Relationship advices: Communication Problems

My boyfriend (29M) is gifting me (29F) gardening supplies for my birthday.

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years, and this year he's really enthusiastic about starting a garden. I've been supportive and we've talked about it a lot. I even offered to help him, but I know it's mainly going to be his project. We've met with friends who have larger gardens, and I've tried to learn about gardening to engage in conversations with him. While I've done this for his sake, I don't have a strong personal interest in gardening, and I often feel exhausted from my long hours at the hospital, leaving me with little energy for hobbies. Last week, he shared that he plans to buy some gardening tools for himself and is also getting some for me as a birthday gift. Although I acknowledged it, I couldn’t help but feel a bit let down. I feel ungrateful for my disappointment, especially since I realize he's excited about sharing this experience with me. However, it seems like the gift isn’t really tailored to my preferences, and it makes me wonder if in the future, he might just get me things we need for the house on special occasions. I know I might be overreacting—after all, birthdays are just another day—but I’m uncertain about how to approach a conversation about this with him. How should I bring it up?

Husband (36M) is shutting me (35F) out.

My husband, who I’ve been married to for seven years, came home today and has been unusually quiet. I’ve asked, with all the love I could muster, about what might be bothering him, but he keeps insisting that nothing is wrong. After an hour of his silence, I reached a breaking point and firmly asked what the issue was—is it something at work, or did I do something to upset him? He responded by saying that I wouldn’t understand what he’s dealing with, so he prefers to stay silent. This behavior is incredibly frustrating and makes me want to tear my hair out. In the past, he has made decisions without consulting me, claiming I wouldn’t comprehend the situation. He’s usually the person I turn to when I need support or want to talk, but he becomes self-absorbed when it comes to his own emotions. Sometimes he opens up, but other times he shuts down like this, and I’m exhausted by it. I managed to feel normal before he arrived, but now I can’t focus on anything I was doing. What do you think? Are my feelings valid? It would be so much easier if he just talked to me. Why is he assuming I won't understand? What’s the best way to handle this situation with him?

Juggling friendships while ensuring quality time together. [28F] & [28M]

I’m a 28-year-old woman and my boyfriend, also 28, and I have been together for nearly a year this summer. Our relationship is very happy; we rarely argue, talk about our future together, and genuinely enjoy each other's company. He feels like my best friend, and I can truly see him as my potential husband. I love him deeply, and there are no trust issues or signs of emotional abuse. However, one concern is that our communication isn't always great, and I sometimes feel like I'm not his top priority. When we don’t have plans, we tend not to see each other. We live about 30 minutes apart, so it makes sense that we need to plan visits, but I believe both of us could put in more effort. While we maintain our friendships independently, I get the sense that he occasionally prioritizes his friends over me, which is disheartening. I understand that, until I become his fiancée or wife, his family will come first. But the way he interacts with his friends bothers me, especially since I often prioritize him over my own friends and look forward to seeing him on weekends. It breaks my heart to doubt his feelings when he makes me feel so loved and cherished in person. I wonder if his lack of relationship experience, as I am his first serious girlfriend, plays a role; my mom believes he might be oblivious to this issue. I’ve been wanting to discuss this with him for a while, but our relationship also lacks quality time, which is another problem I need to address. This weekend is particularly challenging because I might not see him until Sunday, as he has plans with friends tomorrow night and possibly Saturday night too. I’ve experienced feeling neglected in past relationships, and I don't want to go through that again. I need advice on how to approach this situation.

My wife, who is 30, frequently plays devil's advocate during our discussions. Is it acceptable for me to address this with her?

I'm a 30-year-old man, and I often feel like my 30-year-old wife tends to play devil's advocate during our discussions, which can be really frustrating. I find myself feeling invalidated when she agrees with my viewpoint on a topic, only to encourage me to consider the opposing side. It leaves me wondering if I was actually right in the first place, and it’s confusing. My wife explains that she just wants to “see the other side of things,” which is why she brings it up. On a related note, she often says she can't let it slide when I "lie" in stories or use sarcasm. I'm not trying to deceive anyone; I’m just a fun storyteller! I know that, in its strictest sense, sarcasm can be seen as lying, but does it really need to be called out when it enhances the story rather than detracts from it? I wonder why she feels the need to constantly correct me or play devil's advocate. How can I, as her husband, communicate with her more effectively about this? We just had a big argument over it, and she went to bed angry. It pains me to feel that I’m not being validated and that I’m never fully right in her eyes. I love my wife dearly and genuinely want to understand what’s happening and whether there's a way for me to change or help her change. I realize she was understandably upset when I suggested that she should “change.” Thanks in advance for any advice!

I tend to overthink a lot in my relationship with my boyfriend.

I'm really seeking some guidance because I need to escape my own thoughts. I'm overanalyzing every little detail to the point where it feels overwhelming. I need to figure out how to manage this. Given our history, I'm constantly on edge. For the past two days, my boyfriend has been taking over an hour to respond to my messages and hasn't been very engaged in conversation, which has sent me into a cycle of overthinking. I truly believe he's not planning to leave, especially since he planned a surprise date for us just this past Sunday and still refers to me as "baby" while expressing his love in our messages. Yet, I can't shake this anxiety because he seems distant again. Although there are plenty of signs indicating he isn't leaving, my past experiences make my mind jump to that conclusion, and it's exhausting, especially since I've never loved anyone as much as I love him. I really need to find a way to clear my head.

I'm a 22-year-old female, and I'm having difficulty understanding my 22-year-old male boyfriend. What should I do?

Hello, Reddit community, I’ve had a debate with my boyfriend that’s led me to seek your opinions. Whenever we argue or disagree, he tends to restate my points back to me, often omitting important details and simplifying them. This frustrates me greatly because it feels like he’s just mansplaining my perspective. I recently brought this up to him during another disagreement, and he explained that his mind doesn’t process information that way. Essentially, he struggles to respond to me without breaking down the entire context into simpler terms. I get that he’s trying to organize his thoughts, but it makes me feel belittled. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this situation and how I might approach it moving forward.

There's just something that doesn't feel quite right with my boyfriend [18M], but it's more of an intuition rather than an actual issue.

**TL;DR:** Should I talk to my boyfriend about what feels like a change in our mood/vibe, even if I don’t have clear evidence? If so, how should I approach the conversation? Should I ask if something's bothering him? Most of my concerns are based on our text exchanges, and I’m unsure if I’m just misinterpreting his tone. I don’t want to blow things out of proportion or plant doubts in his mind that could cause tension. I don’t have anything concrete to bring up, so what should I say? I’ve noticed he doesn’t seem as excited to hang out or text me lately, but this change only appeared over the last week. Since we’ve only been dating for three months and he’s my first boyfriend, I’m not sure how to handle this.

Should I break up with him? I'm a 20-year-old female, and he's 25.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two months. He lives in England, while I am in Lithuania. The first month was wonderful; he was sweet and attentive, the ideal boyfriend. However, after he returned to Lithuania and spent time with me, he changed dramatically. There are no more good mornings, no check-ins, and I feel deprived of any signs of his affection. When we talk, he seems irritated. I've spent the entire week crying over him and opened up about my feelings, explaining that I have bipolar disorder, which he knows well. He responded, "Baby, I don't know why you feel that way, but I want you to know I love you no matter what and want to be with you. I've been thinking about the photos you've sent me. I like them, but I feel like you think you need to show me your body for me to love you. I love you for your smile, your personality, and how you make me feel needed. I would love you even if you turned into a frog." He reassures me with such words, but his actions don’t reflect that love. When I express my feelings for him, he often ignores me or responds with a simple, "Same, babe." I'm at a loss for what to say or do. I'm looking for advice on how to handle this situation.

I’m a 24-year-old man, and I have some worries about my 22-year-old girlfriend.

Hello everyone! I have a question concerning something my girlfriend does. We occasionally have arguments over text, which is pretty normal. However, I've noticed that she screenshots our disagreements and saves them on her phone. Additionally, when she’s upset, she sometimes takes pictures or videos of herself and retains those as well. I can’t help but feel that this might be unhealthy—why would someone want to hold onto negative moments like that? I understand that I’ve made some mistakes that have hurt her, and we’ve discussed them, but her habit of saving these moments seems really strange to me. I’d appreciate any thoughts you might have on this. Thanks!

I [21F] believe I'm becoming dependent on my boyfriend [22M].

Backup account/throwaway because I’m hesitant to post from my main with so many people I know following me. The title may sound amusing, but here’s the situation: my boyfriend smokes. He used to smoke both cigarettes and weed, but these days, it's mostly vaping and weed. This has been the case since we started dating about a year ago. Recently, he has become more relaxed about smoking around me, even vaping in the car while I’m driving. He doesn’t blow the smoke in my face and usually rolls down the window to let it out. I’ve never smoked myself, so my only experience with it is through him (I still don’t smoke at all). A couple of weeks ago, when we had to part ways for a bit (which happens often since I’m in uni and usually see him on the weekends), I had a really tough breakdown. I missed him deeply, and it felt more intense than usual. That week, I was feeling off, so I went down a bit of a rabbit hole about the effects of secondhand smoke on the body and came across some intriguing research articles. I just want some advice because I’m unsure if I should be concerned. My boyfriend has been incredibly supportive, but I don’t want to feel like a burden when I have these breakdowns, especially if I think they might be affecting him. How should I share my worries with him? I’m quite paranoid, so it might not be a big deal at all.

We (29M) and (30F) find ourselves caught in a repetitive cycle, and I’m uncertain about how to move forward.

My partner (29M) and I (30F) find ourselves trapped in a recurring conflict resolution cycle. For instance, yesterday started off well. He spent the day studying for his online MS program and playing golf, while I enjoyed time with friends—first with my best friend (F) and then at a girls’ night with other friends. In between, I managed some household chores like walking the dogs, cleaning the floors, washing dishes, and tidying up. In the morning, I checked in with him about what he needed, and he said he preferred if I "stayed out of his way," which I interpreted as a cue that he needed some space. We were feeling connected and enjoying our day despite our separate plans. Later, when I returned home after girls' night, he was out at our neighbor’s having a beer. I joined them briefly before we came back home together. Upon returning, I noticed he hadn’t walked the dogs and commented, "You haven't walked the dogs?" I realized I had overstepped, as dog walking is my responsibility according to the chores we’ve divided while he balances school and work, and I have more free time. Almost immediately after that, I discovered a mess on the carpet, which left me feeling overwhelmed. He offered to take the dogs out while I cleaned up. However, he was dealing with an allergic reaction in his eye, which had been worsening over the week. I was overwhelmed, likely from my inability to relax, and I assumed he felt burdened by my expectation to handle my responsibilities alongside his own struggles. I declined his offer, insisting I could manage. After cleaning, I went to talk to him while he was in the shower, beginning with, "Hey, can I share something with you?" He agreed, and I started to express how our approaches to tackling chores differ; for me, I need everything to be clean to unwind, while he prefers to relax first. I try to keep his workload in mind during these stressful times. He interrupted me sharply, insisting that I needed to walk the dogs more frequently, arguing I neglected them by not walking them every 12 hours—even suggesting I should do so every 8 hours. He blamed the mess on my poor scheduling. I acknowledged his concerns and promised to reflect on them, then attempted to redirect the conversation back to how overwhelmed I felt. I wanted to vent, but it began to feel one-sided, and I could sense our frustration levels rising again, prompting me to take the dogs for a walk. While I walked, I realized our discussions seemed fruitless. Just the day before, we had talked about improving our relationship, emphasizing our need for emotional support. Yet here we were, stuck in the same cycle. When I returned home, I told him I thought we should end our relationship. I felt like nothing was changing and that we were trapped in our old ways. I fluctuated between expressing my desire to talk and my feeling that we should part ways. He kept insisting we could have that conversation the next day or that ending it was okay. That left me feeling emotionally drained and panicked, which led to several hours of crying. Initially, he didn’t respond but eventually offered to cuddle, and I reluctantly allowed him to hold me as my anxiety grew until I finally fell asleep. The next morning, we talked. I expressed that he needs to work on active listening and stop filling in gaps about my emotions with his own assumptions. He agreed. I also acknowledged my need to avoid making presumptions and he asked me not to expect his help automatically. He recognized that he should communicate more clearly when he feels overwhelmed and ask for a break; I admitted I would have responded better to such requests had I known he needed them. While we were cuddling, I told him I’d leave if our patterns didn’t change. He responded with "Fine," indicating we were now aligned on needing boundaries. However, I shared that our conversation wasn’t bringing us closer and that perhaps ending things made more sense. I expressed feeling unworthy of the treatment I desired, saying that nothing was improving. He mentioned he would try, indicating that even through our unresolved conflict, we had made some progress. I asked what triggered him during our disagreement; he cited my assumption about dog walking and my approach while he was in the shower. When I inquired further about why he felt triggered, he couldn’t pinpoint it and I suggested he discuss this with his therapist, which felt like a positive step. We left the conversation on amicable terms, with me going back to sleep and him resuming his studies. I’m seeking advice on how we can break this ongoing cycle as our arguments consistently follow this pattern. If we don’t find a way to improve, I worry it will only lead to further complications for both of us. We are also attending both couples therapy and personal therapy. Any guidance would be appreciated.

My partner [38M] struggles to maintain friendships. How can I [36F] communicate to him that it might be due to his behavior?

My partner of 12 years has a hard time keeping friendships. Even though he’s intelligent and well-versed in history, strategy, and other subjects that some might find dull, his way of communicating tends to alienate others. We've attempted to make couple friends numerous times, but these connections usually fizzle out after just five or six meetups. He is undeniably smart and fascinating, with a compelling personal background. However, he faces two significant hurdles: First, he struggles with small talk, which he doesn't enjoy and doesn’t excel at. When we encounter new people, he finds it difficult to generate light, casual conversation. He prefers discussions to be deep and intellectually engaging; topics like the weather hold no appeal for him. Second, he often takes a controversial stance to pique interest. He thinks critically about issues and arrives at unique conclusions, making him intriguing, but his delivery can come off as outrageous at first. I’ve told him he tends to "click-bait" people, and I find this communication style frustrating as well. When someone is confronted with a controversial statement, the natural inclination is to reject it. If he continues to press his point, it can lead to people feeling compelled to argue against him, dismissing his ideas entirely or disengaging out of exhaustion. This response leaves him feeling resentful, believing others aren’t genuinely listening or grasping his underlying arguments. For example, he recently sparked a conversation by saying, "Non-homeowners end up going crazy." This led to a lengthy, heated debate with a friend who passionately disagreed, determined not to let my partner "win." His actual point was far more nuanced: he believes that society places undue emphasis on homeownership for status and respect, while the rental process can be humiliating. For example, applying to rent an apartment often means competing among hundreds, submitting extensive financial and personal information, and even compromising personal dignity just to secure a place. Once someone does rent, their home - a private sanctuary - is scrutinized by agents who dictate cleanliness standards. Many of our friends who rent find this process degrading and mentally taxing. His true argument was about the systemic classism that disadvantages those who cannot or choose not to buy homes. Yet, because his opening statement, "Non-homeowners end up going crazy," is so extreme, most people immediately dismiss him without delving into his well-considered reasoning. I’ve suggested that he might want to 1) soften his communication style if he wishes for others to appreciate his perspectives, 2) engage in small talk (which he detests), and 3) recognize that his current approach may lead to ongoing feelings of isolation. It breaks my heart to see him upset after losing yet another friend. While he insists he’s okay without many social connections, I can sense that he longs for deeper relationships. How can I express to him that if he doesn’t adjust his communication style, he’ll likely continue to feel alone? How can I support him in this?

My boyfriend, who is 23, doesn't appreciate the compliments I give him as a long-distance couple, and I'm 21.

My boyfriend (23M) and I (21F) have been in a long-distance relationship since the beginning (like, US to UK distance). Being with him has helped me grow emotionally, especially considering my childhood experiences. I don't want to unload too much, but I find it challenging to be vulnerable and a bit sentimental. I've been working on this, but throughout our relationship, he hasn't really responded positively to the compliments I give him. We often send each other photos, like outfit checks, and he usually tells me I look nice or cute. I mainly share these pictures so he has them of me, rather than seeking compliments in return. However, I feel like he could use a confidence boost more often, so when he shares photos of his new outfits or workout progress, I make an effort to compliment him—like saying I like how the new shirt fits or that I can see the effort he’s been putting in. Recently, I thought I had improved in giving compliments, but he still brings it up in conversations with friends, mentioning that I struggle with compliments. This used to bother me, but now I just feel a bit helpless about it. There are numerous communication issues and emotional challenges between us, and I’m finding it hard to support him verbally, especially given the distance. With our work schedules and the time difference, we only have about 2-4 hours a day to connect during the week. I’m not sure if I’m overthinking this or what, but I really want to offer him more comfort and encouragement consistently. I want to find ways to uplift him daily, beyond just compliments (though that’s definitely something I’m trying to improve).

I [24F] am considering ending my relationship with my boyfriend [26M]. Am I being unfair or do I have a valid reason?

To provide some context, we've been dating for about six months. I've been reflecting on our relationship because I feel that our communication isn't as strong as it should be, and for me, effective communication is essential. I brought this up with him, but his typical response was to make jokes instead of engaging in serious discussions. He did make an effort to communicate more genuinely a couple of times, but lately, he tends to say only one or two things before defaulting to “you’re right” or “I’m sorry.” I’m not someone who thinks I’m always right or incapable of making mistakes. I’m more than willing to admit when I've erred. Communication should be a two-way street, but instead of having open and honest dialogues, I’m met with surface-level responses that feel dismissive. This makes me feel frustrated for simply wanting to communicate, and it often shuts down our conversations. If I try to elaborate, I’m told I’m dwelling on it or can’t let it go. Another concern is social media. While I’m not an avid social media user, I do have accounts and occasionally update my profile picture. His Facebook settings make it so that he has to send friend requests, and despite having brought this up before, he has never requested me as a friend. The same goes for Instagram—his account is public, while mine is private. It bothers me that he doesn’t seem curious enough about my life to add or follow me. Additionally, he rarely asks me questions about myself. I’m quite inquisitive and love learning about others, so I can’t help but feel a little off comparing my curiosity to his apparent lack of it. I’ve tried to drop hints or share open-ended stories to pique his interest, but he rarely takes the bait. In my past relationships, I’ve never encountered anyone who was so indifferent. Isn't wanting to learn more about someone you're dating—and who claims to love you—a standard expectation? Lastly, there are moments when he says he’s going to bed early, takes a rare nap, or claims his phone died. Sometimes I accept these statements, but other times they raise my suspicions. This has happened a few times during conflicts or uncomfortable discussions, and it feels like he expects me to take them at face value. He has also recently turned off his active status on Facebook, which makes me wonder if it’s to prevent me from catching him in a lie during those odd moments. These occurrences aren't frequent or prolonged, but they still make me uneasy. For context, we don't live very close—about a 1.5-hour drive apart—but we do see each other fairly often. I would appreciate any feedback on whether my concerns are valid or if I might be overthinking things. Thank you for your advice.

[26M][25M] What should I do about the communication issues in my relationship?

I've been seeing this guy for a little while now, and while our time together feels great, I've been feeling uneasy about our communication when we're apart. Not too long ago, we discussed this issue. I expressed that I would appreciate more consistent communication—not constant texting, but simple daily check-ins like “How's your day going?” or “What are you up to?” He acknowledged my request, but since then, not much has changed. After we hang out, he often goes quiet for a day or two without reaching out. Usually, it's me who initiates the conversation or checks in on him. For instance, after our last date, we both agreed to let each other know when we got home. He didn’t message me, so I reached out first. He eventually replied kindly, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m the one keeping our connection alive. I understand that everyone has different communication styles and not everyone feels the need to text frequently. I'm not expecting constant communication. However, when someone agrees to a commitment and then fails to follow through, it leaves me questioning where I stand. I don’t want to feel like I’m the only one investing effort. Right now, I’m uncertain about how to interpret this situation. I care about him, but I'm beginning to feel worn out by the unequal level of effort. It’s tough to decide whether I should accept his communication style as is or if I’m just setting myself up for disappointment.

[M22] I could use some advice on how to deal with this kind of person in the dating scene, please.

Hello, I'm currently in a relationship with someone who struggles with opening up. He has difficulty expressing his feelings, even to those close to him. I'm unsure how to navigate this situation, as I tend to be very open about my own emotions. Any advice would be appreciated!

Suggestions for dealing with a partner (24M) who tends to be consistently negative. I’m [23F].

The negativity began during our college dating days, where he would frequently vent about various frustrations. He is quite expressive and tends to voice (often rant) his emotions, while I tend to keep things to myself and focus on the positives. This was definitely a new experience for me. Each day brought a new concern—or sometimes the same issue on repeat. Whether it was annoying professors, traffic jams, or problems with friends, he always seemed to find something to be upset about. Our discussions often escalated into arguments, with me feeling frustrated by his constant negativity and trying to offer advice to help him move past it. Unfortunately, this would typically end with him upset that I was playing "devil's advocate" instead of supporting him. He often reacted intensely to issues that seemed trivial or not as serious as he perceived (as he tends to overthink). I struggled to agree with his viewpoint, and it eventually reached a point where I felt I had to concede to his opinions—even when I knew he was mistaken—just to avoid further conflict. He frequently reassured me that once we graduated, these minor annoyances would disappear and he would be much happier. Fast forward to after graduation, and he is dissatisfied with his job and daily struggles with traffic. Living together means that I’m confronted with his complaints every day. I even started avoiding his calls after work, as listening to him rant about his boss and traffic during the drive home really affected my mood. He now attributes his unhappiness to the job, insisting that everything will improve once he finds a new position. However, I’m starting to worry that no matter what job he ends up in, there will always be something else bothering him. He has this mindset that he can't catch a break and that the world is against him. We’ve had numerous discussions about this, but I’m uncertain how to bring it up without risking offense or him deflecting it as an issue specific to his current job and commute. How can I express my concerns without it escalating into a conflict or making him feel attacked?

I'm unsure whether I should sort through my feelings and end my relationship with my boyfriend after a disagreement that left me feeling utterly alone and abandoned.

My boyfriend and I had planned a movie night for 7:30, where we would order takeout and watch a film together. When I got home from work around 3:30, I found him immersed in video games. He had lost track of time and thought it was a different day, but was pleasantly surprised to realize it was date night. He mentioned that he had been playing games earlier to make sure he could spend the evening with me. I usually avoid asking him how much longer he’ll be gaming to keep from annoying him, but by 6:45, I stepped out to check on him. It was clear I looked upset, and when I expressed my frustration about him still playing, he revealed he intended to continue until 7:30, our planned date time. I felt disheartened and communicated to him that I wanted to spend quality time together. His indifferent response of "and do what" hurt me deeply; it felt dismissive and made me feel inadequate. I stepped away to take a shower, needing space to cool down. While I was in the shower, he ordered dinner. Later, when we picked up the food together, he opened up about feeling irritable, admitting that he wanted me to motivate him to stop gaming. After we got home, he changed and went for a brief gym session. He texted me that he had left abruptly because he needed to clear his mind and that he wasn’t upset with me. However, when he returned, he noticed my puffy eyes and asked what was wrong. Initially, I tried to downplay my feelings, but when I revealed that his earlier comment had genuinely hurt me, it sparked another round of tension. He withdrew into the bedroom, giving me space, which was painful for me as I’m someone who struggles to ask for it. I ended up on the balcony having a panic attack, feeling overwhelmed by stress, especially since I was facing possible job loss. After an agonizing period of crying, he came outside and, despite my attempts to express how I felt, I was too emotional to articulate my thoughts clearly, which led him to leave again. When I calmed down and went back inside, I found him lying on the bed. I asked why he had walked away, and he explained he thought his presence was making things worse, although I just needed to express myself. Feeling hurt by his lack of willingness to comfort me, I broke down again, expressing feelings of abandonment. He eventually invited me to him, and we discussed the situation in a calmer manner. Things seemed to improve until I brought up how much his gaming bothered me, especially since it often led to frustration for him. He revealed that gaming was his way of coping with his depression about being unemployed. He conveyed a sense of frustration, feeling that he couldn’t have a bad day without it affecting me. I recognized that my sensitivity to other people's emotions might trigger this reaction. Eventually, he left again, and when he was crying, I tried to comfort him, but my need for support led me to ignore his requests for space. I found it difficult to allow him that distance, crying and pleading not to be pushed away until I finally relented and gave him the space he needed. Once I started to compose myself on the couch, he came out playfully, and we briefly engaged before discussing the tension from earlier. He apologized for his earlier behavior. However, a request for intimacy surprised me, making me feel hesitant. He assured me it was fine if we didn’t engage, but then he returned to the bedroom without much explanation, which hurt me again. When I followed him to the bedroom, I asked for cuddling, but his response felt dismissive, leaving me even more hurt. I needed comfort, and while he eventually held me, it felt forced. I later woke feeling anxious, and as my breathing became heavy, he held my hand for a moment before turning away to sleep on his side. This change in his demeanor made me feel more anxious, prompting me to leave the room for the couch. When he realized I had gone, he called for me, apologizing, but I didn’t want to return. It’s worth mentioning that he was trying to quit smoking that day, which likely contributed to his irritability. I never imagined things would escalate like this, and it made me question whether he felt a desire to comfort me during my toughest moments. Despite our nearly two-year happy relationship filled with laughter and affection, I now feel abandoned and betrayed. He’s a wonderful partner in many ways and has been true to me, but this situation has left me feeling lost about how to move forward.

My boyfriend [20M] got upset with me [18F] for attempting to talk things out.

### Context: I overlooked something from our earlier conversation. Here's a transcript of our texts: **Me**: I'm sorry I forgot. **Boyfriend**: It's fine, don't worry about it. **Me**: You seem upset, and I don't want to make you feel that way. We're supposed to make each other happy, so if something's bothering you, please talk to me. **Boyfriend**: Stop doing that; it's annoying. **Me**: Okay. **Boyfriend**: Just to clarify, it really frustrates me when I'm angry, and you ask, "Are you upset?" or "Did I do something wrong?" It makes me more upset, and I'm not mad at you, but saying that makes me feel that way. **Boyfriend**: Just leave it alone. **Boyfriend**: If I'm upset with something you've done, I'll tell you. Otherwise, don't try to guess; it’s really frustrating. **Boyfriend**: Goodnight. Now, I'm feeling lost and didn't respond. I’m in bed crying as I write this. I didn't think it was that big of a deal; I just wanted him to communicate better. I’m unsure if I did something wrong or how to move forward from here.

I [28F] am requesting some changes from my husband [29M], but all I receive are excuses.

I'm feeling quite frustrated because my husband doesn’t seem to listen to me. He often replies with things like, "it's just how I am" or "at least it’s not just you." Many people believe he might have ADHD, but I doubt he would take any steps to address it. When I come to him with a problem, it hurts that his typical responses are along the lines of "hm, I'm not sure what to say" or "I don’t know, that’s a tough one." He claims he’s trying to improve, but he doesn’t explain how. I’ve suggested he practice active listening, but he hasn’t made any effort to do so. I’ve also asked for more quality time together, as I often feel he prefers hanging out with his friends or playing video games. He tends to blame finances and insists that he really wants to play a new game. While he’s quick to spend money on games or nights out with friends, he seems reluctant when it comes to spending time with me. I’ve suggested free activities, but he seems to find distractions instead. I’ve expressed my desire for flowers. He usually says it's not his style or that he can’t afford it, yet he’ll occasionally get me a Starbucks to lift my spirits. I’ve pointed out that there are $5 bouquets at Walmart and mentioned how meaningful even a single flower would be to me, but he seems too concerned about money or just doesn't see it as important. I’ve been wanting to move out of the city for years, but there always seems to be an obstacle preventing him from committing. He mentioned we’d make the move this year, but he keeps coming up with reasons for why he hasn’t looked for job opportunities. I’ve even helped with his job search, but he frequently has excuses for why he can't apply or why he doesn’t like the available positions. He postponed talking to a realtor who provided him with a contact for a broker to discuss selling and buying options, and he still hasn’t called. I encouraged him to reach out and leave a message, but he tried to come up with reasons not to. It’s been two months now with no progress. What should I do next?

What are some ways I, a 23-year-old man, can encourage my 22-year-old girlfriend to express whether she is still interested in me?

**Context:** This is my first relationship, and we’ve been together for 13 months. For the first six months, everything was wonderful. She would express her desire to spend time with me, share how much she missed and appreciated me, and our time together was fulfilling, including our sex life. However, things changed after we went on a week-long road trip at the end of summer. Since March 12, 2025, we haven’t been intimate since October 2024. When I ask her how she feels about our time together, her responses are usually just "good" or "okay." She seems unhappy whenever we're together. When I inquire if something is bothering her, she simply replies with "okay." If I ask if I've done something wrong, I just get "nothing, it’s okay." I’ve initiated conversations about strengthening our sex life, but she shifts the topic. I express my appreciation for her, yet we remain at a "good" level. It seems like she may be dealing with some personal issues, but despite my reassurances that she can talk to me about anything, she hasn’t opened up. We live close by, but since our plans were canceled today, we haven’t seen each other in two weeks. Frankly, I’m growing weary of only receiving brief, uninspired texts from her. I'm uncertain how to encourage her to share her thoughts with me. I strive to be as respectful and open as possible, yet she continues to disregard or deflect my efforts to connect. I genuinely want this relationship to succeed, but I can’t shake the feeling that she might not be invested in continuing. How can I encourage her to open up?

My boyfriend [M28] chose to spend time with his friends instead of being with me during our long-distance relationship.

My boyfriend [28M] and I [30F] have been in a long-distance relationship for a little over 2 years. Overall, things are great between us. We talk daily and end our nights together on video calls. It’s worth mentioning there’s a 5-hour time difference; by the time he finishes work, it's almost my bedtime. Recently, his cousin passed away, and I understood why our daily calls stopped. I gave him the space he needed to grieve and be with his family, messaging him to let him know I was thinking of him and available if he needed support. I was very worried about him throughout the week, even offering to fly out to be with him, but I received very little communication in return, which only heightened my anxiety. While I understood the situation, the silence felt unsettling. When Friday came, I had a work function but made sure to let him know I’d be home when he finished work so we could talk. He was on board, and we were both looking forward to our call. I even left my event early to be there for him, only to find out he had plans to go out with friends. We managed to stay on the call for just 10 minutes before he logged off, leaving me feeling hurt and disappointed. I tried to hide my feelings, but he noticed something was off before he left. This isn’t the first time I've felt sidelined in our relationship. There have been moments where it seems like he struggles to say no to others while I’m the one left waiting. For instance, on a visit to see him in his home country, he had to drop his sister off at home after picking me up from the airport, leaving me alone in the hotel for hours without a key. I understood he needed to help his uncle with a tech issue, but I felt abandoned in an unfamiliar place. In person, he’s different; however, during our long-distance times, I often feel disposable. This sense of disconnection has led me to question our relationship. I've been quite upset about this situation all week but have been trying to suppress my feelings out of respect for his grieving process. I love him deeply, but these experiences are painful for me. I’m left wondering if I’m overthinking things or overreacting. Right now, I feel a bit lost.

My boyfriend has stopped participating in typical relationship activities. Me [20, female], him [21, male].

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and fortunately, we didn't experience an awkward phase. From the start, we clicked and got along well. We enjoyed the typical honeymoon period filled with excitement, which lingered into the first year. It wasn't an over-the-top infatuation, but rather a natural love for each other—enjoying each other’s company, chatting, and even feeling like friends. However, about a year into our relationship, I began to notice some changes. He stopped surprising me with flowers and romantic gestures like leaving me sweet notes or sending thoughtful texts. Our conversations became less engaging, and it felt like it was getting progressively worse. Now that we’re in our second year together, I've tried to discuss these changes with him, but he doesn’t recognize that there’s a problem. I love him dearly and enjoy our talks, but it often seems like the only way to get him to open up is by asking about his hobbies. While I appreciate hearing about his interests, it’s disheartening that when I share something exciting or significant that happened to me, he can only respond with a disinterested “that’s cool.” Moreover, he’s not as willing to stay on the phone with me anymore. We’re in a long-distance relationship for half the year due to college, and while we used to spend hours talking every night, he now struggles to stay on the phone for more than ten minutes. When I have a tough day or need support, he seems annoyed when I express my feelings. He insists he’s not bothered, but his tone and actions suggest otherwise. I can be sharing something serious and he’ll just say, “Okay, I have to go now.” This isn’t just me being overly critical; I could be discussing personal challenges, like family issues or mourning my father, and he still seems irritated and wants to leave the conversation. Before suggesting that I should just talk to him about it or consider ending the relationship, please understand that I truly love him and envision a future together. I’m confused about what I might be doing wrong. Maybe I'm asking too much of him, but it doesn't seem unreasonable to want to spend more than one day a week together or to have longer phone calls. I would appreciate a call now and then or some effort to plan a date. He often claims he doesn’t have the money for dates, but I’m not someone who needs extravagant outings; I value simple gestures like going for a walk, having a picnic, or watching a movie at home. I don’t ask for much, but he treats even those modest plans like a major effort. We used to be inseparable, often spending every day together when we could. I realize that’s not sustainable all the time unless we were married, but I wish we could see each other more than once or twice a week. I’ve communicated this to him, but he insists that's too much to ask. And regarding concerns about infidelity, I don’t believe that’s the issue. I know him well, and I’ve even done some checking to ease my friends' worries. I genuinely love this guy and want to make things work. Can anyone offer me advice on what I should do next?

Is my boyfriend still in love with me? I'm [F20] and he's [T21].

I'm facing a challenging situation and have been deep in thought about it: I'm a 20-year-old girl, and I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is 21, for about a year and a half. We’ve been living together for around six months, and for the most part, everything has been wonderful. He has shown me love and provided affirmation—although sometimes it felt a bit clingy, with him texting frequently and wanting to stay connected. However, that eventually transitioned to a more balanced level of contact. Recently, though, over the past 2-3 weeks, everything seems to have shifted. He no longer expresses his love or appreciation for me as he used to. He hardly says "I love you" unless I mention it first. I find myself consistently taking the lead when it comes to affection, whether it’s hugging, kissing, or suggesting activities. I also seem to be handling most of the household responsibilities. In his free time, he spends a lot of time playing games or watching YouTube, behavior that he didn’t exhibit before. During a deeper conversation, I learned that he feels lost and is considering starting school again and potentially moving back home to save money and find enjoyable activities. While it’s great that he’s thinking about the future, it worries me that he may not want to live with me, even though he insists he wants to stay together—his financial concerns seem to be weighing him down. I’ve expressed my feelings, and he assures me he wants to be with me and has no intention of breaking up. He also mentioned that I tend to overthink things and that my need for reassurance might be overwhelming. Since he shared this a few days ago, I’ve tried to take a step back. However, when I was away recently, he claimed I didn’t reach out enough, and whenever I’m at a friend's house overnight, he becomes very affectionate, sending me notes and calling me in the evenings. His mixed signals are really affecting me, and while I try not to show it, I feel quite hurt. I love him deeply and can’t imagine my life without him, which makes this situation even more painful. I’m in need of some guidance. What do you think he truly wants? Does he still love me? Does he need more space? Please help! 🙏🏻

My wife, who is 36, keeps sending me emotional emails, but I can tell they're generated by ChatGPT. I'm 39, by the way.

My wife and I have been facing marital challenges for several years now. We've gone through numerous therapy sessions, read various books together, and tried different approaches. We are both good people, and there hasn't been any infidelity or major incidents; it’s just that things haven’t been going smoothly. On two occasions, when trying to express her thoughts, she has sent me lengthy, well-articulated emails detailing her feelings about our relationship. However, not all of the content is entirely her own. She has used chatGPT to help summarize her ideas. The first time she did this, she informed me that she had run her email through chatGPT, and I thought, "That's fine; if that helps you express yourself, I’m okay with that." I approached the email with a dose of skepticism since it didn't sound like her usual voice, which left me feeling a bit uneasy. My initial instinct was to ask, "How much of this was generated by chatGPT?" I was genuinely curious but it didn’t sit well with her. She was very upset that I focused on that aspect instead of the emotions behind the words. I was simply trying to determine if I was responding to her or to a chatbot. In retrospect, it may not have been the most tactful question to ask, but it felt valid to me. Fast forward a few months, and she recently sent another long email outlining a process from the latest Gottman book that she wants to pursue. Once again, it feels like it’s primarily a blend of her thoughts mixed with a list of steps from the book—definitely not her usual writing style. This time, though, she didn’t mention her use of chatGPT and sent it as if it were entirely her own work. Now I feel uneasy about asking the same question that previously upset her: "How much of this is chatGPT?" I believe I deserve to know, but I’m also hesitant. It feels strange to wholeheartedly respond to something that may not have been written exclusively by her. What are your thoughts on this?

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