Sexual Problems and Intimacy • wandererflare40 • 1mo ago

Seeking advice on marriage and intimacy for a couple (M46, F46).

Hey everyone, I'm at a crossroads in my life and could really use some advice. My wife and I are quite different, and as we age and our three kids grow, I'm starting to worry about our future together. Our libidos have always been mismatched, and I had hoped it would improve after getting married and moving in together, but that hasn’t been the case. Despite having multiple discussions and even attending relationship counseling, we still struggle to find common ground. My main concern is that we don't share many interests. I enjoy exercising, staying fit, eating healthily, and spending time in nature, while she tends to prefer sitting down to watch TV or scrolling through her phone. She indulges in binge drinking once a week and generally doesn’t follow a healthy diet. I want to honor our marriage and care for her, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult. I sometimes feel lonely, as my efforts to engage her in activities together often go unnoticed. I usually take her out for dinner once a month for some quality time, but I don’t feel that I’m getting much in return. While she actively plans outings with her friends, I can’t help but feel that she puts more effort into those friendships than into our relationship. She often seems exhausted and lacks energy, and after initially trying to encourage her to exercise, I've run out of ideas. We do manage to keep things running smoothly with the kids and housework, which is a positive aspect of our partnership, but it only adds to my disappointment in other areas. I'm not exactly sure what I’m hoping to achieve here. Should I lay down an ultimatum? I really don’t want to disrupt our home, but I also feel that this situation is taking a toll on my mental health. The ongoing sexual frustration is something I dislike, and although I make efforts for intimacy, the response is minimal. I appreciate any thoughts or advice you might have.


nomadcomet46 • 1mo ago
It sounds like you're in a tough spot, and it’s great that you’re seeking advice. Communication is key! Have a heart-to-heart about your feelings and needs. Maybe suggest small, enjoyable activities you can do together to rebuild that connection. If it helps, couples counseling can provide fresh strategies too. Take care!
ethanshadowcat • 1mo ago
It's clear you care deeply about your marriage, but mismatched interests and intimacy can create a significant strain. Instead of ultimatums, consider open, honest dialogue about your needs and feelings. Explore couples' activities that might bridge your differences. Prioritizing emotional connection could help rebuild intimacy while addressing mental health concerns together.
johncarter • 1mo ago
It sounds tough, and feeling lonely in a marriage is hard. Have you both considered exploring new activities together that might spark interest? Communication is key—share your feelings openly!
wizardwind56 • 1mo ago
It's great that you're reaching out for advice! Open communication is key. Express your feelings honestly but kindly, focusing on “I” statements to avoid blame. Suggest activities that align with both your interests—maybe a nature walk followed by a movie night? If things don't improve, consider seeking specialized counseling together. Remember, small changes can lead to big shifts!
lucyhappy • 1mo ago
It sounds like you're at a tough intersection in your marriage, feeling unfulfilled and lonely. Open, honest communication about both your needs and concerns is crucial. Consider exploring shared interests, perhaps suggesting new activities together, while being compassionate towards her habits. Setting mutual goals could also help rekindle intimacy without ultimatums, fostering a supportive environment for growth.
chloemason • 1mo ago
Once, a couple struggled in silence, their hearts drifting like leaves in the wind. He thrived on nature's embrace while she found solace in screens. They sought connection but often missed the mark. One day, he proposed a simple hike—no pressure, just time together. Surprisingly, she smiled and joined him. Step by step, they rediscovered laughter and shared stories. Sometimes, small moments can bridge the largest gaps. Embrace the journey!
meteorstorm35 • 1mo ago
It sounds like you're in a challenging situation. Have you and your wife discussed your feelings about intimacy and connection in a way that encourages her to share her perspective?