Relationship advices: Communication Problems

REPOSTING WITH PARAGRAPHS! Is it possible for my boyfriend (20M) and me (20F) to repair our relationship after being together for three years?

Hello everyone! I anticipate this will be a bit of a lengthy post, so I appreciate your patience. My boyfriend and I go way back to middle school when we met and quickly became best friends. He moved a few hours away to live with his dad during our freshman year and ended up dating someone who wasn't fond of me (yet would still message me about their problems?). He came back during our sophomore year, and we reignited our friendship. At that time, I was in a pretty toxic relationship with my ex, and my boyfriend really helped me navigate my way out of that situation. We started talking in July 2021 and officially began dating in April 2022. I know it seems like a long period of "talking," but I wanted to take the time to heal before jumping into another relationship; the last thing I wanted was to drag him down with me. From July 2021 to December 2022, he was absolutely amazing—always there for me, complimenting me, and making me feel special. It was like he was putting in extra effort to win my heart over again. In January 2023, we hit a rough patch and ended up breaking up after a series of arguments. I admit that when we argue, it can get pretty intense. I have bipolar disorder, which means I often react more strongly to situations than others might. After about a month, we got back together, but we've been a bit on and off since then—we'd have months where we were great, only to slip back into conflict. I want to clarify that neither of us has cheated during our time apart, but we would meet occasionally to catch up because we missed each other. Things were going well for months, but lately, we’ve been facing friction again. Since the election, our arguments have escalated over trivial political discussions, and talking politics with him feels like talking to a brick wall. We've been bickering over various topics, including plans to hang out and him not putting in as much effort as he used to. Just the other day, I walked into his room to find him on his phone, watching YouTube with an AirPod in, barely acknowledging my presence. It seems silly, but it genuinely upset me because he hasn't been the same for a while. While he’s still a wonderful person, it feels like he no longer feels the need to put in that same effort to chase me, even though I'm still trying to show him my affection. He does thoughtful things, but I often feel like I'm not his top priority. Two days ago, I asked him if he wanted to hang out the next day, and he agreed. (We live just three minutes apart.) When I called him yesterday morning to check in, he mentioned he and his mom were going to Walmart and that I could come over afterward, but they didn't leave until around 4 PM. I only found out they had gone when I passed them on my way to town. Despite being in touch throughout the day, he spent most of it playing Xbox. When he finally got home, he called to say he was taking a nap and that I could visit him afterward before he headed out with friends. I felt discouraged because I had been looking forward to seeing him all day, and it felt like he could make firm plans with his friends but not with me. This has been a recurring issue in recent weeks—he's often had time off or said he would be free, only to get called into work unexpectedly or have to stay longer. I've expressed that it feels like he doesn't want to see me, and he insists that's not the case and that things come up. After an hour of arguing, I suggested he take his nap and we could return to the conversation later. When he came over after his nap, he shared that he wasn't sure if he wanted to continue our relationship since we couldn't seem to stop fighting and he didn't know how to resolve things anymore. I urged him that if he could just put in a little more effort, it might help me do my part as well. I recognize I’m often the one who gets upset and instigates conflicts. He’s generally laid-back and lets me express myself without getting angry (he’s a stoner, which might explain his relaxed nature). But I get frustrated about his lack of effort. We ended up talking for a while and agreed that we want to work on our relationship because we're both tired of the constant strife. He expressed concern about worsening my mental health, given that I’ve been dealing with stress from other areas of my life, and he genuinely wants to see me happy. I love my boyfriend, and I know he loves me too; we’re just both exhausted from the conflicts. This turned out to be a lengthy rant, but I thought some context would be helpful. I’m at a bit of a loss and would love to learn how to communicate better and express my feelings without causing conflict. I feel positive and determined about wanting to fix our relationship, and it’s reassuring that we both share that desire. If anyone has tips on how we can navigate this more smoothly and reduce our arguments, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you to everyone who took the time to read this, and thanks in advance for any advice!

Non-Playable Character Boyfriend

I'm a 19-year-old female, and my boyfriend is 20. We've been together for a year, having met at university, and overall, our relationship has been wonderful. He’s incredibly sweet and genuinely cares for me. He’s emotionally mature for his age and is attentive to my feelings, often knowing when I’m upset and what to say to comfort me. However, I have concerns about the depth of our relationship. Despite being together for a year, I've only been to his dorm once and met his friends just once. I feel like we struggle to have meaningful conversations without them becoming awkward. During our interactions, he often responds in a way that feels dismissive, like saying "I see," which leaves me feeling unheard. It doesn’t seem like he’s trying to avoid conversation; it feels more like he just doesn’t have much to say. Additionally, he rarely shares his opinions on various topics. I believe it's essential for a future partner to engage in discussions about daily life, politics, and things we find interesting, but I often feel bored when we try to talk about these subjects. We’re not particularly close – I only see him once a week, and our time together mainly consists of going to the movies, sharing a meal, and some affectionate moments. I hadn’t realized how crucial intellectual intimacy was to me until this relationship. As it stands, I feel as though I can’t engage with him about the world without losing interest. We’re both each other’s firsts in terms of relationships and kisses, but I worry that if I continue in this relationship, I might end up feeling dissatisfied and trapped, simply staying out of fear of the unknown. Since he’s a year older, I think if I ended things now, he’d have more opportunities to meet others who might want a long-term relationship with him. He’s really an amazing person, and I don’t want to waste his time, especially since we both take dating seriously. He’s always willing to address issues and work on the emotional side of things, but I wonder if this particular challenge—his personality—can really be worked on. While he cares about my feelings, which is sweet, I yearn for more engaging conversations about deeper topics. Even after a year, the silences still feel awkward, and I don’t envision that changing. We recently watched a movie that touched on religion, which I thought would spark a deeper conversation, but he became awkward and struggled to express his thoughts. Often, he ends up saying "never mind," leaving me frustrated by his inability to communicate about life in a meaningful way. I question whether I truly love him and if this relationship can survive beyond our fun college years, especially when we face real-life decisions and the initial excitement fades. Since he’s often busy, our texting mainly consists of simple daily updates, usually amounting to about five messages a day, with our in-person meetings just once weekly. I tend to see him as sweet and caring because he tends to accommodate my desires, but I realize this is partly due to his lack of a strong personality or distinct opinions, which is something I find frustrating. So, my dilemma is this: Should I stay in a relationship that I don’t see having a happy future, or should I end it so we can both explore opportunities for deeper connections with others that could lead to lasting happiness?

I'm a 26-year-old woman feeling overlooked and unsupported by my 28-year-old partner. Should I consider moving on?

My partner and I have been together for five years. About five months into our relationship, we moved in together and spent four years as roommates until he decided to move out to focus on his startup. I understood his decision, as I also hold a demanding leadership position, and we both want to advance our careers before considering marriage. He relocated just 15 minutes away, and for the first six months, we spent weekends together, as well as time during my periods. However, things began to shift when his work travel intensified. He has never been the best at texting, but during his trips, his responses became almost nonexistent, even after I expressed how much it upset me. I stayed up late for calls, but he always prioritized work instead. While he chats enthusiastically with friends, he barely acknowledges my messages, even when he's online. In person, he’s often glued to his phone or laptop; while he listens, it feels like he’s not fully present. I’ve conveyed my feelings about this, but there hasn’t been any change. For my birthday, I like to throw big parties (which I cover the costs for). Last year, when I requested his help with the guest list, he told me to handle it myself, despite the fact that I take care of his birthday plans every year without complaint. He hasn't given me a gift since our first year together, and he doesn't acknowledge our anniversary. I've come to expect minimal effort—perhaps just dinner. It’s not about money—he earns more than I do, and I’ve never anticipated financial support from him since I treat myself to what I want—but his lack of initiative is painful. Our intimate life has dwindled as well. I stopped trying to initiate after facing frequent rejection due to his low libido, even when we were living together. Now, I often feel sad after moments of intimacy. He rarely visits me, and when I go to his place, he sometimes calls me a distraction. Recently, after a light-hearted joke about him not opening the car door for me, he snapped at me to “get the f*** out of his house.” I still have feelings for him, but each meeting leaves me feeling heartbroken. He is kind, intelligent, and genuinely cares for me, always putting his work aside when I'm going through a tough time. However, I’m exhausted from asking for the bare minimum: flowers only when I request them, and dates only when I organize them. I don’t see the point in staying when I feel I receive so little in return. He claims these are just our growth years and insists things will improve after marriage, but I’m beginning to doubt that. He was so affectionate when we first started dating, and I can’t quite understand what has changed.

I'm a 27-year-old man in a long-distance relationship with a 26-year-old woman, and I've noticed that she tends to avoid sending pictures. This has begun to bother me. Any advice would be appreciated!

I’m a 27-year-old male in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend, who is 26, and we’ve been together for nearly a year. Although we’ve exchanged photos in the past, she hasn’t felt comfortable sharing any new ones since then. To clarify, I’m not looking for anything out of the ordinary—just typical, casual pictures, like selfies or snapshots of her daily life. This seems like a normal aspect of a relationship, especially in a long-distance situation where connecting visually can help bridge the gap. Whenever I bring it up, she either expresses reluctance to share photos or changes the subject, suggesting we revisit it later. I’ve been trying to honor her boundaries, but after almost a year, it feels a bit unsettling. I’m starting to wonder if I’m overreacting or if there’s something more significant at play. Am I being unreasonable to want this? How can I approach the situation in a way that doesn’t make her uncomfortable? I’m unsure if it’s a trust issue on my side or if she’s simply not as open. In summary: My long-distance girlfriend hasn’t shared any photos with me in the past year, and she tends to sidestep the topic when I ask. I’m conflicted about whether I should be concerned or just let it go. How should I address this?

How to Request Simple Photos (Non-Nude)

I'm an 18-year-old male in a long-distance relationship with my 19-year-old girlfriend, and we've been together for about five months. I believe it's important to share pictures regularly—not necessarily anything explicit, just everyday photos to keep each other connected and updated. However, I've noticed that she rarely sends me pictures compared to how often I send them. I really enjoy seeing her, so I'm wondering: what’s the best way to ask her politely for more photos?

My girlfriend (24) and I (28) are planning to move in together in the next few months. What logistical considerations should we keep in mind?

As a straight man, I’ve only lived with one girlfriend in the past, and our move-in experience was lacking in communication. We made the decision to live together due to leaving university, and it ultimately led to a lot of resentment. Now, with my current girlfriend, we’ve been together for 1.5 years and have chosen to live separately the whole time—she’s in a house share, and I’m living with a friend. Our relationship is very healthy, with open and honest communication. I want to make sure that I consider any differences that might arise from changing our current living situations, as I don’t want to repeat the same mistakes as before. My goal is to reach a point where our journey together culminates in a ring and a shared future.

What in the world is happening?

My girlfriend encouraged me to buy a house a year earlier than I had planned. I wanted to wait because I felt it would be better to reduce my credit card debt and increase my savings first. Additionally, I was curious about the raise I might receive this year. When I expressed this, she got upset, saying she was tired of living in our apartment. As a result, I ended up covering all the costs for the new house. Later that evening, I took three of our cats to the vet for their vaccinations. She didn’t want to stop by the apartment before heading to the new house to start assembling the furniture I had paid for because her car was broken, which was a separate issue altogether. I had taken a look at her car, gave her my opinion about the problem, but she chose to trust someone at work who claimed to know more. When we arrived at the house and started putting together the furniture, one of our cats stayed close to me, while the other two were hiding. Eventually, we found them jammed into a small space next to the fridge. I put them in a separate room to give them a safe place to hide, but she let them out again, and they returned to their hiding spot. After four hours, I was thirsty, and I noticed the cats were stressed, so I suggested we return home for drinks and to let the cats settle down. She told me she was too tired to make the trip, but I insisted I would take the cats back since they were uncomfortable. She managed to convince me to help her assemble a couple more chairs, but we discovered the legs were mismatched. Even after that, I reiterated my plan to leave, and she suggested just picking her up later. Eventually, she understood and came with me, but then she blamed me for leaving an upstairs light on, which I ignored while turning off the porch light that I hadn’t touched all night. We drove home in silence. Now, she’s gone to bed early and isn’t talking to me. What did I do wrong?

My boyfriend (18M) has been acting distant lately, and I'm unsure how to handle it.

We've been together for almost six months now, but lately, he's been acting distant and unresponsive. It feels like he suddenly stopped expressing his affection—no more "I love you" or "I miss you," and his compliments have faded away. When I ask if he’s okay or if he still loves me, he reassures me that he does, but at times it seems like his feelings have changed. He doesn't initiate kisses like he used to, and instead, he just lies in my bed and falls asleep. When I check in on him, he simply says he’s tired. I'm a bit of an overthinker and I tend to need a lot of reassurance. Since I’ve been hearing "I love you" less often, it's really been weighing on me. I want to support him and I’m not ready to walk away, but I’m not sure how to address these feelings.

What did he give me?

So, based on what he said, they are: “Technically tangible.” It’s an experience. We're heading to a place that's not particularly exciting, and it's on the Las Vegas Strip. Sort of. We’ve never talked about it before, so I’m puzzled as to why he believes I'll be thrilled. What did he get for me? Curiosity can be dangerous.

My Girlfriend (45F) Keeps Giving Me Wedgies (18M)

For context, she is my mom’s former colleague, and we began chatting after I turned 18, so there's nothing inappropriate about our relationship. Over the past six months, she's taken to sneaking up behind me and giving me wedgies, which means she pulls my underwear up into my backside. I've asked her to stop multiple times, but she hasn’t listened. I realize it may sound trivial, but she’s significantly taller and stronger than I am—5’11 compared to my 5’4. What would be an effective way to express that this bothers me?

I (21 M) feel terrible every time I discuss my emotions with my girlfriend (21 F).

I've been dating my girlfriend (21F) for the past two months, and I’m feeling really exhausted. From the start, we both agreed to be open and honest about our feelings. Initially, we faced some typical relationship challenges, but we worked through them together. I put in a lot of effort to make her happy. However, just one month in, she started getting upset over what I consider minor issues, shutting down communication, and disappearing. Here are a few examples: * I told her multiple times that I was tired and planned to go to bed early, but it still upset her. * While we were watching a movie, I went to grab some water and she sent me an Instagram video that I didn’t check out because I wanted to focus on the movie. * I spent time chatting with my friends. Last week, I finally shared my feelings about her behavior, explaining how her reactions made me feel awful, but I also reassured her that I was open to discussing things. Unsurprisingly, she didn’t take it well. Yet, the next morning, we talked as if nothing significant had happened. Today, she sent me a video saying, *"When I try to express my feelings and he responds with 'I hear you, baby,' instead of 'Why do you have to make a problem out of everything?'"* She added, *"Unfortunately, you made me feel like the second part."* It appears that I’m somehow at fault for not fully understanding her feelings. Sometimes she claims it’s merely *"her attitude,"* which I don't think is a valid excuse. Every time I try to express my feelings, I end up feeling like I'm doing something wrong or saying hurtful things to her. This situation is becoming overwhelming, and I don’t feel at peace in our relationship. I find myself overthinking every little action, which I really dislike, but I still love her. I’m not sure if this is just because it’s my first relationship, but I worry that if I choose to end things, I might come across as someone cruel who hurt someone just trying to be understood.

I'm a 19-year-old woman and I find myself getting upset with my 18-year-old boyfriend over both minor and major issues. How can I manage this more effectively?

Recently, I've noticed that my boyfriend seems to be pulling away from me, and I believe it’s linked to how I manage conflict in our relationship. I get upset not just over minor issues but also about ongoing concerns that really bother me. For instance, I've asked him to stop making insensitive comments about my appearance, frequently checking out other girls' Instagram profiles, and treating me as if I'm inferior in certain situations. These behaviors genuinely upset me, and when they occur, I react with anger because I feel disrespected. I'm also exhausted from having to repeat myself and continuously ask him to make changes. However, when I do get upset, I struggle to move past it and often end up having what some might call a tantrum. Even in times when we could resolve the issue, I tend to prolong the argument, which escalates to a point where I start to feel guilty for overreacting. I recognize that this behavior causes him to withdraw, and I don't blame him; he’s a good boyfriend in many ways, and I can see how my anger and tendency to hold onto grievances are impacting him. I want to learn how to express the things that hurt me without losing my temper or making him feel more distant. What strategies can I use to manage these conflicts in a healthier way so we can strengthen our bond? In short, I find myself getting really angry at my boyfriend over both minor irritations and persistent issues I've requested he address, like making jokes about my looks, obsessively browsing other girls' Instagram pages, and treating me as though I'm less significant. Although my feelings are valid, I tend to prolong arguments until I feel guilty, even though he is a good boyfriend overall. How can I share my frustrations more constructively without escalating situations or harboring resentment?

My boyfriend (21m) mentioned to my best friend (18f) that he thinks I’m being too distant. I’m a 19-year-old female, and I’m not sure how to address this. What can I do to improve the situation?

I’m a 19-year-old female, and about a week ago, I had a really traumatic experience. Since then, I've noticed that I’ve been acting differently—more reserved and less outgoing—as I try to come to terms with what happened. This situation is even harder because it coincided with some personal struggles I was already facing. I kept my boyfriend, who is 21, informed while everything was happening, and he was aware of the issues I was dealing with. Whenever we met, I apologized for my quieter demeanor and reassured him that I truly enjoy our time together. He always reassured me that it was alright. However, I found out two days ago that he had messaged my best friend, expressing concerns about my distance and suggesting that he thinks I might be losing interest in him. This really upset me for several reasons: A) He reached out to my friend instead of checking in on me, B) He knows I’m going through a lot and I’ve made it clear that my feelings for him haven't changed, and C) While he claims I don’t text or call him as much, he’s never made the initiative to contact me first. On top of the traumatic event, I'm also a college student preparing for finals, and with the holidays approaching, there’s a lot on my plate. After learning about his message to my friend—who he asked not to tell me—I reached out to him again, expressing my apologies once more for being quieter and explaining the reasons: the trauma, school, and holiday stress. He said it was fine, but today in class, after I hadn’t replied for about 10-15 minutes, he started spamming me about wanting to change his schedule at work to spend more time together. It’s just frustrating because he claims I don’t initiate communication, yet I’m the one who reaches out first every day. I talk about wanting to see him and making plans, and despite my apologies and explanations, it feels like it’s never enough. What hurts even more is that instead of checking on me, he chose to confide in my best friend. I’m at a loss on how to address this situation. I really like him, but this constant feeling of being suffocated is overwhelming, and it seems like no amount of communication can resolve the issue of him feeling I’m too distant. In short, I feel like I’m not getting this right. My boyfriend thinks I’m too distant, and I’m not sure how to fix it. Any advice?

What strategies can I use to stay calm during arguments with my girlfriend?

I'm a 20-year-old male, and my girlfriend, who is 18, and I have been arguing more frequently lately, despite being together for three years. She has mentioned that she doesn’t appreciate my tone during our disagreements, which I completely understand. However, I don’t always recognize when I'm being rude or dismissive in the moment. I want to be able to remain calm and truly listen to her, but I often find myself feeling defensive. If anyone has any tips on how to manage this, I would greatly appreciate it. TL;DR: Seeking advice on how to stay calm during arguments.

Looking for assistance with communication.

I’m a man in my 50s, and I’ve been married to my wife, who’s in her mid-40s, for 20 years. Like many couples, we've experienced our fair share of ups and downs. Overall, we’re somewhat content—I wouldn’t call it happiness, but we’re not unhappy either. I sense that she’s more at ease with our situation than I am; I wish we could spend more time together, but neither of us is contemplating a separation. However, I’m beginning to feel overwhelmed by the way we communicate. She often tells me that I have a tone she finds displeasing. I try to be mindful of this, but I can’t deny that it happens. When we argue, she tends to raise her voice and interrupts me before I can finish even a single thought. She jumps in with her own assumptions, completely disregarding what I was trying to articulate. It feels like she’s not listening at all—she doesn’t engage to understand; she only hears enough to react. When I attempt to discuss our communication issues in a calm moment, she seems frustrated and often cuts me off. In the two decades we’ve been together, I can recall her apologizing to me only three times. I acknowledge that I’m not perfect, but I’m starting to feel emotionally drained. I’ve attended individual therapy, where I’ve gained insights into my communication style and my reactions to her words. Unfortunately, she’s not willing to pursue individual therapy and stopped attending couples counseling as soon as the discussions turned serious. I’m at a loss for what to do. I want to make her happy, but I’m unsure how to achieve that anymore. I struggle to find a way for her to listen long enough to grasp my perspective. I feel lost and need guidance. Thank you for your assistance.

Facing Challenges in Expressing My Feelings as a 21-Year-Old Female in My Relationship with My 21-Year-Old Boyfriend, While Aiming to Be Understood Without Sparking Conflict

I’m a 21-year-old female who struggles to express my feelings when I’m upset, both in my relationship and with others. This often leads me to become emotional or use a tone that can come off as condescending, which is not my intention and makes communication difficult. Recently, I went through a challenging week after a medical procedure that left me feeling physically and mentally exhausted. My boyfriend, who is 21, was aware of this, but I felt he didn't offer the support I needed. A few days later was my birthday, and I shared with him that I was disappointed about having to work all day. I had hoped he would do something special for me, especially since I went all out for his birthday just two weeks earlier. I even made him his favorite childhood pie from scratch, surprised him with a celebration when he came home from school, complete with candles and gifts. However, after my shift on my birthday, I came home to no surprises. He even asked me to get snacks when I hadn’t eaten and then brought back food just for himself, saying he "forgot the flowers." For context, we had decided at the last minute to see each other after I finished work because I wanted to spend time with him, and he had already given me my birthday present a couple of days ahead of time. I tried to lift my spirits, but later that night, he became irritated when I attempted to talk while we were watching a movie—one we had seen before. The next morning, we went to the mall and tried on clothes; I even purchased perfume for both of us for Christmas so we could pick out scents for each other. Afterward, I drove 30 minutes to pick him up from hanging out with friends, paid for his meal, and took him home. The following morning, I mentioned the flowers again, and he dismissed it with, "How long is your birthday going to last?" When I tried to explain why my birthday is important to me and how I wanted to feel celebrated by him, his response was just, "I apologize," followed by him turning away. This pattern of reacting to my concerns by simply apologizing and then ending the conversation without further discussion is becoming frustrating. Although this makes my relationship sound troubling, there is a lot of love between us. He puts in effort in other ways, like always wanting to spend time with me. We've been together for two years, and this is his first serious relationship, so I recognize that he’s still learning. I care for him deeply and want us to grow together, but I also need my feelings to be acknowledged and validated. I'd genuinely appreciate an outside perspective. How can I approach this situation better, or is this dynamic a potential red flag? I prefer not to discuss this with my friends as I know they would automatically take my side, and I don’t want them to form negative opinions about him. Honest feedback would be really helpful—thank you for taking the time to read this!

25M (me) 22F - Do you think texting every day is essential?

Hello everyone, My partner and I have been together for about 8 months now, seeing each other 2-3 times a week. I love her, but there are some days when we don't message at all. I'm curious about how other couples handle this. Do you communicate regularly throughout the day? Does it make you uneasy if you don’t talk to your partner for a whole day? I’ve brought this up with her before, asking how often she prefers to message, and she said she’s fine with daily communication but also comfortable with not messaging every day. I don’t want to come across as clingy by insisting we need to talk every day. She usually reaches out first if we haven’t spoken in a day or two, checking in on me. Is anyone else here in a similar situation? How do you feel about not speaking every day? Is daily communication essential for you?

My boyfriend hasn't been keeping anyone updated recently.

Hello! I’m a 20-year-old female, and my boyfriend, who is 21, and I have not communicated for a month. This situation began when he started struggling in his IT classes last semester. For some background, he was previously the class valedictorian and graduated with the highest grades in his school's history. He switched his major from Computer Science to Information Technology and transferred schools looking for a "fresh start." He chose this field primarily for financial reasons, having read about it on Reddit. Unfortunately, instead of improving, he seems to have given up. I've heard he even skipped his practical exams, leaving his groupmates in a tough position and barely able to pass. This behavior is very uncharacteristic of him. I’ve tried my best to support him, as have his friends, but he has withdrawn into isolation, fearing that he might “hurt others.” He used to have a carefree attitude and would often get into conflicts, but he has become more reserved over time, particularly after we started dating, which helped him move past his gambling addiction. Both his friends and I are really concerned about him. While I want to be there for him, my grandfather was hospitalized, and I’ve had to prioritize that. I’ve continued to reach out and keep him updated, but he hasn’t replied. He’s isolating himself from everyone. I even contacted his father when he missed an event he was supposed to host, but they dismissed it, saying he was just “tired.” I’m genuinely at a loss for what to do. Breaking up isn’t an option for me; I don’t want to add to his struggles during this difficult time.

My boyfriend struggles with emotional regulation, and it's beginning to impact me.

To provide some context, I'm a 22-year-old woman and he's a 21-year-old man; we've been in a happy relationship for three years now. From the beginning of our relationship, we've had frequent arguments due to his behavior. He tends to be very impulsive and struggles to manage his emotions, often becoming extremely angry when he's feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated. Since we’re both neurodivergent, I’ve always tried to understand him, but it’s been challenging to witness his anger escalate every couple of days. About two or three months ago, he started seeing a therapist to address this issue, and I’m really glad he’s taking this step. While he’s improving in managing his anger, I can't shake the feeling that he’s doing it more for me than for himself. He actually admitted that he sought therapy primarily to avoid losing me, rather than for his own personal growth. This confuses me because, in my opinion, therapy should be about self-improvement rather than simply trying to please someone else, and I worry it might not be effective in the long run. Even though he's not as frequently angry, he still struggles significantly with handling frustration and sadness. Recently, he accidentally broke my laptop and became incredibly upset, crying heavily. I wasn’t angry at him; I could see how distressed he was. While I tried to fix my iPad, he started to hurt himself, and I had to intervene. This crying episode went on for at least an hour, and it heightened my own stress. I attempted to reassure him multiple times, letting him know I wasn't upset and that it wasn't his fault. However, he kept asking, "How are you going to manage now?" which felt very strange to me—it’s just an object, after all, and his reaction seemed disproportionate. He acted as if he had just witnessed something truly tragic. The next morning, I expressed my concern about his reaction and how it felt excessive to me, but he didn’t seem to understand. To him, his response was entirely reasonable and there was nothing wrong with it. I’m starting to question whether I can stay in this relationship if this is how he will respond to life's challenges. Additionally, his extreme reactions sometimes make me feel like I have to suppress my own emotions just to be in a position to support him, rather than allowing myself to process what I’m feeling.

My boyfriend has been acting distant and unresponsive since our argument, and I’m unsure of how to handle the situation.

My boyfriend (19) and I (19) have been together for six months, and we celebrated our half-year anniversary on December 2nd in Downtown Toronto. He surprised me with an Airbnb that he decorated beautifully. Unfortunately, since then, we've had a significant argument. It all began when I reached out to a close friend (let's call him Steve, also 19) to talk about some troubling things my roommates (who are also my friends) were saying behind my back. I really needed someone to confide in, and since my boyfriend wasn't responding because of our argument, I thought it best to give him space. I messaged Steve for support, as I was very upset and needed to reassure myself that I wasn’t a bad person. Later that day, my boyfriend finally reached out, and I honestly told him I'd spoken to Steve and invited him over to talk things out. My boyfriend was hurt that I contacted Steve instead of him. I tried to explain that I was worried he wouldn't reply, but he wouldn’t hear me out. Two weeks have passed since that incident, and my boyfriend has been distant and cold. We’ve discussed the situation several times, and I've apologized, assuring him I won’t reach out to anyone else when I’m feeling down and will message him instead, regardless of his mood. Despite this, he continues to be uncharacteristically quiet, and while he interacts normally with his friends, he hardly touches or speaks to me and only called me “baby” during intimate moments. The last time we genuinely connected was on Sunday after he returned from a night out with friends for a birthday celebration, but since Monday, he’s gone silent again. I’ve tried discussing what’s bothering him repeatedly but to no avail. Today, he finally expressed that he’s upset about me reaching out to Steve, regardless of my apologies. He also mentioned he was hurt by a dream I shared that involved his ex, even though he had asked me to tell him about my dream when I hesitated. This conversation escalated into another argument. When I asked if he was falling out of love with me due to his behavior over the last couple of weeks, he insisted that he wasn’t. I’ve come to terms with what happened with my friends and decided to approach them openly, learning from the experience. However, I’m unsure how to navigate my relationship with my boyfriend now. I love him deeply, see a future with him, and my parents have just become more accepting of our relationship. This connection means a lot to me, and I don’t want to walk away from it. We’ve had moments where he has thrown my past at me, and he’s even suggested breaking up, which I’ve consistently resisted because I don’t want others to view us as toxic. Right now, I feel lost and drained. I’m not even crying about the idea of a breakup unless it’s mentioned during an argument—I'm just too exhausted emotionally for that. The only time I cried was today when I attempted to communicate with him and was met with silence. What should I do? Will he come around and start talking to me again? Should I give him space for now? I just want his love back to how it was.

My boyfriend tends to be quite dismissive.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He’s 26, and I’m 25. He’s a pretty laid-back and easygoing guy—doesn’t stress much, is super patient, soft-spoken, and tends to keep to himself. You know the type. Lately, though, I’ve noticed he doesn’t really express his feelings, which I get is common for a lot of guys. However, he can also be quite dismissive overall, and I’m starting to feel uncertain about that. For example, one of his friends is going through a divorce—he’s a bit of a wild card, drinks a lot, and lives a reckless lifestyle. This friend has asked my boyfriend to move in with him at his new condo. My boyfriend was expecting this and is considering it. That honestly worries me; I really don’t want him to move in with someone who’s a bad influence. While I trust my boyfriend’s loyalty, I’m not sure I trust the combination of him and his friend. I brought up my concerns, saying I don’t think it’s a good idea for him to move in. He just replied, "Okay." When I asked if he wanted to know why, he shrugged it off, saying, "I don’t really care; that’s your opinion," and then changed the subject completely. This is just one example of his dismissive attitude that I’ve noticed a few times now. Should I be concerned about this behavior? Am I overreacting for feeling uneasy about it? Or is it wrong of me to have an opinion on whether he should move in with his friend?

Is my perception of 'insufficient interest from my partner' a valid concern, or is it an issue of my own? (M25, F22).

I've been in a relationship with my partner (F22) for the past two years. Often, during our conversations on platforms like Discord or WhatsApp, I feel like she isn't interested in my feelings or motivations. When I share what's on my mind, she rarely asks follow-up questions—something I naturally do as a way to show my interest. We've discussed this before, and she mentioned that these questions just don't come to her mind, and she struggles to express her interest. This situation makes me feel quite insecure. I'm unsure whether my feelings are valid or if I just need to reassure myself that my thoughts are interesting, rather than looking for validation from her. I realize that this topic might be challenging to address, but I would appreciate any insights on it. If you've had a similar experience, I’d love to hear about it. I'm finding it difficult to bring this up with her again since we've already talked about it. I know I need to discuss it with her eventually, but for now, I'm just looking for some input. Thank you!

Am I the bad person for ending things because of Taylor Swift?

I (25M) met my girlfriend (23F) about a year ago through work, and we've been living together for roughly a month now. From the start, we really connected, and honestly, things felt nearly perfect until recently. We share a lot of interests, and I can’t deny she’s incredibly attractive, which is definitely a nice perk, haha. We’ve always had slightly different music tastes—I'm into indie rock, while she leans more towards the "pop girlies," as she describes them. It’s never really caused any issues; we usually just compromise by either tuning into mainstream radio or taking turns with our favorite tracks. A few days ago, my girlfriend attended a Taylor Swift concert (I didn’t go because tickets were nearly $2,000 each), and while I’m happy she enjoyed herself, it feels like she came back a completely different person. That night, she bombarded me with a ton of videos from the concert, which we ended up watching until about 2 a.m. I got it; Taylor is her favorite artist, so I figured that's just how it goes. But then things took a strange turn the next day. When I got home from work, I was greeted by a life-size Taylor Swift cutout in our living room. My girlfriend claimed she’d bought it a week earlier but thought it was only right to put it up after being "initiated" into the fandom by attending the concert. I laughed, assuming she was joking, but she was dead serious. Now she refuses to move the cutout out of the living room, only plays Taylor’s music on our speakers, and even insists on bringing the giant cutout into our bedroom at night so "Taylor can watch over us." I’m at a loss for what to do. I tried to talk to my girlfriend about it, and she insists I should be happy for her finding something she loves. And I am—truly, I am—but it’s starting to interfere with our everyday lives. To me, it feels a bit obsessive and off. Today, I finally told her that she needs to tone it down and put the life-size cutout in a closet, or I’d have to consider breaking up with her. She ended up crying and mentioned she would enter her “reputation era” if I left, though I’m not even sure what that means—it's apparently another Taylor Swift reference. So, am I being unreasonable for wanting to break up over this? I really don’t recognize my girlfriend anymore.

Is he intentionally trying to hurt my feelings?

I’m starting to feel like my boyfriend is purposely trying to hurt my feelings. It seems like he forgets things we’ve talked about and continues to repeat the same behaviors after we've discussed them. For example, I express that it bothers me when he does something, and then a few months later, he does it again. He hardly remembers our conversations, and it feels like he has the same discussions with me that he has with his coworkers. While he’s not interested in living together, he also doesn’t want to break up. Does anyone have any insights on this?

Is it my fault, or do I have the right to feel a little unsettled?

I've been dating someone (33F) for two months, and everything has been going really well, except for a few recent incidents that have left me feeling anxious. A few days ago, I stayed at her place and woke up after she'd already left for work. As I was getting ready to leave, I noticed her dehumidifier was still on. I texted her to see if she wanted me to leave it running or turn it off since I knew she was going away for the weekend. However, I started spiraling into an OCD-related train of thought and convinced myself that if I didn’t turn it off, something terrible might happen. I was already running late and my Uber had arrived, so I just switched it off. Later, when she messaged me to say I should have left it on, I lied and told her I hadn’t touched it. I felt that sharing my OCD-related concerns would make me seem irrational or too vulnerable after only eight weeks of dating. Once I got to work, though, I decided to come clean. I admitted to turning it off and explained that I had spiraled into some distressing “what-if” scenarios about it. I didn’t want her to think I was crazy. But her reaction surprised me—it seemed quite intense, and she didn’t understand why I had lied. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. For example, she once asked if I knew how much air to put in my bike tires, and I responded affirmatively but then realized I didn’t know the exact amount. When she pressed me about why I said I did, I felt a physiological reaction stemming from a childhood experience where I would face punishment for not knowing something. My girlfriend also reacted strongly, bewildered that I would be dishonest about such a minor detail. Following the incident with the dehumidifier, we had a lengthy phone call where I expressed my anxiety and regret. I truly value honesty, and I felt awful about upsetting her over something trivial. During our conversation, she asked me a barrage of questions to understand my motivations, referencing other instances where she felt I had been dishonest. For example, when I admitted to knowing a band but could only name a couple of their songs, she viewed that as being untruthful. She also questioned my decision to display my degree certificates on my wall, asking why it mattered for others to know about my achievements. This made me feel belittled, as if my pride in my accomplishments was being dismissed. Despite my efforts to explain my feelings—trying to shield her from my mental health struggles and not wanting to come across as irrational—her response felt disproportionate. Even though I've acknowledged that any dishonesty can feel unsafe, I'm left feeling interrogated rather than supported in these situations. My friends have reacted similarly, reinforcing that I'm feeling overlooked and anxious rather than comforted. I've apologized for the fib about the dehumidifier and explained my reasoning, yet the intensity of her reaction continues to trouble me. I’m now questioning whether she unintentionally undermines or dismisses my feelings during these discussions. Am I in the wrong here? Is her strong reaction to my seemingly small lie justified? I've tried to present this situation as objectively as possible, without leaving anything out. Thanks for your understanding.

Pages: [1] 2