Relationship advices: Communication Problems

My boyfriend [M20] and I [F19] had a disagreement, and his parents witnessed me in tears.

To put it briefly, my boyfriend and I had a pretty intense argument in his bedroom (he still lives with his parents and siblings), and he was yelling loudly enough for everyone in the house to hear, especially since the rooms are so close together. I repeatedly asked him to stop yelling out of respect for both me and his family, as I believe it's disrespectful to argue in someone else's home. He didn’t listen and eventually told me to leave. However, I had to pass through the kitchen where his dad was to exit the house. I was really upset as I walked down, trying to hold back tears after the argument, but his dad noticed I was leaving and asked why I was in such a hurry. I ended up breaking down a bit, my voice shaky as I told him I wasn't sure if I was leaving. He asked about the situation between my boyfriend and me, and all I could say was that we had an argument and I needed some space to cool off. He mentioned he would talk to my boyfriend, so I assume he caught some of the commotion. I feel really embarrassed about this; I didn’t want his family to know about our issues, especially after they saw me crying. My boyfriend also said he heard my conversation with his dad and called me a snitch, which leaves me feeling a bit confused about the whole situation.

I [32M] feel like I'm not permitted to express any negative emotions when I’m talking to my girlfriend [30F].

My girlfriend and I both work for the same company, but in different regions. She is currently applying for a Vice President position on our national Board of Directors, while I am seeking a Director role for a remote position overseas. Throughout this process, I’ve noticed that whenever I'm feeling down or stressed, she becomes very judgmental and seems to lack understanding of my perspective. When I express my feelings of stress or sadness, she often starts crying, and I find that seeing her upset affects me deeply, often leaving me feeling guilty. It seems that in this relationship, I am discouraged from expressing negative emotions. While I recognize the saying "be a man and tough it up," that doesn't resonate with who I truly am. I want to be open about my stress and share my feelings with her. How should I approach this situation?

My boyfriend (31) and I (35) are facing significant challenges, and I take full responsibility for it.

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years, sharing a home, a car, and a dog. We’re also planning to get married in the near future. However, recently, we’ve been facing some serious conflicts. He tends to decide when we can discuss our issues, which has made it difficult for us to communicate effectively. Due to concerns about my drinking—since I work at a bar—we came to an agreement that I would stick to seltzers. I've been following this for two months, but I had two cocktails last night. When he picked me up, he pointed it out, saying, "You remember the no liquor agreement, right?" I explained that I tried a new flavor and didn't think having just two drinks was a big deal. It's important to note that this agreement wasn't made because I'm disruptive or careless; I was simply drinking too much, and he feels it's better for me to drink at home. I tend to be a social drinker, so I rarely drink excessively outside. I genuinely believe we have communication problems, and I suggested we try couples therapy. He reacted with anger, accusing me of wrongdoing and insisting that therapy isn’t necessary. I apologized but explained that when he’s upset, he doesn’t communicate as if I’m an equal partner. He believes he needs to "punish" me, thinking that will help me understand his perspective. Unfortunately, when I attempt to express how I feel, especially if it casts him in a negative light, he shuts down the conversation. I’m at my breaking point. He frequently gets upset with me, and when I try to discuss my feelings, they often go unheard. This pattern has only developed this year, and I’m feeling lost about how to move forward. I love him dearly, but I feel like I’m falling apart. I don't want our relationship to end, but it seems like we’re headed toward a critical juncture.

I'm a 40-year-old man seeking assistance with my 39-year-old wife's gaming habits.

My wife and I generally have a good relationship, but occasionally we experience intense arguments that can leave us feeling miserable for days or even weeks. It typically unfolds like this: my wife will say something, and my non-verbal reaction—like scoffing at her suggestion to apply for a job that requires experience after being out of work for over a decade—comes across as insulting. I eventually recognize how my body language could be hurtful and apologize, stating, "I didn’t mean to imply that you couldn’t get that job. I think you're very capable, and I'm sorry if I upset you." While she believes my apology, it often doesn’t fully mend things. The fact that I gave her "the look" seems to warrant some punishment in her eyes, and she needs time to "heal." She’ll say, “Just leave me alone,” so I respect her space. From that point, the situation could either escalate her anger, or I might find her crying in the bedroom. I get the impression that she sometimes gets frustrated with herself for wanting to be alone when she truly desires comfort. However, I refuse to engage in what feels like emotional games. She might say something like, “You know I don’t want to spend Friday night alone; come talk to me and help me come out of the bedroom,” but I’m not willing to play that game. She could easily choose to come out and act as if she's calmed down, getting a warm welcome back, but she doesn’t. Things seem to be deteriorating. She recently mentioned, "I'll leave you," and while I suspect it’s more empty threats, I’m at a loss as to how to address this. We’ve sought counseling, but she often puts on a façade, making everything appear fine in front of the counselor. My patience is wearing thin. To add to the frustrations, my wife has a rather indifferent attitude toward intimacy, often withholding affection, especially sexual intimacy, until I approach her humbly, apologizing for being a "bad husband" (which I don’t believe I am). This seems to feed into her narrative of feeling mistreated and sets her up for future conflicts in her favor. I’m nearing my breaking point. I appreciate direct and honest conversations, but they usually lead to her losing her temper. It seems as though she tries to escalate our emotions, hoping I’ll lose my cool so she can label me as abusive. However, I’ve become wise to her tactics and remain calm, which only seems to frustrate her more. While she can be incredibly sweet at times, there are moments that leave me questioning if there's a narcissistic tendency within her. I could really use some guidance on how to handle this situation.

I'm a 26-year-old man and I often feel left out of my girlfriend's social circles.

I'll try to be brief. We're both 26 and have been together for over a year, living together and having met each other's families and friends. She studies in my city. Whenever I'm with my girlfriend, I often feel overlooked. She has several social circles spread across different cities, and this dynamic seems consistent in all of them, whether it’s her family, friends, or relatives. They laugh and chat without me while I find myself sitting quietly off to the side, waiting to go home. While there are some friends of hers I connect with well and a few situations that feel normal, about 95% of the time, I feel excluded. This is unique to her and her groups. I'm an extrovert and generally sociable, easily making friends in various environments and cultures. I've navigated countless social settings and have never encountered this issue before, yet it persists with her friends, who also come from diverse backgrounds. Lately, she’s been distant and even labels me as antisocial. I’ve tried discussing my feelings with her, but she often brushes me off and doesn’t take steps to improve things. I engage in conversations, share opinions and jokes, but it feels as though no one pays attention. It’s disheartening that neither her friends nor she makes an effort to include me, even after I’ve expressed my feelings. When we are alone, her attitude shifts, as if I’m a backup option for her. This has been the case since we first met her social circles. My family noticed a lack of respect when our families met; it was just a brief exchange before everyone went back to their groups, leaving us in uncomfortable silence. This pattern isn’t limited to her family; it occurs with many of her friends from various places, even those who don’t know each other. I’ve no reason to think they dislike me, and she claims her family appreciates me. For instance, this week we visited a restaurant with some of her old friends, many of whom I know. For two hours, they reminisced about high school while I and a close friend of hers barely managed to say two words. My girlfriend was engrossed in conversation with her sister and a high school friend, frequently turning her back to me at the table. Despite her sister’s behavior, my girlfriend stopped mentioning it. I attempted to join their discussions about shared memories, but they just smiled politely before returning to their chat. When the topic shifted to politics—something I’m knowledgeable about—I tried to contribute, but they continued talking over me. Later, my girlfriend seemed upset that I wasn’t more involved. I told her that, despite my attempts, no one made the effort to include me, so I didn’t feel engaged. She didn’t accept that, so I shifted the topic by mentioning I was hungry. This encapsulates many similar experiences I’ve had repeatedly over the past year. I’m seeking advice—am I at fault, is it her fault, both of us, or something entirely different? In short, I feel invisible around my girlfriend's family, friends, coworkers, and relatives, a stark contrast to how I interact with other groups where she isn’t present. I have no reason to believe they dislike me, and I genuinely make an effort to be myself. What’s going on?

I'm a 32-year-old male and my girlfriend, who is 32, finds work venting really boring!

I strive to be a supportive boyfriend who listens to my girlfriend's challenges and is there for her. I’m attentive when she talks about her friends, but I find it difficult to stay engaged when she discusses her work. As a tax crime investigator, her conversations often revolve around intricate tax codes and detailed processes, and I struggle to concentrate during these discussions. I genuinely want to connect with her, especially since she takes the time to listen to my work-related frustrations as a psychiatrist. I don’t want our communication to feel one-sided, but listening to tax codes can be quite challenging for me. What can I do to navigate this without hurting her feelings?

How can I, a 27-year-old woman, express to my 30-year-old boyfriend that I feel our relationship is imbalanced?

I’m not great at confrontation or tough discussions, but I feel it’s necessary to address a difficult topic. It seems to me that I invest significantly more into our relationship than my boyfriend does. After four years together, I find myself constantly making excuses for him. While I love him, it feels like he doesn’t make an effort. I hardly see him, and when we are together, he’s often preoccupied with his phone. He’s currently unemployed, and prior to that, his income was low, which means I usually cover our expenses. He seldom gives me compliments, and when he does, it’s usually because I’ve asked for them—I just appreciate hearing something nice now and then. Overall, I’m not happy. I don’t want to end the relationship, but how can I express to him that if things don’t change, I might have to consider it?

I just need to vent about my relationship for a moment. I’m a 32-year-old female engaged to a 31-year-old male.

I'm honestly not sure where to begin, so I’ll start from the top. I’ve been with my fiancé for seven years, and we got engaged last August. Over the past year, he's started to pick fights with me over the smallest things. For instance, just yesterday, he picked me up from work (since my car is in the shop), and I was talking about wanting to go to the beach and what it would cost to split. He seemed on board and said he could cover his half in a few weeks. Then, I mentioned my new building and how we need to get insulation this weekend, something I’ve been bringing up for weeks. He replied that his friends were coming over Saturday, so why couldn't we go get it today? I explained that I didn’t want the insulation to just sit around for weeks because, let's be honest, if his friends are coming, it’s unlikely anything will get done. I suggested we wait another weekend instead, and he exploded, insisting that his friends would help him. I told him he couldn't rely on them for that and that waiting made more sense. What escalated into a huge argument was really unnecessary. If I’m paying for this insulation, why couldn’t he just say, "Let's go whenever you're ready to install it"? I want it in place, not just sitting there. To me, the whole argument felt absurd. He then said he was done and couldn’t continue living a life where we argue daily, especially when he comes home after a good day at work dreading our time together. As someone who’s pretty sensitive, hearing him say he was done really stung, and I know I won't forget it. I’m not sure why I’m even sharing this, but I need some perspective. I love him deeply and have supported him through some tough times, but the constant fighting over trivial things is exhausting and honestly makes me feel worthless. I realize now why he's often nonchalant when I discuss wedding planning, dismissing it as too expensive. Our entire wedding is under $10k, and I agreed to pay half, so it’s really not as costly as most weddings. I’m just feeling completely lost right now.

Should I, a 34-year-old woman, write a letter to my boyfriend, who is 32, regarding our recent argument?

I'm using a throwaway account because my boyfriend is aware of my main one. I’ll keep this brief, but feel free to ask if you need more details! On Monday night, my boyfriend (32M) and I (34F) had an argument that lasted until 2 AM. We both crossed some lines, and when we hung up, I felt like the issue still lingered. He had gone out with friends the night before, didn’t sleep well Sunday night, and our argument kept him from resting on Monday, making him really tired on Tuesday. We barely spoke, and I decided to give him some space. Throughout yesterday, we didn’t communicate much (he didn’t text me, which made me think he wanted to keep his distance), but I did send a message to confirm our plans for tonight (Thursday). I felt pretty down yesterday but didn’t want to spark another argument since he seemed to be acting somewhat normally. Just to clarify, our fight wasn’t about anything he did with his friends. He did something reminiscent of my ex, which I tried to discuss with him, but his response of "I didn't think about it" triggered me even more. We’ve been together for about 11 months. We have a tendency to argue in a way that leaves things unresolved, which is why Monday's disagreement felt particularly intense— I've never felt closure after our fights, and it builds up over time. So, I decided to write him a letter apologizing for my reaction and explaining why what he did upset me. I also asked him to acknowledge that he understands my feelings and requested that he avoid similar behavior in the future. My question is: should I send him the letter? If so, when? We have a nice date planned for tonight, and I don’t want to ruin it by bringing this up again. At the same time, I fear that not sending the letter will leave this fight unresolved like the others we've had. Thanks for your input!

I'm a 24-year-old man, and I often feel that when I say 'no' to my girlfriend, it doesn't truly mean no. She tends to get her way or makes me feel guilty about it.

I feel like my girlfriend doesn’t really take me seriously when I say no, and it often leads to me feeling guilty. Her mom got me the job at her workplace, and if I stay employed for three months, her mom gets a £300 referral bonus. I started at 28 hours a week over four days, but then my manager informed me that I’d been transitioned into a full-time role with five days and more hours. While I initially requested this at the interview, when my girlfriend’s mom learned about the change, she began stressing out, saying I shouldn’t take it because it’s hard work and that they’re likely taking advantage of me. I agree; it seems like they don’t want to hire another person. When I shared this with my girlfriend and her mom, they both insisted I shouldn’t go full-time, and it visibly annoyed my girlfriend, too, making her agitated and upset. In another situation, my girlfriend asked me multiple times if I wanted to accompany her to visit her uncle on my days off, but I told her no because I just wanted to relax. After she asked me three times, her mom found out I said no, and then they both ganged up on me again.

I'm a 30-year-old woman, and I'm struggling to find a good compromise regarding texting with my boyfriend, who is also 30.

Hi, I'm a 30-year-old woman in a relationship with a 30-year-old man, and we've been together for over six months. From the very beginning, he’s asked me to text him every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed. Honestly, I find it uncomfortable because it feels controlling, unnatural, and overwhelming. I've never done this kind of thing with anyone else, even with the people I care about most. It's just not my style (I have autism and PTSD), and what might seem like a simple task for others is actually repetitive and quite frustrating for me. When I send him “good morning” or “good night” texts, it feels like an obligation rather than something I genuinely want to do. He becomes upset if I forget or if something urgent comes up, or if I’m not feeling well (I deal with a chronic illness). There are many reasons I might skip those messages, and it’s starting to create resentment on my part. I do plenty of other things to show I care about him, but the texting routine bothers me because it seems driven by anxiety or obsession on his part. I believe there are different ways to express that someone is important, and I sense that he might feel I’m not progressing fast enough in our relationship, which causes him to push for more communication. We’ve discussed this before, but he insists it’s essential for him because many of his friends text him constantly, and that’s what he’s used to. Meanwhile, I prefer less constant communication, only texting when I have something to say or want to check in. I don’t understand why that isn’t sufficient for him. He has many great qualities, and I’m trying my best to show appreciation for him sincerely and keep our relationship strong. However, I really wish he would ease up on the texting expectation.

I, a 19-year-old male, wish to distance myself from my girlfriend, who is 18.

My girlfriend has been paying me less attention lately. She's been moody, rarely calls, and doesn't seem interested in spending time together. When I ask if she wants to hang out, her responses are always just "I don't mind" or "sure." I often invite her out for breakfast when she stays over, and I'm happy to pay. Recently, she planned a trip with her friends, leaving next week, which caught me off guard. Since making those plans, she's become distant and claims to be busy with "stuff," but she doesn't share any details. I can't shake the feeling that she no longer cares about me, as she doesn't show me any affection anymore. We've started arguing over minor issues, and I realize I'm investing too much energy into these conflicts. I want to learn how to detach myself emotionally and become less dependent on her, especially while she's away with her friends. I'm looking for advice on how to do this. TL;DR: I feel like my girlfriend doesn't care anymore, and I want to be less reliant on her.

My boyfriend [27M] has called off our plans to meet his work colleagues. What’s the best way to discuss this with him without hurting his feelings? I'm [25F].

My boyfriend recently passed a significant exam that he had been struggling with, and I supported him through the ups and downs. I helped him with his revisions, but I never expected anything in return; I was just glad to be there for him. Today, he finally got the good news! He asked me if I wanted to go out for dinner and drinks after work, and since I had a day off, I immediately started getting ready. We don’t get to go on dates very often, and I was really looking forward to it. I even rescheduled my run with a friend so I could celebrate with him. However, a few hours ago, he texted to say he wanted to go out for drinks with his coworkers instead and suggested we could reschedule our date. I expressed my disappointment because I had canceled my plans and was already prepared. He seemed set on going out with them, so I decided to let him go and have fun. I mentioned that I felt a bit like a second choice, but I stressed that he should enjoy himself and we could plan our date another time. Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned my feelings, since he should enjoy his celebration in his own way, but I couldn’t help feeling a bit let down and insecure. He then got upset with me, saying he felt guilty and that I was making it about my feelings. I apologized and explained that wasn’t my intent, but I thought it might be best to drop the subject so he could have a good evening. I wonder if I should have just kept my feelings to myself. I’m trying hard to be understanding, but this isn’t the first instance where he prioritized his work friends over me, and it hurts. He mentioned wanting to bring pizza home, and I know this might sound trivial, but we had pizza last night and I had already done my makeup, so I asked if we could get dinner instead. He said he would see what time he was done. I'm just unsure how to navigate this without hurting his feelings or ruining his night while also not undermining my own feelings. It feels like he's getting everything he wants, and I'm left just waiting for him to come back. I’m questioning whether I’m being unreasonable or if his actions are unfair. It’s frustrating because he’s been going through a tough time mentally, and it felt like we were finally reconnecting and enjoying our time together again. I appreciate any advice you can share!

I'm a 22-year-old guy, and I shared with my 20-year-old girlfriend that it seems like she's taking away from my life instead of contributing positively. She’s considering breaking up with me but is open to having a conversation later today to sort things out. I could use some advice on how to approach this.

I shared with my girlfriend that it feels as though she takes everything I offer without contributing to my life in return. I didn’t mean to express it this way; I truly love and care for her deeply. There have been about four previous instances where she criticized me rather than discussing what I might have done wrong. On one occasion, she seemed distant and unengaged throughout the day. When I asked her about it, she mentioned her dad was the cause. I offered her the space to talk, but she didn't want to share. Later that day, we visited my dad's house, and her demeanor changed completely. She was cheerful and interacted positively with my family, spending more time with them than with me. We had canceled our date to be with my family instead. I expressed my feelings of neglect, and she reassured me that we could spend time together the following day since we had planned to sleep over. As the day progressed, a miscommunication occurred regarding her wanting a drink. I went inside for dinner, thinking she was going to handle it herself. She came in visibly upset, and even when I tried to ask what was wrong, she ignored me and walked back outside. When she returned, I followed her in to clarify. Eventually, she revealed her frustration stemmed from me laughing with a friend of my family's, who is around our age. I tried to address the situation calmly, but she began to list all the things I had done wrong. Hearing her accusations deeply affected me emotionally, and I ended up crying and retreating to another room. When she came in to talk, I felt like she was reflecting the way her dad communicates—pointing out what’s wrong without resolving anything. It seemed like she was projecting her feelings onto me that day. I feel criticized without clear communication, and this has led to feelings of resentment towards her. These experiences have made it difficult for me to support her, and I often find myself questioning my own safety and comfort in our relationship. The day her dad hurt her, I canceled my plans to be there for her. However, despite my efforts to create a safe space, her behavior made it challenging. What troubled me further was learning she had spent time with someone without informing me, despite her previous insistence that I keep her updated about who I'm with. I brought up this issue, highlighting past incidents where she hadn’t communicated similarly, and I felt pushed to share everything without being dismissive of her feelings. She asserted that her struggles with her dad were her priority, which left me feeling unheard. I tried to be supportive but eventually went to see her because I was feeling increasingly unhappy. My negative experiences with her criticism made it difficult for me to express my feelings. I felt invalidated when she told me she couldn’t handle my emotions at that moment. In a moment of frustration, I voiced that it seemed like she took more from our love without adding anything in return. I regret saying that; it reflected my feelings of lacking comfort and peace in our relationship. After I shared these feelings, we decided to take a month-long break. Just five days in, she reached out, saying she wanted to end things because of my earlier comments. I expressed my desire to continue working on our relationship, and she mentioned being open to figuring things out honestly. I want to apologize and mend our relationship. How can I approach her constructively to make things right?

I, a 21-year-old female, feel like I'm not significant to my boyfriend, who is also 21.

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly four years. About 630 days ago, I asked him to take me out for dinner to celebrate his 21st birthday, but I mentioned I couldn’t stay out late because of an early shift the next morning. I also offered to invite friends, but he declined. When his birthday arrived, he called to say that his friends would be joining us and that he would hang out with them after dinner. I was okay with that, but while I was at work, he called again to let me know that one of his friends couldn’t make it until 9:30 PM, which was too late for me. I politely suggested that we have dinner at our originally planned time since he’d still get to see his friend afterward, but he refused because he wanted to wait for him. This made me feel unimportant and excluded, especially since we already struggle to find quality time together due to our full schedules as both full-time students and workers. He often cancels plans or prioritizes hanging out with others, and when I try to express my feelings about this, he doesn’t seem to understand my perspective. I’m not sure how to address these issues. I could really use some advice. TL;DR: I feel unimportant in my relationship and don't know how to address it with my boyfriend.

[20M/19F] looking for advice

I'm a 20-year-old guy and it's a bit tough to explain everything, but I'll do my best. My girlfriend, who is 19, and I have been together for almost a year. She's not very expressive and often struggles to show her care and love, but I know deep down that she truly loves me. I find myself often doing whatever she wants, almost like a puppet, but I’m completely fine with that dynamic. However, when we do argue, things can escalate quickly, sometimes even to the point of breaking up, although we never actually go through with it. I often end up complaining that she doesn't spend enough time with me or make me feel special, and that I don't feel appreciated. On the flip side, she accuses me of losing interest in her, liking other girls, and not understanding her. She feels like I make her tally my efforts, suggesting she doesn't contribute as much, and I admit I sometimes do that to prove my interest. If I didn’t care, then why would I put in the effort I do? Eventually, we try to meet up, and I often end up crying and apologizing. Afterward, we manage to laugh and smile together as if nothing happened, until the next argument arises. We're both looking for advice on how to minimize our fights and strengthen our bond, as this pattern is impacting our mental health and academics.

My partner [22 M] and I [21 F] have very different approaches to handling our emotions and resolving conflicts. I'm unsure how to find common ground.

I tend to be quite emotional and prefer to tackle conflicts directly and address issues as soon as they arise. My partner, on the other hand, needs some time to process things and often requires personal space before he can address problems. I want to honor both of our needs, but when he takes time for himself, I often feel unsettled and left in the dark. Do you have any advice on how we can find a compromise that works for both of us?

Looking for advice on public displays of affection. I'm a 23-year-old female, and my boyfriend is 25.

As noted in the title, my long-distance boyfriend enjoys public displays of affection, while I'm not comfortable with them. During his recent visit, he kissed me in public without asking for my consent. In the country we are in, public kissing is considered inappropriate, which makes me extremely anxious about the situation. I'm fairly certain that no one saw us and there were no cameras around, but I still want to address this. How can I communicate to him that I don't want him to do this again? I would really appreciate some advice.

Is it justified for me to feel irritated with my boyfriend?

Last week marked the 5-year anniversary for my boyfriend (25M) and me (24F). Unfortunately, he wasn’t feeling well, so we decided to postpone our celebration dinner by a week to ensure we could enjoy it fully. Now, after our meal, he’s suggested meeting up with a friend of his who invited him out for drinks. He asked if I’d like to join them. Am I overreacting to feel a bit upset about this? I was hoping for a special evening just for the two of us to celebrate. 😔

What are some ways I can improve my gift-giving skills for my boyfriend?

My boyfriend (19M) recently shared with me (18F) that he feels unappreciated because he thinks I don’t actively engage with his love language. He has expressed that his love language is gift-giving, and he often surprises me with thoughtful presents! I genuinely try to reciprocate his gestures, but I find it challenging to navigate how to give gifts in a way that feels meaningful. I'm worried that he won’t like the gifts I choose for him since he has such specific tastes and prefers niche items. I hate the idea of giving a gift that he might not truly enjoy, as it feels pointless if he has to pretend to like it just because it was a present. I’ve also considered planning surprise outings that I’d pay for, but again, I’m unsure if he would appreciate the experience, and I want it to be something he truly loves. The dilemma is that if I want the gift to be a surprise, I can't straightforwardly ask him what he wants. I'm feeling lost and would really appreciate any advice on how to improve my gift-giving skills! P.S. He’s not picky at all; I just want to make sure I give him something special and am afraid of disappointing him with a less-than-perfect gift.

Am I, a 22-year-old male, not giving enough attention to my 20-year-old girlfriend?

I'm not great with labels, so please don’t jump to conclusions just yet. My girlfriend is increasingly upset with me because she feels I'm not communicating with her enough. We do call 3-4 times a week, plus I send her snaps, TikToks, and messages. But here’s some context: I'm currently busy with university, and if I don’t stay on top of my work, I can quickly feel overwhelmed as exams approach. She, on the other hand, is in a college program where most of her work is completed during school hours, and once she’s done for the day, she has no additional responsibilities. Additionally, she doesn’t have many hobbies apart from scrolling on TikTok, while I’m involved in my own software development projects and play music in two different organizations, as well as enjoying some gaming. My schedule is quite full, and although I do find time for various activities, it becomes limited because we see each other frequently. I often sacrifice some of my free time dedicated to my projects just to spend time with her, which I genuinely enjoy—my hobbies take a backseat. However, our time apart (we attend different schools across the country) tends to escalate her frustration rapidly. For instance, if I’m studying and forget to message her for three hours, it becomes a huge issue. I receive a barrage of messages expressing her frustration about feeling ignored. She insists that she doesn’t want to beg for my attention and that I should naturally want to text her. She mentions that I’m studying too much, especially since the semester has just begun, and accuses me of having time for everything but her. In my view, these claims are exaggerated, and addressing them often makes the situation worse. Personally, I don’t require constant conversation to feel happy. Does that mean I don’t love her? I don’t believe so, but that's how she perceives it. I also value my peace and quiet; as an introvert, I can become stressed and anxious without time to unwind. The same goes for schoolwork—I find it hard to relax if I feel burdened with assignments. This creates a significant conflict. She is extroverted and has little schoolwork or hobbies, requiring constant attention, or she becomes upset. Do you have any advice? I find myself facing increased tension regularly, and it's starting to affect my mental health. Am I in the wrong? Should I be more dedicated?

I need assistance with how to discuss our relationship issues with my boyfriend. I'm 22, and so is he.

My boyfriend (22M) and I (22M) have been together for about two years, with a committed relationship lasting 1.5 years. Recently, I’ve been feeling like I keep making mistakes and am unsure how to improve the situation without making it worse. I’m looking for advice on effective communication. I tend to talk openly, and early on in our relationship, my boyfriend praised my willingness to discuss tough topics and be vulnerable about my needs. I’ve had some serious relationships before, both healthy and some that were less so, which taught me a lot about what I want and need. However, my boyfriend has mostly experienced short flings and hasn’t had the opportunity to develop a deeper emotional intimacy, making it hard for him to talk about concerns and problems. Initially, he was hesitant to commit and preferred not to plan for the future, but this has slowly changed over time. To get to the point: the past few months have been hard. External factors have affected our mental health, and while I sought comfort from him, he felt overwhelmed by my heightened need for his time. We’ve had about five tough conversations since October where I’ve expressed my unhappiness, often in tears. He then feels guilty for not being able to meet all my needs, which led us close to breakup discussions. He suggested that I might deserve someone who can fulfill all my needs, while I’ve reassured him that I know he's capable of it, as he did during our first year together. I love him deeply, and the majority of our relationship is wonderful; it's just been a challenging phase. In the past month and a half, things have improved as we addressed some external issues. I’ve apologized for my emotional breakdowns, especially after he shared that they created a rift in our relationship. Now, I’m afraid to bring up any concerns, fearing they’ll escalate into major issues. My reluctance to communicate is compounded by his tendency not to express what bothers him about my behavior, leaving me unsure whether there’s nothing wrong or if he’s just not sharing. This leads to an impression that I’m always complaining, and when I hold back, things seem to run more smoothly. I struggle to discuss our issues without unintentionally making him feel like a bad boyfriend who can’t make me happy. I believe that no partner is perfect and that it’s essential to learn how to love each other better; this insight comes from my past experiences. I don’t think he’s had serious enough relationships to realize what it takes to put in that extra effort and reflect on feelings. I’d appreciate any advice on how to communicate our problems in a kind and constructive way, as well as suggestions for encouraging him to share his needs with me so I can be a better partner. I’ve tried asking many “why” questions, but he often replies with “I don’t know,” which turns into a tense interrogation rather than a conversation. **TL;DR:** How can I better communicate with my boyfriend about relationship issues without it becoming an emotional struggle, and how can I encourage him to open up about his needs so I can improve as a partner?

[50F], [48F] - Partner is very sensitive and takes everything personally.

Can someone please explain why my partner takes everything so personally and what I can do about it? Today she was upset because I asked if she had checked the dogs' paws for dirt before they came into the living room. We live in the countryside, and after dog walks can get quite messy, so they usually stay in the conservatory until they dry off. I simply asked, "Did you check her paws?" I meant no harm; I only wanted to be sure since I know she sometimes forgets. The other day, she got emotional because the decorator used a colored caulk that I thought looked nice against the stained wood, but she disliked it. When I continued the conversation and mentioned how it concealed the previous messy paint job, she interpreted it as me disagreeing with her and ended up in tears. I was sharing my perspective, not trying to hurt her feelings. She seems to cry frequently and often blames me for her emotions. On another occasion, during a three-way conversation with her son, I was mostly listening. When her son asked for my input, I expressed that I didn’t want to get involved, as I didn't want her to feel cornered. She dramatically leaned back and exclaimed, "Oh my God, I feel ganged up on!" I recognize her sensitivity and genuinely want to support her, but it's frustrating when she attributes her feelings to me. I’m not claiming to be perfect, but I should be able to express my opinions without her getting upset. For context, my disagreements with others don’t usually lead to such strong reactions; they can handle differing views. She, however, tends to cry and become distressed around many people. How can I help her understand that her feelings and reactions are her own? I’m always willing to assist, but it's not fair for me to bear the blame for her tears or assumptions that I’m against her. I can’t be expected to take responsibility all the time, even though I often do. Any advice would be appreciated.

[27F] and [29M] are juggling numerous responsibilities... but is it really worth it?

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly three years. On our recent anniversary in October, I shared with him my feelings about potentially ending things. It struck me that on such a special day, I felt more hurt than happy about the time we've spent together. The main challenge for me is his presence in our relationship. No matter how committed he is, he always seems to have distractions that take away his time and attention. He deals with ADHD and has an avoidant attachment style, while I struggle with ADHD and anxiety, which adds to our complexities. While he sometimes manages household chores, it often seems like when he does, he uses that extra time to disconnect from our life together. I often feel like I'm the one managing everything and taking the initiative. I notice that he makes time for things that matter to him, but he finds it difficult to develop similar habits for us. Emotional intimacy and being present feels like something we have to work on actively, rather than something that comes naturally. I recognize that there are positive changes, but I can’t help but wonder if they’re enough. Am I settling because he struggles to meet my expectations of what a partner should be? He’s a kind and loving person, but I worry that despite his words, he may not fully understand my needs. Sometimes it seems like if someone truly wanted to prioritize our relationship, they would do so without needing extra encouragement. He often feels overwhelmed with everything he’s dealing with. When we first got together, he was in medical school but not doing well. He made a significant life change, moving away from a toxic family situation and I encouraged him to get his life together—and he did, but the toll it took on him often left me feeling neglected. I’ve asked him to be more proactive about household chores, even though I know he’s going through challenges, and he’s made strides in that area. However, it still leaves me feeling overlooked. I’ve also asked for more emotional support and engagement, and while he’s willing, his burdens prevent him from being fully present. I do see him making an effort and expressing his love in his own way, which reminds me of the person I fell in love with. But I still find myself questioning: why isn’t it enough?

I'm a 21-year-old female who loves to chat, while my boyfriend, who is 23, tends to be more reserved. Here’s how things are going—do you think it’s a positive sign?

I'm a 21-year-old woman and I play in a band. I met him, a 23-year-old man, during a trip where he was the best friend of our bassist. After the trip, he invited me out, and we went on several dates. However, despite feeling a physical attraction, I found our conversations often dull and unengaging. At that time, I was very into myself and decided to turn him down. We remained friends for the next year. As for my background, I’m a designer with a deep curiosity about the world. I love engaging in long, meaningful conversations on a variety of topics, particularly art, social issues like women's rights, and philosophical inquiries. My previous relationships were with artistic individuals who could discuss things for hours and made me feel like we could conquer anything together, but eventually, they would become avoidant and lose interest. I've realized I tend to be attracted to charming but emotionally distant men, and I often prioritize the exhilarating rush of romance over seeing people's true actions. I enjoy reading and listening to podcasts about various subjects. Now, regarding him: he's an architect, quite skilled in math, chemistry, and physics, but not particularly passionate about those subjects. He approaches challenges with practicality, focused on everyday problem-solving. While he's not naturally curious about things that don't serve a practical purpose, he dives deeply into topics that interest him, like coffee, fashion, and music. He's responsible, hardworking, and calm—traits I admire, as many older people struggle to maintain their composure under stress. After a year of friendship, I started to see him as a person rather than a potential romantic partner. During that year, we dated others, but not for long. We bonded over our dark humor, and I continued to find him attractive, particularly appreciating his stoic nature. I often talked to him about motorcycles, a topic of mutual interest, and eventually bought one for my travels. I always found him appealing but felt he didn't fit my ideal "interesting" type—someone who is a curious conversationalist and shares my adventurous spirit. Up until five months ago, I held a narrow view of what an interesting person should be. Then, he asked me to coffee, and during our conversations, I realized how comfortable I felt around him, despite my attempt to convince myself not to develop feelings because our chemistry was undeniable. Over the next couple of months, we grew closer, spending Sundays together. However, like before, I often felt responsible for keeping the conversation alive. As we engaged in different activities beyond just talking, like visiting galleries or going out with the band, my feelings for him deepened. One day, I confronted him, asking whether we were friends or if there was something more. We decided to create some distance between us but ended up kissing while a bit tipsy, leading to more outings and ultimately an intimate relationship. About two months after that initial coffee, we became an official couple. Initially, I was frustrated with our dynamic, as I felt burdened by the weight of our conversations and we often experienced long silences. I communicated this to him in a detailed note outlining what I valued in our relationship, expressing my desire for deeper discussions and exploration of our shared interests. I realized I didn’t fully understand my own needs, believing that he merely needed to be more talkative. After months of me sharing my thoughts with him, he eventually expressed his worry about not being interesting enough for me, feeling less knowledgeable compared to my previous conversationalist friends. I shared with him that after spending time with him and the band members, I came to appreciate different traits in people. I discovered that love encompasses so much more than simply engaging conversations. His calm demeanor and thoughtful responses to my troubles have been incredibly grounding for me, matching well with my emotional nature. I realized that my feelings for him were rooted in genuine connection rather than superficial elements. We nearly cried during a video call as we navigated these revelations. The best part is that I've noticed significant progress. There are moments when I hit the right notes with him, allowing him to express his perspectives on topics I typically don't discuss. He naturally listens more than he speaks but wants to engage. I believe I can help him develop his conversational skills, encouraging him to explore various subjects more freely. Yet, there are still worries on both sides, and we recognize the need for more time to understand one another. If anyone has experienced something similar or has advice, I would genuinely appreciate the insight. I truly want to fight for our relationship, as I think it's worthwhile. We've met each other’s families, and his is incredibly welcoming, which makes me envision a future together.

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6