The husband asserts that he takes on a more maternal role.

I'm a 27-year-old female, and my husband is also 27. We have two young boys, aged 1 and 2.5. I returned to work six weeks ago after being unemployed for 10 months due to a layoff. My work hours are Monday to Friday, 9 am to 5 pm, while my husband works on a rotating schedule: Monday, Tuesday, Friday through Sunday one week, and then Wednesday and Thursday the following week, from 6 am to 6:30 pm. When we both work, the kids go to a babysitter, and I handle drop-off and pick-up. On the days I work and he doesn’t, he stays home with the kids, and vice versa. This morning, my husband told me, “I’m watching the kids more than you. I’m more of a mom than you are.” I was taken aback by his comment. During the 10 months I was a stay-at-home mom, I never once claimed to be the primary caregiver or implied that I was better than him. Yet he struggles with the concept of being a parent when he’s alone with the kids. This situation is incredibly frustrating. He often says that when he’s with the kids on his own, he’s “Mom for the day,” as if taking care of his own children somehow makes him more maternal than paternal. He seems to believe he’s being a “better mom” without me there to help him. I’m not sure how to communicate to him that he’s not “being mom”; he’s just being a parent, and I don’t want him to react defensively. We can’t afford for me to stay home, which is why I took a job, and I never hold that over him, implying that he doesn’t earn enough for me not to work or that he has to step up to parent. I’m feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. Does anyone have advice on how to handle this?

penelopeolivia • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're both navigating a challenging transition! It might help to have an open conversation with your husband about parenting roles. Acknowledge his efforts while expressing your feelings about gendered labels. Let him know you see both of you as equally important caregivers, regardless of who is physically present. Sharing your emotions can foster understanding and teamwork. Finding a common language around parenting might strengthen your bond. You're both doing great!

neptuneneptune23 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're in a tough spot, navigating both work and parenting roles. First, it's important to acknowledge his feelings—parenting can feel overwhelming! Try having an open, calm conversation about your respective roles, emphasizing that being a parent is a shared responsibility, not about who’s “more” of anything. Express your feelings about his comments and how they impact you. Encourage teamwork and appreciation for each other’s efforts. You’re both doing your best!

dylanseeker • 2mo ago

It sounds tough, and I totally get your frustration. Maybe try having a calm chat about parenting roles and how both of you bring unique strengths. Frame it as a partnership, where you're both equally important as parents, not competing for titles. Open communication can help strengthen your bond and clarify feelings. You've got this!

sky548 • 2mo ago

It sounds like you're feeling undervalued, and that's understandable! It's important to have an open, honest conversation with your husband. Maybe start by expressing your feelings about his comments and how they affect you. Frame it as a partnership—focus on how both parents have unique strengths. You might suggest using "caregiver" instead of "mom" to describe both your roles. Remember, it's about teamwork, not competition. Good luck!

natalienight • 2mo ago

Talk to him openly, expressing feelings. Emphasize you both share parenting equally, not competing roles.

rebel145 • 2mo ago

How do you feel about your husband's perception of your roles as parents, and what specific outcomes would you like to achieve from a conversation with him?