Will I seem controlling if I surprise my boyfriend with Christmas dinner after he mentioned he’s busy?
My boyfriend (27M) and I (27F) have been together for almost three years. We both work in the same lab and live on campus (in separate buildings), so we’re never too far apart. The last two Christmases have been special for us, as we’ve started a tradition of cooking an excessive amount of food and enjoying it together. This year, though, he’s swamped with a grant proposal that’s due in ten days. He’s been working hard on it for weeks and had planned to finish by this weekend, so we were set to dine out for Christmas. He just cancelled our plans, saying he needs to wrap up his work first but will finish as soon as possible so we can celebrate. I’m not upset because he’s always reliable, and being a scientist myself, I understand the pressure he’s under. Since he won’t be able to make it to Christmas dinner this year, I thought it would be fun to bring the holiday meal to him. I plan to spend the day cooking, and maybe even baking, to keep our holiday traditions alive. However, he did mention that he’s busy, so I’m concerned that surprising him with dinner might feel like I’m imposing a celebration when he’d prefer to focus on his work. This is especially troubling since he knows (A) I’m not great at baking, and (B) what I really want is for him to make his delicious pumpkin pie. I’m worried because since July, I’ve had a series of personal crises with my labmates that made me quite irritable. Although I didn’t take it out on him, he did have to listen to my rants about people he knows, to the point where he told me I needed to calm down because he was worn out. By November, I addressed my issues, apologized to him, and worked on improving my attitude. However, it’s only been a few weeks since then, and I fear that my decision to make Christmas dinner might come off as a passive-aggressive way of forcing a celebration. In summary, I want to surprise my boyfriend with a Christmas feast while he’s busy, but I’m worried that my recent attitude might make it seem like I’m pushing a celebration on him.
💬
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