I'm a 23-year-old woman, and my boyfriend, who is 28, has asked for a break to have some space. I'm worried about losing him.
I'm a 23-year-old woman, and my boyfriend Levi, who is 28, has expressed that he needs some space. He told me yesterday that he’s been feeling this way since Saturday night. The previous Friday, I picked him up from his friends’ place after he had been drinking. While we were in my car outside Levi's house, he mentioned that he planned to take a break from using a drug we both partake in, starting in January. I overreacted, arguing that he should consider a longer break, citing concerns about his possible addiction and how it could harm our relationship. I made him promise not to use it alone, as he had described it as a social drug only. On Saturday evening, as we were preparing to hang out with my friends, Levi brought home two bags of the drug—one for us and one for my friends. I had asked him to get a bag for them, but he didn’t pay for it. While getting ready to leave, Levi asked about the bag for my friends, but since they don’t use the drug, I started to lie about it. Levi, being perceptive, caught on that my story didn't add up, and I felt tired of lying because he had been honest with me in the past. I finally confessed that the bag was for me and that I’d been using it since Wednesday. He pointed out that I was projecting my own issues onto him, which was true. We went out with my friends, and while I don't recall anything significant from Sunday, we spent the day together until I went home that night. On Monday, I called in sick, and Levi mentioned he would be fixing his computer that day. When he texted me about it, I ignored his message and asked him to pick me up instead. After a few exchanges where he explained he was busy, I pushed him to come get me. Eventually, he finished fixing his computer and picked me up. When I wanted to stay over that night, he was confused about why I’d asked for a ride if I could just drive home. This led to a breakdown for me, which opened the conversation about everything. When I left, he told me he still loves me, but I’m struggling to understand how that can be true given my actions. As I reflect, I realize how my behavior has hurt him, and I desperately don’t want to lose him. I would really appreciate some honest advice, especially about how to apologize effectively, along with actionable steps I can take to make amends. Thank you.