggling with how to process her statements about not wanting to be intimate. How do I move past feelings of rejection and discomfort on a mental level?


Communication Problems • 1mo ago

29M and 29F: My girlfriend seems distant, yet insists that everything is okay.

**Background:** We've been in a relationship for four years, and we don't live together or share finances. **The Situation:** Over the past month and a half, her behavior has become increasingly odd. Most of the time, she seems to ignore me. I’ve tried to engage her in conversation, but I often receive little response—sometimes just a nod—and even simple questions get curt replies. For example, earlier today at her place, I asked where the kettle was because I couldn’t find it, and she snapped back, "Where do you think?" It felt quite unnecessary. During this time, I've asked her multiple times if something is wrong, and she consistently insists that everything is fine. The best explanation I’ve gotten is that she’s stressed at work, which I understand, but when it comes to her roommate, family, and friends, she’s warm, friendly, and talkative. At this point, I’m starting to dread visiting her. I’m feeling lost on how to address this situation and understand what’s going on. Chasing after someone who treats me like this is beginning to take a toll on my self-esteem. I would appreciate any advice on how to navigate this challenging situation.


Toxic Relationships • 1mo ago

My partner (M21) reacted aggressively towards me for the first time, and I'm still trying to make sense of it. (F21)

Hi everyone, I’m using a throwaway account to keep this private from my partner (M21), but I really need some help understanding a phone call we had. I tend to shut down and struggle to process things, so I'm hoping for some clarity. Whenever something goes wrong in his life, he tends to project or deflect blame onto others. Last night, it was directed at me when he was upset about why his former best friend had cut him out of his life. This friend was his closest companion, and he distanced himself for reasons like a lack of communication and feeling insulted by my partner regarding his writing abilities. The complication is that this friend is still in touch with me, which puts me in an awkward position. On one hand, my partner continually asks what his friend is doing, why he’s shut him out, and why I won’t discuss it. On the other hand, my friend is urging me to block my partner entirely. During our conversation, my partner began to grill me, analyzing every detail of what little I shared about the friend’s feelings. I kept my responses brief because I didn’t want to act as the messenger. He asked if the friend knew about our recent two-week breakup, to which I said yes, and explained the reason: my partner claimed he 'loved me but wasn’t in love with me', wanted to explore other options, and needed time to decide whether he wanted to continue our relationship. My friend was not pleased with that and found it to be very harsh towards me, which I conveyed to my partner. He felt that I painted him as the 'bad guy' for being honest about the breakup. Additionally, during that two-week period, the friend lost his childhood dog, and my partner asked if he was aware of it when we resumed communication. I confirmed that he knew, and my partner seemed upset that he hadn’t reached out to check on him during his grief. However, my partner claimed that I told the friend to take space. In his eyes, I was to blame for the friend’s decision to stop talking to him, which made me feel like the villain. It’s especially troubling because my partner often insults my friend’s writing talent, which is something my friend takes great pride in. This was the first time my partner actually yelled at me, and he wouldn’t let me hang up the phone despite my attempts to end the conversation. After I finally did, I told him I had to go but that he could reach out if needed. I haven’t heard from him since, and I’m still trying to process everything that happened. I’d really appreciate others’ thoughts on this situation before I decide what to do next, if anything at all. Thank you for listening; any advice would mean so much to me!


Breakups and Divorces • 1mo ago

Hello, I'm feeling a bit lost right now. I'm a 25-year-old woman and my boyfriend, who's 27, and I have been experiencing some tension in our relationship. We've been together for four years and have faced numerous challenges, but recently we seemed to have made some progress. However, now he’s expressing a desire to break up and goes back and forth on his decision every day. I’m unsure of what to do next—should I try to hold on or let this relationship end?

I’m feeling really lost right now. I’m a 25-year-old woman and my boyfriend is 27. We’ve been together for four years, and it’s been a rocky journey—everything from small disagreements to serious issues like cheating and self-esteem struggles. Despite that, we always managed to work things out. But recently, he called to express doubts about our relationship, even contemplating a breakup right before Christmas. I thought we were in a decent place; although we had a tough argument, it revolved around his lack of effort and how he often prioritized his own needs over mine while using our mental health struggles as excuses. Hearing him mention a breakup shattered me; I couldn’t believe he was really considering it. I do acknowledge that I made a mistake earlier this year when I got vulnerable, drunk, and acted foolishly with a friend. I owned up to it, and while he had every right to be upset, he initially said he wanted to work things out. Everything seemed fine until our recent argument about him pulling his weight in the relationship. I’ve forgiven him multiple times for his past mistakes, but when I messed up once, he’s suddenly talking about breaking up. After he said he was thinking of ending things, I felt desperate and pleaded with him to stay. I didn’t want to step into the new year uncertain about our relationship, fearing he might leave me right after. So I pressured him to make a decision, and he said he wanted to break up. I accepted it, telling him we could still live together until he moved in with his best friend, but I would no longer see him as my partner. It felt ridiculous, especially since I had been considering proposing to him in February and had so many plans that now felt pointless. Then, an hour later, he changed his mind and suggested we try to work things out. We had an intimate moment, went to bed saying we loved each other, but the next morning he mentioned he still felt inclined to break up and wanted me to meet his family. That left me devastated, thinking Christmas Eve might be the last time I see his family while trying to stay composed. Once we got home, he reiterated his confusion—saying he loves me but is unsure if we can make it work. The past few days have been emotionally draining, as he’s shown some distance, telling me he cherishes our memories yet hinting at leaving. I told him I didn’t want to hear that sort of talk, as it felt too much like a goodbye. He reassured me that he doesn’t want to mislead me, which I understand, but I just feel so exhausted. I’ve struggled with my mistakes, but he’s done worse and yet I've tried to move past it because I genuinely love him, and the thought of us splitting is incredibly painful. I’m starting to realize that things might not be the same anymore, and I have to accept that reality. So, my question is: should I keep waiting and hoping he changes his mind, even if it’s emotionally taxing, or is it time to let go?