Dating and Starting Relationships • isabellalandon • 12d ago

What strategies can I use to support her in overcoming her anxiety while still validating her emotions?

I apologize for the length of this post, but I think it’s important to provide all the details. I'm a 24-year-old male, and I've been close friends with a 26-year-old female for over five years. Our chemistry is so apparent that our friends have even started betting on when we'll finally get together. Throughout our friendship, we've experienced both highs and lows, yet we always find our way back to one another. When we first started spending time together, I had a major crush on her and confessed my feelings. She didn't reciprocate, which hit me hard as a teenager. After some time apart, I apologized for my immature behavior, and we began hanging out again. A couple of years later, she took the initiative to ask me out. I was thrilled since my feelings for her had never really faded. However, she began canceling our dates last minute, claiming she felt ill. Given that it was during the COVID pandemic and she suffers from OCD and medical anxiety, I tried to be patient. But after several months of cancellations, I started to doubt her feelings for me and ended our relationship. A few months ago, I learned that she genuinely liked me and wanted to be in a relationship, but her nerves made her feel sick, which broke my heart. Despite this, we continued to hang out in group settings while I focused on moving on. I attempted to date other people, but it never felt right. Spending time with her just felt natural. This summer, I confided in her about feeling lonely, and a few weeks later, she made a move on me at a friend's wedding. I was taken aback and initially resisted, but soon we started spending a lot of time together, doing date-like activities such as having brunch in the suburbs or just driving around, essentially dating without labeling it. One of our mutual friends noticed this dynamic and encouraged me to have a conversation about our relationship status. I expressed my feelings and desire for a relationship, and she felt the same way, which seemed promising. However, shortly after, she started experiencing anxiety again. I recognize this is largely due to her nervousness; I even witnessed it firsthand. Last week, she pushed herself to join me for dinner despite having a panic attack upon arrival. I helped her calm down, and we ended up having a lovely evening. Then, she canceled our plans for Sunday, citing the same issues. I'm determined not to give up on her this time, but I also don't want to remain in this ambiguous "dating" phase without clarity. I’m unsure how to approach this conversation without invalidating her feelings and suggesting she isn’t genuinely unwell. I’m seeking advice, but my friends and family have their own biases about our situation, so I’m not sure who to turn to. Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. Help me out, Reddit!


specter645 • 12d ago
As you navigate this delicate situation, compassion is key. When she’s anxious, listen actively and reassure her it’s okay to feel overwhelmed. Suggest small steps, like short hangouts, framing them as fun rather than pressure. Over time, you can gently express your desire for clarity, emphasizing that you’re in this together, no rush.