My boyfriend's need for control has me doubting our relationship—am I being selfish for wanting some independence?

If you're looking for guidance on posting in a specific Reddit community, like the "Relationship Advice" subreddit, here’s a rewritten version that aligns with their guidelines and provides adequate context about everyone involved: **[Relationship Advice] My boyfriend's controlling behavior is making me rethink everything—what should I do?** Hello, everyone. I'm a 20-year-old woman in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is also 20. While I know he loves me deeply, I'm feeling overwhelmed by the level of control he exerts, and I’m unsure of how to move forward. To give you some background, we've been together for a while. I'm more of a homebody and rarely go out; maybe once or twice a year, I’ll visit a nightclub with friends, but I always act responsibly. Despite this, my boyfriend strongly disapproves of me going out, viewing it as disrespectful towards him, even though these outings are infrequent and with trusted friends. His controlling tendencies go beyond just outings. He frequently comments on my clothing choices, hairstyle, and even my curfew when I spend time with friends. Remarks like, “Why would you dress like that?” or “Why do you need to be out so late?” have made me anxious about doing anything I think he might disapprove of. He insists he's not controlling, claiming, “Go do whatever you want—I’m not your dad.” But his actions speak otherwise. He checks my phone nearly every time we’re together and has pressured me to unfollow almost every male contact, including those I haven't interacted with in years. I feel like I'm constantly tiptoeing around, afraid to like a guy's post on social media or engage with a male classmate for fear of starting an argument. He seems unable to accept that I can maintain friendships with guys in a respectful manner, like in school or at work. Whenever I bring this up, he deflects the conversation, threatening that I’ll regret losing him because no one will love me like he does. He accuses me of dismissing something significant by wanting to retain my independence, saying that if I can't prioritize him over “trivial matters” like social media or time with friends, I must not truly love him. He has even suggested he would prefer to find someone who will respect his wishes. He often reminds me that, in 10 years, I’ll regret letting go of someone who cares for me this much, which genuinely scares me. I worry about losing him and doubt I’ll find someone who loves me like he does. But I’m only 20—I feel like I haven’t really experienced life yet. I’ve hardly been to a club, traveled with friends, or made new connections. I don’t want to look back and feel like I missed out on life. Next year, I’m moving to a larger city for university, where I plan to spend more time socializing and meeting new people with friends and family nearby. While he says he’d come with me, he lives 40 minutes away and likely wouldn’t make the effort. His support feels more performative than genuine. My parents encourage me to embrace my youth and focus on friendships rather than a relationship. I know they would be upset if they knew how stressed I feel because of my boyfriend's behavior. To complicate matters, we come from different religious backgrounds, which my mom would be very displeased about if she found out about him. I feel incredibly conflicted. I love him and know he loves me, but his controlling behavior is concerning. Am I being selfish for wanting to seek my own experiences and freedom? Is it reasonable to ask for more autonomy, even if it might endanger the relationship? I fear losing him, but I’m unsure how much more I can tolerate. What advice can you offer?