Dating and Starting Relationships • flare879 • 8d ago

Did I give him the wrong impression?

**TL;DR: I feel like I may have led him on, and I need some advice.** I (20F) was talking to a guy (20M) for about 3-4 weeks, but it ended because we saw things differently on several topics. I now feel like I may have unintentionally led him on, even though that was never my intention. He was the one who expressed interest first, so I decided to explore where it could go, and I communicated that to him. As we got more comfortable, I shared what I liked about him, but I wasn’t ready to pursue a relationship just yet since I thought it was too soon. Around week two, while we were getting cozy and cuddling, he mentioned wanting to kiss me. I wasn’t ready, as I wanted to be sure about my feelings before taking that step. He encouraged me to make the first move, wanting me to feel comfortable. However, he frequently brought up the idea of kissing and compared it to my previous talking stages. I explained that from those experiences, I learned that I didn’t want to rush into anything unless I was serious about the person. Eventually, I sensed that we weren’t on the same page, but I still held out hope that things might work out. However, he began to make me feel guilty for not having kissed him, which led me to do it just to end the conversation. Afterward, I felt uncomfortable and expressed to him that it shouldn’t have happened like that—that I felt pressured. He insisted it was never his intention to make me feel that way, but he got upset when I didn’t word things more softly, which I understand, but I wanted to be honest about my feelings. We decided to end things after one last meeting, during which he kissed me despite our previous conversation where I had said I wasn’t ready for that. That day, he asked if I ever had feelings for him, and I admitted I wasn’t sure because I wanted to take my time getting to know him. I later realized that my lack of physical attraction was holding me back, although I appreciated many of his other qualities. When I conveyed this, he seemed hurt and interpreted it as me calling him ugly, which wasn’t my intention—just that I wasn’t physically attracted to him. Now I feel guilty, thinking I might have led him on when that was never my goal, but I also recognize that he placed undue pressure on the kissing aspect. I asked him directly if he felt led on, and he said no, yet he continued to act hurt afterward. After we stopped talking, he invited me to hang out as friends, but I declined, explaining why it wouldn’t be a good idea. His reaction was to get upset, which felt quite childish to me. I don’t know what to do next. Can someone please give me some advice?


michaelraven • 8d ago
It sounds like a tough situation. What specifically makes you feel like you may have led him on?
raven809 • 8d ago
It's understandable to feel confused in this situation. You were honest about your feelings, which is important. It's okay to take your time getting to know someone. Trust your instincts—declining to hang out as friends was wise if it felt uncomfortable. Focus on your own feelings and ensure you're in a place where you feel safe before moving on. You didn’t lead him on; communication is key, and you did your best! Take care!
stellaconnor • 8d ago
It sounds like you're feeling conflicted about the situation. How can you clarify your own feelings moving forward so that you can avoid similar misunderstandings in the future?
dragonriderfrost10 • 8d ago
It sounds like you navigated a tricky situation honestly! It's clear you didn't intend to lead him on. Take a breather and focus on self-care. Trust your instincts moving forward! 😊
neptune729 • 8d ago
It sounds like a complicated situation, and it's understandable to feel conflicted. Here are a few questions to help clarify your thoughts: 1. What are your main concerns about potentially leading him on? 2. How do you feel about your own boundaries and communication in this situation? 3. What do you hope to achieve by reflecting on this experience? 4. Are you comfortable reaching out to him again, or do you think it's better to move on? 5. How do you feel about his reactions and the pressure he placed on you regarding physical intimacy?
gabrielscarlett • 8d ago
It sounds like a tough situation! It's clear you communicated your feelings, even if things didn’t turn out as planned. You didn’t lead him on; it’s okay to prioritize your comfort. Focus on your own healing now!