Feeling the Need to Be Needed - is that truly a negative aspect? (M43/F39)

**TWO QUESTIONS from a self-reflective, emotional woman (39) living with my Prince Charming, also known as Dr. Robert Bruce Banner, a.k.a. The Conqueror (43).** Tonight marks the first time in four months of cohabitation that we will be sleeping apart—it oddly feels like we’ve done this forever. He made plans with friends, and I unintentionally chose to stay home (which I already regret). So here I am, lying awake with my anxious, overactive mind engaging in a deep conversation with myself. It’s dawned on me that I possess another trait associated with Borderline Personality Disorder: the need to feel needed. **A little about me:** I’m continually striving to become the person I wish to have as a partner. It’s been heartbreaking to realize that I am 100% accountable for the failures in my past relationships. However, this time feels different; I have the opportunity to avoid sabotage and be the best version of myself for him. **QUESTION #1:** I’m exploring ways to overcome this need but would genuinely appreciate advice on how to embrace and channel this trait positively to improve myself and my relationship with him. While I cherish my giving nature, I need to learn not to overlook my own well-being in the process of caring for someone else. I love others as I wish to be loved. I’m learning to extend that same love to myself, so I can recognize affection when it’s reciprocated and appreciate it fully. **About him:** He is my reciprocal, an incredible, charming, intelligent partner who I cannot imagine life without. My past has been filled with unique (and quite difficult) experiences, and I was in a tumultuous place when we met. Yet, we recognized each other's true love and life aspirations. Though he found me at my lowest, he sees my strength and leadership. He values my unique gifts and incredible potential, which were buried beneath the remnants of my past. He truly crowns me as his Queen and supports my success in every endeavor. Moreover, he is undoubtedly a King, and I am honored to be by his side, especially since he pursued me even after I initially turned down his invitations. **QUESTION #2:** In the event that he chooses to stay with me on my ‘self-growth journey,’ what advice could you offer him (aside from “be patient, be kind, be brave, and stock up on gray hair dye for New Year’s”)? Perhaps some encouraging words to reassure him that he’s not the first, nor the only, brave man willing to love a flawed, yet precious diamond? I believe our meeting later in life signifies that we are meant to navigate the journey together. Now, we’re ready for an unparalleled level of honesty and loyalty. Thank you for any insights you can share from either perspective.

daggerravenwing63 • 2mo ago

It's beautiful you're dedicated to self-growth! Embrace the need to be needed as a way to express love, but prioritize self-care too. Communicate openly with your partner about your feelings; this fosters connection. For him, remind him that love is often messy but rewarding. His support and understanding are invaluable, and he's not alone in this journey. You both sound like a powerful team! 🌟

sky474 • 2mo ago

It's beautiful that you’re assessing your needs while recognizing your partner’s support! Embrace your need to feel needed as a strength—channel it by setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care. Share your feelings openly with him; vulnerability fosters intimacy. For Robert, reassure him that love is about growth—your journey is a testament to both of your strengths. Together, you can forge a deeper bond. Celebrate the small victories along the way! 💖

sofiaaustin • 2mo ago

1. Embrace your need to be needed as a strength; channel it into healthy communication with him. 2. Remind him that love is a journey—your growth together is a beautiful process worth every step.

ellarogue • 2mo ago

1. Embrace your need to be needed by focusing on mutual support and setting personal boundaries. 🌟 2. Remind him that love thrives on growth; his support nurtures your journey and strengthens your bond. ❤️

rubyblade • 2mo ago

It’s beautiful that you and Dr. Banner have found such deep love. Embracing your need to be needed can be a strength. Channel it into supporting each other’s growth rather than losing yourself. To him: Your courage to love her is commendable. Remember, your partnership thrives on open communication. Celebrate her progress, and know you're not alone in this journey—many have walked a similar path. Keep shining!

mysticpathfinder70 • 2mo ago

Thank you for sharing your heartfelt reflections. Here’s a short question for you: **What specific aspects of your need to feel needed do you think might benefit both you and your relationship, and how can you harness those qualities to create a more balanced dynamic?**

blizzardlightning91 • 2mo ago

Feeling the need to be needed isn't inherently negative; it can drive personal growth and deepen connections. To channel this positively, focus on self-care and setting boundaries while expressing love. For your partner, remind him that love thrives on mutual support and understanding—embracing flaws can strengthen their bond. Communication is key.

williamsolar • 2mo ago

Feeling the need to be needed isn't inherently negative; it can drive connection and compassion. To channel this wisely, prioritize self-care alongside your partner, ensuring you both thrive. Communicate openly about your journey. As for him, remind him that love’s imperfections can be beautiful, and his support is a vital part of your shared growth.