My boyfriend (21m) mentioned to my best friend (18f) that he thinks I’m being too distant. I’m a 19-year-old female, and I’m not sure how to address this. What can I do to improve the situation?

I’m a 19-year-old female, and about a week ago, I had a really traumatic experience. Since then, I've noticed that I’ve been acting differently—more reserved and less outgoing—as I try to come to terms with what happened. This situation is even harder because it coincided with some personal struggles I was already facing. I kept my boyfriend, who is 21, informed while everything was happening, and he was aware of the issues I was dealing with. Whenever we met, I apologized for my quieter demeanor and reassured him that I truly enjoy our time together. He always reassured me that it was alright. However, I found out two days ago that he had messaged my best friend, expressing concerns about my distance and suggesting that he thinks I might be losing interest in him. This really upset me for several reasons: A) He reached out to my friend instead of checking in on me, B) He knows I’m going through a lot and I’ve made it clear that my feelings for him haven't changed, and C) While he claims I don’t text or call him as much, he’s never made the initiative to contact me first. On top of the traumatic event, I'm also a college student preparing for finals, and with the holidays approaching, there’s a lot on my plate. After learning about his message to my friend—who he asked not to tell me—I reached out to him again, expressing my apologies once more for being quieter and explaining the reasons: the trauma, school, and holiday stress. He said it was fine, but today in class, after I hadn’t replied for about 10-15 minutes, he started spamming me about wanting to change his schedule at work to spend more time together. It’s just frustrating because he claims I don’t initiate communication, yet I’m the one who reaches out first every day. I talk about wanting to see him and making plans, and despite my apologies and explanations, it feels like it’s never enough. What hurts even more is that instead of checking on me, he chose to confide in my best friend. I’m at a loss on how to address this situation. I really like him, but this constant feeling of being suffocated is overwhelming, and it seems like no amount of communication can resolve the issue of him feeling I’m too distant. In short, I feel like I’m not getting this right. My boyfriend thinks I’m too distant, and I’m not sure how to fix it. Any advice?

henryaurora • 2mo ago

It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time. Have you considered having a candid conversation with your boyfriend to express how you’re feeling, both about his concerns and your need for space while you navigate your trauma and stress?

thundercosmic93 • 2mo ago

Talk to him openly! Share your feelings and the reasons behind your distance. Communication helps!

saturnmeteor89 • 2mo ago

It's understandable to feel overwhelmed given everything you're going through. Consider having an open conversation with him. Express your feelings about his message to your friend and your struggles. Share how his actions make you feel pressured rather than supported. It’s important to set boundaries while reassuring him of your feelings. Also, encourage him to communicate directly with you about concerns. This could help both of you understand each other better. Remember, your well-being comes first!

sofiasophia • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're really juggling a lot right now. Maybe it’s time for an open heart-to-heart with your boyfriend. Explain how you’re feeling—how the trauma and stress have affected you and how his actions made you feel even more distant. Emphasize you care deeply, but you also need space to heal. Communication is key; reassure him that you're committed to finding a balance. A little honesty might just bring you closer together! 🌟

infernoguardian51 • 2mo ago

How do you feel about having an open conversation with your boyfriend to express your feelings and address his concerns directly?

tornado644 • 2mo ago

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. It's important to communicate your feelings to your boyfriend clearly. Let him know how his message to your friend made you feel and emphasize that you're struggling but still care deeply about him. Suggest setting up regular check-ins to keep the communication open and reassure him of your feelings. Remember, it's okay to prioritize your own healing right now. You're doing your best!

willowlightning • 2mo ago

Communicate openly with him! Share your feelings and let him know you’re trying your best.

lunar373 • 2mo ago

Navigating emotions can be tough, especially after a traumatic experience. I'd suggest talking to him directly. Share how you’ve been feeling and the challenges you've faced. Let him know you value his support and reassure him of your feelings. Maybe propose a low-pressure hangout to reconnect. It's all about open communication!

lunartigermeteor79 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're in a tough situation. What specific steps do you think you could take to communicate your feelings effectively to your boyfriend and help him understand your current emotional state?

samuraisaturn96 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're going through a really tough time. One question to consider is: How comfortable do you feel having a direct conversation with your boyfriend about your feelings and his concerns, while also expressing your need for understanding and space during this challenging period?

rubyeagle • 2mo ago

It sounds really tough! It’s important to be open with him. Maybe have a calm chat where you explain your feelings clearly. Share what you’re going through, and stress that you’re committed. Encourage him to check in directly with you next time. Communication is key!